Possession

By Melanie Lakey

Copyright 1999

CHARACTERS: Joxer and Gabrielle. Xena and Amarice are mentioned.

RATING: G (unless of course Gabrielle/Joxer romance scares or offends you ::evil grin::)

SUBTEXT: Haha, only Jox/Gab! ::grins:: Xena and Gabrielle are straight in my universe.

VIOLENCE: None.

SPOILERS: "Chakram" and anything before.

SUMMARY: After Joxer's revelation that he is in love with Gabrielle, the two meet at his childhood escape and have a heart-to-heart.

AUTHOR'S NOTES: This was my first fanfic, written for the fourth GJRS Lyrics Challenge, so be gentle with me. Thanks to Bob for the lyrics, which come from one of my absolute favorite songs, by one of my absolute favorite artists. I went through a total Sarah obsession last summer, and I still haven't recovered.

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Gabrielle tightened her grip on the rough strap of her shoulder bag. Brushing an unruly strand of golden-hued hair behind her ear, she glanced around apprehensively. Joxer? she thought. All right, where are you? This place is creepy.

The blonde bard rested one hand on a tree as she stooped down to adjust her left boot with a quiet, unladylike curse. Blasted thing...I can feel it already, I'm getting ANOTHER blister. She sighed and resumed her walking, looking out toward the setting sun for the ravine where Joxer had promised to meet her. He had told her about this place many times...it was where he had gone as a child when he needed to get away. When they needed a spot to meet Xena after her last-minute stop for grapes and deer grease grapes and DEER GREASE! Disgusting! and Amarice's quick trip to the weapon shop in the nearby village, Joxer had suggested his special place and Gabby had been only too happy to oblige. She felt bad for not being able to talk to him after what he had told her two days ago. He loves me? Joxer?

Her eyes narrowed slightly in satisfaction as she spotted that familiar form standing next to a large crack in the earth, as still as the painted smirk on Caesar's face. She quickened her pace without realizing it, almost skipping to his side. Of course I wasn't AFRAID! I'm just....glad to see him, that's all! Yeah, that's all! I've been in forests! Of course, Xena's always been with me...but I wasn't afraid! How silly!

Joxer didn't turn, but she saw the back of his neck tense as she approached. "H...Hi, Gabby.." he uttered almost shyly, motioning with a strong yet somehow graceful hand for her to join him.

"Joxer.." Gabrielle said softly. "Hi." She stood next to him and followed his eyes out over the ravine, blinking at how surprisingly calm and serene it was...but there was an odd despair to it.

Without any warning, the mighty warrior reached out and took his friend by the hand, moving his face closer to hers to whisper in her ear. "Listen as the wind blows from across the great divide.." Joxer said in an awe-filled voice.

Gabrielle shivered involuntarily as his breath warmed her cool cheek and then closed her eyes. "It sounds almost like...like voices..." she whispered. "Trapped in yearning...it's so...so overwhelmingly sad here." Shaking herself out of her reverie with a forced scornful hiss of breath, she opened her eyes and blinked rapidly.

Joxer quickly pulled back from her, his cheeks coloring a bright red. "Yeah, well it always worked for me, 'cause I uh..." He turned, took off his helmet and rubbed the back of his neck nervously. "I was always sad when I came here."

The young woman reached out to him, a small hand resting on his shoulder. "I'm sorry to hear that." she said softly. She glanced over to the campsite he had set up, quite nicely in fact, she had to admit. The fire was even going and everything. "Do you want to go sit down and talk?"

Her admirer looked up, his deep brown eyes soft as he glanced down to her hand on his shoulder. "S...sure Gabby, that sounds good to me." Joxer tittered nervously. He pulled away from her hurriedly and clunked over to the spot that he had cleared for their fire, tossing his helmet aside and plopping down on a large log.

Gabrielle blushed a little and then sat down next to him. What am I acting so stupid for? I've known Joxer for years, I can sit next to him! It's not like he's going to try and kiss me! She forced herself to shudder at the thought.

Almost automatically, Joxer's arm went around her shoulders. "Cold?" he asked softly. "Sorry...I didn't bring any blankets. A mighty guy like me likes to sleep out under the stars with nothing separating him from nature!" He grinned, dramatically thrusting his other arm towards the sky.

His friend quirked an eyebrow at him. "Forgot them again, did you?"

Joxer sighed. "Yup." He glanced down at her, noticing that she hadn't argued the placement of his arm. He tightened his grip on her as subtly as he could.

Did Joxer just tighten his arm around me? Gabrielle looked up at him, furrowing her eyebrows. He was looking back with that same doe-eyed expression he always had... No, he didn't. It was just my imagination. Always working overtime, I guess that's what happens when you're a bard that loves romantic stories....ROMANTIC? JOXER? She shuddered again. There must have been some henbane in that bread I had for breakfast!

Joxer looked at her with concern. "Hey, Gabby, are you really that cold?" He wrapped his other arm around her. "Gee, I'm really sorry I didn't bring the blankets. I'm so stupid..." He lowered his head and then turned it away from her, mumbling to himself.

She sighed. "Joxer, stop it. You know you're not stupid, and I'm fine. As a matter of fact, I'm warmer than Tartarus, so you can let go of me now." A sudden slam of disappointment caused her stomach to jump. Why did I say that? No, what am I thinking, why WOULDN'T I say that?!?

The sweet-faced man snapped his head up. "Oh yeah, Gabby, of course, sorry. Shouldn'ta invaded your personal space." He gave her a sheepish grin, releasing her from his surprisingly strong arms.

Gabrielle frowned as a pang of disappointment hit her, turning back to face the ravine, her eyes searching it confusedly for something, anything that might help her explain what was going on inside this insane mind of hers. She let out another muffled sigh, resting her elbows on her knees.

Joxer leaned forward, unconsciously imitating her position as he peered worriedly into her face.

The Amazon Queen's aqua-hued eyes darted to him and she couldn't help but break the silence with a tinkling laugh. "Joxer!"

He threw his arms out to the sides. "What?"

Gabrielle shook her head and grinned at him. "Nothing, never mind." How cute....ARGH, STOP IT!! Her smile quickly faded.

"Okay, Gabby, what's wrong?" Joxer said quietly. "I can tell something's on your mind. Want to talk about it?"

Gabrielle shook her head. "No...let's talk about you." Her blue-green orbs scanned the horizon, watching the sun disappear. "Tell me why you were so sad that you would come to a place like this."

Joxer looked down uncomfortably. "Uh...gee Gabby, I don't really want to talk about that...not with you, not right now. But please, tell me about what's bothering you?" He looked up, his soft eyes meeting hers, unknowingly betraying the love he had decided to hide no longer.

Gabrielle leaned back, taking a deep breath. "If you have to know, Joxer, it's just that I've been feeling confused...." She bit her lower lip. "About a lot of things...no, about everything." Her eyes met his again, unknowingly betraying the vulnerability that she forced herself to hide from him, from everyone. She clasped cold hands together, slowly rubbing them.

Without even thinking about it, Joxer took her hands between his, gently spreading the warmth from his fingers to hers.

"I just...." She sighed, closing her eyes briefly. "I feel so alone. Sometimes, when everyone's asleep and I'm lying awake thinking about these past few years...Hope, Dahak...Caesar..I feel like the night is my companion and solitude my guide. And I wonder, would I spend forever here and.....not be satisfied?" She slowly blinked, butterfly-wing eyelashes fluttering in thought. "I just wonder if I'm missing something, y'know?"

Joxer's heart wrenched at her words. Could she be missing me? No, that's crazy, you idiot. She doesn't love you, she barely even likes you. He reassuringly squeezed her hands between his larger ones. "Gabrielle..you're never the only one awake," he whispered in a low voice. "When you don't sleep...I don't sleep...you're never alone then."

Gabrielle looked up, her expression almost unreadable. Her eyes narrowed slightly as her head tilted to one side, her pixie-cut hair falling softly. "That's nice to know, Joxer..." she whispered. "I never thought anyone cared about that sort of thing.." She forced a laugh. "I mean, Xena is out like a light the second she hits the ground..."

Firmly, Joxer squeezed Gabby's hands and rubbed them gently. "I'll always be here for ya, Gabs. Always. And uh, if there's anything I can do for you that Xena...um....can't...." You moron, there's nothing Xena can't do! Gabrielle's going to get up and laugh at you! "I mean....well if she...if--"

The hero's companion felt a warm smile spread across her face. "Thank you, Joxer.." She leaned over and gave him a quick, light peck on the cheek.

Joxer blushed, his trademark goofy grin surfacing. "You're welcome, ah, um, anytime...." He gulped and chuckled, ducking his head bashfully.

Gabrielle found herself staring at this man in front of her as he suddenly transformed before her eyes. She had never realized....not until just a few days ago....could this really be the same Joxer? I never paid attention to that adorable cleft in his chin, or the way his hair is all spiked up when he takes off his helmet. He's so cute without that helmet, I wish he'd just quit wearing it...but why do I care if he looks cute? I mean, of course I l....like Joxer. He's a good friend, the best friend I have other than Xena. But... She forced herself to stop and think the staggering thought. Could I possibly love him? She leaned forward slightly, gazing up into those deep brown eyes with an irresistible fascination. He's so sweet, so kind and brave..he'll make someone a great husband one day...yes he will...

Joxer raised his eyes and noticed those of the woman he loved focused directly on him, not wavering for even a moment. He gulped slightly. "Gabby, did I say something wrong?" He released her hands and reached up, rubbing his face. "Did I get something on me? I'm always doing that, I think I need to wear a bib."

"No, there's nothing on you, Joxer.." Gabrielle whispered, her heart suddenly beating faster. I do love him. I've been too afraid to admit it, but I love him...more than I thought I ever could love anyone again... She gulped in a delicate imitation of his earlier gesture.

Joxer leaned forward, his face mere inches from hers. "Whatsa matter, you sick?" He pressed a hand to her forehead. "Nah, you don't feel hot...you still feel cold." He wrapped her in his arms again. "That better?"

"Yeah." Gabby barely breathed, her eyes still focused on his face. A timid hand reached up and cupped his cheek lightly. She swallowed, letting her fingers trail lightly over his warm skin. So smooth...so warm.. "Joxer..did you mean what you said the other day?" He better have meant it, I'm not putting myself on the line here for nothing! And with JOXER, no less! She stopped breathing completely as she watched him go silent.

Joxer closed his eyes at her touch, taking in a shaking breath. He whispered so softly that she could barely hear him, his voice filled with more vulnerability than he had ever let her see before. "Gabrielle, I love you more than anything...you're my light, the thing that makes my life happy...your words keep me alive."

Gabrielle's heart skipped a beat as she gently nudged her face closer to his, his warm breath on her lips. "Joxer..I think I know what I've been missing...what's driven me down all these different paths and roads...I know what I've needed all this time, I just haven't been able to admit it to myself."

His arms tightened around her almost convulsively. Oh gods, could it be...no, this isn't happening, she's going to laugh at me again, this isn't happening, it's some stupid joke, that baby with the arrows must be loose again....it's all a joke and she's going to laugh...any minute now, she's going to laugh... Joxer's breath got faster. Into the sea of waking dreams, I follow without pride.. He thought despondently. It's all happening again.

The bard, Joxer's love, took in a trembling deep breath. "It's you, Joxer, I need you, I love you..." She squeezed her eyes shut tightly, more afraid than she had ever been in her life.

Joxer's eyes snapped open. "What...huh?" She sounded so real, so honest...but it can't be true, she's going to laugh in a minute...it's not true, not me and her, not ever... He looked down at her and realized that the same vulnerability he had felt in his own heart was showing right then on her face. "Gabby.." His voice was soft and tender as he slid one hand up over her back and moved it to gently touch her cheek.

Gabrielle let out a deep breath. He wasn't rejecting her... Oh gods, his hands are so strong.. She opened her eyes very slowly, looking at him with a shy smile. "This is strange..." she said lovingly. "But then, our lives have never been exactly normal, have they?"

Joxer 's eyes suddenly took on a look she had never seen before. He cradled her in his arms, gently leaning her back, supporting her in a half-sitting position.

Her heart skipped a beat again nervously. She whispered, "What happens now....what are you going to do, Joxer?" Please be doing what I think you're doing...what I hope you're doing... She gazed up at his handsome face, those pouty lips suddenly looking irresistible.

"Kiss you so hard I take your breath away.." he whispered back, then pressed his lips to hers in one swift motion, his strong arms tightening around her again.

***END***

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