Episode Guide Teaser Act 1 Act 2 Act 3 Act 4

ACT ONE

 

FADE IN:

 

EXT. MEADOW - MORNING

 

Opening her eyes, Xena finds herself looking at…herself.  This, in and of itself, isn’t as shocking as it might be for another, since Xena has met several of her own doubles and is more or less used to looking at someone else and seeing her own face and form.

 

She then looks down, and realizes that she has become somewhat smaller and somewhat fairer than she had been previously.

 

She looks back up into her own eyes, which are staring at her with a mixture of perplexity and concern.

 

XENA
(in Gabrielle’s Body)

Interesting development.

 

 

Gabrielle opens her mouth to yell, but a laugh comes out instead.  She shakes her head.

 

GABRIELLE
(in Xena’s body)

Only you, Xena.

 

XENA

Well, it’s not as if I’m unfamiliar with

this kinda thing, Gabrielle.  I’ve been

in other people’s bodies before,

remember.  I’ve been in your body.

 

Gabrielle bites the inside of her cheek.

 

GABRIELLE

You know, I don’t think I’m

going to touch that.

 

 

Xena rolls her eyes.

 

GABRIELLE

(cont’d)

So, how do we fix this?

 

XENA

(thoughtfully)

Our ceremony with the Amazons must have

caused this to happen.  It helped to open

and strengthen the bond between us.  But....

 

GABRIELLE

You’re not sure?

 

XENA

(vexed)

No.

 

GABRIELLE

All right then.  What if we just try to reverse

it?  Do what we were doing before and

see if that puts us back into our own bodies?

 

Xena tilts her head a little.

 

XENA

Might work.

 

GABRIELLE

(smiling)

Good.  What are we waiting for?

(beat)

Wait a minute.

 

XENA

What?

 

GABRIELLE

What’s that sound?

 

Xena looks around and finds nothing amiss.

 

XENA

What sound?

 

 

GABRIELLE

It’s....

 

Reaching out, she grabs Xena’s arm, which is really her own.

 

GABRIELLE

(cont’d, awed)

It’s my heart!  I can hear my heart

beating!  Well, that certainly answers

a lot of questions about your hearing.

 

Xena merely gives a slight nod and lifts her brows in an ‘I know’ fashion.

 

XENA

All right, let’s see if we

can fix this. Ready?

 

Gabrielle takes a deep breath, releasing it slowly as she closes her eyes and nods to Xena.

 

GABRIELLE

Ready.

 

XENA

Okay, same as before.

Relax and breathe.

 

Sitting together, they each begin to slip into a meditative trance.

 

Then Gabrielle’s eyes pop back open.

 

GABRIELLE

Wait.

 

XENA

What?

 

GABRIELLE

(frustratedly)

That infernal buzzing sound.

Can’t you hear it?

 

 

XENA

(dryly)

Since you’re currently wearing my

ears, the answer would be no.

 

GABRIELLE

Well I can, and it’s driving me nuts!

Gods, Xena, how do you stand this?

 

XENA

Just tune it out, Gabrielle.

 

Gabrielle rolls her eyes heavenward.

 

GABRIELLE

Tune it out she says.  By the gods,

Xena, do you know what it’s like

to have an entire swarm of....

 

With a triumphant grin, she lashes out and swipes something from mid-air.

 

GABRIELLE

(cont’d)

Gotcha!

 

Opening her palm, she gazes down at a thoroughly annoyed fly that buzzes and flutters its wings at her before hightailing it out of the meadow for safer accommodations.

 

GABRIELLE

(Cont’d, grinning)

Long arms and lightening fast

reflexes.  I could get used to this.

 

Xena shoots her a look.

 

XENA

Watch it, bard. That’s my

body you’re wearing.

 

 

Gabrielle’s grin broadens, her eyes twinkling.

 

GABRIELLE

I know.

 

Xena rolls her eyes.

 

XENA

Can we get back to trying to undo

this?  I’m feeling a bit... cramped.

 

GABRIELLE

Veeeery funny.

(beat)

Ok, let’s try again.

 

Xena nods and their eyes close once again.  It is only a few seconds before Gabrielle’s eyes snap open and she is on her feet. She stumbles a bit as the legs she’s currently using are quite a bit longer than she’s used to.  Unthinking, she reaches for sais that aren’t there, then straightens, frustrated.

 

XENA

What now?

 

GABRIELLE

Company, headed this way.

 

Xena also rises, though a bit more gracefully given that she’s had experience in inhabiting Gabrielle’s body.  She can hear the sounds that first attracted her partner’s attention, and turns to face them.

 

GABRIELLE

One carriage, one horse.

Not moving very fast.

 

XENA

Not the bad guys, then.

 

 

GABRIELLE

Right.

 

She shakes her head obviously trying to clear her thoughts, which are running rampant as her mind tries to sync with Xena’s body.

 

Xena places her hand on, well her own shoulder, in a calming gesture.

 

XENA

Don’t fight it. Everything

will be all right.

 

GABRIELLE

I feel like every nerve is trying to

get through my... er... your skin.

How do you feel?

 

 

XENA

Remarkably relaxed, believe

it or not.  But still cramped.

 

Xena gets an up close and personal gander at her own LOOK and finds herself suitably impressed.

 

Both look up as the carriage finally comes into view. It is a fine vehicle which is being pulled by a pure white horse. The driver is dressed in clean shiny leather and next to him is a guard holding a cross bow and looking very serious. It’s unclear who is riding inside, but it is clear that whoever it is is quite important.

 

They watch as the carriage starts to pass, then comes to an abrupt stop at a call from its passenger.  A tallish man wearing the distinguished cloak of middle-age steps from the carriage, his eyes round with disbelief.

 

Gabrielle finds herself looking back at the man.  He is familiar in a way that she can’t quite place.

 

MAN

G-G-G-Ga-Gabrielle?

 

The stutter places him, and Gabrielle breaks out in a beaming grin.

 

GABRIELLE

Twickenham?

 

Twickenham turns to look at the woman he thinks is Xena.

 

TWICKENHAM

I-I don’t b-b-believe we’ve

e-e-ever met, X-X-Xena.

 

Gabrielle thinks quickly as Xena hides a smirk with her hand.

 

GABRIELLE

Well, no, we’ve never... formally... met, no.

But Gabrielle loves to tell stories about

her time at the Academy, and you

know what a wonderful bard she is.

 

Xena’s smirk broadens.

 

GABRIELLE

(cont’d)

She described you so perfectly

that I recognized you right off.

 

 

Twickenham smiles proudly and straightens, narrow chest puffed out like a rooster’s.

 

TWICKENHAM

She t-t-talks about me, huh?

 

GABRIELLE

Often, yes.

 

He turns his smile to who he thinks is Gabrielle. 

 

TWICKENHAM

I’d heard the ru-ru-rumors that you

hadn’t a-a-aged.  And I-I-I-can see

they’re all t-t-t-true.  You’re as

b-b-b-b-beautiful as ever, Gabrielle.

 

He holds his arms open.

 

Gabrielle looks to Xena, gesturing with an eyebrow.

 

Xena shoots her a glare.

 

 

Gabrielle’s smirk isn’t hidden.

 

With a reluctance that is obvious to no one but Gabrielle, Xena crosses the distance separating herself from Twickenham and gingerly hugs him.

 

XENA

(through gritted teeth)

It’s so good to see you

again, old friend.

 

Twickenham embraces her tightly and his hands, quite of their own accord, begin to stray beyond the bounds of propriety.  Xena resists the mighty urge to break those wandering hands, instead settling for shooting Gabrielle a look she hopes will be well read.

 

Gabrielle clears her throat and steps forward, catching Twickenham’s eye with a look of her own.

 

The man pales, releases Xena, and steps back.

 

TWICKENHAM

I-I-I-I-I-I....

 

Secretly flattered, Gabrielle smiles and steps forward, which for some reason causes Twickenham to pale even further. 

 

TWICKENHAM

I-I-I-I-I-I-I....

 

Reaching out, Xena pats the man comfortingly on one bony shoulder.

 

XENA

It’s all right, Twickenham.  Xena is just

having some fun.  Right, ‘Xena’?

 

GABRIELLE

Oh…right!  Yes!  Just having

fun, Twickenham.  Honest.

 

 

TWICKENHAM

Th-th-th-th-th....  B-b-blast this

st-st-st-stutter!  I haven’t b-b-been

this bad in ye-ye-ye-forever!

 

XENA

I might be able to help with that.

 

Twickenham looks at ‘Gabrielle’, eyes wide.

 

TWICKENHAM

Re-re-re-really?

 

XENA

Yes.  It’s something

Xena taught me.  May I?

 

TWICKENHAM

P-p-p-p-sure!

 

Before Twickenham can blink, Xena uses her borrowed fingers to jab two spots to the left and right of his voice box.

 

TWICKENHAM

Ouch!  That hurt!  What did you....

(beat)

Hey!  My stutter!  It’s gone!!

(to 'Gabrielle')

Thank you!  Oh, thank you!!

 

XENA

My pleasure.

 

TWICKENHAM

There must be some way I

can repay you for your kindness.

 

XENA

That’s really not nec—

 

TWICKENHAM

I know!  You’ll both travel with me to Athens

in style!  My coach is large enough for both

of you and your belongings.  And, of course,

I insist that you stay in my villa during the

induction ceremony!  All the luxuries of home

and I can’t think of two people who deserve it more.

 

XENA

Induction ceremony?

 

GABRIELLE

Athens??

 

 

FADE OUT.

 

END OF ACT ONE

 

ACT TWO