Minneapolis Star Tribune
8 October 1998
Fans award honors in battle of television scream queens
Buffy and Xena square off: Who's best in love, life and special effects?
The karate moves of female action heroines of the '60s - ``The Avengers' '' Emma Peel (Diana Rigg) and ``Honey West'' (Anne Francis) - look positively dainty compared with the likes of today's TV terminators - Xena, Warrior Princess (Lucy Lawless) and Buffy the Vampire Slayer (Sarah Michelle Gellar). Both the contemporary heroines have their fans and detractors. To settle the debate (peaceably) over which show is the baddest (as in good), we had our panel of experts (well, more like fanatics) dissect the strengths of each series.
- Best makeup effects (featuring the creatures): ``Buffy the Vampire Slayer'' (7 p.m. Tuesdays on KLGT, Channel 23). No, we're not talking about Gellar's eyeliner (it can be frightening), but some impressive creature makeup effects from vampires, werewolves, giant worm demons and last, but not least, the half-fish Sunnydale High swim team.
The prosthetic effects for the Warrior Princess are ambitious (centaurs and other creatures) but don't seem to come off as well as those on the Slayer's show.- Best actress (that's like asking who can smash faces better. OK, a legitimate question, but we couldn't decide): Draw.
- Best costume (finally, something important): ``Xena, Warrior Princess'' (10 p.m. Saturdays on WFTC, Channel 29, and 6 p.m. weeknights on USA). While colorful, Buffy's dizzying teen trash fashions are enough to make any mother race for a Valium or any viewer wonder if they' re feeling the effects of bad sushi. The Warrior Princess wins this one with a classic brass-brassiere-and-leather ensemble.
- Best love interest (sleeping with the enemy): ``Buffy.'' The Slayer's main squeeze is the vampire Angel (David Boreanaz), who has been cursed by having his human soul returned to him. This had the effect of making him a kinder and gentler vampire and one tormented puppy dog. Buffy fell hard and gave up her virginity to him (more or less discreetly off camera). Unknown to either, there was a clause in the curse that if Angel experienced ``one moment of true happiness,'' the curse would be lifted and his human soul would be taken away. Well, Angel experienced that moment during his night with the Slayer, and it turned him back to his vicious vampire self, vowing to kill Buffy, her family and friends (talk about being dumped the morning after!). Xena's love life is a little too extensive to catalog here. However, in her own beware-of-casual-sex episode, after a one-night stand with a young Julius Caesar, the ruler returns the next day to order her crucified and have her legs broken! Even Xena's gal pal, Gabrielle (Renee O'Connor), had her husband murdered by Callisto (more about her later) after their wedding night. These women just have to learn the B-movie golden rule: If you have sex, somebody has to die.
- Best special effects (best bug-eyed monsters): ``Xena.'' The effects house for ``Xena,'' Flat Earth Productions, produces some remarkable effects for a weekly syndicated TV show. Computer- generated dragons, winged harpies and even the watery god Poseidon regularly populate the series. Buffy seems only to manage an endless series of vampire disintegration scenes, and in the dramatic season finale, in which a door to hell is opened, the visual effect looked like an outtake from a bad Drano commercial.
- Best villain (you can't keep a bad girl down): ``Xena.'' Warrior Queen/Goddess Callisto (portrayed by actress Hudson Leick in a clawing cat scream of a performance) hurtles onto the screen like a tactical nuke about to go critical. Callisto, who blames Xena for the death of her family, has dedicated her life to the destruction of the Warrior Princess and her nearest and dearest. A brief chronology of Callisto's career: orphaned at an early age; trained herself in the martial arts; raised an army to commit atrocities, defeated by Xena in personal combat; imprisoned, escaped, committed more atrocities; defeated again by the Warrior Princess; murdered Gabrielle's husband; died by drowning in quicksand (while Xena watches); came back from Hades; switched bodies with Xena; sent back to Hades; switched bodies again with Xena; became immortal; disfigured by fire; trapped underground; became a goddess; encased in molten lava; assisted in the murder of Xena's son; trapped in an alternate dimension and killed (don't you believe it) with a poisoned, goddess-slaying dagger in the season finale. Honorable mention has to go to Buffy for producing a larger number of interesting adversaries week in and week out, with honorable mention for Spike (James Marsters) and Drusilla (Juliet Landau), referred to by executive producer Joss Whedon as the ``Sid and Nancy of the vampire set.''
- Best writing (you've got to be kidding): ``Buffy.'' Surprising to anybody who hasn't seen the show, ``Buffy'' is actually a very satirical look at the suburban high-school experience. Producer Joss Whedon has managed to keep the high-concept program consistently fresh and interesting, with good characterizations and plot twists. The best that can be said of ``Xena'' is that it has a no-holds- barred attitude. One episode featured an ancient Greek remake of ``The Poseidon Adventure'' (not the god, but the Irwin Allen disaster movie), while another was a complete musical. All of this gives it a zany but very uneven feel.
- Best action (wham, bam, don't call me ma'am): ``Xena.'' Although some viewers might find Xena's almost-surreal Hong Kong style of action too silly, there's no denying that the show has done some spectacular stunts. Most memorable: a seaside chariot race/battle between Xena and Callisto (again). Honorable mention goes to ``Slayer,'' whose more realistic Hollywood style of action imparts a greater air of menace.
- Best supporting cast (suffering sidekicks): ``Buffy.'' The Slayer's show has a great secondary cast of characters: school librarian and Buffy's mentor Rupert Giles (Anthony Stewart Head), hapless sidekick Xander Harris (Nicholas Brendon), class brain and Buffy's best friend, Willow Rosenburg (Alyson Hannigan), and spoiled cheerleader/ Xander's love interest Cordelia Chase (Charisma Carpenter). Although Gabrielle has a growing cult following, Xena's supporting cast is about as helpful as an anchor thrown to a drowning Warrior Princess.
- Best weapons (a cut above): ``Xena.'' The Warrior Princess is very coolly equipped with broad/sword, dagger, chakra (a razor-sharp Frisbee), bullwhip, hidden stiletto concealed between her breastplates and her war horse, Argo. By comparison, Buffy seems like a lamb (she doesn't even have a driver's license) being led to slaughter with only a cross, holy water and a wooden stake. Occasionally she is armed with a crossbow but almost invariably misses and then has to rely on her martial-arts skills and some found object lying around the set to stake out her victim.
- Best season finale (all's well that doesn't end in hell): ``Buffy.' ' In a very dramatic end to this year's season, Buffy reveals her secret identity to her mother and makes a pact with the devil by allying herself with Spike. Buffy's former vampire lover Angel regains his soul; however, in order to save the world, she's forced to send him back to hell at sword point. Despondent, she becomes a runaway, leaving Sunnydale. A lot certainly happened in ``Xena's'' finale. Callisto died (again), Gabrielle's demon daughter died (again), the world was saved (this happens pretty much every week), and Gabrielle died (for the first time). Unfortunately, we've seen it all before. What the Warrior Princess really needs is a season finale in which her entire writing staff goes off the cliff.