ACT THREE

FADE IN:

INT. HALLWAY – DAY

Xena is standing with Kazia and a couple other people talking quietly as people move past them.  Xena is even smiling and seems to be enjoying herself at the moment.

Kadmus is making his way down the hall, looking like he has a bad smell under his nose when he see the small groups of people standing in the area.

KADMUS

Okay folks, this section

isn’t open yet. What are

you doing here?

XENA

Standing?

KADMUS

Well could you ‘stand’ somewhere

else?  With you here, people will

think it’s time to come back here.

XENA

You must be kidding.

KADMUS

No I’m not. Now please

move out of this area.

The grin that crosses Xena’s face is one of disbelief as she does take a few steps away, back toward the room with all the merchandise.

Kadmus watches to make sure they’re moving then he turns and walks the other way.

XENA

That man is an idiot.

KAZIA

No, an idiot wouldn’t make

the money he does.  He’s

just a control freak.

XENA

So you don’t spend a lot

of dinars at this thing.

Why do you come?

KAZIA

To be with my friends.  We only

get to see each other once or

twice a year and this makes it fun.

There are some things he can’t

charge for and the chance to be

with good friends is one of them.

XENA

I like that. That’s good.

KAZIA

Well, we gotten a lot from this

and we’ve learned a lot about

ourselves.  It’s not all bad.

XENA

I’m beginning to get it. Now

all we have to do is fix the

Kadmus problem.

KAZIA

There’s a lava pit

not far from here.

XENA

That is a possibility.

CUT TO:

INT. LOUNGE – DAY

Gabrielle and Autolycus are once again in the room that is behind the stage area.  Autolycus is seated and Gabrielle is pacing back and forth.

AUTOLYCUS

Is that doing any good?

GABRIELLE

It’s how I think.

AUTOLYCUS

I’ll bet you go through a lot of

boot leather.  A thousand

dinars could buy a lot of boots.

GABRIELLE

Be careful or I’ll put a boot

where you least expect it.

AUTOLYCUS

Sorry.

GABRIELLE

Money aside... why

are you doing this?

AUTOLYCUS

There has to be another

reason besides money?

GABRIELLE

Yes. Autolycus, you retired

a wealthy man. You don’t

need the money. Why?

AUTOLYCUS

People don’t remember me.

GABRIELLE

What?

AUTOLYCUS

They don’t remember ‘The King

of Thieves’.  You, you and Xena,

they remember. It’s nice to be a

part of something so positive.

These people love you and

regardless of who brings them

together, they all have one thing

in common... you and Xena.

GABRIELLE

Xena and I don’t deserve this.

AUTOLYCUS

Why not?  You have spent

your entire lives trying to

make things better....

GABRIELLE

You’re overstating it.  We did

what we had to do. That doesn’t

make us worthy of this kind of thing.

AUTOLYCUS

Oh get a grip, Gabrielle. They’re

not trying to deify you.  They are

simply finding some pleasure in

what you’ve done. You give them

hope. You’re the one who wrote

the scrolls. You should have

seen this coming.

GABRIELLE

This is not what I intended.

The door behind them opens, stopping what is quickly turning into a heated argument. Gabrielle turns to find Xena coming in.

GABRIELLE

(cont’d)

Well this is surprise.

How did you get in?

XENA

You have to ask? But I will say

Midas had less security at his

palace. How go things on this end?

GABRIELLE

Fine. He took it hook, line

and sinker.  I’ll be going

on stage later today.

XENA

I’ll be in the audience.

GABRIELLE

And then?

XENA

We lower the boom. When

you finish up your time, take

questions from the audience.

GABRIELLE

You’re being evil, aren’t you?

XENA

Pretty much.

But it should be fun.

AUTOLYCUS

You both scare me sometimes.

You know that right?

XENA

We do try. Now....

She pauses and gives Gabrielle a kiss on the forehead. 

XENA

(cont’d)

I have a few things to do before

you go on stage. In the meantime,

relax. It’s not as bad as we first

thought. We just need to put things

into perspective for Kadmus.

Xena turns to Autolycus.

XENA

(cont’d)

You’re in, right?

AUTOLYCUS

How can I say no to the

two most dangerous

women in the world?

XENA

Good.

(to Gabrielle)

I’ll see you later.

FADE TO:

INT. STAGE ROOM – SHORT WHILE LATER

The room is packed with people. Every seat is filled with a body and there are even a few people standing along the sides against the walls.  The stage is empty at the moment, but it’s clear that people are waiting for something to happen.

All the attention turns to the stage when Kadmus enters from behind a curtain.

KADMUS

Hi everybody... are you

all having a good time?

The crowd responds with varying degrees of enthusiasm, but all the responses are positive.

KADMUS

(cont’d)

Good, that’s what we like to hear.

And we actually have an unexpected

surprise for you today. We have a

guest that came in at the last minute.

I think you’re all going to be very

pleased. But before we bring her

out we have something that we’re

going to offer up for auction.

An assistant brings out a pair of odd-looking boots and sets them on a small table next to Kadmus.

KADMUS

(cont’d)

These were acquired for auction

from a close friend of Xena and

Gabrielle’s and they are the boots

that Gabrielle wore during her

adventure with Xena when they came

to Tara’s aid for the second time.

CUT TO:

INT. BACKSTAGE – CONTINUOUS

Gabrielle backhands Autolycus on the arm as she glares at him.

GABRIELLE

You stole my boots?!

AUTOLYCUS

Actually I didn’t steal them.

You left them behind.

I just picked them up.

GABRIELLE

Why in the name of Zeus....

Never mind, I don’t want to know.

CUT TO:

INT. STAGE ROOM – DAY

The auction continues with bids going higher and higher. 

Kazia is seated in the back of the room with a fellow that looks strangely familiar. The clothes are different than the last time he appeared, but it’s definitely Anthrax.

KAZIA

Are you sure this

is going to work?

XENA

Positive. I’ll pop up after Gabrielle

is done speaking.  Then we’ll

put the screws to Kadmus in

front of the entire crowd.

KAZIA

See, this is why we love you

two. There’s always a plan.

XENA

Even if we have to do it on

the fly, Gabrielle and I

are good together.

They return their attention to the auction. Xena just shakes her head slowly when the price of the boots reaches five hundred dinars.

XENA

(cont’d)

I don’t get this.

KAZIA

All right, I admit...

neither do I.

FADE TO:

INT. STAGE ROOM – DAY

Kadmus is now finished with his auction.  After handing off the boots to an assistant he turns back to the group.

KADMUS

All right, now is the time.  We have

a special surprise guest for you

today. I know it’s going to be hard

to believe, but here she is...

Gabrielle, the Battling Bard.

At this point the crowd goes crazy, screaming and yelling.  Whistles can be heard piercing through the general din of the room.  All the attendees are on their feet as Gabrielle slowly makes her way on stage.

She has a huge smile on her face as she gets a look at everyone. She spends a moment or two just waving to the crowd as the noise continues.

When everyone finally quiets down and retakes their seats she perches on a stool that has been provided for her.

GABRIELLE

Wow! Thanks, guys! You know,

I had no idea that people get together

like this. I was just passing through

and here you were. You made

it really hard to get a room.

There is a ripple of laughter through the room and Gabrielle continues to just take it in.

GABRIELLE

(cont’d)

I have to admit that’s its kind

of bizarre. I mean Xena and I....

At the mention of Xena’s name there is another round of cheers and applause that makes Gabrielle laugh.

GABRIELLE

(cont’d)

I feel that way most of the time

too.  So you all get together

once a year, just to come

talk about us?

There is a murmur of yes among the audience.

GABRIELLE

(cont’d)

Well, when I heard you were here,

I thought I’d come tell you a few

stories I haven’t had a chance to

get down on a scroll yet.

You okay with that?

Audience reaction is as expected... enthusiastic.

GABRIELLE

(cont’d)

At least you’re easy to please.

Okay then.  You’re all familiar

with Palaemon and Vidalus?

Well we got to see them again

recently. Yet another interesting

adventure for us, but I got to put

Xena in this really skimpy outfit....

FADE TO:

INT. STAGE ROOM – CONTINUOUS

Gabrielle is walking around the stage now, getting the crowd involved in the story that she is just finishing up.

GABRIELLE

So Xena, in true Xena style, informed

the king exactly how things were

going to be.  He didn’t argue; the

wedding went off without a hitch.

Xena and I got a scroll from Vidalus

the other day and he says that Val

and his wife are already expecting

a baby.  So it worked out just fine.

Moving back to the stool, Gabrielle takes a drink from a mug that has been placed on the table near her.

GABRIELLE

(cont’d)

Okay, I’m done. I suppose

the thing to do now is

take some questions.

She looks over the crowd as every hand goes up, but she’s looking for one particular hand.

FADE OUT.
 

END OF ACT THREE

ACT FOUR