The old woman held Raisa tightly to her and wept. Raisa was immediately filled with guilt and regret.
"I’m sorry it’s been so long Nona." She held the old woman in a tight embrace as well. "I’ve been busy…. I should have come sooner."
"How long can you stay this time?" The old lady was looking into her eyes now.
"A few days, I can only stay a few days," Raisa said sadly looking away.
"Come, let us sit in the shade for awhile."
Raisa followed Nona to the verandah and sat next to her.
"Antonio bought some new horses. You might like to see if there is one that might please you in the bunch." Nona looked at her tentatively.
"No, I will just ride whatever when I come to visit. There is no need for me to select an animal for myself."
"Raisa, you must forgive yourself for Furioso. You must let that go," Nona said gently.
Raisa got up quickly and walked over to the railing. She looked at the sights that once had given her so much joy and somehow she realized she had lost that feeling. She no longer felt peaceful here.
"I killed him Nona. He trusted me and I killed him." She spoke with no emotion.
"Raisa…"
"We can’t lie to each other you and I." Raisa turned and was now facing the old woman. "I killed him."
Nona looked down unable to dispute the truthfulness of the words. "You were not yourself in those days."
"That is no excuse, he trusted me, loved me and I, with no regard, took his life because…" Raisa turned her back to the old woman unable or unwilling to continue.
Nona looked up now. "If you speak about her perhaps the ghosts will leave you," the old woman said softly. "Raisa…"
"No," Raisa simply said.
"Mi Angel…" My Angel…
"I don’t want to have this conversation," Raisa stared firmly.
"Raisa, you have to let this anger go. It is making you…"
"Evil!" Raisa and faced the old woman with a cold mask on her features.
"No mi angel, you are not evil," the old woman said sadly.
"You are the only one that believes that." Raisa walked further down the verandah then turned to face Nona again.
"I am getting old Raisa, I want you to find some peace before I leave this world."
Raisa suddenly closed the distance between them and knelt down in front of the old woman.
"Are you ill Nona?"
The old woman smiled and caressed Raisa’s face lovingly. "Not ill little one, just old."
Raisa put her head on the old woman’s lap and as expected the Nona caressed the dark tresses.
"I have missed you little one," the old woman said softly as tears ran down her face. "You have let this anger live inside you too long. All your passion for life has turned into something else." Nona continued to speak softly and gently to her.
"You are all I have Nona," Raisa said and looked up at the old woman.
"You must allow yourself to love Raisa. Or you will disappear one day. Mi angel, I won’t always be here. I want you to allow your self to love again."
"I don’t want love. I don’t need it," she said curtly and got up.
"Raisa!"
"No! People like me should just stay away from those sentiments. Have you forgotten it all? Don’t make me into something that I ‘m not! Don’t lie to yourself."
"Raisa! Andreas’ death was not your fault!" Nona said firmly.
"I should have been there. All he ever wanted to do was live here in his beloved Virago, he went into Copeco because of me, because of all that happened when…" she trailed off.
"After Carolyn left. Why don’t you say her name and go on with your life."
"Because I can’t! Because she was my life. Because…. Nothing mattered after she left me." Raisa finished saying and she turned her back to the woman as her eyes began to fill with tears. "Because, when she left I felt nothing. I ran Furioso to his death. I …only thought of what I wanted. Andreas came to Copeco because I wanted it. He died out in that rig because I sent him." She finished with a sob.
Nona walked up to her and held her tightly. Raisa tried to pull away at first then just allowed herself to let go finally.
"All I know how to do is destroy Nona. All that I ever loved I have destroyed." Raisa pulled away and stared out into the forest. "I can’t even feel anymore. I can’t or I won’t… I don’t know." She closed her eyes and at that moment Nona saw the years that had passed show on her face.
"Mi Angel…"
"I can’t even be here at Virago."
"Andreas would have wanted…"
Raisa interrupted. "It’s not Andreas!" She continued softly. "It’s her. Don’t you see Nona… it’s still her. I never learned to live without her. I just exist."
"Then change your destiny."
"What?" Raisa turned and laughed. "Nona, it’s been 10 years. Its too late."
"When your mother left…"
"I don’t want to talk about..." Raisa interrupted only to be interrupted by Nona.
"You will listen! When your mother left she was hurt inside and angry; mostly she was frightened. Martin was a lot like you." Nona was looking at her very seriously now.
Raisa looked down.
"He should have gone after her. She loved him even then. She would have come back."
Raisa stared at her in disbelief. "Come back to what? To his anger; to this country that she hated? To those who loved her!" Raisa stood in shock of what she had just said.
"Yes, to come back to those that loved her," Nona continued softly. "She loved all of you. He shut her out because she had hurt him. She was the only one that could and it was more than he wanted to admit." Nona looked towards Raisa and noticed that she was really listening.
"Adele would have come back. They were both too frightened and too proud."
Raisa looked at her now. Her eyes showing all the insecurity and fear that she held inside her.
"You don’t have to make the same mistakes. Change your destiny Raisa or you will be no better. You can start by picking out a horse tomorrow."
Raisa looked at the old woman. Encouraged by her silence Nona continued.
"Ride around Virago. Allow your self to find the peace it once gave you. And open up that room." Nona finished saying sadly. "Walk inside it and allow yourself to remember."
Nona kissed her on the cheek and left her. Raisa looked out into the lush jungle in front of her and wondered if perhaps she should try.
~~~~~~~~~~
Later on that night after dinner she took a walk around the house. Somehow and without having planned it she stood in front of the French doors that had been closed for almost 10 years. She tried the doorknobs and was surprised to find that they turned easily. She opened them and walked inside the bedroom. It was spotlessly clean and yet all that had been left there that night was still in the same place. The dress she had worn that night was still over the chair. Small details to some but it gave one a feeling like she had just been there only a few minutes ago.
Raisa walked over to the vanity and lightly touched the perfume bottle that she had given….
She picked up the bottle, opened it and brought the snifter to her nose. As the scent filled her senses she finally said the name that she could not bear to hear out loud.
"Carolyn…Carolyn…" The tears that she had not shed all of a sudden seemed to come forth. "Carolyn…" She fell to her knees and cried into the night.
~~~~~~~~~~
"Mom…Mom?"
Carolyn sat in front of her desk staring out the window.
"Mom?" Simon called out again, walking closer to her.
"Oh! Simon, I’m sorry sweetheart. I was distracted." She smiled at her son and walked up to him and kissed him on the cheek. "How was school today?"
"Oh, you know. Mom can we go to the mall later? I need to get something."
"What happened to your car?"
"Nothing, my car’s fine. I thought you and I might eat something and maybe see a movie or something."
Carolyn smiled. "You thought that, hmmm?"
"Yeah, maybe we could do some shopping you know…. And maybe stop by a few stores."
"You want new clothes, hmmm?"
"Oh come on mom," he said laughing at having been caught out.
"Okay, let’s me see if Amanda can have dinner with your grandparents."
"Sounds good, I’ll leave my stuff upstairs and then we can take off."
"All right."
~~~~~~~~~~
The mall was full of people as it usually was on a Friday afternoon. They had done some shopping and sat down near the food court. They finally decided to have a few things from different vendors and both mother and son began to eat their meal before going to see the movie they had both finally agreed on.
"Mom?"
"What Simon?"
Simon looked at her sadly. "You do that a lot more now," he said simply.
"Do what darling?"
"You kind of just leave."
"Simon, what are you talking about?" She asked while laughing.
"I’m older now Mom," he said to her.
Carolyn still looked at him not quite understanding what he was trying to discuss.
"I knew about you and her," he said suddenly and looked down at his food now.
Carolyn just froze and stared at her son.
Simon looked up and saw the uncertainty in his mother’s eyes.
"I always knew," he said and looked down at his food again. "I didn’t understand a lot of things then."
"Simon, I don’t understand" Carolyn was not sure exactly where this conversation was going or what it was that Simon was exactly referring to.
"That night," he looked up at his mother then looked back down again. "I heard you and Raisa."
"What did you hear?" Carolyn could feel the shakiness in her voice.
"I heard it all. Then Dad came in and all that other stuff that happened…" he trailed off.
Carolyn held both her hands together in front of her. She locked her hands together to stop their shaking. Suddenly Simon’s hand was over hers. Carolyn looked up with tear filled eyes.
"I understand a lot more about stuff now Mom," he said sadly to her.
"Simon, I don’t know what to say to you." Tears started rolling down her face.
"You started just drifting off like that when we came back here."
She stared at her son not quite understanding yet trying to.
"You just look out somewhere and you leave."
"Simon, I’m sorry," Carolyn said softly and looked down at his hand still over hers.
"No, I’m the one who is sorry Mom."
"Honey, you…"
"I remember you tried talking to me when we went back to Caracas. I told you that if we didn’t leave and we stayed there with her I would leave with my father."
"Simon, you were a child."
"Mom, I knew, okay." He looked away feeling ashamed. "I knew Mom. I knew you wanted to go back to her. I knew."
"Simon," Carolyn said gently. "That was a long time ago. And I made the right choice."
Suddenly he seemed desperate to discuss this with her.
"Maybe you can try to talk to her."
"No, that was a long time ago Simon. And I left because I chose to not because of anything you might have said. I don’t want you to carry this guilt inside you. I chose Simon, I chose."
"Mom, I just want you to be happy. I know you’re not. I was a stupid kid. I didn’t want to see a lot of things then." He looked ashamed again. "If being with a woman is what makes you happy than I want that for you."
"Oh Simon, that’s is very good of you. But darling..."
"If you want to leave my father I will go with you, Mom, and so will Amanda."
Carolyn looked surprised.
"I know you aren’t happy Mom. I know all the stuff that has happened all these years. I know about Amanda too."
"Simon…"
"I won’t ever tell her I swear," Simon said quickly.
"Simon darling, I don’t know what you think you know. But…"
"Mom, I remember you crying telling her how he raped you."
Carolyn stared and saw the pain in her son’s eyes.
"Simon…" She didn’t know how to answer this or how to comfort him.
"Mom, I know about all the women and I know that he treats you like shit."
"Simon…"
"Sorry Mom. I know you don’t like me talking like that. But that’s what he is."
"Simon…"
"I want you to be happy Mom. I remember how you laughed when you were happy."
"Simon…" Carolyn allowed the tears to finally fall freely down her face.
"Let’s go watch that movie Mom." He squeezed her hands and smiled at her. "We can talk some more later, okay? I just wanted you to know that I want you to be happy. And I will go with you wherever that happiness may be. okay?"
Carolyn smiled at her son. "Okay Simon. When did you grow up anyway?" She smiled as she asked.
"It kind of snuck up on me," he said and they both laughed together.
~~~~~~~~~~
Raisa woke up lying on the floor. She had fallen asleep wallowing in her pain and feeling her inadequacy. She got up and walked out into the open verandah just as the sun came over the horizon. She looked around Virago and tried to remember the inner peace she used to get. So much had changed. No longer did she have Andreas to remind her of her humanity and to believe in it.
And then she allowed herself to think of Furioso. How could she have had such little regard? Raisa took a deep breath. Perhaps Carolyn had been right. There was too much violence in her. She had killed that animal without a second thought. All that she knew that day was that Carolyn was leaving and that she had to reach the plane before it took off with her. She had killed that fine and noble animal. She had thought of nothing but what she wanted. Raisa shook her head trying to dispel the guilt she still carried within her.
And what of Andreas? She was responsible for so much pain. At that moment she also came to terms with her violent nature and accepted it. She would not deny what and who she was anymore. There were times that she denied it, like with Carolyn, and times that she wrestled with it. God knows Andreas had known that. And then there were the times that she had just nullified her humanity and done whatever it took to win. Like with Copeco and all that had happened 10 years ago. She had justified over and over again each and every death. And perhaps, it was just, that she never felt any joy. How many had died so that her power and wealth would grow and surpass what any human being could ever need or want?
Raisa looked out and silently prayed for a sign of something. Some spark that would let her know that she was still alive. The only time she felt anything was when she remembered Carolyn from time to time within the last few years. Then all she felt was pain and more pain. She was ashamed to admit she didn’t even weep for Andreas anymore. She had lost the ability to feel anything other than that.
Living had become choices of percentages. How much could be lost so that more was gained? How many people were expendable so that the company would thrive? It was all math. Nothing was real. Life meant nothing. How could it? She had nothing to loose.
~~~~~~~~~~
Copeco had its annual meeting as usual in Dallas, Texas. All executives attended the weeklong conferences. These were also the times that redistricting of different areas was announced and transfers solidified. One obvious difference in this conference was that the CEO of Copeco would be attending the gala celebration. The office was buzzing with this news when Matt walked in one morning.
"What’s all the excitement Claire?" Matt leaned over with a bright smile. He had been trying to get Claire to go out with him for the last four months.
"All execs just got a memo that Ms Andieta will be at the gala dinner this year. Your memo is on your desk."
Matt quickly went into his office and looked at the memo lying on the middle of his desk. Raisa was coming. He knew that one day this would happen. He told him self over and over again to play it cool.
"Matt, did you know she was coming?" Claire asked from behind him.
"Naturally, but I couldn’t say anything." Matt turned around with his confident smile.
"Do you know when she is actually coming in?"
"I’m sorry Claire, I really can’t say. Raisa is a very private person."
"Oh, of course. Will you introduce me Matt?" Claire was hanging on his every word.
"If that’s what would please you, yes, of course." Matt smiled devilishly.
"And who am I suppose to be meeting?" A voice from the door made them both turn around.
Matt froze instantly.
"May I help you?" Claire walked up to the dark haired woman in front of her.
"Claire!" Matt held her back by the arm. "This is Ms Raisa Andieta."
Claire was surprised then could not stop talking. "Oh Ms Andieta, it’s such a pleasure to finally meet you. I read the articles about you in Money Magazine and the one in Fortune 500 last month! It’s such a pleasure to meet you!" She continued shaking Raisa’s hand.
"Yes, I can see that," she said soberly, looking Matt. Matt immediately intervened.
"You must let go of her hand now Claire."
Claire looked embarrassed. "Oh, I’m sorry. Matt has told me so much about you."
"Has he now," Raisa said with a sardonic smile. "All good I hope Matt."
"Of course, of course." Matt laughed but Raisa could see him beginning to sweat.
"Now, if you don’t mind I would like a few minutes with Mr. Stenbeck," Raisa said as she walked into the office and sat down behind Matt’s desk.
Claire looked at Matt uncomfortably and left the office closing the door behind her.
"Sit down, please," Raisa purred.
Matt sat down without uttering a word.
"I plan to attend the gala this year and to hand out the promotions and so on. I am making some changes in management and I want to see all the execs. First hand. I will of course count on your advice and guidance."
There, he said to himself. She had given him a way of saving face.
Matt nodded his head and accepted the offering. Their pact was still intact.
~~~~~~~~~~
"Amanda, you simply cannot do things your way just because you want them!" Carolyn said to the child, trying to contain the anger in her voice.
"Ms. Wasneski is an idiot!" The child said and turned her face away from her mother defiantly.
"Amanda!"
"Well, she is Mom! She babbles on and on about things that are absolutely ridiculous. I asked her a real question and she said I was insolent because she didn’t know the answer. I know that’s why!" The child blurted out.
"Amanda darling, you can’t keep on with this behavior. I know that history is a subject that you love, but, sometimes you have to focus on what’s expected in class and do more on your own." Carolyn tried to sound reasonable.
"I thought that school is for learning," Amanda said pouting in defiance.
"Yes, school is for learning. It’s also so that we may learn to deal with people. You can’t always challenge people Mandy…most will push back."
"Hmmm…"
"You have to learn that some things are just not acceptable. I know that you are a very intelligent girl. I know that. Your teacher knows that. But, it doesn’t give you the right to make fun of others."
"I don’t do that, mom," She said looking ashamed now.
"We have to watch what we say darling. Sometimes words really hurt."
The child looked out the car window and really thought about what her mother said. She looked towards her mother again. "When someone says awful things it means that they don’t like you."
"Yes."
The child looked at her mother awhile longer then out the car window once more without saying another word.
~~~~~~~~~~
Raisa walked into the boardroom. All of the executives of Copeco in Dallas, Texas were present. She gave them detailed information as to what she expected to happen at the upcoming one-week conference for Copeco.
Suddenly, the agenda to the conference was changed but not one person in the room voiced a protest. All knew better to challenge Raisa Andieta. Her temper and her retaliation to opposition were legendary.
Everyone left the boardroom with unpleasant looks on their faces. All of a sudden they had to plan a whole new conference within two days. Matt was the only one whose feathers seemed unruffled. Her presence in the boardroom and her referring to him had established the pecking order early on in the game. All knew that he has her right hand man.
As all left them both alone now Matt made the invitation he dreaded making. "Ms Andieta, if you are not busy this evening I would like to invite you to dinner."
"At your house?" Her comeback was quick.
"Yes, if you like of course," he immediately added, being thrown off course.
"Thank you, but no. This trip won’t be a long one and I have pressing business to see to in Europe." She dismissed him with just a look.
He got up and walked out with a sigh of relief.
~~~~~~~~~~
The next day things still seemed to be on overdrive for Carolyn. She had woken up with a restlessness that she had not felt for a long time. The afternoon was the culmination.
"Mom, it’s not as bad as it seems," Simon said to his mother as she walked in further into the room
"Oh my God!" Carolyn gasped.
"He hit me first!" Amanda exclaimed.
Carolyn looked at Simon who looked elsewhere.
"Amanda, you have a black eye! What happened?" Carolyn asked as she was trying to gage her daughter’s injury.
"Jarod is a pain. He is always going on and on about how much better boys are then girls."
"And?"
"I told him he was a girl!"
"Amanda!"
"He swung at me, and missed so I slugged him!" She said proudly.
"How did you get this black eye?"
"His two other friends then started fighting too."
"But…"
The phone rang and Carolyn went to answer it signaling her children to wait.
"Hello?"
There was a moment of silence.
"Yes, Ms Wasneski, I am talking to her right now." Carolyn replied once the person on the other end identified herself. "No, I didn’t hear that. Of course I will talk to her. Yes. Tomorrow at 9am is fine. Thank you for calling me."
Carolyn turned around to face her daughter again.
"Oh-oh, I think she knows Mandy," Simon said under his breath.
"What did you do to the computer lab?"
~~~~~~~~~~
All four members of the Stenbeck family were sitting around the dinner table. And as usual all ate quietly.
"What happened to your eye?" Asked Matt, annoyed as usual.
"I was in a fight in school," Amanda answered.
Matt looked at Carolyn. "We have a conference tomorrow at 9am at her school. They want us both to come," she said to him.
"I can’t."
"Matt, this is important."
"I can’t, the whole office is in an uproar. Raisa Andieta will be attending the conference and gala this year and she has changed the whole program."
"Raisa is here?" Carolyn said before she could stop herself.
"Yes, she got here yesterday. And with her usual panache she has all in an uproar," Matt said curtly, put his napkin down and left the room.
Carolyn got up as well and followed him out the door and into the grand room.
"Matt, I really wish you would try to make this meeting tomorrow. Amanda is out of control. I want you to actively participate here!" Her irritation finally got his attention.
"Carolyn you always deal with the children, you know that," he said exasperated.
"She’s getting into trouble all the time Matt, I don’t know what to do or how to reason with her. Perhaps if you…"
"Oh no! Don’t lay this guilt trip on me!"
"I’m not, but she is our daughter. We have to try and make some sense out of this behavior before it becomes more destructive. She’s getting into fights, she’s acting up in class; Matt, I need your help!"
"I would know how to deal with her if she were a boy."
"How? Like Simon? You barely give him the time of day!" Carolyn was really angry now.
"He is more like you than me!"
"And Amanda? What’s your excuse with Amanda?"
"If I didn’t know any better…"
"What? What!"
"It’s a joke isn’t it?"
"What are you going on about Matt?" Carolyn asked in frustration.
"Carolyn, if it were at all possible I would say she was Raisa Andieta’s bastard!"
Carolyn stared at him in disbelief. They had never openly discussed this.
"You think I didn’t put two and two together? All that bitch needs is a cock!" He growled at her.
"She doesn’t need one Matt." With that Carolyn walked out the room and left Matt speechless.
~~~~~~~~~~
Carolyn walked out of the room to bump straight into her children who both stood in front of her horrified. Carolyn wanted the ground to open up and swallow her whole.
"Mommy? Why doesn’t daddy love me?"
Carolyn knelt down in front of her daughter. She tried touching her and the child pulled away. "Who is Raisa Andieta?"
Carolyn stared unable to speak.
"Mandy…" Simon knelt in front of her. "You know dad says some real dumb things sometimes." He was being so gentle with her.
"He said that I was her bastard!"
"No, darling, that’s not what he said." Carolyn again tried reaching for her daughter.
"I don’t understand!" Amanda screamed
Amanda ran and Simon went after her. Carolyn’s world was whirling out of hands. She took a deep breath to control herself and then turned to go after the children to see how much damage had occurred.
At that very moment Matt came out of the room. "What’s the ruckus?"
"Amanda heard us arguing. She heard what you said."
"Well, I have a lot of work to do tonight for this conference, keep her quiet Carolyn."
With that Carolyn lost what little control she had left.
"You conceited son of a bitch!" She went to slap him and he caught her arm and pushed her away.
"As usual you are getting over emotional," he merely said as he tried to straighten his jacket.
"Don’t you care about them at all Matt? Was I so blind? Have you always been this callous ass hole?"
They both stood looking at each other. Matt broke the eye contact first. "I’m sorry she overheard," was all he said before he walked over to his office never looking back, locking the door behind him.
Carolyn’s hand shook as she brought it up to her face. She felt flushed. She immediately turned around and went after Simon and Amanda.
~~~~~~~~~~
Half way through the conferences Matt found out that the European position might become available within the upcoming year. He remembered that Raisa had mentioned that she had pressing business in Europe. If he played his cards right that much sought after position might be his.
"Matt!"
Matt turned around and saw the general manager of Rig 54, Harry Pentak, approaching.
"Hello Harry," Matt said as both men shook hands.
"Have you heard Matt?" Harry said below his breath.
"Heard?"
"Most of the general managers would support you, Matt, if you go for it. I want to remind you that I’m the president of that association."
"Thank you Harry," Matt said with a big smile. "I always remember my friends."
"I know you take care of your people Matt. I just wanted to let you know that we would support you just in case you need the muscle." Harry added.
"Thanks Harry, I have an ace myself."
"I know that you are suppose to be tight with Ms Ice herself but if the others…."
"Harry one thing I learned a long time ago is that whatever she says goes. None of those pricks would even try to cross her," and with that Matt laughed heartily.
~~~~~~~~~~
The final day of the conference was long and tedious so all were looking forward to the gala. All of Dallas showed up with all their finery. Most of the "who’s who" had something to do with the oil business and the cream of that crop worked for Copeco.
Raisa sat back and watched as the men in their tuxedos strolled around with cowboy boots and their 10-gallon hats while the women wore the most outrages gowns only to be outdone by the jewelry they displayed on their bodies.
Raisa went through the motions of giving her speech and handing out special mentions and awards all the time scanning the room waiting…. waiting but not wanting to admit who she was waiting for.
Finally she spotted Matt who walked in alone. He was immediate surrounded by both men and women. Carolyn was not with him.
Raisa decided that she was tired. They could finish this party without her. She said her good-byes to the governor and left the gala accompanied by her two bodyguards.
Matt had been late. He was supposed to have been there to do some of the presentations with her. The audacity of the man was beyond reason. All the antipathy she felt for him suddenly surfaced as she got into the private elevator that would take her straight to the penthouse.
When she got to her floor she immediately saw a situation unfolding before her.
A young man started walking towards her and was blocked by one of her bodyguards. The young man was thrown down to the floor.
"What in hell is going on here?" Raisa demanded.
"We caught him trying to sneak into your rooms, Ms Andieta. We will take care of this." One of the men suppose to be on security detail on her floor spoke.
"Wait! Raisa! It’s Simon," the boy said with his face against the carpet.
"Get off him! Now!"
They released Simon and he slowly got up.
Suddenly before her was a young man. No longer the boy that she remembered. He towered over her. And her inspection suddenly stopped in his eyes.
"You have your mother’s eyes."
"Yeah," he said with a floppy smile.
"Are you all right? Did they hurt you?" Raisa asked, as she looked him over.
"I’m sorry, Ms Andieta, but he…"
She cut in immediately. "It’s not bad enough that you wrestled a boy to the ground but you are going to give me
excuses?" "No Ma’am, that’s not…."
"Good, now do your job and tell me how he got up here?" She looked towards Simon who answered proudly.
"I got in through the service elevator," he added with a smile. He looked proud of himself. Raisa could not hide her smile either.
"Come in Simon." She led him into the main room of the Penthouse. "Would you like something to drink?"
"No, no thank you."
He walked around. "Wow, this is some place." He walked up to the glass wall and saw all of Dallas in front of him. "Wow, what a view!"
"Yes." Raisa watched him as he moved around the room. He was a part of Carolyn, her mind kept telling her over and over again and he was here.
"Why are you here Simon?" She asked as she sat down on the sofa and crossed her legs.
He turned around and walked over to a chair close to her and sat down. He seemed to be trying to find the words.
"Did your mother send you?"
"No!" His head suddenly came up. "She doesn’t know I’m here."
Raisa waited. The boy took a long breath and it all seemed to pour out of him.
"My mother is not happy. I know that you loved her once. Things between her and my father were never good but I thought…..I know that I was to blame for her leaving and coming back here."
"Simon…"
He did not let her speak. "I know that you two were….." He looked down to the floor. And Raisa said nothing. "I know that she loved you. I didn’t understand then. She was so happy then….I want to know if you still love her?"
Raisa never expected this. She got up and walked towards the glass wall in front of her. She spoke softly still with her back towards Simon.
"That was a long time ago Simon."
"My father doesn’t deserve her."
"She chose him."
"I told her I wouldn’t stay with her if she stayed." As soon as he said it she turned to face him. He looked ashamed and it showed on his young face. "She wanted to stay."
Raisa took a deep breath before speaking. This whole night had been something she had not expected.
"It was a long time ago Simon. We were both young. It’s been 10years."
"I know she still loves you."
"Matt, I don’t think we should be discussing your mother like this." She tried to put some distance between them.
"If you love her…"
"It’s not always enough Simon."
He looked at her and said nothing. She began to feel uncomfortable under his speculative eyes.
"I love my mother. He doesn’t. I know now he never has. I don’t know if he loves anyone beside himself. He takes a little part of her away almost every day. One day…. She will just disappear. At least I’m fighting for her. Amanda is just fighting. I thought that real love never dies?"
Raisa looked at him without so much as breathing. He walked up to her and kissed her lightly on the cheek. "That’s for being so good to me when we were at Virago. I never thanked you." He turned around and slowly walked out.
She walked again towards the glass wall. She looked on and saw all the lights before her. And in the reflection of the dark glass a tear could be seen escaping her eye as it ran down her face.
~~~~~~~~~~
The next day she was packed up and sitting on first class on her way back to Venezuela. She was going home. Europe would have to wait.
Suddenly her cell phone rang. "Oigo?" Hello? She became visibly pale.
"Have a jet fueled and ready for me at the airport!" Raisa said as her hands began to shake. Her life was coming full circle.
~~~~~~~~~~
She arrived at Virago and ran up the steps. No one had to tell her how grave the situation was, she could see it in their faces. Raisa went directly to the Nona’s room
"Nona!" She knelt down next to the bed.
"I’ve been waiting for you. I knew you would come." Raisa could see that the eyes seemed dull and not even her smile held that usual vibrancy.
"You have been very naughty, I should be angry with you," she said softly.
"No, don’t be angry Mi angel, I didn’t want to worry you." The old woman said with difficulty.
Raisa smiled and looked down as her hand covered Nona’s. She suddenly noticed how the old woman’s hand was frail and thin. She looked up again and all the fear that lay in her showed in her eyes.
"You must fight for your happiness. I know that there is so much love inside you Mi angel." Nona’s hand reached out and caressed the face that she had loved so dearly. She had given Raisa all of the tenderness and love she had once given her own daughter before she died. She would do all possible to get this the child closest to her heart to find joy at last.
"All I need is you," Raisa was barely able to say as tears ran freely down her face.
"Pick a horse for my sake and ride him. Open your heart. You have one even if you try to hide it. And it’s a strong heart. A good heart."
"No, Nona…"
"You will go on and you will do this for me?" The old woman asked as her eyes filled with tears as well. "From the first day I saw you I loved you. You cried with all the vigor of life inside you. Be who you are. Be my strong and brave little soldier. It is a role that suits you. You have fought your whole life. Now you must fight for your happiness."
"Don’t go. Please stay with me," she cried as her face went down and touched the old woman’s hand.
Nona caressed the dark tresses lovingly as she always had. "I will always be with you. Mi angel…love never dies. Remember that - love never dies."
Raisa’s face lay on that hand as her tears came of their own volition. She felt when the caresses to her hair stopped. And at that moment she knew.
She never raised her head as sobs racked her body. "Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh….."
~~~~~~~~~~
This unfeelingnes seemed to fit her like a glove. It had been three weeks since Nona had been buried. She still wore mourning colors. But, unlike other times, she had not run. This time she had stayed. She walked around the entire hacienda everyday.
All the old servants that had recognized her devotion to the old woman looked at her in sadness. They saw the pain in her eyes that she thought was so well hidden. They doted on her and even went out of their way to make her favorite dishes but even so most of the times the dishes returned to the kitchen barely touched.
Raisa had gotten thinner and to anyone who looked at her she simply looked more chiseled in features. But, then again, who really knew her? If they only knew that the once feared and powerful woman cried herself to sleep every night. Or that she slept sitting in a chair because she could not bear the memories of the woman she loved that had once shared that bed. And yet, she had stayed in Virago.
As she walked it suddenly occurred to her that all that she had ever really and truly loved had been at Virago. All that had shaped her, hurt her or meant anything to her had been or come from there. She looked around and almost at that same instant the lush greenery that surrounded her seemed to be alive. A breeze like many from a long time ago came slowly and caressed her starved skin. She inhaled the sweetness of the earth beneath her and she felt the power of this land that called out to her once more.
She closed her eyes and as she opened them she was filled with a longing she could no longer deny. She had asked for a sign and when it came she had not seen it. And now this place that was her life force had once again made it all clear to her. It was so simple. Love never dies.
Raisa looked around once more and walked in a rush to the stables.
"Tomas?"
"I’m here."
"Good, are those the new horses?"
"Yes."
"Come," she said simply and the ranch hand followed.
She leaned against the fence and looked as the horses ran around and played. After a few minutes she saw it. It was a bay with sharp eyes. The horse seemed arrogant and she recognized it as spirit. She pointed to it.
"Separate that mare from the rest and put her in my stall. Order a name plate for her."
Tomas smiled "What shall I put on it?"
She looked at him and a sad smile appeared as she said. "Esperanza."
The name Hope seemed appropriate. She looked at the horse once more than headed back to the main house.
~~~~~~~~~~
Four days later Raisa arrived at Dallas International Airport. Arrangements had been made and a car waited for her. She was rushed through customs. The limousine took her to the penthouse she always stayed in when she came to Dallas; one of Copecos’ many properties. Within hours she had made sure to touch base with her office and Caracas and instructed all inquiries to be re routed to Dallas.
That night Raisa stood before the glass wall in front of her and looked at all those lights and as she took a deep breath she turned around and went to bed. And as she lay her head down all that kept going through her head was the word….Tomorrow.
~~~~~~~~~~
"I don’t know why you just don’t send her in the car," Matt said in exasperation.
"I enjoy driving her to school, Matt."
"Did it ever occur to you that she is spoiled? That’s why maybe she is having these temper tantrums."
"You know one day you are going to actually say something intelligent and I am going to miss it," Carolyn said as she picked up the keys and left him with his coffee cup half way to his mouth.
Carolyn could see that Amanda had just gotten into the car. She walked over to the driver’s side and got in.
"Ready sweetheart?"
"Yes, mom." She kept looking out the window.
Carolyn sat and watched her daughter who had almost stopped looking at her straight in the eyes these days. Slowly she was loosing Mandy and she knew it. She just didn’t know how to stop it.
Carolyn caressed the dark tresses of hair and the child turned around to face her. For one brief moment she saw fear in those eyes.
"Amanda…"
"We are going to be late, Mom." The child once again turned to look out the window.
"Amanda, what’s wrong baby? I can’t help you if you won’t talk to me," she said softly.
"Nothing’s wrong, Mom."
"It hurts, Amanda," Carolyn said and as her voice faltered the child looked at her again. "It hurts me that you can’t talk to me."
"If I ask you something will you tell me the truth?" The child finally said and was looking at her mother intently.
Carolyn thought for a moment then looked up and nodded her head.
"Are you my real mother?"
Carolyn’s face showed her surprise. "Yes, of course I am."
"I don’t look like you or Daddy."
"You look like my father’s family sweetheart. They have dark hair and dark eyes like yours," she said tenderly as she caressed the soft cheek of her child. "You are my own beautiful little girl."
Amanda looked at her hard and long and suddenly Carolyn could see the change and realized that she had believed her.
"Can I ask you one more thing?"
"Yes."
"Who is Raisa Andieta?"
Carolyn did not hesitate in her answer. "Someone I knew a long time ago."
"Daddy didn’t like her, did he?"
"No," Carolyn said sadly.
"Okay."
~~~~~~~~~~
Carolyn dropped Amanda off at school and started with her usual errands. It was Monday and on Mondays she picked up fresh flowers and went to her favorite little café for coffee next door to the flower shop.
As she was walking out of the florist she came to a sudden stop.
"Hello," Raisa said gently. "Can I help you with those?"
"Oh, um…" she seemed to be juggling the bouquet suddenly.
"Here, you hold on to those and I’ll take these." Raisa took possession of some of the blooms. "Is your car close by?"
"Yes, I’m parked right there," Carolyn answered in a daze.
Both women walked quietly. Carolyn opened the car and placed the flowers inside the back of her car and then closed the hatch. She turned around and again was faced with a memory from long ago.
Raisa smiled. "I’ve heard that place makes great coffee," she said as she pointed to the very shop that Carolyn had been headed to before.
"Yes, yes it does." She felt awkward and infantile.
"Would you have some with me?" Raisa asked simply.
Carolyn thought a moment and then her answer was "Yes."
Both walked in unison. Neither was daring to speak for fear of saying something wrong. Raisa pulled the door and Carolyn entered. They both automatically went to Carolyn’s usual table. Carolyn smiled to herself. The cappuccinos were delicious.
"How long have you been in Dallas?" Carolyn finally spoke.
"Only a few days."
"Matt didn’t say anything," Carolyn said looking away.
"Matt doesn’t know."
Carolyn looked at Raisa again. Raisa began to drink her coffee again.
"Do you like it?"
"Yes." Raisa met her eyes again with a smile and was rewarded by one in return.
"Will you be here long?"
"I’m not sure."
Carolyn knew when Raisa was being evasive so she decided to change the subject.
"How is Andreas?" Almost immediately she saw the pain register in Raisa’s face.
"He died 8 years ago," Raisa answered looking down at her coffee cup.
Carolyn’s hand covered hers. When Raisa looked up Carolyn could see the tears welling up behind the eyes that once had said so much to her.
"I’m sorry," Carolyn said sadly. "I’m so sorry."
Raisa looked back down and her other hand began to caress the hand that Carolyn had placed over hers. Such a simple thing, Raisa said to herself, and such comfort by the mere touch of her hand.
"Love never dies," Raisa finally said out loud.
"No it doesn’t, Carolyn replied and as she did Raisa’s eyes met hers once more.
"How did it happen?"
Raisa removed her hands and began to fidget. And suddenly Carolyn saw so much of Raisa in Amanda, the withdrawal and the tenseness, the fidgeting and the raw emotions.
"Out on a rig," Raisa answered looking out the window.
"I’m sorry," Carolyn said sadly.
"He should never have been out there," Raisa replied without looking at Carolyn again.
"I’m glad I got to meet him. Andreas was a very special man."
"Yes, yes he was." She paused for a moment then became all business like. "He left a son behind."
"He was married?" Carolyn asked with a smile.
"No, he was not." She did not offer any more explanation.
Carolyn said nothing and Raisa faced her once more.
"She took his money and left him his son," Raisa said bitterly. "She killed a part of him. I killed the rest."
Carolyn stared and could see the old anger poking its head again.
"Raisa…" Carolyn felt her heart go out to the beautiful woman in front of her who tried so hard to be strong and whose pain came through so clearly.
"I’m sorry, I’m running late. It was nice seeing you again," Raisa said as she quickly got up to leave.
Carolyn said nothing as she walked away.
~~~~~~~~~~
Carolyn had driven around all day aimlessly. She was bombarded with an onslaught of emotions. Raisa brought in some ways a ray of her forgotten vigor and youth. Raisa, of course, had also brought back other memories. And along with all the good came the bad. Carolyn once again had felt first hand her moodiness and her inability to face…and suddenly Carolyn saw it clearly. Raisa didn’t run from love. She never had. Raisa had always fought for it and rejoiced it. Raisa ran from being loved. Being loved frightened her. Because suddenly Raisa would be faced with the possibility of hurting someone she cared for. In her own way Raisa thought that if they didn’t love you, you couldn’t hurt them.
Carolyn stopped in front of her garage and just let her head fall back. She raised her head as the truth was finally revealed after all this time. Raisa had been afraid of her.
Carolyn had always mistaken her bravado and her passion for aggression. And it had been neither. It had been her need to pull what she wanted to her. It had been her need to hold what was precious to her. It had always been the fear to loose. She had lost all that she had loved. Thank god she still had Nona, Carolyn told herself otherwise, once having known the passionate woman, her pain would be unbearable.
~~~~~~~~~~
Carolyn walked into a full-blown war.
"Don’t talk to her like that!" Simon screamed.
"What’s going on here?" Carolyn asked as she walked into the room.
"Your daughter has struck again!" Matt yelled.
Amanda was looking at the floor while seating at a nearby chair.
"What happened?" Carolyn asked.
"She was in another fight today," Simon said.
"Maybe you should buy her only pants from now on since she can’t seem to behave like a proper young lady!" Matt bellowed.
"Matt!"
"Where were you? I tried calling you all afternoon. They pulled me out of a meeting to pick her up at school!"
"Amanda are you all right?" Carolyn asked her daughter who still said nothing.
"Of course she’s all right she can slug it out with the best of em…. She’s a regular boy these days."
"Matt! Shut up!" Carolyn spat out.
"Don’t you dare talk to me like that!" He went towards her.
"If you touch my mother I’ll kill you!" Simon jumped in front of him.
"Who the hell do you think you are?" Matt acted indignant, grabbing for Simon.
"Let go of him Matt! Don’t you dare touch him!" Carolyn pulled at Matt’s arm and Amanda jumped up and started hitting her father.
Amanda kept punching and punching. Carolyn pulled her away and held her tightly as the child through a fit and then quiet suddenly began to sob in her mother’s embrace as they both sat on the floor.
Matt stared and Simon sat down and covered his face.
Carolyn caressed her hair and rocked the child in her arms back and forth. "It’s all right baby. Everything is going to be all right."
Matt slammed the door on his way out. Carolyn looked up and saw the pain in Simon’s eyes as hers filled with tears he came and sat down next to her.
~~~~~~~~~~
Matt stormed into his office. "Claire!"
"Yes Matt, I’m here." Claire came in quickly.
"What’s this?" He demanded.
"Those changes just came through."
"Who signed off on these changes in personnel?"
"I did," Raisa said standing at the doorway. "Do you usually get to the office at 11am every morning or is today a special case?"
Claire wanted to disappear into the wallpaper and Matt looked unnerved.
"There was a problem with my daughter at school."
Raisa’s inwardly faltered. "Is she all right?"
"She seems to attract trouble," he said with disdain.
"Spirited."
"She will have to learn," he said to her in a challenge.
She seemed unfazed when she answered before walking away. "Some of us never do."
"Bitch," Matt said under his breath.
Claire looked to see if Raisa might have overheard and took a deep breath of relief when she kept walking.
"Matt…"
"Claire, do you know why she’s here?"
"Memo on your desk. The totem pole is being shook. She has taken over that big office on the 11th floor."
"Shit! Shit! Shit!" He spat and grabbed a glass holder on his desk and threw it against the wall.
Claire stared in horror. Matt sat down behind his desk and turned his chair to stare out the window.
Claire left the office and closed the door behind her as quietly as possible.
~~~~~~~~~~
That afternoon Matt marched straight up to the 11th floor. He had been summoned.
"Come in Matt," Raisa said as she kept reading the papers in front of her.
Matt sat down not too happy.
She suddenly looked up. "Do you want the European seat?"
Matt had expected a fight and he was being offered a prize. His mouth hung open.
"Should I consider your silence a yes?" She asked as she looked back down at her papers in boredom.
"Yes! Raisa I don’t know what to say…. I never expected," he blurted out.
"Don’t say anything to anyone yet. Give me a week," she said as she looked up again.
"Of course, I understand. Thank you Raisa." He was drooling all over himself with joy.
"Well, then consider it done. I’m busy Matt we’ll talk later."
He had been dismissed. He got up and walked out the door in utter joyful shock.
~~~~~~~~~~
Copeco sponsored many community events in Dallas. This particular event was horsemanship. These were some of the things that Raisa enjoyed participating in. This event in particular was a competition of sorts for children from 8-10 year olds for horsemanship and jumping. She had noticed since her arrival several good riders. Before the next round she decided to go down to the paddock and see some of the young riders and the horses they were competing with.
All the riders competed with numbers. It had always been done this way so as to promote non-favoritism. She remembered that she had really liked how well rider number 9 had done.
When she saw the child with that number on their back she naturally walked there first.
"Hi," Raisa said as she approached.
"Hi."
"You were really very good today," Raisa praised.
"Thanks, but I almost hit the top pole that last jump." The child removed her helmet and dark hair covered her shoulders.
"You should pin that back." Raisa smiled and pointed at her hair.
"Yeah, I know but I sweat more that way."
"I used to let mine loose too," Raisa conceded with a smile.
Amanda was intrigued and smiled back.
"Do you ride?"
"I have done my share. I have quite a few ribbons to show for my bumps and bruises." Raisa smiled broadly.
"Can you give me some pointers about that last jump?"
"Well, actually, yes…"
The two compared notes and laughed a few times in unison.
Simon was walking towards the paddocks when he suddenly stopped and a smile covered his face. He turned around and walked the other way.
~~~~~~~~~~
Carolyn sat on the bleachers and the riders began to get in order of participation. Number 9 came out of the gate with gusto. Carolyn noticed the difference in posture immediately. Amanda seemed to come to life on the horse. She seemed to be taking more chances with her routine and she had sped up her jumps. Carolyn instinctively knew something had changed. On the last jump Amanda barely managed to hang on and as she finished the jump the young rider fell off.
Carolyn started running instantly. A few other people jumped the fences and ran towards the field as well.
Raisa reached the young girl first since she had been watching close by.
"Hey kid, you okay?" She touched the child gently.
Amanda turned around and tried to sit. "Yeah, I think so."
Two of the officials arrived next. And suddenly Carolyn appeared on the ground kneeling next to her.
"Mandy baby, don’t move." Carolyn was shaking visibly. "Let’s wait for the doctor."
"Breathe deeply. Can you feel anything hurting?" Raisa asked as she outwardly checked Amanda’s limbs.
Amanda shook her head.
"I think she’s okay. Got the wind knocked out of her that’s all." Carolyn looked at the voice that had just spoken and only now saw Raisa besides her.
"Yeah Mom, I’m okay. I just couldn’t move for a minute there," the child said bravely.
"The doctor is on his way," one of the officials said.
"She’s fine," Raisa assured.
"You don’t know that!" Carolyn was getting angry.
"Let it go Carolyn," Raisa said as quietly as possible.
"No! She is my child. You are not a doctor!"
"Mom, I’m okay!" Amanda said trying to get up. The child began to get agitated and aggressive.
The doctor arrived and began to examine her.
"Leave me alone!" Amanda yelled.
"Amanda!" Carolyn tried to cajole her.
Raisa stood up to her full height. "Amanda, get up." All looked up at the imperious voice. Amanda stopped fidgeting and stood up. "Your gate was strong but you lost control of your horse because you didn’t concentrate at the last jump."
Amanda nodded her head.
"We will work on that." Raisa said as she placed her hand on the girl’s shoulder. "Now let the doctor check you over and then take care of your horse. He is your responsibility."
The child turned towards the doctor quietly. Carolyn was both awed and furious.
They all walked to the medical tent and once the doctor was sure that the girl was fit, Carolyn began to breathe easier.
Amanda went looking for Astro, her horse. Both she and Carolyn spotted Raisa brushing him as they approached.
Raisa looked up and she could tell that she was about to hear it.
"You told her to change her routine!" Carolyn didn’t miss a breath. "How dare you interfere! She could have been killed!"
"No, she is a good rider. She is a strong rider too," Raisa said defensively.
"Mom..."
"You just come in do what you please don’t you. You never stop to think of the what if," Carolyn said accusingly.
"Mom…"
"I told her to just be herself. You can’t hide who you are Carolyn!" Raisa attacked back.
"How dare you presume to tell me how to deal with my daughter!"
"Mom…"
"You were embarrassing her out there!"
"You pompous ass."
"I would never have let her move if I thought that she might be hurt," Raisa said defensively.
"You are always right aren’t you?" Carolyn spat.
"Carolyn, you are suffocating her!"
"How dare you tell me how to me a mother!"
Raisa took two steps back. "You are right I don’t know anything about mothers," Raisa said softly. Carolyn immediately felt the impact of her words.
"I’m okay Mom," Amanda said as she put her arms around Carolyn’s waist.
Carolyn looked down at the dark head and her hand began to caress it. Raisa looked on as if she were mesmerized.
Carolyn knelt down in front of her daughter and caressed that soft face of her little girl. "I love you, Amanda. If anything ever happened to you it would kill me." Tears ran her face. "I want you to be strong and brave but you must take care because there are people who love you."
Carolyn stood up and looked at her daughter. Amanda went into her arms. Carolyn looked up and saw the tenderness she knew so well in those dark eyes that stood now before her. "Raisa…. I…"
"I shouldn’t have changed the routine without checking with her parents…. you in this case. I didn’t know she was yours," Raisa said with a sad smile. Her hand reached out to touch the child’s hair as well but pulled back before doing so. Carolyn did not miss noticing the attempt. "She’s exquisite."
Amanda pulled away from her mother and now stared at the woman in front of her in curiosity.
"Are you Raisa Andieta?" Amanda got both women’s attention now.
"Yes, I am," Raisa answered the child.
"I’m suppose to be like you," Amanda said seriously not breaking eye contact with Raisa.
Raisa looked at Carolyn.
"My father doesn’t like you," Amanda stated.
"No, he doesn’t," Raisa answered the child honestly.
Amanda looked at her speculatively for awhile. "He doesn’t like me much either."
Carolyn thought her heart would break. She was about to say something before Raisa knelt down in front of the child in front of her.
"Sometimes, people don’t understand." Raisa said gently and then gave her a smile. Amanda nodded in agreement.
Raisa reached out and put a lock of hair in front of the child’s face behind her ear. "I used to….your mother has a rebellious lock like yours."
Raisa got up and faced Carolyn now. Amanda put her hand inside Raisa’s and her other hand in her mother’s. Both women stood looking at the child and then at each other.
Carolyn looked down at her daughter and smiled. "Ice cream?"
v Amanda nodded her head with a smile and looked at Raisa.
"Kid, have you ever tried mango ice cream?"
"Nope."
"Well, I have a surprise for you." Raisa and Amanda started walking without Carolyn. She laughed and she caught up with them.
~~~~~~~~~~
"Hey! Where were you two?" Simon waltzed into the family room later that night. "We looked for you after the Competition."
"How is George and Tim?" Asked Carolyn looking up from her book.
"Good, we had a blast. The new arcade is incredible." Simon sat down and looked at Amanda. "Hey squirt, how was your competition?"
"I fell but I learned lots," Amanda said seriously. Matt had been reading the newspaper and put it down at that moment.
"Yeah? Did it hurt?"
"Nah, just got the wind knocked out of me."
"Cool," Simon said.
"I went to see you but you were busy talking to Raisa so I…." Simon looked towards Matt and realized too late his mistake.
"Raisa was at the competition?" Matt directed his question to Carolyn.
"We had mango ice cream," Amanda interjected.
"You had ice cream with her?" Matt said with exasperation at his daughter.
"Me and Mommy," Amanda said proudly.
Simon looked at his mother and saw the tenseness in her building.
"Why didn’t you tell me!" Matt exclaimed standing up and looking straight at Carolyn.
"And I liked her," Amanda added insolently.
"You go to your room!" Matt pointed towards the door.
"Matt! What’s wrong with you?"
"I liked her a lot! I liked her better than you!" Amanda spat out at him.
Matt became furious. "Go!"
Amanda got up and slammed the door behind her.
"What is wrong with you?" Carolyn immediately demanded.
"Simon leave!" Matt growled.
"No!" Simon refused.
"Simon sweetheart, I please, I want to speak, with your father." Carolyn wanted to remove her son from Matt’s anger.
Simon looked at his father than at his mother again and walked out of the room.
"What were you doing with Raisa today and with my daughter?"
"Suddenly she is your daughter?" Carolyn was not backing down.
"Don’t think I’m going to sit back this time and watch her fuck you!"
"Matt! You are disgusting," Carolyn said as she turned to leave.
"You make me sick!"
Carolyn turned around to face him. "The feeling is mutual." She then turned around and walked out.
Later on that evening he told her he would be away for two days. She breathed in a sight of relief. She actually felt a weight off her shoulder as she heard him close the door behind him as he left.
~~~~~~~~~~
Carolyn answered the phone as she rushed into the house.
"Hello?"
"Hi."
Silence followed.
"I would like….I need to see you," Raisa said abruptly.
"Why don’t you come for lunch?" Carolyn invited her tensely.
"All right." Raisa sounded disappointed.
"Do you know where I live?"
"Yes."
"Come then."
"Now?"
"Yes."
Carolyn heard the dial tone and hung up.
~~~~~~~~~~
It seemed like time had stopped and suddenly Raisa stood in front of her. They were both in a daze.
"Do you like tomato soup?"
"Never tried it."
Raisa walked closer and closer and Carolyn kept talking. "Well, it’s nice and warm. I’m also making you a nice sandw--" Suddenly she was engulfed by Raisa’s mouth.
And the fire that had lay dormant for so long became a raging inferno. Carolyn’s hands went up to the dark mane of hair and as she did her head fell back and Raisa kissed her down her neck. Raisa’s hands sought the skin that once had given her so much pleasure and as her hand slid under Carolyn’s blouse it found its target in Carolyn’s breast.
"Ohhhhhh…" Carolyn groaned and mouths met once again.
"Mom, I’m home."
Raisa and Carolyn pulled apart immediately. Simon walked in and saw the tenseness in their faces.
"I’m sorry," he said not exactly knowing why he said it.
Carolyn turned around and tried to straighten her hair and blouse.
Raisa walked towards Simon and put her hand out trying to give her a moment to pull herself together.
"Hello Simon."
"Hi," he said with a smile.
"Your mother invited me to lunch," she said a little embarrassed finding it hard to look at him straight in the eyes.
Carolyn turned around and looked in astonishment. "Simon, this is Raisa."
"Hi," Simon said theatrically. "I know who she is Mom," he added with a smile.
"Amanda likes you," Simon said to Raisa.
"I like her too," Raisa said with a smile.
Carolyn looked at them in surprise as she saw the bantering back and forth.
"Do I smell tomato soup?"
"That’s what your mother said." Raisa smiled and looked at Carolyn. Carolyn stared back and shook her head as she laughed out loud.
"Follow me to the kitchen you two." She walked past them and Simon and Raisa followed behind laughing.
~~~~~~~~~~
"Well, that was great. Thank you for lunch," Raisa said suddenly and got up. Carolyn stood beside her.
"Did you come in a cab?"
"Actually I did," she said with a smile.
"Simon can take you back," Carolyn said, both women unable to break eye contact.
Simon smiled and decided to interfere.
"Mom, I can pick up Amanda and we can order something if you want to spend some more time catching up."
Raisa looked at Simon with a big smile and he smiled back. Carolyn could not believe what she was seeing.
"Why do I have the feeling I am being bushwhacked?"
"Us?" Both Simon and Raisa said in unison and all three started laughing.
"Okay, I’ll give you a lift back to your hotel." Carolyn finally said. "Simon, no McDonalds okay?"
"Oh Mom…"
Raisa touched her arm and Carolyn saw the begging smile in her face as well. "Okay, Simon. But just this once."
"Yes! I owe you," he said to Raisa.
"You have lots of credit," she said with a smile.
~~~~~~~~~~
Carolyn went up to the penthouse with Raisa. She had not been asked it was just understood. The silent language between them was coming back faster than they could decipher it.
"When will you return to Venezuela?" Carolyn asked as she looked down. She had sat down at the other end of the couch.
"No hurry. No one waiting for me," Raisa stated simply.
"Of course there is. You have Andreas’s son and Nona," Carolyn said indignantly.
"Antonio is in boarding school in Switzerland and Nona…she died 4 weeks ago," Raisa said as she got up and walked to the glass wall.
Carolyn allowed the impact of the words to sink in. Nona was dead.
Suddenly Raisa felt two arms come from behind her. For a moment she hesitated and then she allowed love to come in. She melted into those arms that held her up from behind and she leaned into their strength.
Carolyn could almost feel when Raisa’s legs gave out. They both sat on the floor. Raisa began to cry in earnest and Carolyn still held her tightly.
The dark head fell back as the saddest sobs Carolyn had ever heard a human being make were heard. Finally, she had been allowed in. Raisa was trusting her with her pain and her heart. The woman she loved became both child and adult and all the pain she had held for so long came out with every tear and eye sob.
The room that had been covered in sunlight was now covered in darkness. Carolyn held her closely to her tightly still. Raisa had fallen asleep in her arms sometime ago.
Carolyn now realized that she had seen the signs. Raisa seemed sadder, softer and yes, more vulnerable to those that had eyes and cared enough to look. She was hurting inside. And this time she had no safety net to run to. Carolyn held her tighter and Raisa stirred.
Raisa tried sitting up. She looked around disoriented and once her eyes met Carolyn’s they filled with tears again and she went into her embrace. "Don’t go."
"I won’t leave," Carolyn reassured her. "Come, let me take care of you."
Carolyn got up and held her hand out. Raisa looked up and gave her hand without hesitation.
~~~~~~~~~~
Carolyn turned on the shower and helped Raisa undress. She helped her into the shower and as she was about to close the door Raisa reached for her. "You won’t go?"
"No, I’ll be right back," Carolyn said reassuringly.
Carolyn called Simon and explained that she would probably be very late. He assured her that all was fine to be as late as she needed to be.
Carolyn hung up the phone and smiled. Simon was full of surprises. Somehow she knew he had had something to do with the turn of events in her life.
~~~~~~~~~~
Raisa did not hear the shower door open. She only felt those same arms that had held her before come up from behind her and hold her now. She leaned back into them.
Carolyn washed her body lovingly and then washed her hair. She dried her and walked her to bed. Raisa allowed her to take care of her as she had always wanted to. But instead of giving Carolyn joy it only brought her sadness to see the broken heart that lay in front of her.
Carolyn removed Raisa’s robe and helped her into bed. Raisa’s held a hand out to her pleadingly. Carolyn removed her own robe and got into bed with her. Carolyn realized that this connection that Raisa was begging for was much more than sexual; she needed it to survive.
Carolyn took her into her arms and caressed her until she heard the sounds of her sleep. She continued to caress her even as she slept.
In the middle of the night Raisa sat up and screamed in fear.
Carolyn was there behind her reassuring her and pulling her back into the world.
Raisa turned in that embrace and looked into the face that had haunted her dreams for so many lonely years and her hand reached out to touch it.
Carolyn kissed her fingers before Raisa pulled them away. Carolyn’s mouth then leaned forward and found the lips she sought. The kiss was soft and welcoming.
Carolyn pulled her closer and Raisa melted into her embrace. They made love slowly and in no rush. Their lovemaking was slow and tender; full of caresses and of giving more than taking, mixed with tears and smiles. Kisses filled with promises of surrender and of glorious union. Both women gave and took of one another. And somewhere during the night they found something that had been lost.
~~~~~~~~~~
Carolyn walked into her garden in the early hours of the morning. She had left Raisa in bed still asleep. She ran her fingers through her hair as a feeling of an old tiredness took hold of her heart. She could no longer deny her need for Raisa. She had run once before she would not run again. But somehow, it all seemed so much more urgent now. The only way to show someone you love them to yell it to the four winds and not care who knows it.
Carolyn turned around and went inside. She sat down on the couch patiently until the morning had finally arrived in all its glory.
Simon found her sitting there. He walked up to her cautiously. "Mom? You okay?"
"Come, sit with me." She patted the sofa next to her. "I do love her."
"I know."
"Amanda."
"She will be fine with it," Simon reassured her. "I think Raisa and Amanda will be good for one another too."
Carolyn looked at Simon once again in wonder. "I must have done something really good to get you," she said to her son as her hand caressed his face.
"You did Mom, you loved me, it was my turn to show you I love you too."
Carolyn let the tears run down her cheeks as she held her son to her.
"I knew you had some hand in this," she laughed between the tears.
"Not me Mom, she came back on her own." Simon assured her.
~~~~~~~~~~
Carolyn walked into the Copeco building with a firm stride. She walked passed all the secretaries and straight up to the 11th floor.
She saw the surprised look of the secretary as she tried to pass by her and succeeded in between her to the door.
Carolyn walked straight in what seemed like a board meeting. Oddly enough Matt was seated at the table as well. Perhaps it would be prudent to wait but she had waited 10 years and that was long enough.
Raisa stood up and waited. Carolyn took a deep breath.
"You made me an offer 10 years ago, or you were very going to. Is it still on the table?"
"Carolyn!" Matt stood up quickly
"Yes," Raisa answered simply. Both women could only see the other.
"Carolyn this is not the time or the place." Matt was visibly nervous looking around all the people seated around the boardroom intently staring.
Carolyn and Raisa stood as if they were the only ones in the room.
"I shouldn’t have run away," Carolyn said softly.
"I should have gone after you," Raisa answered quickly.
Not a word or a sound was heard from anyone seated around the table. They were all looking around at each other and in Matt’s direction in embarrassment.
"I’m still afraid," Carolyn said.
"I know."
"Do you still want me?"
"Oh God Carolyn, I never stopped." And Carolyn could see the truth of that statement in Raisa’s eyes.
"I don’t have to …." Matt slammed his papers down and began to leave.
"Sit down!" Matt hesitated for a moment then obeyed. "Everyone get out! Now!"
All the board members hurried to the out. When they all had Raisa turned her full attention to Matt.
Raisa opened her brief case and pushed a folder towards him.
"Look it over. I believe I am being generous." Raisa looked at him with a murderous glare. "I would rather just kill you but Carolyn would probably object to that type of behavior and for better or worse you are Simon’s and Amanda’s father. But don’t push too hard Matt. Never push me too hard!"
Raisa looked up and met Carolyn’s gaze. At that moment Carolyn was not sure whether Raisa was being sarcastic or just plain honest. Matt looked like he believed her threat. Raisa then looked towards Matt again.
"Sign these papers and all in that package is yours." She placed a document in front of him that she took out of her briefcase.
"What am I signing?"
"Does it matter?"
Matt looked at the folder and was visibly pleased and smiled at Raisa. He then looked over the papers he was to sign.
v "I won’t…" he started to say.
"It’s all or nothing," Raisa spat. "There will be no negotiations."
"I won’t give up my daughter," he said indignantly. "I’ll fight for her custody in the courts and I’ll get it too."
"Another five million." Carolyn began to feel unwell as she stared from one to the other.
"Seven."
"Done, now sign," Raisa demanded.
Matt signed the papers and walked towards Carolyn.
"Not a word!" Raisa warned him. "One word will cost you my patience and your life."
Matt turned to stare at her in disdain.
"She chose me." Raisa tasted those words. "You say one word to her, just one and no matter how much she pleads for you will save you. Because Matt, this time I will kill you."
Matt stood silently, then turned around and walked out.
"The papers?"
"They were drawn up to set you free."
"You were very sure of yourself," Carolyn stated
"Not sure, just hopeful," Raisa said earnestly. "I have been living on hopes my whole life. This time I fought for my happiness."
Raisa looked at Carolyn intensely now. Carolyn saw as the clouds disappeared in those beautiful dark eyes and all that she could see was love. And she remembered that words that Nona had once said to her and she smiled.
"I’m trying," Raisa tried to say reassuringly.
"I see," Carolyn said with a smile.
They both started walking slowly towards one another. Raisa now stood a few feet in front of her.
"I would ask again." Raisa took another step and only their breathing stood between them. Carolyn smiled and waited for the question.
"Would you be mine forever and ever?"
"Yes."
And the distance closed visibly before them as two lovers’ lips united together forever at last.
THE END
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