Ryan woke relatively early on the final day of their honeymoon and decided that she needed a nice, big breakfast. Eschewing her normal morning run, she prepared a six-egg ham and cheese omelet, two bagels with cream cheese, a big bowl of green grapes, a sectioned orange, a pot of coffee and two big glasses of juice. She carried her loaded tray up the stairs, setting it down on the floor as she slowly opened the door. Tiptoeing into the room, she could hear her lover begin to stir. It was just 6:45, but the sunlight was streaming through the big windows, creating lovely patterns all across Jamie’s body.

The smaller woman had kicked the sheet off in her absence, and Ryan stood and stared at her for a long minute. The unguarded beauty of her lover caused her to reflect on how blessed she was to be able to spend her life with a woman who attracted her so strongly. She knew that she would love Jamie no matter what kind of a package she came in, but she was not unaware of how the strong, firm body called to her in some elemental way that she was powerless over.

Jamie’s eyes slowly blinked open and locked upon Ryan’s for a few moments. She caught the desire reflected in those deep blue eyes, and she responded with a slow, sensual smile, silently welcoming her lover to proceed in any way she wished.

Ryan beamed at her as she placed the tray on the window seat and crossed over to sit next to her on the bed. "Sometimes I’m so struck by how beautiful you are that I really have to struggle to keep my wits about me," she admitted as she ran her hands lightly across Jamie’s smiling face.

"If I tried for a year, I couldn’t think if a better way to wake up," Jamie said sweetly. "Your loving face, that gorgeous body, a wonderful compliment and a big breakfast waiting for me." She shook her head slowly. "Heaven’s gonna have to pull out all the stops to top this."

"This is just one woman’s opinion," Ryan mused as she fetched the tray, "but I think this is heaven." A small smile accompanied her words, but Jamie could see the grain of truth reflected in the vivid blue eyes. Ryan took a big bite of the omelet and closed her eyes in pleasure. "Boy, I sure can cook," she said happily. "You’ve done pretty darn well for yourself, Ms. Evans. I get up early and make a fabulous breakfast, and you don’t have to lift a finger."

"I know how well I’ve done, Ms. O’Flaherty," she agreed with a big grin. "I thank my lucky stars every morning that you are my partner."

"I don’t know if the stars have anything to do with it, but I give thanks for you every day too."

"Ryan?" The tone in her voice let Ryan know that a serious question was headed her way, and the dark woman paused to give her partner her full attention. "Do you think we knew each other in a past life?"

"Pardon me?" Ryan shot her partner a skeptical smirk, but when she saw that Jamie’s question was sincere, she tried to control her reaction.

"You heard me, silly. Do you think it’s possible? I just feel so close to you that it’s hard to believe we’ve only known each other since September."

Ryan grew pensive, giving the question the thought that it deserved. "I agree that we have a bond that seems to predate our meeting, but I think that past lives stuff is a lot of hooey. I believe you get one bite at the apple, Jamie. That’s why I try so hard to jam my days with lots of activity. I don’t believe you get a second chance at life. It’s a precious gift that leaves us all too soon, and I believe we need to savor each moment," she said sincerely.

"I suppose you’re right, Ryan. I guess it just scares me to think that our time together is limited to this one lifetime."

"Sweetie, we don’t know what comes after this life. But I’ll tell you one thing: if it is possible to be reunited after death, we will be together. Nothing could keep me from you if there is any way at all that is possible." Her pledge was whispered softly into pale fragrant hair as she wrapped her arms around her partner and nuzzled her head into her neck. "Even though I don’t believe in past lives, I do think that some force brought us together. I like to imagine that my mother had something to do with it," she said with a shy smile. "That might be a lot of hooey too, but it’s a way I keep her involved in my life." She traversed Jamie’s neck in sweet little butterfly kisses from her ear to her collarbone. "And I know she would love you, Jamie." she said solemnly. "She would see all of the beauty you possess, both inside and outside. She would be so happy for us, Honey, I am certain of that."

Jamie wiped a tear from her eye with the corner of the sheet and gazed up at Ryan with a look of pure love. Making a quick decision, she decided to share a very precious moment with her partner. "When we were at the beach the other day, I was suddenly struck by this really powerful feeling," she said as she shook her head a little, still trying to make sense of the incident. "I had this visceral reaction to watching you run and play in the surf. You acted like such a little girl, and I suddenly felt how your mother must have felt, knowing that she wouldn’t see you grow up." She struggled with her emotions and eventually gave up the fight when she felt Ryan’s tears rolling down her shoulder. "It’s odd, Ryan, but I felt like she could hear me, so I thanked her for the marvelous job she did in raising you. I swear that as soon as I did that I felt an overwhelming sense of peace. I think she sees us, Ryan. And I think it does make her happy," she said as the tears rolled down both of their faces with abandon.

Ryan lifted her head and began to kiss the tears from Jamie’s cheeks. Jamie's searching lips captured her own tears, and as the minutes passed, their kisses became more heated and more insistent. Within moments they were moving against each other sensually as they sealed their love with a sweet, tender communion. Their intimacy reached a new height, though it did not progress to intimate physical contact. Instead of touching each other sexually, they shared their raw emotions, holding nothing back, revealing all of their most fragile hopes and fears in the deep merging of their souls.

They were both shaken by the overpowering feelings that their connection had brought to the surface, and they held each other for a very long while, letting the feelings seep into their bones. It was almost eight o’clock when Jamie mumbled, "I should get up soon. I’ve gotta look like an adult today."

"Is that such a hard task?" Ryan asked softly, her voice a little rough from disuse.

Jamie chuckled lazily and began to stretch out her muscles. "Not usually, but I’ve gotten used to being naked for almost a week. It’s gonna take some time to get into nylons and a dress."

"Let me help you," Ryan offered. "We can make the time in the shower count."

"Okay," Jamie said brightly. "If we’re gonna do that though, I’ve got a good idea."

"You have yet to have a bad idea," Ryan decided, tweaking her partner’s nose.

Handing Ryan a robe, Jamie led her into her mother’s bedroom.

"Um, are you sure this is okay?" Ryan asked hesitantly.

"Absolutely," Jamie replied. "Mother loves it when people enjoy her bathroom. It’s her favorite part of the house and she is always offering it to guests."

Ryan was rather stunned when they passed through the bedroom and into a massive walk-in closet. Neatly organized clothes covered three walls, with the fourth containing built-in cabinetry that functioned as chests of drawers and a generous dressing table with professional lighting for applying make-up. A large oak door led to a bath, the likes of which Ryan had never seen.

The first thing she noticed upon entering the room was that the floor was a beautiful, highly polished tan marble. The floor dropped off into a sunken tub, located beside a massive leaded-glass window that provided a stunning view of the wild, roiling ocean. Across from the door, two graceful pedestal sinks flanked a large oak armoire. Open shelving on the top half of the piece held decorative soaps, fluffy towels and other little knick-knacks.

To her right, Ryan noted a short wall with a wide marble top with a TV/VCR combination rested on an articulating arm so that the picture could be seen from any part of the room. Behind the wall, a commode with a very strange looking seat was visible. Jamie crooked a finger, and Ryan followed her over to the far wall. Turning to her right, Jamie led her partner into a large tiled shower with a curved seat that extended all along the back of the enclosure. A large skylight provided a clear view of the gray, foggy morning sky. Ryan rocked back on her heels and let out a low whistle through her teeth. "I...I...I’ve never seen anything like this," she said as she shook her head. "I can see why your mother likes to share this place."

"It is pretty neat, isn’t it?" Jamie asked, just a little embarrassed at the opulent display. She removed her robe and asked for Ryan’s, placing them on the marble counter.

"I’ll say," Ryan remarked. "Do we really shower in here?" She indicated the tiled enclosure. "Where’s the door?"

"There isn’t one. It’s sloped just enough so that the water doesn’t flow out. This took a lot of time to get right, but Mother loves the open feeling you get in here."

Ryan’s face was covered by a wide smile. "Are you going to join me in this den of pleasure? We’ve never showered together, you know," she stated with an eyebrow wiggle.

"I’m all yours, Precious," she smiled.

"Let the games begin!" Ryan decreed with a laugh as she turned on the overhead rainfall shower, unexpectedly drenching her partner.

Sputtering the water out of her face, Jamie cried, "You are such a brat, Ryan O’Flaherty! I’ve got half a mind to leave you here all alone."

"I’ll be good," she replied with her most innocent expression firmly pasted to her face. "I’ll make it up to you, Baby," she cooed, running her hands all over Jamie’s wet torso.

"Hey!" Jamie said sharply. "Where are those hands?"

"But I’m just helping to dry you off," she replied with a hurt look on her face.

"Yeah, right!" Jamie replied, already too familiar with her lover’s tricks. "You wait right here while I get a few things, you naughty girl." Moments later she was back, and after adjusting the water temperature, the twosome got under the water. No sooner were they wet than Jamie turned off the flow, instructing, "Don’t go away," as she scampered out of the enclosure.

Ryan heard the water running in the tub, and she sat on the wide seat in the shower and patiently waited for her lover to return. Jamie peeked in a few minutes later and beckoned her partner to join her. "Come here, Sweetie," she instructed. "Climb into the tub. You can grab the railing in the back so you don’t slip."

Ryan did as she was told, letting out a huge sigh as the warm water came up to her knees. Jamie sat on the edge of the tub and motioned Ryan to come closer. She did so, rising from the water to sit on a ledge that surrounded the tub. Facing the wall, Ryan closed her eyes in pleasure as Jamie started to brush her hair with a round wooden hairbrush. She brushed it thoroughly, pulling all of her hair away from her face, and when she was satisfied with the look, she began to braid it into a thick rope. She put a covered band around the bottom to hold it together, and then clipped the braid up against the back of Ryan’s head to keep it out of the water. She slid into the water right next to her partner and sat on her lap for a moment. "You look too tasty to pass up," she whispered as she wrapped her arms around Ryan and spent several minutes kissing her tenderly.

She slid off Ryan’s lap and gently splashed some water on her face. Then she slowly spread a dark, gritty substance on Ryan’s face and neck. It looked a lot like mud and had a rich, deep earthy smell. When she was finished, she handed the jar to Ryan and splashed some water on her own face. Ryan mirrored the application for her, and a few minutes later they each sat back in the tub and just soaked in the fragrant water.

Ryan was feeling deliciously relaxed after 15 minutes in the tub. Just when she was about to nod off, Jamie stood up and pulled the stopper, allowing the tub to drain. They climbed out together, then Jamie led her back to the shower where she unclipped her hair and pulled the braid apart, letting her hair hang loose down her back. "Sit," she commanded as she pointed to the bench and turned on the handheld shower that the lower set of fixtures controlled. She let the warm water run over Ryan’s legs for a moment, then she squirted out a generous amount of shaving cream onto her hands and started to lather it onto one long leg. She rinsed her hands and sat beside and slightly behind her partner, then took a disposable razor and started to stroke smoothly up those strong legs, stopping just above the knee as was Ryan’s habit. The very fine blonde hair that grew on her thighs was one of Jamie’s favorite things, and she was loath to remove the downy covering. She worked all around the leg, getting up to pull the foot up into the air so she could reach the back of her lover’s leg properly, then she followed the same procedure for the other leg, caressing each silky leg to test for perfection.

"Nobody has ever shaved my legs before," Ryan dreamily murmured as she leaned against her partner. "I guess it’s your turn, huh?" She grasped the razor and the cream and, catching the bemused grin on her partner’s face, gave her a puzzled look. Following Jamie’s gaze, Ryan slid her hands up the smooth legs and muttered, "You have hit puberty, haven’t you?"

"Yes, Ryan," she smirked, slapping her on the shoulder. "I just don’t have much hair on my legs."

"Hmm,,," the playful brunette mused. "Maybe you’d like to get rid of this little bit up here," and then playfully tried to remove the blond curls as Jamie slapped her hand and backed away.

"No way, Baby," she laughed. "I’m keeping every one of those!"

Ryan leaned over and placed a kiss on the springy curls. "I swear that you have the most perfect little triangle that I’ve ever seen," she marveled. "You could wear a thong and not have one little curl stick out."

"Just another example of my perfection," she gloated.

When Ryan was finished ogling her, Jamie pulled her to her feet and washed the masque off her face, using a soft cloth to help the process. When the masque was completely removed, she squirted a generous amount of fragrant shampoo onto her hands and guided Ryan under the rainfall showerhead. When her hair was properly wet, she jumped onto the seat and worked the shampoo into the ebony locks, giving her a thorough scalp massage in the bargain. Ryan let her head rest heavily against her partner, enjoying the unfamiliar sensation. When the temporarily taller woman was satisfied with her efforts, she again used the handheld fixture to rinse every bit of soap residue out of her partner’s hair. After she ran her hands through the tresses several times to remove excess water, she applied some conditioner and sat Ryan back down to let it work.

Jamie started to scrub off her own masque, but Ryan divined her intentions and insisted on returning the favor. Next, she washed and rinsed Jamie’s short tresses, applying some firm pressure to various spots on her head and neck to relieve any lingering stress. An application of conditioner for Jamie preceded the thorough rinsing of Ryan’s head. By the time all of the product was out of her thick hair, it was Jamie’s turn, and moments later both heads were clean and conditioned.

Each woman lathered up a soft cloth and washed every square inch of her partner, spending extra time on some of the most prized real estate. Jamie was forced to snatch the cloth away when Ryan started to stray into forbidden territory, and gave her partner a playful slap on the hand.

They dried each other with fluffy beige bath sheets, and then Jamie used a smaller bath towel to remove the bulk of the water from Ryan’s hair. Sitting the tall woman on a small stool, she carefully combed her hair to remove any tangles, pulled out a blow dryer and blew the dark hair dry, combing it straight back off her forehead. Ryan once again echoed her lover’s actions, quickly blowing Jamie’s hair dry.

They returned to their own room where they each playfully brushed the other’s teeth. This task was not particularly easy, but it was fun to try, and when finished, they kissed a few times to test for cleanliness.

Walking back into the bedroom together, Ryan checked her watch. "It’s just a little after nine, Hon. We’ve got an hour to kill."

Jamie tilted her head and considered their options for a moment. "We could go downstairs and see if Conor’s up," she suggested. "We didn’t get a chance to spend much time with him yesterday."

"I’ve been spending time with Conor for 24 years, Honey," Ryan said with a frown. "I’m not really interested in that proposition."

To Ryan’s amazement, Jamie seemed unable to think of any pastime that could occupy them for an hour or so. She blinked up at Ryan and asked, "Do you have anything you’d like to do, Honey?"

"Gosh, Jamie," she said slowly, trying to hide a grin. "It’s the last day of our honeymoon…we’ve got over an hour to kill…we’re sparkling clean…my legs are all smooth—just waiting to be touched…or licked." She shook her dark head slowly and muttered, "Nope. I can’t think of a thing."

"Oops!" Jamie was truly embarrassed to be so oblivious, but when she considered the proposal, she realized why it had not occurred to her. "I don’t really want to need another shower, Honey. I’d really like to be close, but could we maybe just lie together for a while?"

"Of course we could." Ryan smiled as she gathered her in a hug. "It’s the closeness that I really need, too, Honey. Let’s spend the last hour of our honeymoon in each other’s arms."

Obviously not as well rested as they had thought, they both fell asleep within minutes of climbing back into bed.

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

A small noise woke Ryan and, staring at her watch in amazement, she nudged her partner and asked, "Jamie, do you know what time it is?"

"No," she mumbled. "Can’t we talk about this later?"

"No, Honey," Ryan insisted. "It’s 10:15."

"WHAT! How can that be?" Jamie shouted as she leapt from the bed and ran to her closet.

"That’s more like it," Ryan decided, getting to her feet and trying to stay out of the way.

Only by rushing faster than she ever had, was Jamie ready by her-self imposed deadline. But even in her great haste she looked adorable to Ryan’s appreciative eyes. She was wearing a sleeveless cotton batik dress in shades of yellow, gold, and orange. The dress was quite short and showed off her smooth, tanned legs, which were somewhat needlessly covered by sheer pantyhose. Simple gold earrings, a matching necklace, several gold bangles on one wrist and her slim gold watch on the other were the perfect accessories. She had on just a touch of makeup that accentuated the golden highlights of her tanned skin, and a little splash of perfume that made Ryan’s mouth water. The dark woman was absolutely mesmerized, staring at Jamie the whole time she was getting dressed.

When Jamie was ready, she turned to make a comment to her partner and was struck by the lovesick expression on Ryan’s lovely face. Her heart clenched in her chest, and she felt the first stirrings of desire flare. Echoing the longing she saw in the deep blue eyes, she murmured, "God, I don’t want this to end."

Ryan closed the distance between them in the blink of an eye, wrapping her beloved in an emotion-filled embrace. "I don’t either, Sweetheart, I don’t either." They hugged so fiercely that Jamie was afraid she would have to change clothes to avoid being a wrinkled mess, but she didn’t mind a bit. Being held in Ryan’s arms was worth any sacrifice, she decided.

"You could go with me," a small voice floated up to Ryan’s ears.

Pausing a second to make sure she gave the correct impression, Ryan demurred. "This is something you need to do alone, Honey. I really think I’d be in the way."

Jamie started to disagree, but Ryan silenced her with a gentle kiss. "If you’re worried about going alone, or you need to talk about it some more, I’ll drive you and hang out in Palo Alto while you go to the ceremony, but I really think you need to go to the graduation alone to be able to let go of some of this, Honey."

"I have let go of him, Ryan! Really, I have!" The look on her face was a combination of embarrassment and fear as she tried to convince both Ryan and herself of the truth of her statement.

Ryan’s hands lifted and gently grasped Jamie’s face. She tilted her head just enough to be able to gaze directly into her eyes. Her voice was soft, but firm as she said, "I know you have, Love. But this chapter of your shared lives is still open. You would not have wanted to go if it wasn’t, Baby. I think this is something that you need to do, and I support you totally, Jamie. I really want you to go." Ryan’s face reflected her sincere wishes, even though she surprised herself a little when she expressed them.

"You’re right," Jamie muttered, nuzzling her face against Ryan’s chest. "I just don’t want to go."

The mere fact that Jamie was so reticent to leave made Ryan feel immeasurably better. "I know, Honey, I know." They stood and held each other gently until Jamie absolutely had to leave. With a small kiss on the top of her head, Ryan said, "I love you more than words can say, Jamie. You make me happier than I ever thought was possible."

"I’m going to spend the rest of my life trying to make you happy, Ryan." And she reached up to kiss her. As she backed away, she brought her hands up and slipped the other blue diamond into Ryan’s right earlobe. "I need to wear a matched set today. So you keep mine safe for me until we’re together again," she said as she stood on her tiptoes and kissed her ear.

They walked down the stairs hand in hand. As they entered the kitchen, Conor was sitting at the counter, fully dressed, with an anxious look on his face. "Thank God you finally came down!" he cried. "There was no way I was going to disturb the honeymooners!"

They both laughed at his predicament, with Jamie placing her arms around his neck and kissing his cheek. "Sorry we got such a late start, Conor. But you’ve got plenty of time to get to the course."

He smiled up at her, all of his anxiety now gone. "I hope you have fun today too, Jamie. I just wish you could go with us."

"I do too, Conor. I don’t know how I’m going to survive without this one for a whole afternoon," she said as she gave Ryan a firm hug.

Ryan leaned down to kiss her tenderly, grasping her hand and leading her outside. Conor followed along behind them and tried not to watch as his sister said her goodbyes. Jamie got into her car, and Ryan sat down on her haunches to be able to reach her through the low door. She kissed her several times, each kiss getting a little more fervent. She finally lifted her head and smiled at Jamie. "I think we’d better stop, or Conor’s gonna get a show."

"Now you have fun today, Tiger, and don’t forget to drive those other cars. Why don’t you take one to the course?"

"Could I?" she asked with her eyes wide.

"Oh course, Baby, Daddy wants you to drive them. It’s okay if Conor wants to drive, too. Daddy really likes people to enjoy his little toys. Oh, I forgot to tell you that I already signed for your golf today. I also paid for Chip’s time since it’s going to be a playing lesson, and I left a nice tip for him so you don’t have to worry about that. I opened a tab for you at the restaurant, too. Have lunch there and just sign my name. I’ve just gotten some weight back on you, so you eat up."

"You’re much too good to me, you know," Ryan insisted. "You’re really going to spoil me."

"I can’t think of anyone I’d rather spoil," Jamie said as she puckered up for another kiss. After several more tender kisses, she started to pull away, but stopped about 20 feet down the drive. Ryan trotted over as Jamie leaned her head out. "I need one more," she pleaded.

Ryan stuck her head in the window and gave her a doozy. Jamie had to fight to focus after the searing kiss. "Whew!" she breathed. "Hold that thought until I get home tonight, Tiger."

"If Conor wasn’t here I’d like one more little taste of you," she murmured in reply.

"You read my mind, Baby," Jamie agreed wistfully.

Ryan leaned in and gave her a final kiss, then reluctantly stood and waved good-bye.

Conor was standing on the landing by the back door, hands on his hips. Ryan just lifted her shoulders in a shrug as she gave him a guilty smirk. "I’ve got it baaaad, Conor."

"It’s the worst case I’ve ever seen," he agreed as his wrapped his arm around her shoulders.

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

They had less than ten minutes to get to the club, so rather than drive one of the muscle cars, Ryan decided to just go in Conor’s truck, since his clubs were already loaded. They flew into the parking lot and had to run to get to the clubhouse on time. Chip was waiting for them and after quick introductions; they headed out to the first tee.

Conor was like a kid in a candy store, "ooohing" and "aaahing" at all of the sights. He and Ryan rode together, and she pointed out all of the interesting trivia that she had learned on her earlier round. Conor was really on his game and made quite a respectable showing. Ryan also played significantly better, and both Chip and Conor were generous in their praise of her improving game.

Conor had to brag about her a bit to Chip, informing him about what a natural athlete his little sister was. He had Chip in stitches by the time he finished regaling him with stories of a young Ryan beating her older brothers in nearly every game they played.

When they stopped at the snack bar after the ninth hole, Ryan grabbed $20 worth of food and Gatorade, with even Conor expressing astonishment at her purchases. "Jamie made me promise to eat a lot today," she protested.

Conor laughed at her as she gulped down the large bottle of Gatorade. "You wouldn’t be so hungry if you came downstairs and had breakfast like normal people," he joked.

"I am sorry for worrying you this morning," she said sincerely. "It really would have been okay to come up and check on us."

"Well," he admitted, "I heard you playing in the bathroom at eight, so I just assumed you were up. But when you didn’t come down by ten, I did tiptoe upstairs and I didn’t hear a sound. So I made just enough noise to wake you up. I do respect your privacy, but I was not going to miss playing this course!"

As they drove to the tenth tee, Ryan leaned over and gave Conor a kiss on the cheek. "What was that for?" he asked.

"I just missed you these past two weeks. I was really disappointed that I didn’t get to see you before we left to come down here."

He gave her a big smile as he patted her on the leg. "I missed you too, Ryan. Da and I were talking about it the other day. It just doesn’t feel right at home when you’re not there."

Chip was waiting for them when they pulled up, so Ryan was unable to pursue the conversation. But she decided that she needed to revisit the topic at lunch.

The rest of the round flew by, with the threesome getting along quite well. Ryan loved seeing her brother enjoy himself so much, and she thought that one of Conor’s most endearing traits was that he was unafraid to show his true feelings. He wasn’t the type of man who felt he had to play it cool. He let his boyish enthusiasm show through in nearly everything he did. Ryan studied him as he stood on the tee to hit his shot. When she really thought about it, she realized that he had changed very little since they were children. He was still full of energy and always ready to play a practical joke or engage in some form of competition. She was pleased to see that being an adult hadn’t hardened him, like so many people his age.

He came back to the cart, grinning widely at his excellent tee shot on 18. "I fail to see what’s so hard about this little course," he said smugly. "I see the pros out here every year just hacking away. I don’t get it."

Ryan laughed as his bravado. "This is the very rare day when the wind isn’t blowing, Conor. Add a 25 mile per hour wind, and this place can eat you alive."

"I don’t know, Sis. I think I’ve just got what it takes," he said with a grin.

When they finished their round, Chip made Ryan promise to tell Jamie that he was always available to help her with her game. He gave Ryan his card and wrote his home number on the back. "If her relationship doesn’t work out, I’d be happy to help her in other ways, too," he grinned.

Ryan promised to relay the message; ignoring the tension she felt building from her brother. They said goodbye to Chip and began to walk toward the clubhouse for lunch.

"The nerve of that guy!" Conor fumed. "Who the hell does he think he is, trying to horn in on you!"

"It’s okay," Ryan said. "He doesn’t know we’re together."

"Nonetheless, you shouldn’t go sniffing around a woman when you don’t know what the situation is. For all he knows, she’s going out with me!"

"I guess you do have a point there," Ryan agreed. "But if you were dating Jamie, you would have made a point to mention it at some time during the round. I’m not able to do that given our situation," she admitted.

"That just really makes me mad, Ryan. I don’t see what the big damn deal is. So you’re both women. So what! You show each other more love than any ten straight couples I’ve seen. Why can’t people just get over themselves?"

"Well, you know I haven’t spent much time in the closet in the last seven years," she said. "But Jamie’s not in the same place that I am with this. She needs time to figure out how and when to tell her parents, and the other people in her life. I’m afraid it’s going to take a while for her to be comfortable being fully out."

"I wish this were easier for you both, Ryan. It must be hard for you having to hide how you feel about each other. Actually," he laughed, "I don’t know how you do it. It’s so obvious how totally in love with each other you are, I don’t know how you fool a soul."

"We haven’t had to fool anyone besides Chip since we’ve um...you know," she blushed. "I do think it’s going to be a whole lot harder now than it was before."

"Yeah, you two have really turned up the volume," he grinned.

After they were seated they looked at the menu quickly. Ryan wanted two of everything, but she settled for a turkey club and a bowl of minestrone. Conor ordered a cheeseburger and fries. That sounded good to Ryan too, so she asked for fries also. After the server left Ryan asked, "Do you think it will be awkward having us around the house?"

"No!" he said emphatically. "Why would you even ask that?"

"I don’t know. I’m just afraid that it’ll upset our normal dynamic. Jamie and I touch each other every minute of the day, and I don’t want to make you guys uncomfortable with that."

"Ryan, we are all perfectly happy that you are a lesbian. Being happy with that implies that we’re happy about you sleeping with women. We’re all cool with it, honestly. Aside from the fact that we’re all jealous that you snagged Jamie, we want you to be happy, Sis. It’s obvious that Jamie is the best thing that ever happened to you, so why wouldn’t we want her in our home?"

"You know, Conor," she said as a tear threatened to leak out, "I don’t tell you nearly enough how much I love you and Rory and Brendan. I couldn’t have chosen better brothers."

"We did pretty well for ourselves too, Ryan. Plus the added benefit of having a little jewel like Jamie added to the family is just icing on the cake." He smiled broadly as he added, "Although, if I got to play Pebble Beach once in a while, you could date a jerk and I’d still be happy!"

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

Their food was delivered promptly, and they tore into it quickly, all conversation at a standstill until a substantial dent was made in the repast. When her hunger was sated enough for her to be able to speak, Ryan brought up their living situation again. "Do you think Da is really okay with us living in Berkeley during the week?"

"I think he is. Now, I’m not denying that he’s sad about it, but I know he understands your reasons."

"This really is going to be an adjustment for us, Conor. This is all so new for Jamie, I want her to be able to get comfortable with our relationship this summer. It’s so ideal having her roommates gone, I really feel we need to take this opportunity to get to know each other better."

"I understand, Ryan. But Da’s still upset about Brendan moving out. His ideal would be to have all of us married, all living in the house, with a bunch of kids running around."

"Well, Jamie and I are going to do our best to fulfill some of his wishes," she said with a grin.

"Wow! I assume you mean Da’s number one wish to have a bunch of grandchildren. Are you planning on doing that anytime soon?" he asked.

"Not soon, but eventually," she replied firmly.

"Do you.... um.... need any help?" His tanned face grew a little pink as he blushed at the implications of his offer.

Ryan gripped his arm and gave it a squeeze, reassuring him that she was comfortable with the topic. "It does seem a lot more real now that Jamie’s in the picture, doesn’t it?"

The relief showed clearly as Conor blew out a breath and nodded his head. "When we talked about this before it was so hypothetical," he agreed.

"It’s still pretty hypothetical," Ryan assured him. "But we discussed it a little bit this week. Jamie was kind of ambivalent about whether she wanted to bear a child or adopt one, but when I told her you had offered your services, she changed her mind immediately. She would love to have you be the father, if you were still interested."

"Do I get to do it the old fashioned way?" His leering face indicated that this was just the beginning of the teasing she would face.

"Yeah, no problem. We could have a three way!" she suggested, with a totally genuine looking smile on her face.

"Well, doesn’t that just take all the fun out of it." He made a sour expression that caused Ryan to laugh out loud. "You really know how to spoil a party."

"We’re a long way from taking that leap. We both want to go to graduate school, so it’ll be a few years. And you never know what could happen during that time. You might be with someone who didn’t want you to have a child by another woman."

"Not a chance of that, Ryan. I would never be with a woman who didn’t understand my commitment to my family. You and the boys will always come first with me."

"I hope that’s always true for all of us, Conor. That is one of the things that I found most attractive about Jamie, you know. She was crazy about all of you from the first time she met you."

"Just another indication of her excellent taste," he said.

"Speaking of taste, where’s our server? I need some dessert!" she decided.

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

On the way home Conor asked, "Are we going to take off now?"

"Not quite yet. I promised I’d do a little favor for Jamie’s dad. You could help me if you wanted to," she said.

"What’s the favor?" he asked suspiciously.

"He’s got some old cars that he needs me to drive. Are you interested?"

"Since I’m guessing that he doesn’t have a backyard full of junkers up on blocks, I’m definitely in!"

When they arrived back at the house, Ryan ran in to get all of the keys. Conor was walking around the yard when she returned, looking over the property. He pointed to Jamie’s tree house and asked, "Was that for Jamie when she was little?"

Ryan nodded her affirmation. "Pretty nice for a kid, huh?"

"I’ll say. I wonder if it’s big enough for an adult to fit in?"

Ryan blushed and replied, "Yeah, it’s big enough."

"Ryan! You two didn’t desecrate a child’s playhouse, did you?"

A guilty shrug was his only answer.

"Boy, she is a little live wire, isn’t she?"

"She’s all that and a bag of chips," she smugly replied. As they approached the garage Ryan said, "I’m not sure what we’re driving today. I was so overwhelmed by the first two cars that I drove that I didn’t have the strength to look at the last two."

"How many cars does he have?" Conor’s blue eyes were dancing with excitement, and Ryan was very pleased that she was able to share this with her big brother.

"I’ve been afraid to ask. He’s got three muscle cars down here and a new NSX, plus a Suburban. I know he’s got a seven series BMW and a Range Rover in the city. And you saw her mother’s CLK. But I have a feeling there are more cars that I haven’t heard about. Her dad is a real car nut."

"Why couldn’t our dad be a car nut?" he whined.

"Conor, if Da was a car nut, all he could afford would be magazines with pictures of the cars he wanted. Jamie’s dad can actually buy what he wants."

"Well then, why couldn’t Jamie’s dad be our dad," he amended his plea.

"I know you’re kidding, but you have no idea what you’re really asking for. Jamie really is the poor little rich girl, Conor. We’ve spent more time with Da this year than she has spent with her dad her whole life."

"What about her mom?"

"From what I hear she’s much worse than that. She took her to the opera and the symphony when she was three years old! Not that it’s a bad thing to have some culture, but she didn’t get to do any kid stuff. They never even took her to the zoo! They had all the money in the world, and she’s never been to Disneyland. They’ve traveled all over the world, but what kid wants to see the Louvre?"

"I’m 28 years old and I don’t want to see it. I can’t imagine being dragged through museums when I was little. Gee, Mama hated to take us to church, and it was a mortal sin not to do that!"

She stopped and looked at him for a minute, "I don’t remember that," she said with a somber look flitting across her features. "Tell me what it was like."

Conor truly hated that his sister had so few memories of their mother. The four-year difference in their ages gave him a much larger catalogue of impressions, and he did his best to share them whenever he got the opportunity. "I don’t remember going when I was real little, but when I was six or seven I was in charge of you during Mass. Da would sit on one end and Mama on the other. You’d be next to Mama, and she and I had to tag team you. Rory would be by Da, and he and Brendan would try to keep him quiet. By the time Mass was over, you’d be half undressed, and you would usually be next to Da since Mama and I had given up on you."

"Come on, I wasn’t that bad," she argued, unable to dispute Conor’s memory, but thinking it unlikely that she had been the little terror that he portrayed.

"You were worse than that!" he assured her. "You hated to wear dresses, but Mama always had a frilly little dress on you for church. You had those cute little ruffled panties on under it, and you loved to pull your dress up over your head and show everyone your underwear. You’d get your socks and shoes off in no time flat, and it was a constant struggle to stop you from throwing them at people. You had a gun when you were just a baby. I swear you could hit the back of someone’s head from six pews back!"

"Hmmm, Jamie’s always threatening to adopt so she doesn’t have to have a kid like me-- maybe she’s right."

"I wouldn’t have traded you for anything," Conor said sincerely. "You were wild, but you were always a ton of fun."

"Speaking of fun..." she said as she opened the garage door. Conor stood and stared in amazement at the condition of the Mustang, one of his all-time favorite cars.

"This car is a masterpiece," he said reverently as he walked all around it.

"Jamie said you can drive any of them you want," she informed him, unable to suppress a wide grin at the look of delight that sped across his features.

"I’m not worthy," he moaned, his eyes wide and unfocused.

Laughing at his reaction, Ryan moved to the next car. "Let’s see what else we have here and then you can drive…if you’re able," she added. He helped her take off the cover of a 1967 electric blue Chevy Malibu Supersport. "Wow!" they said simultaneously.

"This is soooo hot," Conor muttered. "I think I’m gonna try and hold out for those cousins of Jamie’s. It’s worth the risk."

"They’re on her mom’s side of the family, so I don’t know if they have the car nut gene," she warned him. "On the other hand, that’s where the dough is, so you could get them hooked on a new habit." She could nearly see the gears turning in his agile mind, and imagined that he was computing the minimum age at which he could make his move on the teenagers.

Next was a 1970 Pontiac GTO, in a brilliant da-glo orange. "This one is really rare," Conor said, walking around the pristine car. He looked like he wanted to run his hands over the paint, but there was not a smudge on the entire surface, and he didn’t want to leave a mark. "There are tons of Mustangs around but not that many GTO’s were sold. It’s hard to find one in perfect condition like this one." He walked around each car again, stopping to look carefully at each one from every angle. "Can I really drive them?" he asked somewhat tentatively.

"Jamie assures me that her father wants them driven, and that he wants some carbon burned off the plugs. You up for it?"

"I’m not sure I can move," he admitted. "These are works of art, Ryan. Are you sure he doesn’t mind?"

"He left a note asking me to drive them, so I’m sure he doesn’t mind."

"Then what are we waiting for?" he asked with a glimmer in his eye.

Ryan let Conor drive each of the cars in the collection. He was truly in his element when he drove a hot car, paying rapt attention to every detail of the experience. Ryan could tell that he was listening to each of the individual elements of the car, gauging their performance as he put each one through its paces, turning them quickly to judge their turning radius, mashing down on the brakes to determine their stopping power. He got each car up well over the speed limit, but she felt perfectly safe because of his dexterity with the machines. He pushed each one, but never past its limit.

Tooling down U.S. 1 in the GTO, Conor grew pensive. "Do you have a read on Jamie’s parents yet?"

"Mmm, I’m not sure what you mean." The growl of the engine forced her to raise her voice a little higher than normal.

"I guess I wonder how they’re going to be about you two." It was clear that Conor was a little worried about his sister, and Ryan sought to reassure him.

"It’s really hard to tell, Conor," she advised. "There have been some positive signs though. I met her Dad after the ride and he was very friendly. He knows that I’m gay, and he knows that one of the reasons for Jamie’s breakup was because of her relationship with me."

"Yeah, but he’s a lawyer, Sis, you know they can make you think they’re your friend while they stab you in the back."

"Hey, Bren is a lawyer, too! He’s not like that!"

"He’s not the head honcho of a big firm either, Ryan," Conor reminded her.

She nodded her head at the truth of that statement. "Well, even if he’s being disingenuous, her mom tried to pry the truth out of Jamie, and she didn’t seem upset at the time. Jamie says she knows lots of gay people, so I’m hoping that she’ll be cool."

Conor gave her a small smile and patted her leg. "I wish this was easier for you, Ryan. It just pisses me off that it has to be an issue at all. You would be such a great addition to any family…" His voice trailed off as he found it difficult to comprehend why anyone would try to subvert the obvious bond between his sister and her partner.

"Hey, don’t worry about it, Con. No matter what happens, Jamie’s a member of our family now. The worst things the Evans's can do are stop speaking to Jamie or withhold her money. I don’t wish for either of those things to happen, but if they do, it won’t affect the way we feel for each other."

Conor shot his sister a fond smile. "Jamie’s still a pretty good choice, even with no dough," he admitted.

"She’s a damn good choice if she were ten million in debt!" Ryan decreed with just a touch of hyperbole.

When he finished with each of the vintage cars, Conor’s lustful blue eyes lingered over the Acura. "Okay," Ryan said slowly, as she tossed the keys to him. "Here’s the keys, but be very, very careful with this one. We’d have to become Mr. Evans’ personal slaves if you wrecked it."

His eyes lit up as he snatched the keys out of the air and slid into the black leather seat, almost in the same motion. A deep sigh of pleasure came from his lungs, and Ryan smiled at the look of supreme satisfaction on his handsome face. As he turned over the engine he looked at her dreamily and said, "This is better than sex."

As the car backed out of the garage Ryan replied, "You, my boyo, have been having sex with the wrong people."

"Come on, Ryan," he argued. "You love cars nearly as much as I do. Are you telling me that driving this baby didn’t make you hot?"

For the tenth time that day Ryan blushed deeply, causing Conor to laugh at her embarrassment. "You didn’t do it in the car, did you?" He was having a very good time at her expense, but his teasing was gentle, and sprinkled with a good helping of envy, so Ryan didn’t get angry.

She paused for a minute, debating whether or not to tell him the whole story. She had always been very open about her sex life, and even though she neither wanted nor needed to talk about her intimate life in detail, she had to admit that she liked having Conor as a confidante. She let a sly smile escape, as she replied, "No, not in the car, but I will admit that we couldn’t wait to get home. We stopped at a motel." She couldn’t stop the adolescent giggle that accompanied her revelation.

"You know, Ryan," he said as he narrowed his blue eyes at her, "you’re not making me any less jealous by telling me these things. You’ve got a gorgeous, smart, funny, rich girlfriend, who can cook no less, and she’s as hot as a pistol!"

"It’s all true, Conor," she admitted. "I haven’t been able to find a fault in her yet. I keep waiting for the police to show up and tell me she’s a con woman perpetrating a massive fraud on this naive rich couple, but so far she’s legit."

"I’ve never been one to pry into your life, Ryan, but I’m telling you now, if you let her get away, I’m going to have you committed!"

"Not gonna happen, Bro." Her dark hair trailed over her shoulders as she tossed her head confidently. "If we ever split up, it will be her doing. I’m in for life."

"You’re really sure, aren’t you?" he asked thoughtfully.

"Absolutely positive. Jamie’s the last woman in my life." The conviction in her voice caused him to offer his little sister a fond smile.

"I’m happy for you, Ryan. I really am." As he turned to glance at her he noticed the sapphire blue diamond in her ear. "Hey, where’d you get that?" he asked as he pointed to her ear.

Her hand lifted to touch the jewel. "Little honeymoon present," she informed him with a laugh. "Jamie’s great grandmother willed a pair of diamonds to her. She had never had them set, but when we fell in love she had them put in this setting and she gave them to me on Monday. I didn’t feel right taking them, since they’re a part of her family, so I made her a deal: I’d wear one if she wore one. We went out yesterday and each got another piercing so we can wear normal earrings too."

As she turned her head he noticed that she wore both diamonds. "Why do you have both on?"

"Until the new piercing heals we have to leave a sterile stud in. Jamie wanted to wear a pair of gold ones today, so I’m holding hers for safekeeping."

"How did you hold up when you got it pierced?" he asked gently, knowing his sister’s propensity for fainting at the sight of needles.

"I went out like a light," she admitted, laughing at her foible. "I can hear Da now, ‘That’s your punishment for desecrating your body, Siobhán. If the good Lord wanted you to have another hole in your head, he’d have given it to you'," she said in her perfect imitation of her father’s brogue.

"I don’t know, he might go easy on you since it’s a gift from Jamie. I don’t think she can do any wrong in his eyes."

"We’ve got to figure out a way to use her to our advantage," Ryan said carefully, blue eyes narrowing in thought. "She might be a good foil for some of our misadventures."

"Yeah, but where was she when we really needed her? We sure could have used her assistance when I helped you buy your first motorcycle."

"I can still remember the look on his face when he saw it," Ryan remembered. "I honestly thought I saw steam coming out of his ears," she laughed.

"Yeah, well, you just got yelled at. I got the ‘If you don’t love your baby sister enough to stop her from spilling her brains on the pavement’ speech."

"You’ve got to admit he’s a master at the guilt trip," Ryan said fondly.

"A legend in his own time," Conor agreed with a smile.

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

When all of the cars were put to bed with their covers tucked around them securely, they went back into the house. Conor wanted a quick tour and Ryan obliged, but his professional eye told him volumes about the home and the taste of the owners. He walked around the house, noting the craftsmanship of the carpentry and the quality of the fixtures and appliances. "The last house I worked on that was this well appointed was one of the mansions up in Pacific Heights. One of the chairmen of a Silicon Valley software firm paid about three mil for the house and spent another five mil fixing it up. This place isn’t as high tech as his was, but the detail in here is just as amazing."

Ryan nodded her agreement as they went from room to room. He was truly impressed with the master bath. "These people spend their money on quality stuff," he said. "I really like this Japanese toilet," he said as he indicated the strange commode that Ryan had seen, but not commented on.

"What’s the deal with this?" she asked.

"It’s a regular toilet and a bidet all in one. It saves you from having to have separate fixtures, which really comes in handy in older homes where space is at a premium."

"Oh, I’ve never used a bidet," Ryan said excitedly. "Meet me outside," she instructed. "I’ve gotta try this out."

Conor laughed at her excitement, but did as he was instructed. Moments later she emerged with a crooked grin on her face, "That was…different," she said slowly.

"I would imagine they’d take a little while to get used to," he admitted, as he returned her grin.

They finished their tour in the kitchen. Conor spent a few minutes looking at the butler’s pantry, again marveling at the efficiency of the design. "They spent some bucks hiring a good designer," he said. "In an older home like this you really need to hire someone who knows their stuff."

"Jamie’s mom is really into the house. I assume it was her pet project to have it done right. And when money is no object, I guess you can take as much time as you need to have it done the way you want it."

"How do you feel about her money?" he asked seriously. "Has it been hard to get used to?"

"We’ve just started to work on that," Ryan admitted. "We’re both going to have to give a little bit on the issue."

"Does it bother Jamie that you don’t have any money?" He was reticent to ask this question, but the thought had been worrying him, so he decided to find out.

"No, not at all. She has a great attitude about their money. She feels like it’s an accident of birth, rather than anything she’s entitled to. It’s gonna be a big adjustment, since she wants to be able to spend more on me than I’m comfortable with. Like these earrings," she said as an example. "I can’t even imagine how much these are worth. And she bought me some clothes the other day that must have cost a ton. She practically crawled on the counter to stop me from seeing the receipt," she said with a chuckle. "I don’t feel comfortable having her spend lots of money on me, so we’re going to have to work on it to reach an agreement."

"Well, I understand that it might be tricky to work out, but you’ve got to admit it’s a hell of a problem to have. ‘My rich girlfriend buys me too many nice things,’ next on Jerry Springer."

Ryan laughed as she admitted that it wasn’t a terrible problem to tackle. "But one neat thing is that we’re going to work together to find a way to distribute a lot of her money to a cause that we both support. We haven’t decided how to do it, but I’m excited about having the opportunity to help other people."

"I think you two are going to be a force to be reckoned with, Sis," he said admiringly as he wrapped his arm around her waist and gave her a squeeze.

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

By S X Meagher

Disclaimers:

See Part 1

***Part 17 Conclusion***

Jamie arrived in Palo Alto nearly an hour before the graduation was set to begin. She had decided that she would sit alone, not wanting to make the Townsend family uncomfortable. She didn’t know what, if anything, Jack had told them about their breakup, but she wanted to avoid any unpleasant questions. Although they were very nice people, and she knew they would not consciously offend her, she knew that if they knew about Ryan they might feel obligated to say something, and she wasn’t in the mood to discuss her lover with them.

She strolled around the law school campus, reminiscing about all the good times she and Jack had shared at the school. Passing by the administration building, she recalled going with him for his first registration, when he was nervous about his new adventure. They had only been dating a short while and they hadn’t yet learned much about each other. They stood together in the various lines, her hand resting on his back. Her presence seemed to soothe him, and by the end of the day he was his normal, confident self. That day had done a lot to cause her to fall in love with him. The fact that he was not only willing to share his vulnerability with her, but was also willing to let her help him through it, was completely charming to her.

She let her mind wander through their three years together. It became clear to her, in retrospect, why she had fallen in love with him. He was so like her father, it was almost eerie. But he was a little bit more emotionally available than her father had been. Perhaps that was only because he was a student, and didn’t have the demands of work that her father had. She suspected that in reality, her father was absent because he needed the space. She knew that he loved her and her mother, but she guessed that he could only handle small amounts of that love at a time. Jack seemed to have a larger capacity for closeness, but he still had a lot of her father’s quiet reserve. She thought that was what made him feel so safe and comfortable, almost from the start.

Since she had never allowed herself to acknowledge her innate attraction to women, she had never known the power of fierce sexual attraction. Because of this, she had felt that the desire she had for Jack was what everyone felt. She had found a good man who would be a good father; it made sense to snatch him up while he was still available. She had to acknowledge that being with Jack had prevented her from exploring her deep, hidden feelings. She would never have cheated on Jack, no matter how strong the attraction, and the thought occurred to her that perhaps she was subconsciously trying to permanently remove the possibility of succumbing to her latent desires. Perhaps taking the lesbian sexuality class was a sign from her subconscious to burst out of the confines of her safe choice and take a risk. Whatever the reason, she knew it was the best decision that she had ever made.

Jamie walked past the area where the graduates were lining up, many of them posing for pictures with their families. She thought she spotted Jack’s tall blond head, and as she came closer she saw that her guess was correct. He was standing with his parents and getting ready to pose for some pictures. He looked so handsome in his cap and gown that she felt a small stirring of emotion that took her by surprise. His gown was black, but he wore a cowl of a deep burgundy and white, along with a gold cord that she knew symbolized an honor. She assumed he would receive honors for being editor of the main law review, but he might have merited other commendations that she was unaware of. She felt a pang of loss at not even knowing how his last semester had gone, a sharp pain deep in the pit of her stomach.

Fighting to control her emotions, she was struck with the thought that she had given herself to this man. She knew now that she had not given of herself totally, but she had not known that at the time. It was deeply painful to watch him move on through his life without her, even though she was so much happier now. There was a part of herself that she had permanently given to Jack; she could never hope to reclaim that part, and she wasn’t sure that she wanted to. The things they shared were all in the past now, but they were important to her. She wanted to treasure the good times they had together and mourn the bad ones.

She wiped the tears from her eyes and decided to go say hello before the ceremony began. Just as she took one step towards him, she saw why they had been waiting to take the pictures. His law review partner, Natalie, approached the group. Jamie watched, transfixed, as Natalie walked up and slid her arms around him and gave him a very, very friendly kiss.

Jamie stood, unable to move, as Natalie greeted Mr. and Mrs. Townsend. Her legs felt so weak that she nearly collapsed before she could stumble to a bench and collect herself. Every rational thought in her head screamed at her to leave at that moment. But the urge to observe the pair tugged at her like the need to look at a car wreck.

Fighting back her tears of outrage, Jamie stared at the happy graduates. Natalie and Jack posed with their arms around each other as Mr. Townsend snapped a few pictures. Jamie was in the middle of a fierce debate with herself over her desire to go take a swing at her former fiancé when the graduates were called to line up for the procession. Jack gave Natalie a very tender kiss as she moved away to find her proper place in line. As she stared at the besotted man, she felt her stomach turn when she recalled him kissing her in exactly the same fashion. Jamie watched his face as he watched Natalie walk away. Two months ago that look was reserved for me, she thought as the flames of jealousy burned at her soul. Or was it? Maybe he always felt that way for Natalie. She remembered the long afternoons and even longer nights that they spent together working on their article. He was very defensive when I compared my relationship with Ryan to his relationship with Natalie, she thought suspiciously. I swear that if I find out he was screwing around behind my back, I’ll kill him!!

She found Natalie in the crowd and spent a few minutes looking at her, feeling an overwhelming sense of hatred for the oblivious woman. She was tall, about 5’10" or so. Her long auburn hair curled around her shoulders, and her figure, although mostly hidden by the robes, looked to be as attractive as Jamie remembered.

As the graduates began to walk toward the stage she debated whether she should leave immediately, or stay to cause a massive scene. Her irrational jealousy was beginning to overpower her and she had to fight with herself to go sit down and think things through before she left. She walked to the very rear of the gathered families and found a bench behind the neatly arranged folding chairs, just barely able to hear the speakers as they began the ceremony.

She sat quietly and tried to still her raging thoughts, taking several deep breaths as she tried to focus her rational mind. Okay, what you know is this, she thought. You know that you were largely unavailable to Jack because of your growing feelings for Ryan. You know that you pushed him away and began to give more of yourself to her. You know that he wanted to be closer to you. You know that he was more than willing to have you back, but you would have had to give up the dream of being with Ryan. And you know that being with Ryan is the best thing that ever happened to you.

Here she dropped her head in shame as she recalled their last conversation. He went out of his way to call you and wish you well. He genuinely wanted to know that you were happy. You are happy, Jamie. You’re happier than a person has any right to be. Why can’t you be as loving to him as he was to you? Doesn’t he deserve that after all that you put him through? You did break his heart. A wry smirk crossed her face as she amended that detail. Obviously, his heart wasn’t terribly broken, or he’s a really fast healer.

Focusing her thoughts on being her most generous self, she thought, You owe him your thanks and your appreciation for all that you meant to each other. Be the person that you would admire. Go up to him and wish him well, and mean it!

She concentrated on this mantra for the rest of the ceremony. When Jack’s name was called she found herself standing and applauding enthusiastically for him. No matter what had happened to them as a couple, she knew that there was not a person at Stanford that had worked harder to get where he was than Jack Townsend. Even though she did not feel responsible for his efforts, she had to acknowledge that her two and a half years of support made a difference in the effort that he could expend, and she took some small measure of pride in having been there for him.

Jack’s name was near the end of the alphabet, and since she knew that the ceremony would be over soon, she left her bench and went to the reception area, feeling the need to see him quickly so that she could leave before her good thoughts evaporated.

As the joyous graduates passed, she reached in and grabbed him from the queue. He was totally shocked, but as his initial surprise faded, he seemed genuinely pleased to see her. He wrapped his arms around her, and the comfort and familiarity that she felt in his embrace shocked her so much that she began to cry. "I’m so proud of you, Jack," she sobbed. He patted her back and murmured comforting words to her, just as he had during their time together. She clutched herself to him and just let herself mourn for the sadness they had caused each other. She saw Natalie out of the corner of her eye and felt Jack tense up when he caught her glance, but when she looked up, Natalie was gone and Jack had relaxed again.

"Hey, are you all right?" he asked solicitously. "Is everything okay between you...?"

"Oh yes," she said as she shook her head. "Things are great with me, Jack. I don’t know what came over me, but seeing you today made me really feel all that we had and all that we lost. I’m so sorry for how I hurt you," she said sincerely, tears freely rolling down her cheeks.

"I’m okay, Jamie," he said soothingly. "I’m going on with my life, too," he said.

"I know," she said softly, her shoulders still shaking with the betrayal. "I saw you before the ceremony."

He looked decidedly uncomfortable with this revelation, but summoned his usual direct approach and looked right into her eyes, asking, "Does it bother you that it’s Natalie?"

She mutely nodded as the tears continued.

"I swear there was nothing between us when you and I were together, Jamie. I was devoted to you. I never would have cheated on you. You meant the world to me," he said as his own tears fell down his cheeks.

‘When?" She asked the one-word sentence that would either reassure her or prove that Jack was lying.

He took a deep breath, hoping that Jamie would believe him. He wasn’t even sure why her opinion mattered so much, but it mattered a great deal. "When we…broke up in February…she was…she was there for me, Jamie." He fixed his light blue eyes on his former lover. "It took a while…a few weeks I guess, but eventually she stopped seeming like just a friend. We were just starting to explore getting together when you…gave me another chance." His face reflected both his complete honesty and the lingering hurt that obviously still pained him.

"Did you tell her…?" Jamie’s voice trailed off, but it was important to know that Jack was honest with Natalie, too.

He laughed softly, shaking his head a little. "Yeah. I told her." He tilted his head and fixed Jamie with a gaze that she had seen hundreds of times on his handsome face. "She wasn’t happy with me." He paused a beat and added with a twinkle in his eye, "But if I were you I’d stay out of dark alleys when she’s around. She kinda thinks you’re evil incarnate."

"ME!" Jamie was stunned that she had turned out to be the bad guy in this little soap opera. But after just a minute of reflection, she had to admit that she was entirely to blame for jerking Jack around during their futile reconciliation. "I’m glad that she’s angry at me, rather than you," she admitted, smiling up into his eyes when he shot her a grateful grin. "She won’t be angry with you about me being here, will she?"

"No, don’t worry about that." He gave her his most charming boyish grin as he assured her, "She’s very easy to get along with. You’re the only person I’ve ever heard her say a bad word about."

"That’s very reassuring, Jack," she said with a bit of her sparkle showing again.

"I’m glad that you understand, Jamie. I need to move on, and I think Natalie is going to be good for me. I hope you know that I would do anything not to hurt you." Without thought, he raised his hand and trailed his fingers down the side of her face, brushing his thumb against her lips in an achingly familiar gesture.

Her shaky composure shattered, she threw her arms around him and hugged him tightly. "I loved you, Jack, and part of me always will," she whispered fiercely into his flushed ear. "I gave you everything I had to give, even though I now know that it wasn’t all I was capable of. I’m so very sorry it couldn’t work out. But I truly want you to be happy, and if Natalie can do that for you, then I’m glad."

Releasing him, she reached into her purse and pulled out the gift she had brought. "I hope you enjoy all of the happiness that you deserve, Jack. Take care of yourself." She stood on her tiptoes and kissed his cheek, relishing the feel of his smooth skin one last time. By the time he composed himself enough to reply, she was gone.

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

Jamie spent the next several hours driving around Palo Alto, passing all of the places that they went to as a couple. She got out of her car and walked around the campus for a while, finally finding the grove of trees where Jack had proposed to her. She sat on the bench where countless students had declared their love and cried until she had no more tears to shed. She felt absolutely empty—her emotions overwhelmed and raw. It took a while, but she finally composed herself. Almost as if her car was on automatic pilot, she drove by Jack’s apartment and sat out in front for a long while, remembering when she helped him move in.

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

It had been a long day, and they were both hot and tired. When they had carried the last box in, they sat out on the steps to catch their breath before they went back inside to start unpacking. A stiff breeze blew the door shut as they simultaneously realized that the keys were inside. A few seconds of shock were followed by near hysterical laughter from both of them. That was when she realized that he might be "the one." Even hot, and tired, and cranky, he could still see the humor in the situation. He didn’t blame her and he didn’t get mad at himself--he just laughed until his stomach hurt. He had to stay at her parents’ house overnight since they couldn’t get the management company until morning, but he didn’t let it bother him one bit. He stood outside her room that night and spent a long time kissing her. Her resolve almost melted that night, but she held firm and he took it well, merely giving her a final kiss and a crooked grin as he walked down the hall to his room.

Her thoughts turned to the night that she decided to sleep with him, just a few days after she had accepted his marriage proposal. She was at his apartment on a Saturday night, just after finishing her sophomore year, and she was planning on staying at her house in Berkeley for another few days while she cleaned up some last minute details.

She would always remember the look of joyous anticipation on his face as he gazed at her to make sure she was certain. He didn’t ask her for confirmation, but he put his hands on her shoulders and held her at arm’s length, gazing deeply into her eyes. He saw that she had made her decision, and was ready to take their relationship to this next level, so he bent over and took her into his arms, carrying her to his bed. Their lovemaking was feverish and passionate, both of them being carried along by the stored up feelings they had harbored for so long. But what she most remembered was the tenderness of his touch after they had finished. He gently touched her face as he trailed his long fingers along her cheeks, then ran his hands down her body, soaking up the sensation of finally being able to love her completely. She recalled the tears in his eyes as he looked at her with such love that her heart ached in remembrance. Even though they would never share another intimate moment, Jamie realized that having fond memories of her time with Jack was a very positive thing. She felt all of the anger from earlier in the day begin to lift.

Squaring her shoulders, she started the car and slowly drove past some of their favorite restaurants and bookstores. When she had seen every place that had meant something to them, she drove back to the spot where he had proposed, getting out of the car to sit on the bench again. She let the memories wash over her once again, and as they passed by she felt the pressure in her chest start to lessen. For the first time all afternoon she allowed herself to think of her beloved Ryan, closing her eyes to picture her lover in her mind. Finally back on track, she stood up and took a deep breath. "I’m sorry I wasn’t the woman you needed, Jack. But you weren’t the woman I needed either," she thought to herself wryly as she got back into her car to be with the woman that she would always need.

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

Jamie had driven no more than ten minutes when her cell phone rang. She smiled to herself as she opened it and touched the button. "Hi, gorgeous," she purred into the phone.

"How’d you know it was me?" came the low voice from the other end.

"Well, I only date gorgeous women, so I knew it would be one of you," she answered logically.

"Conor misses you and wants to know when you’re going to be home," Ryan joked right back.

"You tell Conor I miss him too, and I’ll be home in about 40 minutes," she said. "And tell his sister that I can’t wait to get her alone in bed."

"I know his sister will be very glad to hear that," she purred. "I miss you, Sweetheart. Drive carefully."

"I miss you too, Ryan. I’ll be there soon."

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

When she pulled up in front of the house, Ryan and Duffy were sitting on the front steps. Ryan had changed into a favorite pair of navy blue sweats and a long sleeved white T-shirt. She had obviously been exercising, as her blades were still on her feet and her hair was wet, her face pink from exertion. Even Duffy was panting, further evidence of their shared activity. Her face broke into a luminous grin when Jamie stepped out of the car and both she and Duffy bounded off the porch, with Duffy arriving first due to his advantage in dexterity. He jumped all over Jamie until she squatted down and let him lick her all over her face and neck. She giggled from the assault as Ryan stood by, arms crossed over her chest, and let him have his way with her.

When Duffy had finished with her she stood and shot an accusing glance at Ryan. "I thought you were supposed to protect me," she said.

"Hey, it was either him or me," she explained. "He just got there first."

Holding her arms out to her partner, Jamie smiled and offered, "Come on…start licking."

Ryan chuckled at the invitation and indicated her sweaty body. "I need a shower before I’m worthy of your attention."

Jamie wrapped her arms around her tightly, unaccustomed to her partner’s increased height. Her head rested against Ryan’s breast, rather than her chest, but she didn’t mind the new view in the least. She held on so tightly that Ryan knew she was upset. "Hey, hey," she said softly. "What’s wrong?" Her long fingers reached down and tilted Jamie’s head up. On closer inspection she could see that her partner had been crying today, quite a bit, if her swollen eyes were a proper indication. "Tell me, Honey."

Jamie sucked in a deep breath and shook her head. "I had a lot of memories to purge today. It just caught me by surprise," she admitted.

"Do you need to talk about it?" Ryan asked. "Or do you just want some physical comfort?"

"I don’t want to talk about it now. I might take you up on your offer later, though."

"Anytime, Sweetheart. I’ll always be here for you."

"You really will be, won’t you?" There was not a hint of question in her statement.

"As long as I live," Ryan whispered, nuzzling her chin against the top of Jamie’s head.

They stood on the quiet street, cuddling for a few minutes. When they finally released each other, Jamie looked up at her partner and asked, "Any big plans this evening, Tiger?" She fixed Ryan with her best sultry gaze, leaving little doubt where she thought the evening would find them.

"That all depends," Ryan mused, leaning against the Boxster to better equalize their heights.

"On what?"

"Oh…mostly on how tired you are." Ryan had something on her mind, but Jamie knew she had to let the little guessing game play out.

"I’m not very tired physically," she revealed. "Emotionally, I’m toast, but as long as we don’t get into any big emotional scenes, I’m good to go."

Ryan laced her hands behind Jamie’s neck and gazed at her fondly. "You’re quite the little trooper, aren’t ya, Sparky?"

"That’s me." Jamie smiled and kissed Ryan on the tip of her nose.

"Well, I have good news." A sly grin was curling the corners of Ryan’s mouth and Jamie knew she was being set up, but she didn’t mind a bit. "I’ve spoken to the committee and you’ll be glad to know that I have been given permission to extend full membership privileges in the lesbian community to you." Waggling eyebrows punctuated this announcement.

"Wow," Jamie said, playing along with the joke. "I think we’d better get right to bed so you can show me the benefits package." She started to pull away, but Ryan gripped her a little tighter.

The dark head shook as Ryan informed her, "That’s not how the initiation is performed, Babe.

You’re a member of a community now—even if you’re only in the group by marriage," she added, trying to let Jamie know it was perfectly fine if she didn’t feel like a member of the lesbian nation.

The blonde eyebrows knit in confusion. "I don’t have a bloody clue what you’re talking about, Ryan O’Flaherty."

"Jamie?" Ryan said, leaning her head to one side and appraising her partner carefully, "do you remember New Year's Eve?" 

The dark blonde eyebrows edged closer together the small woman scrunched her face in puzzlement.  "New Year's Eve?" she repeated slowly.   "Uhhh...yeah, I think I remember most of it."  She rolled her eyes, recalling the hideous hangover she had suffered on New Year's Day.  Ryan obviously had a point, but she was certainly taking her time to get to it.

"Do you remember coming to the Mark Hopkins?"

"Yes, Dear, I remember stumbling across the street just to see how you looked in leather pants."  Waggling eyebrows showed that the trip was more than worth the effort.

Ryan smiled at her unspoken compliment and continued her questioning.  "Do you remember what I asked you that night?"

"Asked me?"  Now the puzzled face took on a blank look.   "You asked me something?"

"Yesssss," Ryan drawled.  "I asked if you were there for a special purpose.  You weren't ready then, but you've displayed a marked aptitude, and I now think you're ready."  She said this with such a serious look on her face that Jamie was even more confused.

"I...I don't," she stammered, embarrassed that she had been too drunk to remember an obviously important exchange.

"Jamie," Ryan said as she reached down to grasp her partner's hand, "tonight, you are finally going to learn the secret handshake."

"The secret..." Jamie's questioning voice trailed off, and the look of puzzlement on her face was replaced by a broad grin.  "The secret handshake," she repeated with confidence, anticipation bringing a sparkle to her eyes and a very becoming blush to her cheeks.  "I've enjoyed every single thing you've ever taught me, Ryan, and I doubt that this lesson will break that string."

The two young lovers tilted their heads together and ascended the stairs to the O'Flaherty home, laughing the whole way

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