Chapter 12

"…den I turned over, and wham! I knocked the big monster down…and den I--"

"Tai! Honey," the woman said to the bundle of non-stop energy in the back of the wagon. "Why don't you take a nap, sweetie?"

"Not tired!" Tai answered, jumping up and down as Gabrielle turned her head to avoid having the child see the grin on her face. "See what I have? I'm gonna be a warrior someday, too!" She smiled brightly and pulled out a small wooden sword.

"And how old are you, little warrior?" Gabrielle asked.

The woman in the wagon didn't say much, her daughter carrying on the bulk of the conversation with Gabrielle. The Queen was rather desperate for a little talk, even if it was with a child.

"This many." Tai held up her hand, extending all five fingers in Gabrielle's direction.

"Five summers?" The Queen asked in surprise.

"Uh huh…and I'm gonna be a warrior, just like you!"

Gabrielle blanched a little at that. I wonder if this is how Xena felt when I tried to be like her?

The stranger's voice broke into Gabrielle's musings.

"She's small for her age. I've been telling her all her life that she was too small to be a warrior," she gave the Queen a slight smile. "Seeing someone like you, well I guess I'm going to have to let her have her dreams now."

They were able to cover quite a bit of ground before the sun was high up in the sky. They traveled at something more than a leisurely pace, Gabrielle often wondering during the trip, what her new friends were running from. Now you're letting that bard's imagination get the best of you. She may be in a hurry simply because she's running to someone!

"Wus your name?" Tai asked a surprised Gabrielle.

The small blonde never really thought about what she would say to anyone who would ask her name.

"Brianna," she answered without thinking.

"Pretty name," Tai answered.

"Hey, my little warrior friend, are you hungry?" Gabrielle asked.

The youngster looked up at Gabrielle hopefully, then over at her mother and shook her head back and forth. The woman reached out a hand to tousle her daughter's blonde hair, a sad smile on her face. The action pained Gabrielle. Too damn young, to have to do without.

"It's okay. I have plenty of food," Gabrielle looked at Tai, then her mother. "Look," she spoke to the woman driving the wagon. "I understand not wanting to be obligated to anyone, but lets just say the food is payment. I mean, you are letting me travel with you, after all."

Gabrielle smiled, and when she did, most people had trouble refusing her anything. The stranger found that she could count herself among the many caught in the power of the small blonde's spell.

"All right, it's a deal," the woman answered with a smile of her own.

"I bet you're about ready for a break," Gabrielle told her. "Why don't we follow this creek into the trees and stop for a rest, and something to eat?"

"I guess I could do with a walk around. Driving a wagon all day can be back breaking, that's for sure."'

"Come on, up this way," Gabrielle led the way. "I promise I'll sit downwind until I can clean up."

**********

Gabrielle scrubbed her face and hands, removing her outer leather shirt, which had the worst of the corral muck on it. She would wait until they stopped for the night and wash her clothes, allowing them time to dry overnight.

When the Queen returned to the wagon, she found Tai, fighting imaginary foes in the grass, and the woman, cradling the baby against her chest, as the infant fed greedily on the breast she clutched with tiny hands. Gabrielle paused a moment, fighting down the feelings of her own loss, as she watched the sight. The woman looked up and caught the expression on Gabrielle's face. The Queen tried to cover her momentary anguish with a smile.

"She's big." Gabrielle stated the obvious.

"Yes, eight moons, now, and she just keeps getting bigger. I swear, she'll be as tall as this one is tiny," she indicated Tai, still battling her imaginary monsters, oblivious to her mother's softly spoken words.

There was an awkward silence before Gabrielle turned and pounced on Tai. The girl giggled and screamed as she tried to squirm away from the small blonde.

"Would you like to eat?" Gabrielle asked the girl in her arms.

"Yes, please." Tai giggled again.

"Okay, lets get you cleaned up first," Gabrielle replied, carrying the youngster down to the creek.

The woman looked up with concern as the small blonde walked away with her daughter, but she watched as the usually shy and reticent young girl, put her arms around the blonde's neck and allowed herself to be carried to the water's edge. The woman kept her eyes on the pair the entire time, relaxing only when she saw them returning, hand in hand.

By the time Gabrielle set out the food from the sack, the woman was just finishing changing the baby. The slender, dark-haired woman tried to hold the baby and see to it that Tai ate the food before her. Gabrielle watched as the woman attempted to do three things at once.

"Here, let me hold the baby while you and Tai eat," Gabrielle offered.

The woman appeared to want to trust Gabrielle, but there was something in her eye. It was a look of wariness, as if the stranger was still not convinced that Gabrielle meant her no harm. She had the air of someone who spent a long while building up a natural mistrust for people. Eventually, she conceded, and placed the large bundle in Gabrielle's arms.

The stranger watched, as Gabrielle's eyes took on a haunted expression, looking down on the now sleeping baby. The woman's brow furrowed together, still unable to ascertain whether the small warrior could be completely trusted or not.

"She's so beautiful," the Queen said softly. "Just like you," she reached out and poked one finger at Tai's belly.

The small girl laughed and scrambled closer to the small blonde. Having eaten her fill, a luxury Tai hadn't experienced in a fortnight, she laid her head against Gabrielle's thigh and promptly fell asleep. The young woman reached down a hand to gently stroke the girl's hair.

Quickly pushing down the feelings that were rising insistently to the surface, Gabrielle laughed off the intense emotions that she couldn't erase from her face.

"As bad as I smell, I can't believe she could fall asleep like that; so fast."

"She's like that," the woman replied. "One minute she's running in circles, the next, she's curled up, sound asleep. She usually doesn't take to strangers so well, though."

"Guess I just have that way with kids," Gabrielle smiled sadly. "Maybe it's because I'm not much bigger than they are," she added dryly.

Gabrielle smiled down at the sleeping infant, tenderly brushing her fingertips across the baby's cheek. "What's her name?"

"Emery," the woman answered. She took another bite of the bread in her hand, continuing to watch, and feel there was more to this small woman than she understood. "My name is Helen," she added, hesitating slightly.

Gabrielle couldn't help it, looking down at the baby who grabbed one of the blonde's fingers and held on tightly. The young Queen's eyes misted over and she felt a single tear roll down her cheek.

"You're a very lucky woman, Helen," Gabrielle responded hoarsely.

The stranger examined the myriad of emotions that passed across the young woman's features. She never expected tears from a warrior, but then again, she never met a warrior quite like this sensitive woman. The tears spoke volumes to the stranger, a silent message that communicated in a language that only another tortured heart would understand.

"Brianna," the woman said to Gabrielle. "My name isn't Helen…it's Ella. Helen is my sister's name."

Gabrielle never looked up at the woman, knowing what a step it was for Ella to put her trust in a stranger. The young Queen felt that she could do no less than reciprocate with the truth.

"And my name isn't Brianna…it's Gabrielle," the Queen finally looked up into the relieved eyes of her new friend. "It's very nice to meet you, Ella," she smiled.

Ella released a nervous laugh. "If only my sister knew that I've been using her name since we left Ambracia. So, Gabrielle, who is the real Brianna…your sister?"

A pained look flashed across her features as Gabrielle prepared to speak. "No…I…it's not my sister." Gabrielle wasn't quite prepared to open up just yet, unsure of exactly what she could reveal about herself; what her heart would allow her to say, without breaking down completely. "It's a subject better spoken of later."

Ella nodded in understanding. She could see the young woman suffered, and Ella definitely knew something of suffering. "Later," she agreed. "Perhaps we should get back on the road…cover some more ground before we camp for the night."

Gabrielle nodded, wondering how she would explain her traveling companion. How to I describe who I really am and why I'm running away from my life?

**********

"Having fun up here?" Gabrielle asked the small girl seated in front of her.

"Uh huh," Tai nodded her head up and down, pausing to turn and smile up at the blonde.

Gabrielle found that Tai's naturally rambunctious behavior was sedated as long as she rode astride the Queen's white stallion. The small girl held onto the pommel with both hands, appearing to enjoy the view from atop the large horse. They walked beside the wagon, the stallion's height putting them on the same level as Ella, driving the rig.

"Make him go fast, Bri," Tai pleaded, rocking forward as if her own motion might propel the horse onward at a speedier pace.

"Honey," Ella called out to her daughter. "Her name is Gabrielle."

"Nooo…she said…before, Mama. She said Bri…bri-ranna."

Ella looked across at Gabrielle. "Well, she was just teasing you then, sweetie. Her name is Gabrielle."

"Gabri…llel," Tai tried to wrap her tongue around the new name. "Bri…I like Bri." The youngster was adamant, and seemed happy about her decision.

Ella opened her mouth to object, but Gabrielle held her hand up to the woman.

"It's okay, someone else used to call me that," a bittersweet smile appeared on the young Queen's face. "I'm used to it…really."

Ella shook her head back and forth, an amused grin on her face. "I swear, that girl could get away with murder around you, Gabrielle."

The small blonde laughed and Gabrielle realized she couldn't remember the last time she did that. Gods, not to know how long it's been since I laughed. What's happening to me? Somewhere in the far recesses of the Queen's mind, something called to her, trying to make itself known. It was like a gnawing ache, never increasing in intensity, but always there, steady and uncomfortable.

"Come on, Bri…make him go fast!" Tai began bouncing in the saddle.

"You want to go fast, huh?" Gabrielle asked, wrapping her arm more securely around the youngster's middle. "Yah!" Gabrielle cried out as she used her heels to spur the white stallion forward.

Ella laughed at her daughter's squeal of delight as the huge animal carried the small blonde and her giggling package quickly down the road and up the hill in only heartbeats. Ella surprised herself, having no fear that Gabrielle would harm her child. Here they'd known the small blonde for less than a day, and already Gabrielle felt like an old friend. She continued to watch them as they topped the rise and looked into the valley below. Suddenly, Gabrielle spurred her mount, swiftly riding back to the wagon.

"Here you go, pumpkin," Gabrielle said, breathlessly, as she lifted Tai off the horse's back and into the wagon.

"Gabrielle, is something wrong?" Ella asked in response to the look of concern on the small blonde's face.

"Ella, I need to leave you alone for a bit. Don't worry…" Gabrielle hurriedly added at the woman's frightened expression, "…I won't be far. I'll be in those woods over there and I'll be able to see everything that happens."

"Gabrielle, I don't understand. Did you see something over the hill?"

"I'm sorry, I'm not explaining this well. There's a small band of warriors…it's okay, they're Amazons and they won't harm you. It's just…well, I just can't let them see me. Please, say you understand?"

"Gabrielle…are these the people you're running from?" Ella asked.

"Yes," the young Queen answered. "They won't bother you, but I know them and they may see you alone and insist on helping you out. If they do want to escort you, I--"

"I can handle them," Ella answered confidently. She took note of Gabrielle's worried frown when the blonde looked over at Tai.

"Tai, honey," Ella began. "Remember when we left home and I told you that when strangers come around, you had to be quiet as a mouse?"

Tai nodded her head in understanding.

"Tai," Gabrielle drew the young girl's attention toward her. "I don't want you to lie, because that's bad, right?"

Again, the youngster nodded.

"Some women are coming down the road; warrior women, but I want to ask you not to say my name while they're here. Do you understand? Pretend you're a warrior and that you're keeping a big secret. Okay?"

The small girl held up her hand; her thumb and forefinger just a pinch apart. "Quiet as a little mouse," Tai whispered.

"Go on, before someone spots you," Ella said as the blonde quickly turned her animal away from the road. "Gabrielle," Ella called out.

Gabrielle turned, a frantic look of trepidation etched across her face.

"Don't worry, my friend," Ella smiled reassuringly.

A quick smile from Gabrielle was all the blonde allowed herself, before urging her horse off into the trees.

**********

Gabrielle watched from deep within the darkened forest as the small group of Amazons hailed and approached the wagon. The young Queen knew the leader well. She remembered her first meeting with Tarazon. The young warrior literally fell unconscious before she and Xena last season, when Hera's sleeping sickness spread through their village.

Tarazon started out in the guards, under Eponin's direction, quickly being promoted to Watch Commander. Gabrielle had no idea the small group of Amazons would be coming back from Thrace so soon. They were visiting their sisters, in the northernmost provinces, but weren't expected back, into Gabrielle's village, for another week. She could only assume that Tarazon was missing her new bride. The young Queen pulled further back, into the shadows, to watch the meeting that was taking place in the road below.

"Good Afternoon," Tarazon hailed the woman driving the wagon.

"Afternoon," Ella answered with what she hoped was a convincing smile. "What can I help you with?"

"Are you traveling all alone?" Tarazon asked. "I don't mean to pry, and we mean you no harm, but it can be dangerous for a woman alone on these back roads. Won't you allow us to escort you?"

"Oh, I'm almost there now." Ella laughed. "I could have used you a few days back, but there's no need at this point. My children and I are going to live with my sister and her husband…it's just the next farming community up the road."

"Still, it's not the safest area in the known world, and Queen Gabrielle would have my hide if--"

"Excuse me, what did you say?" Ella wondered if she heard the name right.

"My Queen doesn't teach us to neglect those in need," Tarazon said slowly, smiling at the youngster seated beside the dark-haired woman.

"Your Queen…Gabrielle?" Ella was simply dumbfounded. Had she been traveling with the Queen of the Amazons all day? No, that's impossible, it's another Gabrielle…It would explain it, though, wouldn't it? A small warrior…woman warrior.

Tarazon was beginning to think the woman simple-minded, but she shook her head and smiled.

"Sorry, my thoughts were elsewhere. Honestly, my brother in law will be on his way already to the crossroads. He's going t meet me there. I do appreciate the offer, but--"

"And what's your name?" Tarazon interrupted to smile at Tai.

Tai sidled closer to her mother.

"She's shy is all," Ella explained.

"I can understand that," Tarazon grinned, reaching over to muss the young girl's blonde hair.

"Oooh, pretty," Tai said before she could catch herself. The youngster immediately slapped her own small hand over her mouth.

Tarazon chuckled. "It's okay. You like this, huh? It's called a tattoo," the Amazon turned her wrist over to display the Amazon wedding symbol tattooed there. "See these blue feathers? Now if I was a Princess or a Queen, those feathers would be red."

"It's very nice," Ella responded. "Well, I best be going…I don't want my brother in law to have to wait long."

"All right, if you insist, I defer to your judgment," Tarazon answered. "It was very nice meeting you. And you too," she pointed at Tai and the girl finally smiled.

"Let's be on our way," Tarazon called to the women riding behind her.

When they rode away, Gabrielle watched as Ella steered the wagon slowly up the road. The Queen followed the Amazons for a short while until a younger woman called, Alli, looked behind her nervously, once or twice. Gabrielle knew the Amazons were now headed for home. She turned her horse and urged him into a light canter, easily catching up to Ella and the children.

Getting closer to the wagon, Gabrielle reached down and rubbed the white stallion's neck, slowing the animal down to a walk.

"I don't even know what to call you yet. It's funny I was always so afraid of horses, but I don't feel that way sitting up here on you. You move as quick as lightning…so how about that for a name? Do you approve, Lightning?"

The stallion snorted in response.

"I'll take that as a yes, then. Come on, Lightning, lets catch up with the others."

**********

"By the Gods, what did you roll in while wearing these?"

Ella sat on the bank of the creek, taking a soap and stiff brush to Gabrielle's leathers. The Queen held Tai, both she and the youngster taking a much-needed bath in a deep pool. The small and winding creek ended within a secluded copse of trees. Gabrielle was rather proud of herself for finding such a good campsite. She relied on Xena for many seasons for those skills.

"Ella, I told you, leave those be, I can scrub my clothes," Gabrielle answered.

"Nonsense. You're the one doing me a favor. Someone among us hates to get a b-a-t-h," Ella spelled out the word.

Ella paused to watch her daughter and the small blonde woman. The two laughed and giggled as if they were the only two people in the world. Ella appreciated the fact that Gabrielle's presence caused her daughter to open up and live the carefree life of a child again. She regretted her own actions, the ones that stole her daughter's childhood, putting them on the road, and demanded that Tai grow up too soon.

Gabrielle sat Tai on a large flat rock, slightly above the surface of the water. Gabrielle worked the soap into a lather and massaged it into her hair, repeating the procedure on the small girl. Gabrielle used the foamy lather to create spikes in her hairdo, just as she and Lila did when they were children. Tai laughed and clapped her hands.

"Me, too, Bri!"

The youngster looked into the water at her own reflection, pointing at the stiff points that stuck out at weird angles from her head. Gabrielle changed the shape by flattening the hair into one long line down the middle of the girl's head.

"Okay, let me show you how warrior's rinse the soap off, okay?"

Tai nodded as Gabrielle scooped her into her arms and walked into the waist high water.

"Now, we hold our breath under the water…"

"I can do that!" Tai exclaimed.

"Good girl! Okay, we hold our nose, go under the water, and shake our head back and forth," Gabrielle explained, trying to make it sound like a fun game. "Ready?"

Tai had no fear of the water and held onto her nose, just as Gabrielle, did. The blonde held onto the girl in her arms and ducked under the water, rubbing the soap as the youngster had her eyes squeezed shut, shaking her head. They popped up and Gabrielle rinsed the last bit of soap from their heads.

"Ready to eat some of that stew?" The Queen asked.

"Yes, please…I'm hungry!"

"Well, we better see this big warrior gets her fill Ella," Gabrielle laughed. She deposited the child in her mother's waiting arms, the woman wrapping a large towel around the youngster.

When Gabrielle stretched out her arms to set Tai down, Ella looked for the mark that, in her heart, she knew would already be there. The young Queen never saw the dark-haired woman's eyes widen in surprise when she glanced at the artistic design tattooed on the inside of Gabriele's wrist. There, set into the Amazon crest, were a pair of red feathers.

So, what are you running from, my small Amazon Queen?

Gabrielle dried herself off and put on the extra shift Ella lent her. Since they decided to stop for the night, Gabrielle accepted the clothing, draping her own leathers on sturdy branches by the fire. The Queen merely hoped they didn't run into any trouble during the night. It was hard for the small blonde to look intimidating under the best of circumstances. It would be nigh unto impossible in nothing but a cotton slip.

Gabrielle sat on a log beside the fire, breathing in the tempting aroma of the stew that Ella stirred in the cook pot. Gabrielle intended to set a snare for a rabbit, but a small peccary crossed her path and she brought him down quickly with her bow. It was an unusual thing for the young Queen to be camping under the stars and actually having someone else cook. A wave of lonesome nostalgia washed across her and she sat, pensively staring into the orange flames.

Ella noticed that Gabrielle was quieter than she had been all day, the young woman simply watching as Ella fed Tai and Emery, then as the dark-haired woman gently put each child to sleep. Finally, it was only the two women, alone at the fire. Ella could see the pain in the small blonde's face and she couldn't help but wonder what would make a woman who had everything, run away from her life? She knew if she came right out and asked, she would get that sad, mysterious smile of Gabrielle's. Ella, being the kind of person she was, felt the need to help her new friend. She drew in a deep breath and began.

"I'm not exactly who people think I am, Gabrielle."

"Few of us are, my friend," Gabrielle answered distractedly.

Ella took in another breath and held it for a moment. She almost couldn't understand it, risking so much for someone she hardly knew, but for some reason, she felt it was important to help this sad, young woman; that somewhere, in the total scheme of things, it would become essential that Gabrielle return to the way of life she was running away from.

"I killed a man," Ella said softly.

Gabrielle's head snapped around at that, her eyes searching the dark-haired woman's face. "You?"

Ella nodded her head, nervously licking dry lips.

"It was an accident, right?" Gabrielle questioned. "Or self defense…you probably had to. You had no other choice?"

"No…no, Gabrielle…I meant it," Ella responded, suddenly feeling the need to whisper. "I wanted him dead."

"I…I don't know what to say? What…I mean, can I do anything…to help you?" Gabrielle asked.

"Yes, you can, actually. I need someone, Gabrielle…someone I can trust. If I could just tell someone about it, maybe…well, maybe I wouldn't have all these horrible feelings of guilt.

"Oh, Ella," Gabrielle placed a hand on the woman's arm. "Of course…if you think it will help, I'm here for you."

"I want someone to know what really happened, Gabrielle, in case…well, in case anything should happen to me, I want someone to be able to tell Tai and Emery the truth about what happened."

Once again, the dark-haired woman was taken back at the compassion and friendship offered by the small blonde. Not only had Ella never experienced this kind of unconditional friendship before, but she never would have expected this amount of sympathy from a stranger; an Amazon warrior.

Gabrielle watched as the woman seated next to her turned to stare into the fire, as if taking her eyes off Gabrielle could make it easier to tell her story.

"He was my husband," Ella began. "I first met him when my uncle brought him to dinner one evening. My father had just passed over and my mother and I were left alone to run our farm. It wasn't a big farm, but it was enough for us. My mother and my uncle decided that I should marry someone who could stay and run the farm."

Ella paused long enough to take a sip of her tea. "He was nice enough at first, but it was hard for me. I grew up on fairy tales…stories that said if you waited long enough, you would find the love of your life. Damar was a short man. I only mention that, because I truly think it's what made him such a mean person. It was like he had an obsession about it. He was always comparing another man to himself, not by his character, but by how much physically taller he was than Damar."

"For some reason, Damar took it into his head that he was a small man on the inside, simply because he was small on the outside. As the years passed, he grew more and more angry. He eventually turned to drink, because when he was drunk, he felt like a big man. Damar did a lot of things…bad things, to make himself feel big in his own eyes. I wasn't too bad to look at back then," Ella self-consciously pushed a lock of hair behind her ear.

"You know, he used to take me to town with him, just to show me off to the other men, as if that too would make him a big man. Eventually, even that changed. It was humiliating for me. As long as Damar wasn't drinking, I was a bauble to make other men jealous. Once the liquor got to him, he would accuse me of flirting, say terrible, hurtful things to me. Then he would get angry with the other men, for watching me. He would lose control over the very reason he brought me there in the first place.

By the time we would get home, it would be my fault, of course. At first it would be the men, then it would be me."

"But, why you? Why not take his anger out at the men looking at you?" Gabrielle asked.

"I suppose because he knew I couldn't hit him back. It took me a long time to realize Damar was a frightened coward."

"Ella…he hit you?" Gabrielle felt the wet tears on her own cheeks.

"I was surprised the first time, and the second, and even the third time it happened. The next morning, Damar would always be sorry and he would promise that it would never happen it again. At first, I believed him. Then I continued to believe him because I wanted to believe. By then, it was too late. I was caught in a life I couldn't get free of. One day, Damar hit Tai. It wasn't enough to hurt here on the outside, but I know it affected her deeply. I swore then, that I would never allow him to hurt his daughters, the way he hurt me. I planned it all out. I began packing a little at a time, saving dinars when I could."

Tears ran down Ella's face and she brushed them away. Gabrielle jumped up and brought the waterskin back with her. The dark-haired woman took a few swallows and then continued.

"I was ready to leave. I wrote to my sister in Abdera and she and her husband said I could come stay with her. I knew her husband didn't really want me there, but I had no other options. I knew Damar wouldn't let me just leave, so we planned to sneak away when he was in town, but he came back early. He was drunk and very angry…I don't even remember how it happened exactly, but I do remember seeing him grab Tai by the back of the neck. I think…it happened so fast, Gabrielle, it was like I was watching myself take this big iron skillet and hit Damar in the back of the head. He didn't move…didn't breathe. Then we ran. I just scooped up my babies and ran…there was so much blood…" Ella mused, pausing in her narrative and staring into the flames.

"It was an accident, Ella. You couldn't allow that man to hurt your children," Gabrielle reasoned.

"I keep telling myself that, but I wonder if I'm just trying to justify what I did. Do you really think that, Gabrielle? You wouldn't say it just to make me feel better, would you?"

"I don't think I'm saying it for that reason at all, Ella. You went through a terribly abusive experience and it wasn't as if you planned on that happening. I know what it's like to do anything at all to protect the people you love. I know what it feels like to give up your whole life; everything you have, in the hope that you're making their life better."

Ella watched as Gabrielle turned back toward the fire, as if speaking aloud to herself. The dark-haired woman's heart felt lighter in the unburdening of her own secret. She never thought it would be possible for anyone to hear her tale, and still not judge her harshly. Amazingly enough, it was a stranger with her own tortured past who offered Ella absolution.

"Gabrielle, why does it sound like you're harboring some of your own demons?" Ella asked, laying a gentle hand on the small blonde's arm.

Tears filled Gabrielle's eyes and slowly spilled out, tracking their way down her tanned cheeks. Emerald eyes burned a deep green as the flames from the fire danced within the viridian orbs.

"What I'm running from, Ella, can't be compared to you or what you've done. The blood on my hands isn't there from anything noble at all. I--"

Gabrielle broke down, sobbing, drawing her knees up to her chest, unable to continue.

"Oh, Gabrielle," Ella put her arm around the young woman, listening to her cries. The dark-haired woman patiently waited for the blonde's tears to abate. "It's all right. I couldn't possibly think badly of you. I don't see that in you, the ability to hurt people."

"But I do," Gabrielle wiped the tears from her face. "Ella, I killed my baby."

The dark-haired woman knew how important the next few moments would be to the young Queen; how vital Ella's reaction would be to Gabrielle. Ella mustered all the compassion she could and let it shine from her eyes. Pulling back to look into Gabrielle's face, Ella offered the blonde a sympathetic smile.

"Gabrielle, you just told me that you know how it feels to be me, but I know some of what you're going through, too. I know what it's like to think the whole world is watching you, waiting to judge you. What it's like to feel guilt and pain pulling at you so hard that you don't think life is worth living anymore. Knowing these things, I have a very hard time thinking you could have possibly done anything to harm your own baby," Ella finished.

"I did. My baby…I was pregnant," Gabrielle replied calmly through her continued tears. "The Healer told me time and again, my wife told me…they said that I had to take it easy…that I couldn't do things, but I did them anyway."

"Gabrielle, that is not an unforgivable crime. We often don't heed the advice given to us, even when it's important, but that is an accident, not murder. Surely the people who care about you…your wife, surely she told you this?"

"I--I couldn't tell her what I did. She knows my nightmares, though," Gabrielle paused long enough to explain the dreamscape to her new friend.

In explaining the dreamscape to Ella, Gabrielle soon found herself describing more than she planned about herself, the village, and her friends. She looked up suddenly, realizing that she began to use the word Amazon. She wondered if she already revealed too much, falling silent.

"Gabrielle," Ella said softly. "I already know."

"Know?"

Ella reached out and gently grasped Gabrielle's wrist, turning it over. "It's hard to miss this."

"Oh," Gabrielle looked down at the tattoo. "Well, it's an Amazon tradition…all married couples have them"

"Yes, but only royalty have the feathers colored in red, don't they?"

Gabrielle was surprised at the woman's knowledge. How long had her new friend known? Gods, it must have been Tarazon!

"You're Gabrielle of Potidaea, aren't you?" Ella asked.

"How in the known world did you know that?" a stunned bard asked.

Ella smiled. "I once heard some wonderful stories from a traveling bard. He came into town and we listened to him at the local tavern. I don't remember his name, but I remember the stories he told. They were all about the Warrior Princess and how she mended her ways, all for the love of a small Amazon Queen, Gabrielle, the bard from Potidaea. That is you, isn't it?"

Smiling sadly through her tears, Gabrielle lowered her head and nodded.

"Tell me more, Gabrielle, of your life." Ella requested.

Gabrielle nodded and began again. It took a very long time, however, for the young Queen to bring up Xena. Eventually, Gabrielle found herself revealing her thoughts and fears to Ella. The small blonde did think it odd, though. While she was speaking to Ella, she realized how all of this sounded. It sounded…well, unbelievable.

"So, if all of this seems so unbelievable to my heart…to other people, why does it appear to make so much sense to my head?" Gabrielle asked.

Ella smiled at her friend. At least confusion was a start. Uncertainty looked much better on this young Amazon, rather than the firm conviction of her own guilt. Ella wasn't sure she had the answers that Gabrielle needed to hear, though.

"Gabrielle, I don't know if I can answer that. I do think you need to start questioning some of your feelings instead of just accepting them as the absolute truth."

"Like what kind of questions?" Gabrielle asked in a quiet voice.

Ella actually forgot her own sorrow for a time, seeing an uncharacteristic vulnerability in the small woman seated beside her, a frailty that hadn't been evident up to this point. The dark-haired woman thought it encouraging. She recognized how important it was for a warrior not to question their emotions, but she could only imagine the burden of guilt this young woman was struggling to carry. Ella couldn't even fathom the grief she would be experiencing if she'd lived in Gabrielle's place.

"Well, first of all, I can tell by the things you've told me about Xena that you and she share a very special kind of love. Now, does it make sense that a woman who would risk her life, time and again, would leave you at the first sign of trouble?"

"I guess not…" Gabrielle drawled, biting her lip. The Queen's brow furrowed as a look of intense concentration settled on her face.

"What is it, Gabrielle?"

"I…" Gabrielle shook her head back and forth, as if trying to shake the cobwebs loose. "I feel like something…answers are right there," Gabrielle reached out her hand, grasping air, "but the harder I try to reach them, the further they move away from me."

Gabrielle looked over at her knew friend, running a hand through newly shorn blonde locks. "Do I sound as crazy to you as I do to myself?" Nervous laughter erupted from her throat.

Ella laid a hand over Gabrielle's own. "Not crazy, only confused, my friend. Think about what you do, Gabrielle. Think very hard. I don't know why, but for some reason I feel as if a great deal depends on how you resolve all of this." Ella laughed aloud. "Now, I'm the one who sounds crazy, seeing shadows where there are none."

"You're a good friend, Ella. I'm glad I met you." Gabrielle entwined her fingers within Ella's delicate hand.

"My thoughts exactly," the dark-haired woman smiled.

Continued

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