Disclaimer:
This is a work of fan fiction. The characters in this story: Xena, Gabrielle, Eve or Livia
(and any mention to characters from the television show Hercules: The Legendary
Journeys)are the property of Renaissance Pictures and Universal MCA. This story is not
meant to infringe upon their rights or the rights of the actors who portray them. Also, no
part of the story entitled Growing up "Livia" is to be copied, whole or in part,
without the author's permission. It is not to be copied for public use or for profit by
any person or organization.
Growing
Up Livia
Written by: Caina Q. Fuller
Augustus Caesar wasnt sure what he
was seeing. At first glance it seemed that a
lone Amazon was riding his way, and he thought perhaps it was their Queen. Upon closer
examination however, he could see that it was Livia dressed as an Amazon, riding toward
him. Apparently the sight of two legions was
enough to frighten the warrior women into releasing her.
That could mean that he outnumbered their forces.
Hail Caesar!
Augustus smiled, relieved beyond measure
Livia was alive and well. In fact, she seemed
happier now than she had before hed left. She
must be overwhelmed with relief to see a friendly face, Augustus thought.
They brought their horses together and he
pulled him to her in a tight embrace. The
smell of pine and fresh air perfumed her hair, and when they separated he could see almost
every inch of her smooth, creamy skin in her Amazon costume. Perhaps she would wear it for
him again when they were back in Rome.
How have you been treated?
Just fine. Augustus, do you
remember when I was a child? I told you about
a slave woman and her daughter at the Academy.
Yes. The girl was sold off when her mother was killed
in a raid by some Greek guards from the temple of Mars.
Exactly. That girl, Brigid, is now
the Queen of this tribe! Can you believe
that?
A bright smile lit up Livias blue
eyes like hed never seen before, and to his surprise, it angered him. Shed come here to prove herself as a warrior
to the Roman people so she could secure her career, and now she was talking about finding
old friends?
And what of your legion
Livia? Augustus asked, his voice heavy with anger and disapproval.
The smile faded from her lips when she
saw his anger, and a shell of cool professionalism glassed her blue eyes over, making them
dark again.
They were outnumbered and
destroyed. I was the only one captured alive
because Brigid saved me.
I see. So you come here to prove
yourself as a warrior to Rome, and end up playing house?
Livia flinched back, shocked at his
anger. I wasnt playing house. I
was-
I know what you were
doing.
She couldnt believe the way he was
acting. Augustus, whats wrong
with you?
Theres nothing wrong with me.
There is something wrong with you, however. You
spend a little time with an old girlfriend and suddenly youve gone soft. There is no room for softness in Romes
future Champion.
Livia shook her head, unable to believe
what she was hearing. Shed never seen
Augustus behave so erratically. It was almost
like dealing with a stranger.
Take me to this Queen of
yours.
Why?
Augustus hand came up to strike
her, but her quick reflexes grabbed his hand before he could make contact. He jerked his hand out of hers, grabbed her reins
and turned her horse to face the Amazon forests.
How many of them are there?
Five thousand. She said, as
he herded her toward the Amazon land, making her feel like a five year old being punished
for stealing.
Is that all? Your legion was defeated by only five thousand
women?
No. Many of the warriors that had
come to participate in the battle returned to their home soils, further north. What are you going to do Augustus?
Im going to make you chose
sides.
They reached the edge of the forests and
Brigid rode out alone. Augustus knew the
trees were practically infested with women warriors, but he would put an end to that
threat soon enough.
Augustus, this is Brigid.
Shes the only sister Ive ever known.
Augustus Caesar stared Brigid down with
contempt. So, youre the one
whos weakened Livias resolve. She has a destiny to fulfill, and Ill be
damned if some savage bitch gets in the way of that.
Brigid looked into Livias eyes,
knowing the time for her to choose whom she would follow had arrived. Had she gotten through to Livia, or was she too
late after all?
Livia. Its time to choose. Me, or Rome?
Livias heart and mind was torn into
two halves. She loved both Rome and Brigid.
She had been raised by Ares with two goals in mind: Rule
Rome and exterminate the followers of Eli. Now
that her own people had returned for her, which would she choose? Which did she love more? Brigid, or power?
If you chose her, you die here
today with her and a herd of cattle that despise you.
Chose Livia. Rome, or the Amazons who
want you dead as it is?
How did Augustus know about the Amazons
wanting her dead
? Then it hit her.
Augustus did seem like a completely different man, because he was a completely
different man.
Ares?
Augustus began laughing and morphed into
the god of War. Thats right. Im here to give you a choice. Me or her? Remember,
I made you great, and I can make you even greater. You
stay with here and all you have to look forward to is a lifetime of struggling in some
cold forest, never knowing if one of the whores around you is plotting to kill you
or not.
And thats different from life
as a Roman commander? Brigid asked, standing up to Ares bravely. At least with me she knows shell be
loved.
Loved? Loved?
Ares rolled his eyes in disgust and took hold of Livias arm. When he did, images of her life with him, and
promises of greatness to come began to flood her mind.
She could not only see herself sitting in the throne, she could feel it.
Who was she trying to kid? The time for her and Brigid had come and gone.
They werent children anymore, they were warriors.
She had a career to forge, and she couldnt do that with emotional baggage
like Brigid hanging on her back. It occurred
to Livia that these thoughts werent completely her own, but she didnt disagree
with them regardless.
Brigid could see the change in Livia as
well, and she knew shed lost the war against Ares over Livias heart and soul. Livia was power hungry and blood thirsty, and a
month and a half of love and kindness couldnt completely change that.
Kill her Livia. Put this behind you
and go back to Rome, with your emperor.
Slowly Ares began to change back into
Augustus Caesar, and she knew that Ares had only temporarily possessed the great emperor. Now that Ares had said his peace, Augustus was
himself again.
I suppose, Brigid said,
youve made up your mind?
Both Brigid and Augustus looked to Livia
now, and the temptation of power was too great a pull on Livia. Part of her was disgusted to admit it, but she
wanted power more than she wanted her sisters love.
Im sorry Brigid. Im Roman.
I cannot betray my people to save a nation that despises me. But I can save you.
Come back with me.
Absolutely not Livia. If we take her, well never get rid of the
Amazon threat. She dies, with her people. Here.
Augustus handed Livia a crossbow. Give the signal to obliterate the
Amazons.
Brigids eyes pleaded with Livia not
to do it, but she knew in her heart it was a lost cause. Linaras words came back to
haunt her, and now Brigid knew she was right.
Linara was right Livie. You havent been my sister since I lost you
so many years ago. Youre a stranger
willing to kill me to suit your purposes. You
only love yourself.
Though that wasnt the complete
truth, Livia allowed Brigid to imagine it was. She
allowed the ice to begin to harden around her heart, making her soul cold and lifeless
once again. Livia drew her sword, then aimed
the crossbow at the sky.
Good-bye Livia.
Good-bye
Spider.
She fired the crossbow, and an eerie calm
settled over the valley. Then, one by one,
massive balls of fire began to fall from the sky like hail in a devils nightmare,
destroying the Amazon forests. Destroying the
Amazon nation. Brigid gave a retreat signal to her people in the trees, but she may have
been too late.
The men whod been hiding in wait in
the field under grass covers for camouflage emerged from the ground and rushed into the
forests. Many of them fell, but many more made it past the Amazons defenses. All the while, Brigid and Eve never looked away
from one another.
The two women dismounted their horses and
faced off. No matter who wins this
fight Brigid, Rome has won.
But you will loose Livia. Youll loose your soul and what little bit of
goodness remains in you.
Its a price Im willing
to pay for power.
They fought like they never had before,
even when Livia had first arrived here in the forest on her invasion. Perhaps Ares was giving her a boost, or perhaps it
was the tears blinding Brigids eyes. Either way, Livia soon disarmed her opponent.
And as her sword sank into the soft flesh of Brigids midsection, Livia felt her soul
literally die.
I still love you
Livie.
And I love you. Her words were weak, barely registering above the
sound of battle raging around them, but Livia knew Brigid had heard her.
She vowed then and there, as Brigid slid
to the ground, closed her eyes and sighed her last breath that she would never allow
herself to think of her sister again. She
would never allow herself to remember the happy days of her childhood before Ares came
along and lay claim on her.
She would never allow herself to love
again.
**********
That night Livia cleaned the blood of the
only woman she had ever called sister from her blade.
She thought of Ghita, and how she never would have run across Brigid had that woman
not played this despicable game to get her killed. She
didnt know if she should thank the woman or hate her for it. Perhaps a little of both. Despite her conflicting emotions
regarding Brigid, Livia vowed that when she got back to Rome, she hammer the nails into
Ghitas wrists herself. She hated
everyone and every thing, including Augustus.
And especially Ares.
The god of War, she decided held most of
the responsibility for the way her life had turned out, yet he was the only one she knew
she could depend on to be there. At least thats what she told herself.
She thought of the Elijans and she
wondered if what they believed was real. Was
Elis God as powerful as everyone claimed He was?
If so, what would he want in return for saving her from a lifetime of this
pathetic, day to day existence of lies and bloodshed?
The blood on her hands smelled sharp and
sickening in the stuffy air of the tent. The
bath had heated the entire space of the tent up until she could hardly breathe. She quickly finished cleaning herself off and
stepped from the tub. No sooner did she pull on a robe did Augustus Caesar enter her tent.
What are you doing in here?
He asked, small beads of sweat breaking out on his forehead from the humidity in the room.
This is the commanders tent
isnt it?
Yes, but youre not my
commander.
Her eyes snapped up at him in panic. What do you mean by that?
I mean you have a long way to go
before you earn another commission.
He stroked the soft skin of her face, and
then pulled her to him for their first real kiss. If
she didnt despise him so much, she may have enjoyed the moment. However she hated everyone in existence, herself
included.
Augustus picked up on that, and broke the
kiss. You will stay with me, in my
tent. It will be your first steps on the road to redemption.
If people know were sleeping
together Augustus, they will never respect me. Theyll just think youre giving
me a second chance because Im your whore.
They already know youre my
charge. If were not sleeping together,
theyll think Im giving you a second chance based on nepotism anyway. At least this way, Ill have my
satisfaction.
**********
The first time Livia made love with
Augustus it was rough and painful. She tried
but she couldnt become aroused, and it felt like rape instead of the pleasurable act
it was for him. Part of her knew he was aware
she wasnt enjoying his touch, and part of her knew he derived a small measure of
enjoyment from forcing the act. He seemed to
be angry with her for allowing herself to love someone else.
When it was finally over, Livia felt sick
to her stomach. She quickly robed and ran from Augustus tent into the cool night air
to give in to her uncontrollable urge to vomit. His
scent was all she could smell with each breath she took, and her body hurt inside from his
forced entry. She could even feel blood mixed with his seed running down her leg, and she
prayed she wouldnt get pregnant with his child.
Finally, when she finished heaving, Livia
laid back into the dew-covered grass and felt the ground absorb her body heat until she
lay shivering. The night sky was crystal
clear and spotted with twinkling stars. Though
shed vowed never to think of Brigid again, her sisters face floated through
her minds eye.
My existence, Livia thought, will
be a miserable one until either I die, or I kill Augustus.
If only Id stayed with Brigid.
She considered sparing herself the pain
and misery living another day as his mistress and his plaything. She did have her pride,
and now she was paying for it with her happiness. It
all seemed so unfair that Augustus should have everything he wanted from her, and she got
nothing in return.
A face she had almost forgotten came to
mind. Shed called the blond woman
Mother in her childhood, in the days before Octavius.
Though she strained to focus on her, Mothers face eluded her and finally she
gave up trying. Especially when Augustus
appeared, standing over her.
Are you ill?
What do you think?
Augustus pulled her up to her feet,
roughly. He wanted her to want him as much as
he desired her, but it wasnt working out that way.
How could he make her love him? What
would he have to do to win her over again?
I think, he said, I
pushed you too hard today. I should have let
you keep your little friend. I should
have
waited until you were ready to make love before I forced you.
He was trying to apologize to her, and in
Livias eyes that made him seem even weaker, and that disgusted her even more.
However this time she hid her true feelings more than she did by running from the tent and
throwing up at his touch.
It wasnt so bad, she
lied. She wanted to smile at him, to lie to him with her eyes, but she just couldnt.
Shed lost too much today to play games tonight.
All she wanted to do was sleep. If she could sleep, she reasoned, she could wake up
tomorrow and play the part of Livia of Rome. She
may even be able to convince him she loved him. Someday.
For tonight however, she just wanted to
be rid of him, and the only way to do that would be to escape into sleep. So Livia returned to his tent, to his bed, and
allowed him to cradle her in his arms. But her dreams were restless; full of nightmares
born of guilt she would never be able to rid herself of.
The End of Chapter Nine
To Be Continued