Part 5 of 5 of Fate's Gift

Cyrene calmly replied, "No, Xena." The warrior frowned, and as she stepped past her mother to confront Petra, Gabrielle burst through the door. Cyrene caught her in her arms and pulled her back.

Petra looked into her adversary’s eyes and said, "Before we continue with this madness, Xena, I only went to Gabrielle to comfort her because she was mourning for you. Nothing happened between us."

Xena curled her lips in disgust, "Don’t lie to me, Petra. I remember your hands around my throat. I remember our conversation. You didn’t deny how you felt." With that Xena reached back and drew her sword. Petra did the same, and the two warriors stood staring and waiting for the other to make the first move.

Xena moved in first, her raging anger controlled and focused into analyzing, challenging and defeating her opponent. Everything around her disappeared as she and Petra became the only beings alive in her world. In three quick steps she swept in low surprising the warrior in a move that Petra had never before seen. Xena brought her sword up quickly almost dislodging Petra’s sword from her hand and leaving her arm in the air and her chest vulnerable. Xena took full advantage as she swung a lightening fast kick to Petra’s ribs. As quickly as she moved in she darted away from a counter attack.

Petra, unhurt, now regarded the Warrior Princess as a dangerous foe even in her weakened state and with a bad arm. Always an aggressive fighter, Petra pushed forward with a flurry of quick blows parrying with Xena. She refused to relent. She added several two fisted blows to her attack, something she knew would eventually wear her opponent down since Xena could not counter in like fashion.

Xena understood Petra’s strategy, and she retreated rather than waste strength to stand and fight. She cursed the lack of help from her left arm. She hadn’t tried a flip since her injury fearful that her balance would be impaired. She had swept the warrior before with a flip and knew it would not work again. Xena also noted the weaknesses she had observed before in her opponent were no longer present. She remembered Eponin’s comment about Petra training the youths in sword strategy.

Petra came in with a double fisted blow. Xena side-stepped it and slashed out with her sword catching Petra in the upper left arm and leaving a gash a hand’s breadth wide. Blood oozed down the warrior’s left arm threatening to make the hilt of the sword slick. Petra moved the sword back into a single handed grip. Realizing she had evened the playing field slightly, Xena smiled inside and searched for more weaknesses as Gabrielle and Cyrene watched in horror and in terror.

The battle dragged on neither warrior able to push the advantage. Both tired as sweat dribbled into their eyes. Xena realized she was not the sword woman she once was. In a final desperate attempt to take out her opponent she saw an opening, leaped into the air and landed a solid kick with the heal of her boot to the healed wound in Petra’s chest. It was purposeful and brutal. The tall warrior cried. She was carried over backwards by the momentum of the kick as shooting pains emanated from the tender area. Gabrielle gasped at the sight, surprised at Xena’s action. Xena landed slightly off balanced because of her arm. Before she could seize the advantage, Petra flipped over backwards using her momentum and landed on her feet. Pain and rage battled across her face.

Blinded by her agony and fury and ignoring the likelihood that her opponent could easily impale her on her sword, Petra charged Xena. She leapt up imitating Xena’s earlier move and kicked out striking Xena in her bad shoulder. The battle was over. Xena lay crumpled in the dust. She tried to get up, but it was as if her shoulder had been impaled and was pinned to the ground. Pain engulfed her and blackness swept her away. Petra was on her knees tears pouring down her cheeks, and her hand clasped to her chest, and she gasped for air as black spots danced before her eyes. She tried to stand but could not, and finally she placed her hand on the ground and slowly lowered herself into the dust, and she lay there gasping.

Chapter 37

That night Xena awoke feeling sore and stiff. The grogginess told her she had been given green poppy seed to sedate her. Eventually she realized she was in her own bed in her old room. Running her hand along the mattress, Xena searched, but was disappointed to find that Gabrielle was not next to her. Then she remembered Petra and assumed she was with her. She struggled to sit up against the pain in her shoulder, and somewhere in the fog she remembered hearing the healer mumble something about dislocated. Then she recalled the pain that followed. Memories of that early morning encounter battered her thoughts. Dressed only in a night shift, she stood and walked on uncertain legs across the floor and peered out the window. The Amazon guards were gone, and she felt her heart flutter with fear in her chest. She knew that with them, went Gabrielle. In her mind, she also knew her dark nature had destroyed her own chance for happiness with her Gabrielle. She turned and sagged against the window sill and sat feeling abysmal emptiness swallowing her. She thought that she would be smothered by the pain. Glancing around the room, soft laughter and giggles from the past teased her. When her eyes fell on the bed, she knew she could not be alone tonight, and it struck her that Gabrielle had probably felt the same way the night before. Feeling hopelessly isolated, she rose from her seat and wearily left the room. She padded barefoot down the hall to Cyrene’s room, opened the door and crept inside. She could see Zoe lying next to Cyrene. She walked across the room and knelt next to her mother and touched her brow. Cyrene opened her eyes and stared into her daughter’s beautiful blue eyes. She smiled and reached out to her as Xena fell into her mother’s arms weeping. Cyrene held her against her breast and caressed her hair. "Momma, I’m sorry." Cyrene smiled remembering all the times her daughter had come to her like this apologizing with tears in her eyes for disobeying or upsetting her. "Can you forgive me?" Xena begged.

"Xena, I already have." Cyrene sat up and patted the bed next to her, and Xena sat down facing her. Cyrene ran her finger tips along Xena’s jaw, and wiped at the tears on Xena’s cheeks with her thumb. Xena grabbed her mother’s hand, pressed her lips to her palm and then released her hand.

Swiping at the tears that streamed down her cheeks, Xena asked, "Is she gone?" Cyrene thought her heart would break as she looked into Xena’s eyes. She prayed Xena would survive this, and she nodded. Xena looked down into her lap and was silent for a while. Then she spoke quietly, "Cyrene, I have never wanted to talk to you about this because I was always afraid of what you might tell me. I didn’t want to know; it was just easier to hide from the fearful truth than face it." Xena looked up into her mother’s eyes pleadingly. "Where did my rage come from, Mother? Why do I have such a horrible temper? I knew Gabrielle and Petra had done nothing wrong; why did I act like that?" Xena furrowed her brows and drawing in a breath, she continued, "Cyrene, When I had Chloe and Lyceus it didn’t matter. With them I was strong, and together we could handle not knowing." Cyrene frowned at the direction Xena was going. "I am nothing like Toris or you; you’re both so calm and controlled." Xena drew in a large breath, "Cyrene, is Atrius my real father?"

Cyrene looked away from her daughter, and Xena had her answer. Taking her mother’s hand in hers, Xena pressed on, "Mother, please, I need to know. I cannot continue living like this knowing at any moment I might explode and hurt someone. I need to know where this rage comes from. My dreams haunt me, and they are one of the reasons I lost Gabrielle, and the reason I hurt Zoe."

With that Cyrene looked at Xena with a frown and pulled her hand from Xena’s grasp. She pushed herself up higher in bed, "What do you mean you hurt Zoe?"

Xena raised her eyebrow. She was sure Gabrielle had already told Cyrene. "Cyrene, Gabrielle took Zoe and left me and came here because I hit Zoe." Cyrene furrowed her brows not believing what she was hearing. Xena explained, "I was dreaming, and Zoe climbed into bed with me and ...," She paused, looking away unable to verbalized what she had done. "Gabrielle had enough," Xena continued, "I had been so horrible to her ever since I regained consciousness from my injury. Everything angered me, and she could do nothing right. In a fit of anger, I kicked a toy, and it hit Gabrielle leaving a gash in her thigh. I don’t blame her for leaving me. I don’t know what she ever saw in me anyway; she’s better off without me." Xena looked up at her mother and saw an array of emotions in her eyes before Cyrene pulled her eyes away. "Mother, please if you know anything that might help me understand, I need to know."

Cyrene shifted her gaze and looked into Xena’s eyes. "Xena, I am so sorry. I should have talked to you sooner. If I had, perhaps your life would not have been filled with such turmoil." Xena frowned, and her mother looked down. "Atrius is not your father, nor was he Lyceus’ father." Xena leaned back realizing she had known the truth all along. With a wistful look in her eyes, Cyrene continued, "It was over thirty cycles ago, but I remember it as though it were only yesterday." Cyrene looked over at Xena, "Atrius never loved me Xena. Our fathers arranged the marriage when we were very young. By my fourteenth summer I was married. Toris was born a year later. Atrius always dreamed of being a soldier and traveling, and he would leave us for long periods of time, but I didn’t care. I didn’t love him, and I had Phoebe to keep me company; you remember Chloe’s mother." Xena nodded as a small woman with Chloe’s eyes and freckles flashed through her mind, and she wondered if she had her father’s eyes. She was tugged from her drifting by Cyrene’s voice. "It was almost the end of summer, and Phoebe and I went to the festival honoring Apollo and Demeter. We had a wonderful time. We ate excessively and drank too much wine and danced late into the night. The whole town was alive with energy and joy. The spring and summer seasons had been particularly good, the rains had come, and the sun was warm, and the crops were abundant. Everyone was drunk with not only wine but with life." Cyrene’s eyes lit up with the memories. "Late that evening we were joined by a tall, handsome young man who said he was from Eleusis. Of course we were fascinated by this revelation. Who did not dream of traveling there and becoming an initiate into the mysteries? We sat for candlemarks listening to him weave stories and watching his blue eyes dance and shimmer. He asked me to dance. We ended up walking and talking and looking up at the heavens at all the stars and the moon." Cyrene paused and looked at Xena, "I had never felt so alive; he was so kind and gentle. I loved his voice and his touch. Atrius had hardly even spoken to me in the three years we had been married." Cyrene paused and looked down as a gentle smile graced her face. Then she looked up into the ocean-blue eyes she remembered and said, "That night he gave me you, Xena." Cyrene’s face lit up, "And for that, I have thanked the gods for sending him to me every day of my life."

Xena frowned thinking and then she asked, "What was his name?"

Cyrene smiled, "He said his name was Dorin." Xena furrowed her brow in thought, as Cyrene drifted in gentle memories of Dorin, her gift, who smiled down at her from the past. Rousing herself from her pleasant musings, Cyrene jolted Xena from her thoughts, "Phoebe saw him again at the festival celebrating the reunion of Demeter and Persephone. I could not attend because I was but two moons from delivering you. She was as enchanted as I with him. Dorin told her she and I were linked by more than just friendship; we were sisters. Our sweet Chloe was born on the winter solstice." Xena’s eyebrow shot up, and she remembered Chloe’s voice from so long ago, ‘I’ve been sent to keep you company, sister.’

Xena asked curiously, "Did you ever see him again, Mother?"

Realizing she had been lost in her own memories, Cyrene looked at Xena, probing her daughter’s face for her feelings. Seeing that she was merely curious, she ventured down the path and continued, "Yes." Xena raised her eyebrow as Cyrene continued, "You were born a moon early but you were strong and healthy. It was the summer solstice, and you were just over a moon old when he came to visit us." Xena frowned but said nothing. Cyrene nodded. "Yes, he knew of your birth, and he came to see you when Atrius was gone on one of his many trips." Cyrene smiled, and Xena wondered at her Mother’s reaction. "He held you in his arms and looked at down at you for the longest time. Then he turned to me and smiled and told me a sweet lie. He said that you looked like me. You were his image, his eyes, his hair even as a babe I could see him in you. He then took me in his arms and held me and gave me the love and tenderness that I had only experienced in his arms. I was never with him again, but every time I looked at you and Lyceus I saw him." Xena frowned at the memory of a dark image looking down at her.

"He was Lyceus’ father too?" Cyrene nodded.

"Did Atrius know?"

"I don’t think so. If he did, he never let on. Xena, Atrius never paid any attention even to Toris, and he left us before Lyceus was born. I never saw him again, and I was glad. The only thing he ever noticed was Phoebe’s pregnancy, and he was critical of her because she was not wed. Her family threw her out, and she came to stay with us upon my insistence. By that time I had inherited the inn, but Atrius wanted nothing to do with it. After he left, it was just Phoebe and you four children and me . Your uncles helped out, and we were very happy." Xena remembered and nodded. "Your Uncle Theo loved Phoebe and married her. However, when she died, he thought it best that Chloe live with us. She was only eleven at the time." Cyrene looked down and brushed the tears away.

"Mother, do you have any idea who this Dorin was?"

"I don’t know, Xena."

"Mother, this is very important to me; do you have any feelings...impressions about him?"

Cyrene wrinkled her brow and remembered her children’s unusual abilities, "If you are asking me if I believe he was a mortal man, I would have to say, I don’t think so." Xena frowned at her mother’s answer. It only added to her fears. "Xena, you look exhausted. Lie down here with me, and try to rest, my dear." Cyrene raised the covers and Xena crawled into her mother’s bed and into the warm embrace that she remembered as a child. As she snuggled into her mother’s protective arms, she squeezed her eyes shut against the image of Ares as she fought to subdue her worst fears.

_______________________________________________

The dark image looked down on her with piercing blue eyes. Then the eyes transformed into the taunting black eyes of Ares as he stood over her laughing. She heard his voice, "And you thought you could escape me, Xena. Well, my daughter, now you finally know the truth. You were made for me, by me. My warrior child, come home to me, and I will heal your arm and return you to your rightful place by my side in battle. Together, we will make war for eternity."

Xena shook her head, "No, Ares."

"Yes, Xena. You cannot deny your Fate. Your destiny is by my side." Xena backed away and shook her head. He continued, "Look at you. You’re weak; you couldn’t even defeat that young Amazon." Xena furrowed her brow. "Return to me, and I’ll restore your strength, Xena. I’ll take your withered arm and make it strong again."

Xena looked around confused, "No, I can’t, I..."

"Xena, what do you have left there anyway? Gabrielle doesn’t want you anymore. Zoe is afraid of you. Come with me Xena; I’ll take care of you." Ares waved his right hand in the direction of an image that was walking towards them. "If you don’t believe me perhaps you’ll believe your sweet Gabrielle."

Gabrielle stood in front of Xena, her face filled with hatred. "Ares is right, Xena. You belong with him; you’ll never change. You’re still just a murdering warlord. Go back where you belong. I was crazy to think that I could have ever loved you. How many times do you think I was going to let you hurt me? It would be only a matter of time before you would kill me with your own hands. You are no better than the Athenians who murdered innocent children in Poteidaia." Gabrielle turned and walked into Petra’s opened arms. They smiled at her and disappeared as the surrounding mist swallowed them.

Ares appeared next to her and put his arm around her, "Come with me Xena; I’ll take care of you." Xena leaned into him weakly as tears filled her eyes and flowed down her cheeks. As she started to leave with him Zoe appeared. Xena cringed at the sight of the child, fearful of the accusations Zoe might pelt her with.

Zoe stretched out her hand and said, "Xena, come with me." Xena frowned. She was confused and frightened. It felt good in the protective embrace of Ares. "I love you Xena," Zoe begged, "I need you. Please don’t leave me." Xena pulled away from Ares and was amazed at how easily she slipped out of his arms. Zoe took Xena’s hand, "Mommy needs to see you, Xena." Xena nodded and looked back at Ares. He was gone.

Chapter 38

The escort party had not traveled very far before they camped for the night. Gabrielle just wanted to be away from Amphipolis and Xena before she regained consciousness from the medication the healer had given her. Although Petra was really in no condition to travel, she insisted that she was all right. After Gabrielle was sure Xena was not seriously injured, she said her tearful good-byes to Zoe and Cyrene. It tore her heart to leave Zoe, but she knew she must. Zoe was Xena’s child, and Cyrene was there to protect her from Xena’s rages. Gabrielle knew it was over between her and Xena. Xena no longer trusted her, and Gabrielle couldn’t forgive her for her lack of trust. It was better this way. She couldn’t stand anymore emotional good-byes with Xena if Xena even wanted to see her to say goodbye after what she believed had happened. They had only traveled five leagues when they broke for camp. Petra was in a great deal of pain making it apparent that Xena’s brutal kick had broken some ribs and possibly even her breastbone. Petra had retired early that evening and Gabrielle brought her some broth and sat next to the big warrior.

Seeing the depth of despair on her queen’s face Petra spoke, "Gabrielle, I am so sorry. This is my fault. I should never have allowed myself to fall asleep in your bed."

Gabrielle sighed, "It’s no one’s fault, Petra. It was probably just meant to be this way. I asked you to stay. We had no idea Xena would arrive in Amphipolis this morning. I’m just sorry I got you hurt."

Petra looked away, "I’ll be fine, Gabrielle." Petra paused and then said, "I just wonder how Xena is." She looked back at Gabrielle with tears in her eyes, and Gabrielle wondered at the emotion she saw there. "I’m sorry, my Queen, but I feel I have lost a sister of my heart." She wiped angrily at the tear that escaped her eyes. Looking into her own heart Gabrielle understood. She wondered at the power Xena had over people, and she smiled down at Petra.

"I know, Petra. You had better get some rest." Petra nodded, and Gabrielle moved to her own bedroll.

______________________________________________________

Cyrene awoke with Xena in her arms and her grown child’s head resting on her shoulder. She kissed her daughter on the forehead and gently eased from beneath her and then looked at Zoe who slept soundly at her other side. Cyrene turned and smiled sadly down at her daughter who in sleep exhibited none of the torment her waking child suffered. She then shifted her attention to her granddaughter, and her heart swelled with the love she felt for her and for the other lost child of her heart. She whispered a thank you. Cyrene knew that Xena was a light sleeper, but she tried anyway to crawl out of bed without waking her. At least in sleep Xena would not have to suffer the knowledge that Gabrielle was gone. Pleased with herself for not waking Xena, she tiptoed out of the room and down the stairs. She would gather the eggs and fix their morning meal before she awakened them.

__________________________________________________

Zoe looked up at Xena. The warrior stood there bewildered as she searched for Ares. "Xena?" Xena looked down at the small child. "This way, Mommy needs to talk to you." Zoe tugged on Xena’s hand and lead her through the swirling gray mist. Xena was disoriented, but she felt the hairs on the back of her neck raise. She protectively swept Zoe up into her arm. Then they appeared. The faces which haunted her nightmares. Countless victims of her warlord days. They walked past her in an endless stream of agonizing horror, until she thought she would go mad. Tears streamed down her face. The nightmare continued as a multitude of voices called out to her from all directions. They pleaded and cried and begged her for an explanation.

Xena clasped Zoe to her and spun madly trying to see the faces that spoke to her. She cried out, "Stop it! Stop it! I’m sorry, I’m sorry, please forgive me!" She dropped to her knees still holding Zoe in her arm, and she buried her face into the little child.

"Xena!" Ares taunting voice boomed out. Xena’s head shot up her eyes wide with terror searched for the source of her tormentor. He appeared in front of her as the specters, her sins of the past encircled and closed in around her. "Just say the word, Xena," he waved his arms in a flourish, "and all of this will be gone." She only stared at him, fear written on her face. "Come on, Xena, there’s no reason for a child of mine to be suffering like this." Ares grinned his seductive grin and reached out his hand. "You don’t even have to say it, Xena, just think it, and all of this will disappear, and you will be whole again." Xena stood, eyes locked on Ares, as the phantoms around her pressed in on her. She stepped towards him. Ares smiled and said, "That’s right, come home to me Xena. Be mine again, and I’ll take away all your pain, my daughter."

Zoe, who had been watching Ares from Xena’s arm, turned to her and put her little hands on either side of Xena’s face. Redirecting Xena’s attention on her Zoe spoke, "Xena, they are not real." Xena’s eyes did not register Zoe’s comment. "Xena, listen to me. They’re are not real; they are from you mind. Mommy said ignore them." Xena blinked and came out of her haze as Zoe’s words penetrated her fear. She focused on the child’s lips. "They are not real." Xena looked up from Zoe. The apparitions and Ares were gone.

______________________________________________________

Toris, whose own small house was not far away, always joined Cyrene in breaking fast before he went to work the fields. That morning he was feeding the livestock in the barn when Cyrene appeared to gather the eggs. "Mother, how is Xena?" he asked. He had arrived for his morning meal the day before in time to help carry his sister upstairs and fetch the healer. He knew how upset Xena would be when she discovered that Gabrielle had left with the Amazons that afternoon to return to their nation.

Cyrene had no intentions of telling Toris of her and Xena’s conversation the night before, but she was certain he had his suspicions about his sister. She replied, "She and Zoe are still asleep. I’m letting them sleep until I have the meal ready. She had a pretty rough night."

Toris nodded and asked, "Does she know that Gabrielle left?"

"Yes, she came to my bed last night and asked me, and I told her," said Cyrene.

Toris looked down and shook his head and then back up at his mother and said, "How did she take it?"

Cyrene shook her head, "You know your sister, Toris. She is heart sick, but she did not explode."

Toris knew Xena well enough to know she would either be stoic or destroy something. Most often her wrath was aimed at herself. "Mother, do you think she will be all right? You don’t think she’ll revert to her old ways; remember what happened when she lost Chloe?"

Cyrene frowned at the horrible memory. "I don’t know, Toris. She is dealing with a great deal right now and not just Gabrielle." Toris nodded his head.

_______________________________________________

Toris ran from the barn when he heard his mother’s frantic shouts. Cyrene had the meal ready and went upstairs to awaken Xena and Zoe. She smiled when she entered the room and saw Zoe cradled in Xena’s right arm. The two looked peaceful sleeping in the bed, but when she went to awaken them, she could not rouse them from their sleep. Frightened and desperate she raced outside to call Toris.

"Mother, what’s wrong?"

Cyrene was beside herself as she ran to Toris’ strong arms and hurried him to the inn, "It’s Xena and Zoe, Toris; I cannot awaken them."

"What do you mean you can’t awaken them?" Toris released his mother and ran to the house as she hurried behind him explaining.

"They won’t wake up. I shook them, but I could not arouse them, Toris. Something is seriously wrong!"

Toris raced up the stairs as Cyrene shouted after him, "They are in my room." He burst into the room half expecting to see Xena sitting there smiling at him with her blue eyes. Toris moved immediately to the bed and shook them. Nothing happened. He laid his head on Xena’s chest and listened to her heart beating slowly but strongly. He then slapped her lightly on the face. Nothing. He called to her, but received no response. Lifting an eye lid he looked into her blue eye and saw the black center contract.

Turning to Cyrene he asked, "Mother, was she recovered from the poppy seed last night?"

Cyrene nodded as she wrung her hands, "By the time we stopped talking she seemed fine."

Toris reached out and felt under Zoe’s chin for a pulse. Turning to Cyrene, "Mother they are freezing, yet their hearts are beating strongly. Cover them with some more blankets, and I’ll get the healer. Toris turned to leave, but as he started to rush past his mother, she reached out and stopped him. He looked at her curiously as she stared at the pair in her bed.

Turning her gaze to her son, "No, Toris. Take Argo and find Gabrielle and bring her back here." Toris furrowed his brow. She continued, "I’m sure they did not get that far. If you ride hard, you should be able to catch up with them quickly. Petra was hurt, and Gabrielle was very tired; I’m sure they are traveling slowly." Reading the strange look on his mother’s face, he nodded and hurried to the stable to saddle the big war-horse and be on his way.

__________________________________________________

Xena placed Zoe on the ground and the two walked hand-in-hand through the mist. As the mist thinned a small village sprawled before them at the foot of the mountains. Xena searched her mind. She had been there before. They suddenly found themselves in the center of the village pounding, hoofed beasts fell upon them . The warlord’s army swooped down out of the mountains and galloped through the streets burning huts and slashing at the peasants who ran terrified from their burning homes. Xena grabbed Zoe up in her embrace and searched for an escape route. There was no where to run as horsemen and screaming villagers surrounded them. In moments it was over and Xena and Zoe stood in the middle of the charred ruins and dead bodies. The smell of rotting flesh permeated the air and flies buzzed around the corpses as wild dogs tore at the bodies. A small girl perhaps nine years old walked towards them. Shocked and dazed, the child’s dirty face was streaked with tears. As she neared she transformed, aged. Her face changed. The shock turned to anguish and then to fear and then a cold anger. Finally madness replaced all emotions. Her blonde hair whipped in the wind and some became entangled in her eye lashes and stuck to her lips. The young woman stood in front of Xena. Running her hand across her face she brushed the hair away. Xena stared into cold, soulless eyes as Callisto stood there grinning a mad, mirthless grin.

"Xena, come here often?" The look of horror and fear on Xena’s face brought forth a demented cackle from Callisto and then she inquired, "What’s the matter Xena, cat got you tongue?" Callisto directed her mad brown eyes to Zoe. "Oh my, look at those blue eyes." Looking up at Xena, "You have been busy now haven’t you? Are you training her to be a murderer too like her mother?" Xena moved, positioning herself between Callisto and Zoe directing Callisto’s attention to her arm. Callisto smiled staring at the sling, "Too bad about the arm, Xena. Does it still hurt?" In a lightening fast movement she poked Xena’s shoulder. Xena winced and Callisto said, "Oops, guess so." Looking up into Xena’s eyes she added, "Sorry." Then Callisto turned her attention to Zoe again, "You know I had a little sister just about your age when your mommy came to visit my home. Want to see her?" Callisto pointed at the body of a child that lay crumpled on the ground before them. When Xena looked down it was Zoe lying dead, flies swarming around her empty eye sockets. Xena felt her stomach lurch although she held her Zoe in her arm. "How’s it feel, Xena? Imagine seeing that when you were only nine." Tears streamed down Xena’s cheeks. A puzzled look formed on the blonde woman’s face and then mild madness replaced the bewilderment and she asked, "Xena, did you cry for Cirra?"

Zoe wrapped her arms around Xena’s neck and whispered, "Walk away Xena. She’s not real. Walk away." Xena, hearing Zoe’s words, stepped around Callisto and walked into the mist as Cirra and Callisto disappeared behind her.

Chapter 39

Toris pushed Argo hard and a little over two candlemarks later he reined the golden war-horse to a stop as he spied the Amazon escort party cresting the next hill. Pausing but a moment, he spurred Argo on. The Amazons caught sight of the racing horseman before he reached them, and they dropped back behind their Queen into a defensive position.

Gabrielle, sitting behind Petra looked around the big warrior and immediately recognized Argo. Her heart leaped into her throat, "Petra, is that Xena?" she asked.

"No, my Queen. It’s her brother," replied Petra.

"Toris?" Gabrielle frowned and with worry in her voice said, "Why would he be on Argo? Something must be wrong with Xena."

Toris knew better than to gallop into an Amazon escort party. He knew how Amazons felt about their queen, and even if he was Xena’s brother, he would be killed immediately if they thought he was a threat. He stopped Argo a healthy distance and waited for them to make the first move. Petra, the dark, Amazon warrior whom Xena had fought, made her way through the others on her large, black war-horse and approached him. Toris saw Gabrielle only after she leaned out from behind the powerful warrior.

"Toris, what is it?" Gabrielle asked, "Is something wrong with Xena?" Toris heard the anxiety in Gabrielle’s voice and knew instantly that she still cared very much for his sister.

"Gabrielle, I’m sorry to bring you bad news," Gabrielle felt her guts heave at his words and she fought tears. "but Cyrene sent me for you."

Desperation played in her voice as she pleaded, "Toris, what is wrong?"

Toris urged Argo forward so that he was positioned next to Gabrielle and Petra. "Last night when Xena awoke she was fine." He paused, looked at Argo and then back at Gabrielle. "Cyrene said that Xena was all right, physically anyway, but this morning Cyrene could not awaken her or Zoe." Gabrielle frowned as Petra shifted in the saddle and looked back at her. "Cyrene sent me to bring you back, Gabrielle. She is very frightened."

Gabrielle shook her head, "Zoe did this once before, Toris. Thyra, the Amazon healer, said she was dream walking. When Xena was injured and unconscious, she lead Xena from Morpheus’ realm. I don’t understand why this should be happening now." Gabrielle was worried but reluctant to return.

Petra said, "My Queen, perhaps you had better go with Toris. Xena and Zoe may need your to help them escape the dream world. You know Thyra said it could be dangerous." Petra feared that she had hurt Xena worse than the healer had indicated.

"I suppose you are right, Petra," said Gabrielle.

Petra looked over at Toris and said, "Toris, take my horse and Gabrielle. Our horses are fresh." Turning to Gabrielle, "I’m sorry, my Queen, but I am afraid I cannot ride that fast. I hate to admit it, but my chest and ribs are very tender. I’ll ride Argo back at a slower pace and let her rest." Toris and Petra exchanged mounts. One guard remained with Petra while the others spurred their way back to Amphipolis.

______________________________________________________

Cyrene, heard the horses and ran down the stairs and out into the court yard. Toris helped Gabrielle dismount and she rushed into Cyrene’s arms. Gabrielle grabbed her in her embrace and fought her tears as she asked, "Cyrene, what of Xena and Zoe?"

"They are the same, Gabrielle. I don’t know what is wrong, but they cannot be awakened." Gabrielle explained to Cyrene what she knew, and the two women rushed upstairs to Cyrene’s room. Noticing Gabrielle’s inquisitive look Cyrene began, "Last night when Xena awoke she came to me as she did when she was just a child. She knew you were gone, and she cried and apologized for her behavior. She was so heart broken, I don’t think she wanted to be alone, so she crawled in bed with me and slept in my arms all night. That is why she is here now." Gabrielle nodded, walked over, and peered down at her and Zoe. She brushed her hand across Zoe’s cheek and took Xena’s hand in hers. Cyrene came up beside her and put her arm around Gabrielle.

"Cyrene, what am I going to do? I love her so much, I don’t think I can live without her. Now that she thinks I betrayed her love, I know she will never feel the same about me."

"Gabrielle, Xena loves you with all her heart. True, she’s stubborn and sometimes blinded by her anger and rage, but as you told me once she always does the right thing in the end." Gabrielle half smiled at the memory. Cyrene continued, "Last night she admitted that she was wrong, and she knew you and Petra had done nothing wrong."

Gabrielle frowned and looked into Cyrene’s eyes, "Then if she knew, why did she insist on fighting Petra?"

Cyrene smiled sadly, "She asked me the same thing last night. She doesn’t even know why she acts the way she does sometimes. After last night, I think she has a better understanding of who she is." Gabrielle furrowed her brow in question as Cyrene said, "I’m not sure what is going on right now with Xena and Zoe, but I think she is trying to come to grips with some fears she’s been dealing with for such a long time. If she can find out the source of those fears, I believe you will finally have back the Xena whom you know and love." Gabrielle looked down into the peaceful face of her warrior and shook her head.

"Cyrene, she is so good inside if she could only see that in herself. It kills me to watch her torture herself and put herself through so much pain and sorrow. It’s as though she must make herself suffer a thousand times over for every sin she’s committed."

"She never was easy on herself, Gabrielle, nor was she ever easy on those around her. It takes a strong person to love Xena."

Gabrielle looked down and frowned, "I guess I haven’t been very strong lately."

_______________________________________________________

Zoe tugged on Xena’s hand and pulled her through the rough grass of the rolling plains. Feeling dread in the pit of her stomach Xena was reticent. Zoe assured her it was all right. "Come on Xena, Mommy needs to talk to you." Xena looked back over her shoulder and spied the three horsemen galloping towards her. She reached for her chakram only to find it was not there. She suddenly realized she had nothing; no armor, no sword, nothing. The riders bore down on them, and Xena grabbed Zoe up and ran through the tall grass. With each stride she took the horsemen came closer and closer until they passed her. One reined his horse to a stop looked back at her. He raised his bow and took aim at the child cradled in her arms. Xena swung around to protect Zoe with her body leaving her back unprotected. When nothing happened, she looked around and saw the vision of her nightmare play out before her. She let Zoe slide to the ground, and she pulled the child’s little face into her thigh so that Zoe could not see the inevitable outcome. Chloe was on a horse looking back at her as an arrow ripped through her chest, and she fell to the ground. Pain ripped through Xena’s chest as the words, "Sister." screamed in her mind. She ran crying to the place where she saw Chloe fall, but when she reached the spot there was only swirling mist. She dropped to her knees her right hand clasped to her chest.

Zoe touched Xena on the shoulder. Xena looked up into her blue eyes but saw a dark vision looking down at her. She heard Zoe’s voice, "Come on, Xena, we need to go." Xena stood up and took Zoe’s hand, and together they disappeared into the mist.

__________________________________________________________

"Gabrielle?"

"Yes, Zoe?"

"Xena needs her sword."

Gabrielle jerked awake and looked around expecting to see Zoe standing next to her. Looking down she was confused to see Zoe still lying in Xena’s arm asleep. Petra, who had arrived earlier sat across the room in a chair and silently observed her queen.

"Gabrielle, are you all right?" She inquired.

Gabrielle jumped out of her chair and turned to Petra. "Petra, where’s Cyrene. We need to get Xena dressed and get her her weapons." Petra frowned at Gabrielle’s insistence but stood and immediately sought Cyrene. A few moments later the two returned with Xena’s clothes and weapons.

Cyrene asked, "What is it Gabrielle?"

"I’m not sure but while I dozed, Zoe came to me and said Xena needed her weapons. Let’s get her dressed. Wherever she is, she must be able to protect herself and Zoe." Gabrielle picked up Zoe and handed her to Cyrene. Then she and Petra set about dressing Xena. Gabrielle carefully removed Xena’s sling and laid it aside. "I don’t know how we are going to get her arm into her shift."

Cyrene interjected, "Just raise her arms and slip it over her head."

"But Cyrene, Xena’s arm is frozen in place," Gabrielle replied.

Cyrene frowned, "It wasn’t yesterday when we slipped a shift on her after the healer relocated her shoulder."

Gabrielle looked at her in amazement, and she and Petra exchanged glances. They quickly sat Xena up and slipped her leathers over her head. Gabrielle carefully lifted Xena’s arm and slipped it through the strap of the shift. Her arm moved freely, and Gabrielle almost cried when she looked at Petra. They laced up her shift, slipped her armor over her head, laid her back down, fastened the armor, and clipped the chakram to her waist. Gabrielle slid Xena’s sword into the its scabbard and placed the sword and scabbard across her chest and down the length of her body. They then hurriedly slipped her feet into her boots and laced them up. Cyrene laid Zoe close to Xena’s left side. Remembering Thyra’s warning Gabrielle covered the pair. The three women then looked at each other.

_________________________________________________

Piercing blue eyes stared down at her. Then she heard Ares’ taunting laughter as the dark image before her transformed. The blue eyes became the dark, menacing eyes of the god of war. "Are you ready now, Xena," Ares asked, "to take your rightful place by the side of your father?" Xena frowned and curled her lips in disgust. "What are you waiting for?" Ares said, "Haven’t you felt enough pain?" With that Ares snapped his fingers and fleeting images of a large ruddy hulk of a man kicked her again and again in the gut and the face. Pain screamed throughout her body as Xena dropped to her knees clutching her stomach. Ares’ laughter surrounded her. Not yet recovered, Xena then relived the brutal rape by the same monster. A sob escaped her throat. In the next image she saw her horse flip. She somersaulted through the air and slammed to the ground as fine gravel tunneled into her flesh. Ares snapped his fingers again and Xena saw in flashes Lyceus’ death, Chloe bleeding in her arms, her pounding on Gabrielle’s chest. Then she was bombarded by every memory and agony of every injury she had experienced since walking away from Ares almost three cycles ago. She grabbed her shoulder as the Athenian spear rip through her flesh, snap her collarbone, and ground into her shoulder joint.

Xena lay on the ground in excruciating pain, but Ares wasn’t through. "Haven’t you seen enough of the destruction you wrought upon the world?" Ares asked as he waved his hand. Xena cried out as in a flash M’Lila leaped in front of her and took an arrow intended for her. The dying woman stretched out her hand to Xena. Tears steamed down Xena’s cheeks as she reached for M’Lila. Her form changed and a little, blonde girl walked through the charred streets of Cirra. Xena’s breath caught in her chest when the scene changed again and Gabrielle lay lifeless and pale on an alter, and finally the image of Zoe lay dead before her. "Haven’t you suffered enough?" Xena writhed on the ground, her eyes mad with pain and sorrow, and she dragged herself away from him trying desperately to escape the agony. Ares followed her unwilling to allow her to escape, he grabbed a handful of her hair in his fist, jerked her head back, and whispered in her ear. "Just say the word Xena, and I’ll take away all your torturous memories and pain." Ares released her with a shove. Xena rolled over onto her back and shook her head as she scramble crab-like away from him. Ares grinned at her feeble attempt to escape him and said, "Oh come on Xena, you know you want it. Don’t you miss the power you had over people? Remember how it was? They never were able to hurt you like you’ve been hurt now. Think about it Xena. Would the old Xena let a little farm girl from Poteidaia run out on her, let alone break her heart?"

Ares waved his hand and Xena found herself standing as Gabrielle appeared with Petra. Gabrielle walked up to Xena and slapped her across the face, "That’s for all the lies and everything you put me through. I know what you and Chloe did in Sinope, Xena. I hate you, Xena, and I never want to see you again. Go back to Ares, your father. He’s the only one who wants you." Gabrielle turned away, wrapped her arm around Petra’s waist and the two walked away as Petra smiled back at Xena.

Xena fell to her knees as tears tumbled down her cheeks, and she dropped her head into her hands. Zoe appeared in front of her and pulled her hands away from her face, "Don’t believe him, Xena," she pleaded. Xena looked up at Ares who stood above them, his arms crossed and a sneer on his face.

He reached for his sword saying, "I’ve had about enough of you, little brat." Xena realized his intentions and grabbed her sword in time to block his downward stroke. She leapt to her feet and stepped between Zoe and Ares. Ares laughed and said, "Xena, it’s been so long, and my how you’ve changed. Remember the days when not even a babe was safe from your blade. Now look at you protecting a worthless child."

Xena’s rage exploded to the surface and she challenged Ares with several quick thrusts attacking and pressing him forcing him away from Zoe. Ares laughed as he backed up and batted away each jab of Xena’s sword. Then he slapped away her blade with his hand as if swatting at flies. He lunged at her and slashed his sword blade across her chest. Xena looked down expecting to see her life blood pouring from a gaping wound. A deep shiny gash lay across her bronze-colored armor. Her sling was gone and she stood fully dressed and armor in place. She lifted her left hand and examined her arm. It was stiff and sore and the muscles were weak, but she could move it. She looked around. Ares was gone. She slid her sword into its sheath. Zoe stood next to her and Xena slipped her left hand into Zoe’s as Chloe appeared in front of them.

Chapter 40

The four sat silently and motionlessly as the quiet vigil stretched into the late hours of the night. Resting her elbows on the bed, Gabrielle clasped Xena’s right hand between hers and sat with her face resting against her fist and Xena’s fingers. Her eyes transfixed on Xena’s face searching for the tiniest of movement. There had been nothing since she arrived. Toris, Cyrene, and Petra when not watching Xena or Zoe, watched Gabrielle. An almost imperceptible, collective gasp escaped the attendants in the room when Xena’s left hand inched out and grasped Zoe’s hand. Petra stood and came around the bed to Gabrielle and kneeled on the floor by her, "My Queen, why don’t we leave you with Xena and perhaps you can talk to her. Maybe she will hear your voice and find her way to you."

Gabrielle looked up at Cyrene and over at Toris, as they both stood, "We’ll leave you with her for a while, Gabrielle," Cyrene said, "Petra is right, maybe you can reach her." Cyrene came over, stood by Xena’s head, leaned down and kissed her daughter and then squeezed Gabrielle’s shoulder. Glancing momentarily at Petra she left with Toris.

"I’ll wait outside the door. If you need anything just let me know," Petra said as she stood. She then dragged a chair out into the hall and posted herself there.

When everyone had left, Gabrielle looked sadly down at Xena and then over at Zoe. She moved closer to Xena’s ear and spoke softly, "Xena, I have always loved you, and I will always love you. Please, my love, find your way home to me; I miss you. I am so sorry over what happened. I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me. I didn’t betray you, and I will never betray you. If you send me away, I will never give my heart to another. You are the only one. You are the only one who has ever owned my heart." Gabrielle paused and wiped at a tear that trickled down her cheek. She furrowed her brow and in a soft voice she continued, "Xena, I loved Perdicus, but I was not in love with him. I never would have married him had I known that you loved me as I loved you. On our wedding night I closed my eyes and pretended it was you who touched me. That was the only way I could get through it. That night I made love to you in my mind not to him."

___________________________________________________

Chloe took Xena’s hand and the mist swirled up and engulfed them. Xena found herself in the middle of the soft rolling clover field of her youth. Zoe sat in her lap, and Chloe sat next to her smiling up at her. "What is it that you fear, Xe?" Chloe asked. Xena glanced at Chloe and then looked around expecting to be assaulted by some horrible apparition from her past. There was nothing but green fields, blue skies and the blue-eyed child of her heart and of her blood. "Xena, it’s all right nothing can hurt you here; I won’t let it," Chloe explained.

Xena looked deeply into the dark, dancing gray eyes of the woman she had known so well. Chloe had been so much, a sister, a friend, a confidant and a lover. Xena spoke with turmoil in her voice, "I no longer know what is real and what is not real, Chloe. I can’t control my actions; I’m afraid. I’m afraid of myself. I don’t know what to do anymore, Chloe. I no longer know who I am or where I am going." Xena’s eyes were filled with confused emotion.

"Xe, it’s all right. This is not your fault," Chloe said softly.

Xena frowned and looked at her curiously, "How can you say that, Chloe? I drove Gabrielle away. I tried to kill Petra." Xena looked down at the child sitting in her lap. "I hurt Zoe. I can’t drive the demons from my dreams. I fear I’m slipping, falling, and when I stop falling, I’m afraid I’ll have lost my mind."

"Xena, if you would look into your heart, you would know the reasons for your confusion. What is it you fear more than anything, Xena?" Xena’s eyes clouded over and she furrowed her brow. Chloe persisted, "What is the one thing you cannot even voice for fear of saying it?" Xena looked away from Chloe and then down, unable to answer her. "Xe, saying things does not make them so." Xena looked back into her eyes.

"I don’t know Chloe. There are so many things I fear. It seems everything I fear comes to pass." Xena saw an image of Gabrielle and Petra sitting on a horse in her mind and paused briefly before continuing. "Once I thought it was losing the voices and not being able to hear you and Lyceus." Xena frowned, "Then I saw the future, and I didn’t want the voices and the visions." Xena looked down at Zoe sitting in her lap and gently brushed the top of her head with her lips and still looking at the child, she continued, "Then I thought it was the fear of losing you, but I lost you, and now I don’t know."

Chloe smiled into Xena’s eyes. "Xena, you will never lose me. We are bound for eternity; we are one, Xe." Xena furrowed her brow and looked at Chloe strangely. "I’ll always be with you, Xe, forever; can’t you feel me, Xe?" Xena gave her a crooked grin and shook her head. Chloe smiled sadly for her and then said, "You spoke with Cyrene, Xena. You know the truth." Xena furrowed her brow and wished Chloe would drop that subject. "Why Xena?" Xena looked at her curiously. "Why do you block out Cyrene’s confession?"

Xena looked away, and closed her eyes against the tears that threatened. She was silent for a moment gathering her courage to speak through the emotion that sat in her chest. Finally she swallowed and said, "I’m afraid of what I’ll become once I admit the truth, Chloe. I’m afraid I’ll lose myself in that side of me."

Chloe touched Xena’s arm. "Xena, look at me. Remember Lyceus? Look in your lap." Xena looked into Chloe’s eyes and saw little dark diamonds dancing against a slate of gray; she then looked down into the eyes of Zoe who sat in her lap staring up at her. "Now remember Lyceus, Xe. Do you see anything evil?" Xena wrinkled her brow at the question."

"No," Xena replied.

"Xe, when you look at the three of us, you are looking at yourself. We are all one, Xena."

Xena’s eye brow shot up, and Chloe smiled at her reaction. "I don’t understand, Chloe," Xena said.

"Cyrene told you of our father, Xe. Zoe is our child, Xe. We are one, can’t you understand that?" Xena shook her head doubtfully. "Xena, sometimes our fears blind us to the truth. Your fear has blinded you since you were a young child, and you have fought it for so long it has become the only battle in your heart. You can see nothing else."

"I don’t know what you mean, Chloe."

"Chloe shook her head slightly and looked down with a smile on her lips and then she glanced up and pinned Xena with her eyes, "You know, Xena, you are frozen with fear. It’s like the moment you looked into Petra’s face when she was struck down by the arrow. You were frozen then with fear. You’re just afraid, and your fear is destroying you and everything you love. If you can’t face it, Xena, soon everything you know and love will be gone. Everything but your fear." Xena frowned, and Chloe sighed and finally asked, "Xena, who do you think our father is."

At that question Xena felt as if she’d been kicked in the gut, and she landed in a raging river of emotion. Her mind was inundated with the images as she was swept away in a flood of visions. She flailed against the current as her body and mind were pummeled by jagged memories that bruised and battered her soul as she was being sucked into a whirlpool that pulled her under. Gasping for air as the vision finally released her she found herself in Chloe’s arms. She looked up into her face as tears tumbled down her cheeks and she whispered, "Ares."

______________________________________________________

Gabrielle sat on the bed next to Xena with her back leaned against the headboard. She caressed Xena’s forehead and continued to talk to her. She told her of all her dreams, her feelings, and how much she needed her. As she looked into Xena’s face, she saw a tear glide down Xena’s cheek. With her fingers, she gently wiped the tear away and hoped that somewhere somehow Xena knew how much she really loved her.

Gabrielle scooted down in bed next to Xena and laid on her side examining the noble profile of the woman she loved more than life. She gently laid her hand on Xena’s shoulder and whispered, "I am going to tell you a story, my love...a story about a warrior and her bard." Gabrielle paused and smiled at the memory of Xena in Poteidaia and then she began to speak softly, "There was once a warrior and a bard, and most thought the two made an odd pair. Having found each other, they traveled everywhere together and in their long travels and over time, they found that they loved one another. In their love they discovered a happiness that had been missing from both their lives. They had no home, but slept each night under the stars in each other’s arms warmed by the love they shared. They had little money and few possessions, but what they had they shared. Through their sharing they never missed what they lacked. The bard was young and inexperienced in the ways of the world. But she was spirited and loved life for all the adventures it offered. She was just a farm girl who saw the good in everything when there was very little good to see and who only wished for a better life. She was blonde and slight of build and fair of skin and had blue eyes that came alive when she shared her gift. Her gift was the gift of tales. She could captivate an audience with her silver tongue. Stories became her life and she made them come alive for those who took the time to listen. The stories had rescued her from her pitiful existence and kept her alive until she found her warrior. All who listened to her stories thought she held the secret of happiness in her heart. But the only happiness the bard held in her heart was her warrior. The warrior was tall, a beautiful woman with raven hair that blew wild and untamed in the wind. Her eyes were like deep ocean water. They were so blue the sky was envious and the gods wept at their beauty, and mortals became lost in their depths. The warrior was strong and quiet, contemplative and pensive. Her quiet strength was her weapon, and her sword was her life. Her sword and her strength had rescued her from her sad existence and kept her alive until she found her bard. All who looked upon her believed she was a goddess. Her perfection was so complete. However, the warrior held a deep, dark secret, and that secret ate at her soul until one day she could tolerate it no longer. The warrior left in an attempt to escape the anguish within. And the bard who had loved the gift of gab stopped telling her stories, and her eyes became dull. Her spirit like a candle melted away to nothingness. Her joy died in the emptiness she felt, and she wasted away like Echo for her Narcissus leaving not even her voice behind."

Gabrielle wiped at a tear that trickled down her cheek.

__________________________________________________

The swirling mist thickened around them and swallowed the three. Xena found herself standing in a cool, dark temple, and she spun around searching for Zoe and Chloe who only moments before sat with her in soft green fields of clover. She was alone. Fear clutched her heart. Fear at having voiced her darkest secret, it would come to pass. Her eyes fell upon an a simple altar of rough hewn stone. Xena walked to the altar and ran her finger tips along the cool surface and studied the symbol engraved there. Half expecting it to be a temple of Ares, she was relieved to see the crescent moon. From a dark corner a shimmer of iridescent colors appeared and transformed before her eyes. Artemis stood before her.

Xena bowed her head in deference to her patron goddess, "Artemis, I apologize, I have no offering."

Artemis smiled and said, "You’ve given enough, my daughter." Xena looked up curiously.

Artemis walked around the altar and stood before Xena. With a wave of her hand they were transported to a beautiful glade. Taking Xena’s hand in hers she smiled into Xena’s blue eyes and lead her to the clear spring fed pool. "There that’s better, don’t you think, my warrior? Let’s sit here." The tall warrior sat by the pool next to the petite goddess, and looked around unsure of what to expect. "What is it Xena?" Artemis asked.

Xena shook her head, "It’s nothing, Artemis." And remembering the goddess of the hunt’s earlier comment she inquired, "Artemis, what did you mean when you said I had given enough?"

Artemis looked down briefly and then back up into Xena’s eyes. "Xena you have suffered enough for my sake and for the sake of my people and my Queen. You need never make an offering to me again. I fear, my child, much of what has befallen you is my doings, and I have come to try and help you."

Xena frowned in her confusion, "I don’t understand, Artemis."

"Xena your destiny was to die in that battle with the Athenians for the sake of my Amazons and their Queen." Xena’s eyebrow shot up. "I am sorry, Xena, that you had to suffer for my intervention." Artemis looked down remembering it was not just she who had implored the Fates. She then looked up into Xena’s eyes, and Xena was shocked to see a shadow of a tear on Artemis’ cheek.

Trying to assuage Artemis’ guilt Xena said, "Had you not intervened, I would be in Tartarus right now, Artemis. Perhaps you should not be apologizing, but I should be thanking you." Artemis shook her head.

"Xena, I intervened for selfish reasons." She looked away. "Without you, Gabrielle would have withered away. She would never have taken her place as the Queen of my Amazons. Their destiny would have been sealed, and they would have been destroyed."

"What do you mean Gabrielle would have withered away?" Xena asked.

"Xena, you are her anchor and her lifeboat, just as she is your light house in the dark night. She lights your way and is your safe harbor, but you are her strong ship that keeps her safe." Artemis peered deeply into the taller woman’s eyes. "She would have taken your child and gone back to Amphipolis to live out her days taking care of Zoe only until the child needed her no longer. Then Gabrielle would have laid down and died from a broken heart." A look of anguish mixed with sorrow and horror played across Xena’s face.

"Artemis, I love Gabrielle; all the pain I went through will be worth it if I can get back to her." Artemis nodded. Xena touched her arm, "I must get back to her, but I don’t know how."

"Xena, I am not the only one at work here in your destiny. The Fates warned me there would be a price. At first the price was your memory and the use of your arm." Xena looked down at the arm she unconsciously favored in the crook of her right elbow." Artemis frowned at the memory of her most recent encounter with the three Fates. "Let’s just say I renegotiated your destiny." Xena looked up confused. "I intervened again hoping this time the price enacted would be more tolerable."

"What is the price, Artemis?" A sudden horrible thought crossed Xena’s mind and her face reflected the anguish in her heart. "Is it Gabrielle? Am I destined to never be with Gabrielle again?"

"The Fates have not revealed this to me, Xena. I do not know what the price is yet, but I am sure that it has something to do with the events that have occurred since your memory returned." Shifting her attention to Xena’s injured arm. "I thought perhaps the sacrifice would be only your arm." Xena looked down at her injured arm and moved it showing Artemis it was indeed getting better. Artemis frowned. "I have no idea what the price is, my daughter. I am sorry." Their conversation was interrupted by a trio of voices.

"As arrogant as ever, Artemis?" Looking into the clear pool, the two observed the wavering images of the three Fates. Artemis snorted at their comment.

Clotho spoke in an emotionless bored voice, "One cannot pretend to predict what the Fates have decreed, not even the gods, Artemis."

Lachesis added, "Xena’s fate will be revealed in due time, Artemis, and not even you can change that."

Artemis felt the anger inside her rise, and she spoke without regard for the consequences. "The wonderful Fates have spoken, Xena. Although in all their arrogant superiority, they never interfere with the lives of mortals, or so they claim. I do recall one incident in which a warrior was offered a different path...a path more unbearable than the original. Yet they claim indifference. Yes, they are indifferent...like a fat, lazy cat whose master keeps it well fed. It will still sit with its heavy paw on the tail of a hapless mouse. The cat is indifferent to the mouse as food, but it still teases and plays and even kills with no intentions of consuming its prey." Turning to Xena she asked, "Do you suppose the cat enjoys killing the mouse, or do you think it just likes to watch it squirm?" Xena raised an eyebrow at the audacity of the feisty goddess before her tempting the Fates.

Clotho and Lachesis looked at Atropos, "We do not care for your insinuation, Artemis." Atropos spoke blandly.

Artemis reached over her shoulder and withdrew an arrow from its quiver and closely examined its fletching. Xena smiled at the bored Hades-may-care attitude the goddess exuded. Running her thumb along the feather attached to the shaft, Artemis spoke in a voice imitating Atropos, "You know, that’s the funny thing about the truth; it’s like a double edged sword. It cuts cleanly both ways, but it still hurts." Artemis raised her eyebrows and slapped the shaft of the arrow into the palm of her hand. Then she gazed into the still pool at the image of the three women.

The three were silent and finally Clotho spoke, "What would you have us do Artemis?"

Artemis snapped the shaft of the arrow between her fingers and threw it away from her as she spoke passionately, "Why is everything a guessing game with you three? Don’t you think Xena and the people who love her have suffered enough?" Xena looked at Artemis as though looking at her for the first time. "At least tell her something," Artemis demanded. The Fates looked at each other, and Artemis thought she detected a slight nervousness among them. She rolled her eyes impatient with the lack of action.

Lachesis shifted her gaze to Xena who sat there mutely listening to the interchange, "But for the intervention of three, you were fated to die on an Athenian spear." Xena frowned and wondered who the other two were.

Atropos continued, "A hand’s breadth you were granted."

"The price was your arm for your life," Clotho added indifferently. The three Fates expecting Artemis’ question directed their attention to her.

Artemis frowned and she exclaimed, "Is that it? Is that all? What of her memory? She is a warrior! What of that which you took away?"

"The Fates did not take Xena’s memory or her desire to be a warrior, Artemis. That was Xena’s choice," Lachesis interjected. Xena stared into the pool with a look of confusion on her face. Artemis threw her a sidelong glance.

Atropos added, "Xena gladly gave up being a warrior, Artemis. It was you who could not live with that."

Turning to Xena, Clotho continued, "You chose not to remember, Xena, and you were quite happy. Yes, happy in the knowledge that your brother was dead, Chloe was dead, and even Cyrene. You erased everyone and everything connected with you before Cortese. You accepted the fact that your arm was useless. You were happy just being alive and being with Gabrielle. Artemis insisted on playing with your destiny one more time." Artemis looked away, knowing Clotho spoke the truth.

Lachesis looked into Xena’s confused eyes, "The price is simple, Xena. You must face that memory which was so horrible you would choose to erase your mother’s existence rather than face it." Xena heard the god of war laughing in her head as the images in the pool faded before her.

Chapter 41

Gabrielle wiped at her tears as she lay next to Xena, her story finished for the moment. She closed her eyes and prayed silently to Artemis. When she opened her eyes, she stared into the beautiful blue eyes of Zoe. Scrambling over Xena, Zoe climbed into Gabrielle’s arms, and the two lay there next to the silent warrior hugging. Gabrielle could not stop her tears as she kissed and hugged the tiny child. "Oh, Zoe, are you all right?" She felt the little girls nod her head, and she looked down at her. "Zoe where is Xena?"

"I don’t know, Gabrielle. I lost her." Gabrielle felt a stabbing pain of fear in her guts.

"What happened, Zoe?"

"We were together, Xena, Mommy and me. Mommy was helping Xena find her way. Everything was all right and then the mist took Xena away. Mommy sent me back here to stay with you."

"Were you with Xena and Chloe all this time?"

"No, Gabrielle, I was with Xena and then Mommy joined us."

"What was Xena doing all this time, Zoe?"

Zoe looked over her shoulder at Xena, reached out her little hand, and placed it on Xena’s face for a moment. She then rolled back over into Gabrielle’s arms and buried her head under Gabrielle’s chin. Gabrielle frowned at Zoe’s apparent reluctance to speak. Finally Zoe answered her. "She’s been confronting her nightmares, and fighting Ares."

Gabrielle remembered her dream and said, "Is that why you came to me for Xena’s weapons?"

Zoe nodded. "You saved her life, Gabrielle."

Gabrielle frowned. ‘They were only dreams. How could she have saved Xena’s life?’ "What do you mean, Zoe?" she asked

"Ares tried to kill me, but Xena stopped him. He slashed her across the chest with his sword. You put the armor on her. Without it she would have died." Gabrielle frowned in disbelief, and Zoe pulled out of her arms and sat up. Looking down at Gabrielle, Zoe spoke, "I’ll show you." Zoe rolled over on her knees and pulled the blanket from Xena’s chest. Gabrielle sat up on her elbow and peered down at the warrior. A deep and bright new slash lay across the bronze-colored armor.

_____________________________________________________

Xena sat in stunned silence as Artemis asked her for the second time, "Xena, answer me. What is it that you must remember and face?" Artemis was incredulous that the Fates would exact such a simple payment. "Xena, you merely have to face a memory...evidently something you fear, but everything will be all right."

Xena narrowed her eyes and peered at Artemis through angry tear filled eyes. "What do you know, Artemis? It’s easy for you to play with my fate knowing full well that I will pay the consequences not you. It’s easy for you to sit there and tell me to just face the fears and remember." Xena furrowed her brow and angry tears cascaded down her cheeks, "Maybe I would rather have spent eternity in Tartarus than deal with this. You could have asked; did that ever occur to you? It is my life, Artemis!"

Artemis looked away and spoke softly, "I’m sorry, Xena." With that she stood and when Xena looked up, she was standing in the temple with Artemis. Chloe leaned against the altar a sad smile graced her face as she gazed at Xena. Surprised to see Chloe, Xena’s eyes quickly searched the room.

"I sent Zoe back to Gabrielle; she is safe." At those words Xena relaxed. Artemis sighed and walked slowly around the stone edifice. She ran her finger tips across the stones of the wall looking occasionally at the warrior. Then she glanced at Chloe curiously. Chloe continued to speak, "Xena, Ares is not our father. He is not your father." Xena frowned and looked down shaking her head. Artemis stopped her circuit and stared at the two before her; everything was beginning to make sense. Chloe asked, "Xena, remember what Cyrene told you about our father?" Scowling, Xena looked up at her and Chloe said, "Lyceus and you and I all have the same father." Chloe turned to Artemis, "Artemis, who killed our Lyceus that day on the field of battle?"

Artemis raised her eyebrows and looked from Chloe to Xena, "Ares killed him." Artemis walked closer to Xena and looked into her eyes. "Xena, I told you that three cycles ago when we stood in that dark forest of death. Don’t you remember?" Xena backed up and leaned against the wall and squeezed her eyes shut.

Chloe looked seriously at Xena and wrinkled her brow, "Xena, even Ares would not slay his own son. Lyceus was not his son, and you are not his daughter."

Xena stood against the wall as tears cascaded down her face. She shook her head.

"How can I be sure?" she pleaded, "How do I know what you’re saying is true? Why am I so like Ares if he is not my father?" Chloe stepped towards Xena as Artemis leaned against the altar staring curiously at the Warrior Princess.

Chloe continued, "Listen to me, Xe. You have to stop torturing yourself. You are not like Ares."

Xena, her face tormented and pained, looked at Chloe as tears welled up in her eyes and she said, "You don’t know what I’ve done, Chloe. You weren’t there with me for those ten years. You didn’t see the death and destruction I handed out in the name of Ares and for my own glory." Chloe moved to take Xena into her arms, but Xena turned away.

Chloe stepped back at Xena’s reaction and spoke as if soothing a frightened yet dangerous animal, "Xe, I was there." Xena swung her head back around and frowning pinned Chloe with her piercing, blue eyes. Chloe continued seriously, "I told you I was always with you, Xe. Just because you couldn’t feel me or see me doesn’t mean I wasn’t with you. I was there when you hung on that cross. I saw M’Lila sacrificed herself for you." Xena cringed at the memory, "I watched as you brought Corinth to her knees at the point of your sword." Chloe enveloped Xena in her arms and whispered into her neck, "I was with you when Cirra burned. I was there when Hercules intervened in your destiny. I was there, Xe, when you ran the gauntlet. That night in the forest I watched as you pressed your sword to your own heart." Xena wept uncontrollably in Chloe’s arms. "I saw the dead infants, Xena, and the dead children and the dead women." Artemis looked down and brushed away a tear from her own cheek. Chloe pulled away and looked into Xena’s eyes, "And I was there when you saved a young woman from slavers in Poteidaia, Xe. I have always been by your side and in your heart." Chloe slipped her arms around Xena and held her.

Artemis stepped forward and touched Xena. The warrior looked at her through anguished eyes. The goddess of the hunt said, "Xena, those actions were the actions of Ares. He owned your soul. You did those things because he made you."

Xena lamented, "I should have been stronger; I should have fought the urges."

Artemis smiled sadly, "Xena, can the tides ignore the moon’s influence?" Xena frowned at her. "Xena, he seduced you; he was the moon, and you were the tides, powerless under his influence. Mortals cannot fight the will of the gods."

With furrowed brow, Xena questioned, "Then how did I escape from his power these last three years?"

"You are favored by the gods, Xena. Many grew tired of watching Ares have his way with one of our own." Xena’s eyes narrowed. "The gods intervened."

The conversation was disrupted by a whirlwind of motion. Xena instinctively stepped between Chloe and the unknown menace that threatened them as she deftly drew her sword and stood in a defensive stance. Hades appeared before them. The helm of invisibility he held tucked under his arm.

Artemis swung around and snared him with her narrowed eyes. "What took you so long?" she demanded, "This is your fault, and you promised you would be here." Xena frowned and let her sword drop to her side.

He answered Artemis but looked beyond her at Xena, "I am the Lord of the Underworld, you know. It’s difficult to get away sometimes." He then brushed Artemis aside handed her the helm and stepped forward. He spoke into Xena’s eyes, "You don’t need that sword, my daughter." Xena’s opened her mouth but no words came out. Hades continued to speak, "Xena, Ares is not your father; I am. I regret not intervening sooner, but we gods have trouble keeping track of mortal time." Turning to Artemis, "Isn’t that right, Artemis?" She rolled her eyes but nodded. Swinging around to Xena and Chloe, Hades flashed them his radiant smile. For the briefest moment, Xena saw Zoe in his face.

"I am sorry you suffered," Hades said, "but suffering is a part of atonement, Xena." The warrior frowned and looked down in a desperate attempt to digest Hades’ words. The lord of the underworld continued, "Xena, I should have come to you sooner. I regret that, but I have never regretted visiting Amphipolis nor the results of those visits. You must accept who you are and conquer your fears. You must turn away from Ares. He is no longer an excuse you can use for your actions and bad temper." Her eyes still downcast, Xena leaned weakly against the cool stone wall. Hades moved and stood in front of his warrior daughter. He towered over her in his dark leather clothing and flowing cape. Xena felt his shadow fall upon her. The memory of a dark image flitted through her mind as he gently lifted her chin. He held her face in his hand and she gazed into his piercing, blue eyes. "Xena, you do not have to forgive me for what I did, but you must forgive yourself. That night I lost myself with a beautiful, young woman in Amphipolis. When I realized what I had done, I knew I would not be able to be there for you. I gave you Chloe and Lyceus. I thought together you would grow up happy." A tear trickled from the corner of Xena’s eye, and Hades gently brushed it away. Hades said, "Ares destroyed my plans for his own selfish reasons. Your fighting abilities attracted his attention. He knew he could not win you over unless he destroyed your reasons for living. Xena, he killed Lyceus and arranged for Chloe to be sold into slavery far to the east." Tears flowed freely from the eyes that looked up at him. "I did not know of Ares’ plan until much later. By then it was too late. I could not sit by and let you destroy yourself. I would not let him send my child to Tartarus for all eternity." Hades pulled her into his embrace. In his strong arms, Xena found the peace she had never known but had always desired.

Chapter 42

"Gabrielle, I’m going to go see Petra and Cyrene," Zoe said as she climbed out of bed and padded across the floor to the door. Gabrielle watched her as the little girl stretched up with both hands and turned the handle. As she stepped through the opened door, Zoe looked over her shoulder and smiled sweetly back at Gabrielle and then she closed the door.

Petra, who had been lightly dozing in the chair by the door, sat up and looked in the direction of the opening door as Zoe stepped into the hall. Zoe climbed into her lap and immediately wrapped her arms around the big warrior’s neck. Petra squeezed her eyes shut at the emotions that lurked too near the surface. Then she hugged the child into her.

Finally Petra spoke, "Little warrior, I missed you. Are you all right?"

Zoe pulled back and looked up at Petra with her blue eyes and graced her with the gift of her radiant smile. Petra had the strange feeling that she was holding a miniature Xena in her lap. "I’m all right, Petra. I missed you too." She then gently laid her little hand on Petra chest covering the old wound. "Does it still hurt?" she asked.

Petra shook her head, and Zoe raised her left eyebrow. Petra grinned at her and admitted, "Well, maybe a little."

"Petra, Xena was sad that she fought you," Zoe said, "She knows she was wrong."

"It’s all right, little one," Petra said, "we all do things we regret later." Zoe laid back into Petra’s chest and absently fingered a long, black braid that hung there.

"Is Xena back yet, Zoe?" Petra asked.

"No," Zoe replied quietly.

Worried, Petra frowned thinking about the sword fight the day before she asked, "Zoe, is Xena all right?"

Staring at the braid between her fingers, Zoe wrinkled her little brow. "I don’t know, Petra. I don’t know where she is right now." Zoe let the braid slip between her fingers and sat up looking into Petra’s eyes. "When you and Xena fought each other, she could have killed you." Petra frowned. "When you charged her, you left your chest and stomach open. She let you kick her in the shoulder, Petra." Petra relived the moment in her mind and knew Zoe spoke the truth.

"Why did she let me kick her, Zoe?"

"She loves you, Petra, you are her friend," the child said, "Her only choice would have been to run you through with the sword. She couldn’t do that, so she let the sword drop."

Petra swallowed, fighting the emotion that sat in her throat and she asked, "Did I injure her shoulder worse?"

Zoe said, "It was very painful and hurt Xena." Petra furrowed her brow fighting tears. Zoe continued, "Because of that kick, the healer was able to put her shoulder back into place better. She can use her arm now."

____________________________________________________

Gabrielle floated in dream filled sleep. She saw chaotic images drift by her. Her sleep was flooded with memories -- voices and images that rushed by her and dragged her along. The dream catapulted her forward and she tumbled into a placid lake of past visions. Slavers tromped through Poteidaia...burning houses...young women were torn from the arms of their loved ones...crying faces...Lila viciously ripped from her embrace... rough hands molested her...a cold voice laugh down at her...fear crushed her heart and despair gripped her...a tall, dark stranger jumped in the midst of the fray...long, raven hair and blue eyes, leather and sword, chakram and whip. The dream changed and drifted into another. Gabrielle saw Xena paralyzed by a dart...her heart stopped...Gabrielle dressed in Xena’s leathers...beat a tree with her staff...tears...emptiness and sorrow filled her soul. Voices echoed around her, "The dead can hear your thoughts."...pain...poison tipped arrow...the child...a raging battle...floating, drifting away...beautiful fields warmed with golden sun...bright, blue skies beckon to her. The peace shattered. The frantic voice of her warrior called her back, "Gabrielle, don’t leave me!" She opened her eyes and looked up into the tear filled eyes of the woman with whom she was in love. Another scene played out before her eyes...a scream escaped her lips too late...the vehicle of Xena’s death... a giant log swung from the branches... "That’s what I Lo...like about you, Gabrielle" ... flinging the warrior into a tree...fear and dread clutched her in its grip as she cradled Xena’s limp and bloodied head in her hands and peered into the warrior’s unfocused eyes..., she knew she had waited too late to tell her how she felt...abysmal sorrow. Soft lips caressed hers...defying death...ambrosia...Autolycus..."I know Gabrielle"...Xena’s bruised and injured face and battered body..."Gabrielle, I pray this never happens to you"...Chloe looked up onto her eyes..."Take care of them for me." Xena wept...and turned and walked away...a small dark-haired child...a golden horse... endless plains...blue eyes cold and distant...a bloody lip...death and decay...disease..."I can’t get this disease, Gabrielle, I already had it"...fever and pain...a cave in Thrace ... Xena’s bloodied form unconscious in Eponin’s arms...pale as death...her shoulder ruined... Xena and Chloe turned and waved... "Where is she?" Angry eyes...Gabrielle felt powerful fingers around her throat..."Xena, don’t." Frustration and anger...a kicked toy...Zoe’s bruised face...and looking down on the warrior...arm in a sling...a blue-eyed doll...she died inside at the hurt she observed in Xena’s ocean-blue eyes as the warrior turned and walked away. Clanging metal. Blade crashing into blade. The violent sword battle. Xena lay crumpled in the dust...The visions changed and Gabrielle stood in front of her quarters when the magnificent woman warrior, tall and beautiful with raven hair and sapphire eyes came galloping up on a golden horse. She stared strangely up at the woman and thought, ‘This must be a goddess for no mortal could be that beautiful, and that steed must be one of Apollo's because no mortal horse could be the color of Helios.’ And the horse danced and pranced in front of her. It pawed the earth and snorted fire. Then the mounted goddess spoke. Her voice like silk enveloped Gabrielle. Her words like honey. And she said "Gabrielle." And Gabrielle thought her legs would buckle beneath her at the way she spoke her name. In one graceful motion the warrior swung down from the horse and stood before the bard. She swept her up in her powerful arms, captured her lips with her hungry mouth, and kissed her.

Gabrielle awoke, and her breathing caught in her chest as she peered into Xena’s eyes. Xena reached out and gently caressed Gabrielle’s face, "Gabrielle, is it really you?" she asked.

"Yes, Xena it’s me."

Gabrielle touched Xena’s face unsure that the warrior before her was real. She feared this was just a part of her dream. The two peered into each other’s eyes for several sweet moments. Then Xena smiled, tossed the covers aside, rolled out of bed, and laid her sword and chakram on the floor. Gabrielle pushed herself up in bed and watched curiously as Xena strode across the room to the door and threw the latch. Xena turned and grinned at Gabrielle’s expression as her intentions dawned on the bard. Gabrielle smiled shyly and rose, and the two met half way and embraced. Pulling back from the bard, Xena looked down into Gabrielle’s eyes. She leaned down and pressed her lips to Gabrielle’s in a gentle yet passionately long kiss. Xena then slipped her hand in Gabrielle’s, moved to the chair by the bed, and sat down.

Xena looked up, raised an eyebrow, and asked with a grin, "Well, aren’t you going to help me with my armor?" Gabrielle smiled as joy crept into her heart. She unbuckled the armor and then moved to the other side. Gabrielle frowned and ran her hand along Xena’s left arm. Xena grinned, and much to Gabrielle’s delight, moved her arm for her. The bard then focused her attention on finishing her task. She gently pulled the armor over Xena’s head and turned to lay it aside when she noticed the deep shiny groove across the chest plate. She turned back and sat on the bed. The armor rested in her shaky hands.

Xena looked at her questioningly. "What is it Gabrielle?" she asked.

Gabrielle looked up with tears in her eyes, showed Xena the armor and asked quietly, "How did this happen, Xena?"

Xena leaned forward in her chair, took the armor from Gabrielle’s hands and laid it aside. "It’s all right; it’s over now, Gab," Xena said softly.

"Xena, Zoe told me you had to fight Ares. Did he do that?" Gabrielle said as she nodded at the armor.

Xena smiled her crooked smile and captured Gabrielle’s hands in hers. "Yes, Ares slashed at me with his sword," she said, "but as you can see, the armor saved me. Did you put the armor on me?"

Gabrielle nodded, "Zoe came to me as I dozed by your bed and told me you needed your weapons. Petra helped me. We dressed you, put your armor on, and placed the sword in your hand."

Xena looked down for a moment, furrowed her brow then she raised her head and spoke. "You saved Zoe’s and my life by doing that." She paused. "Gabrielle, is Petra all right?" Gabrielle nodded and looked away as tears welled up in her eyes. Xena dropped to the floor and placed her hands on Gabrielle’s thighs. Her finger touched the scar where twelve stitches had recently been removed. Xena ran her fingertip along the straight line bordered with tiny puncture holes. She closed her eyes at the memory of the pain she had inflicted on her Gabrielle. Then she looked up onto her bard’s eyes and implored, "Gabrielle, please forgive me for what I did. I was wrong. I knew you and Petra were innocent of my accusations. I was blinded by my anger and my fears. It had nothing to do with either of you." Xena paused, sighed and then said, "I don’t imagine Petra will ever forgive me, but I hope you can find it in your heart to do so. I couldn’t go on knowing that you hated me."

Gabrielle wiped her tears, "Xena, I could never hate you. I love you more than life itself. It broke my heart to think you believed that I would ever betray you." Gabrielle looked down and then she looked into Xena’s eyes and spoke passionately, "I have loved you since the first time I saw you. In my heart, I have never loved anyone else. I have never betrayed you." Gabrielle stared deeply into Xena’s eyes. Xena opened her arms as Gabrielle slipped from the bed into her embrace, and the two melted into one.

After several moments, Xena spoke softly into Gabrielle’s hair, "Gab, I have so much to tell you, but most of it can wait until tomorrow; just know that Helio’s mistress is well." Gabrielle pulled away and searched Xena’s eyes. Xena smiled, nodded, and whispered, "Probably for the first time in my life, Gab."

____________________________________________________

The full moon shone through the bedroom window and illuminated the lovers who lay in each other’s arms. Gabrielle smiled as she remembered the last time she felt Xena’s embrace in tender, passionate love making. It was her other Xena who had held her and made sweet, tender love to her. Her beautiful and gentle, youthful Xena who was passionate yet shy who with one arm tried desperately to unite them in body and spirit. It had been sweet and awkward. First time lovers, inexperienced youths desperately struggling to communicate the depth of their feelings and desires yet not knowing how. Strangers to each other’s bodies and each other’s touch.

Xena looked down into the bard’s smiling eyes and inquired, "What are you thinking about, my sweet bard?"

Gabrielle rolled over in Xena’s arms pushing her warrior onto her back and looked down into the blue eyes she knew and loved so well. "I was thinking about how glad I am that you’ve come home to me." She paused and wrinkled her brow somberly. "It was so lonely without you, Xena. Please don’t ever leave me again like that."

Xena reached up with her left hand and brushed Gabrielle’s hair from her face and promised, "I won’t, my love." Catching Xena’s hand in hers, Gabrielle held it against her face and then placed soft kisses in her palm. She directed her attention to the dark and jagged scar that marred the soft, marble skin of Xena’s chest and shoulder. She gently ran her finger tips along it and then bent forward and placed soft feather kisses along its length. Xena felt a warm wetness as Gabrielle laid her cheek on Xena’s chest, and she spoke, "Please don’t cry, Gab. I am fine. Everything will be all right, my gentle bard. You do believe me, don’t you?"

Gabrielle tightened her hold on her love and replied through her tears, "I believe you, Xena. It’s just the memories...the memory of seeing you hurt so badly and thinking you were going to die. When I close my eyes, I am haunted by the vision of your bloodied, unconscious body limp in Eponin’s arms. My dreams are still filled with the horrors of Sinope and now this. I’m afraid to close my eyes. I’m afraid I’ll awake, and this will have been a cruel dream, and you’ll be dead like Chloe." Gabrielle gasped and tears fell as she sobbed in Xena’s arms. Xena held her and comforted her with assuring words, soft caresses, and tiny kisses. She then rolled her bard onto her back. Holding her in the crook of her left arm, she kissed her lips communicating her love and her need. Then she helped Gabrielle discover that they were both alive. As they reunited and let the essence of their souls touch and intermingle they became lost in their passion and in the depth of their love for each other. As they became one again, the fear dissolved, and Gabrielle knew her Xena was home in her heart where she belonged. They drifted off to sleep, pleasantly exhausted, wrapped in love’s embrace, both were filled with warm, peaceful contentment. Soft smiles tugged at the corners of their lips.

_________________________________________________

The moon had set. The room was shrouded in velvet darkness when Xena awoke with a smile and quietly disentangled herself from Gabrielle’s arms and legs. She climbed out of bed and brushed her lips across her bard’s temple. She pulled her shift over her head as she treaded softly to the door. In the hall she found Zoe asleep in Petra’s lap. She reached down and squeezed Petra’s leg. Petra’s eye fluttered open, and she looked up in amazement as Xena took Zoe from her arms and spoke to her, "Go to bed, warrior." Petra gave her a grin as Xena turned and carried Zoe back into the bedroom. She closed the door behind her.

Xena sat down in the chair by the bed and pulled the child’s outer garments from her tiny body. Zoe smiled sleepily up at her. Xena cradled her in her arms as she climbed into bed and then snuggled the child between her and Gabrielle. She reached down and pulled the covers over them as Gabrielle sleepily kissed Zoe. Gabrielle tossed her arm across Xena, and the three drifted off to sleep cuddled together under the blankets.

Chapter 43

The strings of destiny hummed and sung in silent vibrations as the three Fates worked quietly in their antechamber. Clotho, young and beautiful, sat spinning the threads of life while Lachesis, the mature matron, measured the strings in methodical patterns stretching the threads from her nose to the tip of her fingers. Black shears in the craggy hands of Atropos, the hag, snipped indifferently the measured threads of life. The work was endless and monotonous. Clotho slowly looked away from her spinning as the other two exchanged bored glances. Then they stared at her.

The women were silent and idle for long moments when Clotho finally spoke. "The little one is very powerful for a mortal child."

Atropos nodded seriously and said, "She carries the essence of Chloe and Xena who are both children of the gods. You must remember she is also a child of Hades. Her father is a god, therefore, she is indeed very powerful."

"Her power must be protected," Lachesis added seriously.

Looking from one to the other Clotho stated, "In order to protect the child and her gifts the warrior must live a long life."

Atropos interjected, "The gods must never discover the power that the child has, or they will use her against us."

With an ever so slight smirk on her face, Clotho commented, "Yes, and for that very reason we pretended to grant Artemis’ wish. It was totally unnecessary." The others grinned a rare grin. "Imagine her anger if she discovered that the child would have saved Xena without her or Hades’ intervention."

Lachesis held out her hands which were looped with the destiny strings and said, "But Xena did gain something from Artemis’ intervention."

Atropos noted solemnly, "True, it is unusual for the Fates to give anything to mortals or to gods."

"Yes, she gained another span of mortality, ten mortal cycles added to the end of her life," Clotho revealed as she looked at Lachesis.

"In mortal terms that was a gift, but we had no choice," Lachesis commented dryly, "We had to deceive that meddlesome goddess."

Almost with feeling, Atropos absently observed, "Xena loves her bard and her bard loves her. She will now live mortal life long enough to see the end of her bard’s life."

Clotho looked at her spindle and commented sadly, "Xena might not consider that a gift."

"No, but Gabrielle will," Lachesis added.

Atropos annoyed at their sudden melancholy inserted, "It matters not, in less than a cycle after Gabrielle’s death, Xena will join her bard in the fields. They will only be apart for six moons. Besides, that will not occur for many cycles."

Looking at Lachesis, Clotho commented. "Before Artemis’ intervention it would be almost ten cycles before Gabrielle would join Xena in the underworld."

Lachesis nodded and changing the subject, looked at Atropos, "What of the spirit Chloe? Will she betray her child’s powers to the gods?"

Atropos shook her head and said, "No, she understands and accepts the cycles of life. She will do anything to protect the child from harm."

"Let us hope that they never discover that the child has the power to intervene in Fate." Clotho added.

Quiet concern creased her forehead as Lachesis asked, "But what of mortals? What will happen if the child falls into the hands of mortals who have discovered the secret?"

Looking down at the shears Atropos answered, "Xena’s fate is sealed. The child needed a strong and healthy warrior to protect her. Xena is finally healed." Atropos paused deep in thought, and then looked at Clotho and Lachesis. "Perhaps Artemis was correct. We did interfere in destiny. We did give Xena a gift. The price was her gift." The other two nodded. "Although she will continue to put herself in danger, Xena will live to protect the child from such dangers." The three women fell into silence and quietly returned to their tasks. Clotho spun the threads, Lachesis measured the threads, and Atropos cut the threads of Fate.

________________________________________________________

Tucked protectively between Xena and Gabrielle Zoe stirred in her sleep. A smile creased her lips. She walked in fields of clover her tiny hand in her mother’s. Chloe smiled and knelt before her little daughter as she said, "Zoe."

"Yes, Mommy?"

Chloe laid her hand on Zoe’s chest. "You know I’ll always be right here."

Zoe nodded and smiled, her blue eyes dancing. "Yes, Mommy."

"Take care of Xena and Gabrielle."

"I will, Mommy."

"And Zoe?"

"Yes, Mommy?"

"I love you."

"I love you too, Mommy."

Zoe slid one tiny arm under Xena’s neck and the other under Gabrielle. She hugged them tightly.

The End

Comments welcomed...KenKeltic@aol.com (Morgaine)

Return to The Bard's Corner