Parental Advisory Rating: L, N, AC

Break out those V-Chips, everyone!

Credits:

Created, Produced, Directed and Written:

Fanatic and TNovan

I lay in the bed and pretend to be asleep.

It’s been six days since the accident. I’ve been home for three of them. Glad to finally have that damn IV out of my arm. And especially glad to not have nurses coming in every few hours to check on me. Kels has taken over applying the eye drops and I prefer her touch to any stranger’s.

Each time she removes the patches and the gauze, I keep hoping to see something. Even if it were only the presence of light. But, nothing. Both eyes are dark. Both still sting, though the right one more than the left.

The doctor lied about regaining my vision. Understandable, she wants a compliant patient. To ensure that, she tells me I have a chance of seeing again. So, I sit here and let people take care of me. I could deal with this if I knew it were temporary. It’s the waiting and not knowing that’s killing me.

I’m no damn good to Kels. She needs to be resting, watching what she does, taking care of the babies. Not babying me.

So I’m pretending to sleep. I can hear Kelsey downstairs. Mama is with her. Papa is out, at work, I suppose. I am alone.

I should get used to it.

I think I’ll just stay here. The doctor said I needed to rest, anyway.

* * *

I don’t know if this is going to help or not, but I have to try. I’ll try anything to get a reaction of some kind out of her. The phone rings again and I begin to wonder if he took the day off.

"Kelsey Stanton’s office."

"Brian, it’s Kels."

"Hey, boss, how’s it going? How’s Harper doing? We’re all real concerned about her up here. There was even a short blurb about her accident in the New York Times."

I let out a deep breath. "It’s hard, Brian. Very hard. Harper is having a really rough time of it."

"Anything I can do to help?"

"Actually, there is. In my office, in my center desk drawer is a spare set of keys to our apartment. Can you go there and get some things and FedEx them down here?"

"Sure. Let me get a pen." I hear him scrambling to find one on his desk.

I laugh at my friend’s eagerness to help me. "It’s only a few things, Brian. I don’t expect you to pack up the apartment."

"Hey, I’ll pack the bathroom sink down there on my back if it’ll help. Oh, Langston said that if you called to have Harper give him a call sometime."

Oh great. What could the son of Satan want? "If Harper gets her sight back, I may hold you to that. God knows, we could use a good laugh."

"And I wouldn’t mind the Worker’s Compensation payoff," he chuckles. "What are the doctors saying, Kels?"

"Oh they’re being very noncommittal. Maybe she will, maybe she won’t. No one will really give us a straight answer. It’s very frustrating. We won’t know for two weeks when she has her follow up appointment. Dr. Radson said that anything earlier wouldn’t be conclusive. So until then, I just keep putting drops in and wishing someone would tell me what to expect."

"They may not be able to. They may not know."

I sigh. I know he’s right, but that doesn’t help much. I want to know and I want someone to tell me.

"So what do you need from the apartment?" His voice is chipper and I can tell he’s trying to be supportive even though there is such a great distance between us.

"There’s a blanket on the foot of our bed. We got it in New Mexico. I think having it will make her feel better. Then upstairs in our office there’s a stack of CDs that are her favorites."

"Anything else?"

Oh, God, yes, how could I forget? "There’s a Tulane sweatshirt that has had the sleeves and collar cut off of it. It looks like a rag but it’s her favorite. It’s in the top dresser drawer of our room."

"Do you need anything?"

Other than for Harper to tell me she can see when I peel back the patches to put the drops in, not a damn thing.

* * *

I have been forced to come downstairs for lunch. I’ve even been admitted into the sacred kitchen. I suppose they figure since I can’t see it, I don’t count. I’m sitting at the table, because I’m useless otherwise. Actually, I’m worse than useless, I’m a hindrance.

"Here you go, sweetheart," Kels says as she puts a plate down in front of me. She rubs my back lightly. "Now be…"

I reach out for the sandwich I requested. Instead, I plunge my fingers into something hot. "Jesus!" I pull them out quickly and wipe them on my napkin.

Kels grabs my hand and inspects it. "Harper, are you hurt? I was just about to tell you-"

"What is that?" I ask, taking back my hand, blowing on my fingertips.

"Jambalaya. I thought you might prefer to have it."

"I wanted a sandwich," I growl.

"I thought you might like something different. You’ve been eating sandwiches for days now. You must be getting tired of them."

I feel anger course through my body, heating my blood. "If I wanted something different, I would have said so. Why is that so hard to comprehend? I’m blind. Not mute."

"All right," Kels says after a moment’s hesitation. "I’ll fix you a sandwich. Just give me a minute."

I push myself back from the table, careful to not bump into Kels. I may be angry, but I would never hurt her or the babies. "Don’t worry about it. I’m not hungry anyway." I climb to my feet and head to where I think the back door is. How can you grow up in a house and never really pay attention to where things are?

As I am flailing for the door, Kels’ hand settles on my forearm. "Harper, please, let me fix you something to eat. I’m sorry I upset you. I’ll fix you whatever you like, just come sit back down."

"Don’t worry about it. I’m not hungry, really. I think I’ll go sit outside, if you can show me the door." It’s true, my stomach is in knots. But, it’s more because I don’t want to have to admit why I’ve been eating sandwiches at every meal. They’re the only thing I can eat without help.

Gently, Kels leads me to the door. I was off by a few fucking feet. God, I am worthless. She opens it for me and makes sure I step over the threshold without incident. I can tell she wants to walk with me out onto the porch, but I need to be alone. "Thanks, Little Roo," I whisper, by way of apology.

"Anytime, Tabloid, that’s what I’m here for. I’ve got your back. I love you."

Those last words nearly undo me. "Jinx," I whisper.

* * *

Well, Kels, that was really, really stupid. Harper is barely talking and eating and you change her lunch order. Smart. Now she’s gonna sit outside and miss another meal. She’s thin to begin with and not eating for a week is catching up with her.

Great job.

I move away from the door so Harper can’t tell I’m still watching her. She seems to always know when I’m hovering lately. I wander over to the kitchen sink and stare out the window over it. There I can see Harper trying to find the hammock on the lawn. God, please keep her from accidentally hurting herself more out there.

"She’s not mad at you, ma petit." I feel Mama’s hand come to rest on my shoulder as she moves in to watch Harper as well. She’s as concerned and upset as I am, but many years of wisdom and experience give this woman a grace under pressure I can only hope to achieve in this lifetime.

I shake my head sharply. "She has every right to be." I’m an idiot.

"Why?"

A thousand reasons. "Because I can’t seem to do anything to help her. Nothing I do makes her happy or seems to make it easier for her." I go pick up the plate of jambalaya. "Why didn’t I just make her a sandwich like she wanted?" I wipe at tears which have suddenly sprung to life and are racing down my cheeks. "Now she won’t even eat. And it’s my fault."

"As hard as it may be right now, there’s nothing you can do to make it easier. Harper has to find her own way."

"I know that, but why do I have to do a stupid thing like this that only makes it harder?" A glance out the window confirms that Harper is now settled in the hammock outside. She’ll be asleep again soon. All she does lately is sleep or pretend to be asleep. I hope she really doesn’t think she’s fooling me with that. I’ve been sleeping next to her long enough now to know the difference. "And isn’t her way supposed to be my way too? Isn’t that what being married is about? Aren’t we supposed to take care of each other? I seem to be failing miserably in that arena."

Warm arms slide around me and I am pulled into Mama’s embrace. "You have never failed my daughter. Not before, certainly not now. She’s terrified, Kels, surely you know that."

"I do know that because I am too. But, no matter what happens, I want her to know that I love her and I want and need her in my life. I’m really worried about her. I simply don’t know what to do."

"Oh, douce fille, I wish I had the answer to that one."

"So, do I, Mama," I sigh, "so do I." I feel my tears stain Mama’s blouse causing her hold on me to tighten. I slip one of my hands from Mama’s back and to my stomach. The twins can tell I am not doing well. I rub my belly trying to reassure them. It doesn’t seem to work for any of us.

"Why don’t you go take a nap? Everything is better once you have a little sleep under your belt, no?"

"I don’t think I can sleep. I’d rather try to see if I can get that hardheaded wife of mine to eat a little something."

Mama releases me. "Then it is time I showed you the secret recipe."

"Secret recipe?"

"It is Harper’s favorite sandwich and time for you to learn it." Mama takes my hand and leads me over to the counter. She pulls out two slices of white bread – rather than the usual rye or sourdough she prefers – and lays them on the counter. Next she removes a jar of peanut butter and one filled with some white substance from the cabinet. Then a banana is laid beside them.

I pick up the jar whose contents I don’t readily identify. "Fluff?"

Mama gives me an embarrassed smile. "A banana fluffernutter has always worked in the past." She begins assembling the deadly contents with practiced hands. "I guarantee she’ll eat if you bring this out to her."

My wife is insane. Who could eat this concoction? I take the proffered plate and start to head outside.

"Take this too," Mama calls then presses a glass of chocolate milk into my free hand.

* * *

I think I am finally balanced right in this damn contraption. I’ve always loved hammocks, but getting into one blind and one-armed ain’t the easiest thing in the world to do. It’s hotter than hell out here, but the air smells sweet.

I hear the back door open and someone step outside. Unlike blind people in movies, I have absolutely no idea who it is from their walk. They all sound the same to me. At least, right now they do. Maybe in time, I’ll be able to tell.

What if I have to tell which of our children is coming toward me by the sound of their walk? Of course, that’s if Kels stays with me. And I wouldn’t blame her if she didn’t. She doesn’t need three children to take care of. She’s going to be overwhelmed as it is.

"Hi there," Kels’ voice greets me.

For a moment I wonder if I’ve imagined it. "Hi," I whisper back.

"Mind if I join you?"

Don’t be an ass, Harper. You’ve already been mean enough today as it is. Don’t you hurt her any more. "Sure. Plenty of room." I move carefully to the right, not anxious to get myself dumped out of the hammock.

I hear Kels put something down on the wrought iron table next to me. Then her hands are on the edge of the hammock, steadying it as she lowers herself in. She lets go and leans back into me and we sway precariously for a few moments.

"That was close," she whispers against my neck. I simply nod, not trusting myself to speak around her. Kels twists around and we lean again to the left. This time when she snuggles up against me a familiar scent reaches my nose.

"What’s that?" I ask.

"Hmm?"

I sniff twice. "What is that?"

"Hmm, could be a multitude of things, Tabloid. Could be my perfume. Is that it?" Kels’ voice is gentle, teasing. She doesn’t sound hurt or frustrated like before in the kitchen.

I turn my head slightly to breathe in the scent of her hair and skin. "No, not at all."

"So, it’s not my perfume and it’s not my shampoo. Could it be this totally disgusting sandwich your Mama made? It’s something she called a banana fluffnutter."

"Fluffernutter," I correct, my mouth already watering at the thought.

"Well, excuse me." Kels begins waving the sandwich directly under my nose. "You know, I can honestly say this could all be yours. I don’t even think the babies could be coaxed into eating this."

I open my mouth and snag the sandwich on its next pass. Oh, the taste of Wonder Bread, peanut butter, marshmallows and bananas. I chew contentedly and swallow. "The twins will learn to love it. I’ll make sure of that."

She wipes at my bottom lip gently, removing the fluff there. "Easy does it there, Stud. We can make you another one. As many as you want, in fact. You want the chocolate milk too?"

"Chocky milk?" I ask, hearing the same voice from when I was seven years old.

"Only the best for you, sweetheart."

I nod and am rewarded with a straw placed at my lips. I suck down the whole glass in one continuous gulp. And feel Kels’ lips press against my cheek.

* * *

"Kelsey!" Mama calls to me from the porch. She’s holding the cordless phone. "It’s your Papa."

Wow. What do you know? "Hey, you think you can finish that gross little treat on your own. Tabloid?"

She nods. "I got it. Go ahead."

Carefully, I get up from the hammock. Good God, we are a pair. I don’t want to risk dumping Harper. Yet getting out of these things is hard enough without any extra impediments. I feel like a whale in a net. I’m going to be miserable in the third trimester.

I manage to get up, glancing back at Harper. She’s eating and that’s all that matters to me. Going to the porch, I take the phone and give Mama a wide smile. "Worked like a charm."

"Always does." She nods approvingly, watching Harper lick her fingers. "I think I should go make another one."

I sit on the steps so I can watch Harper while I talk to Dad. Mama disappears back into the kitchen.

"Hey, sweetheart."

"Hi, Dad."

"I wanted to call and see how Harper was doing."

"We’re home. Right now she’s pretty scared and upset, but I’m confident everything is going to be okay."

"Do either of you need anything?"

"No, we’ve got everything we need, for right now at least."

"Sweetheart, if either of you need anything you let me know. Amanda and I can be there in a few hours if you need us."

Somehow that is one of the nicest things I have ever heard. I can barely keep from crying when I answer. "Thanks, but we really are fine."

"Okay. You tell that daughter-in-law of mine to get better. I need to win my money back from that round of golf."

"I’ll do that, Dad. Thanks for calling."

"Love you, Kelsey. Give my love to Harper."

"Love you too, Dad. I will."

* * *

I gently caress Harper’s hand where it rests on my right bicep. She has discovered she truly detests elevators right now. I’m sure her balance is totally thrown off and the feel of a moving elevator must be very unnerving.

"You okay, sweetheart?"

She nods. I wish she’d talk to me more. She’s been so quiet, sometimes it’s hard to figure out what she wants or needs. I’m worried about how depressed she’s getting and I’m a little at a loss about how to break her out of it. I’m doing my best to be positive and encouraging. I must be failing her in some way and that thought is breaking my heart. If I can’t help her…

The doors slide open, taking me away from my thoughts and we move into the waiting room. After checking in, Harper and I take a seat in the corner. I requested an early appointment so there wouldn’t be a lot of people here with us. I know Harper hates to be in a crowded room right now. She told me she feels like everyone is staring at her and also that the noise is confusing. It’s hard for her to focus on voices and dodging people makes her edgy.

It doesn’t take long before a nurse takes us into an exam room. She looks to me and then to Harper. I can tell she’s not sure how exactly to address us. I can see by the look on her face that she was expecting Harper to be my husband based on our names. She’s a bit thrown off here.

"I’m Kelsey," I offer, hoping that will help her a bit.

She smiles and nods. "Okay, Kelsey, I need to get your vitals here. Let’s have Harper take a seat at the desk for a minute while we get you settled on the exam table."

She pulls a chair out and I help Harper take a seat. "I love you," I whisper in her ear before I give her a kiss on the cheek. She actually smiles and blushes a little. Laying my purse on the table, I place Harper’s hand on it so she still has a connection to me and knows I’m not too far away.

"Kelsey, have a seat on the table so I can get your blood pressure and temp. Then I’m going to draw some blood."

Harper’s head tilts to the side in thought. "Is there a problem?" she asks.

The nurse is very good and turns to Harper even as she continues to take my blood pressure. "Not at all, Harper. Dr. Maxton likes to do a complete work up on his new patients. Nothing to worry about."

"Except Kelsey hates needles and will be a big baby about the whole thing," she teases a bit. I don’t know where the joke came from, but I’m grateful that it came. Maybe being here and taking care of the babies is good for her. God knows nothing else has worked.

"Is that so?" The nurse smiles back at me with a wink.

"Guilty." I nod. "Hate needles."

"Well, I’ll make it as painless as possible. I promise."

A few minutes later everything starts feeling pretty standard when I’m asked to get undressed and lay down. The nurse leaves us alone and, before I get undressed, I help Harper to the side of the exam table. She settles down, leaving her hand on my leg while I strip out of my top and bra and put on the gown. I hate these things.

"The pants are next," I inform her, standing slowly so she won’t lose contact with me. I slip out of them and my underwear then lay back on the table. Interlacing our fingers, I hold her hand and watch her.

Sometimes it seems like having a simple conversation is one of the hardest things we do. I feel the babies start moving and kicking and take Harper’s hand so it rests right where most of the activity is.

"Wow. They’re busy today." She rubs her hand gently across my tummy.

"Yeah, I think it’s tackling practice." I let out a deep breath as they continue squirming around.

"Good, we have a team at Tulane to supply."

It’s nice to hear her speak about the future. "Sweetheart, what if they want to," a dramatic pause is required here just to get a rise out of her, "go to another college? Or maybe not go to college and travel for a bit first?"

"Not go to Tulane? Mais non!" She shakes her head vigorously.

"Hey, might I remind you that I went to Brown and I turned out all right."

"You were an exception to the rule, chér."

I laugh, pulling her down for a kiss. "I love you, you nut." I swear if she could prepay their tuition to Tulane, she’d do it.

Dr. Maxton joins us, giving us a smile as he takes in the scene. It’s so nice to have doctors that care and aren’t freaked out or shocked by Harper and me. It’s making this pregnancy much easier on all of us. Dr. Maxton is an older man, but he knows all the Kingsley wives, having delivered all of the grandchildren and, from what I understand, he delivered Harper and Robie too. Now, he’ll be delivering two more of the Kingsley grandchildren. It’s always been our intention to come back to New Orleans a couple weeks before they’re due. Harper particularly didn’t want her children born in New York, and I want help when these babies come. Having the entire Kingsley clan surrounding us will make life a lot easier.

"Harper," he touches her shoulder and lets his hand travel down her arm to initiate a handshake. "It’s good to see you again."

"Wish I could say the same." She lifts her brows a bit and gives him a slight smile, returning the handshake.

"Rene told me what happened. I wish there was something I could do for you, but the only thing I can say is I know Patricia Radson and you’ve got the best. She’s a damn fine doctor."

Somehow I get a feeling this is a major compliment from the man in front of us. He kind of reminds me of my grandfather. He even perches his glasses on the end of his nose the same way.

"Thanks, Doc. You take good care of Kels and our babies and that’ll be enough for me."

He lets go of her hand and returns it to mine before moving to the other side of the table. "I intend to, Harper. Kelsey, how are you doing? How do you feel?"

"I’m okay, except my back is positively killing me."

"Of that, I have no doubt. Dr. McGuire sent a copy of your file down here and I’ve gone over it thoroughly. If everything is correct here, you’re going to be giving birth to two very healthy babies. I’d guess from the measurements and the information here you can expect them to be big for twins. True Kingsley babies. You know Christian weighed over nine pounds when he was born."

"Thanks, Harper," I mutter, giving her a playful nudge.

He sits, taking a moment to read through the notes his nurse made. He nods, then retrieves a pair of gloves. I hate this part, but, just like with Kevin, it’s done quickly. And with a little less discomfort, another perk to years of experience. He smiles as he strips the gloves off and tosses them in the trash. He makes a few notes in my file before looking up at me again. "So your back is bothering you, huh?"

"Yeah, my lower and middle back. It aches all the time now."

"You may be a bit out of adjustment. Roll onto your left side for me."

I do so. Now I’m facing Harper. I can see the stress written all over her face. "It’s okay," I say to her, giving her hand a gentle squeeze.

"Your spine is out a bit." He says, his fingers traveling up and down my vertebrate. "I’ll adjust it for you, if you like?"

If I like? I will worship you if you do, doc. "Please."

With that, he very gently moves my leg up, bending it at the knee and pushing on my shoulder, carefully leaning his weight on me, until he feels and hears my back give. I let out a relieved groan. I feel better already.

"Now the other side."

Oh yes, the other side. He helps me roll over and repeats the process. I have to admit that right now it is the most delightful feeling in the world. But, boy, I’m glad Harper couldn’t see him doing that. She would have freaked out at the pretzel looking method he used. Not to mention the fact, that even though I didn’t feel hardly anything, it would have looked like he was putting all his weight directly on my midsection.

"Better?"

"Much." I nod. Already I can feel cramping muscles releasing. Nirvana.

"Good." He settles into his chair and I can tell Harper and I are in for a lecture. "All right, you two are new patients and I know you’re going through a very hard time, but I’m an old doctor. I’m very set in my ways and you two are adults capable of handling the things life throws at you."

Wow. Direct and to the point aren’t you, Doc?

"On the other hand," he continues, giving me a very warm smile over the top of his glasses, "growing inside Miss Kelsey here are two beings who have had life thrown at them, so to speak. While there is no doubt in my mind you two are doing everything you can to care for them, it is my job to take care of them. They are my patients and my priorities." He pauses long enough to do a physical exam of my stomach, pressing and feeling different sections. "You are past the halfway point and this is a high risk pregnancy, so things start getting very serious. After week twenty-four, these babies could really come at anytime. We hope they’ll wait until at least week thirty-seven, but, if they don’t, we need to be ready. Okay?"

Harper and I both nod. I know I’m feeling as is I’ve been called into the principal’s office. Boy, he’s good.

"And since that’s now out of the way, let’s get to the real important matters at hand. Kelsey, have you decided if you’re going to have natural childbirth or do want drugs administered?"

"I’d very much like to try and do it naturally."

He nods, making a note in the chart. "Harper, I assume you’re planning on being in the delivery room?"

Harper doesn’t respond immediately. "I had been, but now, I don’t know. We haven’t talked about it."

"Kelsey, do you want Harper in the delivery room?" Dr. Maxton asks before I can say a word.

"Of course I do."

He nods and makes another note. "Guess that settles that then." I almost laugh at how effectively he has handled my beloved spouse. "You both know there is a chance one or both of the babies may have to be delivered by Caesarean section?"

"Why?" Harper asks, gripping my hand. I don’t think she knows how strong she is when she’s tense.

"Twins don’t always get a chance to turn properly for delivery. If they don’t, then we do whatever we have to do to get them to join us out here. That may mean taking them. We’ll give Kelsey every chance to deliver them naturally, I promise." He taps his pen against the folder, looking less than happy at something written there. "Did you know your blood pressure is up a bit?"

"Maybe a little." I’m sure it is, but there’s not a lot I can do about it right now.

He nods, looking at me with very sympathetic, understanding eyes. "I tell you what, to be on the safe side, I want to put you on a fetal monitor for a few minutes, okay?"

Once again, I feel the grip on my hand tighten. "Okay," I manage, reaching over to massage Harper’s hand, both for her comfort and my own. We’ve never had this happen before and we’re both scared now. "Do you think there’s a problem?"

"No, I don’t think there is. I only want to make sure there isn’t." He pulls the monitor over and proceeds to wrap two thick bands around my stomach. He’s taking the time to explain what he’s doing. I know it’s more for Harper than for me and I’m so grateful for his attentiveness to her situation. "This monitor will give me a print out of your babies’ heartbeats and other vital information. Kelsey, what I want you to do is relax, close your eyes, and rest. I’ll be back in about twenty minutes and we’ll do an ultrasound and get finished up."

I nod and close my eyes, trying to hold back the tears. I’m scared. Very scared. I listen to my babies’ heartbeats and take a deep breath. I hear the door close and I know Harper and I are alone. I take a deep breath and clear my throat. "Baby, are you okay? You’re so quiet."

"Fine." It’s not more than a whisper and I know it’s a lie.

"Harper, everything is okay. He’s only being careful."

"Kels, I’m so sorry." I look at her and I can tell she’s crying.

"Shh… baby, it’s okay. You don’t have anything to be sorry for. There’s nothing wrong. I’m fine and our babies are fine. This is only a precaution. You trust Dr. Maxton, right?"

"I should leave," she mutters, her voice distant. "Let you relax. Not hurt the babies anymore."

"Harper," real fear now squeezes my heart, I hear an increase in the babies’ heart rates and it hits me how much they are both effected by all of this too, "if you leave, I won’t be able to relax." I don’t know that I’d be able to live anymore, to be honest. To not have this, what we have, every single day for the rest of my life that would be a sure way to kill me. "I need you here with me. The babies need you here. You haven’t done anything to hurt them." Even as I say that she draws in a hitching breath. Oh, darling. "So tell you what, we’ll spend the next few minutes thinking about what we’re gonna name these two when they arrive. The person who comes up with the worst name has to buy lunch."

When there is no answer and only a soft gasping sound, I know she’s beyond words. There’s only one cure for the both of us for this. I pull her close to me and place her hand on my stomach right above the top strap. Next I guide her head to rest on my shoulder. I give her forehead a kiss. "Devaki," I whisper, my own tears falling down my cheeks. I need to relax before I hurt the babies. No matter what, if something happens to them, that will be my fault.

Through her tears she manages a gasping laugh. "Oh God, Kels, that’s awful."

"Ain’t it though? Guess that means I’m buying."

Her hand rubs across my tummy and we relax quietly together for the remainder of my time on the monitor. Slowly, but surely, I listen to the babies’ heart rates ease and slow up. They will always beat faster than mine, but not nearly as much as they were a few minutes ago.

* * *

We’ve pulled ourselves together by the time Dr. Maxton returns. He looks at the strips and smiles at me. "Everything looks good. As you relaxed, so did the babies. This is very good. Everything is all right. I promise you both that. Now let’s take a good look at these two."

Within moments one machine is gone and the sonogram is showing me our babies. God, I wish Harper could see them. She’s sitting very silently to my side. I know this is hard on her.

"Well, now," Dr. Maxton chuckles, "do you want to know the sex of the babies? One of them is being very modest about this whole thing but I can tell you the other."

I wait for Harper to say something. When she remains quiet, I make an executive decision. "Yes, yes, tell us."

"Well, you’re having at least one little girl."

I look over, and for the first time in days I see a smile on Harper’s face.

* * *

You would think I wouldn’t have to call in while on vacation, but, I guess this is an extenuating circumstance. I punch in Langston’s number slowly, feeling the telephone pad carefully so I don’t screw up. I think I got it right.

"Langston."

Yup, sure did. "Kingsley."

I hear him stop pecking at his keyboard. That man is constantly writing something. "Kingsley, how are you doing?"

I shrug before I realize neither he nor I can see it. "Still no word. I have an appointment in a few days. We hope to know more then."

"How is Kelsey doing?"

I sigh. "She’ll be better when I am, I think."

"Always that way. I had heart surgery a few years ago and my wife was a total wreck during that time." I’ll have to mention that to Kels. She’d be shocked to hear he has a heart. "Shows she cares."

"That it does."

"Well, I won’t keep you long, Kingsley. I wanted to tell you myself that we all want you to take your time and get better. We’re using some of those filler pieces Kels shot before your vacation to keep her presence felt on the show. You two don’t worry about anything other than getting you back to one hundred percent."

I wish. "Thanks. We appreciate that."

"If you need something, let me know. And tell Kelsey when you two get back up here, I have a couple things I want to discuss with her."

God, that sounds ominous. I think I might leave that out of my report on this phone call. "Will do. I’ll let you know when we know something definite."

* * *

It’s late and we’re getting ready for bed. Kels is still in the bathroom. We’re still at Mama and Papa’s house. I’d rather we were in our new house, but, I don’t want Kels to have to worry about me alone. It’s hard enough on her here as it is.

She comes into our bedroom, smelling sweet and clean. God, I wish I knew what it was she puts on every night. It never fails to remind me of spring. She gently touches my jaw, turning my face upward. "Time for the drops, sweetheart." Carefully, she removes the plastic patches and then the gauze. I wait, hoping for light to spill into my consciousness.

It doesn’t.

Kels has learned not to ask me whether I can see. She knows I would say something if I could. She traces my eyebrows. "Your eyes are looking much better, Harper. The redness is fading. And the swelling is all gone. How do they feel?"

I blink slowly. It’s weird to feel the need to exercise my eyelids. "Only the right one still hurts. The left isn’t really bothering me any more."

She leans closer; I feel her breath on my cheek. "The right eye is looking good. And the stitches in your eyelid have almost all dissolved."

"Well, it’s been – what? – eight days?"

"Ten," Kels corrects. Ten. No wonder it seems like forever. "Are you ready for the drops to be put in?" I nod. "Okay, I’ll start with the left one." With extreme gentleness, she holds open my eyelid and splashes two drops into my eye. She repeats the process in the right eye and then puts new gauze over each. While she puts the drops back in the medicine cabinet, I fit the plastic patches back over my eyes.

A few moments later, we crawl under the covers. Kels leans across me to turn off the bed table lamp. Her breasts are heavy against mine as they continue to grow. Our children will soon be nursing from them, drawing life from her, much as I do. Even though I know she’s turned off the lamp, she stays sprawled across me.

"You stuck?" I tease.

"No, just enjoying this. Am I bothering you?" She doesn’t wait for a reply, instead she captures my lips in a kiss which leaves me breathless. When she pulls away, she traces my lower lip with her index finger. "We’re having a little girl, Harper."

As if on cue, one of the babies kicks, both of us feeling the impact. "That we are."

"I think she’s going to take after you. Rough and ready, if that’s any indication."

"Sure, blame me. But I’m not the one who told our executive producer to go to hell," I say affectionately, still amazed by her defense of our family. "And then handed him a map to help him get there." I stroke her back gently, kneading the lower part which seems to bother her so much lately.

"Umm, yeah, well, he got on my last nerve. Oh, that feels good." She shifts to avail herself of more of the backrub she’s receiving. "So, I guess we should concentrate on at least one name for a little girl, huh?"

"Do you have any in mind?"

"To be honest, I hadn’t thought about it much until Dr. Maxton said we were having a little girl. Now it seems kind of natural to be thinking about it. I mean, they could be here in a month, Harper. Thirty days. That’s not real, you know?"

I wish my right arm wasn’t in a cast, or I’d cover her mouth with my hand. "Are you trying to scare me to death, chér? You just keep them as long as possible, ok? We don’t even have the nursery set up. Or the nanny hired." I continue her massage. "Does your family have any traditions about naming kids?"

She laughs softly. "Like I’d know. I don’t think so. The only thing I know is that my name is a combination of my mother’s first and middle names, Katherine and Lesley."

"My God, that woman is egotistical." I shake my head, so glad Kels will never be that way with our children. "Let’s see, we could combine our names."

"I don’t know, sweetheart. I think, as an adult, a child named Kelper might sue for mental cruelty." She gives my neck a tiny kiss.

"Harley?" I offer instead of focusing on the sensation of her lips against my neck. I can’t bring myself to think about making love now. I’d be so awkward and clumsy, fumbling my way through something I’ve never fumbled before. I would no doubt hurt her or the babies and I won’t risk it.

"Umm, no. It’s a baby girl, honey. Not a motorcycle."

"Well, my Harley was always my baby." Until you left the one day Kels needed you the most. You let her best friend die and Kels be taken hostage so you could go for a damn ride. I swallow down regret and try to focus in the moment.

"I dunno, something in the back of my mind seems to think something old-fashioned would be nice."

"How old-fashioned are we talking here, babe?" Edith? Gertrude? Henrietta? I shudder at the thought.

"My paternal grandmother’s name was Grace. Grace is nice, don’t you think?"

Grace. I let the sound of it echo in my mind, finding a place there. Grace. That’s exactly what Kels and these children are to me. "It sounds perfect. And I would love to have our daughter named after your grandmother. Family is important. In the end, it’s all we have."

"That’s very true, but this is just the beginning for us." She leans up and kisses me again, very gently this time. "Is there some other name you have in mind? Something more twenty-first century, maybe?"

"I’ve always liked names that are androgynous. I don’t want my daughter to be discriminated against. I’ve been fortunate in that most non-Southerners don’t realize that Harper is a girl’s name." I pause and go through a mental rolodex of baby names, discarding many of them immediately. Finally, I hit one I like. "I heard a name once I really liked. Brennan."

Kels is quiet for a moment. "That’s got a really nice ring to it, Tabloid. Brennan Grace Kingsley. What do you think?"

"Let’s ask her." Very carefully, I roll Kelsey onto her back beside me. Rolling onto my left side, I curl until I can place my lips against Kels’ belly. "Okay, whichever one of you in there is a girl: how would you like to be named Brennan Grace Kingsley?"

When I place my ear against Kels’ belly to listen for the response, which will be difficult given the fact Kels is convulsing with laughter right now, I feel a solid wallop to the side of my nose.

Kels scratches my neck. "I think we have our answer."

"We look forward to meeting you soon, Brennan Grace," I whisper.

* * *

I can’t sleep. I lay here and listen to Harper breathe, deep and even. I’m glad she’s resting and getting better. I know she doesn’t think so, but she is. Her eyes are healing up and even though her sight hasn’t returned, there’s no sign of infection. Of course, the fact that I’m positively relentless when it comes to her eye drops might have something to do with it.

Sliding out of bed, I pull my robe on and give her a kiss on the cheek. She mumbles something and shifts a bit, but continues sleeping. The covers have been folded down to the foot of the bed and she’s curled under the blanket Brian sent. I knew she’d enjoy having it. I’m glad I called that one right.

I pick up a few papers from my bedside table and move to a chair near the French doors, turning on a small lamp. These are notes from Dr. Maxton about the pregnancy and things I need to do to keep the babies healthy. I chuckle softly when I see the first thing on the list is reduce stress. Yeah, right.

I understand why he wants me to. Stress drives my blood pressure up and that’s very bad thing, but sometimes you can’t help it.

I’m not allowed to lift anything heavier than a gallon of milk now. I’m also supposed to be watching for a variety of symptoms which might signal the onset of early labor, including cramping, discharge and four or more contractions within an hour. Those are only some of the things I have to watch out for, but they are the most common. I’m also supposed to relax and get a lot of rest. Twins tend to come earlier than single babies do. Like Dr. Maxton said, we don’t want them to come for another seventeen weeks or so, but, in reality, they could come at anytime.

As I read through the papers, I can’t help but be a little terrified at the information I find here. If they come now, they’d have pretty much a zero chance of survival. If they wait for a month, it goes up to forty to seventy percent, and increases three to four percent every week after that. They’re considered full term at thirty-seven weeks and should be fine.

I rub my stomach and whisper, to our babies, "I expect you to utilize your Mama’s stubborn streak and stay put."

Until then, I’ll do everything I can to take care of my entire family.

* * *

I reach out for Kels. I always sleep better when she’s tucked up against me. I’m like Linus and she’s my security blanket.

My hand meets empty space. I feel her side of the bed and it’s cool to the touch. Kels has obviously been gone for awhile.

She left me.

My heart starts racing a mile a minute. I sweep my arm, trying to find her, hoping I missed her before. Then I hear Kels’ voice behind me, near the balcony doors.

"I expect you to utilize your Mama’s stubborn streak and stay put."

"Kels?" I ask, rolling onto my back and extending my hand in her direction.

"I’m here. Just doing a little reading," she says. She puts the reading material down with an audible thump and begins walking back to the bed. Crawling back under the covers, she takes my hand.

"I miss reading."

She caresses the back of my hand with her thumb. "Yeah, I’ll bet you do. But, when your eyes are ready, you’ll be able to again."

I swallow, my fears at the surface once again. "Kelsey, honey, what if they never are ready? What if I am blind for the rest of my life? Is that fair to you? I don’t want to be your third child. You deserve better."

"Harper, don’t you get it? I don’t care if you can’t see. You are what’s best for me. And, given time, you will learn to function without your sight. I’ll be right there with you to help you." Her voice sounds so tired.

I turn my hand in hers so I can grasp on to it. "I’m not what’s best for you right now, though. I mean, you’re so worried about me that … that …" I pause and try to collect myself. "I would never forgive myself if anything happened to the babies. It would be all my fault." I barely get this admission out, my throat is so tight I feel as if I might suffocate at any moment.

"I know you’re scared." Kelsey snuggles closer to me. "So am I. But I need you with me. Sighted. Blind. I don’t care. These babies need you." She places my hand on her belly. "I’m taking care of myself. I’m doing everything I can to make sure all of us are all right. And that means keeping this family together."

"I don’t know what I’ll do for work. I don’t know how I can take care of you three." I can’t stand the thought of being a burden to her or to anyone.

"Sweetheart, you are a very talented person. You can do so many things, even without your sight. All we’ll need to do is figure out what it is you want to do and make it work." Kelsey touches my cheek, drawing my full attention on her. "You will help take care of this family, Harper, simply by being with us. Anyway, between the two of us, we don’t have any money concerns. We could both quit our jobs tomorrow and live comfortably for the rest of our lives, but I know you need to work. If need be, we’ll figure something out."

Maybe that’s true about the job, but I am still worthless in all the areas that matter. "But, Kels, I can’t dress myself. I can’t feed myself. I can’t even shower by myself. I can’t drive. I can’t read or write. Baby, what if something happened to you? Or to the kids? What if I fed them rat poison instead of their cereal? What if one of them was hurt and I couldn’t fucking tell?"

"Okay, first off, you’re getting way too stressed over things that will become more natural for you. In case you haven’t noticed, you are dressing yourself. I just lay out your clothes for you. And once you get your arm out of the cast, you will be capable of feeding yourself. And I thought you liked showering together. Most days you practically insist." She pauses and her voice gentles. "You will have to relearn things. You will be able to read and write. It’s been around a long time now and it’s called Braille. And we’ll have help with the babies. Whether you have your sight or not, we’ll have a nanny." I receive a quick kiss. "The only thing you can’t do is drive and that was always up in the air to begin with."

"You’re just mad because I drive the Land Rover more often than you do." Lighten up, Harper. You know what the doctor said. You pull yourself together and not cause her any more stress or concern.

Thankfully, I hear Kels chuckle. "You got me."

"Do I still?" The question slips out before I can censor it.

"Ooo, you are the most hardheaded human being on the planet. Tabloid, I am not going anywhere and I’ll be damned if I’m going to let you off that easy either. You signed on for the long haul here. Well, get it in gear because, yes, it’s going to be a bumpy ride, but you have to remember the motto we founded this relationship on."

Shit! We have a motto? "Straight, my ass?"

"Excuse me? No, I was thinking more along the lines of ‘shut up and jump.’ You want to tell me where ‘straight, my ass’ comes in?"

"Not really," I mumble, mentally kicking myself.

"Oh no," Kels replies, her good humor coming back, "you’re not getting off that easy. You said it. Now where did it come from?"

"The first time I saw you. I was at The Rio and you were on TV." God, it seems like forever ago. "Gary said something about you being with Erik, and I said there was no way, because you were family. Had to be. We got into an argument about it. I remember thinking, looking at you, ‘straight, my ass.’ And then I thought that again after the first time we kissed. And made love."

"Just one of those little thoughts you had rolling around in your head about me before we even met. I think it was wishful thinking on your part, since, of course, you had no way of really knowing."

"Wishful thinking?" I snort. "Hell no, chér. I looked at you and I knew you by heart. I fell in love with you right then and there. I was just too stupid to realize it."

"Yeah, well, since it seems to be confession time, I’m gonna tell you the truth." Oh God. I don’t know if I can handle the truth, Jack Nicholson’s voice reverberates in my head. "The first time I saw you, I thought you had to be the sexiest damn thing I had ever seen."

Oh Jesus. The first time she saw me I was doing things that shouldn’t be done on the back of a Harley with some girl whose name I don’t know now, or then for that matter. "Oh Kels … how embarrassing."

"Yeah, when you gave that interview and plugged that rag you were working for, it was embarrassing. I felt bad for you, Tabloid."

My girl is laughing at me. Thank God. I think the first time she saw me was my interview after that crazy actor thing. Not the Harley. "Sexiest damn thing you had ever seen, eh?" When in doubt, go for cocky.

She gasps in recollection, stroking my ego incredibly. "Oh yeah. Definitely. Absolutely. Then I saw you on your bike. That affected my state of mind for days."

I drop my voice to its lowest register, knowing what it does to her. "Oh yeah, how, chér?"

"You know how."

"Tell me."

"You want the long or the short version?"

"Whichever one is best."

"Okay," Kels rolls over onto her back and moves around until she is comfortable. "Every time I closed my eyes, you were there. Sometimes you were just there. Sometimes you were touching me." She lets out an embarrassed laugh. "Most of the time you were touching me in ways I had never been touched before. I knew you’d know how to do it. I had a button biting fantasy … or six."

I feel my body flood with desire. "Well, I have the shredded shirts to prove it." I take a deep breath and force myself to calm down. It’s too late and I am still a bit too impaired to do everything I want to right now. "If it makes you feel any better, you were the only thing I could think about. And every day I am grateful that I get to be the one who goes home with you at night."

"I suggest you keep being grateful, because I intend to keep taking you home with me for a very, very long time to come."

I tangle my fingers with hers. "It’s a deal. I love you, Little Roo." As best I can, I manage to find her stomach and pull up her nightshirt. "And I love you, Brennan Grace, and our modest child."

"That would be the one that takes after me."

I climb back up her body and kiss her. "Yeah, right." I can’t stifle a yawn. Too much emotional talk in one day has done me in. "Can I hold you?"

"I’d be disappointed if you didn’t. Think we can work this around your cast and my stomach?"

"I have faith in us," I reply, meaning that on every level.

* * *

A couple days later, we are over at Robie and Rene’s house for dinner and to reclaim Kam. They’ve been dog-sitting since the accident. We didn’t want to risk Kam getting under my feet while I was walking around at first. Or, God forbid, to trip Kels while she was helping me. So, he’s taken a mini-vacation over here. Rene was more than happy to offer to help out. Of course, her ulterior motive was to show her boys how much work a dog would be. According to Kels, this strategy has backfired and now they are even more determined than ever to have one of their very own. But, of course, Kam is a great dog.

It’s been nearly two weeks since the accident, and while I think I still must look frightening, Kels insists otherwise. I hate having Christian and Clark see me this way.

I’ll never see them again.

The thought staggers me. I adore my nephews. I had so been looking forward to watching them become men. Somehow it doesn’t bother me as much knowing I won’t see Robie or Rene. I have them so firmly imprinted on my mind that I will always know what they look like. No matter what age or time does to them.

But the children. Christian. Clark. Brennan. And our other child. I’ll never know what they end up looking like. I won’t see them in school plays or at graduation. I won’t see them on their wedding days. Never see my grandchildren.

And the thought of not seeing Kelsey for the rest of my life breaks my heart.

I had wanted to watch every laugh line appear around her eyes and know that I had put them there. I had wanted to see the way she looked at me on our twenty-fifth anniversary and compare it to our wedding day. I had wanted to lose myself in her eyes for the rest of my life and, one day far from now, let them be the last thing I see before I sleep with the angels.

Kels squeezes my hand gently. "You ready for me to ring the doorbell, sweetheart?"

I pull her toward me and slide my good arm around her. "I know I’ve been hard to live with lately." She starts to protest but I shake my head. "Don’t try to deny it. It’s the truth. But, I wanted to say thank you for putting up with me. I love you more than you could know and more than I’ve shown."

She squeezes me tightly. "I love you too, Tabloid."

I reach up and cup her cheek, allowing my hand to guide me to her lips. I kiss her slowly and deeply, taking my time, reacquainting myself with her after what seems like a lifetime of distance. My hand caresses her cheek, her jaw, her throat. Marveling all the while at her softness. I pause only to allow her a moment’s breath and then return to my pleasure.

"Mon Dieu, if the neighbors aren’t ready for bed now, I doubt if they’ll ever be," Robie’s voice booms from the doorway. "Ooo la la, are we interrupting something here?"

Kelsey takes a step away from me, and I listen to her try to calm her ragged breathing. "Hi, Robie," she mutters, "in another moment you would have been."

"Another moment?" He grabs hold of my upper arm and begins pulling me inside. "Kels, in another moment I would have had to turn the hose on both of you."

"Jealous, jealous." I move slowly through the house, Robie being very careful with me. He suddenly stops short. "Christian Alexander Kingsley!" he bellows in his best father tone.

I hear my nephew come running down the steps. "Papa?"

"What did I tell you about picking up your toys today, little man?"

"You said …" Christian stops. "Do they hurt, Tante Harper?"

I do look like a freak. I start to answer but Robie cuts me off. "Christian," he releases my arm and bends down to Christian’s level, his shoulder brushing my knee. "Son, what did I say to you about your toys today?"

"They needed to be picked up before Tante Harper and Aunt Kels came over."

"That’s right. Did you miss this one?" I hear him pick up the toy in question.

"Yes, sir. I’m sorry."

"It’s all right, but we need to be careful with Tante Harper right now. She has the ouchie on her eyes."

"Does it hurt?" he asks again.

"Remember what Mama was telling you about being polite? When people have ouchies, you shouldn’t ask about them. Why?"

"It makes them sad."

"That’s right." I hear him kiss Christian. "Now, say hello to our guests."

"Hi, Aunt Kels! Tante Harper!"

I listen to Kels bend down and give him a wet kiss on the cheek. "You’re getting so big!" she exclaims.

"So are you!" Christian replies, sending all of us into gales of laughter. "You’re fatter than Mama!"

"Christian!" Robie groans.

Wow. Only Christian, in all this world, could say that and still live.

"We’re having two babies, that’s why," Kels explains patiently. God, I’d love to see her face right now. Get used to it, Harper. You’re going to be missing out on all the moments like this going forward.

"Two?" he repeats in awe.

"And, guess what?"

"What?"

"We know that one of them is a little girl."

"A girl?" Christian sounds disappointed. I know he was hoping for a little boy cousin to play with. What can you do with girls anyway? Oh, yeah, I used to think like him. Until sixth grade. Then I figured out what you could do with them.

"See, Robie, I’ll have something you don’t," I tease.

"Yeah, well, I’ll still have three."

Kelsey begins laughing. "You two! Christian, can you take me to your Mama?"

"Sure," he happily replies. He loves all the attention he gets from my girl. Hell, I feel the same way. And, if there has to be a man in her life, I prefer it to be Christian.

As Christian takes Kels to wherever Rene is, Robie leads me out to the backyard. I can smell the grill going already. I am glad Kels told him about my finger food rule for right now. Being blind with one good hand is hard enough. Having to be fed is quite another thing. So sandwiches, hot dogs, chips and donuts are my foods of choice lately.

Robie gets me seated at the picnic table and hands me a beer. I take a long swallow, enjoying the flavor that only beer can have on a hot summer day. "How are you doing, Harper?"

I chuckle and wipe my mouth with the back of my hand. "I thought it wasn’t polite to ask, Robie."

"Screw polite, you’re my sister. I can ask you anything."

I shake my head in amusement. "That’s true." The things we’ve talked about in our life together. I’ve told him things I never thought anyone would care to hear, or could understand. And he the same. I don’t even want to imagine my life without him in it. "Still can’t see anything. And it’s almost two weeks. The doc said it should be coming back by now. So, I think I’m fucked."

"Mais non! You just need to give it a little more time, Harper."

"Robie," I sigh, not wanting to get into this argument, "there’s a good chance I’m blind. I need to accept it. And so do you." No more basketball games after our children are born, I’m afraid. And I guess I won’t be getting my pilot’s license either.

"It’s still too early."

"Robie! Asse’!" More than enough, actually. "I hope, believe me, I hope this is temporary. It’s killing me to think otherwise. I miss seeing her when I wake up. And I don’t want to miss seeing the babies."

He sits down beside me, our shoulders touching. "I’m sorry, Harper."

I realize he might think I blame Christian for all of this. "Don’t be, I’m not. I mean, yes, I hate this. But, I could never forgive myself if I knew I could have saved Christian and didn’t. Your son is worth more than my sight. Every single time, Robie."

Before Robie can reply and get us both more emotional than we already are, Christian comes running out into the yard, calling to me. "Tante Harper! Tante Harper!" He climbs up on the picnic bench and then avails himself of my lap.

"Hi, Christian."

"I felt your babies move! They kicked me! Hard!"

"See, you’ll have someone to play soccer with soon."

"Can I feel your eyes?" he asks even as his small hands come into solid contact with my patches. "What are these?"

"Chris-"

"It’s okay, Robie. Those protect my eyes. Be gentle, ok?"

His hands immediately become much more careful with me. He traces the outline of the plastic goggles. "Do they hurt?"

"Not anymore."

"Can you see?"

"Not right now." I reach up and tap the side of one. "These block out the sun so my eyes can rest."

"They’re tired?" he asks, leaning closer to inspect them thoroughly, his nose bumping into mine.

"Yeah. When they got hurt, they needed rest."

He’s quiet for a moment. "Thank you, Tante Harper. You went to get the stick and it went boom! in your face! But, you moved me out of the way." His dramatic retelling of what happened causes a shiver to run down my spine. For a moment, I am back in our yard, feeling the impact of the explosion. I can smell the smoke from the fireworks. I can feel the many hands on me, trying to help me.

"That’s right, I did," I manage, somehow, to whisper.

"Thank you, Tante Harper." He gives me a sweet kiss. "I love you."

That makes the darkness worth it. "I love you too, little man."

"Who are you kissing on besides me?" Kels asks. I hadn’t even heard her approach. She bends over and kisses us both. "Your mama needs your help in the kitchen, Christian."

"Okay," he pushes himself off my lap, using my breasts as leverage.

Kels chuckles as she slides onto the bench beside me. "Glad he didn’t do that to me."

"How do you like your burger cooked?" Robie asks, resuming his barbecue duties. "And how many will Kam eat?"

"I take mine rare, with everything on it, and Kam will eat as many as he can mooch. He learned from the best," Kels elbows my side gently, "so cook at least a couple for him."

"Rare?" I echo. First off, my girl doesn’t eat red meat very often. Second, when she does, she used to like it cooked.

"Blame it on your children."

I sigh. "Oh, I get it. They’re mine when there’s a problem and yours when there’s not."

Robie begins laughing, having overheard my comment. "Mon Dieu! Harper, it took you this long to figure that out? Haven’t you been reading any of those pregnancy books?"

Ouch. I know he didn’t mean a thing by that comment, but did it ever hurt. What I wouldn’t give to sit down and read those books right now. I force out a laugh, anxious not to spoil our time together. "I didn’t hit those chapters yet, I guess."

Kels rewards my restraint with another kiss to my cheek. She brushes some hair back behind my ear. "Thank you, sweetheart," she whispers softly, so only I can hear.

I turn my head and give her a light kiss on the lips, getting lucky in my aim. "Can you lead me inside to the bathroom?"

"Sure." She takes my arm and guides me back into the house. The guest bathroom is on the first floor, just past the kitchen. I hear Rene fixing things in there as we pass and call out my hello to her. Kels drops me off at the bathroom.

"You can go back outside, honey. I’ll have Rene help me back."

"I’ll let her know."

A few minutes later I am ready to be escorted back outside. I step outside the bathroom door and call out for Rene. "When you have a moment," I say, hating having to be so dependent. I know my way around their house pretty well, but I am concerned about toys or our dog underfoot.

I listen to Rene set down a metal pan on the counter and then walk down the hallway to me. "Always have time for you, Harper. We’re so glad to have you two here." She gives me a hug. She holds me tighter and longer than normal.

I return the hug with the same amount of affection, idly noting how much smaller her stomach is compared to Kels’. "Thanks, Ren."

"Come with me into the kitchen for a moment. I have Clark in a highchair in there."

"Great." I grab hold of her upper arm and we walk slowly down the hallway. Once we arrive in the kitchen, she deposits me in one of the chairs at the counter.

"I’m trying to convince your nephew that carrots are something he should eat. He thinks they’re finger paints. This is what he learns from his father and brother. There’s way too much testosterone in this house." She laughs even as she complains, she adores my brother and the kids.

"Do you think you’re having another boy?"

This causes her to laugh even harder. "Seems to be what your brother does best, but I’m sort of hoping for a little girl."

"It would help even the odds a bit, at least. I hope you have one. I bet she’d be beautiful with you two as her parents." Of course, I’ll never see her. Don’t think about it, Harper. "Did Kels tell you our news?"

"Oh, she did. And the name you chose is beautiful. Kels is very excited about one of them being a girl. She also told me she hopes Brennan looks like you. If you rat me out, Harper Lee, I’ll get you."

I smile wistfully. "I hope Brennan looks exactly like Kels. So she can make someone else as happy as I am." Also, that way, I can at least imagine my daughter. I prop my chin on my fist. "How does Kels look to you, Ren? I can’t tell just by what she says. I know you’ll tell me the truth."

Rene pauses what she is doing, causing Clark to gurgle, and takes a deep breath. "She looks tired, Harper."

"That bad, eh?"

"Not bad. Tired. She’s as scared as you are and her hormones are wreaking havoc on her. She’s worried about the babies. Dr. Maxton is a great doctor, but he really lays it on the line. The things he gave Kels to read have her on edge. Combine that with everything else …"

I nod, taking it all in. It’s my fault, of course. I should be protecting her and the babies, but, instead, I’m the one harming them. "I’ve offered to leave, so she can relax, but she turned me down. I really don’t know what to do, Ren. What do you suggest? The mere idea that I might be hurting the three of them rips me up inside."

"Harper, it’s not you." Rene takes my hand in hers. "Good Lord, Kels wouldn’t know what to do if you left. She’d go crazy looking for you." She squeezes my hand and laughs. "In fact, I don’t think there’s anywhere you could go that she wouldn’t find you. While you’re there, you’d better pray it’d be Kels who’d find you, because if it were Papa or Matt Stanton, I don’t think you’d stand a snowball’s chance."

That’s true. I don’t even want to think of what Papa would do to me if I were to hightail it whether I thought it was best for Kels or not. Mama certainly wouldn’t approve. "Okay, I’m not going anywhere. While I’m here, what can I do for Kels?"

"Hmm, sweetheart, I don’t have any easy answers on that one because I know you both must be scared witless. I think if you can reassure her that you’re going to be with her no matter what, and that you’ll both do whatever is necessary to make it through. That will help a lot. And, of course, you know the family is here for you. Robie and I can never repay you for what you may have given up for Christian, but we’ll always be here for you and your family."

I tug on her hand and pull her into another embrace. "Thanks, Ren. I’ll do exactly that." I kiss her cheek. "I love you. And I will never regret doing anything for you, Robie, or any of your kids. Ever."

"We love you too, Harper." She pulls away and I hear her take Clark out of the highchair and begin cleaning him up a bit. "Just do me one favor?"

Uh oh. She has that tone in her voice. "Yes?" I draw out the word.

"Take your dog home before you have to blast your way out with him. If Kam stays here much longer, the men in my family aren’t going to let him go."

That’s my dog. "You got it."

"You ready to go back outside?"

"Absolutely."

Together we walk over to the picnic table and she gets me settled next to Kels. "Can I get your help for a moment, Harper?"

I don’t know what I can possibly do. "Okay," I agree, for lack of any better response.

"Can you hold Clark for me while I bring the rest of the food out here?"

Hold Clark? Hold baby Clark? Let’s see. I’m blind and have one good arm. What’s wrong with this picture? "I don’t know about that."

"Robie can’t have him at the grill and Kels can’t hold him, so that leaves you. Now, open your arms. He’s almost asleep, so he shouldn’t be any trouble." Rene isn’t taking no for an answer, so I reluctantly comply. She leans down and carefully places Clark against my shoulder, remaining close as I use my broken arm as his seat and my good arm to hold his back. "Got him?"

I nod, fearful of speaking and awakening him. Clark, like any other little boy, once awake wants to move. I don’t think I could handle that right now.

Once assured her son is safe, Rene heads back to the kitchen. "How are you doing there, Tabloid?" Kels asks at my side.

"Fine, for the moment." I rub his back and he snuggles further into my chest, making himself at home. He still has a trace of that baby smell on him, but he’s fast losing it as his first birthday approaches. Soon, Brennan, our Shy Baby, and Robie’s newest, will be here for me to smell it on. Perhaps with two good arms, I won’t accidentally hurt any of them. Lord knows, once they get here, I won’t be able to keep my hands off of them.

"You’re a natural, babe. Everything is going to be fine, Harper. I promise you that."

"Everything," I echo. I will make it so for her.

Kelsey rests her head on my shoulder, her hand joining mine on Clark’s back. "Absolutely everything."

<fade out>

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