Disclaimers: This story contains violence, adult situations, and same sex relationships, which at times are graphic. If this is not suitable for you, please don't read any further.

All characters found in this story are the creation of Lisa S. and are her property exclusively.

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Her
By Lisa S.

PART 5

  *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

            “Are you sure you want me here?”  I asked Madeline nervously.  We sat in a plush lobby, waiting to be called for our appointment to see her divorce lawyer.  I felt a bit odd sitting with her when I was part of the reason she was seeking a divorce in the first place. 

            “Yes, I want you here.”  Her voice was calm, contrasting with my nervous energy.

            “Are you sure that Monte won’t be here?”  I looked around despite the fact that we were the only ones in the lobby. 

            “Yes, this is just a conference between the lawyer and myself.  Well, you too,” she added with a smile.  “Why are you so nervous?” 

            I fidgeted with the edge of my shirt, unable to really put my finger on why I was so nervous.  “I dunno…I’ve never been to a divorce lawyer with my girlfriend before.”  The experience left me feeling odd and disjointed.  This shouldn’t be something a lesbian had to go through!  They wouldn’t let us get married, so why the heck was I going to a divorce lawyer?  But as I looked at Madeline and saw her sweet face and expressive blue eyes, I knew that I was there for her; and that I would do anything for her.

            Madeline laughed gently.  “I assure you, you’ll do fine.”

            “Hurrumph.”  I sunk down in my chair. 

            “Mrs. Sullivan?”  The secretary at the front desk finally looked up at us.  “Mr. Craven will see you now.”  Standing up, she waited for us to follow her. 

            We were lead down a very bland hallway to a very bland conference room.  “He will be here in just a second,” she said with a tight smile, leaving us alone.

            Madeline and I exchanged glances and I had to hold back my laughter, afraid that it would bounce off the walls in a boomerang effect. 

            “Madeline,” a short, pudgy man came into the room.  He wore a suit that while looking to be of very good quality, it fit him poorly.  His thinning hair on the top of his head was standing up in some places, and his scalp underneath shined back at us.  But his smile was kind.  Madeline stood to shake his hand.  “Sorry to keep you waiting,” he said almost breathlessly. 

            “No problem John.  I’d like you to meet my friend Fox—“

            “Owens,” he finished for her. He dipped his shinny head in my direction. “I’m glad you could come Ms. Owens, as I have something things here to discuss that involve you.” 

            Giving him a puzzled look, Madeline started to ask him something, but he put his hand up to stop her.  “I’ll tell you everything Madeline, but we need to start at the beginning.  Please, sit back down and we’ll get to it.”

            They both settled into their chairs.  John opened a folder he had brought in with him and peered through it.  “First off, I’m afraid that Monte is contesting your divorce.  He’s going to fight you for everything; the house, bank accounts, savings, bonds, stocks, and all other possessions the two of you have between you.”

            With a sour smile, Madeline nodded.  “I didn’t think he would just sign the divorce papers and move on.”

            John continued to look through the papers.  “He also is contesting alimony and any right you might have to his retirement funds.”

            “Can he do that?”  Madeline looked only mildly surprised.  “Aren’t I owed alimony at this stage?”

            “What you are owed and what he wants to give you are two different things, I’m afraid.”  He pulled out another paper, which was attached to an envelope.  “And his grounds for not giving you alimony is in regards to Ms. Owens here.”  With a final look, he handed me the paper he’d been looking at.  “He plans on suing Ms. Owens for alienation of affection, stating that you, in fact, took his wife from him.”

            I should have seen it coming, but I hadn’t.  This news hit me like a hammer to the side of my head.  “But…but…but, how can he do that?”  I sputtered, trying to read the paper in front of me, but the words blurred together as my head grew light.

            “He can certainly try,” John said grimly.  “Now, if you have another lawyer you would rather have represent you, I can make sure that the paperwork is forwarded to him. If not, I’d be more than willing to take your case on as well.”  He turned to Madeline now.  “While the cases might seem conflicting, I don’t think that there should be any legal problems with it.”

            Looking to me, I nodded at Madeline, and she agreed for us both that he would represent my case as well. 

            “What’s the next step, John?”  She asked, her hand resting on my knee under the table, offering reassurance that was desperately needed.

            “I’m going to go ahead and file the divorce papers.  Because he’s contesting the divorce, we have two options.  One, we can wait and go to court and have everything hashed out there in front of a judge who will make the final decisions regarding property and assets; or two, we can try to bring in a neutral third party to mediate between the two of you and resolve those issues that way.”  He brought his pudgy hands together and steepled them on the table in front of him.  “At this point, I’m not sure if he’d going to be open to the second option.  It might be easier to go to court and let the judge decide.”

            Madeline nodded her head.  “I think that you may be right.”  She shivered.  “I’m not sure if I want to be in any kind of negotiations with him at this point.”  And she was probably right.  Talking to Monte probably wasn’t going to work at all. 

            Shaking hands in turn with John, we left his office slowly.  I felt as though I was in some sort of haze that kept me from feeling anything as I walked.  I couldn’t even feel the cooler air against my face.  This was all too strange for me to comprehend. 

            We drove home in silence.  It was Friday afternoon. We’d both taken the day off from work in order to keep this appointment.  Madeline had started the same day I did at Moonstruck, in the position of Office Coordinator.  It was an ambiguous title that didn’t even begin to cover what Madeline was actually responsible for.  But her salary made up for that.  Christine and Kira were very fair in how they paid their employees.  Madeline was responsible for organizing and tracking all the company’s pro-bono work, as well as working with agents and such in getting talent into the office for commercials and print ads. 

            I thought about how much my life had changed in the last few months, cumulating in this bizarre experience.  Everything had changed and my head felt like it was swimming in jello.  And, for better or worse, I had set into motion things that would never be reversible.  I would never have my life back to the way it was.  I was changed, my life was changed, and the world around me had stayed the same.

            By the time we got home, I was in a foul mood.  And when Madeline asked me what was wrong, I used her to lash out at. 

            “I’m getting sued, that’s what’s wrong.  I’m sorry, but I don’t take that lightly.  I’ve never been sued before in my life!”  I stormed up the stairs to the third floor, not petting any of the animals that tried to greet me along the way, my anger making me hell bent on making my anger known.

            “I had no idea it would come to this,” Madeline said as she followed me up the stairs.  “I’m sorry, Fox.”  There was sadness in her voice, but I only heard her intrusiveness - the very intrusiveness that had caused me to change my life.  And suddenly my anger had a target.

            “So am I!  This never would have happened if I hadn’t…” My voice faded as I stopped myself from saying what was on the tip of my tongue, but it was too late.  The venom in my voice left no question as to what I meant. 

Tears filled Madeline’s sweet blue eyes as the color drained from her face.   Turning from me, she ran into the bedroom and slammed the door shut.  And for a brief moment my heart hurt from seeing the pain on her face, but my anger did not allow that to linger.  “Fuck,” I said softly, my hands going through my hair in frustration.  Growling, I pulled at the ends. 

            Someone had once told me that once you say something, you couldn’t take it back, no matter how badly you want to.  And it was true.  I couldn’t take back what I’d said to Madeline and I couldn’t erase the moment from our memories. 

            Going into the study, I sat down in the soft leather chair I had in front of the computer.  Leaning back, I allowed the cold leather of the chair to cradle me.  My head rested on the cushion of the headrest and I took a deep breath, letting it out slowly. 

What had I done?  The pain in my heart told me that I’d royally fucked up.  And suddenly the idea of a world without Madeline in it came to me, and I stopped breathing.  The edges of my vision clouded and darkened as I saw my world without the warmth that I’d recently found, the passion I’d discovered in Madeline, and the need I’d discovered I had.  Tears streamed down my face and I knew that I couldn’t go back.  I could never go back to a time without Madeline because she had become an integral part of my existence. 

            And I sat there, not feeling the leather that had warmed with my body heat, or the cat who had come to rub against my feet.  All I could feel was the pounding sound of my heart in my chest, a painful sound that echoed in my ears. 

            Folding my arms over the desk, I cradled my head.  All I could do was cry.

  *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

            I don’t know how much time had passed or how long I sat at the desk.  I had cried angry, hot tears until nothing more would come from my eyes and my head hurt in pounding waves of pain.  My face felt warm   and swollen, my mouth dry. 

            All emotion seemed to be drained from my body.  I felt like a black and white photograph, the color washed away.  Had I always been this stupid?

            With strange longing I looked toward the door to the bedroom that Madeline and I shared.  She hadn’t deserved my anger.  I wasn’t angry at her.  Was I?  Where did the resentment come from? 

            Taking a deep breath, I lightly bit my lip as I thought.  Hadn’t I been looking my entire life for Madeline?  Hadn’t I always told myself that when I found her I would make a life with her?  And here I was, doing just that with Madeline, and yet I resented her old life.  It wasn’t her fault that Monte was being an ass, she had no control over him.  But my anger had found a target in her. 

            And then it hit me.

            I was scared.

            I sat up straighter in the desk chair, my back aching in protest from having sat there so long.  I was scared.  Afraid.  Why?

            Trying to think through the pain in my head, I closed my eyes to concentrate.  I was afraid.  I had been looking my whole life for the woman that would complete me, and now that I had her I was afraid; Afraid of putting all my trust and faith and happiness in one person.  Afraid of being let down, left alone and broken. 

            What a turning point, I realized.  In my anger I had found that I needed to take some steps forward in my life, or else run away and end everything.  Could I outrun love?  Could I outrun the hurt that leaving Madeline would bring?    And just the thought of hurting Madeline anymore made my heart and belly ache.  Behind that bedroom door was a woman whom I had hurt gravelly with my own anger and stupidity. 

            Would being alone and without love be better than basing my life around someone else?  A cold hand seemed to reach out and hold my heart when I thought about being alone again.  I didn’t want to be alone.  I didn’t want to be without Madeline and the joy that she’d brought into my life. 

            Sighing, I leaned back in the chair again.  I had to trust her.  I had to trust in us.  And I had to have faith. 

            Faith.  I laughed out loud.  Faith was something that people seemed to have lost.  Not the faith in God, or some other higher power, but faith in people.  Headlines rang with murder and deceit; people who lied and schemed surrounded us.  Was it any surprise that people lost the ability to have faith in each other?  Was I capable of having faith in someone again?  Was I willing to give my heart completely and totally to someone else without holding back even a small part of myself?

            I thought I had given myself completely to Madeline from day one, but I hadn’t.  I had held back my fears.  I had held back my doubt in life and happiness.  I had held back the ugly things that I myself didn’t want to see.  But I couldn’t do that and move forward.  I had to give Madeline everything or nothing at all.

            I thought of Madeline.  My sweet Madeline.  I saw her face in my mind, her smile wide and warm, her eyes twinkling at me.  And I realized that she had trusted me enough to leave her husband for a life that she was unsure of.  She had taken that great leap of faith based only on what we felt, not any evidence of being able to live happily ever after.  It was almost a blind trust that she had placed in me – in ME! – that now left me breathless.  Tears filled my eyes again.  What had I done to deserve such loyalty?

            Sniffing and wiping at my eyes with the back of my hand, I got up from my chair and moved toward the bedroom door. 

          As I reached out and touched the door the image of Madeline slamming it earlier flashed through my mind painfully.  Ouch, I had deserved that.  Making a complete ass of myself was one thing, but hurting Madeline in the process was another. 

            Slowly I opened the door.  One of the bedside lamps was on, casting a dim circle of light over part of the bed.  Madeline lay there, curled up, her hand lying in a fist by her face.  I could tell by her breathing that she was asleep.  When I saw her my heart felt as though it were going to break from my body in cascade of blood and passion.  How could I have been so blinded? 

            The unfortunate aspect of living in an older house is the fact that sometimes the floorboards squeak when you walk on them.  As I made my way to where Madeline was laying, one of those very boards decided to announce my presence.

            The hand that had been curled at her side came up and swiped at her eyes and she slowly focused on me.  Slowly she sat up, facing me but not looking at me.“Hey,” she said softly, her voice sounded husky from sleep.

            “Hey,” I replied, grateful that she was at least still talking to me.  It was a start.  I wanted to throw myself to the ground and grovel, begging for forgiveness for my natural stupidity, but even at this point I found that very hard to do.  Instead, I stood there, looking at her, my mouth opening and shutting without producing any noise.  I imagined myself a fish, desperately groping for whatever it is that fish need when they open and close their mouths.

            “I guess I fell asleep.”  Madeline glanced at me then looked back down at her hands.  

            “Madeline,” I started, searching desperately for the right words to say to her. 

            “Fox, there’s something I want to say,” she said before I could finish.

            “But—“

            She put her hand up to stop me.  “No, really, please let me finish this.”  Her blue eyes captured mine, and as the first time I saw her, I was drawn in, unable to protest.  “Will you…Do you mind sitting here while I talk?”  She patted the bed next to her shyly.  It seemed to almost pain her to ask. 

            I sat down next to her, careful not to touch her until she gave me an indication that it would be okay.  She fidgeted with her hands in her lap.  Why was she nervous?  I was the one who had fucked up; I was the one who had to apologize. 

            “After I came in here, I tried to think about what had happened.  And I began to realize that I had been terribly unfair to you.”  She paused, closing her eyes tightly.  When she opened them again there were tears on the verge of falling.  I fought my desperate desire to kiss those tears away, still not sure if my touch would be welcome. 

            “I feel that I rather forced myself on you.  I mean, you took me in without any real knowledge of what you were getting yourself into.”  The tears were coming in earnest now, making their way down her face in constant rivets.  “I need you to tell me now, Fox.  Is this going to be too much for you?”  I started to say something, but she rushed on.  “I need to know if I should end this now and let you go on your way.  I don’t want this to be a case of you constantly being resentful of how much you had to go through to be with me.”  She sniffed, reaching for a tissue on the nightstand.  “So, tell me now Fox.”  Finally she turned so that she was facing me.  A tentative hand reached for mine, and at the contact I felt a sudden warmth infuse me, giving me strength.

            I put my arms around her and pulled her close, kissing her eyes finally, tasting their saltiness on my lips.  “No, no.  You’ve got it all wrong.”  I held her at arms length now so that I could look at her in the eyes.  “I’m sorry Madeline.  I messed up.  I lost my temper and I was stupid for reacting that way.”  She blinked, unsure.  “I want you to stay.  I want you to stay forever.  I knew from the moment that I saw you that you were what I wanted.  And once I actually talked to you I knew that it wouldn’t be easy.”  I pulled her close again, and this time she melted against me, sighing into my neck.  Tears were coming from my eyes once again, each tear burning my eyes and then falling down my face in hot streams.  “Please don’t leave me, Madeline.  Please don’t leave.”

            “I won’t,” she murmured, burying further into me until it felt as though I were holding myself.  And my heart slowly stopped hurting as we fell asleep together.

  *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

            The next day was Saturday.  I woke up just before noon, my eyes still burning from their excitement the night before.  Madeline was still sleeping when I slipped out of the room in search of coffee.

            David was downstairs eating breakfast and reading the newspaper when I got up the next morning.  “Hey,” I said in greeting as I shuffled by, headed toward the coffee maker.  I poured myself a cup of coffee, the aroma instantly awaking something in my brain.  “Hmmm…” I hummed as I took my first sip.  “Ahhh…” I went and sat at the table with David, rifling through  the paper as I drank my coffee.  “Where’s the classified section, David?” 

            He finally looked up at me, his spoon in mid air.  “It’s on the floor.” He indicated the floor on the opposite side of him with a nod of his head. 

            “Can I have it please?”  David did not wake up well.  I gave him a sweet smile and even batted my eyes at him, hoping to put him in a better humor. 

            “Why do you want it?”  He narrowed his eyes suspiciously at me.  This was a question I had really wanted to avoid this morning.  Madeline and I had woken up during the night and both of us had expressed the desire to find a home of our own.  We both had the need to begin a new life together.  And Madeline decided that I would have to be the one to tell David that we were going to move out.

            “Madeline and I are going to try to find our own place,” I said gently, figuring that the sooner he knew, the more time he’d have to digest the idea. 

            Something in his eyes gleamed in unfamiliar anger.  Pursing his lips, he reached down and got the classifieds, handing them to me without a word.  Uh oh, this was not a good sign.  David was by nature a talker.  When something was really wrong, or really upsetting him, it wasn’t what he said that gave him away, rather it was what he didn’t say.         

            “Listen, we both just need a fresh start.  Some place that we both can start new and build a life together.”  He just looked at me, his eyes glazed over.  “David, please understand.”

            Giving me a tight smile, he returned to his cereal.  “Sure, no problem,” he said without any inflection in his voice. 

            Growling, I decided to let him have some time.  Opening the classifieds, I started to read through those ads listing properties and apartments for rent.  I saw a few spaces that look promising, marking them in mind to show Madeline. 

As David got up to leave, Madeline appeared at the doorway, looking refreshed and beautiful.    My eye caught hers and shared an intimate smile which made my soul burn in pleasure and passion.  David caught this and gave a harried sigh.  He brushed his lips against Madeline’s cheek as he went out.

            Madeline watched him leave then came and sat next to me.  “He didn’t look happy,” she remarked. 

            “I told him.”

            “Already?”

            “I figured that sooner was better than later.”  I held up the paper.  “And I also figured we’d start looking, so I told him.”

            She leaned over and kissed me gently, her mouth tasting of mint toothpaste.  “I’m sorry he’s upset, but I’m glad you told him.”  Smiling, she took a sip of my coffee, instantly making a face.  “What did you put in that?”  Her nose wrinkled in consternation.

            “Nothing.  What do you usually put in it?”

            “Milk, sugar, cream…anything!”  Getting up, she went and poured her own cup, putting in at least 4 tablespoons of sugar and a good amount of milk.  Sitting back down, she took a sip and gave a happy sigh.  “Much better!”  She took another.  Setting her coffee cup down, she looked over at the paper in front of me.  “Now, what have you found so far?”

  *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

            “This is it!”  Madeline stamped her foot on the ground and crossed her arms, scowling at me. 

            “It’s not my fault,” I reminded her while quietly agreeing with her.  We’d already looked at three houses and four apartments, all of them being complete disappointments. 

            “I’m not saying it’s your fault, I’m just saying that this is the last one I’m looking at today!  You will not drag me anywhere else!  If this isn’t it, then too bad!  I want to go home and put my feet up.”

            I couldn’t help but laugh.  Her pouting mouth was so kissable and her look of frustration just too adorable.  “Okay baby, this is the last one.  I don’t know when we’ll be able to come looking again during the day though.” 

            “What about next weekend?”

            “We’re going to that cabin with Tree and Megan,” I reminded her.  Her face lightened and she actually smiled.

            “Oh yeah, I forgot!  God, it’ll be nice to get away for awhile.”  She sidled up closer to me, her breast brushing against my bare arm as she leaned in to whisper into my ear.  “We have our own bedroom, right?”  Her warm mouth teased my ear, sending goose bumps up and down my body. 

            “Actually,” I began, feeling my face get red; “I rented a cabin for us.  It’s next to Tree and Megan’s, attached to theirs by a deck.”  I had planned it as a surprise, but had a hard time keeping quiet.  I knew that Madeline wanted the time alone as much as I did.  When I told Megan and Tree they’d understood completely. 

            “Oh Fox!”  Madeline threw her arms around me, heedless of the fact that we were standing outside of someone’s home.  A someone that we hoped would let us rent the house.  “Thank you sweetheart!” 

            The sound of someone clearing their throat caused us both to jump in surprise.  A woman with short gray hair stood there looking at us amusedly.  “I take it that one of you is Fox Owens?”  She looked back and forth between us, trying to figure out which one of us was me.

            “I’m Fox Owens,” I said, stepping forward and offering my hand.  “This is my partner, Madeline.” 

            “Jamie Stans,” she replied as she shook Madeline’s hand, giving us both a warm smile.  “Well, I’m glad you found time to see the house today.  I’m going to be going out of town for the next couple of weeks and won’t be able to show the house during that time.  I really wanted to have it rented before then.”

            “When will it be available to move in?”  Madeline asked as she took in the outside of the house. 

            “The first of next month.”

            I took a moment to really look at the outside of the house myself.  It was a bright yellow ranch style house.  There were two flowerbeds going up the walk of the house, leading to a clean, white front door.  The yard and flowerbeds looked well cared for. 

            “Let me show you the inside and try to answer your questions.”  Jamie began walking up the front walk.  Madeline and I shared a glance and then followed.

            While we were walking through the house, I got a sense of rightness.  It wasn’t a big house, although it did have three bedrooms and two and a half baths, but it was a great size for the two of us.  The kitchen was large and airy, and the living room had new rugs that went beautifully with the fresh paint on the walls.  Everything was clean and orderly, which impressed me greatly.  Some of the other places we’d seen earlier had scared me.  How could people live like that?  Anyway, this house appeared to be perfect.  I looked at Madeline and saw that she had the same sense. 

            After we’d gone through the whole house, asking Jamie question after question, we told her that we were interested. 

            “I have a few other people who are interested as well.  I’ll let you know by next weekend.”  She sounded apologetic, but we understood.

            As we left, Madeline took my hand.  “That’s the one Fox.”

            And I couldn’t help but agree.

  *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

            “Are we there yet?”  Megan asked, bouncing up and down in the front seat.  Tree, who was driving, grinned at her with the patience of a saint.  I wanted to slug my best friend, with the hopes that I could hit her hard enough so that she’d pass out. 

            “About another half hour,” Tree said.  She should be teaching grammar school.  The only other person I’ve ever seen with that much patience was my kindergarten teacher and I definitely had her written down in my book of saints. 

            It was a Friday.  We’d left after work, wanting to try to get to where the cabins were before it got too dark.  It was only an hour driving, but it felt like it was going to be an hour too long.

            Madeline was lucky.  She was blissfully sleeping on my shoulder, not having to listen to Megan’s normal car-trip mantra.  I had forgotten that I’d promised myself that I would never again spend more than 15 minutes in a car with Megan.  And now it was too late.  We should have taken two cars. 

            “Tree?” 

            “Yeah?”

            “Do you have rope in the trunk?”  She looked at the rearview mirror at me, her eyebrows quirking at the question.

            “Yes…”

            “Can’t we tie her to the roof of the car?”

            “Hey!’  Megan squeaked a protest, turning around to glare at me.  “It’s not my fault you aren’t having fun.”

            “Yes it is,” I hissed at her.

            “No it’s not!”  She yelled back, heedless of Madeline sleeping.

            I glanced down to make sure that she was still sleeping, seeing that indeed she hadn’t woken up.

            “Yes, it is!  You’re the reason I’m not having fun!”  I whispered harshly, resisting the urge to slap her silly.

            “No it’s not!”  She screamed this time, her hair flying with great flurry around her face.

            “Huh?”  Madeline sat up, whipping the drool from her face.  She gave me a sleepy smile, then looked and saw Megan’s hair of fury.  “What’s going on?”

            “Megan’s being a pain in the ass!”  I said, crossing my arms over my chest.

            “Nuh uh, you’re just being a jerk!”  Megan said back, sticking her tongue out at me, which I grabbed at but missed.

            “Don’t make me separate you two!” Tree said with a laugh. 

            Madeline rubbed at her face.  “Are we there yet?” 

            The silence was palpable as we all stared at Madeline.  Then the laughter erupted.

  *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

            “Wow,” I said as I opened the door to our cabin by the lake.  We were in cabin number five, and Megan and Tree were right next door in cabin number four.  There was a deck that ran along the back of both cabins, connecting them over the ravine that ran at the back of the cabins.  Stairs in the center led to a path that went directly to the lake and a private dock.  There were huge trees all around, reminding us that we were further north. 

            “What a view!”  Madeline exclaimed as she came through the door.  The back wall of the cabin was made up of almost floor to ceiling windows that looked out onto the lake.  There was a sliding glass door in the middle that led to the deck.  Quickly putting down the stuff she was carrying, she hurried to the door, stepped outside, and leaned against the railing of the deck.

            I followed her a little more sedately, watching with affection as she mooned over the view.  It was beautiful.  The sun was setting over the lake, giving the water red and purple hues.  The forests surrounding the lake were dense, only dotted every now and again by roofs of other cabins and bait stores.  Stepping outside, I slid the screen door in place to keep the bugs out and looked to either side of us.  Not another being could be seen.  The only size of civilization around us was cabin number four. 

            Coming up behind Madeline, I put my arms around her.  She leaned back against me and together we watched the sun continue to set over the water.  When it finally hissed into the lake, Madeline let out a little sigh of pleasure.  “That was beautiful.”

            “So are you,” I said, looking at her from the side, her profile barely visible in the moonlight.  She turned her head slightly so that she was looking at me. I leaned in and gently kissed her sweet mouth, lingering for as long as I dared.  All thoughts of work, divorces and court cases, house hunting, David’s woe, and everything else went from my mind as I focused on her supple body in my arms.  I felt so incredibly lucky and happy at that moment that I wanted to squeeze Madeline tightly and never let go.  Nothing would ruin this moment for me because in that perfect space of time, nothing else existed. 

            “Take me to bed, Fox,” Madeline finally said in a husky voice. I could feel the desire coming from her body and I knew that my own desire was just as telling. 

            Without saying anything, I let go of her, took her hand in mine, and led her back into the cabin.  Locking the sliding door, I then found the single bedroom off the living room, and gently sat Madeline on the queen sized bed. 

            Kneeling down, I unlaced her shoes, pulling them off slowly, teasingly looking into her eyes and smiling wickedly.  She gave a low moan, but didn’t take her eyes off me or try to make me go faster.  She seemed to understand that I wanted to savor every minute and that I was not going to be deterred. 

            Once her shoes and socks were off, I gently massaged her feet, kissing her slender ankles.  Standing, I kicked off my own shoes, and then unbuttoned my jeans, sliding them off.  Next came Madeline’s shirt.  She’d worn a button down shirt, pleasing me to no end.  I slowly started to unbutton her shirt, kissing the skin revealed as each button came undone.  But the time I got to the third button, which exposed her bra to my hungry eyes, her head was thrown back and her neck was open for my mouth to explore.  As my mouth sucked, gently bit, and kissed her neck, I finished unbuttoning her shirt.  My hands came up and cupped her breasts through her bra, feeling the excitement that my hands produced. 

            Pulling her up, I held her gently as I unbuttoned her jeans and slid them off her, helping her to get out of them.  My hands ran up and down her body without my even having to think about it, taking in the shape of her curves and slopes.  My moan was loud and filled with an animalistic passion.  She responded by attacking my mouth with hers, her tongue cutting a path through me.

            Forgetting my own goal of going slowly, I ripped off my shirt and quickly got out of my bra.  Reaching around her back, I unhooked her bra and slid it off with her shirt.  We’d barely gotten everything off when I pushed her down onto the bed, putting my own body on top of hers.  Our skin met as we lay breast to breast, hip to hip.  My mouth tasted every part of her that it could reach, my tongue sneaking out to excite her.

            Madeline’s hand grasped my ass, pushing me into her and setting into rhythm my hips, which she matched with undulations of her own.  Dipping my head down I explored her breasts with my mouth as I managed to get my hand between us.  Her wetness made me hungrier than before and I found it hard to be patient in bringing her to climax, but I took my time, teasing every last wave of pleasure and passion from her before entering her with a hard thrust.  Her hips came off the bed to meet my hand time and again, and I felt my own climax come in a wave that shook me to the core. 

            Finally we both lay there, gasping for breath, trying to hold onto each other despite our slippery, sweat soaked skin.  Somehow I had managed to lie on the bed and pull Madeline on top of me, but I couldn’t remember making that move.    I couldn’t help the smile that was on my face.  It was one of those moments when life felt so perfect that I couldn’t think of anything to complain or worry about.  How many people never felt this kind of happiness?  How many people spent their entire lives looking for someone that would complete them?  I could only guess, happy that I had found that one person who made me whole.

            “I love you,” I murmured, kissing Madeline’s face lightly, feeling sleepy and completely content. 

            “Me too,” was her reply from somewhere against my chest.  I rubbed her back lightly until I felt her breathing even out and soft snores come from her.  Satisfied that she was sleeping peacefully, I finally let myself drift off.

  *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

            A loud knocking on the cabin’s sliding glass door woke me from a luxurious sleep.  I was curled around Madeline; her naked body nestled into mine.  As my mind realized this, my body began to tingle where her skin touched mine, making me forget all about the knocking at the door. 

            I was contemplating just how to wake Madeline up when the knocking started again, waking Madeline up.  “What’s that babe?”  She said sleepily, burrowing further into me without even opening her eyes. 

            Kissing the top of her head then tucking it back under my chin, I closed me eyes to savor the moment.  “I’m willing to bet that’s Megan at the door.”

            “What time is it?” 

            I looked at my watch.  “It’s 9:30.”

            “In the morning??” 

            “Uh huh.”

            She lifted her head from under my chin and opened one eye to look at me.  “I thought this was a vacation?” 

            I laughed softly.  “Megan’s idea of a vacation is visiting every tourist attraction she can.”

            “Oh no,” she moaned, burying her face in my chest, not seeming to realize that it was completely bare.  “Ooo,” she exclaimed happily as she began to nuzzle my breasts. 

            As pleasant shocks of pleasure began to spike through me, I tried to protest.  “Babe, the door…” but my voice died off into a low moan as she continued to torture me.  It wasn’t until the knocking on the door became full fledged pounding. 

            “She’s going to knock the freaking cabin down!”  Madeline said in exasperation, lifting her head from my breasts.  The air swept over the wet marks left by her mouth, making me shiver.

            Getting up to answer the door, Madeline pulled a sheet up around her body.  “Wait,” I said, stopping her before she left the room.  “She’s going to want us to go with her and Tree to God knows where today.  But, if you’d rather stay here, that’s good with me.”

            Her full mouth curved into a teasing smile.  “Whatever would we do here all alone?”

            I pretended to think about that.  “Hmmm…I don’t know.  I’m sure we’ll think of something.”  I flashed her an evil grin as she left the room.

            I counted to five, imagining Madeline crossing the living room and unlocking the door. 

            “You two are still in bed??”  I heard Megan’s loud, booming voice cry out as though it were a sin.  “We’ve got to get moving!”

            Groaning, I buried my head in pillows, trying to block out the sound of my best friend’s grating voice.  I heard Madeline answer her, though I couldn’t make out her words.

            “What do you mean you’re going to stay here!”  Megan yelled even louder, if that’s possible.  Then I heard the thunk thunk of her boots as she found her way to the bedroom.  There was barely time to cover my nakedness before she came through the doorway.  “What is with you two?  Are you rabbits?”  She plopped down on the bed, causing the covers to shift and leaving me grasping as much as I could around my chest. 

            “God Megan, sometimes you are so rude!”  I sputtered at her, trying to hold onto my dignity.

            Megan stopped her rampage and gave me a scathing look.  “And sometimes you are so anal.”

            “Bitch!”

            “Whore!”

            At this point Madeline appeared at the doorway, her hands on her hips and her sheet somehow secured around her toga style.   If I weren’t so mad at Megan, I would have taken more time to let Madeline know how much I appreciated that look on her.  “Oh no, you two are NOT going to do this now!”  I’m sure the guilty look on my face matched the one on Megan’s.  “Listen, Megan, we would like to spend the day here, just relaxing.  We don’t really want to go traipsing all over Sauk County.”

            Scrunching up her nose, Megan scrutinized Madeline for a minute before turning to me.  “Is that true?  You’d rather stay here?”

            “Well, yeah,” I shrugged.  “We were looking forward to just lounging around here.” 

            “But what about all the sites?  The Circus World Museum?  Taliesin?  The Dells?”  She looked back and forth between us.  “Don’t you guys want to see those places?” 

            I sighed.  I knew that there was only one way out of this.  “How about a compromise?”  I looked first at Megan then Madeline who nodded her head slightly.  “What if we promise to go with you to the House on the Rock tomorrow if you let us stay here and relax today?”  Carefully I watched both of them think about this idea. 

            “I’m game if you are honey,” Madeline said, smiling at me.

            Megan screwed up her face.  “I guess so.  I just don’t understand you two.  You’re so weird.”  Standing up, she gave us both a salute and then left the cabin, closing the glass door loudly behind her. 

            I closed my eyes, trying to stop the swarming in my head.  Then, I heard a soft sound, followed by a louder one.  I opened one eye and watched as Madeline dissolved into a fit of laughter.  She fell gracelessly onto the bed, the laughter causing her body to rock back and forth, and shaking the bed in the process.  The sight of her being racked with the giggles was so amusing that I could only sit back and watch.  Then, her sheet came loose, revealing more of her body and my amusement turned instantly to lust filled desire.

            As if sensing my heated stare, Madeline’s brilliant blue eyes met mine and instantly sobered, her laughter ceasing as she caught the electricity in the air.  Rolling onto her hands and knees, her eyes never left mine as she crawled up the bed until she was on top of me.  With each inch she had moved toward me her eyes had grown darker with desire, a indication of the approaching storm of sexual need. 

            Once her face was over mine, she stopped her forward movement.  The sheet that had once covered her body was gone, having fallen off at some point without either of us noticing.  All I was aware of was the feeling of her naked skin against mine and the two blue orbs that pulled me in as a willing prisoner. 

            Thoughts of Megan or the next day faded quickly and I knew that I was a hopeless victim to her power.  And if I’d really wanted to think about it I would have conceded to the fact that I wouldn’t have had it any other way.

  *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

            The day passed in a slow haze of passion, love and sex.  Our lovemaking had become a fluid extension of our love, flowing in undulating waves between us.  Each touch was like flowing fire moving through us and igniting us without fail.  Over and over we tested this new found feeling, each time returning with the same fervor that we first felt. 

            Amazed and sated, we laid together, our bodies entwined in so many different ways that I couldn’t tell where we were separate.  As far as I was concerned, in mind and body, we were no longer individuals.  Something had melded within us, uniting us in a way that we hadn’t before felt.  When I felt her touch, or saw her looking at me, I knew that she felt the same way.  I didn’t even have to ask her, it was just as obvious to me as the sunrise each morning. 

            And when we fell asleep together in the late afternoon, I felt her arms around me and mine around her and it was the pure simplicity of the moment that created an everlasting peace in me that I knew I would never be able to live without.

  *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

            When knocking once again woke me from a dead sleep, the cabin was dark.  The sun must have set long ago because there wasn’t even a hint of light left in the sky.  The pounding was so familiar that I didn’t even need to hazard a guess. 

            “What does she want now?”  Madeline asked sleepily from the crook of my arm.

            “I don’t know, but I’ll go this time.”  I sat up and suddenly felt very dizzy.  “Whoa,” I said, reaching down to steady myself on the bed. 

            “What’s wrong babe?”  Madeline asked, reaching out a hand to rub my back. 

            “I just remembered that we haven’t eaten all day.”

            “Oops,” she said just as her stomach let loose a loud growl.  The look that she gave me was so sheepishly sweet that I couldn’t help but chuckle.  “Did we bring any food with us?”

            I looked through the duffle bag I’d packed for a pair of sweat pants.  “Nope,” I said, pulling out the sweat pants and jumping into them two feet at a time.  “JUST WAIT A MINUTE!”  I yelled to Megan who was still pounding. 

            “Can you warn me next time?”  Madeline complained, her hands over her ears.  The pounding stopped, but I could hear Megan’s distinct voice talking to Tree.  I couldn’t make out what she was saying, but I had a good idea what she was talking about.  Since I had a sex life again I wasn’t going to complain if she talked about it. 

            “Sorry.” I leaned over and kissed her gently on the forehead before pulling on a T-shirt.  Yawning, I moved clumsily through the cabin, only bumping into a few pieces of furniture in the dark.  Finding the light switch, I flipped it and suddenly the main room of the cabin was illuminated, blinding me momentarily.  “Damn,” I said, shielding my eyes.  Shuffling to the slider, I flipped the light for the outside.  “Argh!”  I screamed.  Megan’s face was pressed against the glass.  “Don’t do that, you little shit,” I hissed as I opened the door. 

            “Have you two left this cabin yet today?”  Megan asked as she came through the door, a wave of chilled air coming with her.  I rubbed at my arms as I waited for Tree to come in. 

            “Nope.”  I shut the door behind Tree.

            “Don’t let her get to you.  She’s cranky cause she was kicked out of the Ripley’s Believe It or Not place.”  Tree explained, eyeing her girlfriend warily. 

            “How did you get kicked out?”  Madeline asked as she walked out of the bedroom, straightening out a University of Michigan sweatshirt.  Trying to stifle a yawn, she gave a little wave to everyone in greeting. 

            “Hi Madeline,” Tree said warmly, her eyes twinkling in amusement.  “Our darling Megan here decided that she wanted to climb inside the crashed plane they have as an exhibit.”

            As we all looked at Megan expectedly, Madeline came to where I was leaning against the wall and put her arms around me, her body leaning against mine.  I pulled her closer and kissed her head.  Megan was still silent and I began to get a little uneasy.  “M, what did you think you were doing?”

            Shrugging nonchalantly, Megan studied her feet.  “I just wanted to see if it was a real plane.”

            Putting her arm over Megan’s shoulders, Tree grinned.  “Megan hates not knowing about anything.  So, it was her natural curiosity that got the best of her and got us kicked out.”

            “Couldn’t you have just asked someone?”  Madeline felt so good against me, even in clothes.  This relationship stuff might be good after all.

            “I did.  But the chick they had working didn’t know.”

            “She was only a teenager, hon.” 

            “Yeah, but she should know about the place that she was working.  Right?”  Megan looked to us for confirmation and we both nodded our heads. 

            “So, did you find out?”  This story was taking way to long to tell.  I hated it when Megan got all clammy with information.

            “No.”  She had a crestfallen look on her face tinged with a slightly red hue.  She was embarrassed!  I hadn’t seen Megan embarrassed since she got with our high school’s head cheerleader, Buffy Morgan, under the bleachers during homecoming game.  Needless to say, Buffy’s uniform was forever scandalized.  Especially because Megan’s head was found under her skirt.

            “Why not?”  I was getting exasperated at this point.

            The red hue turned scarlet as she continued to look at her shoe.  Tree finally took pity on her girlfriend and clued us in.  “It seems that when she tried to climb into the plane her foot caught this netting that was hanging over the plane and it fell on top of her.  She got so tangled in the netting that she was unable to completely climb inside.  There were a few of these fake fish in the netting and one of them ended up right in font of her face, tied there by the netting.  The whole exhibit has to be re-done now and she’s been banned for life.”

            The laughter was uncontainable.  It bubbled forth and spilled out of me, grabbing my empty stomach and finding fuel in my hunger.  Madeline joined in and Tree wasn’t far behind.  The only one who wasn’t laughing was Megan. 

            “Oh M, I’m sorry sweetie.  I just have this picture of you in my head all caught up in this net.”  More laughter.  Megan finally cracked a hesitant smile and looked bashful.  “Come on, if it were me you would be swearing because you hadn’t gotten a picture.” 

At this Megan’s smile turned to a scowl and she glared at Tree who instantly began coughing.  I figured it our immediately and so did Madeline.  “Oh, we definitely want a copy of that,” Madeline said in a sweet voice. 

“What’s a little blackmail between friends?”  Megan stuck her tongue out at me at this point.  I was going to respond when my stomach let out a loud rumble, startling everyone. 

            Megan’s smirk was full of innuendo.  “You two couldn’t even stop to eat?”  An evil laugh followed.

            “Actually, that’s why we came over,” Tree said quickly, wanting to prevent a bitch brawl between the two of us.  I know that she often wondered about our friendship, but she knew that as much as we might pick on each other, we loved each other as well.  It was just our way.  “We thought that we could all have dinner together somewhere.”

            My stomach rumbled again and I heard Madeline’s faintly follow suit.  “That sounds like a great idea,” I said after Madeline nodded her consent.  “What kind of place do you have in mind?”

            “Nothing fancy.  Just someplace we can eat and talk.” 

            “Let us change into something a little less informal,” Madeline said, grabbing my arm and dragging me back to the bedroom.  “Hurry Fox, I’m starving!”  She looked panicked, as though she’d only realized that food was an essential part of living.  Attacking her own bag, clothes began flying all over the bed before she found a pair of jeans.  She quickly shucked her clothes and put on the jeans and a sweater. 

            When she saw that I was standing there watching her she gave an exasperated humph.  “Why are you just standing there?  Hurry!”  She threw the jeans I’d worn the day before at me and started tugging at my t-shirt. 

I quickly put my arms around her and pulled her tightly against me.  Kissing her firmly, I released her and gave her a sly smile.  “You are so amazing.”

As I changed she sat on the bed, a stunned look in her eyes.  “What?”  I asked, suddenly concerned with the way she looked. 

“I…I…”  She didn’t seem to be able to say anything. 

Kneeling on the floor in front of her, I took her hand in mine.  “What is it baby?”  I could feel the concern that must have shown in my face.

She brought her hand up and caressed the side of my face gently.  “I just love you so much.”  A tear started to fall from her blue eyes.  “Thank you for finding me.”

I leaned into her hand, a smile gracing my face as I thought about how happy I was.  “I love you too sweetheart.”  I kissed her palm gently, then nibbled at the area just below her thumb.  She giggled and pulled her hand away.  “Shall we?”  I got up and offered her my hand.  She nodded once, her mouth curving in a sweet smile that grabbed at my heart, and took my hand, allowing me to help her off the bed.  I didn’t let go once she got up, but instead kept her hand in mine as we walked out of the bedroom.

  *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

            I hadn’t realized how late it was until we got into the car and I saw the time.  It was almost 10 pm.  “Shit!”  I exclaimed.  “Do you think there’s going to be anything open?”  My stomach was now constantly berating me for not feeding it.  I felt desperate to shut it up. 

            “There’s a Perkins about 15 minutes from here,” Tree said as she pulled out of the parking lot and onto the main road. 

            “Thank God for Perkins,” Madeline said, echoing my own thoughts.  It was one of the only 24-hour restaurants to be found in Wisconsin other than Denny’s. 

            We all chatted lightly on the way there, but I was really focused on eating.  I thought about all the wonderful things I was going to order, realizing that I would probably order too much food, but I didn’t care.  It would be worth every penny in order to fill my mouth and in turn feed my stomach. 

Over dinner I felt this warm glow.  Having my best friends and the love of my life together made me feel so happy that I was giddy.  The warm food in my stomach completed the sensation and I wondered if life could get any better than this.  I thought about the little house that Madeline and I wanted so desperately, a place of our own.  I thought about our new jobs, which seemed designed just for us.  I thought about the love Madeline and I shared, a love, which filled me with joy each and every day. 

Under the table I kept my hand on Madeline’s knee, the need to have physical contact with her too overwhelming to deny.  And I counted my blessing.  Each one of them made me feel more fulfilled. 

“Where are we going tomorrow again?” Madeline asked as we waited for our waitress to bring our checks. 

“House on the Rock,” Megan answered for her.  I could tell that Megan was getting tired from her day playing tourist. Her head was dropping a little and her eyes kept sliding further and further shut. 

“What’s that exactly?”

Upon hearing Madeline’s question, Megan suddenly perked up.  “Haven’t you been there before?”  She was genuinely curious. 

“No.  I’ve heard of it, but I’m not exactly sure what it is.”  This was unusual.  Most people in Wisconsin could claim that they’d been to The House on the Rock at least once.  Especially those who lived in the southern half of the state like we did.  It was an adventure that you had to have at least once in your life. 

“Oh wow!  We have ourselves a virgin ladies!”  Megan exclaimed, clapping her hands together in delight.  A couple of teenagers sitting at a nearby table began to snicker, but Megan shot them her look of death and they quieted down.  “How long have you lived in Wisconsin Madeline?”

“About 12 years,” she said, her face coloring.

“No excuse.”  Megan clucked, shaking her head.  “Since you haven’t been there before, let me tell you a little about this attraction.”  She cleared her throat, clearly getting ready for a speech.  Before she could start the waitress came with our checks. 

“Why don’t you tell them on the way back to the cabins?”  Tree suggested tactfully, and I sent her a grateful look. 

Megan consented and we quickly paid our bill, left a tip, and exited the restaurant.  Before we could even put our seat belts on Megan had began her lecture.  It was after midnight. My stomach was filled to capacity and then some.  With the movement of the car and comfort of Madeline’s arm around my shoulders, I felt myself growing drowsy.

“You see, this guy decided to build a house on top of this huge rock column.”  Megan began, clearly warming to her subject.  I felt myself begin to drift to sleep as she talked.  I snuggled deeper into Madeline’s embrace, enjoying the smell of her and the gentle heat coming from her body. 

Suddenly, I heard a phone ring from somewhere.  “Hello?”  I heard Megan talking.  I opened my eyes and saw her on a cell phone.

“I didn’t know you brought a phone,” I said to Tree, my voice sleepy. 

“Maybe we should have brought one too,” Madeline said, kissing my head softly. 

“Okay, just a second.”  Megan said into the phone then she handed it to me.  “It’s David.  For you.”  She was uncharacteristically serious.  I was immediately concerned.

Straightening up, I took the phone.  “Hello?”

“Hey babe,” David said, his voice sounded stressed and I could hear a commotion in the background.  “I have some bad news.” 

Tree pulled the car over and everyone was watching me.  The air was filled with tension, everyone realizing that this wasn’t a social call. 

“What happened?”  Flashes of different emergencies flashed through my mind.  Had there been an accident?  Was it the animals?   Dwayne?

“Dwayne and I were out tonight and when we came home someone had broken into the house.”

“Oh my God!”

“We walked into the house and there was a man standing in the kitchen with a gun.”

“What!?  Is Dwayne okay?  Are you okay?” 

“We’re fine.  Dwayne managed to tackle him and I called Jacob.  Luckily he was on duty tonight.”

I felt immediately relieved.  No one was hurt. 

“While the police were there we went through the house to see if anything was damaged.  He hadn’t touched anything until we got to the third floor.”

Our floor.  It was only things.  No one got hurt.  Things could be replaced.

“In your bed…” David’s voice broke and fear gripped my heart. 

“What David?”  I could see my fear reflected in Madeline’s eyes, but I had no idea what I was afraid of. 

“Annie…she was dead.” 

“What?!”  I’m sure I was yelling, but nothing was making any sense to me at this point.  “What do you mean she was dead?  What was she doing there?”

David tried to calm himself down.  “I don’t know Fox, I don’t know.  Monte—“

“Monte?  Monte Sullivan?”  I exclaimed and I saw Madeline’s face go ashen white.

“Yeah, the police took his wallet and asked us if we knew him.  I told Jacob about Madeline and you and that this was her husband.”  He was talking fast now, his voice coming out in little bursts.

“Oh my God, David.  Did he…he…” I couldn’t get the question out.

“He shot her.  Listen Fox, I’m sorry, but I need you to get here.” 

“Alright, I’ll be there as soon as I can.”  He hung up before I could even say goodbye, but the state I was in I wasn’t sure that I would have remembered to say goodbye anyway.  I sat there with the phone still at my ear as I tried to quell the sensations that ran through me.  It was Madeline’s hand on my arm that brought me back with a start. 

“What happened?”  Her face was so pale that she looked like an ethereal apparition and I felt the instant need to take her hand to remind myself that she was real. 

“Monte…killed Annie.”  It felt like it took an eternity plus one to get those three words out because I knew that saying them would mean that I had not misunderstood and that I had not dreamed David’s phone call. 

“Oh my God!”  Madeline’s hand went to her open mouth as she stared at me in shock.  I willed her to be able to keep the horrors from her mind with that hand, but I knew that nothing would block this tragedy. 

“Why was Annie there?”  Megan’s voice was so gentle and emotion filled that I almost didn’t recognize it. 

“I…I…don’t know.”  I ran my fingers through my hair in frustration.  “Tree, we need to go back.  I’m sorry…”

“We’ll swing back and get our things and then head back.”  She put the car back in gear and signaled to get back onto the road.  Her calm demeanor helped me to find some stability in order to do what needed to be done. 

We all stayed in the car while Tree went into first our cabin and then their cabin and gathered everything.  Her strong arms carried it all in one load and put it in the trunk of the car.  She slammed the lid shut and I jumped at the sound, hitting my head against the window. 

“Are you okay?” Madeline asked me quietly. 

I gave a bitter laugh as I rubbed at my head.  “I don’t imagine anything will be okay for awhile.”  Adjusting the way I was sitting, I looked at Madeline.  Her blue eyes were blazing with intensity that hit me like a shock wave.  I wanted to crawl inside her and hold her safe at the same time.  My need for her was so great at that moment that I felt tears in my eyes, stinging and blurring my vision.  I felt like life had suddenly gone out of control, like a car on a patch of ice, I could only watch as we approached life’s hairpin curve. 

“Hey.”  I heard Madeline’s voice calling to me, but I felt like I was flowing through a sea of jello.  I wanted desperately to go to her, but I couldn’t take my eyes off the impending crash.  “Fox, look at me.  Look at me!”  Someone was touching my face, forcing my face to move so that I was looking back into those wonderful eyes that I had so often dreamed of.  And I was no longer looking at the on coming turn that life was taking.  Madeline had stopped that.  And it was Madeline that forced me to focus.   It was because of her.

“Sorry,” I said softly, grasping her hand in mine. 

“Let’s not speculate on what happened.  Let’s just concentrate on getting there and getting through this.”  Her face was still pale, but she had a look of resolve in her eyes.  I couldn’t help but think of the fact that her husband was a murderer.  Her husband. 

“I’m sorry Madeline, I’m sorry.”  I pulled her tightly against me.  I had to be strong for her.  We would be strong for each other.  “I love you.”

“I love you too,” she said softly against my chest.  Although I couldn’t hear her crying, I could feel the wet tears soaking into my shirt and I knew that we’d have to love each other a lot to face what was ahead of us.

  *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

            I made a quick decision not to question Tree about her speed as she broke many laws on the way back.  I couldn’t manage to make myself say the word ‘home’ because I knew that where we were going would never be home again. 

            As we approached the house I saw that various vehicles surrounded it.  Police cars were parked on the lawn, and news vans were scattered about, their giant antennas reaching to the sky.  One large, dark van was pulled into the driveway, it’s backdoors wide open.  I didn’t need to read the sign on the side to know it was from the Coroner’s office. 

            Tree parked as close as she could and we all climbed out of the car together.  Tree and Megan seemed to instinctively know that they were needed.  They stuck to us like glue as we approached the police line.  A youngish man in uniform put his hand up to stop us as we approached. 

            “Sorry ma’ams, only authorized personal beyond this point.”  He was polite but distant. 

            “I…we live here,” I said to him, gesturing to the house. 

            “I’m sorry ma’am, but I can’t let you through.”  Again, polite, but very insistent.

            “Fox!”  David’s voice called out for me.  I craned my neck trying to find him.  Finally, I saw him headed toward us, Dwayne by his side.  David was in full drag, a blonde wig looking too perfect on his head.  His mascara had run down his face, but other than that he appeared fully intact.

            When they reached us, David scooped me into his arms and hugged me hard.  “I’m so glad you’re here,” he whispered into my ear.

            “What happened?” I asked him as he released me to hug Madeline. 

            “They took Monte away.  Right now I guess they’re going over the house looking for evidence and clues.”  He shrugged and I could see the tension around his eyes.  Makeup did not hide everything.

            “Do you know why Annie was there?  Or why Monte was there?”  Madeline took up my line of questioning as I tried to find my voice again.  I couldn’t ask these questions, they were too hard.  They seemed too impersonal in the presence of death.  But as I looked around me and saw the people milling around, watching the house and the police personnel, the cameras, the reporters, and other individuals I realized that nothing in death was personal.  It was all about a body, a vessel, which had once been a person, now frozen forever in demise only to be examined, prodded and poked in a clinical manner.

            “I don’t know much Madeline.”  A shudder went through David’s lanky frame and Dwayne put his arm around him. 

            “Do you live here?”  A camera was suddenly turned on us; its bright light illuminating around us, blinding me momentarily as someone stuck a microphone in my face.  “Do you know the woman who was killed?”

            My stomach lurched and I thought I was going to be sick, as my world seemed to turn on its axis.  “Come on,” I felt someone grab my hand and drag me through the police barricade to the other side that was restricted to the media.  Things started to slide back into their normal perspective after we’d gotten away from the lights and the people.  I looked down and saw that Madeline was gripping my hand tightly and as I looked into her face I saw the same unreal expression on her face that I was sure was on mine.  Shock, I told myself.  We were in shock. 

            Tree and Megan weren’t far away, Tree’s large body blocking my view of the melee on the other side of the police line.  I was grateful again for the two of them being with us.  Dwayne and David were talking to a familiar face in a police uniform and I realized that it was Jacob.  He caught my eye and gave me a formal dip of his head.  It was all business tonight. 

            I moved closer, bringing Madeline with me, so that I could hear what they were saying.  Jacob broke off when we were in earshot.  “Thanks for getting here so quickly, Fox.  David and Dwayne have been helpful but I suspect that there are some things that only you can answer.”  He gave Madeline an appraising look.  “And you must me Madeline Sullivan, correct?”

            “Yes,” she whispered, her own body shivering in the chilly night air.  I was sure that some of it was shock as well.  “What happened officer?”

            “It seems that Ms. Annie Cantor broke into your house earlier this evening and fell asleep in your bed.”  I thought of my bed, the bed that I’d been sharing with Madeline and instantly felt a sense of extreme violation.  “Then at a later point, your husband,” he pointed at Madeline, “broke into the house.  For a reason we aren’t aware of yet he went to your bedroom and shot Ms. Cantor.  It wasn’t long after that David and Dwayne came home and found Mr. Sullivan in the kitchen.”  He looked down at a note pad he held in his hand.  “Ms. Cantor was dead when we arrived from her wounds and Mr. Sullivan was raging like a maniac.  We’ll know more about his motives after he’s been questioned.  But I’m afraid that he’s already being charged with the murder.”  He looked at Madeline again.  “Would you like information about how to contact him?” 

            “No.  We were in the process of getting divorced.”  Madeline said quietly.  I squeezed her hand tightly. 

            Jacob nodded, almost as if he had already known this but needed to check anyway.  He was about to say something when a blast of static came over his shoulder radio.  “All units be alert, we’re bringing the body out.  Double crowd control lines.  Out.” 

            There was a sudden influx of commotion on our side of the police line as men and women in uniform came out of the house and began to create a living wall between the crowd and reporters and the path to the coroner’s van.  Jacob squeezed my shoulder as he passed me.

            Until that point everything had seemed like a nightmare that I was sure to wake up from and be snug in my bed, curled up next to Madeline.  But when I saw the gurney emerge from the house, a long black bag being carried on top of it, I knew that I would not be waking up from this nightmare. 

Behind me I heard Megan moan softly, followed by the sound of her retching.  Tree quietly tried to comfort her with nonsensical words that I couldn’t make out.  I wanted to vomit, but I couldn’t move.  I couldn’t take my eyes off the gurney, knowing that beneath that black exterior was the first woman I’d loved.  And I had always known that a part of me would always love her.  While I didn’t want her in my bed anymore, I hadn’t wanted anything like this.  No one should have to die.

Images of Annie’s face in death, her chest not moving, her heart no longer pounding flashed through my head and I damned myself for having such an active imagination.  Why couldn’t I stop torturing myself?   I thought of her body being ice cold, no sign of warmth, of being put in the ground and covered with dirt.  Insects would feed off her body, making paths through what was once living tissue.  When I saw her half eaten skull in my mind I could no longer stop myself.  I turned my head quickly as the vile rose from my stomach and spewed forth.  My stomach couldn’t seem to stop clenching and trying to get rid of itself.  When the retching turned to dry heaves I couldn’t stop the tears that ran down my face freely, feeling cold in the chilled air.  I began to shake, falling to my knees because I could no longer hold myself up, wanting desperately to curl up and protect myself from the barrage of despair and senseless pain that ran through me. 

A strong arm wrapped itself around me, pulling me onto a warm lap.  I didn’t even think, I just reacted, curling up against that warm body as my body longed for desperately reassurances that life was still there and that death was not something that once it entered your life, it consumed everything in its path.  Words that made no sense and held no recognition to my numbed brain filled my ears and I accepted them without understanding them, still clinging to the part of my world that was alive.   

            I don’t know how long I sat there, being comfortable by an as yet unidentified person.  Eventually, I was stood up, surprised that my own legs were able to hold me up.  The comforting warmth left my side and in that instant I heard myself mewing in protest, wanting that being back at my side, wanting that warmth and comfort to protect me. 

            “I’m here,” the voice said, making sense to my slowly recovering brain.  It was Madeline.  I was surprised, but I didn’t understand why.  Instead of questioning, I merely leaned into her warm, strong body and let her comfort me.  “We’re going now, darling.  Hold on, we’re going.”  And I was grateful that she understood that I needed to leave this place that I would always associate with death.  I couldn’t voice my needs, but she knew them anyhow. 

  *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

            As I slowly became more aware of my surroundings, I realized that I was in the back of Megan and Tree’s car again, Madeline at my side slowly caressing my hair.  My head was in her lap, and my arms were wrapped around one of her legs.  There was an acidic taste in my mouth and I remembered vomiting, but nothing much after that.  All I remembered was Madeline; her touch, her voice, the warmth of her being and the soft smell of her skin. 

            Madeline was talking softly with Tree and Megan, but I didn’t really care to understand what they were saying.  I was content where I was and I allowed myself to drift slowly back to reality. 

            Finally the car stopped and Madeline looked down at me.  “Hey,” she said with a smile, seemingly surprised at seeing me looking back at her.

            “Hey,” I said back, unable to return her smile. 

            She leaned down and kissed my temple, her lips warm and soft against my skin.  “It’s going to be okay, Fox.  I promise.”

            I nodded, unable to speak for fear of loosing my senses again.  With arms that were stronger than I ever thought possible, she helped me sit up and then get out of the car.  As we walked away from the car I realized that we were at Tree and Megan’s.  Thinking of their little house, so familiar and safe, I thought I would start to cry again. 

            Once inside, Madeline took me to the bathroom.  She gave me a clean toothbrush and toothpaste.  I brushed my teeth slowly, careful to get every inch of my mouth clean.  I looked up and into the vanity mirror, shocked at what I saw.  I was pale, deathly pale.  My eyes were rounded in surprise and my hair stood up everywhere.  I had streaks from where my tears had carved paths through my face and I looked to myself like something from a horror movie.  Quickly I finished brushing, my resolve to become human again was like an overpowering need. 

            “How bout a shower?”  Madeline came back, towel in hand. 

            I nodded, and then tried to find my voice.  “You too?”  I managed to croak out, not realizing how dry my throat was, still sore from the retching. 

            “I’m not leaving you alone for a second,” she said, her voice sounding fierce with her desire to protect me.

            I could only nodded as I began to peel off my clothing.  My fingers were having a hard time working, so Madeline had to help me.  Her tenderness kept my feelings of vulnerability away as she guided me into the shower’s spray.  I felt her warm and naked body almost immediately and I relaxed into it as the water brought back some life into me. 

            After we washed and gently caressed each other, I felt a desperate need to touch Madeline.  A part of me seemed to need to reconnect with the living in a rage of passion that would awaken my senses. 

            My mouth took Madeline’s hard, my hands instantly moving in a frenzy over her body.  I backed her against the shower wall and pressed her there with my own body.  She didn’t protest my harshness; instead she seemed to embrace her, her own body reacting to my tumultuous desire. 

            When I felt her hands clawing at my back, I was pushed over the edge of reason and I found myself taking her in a way that I had never taken anyone in my life.  I felt wild, like an animal, as I entered her harshly, pushing into her with a tearing passion that made my blood rush between my own legs, pulsing and raging. 

            Erratic and violent moans filled the shower, but I couldn’t tell who was making which noises and I didn’t care as I pumped into her hard.  Her hips met me with each movement and our bodies were fused together in this tempest storm that overcame all reason and understanding. 

            I don’t know who came first, but we were both screaming our release into the air, as if we were screaming out to God and the fates and everyone, letting them know that we were alive and that we would not go quietly into the darkness that had so close invaded us earlier. 

            Finally, we stilled, breathing heavily against each other.  The water pulsed against my back and Madeline’s chest heaved against my breasts.  I felt alive with sensation, and I wanted to scream into the wind that I had won this battle. 

            Tenderly I kissed Madeline’s bruised mouth, and she in turn caressed my cheek with her long fingers.  The nightmare had abated, but was not gone.  I guess that was more than I could ask for at the moment.  Holding her close, I allowed Madeline’s very essence to keep me sane and to help me fight the demons that death had brought to the forefront. 

  *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

            In the dark every shadow is a monster and every sound is a death call.  The night has the ability to take all reason from any situation and create a maelstrom of emotion and fear, culminating in the scream of the dying.

            When the sun finally rose the next day I felt calmer and more in control.  I had lost it the night before, lost all reason and sanity as I was faced with death.  But the next day’s beginning brought me hope and understanding that there were things in this universe that I could not control.  Annie’s fate was her own, not one that I had inadvertently created.  And Monte’s desperate act, taking a life, was not because I had taken Madeline from him, but because he had his own demons to fight.

            I was exhausted by the time that sun rose in the sky, but I had to wait to see the new day before I could fall asleep.  With a sigh of relief, I curled up behind Madeline, and held her tightly against me as I fell into a dreamless sleep, grateful for those things that I could count on no matter what.  The sun would always come back to begin a new day and life would go on.  Those were constants that kept everything on even ground.  And as I smelled Madeline’s skin and felt her breathing deeply in sleep, I knew that I now had something else I could count on, and it was that thought that lulled me finally into the desperately needed sleep. 

  *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

            I woke with a start in Megan and Tree’s guest room.  The familiar surroundings calmed my racing heart.  Then the sight of Madeline’s blue eyes watching me almost made my heart stop altogether, the love in them making it almost painful to breath. 

            “How are you feeling?”  She asked right away, her hand brushing my hair off my forehead in a loving and tender gesture.

            “Much better.”  I kissed the palm of her hand, and then held it against my face for a moment before I asked her the same question.  I was concerned about her mental state.  She had been strong for me the night before, holding us both safe against the storm, but I wanted her to know that I was ready to be strong for her if she needed it.

            With a rueful smile, she sighed.  “I don’t know, Fox.  I really don’t know.”  I understood that.  Completely.  When I told her as much, she closed her eyes for a moment.  “I love you,” she whispered as tears came.  Moving quickly, I took her in my arms and held her as she cried.  They weren’t the wounded tears of pain, but tears of frustration.  And I understood only too well that it would take time to sort through everything and come to terms with it.

            Eventually the tears stopped coming, but I continued to stroke her back and rock her gently, telling her every few moments that I loved her.  Lifting her head from my chest, she looked at me lovingly, then kissed me gently. 

            In an unspoken agreement we both got out of bed slowly.  Someone had brought our bags from the weekend up to the guest room, so we both had clean clothes to change into.  The lethargic pace we were taking was necessary.  My brain felt as though it were moving in pea soup, and my body’s motions reacted to that.  I saw the same thing in Madeline as she put her clothes on, and felt relieved that we were both trying to move forward. 

            Hand in hand we went downstairs, finding Megan and Tree in the kitchen with David and Dwayne.  They all looked tired and drained, but there was a renewed sense of hope underlying the air around them.  They’d been talking when we entered, but it stopped as they turned to us.  One by one we all hugged each other tightly, each of us grateful to have begun a new day.  These were my family and having them safe was the greatest relief. 

            It could have been Madeline and me in that bed last night.  Monte could have shot David or Dwayne when they found him in the house.  We all had found ourselves on the right side of fate last night, and I was grateful to who ever was looking after us for their intervention. 

            I poured a cup of coffee for myself, then one for Madeline and went about preparing them.  As I did David filled us in on a conversation he’d had with Jacob earlier that morning. 

            “Monte confessed, of course.”  He began.

            “As if it weren’t obvious?”  Megan said wearily. 

            “Right, but I guess that he could have still denied it and made things harder.  Jacob said that when they began questioning him he just told them everything.  Didn’t even pretend to be innocent.” 

            “Why was he in the house?”  Tree asked quietly.  It was the question everyone had.

            “He wanted to kill us,” I answered before David could.  Turning around to those in the kitchen, I handed Madeline her cup of coffee, receiving a soft smile in return.  Everyone else looked at me, waiting for me to continue.  I took a sip of my own coffee before I explained.  “He was there looking for us,” I indicated Madeline and myself.  I had worked through this as I was waiting for the sun to come up.  “He wanted to kill us.”  I paused a moment in reflection.  “Or at the very least scare us.” 

            “He told the police that he wanted his wife back, that she was his and that he was going to kill you and take her back home with him.”  David confirmed what I had thought.

            “I don’t know how he got that way,” Madeline said so softly that she might have been talking to herself.  Then she seemed to remember that we were all in the room with her.  She looked up from her coffee and searched out my eyes.  “Did I push him that far?”

            Putting my coffee cup down, I knelt in front of her.  Taking her coffee cup and setting it aside, it held her hands tightly in mine.  “No baby, this isn’t your fault.  You didn’t push him anywhere.”  I kissed her hands.  “You’ve got to understand that.”

            “No one could have pushed another person to kill,” Tree said gently and everyone else voiced his or her agreement with that statement. 

            Sighing, Madeline finally nodded her head.  “I guess not.”

            “The thing I don’t understand is why Annie was there.  And in your bed of all places!”  Megan looked at me and I shrugged. 

            “That’s something we might never know,” Dwayne said, and unspoken we understood completely.  The dead didn’t talk.  Annie’s motives were her own and none of us would ever get the chance to ask her why.

            We continued to talk, each of us gathering strength from being together.  Finally, the phone rang and we all became quiet as we waited to see if it was news about the night before.  Tree got of the phone with a strange look on her face. 

            “Well?”  David asked.

            “That was Joanne,” Tree said as she headed out of the room. 

            “Where are you going?”  Megan shouted after her girlfriend and we were all surprised when we heard the front door open.  “What the hell’s going on?”  We were all mystified at this point.  Finally, we heard Tree come back into the house and the door shut behind her.  When she came back into the kitchen she was carrying the paper in her hand, still in it’s waterproof bag.  “Joanne told you that we hadn’t picked up the paper yet?”

            “No, she told me to check out the front page.” 

            We were all still as Tree took off the plastic bag and unrolled the Sunday paper.  “Oh my God,” she said quietly and we all inched forward, trying to get a glimpse of what she saw.

            “Holy shit,” Madeline said, her eyes wide.  I could tell that she was unsure whether or laugh or cry, and her reaction was right in line with mine.

            On the front page of the paper was a large headline.  ‘Local Ad Exec Arrested for Murder in Famous Drag Queen’s House.’  Beneath the headline was a picture of Monte in handcuffs, surrounded by police with David next to him in full drag.  There must have been some warning that the picture was going to be taken because David’s arm was around Monte and he was smiling into the camera, his wig slightly skewed.

            “Oh shit, I forgot about that,” David muttered, his face coloring.  We all turned to him, waiting for an explanation.  He coughed nervously.  “Well, after I called the police I called Ray over at the paper and told him to come over if he wanted a fun story.”  He grew serious as he continued.  “That was before we found out about Annie.  I thought it was just Monte being a jerk and that a little press might make him more wary of messing with us in the future.” 

            Megan started it.  A giggle escaped from her, seeming to catch her off guard.  The next giggle was louder, more obnoxious than the first.  Soon the sound of everyone joining in filled the air.  It felt so good to laugh and while I’m sure some of it was stress related, we rode it out, enjoying the feeling of being alive.

  *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

            The next few days were spent talking to police, avoiding reporters, and trying to figure out how to move forward.  David decided that he was going to sell the house as soon as possible.  I was grateful for that decision because even though Madeline and I were planning on moving out anyway, I didn’t want to ever have to return to that house.  Friends that I didn’t realize I had went and packed up the third floor for me under David and Megan’s supervision.  I could bear going back there and I knew that Madeline felt the same way. 

            I called Jamie first thing Monday morning to find out about the house.  I know she’d said that she would get back to us, but we needed a place sooner than that.  When I told her the circumstances, she was more than willing to give us the okay to start to move in.  I tried to thank her, but she refused my thanks.  “I’m just sorry that it had to be under these circumstances.  I was already planning on telling you and Madeline that it was yours, but I had to go through the motions.” 

            A few days after that fateful night, there was a knock at Tree and Megan’s door.  We were all home, sitting around and talking.  I went to the door and there was a scruffy looking woman on the other side.

            “Can I help you?”  I asked her, taking in her ratty clothes and her tangled hair.

            “Is Annie here?”  She asked hopefully, trying to glance behind me into the house where voices were coming from.

            “Is this some kind of joke?”  I asked her harshly.

            The bewildered look in the other woman’s face made me regret my tone.  “No, no.  She said that she might be here if I couldn’t find her at the other house.  She left on Saturday morning and said she might not be back.  Said she might be living at the other house, but when I went there no one answered.”  She shoved a piece of paper with Megan and Tree’s address toward me.  “See?  She said to try here.”

            “Annie was with you Saturday?”

            “Sure,” she replied with a dreamy smile.  “She was with me almost every day.” 

            “Where did she go on Saturday?”  Maybe I’d finally get some answers.

            “To the house,” the woman said impatiently.  “I already told you that.  She was going to find her love, she said.”  The woman’s face became bitter.  “She took half the stuff with her, only leaving me with the other half.  I ran out yesterday, so I need to find her.”  The desperation in her voice caught me off guard. 

            “Ran out of what?”  I asked suspiciously.

            “The coke.  She took it with her.  I told her that I would need more, but she said she had to go.”  The woman looked at me appraisingly.  “Do you have any that I could have?”

            “No, I’m sorry.  Annie’s dead.” 

            “Dead?  Overdose?”  The woman didn’t seem surprised.  I guess that in certain circles death was a familiar consequence. 

            “No, she was shot.”

            “Shot, huh?”  The woman seemed to be mulling this over.  “Did she leave behind any coke that I can have?”  She looked at me hopefully, a gleam in her eye.

            “No, I’m sorry.  You have to go now.”  I shut the door on her, unable to face anymore of Annie’s past.  What a tragedy her life had been.  I counted my blessings again, grateful that she’d left me before she’d gotten into this.  Who knows what I would have become if she’d started using drugs around me.  I was younger than, more willing to go with the crowd.  I might have become a statistic, and that thought frightened me.

            Madeline came up behind me as I stared at the door.  She put her arms around me, kissing the back of my neck before resting her chin on my shoulder.  “Everything okay?” 

            I sighed inwardly.  “Yes, everything’s fine.”

            “Who was at the door?” She asked gently.

            “A friend of Annie’s.”

            Madeline turned so that she was looking at me, her face puzzled.  “A friend of Annie’s?” She repeated.

            “I guess Annie had come to the house hoping to convince me to take her back,” I said sadly. 

            “I’m sorry sweetheart.” She hugged me tightly.

            My thoughts ran deep as I rested against her.  “What happens to some people that they get so desperate?”  I tried to remember Annie before she left me and couldn’t seem to get a clear image of her.  All I could remember was the thin, druggie that had stood before me not that long ago.

            “Life can make you desperate,” Madeline said slowly.  “Sometimes there are people who just can’t handle what life gives them.  They need something to take away the pain, to keep them from feeling.”

            I nodded, and then pulled away from her, looking at her.  Intense emotions ripped through me as I saw her so clearly that I thought I would go blind.  It was a feeling of total love that welled in me and brought tears to my eyes.  Then I crushed her against me, my tears falling against her face as I whispered into her ear.  “I’ll take whatever pain life brings as long as I can feel you.”

            She turned to find my lips with hers and the searing heat that went through my body told me that as long as there was breath in me, I would always feel her.  I had waited for her, I had wanted for her, and now that I had her, I wasn’t letting go.

The End

Author’s Note:  I wanted to thank my partner and best friend, S. Anne Gardner, for her continued support and love.  Without her I would not have ever gotten this damn thing done.  Thanks babe!

            Lisa

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