Chapter Six

It was late afternoon the next day when Alex was finally able to find a moment to walk over to Dr. Matthew’s office. It was located on the opposite side of the medical center, the farthest point away from the emergency department. The small rectangular room was cramped, overflowing with files, medical textbooks and journals.

The tall, dark-haired doctor waited several minutes as the President of the Medical Staff finished with a telephone call. The man was in his late fifties, with thinning, white hair and his doughy, poorly toned physique spoke volumes about his sedentary lifestyle.

Her interactions with the doctor were limited to one brief meeting ten years ago when she originally applied for her staff privileges. Since then, she traveled a much different path, working on the front lines, day in and day out, falling in love with the chaos and frantic pace of the emergency department.

Her counterpart moved up the administrative ranks, moving in political circles she had little use for. His was a world where decisions were made based on bottom lines and had little to do with how their impact might affect patients that were in need of medical care.

"So, Alex what do you have for me?" The doctor pushed his round, steel-rimmed glasses farther up onto the bridge of his nose as he stared distractedly at the piles on his desk.

"A list of equipment we’ll need to get the clinic up and running. Most of it is probably in storage in the warehouse next door."

"Aren’t you getting a little ahead of yourself?" The doctor asked and then took a large swallow of coffee from the Styrofoam cup sitting on his desk.

Alex handed a thin file across to him, dropping onto his desk when he made no attempt to take it from her. "No. There are five medical directors who believe this is a good idea and will help them streamline each of their operations. I have a report from each of them summarizing the initial cost and the community benefits, which at this point I think far outweigh any of the risks involved with re-opening up the clinic."

"You really think this will make a difference for the hospital’s reputation," he commented, without looking down at the folder.

"If we’re sincere in our effort, yes. Anything less and the community will see it as nothing more than a transparent attempt to regain their trust."

The white-haired physician tapped his forefinger against his lips a bemused expression forming on his face while he listened to the exotic looking woman standing before him. "All right, you can work on this, for now on your own time. I don’t want this taking away from anything going on at the hospital until I see that it’s going to be something viable for us." He held her gaze confident that the fledgling idea would lose steam with any of the interested parties with the limitations he set. "So, if you’re still interested in doing this, I suppose you can go ahead with it."

"If I didn’t think it was a good idea, I wouldn’t be here in the first place, Frank. I’ll be sure to let you know if I need any more help from you." Alex smiled in spite of herself, knowing the sarcastic remark was not lost on the President. Without another word, the doctor turned and left the office.

Lost in thought, Alex hardly paid attention to her surroundings as she made her way back to the ER. She hadn’t expected much support from Dr. Matthews, but unfortunately, projects of this magnitude required the approval of the administration. Well, at least he didn’t nix it all together.

She walked into the emergency department and hesitated before she negotiated her way around two engineering carts and a dolly loaded with electrical wire. Directly in front of her, two engineers were perched precariously atop ladders, threading electrical wire through the dropped ceiling and Sandy, still dressed in a bloody isolation gown, holding several plastic sealed packages, was standing beneath them looking rather miffed.

"Can’t you guys find a better time to do this? You’re set up right in the middle of the hall," the nurse protested loudly and then turned to the technician standing behind the desk. "Thomas, bring these in to Dr. Ortiz."

"We’ve got to get this done before the end of our shift," one engineer called back as he yanked another length of wire up through the opening. The large wooden bolt the wire was coiled around rolled several feet and bumped into one of the code carts lining the corridor.

"You can’t string that cable while we’re this busy," Sandy insisted.

"Listen, I’ve got a job to do." One of the engineers poked his head out of the ceiling. "You’re medical director signed the work order. Take it up with him."

Sandy turned to Alex. "You didn’t, did you?"

The doctor folded her arms across her chest at this and then peered up at the two men half hidden from view in the ceiling. She caught Sandy’s exasperated look and pursed her lips together, then walked over to the wooden bolt that held the wire, tipped it on its side and planted her foot on it.

A loud curse erupted from inside the ceiling when one of the men tried to tug more wire up and felt the resistance from below. Alex tilted her head and flashed him a toothy smile at the man as he clambered down the ladder and turned to face her.

"W…what do you think you’re doing?" he blustered.

"I will not have you doing this during the middle of the day. We’re too crowded and someone is going to get hurt," Alex advised him quietly.

"But, my boss told me to get this done. Dr. Jameson signed off on this two months ago." The engineer walked toward the large, wooden bolt.

Alex shook her head and held her hand out to stop him. "Two months ago and you’re just getting to it now? That’s nice." She observed with a slight raise of an eyebrow.

"Here look here’s the work order." He pulled a wrinkled, grease-stained paper from his pocket and handed it to the doctor.

"I don’t care. You’re not doing it now so clear this stuff out of here! Oh, and for you’re information, Dr. Jameson doesn’t work here anymore."

After the engineers cleared up their equipment and finally left, Alex pulled a pile of patient’s charts who they recently discharged and needed to call back regarding various test results that required follow-up to make sure nothing more sinister was going on.

"Hey, Alex. Sorry, about that."

"It’s not a big deal, Sandy." The doctor picked up the charts aware of the nurse’s appraising, dark, green eyes studying her from across the desk.

"How did the meeting go with Dr. Matthews?"

Alex shrugged and glanced over at the board, counting the number of patients on the unit as a momentary distraction before she answered. "Ok."

"Well, what did he say?" Samantha leaned closer, lowering her voice as one of the residents walked by them.

"To go ahead with it but do it on your own damn time," Alex replied matter of fact.

The nurse was quiet as she watched her friend studying the charts she was carrying in her arm. "So, I guess you’re going to need some help then."

Alex raised an eyebrow. "If people want to volunteer, sure. Dr. Matthews isn’t going to approve any overtime for this, not yet anyway."

"So what needs to be done?"

"Everything. The clinic looks like a bomb hit it and all the equipment we need is in storage at the warehouse next door."

"I must be missing something." Sandy grimaced scratched her head. "How does he expect the hospital to open a clinic if he’s not going to pay anyone to work there?"

"That’s just it. I really don’t think he wants this clinic to re-open at all."

"Why? I thought the whole reason for doing this was to try and make this whole mess better."

"Your guess is as good as mine, Sandy." Alex straightened up. "I’m going to go there Saturday and see what I can accomplish."

"Hm, Tina and I were going to go away but Labor and Delivery had two of its nurses resign last month so she got called in to work an extra shift this weekend. Maybe I’ll join you." Sandy grinned at Alex’s surprised expression, then, tapped the desk in front of her with her hand. "Hey, before I forget, call Regina she was down here looking for you earlier."

******

Regina felt the vibration of the pager that was hooked on her belt and glanced down at the narrow LCD screen as she walked through the hallway. It was the pediatric intensive care unit and she only had one patient there that was on the service right now. John Doe. She only hoped it was good news as she picked up the beige wall phone by the bank of elevators.

"This is Dr. Kingston. Someone paged me," the blonde replied.

She waited on hold several seconds before another voice came over the line. "It’s JD, Dr. Kingston. He’s awake."

"When?"

"About ten minutes ago when I checked his vitals. Everything’s stable but he’s agitated and trying to pull out his lines. I gave him ten milligrams of Ativan, but I need your ok to put restraints on him."

"No," Regina ordered sharply, then lowered her voice when she caught sight of several people stepping off the elevator. "I’d rather not put him in restraints if we don’t have to. The kid has been through enough already."

There was an audible sigh on the other end of the phone. "I don’t have enough nurses on staff tonight to have someone sit with him."

Regina shifted the phone and glanced down at her pager as it went off again. "Don’t do anything until I get down there. I’ll be right there."

She hung up and dialed the ER, hoping it wasn’t another admission. The blonde smiled when she heard the deep voice come through the phone line. "Hi. I stopped by earlier but you weren’t around."

"Sandy said you were looking for me," Alex answered softly.

"I was, but I can’t talk right now. I’ve got to go check on a patient in ICU. Can I call you back when I’m done?" Regina twisted the phone cord around her index finger, wishing she could just go to Alex right now. She wanted nothing more than to just shut the door on the world and lose herself in the security of her lover’s arms.

"Sure, I’ll be up in the office."

"Ok."

The blonde hung up the phone, trotted down the stairs to the first floor and followed the stark white corridor into the intensive care unit. A red-haired nurse she didn’t recognize was sitting in a rolling chair with a tray table in front of her just outside the boy’s room.

"I’m Dr. Kinston. How is he?" Regina slipped on a yellow isolation gown, pulled a cap over her hair and slipped a mask over her face. She glanced down at the nursing flow sheets and quickly scanned over his last set of vitals.

"Better, for the moment. The neurosurgeon was in about an hour ago and he discharged the intracranial catheter."

Brown eyes focused on Regina and followed her warily as she entered the small room and walked up to the bed. It struck her then, as she glanced around her how different this room was from all the rest. There were no cards with get-well wishes pinned up to the corkboard or balloons floating in the corner. The wall-mounted television wasn’t even on; the only noise was the beeping of the ventilator and the motors whirring in the intravenous pumps.

"Hello there," Regina said, watching as the boy broke his silent observation of her and turned his head, staring out the window sullenly.

"How are his oxygen sats?"

"He’s been at ninety-eight percent all day, his blood gases are good and we’ve been able to decrease the setting on the vent without any problem." the nurse replied as she slipped into a gown and stepped inside the room.

"So, what do you think about getting that tube out of your throat today?" Regina asked. A cold, stony silence greeted her in return as the boy continued to pointedly ignore her. She turned to the nurse. "What’s your name?"

"June," the woman replied, as she pulled on a pair of gloves.

Regina looked back at the boy and tilted her head. "If I give you a pen and paper, will you write your name out for me?"

The boy continued to stare out the window.

"Well then, I guess we’ll have to forgo any formal introductions until after we take the tube out. I’m going to unhook this from the ventilator first."

Regina started to reach over to unhook the tube but a hand reached up and blocked her. "What?"

The boy shook his head and motioned with his hand. "You want to write your name out?"

He nodded his head and looked away again. Regina took a clipboard and pen the nurse handed to her and set it on the boy’s lap. His hand trembled slightly as he picked up the pen and then dropped it on the mattress. The blonde handed it back to him and supported his hand as he scrawled two barely legible letters on the blank paper.

"BJ," Regina said as she read the scrawled handwriting. The boy blinked and wrote another word out.

"I know, BJ." Regina deflated the balloon that held the endotracheal tube in place in the boy’s throat. "BJ, I need you to take a deep breath and cough real hard for me, now."

In a matter of seconds it was over and the boy stopped coughing and squeezed his eyes shut as he swallowed the first few times. "Good job, BJ. Regina laid a hand on his shoulder and squeezed him. "You can talk but just a little today. It’ll take a day for the soreness to go away."

I…want to go…home," the boy rasped in a weak voice.

Regina chewed on her bottom lip and considered what to say to him. It had been three days since he was admitted and they had heard nothing about the boy’s family. "BJ, can you tell me where you live?"

With that question the fleeting moment of open vulnerability vanished from the boy’s face and was replaced with a toughness that caught Regina by surprise. "BJ, there has to be somebody we can call."

"I want…my clothes."

"BJ, you can’t leave yet," Regina reminded him gently.

"You can’t make me stay," he protested and started to sit up from the bed.

Regina struggled to hold him down and was quickly reminded of the strength a sixteen-year old boy could possess. "BJ…stop. You’re going to hurt yourself. You’re in no condition to leave the hospital yet."

"Let…me…go." He tried to shove her away but a second set of arms pinned him to the mattress as the nurse held him down.

"BJ, if you don’t stop we’re going to have to give you something to calm down." Regina pressed both hands firmly on his shoulders, holding him in place. "I don’t want to have to do that, but I will if you don’t stop."

He glared back at her defiantly still not ready to back down yet. "I’ve got ten of Ativan, Dr. Kinston," June interjected.

Regina glanced over at the nurse and then looked back down at her patient. "Can I trust you or are you going to give the nurses a hard time all night?"

His lip curled up in anger and he shoved against her one more time. "Fine, give it to him, June." Regina stared into his angry brown eyes and waited as the nurse uncapped the syringe and injected the medication into the intravenous line.

"I hate you," he hissed at the doctor.

Regina stepped back and pulled her gloves and mask off. "I’ll write an order in the chart for the Aitvan as needed, June." It wasn’t what she wanted to do, but BJ had given her no reason to trust that he wouldn’t try to leave if given half the chance and she couldn’t allow that to happen.

The blonde finished writing in her patient’s chart and then walked off the unit. She stifled a yawn as a couple of residents walked past her in the hallway. All in all it hadn’t been a bad day but still she was feeling out of sorts mostly because of what happened last night and the conversation she had with Alex.

It was early evening and the hallways were quiet as she walked toward the medical offices that were housed on the first floor of the East Wing. The door to Alex’s office was shut and she knocked on the door before she opened it and peered inside.

Alex looked up from the papers she was reading and blinked, her eyes taking a second to focus on the slightly disheveled halo of blonde hair framing the youthful face. "Hi." She smiled and leaned back in her chair and stretched, feeling several vertebrae pop back into place. "How’s your patient?"

Regina shut the door behind her, walked over and sat on the corner of the desk, facing the beautiful blue-eyed doctor. "He’s awake, angry and combative." She toyed with one of the pens lying on the desk. "There’s still no word about any family. I’m beginning to wonder if this kid ran away or something." She glanced over at Alex and sighed. "What are you reading?"

The taller woman edged her chair closer to Regina and shook her head. "Nothing earth shattering. I’m just going over the budget that the administration approved for the year." She could sense the conflict the young woman was trying hard to disguise. Alex leaned forward and let her arms rest on her thighs, thinking and then looked up into her lover’s face. "Listen Regina, about last night-"

The blonde bowed her head and sighed. "No Alex, I hardly slept at all last night and I thought about this all day. I owe you an explanation."

A wistful smile crept over Alex’s face and she shook her head. "You too, huh?" She laid a hand on Regina’s thigh and glanced over at the door. It’s late and screw the rest of the world, she thought. They needed desperately to reconnect and being back at work was leaving them little time and energy left to do so. "No wonder you have circles under your eyes."

Regina chewed on her lower lip as she gazed back at Alex. "This is hard to say and I fought with myself all day about whether I should even tell you or not, because you probably don’t need this with everything you’re dealing with." She rushed on when she saw the alarmed expression on her lover’s face. "Its just…there are times when I see what happened that day so clearly. I think about how close we came to losing…" her voice faded away and she took a breath, trying to calm her racing heart. "I…I know it’s crazy but I get this feeling like if I close my eyes and open them again…you won’t be there."

She swallowed the lump forming in her throat and held her breath against the need to cry. How many nights had she woken up with a start and reached out to wrap an arm around Alex’s body to reassure herself she was still alive?

A warm hand caressed the blonde’s cheek and slid around her neck, gently massaging the base of it. Regina felt the brush of air against her and then the solid bulk of the taller woman as she stood up and pulled her into a bear hug.

Alex pressed her face against the top of Regina’s head, rocked the smaller woman in her arms and brushed her hand over the soft blonde hair, whispering quiet reassurances to her. She remembered so little of what happened after she was shot. Most of it was a blur in her mind; odd bits of conversation, the excruciating pain she felt after surgery and the drugs that made her feel like she was on a bad trip.

All that, coupled with her driving need to put the experience behind her made it difficult for her to understand what her partner had gone through in those first few days. She’d seen the scenario played out day in and day out at work, but somehow her mind had, for the time being, neatly hidden those emotions away. "Regina, I’m here and I always will be. I promise."

The smaller woman sniffled and nodded her head against Alex’s shoulder. "I know, I know. But I almost…"

"Almost what?" Alex leaned back and furrowed her brow, looking into the troubled green eyes. What aren’t you still telling me, Reg?

Regina lifted her hand, brushed the dark bangs back off of Alex’s face and let them fall back as she trailed her fingers down the angular cheek. "Nothing…I…can we just go home?"

Alex ducked her head, hiding the hurt in her eyes and whispered into the blonde’s ear. "Sure."

******

Across town Derrick escorted his prisoner out of the courtroom and down the long narrow corridor that led to the back of the courthouse. From behind it was hard to tell if it was a man or a woman. The bright orange standard issue uniform with large blue numbers stenciled across the back hung loosely over the thin body and hid any defining contours. Ed stood up as Derrick approached and fell into step on the other side of the woman they were escorting back to the jail.

"The judge was way behind today," Derrick complained as he opened the door and walked down the stairs holding tightly to the woman’s arm.

"Pretty typical for Judge Sorenson. I’ve never gotten out of his courtroom earlier than six o’clock."

"What’s wrong Derrick? Are you missing a hot date with your lover?" Dana purred seductively in his ear as he bent to open the door to the cruiser.

"Shut your mouth."

"Oops, that’s right I forgot. She left you for a woman." Dana cackled despite the pain in her ribs that was still lingering from where she hit the steering wheel in the car accident.

Dana smiled up at him and blew him a kiss before she ducked her head and flopped into the back seat. It was her first appearance in court since she was discharged from the hospital four weeks ago. So much for a speedy trial, she thought as she glanced down at the handcuffs that were locked around her wrists.

She scooted over to the passenger side so she was sitting behind him when he got into the car. Her lawyer seemed like he had half a brain and was able to capitalize on the fact that the boy driving the car she hit was just over the limit for driving while intoxicated. It wasn’t much but it shed some doubt onto whether she was completely at fault or not.

Ed glanced over at the woman as he settled himself behind the wheel. He studied her reflection for a second in the rearview mirror and shook his head at the uneven, bleached blonde, spiky hair that gave the woman a slightly crazed appearance. "Christ, I hope you didn’t pay anybody for that haircut," he remarked as he turned the key in the ignition.

"At least I have hair to cut," she quipped and settled back in her seat staring at the back of Derrick’s head.

The older cop ignored her and pulled out into the street. "I’ve got to stop at the Quick Check for a gallon of milk. It won’t take a minute," Ed told Derrick, as he turned left at the next intersection.

"Ah, man every week your wife has you running errands for her."

Ed laughed at Derrick as he pulled into the parking lot and turned the car off. "Hey, it’s not so bad. They’re plenty of perks that go along with it. You want anything while I’m in there?"

Derrick waved him off and turned his head to stare out the window instead. He caught the reflection of Dana’s face peering back at him and he shifted in his seat. "What are you staring at?"

"His wife has him wrapped around her little finger," she laughed and tilted her head, regarding Derrick with interest. "Did Regina have you wrapped around her finger too, Derrick?"

"Shut up."

"Ooh a little defensive about that, huh? I guess it must sting a little to know that it’s Alex keeping her bed warm at night and not you."

Derrick looked at Dana through the cage and snorted. "I wouldn’t talk, Dana. Who keeps you warm at night, Blondie?"

She edged forward in her seat and ran her fingers down the grate, staring at him with a look of raw, sexual hunger. "Oh honey, whoever I want." She ran her tongue over her lips and flashed a toothy grin. "Tell me something, Derrick. Are you really content to just let Regina go?"

He blinked and stared back at her.

"I mean after all she made you look like a fool."

"The only fool I see is the one sitting across from me, Dana."

Dana rocked back and let out a high-pitched cackling laugh. "Oh that’s sweet, but not as sweet as the revenge I know you desire."

As the door opened, Derrick gave Dana one last look before he turned around to see Ed sliding back into the driver’s seat. The older officer glanced between the two of them.

"Everything all right in here?"

"Just ducky," Dana replied saucily from her seat.

Chapter Seven

Regina rolled over and reached out from underneath the warm covers to wrap an arm around Alex. She fell asleep late last night curled against the taller woman’s side, listening to the sound of her rhythmic breathing and the deep, resonant beating of her heart.

She woke now, in the darkness to find the bed empty but the sheets beneath the blankets still warm. Startled, the blonde quickly sat up in bed and turned the lamp on. Did she leave? No, no she wouldn’t have left. She probably had another nightmare and didn’t want to wake me up.

Regina pulled the blanket from the bed, wrapped it around her shoulders and walked into the living room where she found her lover sitting on the couch with a medical journal lying open in her lap, reading or at least trying to. She hugged her arms around herself, studying Alex’s sculpted profile for a moment before she said anything.

The older doctor looked up, feeling curious eyes studying her. "Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you up."

Regina walked over and sat down beside her on the couch. "Couldn’t sleep?" She asked, shivering a bit since the heat hadn’t come up yet.

"No…not too well," Alex confessed, while she straightened her back and grimaced at the gnawing sense of fatigue she felt. Vaguely, she recalled the nightmares and restless tossing and turning as her mind raced off in a million different directions all night long.

Regina curled her legs underneath her and scooted closer, resting her head on Alex’s shoulder. She ran her fingers through the long, unruly raven hair and curled it around her fingers tips. "Alex, why don’t you come back to bed? It’s early and we don’t have to be at the warehouse for a few hours yet." Regina glanced out the window at the light coming in from the streetlamp and guessed they still had several hours left before the sunrise.

Alex tilted her neck back and closed her eyes, considering the tempting offer. Before she knew it, she heard the rustling of pages and felt the weight of the journal being lifted off her lap, and then, two warm hands curled around her wrists and tugged her forward to the edge of the couch.

"Come on, I’ll give you a back rub." Regina leaned back on her heels, pulled the taller woman to her feet.

Alex complied, allowing Regina to lead her back into the bedroom.

The blonde grinned as her taller companion sprawled out on her back and stretched, kicking her feet up and down on the bed in a brief flurry of activity. Regina crawled in beside Alex, snuggled up beside the woman and started to rub her hand in slow circles over the taut belly.

The dark head lifted and blue eyes watched the smaller woman in quiet regard, widening slightly when Regina looked up and graced her with a warm smile. The smaller woman leaned forward, brushed her lips against Alex’s. She moved against her carefully and positioned her thigh over the taller woman’s legs, pinning her to the bed.

"What are you doing?" Alex grumbled, looking down into sultry green eyes.

Regina chuckled softly and lightly ran her fingers up across Alex’s collarbone. "Touching you." She gazed up into blue eyes, recognized the look of uncertainty there and slowed her advance. "Are you ok with this?"

Alex lay her head back down on a pillow, closed her eyes and nodded once. Dammit, when did I get this insecure about her touching me? "Yeah…yeah, I am."

She swallowed then took a deep breath, forcing her body to relax under her lover’s wandering touch. She really did miss making love with Regina, but the absolute nakedness and vulnerability of the act were too much of a risk for her fragile psyche just now.

It’s just a scar; she fought with herself. Lord knows I have enough old nicks and scrapes on me. It’s just one more. What Alex was afraid to admit was that this one ran deep and touched upon many of the others, opening old wounds and fears that threatened to overwhelm her during those quiet moments when she was alone and undistracted.

"Regina?"

The blonde looked up from gently tracing a pattern over the taller woman’s neck and shoulders. "What?"

"I know you didn’t sign on for any of this."

"What are you talking about?" Regina propped her head up on the palm of a hand and studied Alex’s tense expression in the soft glow of the yellow lamplight.

Alex sighed heavily and stared off at the far wall, refusing to meet the sea green eyes she knew were observing her intently. None of this had been easy. It was six weeks before the cast was taken off Regina’s right arm, from having slugged Derrick and fractured a bone in her hand the day Alex was shot.

Tending to oneself with one arm out of commission was difficult enough, add an ornery, obstinate and a sometimes very emotionally, vulnerable patient was another story altogether. She knew she hadn’t been an easy patient to deal with and yet Regina had managed to tend to her every day with a quiet determination.

"Come on, Reg. You know what I mean – you’ve been my nursemaid, cleaning up when I got sick from the medication, doing my dressing changes…hell, nobody’s wiped my butt since I can’t remember when."

"Hey." Regina slid a hand up Alex’s neck and cupped her jaw. When her attempt to turn the older woman’s face towards her failed she pulled herself up and knelt over her companion. "Alex, look at me…please."

Alex rubbed her thumb and forefinger over the bridge of her nose. "I…I just…I don’t want you to feel…obligated, Regina."

"Obligated?" She furrowed her brow and then wrapped a hand tightly around Alex’s arm, her voice trembling with anger. "Don’t…you say that; don’t you dare think you’re going to get rid of me that easily, Alex Margulies."

She sat back on her heels and ducked her head, the flaxen hair falling forward and hiding the tears that blurred her vision. The strong outward veneer she struggled so hard to maintain the whole time she was caring for her lover finally cracked. "Please…Alex…. this has been hard enough…" she swallowed, her breath coming in short gasps. "Don’t…push me away…not now. I…I can’t imagine my life without you."

The shadowed, blue eyes filled with tears. "I’m sorry, Regina" the taller woman whispered hoarsely. "That’s all I’ve done lately is push you away. I’m so sorry."

A warm hand found Regina’s and she clenched her fingers around it tightly. "I know, Alex. It’s just…I miss you, us…making love…being together." she murmured softly.

Alex opened her mouth once, twice, then, clamped it shut and just looked up at the most honest and open expression on Regina’s face.

You weren’t expecting me to say that, were you? The blonde thought as she lay down beside her and pulled Alex into her arms, tucking the dark head under her chin. Arms and legs wrapped around each other as they twined their bodies together, each seeking and finding strength from the other.

"I’m not going anywhere, Alex. We’re in this together."

"Promise?" Alex buried her face in Regina’s neck, wishing she could rid herself of the fear she felt gnawing inside.

"I promise," Regina breathed and hugged Alex tightly.

******

Sandy stretched under the covers and yawned loudly. She picked her head up and watched with half open eyes as her lover sauntered into their bedroom still naked from the shower. Tina was medium height with auburn hair and had an athletic build from her years of playing sports in college.

"Is it that time already?" the blonde-haired nurse managed to ask in a voice thick from breathing the smoky air and drinking a little too much alcohol from the bar they had gone dancing at last night.

Tina chuckled and arched a dark eyebrow as she pulled on a pair of faded blue jeans. "Ooh, you sound good."

Sandy ran her hands through her curly blonde locks and groaned. "You almost killed me last night."

"Hardly, we just need to practice it more often." Tina waggled her eyebrows, knelt on the foot of the bed and crawled seductively up her lover’s body.

"I meant…dancing," the woman underneath the blankets shrieked and tried to squirm away from the teasing hands. It was a futile attempt as Tina straddled Sandy’s hips and pinned her arms down to her side.

"Gotcha," she giggled and leaned over, kissing the smaller woman on the lips. The kiss lasted longer than she expected and Tina lowered herself onto her elbows aware of the tightening she felt between her legs. With a sigh, she pulled back, cocked her head to one side and ran her fingers down Sandy’s cheek. "I wish I didn’t have to go to work."

"Oh sure, start something you’re not going to finish," Sandy pouted.

Tina dipped her head and kissed the nurse one more time. "Later, I promise. Besides, you need your strength if you’re going to go hunt through that warehouse for equipment with Alex. I can’t believe you told her you would do that."

"What? It’s better than staying home and being mad about not being able to go away this weekend."

"I suppose." Tina stretched and then quickly swatted the hand reaching up for her breast. "Behave or I’m really going to be late."

"Well, then get off me and get dressed," Sandy quipped.

Tina complied, then grabbed a tank top from the dresser drawer behind her and slipped it on over her head. "How’s Alex doing anyway? I haven’t seen her since she came back last week."

The blonde-haired nurse swung her legs over the edge of the bed and stared down at her bare feet, wiggling her toes. "I don’t know, Tina. I’m really worried about her…and Regina."

"I don’t know how Regina held it together that whole time." Tina turned and sat down beside her lover and wrapped an arm around her shoulder, her playful demeanor suddenly sobering. "I don’t know what the hell I’d do if something happened to you." Her voice cracked on the last few syllables.

"Hey! Why are you crying?" Sandy inquired, alarmed by her usually stoic partner’s sudden display of emotion.

Tina wiped her eyes quickly and sniffed. "Shit, I don’t know. I just remember you telling me what happened and how freaked out everyone was by it. That could have been any of you guys down there."

"I know," Sandy replied quietly, rubbing the back of Tina’s neck. She could still see Alex lying on the stretcher, deathly pale and covered in her own blood. "It was so weird the next day. It was like business as usual and no one talked about it…at all."

"So, is Alex ok? You didn’t say."

"Honestly, I don’t know, Tina." Sandy looked over at her lover. "She’s not the same, there’s this uncertainty about her, like she’s second guessing herself all the time."

"Have you talked to her at all?"

"I’m not sure I want to be the one to tackle that issue." Sandy looked down at the floor and shrugged. "I know she’s getting a lot of pressure from the administration about getting the ER’s reputation back on track. I’m afraid she might think we’re ganging up on her."

"She trusts you Sandy. I think she would listen if you bring up your concerns as a friend and a colleague."

"Maybe."

Tina turned and drew a leg up underneath her and looked down at her hands. "I know one thing, that toughness she walks around with is a defense she’s cultivated over the years. Anyone who’s that tough is usually pretty sensitive inside."

Sandy leaned closer and lifted Tina’s head with her hand. "Mm, sounds like someone else I know."

Tina closed her eyes feeling a blush rising up from her neck. "And you know how hard it was to get through to me."

"Yeah, I practically needed a sledgehammer to break through the wall you put up."

******

Alex unlocked the metal door and stepped inside the warehouse, followed by her younger companion. The taller woman felt along the wall and turned on the panel of switches to her left. Overhead, fluorescent lights flickered momentarily and then bathed the large room in bright light. The inside of the building was one large rectangular room with large metal shelving units lining the walls. Small medical equipment and boxes that could fit there filled most of the shelves, while the larger items were crammed carelessly together on the floor.

Light streamed through the windows overhead, illuminating swirls of dust particles and as if on cue Regina sneezed loudly.

"My God, I had no idea they had all this stuff stored here." She could see her breath forming as vapor in front of her as she spoke. Another sneeze started to tickle her nose and Regina covered her face trying to stifle it unsuccessfully.

"Bless you," Alex replied and reached over to brush several strands of flaxen hair out of Regina’s face. "Are you going to be ok in here?"

"Yeah, I’ll be fine. There must be several hundred thousand dollars of equipment in here," Regina remarked, still getting over her shock at how much was jammed into the warehouse.

"Probably closer to a million or more if anyone ever bothered to keep track of it," Alex mused as she stepped around an old Stryker frame and looked around her.

Regina blinked and stared up into deadpan blue eyes. "Do I dare ask how we’re supposed to find anything in here?"

"Seek and ye shall find," Alex remarked with a wry chuckle.

Regina groaned and covered her face with a hand. "How did I know you were going to say something like that?"

A slow, sideways smile crept up Alex cheek and she winked at her lover.

Minutes later, the door swung open behind them and Sandy stepped into the open room, her face brightening into a smile when she spotted her two friends standing a few feet away.

"Have you guys been here long?"

"No, we just got here," Alex replied, watching as the nurse strolled up to Regina and embraced her.

She released Regina and peered up at Alex. "So why don’t you tell me what you want to retrieve from this place."

Alex dug a copy of the list she made out of her pocket and handed it to Sandy. "The smaller stuff we can load up and bring over to the clinic today. We’ll tag any equipment we can’t carry and I’ll schedule the movers pick it up this week."

"They’ll do it that quickly?" Sandy asked while studying the list in her hands.

"They need the space for all the furniture from one of the billing offices they closed last month. Until they clear everything out of the building it was in, the hospital has to pay rent on the space."

"There doesn’t look like there’s too much order to this place," Sandy remarked dubiously as she looked around at all the boxes shelving units. "Do you think anyone keeps track of what’s in here?"

Alex shook her head. "Why do you think they call this the ‘black hole’ for? If something goes into to storage you can pretty much kiss it goodbye. Come on, let’s just start to look and see what we can find."

After a couple of hours they had accumulated two portable electrocardiogram monitors, several ophthalmoscopes, a couple of storage carts and other small pieces of medical equipment that would serve to help make the clinic functional.

The tall, dark-haired doctor watched in amusement from across the room as Regina and Sandy rummaged eagerly through several boxes they dragged off the shelves. "Both of you are like two kids in a candy store," she teased.

"What’s wrong with that?" Sandy retorted as she pulled down another box off the shelf and set it on the floor by her feet. She waved her hand in front of her face, clearing the dust away that exploded up from the floor.

Alex shook her head and settled her hands on her hips. "Nothing, nothing’s wrong with that. Just remember we’re not opening another emergency room, just a walk-in clinic."

Sandy stared down at the unopened box and nudged it with the toe of her boot. "Fine," she muttered, "Go ahead burst my bubble here. I’m taking a break." The nurse hopped up onto the three-drawer filing cabinet and leaned back on her hands, surveying the rest of the room while Regina opened the box on the floor and sorted through it.

Alex ducked her head and sighed, then, walked over to the blonde. "Sandy, look I…agh! Why you…" she shook her head and wiped the water off her face that the nurse had squirted at her with a large syringe. "Where did you get that?" Blue eyes flashed angrily then softened as Sandy spun around and slipped off the other side of the file cabinet, doing her best to look contrite.

"Nailed," the nurse snickered and winked at Regina.

"And to think I was going to apologize. You little…" Alex’s voice trailed off and she walked over to a shelf that Sandy had been rummaging through earlier. "Oh, you are in serious trouble my friend," she cackled wickedly.

Sandy shrieked when she saw the bottle of sterile water that Alex pulled out of the box at her feet.

"That’s it go ahead and run away, you chicken." Alex walked back over to Regina and held her hand out. "May I?" She took scissor that Regina was using to open the boxes and punched a hole in the bottom of the plastic container.

"Regina, don’t help her!"

The blonde shrugged and shook her head. "I’m staying out of this."

Alex grinned and handed the scissors back, holding the bottom end of the bottle up. "Pay backs are a bitch aren’t they, Sandy?" She climbed over the desk and advanced on the nurse weaving her way in and out of the equipment until she saw that she had Sandy cornered.

"Alex, please don’t. This is Tina’s shirt. She’ll have a fit."

"And that would be my problem, why?" She tilted her head and smirked, then squeezed the bottle hard, sending a stream of water that splattered over Sandy.

The nurse ducked away avoiding most of the water and then stuck her tongue out at Alex.

The doctor snickered and walked back to Regina who was watching and shaking her head at the two women. "You are so bad, Alex."

"What? She started it," Alex replied and winked back at Regina when she motioned with her hands that Sandy was coming up behind her with another syringe filled with water. She turned and aimed the rest of the bottle at Sandy.

"Ok, enough you two." Regina intervened and grabbed the water away from Alex before she could completely soak the nurse.

"I thought you were my friend," Sandy pouted, glaring at Regina.

"I am. I didn’t let her dump the whole bottle over your head." She glanced up at Alex who feigned an innocent look and smiled cheekily at Sandy.

"I have a sweatshirt in my trunk, Sandy," Alex offered.

Sandy glared up at the taller woman and then broke into a smile. "You’re lucky I like you, Margulies."

Alex rolled her eyes before she left to retrieve the sweatshirt.

"You’re crazy, Sandy," Regina laughed, watching Alex disappear out the door.

"Nah, we just needed something to make this more fun." Sandy wiped her face with her hand. "Did you two talk at all?"

"A little." Regina stared down at the floor and shook her head. "I can’t keep from thinking that if I hadn’t told her not to go after Dana, none of this might have happened. Maybe that boy might still be alive and that family wouldn’t be devastated."

"Regina, you can’t blame yourself. Dana’s crazy. There’s no telling what she would have done if Alex had gotten her alone."

The door opened a moment later and Alex walked back in. She tossed the gray sweatshirt to Sandy and settled herself on to one of the file cabinets. The nurse slipped the garment over her head and hopped up on a desk across from Alex, giving her a wry smile.

"Are you two going to be around next weekend?"

"No," Regina replied, sitting down beside Alex. "We’re going up to my parents for my Mother’s birthday."

Tina rocked back on her hands and looked at Alex. "Oh Lord, a visit to the in laws. Tina’s mother hated me the first time we met."

Alex pursed her lips and raised an eyebrow. "As I recall, she discovered the two of you in a rather compromising position."

Sandy bit her bottom lip and stifled a laugh. "Tina didn’t think they were coming home so early."

"Yeah and whose idea was it to go skinny dipping in their pool in the first place?"

"Sandy!" Regina dissolved into a fit of giggles and leaned against Alex’s shoulder.

An arm slipped around her waist and she found herself being pulled down into her partner’s lap. "I don’t suppose your parent’s have a heated pool now do they, Reg?" Dark eyebrows waggled up and down suggestively.

"No and if they did it’s just a tad bit cold at the moment," she managed to get out in between her laughter.

"Funny, Alex." The nurse averted her eyes and looked around the warehouse, wondering what other hidden treasures they might find hidden among all the equipment. "Hey, what’s that over there?" Sandy pointed toward the middle of the room, slid off her perch and slowly picked her way through the maze of boxes.

Regina looked up at Alex and smiled at her. "How are you doing?"

Alex shrugged and made a non-committal grunt. Her insecurities seemed lost for the moment and she was trying very hard to convince herself they would not return to plague her later. A nudge at her side, made her glance down at the blonde snuggled up against her. "I’m all right."

Not believing her, Regina tilted her head and arched an eyebrow. "Try tired, that might be closer to the truth."

"Guilty as charged," she whispered, pulling the blonde back up into a sitting position. For a moment, everything faded away around them and she felt herself getting lost in the green eyes looking back at her from close range.

Regina leaned in and stole a kiss, chuckling softly as Alex’s eyes widened in surprise. "Are we almost done here?"

"I think so." Alex turned her attention back to Sandy and changed the subject. "What is she looking at over there?"

In response, Regina shrugged and slipped off of Alex’s lap. She reached out and took the taller woman’s hand, tugging her off the cabinet.

"Hey guys, check this out," Sandy called to them. "Someone’s been camping out in here."

"What did you find?" Alex and Regina walked over to the nurse, letting go of each other as Sandy looked over at them.

"Here, look for yourself," Sandy lifted the backpack up and handed it over to Alex. Underneath the hospital bed, she found a brown bag filled with some candy, a Swiss Army knife and an apple.

Regina looked on as Alex unzipped the blue backpack. She reached in and pulled out two pairs of jeans, a couple of sweatshirts and a stuffed Tigger which her taller companion took from her and studied with a curious look on her face.

Alex ran her thumb over the worn orange fur of the stuffed animal she held in her hand and shook her head. "Odd assortment of stuff."

"I’ll say," Regina replied. "Looks like somebody ran away from home."

"What should we do with it?" Sandy stood up and brushed her pants off.

"Is there any identification in it?"

Regina dug into the pack again, her fingers brushing against something cool and hard. The sound of a tiny chain links and metal clinking together caught her attention and she curled her fingers around the item and pulled out a pair of dog tags.

"Hey, listen to this," she said as she read from the metal tags she held in her hand. "Jonathon Brooks Taylor; RA34650097; T 43; o pos, and there’s a capital C down at the lower right hand corner."

"Let me see those." Alex reached over and took them from Regina, letting her fingers mingle against the smaller hand for longer than she needed to. Her eyes moved back and forth as she studied the worn metal tags. "These are real. RA is the regular army service number; the ‘T’ refers to a tetanus shot and the year it was given, 1943. ‘O pos’ is the blood type, O positive and the person was Catholic."

"How do you know all that, Alex?" Sandy asked skeptically, looking on with her hands on her hips.

"My grandfather served in World War II. He gave me his tags before he died."

"Oh," Sandy commented.

Alex fingered the chain, her eyes getting an unfocused look in them when she spoke. "I couldn’t get enough of the old war movies and listening to him tell stories. He landed on the beach at Normandy on D-Day."

"Huh." Regina glanced up at Alex in surprise. Seldom had she heard Alex speak of her family and she tucked the piece of information safely away.

"So, what do we do with this stuff?" Sandy asked, glancing over at Regina.

Alex scratched her head and stared down at the backpack Regina was holding. "We need to call the police and report this. Shit, we’re not going to be able to move anything out of here now."

"We could just say we found it after we move all the stuff we need. No one would know," Sandy offered quietly.

Alex shook her head. "We would." She gave the nurse an apologetic look. "Sandy, why don’t you take off? You don’t have to hang around here while we wait for the police."

"Are you sure?"

Alex nodded her head and waved her on. "Yeah. Go on. Thanks for helping out, Sandy."

"No problem. You know where to find me if you need any more help. I’ll see you both later." Sandy shrugged into her jacket and headed for the door.

Alex dropped her arms to her sides and looked over at Regina. "You’re right, it does look like some kid ran away from home."

"I know." Regina pointed at the stuffed animal and smiled. "You like that little guy, huh?"

Alex snorted and tossed it at the blonde, who fumbled to catch it. "What was it that Tigger did?" She shoved her hands in her pockets and bounced on her toes a couple of times in front of the blonde.

Regina tilted her head back and laughed, the sound echoing throughout the warehouse. Her shoulders shook and she doubled over, holding her sides.

"It wasn’t that funny," Alex deadpanned, then, found herself laughing in spite of herself.

"Oh, yes it was." Regina reached out, grabbed Alex’s arm pulling herself up and leaning against the sturdy frame of the taller woman.

Blue twinkled as Alex lowered her head and pressed her lips against Regina’s. She pulled away and blinked. "Thanks."

"For what?"

Alex shrugged and lifted an eyebrow. "Thanks for putting up with me."

******

Regina looked up as the door to the warehouse opened, letting in a sudden gust of cold air. She shivered and huddled inside her winter coat, watching warily as a police officer entered the building. An audible sigh of relief escaped her, when she realized she didn’t recognize the face or the walk of the middle-aged man as he approached her.

"I’m officer Carrotta. Did you call about a possible missing person?"

"I did," Alex spoke as she stepped up beside the blonde-haired woman and held the backpack out to the officer. "We found this with some clothing in it and some old dog tags."

The officer slipped off his cap and tucked it under one arm as he took the pack from the dark-haired woman and unzipped it. "Where did you find it?"

"Over there." Alex pointed over to the hospital bed where Sandy found the pack earlier.

The officer keyed the radio on his shoulder. "Derrick, get in here so we can get this done." There was a moment’s hesitation and then a static filled voice acknowledged the transmission.

Regina cursed softly under her breath and unconsciously stepped back toward Alex.

"Easy, I’m here. Nothing is going to happen." Alex whispered and rubbed her hand against the smaller woman’s back.

Ed glanced between the two women. "What’s the problem?"

Alex thought briefly about not saying anything and then thought better of it as she watched the color literally drain from Regina’s face in reaction to her ex’s close proximity to her. "She has a restraining order against your partner."

The officer frowned and then his eyes widened in surprise. "Oh, you’re that Regina." He seemed to consider the situation and then looked over at the blonde. "Sorry, about that. I’ll make sure we’re out of your way quickly."

"We’d appreciate that," Alex replied.

A moment later, the warehouse door swung open and the younger officer walked inside. Derrick’s eyes narrowed, but his steps didn’t falter as he walked toward the three women standing by his partner. "What’ve you got Ed?" His eyes moved over the three of them and he lifted an inquiring eyebrow as he met Alex’s gaze.

"Ah, not much. A backpack with some clothes in it." The older officer looked around the warehouse. "What I want to know is how the hell whoever is sleeping here got in here in the first place."

"There’s a loading dock in the back," Alex offered, glaring openly at Derrick as his eyes roamed over Regina. "Maybe you should go check it out," she said and then turned to the older officer. "Do you need us for anything?"

Ed glanced up at Alex, shook his head and then started to walk toward the back of the building. "No, I’ll find you if we have any questions."

"Good, then we’ll be leaving now," Alex growled and ushered Regina away from Derrick.

The younger cop glanced back at his partner who was already walking to the loading dock. "Leaving so soon, Regina? Why don’t you stay a while? Come on, we can catch up on old times." Derrick hooked his thumbs in his belt loops and leered at the blonde as she quickly walked past him.

Alex stopped and whirled around, her upper lip curling into a snarl. "Maybe you’d like if I stayed awhile and we caught up on old times, Derrick."

His face froze for an instant and he stepped back away from the menacing look. Alex looked him up and down once, then, quickly caught up to her partner.

Regina stepped out of the warehouse and covered her mouth with her hand, breathing hard and trembling as she turned around on the sidewalk. "Oh shit. I didn’t know what it would be like…to see him again. Alex…" she took a breath and looked up at her taller companion. "He scares me."

The brunette wrapped her arms around Regina and pulled her close. "I know, I know, Reg." She closed her eyes, wondering what in the hell it was worth to have restraining order for since it seemed like Derrick’s work was destined to cross Regina’s path. Alex clenched her jaw, feeling somewhat helpless given the circumstances. "Hey, are you ok?" She tilted her head and looked down at Regina.

The blonde nodded her head and looked up at the taller woman. "I think so." She pulled away from Alex and fixed an angry gaze on the door to the warehouse. It was the most awful, vulnerable feeling knowing she had been involved with him and that even now his mere presence brought back the sickening sense of being terrified of him.

"Hey, I didn’t think I’d see you two back here so soon," a gruff, male voice called out from the garage of the fire department.

Both women turned and watched as the fireman they met several nights ago gave the large Shepard standing beside him a hand signal. The dog backed up a couple of steps and reluctantly lay down on the concrete. He kept a watchful eye on his master as he jogged across the street.

Regina lifted her hand and waved at him as he approached them.

"Hi, Regina." His eyes lit up when he smiled at the blonde. "Alex, how are you?"

"Fine," she answered simply. I’d be a whole lot better if you’d wipe that friggin’ smile off your face and get a clue. "So, are you a volunteer fireman?" Alex asked, deciding she had no good reason to alienate the man.

"No, I do it full time – search and rescue, training the newbies. I love it," he enthused, jamming his hands into his pockets to keep them warm.

The door from the warehouse opened and the three of them looked over as the two officers walked out. Ed, the older of the two men, carried the blue backpack in his hand as he walked down the stairs in front of Derrick. He turned and handed his partner the pack and walked over to the small group.

"We’re all set. There’s not a whole lot to do at this point unless someone files a missing person’s report. The dog tags might give us a place to start."

Todd glanced over at Alex as the officer was talking to her. "What did you find?"

"Some clothes and a set of dog tags from World War II," Alex replied and then blew into her cupped hands, warding off the chill.

A beeper shrilled and they all glanced down, checking their pagers simultaneously. Regina pulled hers off her belt and squinted as she read the number. "Alex, can I use your cell phone?"

"Sure. Where’s yours?" The brunette asked, as she unclipped it from her belt and handed it to the smaller woman.

"Home, I left it on the dresser," she replied sheepishly and took the phone from Alex. She stepped away from the group and dialed the number that she was paged to.

Across the street, the Shepard stretched and stood up, his tail wagging as he watched the blonde-haired woman. Regina glanced up and down the street, which was devoid of any traffic for the moment as she listened to the phone ring and waved at the dog, smiling mischievously.

That was all the invitation he needed to trot over to her. He pushed his head against her thigh and grumbled a deep-throated hello to her as she scratched his ears.

"Hi, this is Dr. Kingston. Someone paged me to this number."

She listened as one of the nurses in the ER explained to her that a young girl she admitted last week to the oncology service was being brought in by ambulance and they needed Regina to come in and examine her.

"Where’s her oncologist?" Regina asked.

"Out of town and we can’t get in touch with the doctor who’s covering for him."

"Then have one of the residents examine her."

"I wish it was that easy Dr. Kingston. Her mother doesn’t want anyone but her oncologist or you to look at her."

The blonde cast a wary eye over at Alex, not relishing the fact that she now needed to make an unplanned trip over to the hospital. This day was definitely not going as planned and it was obvious that Derrick’s presence had upset her lover as well.

"I’ll be there in ten minutes," she replied and then turned off the phone. Regina bent down and ruffled the scruff of fur around the dog’s neck as she spoke softly to him. "You’re a good boy, aren’t you?" She was aware of Derrick walking back toward Alex and Todd who were standing several feet away from her.

With a sigh, she stood up and walked back over to Alex. "I’ve got to go to the hospital." She looked up at the brunette and gave her an apologetic smile.

A cold nose nudged her hand and she looked down at the dog, which lifted his head for her to pet again.

"I see you made a friend," Alex commented with a wry smile as she looked down at Regina stroking the top of the Shepard’s head.

"I’m a sucker for a cute face."

Todd laughed and walked over to them, taking hold of the dog’s collar. "Come on, Lucky." He tugged the dog forward and was stopped short when the Shepard suddenly planted his feet. A low, threatening growl rumbled from deep within his chest as he fixed his dark, brown eyes on Derrick. "Hey, knock it off," Todd admonished, watching uneasily as Lucky’s hackles rose up along the dog’s back.

"You oughta have that dog on a leash," Derrick pointed out, quickly stepping away from the snarling animal.

"Sorry, he usually doesn’t do this," Todd replied and pulled Lucky away from Derrick as the dog continued to growl menacingly at the other man.

Alex jingled her keys and raised an eyebrow when Regina glanced up at her. "I’d say that’s one smart dog. You ready?"

"Yeah, let’s go."

Chapter Eight

Regina strode into the brightly lit emergency department and made her way to the nurse’s station. All twelve beds were filled and there were several stretchers lining the wall with patients that were still being triaged. One of the technicians walked hurriedly by her pushing two IV poles and carrying a warming blanket in his other arm.

"Geez, are they giving something away?" she asked the harried looking unit clerk as he hung up the phone on the desk.

"It’s been non-stop since the minute I walked in the door this morning. It must be a full moon or something," the young man replied and snatched the phone up again as it started ringing. "Emergency Department." He listened and then squeezed the bridge of his nose and shut his eyes. "Sir, you have to call 911 if it’s an emergency. No, sir we don’t pick patients up. Sir, I have to put you on hold." The unit clerk looked up at Regina and gave her a cheeky smile. "Tell me again why I do this."

Regina just smiled back at him. "I’m looking for Terry Edwards."

"Thank God. Her parents have been driving me crazy. Her Oncologist is out of town and they wouldn’t agree to let anybody else see her. She’s on the third stretcher in the corridor off to the left." He handed the chart to Regina and leaned over the desk to point out the stretcher.

"Thanks," Regina replied as she opened the chart and read the nursing admission sheet. Fourteen- year old female presents with fever of a hundred and two, nausea and vomiting for past twenty-four hours. Great! That could be anything. On her way to the girl, Regina ducked into a supply room and grabbed several items from the shelves, including an IV kit and a bag of Ringer’s Lactate solution.

The blonde walked over to the stretcher and looked down at the sleeping girl. "Terry?" She touched her shoulder and watched as red-rimmed brown eyes blinked and slowly focused on her. "Hey, kiddo." Regina glanced around looking for the girl’s parents but didn’t spot them.

Terry grimaced and curled up on her side. "Everything hurts."

"When did it start?"

"Day before yesterday," she whispered and licked her dry lips.

"Have you been able to keep anything down?"

"No, I can’t eat."

"Let’s take a look." Regina pulled a pair of gloves from a box on the wall next to her. "Say, ah." She ripped the paper off around the tongue depressor and flashed a small beam of light from a flashlight at the back of the girl’s throat. "Looks good."

"Does this hurt?" she asked as her fingers gently probed the lymph nodes along the girl’s neck.

"It hurts a little."

A movement to her left caught Regina’s attention and she looked up to see Terry’s father walking toward them. His expression as he stared at Regina was filled with nothing less than contempt.

"Hello, Mr. Edwards."

He nodded and averted his eyes, choosing instead to focus on his sick daughter. "Do you know what’s wrong with her?"

"Not yet. I need to run some tests first." Regina peeled off her gloves and stepped back tossing them into a wastebasket by the nurse’s station.

"Tests," he spat the word out. "That’s all you Goddamn doctors know how to do is run tests."

"Tim, stop," his wife pled as she stepped up beside him, giving Regina an apologetic look.

Regina regarded the adolescent girl as she lay on the stretcher drifting in and out of a restless sleep. "Terry, I’m going to start an IV so we can get some fluids in you," she explained as she slipped the rubber band around the girl’s bicep and felt for a vessel.

Expertly, she slipped the catheter into a vein, piggybacked the IV tubing to it and taped it securely in place. In response, the girl murmured something and clutched feebly at the blankets covering her fever-racked body.

Regina turned to Terry’s parents and motioned them to follow her. She walked purposely down the hall, pushed a wheelchair out of the way that was blocking the small consultation room available for families and then held the door open for them to walk through. She closed the door behind her and faced the distraught and frightened couple.

She chose her words carefully and spoke in a quiet but firm voice. "Mr. Edwards, I understand you being angry. I would be to, but it’s not going to do Terry any good to see you get this upset about what’s being done for her. She needs to have confidence that what the doctors plan to do will help her get better. What chance do you think she’ll have if she doesn’t believe in what we’re doing? Think about that. She needs you to be strong for her right now."

Regina waited for a moment and then reached for the doorknob. "Stay here if you need to take a minute before you go out to see her. I’m going to go write the orders for the tests I need to run for your daughter. The results will determine what we do from here and if we need to admit her to the hospital."

******

Alex parked her Jeep in the doctor’s lot after she let Regina out by the Emergency room entrance. They had agreed on the drive over to the hospital to meet in the cafeteria after Regina was finished seeing her patient. She debated whether she wanted to just sit and listen to the radio in peace or venture up to her office and wade through the paperwork she knew was sitting on her desk.

An educated guess told her Regina’s consult would take the better part of an hour if not longer. Alex turned the Jeep’s engine off and stepped out of the vehicle. Paperwork be damned, it would be there on Monday. What she needed right now was food

She stopped in the cafeteria and purchased a bottle of water, some frozen yogurt and a banana. Her breakfast was long since gone and her stomach rumbled in protest at the lack of food.

Since it was Saturday afternoon the cafeteria was relatively quiet so Alex drifted to one of the back corners of the room and settled into a booth where she ate half the banana and then cut the rest of it into her yogurt. With her concentration focused on her task, she didn’t hear the footsteps approaching her until a shadow fell over the table and she glanced up in surprise.

"Hello, Alex. Mind if I join you?" the petite, platinum blonde psychologist asked with a smile.

"No, go ahead." Alex motioned with her hand and leaned against the back of the booth as she continued to eat her chocolate yogurt.

Patricia Burke was thirty-nine and had been on staff at the hospital for over fifteen years. Alex knew her professionally having referred several patients to her over the years that needed counseling.

"It’s good to see you again," Patricia commented as she settled herself in her seat and smoothed her skirt out over her shapely thighs.

Alex’s gaze met the psychologist’s briefly. "Thanks."

The woman shook her head. "Frankly, I’m amazed you’re back. Are you working today?"

Alex swallowed a mouthful of yogurt, before she spoke. "No, I’m waiting for a friend."

Patricia smiled and titled her head, hoping that her instincts were right. "Someone special?"

The brunette stared at the psychologist and then allowed a small smile to cross her lips. "I should know better than to talk to you about this."

The psychologist rested her elbows on the table and folded her hands together, resting her chin on them. "I think anyone who knows you Alex, saw something different in you over the past few months." She hesitated, before she spoke again quietly. "Before you got shot, I mean."

Alex set her Styrofoam cup down and rested her arms on the table, folding them in front of her. "After…Lana," she took a breath, surprised to feel a tightening in her chest when she said her name. "I had pretty much resigned myself to being alone."

"Ah, but we’re so much better when we’re with someone we love, Alex."

Alex felt a warm flush on her cheeks and rolled her eyes. "Enough about my personal life."

"Ok, then. You’ve been back for what – about a week now?" the psychologist asked and then sipped her coffee as she continued to study the blue-eyed woman sitting across from her.

"Yeah." Alex opened the bottle of water and took a long swallow, feeling the coolness trickle down her throat as she swallowed the clear liquid.

"So how has it felt to be back?"

The brunette shrugged and twirled her spoon in the yogurt, making a well in the center of it. "Physically, it’s been a challenge to keep up with the pace. It’s not the most user friendly environment to work in."

The psychologist smiled at her remark. "No, I don’t imagine that it is. Are you still taking pain medication?"

Alex cast a sharp glance at Patricia as she began to wonder if she was here on just a friendly visit. "Just ibuprofen to take the edge off. The narcotics make me feel like I’m in a haze all the time."

Patricia nodded in understanding. "How are you doing otherwise?"

"I’m surviving." Alex frowned at the question, feeling a little defensive at the implication.

"Surviving?" The woman leaned forward in her seat and folded her hands on the table. "Alex, you had more than just a close call – you almost died."

"Thanks for the reminder, Patricia." Alex closed her eyes and rubbed her forehead in frustration, trying to hold onto what little self-control she still had at the moment. Come on, Regina. I wish you were done already so we could get the hell out of here.

Undaunted by Alex’s reaction Patricia continued speaking. "Alex face it, you are right back in the same environment where you got hurt. You can’t convince me that you haven’t thought about that and probably had some second thoughts about being back here at all."

The remark was right on target and stung her sharply. Alex hung her head. "Listen, can this be between just you and me, Patricia?"

"Absolutely."

She fiddled with her spoon nervously before she looked up. "Everyday I ask myself if I can still do this. Honestly, I don’t know if I can anymore. I’ve been sleeping like shit and it’s starting to wear me down. I’m afraid I’m going to make a mistake and I can’t afford that to happen."

"I think that’s pretty normal, considering what you’ve been through, Alex. Do you want something to help you sleep? I can write you a prescription."

"No, no." She shook her head emphatically, remembering all to well what happened when she took sedatives the last time she was having difficulty sleeping. It almost cost her career and she was not about to walk down that path again. "That’s not a good idea."

"You need to take care of yourself, Alex. I know the medical profession well enough to guess that nobody’s bothered to ask you how you’re really doing. They’re all just sitting back waiting to see how you handle the stress of your job and if you fall, you can be damn sure you’re going to have an audience there to watch."

"I’m well aware of that." Alex was irritated that she had allowed herself to be drawn into this conversation at all.

The psychologist leaned back in her chair and sighed. "I’m sorry, Alex. I don’t mean it any other way than as a friend who’s concerned about your well-being. I guess it’s just hard for me to know what you went through and not think that there aren’t some lasting affects that are lingering inside waiting for an opportunity to ambush you."

"Gee, thanks for the vote of confidence," Alex snapped, her eyes flashing in anger at the doctor sitting across from her.

"Alex, it’s great that you’re back to work, but that’s just one part of who you are. You need to be able to take back the rest of your life. Whoever you’re involved with, personally and professionally, is going to take their cues from you and how you feel about yourself."

The dark-haired woman laughed sarcastically. "Save it, Patricia, I’m not one of your patients. If I need to have my psyche examined I know where to find you." She stood up abruptly and took two steps away from the table almost bumping into Regina before she realized the blonde was walking toward her.

"Whoa." Regina held up her hands and danced out of the way at the last instant to avoid colliding with the taller woman.

"Sorry, I didn’t see you," Alex said, her eyes darting nervously away from the intense scrutiny of Regina’s gaze.

"Are you ok?" The younger doctor reached out, touching Alex’s arm in concern. She glanced back at the blonde-haired woman who sitting at the table, wondering what had transpired between them just before she arrived in the cafeteria.

"I’m fine. Dr. Burke and I were just finishing our conversation," Alex replied stiffly and squared her shoulders back, trying to reign in her conflicting emotions. Damn you and your probing questions Patricia!

Regina tilted her head as she was finally able to place where she knew the woman from. "Patricia Burke from psychology?"

The doctor smiled up at Regina. "In the flesh."

"Hi, I’m Regina Kingston. I just referred two kids to you that are up on pediatrics."

"Ah, so you’re Dr. Kingston. I saw your name on the list of new attending physicians last month. It's nice to meet you. Congratulations on joining the medical staff here." She held out her hand and Regina returned the warm handshake.

"Thanks." Regina turned back to Alex, swaying slightly as she did. "Sorry, it took so long. I…um." She hesitated and rubbed her forehead with the fingers of her right hand. "I had to talk to the parents and it took a longer than I expected."

"It’s ok," Alex replied, her voice softening slightly.

Regina suddenly reached out and grabbed Alex’s arm, steadying herself as a wave of lightheadedness gripped her momentarily. "Ugh, I think I need to eat something," she moaned and clutched her forehead.

"Here, sit down." Alex guided Regina to the table. "You haven’t eaten anything since this morning have you?" she chastised her gently.

She knew from past experience when Regina didn’t eat regularly her blood sugar sometimes plummeted and her normally cheerful and easy-going lover could turn cranky and irritable within seconds. "What do you want to eat?"

Regina shrugged and made a face as she slumped into the booth. "Anything they’ve got that’s edible and a Coke, please."

"You got it. Be right back," Alex said, relieved for any excuse to be away from Patricia’s prying questions for the moment. They stirred unpleasant memories for her, ones that she wasn’t prepared to deal with, let alone confront head on.

Regina watched Alex walk away and then regarded the doctor sitting across from her. "That’s what I get for not eating enough," she offered with an embarrassed smile.

"I know." Patricia waved her hand. "It happens to me all the time. So tell me about the two kids you referred to me."

Without thinking, Regina untwisted the top from Alex’s bottle of water and took a sip, unaware of the amused expression on Patricia’s face.

"The boy is sixteen. He suffered a closed head trauma and needed surgery to remove a blood clot. He’s awake but very withdrawn and isn’t being very cooperative with the nursing staff. As of now, we’ve had no contact from any family members." Regina glanced up and shrugged, feeling badly for the boy. "The girl is fourteen and has a malignant tumor in her leg. She’s not responding well to the chemotherapy and I just re-admitted her today with dehydration and a fever. She’s depressed and her parents are struggling themselves."

"Sounds like quite the pair," the psychologist remarked. "I’m not sure if I will have time today but if I do, I’ll go introduce myself today before I leave." She paused and then spoke again. "Did you do your residencies here?"

Regina glanced up and nodded. "I did four years of residency here with my last six months on the ER rotation. That’s where I met Alex."

Patricia sat back in her chair, regarding the young doctor with interest. "You must be quite special to have survived six months with Alex and managed to become a friend of hers as well. She has quite the reputation among the residents as being a consummate hard-ass."

"Her bark is worse than her bite. She demands a lot from her staff but when you’re making life and death decisions you have to expect people to give a hundred percent all the time." Regina smiled as Alex approached and handed her a sandwich in a plastic container along with a bag of potato chips.

"Here." The taller woman slid in beside Regina, opened the can of soda for her and slid it over in front of the blonde. Her eyes met the psychologist’s across the table and she gave her a stony look.

"Thanks," Regina said, as she opened the clear plastic container and picked up the ham sandwich.

"You’re right Regina, it is an awesome responsibility in the best of situations to make life and death decisions on a daily basis." Patricia looked at Alex as she said this and then stood up. "Well, I must be going. It was nice to meet you, Regina. Make sure the good doctor here takes care of herself."

The two women sat quietly for a moment after Dr. Burke left the table. Regina broke the silence growing between them first, sensing Alex’s disquiet. "Is everything ok?"

"Yeah, fine." Alex turned her head and blinked trying to refocus her thoughts as she gazed back at Regina. She could see the wheels turning while the younger woman processed what she had walked into minutes earlier. The last thing she wanted to do right now was to get into any kind of discussion about it and to her dismay she knew that was exactly where Regina was heading.

Regina raised her eyebrows and pressed her lips together, absorbing the stilted reply in silence. Oh boy, something set her off. "So fine that you were practically tripping over yourself to leave the table when I showed up."

"If I wanted her advice I would have asked for it." Alex rested her head in her hands and rubbed her temples, trying to ward off the headache she could feel starting behind her eyes.

The blonde turned and rested her arm over the back of the booth. "Alex, there’s nothing wrong with talking to someone about what happened to you."

"I don’t need to talk to anyone." The brunette stared off across the cafeteria, her jaw muscles clenching and unclenching in reaction to Regina’s words. She waited until an elderly couple walked slowly past their table before she spoke again. "I can take care of my own problems."

"Alex, I’m not saying you can’t. Sometimes it just helps to have an objective outsider listen."

She started to speak, then, stopped herself and shook her dark head. "Reg, I really don’t want to have this conversation here."

"Fine, let’s get out of here then," the blonde offered, unwilling to let the conversation stop at this point.

The taller woman nodded and stood up from the table, waiting as Regina gathered her jacket and soda. "Are you feeling better?" She slid her hand down over the blonde’s waist and followed her out of the cafeteria.

"I am. Thanks for the food." Regina looked back over her shoulder and smiled up at Alex.

Damn. Alex grimaced, knowing with that one glance she had just let herself be reeled in. The two of them walked in silence out to Alex’s Jeep. The taller woman held the door open for Regina and then walked over to the driver’s side, opened her door and slipped into the seat.

She could have let the Jeep drive itself to Regina’s home. She knew the route by heart and hardly paid attention as she drove out of the hospital.

Regina shifted uncomfortably in her seat, aware of the tension between them. "Dr. Burke really upset you didn’t she?"

Alex rubbed the bridge of her nose. "Yeah, I guess she did. Nothing about this week went like I thought it was going to."

"Why?"

Alex shot her a sharp glance and grasped the steering wheel tighter, causing the skin over her knuckles to blanch.

Regina could feel a gulf opening up between them and the knowledge gnawed at her gut, an unfamiliar trickle of fear running through her.

The doctor shrugged, still lost in thought. She pulled into Regina’s driveway, put the vehicle in park and turned the engine off.

When it was obvious she wasn’t going to get an answer to her question, Regina opened her door and started to step out. She stopped when she realized Alex was still sitting behind the steering wheel, staring straight ahead.

"Hey, are you ok?" Regina leaned back into the Jeep and brushed her fingers against the soft skin of Alex’s cheek.

A slight nod of the head was all the response she got. "Come on, let’s go in. It’s cold out." Regina let her head fall forward and sighed in exasperation before she stepped out and shut the truck’s door.

Alex walked slowly behind the smaller woman to the front entrance, then, waited as Regina unlocked the door and stepped inside. She followed her, shrugged out of her black leather jacket, draped it over the back of a chair and flopped down into the seat with a sigh of frustration.

Her earlier conversation with Patricia left her feeling weary and vulnerable. She was tired of everyone thinking they knew what she was feeling inside. At the moment, she felt a dark emptiness that seemed to be threatening to swallow her whole lately.

Regina walked over to the brunette, laid both hands on her shoulders and started a gentle massage, feeling the tense muscles beneath her fingers. Her hands moved up to Alex’s temples and started a slow circular motion that elicited a groan from the dark-haired woman.

"Feel good?" she whispered in Alex’s ear.

Alex straightened her shoulders and grasped the hands that were massaging her temples. "Reg, please, stop. I just…" She stopped not knowing how to explain without causing her more pain, that because she was feeling rather lousy about her own self-image at the moment, the thought of any physical intimacy was out of the question.

Dejectedly, Regina stepped back and let her arms drop by her side. "Ok, fine." The hurt was plainly evident in her voice. She pulled out a chair, sat down across from Alex, and rested an elbow on the table. "Would you please tell me what’s wrong?"

Alex looked down and spread her hands palm down on the table. "Nothing." She turned her head and let her eyes roam over the room restlessly. "Listen, maybe this wasn’t a good idea for me to come over tonight."

Regina arched an eyebrow and gnawed her bottom lip for a moment, the sudden change in Alex’s mood making her uneasy. "Alex, ever since you’ve been back to work, it’s like there’s this wall that you’ve put up between you and everybody else. Even Sandy’s noticed."

When Alex didn’t respond, Regina continued talking. "I…I just feel so disconnected from you and I hate that." She wiped her eyes and stared out the window aware of Alex studying her from across the table.

"I’m not sure what I can do to change that right now."

"H…how can you say that?" Regina stared at her incredulously. "Don’t you see what this is doing to us?"

Alex sat stiffly in the chair and clenched her jaw as she forced herself to count to ten, which did little to stem the tide of anger that welled up inside her. "Dammit! I am so tired of everyone trying to tell me they know how I feel and what I should be doing. Hell, half the time I can’t make heads or tales of all the crap going on inside my head."

Regina recoiled, feeling the sharp sting of Alex’s words. "I…Alex, wait!" She scrambled out of her seat as the brunette scraped the chair back and leapt to her feet.

"You have no idea what it’s been like." Alex walked over to the window, staring at her reflection in the dark glass.

"How can I if you won’t talk to me about it, Alex?" The younger woman raised her arm and let it fall to her side in a gesture of frustration.

"Talk to you about it?" The brunette whirled around angrily. "Like you’ve talked to me about your bloody nightmares."

"That’s not fair," Regina whispered, trying not to choke on the words.

"Isn’t it?" Alex walked back over and stood directly in front of the blonde, her ice, blue eyes flashing angrily as she looked down at her. "You say I’ve shut you out, well you’ve been doing the same to me!" She stepped around Regina without looking at her and grabbed her jacket off the chair.

"Alex, don’t leave. I know we need to talk, I just, I don’t know where to start." Regina pled with her to stay, laying a hand on the taller woman’s arm.

Alex stopped at the door, her hand on the doorknob as she stared down at the floor in quiet desperation. She hated arguing and here she was taking her anger and frustration out on the one person who deserved it the least. Her rational mind told her she shouldn’t leave like this, that all she was doing was hurting Regina and their relationship, but her stubborn, bull-headed pride won out instead.

The angry and hurtful words tumbled out of her mouth without warning. "Well, maybe you should figure that out first."

Regina felt her heart lurch as Alex slammed the door behind as she walked out. The sound reverberated loudly in her ears. Frozen in place, she covered her face with a hand and leaned heavily against the door. Her lower lip quivered and hot tears rolled down her cheeks. "Don’t leave. Please don’t leave," she whispered to the empty room

She squeezed here eyes shut, when she heard the rumble of the Jeep’s engine and then the sound of it faded as Alex backed it out of the driveway.

Despondent, Regina walked to the window, folded her arms over her chest, and stared bleakly out the window, wishing she could have the last few moments back to do over.

Continued

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