-- Chapter 9 --

Hesitantly, Gabrielle pushed opened the door to the tavern. For the life of her, she couldn't understand what had brought her back. She only knew that of all her time at home she'd felt most comfortable here, most comfortable with him. As she nervously scanned the room, she began to doubt the wisdom of her decision and was about to leave when she heard a friendly voice call to her.

"Hey, Gab. Over here."

Turning toward the voice, she saw Ryder. Her heart raced as she slowly walked toward him.

Giving her arm a friendly squeeze, he graciously pulled out a chair for her. "Am I glad to see you! It's been so dull in here tonight."

Taking a seat beside him, she smiled. "Not as dull as my parents' house."

"Yeah," he sympathized. "It must be hard living at home again after being on your own."

"Really, they've been great. It's just such a different life here than I've gotten used to on the road."

"I hear you." He poured her a mug of ale from the nearly empty pitcher and smiled mischievously. "I have to say I'm a little surprised that you came. Does this mean that you've changed your mind about waiting?"

She felt herself blush hotly. "Not exactly, but you got me thinking. I'd never been kissed like that before."

He nudged her shoulder playfully. "I don't mean to brag, but kissing is my specialty. Women tell me they've felt the earth move."

"When you kissed me, I hoped I would feel that but--" She stopped abruptly, realizing how rude she sounded.

Deflated, he slumped back in his seat. "You're terrible for my ego, you know."

"I'm sorry, I always seem to put my foot in my mouth when I'm talking to you."

He took a sip of his drink and shrugged. "Forget it." Seeing the sadness in her eyes, he tried to cheer her. "Hey, even though it didn't do anything for you, it did me. You're a very good kisser."

"Really?"

"Definitely." He cast her a quizzical glance. "You mean no one has ever told you that before?"

She shook her head.

"Then you've obviously been going out with the wrong guys. Maybe we should try again," he stated hopefully.

"Thanks, but I don't think it's going to work out between us."

Laughing out loud, he winced.

"What'd I say?" Gabrielle asked, casting him a puzzled glance.

"It's just…that's usually my line. I must be losing my touch."

"There's nothing wrong with you," she said somberly. "It's me. I'm confused. I don't know what kind of guy I want."

He slapped his forehead. "Ah, so that's what this is all about. Trying both ends of the spectrum. First, the upstanding merchant's son, then me."

"Sort of," she confessed, blushing. "I didn't mean to be so obvious. I'm sorry."

"I guess this means that I lost out, then."

"No, not at all. Actually, I think you're much more…more…"

"Enough already," he teased. "There's no redeeming yourself now."

She smiled, his cheerful disposition infectious. "Let me make it up to you," she offered. "Can I buy you a drink?"

"You bet! Far be it from me to refuse a beautiful woman anything."

*****

As Xena sat on the bank of the river, watching the sunlight reflect off the water's surface, her thoughts immediately turned to Gabrielle and how much the bard would appreciate the quiet beauty of this place.

She released a heavy sigh. It had become second nature for her to want to share the special things she'd discovered with her friend. In fact, lately, she rarely took action without considering Gabrielle. The bard had become such an integral part of her day-to-day existence that sometimes it was hard to tell where she ended and Gabrielle began. Her entire life she'd never needed anyone, and now…. She tossed a stone into the water, breaking up the reflection. How had she allowed this to happen? How was it possible to miss someone so much that it hurt simply to be away from her?

"Hey, Sis."

Xena turned, surprised she hadn't heard her brother approach.

He smiled and dropped casually beside her. "I've been looking for you all afternoon."

"By that cheerful expression, I gather you spoke with Mara."

"Yeah." He pulled nervously at a clump of grass. "What you said got me thinking just how important she is to me. Anyway, I wanted to thank you."

"I'm glad things worked out."

"I…uh…I asked her to marry me."

"Wow! I guess you really are serious."

"I've never met anyone like her. It makes me feel good just being around her." He blushed and looked toward the river.

Touched to glimpse her brother's sentimental side, Xena laid her hand on his shoulder. "So? How'd she respond?"

He turned to face her, smiling broadly. "She said yes."

"That's great, Toris."

He laughed lightly. "Can you believe anyone would want to marry me?"

"Well, it's a stretch, but you do have the family looks going for you." She punched his shoulder affectionately. "Seriously, I'm happy for you."

"Thanks. In a way, I owe it all to you."

"You don't owe me anything." As she met his eyes, a wave of emotion rushed through her. Concerned that he might glimpse it, she quickly glanced away.

It was too late.

As she turned, he saw a trace of something, something he couldn't quite put his finger on… sadness or…. He wrinkled his brow as for the first time he considered how lonely his sister's life on the road had to be. "You know I was serious when I said I'd be glad to fix you up. Not all the guys I hang around with are jerks."

"Made some new friends, have you?" she teased.

"Come on. You just have to give them a chance, that's all."

Xena rolled her eyes. "Thanks, but I think I'll pass."

"You sure? Even warriors must get lonely sometimes."

She smiled lightly. "Nah, not the tough ones."

"Make jokes if you like, but take it from me, life's a lot more enjoyable when you have someone to share it with."

Xena picked up a stone and sent it skipping across the surface of the water.

"I guess you're not completely alone, though," he commented innocently. "You have Gabrielle."

As she watched the stone sink below the water's surface, she nodded, careful not to allow her uncertainty show.

"So are you two going to be in the area for a while?"

Xena shrugged. "You know me. I never stay in one place very long. Why?"

"Well, it's just…I was wondering…that is, we're planning on getting married in the fall and I wanted you to stand up for me…kind of like my best man."

"Me?"

"Yeah, what do you say?"

*****

Gabrielle sat in front of the window in the loft of the barn, letting the warm sunlight wash over her body. Why was it that here in the village she'd been born in, surrounded by her family and people she'd grown up with, she'd never felt so lonely.

"Ah, I thought I might find you here."

Peering over the edge of the loft, she looked down to see her mother.

"Mind if I join you?"

"I'll be right down, Mom."

"Stay where you are." Hecuba replied, carefully climbing up the ladder.

Pulling a bail of hay over, she urged her mother to sit. "How'd you ever find me here?"

"I haven't forgotten all your hiding places. You used to spend a lot of time up here when you were a girl."

Gabrielle smiled wistfully. "Yeah, I used to love to look out over the field and dream of faraway places."

"So where have you been dreaming of today?"

"Nowhere…just thinking."

A hint of concern shone in Hecuba's eyes. "Gabby, I couldn't help noticing that you've seemed a little distant since you've come home. Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine."

Hecuba cupped her daughter's chin and looked into her eyes. "You don't look fine to me."

Gabrielle glanced away. "I am. Really. It's just--" She smiled wistfully and took her mother's hand. "Things aren't turning out exactly as I had planned."

"What things?"

"I don't know. Life, I guess." She picked up a piece of straw and split it in half. "You know, even after all this time, I still don't fit in here."

"That's not true," Hecuba insisted. "You fit in fine. It's just that you approach things a little differently, that 's all." She laid a comforting hand on her daughter's arm. "Can you imagine what a boring place this world would be if we were all the same? Being your own person isn't such a bad thing."

Gabrielle shook her head doubtfully. "Isn't it? I watch you and Lila…how close you've become…and I realize what a disappointment I must be."

Hecuba took her daughter's hands. "You've been a lot of things, Gabrielle, but never a disappointment." She released a heavy sigh before continuing. "You know, Lila and I spend a lot of time together. We're similar. We both have simple needs. It's different for you. Even as a child you were always looking for excitement, striving for something more." She laughed as she thought back.

Gabrielle looked at her curiously. "What is it?"

"I was remembering you as a toddler. You couldn't get where you wanted to be fast enough. You went straight from crawling to running." She smiled as she watched her daughter's cheeks flush. "Your enthusiasm for life is special. It's true that you and Lila are different. But you know something? I wouldn't have it any other way. I admire your tenacity. You know what you want and go after it."

The blonde released a heavy sigh. "Not anymore. For the first time in my life, I don't have a clue. I only know something's missing."

"Is that why you came home early for the wedding?

Gabrielle shrugged. "I guess I hoped coming back to my roots would give me a new perspective…help me figure things out. Instead, I'm more confused than ever. I feel so restless. I--" She shook her head in frustration, not knowing how to explain.

"Give yourself time. You'll find your way eventually."

She turned to face her mother. "Do you ever feel that you gave up your dreams by settling down and raising a family?"

Hecuba's eyes sparkled affectionately. "Honey, that was my dream." She smiled softly. "I know compared to your life that must seem dull, but it's everything I've ever wanted. I love your father dearly. It's given me great joy watching you girls grow into strong-minded women. Just knowing that I played some small part in that means a lot to me."

"Do you think that's what's missing in my life? Settling down…having children?"

"Only you can answer that."

She met her mother's eyes. "How did you know that Dad was the one…the one you wanted to spend your life with?"

"I just knew. When I first saw your father, the most incredible sensations swept over me." Hecuba smiled as she remembered. "At first, it was a little scary to feel so much." She looked into her daughter's eyes. "Opening your heart to someone can be a vulnerable feeling. But I can tell you, when you finally find the right one, it's worth the risk."

"I hope it's like that for me…that I know when I've found the 'right one'," the bard said wistfully.

"You will, you'll see. Love has a way of coming along when you least expect it."

"What if it already has and I'm missing it?"

Hecuba cast her daughter a concerned glance. "Gabby, about this man from the tavern--" She hesitated then awkwardly continued. "Just how serious have things gotten between you?"

The bard rolled her eyes. "I'd forgotten how fast news travels here."

"Honey," Hecuba began, trying to tread softly. "I…uh…I've heard things about him." Her brow furrowed. "I know he's very attractive and I'm sure you find him quite…a--appealing. But are you sure he's the kind of young man you should be seeing?"

The irony of her mother's question nearly made her laugh out loud. If only she could feel sexual attraction toward Ryder, but the only hint of real desire she'd ever experienced was in her sleep, where faceless entities drew her interest. "Mom, we're just friends. There's nothing going on between us," she assured. "I feel comfortable with him, that's all. I know it's hard for you to understand that we would have anything in common, but in a way, we're both kind of outcasts."

"Why would you feel like an outcast? This is your home. We love you."

"I know you do." But even as she said the words, deep in her heart she doubted them. What would her mother think if she could read her thoughts, if she knew about her strange dreams?

*****

Xena sat on her bed and looked out at the sun peering over the horizon. She had laid awake most of the night trying to decide if she should go to Gabrielle and tell her the truth. It wasn't simply fear that kept her from it but guilt too. This was a lot to dump on her friend's shoulders. In a way, she'd be forcing the bard to make some difficult choices. But what alternative did she have? She simply could not go on pretending. When all was said and done, she knew her mother was right. She owed Gabrielle the truth.

Packing up her few belongings, she headed downstairs.

As she hit the landing, she smelled the rich aroma of stew. Pushing open the kitchen door, she expected to see her mother hard at work. Instead, she was surprised to see her brother stirring the pot. "Morning, Toris, you're up early."

"Yeah, thought I'd do a little cooking."

"Smells good. What is it?"

He turned and winked. "Mom's stew…without carrots."

Xena smiled wryly. "Maybe there's hope for you yet."

"Smart-ass." He motioned toward the table. "Sit down and give it a try."

She slung her saddlebags over her shoulder. "Can't, I'm headed out."

"So soon?"

She nodded.

"Where to this time?"

"Poteidaia…then, who knows?"

"But you'll be back for the wedding, right?"

"You can count on it." She reached into her bag and set a coin purse on the table.

He picked it up. "What's this?"

"The dinars your drunken friends gave me to get the witch to remove her spell. Will you see they get it?"

He tossed it back to her. "Why don't you keep it just in case you run across her?"

"Don't tell me you still believe the women are bewitched."

"No, but a few of the others do…and besides, in a way, I feel as if I kind of owe her."

Xena tucked the pouch into her pack. "Seems a waste of hard-earned money, but if that's what you want."

"It's what they wanted. And who knows," he winked. "Maybe she'll lead you to the man of your dreams."

"Now that would really be a miracle," she quipped. "Hey, have you seen Mother around this morning?"

He pointed toward the door. "She's outside, hanging clothes."

"Great, I'll catch her on my way out." She reached out to shake his hand. "Guess I'll be seeing you in the fall, then."

Toris smiled. "Yeah, but don't feel that you have to wait that long." He paused, holding her hand an extra beat before releasing it. "Take care of yourself, huh?"

She nodded. "You too." Pushing the door open, she headed toward the barn.

Cyrene turned from the clothesline as she heard the side door bang closed. It was so reminiscent of the young girl she'd known so many years ago that she had to smile. "Leaving for Poteidaia?"

Xena nodded.

"Good to see you taking your own advice."

The warrior shrugged. "For what it's worth."

"It's true that you've never been one to choose the easy path, but this time I think you've chosen the right one."

"I hope so," she replied somberly. "The last thing I want to do is hurt her."

"Of all people, I guess that I don't need to tell you that life is full of risk. But I believe this one is well worth it. I've learned precious little in my life, but the one thing I do know is that when all is said and done, the joy that comes from loving and being loved is worth any price you have to pay."

Xena smiled. "Sounds like something Gabrielle would say."

Cyrene winked. "Wise woman, that one."

"Maybe too wise to want…" Her voice trailed off, the thought too painful to complete.

Cyrene laid her hand on her daughter's arm, drawing her eyes. "Xena, I want you to promise me something." She paused to emphasize just how much the request meant to her. "If Gabrielle decides to stay in Poteidaia, don't go off by yourself. Come home, at least for a while. We're your family and we care about you."

The warrior remained silent, a rush of emotion washing over her.

"Do I have your word?"

Xena nodded, not sure if the tightness in her chest would allow her to speak. "I promise."

Pulling her daughter to her, Cyrene hugged her warmly.

For the first time since she was a child, Xena relaxed in her embrace.

Cyrene reluctantly released her and watched her walk toward the barn.

After just a few steps the warrior turned. "Mom?"

The older woman's eyes filled with tears. "Yes, Xena?"

"Thanks…for everything."

Mounting Argo, the warrior pressed the mare as if her life depended on it, not allowing either of them much rest until she had reached the outskirts of Poteidaia.

*****

*****

Part II

*****

-- Chapter 10--

~~~~~

~~~~~

"Gabrielle…Gabrielle…wake up. You're dreaming. Wake up."

The young woman's eyes flew open in a panic as she sat bolt upright, throwing off her blanket.

Lila laid a hand on her shoulder to calm her. "You were dreaming."

The blonde looked around anxiously as she struggled to get her bearings, her body drenched in sweat.

"You were crying out in your sleep. I was afraid you'd wake Mom and Dad. Are you all right?"

She fought to control her labored breathing. "Yes, I…"

Lila ran her fingers through her sister's damp bangs. "It must have been a terrible nightmare. I've never seen you so shaken."

"A dream…just a dream," she whispered sadly, tears of frustration springing to her eyes.

"Do you want me to stay?"

"No," Gabrielle replied, turning her head. "Please, I just need to be alone."

Lila stood, reluctant to leave her sister in such a state. "Okay, but call if you need me, huh."

As the door closed, a wave of indescribable loneliness washed over her. Gabrielle shivered and wrapped her arms around herself. Each dream left her feeling more empty and alone than the last. Never had she felt so desolate. It seemed that nothing could ease the aching loss she felt…nothing but the mysterious entity from her dream. Curling into a tight ball, she cried softly.

Why was this happening?!

She thought back to her first erotic dream over a moon earlier. Searching her mind, she tried to reconstruct the events of that day: In the evening, she and Xena had seen a bard perform in Athens. The woman's performance had been incredible. In fact, Gabrielle had been so utterly captivated by it that she had purchased a copy of one of her poems.

She thought back to how crowded the performance had been. So crowded, that as she'd turned to leave she had dropped her scroll. Suddenly her memory clarified. No…someone had bumped into her…a woman. She dug deeper, trying to pull the woman's image from a sea of faces. Closing her eyes, she struggled to concentrate. Light hair…silver hair…her heart hammered as the encounter came flooding back.

It was Asia…Asia handing her the scroll. She could almost feel her skin tingle the way it had when the woman's fingers brushed her own. That very night the dreams had begun, dreams of hands running the length of her torso, gently caressing her.

*****

The warrior entered Poteidaia through the forest near the lake. Hearing splashes in the distance, she dismounted and looked ahead. Suddenly she froze. Not a stone's throw away, Gabrielle stepped nude from the water, her skin sparkling in the morning light.

Tired from the long journey, Argo shifted restlessly, snapping a twig.

Hearing the noise, the bard grabbed her blouse and looked anxiously toward the sound.

As if in a trance, the warrior stepped from the woods.

"Xena?" Surprised and relieved, Gabrielle smiled warmly.

For a moment, the dark-haired woman could barely breathe. She was lost in the sensual allure of her companion's mouth, a mouth that hinted at pleasures she had only dreamed of. The warrior's mind raced. To kiss those lips…to feel their soft, fullness brush against her own…would be Elyssia. Entranced, her eyes traced the gentle curve of Gabrielle's neck, before coming to rest on the bard's breasts.

The young woman's blouse was nearly translucent against her wet skin. Through it, Xena could see her companion's taut rose-colored nipples straining against the fabric. Slowly moistening her lips, she lowered her gaze to the delicate triangle of blonde hair and imagined kneeling before the bard…inhaling her scent…parting her folds…tasting her.

Confused by the warrior's silence, Gabrielle looked at her curiously. "Is everything okay? I didn't expect to you to arrive for a fortnight."

In all of her life, Xena had never seen anything so beautiful, never desired anything so much. Without thought of consequences, she reached out to take the young woman's face in her hands and stared into her emerald eyes. In them she found the other half of her soul.

All at once the need for a physical connection was too powerful for the warrior to resist. As Gabrielle parted her lips to speak, she bent to kiss her.

The contact was electric. Pulling her close, Xena slipped her tongue into the young woman's mouth, moaning into her. It was bliss. She was lost, so hopelessly lost that it took long moments for her to notice the hands pressing hard against her chest, pushing her back.

But, even that, was not enough to break her swoon. It took the sound of the bard's voice to pull her from her erotic haze.

"Xena, stop! Stop it! What are you doing?"

The warrior staggered backward, the confusion and disillusionment in the bard's eyes confirming her worst fears. In a moment of weakness, she'd ruined everything. Turning, she ran through the woods, unmindful of her direction. Suddenly her vision blurred the very earth beneath her feet disappearing. She was falling, groping for anything that would slow her descent. There was nothing-- nothing but the ground on the other side of the cliff face, drawing closer and closer.

Throwing off her blanket, Xena sat bolt upright. Shaken to her core by the nightmare, she got to her feet, the hairs on her arms rising in warning. Turning quickly, she cautiously looked around. The forest was still, the only sound that of an owl taking flight.

She was alone. ~~~~~

*****

Asia looked up calmly as Gabrielle burst through her door, unannounced. "Good morning."

Ignoring the prophet's greeting, the bard bristled, her eyes flashing with anger. "You're doing this, aren't you?!"

"Doing what?"

"You know what," she insisted. "Last night--" the words caught in her throat.

"You had another dream?"

"You know I did."

"I haven't done anything," the prophet assured her, reaching out.

Gabrielle shrank from her touch. "I remember you from Athens. I dropped my scroll and you picked it up. I remember you touching me. It was after that the dreams started…and I-- I began to change."

"So you think I'm causing your dreams?"

"Y--you've done something to me," Gabrielle stammered.

Asia spoke softly. "I give you my word…I'm not creating these dreams."

"I don't believe you. I--"

"--Gabrielle, search your heart. You know it's not me."

"But if it's not you, then who?"

The prophet motioned to the chair beside the table. "Please, sit down. Tell me what's happened."

The bard's hands trembled as her anger was suddenly replaced by fear. "Something's wrong. I…." Emotionally exhausted, she dropped into the chair and lowered her head into her hands. "I don't know what to do. I can't go on like this." She looked up, tears welling in her eyes.

Asia remained silent.

"If you know what happening, you've got to tell me!"

"I've seen only glimpses." the prophet replied gently. "I can't be sure."

"You've got to try…please!" Gabrielle stretched her trembling hand across the table.

Hesitantly, the prophet reached out. On contact a series of vivid images flashed before her, shocking in their eroticism. She pulled back.

Alarmed by her reaction, Gabrielle hugged her arms tight to her body. "What is it? Am I cursed? Bewitched?"

"No," Asia assured her. "It's no spell or act of possession."

She met the prophet's eyes in desperation. "Am I losing my mind?"

"Definitely not."

"Then what?!" Tension hung heavy in the air as she waited for Asia to respond.

The silver-haired woman met her eyes. "It's desire."

"Desire?"

"Yes, in its purest form."

"M--my desire?"

The prophet nodded in silent confirmation.

Gabrielle looked at her in disbelief. "You think that I'm doing this to myself?"

"Are you?"

"No!" She paused in confusion. "It can't be me. Why? Why would I create these dreams?"

"How do they make you feel?"

Color rose to Gabrielle's cheeks and she quickly turned away. "Gods, what's happening to me?"

"I think deep down you know."

"I don't!"

Asia exhaled deeply. "Tell me, do you find these dreams pleasurable?"

Averting her eyes, the bard flushed hotly. "Y--yes…partly…."

"Then it's not against your will."

The bard took a shaky breath. "No."

"Then why do you resist?"

"Because it scares me. I've never wanted anything so much. It's consuming. I'm afraid I'll lose myself in it."

"Is that why you stop?"

The bard nodded. "I don't want it to stop, but I'm afraid to let go, to--"

"--To what?"

"Please, I don't understand. If I'm creating these dreams, why can't I control them?"

"In a way, I think you do control them. You wake yourself up before you have to face what it is that you truly desire."

"No, not this time. My sister woke me. I was crying out in my sleep. With all my being I wanted it."

"You keep saying 'it.' What is 'it'?"

"I told you--I don't know."

"I believe that you do. Think hard."

Gabrielle shook her head. "It's invisible…or smoke or fire. I can't see or even touch it."

"Maybe that's because you feel safer not seeing, not touching. What does it make you feel?"

Although she knew, it was hard for her to voice it out loud. Meeting the prophet's eyes, she forced the words. "I feel need…a need so urgent that I fear it will strip me of my reason."

"Yes, I could feel the power of it."

"Please, you have to help me. Tell me, what can I do to make the dreams go away?"

"Is that what you really want--for them to go away?"

Gabrielle felt the heat rise to her face. "I…." She shook her head helplessly.

"Then, what do you want?"

"I want to give in. I want it to take me." Tears overflowed the bard's eyes. "I must be losing my mind!"

"No," Asia assured her. "I think you're finding it."

"But how can you say that? I don't even know who I am anymore."

"Yes, you do. Deep inside, you always have. You're just afraid to face it."

"Can you help me?"

"You can help yourself. Face what it is you fear."

The bard cast her a desperate glance. "How can I do that when I don’t even know what it is?"

"In time…."

"I-- I can't go on like this. If you can do something, anything…."

"Gabrielle, making you confront what you're not ready to face could be devastating for you. Once it's done, there's no going back."

"It couldn't be worse than this," she insisted. "Please! I'm begging you."

Hesitating, Asia looked into the young woman's pain-filled eyes. "All right, take may hands."

The bard reached out, her finger's trembling at the initial contact.

Attempting to calm her, the prophet spoke softly. "I want you to relax. I'm going to try to guide you though this. It will feel very much like a dream, but I want you to remember that if you get too uncomfortable you can pull yourself out at anytime."

Gabrielle nodded.

"When you're ready to begin, close your eyes." Lightly stroking her thumbs across the backs of the blonde's hands, she soothed her. "That's right, exhale your tension and take a deep breath-- relax. Feel your limbs getting heavier with each breath."

Instantly she felt Gabrielle respond as one by one the bard's protective barriers fell away.

In all her experience, Asia had never encountered anyone so open, so trusting. With a powerful surge, Gabrielle's emotions flooded her mind and for a moment, the prophet considered pulling back while there was still time--before this innocent woman was changed forever.

But she couldn't.

She wanted this too much. From the moment she touched the bard in Athens, she'd longed to tap into the young woman's mind. And now she was there, experiencing the bard's memories in richly intoxicating detail: the wonder…the excitement…the love…the need.

The desire to delve more deeply into the young woman's consciousness was so strong that not even the intense waves of emotional pain overshadowing it all could deter her. Unable to resist, she urged the bard on. "Envision the flames from your dream."

Gabrielle gasped as she felt the heat of the fire.

"Reach out, feel them ripple across your skin. I know you want this…I can feel it."

The bard's breath quickened, her lips parting sensually. "Yessss."

"That's right," the prophet purred. "Now take my hand, and bring me into your dreams." ~~~~~

~~~~~

Somewhere in the distance, a familiar voice pulled her back.

Gasping, the bard drew air into her aching lungs and opened her eyes.

*****

Xena slid the saddle onto Argo's back and tightened the cinch with trembling fingers. The vividness of her dream had truly shaken her. Gabrielle's fear of her had been almost palpable. She closed her eyes against the painful vision.

Unlike anyone else in her life, the bard's trust in her had never wavered. In all their time together, no matter what she'd done, the warrior had never detected even the slightest hint of fear or apprehension in the young woman.

Not until this….

Was her dream some terrible premonition of things to come or simply the manifestation of the warrior's worst fear: losing the one person she couldn't do without?

In either case, she was not prepared to face her friend…not yet. She needed more time. Mounting Argo, she headed down the road leading out of Poteidaia.

*****

Gabrielle stared mutely into the fire.

Inhaling deeply, the silver-haired woman spoke up. "Gabrielle, talk to me…please."

"I don't see how talking will help. What more can I add? You know it all now…everything."

"No. All I know is what you let me see."

The bard turned away. "I should go."

"Wait," Asia pleaded. "What I did was wrong. I--I crossed boundaries that should have never been breached. I helped you see things that you weren't ready for."

"It's not your fault," the bard answered dully.

"That's not exactly true," she confessed. "When you accused me of doing something to you in Athens, you were right. That day, when we touched, I got a flash of the emotions you'd buried deep inside. In all my travels, I'd never experienced such a powerful connection, not from such casual contact. I wasn't prepared for it. My guard was down. I failed to shield my thoughts, and for an instant, you glimpsed what I'd seen in you. That's why the dreams started. I had put a crack in the dam you'd so carefully constructed."

The bard released a heavy sigh. "What does it matter how it began? The thoughts…the feelings…they're mine. There's no getting around that, is there?"

Asia shook her head sympathetically. "Gabrielle, I know how overwhelming this must be, but if you'll let me, maybe I can help."

"And just how are you going to do that?" she asked coldly. "Can you change what I am, the way I feel?"

"No," the prophet replied sadly. "But maybe I can help you begin to accept it."

"You don't know me at all if you think that's possible," Gabrielle blurted.

"I understand some of the things that you're feeling. I know that for a long time you've worn your smile like a mask to hide a secret that you felt you couldn't share with anyone."

The bard's eyes filled with tears and she looked away.

Asia gently brushed her cheek. "I know that you have buried some very powerful emotions, emotions you didn't want to face. I know you're frightened, but I promise you, talking about it will help."

"I can't."

"You can," the prophet insisted. "You're stronger than you think."

"No."

"Gabrielle, listen to me. There's no going back. I've opened the door. It's no longer simply a matter of denying confusing dreams. Now that you've seen the truth, turning your back on it would mean denying who you are. I can't let you bury this again. It would be a silent affirmation that what you're feeling is wrong-- that it should be hidden. You have to face this!"

"Why?"

"Because if you lock your feelings inside, you'll be sacrificing a part of yourself…a part no one should have to do without…the part that sustains us when nothing else can."

Tears slid down the young woman's cheeks.

"Your faith in the innate goodness in each of us--your ability to see beyond the surface into the very heart of people--is your special gift. Turn that inward and trust in the purity of your own heart. Take the first step. Tell me, who is it you desire?"

With trembling hands, Gabrielle wiped the tears from her eyes. "Someone I can never have…."

"And why is that?"

"There are so many reasons…"

"But how many of them truly matter?"

"One that I can't ignore." Gabrielle looked down at her feet and steeled her courage. "The person I'm in--the person that I'm attracted to is a--a woman. Xena is the one from my dreams. It's my feelings for her that I couldn't face." Swallowing hard, she gathered her courage and looked up.

Asia's eyes shone with genuine affection. Confused by the prophet's reaction, Gabrielle attempted to clarify her confession. "You don't understand. I love Xena."

"But I do understand."

"No," she insisted. "I mean as more than just a friend. I desire her…sexually."

Asia smiled softly. "I think your dreams make that infinitely clear."

"And you don't think it's…wrong?"

"To me, it's not so important who a person loves…only that they love."

Gabrielle shook her head doubtfully.

"You disagree?"

"No. I--it's not the love part that's bad. It's--" she stopped, unable to say the words.

"What then? The physical expression of love between people of the same sex?"

"Yes. Everything I've been taught says it's…wrong."

"Not to me," Asia replied, the conviction in her voice clear. "I believe that there are few things more sacred than the joining of two adults in celebration of their love for each other. But, truly, it's not important what I think…or anyone else, for that matter. In the end, it's your own conscience you must live by, your own heart you much search." Asia leaned forward. "Answer me truthfully. Is the love you feel for Xena insincere, deceitful, or selfish? Does it feel wrong to you?"

Tears streamed down the bard's cheeks as she shook her head.

"Tell me. Deep down, what is it that you feel for her?"

Wanting to communicate through her mind what she had no words for, Gabrielle reached out to grasp the prophet's hands.

Asia pulled back. "No, not this time. Give voice to your feelings. It's important that you say it."

"I love Xena…with all my heart. I see her pain and I want to take it from her. I want to shield her from the things that would hurt her. There's nothing that I wouldn't do for her. I would give my life for her. I want to give my life to her…share every moment. I want her to feel my love…in my touch…in my kiss. I want to be as close to her as two people can be. I-- I--" Nearly breathless, the bard flushed brightly, startled by the intensity of her own feelings.

The prophet smiled as she watched realization dawn in the young woman.

Gabrielle looked into Asia's eyes. "Deep down, it doesn't feel wrong. To me, my love for Xena is the purest thing I've ever felt."

"Then that, my dear, is the truth you need to live by."

To at last have spoken her heart and embraced her true feelings was more freeing than she could ever have imagined. Suddenly the walls that had for so long kept her prisoner began to crumble, releasing a flood of tears.

She reached out for the prophet's hands, taking them in her own. "I don't know how to thank you."

The bard's overwhelming gratitude rolled through Asia in great waves. Quickly she pulled back; the temptation to allow herself to be drawn back inside the young woman's mind was a lure she could barely resist.

"I feel free for the first time in my life!" Gabrielle exclaimed.

The prophet smiled. "Remember this moment. Call it back when you need it most."

Inhaling deeply, the bard smiled. "I'll always remember this…always."

"The first step, in anything, is always the hardest. But believe me, the more you open up to others, the lighter your burden will be."

Gabrielle looked at her like a doe caught in the line of a hunter's bow. "Others? I can't tell anyone else. They wouldn't understand, not even my family. They wouldn't--" She stopped suddenly, voice choked with distress.

"You're right," the prophet agreed. "There will always be some that will never accept you, not under any circumstances. Deeply ingrained misconceptions are hard to shed."

Saddened, the bard looked away.

"Just think of how long it took you to come to terms with your feelings," Asia explained, trying to ease the bard's alarm. "The good news is that if you find the courage to embrace who you are, in time most of those closest to you will come around. Eventually, they'll see that the love you feel is not so very different from the love they have in their own hearts."

"You make it sound so easy."

"Oh, it's far from that. Forcing people to question their beliefs is extremely difficult. In this small village, you'll be breaking the trail and that won't be easy. But once you open the door, you'll be surprised how many others will follow you through. You aren't the only one to have these feelings. I've encountered many like us in my travels."

"You're in love with a woman too?"

"Um-hmm, for many years. You see, you're not alone, and the more comfortable you become with yourself, the more in tune you'll be to others like us. Believe me, to be able to feel so much for another is a blessing, not a curse. It would be tragic to deny your feelings, tragic not to experience all the love you have in your heart. Be grateful that you have such a great capacity to love. Not everyone does."

"I don't know if I'm strong enough. There's so much at risk."

"For me, there is nothing more difficult than living a lie. The joy that has come from opening my heart and being true to myself has far outweighed the challenges I've faced."

They sat quietly, neither speaking. After long moments, it was the bard who finally broke the silence.

"Asia?" She paused nervously. "You've met Xena?"

"Yes."

"And you shook her hand?"

Nodding, the prophet took a deep breath. She didn't need to read the bard's thoughts to see where this was leading.

Gabrielle forged ahead. "I--I was wondering…did you sense anything when you touched her? Do you know if Xena, if she…" The bard anxiously met Asia's eyes. "Could she ever love me that way?"

Asia smiled softly. "What I'm able to tell you, you already know. As a friend, the warrior loves you dearly. You've touched her life in a very special way, and that's a wonderful place to start. But to discover what is in her heart, you're going to have to talk to her."

The bard sighed wistfully. "I guess I knew you would say that."

"Gabrielle, just take things one step at a time and remember that no matter how Xena feels, in the end the most important thing is for you to accept yourself."

*****

-- Chapter 11 --

Angry, Emma took deadly aim and swung her make-shift staff at a nearby tree.

Seeing the young girl from the road, Ryder called out, "Whoa! Remind me not to get on your bad side today."

She spun around in surprise. "Ryder, I--I was just…practicing."

"Looked pretty serious to me."

"Well," she confessed, leaning back against the tree. "I was kind of mad. I guess it slipped out."

He took a seat on a nearby log. "Having a bad day, huh?"

She nodded.

"I've been having one of those myself, so I'm hiding out."

Taking a seat beside him, she released a heavy sigh. "Me too."

"What's up?" he asked.

"I had to take care of the brat again. She always ends up doing something that gets me in trouble. I hate having to share my room with her. She's always getting into my stuff. I'm tired of picking up after her, sick of being the older sister."

"I know exactly what you mean."

She gave him a quizzical look. "You do?"

"Yeah, in my family I'm the brat. I've been plaguing my sister for years."

"Really?"

"Yep. But I'll let you in on something. A brat's job isn't easy either," he winked. "It's tough coming up with all those irresponsible things."

"Then why do you do it?"

He shrugged. "I don't know. For the attention, I guess. It's not easy having a sister who never does anything wrong. How do you measure up to someone's who's perfect?"

"Tana's never said that she thinks I'm perfect."

"Of course not. It's bad enough having a perfect sister without letting her know it." He picked up a blade of grass and twirled it between his fingers. "Don't get me wrong. I love my sister. In fact, I wish I could be more like her, but that spot's already taken. I kind of had to make my own niche, if you know what I mean."

Emma nodded.

"Look, don't be too hard on her. As you get older you'll discover how important family really is."

She cast him a doubtful glance.

He playfully ruffled her hair. "Who else would put up with you on your cranky days?"

"You would," she answered quickly.

"Yeah, but if you hadn't noticed, I'm not quite right in the head." He stood and pulled her to her feet. "I see you're getting pretty good with that thing."

She beamed at his compliment. "Gabrielle taught me some moves. She's incredible!"

He smiled. "Well, you're not half bad either. That's quite a swing you have there."

"Really?"

"Uh-hmm. Gabrielle must be a good teacher."

"She is."

"Then she must have told you the first rule of all good fighters."

"Ahhh…no." She gave him a puzzled glance. "What rule?"

"Never skip a free meal."

Emma rolled her eyes.

"It's true. Have you ever seen Gabrielle eat? She can really put it away."

"Honestly?"

He nodded. "All the best fighters know they have to eat in order to stay strong."

Her brow furrowed as she stopped to consider his words. "Now that you mention it, I am kind of hungry."

"Me too. Let's go see if your mom's got dinner ready."

*****

As Gabrielle looked up at the stars, she did so with hope in her heart. She felt renewed. For the first time since arriving in Poteidaia, she looked forward to the dreams sleep would bring. Taking a deep breath, she smiled inwardly and turned down the path toward her parents' house.

Glancing ahead, she saw Ryder walk out of the tavern. "Hey!"

He looked up and smiled. "Hi, Gab. I've missed you here the past few nights. Where've you been?"

"I…ah…I had some thinking to do-- some things to work through."

"About the guy thing?"

She nodded.

"You know, I've been thinking about that. Maybe you should be looking for someone who falls between the good old boy and me. You know, a regular kind of guy."

Gabrielle lifted a playful brow. "I don't think so. I'm definitely drawn more to your end of the spectrum."

He smiled. "Well, that's definitely good news. Does this mean that I still have a chance?"

"I'm afraid not." Taking a deep breath, she steeled her nerve. "I'm in love with someone else."

"Just my luck. At least tell me that I remind you of him," he teased.

"Actually, in an odd way, you do."

"Ahhh, then he must be devastatingly handsome."

She laughed. "Mmm, not exactly…."

"Well, what can I say?" he shrugged, rubbing the back of his fingers against his shirt. "We all can't be perfect."

"Not to mention 'modest'," she added.

"Why not…let's mention it."

"You're incorrigible."

"I never claimed any different, but enough about me. Tell me, if you're in love with someone else, why are you here with me instead of him?"

"Because I was having trouble facing my feelings."

"And you're not anymore."

"Well…I'm working on it."

"So who's the lucky guy?"

Taking a deep breath, she turned to face him, hands suddenly trembling. "That's just it…it's not a guy."

"What do you mean?"

She nervously met his eyes. "I--I'm in love with a woman."

Taken completely off guard, he failed to mask his shock. "Oh…well…gee…I…." Stunned, he fell into an awkward silence and dropped heavily onto the bench beside him.

Heart thudding in her chest, Gabrielle tried to cover her anxiety. "I think that's the first time since I met you that you've been at a loss for words."

When he didn't respond, she continued nervously. "I've really enjoyed the time we've spent together. I--I hope we still can be friends."

He shook his head and looked up, a wry smile on his face. "I must be slipping. This is the first time I've ever been on the receiving end of that line."

Relieved, she laughed and sat down beside him. "So, what do you say? Friends?"

He reached for her hand, then paused to tease her. "I don't know. I've never been 'just' friends with a woman before."

Put at ease by his impish manner, she smiled. "Like you said the night I met you, there's always a first time."

"Okay," he agreed, taking her hand. "Why not?" Bending, he kissed her lightly on the cheek.

She hugged him gratefully. "It's such a relief that you… well…that you don't think I'm strange."

He pulled back. "Now, I wouldn't go that far." Punching her playfully on the shoulder, he winked. "I'm just kidding. Honestly, you're a very interesting woman, one of the most intriguing I've met."

"Guess it's lucky for me you don't get out of Poteidaia much."

He laughed and pulled her to her feet. "Come on, let's walk."

As they headed down the deserted road, she turned to him. "Ryder, thanks for being so understanding."

"Hey, for me your interest in women comes as good news. It means I haven't lost my charisma."

"Definitely not." She winked at him. "And you know, contrary to everything I've heard, you've been a perfect gentleman."

"Don't spread that rumor. I've worked hard for this reputation."

"Don't worry," she promised. "Your secret's safe with me."

Now it was his turn to wink. "And yours with me. See, chivalry isn't dead."

She grinned. "And just to prove it I think I should buy you a drink."

He feigned a frown. "Damn, you seem perfect for me. Are you sure about this woman thing?"

"Absolutely."

*****

No sooner had they sat down than an attractive brunette hurried over. Kissing Ryder on the cheek, she whispered something in his ear before walking across the room to join her friends

The bard rolled her eyes. "Yet another new woman?"

"You know me."

"Isn't she married to the blacksmith?"

He shrugged. "Small detail."

"But she's unavailable, pledged to someone else."

"What can I say? I like that in my women."

"I see," Gabrielle nodded. "No ties."

"Exactly."

"But what about her husband? Doesn't that scare you just a little?"

"Nah, I like an element of danger." Clearing his throat, he quickly changed the subject. "So I've been dying to ask you. Who's this gal you threw me over for?"

"The woman I travel with…Xena."

"Xena!" His eyebrows shot up. "As in The Warrior Princess?"

The bard nodded. "Yeah, that's the one."

"Wow. You've got great taste, kiddo. She's a knockout."

Gabrielle smiled nervously as he cast her a questioning glance.

"A bit intimidating, isn't she? Doesn't that scare you a little?"

"Nah," she shrugged. "I like an element of danger."

"Touché," he smiled. "But you two seem so different. I mean…she has such a… a dominating presence."

She winked playfully. "Uh-huh, I like that in my women."

He laughed and took a sip of his ale.

Following his lead, she too took a drink from her mug. "Ryder, mind if I ask you a question?"

"Not as long as you don't mind if I refuse to answer."

"Fair enough," she agreed. "Why do you…flirt with so many women?"

"I like variety. I get bored easily."

"Then why don't you leave Poteidaia? There's a world of women outside this small town."

"What can I say? I guess basically I'm an underachiever."

"Hmm…" Mulling it over, she took another sip. "I've noticed that you spend a lot of time here at the tavern. Why is it that?"

"You said one question."

"You got something to hide?"

"Me?"

"Yeah, you see anyone else here?"

"Look, it's really not that complicated," he shrugged. "I like to drink, and this is a good place to pick up women, that's all." He took a long swallow of his ale. "Enough with the questions about me. It's my turn. Tell me…this warrior that's captured your heart…does she know how you feel?"

"No. Until recently, I hadn't even admitted it to myself."

"Are you going to tell her?"

She shrugged. "I don't know if I have the nerve." She glanced up at him. "You're the expert with women. What advice can you give me?"

"Women love a good listener. That's always a good place to start."

"Unfortunately, that won't work. She's not much of a talker."

"Hmmm. Doesn't sound like any woman I've ever met."

"She's not like any woman I've ever met either."

"You could sing her a song. Women love that sentimental stuff."

"That's no good either. I can't carry a tune."

"What about seduction? I've never met a woman who didn't respond to that."

"Oh, no?" She cast him a sly smile.

"Okay, okay, so you’re the one exception." He raised his hands in defeat. "Sounds like you've got your work cut out for you."

Gabrielle slumped in her seat.

"Look, it's not that bad. You have a lot of things going for you. Use the assets nature gave you."

"And what assets are those?"

"You must be kidding! You're very attractive." Reaching behind her, he pulled back her hair. "You've got a fantastic neck…great shoulders. Maybe you should cut your hair to show them off."

*****

Xena dropped her bedroll to the ground and smoothed it out with trembling fingers. Clasping her hands to stop their shaking, she took a deep breath. The past few days of wandering aimlessly around the countryside had failed to bring about any great revelation. Instead, the fruitless delay had left her more physically and mentally drained than when she'd first begun. It wasn't her way to sit back, to let herself be controlled by situations. She was a woman of action, and, like it or not, it was clear what needed to be done.

Exhausted, she stretched out on her blanket and stared up at the stars. Immediately her thoughts turned to Gabrielle and the many evenings they'd spent together under this very same sky. Never in her life had she had such a friendship. And now she was about to change it all. She had no choice. Regardless of the outcome, she had to return to Poteidaia and face her fears.

*****

Anxious as a caged lioness, the bard paced back and forth in her room. Stopping at her window, she looked up at the star-filled sky and thought of Xena. Her chest tightened at the realization that no matter what happened now, from this point on, things would never be the same between them. Whether she confessed her feelings or tried to keep them hidden, she would never be able to look at the warrior in the same way.

Too edgy to sleep, Gabrielle dressed and quietly let herself out. She desperately needed a diversion from her thoughts, and in all of Poteidaia, she knew of only one person who could provide that. Opening the tavern door, she peered inside and smiled. Ryder sat alone at the far table.

Lost in his thoughts, he didn't see her approach.

"Hey," she called out cheerfully, "I hoped I might find you here."

Smiling at the sound of her voice, he turned. "It's usually a pretty good bet."

"So I've heard."

Pulling out the chair to his right, he motioned for her to sit. "So what brings you out so late?"

"I couldn't sleep."

"You've been hanging around me too much. I'm turning you into a night owl."

"I wish it were that simple."

"Been thinking about your warrior?"

She nodded. "I can't get her out of my thoughts…or my dreams."

Ryder poured her a glass of ale. "Here have a drink. Trust me. It helps." Sloppily draining the pitcher, he motioned to the heavyset woman behind the bar for another.

"Where's Rose?" Gabrielle asked.

"She took the night off."

"I didn't think she ever got away from this place. Hope nothing's wrong."

Ryder shrugged and stared into his drink.

Immediately, Gabrielle noticed how uncharacteristically solemn he seemed. She wondered for a moment if he was drunk. Whatever the case, he wasn't himself. Concerned, she brushed his arm. "You okay?"

He smiled softly. "Sure, why?"

"For a minute you looked…I don't know…like someone was haunting your dreams too."

"Nah, not me. I sleep like a baby." Quickly draining his mug, he refilled it.

"You seem a little down. What's going on?"

"Nothing much."

"Come on," she urged, lightly nudging his shoulder. "I shared my secret with you."

"Yes, you did." He wiped his chin with the back of his hand and met her eyes. "You know, I'm still trying to figure out why. I'm not the kind of guy people trust."

"Only because they don't really know you," she said, taking a long swallow from her cup.

"Right."

"I mean it." She reached down and squeezed his hand.

Feigning a smile, he re-filled her mug. "So…have you thought about telling Xena how you feel?"

"Are you kidding? Anymore, that's all I think about." She took another drink. "I'm not sure what to do."

He followed her example and took a long swallow. "Okay. Let's examine your choices."

"You mean I have more than one?"

"Sure. The way I see it, you have at least three, each of which has its up and down sides."

"I'm all ears," she declared, setting her drink down. "Enlighten me."

He raised his index finger. "Choice number one: you can go for broke and tell her how you feel. The upside is that if she feels the same, it could be your fantasy come true."

"Yeah, but if she doesn't, I could lose her friendship."

"True, that choice has a pretty steep downside, all right." Seeing her shoulders sag, he hurried on. "Or you could go with choice two."

"Which is?"

"Leave things as they are and silently endure."

Gabrielle released a heavy sigh.

"Sure, it's the slow, torturous way to go, but at least you could still be near her."

"But I'd be living a lie. And besides, I've never been very good at hiding things from her."

"I can see that. You're obviously the type that wears her heart on her sleeve."

She kicked him lightly under the table. "As opposed to you, the hard-hearted gigolo who never shows his real feelings."

"You've got it."

"Well, I don't buy it," she replied confidently.

"Think you have me all figured out, huh?"

"No, but I'm working on it." Winking playfully, she refilled her mug.

"Let' s get back to the subject at hand," he urged.

As the potent ale began to take effect, she watched Ryder's image waver before her. "And what was that again?" she asked, trying to stay focused.

"Your rather problematic love life."

"What love life?"

He smiled. "Exactly."

"I'm glad you find my misery humorous."

"Sorry." He patted her shoulder. "Don't lose heart. There's still choice number three."

Wincing, she took another sip from her mug. "I'm afraid to ask."

"Try to find someone else. Forget about her and go out with as many women as you can."

Clutching her cup with both hands, she slid it toward him for a refill. "That's not even an option. I love Xena. She's the only one I want."

"Well, that leaves one and two."

"One and two what?"

"You're drunk."

"So are you," she countered.

He smiled and downed the rest of his ale. "Not yet, but I'm getting close." He quickly refilled his mug. "Now where were we?"

"Beats me, but I've got to figure out what to do about Xena."

Ryder furrowed his brow thoughtfully. "Okay, I remember. You're trying to select between choice number one--the chance, and choice number two--the torment."

"That's all I get?"

He nodded. "Unless you're reconsidering number three?"

"Never, I--" She stopped mid-sentence and stared at him curiously.

"What is it? Are you reconsidering?"

She ignored his question. "Number three isn't working for you, is it?"

"What do you mean?"

"Why so many women, Ryder?"

"For fun. Why else?"

"You don't look that happy to me."

"Well, I can't be on every night, can I?

"You're not a very good liar. I don't believe you."

"Well, that is your prerogative." He filled her glass.

She pushed it aside. "I'm right, aren’t I?" She tapped her index finger thoughtfully to her lips. "Now I just need to figure out who you're trying to forget."

"Let's get back to your troubles."

"Not so fast…I'm on to something here." Her eyes suddenly widened. "It's Rose, isn't it?"

He laughed nervously. "You're guessing."

She smiled. "Not anymore. Seems I'm not the only one that wears my love on my shirt." She slapped her thigh triumphantly. "Well, I'll be. Rose!"

"Shhhh. You don't have to tell everyone in the tavern."

She gestured broadly. "There's no one else here."

"Yeah, I guess it's pretty late."

"I wonder where everyone is?"

"Probably home sleeping or fooling around," he offered.

Gabrielle looked up sadly. "I miss sleeping with Xena." When she saw him arch his brow in surprise, she quickly amended her comment. "I mean near her…beside a campfire…under the stars." Staring at the nearly empty pitcher, she clumsily reached for it.

"So it's companionship that you long for."

"No!" she replied a bit too loudly. "It's the sex too. I want her, really, really bad." She hiccuped noisily. "Know what I mean?"

"Gotcha," he grinned.

She released a heavy sigh. "It's almost all I think about…day and night…night and day."

"And here I didn't think there was anyone as horny as me."

"Trust me. You don't have anything on me in that department."

"Sorry, I stand corrected."

Suddenly somber from all the talk of the warrior, she took his hand and looked into his eyes. "But it's not just that. There's so much more. I think about her all the time…what it would be like to hold her…to wake up in her arms…to feel her heart beating against me." Emotions amplified by the ale, forced a tear down her cheek. "I just miss her so much."

Ryder put a comforting arm around her shoulder. "I know."

"Yeah, I guess you do," she admitted, haphazardly wiping her face. "Why aren't you with Rose?"

"What does it matter?" He took a long sip of ale. "It's over. I blew it years ago."

"How?"

"I was young. I screwed around and she found out. She saw me in the barn with someone else." He shook his head exhaling loudly. "The stupid part was that I wasn't even attracted to this other girl. I was just trying to prove something to my friends." He shrugged. "Maybe to myself too. I don't know anymore." He took another drink.

"Did you try to make it up to her?"

"By the time I'd come to my senses and stopped listening to my buddies, she'd moved out of town and married."

"How long ago was that?"

"Must be thirteen or fourteen summers now." He took a sip of ale.

"Wow, that's a long time to want someone." she exclaimed.

"Yeah," he agreed wearily. "When she moved back last winter after her father died, it was as if she had never left. My feelings for her hadn't changed."

"Have you told her?"

"No, I'd made quite a reputation for myself while she was away. It just didn't seem right to approach her."

"I'm sorry Ryder."

"Me too."

"So…all those women…they're just a front?"

Ryder nodded. "Kind of sad, isn't it?" He held up his glass as if to toast. "There is an upside though. I think she and I have become pretty good friends this past year."

"Choice number two," Gabrielle guessed.

"Yep. It's better than nothing." He quickly drained his glass. "Hey, can I ask you something?"

She smiled. "As long as you don't mind if I refuse to answer."

"Why Xena and no one else?"

"I don't know. It's a lot of little things: her smile, her voice, the way she moves. Gods… I could go on and on. No one else makes me feel the way she does." Trying to dull the memory, she took another sip of her drink.

"You want to hear something strange?" Ryder asked.

Setting her mug down, the bard nodded.

"Even after all this time, I still remember the smell of Rose's skin, the taste of her kiss."

"What I'd give to know that," Gabrielle admitted, sighing wistfully.

"What a sorry pair we are. Like moths to flames."

Tapping her mug to his, she smiled. "To the flames that draw us."

Quickly draining his glass, he stood anxiously. "Come on. I better get you home while I'm still able to walk." Arm-in-arm, they staggered out the door.

Just outside the tavern, Gabrielle pulled away. "Just a minute," she whispered. "I have to go."

"Go where?" he asked, his expression puzzled.

"I have to…you know…."

"Ohhhh, that."

"Yeah." As she staggered toward the bushes near the tavern, she tripped on a rock and fell.

Ryder awkwardly hurried to her side. Grabbing her hand, he pulled her to her feet.

As soon as she was upright, her head began to swim. "Whooooaaa…the ground is moving."

He held tightly to her waist to steady her. "You okay?"

She nodded and pushed his hands away, the pressure in her bladder too heavy to ignore. "Quick, turn 'round!"

Hearing the urgency in her voice, he faced the other direction.

With some effort, she managed to untie her breeches and yank them down. Turning her back to him, she attempted to squat and tumbled forward with a thud.

"Need some help?"

"Don't look!" As she rushed to stand, her foot caught in her underwear, sending her sprawling.

"What's going on back there?"

"I tripped. Don't look!"

"How could I look? It's pitch black out here."

Tossing her underwear aside, she tried once again to squat.

"Can you possibly speed this up?" he asked impatiently. "I have to go too."

Teetering back, she struggled to keep her balance. "I can't keep--"

"--For Zeus' sake, hang on to me, then."

Now desperate, she wrapped her arm around his leg. "Don't peek," she warned.

"All right, all right… just do it, will you?"

After grabbing his leg to steady herself, she finally succeeded.

Hearing the long drawn out hiss of urine, he smiled. She must have been near to bursting.

Gabrielle released a long groan. "Whew, what a relief!"

"So, are you done?"

Suddenly it occurred to her that there were no leaves in reach. "Uh… Ryder?"

"What is it now?"

"I need a leaf or something."

"For crying out loud." He scanned the ground. Seeing nothing appropriate, he reached into his pocket and pulled out his handkerchief. "Here."

She wiped herself and stood, quickly smoothing her skirt. Holding his handkerchief carefully between her thumb and index finger, she sheepishly offered it back.

"Ah…no. That's all right…you keep it."

Shrugging, she tossed it aside. "Okay, I'm set."

"Hold on. I have to go too." He turned and began to urinate.

"Aren't you going to tell me not to look?" she teased.

"Well, frankly, I didn't think you were interested."

"You're right." She smiled. "Your virtue is safe with me."

Refastening his pants, he turned and staggered along beside her. As they began down the road, an irritating scraping noise distracted him. Looking down, he noticed a leaf stuck to the bottom of his boot and awkwardly tried to kick it loose. Vigorously shaking his leg, he nearly toppled over.

Unable to restrain herself, Gabrielle burst into a fit of laughter.

Scuffing his foot roughly through the dirt, he attempted to dislodge the offensive leaf then raised his boot to make sure it was gone. "Damn!"

"What's wrong?"

"I don't believe this…you peed on my boot."

Gabrielle squinted at the dark patches on his suede boots. "How do you know it was me? You peed too."

"Trust me. I haven't peed on myself in years."

"Well, I'm sorry. It was an accident."

"Right," he huffed.

"It's not like I go around peeing on people for the fun of it," she defended.

He stamped his foot in frustration. "Damn, they were new too."

"It's just a few drops," she assured him. "No one will ever notice."

He cast her a disgruntled glance.

"Come on, I didn't mean to, honest. It's harder for a woman." Tugging at his arm, she gave him her most forlorn expression. "Forgive me?"

"I'll bet that puppy-dog look works for you most of the time, doesn't it?"

"With everyone but Xena," she admitted.

"And me."

"No," she grinned. "I think it worked on you. You're not mad at me anymore, are you?"

He laughed. "I guess it serves me right for getting you plastered."

She swayed precariously as she looked up at the night sky. "The stars are spinning. I must be really drunk."

Putting his arm around her waist to steady her, he smiled. "Seems to run in your family."

"Yeah, well, at least I can walk on my own two feet."

"You aren't home yet," he teased.