Production #V801 - Episode 01
 

WRITTEN BY
Susanne Beck

DIRECTED BY
Denise Byrd

PRODUCED BY
Carol Stephens

SCREENGRABS
Judi Mair

ARTWORK
Lucia

EPISODE TITLE GRAPHIC
MaryD

TEASER

FADE IN:

EXT. HILL - MID-MORNING

XENA and GABRIELLE are walking up a long, slow hill.  Argo plods along behind them, looking more pack mule than warhorse.  They’re all covered in mud.  It’s on their clothes, on their skin, in their hair.  Even Argo’s coat is spotted with giant blotches of it.

GABRIELLE

(sotto voce)

What I wouldn’t give for a nice,
hot bath right about now.

XENA

So you’ve been saying
for the past hour.

GABRIELLE

And I’ll keep on saying it until
one conjures itself up.

(beat)

C’mon, Xena. Look at us.
We look like a couple of mud
wrestling rejects from
Aphrodite’s Pleasure Palace!

They continue walking.

As they come to the top of the hill, Gabrielle’s eyes light up, and a smile wreaths her face.

GABRIELLE

(cont’d)

Xena, look!  My prayers
have been answered!

Spread beneath them is a small, immaculate, well-ordered TOWN.  All manner of TOWNSFOLK, dressed in shades of brown and black, walk with stately precision to and fro, intent on whatever task is at hand.  The scene is quiet, and seems very peaceful.

GABRIELLE

(cont’d)

Oh, I can feel that hot bath now.

She begins to trot down the hill, only to be pulled to a stop by Xena’s hand on the back of her top.  She pulls free and spins on her partner, eyes flashing.

GABRIELLE

(cont’d)

What?

Xena’s expression becomes serious.

XENA

There’s another town an hour’s walk
away.  Let’s aim for that one.

GABRIELLE

Are you kidding me??  Xena, I refuse
to walk another step until I’m clean.
I’ve got mud in places no
mud should ever be!

XENA

Gabrielle, this town.... It’s….
just…not right for us.

GABRIELLE

Not right?

Gabrielle turns and looks back down upon the peaceful scene.

GABRIELLE

What’s not right about it?  I mean...
okay, those people could use a few
fashion tips, but otherwise, it looks
clean, and peaceful.... And look!
There’s the Inn!  I bet they’ve got tubs
the size of a Roman bath in there!

Xena sighs.

XENA

Have you ever heard of Virtua?

GABRIELLE

Who’s she?

XENA

It’s not a she.  It’s an it.

Xena gestures to the town.

XENA

(cont’d)

THAT… is Virtua.

GABRIELLE

Okay, so it’s got a funny name....

XENA

Gabrielle, they worship the Virtues here.

(beat, somewhat ruefully)

To the letter.

Understanding dawns in Gabrielle’s eyes.

GABRIELLE

Hmm.

XENA

Yeah. It’s like that town where Tara
got arrested for dancing.  Only here,
not only can’t you dance, you can’t
laugh, you can’t sing, you can’t....

Xena’s list is cut off just in time by two fingers pressed firmly across her lips.

GABRIELLE

(dryly)

I think I get the picture.

(beat)

Xena, I just want a bath.  We don’t

have to stay there.  I’m sure we
can both do “virtuous” for an hour.

She looks down at herself.

GABRIELLE

(cont’d)

Or two.

Xena remains silent as she tries to disguise a scratch to her mud covered posterior with a stretch.  Gabrielle catches it and smirks.

GABRIELLE

(cont’d)

C’mon, Xena, I know you want to
be clean as much as I do.  I mean,
you’ve got a lot more on than I do,
and I bet underneath those leathers,
you’re hot… itchy… sweaty… 

She makes a mock sniff of her partner, then backs off.

GABRIELLE

(cont’d)

…stinky....

Xena rolls her eyes, then grins.

XENA

All right.  But no
more than an hour.

GABRIELLE

Yes!

As Gabrielle resumes running down the hill, Xena lifts her arm and sniffs.

XENA

(sotto voce)

Or two.

DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. TOWN - DAY

Xena and Gabrielle are walking through the town, Argo in tow.  They respond to the stares of the townspeople with polite nods.

GABRIELLE

(softly)

Wow.  I’ve never been in
a silent town before.

She looks on as a large family passes silently by.

GABRIELLE

(cont’d)

Even the children are quiet.

As they continue to walk deeper into the town, the first human voice is heard.  It is that of a BLIND BEGGAR, dressed in brown rags and huddled on the corner of one of the buildings.

BEGGAR

Alms for the poor!
Alms for the poor!

Gabrielle stops, and considers.  Her natural compassion demands that she help the man, but her purse is thin, and she’s unsure how many dinars it will take to get a bath.  She looks up at a nudge from Xena. 

GABRIELLE

(softly)

What?

Instead of answering, Xena lifts an eyebrow, looks at the beggar, then around the town, then at Gabrielle.

Gabrielle’s expression lightens.

GABRIELLE

Oh! I get it.  Charity, right?

Xena grins.

Gabrielle reaches into her pouch and pulls out a dinar.  Walking forward, she places it in a crude wooden bowl at the beggar’s feet.

GABRIELLE

(cont’d)

Here you are, sir.  Enough for a
good meal, and a room besides.

BEGGAR

Oh, thank you, good woman!
You are virtuous indeed.

Grinning, Gabrielle straightens.

The beggar leans forward and sniffs.

BEGGAR

Are you a pig farmer?

Xena snorts as Gabrielle reddens in embarrassment and takes a step back.  She quickly gathers herself.  Now that she has given almost half of their money to the beggar, the thoughts of a steaming bath in a cozy inn fly out the proverbial window.  She sighs.

GABRIELLE

Can you tell me where
your public baths are?

BEGGAR

Surely.  Straight up this path and
to your left, good woman.  Best
baths in Virtua.  You can’t miss them.

(beat)

Of course, you’ll have to
leave your pigs outside.

Xena snorts again.  Gabrielle shoots her a look.

GABRIELLE

I’ll… be sure to do that, sir.
Thank you for your kindness.

BEGGAR

And thank you, good woman.
May the Virtues bless you and yours.

GABRIELLE

And may they bless you as well.

Collecting Xena with a look, Gabrielle heads in the direction indicated, only to detour off to the right as something catches her eye.

It is a GARDEN the likes of which even she, in her many travels, has never seen.  Flowers of every imaginable hue bloom in a riot of color nearly as far as the eye can see.  The entrance to the garden is protected by an ornate ARCH.  FRESCOES of the VIRTUES decorate the arch, adding even more beauty and color.  Gabrielle is entranced.

GABRIELLE

(cont’d)

By the gods, Xena, have you ever
seen anything more beautiful?

Without thought, she steps under the arch in order to more closely examine the garden.

Before she can go another step, she is suddenly surrounded by a group of black-clad GUARDS carrying long SPEARS.  She is grabbed by the arms and pulled back through the arch.

Her face an angry mask, Xena jumps forward.

XENA

What’s going on here?

GUARD CAPTAIN

This…woman…was caught
trespassing in the Sacred Garden.

XENA

So?

GUARD CAPTAIN

It is a crime of the highest order.
If she is found guilty, the penalty

(beat)

is death.

FADE OUT.
 

END OF TEASER

ACT ONE