Impulse: Book
Three
FULL STEAM
AHEAD
“Impulse:
A sudden inclination or urge”
The American
Heritage dictionary
By Mezzo
“This
is Book Three in my series called Impulse.
If you haven’t read Book
One: AFTER ALL IS SAID or Book
Two: IT’S JUST THE BEGINNING
you might want to start there.”
DISCLAIMERS:
(see
INSTALLMENT
ONE)
Copyright
© 2002 by Mezzo All Rights Reserved
Visit
and join http://groups.msn.com/MezzosMelodramas
for story updates & downloads.
Email
me at mezzosmelodramas@msn.com or post your
comments and feedback at the site.
Sincerely,
Mezzo
*****************************************************************************************
INSTALLMENT
FOUR
Brett
had signed so many books that her hand was starting to cramp up. She tried her best to give her fans as much
attention as possible. She felt it was an
honor to have her work recognized by so many. Their
support and input had helped her get through some very rough times and she always reminded
herself to not take them for granted.
It
was close to
Getting
something in her eye as the last person approached, without looking she held up her hand
to give her a minute and bent down to get her eye drops out of her purse.
“I’m
sorry. Sometimes my eyes get so dry at these signings with all the heat of the people and
the air stirring around. Just give me a
second.” Brett tilted her head back and
placed the drops in her eyes. So involved in
her task she didn’t notice the person who was standing in front of her.
“Ooh
what a relief. I can’t tell you how good
that feels.” She placed the drops back in
her purse and got comfortable.
“Alright,
thanks for your patience. Now how do you …Oh God.”
Brett looked up and all the color in her face washed away. Brett sat back into her chair stunned.
“Hello
Brett. It’s good to see you. You’re looking well.” Brett’s
ex-girlfriend, Jenna Carlisle stood in front of her. They
hadn’t seen each other in over four years and to say it wasn’t long enough for
Brett was an understatement. The last time
they were together was when Brett lay in Jenna’s arms beaten and unconscious.
Brett
knew that Jenna had been released from the mental hospital two years ago. All reports of Jenna’s illness stated that her
therapy had gone well. She was released with orders to continue her therapy sessions
outside of the hospital. The doctors had informed Brett that there was nothing to worry
about. Jenna was well on her way to recovery and would be able to lead a normal life.
“What
are you doing here?” Brett said nervously, looking around to see if anyone was in the
immediate vicinity.
“I’ve
been following your career and have read all of your books.
I got a list of your signing dates off the Internet and wanted to see you when you
got to where I lived.” Jenna smiled.
Brett didn’t return the gesture.
“I
didn’t recall seeing
“No
it wasn’t. I don’t live there anymore. I
was offered a position in
“I
see. Well, I wish you well. I really better be going.” Brett
stood up and hurriedly gathered her things. She was about to step out from behind the
table when Jenna stopped her.
“Get
your hands off me.” Brett demanded. After her experience with Jenna, Brett enrolled in
self-defense classes. She made a promise to
herself to never feel vulnerable again.
Jenna
released Brett’s arm and quickly stepped back not wanting to make Brett feel
threatened.
“Wait Brett. I’m sorry I came here.
It’s just I’ve had a lot of time to think about what I’ve done to you and
I’ll forever be grateful to you for everything you’ve done for me. My life would be so different from what it is today
if it wasn’t for you. I just wanted to
come and thank you.”
“You
don’t have to thank me. Excuse me.” Brett just wanted to get away.
“Please
Brett. I know you hate me. But I really need
to say what I have to say to you. Please?” Jenna looked at Brett and had a desperate look on
her face.
Brett
motioned with her hand for Jenna to continue. Brett’s
face was emotionless. However, inside she just
wanted to run.
“You’re
the only person that ever took the time to help me. The
only person that ever showed me what unconditional love was.” Jenna looked down at the floor and paused to get
her thoughts in focus. “You see there
isn’t a day that passes, that I don’t think about what I did to you. No matter
what happens, I can never truly forgive myself for that.” Jenna stood there as tears cascaded down her face.
The past four years had been a struggle. The
demons that had haunted her tortured her every waking moment and crept into her nightmares
as well. After many years of therapy and
self-introspection, she found the love that she was seeking inside herself. Brett had offered her love and she came to
understand that if someone as wonderful as Brett could love her, she must have had
something in her that was worth loving.
“Your
love, Brett, showed me the way to my salvation and I will always be indebted to you. I
know you can never forgive me. I just wanted
to at least tell you how grateful I am. You
were always such a special person, Brett. It
kills me to think that I may have taken that light away from you through my actions. I
never wanted that to happen. I take full
responsibility for everything I’ve done. It
took me a long time to realize that just because people have hurt me does not give me the
right to cause another pain. Thank you…
Thank you for everything.” Jenna waited
to see if Brett had anything to say. When she
did not, Jenna picked up her book and was about to turn away when Brett stopped her.
“So
you never told me how you wanted me to sign your book?”
Brett gave Jenna a smile. It was not a
big one but it was more than Jenna had expected.
“Well,
‘Fuck off, bitch!’ would probably be the most fitting.” Jenna gave Brett a quirky smile and the two bridged
another obstacle in their recovery.
“That’s
awfully tempting. But I think I can do a little better than that.” Brett reached out her hand to receive the book and
thought for a moment. Opening the front cover,
she wrote what she thought would finally put this nightmare to rest.
******
Jenna,
It’s
hard to understand what fate has in store.
Especially when life’s
tragedies are cast upon us.
Often
times it is those who offer us the greatest struggle
That
end up being our greatest teachers.
Don’t
look upon the past with regret. Nor look to the future with anger or fear
See
that which you have experienced and know you are better prepared for what lies ahead.
Many
times, I have wished that I had never met you. Many
hours I have spent wishing you harm.
However,
after I allowed myself to feel the anger, I found I could let go of the pain.
Because
of you, I have found the strength, the courage, and perseverance that lie within me and,
more importantly, the
acceptance that only love
of self can provide.
I
now wish only good for those around me and though many may never understand my actions,
only I know what I have gained.
Be
Well. Be Happy. Be kind to yourself so you can be kind to others. And never lift a hand in
anger to another soul again.
*****
Brett
offered the book back to Jenna. Jenna opened
the cover and read Brett’s inscription. Tears
immediately came to her eyes. Never in her life did she expect to read the words that were
presented to her.
“I
don’t know what to say. Your capacity to
forgive is astounding. I hope you have found
happiness Brett. I truly do. I know I’m
probably the last one you’d ever turn to but if you ever need anything, or you need a
friend, know that I’ll always be there for you.”
Jenna handed Brett a piece of paper with her work and home number, and address
written on it.
“Thank
you Jenna. Take care of yourself.” Brett offered Jenna her hand and Jenna took it.
No
matter what happened, Jenna would always love Brett. She
had the most beautiful woman in her life at one time and knew with all certainty that she
had done nothing to deserve her.
Bringing
Brett’s hand to her lips, she gentle kissed it. “Goodbye
Brett. Maybe in time you and I might be friends again?”
“Goodbye,
Jenna.” Brett responded without answering
her question. Although Brett was willing to
put this situation behind her, she wasn’t quite willing to have a relationship with
Jenna anytime soon. She was only human after all.
Jenna
looked at Brett in understanding and then turned to leave but her departure quickly
halted. There in her path stood a very daunting Victoria Hull.
TO BE CONTINUED.
Impulse: Book
Three
FULL STEAM
AHEAD