Where Theres Now One . . .
Installment Three of The Indigo Scrolls
"Lyrical Revelations," Part Three
by Rhiannon Silverflame
DISCLAIMER: The characters of Xena and Gabrielle are the property of Universal, MCA, and Renaissance Pictures. Ulysses, or Odysseus, is in the public domain. The Indigo Girls, Amy Ray and Emily Saliers, are real people and as such are the legal property of no one; the author sincerely hopes that they do not mind their inclusion here, and intends no disrespect. The concept of The Indigo Scrolls is the property of the author.
SUBTEXT: In the present-day timeline, there is absolutely no subtext whatsoever. Amy and Emily are not, nor have they ever been, romantically involved. In the ancient timeline, likewise, there is absolutely no subtext whatsoever. But thats because its maintext. The author refuses to be shaken from believing that Xena and Gabrielle are anything but romantically involved. So deal with it. If this concept offends or disturbs you, go have a good stiff drink and then read something else (but probably none of the authors other works).
AUTHORS NOTES: Do I consider this uber-Xena fan fiction? Not really. Though it does involve my depictions of Xena and Gabrielles modern-day reincarnations, when it all comes down to the basics, this is about Xena and Gabrielle. This is part of the four-part Indigo Scrolls story arc entitled "Lyrical Revelations." This story is a partial reworking of the episode "Ulysses," which is without a doubt one of my least favorite episodes ever; among other things, I decided to use the Greek name for the king of Ithaca. Some scenes have also been altered to fit this story a little better. I dont know what kind of cars Amy and Emily drive, so vehicular inaccuracy would be my fault.
CHRONOLOGY: Amy and Emilys part of the story takes place just after "The Hardest to Learn" and "Nights of Desire." Xena and Gabrielles part of the story also picks up directly after the aforementioned, and continues into the episode "Ulysses."
Guess I wasn't the best one to ask,
Me, myself, with my face pressed up against love's glass
To see the shiny toy I've been hoping for, the one I never could afford
The wide world spins and spits turmoil and the nations toil for peace
But the paws of fear upon your chestonly love can soothe that beast.
And my words are paper tigers, no match for the predators of pain inside her.
I say love will come to you,
Hoping just because I spoke the words that they're true,
As if I offered up a crystal ball to look through:
Where there's now one, there will be two.
I was born under the sign of Cancer;
Like brushing cloth, I smooth the wrinkles for an answer.
I'm always closing my eyes and wishing I'm fine even though I'm not this time
(I close my eyes and wish you fine, even though I know youre not this time)
I say love will come to you,
Hoping just because I spoke the words that they're true,
As if I offered up a crystal ball to look through:
Where there's now one, there will be two.
Dodging your memories, a field of knives,
Always on the outside looking in on other's lives . . .
I say love will come to you,
Hoping just because I spoke the words that they're true,
As if I offered up a crystal ball to look through:
Where there's now one, there will be two.
And I wish her insight to battle love's blindness,
Strength from the milk of human kindness,
A safe place for all the pieces that scattered
Learn to pretend there's more than love that matters . . .
"Love Will Come to You," written by Emily Saliers
The phone rang, and its jangling drew Emily from her pensive state and back to the present.
"Whos calling me this early in the morning?" she mumbled, setting her guitar down and crossing to the desk where the phone sat. She was a little bit annoyed by the interruption, but relieved as wellthe unexpected communion shed just had with her past life had brought a sense of fulfillment whose intensity frightened her as much as it lifted her up.
Picking up the receiver, Emily stifled a yawn and ventured, "Hello?"
"Hey, you."
The gruff, familiar voice made her smile. "Morning, Amy. Whats up?"
"I didnt wake you up or anything, did I?"
"No, Ive been up for a while," she reassured her friend. "Thinking, you know . . . last night and all."
She heard Amys chuckle. "Yeah, me too. s why I called, actually . . . listen, can you come over for a bit?" It was almost a plea. "I had some flashbacks, I dont know what youd call em, memories or whatever, and they were pretty intense."
"And you want to talk about it?" Emily understood. "You got it . . . cause believe me, I can relate! Ill be over in a few, kay?"
"Great, Em, thanks . . . see you then." There was a click on the other end.
Emily put the receiver back in its cradle and scooped her car keys up off the desktop. She paused long enough to throw on a flannel overshirt, settle her favorite baseball cap over her hair, and grab the leatherbound copy of The Xena Scrolls from the coffee table on her way out the door.
Amy lived in a secluded cabin in the woods outside Atlanta, so Emily had plenty of time to think on her drive over. She popped Tori Amoss Little Earthquakes CD into the stereo, but oddly enough it was one of her own songs that kept running through her mind, not the troubled chords of "Crucify."
"The paws of fear upon my chest, only love can soothe that beast. And my words are paper tigers, no match for the predator of pain inside her . . ."
More memories from Gabrielles lifetime, she suspected. Shed been wondering about those revelations ever since the first memory of leaving Poteidaia had come to her onstage at the Roxy the night before. If all of those memories were triggered by her songs, as it seemed, then why "Love Will Come to You?"
Gabrielle and Xenas relationship. Of course. She knew that shed been in love with Xena, but how had they gotten to be lovers? This was a jigsaw puzzle of an unanswered question. No, not just a jigsaw puzzle . . . a map, torn apart and divided between two people. It was almost maddening to know the beginning and end points of it all, without having a clue as to how one led to the other.
Well . . . wasnt that the magic of life? The journey? There was never any way of knowing, in advance, the path youd take to reach your goal. But that was the challenge and excitementgetting there. Maybe Amy could help her piece the map together again.
No . . . wait. A new thought struck her as she pulled into Amys driveway. Her best friend held all the pieces she was missing. Together, they definitely would reassemble the whole picture.
She killed the engine, jumped out of the Grand Cherokee, and shut the door behind her. Jogging past Amys motorcycle, she climbed the porch two steps at a time. Just as she raised her fist to knock, the door swung open and Amy was there, grinning, mischief in her dark brown eyes.
"Boo."
Emily jumped. "Jesus, Ame, dont do that!" She laughed and reached up to ruffle Amys disheveled brown locks, teasing, "Boy, some welcome I get . . . dont even bother to brush your hair!"
Amy smirked and snatched her friends baseball cap away. Beneath it, Emilys red-gold tresses were no less rumpled than her own. "Oh yeah?" she challenged playfully. "So whaddya call that, huh? The eight A.M. coiffure?" She ducked the swat that came flying at her and swung the door wide in the same motion. "Come on in, will ya?"
"Yup. Beautiful morning," Emily commented, settling herself on the couch. "I swear, Amy, youve got the best view out here." She let out a surprised little squawk as her hat landed in her lap.
"Yeah . . ." Amy sat down next to her, a distant expression in her eyes. "I was out there before dawn, on the porch, just thinking. And the craziest thing happened . . . I started hearing lyrics, my own song, yknow, in my head, and it all came together and I was remembering . . ." She whistled softly. "It was intense."
Emily nodded. "Same thing happened to me." Her brow furrowed. "What song was it?"
"Blood and Fire."
"Ouch."
"Yeah."
Not a pleasant one. Emily winced inside, knowing the history of the song and its effect on her singing partner. She took a breath, ready to say something, but Amy spoke up again.
"I know I mustve finally said something to her, or she spoke up first, or something . . . and we both finally knew where we stood, but the time in between . . . I dont like thinking about it. It just hurt too damn much."
The change in perspective was abrupt, as though suddenly it wasnt Amy speaking in that pain-filled voice. And it would have surprised Emily, but the music flooded back into her mind, and she felt a quickening in her bones and her soul that swept her away to the same place where her friend was now. She saw firsthand the warriors anguish, felt a desperate, gutwrenching longing to reach out in comfort . . . to fill that void in Xenas soul . . .
"And I say love will come to you, hoping just because I spoke the words that theyre true, as if I offered up a crystal ball to look through: Where theres now one, there will be two . . ."
"Amy," she said softly, placing a hand on her friends shoulder, "do you remember . . ."
And like a flash, with the contact between them, the last piece of the puzzle fell into place, and they saw the entire map lying there before them, and it began to make sense.
Like waking up one morning . . .
* * *
"Son of a Bacchae!"
Xena opened her eyes and came back to wakefulness, only to find that Gabrielles very real presence in her arms hadnt subsided with her dream. Damn . . . damn . . . oh gods, did I . . .
It hadnt been a dream after all. Not all of it. But where in her mind had the line between dream and reality blurred? She didnt know. And it frightened her.
The dreams had been getting more intense, and they emboldened her even in her waking hours to reach out to her young companion. Xena could no longer tell which of her actions were prompted by life, and which stemmed from the parallel existence she led, with Gabrielle as her lover, in her mind.
Was that what had prompted her to kiss Gabrielle in that dreamscape? Not that the bard had objected . . . but what if her response had merely been the elation of discovering that she no longer needed to grieve? And if that was the case . . . had she been taking advantage of Gabrielle?
The warrior rolled over with a low groan and put a hand over her eyes. Too much doubt . . . too many questions . . . I dont know whats true or false any more! She was conscioustoo consciousof the warmth of the young woman snuggled up against her side, enfolded in the crook of her arm. The closeness terrified hernot that she wanted to let go of the idyllic moment, but it held frightening implications for her.
Theres no telling what I might do next . . . and the last thing I want to do is take advantage of her. She trusts me so much. I cant let her down! She gazed down at the bards lovely features, willing herself to control at the sight.
There was a quiet stirring then, and Gabrielle awoke, blinking sleepy green eyes in Xenas general direction. "Oh . . . morning, Xena."
Act calm . . . nonchalant . . . yeah, thats the ticket. She smiled and gave the bards head an affectionate rub with her knuckles. "Hey there . . . get a little lonely last night?"
"Me? Oh, um, yeah . . . Im sorry, I didnt mean to surprise you or anything . . . Xena, are you all right?" Gabrielle peered up at her friend, concerned by the distant, troubled expression in the cerulean depths of the warriors eyes.
"Yeah. Yeah, Im fine." Oops. Little too forceful there. Xena hadnt been expecting Gabrielles response to surprise her the way it did. The curtness of her answer was a defensive reflex, and she was hating her reflexes at the moment.
"You sure youre okay?"
Did Gabrielle look disappointed? Nah. Couldnt be. There I go again, imagining things! The warrior forced a smile and retreated to safer ground. "Yeah, Im sure. Just hungry. How about I go catch us some breakfast, huh?"
"Fish?" The sleepy little smile edging Gabrielles lips was almost too much to bear.
"What else? Get that frying pan ready. Ill be back soon." Xena got up, grabbed her armor and bracers, and hurried off to the stream, hating every bit of the relief that came with getting away.
Worried green eyes observed the warriors hasty departure. "Shes not all right," Gabrielle muttered to herself. "Somethings really hurting her, I know it. Waking up and finding me here, maybe?" She flopped back down onto the bedroll with a sigh. "Thats gotta be it . . . Ive gone and made her feel bad . . . stupid, stupid, stupid!"
Okay, so it wasnt the morning-after reaction she would have liked to see, but she was getting a little ahead of herself. All she knew was that it hurtit hurt like all Tartarusto see Xena in pain like that and to wonder if she might be to blame. Well, the bard vowed to herself, Im gonna get to the bottom of this . . . Ill find out whats hurting her, and Im gonna fix it.
Four hours later, though, she wasnt any closer to the answer. Not even a clue. I should try and be more patient, a frustrated Gabrielle scolded herself. I ought to know that by now! Shell open up when shes ready to, and no use pushing her.
Not that it stopped her from trying.
She turned to her taller companion. "Okay, now, what do you feel when you think of . . . seagulls?"
"I feel irritated, cause theyre so noisy," responded the warrior, deadpan.
Strike one. Gabrielle rolled her eyes and tried again. "What else do you hear?" she pressed.
"The sea," Xena replied gamely.
"Okay then, so . . . what do you think of when you hear that peaceful grandeur of the sea?" There had to be something Xena would say that might give her a clue. Something, anything that she could use to read some of what her friend was feeling.
"I think about how glad I am to be on dry land."
Strike two. Hard to make something of that comment. "Youre so practical!" exclaimed the bard. "Xena, the sea is a beautiful expression of nature! Cant you think of anything more meaningful than that? Anything deeper?"
"Mmm . . ." Xena mumbled, noncommittal.
One more try. "All right . . . hear the waves? I want you to concentrate on the sound of those waves beating against that shore, and I want you to have a sense of peace. Got it?" And if she doesnt say something to tip me off, Gabrielle added mentally, Im gonna take this staff and poke her with it until she does!
"Ill try, Ill try." The warrior closed her eyes and, Gabrielle hoped, concentrated.
"Now what do you feel?" prompted the bard.
The only response she got was the ringing whisk of forged metal coming free of a leather scabbard.
Oh, I dont believe this . . . ! "The sea makes you draw your sword?" she asked incredulously.
"No . . ." Xena broke into a run. "But the sound of a battle does!"
Strike three. So much for that technique working on Xena, Literal Princess. With the most dramatically resigned sigh ever heaved by a long-suffering sidekick, Gabrielle gave up and took off after her friend, staff in hand.
I . . . do . . . not . . . like the way hes looking at her. Gabrielle hoped that Odysseus hadnt noticed the evil look shed just given him. She was feeling awfully possessive of her friend, and now she thought she understood why Xena had decided to make all those disastrous tavern flirtations into her own fights. When he looked at Xena, the king of Ithaca had the same dazzled expression on his face that those amorous village boys had worn shortly before theyd gotten too rambunctious and the Warrior Princess had laid into them.
Unfortunately, she couldnt come up with a good reason to introduce Odysseus to the business end of her staff, not after theyd agreed to help him get home. Maybe Ill eventually find an excuse, the bard told herself, after we get to Ithaca . . .
"Im not feeling so good," she mumbled. "I think Ill go get some water or something . . . yeah."
She picked up her staff and an empty waterbag and headed out to the stream, not liking the apprehension her stomach seemed to be communicating to her. Xena was acting awfully friendly toward Odysseus, and the Man of Many Wilesas people had begun to call him since Troywas more than returning the sentiment.
It didnt seem fair. In fact, it seemed more like a sick twist of irony. It figured. She finally realized that she was in love with her best friend, and just when it seemed like she had a chance to act on it, Xena went and started flirting with Odysseus.
Gabrielle knelt on the bank of the stream and submerged the waterbag, thinking as she watched bubbles rise from its open mouth. All her life in Poteidaia, shed listened with envy to the stories the bards told, all the stories of heroes and adventurers and great battles. Shed wanted to tell stories like that, but only after living them. Not just after hearing them and passing them along. That particular chance had come the day Xena saved her from Dracos slavers. Now, she got to see adventures firsthand and proudly designated herself as the chronicler of Xenas exploits. The only problem was that people tended to think of her as nothing more than an observeras though she didnt have a thing to do with some of their accomplishments.
And now this. Nobody knew Xenas inner pain as well as she did, and nobody, she was sure, wantedneededto heal it as badly. How many times had she glimpsed, in the warriors eyes, a hint of that fear of being alone? More than she could begin to count, and there was only so much that she could say to help ease Xenas soul. It would take more than words to fill that void; it would take love. Watching the emptiness eating away at her friend was tiring on Gabrielles soul . . . and that was a burden that, likewise, only love could lift.
Emerald eyes gazed, unseeing, back in the vague direction of the cave, tinged with wistfulness. If only youd just let me . . .
Xena was alone by the fire, sharpening her sword, when Gabrielle returned. "Hey," she said softly, smiling at the young woman.
"Hey," Gabrielle responded in subdued tones. "Uh . . . wheres Odysseus?"
"Asleep over there." Xena made a careless gesture over her left shoulder with her whetstone. "Youd better get some sleep too, yknow, if were going to be up to attack those pirates in the morning." Her blue eyes were steady, but full of concern. "You know this is gonna be dangerous, dont you? If were going to help him get back to Ithaca, and if Poseidons against us . . ."
"You think dangers going to scare me off?" Gabrielle knelt beside her friend and leaned forward earnestly. "I just about got burned alive the other day, remember? Im not leaving you this time, Xena. Ive done that twiceno, three times before, and its not going to happen again! Im going wherever you go. End of story."
Xena reached out and allowed herself to stroke Gabrielles hair lightly. "End of story, huh? Far be it from me to argue with a bard on that point," she teased. "Now go on and get some rest. Youre gonna need it."
"Okay . . ." Reluctantly, Gabrielle made for her bedroll. "Night, Xena."
"Night." The warrior rubbed her sword down with a polishing rag. Gods, she thought miserably. She trusts me so much . . . She could have sworn that shed seen pain in the bards eyes just now, and it stabbed down into her own soul. Sheathing her blade, she lay down and closed her eyes, willing the pain to go away before sleep took her. Shed work her way through all these fears of taking advantage of her friend, learn to gain some measure of control over her emotions again, and then shed be fine. And so would Gabrielle.
Gabrielle sighed and rolled over in the hammock. Theyd been aboard this damned ship for days now, and shed spent most of her time heaving the contents of her stomach overboard.
She was feeling wretched. The conversation Xena was currently having with Odysseus made her insides twist in pain, and the seasickness, bad as it was, turned out to be only a fairly superficial irritation to add to everything else.
Odysseus was in love with Xena, or so he said, and she certainly seemed to have feelings for him, too. It didnt take a stretch of Gabrielles already active imagination to figure out what had just gone on during the sudden silence. So whats that mean for me? she wondered. Did my last hope of ever sharing Xenas life that way just flash past me, laughing hysterically? There it was again. She was a part of Xenas life, but not quite . . . she could see into Xenas soul, but something kept her from really touching it. The pain she wanted to take away was there, but just out of reach.
But maybe . . . if her friend found love with Odysseus, that pain would go away, and she could just be happy for Xena and forget her own pain. That was the important part, wasnt it? Wanting the best for the person you loved?
Xena . . . I hope you find that love, whoever it turns out to be. I hope you find that soulmate and the happiness you deserve, she thought, wondering if she could just will it into being. She closed her eyes and tried to think of how to derive her own kind of joy from that union, whenever it might happen. Shed get over the pain eventually, and shed be fine. And so would Xena.
She watched Odysseus leave the cabin and wondered if she was doing the right thing in making overtures toward the man. Could I ever teach myself to love him the way I love Gabrielle, given time? Would it keep her from getting hurt because of me? Is this something I really want to do? She wasnt so sure. When hed told her that he felt as though hed found his soulmate, shed felt . . . well, as though she did have a soulmate, and that person were here in this room. She knew that much, at least.
But she looked at him and felt only doubt. When hed kissed her, she hadnt felt the sense of fulfillment that, in Autolycuss body, shed found in the tentative contact with Gabrielles lips. And when she looked at the bard, she knew that she could never again imagine a day without her. By all the gods, these things were never easy.
There was a shuffling noise behind her, and she turned to see Gabrielle awake and out of the hammock. Oh, by Zeus . . . she heard the whole thing?
Xenas mind screamed betrayal. "You feeling better?" she managed.
"No," Gabrielle groaned, stretching. "Whether its on the upside or the downside I have no idea, though, I think Ive kind of gotten used to being miserable." On how many levels, you have no idea. She gave the warrior a pensive look. "You know, Xena, how he feels about you, its pretty obvious. How do you feel about him?"
"You dont sleep as soundly as I thought." Xena dodged the question and turned to make a pretense of examining a map.
"Not in this torture chamber, I dont, but dont you go changing the subject on me." Xena found green eyes fixed intensely on her face as Gabrielle crossed to the other side of the table and faced her. "I need to know." I really do. "Promise me one thing, please?"
"Whats that?"
"That youll follow your heart." The young Amazons mouth must have gone dry; she was swallowing a lot, and it sounded like she had to force the words out, one by one. "Follow your heart, and dont worry about me."
Oh, Gabrielle . . . "Youre a part of my heart," the warrior blurted out. Her mind hadnt had time to veto the exclamation, and it hung in the air, surrounding them both with its truth. Conviction set in, rock-solid: this whole thing with Odysseus was nothing more than insanity, a pointless exercise in self-deception.
Unaware of her friends epiphany, Gabrielle went on, "Xena . . . do you remember, what you said to me when Perdicas asked me to marry him?"
Oh gods, dont bring that up!
"You told me that seeing me happy would make you happy, remember?"
Yes . . . but do you know how much it hurt anyway?
"I feel the same way."
Then youll feel the same pain I did, and I never want you to hurt that way. Xena felt a sudden urgency, a desperate need to keep the pain shed felt back then from digging its claws into Gabrielles soul now.
"Gabrielle," she began, reaching out to her friend, "do you have any idea how good youve been for me? You taught me what love is . . . you taught me how to love . . ."
"Did you say love?" The bards fingers closed gently over her own, and the chaste touch was so much more than Odysseuss amorous embrace had been.
"Yeah." She took a deep breath, let her thumb brush gently over Gabrielles knuckles, and gathered up her nerve.
A bittersweet smile crossed the blonde womans face. "Then I guess well be staying on in Ithaca for a while, huh?"
Panic seized Xenas heart in an unrelenting grip. No! Thats not what I
A shout from abovedeck cut in sharply. "Ithaca! Ithaca! Weve reached Ithaca!"
Now now, the warrior groaned inwardly as she and Gabrielle raced to help steer the ship to shore. How am I ever going to get myself out of this one now?
They got closer and closer to the pirate-infested castle, and Odysseuss cavalier attitude toward his kingdom really began to get on Xenas nerves. Her perfect opportunity came when they rescued the kings old friend, Metacles, who told them that Penelope was still alive. She couldnt help noticing that Gabrielle looked awfully pleased at the news. Good sign. Now I just need the right moment, and sneaking into a castle full of pirates is not that moment.
Apparently, Odysseus thought differently. As soon as Gabrielle had run upstairs from the dank, cobwebbed servants passage to get some robes for disguises, he started to speak. "Xena, theres something I want to tell you."
Oh, gods. He had that look on his face. "Odysseus . . ."
"Now, just hear me out, all right?" He held his hands up to silence her. "After ten years of wanting to come home to Ithaca, Ive realized that its just not home to me any more. I dont love Penelope, and I dont know if I ever did, and this isnt even my kingdom any more. Its hers, more than anyones. So I tell you what: Ill help clear these pirates out of here for her, but after that Id like to travel with you." As an afterthought, he added, "And Gabrielle, of course."
His timing was hideous, but the Warrior Princess was never one to pass up an opening, especially when her opponent was foolish enough to hand it to her on a platter. "Sorry, Odysseus . . . I really shouldve been more honest with you," she drawled, a bit more coldly than she would have liked. "See, I like the way my life is now, with just me and Gabrielle." That sounded so good, she noticed. Her gaze, as she faced him squarely, was frozen brittle, impassive detachment evident in her icy-blue eyes. "Im not in love with you, and I doubt that I ever could be."
He stared back, challenging. "I dont believe that. I think you are in love with me, Xena. Stop denying it."
Why, you condescending . . . ! "Typical man!" Xena spat. A sudden flare of anger melted her steely expression and she glared down at him harshly. "A few smiles, one kiss, and youre convinced Im head over heels! Stop kidding yourself!" She snorted. "All that mush you were spewing, it was embarrassing, you know that? I shouldve shot you down right then, but I was being nice! Let me give it to you straight, Odysseus: youre not my type, understand?"
She stopped to take a breath before continuing her tirade, but he turned, snatched a robe from Gabrielle, whod just returned, and bolted down the dilapidated hallway before she said another word.
"Xena, its okay," Gabrielle whispered. Shed come back just in time to catch the end of the conversation, and the harshness of its tone had surprised her. "I understand."
The warrior smiled. "No, you dont . . . but you will. Now come on, weve got work to do." She draped an arm over Gabrielles shoulders. "Im gonna give him and Penelope both a clean homecoming, help him get his kingdom back. And then you and I are out of here." Together. Just you and me.
"Hell figure out what you did, you know."
"Maybe, but Im not letting that stop me," Xena said vehemently. "Thats not how its going to be, and he wont convince me otherwise. Now, lets go."
It was pretty much according to plan after that. Odysseus, unwittingly aided by Xena, succeeded in stringing his powerful bow and proving his identity; after that, a brief but rousing fight with the pirates ensued. Once everything had settled down again and the pirates were off the islandor in prison, dependingXena and Gabrielle decided it was their cue to leave. With the kings blessing, they took the ship theyd arrived in, and a small complement of sailors to go with them.
Xena completed her inspection of the preparations and stopped pacing around the deck. "Lets sail!" she yelled, taking up a position at the fore deck.
Several of the sailors began to raise the anchor and cast off ropes, and the helmsman saluted her. "Aye-aye, Xena!"
Gabrielle noticed that the gangplank hadnt been raised, and interrupted. "Hang on. Weve got company." She pointed to Odysseus, who was loping up the plank toward them.
"Him again?" the warrior complained, rolling her eyes. "All right, thats it . . . Im not being nice this time!" She turned her gaze toward the Ithacan king. "Hello, Odysseus. Anything I can do for you?"
He strode up to her, too warm and friendly for her liking. "Xena, I want to come with you."
She just couldnt keep herself from entertaining the notion of letting cold seawater dampen his enthusiasm. Still, she knew she couldnt be too cruelshe genuinely liked the man. He just didnt know how to take no for an answer. "Look, that line doesnt work on me when just anyone delivers it, okay? Penelope needs you. So does Ithaca. I wouldnt take you away from either of them, even if I wanted to. Thats just the way its gonna be, Odysseus. Goodbye."
"Xena, please!"
"Go home," she told him, more coldly than she would have liked, under better circumstances. He balked, and the warlord surfaced again, briefly, in the harshness of Xenas repeated "Go home!"
Odysseus looked into her face expectantly. Those blue eyes were so compelling that he couldnt contest what she was practically ordering him to do. Finally, he nodded and turned away in silence, making his way down the gangplank with slow, purposeful steps. Once hed set foot on the dock, the crew raised the plank and cast off. The sails unfurled into the wind, whose unseen force stretched them taut and bore the ship away from Ithaca.
Xena paused to raise a hand in salute to Odysseus and Penelope, who stood on the shore, waving in farewell, then turned to gaze out over the ocean. Gabrielle came to stand beside her on the fore deck.
"How are you feeling?" the bard asked softly.
"Just fine. Well . . . maybe not quite." Xena shrugged and looked down to watch the waves slap against the ships bow, sending a soft spray of seawater ahead of them. "I feel bad about being so harsh with him," she admitted, "but I had to do it. Hell learn to love Penelope again . . . she deserves it. He was just fooling himself with me. He never properly grieved for her when he thought she was dead, and discovering that she was alive was a surprise he hasnt yet had time to fully grasp. Hell love her again. Shes quite a woman to hold out against those pirates for ten years."
Gabrielle leaned against the railing and let her arm brush against Xenas. A tingling rush swept through her at the light contact. "I wonder if he knows that you helped him string that bow?"
"No," the warrior said, "and lets keep it that way. Its his story, and people will talk about it for years. Cant hurt the kings reputation, and its close enough to the truth. Besides, I dont think anyone needs to know that I was involved with it, or with him . . . you and I, especially, dont need the reminder."
It took a moment for Gabrielle to digest that comment. "Xena," she began tentatively, "why did you do it? I would have been happy if you and he had . . . I mean, if you loved each other, and it was good for you."
Xena faced Gabrielle and took both of the bards hands in her own. "Because I would only be fooling myself. Theres only one person in this world that I could ever love, and who could ever make me complete. And its not him, Gabrielle. Its you."
Blue eyes bored into Gabrielles own, reaching the emptiness deep in her soul and replacing it with warmth. She looked into those eyes, searched their depths, and found that no obstacles kept her from the warriors heart now. "You dont . . . you dont know how much Ive been wanting to h-hear that," she stammered.
"So its not just me?" Xena whispered incredulously.
She looked so vulnerable at that moment, as though her whole existence hung on the answer to her question. "No," Gabrielle told her. "Its not. Ive loved you forever, Xena. I just didnt have the sense to figure it out, or the courage to tell you."
Xena pulled the bard into her arms. "I was scared too . . . not just because I was afraid you wouldnt feel the same, but because I thought you deserved better. Because I didnt want to take advantage of you, or chain you into a life that was too dangerous. I didnt want you to get hurt, or to abuse your trust. I wanted to keep you safe." Too many things she hadnt wanted to do; too much focus had been on the negative instead of the positive. But it wouldnt be that way from now on. Not any more. She rested her chin on Gabrielles head and inhaled deeply, breathing in the tang of the salty breeze, mingled with the scent of the young womans hair. "But when you told me that you werent afraid of danger and that youd willingly go wherever I went . . . that was all I needed to know. Do you really trust me that much, Gabrielle?"
"I trust you." The young woman pulled back and tangled her fingers in dark tresses, drawing the warriors face down to hers and kissing her gently, for the first time. "With my heart and my life," she declared. "The safest place Ill ever be is wherever you are . . . and I love you."
She could have drowned in everything that she saw in those green eyes. "Oh yeah," Xena breathed, dizzy with the intensity of the moment. "Its you, all right." This couldnt really be happening . . . her dream wasnt actually becoming reality. That was the logical conclusion, anyway, but she threw logic overboard without a second thought. This was an opportunity she wasnt about to lose, now or ever. Gabrielle was offering her everything, no hesitation and no regrets; she couldnt do anything but accept.
So she did, bending down to accept the bards offering with a kiss, this one more confident and intense than the first had been. "I didnt think I believed in soulmates before, but . . . I believe it now. Its obvious when I look at you. Its you, all right, and" Her voice broke. "Gods, Gabrielle, I love you so much!"
One more kiss, and comprehension rocked both of them. Theyd both been playing an elaborate game, pretending that there was more, reasons for their partnership beyond the practical. Pretending that they could continue to exist side by side without acknowledging that they were incomplete without each other. But now, all the reasons and excuses, the mundane trappings of existence, the pain and fear and emptiness theyd carried around for so longall of it was swept away in that kiss.
None of that mattered. No need to pretend any more.