Part 4 of 5 of Journey's Gift
Before Xena arrived, Chloe smiled up at Gabrielle and through her frothy breath asked,
"Gabrielle, take care of Xe for me, and take our Zoe to Cyrene, promise me."
Gabrielle choked back tears, nodded and whispered, "I promise." Xena arrived at the scene, dropped by her side, and took Chloe from Gabrielle's arms.
One look at Chloe and Xena began to cry, tears running down her cheeks, and she rocked her in her arms and kissed her on the cheek, the eyes, and the lips. "Chloe, I love you. I have always loved you, and I will always love you." It was becoming harder for Chloe to breath as blood filled her left lung and appeared at the corners of her lips, but she managed to speak.
"Xe, be happy for we found each other again. Remember your promise, our daughter." Xena nodded but cried harder, and Chloe coughed and gurgled, "I see my son and Lyceus and it's so beautiful; I'll wait for you and Gab and Zoe there." She then smiled up into the ocean-blue eyes that she had so loved, and they gently eased her into the sleep of eternal peace, as she closed her eyes forever.
Xena ripped the arrow from Chloe's breast and clutched her to her. She cried out in primal pain mixed with grief and anger. Gabrielle backed away both afraid of Xena and afraid for Xena. She went to Zoe and took her in her arms and hugged her as Xena mourned her loss. Sometime later Xena picked up the lifeless body and carried it to a knoll and sat down cradling Chloe in her arms, and there she sat hugging and kissing her and weeping over her lost love. And she would remain there all evening and well into the next morning.
That evening with a sad heart, Gabrielle worked alone. She tended Argo and made camp, laid out their bedrolls and started the campfire. She fed the quiet little girl and then bathed Zoe in water she had heated earlier. Holding the tiny child in her arms she rocked her until Zoe fell asleep. She then tucked her in her bed roll and went to Xena. Xena sat staring down into Chloe's face and didn’t look up when Gabrielle approached. "Xena, is there anything I can do?" Xena only stared down at Chloe and shook her head. Gabrielle returned to Zoe and wrapped herself around the little orphan and wondered at Chloe's last words, `our daughter'. If only she could talk with Xena. Xena knew what Chloe meant. Gabrielle finally slept that night, but she was haunted by dreams that were filled with visions of Xena walking away from her.
The next morning Gabrielle found Xena in the exact place she had left her the evening before. She was relieved that at least Xena was still with her. As she broke camp, fixed some food and loaded Argo, Zoe followed her. Finally Zoe asked Gabrielle, "Is Xena going to be all right?"
Gabrielle thought her heart would break when she turned and looked down at the sad little child, "She's just very sad, Zoe. She loved your mother very much, and she is having a hard time letting go."
"I know, Mommy told me this would happen," Zoe replied as she looked beyond Gabrielle at the distraught warrior.
Gabrielle was taken aback by this blue-eyed child, "Zoe, can you tell me what your Mommy said about this?"
Zoe looked back at Gabrielle and said, "She said that she needed to go and live with my brother and Xena's brother. They were both called Lyceus, you know." Gabrielle nodded solemnly. "And then she said that Xena would be very sad, but that she still had you and me."
Gabrielle prompted the child for more information, "Did she say anything else?" Gabrielle reached down, took the child's hand, and lead her to the campfire. Zoe talked as they walked.
"She told me not to be sad because I was going to go live with my grandmother, Cyrene, and Xena was going to be my mommy now, and you would take care of me too. She said it was all planned, and everything would be all right."
"Did she say if Xena knew about all this?" Gabrielle probed.
Zoe nodded, "Mommy said if Xena would listen, she would know everything."
"Did she ever tell you how she knew these things?"
Zoe furrowed her little brow and said, "She said the gods talked to her, and she could hear people's thoughts. She said you would have to be very strong because Xena would be weak for a while."
Gabrielle reflected back on every conversation she’d had with Chloe and now everything began to make sense. She would have to be strong, and it was time right now. "Zoe, I want you to stay right here by the campfire while I go talk to Xena. Can you do that for me?" Zoe peeked around Gabrielle and looked sadly at Xena sitting off in the distance with her dead mother still in her arms and then back up at Gabrielle, and she nodded.
Gabrielle approached the warrior who looked more like a statue than a living, breathing woman and stood in front of her. She spoke to Xena in a commanding voice, "Xena, we need to go. Xena, we need to bury Chloe, and we need to take Zoe away from this place. Do you hear me?"
Xena slowly looked up at Gabrielle, her eyes red rimmed. Gabrielle wasn't sure if Xena heard her. "Did you hear me? We need to bury Chloe and take Zoe away from here." Xena simply nodded, and Gabrielle left her to retrieve the shovel from their packs. Two candlemarks later Xena tenderly placed Chloe's body in the shallow grave Gabrielle had managed to hack out of the prairie floor. Gabrielle watched sadly as Xena, kneeling by the open grave, kissed her own fingers and reached down and touched them to Chloe's lips for the last time. Gabrielle took Xena by the shoulders and pulled her back from the grave and quietly told her to go and take care of Zoe. Xena obediently rose and walked away as Gabrielle filled in the grave with shovels full of dry, dark earth. As she finished, she wiped her brow and looked over to where Xena was sitting with Zoe cradled in her lap. Gabrielle took a deep breath and joined her warrior.
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Chapter 23:
Xena rose with Zoe in her arms and walked over to Argo as Gabrielle approached and slipped the shovel back into their packs. Xena lifted Zoe onto the saddle and then helped Gabrielle up behind Zoe. She then spoke in a dead voice, "Ride due west toward the Amazons; I'll catch up with you later."
Gabrielle was frightened, in her mind she saw pieces of her dream, Xena walking away, but she tried to conceal her concern, "What are you going to do, Xena?"
Looking off in the direction of the remaining war-horse that survived yesterday's battle, Xena mumbled, "There's something I have to do." Gabrielle wanted to beg and plead with Xena not to abandon them in this foreign and frightening land, but she knew it was useless. Xena was changed, and Gabrielle feared in her heart that she would never see her warrior again.
Touching Xena on the shoulder Gabrielle said quietly, "Xena, I need you; Zoe needs you." Zoe looked down at Xena and clasped her tiny hands around Gabrielle's left hand resting on the saddle horn.
Xena would not look at either of them and simply said, "I'm sorry." She then turned and headed in the direction of the other horse and the corpse she had left the day before. Gabrielle and Zoe watched her walk away, and then Gabrielle, with tears sliding down her cheeks, clicked her tongue at Argo, and they turned west.
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Xena gathered the horse and checked it for injuries from yesterday's collision. Other than a badly scraped fore knee the animal was in good shape. She then led the horse to where she had thrown her sword; it lay in the dirt crusted with dried blood and pieces of flesh. She picked it up and slipped it mindlessly into its sheath. She then swung up into the saddle and turned her steed eastward. A candlemark later she had retrieved her chakram, and plundered the two bodies she had dispatched the day before, removing their weapons and gold and any thing else of value. Stuffing her saddlebags with the plundered loot, she then collected her bedroll and water skin from her dead steed and the water skins from the other dead horse. She would ride through the night resting only for the sake of the horse; by tomorrow afternoon she would be in Sinope.
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Gabrielle had ridden for over a candlemark, a steady stream of tears falling from her eyes. Her thoughts finally drifted to the silent, little girl sitting in front of her, and she thought, `My gods, how selfish I am; this poor child has lost every member of her family, watched her mother die and look at me.' Gabrielle sighed.
Zoe looked up at her and spoke, "I'm sorry you are so sad, Gabrielle. Xena will be back, don't worry." Gabrielle smiled down at the raven-haired child.
Gabrielle said, "Zoe, how did you get to be so wise?"
Zoe's stoic little face smiled sweetly although Gabrielle could not see it from where she was seated, "Momma said I took that after Xena."
Gabrielle frowned, her mind racing in utter confusion. "Why would your momma say that, Zoe?"
Zoe shrugged and replied, "She said I have a lot of Xena in me. I have her eyes, and her hair, and she said I have her temperament too."
Gabrielle wondered at such a small child using such large words; she also questioned in her mind the physical similarities between Zoe and Xena. If one did not know better, one would swear Xena was Zoe's mother. "Zoe, how can you have Xena's eyes and hair?"
Zoe tipped her head to the side examining Gabrielle's fingers wrapped around the saddle horn and spoke nonchalantly, "Momma willed it so."
Gabrielle was more confused than before. "How could she do that, Zoe?"
Zoe ran her fingers over Gabrielle's hands rubbing them with her little finger tips for no particular reason. "She asked the gods. Then she talked to me, and asked if I would like to have Xena as a mommy too. She said Xena had so much to teach me."
Gabrielle's brow was furrowed in thought as she pursued the topic. "She talked to you?"
Zoe nodded, "Uh huh."
"When did she talk to you, Zoe?"
"Before I was born." Gabrielle's mind flashed to the memory of her conversation with Chloe that night in the mountains and her reference to speaking with Xena from the womb.
"Zoe, did your brother look like you?"
The child replied, "No, he was dark like Darius."
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Xena rode into the night up the now familiar mountain pass and past their previous camp site, her mind empty of any thought. With thought came memories and with memories came pain. As the moon was setting, she reined her horse to rest near a cool, mountain stream and dismounted. She took a short length of rope and hobbled the horse so that it would not roam too far. She then grabbed a water skin and her bedroll and propped herself between two boulders by the stream draping the blanket around her. She drank some water and stared passively at the stream letting its gentle babble lull her into a light sleep. Three candlemarks later Chloe's voice shattered her abysmal sleep; she awoke with a start as the words reverberated through her mind, "You promised." Xena rose quickly and looked around. Remembering where she was, she retrieved her horse and pushed on towards Sinope.
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The following day the leather and armor clad warrior arrived in Sinope. Xena made no attempts to conceal her identity, daring anyone to challenge her. She went straight to the horse trader and traded for a big gray mare with black mane and stockings. She wanted a fresh horse when she was finished in Sinope. Then she stabled her horse and found a tavern to purchase a meal. Finding a dark corner, she washed down her meal with several mugs of port. When she was finished, she made her way back to the stables and climbed into the loft to await the night. There she cleaned the gory grime from her sword and chakram and spent the rest of the time grinding the nicks and dents from the blades and honing them to a fine edge.
When the moon set and the night was dark as pitch, Xena saddled her horse and rode out of the stables toward the palace. She secured her horse in an alley near the palace walls and made her familiar way into the palace. Methodically she checked every room. Her first victim was the surgeon. Finding him in his chambers with his wife she quickly employed the pinch before he even knew she was in the room. As he lay in convulsive agony on the bed, Xena, holding her sword to his wife's throat threatened coldly, "Say nothing and you might live." as she lit the oil lamp. The woman nodded fearfully, and Xena, with the sword still at the woman's throat, turned to the surgeon. "Did she," nodding to his wife, "know of the plot to poison the king?" The wife's reaction told Xena she was innocent before he shook his head. "Who was behind the plot to kill the royal family?" The man choked out the minister to the king, and then he convulsed into spasms and died. Xena shifted her rage filled gaze to the cringing woman in front of her and snarled, "Leave this palace of death now, and say nothing." The woman stumbled out of her bed and grabbed her clothes as Xena exited the room and stormed down the long hallway.
Xena found the minister to the king almost a candlemark later sleeping peacefully in the king's chamber unaware that she had just dispatched his royal surgeon, the royal guard, and his entire cabinet. The only ones left were the palace guard stationed at the main gate. She entered his chambers loudly slamming the thick oaken door against the interior wall. She wanted him to know she was coming for him. He scrambled out of bed, demanded the meaning of this interruption, and screamed for his guards. Xena only laughed a mirthless, chilling laugh as the evil little man backed away from her. "You may as well save your voice," she said as she began to light the oil lamps throughout the room.
Backing away from her and in a fearful voice he asked, "What do you want?"
"Justice," came the icy reply.
"What, do you mean?" He asked shakily.
"You murdered King Lyceus and the king's mother. I am here to enact justice for the innocent."
The minister was visibly shaken at her revelations and the cold calculation in her icy blue eyes. He wasn't foolish enough to deny the allegations, his mind raced. "How much do you want? Name your price," he almost beseeched.
A snarl transformed her face and she spit out, "Your blood on my hands. I want to bathe in your blood. That's my price."
Desperately he grabbed a dagger from a table and flung it in her direction. Xena snatched the dagger out of mid-air. His eyes widened, and a strange calmness came over him at the realization he was a dead man. Quicker than the eye could detect, she flipped his knife in her hand, caught it by the blade, and released it in a flash. It caught him in the throat, ripped through the larynx, and severed the spinal chord in his neck. He was dead before his body hit the floor. Xena casually picked up the oil lamps one-by-one and shattered them around the room. In a matter of heart beats, the room was ablaze. She turned and walked out breaking oil lamps in her path leaving a trail of fiery death. As she stalked across the courtyard, flames engulfed the king's chambers and the administrative offices and threatened the rest of the palace.
Xena entered the familiar chambers. There she lingered, touching, caressing, and smelling the things that had belonged to her love. She moved to the large chest in the bed chambers, opened the drawers, and searched quickly through the contents. She could hear shouts as people scurried to extinguish the flames that shot into the sky. In the bottom drawer, she found what she searched for, a wooden carved box which she immediately opened. There she located a carved ivory broach and a moon shaped gold ring with a polished tear drop amethyst setting cradled in its crescent. She quickly dropped the two pieces of jewelry into her bodice between her breasts, left the chambers, and headed to Zoe's room. Among the pillows on the bed, she found the small cloth doll with blue gemstone eyes.
In all the excitement, no one saw the tall, warrior woman leap easily over the stone wall, swing down to the other side and race off into the night.
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Gabrielle was completely miserable. Three days had passed since she had seen Xena. To add to her emotional darkness, the sky turned angry and gray and poured down on them the entire day. The going had been painfully slow. She was afraid to ride Argo fast in this weather with Zoe. She was sick of soft rolling hills and longed for the dry comfort of a Thracian cave. It didn't appear likely to stop raining anytime soon, and night quickly approached. The prospects of making camp with no fire was dismal. It had been impossible to keep Zoe dry, and she worried about the little girl. The child had not complained once. `Stoic just like Xena.' Gabrielle was starting to believe Zoe's incredible tale of her parentage.
The wind picked up, and the torrent pounded them. Gabrielle scoured the landscape for any natural wind break. About to give up she noticed the hill they just descended had been eroded by the elements over the years revealing a small rock ledge. It faced the west, and though they would be exposed to the driving rain, she thought she could at least protect Zoe with her own body. She stopped Argo, dismounted, and lifting Zoe down inspected the ledge. It looked deep enough to allow them both to sleep under its protection, and it was high enough for Zoe to sit upright. Turning to Zoe, Gabrielle said, "Go in there and tell me if is dry, Zoe." Zoe obediently did as she was told and then waved back at Gabrielle to join her. "I'll be there in just a bit, Zoe," Gabrielle said and then returned to Argo and retrieved their packs, a water skin, and their soaked bedrolls. She quickly tossed their things under the ledge and spread out their blankets over the ledge weighting them down with the loose rocks. Gabrielle, cold and wet, knew she would never dry out unless she removed her clothes. She stripped, dropping her clothes on the rocks and rolled under the ledge pulling the blankets down to block the bitter weather. In the cramped quarters, she quickly removed Zoe's clothes, took her own last dry shift out of her bag and wrapped it around Zoe's little body like a blanket and then held her close to share body heat.
That night in their cramped alcove they ate pieces of fruit and dried meat cuddled together, and Gabrielle told Zoe stories of Xena. Well after Zoe drifted off to sleep in her arms, Gabrielle continued to relate her tales of the Warrior Princess. She told the tales of transformation and the noble and loyal warrior fighting on the side of right. She talked of her good and brave heart and of her strong and kind spirit long into the dark night. When she finally drifted off to sleep she dreamed of Xena.
The next morning Gabrielle awoke to find herself and Zoe wrapped in a warm, dry blanket. When Gabrielle rolled out from under the ledge, her heart sang with joy in her chest to see Xena sitting not far away by a large campfire. Rigged by the fire was a wooden rack with Zoe and Gabrielle's clothes spread out drying. Two rabbits roasted on a spit, and Xena sat working oil into her saddle. Gabrielle was ecstatic until she studied the frown on Xena's face and the dark circles beneath her eyes. She recognized from her body movements and her looks that she was back but not healed. Gabrielle approached tentatively; Xena did not look up. Gabrielle went to her clothes, suddenly embarrassed at her nakedness in front of Xena. At that realization, she felt like crying. They were suddenly strangers. Gabrielle turned away from Xena and slipped into her clothes. They were still a little damp in places, but it was better than standing there exposed in front of this stranger. Gabrielle turned back to the ledge and crawled under to retrieve their things and to check on Zoe.
Xena wordlessly loaded the gray mare with their gear as Gabrielle helped Zoe dress. They ate a silent meal as Zoe sat between Gabrielle's legs and watched Xena's face. Gabrielle was happy that at least Xena was here to protect them and hunt game for the child. Zoe seemed lethargic, and Gabrielle worried about her. When they were ready to break camp, Xena stamped out the fire and poured a skin of water over the embers. Then she helped Gabrielle onto Argo and handed Zoe up to her. Standing in the stirrup she swung up behind them wrapping her arms around them both, she urged Argo into an easy, distance-gobbling canter. Four candlemarks later, Gabrielle said her first words to Xena, "Xena, we need to stop a while for Zoe."
Xena reined Argo in and swung to the ground. Reaching up and taking Zoe in her arms, she held the bridle while Gabrielle eased out of the saddle. Stretching, Gabrielle turned and walked away trying to work the kinks from her back and legs. Xena started to put Zoe down, but Zoe hung to her neck tightly, jarring Xena for the moment from her haze. Momentarily confused, Xena did not know how to react or what to do. She finally realized Zoe was crying when she felt warm wetness on her neck where Zoe had buried her face. Xena heard Chloe's voice dancing inside her head, "She's yours too." Xena walked to the saddlebag and rummaged around until she found a small package wrapped in soft brushed leather. She then moved to a soft patch of grass and sat down. By this time Gabrielle had turned to face Xena and Zoe, her hands massaging her lower back, she looked curiously at the two. Xena positioned Zoe in her lap still holding her tightly feeling intuitively that was what the child needed. Then she handed her the package. Zoe looked up at Xena seriously, and Xena wiped away the tears on the child's cheeks and said, "I thought you might be missing this."
Zoe unwrapped the doll and smiled delightedly up at Xena and over at Gabrielle whose curiosity had got the better of her and she came closer. "Thank you, Xena, Momma made this for me. She said it reminded her of the two girls she loved the most in the world." Xena's half grin at the joy she brought Zoe turned to sorrow at Zoe's words. Zoe reached up and touched Xena's face, "Please don't be so sad, Xena; Momma said she would never die as long as you were alive because she lives in your heart and in mine." Xena smiled sadly at the little girl who looked up at her with her blue eyes, and she hugged her to her weeping openly as Zoe's arms encircled her neck. Gabrielle stood watching; there was nothing she could do although she wanted so very much to take Xena in her arms and hold her and kiss away all the sorrow. She knew she would never be able to do that. Her own heart felt as if were lying ripped and crushed at her feet. An empty abyss engulfed her. She knew Chloe's memory had displaced all feelings for her in her warrior's heart. Gabrielle only hoped that Xena would allow Zoe into that warrior's hard heart.
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The remainder of the trip back to Amazon territory was uneventful until the final day. Zoe began running a fever. It was slight, but the little girl was achy and miserable riding in the saddle. She wiggled from position to position trying to get comfortable. Gabrielle was beside herself and actually raised her voice at Xena that she needed to stop and do something. Xena was equally as worried, but she just wanted to get them all under the protection of the Amazon Nation.
Finally, they stopped, and Xena built a fire from the scrub brush they had gathered. The day before they had moved into the foot hills of the mountains, and more cedars and small trees dotted the landscape. Xena heated water and made some willow tea with honey for Gabrielle to give to Zoe and then took her chakram and went hunting. Xena knew the child needed some broth and a warm bed. She was most likely suffering from exhaustion from the long trip. Gabrielle sat rocking Zoe who clung to her doll when Xena returned with a partridge. Xena immediately went to work to dress the bird and roasted part of in on a spit; the rest she cubed and boiled in water with a concoction of various herbs to create a nutritious healing broth for the child. Gabrielle, kissing Zoe on the top of the head and humming to her softly, watched Xena silently as she worked.
When the meal was ready, Gabrielle was surprised that Xena took Zoe in her arms and patiently spooned the soup into her and talked to her, encouraging her to eat as much as she could. While she feed Zoe, Xena took bites of her portion of the bird. When they finished eating, Xena picked up Zoe and carried her with her. She pulled some clean clothes out of her gear, and returned placing the child on her bedroll. Xena quickly and deftly disrobed the child and sponged her off with the warm healing herb scented water she had heated earlier. She then quickly dried the child and pulled a warm shift over her head and said, "There, feel better?" Zoe nodded. Xena smiled at the child and tucked her into her bedroll and told her she would be right back after she took care of Argo. When Xena returned, she crawled into the bedroll and moved Zoe on top of her and covered them both. Turning to Gabrielle, Xena said, "Gabrielle sleep next to us; it's going to be cold tonight."
Gabrielle was surprised at the invitation, but then realized it was really a command. She didn't care anymore. She just wanted this journey to be over so that she could pick up the pieces of her life, what little there was left, and get on with it. She knew she would never be able to remain with Xena now. Things were just too strained, too cold. She would return to her Amazons and hopefully find some semblance of life there. The next morning she awoke to find herself snuggled against Zoe who was sandwiched between her and Xena. When she shifted her glance, Xena's blue eyes stared at her. Gabrielle furrowed her brow in question, and Xena spoke to her, and for the first time since Chloe's death, it was not a command. "Do you think she looks like me?" she asked.
Gabrielle shifted her gaze back down at the sleeping child and replied, "In sleep with the exception of her hair, she is the perfect image of her mother." Gabrielle then looked back up into Xena's ocean-blue eyes and was lost for a moment floating in the memories of the brief love they shared. "Awake, I would swear she is your daughter." Xena continued to stare at Gabrielle, but Gabrielle could tell, with her last words, Xena no longer saw her. She too was drifting somewhere in her memories, and Gabrielle's heart ached, knowing that she was not a part of those memories. Gabrielle wanted to continue the dialogue so she pushed on. "Xena, how did she do it?" Xena's focus rested on Gabrielle again, and Gabrielle could see that she was struggling with an answer. Gabrielle interrupted her thoughts, "Never mind, maybe some day it will be easier." With that she rolled out of bed and began working on the fire as Xena felt Zoe's cheeks for fever. She too rolled out of bed tucking the covers around this little gift, thankful that Zoe felt cool to the touch.
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Chapter 24
As soon as they crossed into the Amazon territory, they were intercepted by an Amazon border patrol. This time, however, their reception was much more cordial. Gabrielle was immediately recognized, and the Amazons were kneeling even before Gabrielle or Xena had an opportunity to raise their hands in greeting. Gabrielle thought evidently word spread quickly about the previous incident with the Queen's consort, Xena, Warrior Princess. The Amazons certainly did not want another such occurrence. Then she reflected sadly, how quickly things had changed.
The Amazons escorted the welcomed guests to the interior of their nation and to Queen Philippa, affording them all of the comforts available as they trekked to the interior. Couriers were sent ahead announcing the arrival of Queen Gabrielle. When Petra learned of the arrival of the Queen and the warrior, she received permission to ride out and join the escort party. She was surprised when she found the party. Initially she did not notice there was anything amiss because she was too shocked at the presence of the beautiful little girl. She had no idea the Warrior Princess had a child, but Zoe was the perfect image of Xena. She expected Queen Gabrielle to be friendly and chatty as she was before. She could hardly believe this small, sad woman with dark circles under her red rimmed eyes was the same vibrant, young woman she had seen less than a moon ago. And the energy that had vibrated from Xena before was absent now. Her eyes were dull, almost dead. Even the child seemed joyless. They looked as though they had just returned from a visit to Tartarus. Petra had no idea what had happened, but she intended to find out. Xena had done her a great service, and she owed it to her to help her if she could.
After arriving in the central village of Hyppola, Petra immediately had Gabrielle, Xena, and Zoe escorted to their quarters. Hot baths were prepared and food and drink were delivered. Servants were posted at their doors, and their two horses were stabled and groomed. On a hunch, Petra sent a healer to check on their royal guests. Then she reported to Queen Philippa.
"Come in, Petra, I am glad you have returned. And how goes it with our Queen and her warrior?" Queen Philippa spoke while examining a message she had receive concerning trade with Heraclea.
Petra cleared her voice, "Well, my Queen, I am not so sure, but things do not seem well."
The Queen immediately put aside her parchment and looked up, "How so? What was said?"
"Nothing. That's the problem. They said nothing to me, nothing to each other, nothing to anyone. Queen Gabrielle looked, not just exhausted but...I don't know, your majesty. She looked so sad."
"And what of Xena?" Philippa asked.
Petra snorted quietly, "My Queen, she looked worse than Queen Gabrielle."
The queen said, "Were they ill...tired?"
"I don't believe they were ill...tired, yes, but it was beyond tired. If I may be so bold to offer a suggestion?" Petra said and then paused looking at her queen.
"Of course, Petra, you know I trust your instincts totally."
The tall warrior furrowed her brow and said, "Something very serious has happened that has shaken their love for each other, and neither one is dealing very well with it."
"Perhaps I need to have a talk with Gabrielle, queen to queen. Maybe you should do the same with Xena. I take it you two are over that unfortunate incident that occurred a moon ago?" Philippa asked.
"Yes, your majesty," Petra said. "I do not know about Xena, but I would call her friend." She paused and added, "Oh, and one other thing, they travel with a girl-child...looks to be almost three summers old." The Queen raised her eyebrows. Petra continued, "I would swear the child is of Xena's womb."
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The next day Queen Philippa requested that Queen Gabrielle come and see her. Gabrielle arrived dressed in her traditional Amazon clothing, but as soon as she entered the Queen's apartment, Philippa knew her young Queen's spirit was shattered. Philippa greeted Gabrielle warmly and after the formal greetings were exchanged, Philippa enveloped the younger queen into her embrace, and Gabrielle was reduced to tears. The older woman held her and spoke words of comfort, and then ordered her some relaxing tea and sat her on her bed propping pillows behind her.
"Now, my dear Queen Gabrielle, how is it a moon ago you were so vibrant and alive with the joy of love and life and now, my dear, you are so heartbroken," Philippa asked quietly.
Gabrielle looked at Philippa through tear clouded eyes and said, "Oh, Philippa, I have no right to burden you."
Philippa squeezed Gabrielle’s hand and said, "Nonsense, you are my Queen, I will have it no other way. Now tell me what it is. Petra has already come to me concerned about you and Xena. You must let me help if I can."
"That's just it; I don't think anyone can help," Gabrielle said sighing.
Philippa frowned at the despair she heard in the young Queen’s voice and said, "Well, at least talk about it, and maybe you will at least feel somewhat better."
"It's Xena." Philippa wasn't at all shocked. "Something terrible has happened, and I think I have lost her forever," Gabrielle said as tears slipped down her cheeks.
"I find that hard to believe. Less than a moon ago she would travel to Tartarus and back for you. Love doesn't die that quickly. Tell me what happened," said Philippa.
Gabrielle related the entire story, and when she was finished, she lay in a heap in the Queen's bed. Evening was falling and Philippa ordered food for them both and sent a message to Xena that Gabrielle would be staying in the queen's chambers tonight. She also sent a nursemaid to look after the child.
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Petra observed Queen Gabrielle's quarters, and as soon as the sad, little Queen left, she knocked on the door and let herself in. Xena sat in a chair holding Zoe and stared aimlessly into space. Petra stood in front of her before Xena was even aware she was in the room. Before Xena could react, Petra was on her knees talking to Zoe.
Holding out her large, callused, warrior hand, Petra introduced herself, "Greetings, Little One, I'm Petra." Xena only half listened to the interchange.
Zoe bestowed upon her a beautiful grin and reached out to shake her arm, "I'm Zoe," she said.
"I am very happy to meet you, Zoe," Petra said solemnly and then asked, "Hey, aren't you bored in here? How about you come with me, and I'll find you someone to play with."
Zoe smiled and took Petra's hand. Petra escorted her to one of the servants in waiting gave her instructions to take the child to play with others her age and to not let her out of her sight. After all she was the Queen and Xena's child. Petra then returned to sit opposite Xena. They were silent for awhile. Finally Petra began.
"Xena, I consider you my friend. We are warriors, and you really helped me when you were here before. Tell me what's going on," Petra said.
Xena, annoyed that someone dared to interrupt her thoughts, spoke gruffly, "I don't think this is any of your business."
Petra knew this would not be easy, after all Xena was a hardened warrior, and feelings were often the last thing a warrior had time for. She countered, "Perhaps you haven't notice, but you are coupled with Gabrielle, Queen of the Amazon Nation. I am an Amazon warrior sworn to allegiance to my Queen. I am sworn to protect her under any circumstance. Anything concerning my Queen is my business."
Xena listened indifferently, but somewhere a chord was struck, and this little speech sounded familiar, and she replied, "What are you talking about?"
Petra said, "You don't want to tell me your personal business, fine, but you owe it to the Amazons to explain why our Queen left the nation a moon ago happy and whole. She came back under your sworn protection looking like she has been dragged behind wild horses for ten leagues?"
Xena had no answer. She had been so totally self-consumed that she had no idea what was wrong with Gabrielle. "I don't know the answer to your question," she replied a little too indifferently.
In a flash Petra was out of her chair, grabbed Xena by the leather straps on her shift, dragged her to her feet, and yelled angrily, "What do you mean you don't know?" and before Xena could react or answer, Petra back handed her across the face splitting her lip. She then shoved her back into the chair. Then Petra flew into a rage and stomped back and forth speaking loudly and waving her hands, "You don't know! The mighty Warrior Princess doesn't know something! You were sworn to protect her, our Queen, and you have been so unobservant, you don't know what's wrong with her!" Xena sat impassively touching her lip and curiously examining the blood on her fingers. Petra stopped in front of Xena and yelled down at her, "What if someone killed her while you were being so wrapped up in your own problems? What then? How would that make you feel?" Xena finally registered the words Petra spoke. She shifted her angry gaze toward the woman who towered above her. Petra looked down at her in disgust, "And I thought we were alike you and me! I thought you were in love with Gabrielle! I guess I was wrong; you sure had me fooled. You know what's sad, Xena? You had Gabrielle fooled too." She then stalked out of the room kicking the door savagely as she left.
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Xena was attending the cut on her lip when the message arrived that Queen Gabrielle would be staying in Queen Philippa's chambers tonight. Xena frowned at the message. For some reason she was irritated, even though she didn't know why. A little later Xena received word that Zoe would be staying with a nursemaid tonight. She thought, `Fine.' Early that evening food, drink, and hot bath water were delivered to her quarters along with the message that her horses had been exercised and groomed.
Xena had nothing left to do but eat and then bathe. She had a slight headache from the
hard whack Petra had given her.. She thought, ‘That's twice now that Amazon's thumped
me; I'm starting to lose my patience.’ She decided to retire early; there was nothing
left to do. As she climbed into bed her gaze fell on Zoe's doll. She picked it up and
looked at it as she rolled onto her back. Blue eyes. She laid the doll on the pillow next
to her where Gabrielle would normally sleep. She repeated the thought in her
mind...‘Gabrielle would normally sleep.’ She wondered what Gabrielle was doing
in the Queen's chamber.... ‘probably Amazon politics.’ Then she thought of
Petra. ‘Why was she so angry?’ She was talking about Gabrielle. Xena searched
her mind, what was she so upset about? As she drifted off to sleep she hoped Zoe and
Gabrielle would be all right tonight without her.
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Petra still steamed and Philippa kept reminding her that Gabrielle was asleep in the next room.
"I tell you my Queen, I came so close to beating some sense into her tonight. I simply can't understand what is wrong with her. It's as though she is not the same person who came through here a moon ago!" Petra exclaimed as she paced the queen’s chambers.
Philippa asked calmly, "I take it your little warrior to warrior talk did not go well?"
Petra said, "No, I lost my temper and slugged her in the mouth."
Surprised, Philippa said, "Petra, I thought you two were friends."
"We are, were, I don't know," Petra answered confusion apparent. "If it wasn't for Xena, Electra and I would have never been handfasted. I owe her a great deal; I just do not understand how she can be so indifferent to Gabrielle."
"I don't think I'll be sending you as a diplomatic envoy anytime soon," Philippa said dryly, and then continued, "Let me fill you in on what I learned from Gabrielle."
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She fought in the field which turned to blood beneath her feet. The tide was turning their way; she could smell victory. They were invincible. Together there was no enemy they could not defeat. And there Lyceus stood swinging his sword in wide, powerful strokes; he was so handsome; they loved each other so much...the field transformed...cool, soft, tall clover. Blue skies filled with white, puffy clouds; Chloe giggling, looking down at her... "I love you Xena...I'm going to marry Lyceus, so I can have you both"...then she heard another..."Promise me, Xena, if anything happens to me you won't"...voices, all familiar bombarded her restless dreams... "She's yours too"... "You promised me, Xe"... "What price does she pay for loving you"... "trust your heart"...Chloe looked down at her and suddenly she was Gabrielle... "I thought you loved her"...she was riding as hard as the horse would go... "You had Gabrielle fooled too"...accept your gifts... the rider ahead of her pulled the bow taut... "The dead can hear your thoughts, Gabrielle"... "That's what I L...like about you, Gabrielle" ... the arrow followed its lethal path... "be careful of her heart"... "Congratulations, Xena...It's about time"...Chloe looked back at her as the arrow angled into her chest...Lyceus fell...Gabrielle is dead... Let her go, Xena.... NO, NO, NO...
"GABRIELLE!!!.... " Xena screamed into the night sitting straight up in bed. Sweat poured from her body, her heart pounded madly in her chest, and her breaths ragged as if she had been running for leagues. She turned and reached for the woman next to her only to find a blue eyed doll. Then she remembered. She clasped the doll to her chest and reaching over and pulled Gabrielle's pillow into her as she rolled over onto her side. She hugged the pillow tightly and tried to convince herself it was Gabrielle.
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Chapter 25:
The sun was well in its ascent when Xena tiredly crawled out of bed and stumbled to the wash basin to splash water into her face. Xena reflected on the conversation she had with Petra and was reminded of the outcome of that conversation when she roughly dried her face and rubbed the cloth across her swollen lip. "Damn!" She remembered that Petra had accused Xena of not protecting Gabrielle. The accusation for some reason angered her more today than it did last night. She was still annoyed that Gabrielle had stayed the night in Philippa's chambers, and if that wasn't bad enough, they even took Zoe from her. What? Didn't they trust her to take care of them? She then thought, ‘We'll see about that.’ She wadded up the drying cloth and slammed it down. Dressing quickly she put on her armor and strapped her sword to her back. She then march out of the hut in search of Petra.
Xena found Petra walking out of the stables and strode up to her. "Hey, I want to talk to you," she said.
Petra immediately read Xena's body language and knew she was angry. Then she thought, `Well, at least she has finally started feeling something.' "I don't think we have anything to talk about," she said and she began to walk away.
Xena threatened, "Stop right there, warrior." Petra turned and looked at Xena with cold anger in her eyes. Xena snarled, "No one tells me I am not able to carry out my duties to protect Gabrielle."
Petra curled her upper lip into a sneer and growled, "Well, I told you, and it still doesn't look like you are doing a good job to me."
Xena steamed and barely able to control her rage said, "Well, why don't we just see if I'm up to the challenge?"
"Fine, let's do it." Petra said and tromped off to the practice field with Xena right behind her. Several Amazons who had witnessed the exchange followed curiously, but when the sword play took on a serious turn, a runner was send to inform the Queen.
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"Oh my gods! Philippa we must stop them! With Xena's state of mind, she might kill Petra!" Gabrielle exclaimed jumping to her feet.
"Gabrielle, Petra can take care of herself," Philippa said. Gabrielle was well aware of that having seen Petra bring Xena to her knees almost a moon ago. That was another reason Gabrielle was so upset. She trusted Xena was the best warrior she knew with a sword, but in her present state of mind, she might be careless.
"Philippa, I must try to stop Xena. She and Petra are friends; I can’t let them continue this ridiculous fight." Philippa agreed, and both Queens rushed to the practice field together.
On the field, Xena's rage chilled to a calculating, stalking game in which she shifted her mind into warrior mode. She would parry with Petra until she had read the warrior and memorized every nuance of her fighting style. Petra was as tall as Xena, a little more slender and very strong and quick. She liked to overpower her opponents and was somewhat impatient. Xena's mind quickly categorized her strengths and weaknesses and mentally drew to mind other warriors she had encountered who had similar fighting styles. Petra made a few quick moves and swung her sword at Xena, clanging their swords together in a deafening clash. Xena easily blocked the sword and grinned to herself noticing when Petra came crashing down with her sword she lifted the weight from her right foot and placed it all onto her left leaving her slightly off balanced. Xena parried a while longer waiting for Petra to execute the move again. Growing impatient herself, Xena unexpectedly leaped and spun suddenly connecting her foot with Petra's face. The warrior was stunned momentarily. Xena backed away and laughed, "Come on, warrior; you can do better than that." Petra, enraged by the taunting, drove toward Xena pushing her back. Xena parried each blow and taunted her more with the sneer on her lips. Petra stepped back, and Xena recognized the move and prepared to block the blow. As the blades clashed, Xena flipped in the air and landed behind Petra, dropped and swept Petra off her feet with her leg. Xena leaped forward jabbing her blade toward Petra's throat and stopping right as she pierced the skin. Gabrielle screamed Xena's name as the blade descended, but Xena ignored her, intent on her purpose. Petra, having the wind knocked out of her in the take down, was shocked to find that she still lived. Xena looked down at her foe seething she hissed, "As you can see, I am more than capable of protecting Gabrielle. She was never in any danger." The gathered audience could not hear the interchange.
Gabrielle, in shock, watched the interaction as Philippa held her back. Another small, bronze woman was crying and tried to break loose from the hands that held her. Petra, oblivious of the crowd that had gathered and of her lover, regained her breath and with Xena’s sword slowly cutting into her throat, fearlessly replied, "What about the three days you left Gabrielle and your child unprotected?" Xena pulled the blade out of Petra's throat and slipped it back into its sheath.
Looking down at Petra with a dark scowl on her face, she growled at her, "She's not my child." The comment sent a strange pain through Xena's chest, and Chloe's word reverberated inside her skull, `And she's yours too.'
Petra pushed herself up into a sitting position and still looking up at Xena argued, "By the gods, she is yours! I have no idea why, but the gods must smile on you, Xena, to give you a child without the pain of birth. Xena just stood and stared down at the warrior she had humiliated in battle, amazed that she still had the audacity to argue with her. Her silent musing was interrupted by the small, young woman who burst through the crowd, ran into the field and lunged into Petra's arms crying. Xena stood over them watching as Petra tried to calm her lover.
The small, bronze woman looked up through her tears at Xena as Gabrielle, who had been walking slowly toward Xena, reached her, took her by the elbow, and said, "Come on, Xena." Xena allowed herself be lead away by Gabrielle, but she kept looking back over her shoulder.
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Back in her quarters Xena was sulky and fidgety. She ordered water for a bath. She had worked up quite a sweat, but she was still angry. Usually a good workout purged her soul of the tension that could build up for no apparent reason. While the water was being delivered and the bath filled, Xena stormed out of their quarters mumbling something about Zoe. Gabrielle was at a complete loss. Xena had gone from being completely distraught over Chloe's death to emotionally dead. Now she was filled with pent up energy that threatened to erupt into violence. Gabrielle thought for a moment she herself was even afraid of the Warrior Princess. She flopped on the unmade bed and wished things were the way they use to be. She missed Xena's gentle but passionate touch so much she thought she would burst. She looked back at the bed and noticed that her pillow had been pulled over next to where Xena slept, and she wondered momentarily if Xena missed her too. Then she shook off that idea thinking Xena was probably still thinking of Chloe.
Gabrielle's thoughts were interrupted by Zoe bounding into the room. "Hi, Gabrielle, I missed you," the little child said and threw herself into Gabrielle's arms. Gabrielle hugged her tightly and kissed her on the cheek as Xena entered the room and began to undress for her bath.
"I missed you too, Zoe. What have you been doing?" Gabrielle said as she glanced over at Xena. Xena was engrossed in looking into the mirror at her lip.
"I've been playing with the other girls, but I was so happy when Xena came and got me," Zoe said.
Xena stripped her shift off and climbed into the tub of hot, steamy water and scrubbed herself and washed her hair. She then looked over at the two sitting on the bed and said,
"Zoe, want to join me and wash some of that mud off before you get it all over our bed?"
Delighted, Zoe struggled to pull her shift over her head until Gabrielle finished the job. Zoe giggled and ran to Xena who lifted her up and into the hot water, held her on her lap and soaped and scrubbed her clean. Gabrielle smiled at the two playing in the tub and reminisced about the times she and Xena bathed together. So lost in thought she almost didn't hear Xena's comment to Zoe. "Think if we ask nicely, Gabrielle might come and wash our backs?"
That night after Zoe drifted off to sleep between Xena and Gabrielle in their bed, Gabrielle rolled over and studied Zoe in her sleep. The little child was sleeping peacefully with her doll wrapped in her arms. Unbeknownst to Gabrielle, Xena watched her and finally spoke quietly, "What are you thinking about, Gab?"
Gabrielle did not look up but answered, "I was just thinking how perfect she is, and I was wondering if this is what you were like when you were her age."
Ignoring her comment, Xena continued, "Gabrielle, we need to talk." Gab felt her stomach clench reflexively and she thought, `This is it; she's going to tell me good-bye.' "I want to apologize to you for leaving you those three days in the plains all alone with Zoe. That was stupid and dangerous. I had no right putting you or Zoe in such danger. I don't expect you to forgive me."
Gabrielle did not know quite what to say. This was not what she was expecting. "Xena, it's over and done with. I'm sure you had your reasons," she answered.
Things were bad enough. Xena had no intentions of telling Gabrielle those reasons, so she changed the subject. "I also need to talk to you about something else." Gabrielle thought, `Oh here it comes; it doesn't really matter, I knew it was over a long time ago. "I'm worried about the trip home. You saw how Zoe became ill on the way here. We are more than a good fortnight of hard riding from Amphipolis. I'm afraid she won't make it." Gabrielle shifted her gaze and looked at Xena. She saw the dark clouds appear in her eyes. "I don't want to take a chance with losing her," Xena said solemnly.
Gabrielle replied, "Of course not, Xena, but what will we do?"
Xena said, "I've been thinking. By ship it’s only five days to Abdera."
The mere mention of a ship made Gabrielle's stomach churn and she said, "Abdera, isn't that the port in the heart of the Western Amazon Nation?" Xena nodded. "Whatever you think is best, Xena. I'm sure I will survive."
"I have no intentions of putting you on a ship, Gabrielle," Xena assured her. Confusion cluttered Gabrielle's mind. ‘Did Xena intend to take Zoe and leave me behind to have the Amazons escort me home?’ Her thoughts were interrupted, "I was wondering if you could use your influence and get an Amazon escort for Zoe aboard a fast ship. They could deliver her to Ephiny, and we could pick her up once we arrived over land."
Gabrielle was slightly surprised. "Sure, I don't see why not," she answered.
"There's just one thing; I want Petra to take her. I don't trust anyone else," Xena said.
"Petra?" Gabrielle couldn't believe after today, Xena would want Petra anywhere near Zoe. "Do you think she would do it, Xena?"
"For you, she would do anything," Xena stated. Gabrielle wondered at that comment. `What exactly did that mean? Was that why they were fighting?'
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Gabrielle returned from Queen Philippa's with the news the next day, "Xena, Philippa agreed to provide an escort for Zoe, but she said you would have to talk to Petra if you wanted her to command the escort." Xena listened to the news and headed for the door.
"Where are you going?" Gabrielle called.
Looking over her shoulder Xena said, "To speak with Petra."
Gabrielle ran after her. "Xena, wait!"
Xena turned around and said, "What is it, Gabrielle?" impatient to make the arrangements.
"Are you sure you want to do this?" Gabrielle asked.
"And why not?"
"I don't know how she will react to seeing you after what happened yesterday," Gabrielle explained.
Xena seemed unaware there might be a problem and then realizing Gabrielle's concern tried the alleviate her fears. "Look, everything will be all right. I am not going to fight Petra any more. We now have an understanding. Don't worry." Xena turned and headed in the direction of Petra's hut.
Gabrielle stood watching Xena's back. `Why did everything have to be so difficult? What was it Chloe said? Xena always did everything the hard way. Well, at least Xena was beginning to talk to me. Maybe someday we will at least become friends again.'
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Xena knocked on the door to Petra's hut. The building was a typical Amazon warrior's abode built from the wood and stone gathered from the area in which they lived. Both cozy and functional, it was a two room affair, stone foundation and lower walls, hewn timber shingled roof, two windows for light and a low heavy wooden door. Xena knocked again more loudly this time and then put her hand above the low door and leaned, resting her weight against the structure.
The door cracked open, and a small voice from behind the door asked, "What do you want?"
"I want to speak to Petra." Xena replied impatiently.
After a brief pause the voice relayed, "She's not here."
Annoyed at the lack of content in the simple answers Xena impatiently asked, "Where is she?"
"On patrol," came the short response.
Xena, growing quite impatient with this conversation said, "Look, it's important." It finally occurred to Xena this was probably the girl who ran out to Petra after their fight. The one and the same who also looked at her so fearfully. She said soothingly, "I'm not here to start anything. I'm sorry you were frightened yesterday. I had no intentions of hurting Petra. She is a good warrior; we just had a little disagreement, and now it's over. We actually are friends." the voice on the other side was silent, but the door was still ajar. That was a good sign. Xena searched her head for more assuring things to say to convince this woman to trust her. Finally it clicked, "Have you and Petra only been together recently?" No answer. "Well, I'm the one who gave her the advice on how to win your heart." With that, the door opened, and the voice invited Xena in.
Xena was greeted by a petite woman younger than Gabrielle. The woman who stood before her, bronzed from the sun, had coppery red hair, and her cheeks were tinged red. She was a delicate and fine boned creature so unlike Petra, and was quite pretty with full lips and brown eyes. Xena noted that if she were standing next to Gabrielle she would barely reach her chin in height. She spoke quietly and shyly, "Petra should be back shortly. She is always here by mealtime." Xena stood uncomfortably, never good with small talk. "Please have a seat," the woman said and pointed to a chair near the fireplace. "Would you like a cup of wine?"
Xena moved to the chair and replied, "Thank you, that would be nice." The young woman hurried to the wine skin hanging on the wall in her kitchen area and poured a cupful of wine and brought it to Xena. Xena nodded her thanks and took a drink from the cup watching the nervous actions of her host as she prepared their nooning meal. As she watched her mercurial actions, Xena was amazed that Petra was unafraid to touch this tiny woman who looked so fragile she might break. Trying to relieve that silent tension, Xena spoke, "I'm sure you know my name, but I, unfortunately, don't know yours. Petra never told me."
Stopping what she was doing, she looked at Xena and said, "My name is Electra."
Xena nodded and looked around the hut. A wall divided the sleeping quarters from the rest of the house. The stone floors were covered with animal skins, and a large fireplace was the center piece of the rear wall. Rough hewn rafters supported an open ceiling revealing a high peaked roof. Additional sleeping quarters could easily be added in the attic area. Xena breathed deeply and wished she had brought Gabrielle along. She could have entertained everyone with small talk. Xena still shook her head when she thought how disarming her bard could be. Sitting there in the silence of this strange hut, she was pummeled by the realization she had just made. Her bard. How long had it been since she had seen Gabrielle tell a story or write in her scrolls? Xena was lost in thought when the door swung open and a grinning Petra stepped into the room with her arms wide open, evidently her normal greeting for Electra. Xena stood up and faced the warrior. Petra dropped her arms. A frown replaced the grin, and she quickly located Electra as if making sure she was all right. An action that brought a scowl to Xena’s face.
Petra shut the door, remained standing, and said, "Xena, what are you doing here?"
"I came to ask you a favor," Xena replied. Petra's eyes narrowed, her brows furrowed, and she stepped closer to Xena. "I need you to escort Zoe to the Western Amazon Nation." Petra was silent for a long while. Electra moved to Petra who encircled her in her embrace, and the two women looked at Xena. Xena sat back down, and Petra moved to the other seat facing her.
"That's at least a hundred leagues. Why me? Where will you be? Why not take her yourself?" Petra spoke realizing Xena was serious.
Xena leaned forward and began, "By horseback it will take over a fortnight of hard riding, by ship four days and another day's travel by horse. Gabrielle cannot travel by ship. Makes her deathly ill, and I am not willing to risk her life or make her that miserable. The trip over land is extremely difficult and dangerous especially for a small child. I'm afraid Zoe will be unable to survive the trip. I have to remain with Gabrielle." Finished, Xena leaned back in her chair waiting for Petra's reply.
"I think you owe me some explanations," Petra said. "First, why do you want me to do this; why not someone else?" Electra moved closer to Petra not liking the fact that she might actually agree to this long trip.
Xena sighed, knowing she would have to open up to this woman she said, "You are the only woman in this village I trust with my child. I know you can defend her as well as I. I also know what's in your heart if you remember. You are a warrior like me." Using Petra’s own words against her. Then remembering Petra and Electra were only recently lovers she added, "Take Electra with you, and the two of you take care of Zoe for me. Once you have reached the Western Amazons, you can stay with them as long as you like. You will be treated well there."
"You are calling Zoe your child; I thought you told me she was not your child," Petra reminded her.
"And I recall you telling me she was," Xena said and then paused as a frown creased her brow. She sighed at her memories and said, "Her birth mother was someone very close to me. Don't ask me to explain it, but Zoe is my child too." Petra nodded.
After a moment of contemplation, Petra asked, "And, my warrior friend, what of you and Gabrielle?" Xena's sky-blue eyes became stormy.
Xena's gaze shifted to the floor unhappy with the turn of the conversation she mumbled, "I don't know. I have to deal with some things that have been inside me a long time. I thought they were all resolved, but I have recently rediscovered them. I won't ask Gabrielle to wait for me. It wouldn't be fair to her, and I can't continue to watch her suffer."
Petra shook her head, "I can't believe you, Xena," she said. "Why can't you just accept the gifts offered you? Why are you so hard on yourself? You and Gabrielle are kindred spirits linked eternally. Why fight it? "
Xena frowned as she listened and thought to herself, `I wish I could be as certain as everyone else is about us.'
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Two days later Gabrielle and Xena mounted Argo and left the comfort of Queen Philippa's hospitality, all the planning completed and good-byes said. Zoe would be transported later that day on a ship bound for Abdera. Petra would lead an escort party of four Amazon warriors and with Electra would provide safe transportation for the child. Xena was thankful that Zoe had taken an instant liking to the big warrior and Electra. The good-byes were less difficult that way although Gabrielle cried after they left the limits of the village.
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Chapter 26
Astacus was only twenty leagues from Calchedon. Four days' ride and they would ferry across the Bosporus and be in Byzantium. From there they would be a fortnight from Arborea if all went well. Xena was anxious to complete the trip and be reunited with Zoe. She, however, did not look forward to facing Ephiny, Eponin, and the other Amazons. She hoped she could avoid a confrontation with her Amazon friends. She would use the excuse that they needed to leave quickly for Amphipolis to relieve Cyrene's mind and let her know they were safely home. Perhaps there would not be time to question hers and Gabrielle's relationship.
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Days blurred as the two traveled through the rugged country side, and they fell into the routine of the journey. Breaking camp every morning and making camp each evening only added to the tedium of the trek through the strange land. The desolation ensured them that they would not be greeted by any wayward travelers or accosted by bandits. The monotony of the journey was only disrupted briefly by the day they spent in Calchedon and Byzantium. They spent one night in an inn in Byzantium so that they could refresh in a warm bath and have a good meal. Xena was surprised that Gabrielle did not even mention the markets of Byzantium; it was known far and wide that they sported the finest markets in the Greek world. She assumed that Gabrielle was just too tired to bother with her usual passion, shopping, and only wished to be home.
They had hardly spoken to each other over the last five days. Xena was wrapped in her own world reliving over and over the events in her life that always seemed to rise out of the gloomy recesses of her mind to remind her of who she was and where she had been. Her preoccupation kept her tongue even quieter than usual as her body automatically carried out the essential functions like riding, eating and sleeping. She never noticed the grim expression on her silent companion's face as Gabrielle studied the stranger before her. She never remembered to revisit the realization that Gabrielle quit writing in her scrolls although there was plenty of things to write about over the last moon. She didn't observe that Gabrielle's appetite was poor, and she only picked at her food. She didn't hear the deafening stillness that cried out from Gabrielle's silent lips. Even if she had noticed all these things, she probably would have done nothing about it; she was powerless to battle her internal demons let alone lift the spirit of another. Besides, she believed it was better this way.
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When Petra and Electra arrived in Abdera with Zoe, they were greeted by Amazons who patrolled the docks. Although the harbor was open to all Greek shipping, it was under the auspices of the Amazon Nation, and it was closely guarded by a large Amazon military unit. Immediately being recognized as fellow Amazons, the escort party was delivered to the harbor commander. When Petra explained their mission and the fact that the child they escorted was Queen Gabrielle and the Warrior Princesses', they were quickly provided a well equipped party of warriors to guide them inland to Queen Ephiny. Word had arrived in Abdera that Queen Gabrielle had chosen Xena as her consort over a moon ago, and the Amazons were anxious to provide protection for the child who evidently from the looks of her was Xena’s offspring. The commander of Abdera also sped word to Queen Ephiny that Xena's daughter would be arriving within a day in the escort of six Eastern Province Amazons and a military unit from Abdera.
When Ephiny received the message from Abdera, she thought there had to be some kind of mistake. How could Xena have a daughter? Better yet, when would she have found time? Ephiny immediately called Eponin and made plans to ride out with the welcoming party and see for herself.
Ephiny was struck by the sight she beheld when her party intercepted the Abdera warriors. There on a large war-horse rode a tall, dark Amazon warrior, seated behind her was a petite woman smaller, than Ephiny. In front of the large woman, a raven-haired child. Ephiny stopped dead in her tracks when the child's serious gaze fell upon her. Sitting before her atop the horse was a miniature version of Xena. It wasn't just her eyes and her hair; it was also her demeanor. Everything about the child, with the exception of the dark freckles sprinkled across the bridge of her nose, screamed Xena. Ephiny looked at Eponin who sat astride her horse in equal shock. Finally Ephiny spoke to Eponin, "You and Xena are close; did you know anything about this?" Eponin only shook her head in bewilderment.
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Two days out of Byzantium the terrain gradually transformed into the rugged, mountainous region dotted with pleasant valleys and green mountain passes of Eastern Thrace. Gabrielle's heart lightened at the more familiar landscape and the cool early morning air, but Xena seemed even more distant and extremely tense. Gabrielle noted the stiffening through her body as the warrior's senses snapped out of their automatic mode and leaped into high alert. Gabrielle looked around but could distinguish nothing that should put Xena in such a state of anxiety. As they plodded along, signs of civilization became more apparent. Olive trees grew in long rows and stacks of hay dotted a hillside in the distance. She knew they would soon be nearing a small hamlet. Xena pulled Argo up short, causing the horse to whinny in alarm and actually take a step back into the pack horse that followed them. Xena stood in the stirrups and leaned her head out searching the dirt road they followed. She tilted her head listening for any sound that might help her identify the danger she could feel crawling up her skin. She then tapped Argo's sides, and they edged slowly down the trail. Gabrielle could tell Xena was sniffing the air. Gabrielle strained to see or hear anything, but she could detect nothing out of the ordinary. She knew, however, when it came to danger, Xena seldom made a mistake.
"Smell that?" Gabrielle jumped at the sound of Xena's voice.
It had been so long since she had heard Xena say anything and since she had used her voice that when she started to answer, she found she first had to clear her throat, "N...no. What is it, Xena?"
Xena stopped Argo again and replied, "Death." She then reined Argo off the main trail and cut through a small green field and into a large stand of trees. Eventually she came to a small underground stream that gurgled out of a protected rock face and cut its own path down to the bedrock and flowed through the forest. Gabrielle knew Xena had been there before. There was no other way she could have possibly known about this place otherwise. Xena eased Gabrielle down and jumped to the ground. Turning to Gabrielle with a stern look on her face, she stated, "I want you to stay here with the horses, and make camp. There is a village over that ridge." She indicated with her chin. "It's about a league from here. I'm going to see if there is anything I can do." Xena turned and started to walk away when Gabrielle called after her.
Tired of inactivity and assuming the villagers were having trouble with some bandits or the like, Gabrielle pleaded, "Xena, let me come with you."
Xena swung around and grabbed Gabrielle by the upper arms, stared down with dark, icy eyes and said in a harsh, demanding voice, "Gabrielle, no. You are to stay here. Do not come anywhere near that village." Shocked, Gabrielle struggled in her grip and tried to pull away. Then Xena shook her roughly and commanded coldly, "Do what you are told to do, and stop acting like a child." Xena released her as Gabrielle jerked away almost losing her footing. She stared at Xena disbelieving what had just happened and rubbed her arms which were sure to have bruises later. Xena then raised her index finger at Gabrielle and warned her again, "Stay here until I get back." She turned quickly on her heels and loped off in the direction of the village.
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Before Xena even entered the hamlet, her fears were confirmed. The smell was unmistakable. Burning, diseased and rotted, human flesh was a smell that she would never forget. As she entered the village, victims of the illness were scattered here and there dying where they dropped. Burning with a raging fever and in the throes of delirium, they had become disoriented and using their remaining strength tried to escape the curse. Xena followed the sickening smell of burning flesh through the town to the pits she knew she would find. The pits were full, but no one tended them, and the fires had burned out. Then she went back into the town to find oil to burn the bodies and to search for survivors. There were usually a few who would be left if they had not run off in a feeble attempt to escape the fate of their neighbors. Of course, all this did was to condemn anyone they came in contact with to the same fate.
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Gabrielle examined the angry red marks on her arms in disbelief. She had no idea what she had done to warrant such treatment. Her mind actively tried to analyze what had gone wrong. Xena never treated her this coldly before they had become lovers, or rather before Chloe's death. Sure she had been distant, unreasonable at times, and overly protective, but she had never touched her in anger. She flopped down on a rock and stared off in the direction Xena had run. Then she wondered at her own reaction. Funny, a month ago if Xena would have done this, Gabrielle knew her heart would have been broken. She snorted and thought `I guess Xena's indifference is rubbing off on me.'
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After a thorough search of the small village, Xena discovered a score of healthy individuals, mostly young men. The inn and stables she found filled with at least fifty or sixty people who were either dead or dying and suffering from different stages of the disease or who had weathered the worst of the ravages of the disease and were beginning their recuperation. She rounded up the young, healthy men and practically at sword point convinced them they were going to remove the dead from the make-shift hospital and burn the bodies. Along with the village men, she threw herself into carting the dead out of the hospital. Together they tossed the corpses onto carts and took their remains to the pits. After several candlemarks of dirty, hard work, Xena and her troops began disposing of the bodies that littered the streets.
She then sent a detail of six to search every building in the town for bodies. Another six she sent to find the sick and to bring them to the make-shift hospital. The remaining eight she gathered around her in front of the inn and instructed them on their duties. Some were to clean the building; others were to categorize the ill and move them into different sections according to how ill or in what stage of the illness they were. She then briefly outlined the stages of the disease. When they were finished, they were all to bathe the patients and provide them fresh water and food. After receiving their instructions, Xena lead her men into the inn. As they moved into the building, Xena began to give orders when her voice failed her as her eyes fell on a woman tending the sick. Xena's heart skipped several beats. Fear jumped into her throat and she reflexively stepped back; her body felt like lead. She thought for a brief moment she would be ill. The men standing around her looked at her curiously and waited expectantly for her commands. Realizing none were forthcoming, they all followed her gaze to the young blonde woman kneeling beside an ill patient.
In the time it took to bat an eye Xena covered the distance between herself and Gabrielle. She reached down and jerked Gabrielle to her feet. Gabrielle was shocked as the violent jolt slammed her teeth together. When she realized it was Xena who dragged her to her feet, she was angry until she saw the emotions playing across Xena's face. Without a word, Xena clasped Gabrielle to her chest and hugged her tightly. A sob escaped her chest. Gabrielle pulled back and looked up into Xena's eyes and read abject fear there mixed with a mass of other unspoken feelings. Xena took Gabrielle by the hand and lead her out of the inn. Silently she unharnessed one of the horses they had used earlier and lifted Gabrielle to its back. She swung on behind her, held her tightly between her arms, turned the horse towards their camp, and kicked it into a gallop.
When they arrived in camp, Xena leaped from the animal's back before it came to a full stop. She helped Gabrielle down and then slapped the horse on the rump. It galloped out of their camp and turned back towards its village. Xena immediately built a campfire, directed her attention to Gabrielle, and commanded, "Give me your clothes, and get in the stream and scrub every bit of your body including your hair. Don't come out until I tell you to."
Gabrielle complied but asked at the same time, "What is it, Xena?" as she handed over her clothing. Xena tossed each item of clothing into the blazing fire. "Xena, what are you doing?" Xena looked up at Gabrielle standing naked before her and began a visual examination of her body. As Gabrielle's skirt was dropped into the flames, Xena jumped to her feet and touched the skin at Gabrielle's waist. Gabrielle searched Xena's face for an explanation. Xena did not answer but fingered three tiny red marks on Gabrielle's belly.
Xena asked hopefully, "Gabrielle, did you have these this morning?"
Gabrielle averted her gaze and examined the insignificant marks that concerned Xena. "I don't think so, why?" She searched Xena's face and thought Xena was going to cry for a moment. "Tell me what's going on, Xena?"
Pushing Gabrielle towards the stream she replied, "Gabrielle, we don't have time to talk; we must act fast."
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Three candlemarks later Xena made camp in a large cave several leagues from the cursed village. In the rear of the cave a cold spring pooled into a shallow, clear lake. After scrubbing herself and Gabrielle clean in the cold forest stream, she hurried Gabrielle onto Argo, and she raced against darkness to reach this cave and complete her preparations. There she built a fire, gathered extra firewood and armloads of soft grass for a bed for Gabrielle. She also snared a rabbit and dressed it and set it to roasting. Gabrielle was unsure what to do or how to react; Xena promised her she would explain everything when all preparations had been made. Gabrielle hoped she would also explain what she meant by that too. When Xena finally spoke, it was not what Gabrielle expected, "Gabrielle, when that rabbit is done, I want you to eat as much of it as possible. You will need your strength. There is a town not far from here; I'm going to ride there and get some things I will need. I won't be gone long, and when I return, we'll talk." Then Xena did something very unexpected; she took Gabrielle's face in her callused hands and gently kissed her lips. Before Gabrielle could say a word, Xena swung into the saddle and galloped out of camp.
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Much to Gabrielle's relief, three candlemarks later Xena came galloping back into camp through the darkness. She tended Argo and then carried her new supplies into the cave and stored them on natural rock shelves that had been created ages ago by rushing, underground rivers. She reached into a bag, withdrew a loaf of bread and sat down next to Gabrielle in front of the fire and said, "Here," handing her the bread, "eat as much of this as you can."
Gabrielle took the bread and broke off a chunk and said, "Xena, this bread has mold on it."
"I know. I bought several loaves for you." Gabrielle gave her a strange look. "It might help fight the illness," Xena explained.
Gabrielle dropped her hands and said, "How can you be so sure I'm going to get sick? What about you? You were carrying the dead and throwing bodies over your shoulder. Your not invincible, Xena. What if you get sick?"
Xena drew in a large breath and released a sigh. "I can't get this sickness, Gabrielle, because I already had it." Gabrielle looked curiously into Xena's face. "Once you have had it and if you survive, you cannot get it again. That's the only reason I went into the village to help."
Gabrielle suddenly realized the seriousness of the situation and she asked, "You think I will become ill?" Xena nodded painfully; her throat tightening at the thought of what was going to happen. "How can you be so sure?" Gabrielle said, "Some of those people didn't get it."
"I think the illness is caused by flea bites. You have three bites on your stomach. I don't know how this happens, but I had the same thing," Xena explained trying hard to hide her fear.
The look on Xena's face alarmed Gabrielle, "Xena, you survived this illness. I have you here with me to help me. Surely I can beat it too," Gabrielle said trying not only to convince Xena but herself as well.
Continued...Part 5 of 5 (Conclusion)