Please, Please, Please Let Me Get What I Want

(a.k.a. The First Time)

by Melanie Lakey

Copyright 2000

CHARACTERS: Joxer, Gabrielle, Xena and Aphrodite, Goddess of Love.

RATING: G (unless of course Gabrielle/Joxer romance offends you! ::evil grin::)

SUBTEXT: None except Gab/Joxer, of course...Gab and Xena are straight in my universe!

VIOLENCE: None except a few trips and spills...

HURT/COMFORT: No physical injuries....Joxer gets pretty sad, though. Don't worry, he doesn't stay that way.

SUMMARY: Gabrielle follows a despondent Joxer and discovers a few things.

SPOILERS: "Purity", and I guess a little tiny bit of "Between the Lines".

AUTHOR'S NOTES: Well, this was my second fanfic ever, written for the fifth GJRS Lyrics Challenge, so be gentle with it. ::grins:: Thanks to Rebecca for the awesome lyrics.

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Gabrielle silently watched Joxer plod on through the trees. The young man had a downtrodden look as he quickened his clumsy gait, never looking back. What's wrong with him? He used to be so happy, so cheerful..now the most we ever get out of him is a sarcastic comment. He seems almost like..he's lost his hope. She sighed and turned to Xena when he finally disappeared over the small rise.

"Where do you think he goes?" the small bard asked softly, self-consciously smoothing down her short-cropped hair. She still wasn't completely used to it not cascading down her back, and sometimes without realizing, she would reach up to braid it and it wasn't there anymore. She never would have cut it if it hadn't been for.. Don't think about Alti. Don't, Gabrielle. Just stop. That was so long ago..

"I suppose if he wanted us to know, he'd tell us," Xena said flatly as she nudged Argo's sides to turn. Gabrielle guided Horse to follow as they continued on their way. "He does this at least three times a season, so why are you so curious all of a sudden? Anyway, I thought you'd be happy for some time away from him after your little...jailbird incident." She couldn't hide a smirk.

Gab's eyes widened. "Xena, *don't* start with me!" She shoved a small finger at her friend's broad yet feminine shoulder. "I wouldn't have even *told* you what happened in the prison if--"

Xena grinned. "If you hadn't *liked* what you ran your toes over?" She swatted her back and winked. "You know, Joxer does wear some big shoes, now that I think about it.."

"Now you KNOW that's not what I was going to say!" Gabrielle retorted, her eyes narrowing. She didn't know why she was getting so angry. Of course not because it's *true*! It's not true! I have no interest in whatever..whatever that was in Joxer's pants! How completely disgusting!

The warrior princess sighed, giving up. "All right, I'm sorry. It's the baby talking." She smiled innocently and rested a hand on her swollen belly.

Gabrielle couldn't help but laugh. "Well, that *baby*'s lucky it's still in your stomach." The two women shared grins, but the atmosphere soon turned quiet.

After an hour or so of riding in relative silence except for directions and commands to the horses, Gabrielle pulled her mount to a sudden halt. Xena stopped a few feet in front and turned in annoyance.

"Didn't I tell you to go before we left?" She quirked an eyebrow.

"I'm going after Joxer." The Amazon Queen turned Horse back the way they had come and set him to a quick gallop.

Xena sighed, then followed in no hurry. "Come on, girl," she mumbled to Argo. If I know these two, at least one of them will be back this way anyhow...

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Joxer entered the ornately decorated temple nervously, pulling his helmet off and dropping it outside the entrance. He plopped down despondently in front of the lavish altar with a bouquet of small daisies and sighed. "Sorry, Aphrodite..I couldn't afford anything more expensive, and these were growing along the sides of the road. I think they're kinda pretty, don't you?" He held the tiny bundle up toward the golden statue that stood just behind the altar.

To Joxer's big brown eyes, it appeared to wrinkle its nose.

"Look, I'm really, *really* sorry!" Joxer pleaded. "I blew all my dinars in Chin and I just...well, I thought maybe..." He watched the statue intently, but it made no move. He sighed. "Well, anyway, Gabby likes them." He laid the flowers gently onto the altar, the image of his beloved returning to haunt his mind again.

The warrior rubbed his face. "Oh, Gabby.."

Joxer let his head fall forward onto the altar, intending to kneel there, depressed, until the acolytes came and kicked him out as usual. The altar tipped, dumping fruit and several jeweled necklaces over his head before he managed to steady it.

"GAH!" He struggled with the necklaces and finally got them back in the offering bowl. Aw, sheesh, I hope Aphrodite doesn't poof up and yell at me for making a mess! I really, really don't want to have to talk to her in person right now..she can't stand Gabby. Carefully, Joxer rearranged the fruit as best he could and sat crosslegged with his chin in his hands, elbows resting on his knees.

"How about some good times, for a change?" He mumbled, looking up at the statue.

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"Whoa! Whoa, hold on!" Gabrielle pulled on Horse's reins as the stallion attempted to make a mad dash for the stream nearby. "We can stop for a drink *later*!" She struggled with the reins in a vain attempt to show some authority, but Horse nickered, tossing his head toward the stream and dancing back and forth.

"Oh fine," The bard grumbled. "I walked everywhere for more than twenty winters, I have absolutely *no* problem with walking!" She dismounted a bit clumsily, releasing her grip on Horse's reins. He eagerly trotted toward the stream.

"Now you'd better still be here when I get back!" Gabrielle called, waving a finger. Horse tossed his head in agreement and dunked his long muzzle into the water.

"Horses," Gabrielle muttered after a few moments of steady walking. "How Xena puts up with Argo I'll never know." She hadn't realized how unused to walking her feet had become, and the Amazon Queen found herself cringing as she trod over a large, sharp rock. "Gods blast it!"

She flung herself down on a nearby tree stump and swung her foot up into her lap, throwing off the boot. "Like I *need* another bruise?" She sighed and wiggled her toes to make sure they still worked then put the boot back on. Everything's going wrong today. First Joxer wanders off again without so much as a *goodbye*, then Xena has to go and tease me like we're a couple of silly schoolgirls! I mean, *gods*, Joxer's..um, well..SHOE SIZE isn't something I feel comfortable *joking* about! With a quick pat to the bottom of the boot, she stumbled up and continued on her way, grumbling lightly to herself. "Horses, men and Xena..they're gonna kill me one day!"

As the young warrior trudged along complaining about everything she couldn't get away with when Xena was around, her gaze wandered to the tall spire of a temple by the roadside. "Aphrodite," the bard mumbled, rolling her eyes disgustedly. "Just the goddess I wanted to see.." She was about to pass it by when she noticed a familiar helmet discarded by the door.

"Oh Joxer, *why*?" she groaned and stepped through the door.

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Joxer sat with his hands loosely clasped in his lap, hunched over an altar full of messily arranged fruits and necklaces. Gabrielle raised an eyebrow. Kinda messy for a temple to the Goddess of Love..I'm surprised she hasn't appeared to throw a hissy fit! She stood in the doorway and was about to call out to Joxer when she heard him begin to speak.

"Aphrodite, I just don't know what to do," he said softly, his voice full of pain. "I've tried everything. I've given her gifts, tried to charm her with my manly ways--I know, I know, *no* one should be able to resist me!--, been there for her, left her alone, even told her I loved her! Absolutely nothing has worked!" He sighed deeply and clutched his forehead. "Nothing I do is good enough for Gabby..and I don't think anything ever will be..I wish I knew what to do!"

Gabrielle felt guilt tear at her like Tartarus-fire as, for the first time, she saw the depth of grief she was causing her friend. Gods, I'm so cruel to him. Why don't I just tell him I don't love him? At least then he'd be able to move on, find some closure. She bit her lip and decided against stepping forward. It would embarrass him too much. But I'm not sure that I don't...

The wannabe warrior closed his eyes. "Aphrodite, if you're even listening..I know you don't make a big practice of helping mortals, but I figure that since you and your offspring have done so much to screw up my life that maybe you'd help me."

Gabrielle leaned against the doorframe, fully intending to walk right back out. This is no place for me. I shouldn't be here watching Joxer when he's so emotional--would I want him there when I was all upset like this? She blinked. Well, maybe I might..I mean he gives really good hugs..but anyway, I should go. She stayed firmly rooted to her spot.

"See..I don't know if you've been watching, and I'm not trying to feel sorry for myself or anything, but the life I've had could make a good man bad." Joxer reflected quietly. "Haven't had a dream in a long time..no one would ever *let* me." He looked up at the statue, his eyes filled with hurt and a sudden moisture. "I've never asked the gods for anything..so for once in my life..let me get what I want. Please..." Joxer looked down as tears fell uncontrollably, and he whispered very softly, "Gods know it would be the first time.."

Before Gabrielle could think or even breathe, she was upon him, drawing him close into her arms and kissing away the tears softly. "It's okay, Joxer, please don't cry," she whispered, spouting tender words a mile a minute. "I'm so sorry..I'm so sorry I hurt you, I didn't mean to. I have been selfish, and I'm so sorry!" She looked into his eyes and gently wiped them with one finger as if taking the tears from his face would take the pain from his heart.

Joxer was too shocked to react for a moment and he just stared at the woman he loved as she cared for him and gazed at him so sweetly. Before he knew, it he had pressed his lips to hers and was kissing her furiously. May as well take advantage of the moment.. To his surprise, Gabrielle kissed him back and took his face in her hands, stroking his cheeks, his ears, his hair. He slid his arms around her and pulled her closer, almost into his lap, and she went willingly.

They broke the kiss to take a breath a long moment later, and when Joxer finally dared to look at her How stupid of me..this is a spell or something, or Aphrodite's doing..I should never have asked her to help me! Now I'll know forever that the best kissin' I ever did was with someone under a spell! And twice!, she was looking back at him almost fearfully, but her eyes were clear and bright. It was obvious she was the one behind the reins, not Aphrodite or Cupid or anyone else.

"Joxer, did we just.." Gabrielle whispered softly.

"Uh....uh-huh." Her friend whispered in response, his hands shaking as he removed them from her back.

The young bard blinked, then laughed suddenly. "Come on, Joxer, I left Horse by that stream nearby." She stood and offered a small hand.

Joxer took it and woozily pulled himself up, proceeding to fall over and roll a few paces. "AAAH!"

Gabrielle giggled. "Am I really that good of a kisser, Joxer?" She tilted her head as she pulled him up, using both hands this time, and set him steadily on his feet. When she saw that his legs were still wobbling, she slipped an arm around him.

His face was bright red. "So..so you're okay with this?"

"Of course, silly! I don't go around kissing people that I don't love!" Gabrielle's face quickly matched Joxer's color. "I..I mean..well, what I meant to say was that.."

Joxer grinned. "You love me!" He picked her up and swung her around as she shrieked in delight and surprise. "You said it, no take-backs!"

Gabrielle was in shock, but she smiled anyway. "Yeah, Joxer, I guess I did."

As they recovered Horse and walked beside him back to Xena, the Goddess of Love materialized with her arms crossed, leaning against a tree. She smiled to herself. "And I didn't have to lift a finger!"

****END****

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