Changing Course

by Laine Roberta Lawless

 

"Come with me," Gabrielle said, leading Xena out of the tavern to the dusty road heading out of town. The sun was shining, and Xena almost felt at peace with herself.

Telera, the seer of Artemis, lived just a short distance outside of the village, in a small hut surrounded with abundant, flourishing gardens. Everything she touched seemed to thrive, whether it was animal or plant. The villagers thought she had the magic touch, and regarded her with a mixture of suspicion and awe. They did not understand that it was her spiritual link to the Great Mother that made all living things around her flourish. She also had an unusual habit of taking on and casting aside lovers whenever she felt like it. She wasn’t randy, she just felt like sharing her sensuality and her love whenever the Goddess possessed her.

When Gabrielle knocked on the door, Xena was surprised at Telera’s appearance. She had expected an old woman, maybe one of Hecate’s hags, but instead Telera had been a little younger than Xena herself, and quite comely.

"Good morning, Telera. I have a friend here who is in need of your prophecy."

Telera bid them welcome and invited them in. After they sat down at her small table, Telera said, "Tell me your name, sister, and why you have sought me out."

Xena looked around the small hut, at the herbs drying on the walls, the Goddess statues on what was obviously an altar, and smelled the aroma of Telera’s domain. It was quite heady, and for a moment, Xena, who was never intimidated by anyone, was taken aback. It took a moment for her to speak, but Telera waited patiently. She was used to people having this reaction to the powerful energy that surrounded her.

Xena began, "I, I…had a dream, and I don’t know what it means, but I feel it’s important that I find out. The last time I disregarded an omen, I was sorry."

"Yes, I know," Telera said, sensing Xena’s regret about the battle. "Tell me about your dream."

As Xena’s story of the dream unfolded, Telera started to smile. Gabrielle, keeping her eyes on Xena, knew that this meant Telera’s response would be swift and definite. Once Xena had finished, Telera asked her, "Have you been feeling like you need to make some changes in your life?"

"Why, yes…I have many regrets, and I would do many things differently, if I had them to do over."

"This dream is a gift to you from the Goddess, and you will do well to heed it. She is telling you that you were imprisoned by your male-identified way of life, and that you were not respecting yourself or listening to the goddess within. Now, with her help, you are being set free, to follow the sacred path of your destiny. You can change your life right now, if you let it take the direction She will show you."

"What direction is that?" Xena asked, wanting to know all.

"I cannot say. The Goddess has left it to you to find that out. But know this: she has spoken directly to you, and is giving Her blessing on the changes you wish to make. Follow your heart and you will find Her when you need Her."

Xena sat dumbfounded and silent. Why was it seers always talked in riddles? Why couldn’t they just say what they meant? She felt as if this were just another puzzle for her to figure out, and she didn’t much feel like straining her brain today.

As Telera went over to the fire to stir her pot, Gabrielle put her hand on Xena’s shoulder and said, "She is a wise woman, and has helped many who were lost find their way. Don’t worry—it will come to you, you will know what to do."

As they turned to go, Telera returned to the table and said, "Gabrielle is a part of Her plan for your life. I feel this very strongly. You should pay attention to what she says. The Goddess may speak through her." Xena looked at Gabrielle, who flushed with embarrassment and shot Telera a questioning look. Now Xena didn’t know what to think, but in a quirky sort of way, she almost felt as if she could trust Gabrielle more than she could trust herself.

Before they turned to go, Xena approached the small altar, kneeled, thanked the Goddess, and dropped 3 drachmas in the offering bowl. "May the Goddess light your way," Telera said in blessing as they left.

Xena looked at Gabrielle in a new light, and wondered just what her connection to the Goddess might be. She decided not to question it for now. As they walked back to the tavern, Gabrielle peppered Xena with many more questions than she felt like answering. "Where are you going now? How are you going to change your life?"

"I’m going back to my army. I’ve got to make sure the wounded are being taken care of. After that I don’t know where I’m going."

"Xena, let me go with you."

"No, I couldn’t. That would be impossible. Where I’m going no one else can go," she said somberly. She was convinced that what lay ahead of her was something she needed to face alone.

"Xeeena," Gabrielle whined. "You need me. Telera said so. Besides, I’m a good cook, and I can sew, too. You’ll be glad I came along."

Xena stopped dead in her tracks and turned around to face Gabrielle. Normally, she would have given her short shrift, but she was so sweet that Xena did what she could, in her own way, to be tactful. "Look, I lead a dangerous life. If you go with me, you could be killed. Many who’ve traveled with me already have been. I’m bad luck. You don’t want to spend much time with me."

The more Xena talked of danger, the more excited Gabrielle became. She was a small-town girl who had never been anywhere or done anything, and she was eager to get out and see the world. Even though everything about Xena screamed "DANGER!" she somehow felt safe when she was with her. "Maybe if I’m with you, we can change your luck," she said, still trying to sell her on the idea.

"NO! You can’t come with me. You’re a sweet little thing, but I can’t expose you to the kind of danger I face on a daily basis. Don’t you see, I’m just trying to protect you."

"Maybe I’m not as sweet as you think I am, Xena," Gabrielle said, pulling down the top of her dress, and turning around to expose the welts on her back from having been whipped.

Xena was aghast, and couldn’t take her eyes off Gabrielle’s back. Then Gabrielle turned around, and she caught sight of her breast just as she pulled up her dress. Xena put her arm around Gabrielle, and asked softly, "Who did this to you?"

"The blacksmith. He didn’t like the idea that I was sleeping with his son. He said I was the wrong sort of girl for his boy, and to make sure I’d stay away from him, he’d teach me a lesson I’d never forget. His son was such a coward, he just let his old man tie me up and whip me. I guess he was the wrong sort of boy for me." Gabrielle really knew how to melt a heart, and she was working this one for all it was worth.

Xena visibly softened, and pulled Gabrielle to her, holding her tightly against her breast. "You poor thing," she murmured. "How long ago did this happen?"

"Just a couple of years ago."

"And didn’t anyone here in the village do anything to stop it?"

"No, I’m not exactly popular around here. No one cares what happens to me. I’m a slave to the innkeeper, that’s all I am. Xena, I want to leave here—there’s nothing here for me! And I want to learn to defend myself, so that I never have to suffer the humiliation of being whipped by someone again."

Xena held her aside from her, and looked into her eyes with a fierce gaze. "If you come with me, you will see horrible things, things that will turn your stomach. You’ll see the worst side of me. I can’t guarantee your safety."

Gabrielle just smiled. She was hypnotized by Xena’s icy stare. Nothing would deter her.

"Listen, you want to come with me? You come to my camp and see what I live with everyday. If you can get through that without barfing your guts out, you can travel with me. Are you any good as a nurse? My soldiers need tending."

"Look at your body," Gabrielle said.

Xena looked down and could barely see her wounds. "What happened to them?" she asked.

Gabrielle merely smiled and said, "Now ask me again if I’m a good nurse."

"All right, woman, you’ve made your point. How did you do that? Let’s go. Get your stuff and you can ride behind me."

They were at the inn, and Gabrielle rushed in to get her meager possessions. In 5 minutes she rushed out with 2 blankets and a small satchel slung from her shoulder. Xena was already astride her horse. "Come on up," Xena commanded, taking one foot out of the stirrup and offering her hand to Gabrielle.

Gabrielle backed up. "Oh, no," she said , "I’m not getting on that thing."

"Don’t be silly. You can ride with me, or you can walk behind. I guarantee you it’ll be easier to keep up if you ride." Xena was at the point of losing her patience with Gabrielle.

"But I’m scared of horses!"

"May won’t bite. She’s completely tame and will do anything I want her to. Now come on up, or you’ll be running behind me all the way." Gabrielle reluctantly took her hand, put her foot in the stirrup, and allowed herself to be swung up onto the horse behind Xena.

It was a long ride out to the battlefield, and Gabrielle was not used to riding; she found herself rubbing her sore butt after she and Xena had arrived. "What’s the matter—you a little sore?" Xena laughed.

Gabrielle turned away from her in mock disgust. She would show Xena she was not a wimp.

She followed Xena into her tent. Xena went right to Alyssea, who was conscious now, put her hand on her forehead and asked her how she was.

"I guess I’ll live, but I didn’t feel like I would for awhile there."

"I know," Xena said. You had a very painful wound, but you’ll get better."

"Who’s this?" Alyssea asked, looking suspiciously at Gabrielle.

"This is Gabrielle. I brought her from town to help take care of some of the wounded."

"I hope you have a strong stomach—you’re going to need it around here," Alyssea warned.

"I can do whatever I have to," Gabrielle bristled.

"My, she’s got spunk, hasn’t she?" Alyssea said condescendingly.

Xena saw a potential confrontation and wasn’t in the mood for it today. She pulled Gabrielle aside and said, "Don’t mind her—she’s always like this. Have you got your salve in your bag?"

"Yes, of course, and more."

"Good. Here’s what I want you to do: walk around and apply that to whoever has cuts, and take these rags to bandage anyone who’s still bleeding. And wash their wounds before you do that."

"Xena, please! I’m not a child. I know the basics of first aid." Gabrielle was beginning to get the idea that maybe this wouldn’t be as easy as she thought. Xena was domineering and had a real need to be in control all the time, but that was part of what she liked about her. Gabrielle shrugged her shoulders, and resigned herself to Xena’s bossiness. She smirked inwardly, knowing that she had already seen Xena drunk and very vulnerable.

Xena looked around at all the wounded, and suddenly was reminded of how she got into this. Protus! She gathered up 3 of her best soldiers and told them to find Protus and bring him to her. He had told her that Lyceus’ army would be an easy score, which was about as far from the truth as Hades was from the Elysian fields. Xena spent the next few hours helping tend the wounded, and wondering how she could just leave all her warriors behind and go off on her own.

She liked the feeling of power, the control of hundreds of other men and women; it was no lesser a thrill than the sweet taste of victory after a battle. To have groups of soldiers move on her every word, to get whatever she wanted, when she wanted it, that was just as exhilarating as good sex. And she liked being so powerful that she could have her choice of sex partners, whenever she wanted them—no one dared deny her. She got what she wanted not only because she was feared and respected, but because the aura of power and energy that surrounded her was attractive to many. They had hoped by associating with Xena that maybe some of it would rub off on them, and they could change their pathetic, dreary little lives. This never worked, though, because when weakness meets strength, it is absorbed by it. Wherever Xena went, her word was law. Only the foolish dared challenge her.

That was one of the reasons why she was so surprised by Gabrielle. Gabrielle challenged her, and didn’t seem the least bit afraid to do so. She was courageous, and there was something magical about her. She had a way with healing, and she was nurturing in a way that Xena had not experienced in a long time.

"Xena, we can’t find Protus," the captain announced, after an absence of about an hour. "We looked all over the battlefield, and he’s not there, and he’s not one of the wounded."

"Two of you go to the nearest towns within 5 miles, the other trail Lyceus’ army. I want you all to report back to me before nightfall. I want you to find that little bastard and bring him to me," Xena raged, her face flushed with anger. No one betrayed her and got away with it.

Continued in Truth

(C)1997 Laine Roberta Lawless

 

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