"My car’s a little old." Keagan led Rudy to a 1989 dark burgundy Chevy Cavalier. "The lock on the passenger side is broken, so if you want to get in, you have to either ride in the back or climb over the driver’s seat. I can’t open the door at all because it might not close again." She shrugged, no longer embarrassed about the car. It got the job done.

Rudy found that endearing. "Oh, I can climb over." Keagan opened the door and Rudy slipped in, climbing over the gearshift to the passenger side.

Keagan got in and put her seatbelt on. She looked expectantly at Rudy. "Well?"

"What?"

"Aren’t you going to put your seatbelt on?"

"Nope. I find them limiting in movement." She gazed at Keagan, as if that should have been obvious.

"That’s the idea. They’re supposed to limit your movement...your movement from the seat onto the pavement with a very brief pit stop through the windshield."

"Are you a pessimist? Or do you just not trust your own driving?" She made no move to buckle her belt, much to Keagan’s consternation.

"I trust myself just fine. It’s the other drivers I don’t trust. Emphatically stated," Keagan drawled out her words. "I’m a very careful driver, I trust my driving. I just think it’s wise to exercise a bit of caution--"

"You’re an English major, aren’t you?"

"Rudy, put the seatbelt on now." Soon it would be three in the morning, and she hadn’t even pulled out of the parking lot. And Keagan didn’t plan on moving until Rudy put her seatbelt on.

"I knew it! No one uses the word emphatically in common speech." Rudy appeared to totally forget where they were.

"Look, nobody rides with me without putting their seatbelt on. So put it on now!"

Rudy frowned. "Okay, okay." She buckled the seatbelt and quieted, looking like a recalcitrant child who had just been admonished.

Keagan pulled out of the parking lot without a word and they drove down High Street. Normally, her mind would be on a thousand different things at once, the stillness of early morning allowing her thoughts free reign. But with Rudy sitting next to her, she found all her thoughts centered on the silence between them. She fought to say something sensible. "So where are your spare set of keys?" It wasn’t poetry, but the question suited Keagan as a way to break the silence.

"I have a set at my mom’s. You could take me to get them in the morning. Unless, of course, you find you enjoy my company so much that you want me to hang out with you until my roommate comes home Sunday night." Rudy got a devilish look in her eyes.

"I highly doubt that will happen."

"Stranger things have happened."

Keagan said nothing but Rudy saw a small smirk forming on her lips. Within a couple minutes, they arrived at Keagan’s apartment. It was a three-story house that the landlord rented as three residences. Keagan lived on the second floor, and so had to put up with neighborly noises coming from both upstairs and downstairs. But the rent was reasonable so she didn’t complain. He kept the house up and she could have had a garden, but left that to her downstairs neighbor, Rachel, who could frequently be seen outside doing yard work. All in all, Keagan considered it a decent place to live for the time being. "You know I expect certain things from the women I bring home with me," she told Rudy, as they walked down the drive to the front door.

"Oh, really?"

"Uh, huh."

"And just what is it you expect?" Keagan unlocked the door and they stepped in. She turned on the light and locked the door, putting the deadbolt and chain lock in place.

Keagan yawned as a wave of fatigue swept over her. She knew she must be tired, to be flirting with Rudy. This would definitely not be a good time or place to do that. She glanced idly at the answering machine, but no light flashed. Fleetingly, she thought maybe Sean had called to apologize. She laughed bitterly to herself. It wasn’t his style to apologize, even for something he felt was his fault. And she was certain he would blame her for their previous squabble. Her mind focused back to Rudy’s last question.

"I expect them to, um, always wear their seatbelts." She walked to the bedroom down the hall. The second bedroom was used as a study and the only other rooms were a large kitchen, a decent sized bathroom, and the living room.

"Even in the house?" She ignored Keagan’s blatant attempts to avoid following through with her flirting and remained in the living room, taking in the place. There was a couch with a furniture throw over it, and one bookcase lined the wall. As Rudy’s eyes scanned the contents of the bookcase, a few titles stuck out: Aristotle’s "Poetics", "The Elements of Grammar", and "The Selected Poetry of Rainer Maria Rilke." When she glanced into the kitchen, her eyes landed on the corkboard, where Keagan had tacked the Rudy’s phone number and note. She stored this information away for later. She heard her friend rustling about in the back. "What are you doing?"

"Changing the sheets for you. You can sleep in here."

"I won’t kick you out of your bed. I’ll be fine on the couch."

Keagan came back into the kitchen. "It’s okay, really. You’d be surprised at how many nights I sleep out here. Insomnia."

"I’ve never had that problem. I have a harder time waking up than going to sleep." She grinned sheepishly at Keagan, who smiled.

"It’s settled, then. There are some new toothbrushes in the bathroom drawer, if you want to use one. I also left you a T-shirt and pair of shorts on the bed to wear."

"Thanks." Rudy was impressed at Keagan’s attentiveness. "You keep a supply of toothbrushes?"

"Of course. As many women as I bring home, it’s a necessity." Keagan winked at her and then went to the living room, plopping on the couch. She covered her head with a pillow and tried to forget Rudy was there.

"Right. Right." Rudy smiled at Keagan’s sarcastic comments and went into the bathroom to find a toothbrush. After she brushed her teeth, she changed into the T-shirt and shorts Keagan had provided for her. She giggled at the T-shirt, which said on the front, 2QT2BSTR8. Returning to the living room, she told Keagan, "I really like the shirt."

"I thought it would be appropriate." Keagan still had the pillow over her head.

"I noticed you have a Rilke poetry book." When Keagan made no move to take the pillow off her head, Rudy stepped over and did it for her. She glanced up with surprise. "Yes?"

"I’m talking to you."

"Sorry. When I can’t sleep, like right now, I put a pillow on my head."

"What do you mean, sleep? You aren’t even undressed yet."

"Oh. Yeah." She gave a half laugh.

"I’m not making you nervous, am I?"

"Oh, no. No. I guess I’ll go get undressed now." With that, Keagan got up and headed to the bathroom.

Rudy went over and grabbed the Rilke book. When Keagan came back, dressed in a plain, black, T-shirt and flannel lounging pants, she heard Rudy reading aloud:

At first a childhood limitless and free

Rudy glanced up and when she saw Keagan standing still and transfixed, her eyes asking for more, she continued with the next stanza.

Defiance. The child bent becomes the bender,

"It’s one of my favorites."

Keagan smiled faintly, surprised to find Rudy recognizing the book "There’s a bit more." She leaned against the wall and recited with pseudo fervor, almost as if she was making fun of the poetry she enjoyed.

And now in vast, cold, empty space, alone.

"I didn’t know you were so poetic."

"I didn’t write it."

"But you recite well."

"Thanks. We probably should get to sleep now."

"Hmm." Rudy and Keagan looked at each other for a moment. "Keagan?"

"Yes."

"You wouldn’t want to let me read any of your stuff, would you?"

Keagan had wondered when that would come up. "I haven’t let anyone read my stuff."

"Why write, then?" Rudy regarded the squirming woman, who sat down to avoid pacing.

"It’s not that I wouldn’t, I just never have. Except when I was a kid. I’d write these little stories on mini notebooks and let my best friend read them. But that’s it."

"You’ve shared your work in your creative writing classes, though, right?"

Keagan nodded. "It was the most frightening thing I ever did." At Rudy’s expectant look, she held up her index finger to indicate for her to wait a moment. She retreated to the back room and came back a few moments later, holding her portfolio in hand. "Here’s a couple things I’ve written for class, if you want to—"

"Thanks." Rudy took them with an enthusiastic smile.

Keagan shrugged. "If you want to waste your time—" She let the phrase ramble off as she once again settled on the couch. "It’s my portfolio I used to get into creative writing."

Rudy nodded and got up from the couch, heading for the bedroom. "Thanks. And I don’t think it’ll be a waste of my time. Good luck with the insomnia."

"Good night, La Roux."

"G’night." Rudy went into the sparsely decorated room and got in bed, pulling the blankets over herself. A soft light illuminated her surroundings as she looked around trying to get a better sense of the woman she had come home with. The room was immaculate, too much so. Rudy suspected Keagan only spent as much time in it as it took her to sleep. The only things in the room were the bed, a nightstand with a light and alarm clock sitting on it, and a small television. Nothing on the walls. That was it.

She settled in and picked up the portfolio, opening to the first page and seeing a poem. It was called, "thebigjoke." Keagan had intentionally run the words in the title together. The poem rhymed and was vague about its intention. It didn't tell a story, it merely expressed a feeling; one that Rudy thought would be appealing to different types of people for that reason alone.

She read it through three more times, wondering if the poem had a direct inspiration or not. In any case, it revealed another side to Keagan she was grateful to have a glimpse of. In spite of the late hour, she proceeded to devour the rest of the portfolio. There were three more poems, two essays, and two short stories. Rudy found each one to have merit. She hoped Keagan would agree to let her read more of her writing.

An early riser, Keagan was up at 8am, heading to the kitchen to make coffee. She showered and changed, not waking Rudy. A little embarrassed at the messy appearance of her apartment, she began to straighten things up when she noticed Rudy’s note on the corkboard. "Shit." She tore it down and stuck it in her pocket, hoping Rudy hadn’t seen it. In half an hour, the dishes were done, and she had just finished vacuuming when Rudy walked into the living room. One of Bach’s Brandenburg Concertos was playing. "I knew it," Rudy said to herself, as she stole a peek at the corkboard. "Good morning." She sat down.

"Morning." Rudy was already dressed. Keagan admitted to enjoying the common interest they shared the night before but was nonetheless relieved that apparently she didn’t plan on hanging around long.

"The big joke, huh?" Rudy smiled, as Keagan perked up in recognition of the title.

"Don’t hold it against me. It was the only poetry class I ever took and the assignment was to write a rhyming poem." She poured Rudy a cup of coffee. "Cream and sugar?"

"Yes. Thank you." Keagan handed her a cup. "And rhyme you did. I think it’s quite good."

Keagan laughed. "Thanks, but you don’t have to say that. I’m not a poet."

"I don’t say anything unless I mean it. You may not be a poet, but I enjoyed it." She took a sip of the coffee and averted her eyes from Keagan.

"The only poetry I ever wrote, was because I was forced to," Keagan muttered.

"Then, isn’t the world lucky you were forced?" Rudy met Keagan’s eyes again, but quickly looked away in respect of her privacy. She knew that showing her writing was a deeply personal thing and that it would be wise not to overdo her praise. "I was wondering," Rudy began, hoping to steer them to a safer subject, "What happened to my note that was on your corkboard last night? Some pesky little varmint didn’t sneak in and chew it up, did they?"

Keagan froze in her tracks and returned the vacuum to the closet; happy to have left the poetry subject, but not at all content with the new one. "I don’t know what you’re talking about."

"You, Keagan--" she began, "by the way, what’s your last name?"

"Donovan." Keagan was unaffected by the non sequitur.

"Thank you. When I’m ranting at someone, I prefer to use both their first and last names, for emphasis, you know." Keagan remained silent, thinking she had never seen anyone talk that fast before.

"Now, you Keagan Donovan, are some piece of work. Let me tell you not what I think happened, but what I know happened. You found my note and not only did you not throw it out, you actually pinned it up, to remind yourself. To remind yourself of me. And right now, I’ll bet that note’s in your pocket. I’ll bet you got up this morning, saw it, panicked, and shoved it into your pocket. Yep, I’ll bet that’s exactly what happened!" Rudy stopped to take a breath.

"Delusions of grandeur."

"What’s that supposed to mean?"

"That’s what you’re having if you think I’m pining away for you or something. You’re delusional if you think you saw that note on my corkboard. I threw it out when I found it."

Rudy literally gaped at Keagan’s admission. "You are not going to stand there and deny this?!"

Keagan shook her head. "Oh, yes, I am."

"Keagan, I know what I saw with my own two eyes."

"You were just tired."

"I was not! Well, I was, but I know I saw that note up there!"

"Did not!"

"Did, too!" Rudy was becoming exasperated with this woman. She had never encountered anyone more stubborn. "Okay, then, fine. I’ll believe you if you empty your pockets."

"I will not!" Keagan was indignant.

"I’ll just have to assume I’m right and you’re wrong, then." Rudy smiled impishly, as she rose and headed to the door. "Ready to go?" She was not shy about letting her triumphant smile linger.

"Yeah." A defeated Keagan admitted to herself that Rudy was both beautiful and smart. Those two combined qualities made her more attractive all the time.

The phone ringing pulled Keagan out of her contemplation. The machine clicked on and she heard Joan’s voice. "Hi, are you there? I’ll wait a couple of seconds. I guess you’re not. Well, I told your grandmother that I won’t allow any more vodka in the house, only beer. She still isn’t speaking to me much. I’ll talk to you later." The machine clicked off.

"That your mom?"

"Yeah."

"She sounds nice."

"She is nice, sometimes too nice. What she doesn’t understand is that the only answer is to allow no alcohol in the house. Beer, vodka, it’s all the same." She didn’t know why she allowed Rudy that bit of information.

"Your grandma. I take it she’s an alcoholic."

"Yep."

Rudy remained silent, knowing that Keagan would offer more information if she wanted to.

"Some people have normal families and some people have what I’ve got. It took me a few years to realize that."

Rudy sensed that Keagan didn’t want to continue discussing her family. As she prepared to change the subject, her stomach growled loudly. The taller woman laughed. Rudy rolled her eyes self-consciously. "I’m really hungry. Would you let me buy you breakfast somewhere? It’s the least I can do, since you helped me out."

Keagan returned Rudy’s intense green-eyed gaze. She couldn’t refuse and didn’t want to. "All right. Where did you have in mind?"

Rudy’s face brightened at the prospect of food. "There’s a coffee house on High. They know me there."

Within minutes, they were seated in the restaurant, sipping cappuccino. On the way over, Rudy explained that The Coffee Table was one of her favorite haunts. She often stopped there to have lunch and study. "And every once in awhile, I have breakfast here." Her eyes twinkled as she looked over at Keagan, who was letting her do most of the talking.

"Is this where you take your women after you’re done with them?" Keagan grinned sarcastically.

"Oh, yeah. Every last one of them." Rudy played along. "But we don’t usually get here this early."

"Oh. Yeah." Nervousness overcame her. Keagan wanted to change the subject but her mind drew a blank.

"So, are you really an English major?" Rudy wanted to break the tension between them.

"Yes."

Rudy realized she was going to have to start asking open-ended questions or all she would get would be monosyllabic responses. "What a coincidence. So am I. I’m surprised we never ran into each other before. You go to Ohio State?"

"Yep."

"It’s a big campus, after all." She laughed under her breath, guessing it came from nervousness because she hadn’t found anything particularly funny. "So what classes are you taking this quarter?"

"The one I’m dreading is Traditional Grammar and Usage."

Just as Rudy was congratulating herself on getting more than one word out of Keagan, the waitress brought their orders. Rudy got three large pancakes, four slices of bacon, two eggs, toast, a cream cheese bagel, and a large grapefruit juice. Keagan got an orange juice, a bagel with strawberry jam, and a small side of hash browns. Taking in the slight frame of her companion, Keagan wondered if Rudy could eat all that. She didn’t wonder for long. They ate for a few minutes until Rudy broke the silence.

"So, why are you dreading grammar?" She finished up her pancake, which she had smeared generously with blueberry syrup.

"Diagramming." Keagan took a bite of bagel. "I just can’t do it. It looks like math to me. I’m terrible at math."

"I’ve made quite a study of English grammar on my own and I’ve taken Traditional Grammar. I can help you with it, if you want."

"What’d you get?"

"An A."

"Maybe I’ll take you up on your offer if I get desperate." Keagan took a last bite of hash brown.

"I’m good with desperate women." Rudy looked down shyly. She reached for her glass of grapefruit juice for something to do, not because she was thirsty.

"You little flirt." Rudy blushed. Keagan thought how adorable it was when she did that.

"I’m not usually a flirt. It must be you."

"Me, bringing out your deviant side, huh?"

"Must be." Rudy and Keagan stared at each other briefly before averting their eyes.

Keagan’s gaze fell upon Rudy’s lips the next time she looked at her. She wondered what it would be like to kiss them. Pulling herself out of her daze as her eyes met Rudy’s again, she suspected Rudy had been watching her every move. She was right.

"You about ready?" Keagan realized that they had been done with their food for a few minutes.

"Yes." Rudy paid the bill, but forgot about the change. Neither she nor Keagan noticed. Later, there was a happy waitress who received a very generous tip.

Rudy gave directions to her mom’s house as Keagan drove, so there was little opportunity for further talk. Eventually they arrived and Keagan pulled in the driveway. "Do you need a lift back to your place?" Keagan hoped she did and didn’t at the same time.

"Nah. I’ll visit with my mom and she can drive me back. I’ve already put you out enough anyway. Thanks, Keagan. Sorry about all this."

Keagan wasn’t sorry but didn’t say so. "That’s okay."

"Do you want to meet my mom?" It slipped out before Rudy realized the possible implications. "I just thought since you’re here--"

Keagan smiled tightly. "I’d like to, but I have some things to do." She paused, and then got out of the car so Rudy could climb over the driver’s seat to get out.

Rudy stood awkwardly for a second, and leaned forward to give Keagan a light kiss on the cheek. Rudy could see the shock register on her face as she stepped back from her. "Okay, then. Thanks." She smiled, gave a short wave, and then headed into her mom’s house, leaving a flabbergasted Keagan behind.

When Keagan got home, she slipped into the den. Calling up her journal folder on her computer, she began to write. It was her usual routine to write in the journal only when she felt like it. Some people allowed themselves to be pressured into keeping one regularly but not Keagan. She wanted the journal to have meaning and so only wrote in it when her inner voice told her to. Now, her voice was screaming for her to write.

Sunday, January 17, 1999, 10:12am

Keagan saved the file after deleting the last sentence.

She planned on avoiding the bar for a few days, until her crush on Rudy ended. When that concluded, she’d ask the young woman to help her with grammar. It was a succinct, logical plan. There was no reason for it not to work. Except that when Monday night came, she ended up doing the last thing she intended by going to the Grotto. Her friend Gretchen called and begged her to come to the bar. She had broken up with her girlfriend and needed to talk. As Keagan drove to the bar, she hoped not to run into Rudy.

She arrived around 8:30. As she pulled in, she looked around the parking lot but didn’t see Rudy’s car. Figuring she wasn’t there, Keagan walked in with confidence, and casually gazed over at the pool table. There was Milligan playing pool with Rudy. Char was standing near, but looked like she was behaving herself. And Jackie Daniels was standing nearby drinking a beer. Rudy was concentrating on a shot and didn’t notice Keagan, whose heartbeat sped up the moment she entered her field of vision. Keagan hated it when that happened. It meant she was losing control of her body and made her edgy. With stealth, she headed to a booth near the jukebox where Gretchen sat.

"Hi, Keagan." Gretchen was two years older than Keagan, and was known for her ornery disposition. A rounded face, and semi long, brown hair framed her grey eyes. Everyone called her "Big Gretchen" because while not overweight, she was big boned. She was also an heiress and didn’t work, to the envy of many. Keagan recalled wryly, that Gretchen had once tried to buy her, after she drank a pitcher of margaritas. Keagan had declined the offer.

"How are you?"

"Oh, I’m fine, hon!" She motioned to Cody at the bar. "My friend needs a drink!" Her voice was loud pitched and obnoxious. As always, Keagan ignored this characteristic of her friend.

"You sounded pretty upset on the phone."

"Keagan, you know I don’t like beating around the bush, so I’ll be frank. I didn’t break up with Kelly."

"Oh. Then why am I here?" Keagan was beginning to get a sick feeling in her stomach. In apparent answer, Cody came over with a rum and coke. She winked at Keagan and returned to the bar.

"You’re here because of that cute, adorable woman at the pool table...Rudy. Milligan and the others told me all about it. We’re setting you up, since you don’t have the sense to do it yourself!"

Keagan had a hard time controlling her rising temper. But somehow, she managed to do it. "I can’t believe you guys would do this." Her voice was steady, easy, and almost disillusioned, instead of merely angry.

"Sure, you can!"

"You guys have never gone this far to set me up before. Why now?"

"We’re tired of seeing you moping around here scribbling notes in your notebook. We decided you needed companionship." Gretchen grinned with delight and glanced at the pool table. Rudy made no move to come over to see Keagan, much to Gretchen’s distress.

Keagan got up. "Guess what? I’m old enough to make my own decisions about what I need, but thanks. Bye." She headed straight for the door, without glancing back or looking anywhere else. Milligan had watched the proceedings from the pool table. "Keagan?"

Reluctant to ignore her friend, even though she was a manipulative friend, Keagan stopped and walked over to the pool table. The game had stopped for the moment. "Can I interest you in a game of pool?" Milligan tried to look innocent, even though her plan had been revealed.

Keagan rolled her eyes and took in the scene. "Hi," she said to Rudy, who was standing next to Milligan holding a cue stick. "I didn’t see your car out back."

"I parked across the street. I have to leave early tonight and didn’t want to get fenced in. I didn’t expect to see you."

"You didn’t?"

"You’re usually here by now." Rudy paused, sensing there was more to this. "Why would I expect to see you?"

Keagan was unsure that Rudy was innocent of her friends’ plan. Partially because she suspected that Rudy intentionally locked her keys up to get her attention. "You tell me."

"What do you mean?" Rudy didn’t know where Keagan was heading with this line of conversation.

"As long as you’re here, why don’t we all play doubles?" Milligan indicated Jackie who was standing nearby.

Keagan, thoroughly disgusted, didn’t know whom to trust. They all might have been in on it. "I don’t think so. I was busy until Gretchen called me down here because she needed to talk. Now that I’ve discovered she lied and manipulated me, I don’t have any reason to stay."

"What did she lie to you about?"

"Okay, here’s the whole story, assuming you didn’t already know. Gretchen told me she broke up with her girlfriend, Kelly, and needed to talk to someone about it, so I came down. When I got here, she admitted she was trying to get me here, while you were here, to set me up with you."

"Oh." It dawned on Rudy that Keagan thought she had something to do with it. "You certainly don’t think I had anything to do with this?"

"Actually, I do. Aren’t you the one who locked your keys in your car on purpose?"

Milligan sensed that the situation might be getting out of control soon if she didn’t do something. "Who cares about why you’re here. You’re here. And for the record, it was us, not Rudy who thought this up. She didn’t know anything about it."

"Of course you’re gonna say that," said Keagan.

"Okay, hold on a minute here. Yes, I locked up my keys on purpose, and for that I’m sorry. I just did it because I was having a hard time getting your attention."

"You already had my attention."

"I didn’t know that!"

"I didn’t want you to know that! But now, because of this contrived and manipulated situation, you do! Happy?"

"Not really, no." Rudy felt Keagan’s anger, regretting any part she had in it.

"I’ve been told that spending an evening with me makes women very happy, if that’s what you’re looking for." Char had been standing nearby, taking in the unfolding confrontation and waiting for an opportunity to step in. She smiled at Rudy slyly and winked.

"Shut up, Char!" Both Keagan and Rudy said it in unison. At the shocked look on the offending woman’s face, they burst into laughter.

"Okay," began Keagan. "I believe you. I don’t know why, but—"

"I have an honest face?"

"That must be it." Keagan’s response held a certain irony when the only reason she believed Rudy was because she wanted to.

"Okay. Now that we all understand each other, how about some pool?" said Milligan. For a brief moment, she feared she made a drastic mistake, by getting Gretchen to call Keagan. But now it looked like things were shaping up quite well.

"Thanks, but I have to go. School tomorrow." Her gaze lingered on Rudy briefly before she turned and headed for the door.

Rudy stared after her for a few seconds. "You really shouldn’t have done that to her. I don’t think she’s the type that likes to have her decisions made for her like that."

Milligan was racking the balls. "Probably not, but sometimes you just gotta grab people and shake em’, ya know? I’m speaking meta--, meta—"

"Metaphorically."

"Right. I’m just speaking metaphorically, but I’m sure you get my meaning."

"I’m sure I do. I just don’t think Keagan gets it."

"Oh, I think she gets my meaning exactly." Milligan lined her cue stick up to shoot. "That’s why she left." She aimed and shot, knocking in a stripe, as the other balls darted around the table.

Rudy looked doubtful. "Maybe she doesn’t really like me."

Milligan regarded Rudy, allowing herself a small, knowing, grin. "She likes you. Believe me, I’ve known her for a long time. She definitely likes you."

Rudy hoped Milligan’s words were correct.

The next day, Keagan got up earlier than usual for school. Her classes began at 7:45 and ran through noon. Being a morning person, this worked out well for her. Grabbing her black leather backpack, she unzipped it and threw a 70 page, single subject notebook into it. It was her last quarter and she was so thoroughly burned out by school, that she no longer cared about organizing her notes in a multi-subject notebook.

The weather had warmed up over the past few days so Keagan left her gloves and scarf inside the apartment. As she made her way to the car, the brightly shining sun threatened to improve her mood from lousy to almost enthused. She glanced at her watch and noted that since it was currently 7:30, she would never make it on time for British Literature. She told herself that it didn’t really matter since she hated British Literature with a passion.

Arriving at the university at 8:00, she entered Denney Hall, and began hunting down room 115. It wasn’t much of a hunt, because she had taken several classes in the same room. Not feeling any guilt at entering late, she stepped in noticing that the class was full. She didn’t see any empty seats as her eyes scanned the back of the room. The professor was lecturing about the usual first day things as she did this. Spotting a seat near the back, Keagan trudged toward it. She tuned out everyone in her quest for a place to sit, and was surprised to feel someone touch her arm not a second after she sat down. She almost jumped out of her seat, when she turned to see who it was. Rudy sat directly next to her in the second row. "Hey, Keagan, fancy meeting you here," she whispered. She chuckled as Keagan stared at her in disbelief.

"Are you following me, young lady?"

"More like you would be following me. I was here first."

Keagan just grinned. They both turned their attention back to Professor Parnell who was informing them that they would be required to do group presentations later in the semester. Keagan grimaced. She hated working in groups. Parnell said that in a few weeks he would pick each group himself, after he had a chance to review each student’s skills. He wanted the groups to be balanced well. Keagan groaned. She didn’t like oral presentations.

Parnell dismissed class early and Keagan found herself alone with Rudy as the class filtered out of the room. "You know, this is really kind of funny," said Rudy.

"Oh, yeah. Ha. Ha."

"I mean, imagine the odds, the two of us, having just met at a bar, and with our little ensuing attraction and everything and then...voila, here we are again! Just think of the odds!" Rudy was talking fast again. Keagan noted that she tended to do that either when she was nervous or when she felt strongly about something. Or both at once.

Keagan stretched her legs out letting them rest on the seat in front of her. "Ensuing attraction? Nope. Never said I was attracted to you." She enjoyed toying with the beautiful young woman. Keagan knew it was wrong to do, but couldn’t help herself.

Rudy inched a bit closer to Keagan, who sat smugly in her seat, her arms folded. The corners of Keagan’s mouth came up slightly like she wanted to smile but wouldn’t let herself. She smelled Rudy’s cologne, the same type she wore when she taught her pool. A memory flashed through Keagan’s mind of what it felt like to touch her. "But you said I got your attention."

"Attention. Attraction. Two different words the last time I checked, although similar in many respects. Similar looking, similar sounding--"

"That’s it!" Rudy flashed her green eyes toward Keagan. "You’re impossible! Impossible!" As Keagan inched away in mock fear at her outburst, Rudy rose from her seat and allowed a grin to surface. Keagan was so sexy when she was putting up that sarcastic wall between herself and others. But she was also maddening.

"Nothing’s impossible." Keagan’s eyes twinkled.

"Good. Bye." Rudy clearly enunciated both words as she started to exit the classroom. "I’ll probably be at the bar tonight. Thought I’d be kind to you and let you know, so you could avoid me if you wanted to." She didn’t wait for a reply and headed down the hall.

Keagan sat, feeling a twinge of pain at Rudy’s biting words. Interpreting this as a sign of her developing feelings for her, she considered how to regain control. She came to no good conclusion. Regardless of whether or not she kept showing up, Rudy was sinking into Keagan’s heart.

Later that day, Keagan stopped by her mom’s for a visit. Joan wasn’t home yet, so Keagan talked to her grandma. She had told her grandma about her sexual orientation five years before when she broke up with her girlfriend, Terry. Geraldine Rafferty knew something had been bothering Keagan, because her whole personality had changed. Where Keagan used to be lighthearted with a very sarcastic but funny sense of humor, she was now subdued and quiet, the only words coming out of her mouth being ones that were rife with negativity. She almost begged her granddaughter to tell her what the problem was. Keagan was reluctant to tell the truth, that she had a failed relationship with a woman and she was hurting. But Keagan did tell her and never regretted it, because her grandma had been supportive. They had always been close and her grandma had come through for her when she needed it the most. Keagan thought back to that time briefly, as Gerry got her an iced tea.

Keagan never told her grandma how much her support meant. It was one of the main things that helped her get through one of the most painful times of her life. Gerry came back into the living room and handed Keagan the iced tea. She sat down on the couch and her dog, Rosey, jumped up and sat beside her. Rosey put her head on Gerry’s leg and looked up with sweet puppy dog eyes. "Yes, sweetheart. You want a treat don’t you?" She produced a dog bone from the pocket of her robe and offered it to the dog who took it and munched contentedly.

Keagan sipped her drink and snickered at the dog. "Unruly beast."

Gerry frowned at Keagan. "She’s not a beast, she’s my sweetie."

"So are you and mom speaking yet?"

"Yes, but I can’t have any more vodka in the house! I called Sean and he’s going to sneak me some." Gerry laughed at this, completely oblivious to the possible consequences of such an action.

"Do you think that’s a good idea?"

Gerry put her index finger to her lips, indicating for Keagan to be quiet about it. "Rafferty family secret!" She giggled.

"Right." Keagan didn’t like keeping things from her mother, but knew the truth would come out soon enough anyway.

"So, how are you?" Gerry took a sip of her beer.

"Fine. I, uh, met this girl at the bar." Keagan didn’t know why she brought this up.

"Ah. So, you two are...dating now?" Gerry wasn’t familiar with gay practices, but she guessed they must be pretty much the same as straight ones.

"Oh, no. No, it’s not like that. I guess I don’t really know what it’s like." Keagan looked down at her feet, feeling silly.

"You like this girl?"

"Yes." Keagan drawled it out slowly, as if she wasn’t sure she wanted to reveal this much.

"She pretty?"

"Beautiful." Keagan said this somewhat shyly, not really used to discussing these things with her grandma.

"Nice?"

"Very nice."

"Smart?"

"Yes. She is."

"And she likes you, I take it?"

"I think she does, but--"

"Not buts, Keagan. You must ask her out on a date as soon as you get a chance. What’s her name?"

"Rudy." Keagan knew she was about to get encouraged, but wasn’t sure she wanted the encouragement.

"Call Rudy and ask her out, Keagan. What have you got to lose?" Gerry was concerned that her granddaughter had been cutting herself off from life. She wanted her to be happy again, and felt this was the way.

"Grandma, we kind of had an argument. I don’t think she’d go out with me now if I asked."

"Forget about that. I have a feel for these things. Ask her to go out with you. I guarantee she’ll say ‘yes’."

"I don’t think so." Keagan appreciated her grandma’s positive outlook, but she didn’t share it. It was hopeless. She had no idea how to have a relationship. And she had no idea of how to treat a woman. That was obvious in the way she treated Rudy at school. "Thanks, grandma. I’m just not the relationship type."

Keagan went to the Grotto that night intent on doing some writing. She took her usual place at the table in the back, hoping to see Rudy and apologize for her actions at school. Nothing more.

Cody came over to see what was going on. She had been involved in the manipulation of the previous evening and felt responsible. "How goes it, Keag?"

"Fine. In spite of you, Gretchen, and Milligan."

"I didn’t have anything directly to do with it except, uh, aforeknowledge."

"Malice aforethought." Keagan laughed. "It’s okay. I ran into Rudy at school today. We’re in the same British Literature class."

Cody respected her friend’s feelings enough not to make the sarcastic, teasing comment that was on the top of her tongue. "So, is that good or bad?"

"It’s good. And bad. I haven’t decided what to do about her yet. I mean, I think I would have a pretty good shot at a date with her--"

Cody laughed outright.

"What?" Keagan looked confused.

She leaned over and touched Keagan’s arm, squeezing it in an attempt to make a point. "Rudy took one look at you and fell in love. I know. I was there."

Keagan almost blushed. "Yeah, right."

"My friend, she is so into you. It’s so obvious." Cody smiled.

Keagan looked over to the door and saw Rudy walk in. She felt a jolt of adrenaline surge through her system and her hands shook. Feeling ridiculous but not knowing what to do about it, she turned back to Cody. "It’s not obvious to me."

"That’s ‘cause you’ve got this mental block against relationships. Get over it."

"Yeah, yeah."

Keagan watched as Rudy’s eyes scanned the bar. The young woman met her eyes and then looked away, almost as if she was trying to avoid her. Then she watched as Rudy spotted Danielle and started over towards her booth. She decided to sit back and observe for awhile before making her move. Keagan watched as Rudy removed her soft brown, suede jacket revealing underneath a dark blue button-down shirt. Her long blonde hair was tied back in a French braid, which accentuated her green eyes. Keagan thought Rudy had never looked more beautiful than she did at that moment. She watched for a few moments as the young woman chatted with Dani and then felt a strong surge of jealousy when Dani leaned over and kissed her. It wasn’t a friendly kiss and Rudy didn’t seem to mind too much.

"Ouch," said Cody.

Keagan remained silent, her brain trying to process the feelings she was having without success. She shook her head and tried to clear her thoughts but they were scrambled and filled with dread. "You don’t think Rudy likes her, do you?" She asked it nonchalantly.

"Do you really care?"

"Just curious." A quiet response.

"I think she likes you, but you won’t give her the time of day."

"Yeah, yeah, blah, blah."

"See ya later, kiddo." Cody returned to the bar having made enough attempts to prod Keagan into action. The rest was up to her.

Keagan sat brooding by herself for about an hour, her eyes never far from Rudy. Dani made no further advances, much to Keagan’s delight. Eventually, Danielle rose from the booth and left the bar. Rudy’s eyes scanned the bar and landed upon Keagan who was pretending to write.

Each table in the bar had a candle on it to make the setting romantic. The cynic in Keagan thought it more likely so that people could see better. She never sought out more light than was provided by the one candle, and so was surprised when a smiling Rudy added two candles to her table. "What’s this for?"

"Oh, I just thought I’d bring these over so you could see what you’re missing." Rudy slipped into the seat across from Keagan, with a mischievous smile.

"Ah." Keagan wondered many things at this point. She wondered why Rudy was there when she tried to avoid her gaze earlier, why she was flirting with her, and why Danielle had gone when it seemed they were getting along so well. But instead of asking the person who knew the answers, she remained silent.

Rudy sensed Keagan’s dismay. "Actually, I thought these might help you see better. You know, to write."

Keagan nodded, but her mind wasn’t on the candles. "Why did Dani leave?"

Rudy was surprised at the abrupt change of subject. "I guess she got tired of me."

"I doubt that."

Rudy wondered if making ambiguous statements was the only way Keagan could express any feeling for her. She hoped not. "She asked me to go out with her and I said I couldn’t, so I guess she gave up." She indicated her indifference by shrugging.

"Why aren’t you going out with her?"

Rudy stared into the questioning blue eyes and chose to battle Keagan’s vulnerability by exposing her own. "I didn’t think it would be fair to go out with someone when there’s somebody else I’d rather go out with. Do you think that would be fair?"

"No."

"Me neither, so I said ‘no’." This wasn’t going the way Rudy envisioned it. Now, Keagan was supposed to ask who it was that she wanted to go out with and Rudy would declare in unequivocal terms that it was Keagan. But she wasn’t taking the bait. After a few moments, she realized that Keagan wasn’t going to say anything. "You make me so crazy, Keagan, do you have any idea how much?"

Rudy’s question, however rhetorical, conveyed to Keagan several things: interest, attraction, and persistence. She also noted that Rudy’s voice had dropped to a near whisper that she found appealing. Keagan tried in vain to come up with a snappy comeback, but none was forthcoming. She was too focused on the nearness of the young woman. She smiled slyly. "How much?" Keagan raised an eyebrow and regarded her challengingly.

Rudy almost gave in to her desire to show Keagan how much by leaning over and kissing her, but couldn’t let her have that satisfaction. "Actually, not that much." She averted her gaze, feigning non-interest, and tried with no success to calm her rapidly beating heart.

"Oh?" Keagan enjoyed the game and it was a great way to avoid her feelings.

Rudy had other ideas, though. Forgetting the game, she reached over and placed her hand on Keagan’s. Before long their fingers were intertwined. Keagan gazed at her, doing and saying nothing.

"This isn’t so bad is it?"

"No." Keagan looked away to get a break from the intensity. As she did, her eyes betrayed her.

Rudy noticed her friend looking toward the door and wondered if she recognized someone. There were three women coming in the door. Noticing Keagan’s look of recognition, she asked, "Do you know them?"

Her protective mask settled in and she regarded Rudy coolly again. "Not all of them, just one."

"Oh. Which one?" At her question, Keagan pointed out a tall woman with sandy, blonde hair. She had hazel eyes and a sharp expression and was beginning to look their way. "Her."

Rudy guessed this was someone she had a history with. "How do you know her?"

Keagan pulled her hand away from Rudy’s. She snickered. "Her name’s Terry. I suppose you could say she’s my ex-girlfriend."

Rudy remained turned in the direction of Terry, wanting to get a better look at her. She tried not to make it obvious that she was watching her, but her curiosity about this woman from Keagan’s past was getting the best of her and she didn’t care. After a few seconds, Terry sat down at the bar. Rudy turned back around, to find Keagan regarding her with a puzzled smile on her face.

"So what were you watching her for? You think she’s hot? I could maybe introduce the two of you if you want."

"Ha. Ha. As if."

Keagan remained silent, and remembered where she and Rudy had been before Terry walked in. She missed the feeling of the young woman’s hand in hers. Rudy’s hands were soft, and the way she rubbed Keagan’s fingers gently, comfortingly, was a contact she reveled in. Somewhat hesitantly, she reached across the table toward Rudy who responded by reaching forward and holding Keagan’s hand again. Both women appeared to feel comfortable with this mutual action, not speaking about it, but continuing their conversation.

"I was going to tell you before Terry came in that I’m sorry about what happened at school. I was hoping to see you here tonight to tell you that." It was a simple statement, but Keagan delivered it awkwardly.

Rudy was pleasantly surprised at her apology, but tried not to show it. "That’s okay. I mean, I know you were just joking around. You do that a lot, you know."

"I know, but sometimes I take it too far."

"That’s all right, really."

"No, quit making excuses for me."

Rudy sensed that Keagan was leading to something serious. Her sarcastic demeanor had dropped, revealing a different side to her. She felt that her friend wanted desperately to tell her something, but was having a difficult time doing it. Rudy squeezed her hand. "Okay." She smiled, hoping to put Keagan at ease.

"Despite what I said at school, I--" Keagan stopped, not able to make herself go any further, especially not with Terry sitting at the bar. When her ex-girlfriend walked in, all of Keagan’s insecurities returned with her. She tried to push it out of her mind, but it was useless. She stopped and stared blankly at Rudy.

"It’s okay. We can talk about it later." Rudy hated to see Keagan so uncomfortable, and didn’t want to be the cause of it. She suspected that Keagan was about to profess some feeling for her, and didn’t think pressuring her about it would be a good idea.

"All right. Later, then." Keagan spotted Terry coming over to their table. She groaned under her breath, but loudly enough for Rudy to hear. A steady pounding began in her head. She put on her indifferent mask and smiled as Terry approached.

"Keagan."

"Hi. Terry isn’t it?" Keagan grinned devilishly.

"Nice to see you, too."

Not wanting Keagan to be embarrassed by their intertwined hands, Rudy pulled back. Keagan looked over at her, giving her a mock frown, but accepted the gesture. Remembering her manners, she offered her hand to Terry. "I’m Rudy. Nice to meet you, Terry."

Shaking the young woman’s hand, Terry smiled warmly. "Nice to meet you, Rudy."

"I thought you moved down south," said Keagan. Seeing Terry brought back only memories of hurt, not feelings. Keagan wondered if she no longer could feel and then glanced at Rudy. She had her answer.

"I’m back visiting my mom. I thought I’d visit Kate while I was here, too."

"Ah." Keagan thought how typical it was of Terry to bring Kate up. Kate was the woman she had left Keagan for. If Terry had an ounce of sensitivity in her, she wouldn’t have brought it up. But, sensitivity had never been one of her strong points.

Rudy broke in, sensing the two might want some privacy. "I’m going to go get a water. You want anything?"

"No, thanks. You comin’ back?"

"Yeah. I’ll be back." Rudy gave her a wink, as she rose and headed off to the bar.

"So," said Terry. "How are you?"

"Fine."

"I see you’re just as talkative as ever."

Keagan smiled faintly, feeling both indifference and annoyance. She looked up to the bar, and saw Rudy chatting with Cody. She wished Rudy would come back. "If I remember correctly, the last time we spoke we didn’t. Your choice, not mine. So, forgive me if I’m not real talkative or particularly overjoyed to see you."

Terry ran a nervous hand through her light brown tousled hair. "I deserved that."

"Is there some reason you’re hanging around?"

"I just thought I’d come over and say hello." Terry’s voice took on a defensive tinge.

"Interesting, considering you never had the decency to say goodbye. But don’t worry. I got the message."

"Sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you."

"Nobody ever means to hurt anybody, do they? It’s no big deal." Once again, Keagan belittled her feelings. It was a pattern she was loath to give up.

Terry was turned off by Keagan’s abrasive mood. "I’ve got to get back to my friends, so I’ll see ya around."

"Right," Keagan drawled, watching with relief as she returned to the bar.

Within moments, Rudy reappeared at the table with two glasses of ice water. Keagan had been thirsty but hadn’t realized it. She took a big drink. "Thanks."

"Sure."

"So, do you want to hear the story or not?"

"Yes. But this sounds like it might be a long one. Can I go get some popcorn and peanuts, first?" Rudy’s green eyes bore into Keagan’s inquisitively.

Keagan recalled her voracious appetite. "I’ll go get you a snack."

When she returned, she had a bowl of beer nuts, a bag of popcorn, and two pickled eggs. "Mmm, I love pickled eggs! I didn’t know they had them here." Rudy grabbed one and took a bite.

"They don’t. I kind of asked Mabel if she had anything in the refrigerator she could spare."

She smiled warmly at Keagan. "Now do I get my story?"

"You get your story."

"I’m sure this will be a good one."

"Why?" Keagan looked confused.

"Because it’s about you."

"What makes you think that?"

"I thought you meant you were going to tell me about you and Terry."

"Ah." Keagan leaned back in her chair and contemplated her options. She could bluntly relate the details of her previous relationship or she could make it more interesting. Noting that Rudy had left the other pickled egg on the plate in front of her, she realized it was being saved for her. "Please, have the other one. I’m not hungry."

She snatched it up with a grin. "Thanks." Keagan watched as the young woman devoured the other egg. She found herself happy at her delight.

Keagan smiled. "I’ll tell you the story but first you have to tell me something."

"What’s that?"

"I don’t know your last name." Keagan stared awkwardly at the table for a moment before her eyes met Rudy’s again.

"Aw, I didn’t know you cared."

Keagan stared back at emerald green eyes that played with her. But instead of her usual denials, she waited patiently.

Rudy laughed. "My last name is Whitman. Rudy Walt."

"Very funny."

"No, really, it is Whitman. Just, the middle name’s not Walt. It’s Lauren."

Keagan chuckled. "That’s kind of neat. I sing the body electric, The armies of those I love engirth me and I engirth them, They will not let me off till I go with them, respond to them, and discorrupt them, and charge them full with the charge of my soul."

"The soul," corrected Rudy.

"Oh, yeah." Keagan looked sheepish.

"You know, that was pretty impressive. If you were any woman but you, I’d say you were trying to seduce me with poetry."

"Is that what it’ll take?" Embarrassed, Keagan tried to cover up her accidental flirtation. "Because there’s a place called Xanadu. Maybe you’ve heard of it?"

Rudy effected a cool façade to hide her shock. The blush on her face and the pleasurable sensation she experienced in her lower body region told her it wasn’t working. "You...you mean Charles Foster Kane’s home in that movie?" She knew Keagan hadn’t meant that

"No, no. In Xanadu did Kubla Khan--"

"If you think reciting "Kubla Khan" is going to distract me, you’re wrong." Rudy folded her arms and took a defensive stance, all the while trying not to smile. It was difficult.

"A stately pleasure-dome decree," continued Keagan.

Rudy was not to be outdone. "Where Alph, the sacred river ran. Thro--"

Keagan increased the tempo of her voice in order to get out the whole stanza before Rudy could. "Through caverns measureless to man d--"

"Down to a sunless sea!" Rudy flashed a triumphant smile, figuring she had won.

Keagan was content to let her think she won, hoping her mind would focus on that instead of the flirting. "Now, I think I was going to tell a story."

"Fine. Tell your story, but I won’t forget what you said."

Keagan frowned, but wished she could grab Rudy and kiss her to shut her up. She took another drink of her ice water, having begun to feel warm.

"Feeling a little hot?"

"No. Why?"

"Oh, I don’t know," Rudy began, licking her lips. "You just look a bit flushed. You’re not coming down with something are you?" She reached over and pressed the back of her hand to Keagan’s forehead.

Keagan gazed back with impassive calm. "So. How do I feel?"

"At last! They’re touching!" Cody who had sidled up to their table unnoticed pulled both women out of their mutual flirtatious daze. Rudy pulled her hand back as Keagan regarded the bartender with mock annoyance. Cody smiled warmly at both of them, almost regretting her rude interruption. "Can I get you two anything?"

"Yeah. How about taking you and your matchmaking ways outta here!"

"Keagan!" Rudy’s voice showed her embarrassment.

"It’s all right, hon. I’m used to being treated with no respect around here. A person gives up their pickled eggs and not a word of thanks, and then a brush off. I should be hurt."

"They were your eggs? Gee, thanks." Just then, Keagan spotted the "rose girl," as she was called. But Keagan referred to her as Angelique. She was a woman who came in on certain nights and sold single, long stemmed roses. It was considered a nice romantic gesture to buy a rose for someone that one was interested in. The thought entered into Keagan’s head, but then disappeared. Rudy would get the wrong idea.

"Oh, you’re welcome, dahling."

"Cody, could I have another glass of ice water, please?"

"Sure, Rueday. Looks like you two are gonna need it." Chuckling at her own cleverness, she headed back to the bar, leaving Keagan and Rudy staring at each other in silence.

A few seconds later, Angelique made her way over to their table. "Can I interest one of you in a rose?" She had a perfect selling face. Her eyes danced constantly, complimenting her mirthful demeanor. People felt guilty for turning her down.

Without hesitation, Rudy spoke up. "You got any yellow?"

Angelique produced a nice, crisp, full, yellow rose and presented it to Rudy, who smiled. "You can give it to my friend." She indicated Keagan. "It’s for her." The flower girl handed the rose to a rather startled Keagan who took it graciously. After Rudy paid the woman and she had gone, she watched her friend put the rose to her lips and smell it.

"Nice. Thanks, La Roux."

"It comes with a price, you know."

"What’s that?"

"My story?"

Keagan laid the rose on the table, her face turning contemplative. "Ah, yes." She intentionally put on a dramatic air. "The story of a young, naive, nineteen-year-old. Her name was Lola Blankeridge. She was unaware of the evil ways of man and--"

"Lola Blankeridge?"

"Yeah. You know, like that song, "Lola," by the Kinks. I’m not dumb but I can’t understand why she talks like a woman but walks like a man, oh my Lola. La, la, la, la, Lola..."

"Yeah, yeah, I know the song," said Rudy, laughing. "Go ahead."

"So, anyway, this is kind of an ill-fated love story, so beware. Here’s my disclaimer: If you don’t like sad endings, leave now. This may not be the story for you. Do you want to continue?"

"Yes." Cody came over and deposited two more ice waters onto the table and left, seeing that Keagan and Rudy were involved in a conversation of some substance this time and not wanting to interrupt them.

"Okay, where was I? We have Lola Blankeridge. Most people just call her Lourdes, as a nickname. So--"

"Wait a minute. You mean, like Madonna’s baby?"

Keagan paused, once again having her train of thought interrupted. "Well, you know." She spoke with haste, anxious to get back to the story. "Kind of. Yeah. Except reversed, all right? May I please continue, now?"

"Yes, please." Rudy gave the lips zipped up sign.

"Lourdes was young, naive, and just coming out as a lesbian. She knew there had been something there ever since she was thirteen and had a hopeless crush on Princess Leia. Luke just didn’t do anything for her and neither did Han. Hell, she found Yoda more attractive. But I digress."

Rudy snickered.

"Anyway, one day she was at a lesbian bar with a friend and she met the most amazing woman. Her name was Redd Alert, but people just called her Reddy. Or, Ready, if you know what I mean. Ms. Alert was devious and experienced and she set her sights on the young Lourdes, not realizing or caring how fragile her young heart was. Here’s the tragic part: Lourdes’s feelings ran deep for this woman who had first shown her what desire could feel like. Who had been the first woman to make her feel attractive. To Reddy, though, Lourdes was little more than a diversion, a distraction, and a reason to end her current relationship. When Lourdes’s usefulness ran out, Reddy dropped her like a hot potato, and never looked back. This scarred the young Lourdes who logically maintained that her own rational judgment of people was sorely lacking. She made a vow to herself to have no more relationships, because they weren’t compatible with her personality. She roamed the land, a nomad, wandering aimlessly from place to place, remaining a loner. It was a role that fit her well. The End."

"That’s a sad story, but I think you could add to it."

"Oh yeah? What would you add?"

"During Lourdes’s wanderings, she came across a waif, who latched onto her and followed her. No matter what Lourdes did, the waif, we’ll call her, oh, I don’t know...how about Gabrielle--"

"Gabrielle? She sounds like a sexpot."

"Get your mind out of the gutter. The sex comes later." Rudy’s brow creased, and she looked away, trying to think. Looking directly at Keagan was distracting and not a good idea during the creative process. Keagan, for her part, was drawn in by the addition to her tale. She eagerly anticipated what her friend would come up with next.

"Okay, okay. Lourdes let her hang around, mostly because she was a good cook, but then, it turned into more."

"Don’t tell me. They fell deeply in love and rode off into the sunset--"

"Oh, no, no. Keagan, don’t you know anything about dramatic tension? I thought you were supposed to be a writer." Rudy gently teased her as Keagan laughed.

"But you’re right," Rudy continued. "They did fall in love, but since Lourdes had spent years building up her emotional defenses and Gabrielle didn’t have much experience in the fine art of offensive maneuvers, they kind of circled each other for awhile. This dragged on and on, until the smoldering passion between them built up to such a level that even if they had wanted to deny it they couldn’t. It had to be satisfied. So, one night, both caught unaware, they made love right there, even though it was a totally inappropriate place." She stopped, looking puzzled.

While Rudy was relating the tale, Keagan had unconsciously placed herself and Rudy in the roles of Lourdes and Gabrielle. "Well...where?"

"I don’t know. That’s the problem. I can’t think of where. But it has to be someplace outrageous, you know, to stir things up. The sex, the setting, the eventual release of unfulfilled passion..."

Keagan thought for a moment. "How about an oceanfront beach?"

"Too stereotypical. That’s been done a thousand times."

"Okay. How about a car dealership?" She snickered. Why that particular idea had entered into her head, she didn’t know. Or care.

"Now that has some real potential."

Surprised at Rudy’s comment, Keagan frowned a bit. "It’s just something I said off the top of my head."

"I think some of the best ideas come from that kind of thinking, though."

"Whose story is this anyway?" Rudy had taken her sullen tale and turned it into a triumphant love story. Being the cynic she was, she rejected the idea.

"It was yours, but I guess it’s ours now." Keagan didn’t miss double meaning of her words.

"I suppose." She delivered her words cautiously, in spite of her rising excitement. Part of it was sexual attraction but a larger part came from Rudy’s willingness to play the game with her. No one had ever dared to meet her in the storytelling arena. Keagan began to lose count of all the first times with Rudy. But instead of sharing her thoughts with her, she chose to escape from the current setting. "It’s getting late. I should go. Work tomorrow."

Rudy nodded her head with no surprise. She had thought Keagan would leave a lot sooner. "Okay. See you at school, then. Or, you could give me a call."

Keagan grinned, knowing that her cover was blown on that subject. "Oh, but I threw your number out, remember?"

"You’re sure that’s what you did?"

Keagan appeared to contemplate it for a few seconds. "You know what? It might have been salvaged after all." She couldn’t help but smile at Rudy, who sat there regarding her with an adorable half-smile. "But, it’s probably got a few wrinkles in it."

"I’m sure you’ll get them ironed out."

"Yeah. Bye." And then rising, she picked up her rose from the table and sniffed it, her eyes meeting Rudy’s once again. Nothing further was said between the two as she turned away, stopping at the bar to say goodnight to a few people. Then, Rudy watched as Keagan scooted out the door, with a little more haste than was necessary.

As Keagan drove to work the next day, her stray, unorganized thoughts took flight. My job is meaningless and silly. I work at this place called Gigantic. I put up with rude and obnoxious people, some of whom are my supervisors. Thoughts run rampant through my head all day, and I have no way to satisfy them until I get home. All day I put out junk on a sales floor for people to buy. That’s what I get paid for. I put out crap and people pay their presumably hard-earned money to buy it. Money they’ve earned much in the same way I earn mine. By doing some stupid, meaningless job. I contribute nothing meaningful to society. Except maybe helping Annoying Woman (or AW, as we affectionately refer to her as) understand the difference between the price points of two totally different teapots. Teapots, for godsakes! Who cares about teapots? Why should I? "But why is this one $9.99 and this one’s $6.99?" I hold in my temper and smile warmly at her. The woman is a loon, she wears dark sunglasses, a Hawaiian shirt, and a big sun hat all year round. She must think she lives in Maui or something. But I digress. "Well, you see, this teapot is larger and it’s a different brand. That’s why it costs more." She glares daggers at me and raises her voice to a loud, inhuman screech (all right, so it wasn’t that loud, and not particularly inhuman, but these are just my random thoughts on the way to work and so I can exaggerate if I want to). "But they’re THE SAME TEAPOT! That’s FALSE ADVERTISING!!!" Yeah, at this point I wanted to bitch slap her. Not really, of course, because there’s not a violent bone in my body, that I know of, but actually I just like the term ‘bitch slap’ and wanted to use it in my thoughts. Anyway, it’s all so insipid and I have to learn the ten sentence patterns for grammar class (abrupt change of subject? Strange). And Rudy said she would help me. Rudy, Rudy, RUDY, RUDY. I have got to stop this interior monologue stuff. Why can’t I just focus on driving when I’m driving? And why couldn’t Rudy just be the normal type that just hits on me for sex and gets turned down? Why does she have to be so magnetic, intelligent, witty, alluring, sexy, and hot? Oh shit, I’m supposed to be going to work, I have to stop this. Stop thinking about her? Not possible. Not good. Because if it’s not possible, it means I’ve lost all control. And if I’ve lost all control there’s no hope for me and if there’s no hope for me...

A loud horn sounding interrupted Keagan’s thoughts. She jumped at the noise, and looked behind her to the driver who was making an obscene gesture and waving his hands in the air. When she turned back around, she noticed the light was green. She had been stopped at a red light and hadn’t noticed when it changed. Embarrassed, she started up again. "Okay," she told herself out loud. "Put a lid on it, now." Keagan reached for one of her cassettes, thinking music would turn off her head for awhile. Stepping on the gas with more fervor, she hoped to get to work on time.

"I can’t believe you kept this from me." Joan refrained from raising her voice, but Keagan knew that her mom was angry. They were sitting in Joan’s living room, discussing Gerry, who was passed out on the couch. Keagan took a blanket and covered her grandmother up, placing her hand near Gerry’s mouth to make sure she was still breathing. She did this with stealth, so her mother wouldn’t see her concern. She knew it was silly to think her grandmother might be dead, but it eased her mind nonetheless.

Joan and Keagan moved into the den. "I try to stay out of your business. She lives here and I don’t. It wasn’t my place to say anything."

"Is that how you see it? Well, this involves her health, do you realize that? She’s drinking herself to death."

"She’s been doing that for years. She’s not going to stop."

Joan ignored Keagan’s comment. "I don’t want Sean sneaking her booze. And if you know about it, you have to tell me!" Her mom was on the verge of tears. Knowing she wouldn’t be able to deal with that, she softened her voice and made sure she told Joan what she wanted to hear.

"The next time I’ll tell you, I promise." Keagan gave her mom a hug. "Is there anything you want me to do now?"

"Yes. Tell Sean--"

"Where the hell is my bottle? Joan, you give me that back now or I’ll make you pay!" Mother and daughter looked at each other with tense expressions. Gerry had obviously awakened and wasn’t too happy that Joan had taken her bottle. They walked back to the living room, but the blanket was crumpled up on the floor, and Gerry was gone.

"Grandma?" Keagan walked around the corner into the kitchen, in an attempt to find Gerry. Joan followed behind with caution. Gerry held a butcher knife, not in a threatening manner, but in a way that told Keagan she might be prepared to use it if she didn’t get what she wanted.

"Hi, sweetie."

"Oh my God! She’s got a knife!"

"Calm down. She’s just holding it. Grandma, will you come sit down so we can talk?" Keagan didn’t ask her to put the knife down, wanting to divert attention from it. She hoped that if Gerry agreed to talk, she’d put the knife down on her own.

"The time for talking’s long past! This has been building for years! Now I want it back now!" She raised the knife a little.

Keagan knew that she was no longer dealing with her grandma, but with someone else that Gerry became when she drank. Her mind tried to rationalize this, while her heart battled with it. Every time this happened to Gerry, Keagan’s heart broke a little bit more.

"I poured it down the drain!" Joan’s voice was full of contempt and since she tended to react emotionally, she failed to realize the bad choice she had made.

"You bitch! You don’t have the right!" Gerry raised the knife in a threatening position and started toward Joan, who was beginning to cry and retreat at the same time. Due to the fact that she was quite drunk, however, she tripped, and fell. Keagan dashed over, as the knife fell harmlessly to the floor. She caught her grandma before she hit the floor and was surprised how thin and frail she was. "C’mon. It’s time for bed." Her grandma didn’t complain further. Keagan led her stumbling form into Gerry’s bedroom and helped her lie down. After covering her up, she noticed that Gerry had fallen asleep. Relieved, she returned to the living room to an extremely upset Joan.

Trying to comfort her mother, Keagan put an arm around Joan who was now seated on the couch. She cried uncontrollably. Although Keagan found such an emotional display distasteful, she reminded herself that Joan was her mother. "I’ll go and talk to Sean." Keagan would do anything to make her mom stop crying.

After explaining the situation to her brother, Keagan waited for a response. Sean sat quietly, an indifferent look on his face. He was three years older than Keagan, but might as well have been three years younger. Their maturity levels would never come close to meeting.

"I have to be on the road at six tomorrow morning. I don’t have time for this. My answer’s ‘no.’ If she wants a drink, I’m going to get it for her. Mom’s so damn uptight about it anyway."

"She’s just concerned."

"What’s the harm if grandma needs a drink?"

"Apparently she’s had a few of those already, thanks to you. And she came at Joan with a butcher knife. So I hope you’re happy."

"Fuck you and your self-righteous attitude! You’ve got some skeletons in your closet just like the rest of us!" He glared at her.

"And just what the hell is that supposed to mean?!" Keagan wanted him to say it.

"Nothin’." Sean always stopped himself before denouncing her sexual orientation.

"Why don’t you just say it for once!"

"Because you’re family, even if I don’t understand it."

"Bye." She headed out the door, her emotions a jumbled mass of confusion. Getting into her car, she tried to block out everything that happened in the past couple of hours.

Sean watched as she sped away with an annoyed look on his face. He wondered why Keagan went around passing judgment on others when she lived the way she did.

When Keagan saw Rudy at school the next day, she put some distance between them. This detached attitude was a shock to Rudy who thought she was making some progress with the beautiful English major. She also had to admit to some disappointment when Keagan didn’t call her. Part of her expected it, due to their growing rapport from Tuesday night. But back in class her responses to Rudy’s attempts at conversation returned to monosyllabic ones.

Nevertheless, after class, Rudy traipsed along next to Keagan, who didn’t acknowledge her presence, but didn’t tell her to leave either. The optimist in Rudy took this as a good sign. "What are you doing tonight?"

"Studying for grammar."

"How’s it going with that?"

"Since you took it you know that the first thing we do is memorize the ten sentence patterns."

"Are you getting it, then?"

"No. It’s going lousy." Keagan stopped walking and went over to a nearby bench. Sitting down, she waited for Rudy to join her. "I’m sorry."

"What for?" She sat next to Keagan.

"For hardly saying two words to you, that’s what for."

Rudy smiled. "That’s okay. I was kind of used to it anyway."

"It’s not you. It’s me. It has nothing to do with you."

"It doesn’t?"

As Keagan gazed at Rudy, she knew it had a lot to do with her. What she really wanted to say was that Rudy had done everything right and Keagan didn’t know how to react to that. Normalcy was something foreign to her. She had no frame of reference for it.

"Can I ask you a question?"

"You just did."

"I mean a different question." Rudy grinned at her.

"Sure."

"Would you be interested in coming over to my place so I can help you study for grammar?" Rudy knew that Keagan would find this less threatening than if she asked her out on a date.

Keagan exhaled. "Tonight, you mean?"

"Yeah. Why not? You can meet my roommate, Courtney. She’s pretty nice, but she doesn’t know I’m gay, so, we’ll have to keep the gay talk to a minimum."

"Your own roommate doesn’t know?"

"No one knows. A few friends, but none of my family. They wouldn’t understand. They think I’m the girl-next-door, or something."

"Aren’t you? I mean the gay version."

Rudy laughed. "Oh, yeah, the gay version, of course. So, how about it?"

"If I tried, I could probably say no." Keagan grinned.

"Then don’t try." Green eyes gazed into blue.

"Okay, I’ll come over." Keagan’s voice held a mock reluctant tinge to it.

"Don’t sound so excited."

"It takes a lot more than that to get me excited."

"Oh, yeah? Like what?"

"Wouldn’t you like to know?"

"Still full of ourselves I see. But I could see how someone as attractive as you are would be." Rudy mentally kicked herself for turning their playful flirting serious. But Keagan didn’t seem to be bothered by it.

"I don’t know. You don’t seem to be too full of yourself."

Rudy shivered. Keagan had lowered her voice, which made it even sexier than it usually was. Having no response she blushed, and opened her backpack, getting out a notebook. After she finished writing down the directions to her apartment, she looked back up to Keagan who she suspected had been watching her closely the whole time.

"You live on Forsythe? That’s practically right behind me."

"And down a little ways. I just wanted to make sure you got there okay."

"I could walk, you’re so close."

"Well, then walk. Be there at 7 and I might be nice and feed you."

"I thought this wasn’t a date?"

"It’s not. It’s a study session. Complete with the necessary nourishment: pizza."

"Oh. Okay." Keagan took the piece of paper and put it in her pocket. They both rose from the bench. "See ya later," said Keagan.

"Later." Rudy headed off in the direction of the library as Keagan continued on to her next class.

At around 6:45 Keagan still had no idea what to wear. She kept wondering why it felt like a date when it wasn’t. She scanned the clothes in her closet again, finally deciding on a white tank top and a black banded collar shirt. Throwing on a pair of button fly jeans, she hastily made her way back into the living room and put on her boots. She went back into the bathroom and splashed some cologne on her neck. Feeling rushed, she grabbed her backpack and left, not wanting to be late. She tried to calm the excitement she felt, as she began the short trek to Rudy’s apartment. She wasn’t successful.

In a few short minutes, Keagan reached the address on Forsythe that Rudy had written down for her. Surprised that it was a house, she walked up the front steps of the small porch. She rang the doorbell, and was greeted by a smiling Rudy who opened the door. "Hi. C’mon, in."

Keagan took in the house. "This is nice." Rudy’s "apartment" turned out to be a decently furnished two-story house. The furniture wasn’t lavish, but it wasn’t the most inexpensive type, either. It didn’t look to Keagan like the usual college student dwelling.

"I know. You’re wondering how I can afford this. Dad pays for it. We have a deal. He pays for everything until I graduate and get a job."

"And that is when?"

"In May. And then there’s grad school to look forward to." Rudy caught herself staring at Keagan, who had tied her hair back in a ponytail. That was fine with Rudy, who got a much better look at her face. Admiring the finely chiseled features of her face, she thought that everything on it seemed to be in precisely the correct place. Mentally slapping herself for staring, she averted her eyes, hoping Keagan hadn’t noticed.

Keagan had been too busy watching Rudy to notice. She wore an OSU T-shirt with jean cut-offs and looked absolutely adorable. Keagan wondered if coming over to Rudy’s house wasn’t a mistake.

She sat on the large, overstuffed couch with Rudy next to her. "So, how many patterns do you know?"

Before Keagan could answer, Rudy’s roommate, Courtney, sauntered downstairs, clad only in her bra and underwear. Keagan’s eyes widened and met Rudy’s. "Oh, Courtney, this is my friend, Keagan. She’s here to study."

Courtney was blonde, bouncy, and friendly. She came over and shook hands with Keagan, who received a very close up view of the bouncy parts. Averting her eyes, she responded. "Hi, nice to meet you."

"Nice to meet you, too. Well, you two have fun studying. I’m getting ready to go out, so you’ll have the place to yourselves soon. Thursday night! It’s party night, y’know." She continued on to the kitchen.

"Does she always do that?" Keagan whispered to Rudy.

Rudy snickered under her breath. "We’re both girls here, and she doesn’t know about me, so what’s the problem?"

"Right." Keagan couldn’t help but feel a bit jealous that a half-naked, very attractive woman was walking around in front of Rudy daily.

"So how much have you studied?"

"Hardly at all."

"Why don’t you study the patterns and while you’re doing that, I’ll make up some sentences and then you can tell me what pattern they are."

"Sounds like a plan." Keagan opened up her backpack and took out the grammar text, thinking things were going smoothly so far. She actually felt like she could study and not be distracted by Rudy.

Several hours later, they still studied. Rudy allowed a break and they ate pizza, while Keagan complained about the yellow things on top. Rudy had calmly explained that they were banana peppers and that the only way she could eat pizza was if it had banana peppers on it. When Keagan responded by saying that with her appetite she didn’t think the lack of banana peppers would stop her, she got a face full of pillow. This escalated into a full-blown pillow fight, which Rudy won. Afterward, Rudy suggested a run through of the ten sentence patterns one more time, and when Keagan rattled them all off smoothly, she had one more suggestion.

"I’ve got a few more sentences for you, and I think you’ll find these fun."

"You sure can tell you want to be a teacher. You’ve hardly let me rest all evening." During dinner, Rudy had disclosed that she wanted to be a literature professor. Keagan found it an admirable pursuit, if a difficult one.

Rudy grinned, as if she were up to something devious. "Okay, here’s the first one. Now, I’m going to go through all ten patterns, so don’t interrupt me no matter what. Promise?"

"I promise."

"Number one: Lourdes is a lesbian."

Keagan laughed. "Um, pattern three." She thought it was cute how Rudy was using the name from her story.

"Sentence number two: Lourdes yelled at Gabrielle for putting banana peppers on the pizza."

Keagan thought for a moment. "Six?" Sometimes it took her awhile to see the pattern in her head.

"Right. Very good so far. Number three: Gabrielle considers Lourdes cute."

Keagan grinned. "That’s nine."

Rudy looked down at her notebook and then up at Keagan whose eyes were riveted on her. She stretched her legs and moved closer to her friend. Rudy smelled her cologne and something extra which must have been Keagan’s unique essence. She liked the feeling it gave her. "Okay, here’s the next one: Lourdes’s muscles are well defined." Rudy told herself she was crazy for doing this and should stop. In the next minute, she decided to continue.

Keagan felt flushed and her palms began to sweat. It was becoming harder and harder to think with Rudy’s intense gaze, as she rattled off the sentences. "Two."

"Yep." Rudy leaned closer to Keagan, their faces mere inches apart. "Lourdes looks hot." They stared deeply into each other’s eyes.

Keagan lost all concentration and guessed. "Three."

"No. It’s four." Rudy leaned in closer and whispered, "Let me give you one more."

Keagan’s heart felt like it was going to beat right out of her chest. "Okay, one more," she breathed.

"Gabrielle gave Lourdes a kiss." Before Keagan could even begin to think of a response, Rudy’s lips were covering her own, gently. It wasn’t a forceful kiss, but tentative, almost as if Rudy felt Keagan would bolt. But she didn’t and found herself responding with an equal passion. When Keagan felt Rudy’s tongue slip easily into her mouth, she moaned and returned the gesture, beginning to explore her mouth with fervor. When they parted, Keagan spoke breathlessly. "I thought you said I wasn’t supposed to interrupt you no matter what and it turns out you’re the one who interrupts."

"That was the plan." Her body was still tingling from Keagan’s kiss and she longed for more.

"The plan? You mean--"

"Keagan, will you please shut up and kiss me again?"

Keagan thought it would be unwise to argue.

Continued...Part 3

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