Chapter Twenty-One

The next day brought more snow and foul weather and the ER was busy again as people fell victim to their own carelessness and various other sundry afflictions. Regina walked out of one of the exam rooms and washed her hands for what seemed like the twentieth time today. She’d seen her tenth flu patient already and from the way things looked in the waiting room, nothing was going to change anytime soon.

Down the hallway, she saw Alex leaning over a man, listening to his chest with her stethoscope. The doctor’s braid hung over her left shoulder and she brushed it back as she straightened up and wrote something in the chart that she then handed to one of the medical students, standing next to her.

Their eyes met as they both walked back toward the nurse’s station and the resident swore Alex winked, as she got closer. "Crazy day, huh?"

"You love it when it’s like this," Regina smiled up at the doctor, knowing how much Alex thrived on the chaos. She’d seen it time and again over the past few months; it was when things fell apart and life hung tenuously in the balance that the doctor was at her best.

Regina had seen in those moments a side to Alex that was devoid of all the emotional turmoil that haunted her subconscious. The blonde stole a glance up at her taller companion and wondered if what they had discovered in each other would be enough for Alex to let go of the past and allow them a chance at a future together.

The young resident’s attention was drawn to Sandy as she spoke sharply into the phone. "Well, tell them we need the beds. Community Medical Center is already diverting major traumas so we have to take them." She slammed the phone down in aggravation and muttered under her breath.

"That bad?" Regina asked.

"Can that patient be discharged?" Sandy pointed to the chart Regina was holding.

"As soon as the IV is finished. The orders are already written."

"Good." She grabbed the chart from her and glanced up at Alex. "Dr. Mitchard was looking for you earlier and we have another patient the paramedics just brought in."

"What did she want?" Alex asked.

"She said she’d find you later."

Regina glanced down the hallway toward the entrance of the emergency room and gasped. "Oh my God."

"What?" Alex turned to follow her partner’s gaze and saw a man standing just inside the door. She recognized the family resemblance and leaned closer to the blonde. "I take it that’s your father."

Regina nodded mutely. "Oh, shit. I can’t believe he’s here. I…I told him I got off at nine."

"Well, you better go get him away from the ambulance bay doors before he gets run over by an overzealous paramedic," Alex advised her quietly. She watched as the younger woman stepped hesitantly away from the desk and walked awkwardly down the hall toward the man.

Regina felt her heart hammer rapidly in her chest as her father turned and focused on her. Oh this is not good. How is it that parents can reduce you to feeling like a little kid again just by the look they give you, Regina questioned herself as she walked closer.

"Dad?" Regina stopped, standing awkwardly in front of him. "I…I still have an hour to go. I wasn’t expecting you for a while yet."

He gave her an apologetic grin. "I know." He turned towards her and tucked one of her hands into his larger one.

Regina started at the unfamiliar gesture. "Dad, what’s wrong?"

"She wouldn’t come with me. I’m sorry, Regina."

The blonde swallowed and averted her eyes to hide the pain from her father. Why did I think that she would? "It was a lot to expect that she would, dad. She’s upset."

"You’re her daughter." His voice was filled with hurt and anger.

Regina mustered her own reassuring smile when she met his gaze again. "It’ll be alright, Dad. She needs time." She turned back towards the desk. "Come on, at least you can get some coffee while you wait."

"So, this is where you work," he commented as he walked past several stretchers lined up against the wall.

"This is what I do, Dad." She replied and guided him past the exam and trauma rooms that were mostly filled with sick and injured in various stages of triage. The resident winced inwardly as she saw his eyes react to pain and suffering that was part of a daily routine to her now. It wasn’t that she was immune to it, not by a long shot. In the months she had been here, she had developed her own defenses and learned to hang onto the successes, so the memories carried her along during the really bad traumas.

Regina had been trying to decide since last night if she was going to introduce her parents to Alex and if she did what she would say. Now as she neared the desk and saw the tall, statuesque woman, her dark hair pulled back in a thick braid, crouched in front of a woman who was sitting in a wheelchair, she knew her answer. I don’t care what he thinks. He’s down here, this is who I am and that is the woman I love.

The resident waited as Alex stood up and motioned to one of the medical students to come over. She handed him the chart and gave him instructions before she turned the patient over to the tall, lanky man. The doctor stood with her hands on her hips watching the medical student disappear into one of the exam rooms. Her dark head turned and her chin lifted slightly as she met Regina’s gaze.

"Alex, this is my father." She saw the imperceptible softening in the blue eyes as Alex stared at her for a second then turned and offered her hand to the man.

"Mr. Kingston." She grasped his hand, her demeanor still guarded as they sized each other up. Next time, we’re going to have to discuss strategy before we do one of these impromptu introductions, my friend. "You’re daughter’s an excellent doctor."

"It’s Roger and I know she is."

Regina let out a breath as she saw both of them relax slightly. She heard an exaggerated cough behind her and turned to see Sandy standing behind the desk, arms crossed and a comical expression on her face "Well, I know where I rate now, huh Dr. Kingston? Good enough to work by your side in the trenches, but -"

"Sandy," Regina objected and then saw the nurse wink at her and reach over the desk to take her father’s hand.

"Hello, Mr. Kingston. I’m Sandy. Don’t let that tall dark-haired one fool you. She thinks she runs the emergency department. I just haven’t let her in on the joke yet. How about I show you where we have drinkable coffee in this joint while they go save the world?"

Regina’s father smiled disarmingly as the curly, blonde-haired nurse walked around the desk and took his arm. "Thanks, I think I could use some. It’s cold out there tonight."

The blonde turned and glanced at the taller woman standing behind her. "Breathe, Alex."

Alex snorted from behind her. "I am." She watched Sandy walk down the hall leading Regina’s father into the lounge then grumbled something about going to check that the medical student was x-raying the correct arm.

Regina scratched her temple and blew out a breath as Alex brushed by her and headed down the hall. She let a smile tug at her lips as Sandy came up beside her a few minutes later and poked her in the back. "Thanks."

"Don’t mention it. I really wasn’t relishing the prospect of having to do CPR on the two of them right here in the middle hallway. Too much paperwork to fill out."

They both snickered and then started laughing as they looked at each other.

A moment later the radio crackled and came to life on the desk. "Aw shit. This can’t be good." The blonde-haired nurse turned and quickly picked up the microphone.

Alex re-appeared from the exam room and stepped forward, listening to the garbled voice coming through over the receiver.

Sandy glanced up as she wrote down a few quick notes. "Motor vehicle accident. One critically injured. They’re five minutes out."

Alex stepped away from the desk, grabbed an isolation gown from one of the bins, and started slipping it on, her mind already running through all the clinical scenarios they might be up against. "I’m going to need your help, Regina."

Regina quickly followed, grabbing a pair of gloves from one of the wall boxes. She stopped one of the medical students as he walked out of the lounge.

"Michael, we’ve got a trauma coming in. You need to be there to work on your procedures."

"I just have to run something down to the lab."

"Well, hurry up and get back here," Regina told him as she pulled her protective goggles on and ran toward the ambulance bay just as the paramedics banged through the emergency room doors.

"We’ve got a twenty-six year old male, ejected from his vehicle, and thrown approximately fifteen feet. We intubated him in the field. His pulse is thready, blood pressure is ninety." The litany continued as the doctors and paramedics rushed the patient down the hallway and into the trauma room.

They wheeled the stretcher up alongside the table and efficiently transferred the boy over. "What’s his name?" Alex asked.

"Tim, Tim Johnson." The paramedic glanced down at his clipboard. He collected the backboard from the technicians and started walking slowly out of the room. He bumped into one of the medical students who barged through the door, tying his mask behind his head.

"Sorry," Michael mumbled.

"Tim, can you hear me?" Alex called out. She bent over, flashing her penlight over his pupils. "His right pupil is fixed and not reactive."

Regina rubbed the knuckles of her fist over his sternum. "He’s unresponsive to pain."

"Let’s get a CBC, type and cross match for four units of blood. Do a drug and alcohol screen. I need two more IV lines, sixteen-gauge with normal saline. Hang a Dopamine drip and get a catheter in him, now. Let’s move people! Get his clothes off." Alex barked orders, as she ran skilled fingers over his skull and face. Probing gently, she felt a depression in the back of his head. "He’s got a depressed skull fracture."

As Sandy reached around Alex hooking the tube coming from his mouth to the ventilator,

one of the ER techs was already on the phone calling the OR and another was quickly cutting away the boy’s clothes.

Regina listened for breath sounds, moving the stethoscope deliberately over his chest. "I’ve got decreased breath sounds on both sides. Check the position of the tube."

Alex bent over and pulled the endotracheal tube out a couple of inches. "Anything?"

Regina shook her head, still listening with the stethoscope. "Decreased breath sounds, both sides. I need two chest tube kits."

"I got it." Sandy grabbed the kits out of the cabinets. Ripping the covering off of them, she dropped the kits on the instrument tables then reached over and handed Regina a scalpel.

Regina grabbed the instrument from the nurse and quickly made a six-centimeter long incision between the boy’s ribs. Using her fingers, she spread the hole and inserted the tube until she felt it break through the outer lining of the lung. Working quickly, she sutured the wound closed.

"I got the lines in," Michael announced moments later, as he hung the bags up on the IV pole. He backed up and bumped into the instrument tray, knocking it over with a loud crash.

"God damn it, watch what you’re doing," Alex growled as she made a quick incision and pushed her fingers inside, making the hole wider. "Sandy, get me another kit, now."

Embarrassed at his clumsiness, Michael skulked behind the attending and picked up the tray stand, setting it upright. He stood at the foot of the stretcher watching awkwardly at the two doctors working feverishly over the patient. Sandy shoved a plastic kit in his hands. "Make yourself useful and catheterize him."

"Thomas," Regina called to the technician. "Dress this wound for me." Moving around him, she grabbed the portable ultrasound unit and performed a scan of the patient’s abdomen. "He’s got blood in his abdominal cavity. The aorta is torn."

One of the technicians watched the automatic cuff around the patient’s arm inflate and measure his blood pressure. "His pressure’s ninety and dropping."

The door to the trauma room swung open and one of the nurses stuck her head in. "Dr. Margulies, we’ve got another trauma on its’ way."

"Page Dr. Washington and Dr. Jack. We’re busy," Alex snapped, without looking up from the patient as she inserted the tube into the chest wall. "Give him point five of atropine and open up the IV’s all the way." Alex looked up at the monitor. Shit, we’re losing him.

"They are," the medical student said.

"Then squeeze the bag in," Alex ordered. "He’s losing volume as fast as we’re putting it in."

One of the nurses ran into the room and handed Sandy the four units of blood. "Here, check it with me." Sandy said, pulling her back. Quickly they compared the labels with the patient’ blood type, then Sandy hung the bags and piggybacked them to the IV lines.

"There’s a hundred cc’s of blood in the bag," Regina said, as she held up the catheter bag.

"He’s bleeding out. Do we have the O-neg yet?" Alex demanded

"It’s already going in," Sandy told her.

One of the surgeons, still in his bloodied surgical scrubs from his last case, ran into the room pulling on a mask. What’ve we got?"

"Blunt abdominal trauma, closed head injury, internal bleeding, blown pupil, his blood pressure is ninety over palp," Sandy quickly reported.

Moments later, outside in the hallway, they heard a frantic voice calling the boy’s name. Alex glanced up as the man’s voice drew closer. "If those are the parents keep them the hell out of here. They don’t need to see this."

One of the other nurses stepped out of the room and looked down the hallway. She cursed under her breath and jogged in the direction of the police officer and the two people she guessed were the kid’s parents. She heard the father’s question as she came up alongside them.

"What happened the hospital called and said my son was in an accident?"

Derrick pulled his cap of and scratched his head. "Sir, a drunk driver hit your son’s car."

"He’s all right, isn’t he?" The woman’s voice trembled and she clutched her husband’s arm.

"Sir, please come with me." She glared up at the officer, angry that he had told them about the drunk driver. "The doctors are taking care of him right now."

The father turned and stared down at the nurse, who had spoken to him. "Where’s my son?" he demanded, pushing abruptly past the nurse. "The officer just told me a drunk driver hit my son. I want to see him. Now, dammit."

"Sir, please, the doctors will be out to speak to you when they can." The dark haired woman dressed in blue scrubs, tried to guide him toward the waiting area but he shrugged her hand off his arm.

"Where is he?" he demanded, wrapping an arm around his wife’s shoulders as she stood beside him.

The nurse had the couple almost past the trauma room when the doors behind them crashed open and the paramedics, followed by two more police officers, rushed the driver of the other car into the emergency department.

Dr. Washington ran past the nurse in the direction of the paramedics. "Let’s go," he said, pointing with his finger. "Room three is open."

The man turned, watching the stretcher disappear through the doors and then his eyes were drawn to the movement in the room adjacent to him.

Inside the chaotic trauma room, Alex looked up at the monitor and watched the short bursts of abnormal heartbeats. "He’s throwing PVC’s. Give him a loading dose of Lidocaine."

Regina reached behind Sandy and grabbed the vial of medication from the med cart. Quickly drawing the medication into the syringe, she grabbed the IV and jabbed the needle into the port, depressing the plunger.

Everyone watched the monitor as the medication at first controlled his heart’s wild contractions and then gave way to the failing muscle. The monitor alarmed shrilly as the boy’s heart rate suddenly flat lined on the monitor. "Asystole. Give him one milligram of epinephrine, now." Alex leaned over him and started compressing his chest.

Regina grabbed the defibrillator paddles from the code cart, charging them to two hundred-seventy joules, and brought the paddles down onto his chest. "Clear," she said, and Alex backed away, raising her hands from the body. She pressed the buttons and watched as the body convulsed on the stretcher from the intensity of the current.

Alex met Regina’s eyes briefly in a knowing glance. They were in a battle against time and it was quickly running out on the boy lying beneath them on the stretcher. They repeated the sequence two more times, increasing the drugs and charging the paddles higher each time in an attempt to restart the boy’s heart.

"What about a thoracotomy and cross-clamping the aorta?" Regina asked, as she stood by with paddles charged and ready, watching as Alex pumped on his chest. She wasn’t ready to give up just yet.

The surgeon shook his head as he watched with growing detachment what was going on at the table. "The mortality rate is ninety percent with a blunt abdominal trauma. There’s too much damage; nothing we can do."

They worked on the boy for several more minutes, desperately trying to bring him back from death’s door, but to no avail. Finally, Alex straightened up, looking up at the flat line on the monitor. She hated admitting defeat. "Time of death – eighteen forty-five."

She ripped her gloves off and threw them on the floor in disgust.

The surgeon shook his head and walked back outside the room. "What a waste. The kid never had a chance."

Outside, the father shoved the nurse away from him and grabbed the door as it started to swing closed. "No! Why are you giving up? You can’t stop."

Everyone in the room stood still rooted in place, shocked at the sudden, unexpected appearance of the man and woman, both obviously the boy’s parents.

Regina who was the closest to the distraught father, hesitantly stepped closer, putting a hand on his arm. "Mr. Johnson, I’m sorry, your son sustained a severe head injury and massive internal damage to his organs. We used all our resources…"

The woman who had been standing mutely, clinging to her husband’s arm, buried her head against his chest and let out a low, keening wail.

Regina looked into the man’s face wishing desperately that she didn’t have to say the next part. "I’m sorry, Mr. Johnson, but we couldn’t save him." Regina clenched her jaw nervously watching the anguished expression she saw on the man’s face.

Sandy grabbed Alex’s arm and directed her to the adjacent door. "Jon needs you next door. I’ll help Regina with the parents. Go."

Alex could hear the commotion coming from the trauma room as soon as she stepped through the adjoining doors. Her gut clenched as she heard the struggle that was going on with the patient on the table.

"Let me go, damn it. You’re not taking my clothes off."

"Thomas, hold her down." There was a struggle as the woman on the stretcher fought against the doctor.

Two quick steps brought Alex up beside the stretcher and she grabbed the woman’s arms and pinned her down to the stretcher. Her eyes widened as she realized for the first time who was lying on the stretcher. "Dana, shut up and stop fighting with them."

"Let go of me, you bitch." She spat in Alex’s face.

"Whoa, Jesus Christ, get that!" Jon grabbed Dana’s arm as she reached inside her coat.

Alex’s ears picked up the clatter of metal on the tile and her brain slowly registered the fact that a gun tumbled from Dana’s hand and rattled across the floor. Quickly retrieving it, she handed it to the technician.

"Make sure this gets into the lock box and call security," she growled as she shoved the butt of the gun into his hands. The technician’s eyes bulged as he gingerly took hold of the shiny, black handled weapon and ran out of the room.

Jon grabbed Dana’s hand and pinned it to her side, quickly tying it in a restraint. "She’s got a tender abdomen and she needs to go to the OR for an exploratory laparotomy."

"Fuck you! Let go of me," Dana growled.

"Shut up, Dana." Alex leaned over the struggling woman, helping him tie the other arm down. "What happened?"

"She broad sided the kid you were working on."

"Shit." A wave of revulsion swept through Alex as she stared down at Dana in disbelief. She yanked the restraint tight around her wrist and glared down at the wild-eyed blonde, struggling to contain her anger at the senseless loss of life that Dana had caused. "Let’s get her to CT scan, now." Alex jerked the rails up on her side of the stretcher.

There was a loud crash just outside the door, followed by several cries of alarm as a supply cart slammed into the wall and tipped over, sending boxes and plastic bins scattering across the floor.

"What the hell is going on out there?" Alex heard angry shouts and then the door to the trauma room slammed open behind her.

"Let her die."

She felt a prickly sensation on the back of her neck as her hair stood up at the sound of the voice.

The two doctors looked up at the same time and stared at the man pointing the gun at the woman lying on the stretcher. Outside the door, they caught a glimpse of the technician pressing his hand against his jaw and Sandy leaning over him.

"She didn’t give my son a chance. She doesn’t deserve one."

Alex straightened up slowly, aware that Jon was now moving the stretcher toward the side door away from the man with the gun. "It’s not our decision to make, Mr. Johnson. Give me the gun, no one wants anyone else hurt tonight." Alex slowly reached her hand out.

The man stepped closer, his hands trembling as he held the gun in front of him. "You’re not taking her anywhere."

"Mr. Johnson." Regina stepped through the door behind him, holding her hands up in front of her as he whirled around pointing the gun at her.

"Regina, get out of here," Alex hissed at her.

The resident shook her head and held the man’s gaze as she stepped closer. "Please, Mr. Johnson, your wife just lost her son, she doesn’t need to lose her husband, too."

"Alex, we’ve got to move her. Her pressure is dropping." Jon set the portable monitor on the end of the stretcher and hooked the EKG wire to it along with the pulse oximeter.

"No!" The man spun around now holding the gun on Jon as he worked on the injured woman.

"Get a dopamine drip started and push another liter of fluid, Jon." Alex didn’t take her eyes off the distraught father.

"That bitch killed my son!" He stepped closer to the stretcher, his whole body shaking as he started to squeeze the trigger.

"I know." Regina stepped up beside him and held her hand out. "Give me the gun, Mr. Johnson. You don’t want to do this."

He turned part way around and stared down at the blonde pleading with him.

There was the sound of footsteps running down the hallway and more shouts of alarm as two uniformed police officers raced towards the trauma room. Alex edged closer, thinking she had the best chance to grab the gun away while he was focused on Regina. Out of the corner of her eye, she picked out the blur of blue fabric as the officers filled the doorway.

"No!" Alex waved them back. She could sense the man’s resolve crumbling as he stared at Regina, the hand holding the gun slowly lowering to the floor.

Startled by the officers’ appearance, the man cried out and spun back around, pulled the gun up and aimed it at Dana lying on the stretcher. At the same time, Alex darted forward; her outstretched hand grabbing for his wrist. For one instant, Regina met Alex’s eyes as the doctor struggled to wrestle the gun from the father’s hands; the younger woman’s cry was drowned out by the sharp staccato report of a gun firing.

A look of surprise registered on Alex’s face as the sensation of being punched in the chest stole her breath away. She stumbled, her legs collapsing underneath her, and she fell to her knees. Far away, she heard voices shouting as pandemonium broke out around her.

She dropped face down on the floor, feeling the cold tile on her face and her hands. The two police officers barreled through the door, knocked Regina aside, and tackled the man, knocking him into a code cart that crashed to the ground, its contents spilling across the floor.

As Jon pulled the stretcher with Dana on it out of the room and into the hallway, Regina scrambled forward, dropped to her knees, and grabbed Alex by the shoulders, rolling the injured doctor over. A dark red stain was blossoming over the front of doctor’s scrub top.

"Regina." Her voice was little more than a whisper as she slowly focused on the blonde haired woman bending over her.

"D…Don’t say anything, Alex. Just hold on." Regina’s hands were trembling as she grabbed a package lying on the floor and ripped it open, slapping the pressure bandage over the ragged hole in Alex’s chest, and pressed her hand over it, slowing the flow of blood. She looked around frantically. "I need help in here!"

She could hear Jon in the hallway barking out commands as he turned Dana’s care over to a surgical resident and a nurse. In front of her, the officers were dragging the man to his feet, stumbling and tripping over contents of the code cart as they hauled him out of the room.

"Sandy! I need help."

The nurse bumped into the officers as she ran into the room, followed by one of the techs. "Oh my God! I told them he had a gun."

"Help me," Regina pleaded, still pressing her hand down over the bloody wound in Alex’s chest. "We’ve got to get her on a stretcher."

"On three - one, two, three." Regina directed and together they quickly lifted the attending off the floor and onto a stretcher. Alex groaned and passed out as a wave of intense pain exploded inside her chest.

Meanwhile, Jon raced back down the hallway and caught Maggie’s attention, as she talked frantically into the phone.

"No, I can’t hold on, just tell them to be ready. I don’t care who they have to bump, tell them it’s one of their own doctors dammit!" She slammed the phone down and caught up with Jon as they got to the trauma room. "The OR’s on standby."

"Good. Thomas," Jon called to the technician as he ran out of the trauma room across from them. "I need four units of O – negative blood."

"I gotta get something for one of the residents."

"Just get me the damn blood," Jon snapped, as they turned the corner into the room.

"I needed a blood pressure on her." Regina turned around to grab a pair of gloves and bumped into one of the police officers coming back into the room. Shock registered on her face as she recognized who it was.

"Move, Derrick." She shoved him out of the way.

"I have to get the gun and the shells." He shoved past her and then got stopped short as Jon grabbed him with both hands and hauled him away from everyone.

"Get the hell out of here!" he ordered, shoving Derrick out of the room. "Move!"

Regina looked up as Marcus ran breathless into the room, from having been stat paged overhead. "Marcus, get over here and help us."

"Son of a bitch," his voice cracked as he saw Alex lying covered in blood on the stretcher. "What happened?"

"Blood pressure is one-hundred over fifty," Sandy reported.

"Good breath sounds bilaterally," Regina said, as she listened to Alex’s chest with the stethoscope.

"She’s losing volume. Get two 16-gauge lines in now and start a Dopamine drip," Jon ordered.

It was dark and eerily quiet around her. Blinking her eyes, Alex heard a rushing noise in her ears, then a searing pain exploded in her chest and her world spun around her as a blinding light assaulted her eyes. Above her, she could hear disconnected voices shouting frantically.

"I need a larger needle." She heard Regina’s strained voice and she stared up at the blonde through the oxygen mask that covered her face. From a distance, someone shouted back at Regina and she pulled away out of Alex’s line of sight.

"I don’t care what size. Just give me a larger needle."

Cool air hit her skin as scissors ripped away her scrub top to expose her chest. Something cold and wet swabbed her neck and Alex felt a prick in her arm and then a burning pain in the base of her neck as another line was inserted.

"Alex," Regina was staring down at her now. Setting her hands on either side of her head, she leaned over her.

"R…Regina?" Alex asked hesitantly, trying to focus through the pain and the confusion. It hurt to breathe; everything was all jumbled in her mind and she couldn’t remember what happened, only knew that something went terribly wrong.

"Alex, look at me." Blue eyes drifted away, then slowly tracked back to meet Regina’s. "Do you know where you are?"

The doctor nodded her head slowly. "Hospital. I…I’m sorry."

"Don’t say that." Regina shook her head fighting back tears. "You stay with me. You’re going to be ok, I promise."

"C…cold." Her teeth were chattering and everything seemed to be fading, getting farther away and harder to hold onto, as she tried desperately to stay focused on Regina’s face. A swirl of red, blue, and green lights danced in her peripheral vision and then everything started to go a fuzzy white. Oh God, please not here. Not like this. Mercifully, the drugs injected into the IV pulled her down into a blissful indifference as the opiates coursed through her veins.

"Pulse is one-twenty."

"Where’s the blood?" Regina demanded.

"It just came in." Sandy grabbed the units of blood from Thomas and pushed him over to the table. Jon helped Sandy hang the blood, piggy-backing the lines and slipping the pressure sleeves over the IV bags to force the fluid in faster.

"We need to move her, now," Dr. Washington said, as he watched the monitor.

The doors to the room banged open and Dr. Kelly, one of the surgeons, ran in pulling on a gown and gloves. "What the hell happened?"

"Gunshot wound to the chest. We’ve pumped in two liters of fluid and she’s on her first unit of O – neg blood," Jon told the surgeon.

Sandy pointed to the catheter bag. "She’s bleeding out. There’s another one hundred cc’s in the bag. Her systolic pressure is dropping."

"It could’ve hit one of the kidneys," Regina said, as she searched for another vein in Alex’s arm. "She needs volume. Squeeze in another bag of fluid." Regina jabbed another needle into a vein and set up another line.

"Let’s go, let’s go," Dr. Washington ordered, pulling up the rails of the stretcher.

The surgeon stopped the stretcher. "No, she won’t make it to the OR." He turned and grabbed a clear plastic package from the shelves behind him. "We have to stop the bleeding. Intubate her and prep for a thoracotomy, now," he ordered, as he tore open the plastic wrapping and pulled out the sternal saw.

There was a split second hesitation as everyone realized what they were about to do. Sandy grabbed a large sterile bundle off one of the shelves and broke the seal, setting the instruments on a tray that was next to the surgeon.

"Give me an amp of epinephrine and a number eight endotracheal tube," Jon barked as he slipped up to the head of the stretcher. He ripped open the package of tubing and tilted Alex’s head back. Seconds later the tube was hooked up to the ventilator, pumping oxygen into Alex’s lungs.

Regina quickly moved to the side of the table, shrugging into the sterile gown that one of the techs shook open. She glanced up at the monitor and saw the rapid heartbeat displayed on the monitor. "She’s tachycardic."

One of the nurses squirted Betadine down the center of Alex’s chest, lengthways between her breasts, and then hastily laid the sterile drapes that one of the techs handed to her, around the site. By the door, Thomas slammed the phone down. "The OR’s waiting for us."

Jon made the incision down the length of Alex’s sternum with the scalpel. The moment he lifted the scalpel away, Dr. Kelly leaned over Alex and pressed the blade of the reciprocating saw against the bone, then pressed the trigger. Regina physically recoiled at the high pitched buzzing sound and the sight of the serrated blade ripping through the length of the glistening white bone, spraying a mist of bone dust and blood into the air. It shattered what was left of her control.

The resident grabbed hold of the stretcher to steady herself, fighting back a wave of nausea, as she looked down in disbelief at the ashen face lying swathed under blankets and medical equipment. Voices swirled around her as she struggled desperately to get her bearings. Her mask was damp and she realized that she was crying as she watched on in horror.

As all this was going on, Jon grabbed the rib spreader from the tray. He inserted the tool between the space in the breastbone and rapidly turned the crank and locked it in place, opening the area so the surgeon could see inside the chest cavity. He held it steady and moved back a step to give the surgeon room.

Dr. Kelly bent over the open cavity of Alex’s chest. "Dammit, give me more suction. I can’t see a goddamn thing with all this blood."

Marcus reached over and the sound of the suction gurgled loudly, almost drowning out the sounds of the ventilator as it whooshed and beeped at the head of the table. As he was doing that, Sandy ripped open the sterile packaging around a stack of sterile gauze towels and shoved them inside. She quickly pulled out the blood soaked towels and threw them on the floor, then repeated the process several more times.

Regina watched as the surgeon groped inside, desperately trying to find the source of the bleeding. They were losing her. Regina could feel it happening. A strong sense of dread filled her and she fought to control her fear. Oh God, no, please don’t let this happen. Hang on Alex, please, just hang on a few minutes more.

The resident stepped forward. "You’re taking too long," she said, through clenched teeth. She grabbed a pair of sterile gloves from the box behind her, tore open the package and quickly shoved her hands into them.

The surgeon glanced up at her. "You’re not a surgeon, Dr. Kingston," he grunted, as he continued to search futilely with his hands.

"We’re losing her. Let me at least try." Regina didn’t hesitate as she stepped forward and leaned over Alex’s body. She grabbed a sterile towel from Sandy and reached inside, stopping the flow of blood with the pressure, then watching for the split second when the damaged vessel uncompressed and started to pump out the crimson colored blood again.

"There it is." The surgeon moved his hands, exposing the torn vessel.

"I see it," Regina said, as she searched around with her hands. "Give me a clamp." She grabbed the instrument from Sandy’s hand and clamped the large vessel. "I need three-o silk. Hurry up, dammit."

"Jon, I need more resection," Regina ordered, and waited a moment as the doctor cranked the rib spreader, allowing her more room. "That’s it, good. Hold it there." Regina worked quickly, sewing the hole in the vessel closed.

"Good, good," Dr. Kelly said, as Jon applied more pressure to the rib spreader and held it in place.

Sandy glanced up at the monitor. "Her pressure is stable: one hundred over fifty and holding."

"Ok, let’s move, now."

"Here," Dr. Washington threw several layers of sterile gauze over the open wound in the doctor’s chest and poured sterile water over it to keep the exposed tissues protected and keep from drying out on the short trip to the OR.

"Come on, let’s move." There was a flurry of activity as the team unhooked the myriad of lines and tubes.

"Don’t forget the drug box," Sandy called out, as she backpedaled pulling the stretcher with her towards the door.

"I got it. Watch the lines!" Thomas rescued one of the IV’s from snagging on a med cart.

Jon grabbed the supply cart and hauled it upright. With Marcus at the head of the stretcher, squeezing the ambubag, Regina and Sandy pulled the stretcher into the hallway.

At a dead run down the hallway, the surgical team met the stretcher half way to the OR. "We got her from here guys."

Regina stared after the stretcher as the doors swung closed behind her. The silence in the hallway was deafening as they stood there without a thing to do now but wait. Regina’s breath went ragged as she collapsed back against the wall. She slid to the floor as she finally let go of the rigid control she’d been holding during the whole ordeal. She felt two pairs of hands take hold of her arms, lifting her up, then her vision narrowed suddenly and she knew only darkness.

Chapter Twenty-two

Still dressed in her bloodied scrubs, Regina sat outside the operating room suites in the waiting room, oblivious to the noises and activity going on around her. All that she could think of was that she had told Alex not to go after Dana and now a day later an innocent boy was dead and Alex was in critical condition with a bullet in her chest.

Whatever happens, no matter how bad it is, you can’t be there to keep picking her up. The words kept running through her head and she couldn’t help but feel somewhat responsible for what happened tonight.

The blonde-haired resident tilted her head back against the wall and closed her eyes, seeking a respite from her clamoring thoughts. It had been two hours and Alex was still in the OR. There was damage to her spleen and her lumbar vertebrae had barely been spared the damage that the bullet did as it penetrated her body.

"Here, Regina, take this." Sandy sat down next to her and handed her a cup of soup and some tea from the cafeteria.

"I can’t eat this, Sandy." The resident shoved her friend’s hand away and lifted her head, a forlorn look in her tear-stained eyes.

"You’ve got to try and eat something, Regina." Sandy squeezed her arm. "Jon is getting her personnel folder for an emergency contact. Is there anybody I can call? Any family that could be here for her?"

Regina stared at the opposite wall, fighting back another wave of intense emotion that was threatening to overwhelm her. "I don’t know. Her mother – she hasn’t spoken to in a long time. I…I think she’s in Arizona. I really don’t know. Oh God, Sandy, I told her not to go after Dana. What if she had found her?" She dropped her head down into her hands and stifled a sob. "None of this might have happened."

Sandy shook her head vehemently. "Don’t even think that. No one is responsible for that boy’s death except Dana. Besides, if Alex did find her, who knows what might have happened. Dana might have been crazy enough to shoot her in some back alley and leave her for dead. At least it happened here, and thank God we were here for her."

Regina shuddered at the thought. "Sandy, you know she was coming after Alex."

The nurse nodded her head grimly. "I know."

"Oh God, this is such a mess." Regina jumped to her feet and paced anxiously back and forth across the crowded waiting room.

Sandy sat quietly watching her distressed friend. "Regina, there’s not a whole lot you can do right now. Why don’t you get some rest? I’ll wake you as soon as I hear anything."

Regina stopped pacing and turned around to face Sandy. "I’m not leaving her. I want to be here when she wakes up."

The nurse pushed herself up to her feet and caught Regina’s arm. "Hey, you need to take care of yourself right now so you can be there for Alex when she does wake up." She held up a hand to forestall the protest on Regina’s lips. "I don’t want to hear it. Sleep in one of the on call rooms."

Regina hesitated as her green eyes searched the nurse’s. "You promise you’ll call me as soon as she’s out of surgery?"

"I swear you’ll be the first to know." Sandy wrapped her arm over Regina’s shoulder and led her out of the waiting room.

Together they walked down the quiet corridor passing the doors that led into the surgical suites. Sandy felt Regina stiffen at her side and clutch at her arm as soon as they turned the corner into the hallway that led to the ER.

"Shit, what is he still doing here?" Sandy growled under her breath. "Didn’t you get a restraining order?"

"Yes, but he can still be here if it’s work related. Oh God, I can’t deal with this now."

Derrick walked toward the two women. "Regina, I was looking for you."

"What do you want, Derrick?" Regina asked warily.

He spread his hands a part as he got closer. "I just wanted to make sure you were ok."

Sandy gave him an incredulous look as she strategically guided Regina around the officer. "You want to make sure she’s ok? That’s a laugh. You were there, you asshole. What do you think?"

Derrick persisted, following them down the hallway. "You know Regina, none of this had to happen. All you have to do is just walk away from that doctor and everything would be back the way it was – your family; us."

"Us?" Regina whirled around and glared back at Derrick defiantly. "You self-serving son of a bitch! Don’t you dare walk in here and talk to me like what we had was something special. It was a lie, every last bit of it was a lie!" She was so angry she was shaking as she stepped closer to him. "If you hadn’t run into the room and scared the crap out of that man he would have never pulled the trigger on that gun. We almost had him talked out of it. You might as well have shot the gun yourself!"

The door burst open at the end of the hallway and Dr. Washington stormed toward them. "Hey! What the hell is going on out here? I can hear the noise all the way down at the desk." His eyes narrowed as he recognized the police officer standing in front of Regina.

He stepped up in between Regina and Derrick and went nose to nose with the taller man.

"You! Haven’t you caused enough trouble around here for one day? If you had kept your mouth shut about that drunk driver that man would have never reacted the way he did."

"The father had a right to know what happened to his son."

Dr. Washington grabbed Derrick’s shirt and shoved him back against the wall. "It was bad enough they had to deal with losing their son today, but you had to go and dump that piece of news on them as well. There was a time and a place for it. Outside the trauma room as their son was dying was not it." His eyes flashed angrily and he balled his right hand into a meaty fist.

"Jon, no!" Sandy grabbed the doctor’s arm to keep him from hitting Derrick. "Let it go, Jon. He’s not worth it."

The doctor’s nostrils flared as he let some of the anger fade, then slowly he released his grip on Derrick’s shirt and stepped back from him. "You get your ass out of this hospital, now," he growled. He turned to Regina and Sandy. "Come on, let’s go ladies."

As Regina walked by Derrick he grabbed her arm and sneered at her. "Regina, maybe you ought to wake up and realize your real family is more important than whatever that woman can offer you."

Regina reacted without even thinking and backhanded him hard across his face, snapping his head back. "Get out, Derrick. Just get out, you bastard!"

Stunned by her reaction, Derrick rubbed his jaw and blinked, clearing his vision. He watched in a daze as the three of them walked toward the ER, leaving him standing alone in the hallway.

Most of the staff was quiet, talking in hushed whispers as the three of them entered the ER. It was always difficult losing someone so young. It was an exercise in carefully preserving their own composure for their own sakes and the sake of the loved ones who were only beginning to grieve the tragic loss.

This, coupled with the additional strain of having one of their own critically injured in the melee that followed, taxed the staff to their emotional and physical limits.

Jon quietly disengaged himself from the two women and walked over to a small cluster of medical staff. "Come on people, I know this has been a shitty day for us, but we’ve still got patients to take care of." Reluctantly, the small group dispersed quickly, the routine of their work a balm to the chaos that had reigned earlier.

He turned to Marcus who had stayed on beyond his shift to help out. "Everyone has their assignments?"

"It’s all taken care of, Jon. I called Dr. Ortiz and let him know what happened. He’s going to help cover Dr. Margulies’ shifts in the meantime. I’ll stay and help too."

Jon nodded his head, knowing that Marcus was voluntarily giving up his vacation to help out with everything. "Thanks, man. I owe you one."

Across the hallway, Sandy guided Regina into one of the exam rooms and ushered the resident up onto the treatment table.

"Sit. Let me see your hand." She shook her head as she inspected the growing purplish discoloration on the back of the resident’s hand. "Nice job, slugger."

Regina slumped forward as her body acknowledged the pain shooting up her forearm. "I broke it, didn’t I?"

"Looks like it. Hold still," the nurse admonished gently, inspecting the resident’s swollen hand.

"Great, a perfect end to the day." Regina winced as Sandy wrapped a bag of ice around her hand with an ace bandage. "Is my father still here?"

"One of the nurses sent him down to the cafeteria when all hell broke loose up here. He’s around here somewhere. Things are still pretty wild around this place. I’m going to get one of the docs to x-ray this and then cast it for you. Just rest for awhile." Sandy saw the look of worry in her friend’s face and squeezed Regina’s shoulder. "She’s got the best people taking care of her."

Sandy left the room and returned several minutes later with one of the new residents in tow. "Regina, this is Roger. He’ll take care of you."

Regina looked over at the exhausted looking doctor and sighed. "All right, let’s get this done with."

The resident that Sandy commandeered to take care of Regina gingerly held the woman’s arm. "Dr. Kingston, this will go a lot faster if you sit down," the dark-skinned man advised her as he wrapped strips of fiberglass around her hand and wrist.

Green eyes flashed angrily and then she relented, sitting down on the stretcher. "Sorry," she muttered, trying to contain her nervousness.

"Regina." Her father walked into the exam room as the intern finished wrapping the fiberglass strips around her arm to cast the fracture. His eyes widened when he saw the cast being applied to her arm. "What happened to you?" He laid a hand on his daughter’s shoulder as he came up beside her.

"It’s a long story, Dad." Regina looked up at him miserably.

He sat down beside her on the stretcher, waiting in silence until the exhausted looking intern finished his job and hastily left the room.

"How’s the doctor who got hurt?" he asked softly. There was no need for him to ask about the boy. He overheard some of the staff talking as he walked back into the ER minutes before.

The fair-skinned resident’s body sagged and she shrugged her shoulders in response to the question. "She’s in bad shape. They don’t know if she’s going to make it," she whispered, fresh tears falling anew and staining her scrub top.

Gently brushing the blonde hair back behind his daughter’s ear, Robert pulled her against him. "You’re good friends with her?"

Regina remained silent, watching her father’s eyes as they looked into hers. She hesitated, moving her hand idly over the lightweight cast she was wearing, as she studied him anxiously.

He dug inside one of his pockets and pulled out a hard candy, offering it to her. She shook her head and smiled at the familiar gesture from her childhood. I wish it were still that easy to make everything all better, Dad. "No thanks."

"You’re my only daughter, Regina. There was a time when you could tell me anything."

She laughed suddenly. "I was a kid then, Dad."

"You’re still my kid, no matter what."

She swallowed nervously and gathered her courage as she gazed up at the anxious brown eyes. "Dad, what would you say if I told you I’m in love with her?"

A startled expression came over his face and he looked down at his hands while he fiddled with the plastic wrapping around the hard candy. "H…how long have you known her?"

"Six months." Regina stared down at her hands. Six of the best months of my life, she thought to herself. Everyday was an adventure. She looked forward to each shift they worked together, and felt a soul deep loneliness each time they parted company.

"How can you be sure?"

I’ve never been surer of anything in my life. "How did you know you loved mom?"

Her father’s breath caught and his eyes widened in surprise and anger. "You’d compare this to your mother and I?" His voice was tinged with disbelief as he stared at his daughter.

Regina sat up straighter and squared her shoulders. "I’ve never felt more complete than I do when I’m with her." Why didn’t I tell her that when I had the chance to?

The door opened and Regina looked up as Sandy poked her head in and motioned her over.

"Tina called. They’re just bringing her up to recovery now."

"Dad, I’m sorry. I’ve got to go."

He held her arm for a second, his eyes filling with tears when he let her go. "I’ll be at the hotel until tomorrow night if you need me."

Regina jumped off the stretcher, ran out of the room, dogged a stretcher being wheeled down the hallway by an orderly, and barely missed plowing into one of the housekeepers who was mopping the floor.

The surgeon’s words echoed hauntingly in her head long after he had left the recovery room.

She lost four units of blood…there was damage to her spleen…swelling in her back from the bullet…compressing the spinal cord…the next seventy-two hours are critical for her.

She lost track of the hours while she sat in the uncomfortable chair, facing the hospital bed in the recovery room and then later in the Intensive Care Unit after they transferred Alex. Her eyes watched the steady rise and fall of the dark-haired woman’s chest as oxygen was pumped in and out of her lungs by the ventilator.

"Regina."

The blonde looked up over her shoulder and gave a tired half smile as Tina walked into the dimly lit room. "Thanks for letting me stay with her."

The nurse rested a hand on the resident’s shoulder. "It’s good that you’re here for her, but you need to get some rest, too."

"I will," the resident answered absently. She stared at the steady green fluorescent blips on the monitor recording Alex’s heartbeat and respirations.

Tina stood next to Regina for a moment before she spoke. "Alex is strong, Regina. She’s going to pull through."

Regina nodded her head and said a silent prayer that Tina was right. Right now all she wanted in the world was her best friend and her lover back.

"If you need anything, let me know." The nurse squeezed her shoulder and then left her alone in the room.

Not watching as Tina retreated from the room and left them alone, the blonde moved to the edge of the hospital bed. Carefully, to avoid the tubes and IV lines that snaked over her body, she slipped her hand under Alex’s and squeezed it gently.

"Alex." She brought her lips close to her ear. "I’m right here." The blonde brought the back of the woman’s hand up to her face and held it against her cheek. "You hold on, you hear me?" She reached up and stroked Alex’s face with her other hand. "I can’t lose you." Not after I just found you.

The rhythmic whoosh and click of the ventilator at the bedside penetrated the drug-induced fog. Alex blinked and opened her eyes. Her eyes focused briefly and she saw the white speckled surface of the ceiling tiles above her bed. She didn’t know how long she had been out, only sensed the passage of time by the amount of light reflecting through the window on her left. Her first clear realization was the bone-deep throbbing pain in her chest, followed by the strong perception of someone sitting by the bedside, watching over her.

Echoes of frantic voices replayed in her head as vague memories slowly surfaced and then disappeared. She remembered seeing the flash of metal and feeling the sudden, intense, crushing sensation in her chest as she fell to the ground.

A surge of pain rolled through her and she thrashed her head against the pillow, briefly fighting the ventilator. A soft voice whispered re-assurances in her ear and a gentle hand brushed her bangs off of her face before she slipped back into the opiate induced stupor.

Regina closed her eyes, feeling the tears starting again. "You’ve got more courage than anyone I know. I need you to be strong and fight; promise me you’ll fight. I’m going to be here when you wake up." Regina bent over and kissed the brunette’s forehead. Please don’t leave me.

She was dressed in scrubs, standing alone in an empty room devoid of light. Her hair hung loosely around her shoulders and was pulled back on the sides by two small braids that were bound in the back by a leather barrette. Am I dreaming? She turned around, rubbing her hands over her arms as a chill settled over her. Why am I so cold?

Behind her she felt a faint breeze and looked over her shoulder to see a door cracked open with a soft, white light filtering into the room, casting a bluish hue along the wooden floor. She could feel it gently beckoning to her and moved toward it.

There was no fear, just a sense of restfulness and peace. Her hand was on the door, pulling it open when she felt a momentary heart-wrenching wave of emotion that left her breathless and doubled over.

Alex turned and found herself standing face to face with Regina, close enough to touch the smooth skin of her face, to whisper in her ear, to feel her heartbeat, only she couldn’t. Something separated them. She felt her heart breaking as she felt the pain of their separation and then the room, Regina, and the light were gone.

Someone cleared their throat from behind her and Regina turned around to focus on the tall, blonde-haired woman standing outside the door.

"Dr. Kingston, I know this isn’t a good time but I need to talk to you." Dr. Mitchard’s eyes flicked once to the bed where her chief attending laid hooked up to a myriad of lines and tubes and then returned to Regina.

The resident straightened slowly and walked to the door of the room as the Vice President motioned Regina to follow her. Reluctantly, she followed the stern looking woman down the hallway and into an empty ICU room.

"I’m asking you this in strictest confidence, Dr. Kingston," the doctor said as she turned around and made eye contact.

The resident felt her heart constrict at the words. A thousand confused thoughts whirled in her head, closing her eyes she willed her heart to stop racing and think clearly. "I understand, Dr. Mitchard."

"Before tonight I asked Dr. Margulies about Dr. Jameson’s interactions with a specific drug company. I need to know if she discussed anything with you."

Her first reaction was anger that the VP didn’t even bother to ask how Alex was, followed by a gut reaction to proceed cautiously. The blonde hesitated, remembering that Alex had told her to stay out of the whole mess. I’m sorry, Alex. I know you didn’t want me involved but I don’t have a choice anymore.

"She didn’t tell me anything specific," Regina answered carefully.

The doctor studied her closely and Regina had a strong sense that the woman didn’t believe her. "Dr. Kingston, I know you’re good friends with her and I understand your concern over what happened tonight, but I need to know if she has any documents that might help with the investigation. Without them, things look very bad for the whole ER department, your attending included."

"Why? I don’t understand."

The executive’s eyes narrowed as she studied the young doctor. "Dr. Kingston, the drug company is under suspicion of fraud and the hospital is linked to them. We need to disassociate ourselves from whomever, or whatever happened, as quickly as possible."

It suddenly became very clear to Regina what the Vice President was trying to do. Alex told her she needed to find out just how many people knew about what was going on and from the urgency in the woman’s voice she guessed their illustrious VP had either tacitly approved of it by not intervening or had been a willing party to it all along. Regina seethed as she stood in front of the woman.

Disassociate, my butt. You’re looking for a fall guy and you think with Alex out of commission she makes an easy target. Well, think again, Dr. Mitchard.

"Dr. Mitchard, I’m afraid I can’t help you. I don’t know anything about any documents." Regina turned and walked quickly out of the room. The landscape had shifted dramatically in one short meeting and the person she once trusted was no longer the ally Regina thought she was.

She slipped back into Alex’s room and stood at the bedside for a few minutes, until one of the nurses came in and asked her to leave so she could change the bandages. The blonde leaned over and kissed Alex on the forehead, ignoring the curious stare she got from the woman.

Regina wasted little time returning to the ER and immediately went in search of Dr. Washington. She found him tucked away in one of the exam rooms pouring over a pile of charts.

He looked up and sat back in his chair when she walked in the room. "How is she?"

"They gave her four units of blood and repaired the damage to her spleen. They’re worried about what damage there might be in her back from all the swelling."

His eyes narrowed, sensing the conflict within. "What else is bothering you?"

Regina looked up at the ceiling and blew out a breath. "Dr. Mitchard just paid me a visit. She wants to know if Alex told me anything about Dr. Jameson."

Jon set his pen down and crossed his legs. "At this point I think everyone knows he was getting kickbacks from the drug company."

Regina shook her head. "They’re looking for someone to take the fall. I think they’re going to point the finger at Alex."

"How can they? She didn’t do anything wrong."

"No, but she’s looking to do damage control before the investigation shows that this was going on right underneath her nose and she didn’t know about it."

The doctor sat back in his chair and blew out a breath. "Shit! Allright, let me think about this, Regina. In the meantime, go home. You need to sleep."

Regina didn’t go home and what little sleep she did get through the night was fitful. Her mind played tricks on her and she kept suffering through the same dream that replayed each time she fell back to sleep.

She kept seeing herself reaching out and holding Alex’s face between her hands. Her friend, her lover, was dying, and she could feel her slipping away in the dream. She couldn’t do anything to stop it from happening. Finally, after waking with a cry the last time, Regina hauled herself off the stretcher she had collapsed on in an empty exam room and stumbled up to ICU.

The blonde walked up to the nursing night shift on the unit and asked for Alex’s chart. She knew she shouldn’t be doing this; she was using her privilege as a doctor to read the medical record but she had to know how she was doing. She flipped the pages to the last entry and felt a weight lift when she read that they had taken her off the ventilator. She headed directly to Alex’s room, drawing the curtain and pulling the chair up beside the bed. No one contested her being there. Dressed in her scrubs and lab coat they didn’t question her presence, at least for now.

Regina pulled a chair up and sat next to the bed. She rested her head on the bed rail and watched as Alex slept unaware of what was going on around her. Scooting closer she reached her hand out and traced her fingers over woman’s face.

"Alex, it’s me." She glanced up as a nurse entered the room, but continued to talk to her softly. Heavily sedated or not she knew that many people could hear what was going on around them even if they couldn’t respond to it. "Everyone in the ER is asking about you. Jon said he was going to come up later today and see you. I miss you, Alex, please come back. We need you." Bending forward, she kissed her forehead.

******

The room was dark again as it was outside when Alex blinked and opened her eyes. Her first clear realization was the deep, throbbing pain in her chest although the tube in her throat and chest were gone. She heard the whirring and clicking of the IV pumps as their motors pumped the fluids into her veins. Slowly she turned her head and saw blonde hair spilling over the shoulders of the body sitting slumped forward onto the hospital bed.

She turned her head slowly to the right and saw a bed rail, beyond it was a sink and a cabinet. A window to the outside world told her it was dark out. She turned her head back to the left and saw the body sitting slumped forward on the bed, head resting on crossed arms.

Tentatively, she moved her hand, touching the soft blonde hair splayed out over the mattress. A sense of utter relief flowed through her when she felt the soft strands of hair run through her fingers. You’re real, it’s not a dream.

"Regina?" It came out in a hoarse whisper.

The blonde head lifted, eyes blinking in slow comprehension. "Y…You’re awake." Regina slipped up beside the doctor and caressed her face with her good hand.

"I…love…you," Alex whispered, leaning into the hand that was touching her face.

"I love you, too, sweetheart."

Alex swallowed painfully, her throat still sore from the breathing tube. "Dana?"

Regina swallowed and slowly nodded her head. "She’s alive."

"I’m sorry."

"Shh, get some rest."

"You saved me." Alex moved her arm and took hold of Regina’s hand.

The resident shook her head. "It was a group effort, believe me."

Alex winced and swallowed painfully. "My chest hurts."

Regina leaned over and kissed her lips. "It should after what you went through. Go to sleep."

Alex shook her head. "Don’t want to miss you."

"I’m not leaving," Regina whispered.

"No?"

"Not ever."

Alex reached up weakly with one hand and pulled Regina to her. "I love you."

Chapter Twenty-Three

Regina stayed with Alex, talking softly to her until the injured woman slipped back to sleep. She knew that the doctor had a long road ahead of her, but that was later; right now, she was just happy to have her alive. Whatever was laid out in front of them they would deal with as it happened.

"Shh, you’re going to be all right, Alex," the blonde re-assured her, trying to soothe whatever demon Alex was struggling with as she cried out briefly in her sleep.

Later, she dragged herself down to the ER for the start of her next shift, having gotten little more than a few hours of sleep in the past forty-eight hours. It was hard to believe what happened as she looked around the department, now relatively quiet compared to the bloody chaos that had reigned just a day before.

Sandy and Marcus were standing together at the desk talking quietly to each other as Regina approached. The rosy-cheeked nurse pulled away from the conversation when she saw Regina walking toward them. "How’s she doing?"

The resident swayed slightly on her feet as she struggled to focus her sleep-deprived mind. "They took her off the ventilator a few hours ago and she woke up briefly. She’s in a lot of pain and pretty confused about what happened."

Sandy wound her arm over the resident’s shoulders and squeezed her. "You know, Alex has the constitution of an old war-horse. Just wait, she’ll be full of piss and vinegar soon and then God help us all, she’ll be throwing the nurses and medical students out of her room in a few days."

Marcus patted Regina’s shoulder. "They have no idea what they’re in for when she feels better."

Regina allowed herself a small grin at the description, knowing full well the wrath that her lover could muster when she was good and riled up about something. Her expression turned more serious as another thought invaded her mind.

"Do you know that Dr. Mitchard paid me a visit when I was up in the ICU earlier?"

"Really?" the nurse asked.

The resident snorted. "Sandy, she didn’t even bother to ask how Alex was doing. All she wanted to know was if Alex had told me about any documents that might point the finger at Dr. Jameson. She had the audacity to say that the hospital needed to disassociate itself from the whole mess."

Sandy unleashed a string of curses. "Nice of them to care so much."

"You know, Alex wasn’t my favorite doctor, Regina, but what Dr. Jameson did was disgusting. Now that he’s got a big time attorney making noises for him they’re looking for the easiest target," Marcus grumbled his assent.

"We need to get everything that Alex copied and go to the Executive Committee with it, before this gets anymore out of hand than it already is," Regina stated, her voice furious at the implications.

"Do you know what she did with the files?"

"No, she didn’t tell me what she did with it. She didn’t want me getting involved," Regina replied.

"Well, she doesn’t really have much of a choice at this point. If she’s up to it, maybe Jon can ask her when he goes up to see her at the end of his shift today," Sandy offered.

"Maybe. She’s really out of it for the most part," Regina told her, still very much worried about Alex. A second later, her attention was drawn to the ambulance bay doors as they banged open and two paramedics wheeled a stretcher down the hall. She turned to the nurse. "Sandy, who else is on with me today?"

Marcus stepped up beside her. "No, Regina, go home. I’ll cover your shift."

Regina turned around and stared at him in shock. "Are you serious? What about your vacation?"

"It’s three days, I can go any time. Besides, you’re dead on your feet, Regina. Go on." He turned her around and gently pushed the exhausted resident toward the locker room.

A sense of profound relief flooded through her and she leaned against the counter as she let her guard down for the first time in many hours. "Thank you. You have no idea how much I appreciate it."

He waved her off. "Get out of here and get some sleep will you?"

Relieved from her shift, Regina hastily gathered her belongings and headed home for a few hours of desperately needed slumber.

Later that day after finishing his shift, Jon stepped quietly inside the cramped room in the intensive care unit. For a moment, his eyes scanned the room before coming to rest on his injured colleague. Every bit of information about the woman’s vital functions was being displayed on the monitor over the bed via the wires and tubes hooked to her body.

He tried, in his mind, to reconcile the sight of the woman he had worked with over the years, and the one that was lying so vulnerable in the bed. She had always been somewhat of a loner, but her tireless dedication and loyalty to the patients had made him believe there was a whole other person hidden inside the armor she wore.

He’d caught glimpses of that person, moreso he realized, since the young resident had befriended Alex over the past few months. Jon wondered briefly about that friendship and what had drawn them together, then set his thoughts aside when pale blue eyes fluttered open and slowly focused on him as he approached the bedside and took hold of the railing.

"Hey there," he said, leaning over and laying a hand lightly on Alex’s shoulder. "Regina said you were awake."

The brunette grimaced as a jolt of pain took her breath away. "Ah, I…feel like a…truck ran over me."

"You wish it was a truck. I don’t recall the oath we took, saying anything about taking a bullet for a patient."

"Where is Dana?" Alex rasped, through the pain.

"Three doors down. They’ve got a guard outside. As soon as she’s medically stable, she’s out of here." Jon studied her face and reached down to adjust the small tubes that were delivering oxygen into her nose. "You’ve got to keep that in or you’re going to piss off the nurses."

Alex closed her eyes and fumbled briefly, pulling the nasal cannula from her nose again. "I don’t…make a good patient."

Jon’s face turned serious and he pulled a chair up beside the bed. "Alex, I need to ask you something. Are you with me?"

Alex stared over at him, still feeling in a fog from the narcotics they were giving her. "Yeah," she breathed. "Still here."

"It’s about Jameson."

Alex’s eyes drifted closed briefly then, opened again. "It’s…ok. Mitchard knows."

"That may not be good enough. Alex, I need to talk to the executive board about it. Where are the documents?" He touched her shoulder when she didn’t respond, muttering under his breath when he realized she had already drifted back to sleep while he was talking.

******

After having stumbled home into her bed and sleeping for several hours, Regina wasted no time returning to the hospital after she showered and threw on clean clothes. The resident walked down the stark white corridor that led into the Intensive Care Unit, slipping past the large food cart being pushed by one of the dietary staff. She grimaced when the smell of warm hospital food reached her nose and then rolled her eyes when she thought about what Alex’s response to a liquid diet the first day or two after the surgery would most likely be. It was true for the most part that doctors made the worst patients and in this case her lover was probably going to set new standards in the industry as soon as she was physically able to.

She chose to dress in jeans and a sweatshirt but still wore her identification badge to limit the hassles she would get from the nursing staff since Alex was still in the ICU and visiting hours were technically limited to family members only. Family. I wonder if Jon was able to get in touch with anyone? Regina thought, as she pushed open the glass doors to the ICU and stepped into the brightly lit unit.

When she had been at the doctor’s bedside as the darkness had slowly given way to the gray light of dawn earlier that day, she hadn’t paid much attention to what else was going on around the unit. She’d spent the hours, focusing only on the rise and fall of Alex’s chest, willing her to fight against the nearly fatal damage the bullet had left in its wake after it ripped violently through her body.

Now, as the resident walked through the unit, she noticed an armed police officer standing at the far end of the horseshoe shaped row of rooms and realized as she passed him that he was standing outside the room Dana was recuperating in. It was a somber reminder of the tragic events and what had led up to them.

The blonde pulled her eyes away from the still form lying in the bed and walked up to the nurse’s station. She waited as the nurse at the counter finished a phone call and looked up at her.

"Hi. I’m Dr. Kingston. How is Dr. Margulies doing?"

The nurse studied her for a moment and then called over her shoulder for one of her colleagues. "Mary, the Doc here wants to know how your patient is doing in room six."

The tall red head at the other end of the counter looked up and then slowly walked over to Regina. She eyed the young resident dubiously as she stepped up in front of her. "It’s probably not a great time to see her. They just the pulled the drain out of the surgical site. It hurt like hell and she’s not due for any pain meds for another thirty minutes."

Regina’s hand ran over her flank as she shuddered involuntarily at the thought of the plastic tube being yanked out of Alex’s body. "I’m going to look in on her."

"I’d let her rest if I were you. She’s not exactly in a good mood," the nurse replied flatly and turned away from her.

The resident cocked a blonde eyebrow, annoyed at the woman’s attitude. "When did you last check on her?"

"Ten minutes ago." The red head bristled defensively at the question.

"Was she asleep, then?" Regina asked, looking over at the curtain that was pulled across blocking the bed from view.

"No."

"If she’s in that much pain she’s probably not going to sleep until she gets the damn pain meds, so until then I’ll be inside with her," Regina announced, ignoring the nurse’s indignant response and turned from the desk.

The blonde walked into the room and pulled the curtain back to look in at her lover. Her chest constricted at the sight of Alex in pain. She was curled into a fetal position on her left side, her head tucked down on the pillow and arms wrapped tightly over her chest.

Regina immediately pulled the chair over, sat down in front of her and lowered the bed rail so she could be closer to her. Sweat glistened on the older woman’s face as her body responded to the pain and the trauma of the surgery she had endured the day before.

"Hey, Alex," she whispered softly. Regina brushed the damp bangs back off her forehead and leaned in to gently kiss her temple.

The dark-haired woman groaned and opened her eyes. "It’s you," she whispered in a rasping voice.

"Yeah, it’s me." Regina let her hand rest on the nape of her neck beneath the tangled locks of her hair. "Is this ok?"

Alex licked her dry lips and nodded her head slightly. "Ah, it hurts."

"I know. Can I do anything?" The blonde scooted the chair closer and continued to lightly massage the woman’s neck.

After a moment’s hesitation, the woman responded hoarsely. "Ice?"

"Let me check." Regina disappeared for a few moments and returned with a cup of crushed ice after the nurse checked the doctor’s orders in the chart.

"Here." She offered a couple of chips, placing them between Alex’s lips.

The doctor sucked them in and then reached up to grasp Regina’s hand that was resting on the pillow. "Don’t go."

"I’m not. I’m right here, love," Regina assured her and leaned in to kiss her damp forehead.

Alex was quiet for a while before she worked up the strength to ask for some more of the frozen chips. She let out a small sigh as she felt fingers brush over her lips and then slide through her hair, lifting it back over her shoulder. Regina’s touch was a welcome balm to the pain and the haze of the narcotics. After she swallowed the ice she looked up at the blonde through glassy eyes.

"Thanks…for being here."

"Where else would I be?" Regina asked quietly, brushing her hand lightly through the dark locks of hair.

Alex moved her head closer to Regina’s hand and pressed against it, seeking the comfort of her touch. "I…dreamed of you."

"Shh, don’t talk. You need to rest." Regina continued the gentle stroking at the base of Alex’s neck.

The brunette swallowed and moaned softly, then looked up into the greenest eyes she’d ever seen. "W…when I…get out of here," Alex took a breath before she continued. "I want to lay under the stars with you. You can point out the constellations."

Regina wiped a tear from her own face. She looked down at Alex as she struggled to say each word. "Why?"

"That’s…when I knew. You were…pointing out Orion’s Belt to me and I knew."

"Knew what?" Regina tilted her head trying to understand Alex’s slightly slurred words.

"I loved you. I always have, right from the beginning."

"I love you too, Alex. I don’t remember what it was like not to have you in my life." Regina looked up as one of the nurses walked in and then adjusted the setting on the IV pump.

The blonde watched as the nurse fiddled with the settings and, then walked out of the room. She wondered how much of their conversation the nurse had overheard and then shook her head as she realized how little she cared about who knew about them. This was the woman she loved and she was done worrying about what other people thought.

Regina looked back down as she heard Alex say something to her. "Jon…was here."

"Sandy told me he was going to come up and see you."

"See me?" Alex blinked, focusing on the blonde sitting before her. "Didn’t he see enough earlier?"

Regina blinked, not understanding what Alex meant. She did when the woman weakly lifted a hand and flicked the top of the blue gown that was draped over her body. Regina caught site of the bulky bandage covering most of her lover’s chest and steeled herself against the gruesome image that flashed in her mind. "Sweetheart, don’t think about it."

Alex struggled to stay focused and squinted as she looked at Regina. "It was bad, wasn’t it?"

Regina closed her eyes, realizing what Alex was asking her. "Later, ok?" I don’t think I can begin to tell you everything that happened.

Alex stared into Regina’s eyes, seeing the tormented look and nodded her head slowly in silent acknowledgment.

Regina lifted her head when she heard a knock on the glass door. "Come in."

A moment later, Sandy peered around her curtain. "Hey. She’s awake?"

Regina nodded her head. "They took the drain out."

Sandy winced and stepped quietly toward the bed. Her eyes ran over the form of the tall doctor lying on her side, holding onto Regina’s hand. I think she saved you in more ways than one my friend, Sandy thought as she looked at the two of them. She stepped to the side of the bed and knelt next to Regina. "I need to talk to you."

Regina lifted herself slowly out of the chair and walked to the door. She leaned heavily against the doorframe and yawned.

Sandy tilted her head and studied the resident for a moment. "You doing ok?"

Regina blinked several times and rubbed her face in an effort to be more alert. "I feel numb. I know I should be passed out somewhere, but I can’t sleep."

"Hang in there. She should be out of the ICU tonight if she keeps doing this well," Sandy reassured the blonde. "Listen, the medical committee called an emergency meeting for later today."

Regina groaned. "What for?"

Sandy shifted her feet uncomfortably, knowing Regina didn’t need more stress right now, but being that she was closest to Alex there was no one else to go to. "Dr. Jameson is claiming that Alex harassed him and his attorney is filing a lawsuit against her and the entire department."

Regina tilted her head back against the glass and closed her eyes. "You’ve got to be kidding me?"

Sandy glanced over Regina’s shoulder, watching as Alex stirred in the bed. "What better way to deflect the attention away from him than stir up trouble for somebody else?"

Regina took a breath and nodded her head. "He’s using all this to his advantage, the bastard."

Alex turned over and opened her eyes, focusing on Regina and Sandy standing just inside the room. "What about Jameson?" she grumbled from the bed.

Sandy looked to Regina who shook her head, silently letting the nurse know not to say anything else.

Alex blinked her eyes and struggled to shift her position in the bed. "What? Regina…tell me." Her hand crept up over her chest as the movement brought more pain.

The resident walked back to the bed and sat down. "Alex, no, don’t do this to yourself."

"Tell me." The attending reached out and squeezed Regina’s hand, fixing her eyes on her lover.

Regina hung her head and quietly related to Alex what was going on with Dr. Jameson. Her fears about Jameson taking as many people down with him as he could were confirmed with the executive committee meeting on such short notice. When she was done, she looked over at weary blue eyes. "Alex, I’m sorry. I know you told me not to get involved with this, but-"

Alex shook her head and slowly lifted her hand up to cover Regina’s lips. "Shh, listen to me. I know I can’t do this." The doctor groaned softly and dropped her arm down before she continued. "The files are in the back of my Jeep – under a blanket."

"You want me to do this?"

Alex nodded. "No one else can. You were there with me; you know what he did. Just tell them what we found."

"Are you sure this will work?" Regina asked.

Alex nodded her head and touched Regina’s face. "Just…stay focused. No matter what he says in there, don’t let it shake you."

"Right." The blonde stared down at Alex and smiled nervously.

Alex moved onto her back and closed her eyes. She concentrated on her breathing, focusing on what she needed to tell Regina and pushing the pain to the far recesses of her mind. "Regina." She looked over at the blonde. "There’s a lot of good people down there…that stand to lose everything they’ve worked for. Don’t let him do that to them."

Regina leaned in and rested her forehead against Alex’s. "I won’t. I promise."

The curtain pulled back and the redhead glared in at Regina and Sandy. "This is an intensive care unit if you hadn’t noticed."

"I liked her better when I was out of it," Alex growled in Regina’s ear.

Sandy leaned over and touched Alex’s shoulder. "Hang in there, Alex. This will all be over soon."

"It’s time for her pain medication. You should leave, now."

Regina looked up at her without making a move to leave. "Go ahead and give it to her. I’ll leave as soon as she falls asleep."

Obviously displeased with Regina’s statement, the nurse huffed her agreement and jabbed the syringe into the IV port.

The blonde leaned over Alex’s ear and whispered to her. "I’ll be back later. Just rest, baby. I love you."

Alex grumbled something back to her as she slipped under the effect of the injection of morphine and valium.

******

"Which lock do you need removed?" The balding engineer stood at the door scratching his head as he looked at the two women.

"This one." Regina pointed to Alex’s locker.

"Uh, I need a work order to be able to do that."

Sandy glared at him and rolled her eyes. "No, you need a bolt cutter – like the one you have in your hands."

"Now listen, I don’t need you getting huffy with me. I’m just doing my job," the engineer protested, his already ruddy complexion turning a brighter red.

Regina walked over to him, reading his name tag as she got closer. "Sam, go get a cup of coffee in the lounge, whatever, just let me have the bolt cutter and nobody will be the wiser, right?" She took the tool from his hands and shooed him out of the locker room.

"Pretty soon we’re going to need a work order to wipe our butts around here," Sandy complained. She helped Regina position the jaws around the lock.

With a loud metallic snap the lock broke and fell to the floor. Regina quickly retrieved Alex’s keys from her jacket.

"Thanks for coming in and helping me with this, Sandy." Regina glanced over at the curly-headed blonde.

The nurse looked over at the resident and raised her eyebrows. "Are you kidding me? When Jon told me what Jameson was up to there was no way I wasn’t coming in."

Sandy pushed the door open and let the resident walk past her outside. The bitter, cold wind swirled around them as they walked carefully through the partially plowed parking lot. They held onto each other, trying not to slip on the patches of ice as they carefully worked their way towards Alex’s Jeep.

"That slimy bastard has been pulling this shit for years and no one has ever been able to pin anything on him. If he wasn’t treating the nursing staff like dirt, he was always leaving early and dumping his work on the other docs in the ER to pick up."

Regina disarmed the vehicle and opened the rear hatch door. Just as Alex told her, there were two cardboard boxes underneath the blanket. She flipped quickly through the contents with her good hand as Sandy looked over her shoulder.

"What are those?" The nurse pointed at a stack of papers with a rubber band around them.

Regina looked back at her. "Vouchers for airline miles and checks that the drug company sent him. Nice, little, unbiased research study the pharmaceutical company and our medical director was conducting, huh?"

Sandy shook her head in disbelief. "How could he allow himself to do that?"

Regina shrugged indifferently. "I don’t know and I don’t care."

Sandy grabbed Regina’s arm. "Are you sure about doing this, Regina?"

"Sandy, if I don’t go in there with this, Jameson’s lawyer is going to spread the blame on every staff member and doctor who had anything to do with treating these patients." Regina pulled out a folder of papers and shoved them at Sandy. "Your signature is on some of these patient charts; so is mine."

Sandy flipped through the pages, her expression growing more grim with each page as she scanned the patient flow sheets and other notes, looking for signatures. "This is bad, Regina."

The resident nodded in agreement. "You know how the ER gets - everyone helps out with each others’ patients when it gets crazy. Jameson is going to try and weasel his way out of taking responsibility for his actions and if he can take Alex down in the process, all the better."

"B…but none of us did anything wrong. We didn’t give the medication, he did."

"You’re right and we can all sit back and do nothing; Jameson will get another slap on the wrist, the hospital will sweep it under the rug and everyone whose name is associated with these patients will be on some kind of disciplinary action to satisfy OIG. Do you want that in your file? Do you want to work with someone who you wouldn’t trust to take care of your dog? I don’t." The blonde took the folder back from Sandy and tossed it back into the box.

Sandy was silent, staring down at the two cartons, weighing out what Regina said to her. "You’re right. It just scares the crap out of me what the hospital will do if they take a hit for this and then come after us."

Regina stacked the two boxes on top of each other and lifted them out of the back of the Jeep. "Shut that for me?" The resident turned around and looked at her friend. "Sandy, look, it’s your decision what you want to do. Alex found all this in Jameson’s office. He knows that, so right now she’s the one who’s most at risk from him. He’ll try and make her take the fall if he can."

Sandy took one of the cartons from Regina’s arms. Together they walked back to the department. Jon met them inside the ambulance bay doors after they walked back to the ER.

"Man, I hope you have something good to tell me."

"As far as he’s concerned know one else knows anything. Without Alex to confront him, he thinks he can bury this completely," Sandy growled.

Regina turned to Jon. "We have everything that Alex copied."

Together they walked down the hallway and rode the elevator to the fifth floor. "I know this is a hell of a time to ask, but you do have a plan, right?"

"The plan is to go in there, dump this stuff in front of him and let him try and explain his way out of it."

Inside the conference room, Dr. Mitchard was sitting at one end of the table huddled over a pile of charts. Dr. Timmons stood against the wall, with arms crossed, glaring back at the Vice President.

"I can’t believe the level of incompetence and outright negligence these staff members have displayed," Dr. Jameson’s attorney stated, as he looked between the Vice President and Dr. Timmons.

"For Christ’s sakes, Cassandra, you expect us to believe that you didn’t know any of this was going on. This is bullshit!" Dr. Timmons looked up and shoved the file across the table in disgust. "Do you know the kinds of fines the hospital is looking at?" The gray-haired pediatrician asked.

"Peter, I told you, none of this came to my attention until the Office of the Inspector General called three days ago," Dr. Mitchard replied.

"I told you, you would regret keeping Dr. Margulies on board. You should have listened to me," Jameson snarled at Dr. Mitchard.

"The board put it to a vote. There was nothing I could do." The Vice President’s voice wavered at doctor’s harsh words.

"How do you expect me to run a department when I have the likes of Margulies running around undermining everything that I’m trying to do?" Dr. Jameson slammed his hand down on the table. "She had access to my office when I was out. It’s clear to me what happened here."

"Jim, let me handle this," his attorney warned.

Dr. Timmons held up his hand and pushed himself away from the wall. "That’s not what I heard. Your department budget was a month overdue, so it fell in Alex’s lap to finish it when you were out on leave."

The lawyer walked over to the doctor. "It’s no secret that Dr. Jameson and Dr. Margulies have an adversarial relationship. What better opportunity for her to drive him out than when he is incapacitated."

The pediatrician snorted and walked to the end of the table and looked directly at the medical director. "Jim, who’s Donna Sanders?"

The physician’s face blanched at the mention of the woman’s name and Dr. Mitchard snapped her head up at the end of the table. "How the hell should I know who she is?"

"It seems she worked for T&M up until two days ago. According to the gentleman I spoke to at the Office of the Inspector General, she knows you rather well."

A small cry escaped the Vice President’s mouth as she turned her face away.

They all looked up as the door opened and Regina walked in followed by Sandy and Dr. Washington.

"This is a closed meeting. What are they doing here?" Dr. Jameson waved his arm angrily.

Regina dug into one of the boxes and pulled out a sheath of papers. "We know what you did, Dr. Jameson. You’re accusing Alex of harassing you because of what she found in your office."

"What the hell are you talking about?" Jameson growled. He looked around the room at his colleagues. "I don’t have to stay here and listen to this crap."

"Why? Do you think that you’re above it all? The laws don’t apply to you? Is that it?" Jon demanded, as he leaned across the table and glared at his medical director.

"You are out of line, Dr. Washington," Dr. Mitchard snapped, jumping to the Medical Director’s defense.

"We’ve seen the medical records already. They don’t tell us anything." The medical director’s attorney remarked snidely, after he glanced through the stack of papers he took from one of the boxes.

Regina looked over at Dr. Timmons, the head of the pediatric department. "That only tells half the story. I’d like Dr. Jameson to explain why T&M regularly sent him vouchers for airline miles."

"What airline vouchers?" Dr. Timmons asked as he stepped away from the wall and held his hand out to take them from Sandy.

"Oh for Chrissakes’," Dr. Jameson threw his arms up. "Alex can’t be here so she sends her bitch instead."

Regina stopped mid-stride and stared at the doctor in shock.

"What?" The medical director leered at her from across the room. "Do you think nobody knows about your fling with that whore?"

The rest of the room fell silent as Regina’s face paled and she continued to stare at the medical director before she stepped closer to the table and quietly set the folders down. Ok Regina, you could leap across the table and bean him in the head with your cast or take him down with what Alex has on him.

Her hands trembled slightly as she took a breath and looked down at the stack of files in front of her, collecting her scattered thoughts.

She raised her head and glanced anxiously at Jon and Sandy, before she met Dr. Jameson’s arrogant gaze. "A whore, Dr. Jameson, is someone who compromises their own values for personal gain. Something you’ve become quite good at over the past year."

"Dr. Kingston I’d be careful here if I were you. You have your career to consider," Dr. Mitchard snarled.

Dr. Timmons cleared his throat. "Dr. Kingston, I assume you are here because you can contribute something relevant to this meeting."

There goes any chance at the pediatric position, Regina thought as she looked over at him. "Sandy, can you give me the checks that were written out to Dr. Jameson?"

"Right here," the curly-headed nurse replied and stepped up beside the resident.

"This is ridiculous." The medical director stood up and walked to the door. "I am not listening to this crap."

"What checks?" Dr. Timmons asked, holding a hand out to stop Dr. Jameson from leaving the room.

Regina allowed herself a small smile as she looked over at the medical director and then at their department’s Vice President whose face was now several shades paler than when she first walked in the door.

"The checks that Dr. Jameson received after he submitted his research to the drug company."

"That’s a lie!" Dr. Jameson shouted angrily, backing up to the door.

"Shut up, Jim! Who signed these checks?" Dr. Timmons demanded.

"A woman by the name of Donna Sanders from T&M signed them all." Regina handed the papers across the table to the doctor.

"Cassandra, did you know that Dr. Jameson was getting paid by the drug company to conduct this study?"

The Vice President shook her head and buried her face in her hands. "I swear I had no idea," she moaned.

The gray-haired pediatrician leaned on the table and flipped through the checks that were written out to the medical director. Dr. Timmons turned around and crossed his arms, grimly regarding his colleagues. "Dr. Jameson, you’re suspended immediately. I can tell you right now that pending the investigation by the hospital and the OIG, I’ll personally move to have your medical license revoked. I’m not sure which disturbs me more: the fact that you actually did this, or that you were willing to discredit your colleagues to save your own hide." He looked around the table and shook his head sadly. "Dr. Kingston’s right. You did prostitute yourself, and worse, you’re a coward as well."

Quietly, Regina and her two colleagues left the room to angry shouts and accusations being hurled back and forth as Dr. Jameson desperately argued his innocence to whomever would listen. Regina turned around as the conference room door slammed shut and watched Dr. Mitchard stalk angrily down the hallway in the opposite direction.

Sandy walked up next to her and whispered in her ear. "You did good, kid. Wait ‘til Alex hears Jameson is gone."

The blonde looked down at her feet as she started walking again. "Does everybody really know, Sandy?"

The nurse turned around and stared at the resident. "Regina, I think Jameson was baiting you when he said that. Everyone knows the two of you are close but what difference does it make?"

Jon held the door for them as they approached the elevator. Once the door was closed the normally mild mannered attending tilted his head back and whooped loudly. He laughed at the two women staring at him. "Sorry, but it’s probably better than me breaking out into a rendition of ‘Ding Dong the Witch is Dead!"

Sandy doubled over and held her sides as she laughed until she was clutching at the wall to hold herself up. "Oh, I know I shouldn’t laugh but no one deserved to get what he got more than Jameson did today."

"Do you think he’ll lose his license?" Regina asked quietly from the corner.

Jon looked over at her, noticing the conflicted look on her face. "If that’s all that happens, he’ll be lucky. Regina, you did the right thing. If you feel badly, just think about all the patients he put at risk by doing what he did."

Regina followed her two friends out of the elevator and reconciled with herself as she walked down the hall; Dr. Jameson had chosen his own path and nobody else was responsible for what happened except for him.

As she walked through the ER doors, she saw the familiar profile of her father standing by the nurse’s desk. He turned to face her as the unit clerk pointed in Regina’s direction.

"There you are," he exclaimed. "I’ve been trying to call you at home and then I had you paged."

Regina leaned against the desk and smiled wearily. "This hasn’t turned out the way either one of us wanted it to, I guess."

"No, I don’t suppose it has," her father remarked quietly. He glanced uncomfortably around the department and sighed. "I don’t want to talk here. Can I drive you home?"

Regina glanced up at the clock: eight p.m. Too late to visit, Alex. You’re probably sleeping anyway. "Yeah, that would be fine."

He led the way out of the ER and down the hallway and out to the parking lot. He waited until they were standing beside his car to restart the conversation. "Regina, what are your plans now that your residency is done?"

Regina slipped into the passenger seat, leaned back in the seat and folded her arms over her chest. "I don’t have to make a decision right away. I have some leeway with that."

Her father started the car and pulled out of the parking space. He glanced over at her before he accelerated across the intersection. "What I mean is, there are plenty of jobs up by us if you want to come back home."

Regina stared up at him and tilted her head, trying to comprehend what he was saying. She rubbed her hands together nervously as she realized that what she had said to him several nights ago about her feelings for Alex obviously weren’t taken seriously.

"Dad," she looked off into the distance trying to find the words she wanted to say. "If I went back to Massachusetts, I’d be leaving behind the one person in the world I don’t ever want to be without."

Her father nodded his head and turned his blinker on, signaling the left turn onto her street. "You know how your mother feels."

"Yeah, I think I have a pretty clear idea on how she feels," Regina said as she watched her condo come into view. She waited for him to turn the engine off, before she stepped out of the car. "Dad, what are you trying to say?"

"Always to the point, aren’t you?" He shook his head and glanced sadly at his daughter over the roof of the car. "I don’t know if she’ll ever change how she feels. She thinks being…" he motioned with his hand, "is just wrong."

"How do you feel about," she mimicked her father’s hand motion. "My being gay, Dad?"

"Christ, Regina do we have to discuss this here?" he hissed, obviously uncomfortable with their very public surroundings.

"I’m sorry, Dad, well no, I’m not," Regina struggled to find the words. "Dad, I almost lost the most important person in my life and I realized that I never told her just how much I love her and if that bothers you or anybody else, I can’t help that."

Her father closed his eyes and rubbed his forehead, trying to stave off the headache he could feel coming on. "You can’t expect me to be comfortable with it. I need time, Reg, please."

Regina stepped closer and lowered her voice. "Time? Dad, you’ve had seventeen years worth of not having a relationship with your son because of this. How much more time do you need?"

Her father lowered his eyes and shook his head. "I…I don’t know. Are…are you sure about this?"

Regina looked up at him and then glanced into the back seat of the car and saw his suitcase on the backseat. "Are you leaving today?"

"I have to get back home, Regina."

The blonde pressed her lips together, wondering if all this had been a token attempt after all to draw her away from the woman she loved. "The answer is yes; I’m sure, Dad."

"Well, you know you can come home anytime you want," he said, stepping around the car.

"As long as I come alone, right?" Regina muttered bitterly.

"That’s not fair. Your mother and I just want you to be happy." Her father held his hands out, pleading with Regina.

"How do I make you understand, I am happy…with Alex?"

"It’s just hard to believe that she can make you feel…" his eyes left hers and he looked at the ground. "She’s a woman, Regina. You need a man to take care of you."

Regina spun around and stared at him. "You would say that. I don’t need someone to take care of me. I just want someone who loves me. Is that so hard to understand?"

Her father looked up at the sky and shook his head. "Please, I don’t want to argue, Regina." He stepped forward and wrapped an arm around her shoulder. "I just hope you know what you’re getting into."

"I do, Dad, I do," she whispered and rested her head on his shoulder.

He squeezed her to him and kissed the top of her head. "I’ve got to go. Take care of yourself." He stepped away and started to walk to the car, then stopped and looked back at her. "I hope Alex is going to be ok."

"She will be." After all these years, all I ever wanted was for you and Mom to tell me you loved me. Why is that so hard for you? I guess you always sensed that Jeff and I were different. Is that why you pushed me to be with Derrick, because you were afraid to see the truth? Regina watched as her father pulled out of the driveway and then walked over to the door and let herself inside.

Chapter Twenty-Four

The next morning Sandy slipped into Alex’s room during her break. She hesitated as she stepped around the curtain and then started to back out of the room when she saw Alex sleeping in the bed and right beside her, lying in the reclining chair was Regina with her eyes closed and her left hand enclosed in Alex’s larger one.

A gravely voice broke the silence. "Sandy…don’t go."

"Oh, hey, I didn’t think you were awake." Sandy sheepishly stuck her hands in her lab coat and moved to the end of the bed.

"It’s all right. I don’t really sleep, just kind of drift in and out." Alex squeezed the smaller hand she was holding.

"Mm, ah, oh I must have fallen asleep," Regina grumbled softly, as she wiped her eyes and sat up blinking. "Hi, Sandy."

"I thought you went home last night."

Regina ran her hand through her hair. "Just for a little while. I snuck back in after visiting hours."

Sandy peered around to the other side of the room. "No roommate?"

Regina gave Alex a sidelong glance. "Would you believe this one called the woman’s attending and reamed him out on the phone at eleven o’clock last night?"

Alex arched an eyebrow and volunteered her reasons. "He hadn’t been in to see her in two days and the woman had peritonitis. She needed surgery to repair the defect and the intern hadn’t picked it up when he examined her on rounds."

The nurse shook her head. "Alex, you’re supposed to be resting, not working."

"I can’t help it," the attending grumbled. "I knew something was wrong with the woman. I couldn’t just ignore it."

"Is she behaving otherwise?" Sandy looked over at Regina.

The resident snorted and rolled her eyes. "If you don’t count her throwing one of the phlebotomists out of the room last night, removing her own IV, and threatening Dr. Kelly with bodily harm unless he discharged her today."

"I don’t need to be here and I’m tired of them sticking me with needles," Alex groused.

"Sounds like its time for you to go home." Sandy sat down on the edge of the bed and dug into the pocket of her lab coat. "Here, I wanted to give this to you." She handed Alex a sealed envelope, which contained a card. She watched as the doctor turned it over before looking at her with uncertain eyes. "It’s from everyone downstairs," the nurse explained.

Alex looked at Regina who smiled and nodded at her to open it. The doctor’s hands trembled slightly as she ripped open the seal and pulled the card out. Her eyes scanned over the hand scrawled notes and she quickly closed the card. "I, I don’t think I can read them all right now," her voice shook slightly and she bowed her head, fighting the tears that threatened to start falling. Get a grip Alex, it’s just a bloody card. What the hell is wrong with you anyway?

Sandy cleared her throat softly. "Alex, just know there are a lot of people here who care about you."

The dark head shook imperceptively and Alex took a shaky breath before she allowed herself to look up at Sandy. "Thanks," she whispered.

The nurse sat up straighter and furrowed her brow. "Oh, Christ, now look. I am not going to sit here and start this shit." She wiped her eyes and stood up quickly. "You get your ass better and get back here. I am not dealing with all these residents that are still wet behind the ears all by myself."

"You’ll whip them into shape."

There was a knock on the door and the conversation stopped. "Alex?" Dr. Timmons stepped around the curtain. "I heard you caused quite a stir up here last night."

Alex shifted uncomfortably, feeling a dull ache returning in her chest. "If that doctor wanted banker’s hours he should have gone into dermatology, not surgery."

The pediatrician raised his hands and waved them in front of him. "Whoa. I agree with you. Actually, that’s not why I’m here." He looked at Sandy. "I need to speak to the two doctors here."

"I’ve got to go anyway." She pointed at Regina. "Call me before you leave."

Dr. Timmons waited for her to leave and then turned to Alex. "How are you doing?"

Alex raised an eyebrow at the question and cocked her head. "As well as I can. Just another scar to add to the collection," she commented, trying to ease the tension she felt.

The pediatrician pressed his lips together and nodded his head. "I didn’t want to you to leave without speaking to both of you."

Regina scooted to the edge of the chair and leaned instinctively closer to Alex.

"Alex, you take whatever time you need. I’ll be managing the administrative duties in the ER while you’re gone. When you’re ready, the department is yours to run if you still want it." Dr. Timmons held up his hand at her protest. "Listen, I know it’s a lot to throw at you so soon, but I’d have your entire department after me if I didn’t tell you just that. You have a loyal bunch down there and they want you back."

Alex swallowed hard and blinked, trying to comprehend the significance of what he had just said. She looked over at Regina as the pediatrician turned toward the resident.

"Dr. Kingston." He focused on the blonde and gave her a warm smile. "You’ve left quite the impression on the medical staff."

Regina’s eyes widened and she felt her heart start to pound faster. "I, I…"

He continued before she could finish her sentence. "There is a fellowship position available in surgery and one for pediatrics. Your choice, but I need an answer by the end of next week."

Regina stared up at the doctor in shock. She was sure Jameson’s comment in the meeting was going to be her downfall at the medical center and had been preparing herself for the fallout from it. "Y…You’re offering me a fellowship position?"

"I believe that’s what I just did." The doctor stepped back and looked at both of the women. "Take care of yourselves, ladies. Regina, you know where to find me; Alex, please think about what I said." With that, he inclined his head and backed out of the room.

Regina scratched her head and looked at Alex. "Did that just really happen or am I dreaming?"

Alex tilted her head back and stared up at the ceiling before gazing over at the blonde woman. She reached over and touched Regina’s face. "Nope, not a dream." Her eyes were solemn as she continued to look at her lover.

******

Regina stepped down out of the Jeep, her eyes scanning the front entrance of the hospital. A smile touched her lips when she saw her fair-haired friend, carefully pushing a wheelchair through the automatic sliding doors. Its occupant straightened slightly and blinked several times, her eyes adjusting to the sunlight reflecting off the snow. Alex’s surgeon argued valiantly, trying to get her to stay another day, but the recovering doctor flatly refused and threatened to sign herself out against medical advice if he didn’t agree to discharge her today.

The dark haired woman grimaced slightly as the cold, damp wind buffeted her slender form and she shivered despite the layers of clothing that she was dressed in. She lifted her head and a fleeting, tentative smile crossed her lips as she looked around her. Even though the cold air made her lungs ache, she inhaled deeply, trying to rid herself of the pungent, antiseptic hospital odor that she had come to loathe over the past week.

Sandy leaned over the taller woman’s shoulder and pointed Regina out as she walked around the front of the Jeep. "There she is. Your chariot awaits, my friend."

There was a brief moment as Regina met Sandy’s gaze and the two women smiled at each other, silently acknowledging the events of the past week and the bond that had formed between them as a result. Sandy stopped and bent over, locking the brakes and offered Alex her hand. With some effort Alex lifted herself out the wheelchair, ignoring Sandy’s offer of help, and slowly straightened up before starting to walk toward the Jeep.

Regina walked up to the taller woman. "Do you need help?"

Alex shook her head, but rested her hand on Regina’s shoulder anyway as they approached the taller woman’s truck. Before she climbed up into the passenger seat the dark haired woman turned to the blonde haired nurse who was standing behind her.

"It’s not enough I know, but thank you." Alex clasped her hand and smiled into the woman’s eyes. "You’re a good friend, Sandy."

The nurse smiled back at Alex. "I’d hug you, but I don’t think that’s a good idea."

"Rain check will do." The doctor nodded her head and then ducked into the Jeep, grunting as she settled herself into the seat. She felt a hand touch her arm and she looked over at Regina, who peered at her with a worried look on her face.

"I’m ok," Alex murmured as she tilted her head back against the seat and closed her eyes. Her first instinct when Regina offered to have her stay at the condo was to go curl up somewhere alone like a wounded animal. You weren’t going to win that battle and face it, she wasn’t offering, because ‘no’ was not an option she was willing to accept, Alex thought wryly as the image of Regina standing at the foot of the hospital bed, glowering at her when she balked at the idea the night before crept into her mind.

The blonde smiled and shut the door. Regina turned to Sandy and found herself wrapped in a bear hug.

"Thanks, Sandy." She squeezed her back and held on for a few seconds before letting go.

"I’m going to miss you." The nurse pulled away and smiled at Regina.

"I’ll be back. I want to be able to help Alex out and figure out what we’re going to do after all this."

"Are you two going to be ok?"

Regina glanced over her shoulder at the profile of her lover, her heart lurching up into her throat as their eyes met and held each other. "I think so. Alex needs some time to deal with everything and so do I."

"Call if you need anything."

"I will. Go on; you’re freezing out here."

Regina waved and started back to the Jeep. She climbed in beside Alex and regarded her quietly for a moment. "You ready?"

The dark head nodded. "Just take me home."

******

A gripping, clamp like pain constricted her chest. Alex sat bolt upright in the bed with her heart pounding, then collapsed slowly onto her side, gasping as she let the dream recede into her subconscious. Easy, you’re ok, she told herself, willing the pounding beat of her heart to slow.

It was the same dream she’d had when she was up on the Cape, the same feeling of dread, hopelessness and futility and now she knew its’ source. She’d dealt with mortality every day, her actions impacting the outcome of whether someone lived or died. Death was always there on the periphery, waiting patiently, always a grim reminder of how fragile the human body was.

In the past, she had kept it at arms’ length; young, healthy and at the peak of her career, it would not touch her, but now it had. She’d dealt with first her lover’s death, miserably failed in her attempt to accept the impending loss and now come face to face with her own mortality and survived. Luck, fate, sheer will and determination, Regina’s heroic effort to save her had kept her alive to see another day and now it was up to her to put the demons aside and move on.

Quietly, so as not wake Regina, she eased her body out of the bed and crept out of the bedroom. Almost two weeks after her surgery, she could at least walk without being bent over at the waist from the pain she experienced. Stubbornly, against everyone’s wishes, she refused to take anymore of the painkillers and sedatives, secretly terrified that she would fall prey once again to her old addictions.

Alex settled onto the couch and turned on the lamp next to her. She tilted her head back and stared up at the ceiling, turning her thoughts inward. It felt like she spent forever, searching for someone to love. She thought she found that person with Lana, had learned to trust, even believed she deserved the happiness, only to have it slowly torn from her as she watched the woman she loved wither away. Now one tumultuous year later she’d been offered a second chance at life and love.

"Alex."

The sound of her name startled her. She turned her head and saw Regina, a blanket wrapped around her shoulders, standing by the edge of the couch. Alex sighed, seeing the soft, contemplative expression on her lover’s face.

"Did I wake you up?" Alex asked softly.

Regina shook her head, walked over and sat down beside her on the couch. "No. Did you dream again?"

Alex pulled her eyes away and stared down at her hands, her silence answering the blonde’s question. She felt Regina’s fingers brush her hair back over her shoulder, the comforting gesture bringing tears to her eyes.

Regina waited patiently for Alex to finally focus on her. When she did, Regina smiled and ran her fingers over Alex’s face, wiping the tears away. "Talk to me love."

Alex let out a shaky breath. "Regina, there’s a part of me that wishes I’d just let him shoot Dana." There; it was out. She’d said what haunted her since she woke up and realized what happened.

Regina moved closer, slipping her hand underneath Alex’s arm. "I’d feel the same way, Alex. After what you’ve been through, most people would."

"I don’t know if I can go back there. Just thinking about it makes me break out into a sweat. Even if I do, it may be months before I’m able to work again."

"Dr. Timmons said to take all the time you need before you come back."

"As medical director."

"If you want," Regina acknowledged quietly. It had been a shock to say the least, to see the gray haired pediatrician in Alex’s room the morning before she was being discharged home.

Alex turned her head and looked at her friend. "What if I can’t do it?"

Regina caught the flicker of fear in those eyes. "It’s too soon to worry about it. Give yourself time to get past all this."

"I don’t want to let anybody down and it’s not fair to you to have to be the one to deal with all this crap." Alex tapped her head and smiled sadly. The nightmares plagued her almost every night and frequently she would wake to Regina quietly holding her, whispering gentle reassurances in her ear.

"What are friends for, Alex? I just want to be with you, for better or for worse." Regina held her hand out and interlaced her fingers with Alex’s, then lifted her hand up to kiss it. "I’m in love with you, Alex. Nothing changes how I feel for you."

"Regina." Alex bowed her head forward.

"Alex, I see your smile and it feels like I’ve seen it a hundred times before. It stays with me, makes me think of what you’re doing when you’re not here with me. I couldn’t bear to lose you."

"I don’t know what I can give you," Alex’s voice cracked. "All I have is what I feel inside and I know that I’d be lost without you."

Regina moved closer and laid her head on Alex’s shoulder. A thousand times in the hospital she felt the strength of the bond that drew them together. Not just as lovers, but as friends. Together they had seen each other through the darkest times in their lives, survived the worst and come out stronger in spite of it all.

There were still so many things for them to deal with, bridges that would need to be crossed. Derrick was still out there, most likely stewing over his last public rejection. Regina knew in her heart her parents would never accept Alex as her partner and the most important part of her life would go unacknowledged by them. It hurt, but not as much as the thought of losing the love she had found. The thoughts passed through her mind, and then faded when she blinked and looked up at her lover. She watched the facial muscles twitch reflexively as Alex stared back at her pensively.

"Alex, you’re my best and truest friend, my partner and the love of my life." Regina slid from the couch and knelt at her feet. "I want us to share our lives, plan our future, together."

Intense blue eyes edged with gray blinked back at her in surprise. "Are you asking…"

Regina lifted Alex’s hands and kissed each palm. "Yes, I’m asking you to share your life with me. I want us to be together, forever." She sat back on her heels watching Alex’s reaction nervously.

Alex scooted forward and raised her hands to Regina’s face. She kissed her, brushing her lips over her eyelids and along her cheekbones. Regina’s lips were warm and soft. They opened, willingly taking Alex inside. Her tongue moved slowly, rediscovering and exploring Regina’s mouth.

"I love you, Regina," Alex whispered through the kiss.

"Always," Regina breathed back, capturing the sweet lips again. She gasped as Alex lifted her up and guided her onto her lap. "Alex, you’ll hurt yourself."

"Let me be the judge of that." Alex stretched her legs out on the couch and settled Regina against her. She reached up, pulled the blue and green-checkered afghan off the back of the couch, and laid it over their outstretched bodies.

She felt Regina rest her head on her shoulder and she reached around, caressing the blonde hair with her hand. Alex tilted her head and watched green eyes reflecting back the love she felt. She smiled and touched her lips to Regina’s.

Finally, after all this, she found a companion for the journey ahead, someone who she knew would stand beside her no matter where the road led. Her heart raced as the love she felt claimed her heart and soul and she knew as she kissed the woman in her arms that it would never, ever let go.

The End

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