She wasnt at all sure where they were going but eventually she saw the Golden Gate bridge looming in the distance. They crossed the structure and continued on, staying on Highway 1 the whole while. The scenery was absolutely beautiful at this time of year. There were very few cars on the road as they passed the forested acres around Muir Woods. They kept going and eventually the road wound down to Stinson Beach. When they reached the sea Ryan pulled the bike off the road and hopped off. "Lets go for a walk," she said as she held out her hand to Jamie.
After Ryan had secured their helmets they crossed over to the sea side of the road and began to walk along on the hard packed sand. Even though the day was beautiful there was not another soul on the beach. The sun was bright although the wind was stiff and cold as it blew in from the ocean. "Im glad you told me to dress warmly," Jamie said as a chill shot down her spine.
Of course, Ryan noticed this and held her arm out in an inviting gesture. Jamie shot her a shy grin but snuggled up against her anyway. They walked along in companionable silence for at least a mile before Ryan turned around and guided her back. I would feel odd talking so little with anyone else. But with Ryan the silence is never uncomfortable. Even when we dont speak I feel like were communicating. Like now, she just wants me to feel free. She brought me here so I could feel how huge the world is, and maybe that would make me feel less confined.
When they were almost back to their starting place Ryan broke the silence as she asked, "Are you ready?"
"To leave?" she replied with a winsome look on her face. "I guess so," she said, even though that was the last thing in the world she wanted to do.
"No," Ryan said with a twinkle in her eyes. "Are you ready to get started?"
"Get started doing what?"
"Having your first lesson, of course," she explained patiently.
"In what?" Jamie asked, even though she would gladly take a lesson in breathing or walking from Ryan.
"Your first lesson on how to ride a motorcycle," she said, as though it was obvious.
"What!!"
"I dont know of a better way to get your blood pumping than to put 80 cubic inches of power between your legs," she purred.
"Uh uh " Jamie stuttered as she tried to decide what was more stimulating: the thought of driving the bike or considering the clear sexual tone of Ryans invitation.
"Come on," she urged as Jamies feet seemed unable to propel her forward. "Once youve ridden on a Fat Boy youll never be the same."
"Fat Boy?" she gulped as she thought, Is there a sexual allusion to every part of motorcycle riding?
"Thats the style of bike I have, its a Harley Softail Fat Boy."
"And you want me to drive it," she finally got out.
"Yep. Your blood is going to pump so hard you might have to open a vein," she teased.
"Or several," she squeaked out, as she pictured her broken body strewn across the pavement.
"I guarantee youll enjoy this," Ryan reassured her. "And Ive never lost a student."
"Okay," she gamely agreed. They crossed the road and approached the bike. Ryan pointed to a small paved road that gently led up into the hills.
"I thought that would be a good place to start," she told her. "I havent seen a car come down that road the entire time weve been here. Ill move her over there and we can get started." She started the engine and rolled the big bike onto the blacktop. The road was relatively flat for a long while, but there was a hairpin turn about ˝ mile out. It then began a rapid ascent up into the hills. But you could easily see and be seen from where they were.
Jamie trotted behind her and waited patiently as Ryan slapped the helmet on her head. "Buckle up tight," she warned. When she was ready Ryan began the lesson. "Do you know anything at all about motorcycles?"
"Just that theyre fun to ride on," she admitted with a grin.
"That is the most important factor," Ryan agreed. "But there are a few more little details. Have you ever watched me shift?"
"Yeah, I think you use your right foot. Oh, and I know that you brake with your hands, kind of like on a regular bike, and I know the throttle is on the right hand thingy."
"Excellent! It really is quite a lot like being on a regular bike. Just like on your bike, its important to stay balanced with your center of gravity right over the seat. Its important to brake with both hands and not hit the front brake too hard. Theres a lean angle on both types of bikes. If you stay above the angle you wont tip over. On this bike the angle is 28 degrees. Can you picture that?"
"Yeah," she said with surprise. "Thats really low. I have a hard time imagining going that low."
"Wanna see?" she asked with a devilish gleam in her big blue eyes.
"Uhh, not just because I dared you," she said quickly. "I know you cant resist a challenge."
"No, I feel really comfortable on my bike. Ill just show you how low you can go. It might reassure you."
"Okay," she said hesitantly.
"Dont worry," Ryan said easily. "Just watch me."
She put her helmet on and brought the beast to life. She took it up the flat part of the road and went about another ˝ mile, and then she turned around and began to roar down the hill. Jamie could see her perfectly well from her angle. When Ryan got to the hairpin turn she leaned the bike over so far that Jamies heart flew to her throat. Ryans knee was nearly touching the pavement but she made the corner and straightened up easily. She skidded to a quick halt right in front of her open mouthed student. "That was awesome," she said. "But youre out of your mind if you think Im ever going to do that!"
"You never know," she drawled.
"Oh, I know, Ryan, I know," she assured her. "But I would like to go for a nice, safe, smooth little ride."
"Okay. The first step is making sure you can hold her up. I bought this bike from a woman who had the suspension lowered about 2 ˝ inches. She wasnt much taller than you so I think youll be able to handle it."
"How much does it weigh?"
"With the stuff I have on it, she goes about 640," she said easily.
"640 pounds!!" Jamie shrieked. "I cant hold up 640 pounds!"
"You dont hold it up, Silly. The wheels do that. You just have to help it balance. I couldnt hold it up if it got below a 40 degree angle while it was stationary. Lets give it a try," she urged. "Ill scoot back, you come up here and sit in front." She patted the seat in front of her as she beamed an encouraging grin at her tentative friend. "Come on, she wont bite."
Jamie struggled to throw her leg over since she had limited room, what with Ryan sitting in the back. She finally got up with a great deal of assistance from her friend. "Whoa!" she said, as she quickly let the air out of her lungs. "This is sweet." She placed her hands on the hand grips and shifted around in the seat until she felt comfortable. It was particularly comforting to have Ryan nestled up against her back, and she realized that she felt really good sitting in front.
"Okay, Im going to stand up a little and let you feel what its like to hold her up. Ill be right here if you have any trouble. I promise," she vowed as she began to stand.
Jamies heart began to thump in her chest but she concentrated and held on tight. She found to her amazement that it wasnt really that hard to balance such a huge weight if you stayed centered. "I feel okay," she said slowly.
"Great! Now Ill show you how to shift." She provided a basic lesson in shifting and let her practice a few times; going through all of the gears one at a time. "Why dont we go for a little spin? Ill keep my hands on yours and guide you up and down the hill. All you have to do is shift when I tell you."
"Thats all? Youre sure?"
"Yep. Believe me, Jamie. I will not trick you into doing something youre uncomfortable with. Ill tell you what you need to do and I swear I wont expect you to do one thing more than that. Okay?" she asked as she leaned over to make eye contact.
"Okay," she agreed, now completely reassured.
Ryan brought the bike to life and sat back while Jamie got comfortable. "Are you ready?" she asked as she glued herself to her back. A small nod was her answer. "Okay, put her into first gear," she instructed. As Jamie did so Ryans large hands covered hers, gripping the brakes firmly. "Now Im going to let the brakes off, so the bike might move a little. Im going to give it a little gas. Just relax and let me guide you," she said confidently.
Her stomach leapt to her throat but she did her best to stay relaxed as the bike began to move. Ryan really was driving but sitting in the front was a very heady experience. And the experience was made even headier by having her friend covering her body almost totally. Ryans chin was hanging over her shoulder and her chest was pressed tight against her back. Her warm pelvis was snuggled up against her butt, sending jolts of feeling down and between her legs. Ohh, I hope I dont have to walk anytime soon. I know my legs are completely useless.
As they slowly climbed the small grade Ryan called out when she wanted her to shift. By the time they reached the turnaround point she was up in 3rd gear, and she felt proud of her small accomplishment. Ryan was very enthusiastic in her praise and Jamie was excited about the trip back down. She paid rapt attention to how Ryans hands worked the throttle and the brakes and by the time they reached the bottom she was ready to go up again. They made the little 1 mile loop 3 more times. Jamie was having a ball and was more than happy to keep her knowledge right at this level. But Ryan raised the stakes when she said, "I think youre ready to move on."
"What do you mean?" she asked suspiciously.
"This time, you take the throttle and the brakes. Ill scoot up and shift for you so you dont have too many things to think of."
"I dont know, Ryan," she demurred.
"I have total confidence in you, Jamie. I know you can do this easily," she insisted.
Somehow Ryans confidence was enough to bolster her own and she finally agreed. Ryan had to scoot even closer to comfortably reach the shifter, but Jamie was not about to complain. She rested her hands on the grips and prepared herself mentally, and then she nodded to show her readiness. Ryan kept her feet on the ground until the last moment to help balance the big bike. Jamie slowly turned the throttle and the bike smoothly began to roll. Ryan kept her promise and kept her own hands down by the grips by her buttletting Jamie have complete control. Jamie could feel her warm body pressed against her and she was reassured by the relaxed posture that her friend maintained. If shes relaxed I should be, she thought. Within seconds they were at the turnaround and she performed her next little test very well. She slowly squeezed the brakes and brought the bike to a smooth halt.
Ryans arms circled her waist for a quick hug as Jamie turned and beamed at her. "More!" she demanded as Ryan laughed heartily.
"Its addictive, isnt it?" she teased.
An enthusiastic nod was her clear reply. Ryan took the controls to negotiate the sharp turn, but quickly turned it over to her happy friend. They made 3 more complete circuits before Ryans deep voice rumbled through her back, "Wanna go all the way?"
God, how does any woman refuse her? Oh thats right, no one does refuse her! she thought wryly.
"O..o..okay," she stuttered. Ryan sat back an inch or two and let Jamie have full control. She put the bike into first and let her go one more time. The increase in sensation was small but significant. Now she was really in charge. If she hit the accelerator too hard or grabbed the front brake alone they could easily be on the ground. But the responsibility didnt frighten her at this point. The slow buildup had reassured her at every step of the way and now she just felt confident. They did 3 more circuits just the same way, but before they began the fourth Ryan said, "This time, you negotiate the turn on your own."
Jamie gulped noticeably but she nodded slightly and started up again. Her heart was pounding when she neared the top but she smoothly downshifted just like she had seen Ryan do. When the bike was going nice and slow she turned the wheel and leaned over just a tiny bit, turning the bike perfectly. When they reached the bottom Ryan squeezed her until she had trouble getting a breath. "Im so proud of you!" she said with a high wattage grin. "You were so smooth and controlled. I really think you could do more if youre up to it."
"Like what?" she asked, both flushed with accomplishment and hesitant.
"Lets go further up this hill. You can practice leaning into turns a little bit."
"Okay," she said with only a moments resistance. As they climbed past their previous stopping point she could hear Ryan begin to hum over the drone of the engine. After a few moments she recognized the tune and began to hum along with her. They rode for at least two more miles, humming the whole way. After they had begun the song for the second time Ryan began to sing. Jamie didnt know all the words so she just let that rich deep voice rumble against her back.
She didnt start at the beginning of the song, instead picking it up right where they had left it.
"Wendy let me in I wanna be your friend; I wanna guard your dreams and visions.
Just wrap your legs round these velvet rims and strap your hands across my engines.
Together Wendy well break with the sadness, Ill love you with all the madness in my soul."
"Will you walk with me out on the wire? Cause baby Im just a scared and lonely traveler,
And I wanna know how it feels. I wanna know if love is right, and I wanna know if love is real."
Ryan then began to hum the instrumental part of the song and Jamie happily joined her. Moments later they reached a wide point that looked like a perfect place to turn around, Without even waiting for permission she smoothly downshifted and glided the big bike in a perfectly executed turn. Ryan signaled her pleasure by squeezing her thighs and patting her on the leg as she began to sing again.
She was signing at full voice by the time they neared their starting point. Jamie had heard the song hundreds of times on the classic rock station but she had never had anyone sing it to her while astride a motorcycle. Particularly a very sexy woman who had her strong thighs wrapped tightly around her body. Between the intense concentration needed to ride the bike and the focus needed to ignore Ryans body, she hardly heard a word. But Ryan had timed the song perfectly and as they pulled up she wailed out,
"Come on Wendy, tramps like us, baby we were born to run!
Ooooh, oooo, ooooh o..o..o..oooh, tramps like us were born "
Ryan dropped her feet to hold the bike up while she performed an impromptu drum solo/congratulations on Jamies back. "That was so awesome, Jamie!" she yelled. "You are a total natural!"
Jamie could not help but catch the enthusiasm of her friend. She jumped off as Ryan tipped the bike a bit to give her better egress. She threw her arms straight into the air as she ran around like a 2 year old. "I am sooooo pumped!" she shouted.
Ryan had secured the bike on its stand and she threw her arms around Jamies small waist and picked her up as she began to twirl her in a tight circle. "Wasnt that the most wonderful feeling?" Ryan demanded as the world flew by.
It took all of Jamies willpower not to shout. No, this is!
* * * * * * * * * * * *
An hour later they were negotiating dinner. "Look Ryan, you took me all the way out here just because I was bored. I would really like to buy you dinner to show my appreciation."
"But you dont seem to get my point," Ryan explained for the 3rd time. "I do things for you and with you because I enjoy them I cant tell you how much fun it was to teach you to ride. It was like learning all over again for me. I got to experience the thrill through your eyes. That was an awesome gift!"
"Okay," she said as she changed tactics. "Its just 5 oclock and theres no way we want to be crossing the bridge at rush hour. Im starving because I didnt have lunch and I bet you didnt either. We need to waste about 2 hours to avoid bad traffic. We can either do that in some crummy little place or we can go someplace that I really love. Its a lot more expensive than you like to go for, so why not let me treat us to a great meal just because I can?"
"So this is not a payback dinner?" she asked suspiciously.
"Nope. Its just a hey, I want to go to the Lark Creek Inn. Oh look, there it is. Oh, Ryans with me. Thats okay, its more fun if I have someone to dine with kind of thing."
"Im sold. But are you sure were dressed up enough?"
"Yep. We can sit in the bar and watch basketball on TV while we eat. Its really pretty casual."
"Lets go," she agreed as they made their way along the tiny streets of Larkspur to the restaurant.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
It was nearly 9 when they reached the City. Dinner had indeed been wonderful and Ryan was terribly glad that she had let herself be talked into it. As they approached the Marina district Ryan pulled over and turned in her seat. "Do you mind if I stop by Tracys apartment for a second? Shes supposed to fly in this afternoon and I told her I might come by tonight."
"Geez, Ryan, we didnt have to stay at the restaurant that long! I dont want to interfere with your relationship."
As she turned even more fully in her seat Ryan locked her eyes onto Jamies. "Theres not one minute of this day that I would cut out. Dont demean our relationship like that," she said emphatically. "My friendships are just as important to me as my relationship with Tracy."
"Ryan, Im sorry," Jamie said quickly. "I certainly dont demean our relationship. Its incredibly important to me," she stated firmly.
"I just cant stand people who immediately drop their friends when they get into a serious relationship," Ryan admitted. "I like to nurture my friendships just as much as I do a sexual relationship." She allowed her face to curve into a crooked grin as she started over. "Do you mind if I stop by Tracys for a second?"
"Not at all," Jamie said happily.
A few moments later Ryan was buzzing the apartment. They walked up to the third floor unit together, even though Jamie felt a bit uncomfortable. Tracy was a little surprised to see Jamie, but she greeted her warmly. "Well, well," she said as she looked them over. "What do we have here?" she asked as she wrapped her arms around Ryan for a very friendly kiss. "Youve already had dinner," she said as she narrowed her eyes a bit. She leaned in for another kiss which they held for a bit longer than Jamie was comfortable with. "And dessert," she added.
If she starts looking for what kind of toothpaste she uses Im out of here!
"So where were you little scamps all day?" she asked. "I called your house and your pager, Ms. OFlaherty," she said as she placed her hands on her hips.
"Did you really?" Ryan asked as she pulled the device from her waistband to check it. "I didnt get a page, Tracy . Did you need something?"
"No, I didnt really. I called to tell you I wouldnt be home until about 9. I actually got in right before you got here."
"Good. I hate to inconvenience you," she said apologetically. "But the answer to your previous question is that we were up in Marin by Stinson Beach. I taught Jamie how to ride my bike," she said proudly. "And she was an excellent student," she added.
"Ohhh, tell me all about it," she demanded as she pushed Ryan down on a chair. "Let me get you both a drink first. Do you want a beer or some wine?"
"Ill take some wine," Jamie said.
"Water for me," Ryan added.
A few moments later Tracy came back to the living room with wine for she and Jamie along with Ryans usual water. There was seating for 7 in the spacious, well decorated apartment but Tracy chose to sit on Ryans lap. "Ive missed you," she said quietly as she placed another kiss on Ryans lips.
Ryan gazed up at her with a sweet, shy smile. "I missed you too," she replied as she sat up for another warm kiss. They were obviously used to sitting in this position because Ryan looked completely comfortable. She was sitting on a deep overstuffed upholstered chair and Tracy was leaning against her chest with her legs draped over the arm. She had her arm behind Ryans neck and Ryans arm cradled her back. All in all they looked very comfortable and relaxed with each other. It didnt seem to bother either of them that Jamie was there, even though she was still a little uncomfortable.
They had just been dating a little over a month but they were already finishing each others sentences and other cute little girlfriend things. Tracy would occasionally brush Ryans bangs from her forehead or push a lock of hair behind her ear. Ryan teased her quite a bit and seemed to know exactly where each of her most ticklish spots was. She seemed to delight in holding her down with her strong right arm while her left hand got in under her ribs or just behind her knee.
When Tracy spoke Ryan would look up at her with barely disguised fascination. She would cock her head and focus intently on her as though she had some vitally important information to impart. They really are cute together, she thought. If I really care for her as much as I think I do Ill be happy for her. Even though Tracy takes her away from me sometimes its important for Ryan to have this. I get my needs fulfilled by Jack. Or at least I should, she thought disparagingly. Ryan has needs too, and her needs arent limited to sex. She needs intimacy and romance and tenderness and it looks like shes getting that from Tracy.
At around 10 Ryan decided that it was time to go. Jamie wanted them to have a few moments alone so she excused herself to use the restroom. She was gone as long as she thought was polite but when she walked into the hallway it was clear that they were a long way from completing their goodnights. Ryan had her backed up against the wall and Tracys arms were draped languidly around her neck. Neither of Ryans hands was visible and Jamie could only guess that they were palming Tracys firm little butt. It was obvious that Ryan was pulling her hips forward and equally obvious that Tracy did not mind one little bit. Both of them were uttering soft little moans as they frantically devoured each others mouths.
Oh boy, now what? I guess I can go back into the bathroom, but other than shaving my legs I cant think of anything else to do in there. But just as she was beginning to turn to go back in Ryan pulled away with a few loud, wet kisses. "Gotta go, baby," she whispered. Jamie was afraid that Tracy was going to collapse right where she stood. Her legs looked a bit rubbery and she still held her eyes closed. She pulled Ryan toward her and whispered something into her ear that caused Ryan to say, "I know, Im sure I will, too." She then grasped her head and placed several more searing kisses on her lips before she let her go. Ryan leaned her forehead against her girlfriends and murmured, "Now I know I will," as she gave her one last tender kiss. "See you tomorrow, baby," she said as she patted her cheek in a loving fashion.
"Bye, Jamie," she breathed as the wide eyed woman followed Ryan out.
"See you, Tracy, thanks for the wine."
"Anytime," she replied as she weakly waved a hand.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
Ryan slid her arm around Jamies shoulders as they walked back down the stairs. "Are you okay?" the smaller woman asked tentatively.
"Yeah, why wouldnt I be?"
"I thought you might need to umm stay over," she hesitantly suggested. "I could easily grab a cab back to your house."
"Nope. I want to go home," she replied easily.
God, Im so turned on I ache and all I did was watch for a moment!
When they got to the bike Ryan teasingly asked, "Wanna drive?"
"I think Ill stick to less populated areas if you dont mind," she replied as she gave her a little pat.
15 minutes later they pulled up in front of Ryans house. As they both got off Jamie gave her a big hug and a kiss on both cheeks. "I had one of the most delightful days of my life, Ryan. Thank you so much for sharing it with me."
"Youre welcome, Jamie. I had a great time, myself. Do you want to come in for some cocoa before your drive?"
"No, Im sure you need to get to bed."
"Well, I do have a date," she admitted with a rakish grin.
"A date!"
"Yeah," she replied as she held up her left hand and wiggled her fingers. "Im so turned on I could scream!"
That makes two of us, buddy, she thought.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
Chapter 12
Morris & Foster traditionally held a very large, very elegant New Years Eve party for partners and their spouses. Jamie had never been invited and she had never regretted the oversight. But this year her father had broached the subject just after Thanksgiving. After the disagreement they had she was more amenable to doing small things to please him but she was very leery of attending this party. She rather doubted that Jack would want to go since he seemed almost agoraphobic lately but she decided to ask him anyway just so she could tell her father that she had brought it up.
She was as surprised as she had ever been when Jacks reaction turned out to be not only favorable, but downright enthusiastic. "I think that would be a lot of fun," he said with more enthusiasm than she had heard all year. "Itll give us a chance to get dressed up for a change. I would love to be able to dance with you when youre all sexy looking," he said winsomely. Dance, she thought with surprise. He dances?
As the day approached Jamie spent a fairly enjoyable afternoon with her mother shopping for new dresses. Catherine probably had enough formalwear to clothe a small fashion deprived country but she hated to wear the same dress twice so she needed something too. At her current weight Jamie could have easily worn one of her mothers dresses but Catherine would not hear of it. "My things are far too mature for you, Dear. You need something that fits your age and your style." And so they descended on the small shops of the South Bay.
The recent glut of Internet and software millionaires in the Silicon Valley created a new market for formalwear and Jamie was surprised at how many little shops now dotted the tree lined streets of the small towns from Hillsborough down through San Jose. Luckily since many of the nouveau millionaires were in their 20s and 30s the dresses were much more to Jamies taste. She finally decided on a nice little navy blue velvet dress that Catherine wholeheartedly approved of.
On the day of the party she waited until she was alone in the house to page Ryan. She had just seen Ryan the day before but she hadnt remembered to even ask her about her plans for the night. She assumed she would be with Tracy but she still felt the need to wish her a Happy New Year.
Minutes later her phone rang. "You rang?" Ryans cheerful voice asked.
"I forgot to wish you a Happy New Year," she said. "I couldnt let that oversight ruin my evening."
"Your evening? Ha! What about my evening? I would have been the one without your good wishes. You could have ruined a whole year for me, Jamie," she teased. "I hope youre more careful in the future!"
"Maybe I should just call you every day and give you my good wishes."
"Now thats the best idea youve had in weeks," Ryan said happily. "Ill expect your call from here on in. So what are you up to tonight?"
"Were going to a big formal party at The Fairmont Hotel," she said with much less enthusiasm than Ryan thought normal.
"Well that sounds pretty cool. Do you have a new dress?" she asked, knowing Jamies penchant for shopping.
"Yep. Navy blue velvet. I look pretty good in it if I do say so myself," she said with a light chuckle.
"Ive known you since August and Ive yet to see you look anything but fabulous," Ryan said. "But I would bet navy blue velvet is just perfect for you given your hair color and skin tone. Jack will be the envy of every guy there."
"So what are you two up to?" Jamie asked, momentarily nonplussed that Ryan had obviously spent some time assessing her physical attributes.
"Were going to a big party at The Mark Hopkins," Ryan said.
"Really? That surprises me a bit. I thought you didnt like large gatherings."
"I dont. But you have to make some sacrifices for a relationship," she said wisely.
Tell that to Jack, she thought, but decided to keep her gripes to herself. "Is this for girls only?"
"Yep. Its put on by one of the promoters who puts on big weekend parties in the City. I told Tracy Id take her anywhere she wanted to go and this is what she chose."
"Do you have a new dress?" Jamie taunted.
"I have my version of a new dress," she conceded with a little laugh.
"And what might that be? Did you find formal jeans?"
"No, but that does sound appealing. Maybe I should have spent more than 10 minutes shopping."
"Come on, tell me what you bought. Im not familiar with formal lesbian attire."
"Well the dress code is pretty darn flexible. I guarantee the diversity of my group will surpass yours," she teased.
"Spill it, OFlaherty."
"Okay, I bought some black leather pants and a white pleated shirtkind of a womans tuxedo shirt. Its got little bitty black studs rather than buttons." She paused for a moment and said, "Jamie, are you still there?"
Jamie physically slapped her head to make her brain start to work again. "My cell phone must have blanked out for a second," she said hurriedly. "Your outfit sounds cute. Id like to see it someday." Yeah, like tomorrow, she thought dejectedly. Id rather tag along on Ryans date than hang out with a bunch of lawyers. And I sure cant imagine a person who would look better in leather pants.
"I hope you have a very good time tonight, Jamie. I send you every good wish for the New Year. But youll have to wait for your kiss," she promised.
"Happy New Year, Ryan. I hope you and Tracy have a wonderful evening. Make sure you pay attention so you can tell me all about the unique outfits."
"Will do, Buddy. Ill call you tomorrow."
* * * * * * * * * * * *
Dinner was scheduled for 8 oclock and Jack showed up right on time at 7. Jim and Catherine had arranged for the firms limo to pick them up and Jamie decided that it made sense to all ride together.
Jamie came down the stairs to the appreciative gazes of both her father and Jack. "Wow," was all that Jack could get out.
"You look wonderful, Honey," Jim gushed as he walked to the stairs to kiss her cheek.
"Thank you both," she said as she waited for Jacks kiss. "You look pretty wonderful yourself," she said softly as he leaned in for a kiss. He had purchased a tuxedo for himself, figuring that he would need one once he started his full time job. He asked his law review partner to help him pick it out and Jamie had to admit that Natalies taste was exquisite. The suit was quite traditional but it had a shawl collar which set his broad shoulders off quite attractively. It was impeccably tailored and Jamie knew that it had cost more than he could comfortably afford but she had to admit that it looked fabulous on him. His wing collar white shirt and black tie completed the traditional look but he looked anything but stodgy. She thought that he had never looked more handsome and she began to feel a little better about attending the party. If he cares enough to dress this carefully he must really want to attend, she thought. Maybe he really does want to cut loose for a change.
Catherine made her entrance a short time later and gracefully accepted the compliments of the small crowd. She also looked particularly lovely this evening. A deep emerald green silk cocktail dress showed off both her figure and her pale blonde hair to good advantage.
"Shall we?" Jim asked as he took Catherines arm to lead her to the waiting limo.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
The evening started off well enough. Dinner was the standard hotel banquet room fare: nothing special except the prices. They sat at a table with the other senior members of the firm but the ambient noise forced them to speak mostly to each other. But as soon as dinner was finished Jim invited Jack to join him and the other senior partners down in the bar to have a cigar. Jamie watched in horror as Jack immediately agreed. He doesnt smoke! she thought in alarm. That is such a disgusting habit! And hell reek of the smell all night long, she groused to herself.
She was in quite a little funk when Catherine leaned over and said, "You may as well get used to it, Honey. These events are not made for us. Its just an extension of the office. Our job is to look good and not get drunk enough to cause a scene," she laughed wryly at her own joke but Jamie caught the bitter edge to her voice. "Im having vodka tonight. How about you?"
"I think Ill stick with Champagne," she said since she had already had a glass.
Catherine called the waiter over and signaled for him to come closer, "Id like an Absolut on the rocks and a bottle of decent Champagne."
"Were serving Mumms tonight, Maam," he informed her politely.
"I know what youre serving but thats not what were drinking," she said sweetly. "Id like a bottle of Crystal. I can sign for it separately," she decreed.
"Yes maam," he said as he snapped to it. A few minutes later Jamie was sipping the excellent Champagne while various wives and fellow partners paid homage to her mother.
When they were alone for a moment Jamie asked, "Do you really know all of these people?"
"I know quite a few of them. Weve been friends with some of these people since we were your age," she laughed. "But many of them are complete strangers. I have no idea why they insist on talking to me. Its not like you father quizzes me at the end of the evening, So Catherine, did all of the partners and their wives kiss your ring? "
Jamie laughed at her mothers usually hidden sense of humor. Shes kind of fun when Daddys not around, she thought to herself.
After a while a well dressed woman who looked a little older than Catherine came up and asked, "Could I have a word with you in private, dear?"
Catherine looked like she wanted to refuse but she got up and followed the woman to the side of the room. It was almost 10 when the men returned. They reeked of cigar smoke and Jamie felt a little nauseous when Jack sat next to her and spoke in her direction. But she had no interest in making a big deal about it so she tried to ignore the strong odor. After a few minutes he asked her to dance and she accepted mostly to see if he really knew how. They had never been in a situation that required them to dance and she hoped that he had some idea of what to do since she didnt think it would be wise to lead.
Her mouth nearly hit her chest as he gracefully placed one hand behind her back and grasped her other hand in his. As the music started he led her around the floor as though he had been dancing for years. He seemed so self-assured and elegant that she had to question her long held perceptions of him. They didnt speak as they danced but that didnt bother her one bit. She just let him lead her with his calm but determined manner.
They remained on the dance for a several more songs and when they returned to their table he looked at her with his normal boyish face and whispered, "Howd I do?"
She sat back in her chair to regard him for a moment. He looked like nothing but a young boy seeking approval from his teacher for a well written essay. "You dance beautifully Jack," she said sincerely. "I had no idea that you knew how."
"I didnt," he said rather proudly.
"But how ?"
"When you invited me I knew I couldnt stumble around looking stupid so I signed up for lessons," he said with a big boyish grin.
"You
you took dance lessons?
"Yeah. Its important to look like you belong, Jamie," he explained patiently.
"I think I get that," she said, trying to hold the edge from her voice. "But when did you have time to take lessons?"
"Natalie and I took a course together. She didnt know how either so it seemed like a good way to learn," he explained happily.
"You took dance lessons?" she asked for the second time; still unable to get her mind around the concept.
"Yes, Jamie, this evening is important to me," he said as he gave her a little squeeze.
She had never considered herself slow. As a matter of fact she usually thought that she caught on rather quickly. Thats why this revelation hit her with such force. How stupid am I? I honestly believed he wanted to come to this party to be with me! She silently berated herself for a few minutes and shortly thereafter her father whisked Jack away for face time with some of the other important people at the party.
She had to force herself to adopt a pleasant countenance after Jack departed. When she really thought about it she had to admit that she had rarely felt so alone. The walls of the huge banquet room seemed to be closing in on her and she fervently wished she was at home watching Dick Clarks New Years Rockin Eve, never one of her favorite shows, but supremely more enjoyable than this debacle. Turning to her mother, she caught a look of unguarded despair on the older womans normally placid face. The look was so heart rending that she quickly averted her gaze to avoid making her uncomfortable. "Youll never survive a lifetime of these events if you dont learn how to drink, Jamie," her mothers voice floated past her ear a few minutes later. "Youve barely had a full glass."
Just then the waiter ambled past. Jamie looked up at him and asked in a clear voice, "Morphine and soda please."
* * * * * * * * * * * *
Ryan was dressed and ready to roll at 9 oclock. Martin had insisted that she take his truck for the evening since he would be at work and would have no need for it. "Its not wise to be gallivanting around on New Years Eve on a motorcycle," he decreed. Rather than risk worrying him Ryan had dropped him off at work in the afternoon.
She actually felt pretty good in her new outfit. She had taken the time to polish her boots and she gazed at her bleary reflection in the black leather while she waited for Tracy to buzz her up.
As the door to the apartment opened Tracy pulled her in and spent a moment looking her up and down. Ryan patiently waited for her to finish and was rewarded with a low whistle. "You look so totally hot," she purred as she pulled Ryan in for her first kiss of the night.
When she broke free Ryan stood back and regarded her date. Tracy looked more beautiful than Ryan had ever seen her and that was saying a lot. She wore a heavyweight silk white tank top and a very short, very tight black velvet skirt. Shimmery black stockings showed off every inch of her long legs and her two inch heels brought her up much closer to Ryans hungry mouth. Her shoulder length chestnut hair was swept up off her face in a tight chignon and the attractive style highlighted the delicate planes of her lovely face. "You look so beautiful," Ryan murmured softly as they came together in another series of passionate kisses. Ryan wasnt sure if it was Tracys luminous beauty or her mesmerizing perfume but something was ratcheting her desire out of control. She knew that if they did not leave soon they would see the New Year in from a horizontal position. "Wed better go," she said softly as she finally pulled her mouth from Tracys voracious one.
"Maybe we should just watch the countdown on TV," she suggested. "Its very dangerous to be out on New Years you know."
"Its more dangerous in here," Ryan decided. "Lets go, Babe," she said as she held out a matching collarless black velvet jacket for Tracy to slip into.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
By the time Jack returned to ask for another dance Jamie could hardly feel her feet. But she was not in the mood for a lecture so she sucked it up and gamely followed him out to the dance floor. She was a bit surprised to see her mother being led out seconds later and she thought, Now being displayed for your viewing pleasure, Catherine and Jamie Evans. They walk, they talk, they dance!
* * * * * * * * * * * *
Ryan had been to many lesbian dances and parties but this was by far the most elegant event that she had ever attended. The room was decorated beautifully and the music was not ear-splittingly loud. People were drinking but it was nearly 10 oclock and she did not detect any obviously drunk women yet.
Almost as soon as they entered the room Tracy led her to the dance floor and they spent a good half hour moving against each other so sensually that Ryan knew her resolve didnt have much of a chance at holding out tonight.
When Tracy first agreed to go out with Ryan it was with the caveat that she did not want to be a short term fling. Ryan agreed immediately since she was finally in the market for a steady girl friend. But Ryan made a promise to Tracy at the very beginning. She pledged that she would not try to sleep with her until she was sure of her feelings. Tracy had readily agreed but Ryan was getting the message that her friend was changing the rules on her.
At first she wasnt sure if she was reading her signals correctly but the sultry glances were a good first clue. But even if she had not noticed the glances the torrid kisses would have been another indication. But no matter how oblivious Ryan was she could not ignore the bare thigh that kept sliding between her legs on the dance floor. Tracy had the most arousing dance style that Ryan had ever seen. She danced so close that their breasts continually rubbed against one another but the kicker for Ryan was the way Tracy insinuated her leg right between Ryans and thrust her hips in time to the music. After a few such numbers Ryans head was throbbing from her unquenched desire and her will was way past weak.
They were both thirsty from the workout so Tracy led her by the hand to one of the small bars set up around the large ballroom. Ryan knew the last thing she needed was alcohol so she stuck to her usual sparkling water. But Tracy seemed to wish to lower her inhibitions as she ordered a Scotch and soda. Ryan watched her slug her drink down in a very rapid style as she turned and gazed at her like a panther stalking prey. The wild look in Tracys eyes caused Ryan to move back a few steps, but that was right where she wanted her. She pushed Ryan against the rear wall and began to work on her mouth again. By the time Ryan came up for breath she was all in favor of seeing if she could snag another good deal on a room upstairs.
But just when she was about to suggest that they head home Tracy pulled her back onto the dance floor and began to sway to the music once again. "Give me strength," Ryan moaned to whatever saint was in the neighborhood.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
At 11:50 Jamie tried to focus on the blurred vision of her mother. "Will they come back at midnight or do we kiss each other?"
"Oh theyll be back," Catherine replied knowingly. "It wouldnt look right to leave us alone then."
Even from her fog Jamie could tell that her mother really didnt look very drunk at all. How in the hell does she do that? she marveled. Shes had as many as Ive had and shes drinking vodka. Thats 3 times as much alcohol as champagne. But as she regarded her for a moment she really let herself see the vacant, almost desolate look in her mothers eyes. Why is she so unhappy? she wondered. Is it her life or her self or is it just physiological?
Jack and Jim flew up with 3 minutes to spare. "Miss me?" he whispered into Jamies ear as he pulled her to the dance floor to join with all the other couples as they welcomed in the New Year.
"Desperately," she replied in the same flat monotone her mother used with her father.
"Good," he said happily as he wrapped her in his arms and kissed her with enough intensity to shock her out of her fog.
Oh right, she said to herself as she caught her breath. He has to look like hes passionate.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
The stroke of 12 found Tracy looking up into Ryans deep blue eyes and murmuring in a soft voice, "I love you, Ryan," as she pulled her head down for a tender, emotion filled kiss.
Ryan was a bit shocked by this declaration but she realized that she was very close to declaring her love for Tracy too. But since her mouth was very happily occupied she decided to wait a bit to commit herself.
When she considered her feelings she had to admit that Tracy was exactly what she had been seeking in a woman. She was a lot of fun, smart, sexy, very passionate, and probably great in bed. As Ryans mouth was invaded by Tracys searching tongue she rethought that statement. No, shes definitely gonna be great in bed, she thought with a knowing smile.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
By 12:30 the Morris & Foster party was winding down. The younger partners and their spouses were still on the dance floor but the more senior members of the firm were starting to drift off. Jim approached and asked, "A few of the managing committee members want to have a nightcap over a the Top of the Mark. Will you two join us or would you rather stay here and dance?"
Jamie knew the answer before the question was fully out of her fathers mouth. "Wed love to join you," Jack answered without even looking at her.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
As they waited for the elevator to the top floor of the Mark Hopkins Jamie turned to scan the sign that listed the location of every event. Hmm, Ryans party is on the lower level. "Im going to use the rest room down here, Jack. Ill be up in a few minutes. Will you just order me some sparkling water?" He looked like he knew he should wait with her but all of the big kids were going to play and he didnt want to be left out. "Go on," she urged. "Ill be up in a few minutes." His smile of relief was actually kind of funny and she patted his cheek and stood on her tip toes for a kiss. "See you soon," she promised as she started off in the direction of the rest rooms.
After a quick stop to check her makeup she made her way down to the lower level. It didnt take long to figure out which party was Ryans. Women of every shape, size and color were streaming in and out of the largest room on the floor. Jamie noted with relief that no one was checking tickets so she slid right in and looked around for a few minutes.
She was just about to give up when she felt a warm presence behind her. A deep voice floated past her ear, "Are you here to learn the secret handshake?"
Jamies entire face broke into a delighted grin as she turned to greet her friend. Ryans arms enveloped her in a hug and she relaxed into the embrace feeling all of the tension leave her body. "Mmm, you smell good," Jamie said as she pulled away. "And you look fabulous," she enthused as she stood back and got a good look.
"Actually its Tracy that smells good. I just smell like her," she said with a lascivious eyebrow wiggle. "Boy, Jack must be unconscious somewhere to let you get away tonight," Ryan said with a twinkle in her eye. "You look as good as your lasagna tastes."
Jamie playfully slapped her on the shoulder as she looked around. "Speaking of dates wheres yours?"
"I just left her in a ridiculously long line for the rest room. Where is Jack by the way?"
"Hes with the other fascinating conversationalists from Morris & Foster. Theyre having a drink while they try to bore each other to death."
"Oh oh," Ryan said playfully. "Is somebody grouchy?"
"I shouldnt be," she said with an embarrassed smirk. "But I had the crazy notion that Jack wanted to be with me tonight."
"And he doesnt?"
"Nope. Its just business."
"Im sorry, Jamie," she said as she squeezed her shoulder. "I wish you were having more fun."
"Thats okay. I need to get used to this since it will be my life for the next several hundred years."
Mainly to lighten the mood Ryan revealed, "I think Im going steady."
"Are you, now?" she said as she placed her hands on her hips and regarded Ryan carefully.
"I think so. Tracy told me she loves me," she said with an adorable blush covering her cheeks.
"Thats so sweet," she said sincerely as she gave her friend a hug. "That woman has excellent taste!" After a beat she asked, "Do you feel the same?"
"I think so," Ryan said slowly. "Im not quite ready to commit yet but Im close."
"Im really happy for you," she said as she hugged her again. "Shes one lucky woman." As Ryan released her she said, "Ive got to get back. Within an hour or two theyll miss me."
Ryan considered how little Jack must pay attention to her when she realized that Jamies party was next door at the Fairmont. God, he doesnt even know when she leaves the building for a half hour! Ryan gave her a sad smile and said, "I really wish you were having a better time. You deserve so much more." But as soon as the words were out of her mouth she wished she could pull them back in. But Jamie did not seem offended in the least. She slid her arms around Ryan and hugged her tenderly as she rested her head against her chest.
"Thank you," she whispered as she pulled away. "It really helps to know that someone thinks Im special."
"I do and I always will," Ryan pledged as she tilted Jamies head up with her fingers. "Happy New Year, Jamie," she said as she bent and placed a soft kiss on her lips.
She stifled the tears than threatened to flow and patted Ryan gently on the cheek. "Congratulations, " she said sincerely. "I hope you and Tracy have a wonderful year together." Another quick hug and she was gone.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
Minutes later Tracy was back. As she wrapped her arms around Ryan for another deep kiss she could feel the passion flare up again. "Umm, lets go somewhere where we can talk quietly," Ryan suggested.
"Why dont we get a room?" Tracy purred. "That would be quietfor a while."
Ryan looked down into her sultry dark eyes and wrestled with her conscience. Tracy was definitely a little drunk but Ryan thought that she was still able to make thoughtful decisions. Ryan was completely ready to take her upstairs and ravage her all night long but she felt that she needed to discuss a few things first. So rather than jump into bed she suggested an alternative. "Lets have a drink first," she insisted. "Where would you like to go?"
"Lets stay right here," she said as she took Ryan by the hand and led her to the elevator.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
By the time they were shown to a small table by the window Ryan was so focused on her date that she completely failed to notice Jamie in a large group of lawyers and their wives. But Jamie most definitely noticed Ryan. My God she looks great tonight, she thought as she watched the supple leather stretch taut against her legs as she sat down. And Tracy looks fantastic, too. But I wonder why theyre here? I would think Ryan would have her in a horizontal position by now.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
On the way upstairs in the elevator a thousand thoughts flew through Ryans mind. I feel almost ready to take the plunge but theres just something holding me back. I guess Im just a little phobic about commitment but still
Ryan actually ordered her first real drink of the night. When the server brought their Scotches she lightly grasped Tracys hand and said, "Are you really ready to be intimate?"
A slow nod accompanied by a sly grin was ample evidence of her readiness. "Are you? she asked as she squeezed Ryans hand.
"I I think so. I mean in one way Ive been ready since the first time I saw you in class. I find you incredibly attractive and extremely desirable," she lifted Tracys hand and gave it a gentle kiss. "But I made you a promise and I want to be sure were both aware of where we stand. I feel close to being able to make a commitment but Im not quite there," Ryan admitted.
"Im not very interested in standing tonight, or tomorrow for that matter," Tracy replied with a leer. "I want to take you home and not let you out until school starts."
"But thats two weeks!" Ryan squeaked.
"I know," she whispered. "Itll take me that long to love you thoroughly."
"But I have to be home for the football games tomorrow," Ryan replied lightly in a partial tease, just trying to break the sultry mood.
"Theres plenty of time for football some other time, Ryan. But just to keep you happy I promise Ill have you screaming about my illegal use of hands," she promised as she slid her hand up Ryans leather clad thigh, coming dangerously close to her inseam.
"Id sure like to get my hands on your tight end," Ryan replied winsomely as she gasped a bit for a deep breath. She shook her head to clear it and said, "I was serious about needing to be home for football tomorrow, though. I thought it would be a good time to introduce you to the whole family."
"But Ive met your family," she said. "We had dinner right before I left for Christmas, remember?"
"That was just my father and brothers," Ryan informed her. "Now you need to pass inspection from my uncles, aunts and cousins."
"How many are there?" she asked hesitantly.
"About 25. Theyll all be at the house tomorrow."
"I I Ill let you know if I can make it," she said slowly. "I do have some things I need to get done tomorrow."
On New Years Day? What could you possibly have to do on New Years Day? Just to test the theory that was slowly forming in her head Ryan asked, "If I decide to skip the family party could I come over?"
"Sure," she said easily. "Any time. Or you could just avoid putting all those miles on your car and stay over."
"I dont think Im ready yet, Tracy. I made a promise and until Im ready to commit to you I dont feel right about it."
Tracys hand was wandering up her thigh in the most alluring manner that Ryan had ever felt. "I release you from your promise," she purred. "Turn your vigilant little conscience off and follow your desire. Its okay if you dont love me yetor ever for that matter. I just want you to take me home and love every little inch of me--slowly."
"Oh God," Ryan moaned weakly as she felt her resolve float away in a cloud of erotic thoughts.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
After a solid 10 minutes of staring at Ryan Jack finally turned his eyes to follow Jamies. "Isnt that ?" he started to say but Jamie faced him again and leaned in for a kiss.
"Take me home," she begged. "I want to feel you inside me."
His eyes opened as wide as they were capable of opening and he completely lost his prior train of thought. God hes easy, Jamie thought to herself as Jack immediately leaned over to ask Jim if he was ready to leave.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
Just as they were getting ready to leave the bar a couple that Tracy knew came in. "Dont even bother trying to get your car," they informed them. "Theres a half hour wait."
Ryan hopped up and gallantly offered, "Ill go wait in line. Why dont you all have another drink and come down in a half hour?"
Tracys friends handed Ryan their valet ticket and gratefully accepted her offer.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
As she stood in the bracing cold wind Ryan felt some of her determination return. Im really not ready yet, she thought. I have to get to the bottom of this family thing. It might be my imagination but I get the impression that shes not interested in meeting and getting to know my family. And theres no way in the world Ill get seriously involved with anyone who doesnt like my family.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
The last drink was obviously the kicker since Tracy was sound asleep with her face pressed against the window of the truck by the time they reached the Marina. She was lucid enough to get in to her apartment but as soon as they hit the door she was on Ryan like a hungry dog on a bone. But now that Ryan had made up her mind the erotic temptation was quite a bit less than it had been in the bar. She lovingly undressed her friend with only a momentary desire to jump on top of her. After waiting for Tracy to finish in the bathroom Ryan guided her back to the bed. "Arent you going to undress?" she asked hazily.
"I think these leather pants will feel really good against your skin," Ryan said softly. "Lets try it and see."
Tracy was obviously in the mood for a little experiment since she dropped face forward onto the bed. Ryan climbed on top of her thighs and forced herself to concentrate when Tracy let out a sexy low moan. God she had a gorgeous body, she thought as she fought to keep her desire at a manageable level. Ryan began to massage that gorgeous naked body; starting at her shoulders and slowly working her way down. By the time she reached her waist she heard the soft, deep breathing that signaled sleep. Leaning over her prone body she kissed her cheek and slid off her hips. She covered her with the sheet and duvet and carefully removed all of the pins that held her hair up. When she finished she ran her fingers through the silky tresses and thought, I would love to have that hair trailing over my breasts right about now. But a promise is a promise!
* * * * * * * * * * * *
As the days of winter break passed Jamie felt so close to leaving so many times that she lost count. The most frustrating thing was that her parents were absolutely no different than they had ever been. She felt like a blind person who has been given the gift of sight. She saw things that she had never seen before, in the interactions between her parents; in the way they treated her; even in the way they treated the staff. The insight was driving her crazy however, and she yearned to go back home to Berkeley. Seeing Ryan on Monday, Wednesday and Friday afternoons were the only thing that kept her sane.
She worked out with a frenzy in order to keep her mind off her family. She put in 2 or 3 hours of riding every day except Friday since she trained her legs that day. She had seen the nutritionist a few times, but she was so tense during this time that she continued to lose weight. She knew she was down lower than she had been when she fainted at the talk line, and she began to wear more modest work out clothes so that Ryan wouldn't notice.
She had to admit that Ryan was truly going out of her way to help cheer her up. After her workouts she took her over to the big empty parking lot of the local high school and patiently explained more of the intricacies of the motorcycle, allowing Jamie to ride the big bike for at least an hour each time. A week before break was over she surprised her by driving her over to the Department of Motor Vehicles and announcing that Jamie had an appointment to take her drivers test for her motorcycle license.
To her shock, she passed the test easily and after breezing through the written test she proudly displayed the temporary license to her beaming friend. "Im proud of you," Ryan said fondly as she enveloped her in a generous hug.
"This was a wonderful gift, Ryan," Jamie said sincerely. "Spending your time with me and being so patient has really made me feel special."
"You are special," she insisted as she leaned over and kissed her lightly on her blushing cheek.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
As she got ready for her ride on the Thursday before she was to leave Hillsborough she heard a knock on the door. Before she could reply her mother opened the door and came into the room. Jamie was only wearing her underwear and her mother dropped her jaw in pure shock. "My God, Jamie what have you done to your body?" she said in alarm.
"What do you mean?" she replied defensively as she grabbed her jersey and yanked it over her head.
"You know perfectly well what I mean," her mother replied sternly.
"I've lost some weight, but I'll put it back on soon," she replied, feeling very uncomfortable at this invasion of her privacy.
"That's not what I mean. Your weight is fine, Jamie, it's those muscles. You've done this intentionally and I want to know why," she stated firmly.
Jamie was baffled at her mother's behavior. Now she's interested in me? "I have been working out quite a bit, Mother. I'm going to participate in a big charity bike ride and I need to get in shape to complete it."
"That makes no sense at all, Jamie. What does riding a bike have to do with looking like this?" she accused as she pointed at Jamie's sinewy body.
"I need to be in good shape overall to be strong enough to ride 500 miles. I look a lot more muscular than normal because of the weight that I've lost," she said meekly.
"Do you mean to tell me that you plan on riding that bicycle of yours over 500 miles?" she nearly shouted. "I'll not have it, Jamie. That is a ridiculous feat to even attempt. There is no reason on earth for you to do that and I forbid you to even try."
Jamie was absolutely dumbfounded. She stared at her mother for a few long minutes. Neither woman spoke as the gulf between them widened perceptibly. Jamie simply turned and removed her jersey. She folded it and put on a t-shirt. She then began to pack up her clothes in silence.
Her mother stared at her back for a few minutes. "Jamie, I want your word that you will stop this nonsense right now."
"I can't do that Mother. I refuse to lie to you just to make you happy," she replied. "I make my own choices in life and this is a choice I have made that I intend to pursue. I would prefer that you support me, but I don't require it."
"Don't forget that we do support you Jamie, quite well if I do say so myself. I believe we do have a right to express our opinions about your choices so long as you are our dependent."
She picked up her heavy suitcase and dragged it towards the door. "Mother, I appreciate your financial support, but we both know that I dont need it." She continued down the stairs, leaving her mother to stare at her in shocked silence from the doorway of her bedroom.
As soon as she was in her car she dialed Ryan's pager. Moments later she heard the reassuring tones over her cell phone. "Hi, are you going to be at home for a while?" Jamie inquired.
"Yeah, until 6 or so. Im having dinner with Tracy. Why, do you want to come over?"
"Yes, if you don't mind. I just had a really bad fight with my mother and I need to talk about it," she replied shakily.
"I'll be waiting for you," Ryan replied.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
When Jamie arrived an hour later she saw Ryan rollerblading down the street at breakneck speed. I can't believe she can blade up these hills. I have trouble walking up them! Boy, I bet my mother would love her body. "I think I understand why your father had to take you to the emergency room all the time if this is the kind of stuff you used to do," she chided her sweating friend.
"Actually, most of my injuries were from skateboarding," she related. "I used to go down to the financial district and zoom down all those cool plazas and walkways. He would have to come get me from the security guard's office and take me straight to the E.R."
"Did you hurt yourself badly?" she inquired.
"Mostly broken bones," she replied nonchalantly.
"Boy, my parents think I'm tough to handle," she shook her head in dismay at her cavalier friend.
They went down to Ryan's room, the house actually being empty for a change. Ryan took a quick shower while Jamie just looked at the pictures on the walls. She particularly loved the pictures of Ryan when she was a little girl. There were at least a dozen framed shots of her taken at various stages of her youth. Her favorite was one of her as a toddler, no more than 2 years old. She had the cutest little round face and with that shock of black hair and those crystal blue eyes she looked like a beautiful little china doll.
When Ryan came out, wearing a long sleeved red T-shirt and faded navy blue sweats, Jamie crossed the room and asked for a hug. Ryan responded quickly and Jamie just stood in the embrace for a very long time. "You're the only person I feel safe with anymore," she mumbled into the strong chest.
"Come over here and relax," Ryan said as she tugged her over to the bed. Ryan lay down first, scooting to the middle of the big bed. She pulled a couple of pillows behind her back to elevate herself, and then she held out her arm in invitation. Jamie gratefully accepted the offer and climbed right up next to her. Ryan wrapped her arm around Jamie's back, resting her hand on her hip.
"Tell me what happened," she urged.
"She came into my room and saw me in my underwear," Jamie said as though that explained everything.
"I didnt convert you to boxers, did I?" Ryan asked with a hint of levity in her voice.
"It wasn't the underwear--it was my body," she said as Ryan nodded her understanding.
"I remember we talked about this at the beginning. We talked about how Jack would feel but we didn't discuss her or your father," Ryan reminded her.
"She was unbelievably proprietary about how I looked. She forbade me to participate in the AIDS ride and she threatened to cut off my support," Jamie muttered, still shocked by the events of the afternoon.
"Can you survive if they cut you off financially?" Ryan asked.
"Yeah, Ive got a good chunk of money in my personal account and I get a part of my inheritance on my birthday. I'm certain they can't do anything about that ....unless they try to have me declared incompetent," she said with disgust.
"Is it enough to live on?" Ryan inquired delicately.
"Yeah," Jamie finally smiled. "It's enough for your extended family to live on, including the ones still in Ireland."
"Does that mean you're finally gonna start paying me to be your best friend?" she asked as she began to tickle Jamie's waist.
The smaller woman began to giggle uncontrollably at the attack. "How did you know I was ticklish?" she howled.
"You just look like the sort who would be," Ryan replied deviously as she began another round of the assault.
After Jamie recovered her breath Ryan got serious again. "What can I do to help you, Jamie? You know I'll do anything I can."
"Just knowing you're here and that I can count on you is an immeasurable blessing," she said sincerely.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
When she returned to Berkeley there were 4 messages from her father and two from Jack.
I wonder who will be less supportive? she thought glumly. She decided to call Jack first. He was very upset that she had left the Peninsula without calling him, and he did not understand why she would upset her parents like this. "Jamie, don't you care enough about their feelings to give up this stupid ride?" he finally asked out of exasperation.
"Why does no one ever suggest that they give up their desires to please me?" she asked plaintively. "Why is it assumed that in every one of my relationships I have to be the one to give in?"
"I assume that we're talking about us now, Jamie. I certainly think I've been more than understanding about all of your changes and your new friends. Don't think I haven't noticed all of the muscle youve begun to put on. I've got to admit it's kind of a turn-off for me. I like you to look like a woman Jamie. I like your softness. Your baby fat was so soft and comforting when I would rest my head on your stomach," he said wistfully. "I've just been hoping that you will get this out of your system and things will get back to normal."
"Keep dreaming, Jack. It's not gonna happen," she said with finality as she hung up.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
The conversation with her father went just as well as the one with Jack. Her father did not understand what had come over her. He thought her new friends were responsible for these changes and he thought that perhaps she should live at home for a while and commute. She thanked him for his concern and said she would think about it. February 11 cannot come soon enough. Ill be 21 and legally responsible for myself in every way.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
On the first Sunday morning of spring term Jamie drove into the city at 7 a.m. After receiving permission, she stopped at her father's city apartment to trade the Boxster for the larger Range Rover. When she reached Ryan's home she was pleased to find that Martin was at home. He made a big breakfast for the three of them which she ate with gusto. After the meal she and Ryan thoroughly cleaned the kitchen. "Whose job do I have?" she asked brightly.
"You're Brendan and Conor," Ryan replied. "I'm me and Rory."
"Well, I certainly feel like part of the family." She added after a pause, "More like two parts, actually," she laughed.
By 8:30 everything was in order and Ryan drove the very short distance to her Aunt Maeve's home. Maeves son Tommy was a fireman, and he generally had two or three days off in any given week. His wife Annie was a nurse anesthetist at San Francisco General. She worked second shift so she could be with the baby during her most active hours. When Tommy was at work the baby slept at Maeves, an arrangement that had so far worked out beautifully. They tried to arrange their days off so that one of them was home, but one or two days every week Maeve took over. "You know, Ryan," she chided her niece, "I shouldn't let you have my precious little one for a whole day. I only saw her once last week, you know."
"I know, I know," Ryan agreed. "If only all babies could have it so good," she added soberly.
Caitlin was as delighted as a 4 month old can be to be in her big cousin's arms. They took the carrier for the baby, the stroller, the car seat and the huge diaper bag out to the car and struggled to load it all securely. They hooked the car seat into the rear passenger side so the baby could see the driver, who for a change was Jamie. She had offered to drive so that Ryan could sit next to the little passenger to keep her entertained.
After a short drive they arrived at their destination; Golden Gate Park. Jamie loved the big old park, but she had not visited it since she was on a field trip with her 4th grade class. They strapped Caitlin into the infant carrier and Ryan stood patiently while Jamie attached the giggling baby onto her big cousins back. The stroller came out next and they put the diaper bag on the shelf of the bottom of the sturdy vehicle. Jamie had a feeling that the stroller would be used as a carry-all more than a carry-Caitlin. Ryan seemed to have almost a primal need to have the baby attached to her body, and Caitlin seemed to be much happier when she was able to feel Ryans sturdy body moving against her own.
They walked around the park for a long time, pausing to watch people play tennis, ride horses and bikes and generally enjoy all that the park had to offer. Leaving the stroller at the gate they carried the now dozing baby into the gravel lined paths of the Japanese Tea Garden while they walked along chatting comfortably.
After a diaper change and a snack from the Italian deli that Jamie had snuck into the diaper bag they continued to walk rather aimlessly around the park. But after several hours of walking, stopping and being carried Caitlin began to get a little cranky. Ryan had Jamie remove her from the carrier and she patiently swooped her up and held her securely in her strong arms until she gave up the fight and fell asleep on her shoulder.
"You sure do have a way with her," she marveled. "Have you spent a lot of time with babies?"
"No, not really," Ryan reflected. "I just think about what I would want and I try to give that to her," she said simply. "I think every person just wants to be understood, no matter what age they are. Its tough when shes this young because she can only communicate through her cries. But when you really pay attention you begin to notice that her cries each mean something different. The main thing is to just stay connected so you can understand her even when she makes it hard."
"I don't think I've ever heard a more true statement," Jamie said with admiration as she linked her arm with Ryan's. "Everyone does just want to be understood."
* * * * * * * * * * * *
They found a peaceful grassy area near the large windmills that dotted the grounds. Jamie spread out a thick blanket on the dry ground and Ryan gently placed Caitlin down. She artfully constructed a tiny little tent out of another small blanket and some rigid toys to keep the sun from the baby's body. They sat peacefully eating sandwiches from Jamie's secret stash. "You sure do know how to throw a good picnic," Ryan said as she happily munched away.
"I come from a family of football tailgaters, remember? You're just lucky I didn't bring a grill and a bag of charcoal."
* * * * * * * * * * * *
As they relaxed on the grass Ryan turned to Jamie and said with a serious expression on her face, "I need some advice. Are you in the mood to hear about my problem?"
"Sure, what is it?"
"I need some advice about sex," Ryan said quietly.
"You need MY advice about sex? Whats your question? How do I have less sex? Or How do I make sex feel worse? "
"Actually, you won't believe this but Tracy and I haven't had sex," she said after a moments hesitation.
"What!" Jamie said with alarm. "I thought your record for abstinence was two weeks! You've been seeing her almost 2 months!"
"I know, I know. But when I first asked Tracy out I promised that I would attempt to be serious about her. I've really struggled a bit keeping that promise. I just cannot play around with her because I like her so much." Here she paused as she looked at Jamie with wide blue eyes. "Do you understand? I don't want to have sex with her until I'm sure there is a future for us. I just don't want to hurt her if it doesn't work out."
"Has it really been hard for you?" Jamie inquired solicitously.
"It really has and Tracy hasnt made things easy for me either. She is so attractive and she turns me on so much that its a constant battle when were together. To tell you the truth shes a little angry with me about New Years. She really wanted to sleep together but I stuck to my promise. I mean, this probably sounds stupid to you but I've always looked at sex as purely fun. I never really let it effect me emotionally. This is really new territory for me and it confuses me a little."
"What confuses you about it?" Jamie asked gently, reading the fragile look in her friends eyes.
"How do you know if you're falling in love with someone?" she asked with the sweetest, most innocent look that Jamie had ever seen on her face.
"That's a very big question, Ryan. I know you were in love with Sara. How did you know that?" she asked.
"Sara just felt like a part of me," she said sadly. "But that still confuses me. How could I love someone who didn't love me back?"
"I think Sara did love you, Ryan. I can't believe that your feelings for her were one sided. It's possible that she loved you deeply but wasn't able to love you physically. It is possible to have a deep soul bond with someone and not consummate that bond."
"I guess you're right," she said as she thought for a minute. "I guess I'm confused because I don't know how to separate my feelings for her with my desire for her. I'm afraid that my need to be with her physically is obscuring my feelings. That's why I'm trying to hold off on having sex. I want this to be about love rather than sex."
"I really admire your restraint, Ryan. I know it's not easy for you. But, I can empathize. That's why I waited so long with Jack. I wanted to be sure of my feelings before I let sex confuse the issue."
"How did you know that you loved Jack?" she inquired.
"I just felt right with him. I admired him, I respected his moral sense, I trusted him completely. I could really picture being with him for the rest of my life and sharing everything together." She shook her head a little at the memory. "But maybe I'm not the right person to answer that question right now." she admitted.
"I'm really sorry things are so tough for you right now, Jamie. But I'm sure they'll turn around soon. Have you made up from your last little tiff?"
"I guess we have," she prevaricated. "Weve talked on the phone several times and things seems pretty much back to normal. But normal just doesnt satisfy me anymore," she mused. "I want to be closer, Ryan. I just wish hed spend as much time trying to understand me as you do Caitlin."
"I wish that too, Jamie," she said fervently. "I cant tell me how happy that would make me."
* * * * * * * * * * * *
After a long while spent talking and listening to the birds fly overhead Jamie finally said, "I really envy Caitlin. She can just curl up and go to sleep whenever she wants to," she shook her head with envy at the sleeping infant.
"You can too, if you have the right equipment," Ryan said as she scooted up next to a sturdy eucalyptus tree. She rested her back against the trunk as she stretched out her legs and patted a strong thigh. "C'mon over and catch a little nap. I don't want to have to carry both of you," she grinned.
Jamie grinned shyly but did as she was told. She crawled over to Ryan and placed her head on that firmly muscled thigh. Ryan gently ruffled her hair for a few moments and within minutes Jamie was sound asleep.
Caitlin was the first to wake. She began to fuss a little and Ryan carefully lifted Jamie's head and placed it on the blanket. She crawled back to the baby and expertly changed her diaper and fed her a bottle. She had a diaper over her shoulder and was burping her little charge when Jamie awoke. She smiled over at Ryan who returned the grin. After a little stretch she began to get up when she saw Ryan's face freeze in fear. The next sensation was that of a strong hand against her mouth and another arm sliding under her left arm and crossing over her chest to drag her to her feet.
"Don't say a word; don't fight and don't scream," said the hiss right behind her ear.
Jamie could see Ryan's face grow unnaturally calm and heard her utter slowly, "Don't you dare hurt her."
"Oh, I'm not gonna hurt her," the low voice rumbled. "She's gonna like what I do to her, aren't ya blondie?" Jamie could feel his hot breath on her neck and she felt the all too familiar sensation of total blackness overcome her. The last thing she felt was the heaviness as her legs could no longer support her.
Minutes later she woke, lying in Ryan's arms. She gathered her wits and finally focused enough to see Caitlin giggling from atop a very tall horse, in the arms of a very tall mounted police woman. She shook her head to clear the cobwebs and saw an unconscious man lying on the ground, bleeding from his nose, with his right arm at a very unnatural angle. Several other people stood around them offering statements to another officer, this one on foot.
"What happened?" Jamie foggily inquired.
"Hey, are you all right?" Ryan asked as she looked carefully at her eyes.
"Yeah, I think so," she admitted. "But what happened?" she repeated.
"This poor excuse of a human," here Ryan indicated the prone man, "tried to abduct you," she said simply.
"And I fainted?" she pressed for details.
"Like a champ," Ryan said proudly.
"Why is that a good thing?" Jamie asked, clearly confused.
"It gave me the opportunity to stop him," Ryan said, again skimping on the details.
"How did you stop him, Ryan?" Now she struggled to sit up. "Will you please tell me everything that happened?"
"Your girlfriend is being modest, Maam," the mounted officer finally said. "After this perp tried to drag you into those bushes," she indicated a deep stand of camellias right behind them, "she laid your baby down and executed the most perfect flying kick I have ever seen." The officer beamed at Ryan, who blushed thoroughly. "He didn't let go of you fast enough for her, though, even though I think he was unconscious already, so she dislocated the arm that he held the weapon with," she shot Ryan another big smile. "We don't encourage citizens to go up against armed attackers, but I must admit that was a thing of beauty."
"H.h.h.he was armed?" Jamie stuttered out.
"Yes, Maam" said the officer. "He had a knife that he was holding to your neck," she said helpfully over Ryan's scowl and fiercely shaking head.
When Jamie woke up from her second unplanned nap Ryan was again cradling her in her arms. "Don't you get enough sleep at night?" she teased.
Jamie just shook her head and stared at her in appreciation. "Once again Ryan, you're a lifesaver." She shuddered a bit, "Although this time I mean it literally." She again struggled to sit up with Ryan's assistance. She threw her arms around her neck and sobbed into her shoulder. Ryan stroked her back as she murmured words of comfort into her ear. The mounted officer still held Caitlin securely and she turned her big horse a bit so the baby did not see Jamie cry. After a long while Jamie composed herself enough to stand on shaking legs. Ryan supported her firmly until she felt confident enough to walk unaided.
The officer handed Caitlin back to Ryan and said to Jamie, "You're a lucky woman, Maam. I have a child at home just a little older than yours. I know how you must feel," she said sympathetically.
Jamie was too tired to argue about the details. She simply said, "I know how lucky I am," as she grasped Ryan's available hand.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
After assuring the officers that they would return to make their statements they bundled the baby up and returned her to her grandmother. They decided to downplay the incident to avoid upsetting the family so they merely said that there had been a small incident at the park and they needed to return to make a statement. Since everyone seemed fine, Maeve left it at that as she made over the baby and her big adventure at the park.
Hours later the pair finished up at the police station. The perpetrator had been booked into the hospital ward for treatment of his various injuries, and he would be charged with his crimes when he was released. Jamie was still very shaky as Ryan drove them over to the apartment to exchange cars. She had not asked Ryan for any more details and Ryan was concerned that she was still in shock. After they had retrieved the Boxster Ryan drove them back to her home. Due to her concern for Jamie she decided to tell Da the whole story. He looked at Jamie's still face repeatedly before he called his station. Within minutes a paramedic was at the house. She examined Jamie thoroughly and agreed that she was in a mild state of psychological shock. The woman was a little concerned with Jamie's low blood pressure, but Ryan assured her that this was normal for her friend.
Jamie assured them that she was all right but neither believed her. Da thought that they should call Jamie's parents or her boyfriend, but Jamie was adamant that they not be involved. Ryan decided to cancel her date with Tracy but Jamie insisted that she keep it. She agreed to keep the date only if Jamie would agree to stay at the house that night and eventually Jamie reluctantly agreed.
Before Ryan left for her early date she bundled Jamie up in some too large sweatpants and a soft fleece pullover. She put her on the big bed in Da's room and turned on the television for her. Jamie refused her offer to go rent some movies, being content to just channel surf for a while.
After Ryan was gone Da made dinner for the two of them. Conor was out on a date and to avoid any more stress Da did not tell the boys what had happened. Jamie didn't have much of an appetite, so after he removed her plate Da tried to tempt her with ice cream or cookies. That finally got a laugh out of her. "You're just like Ryan," she grinned. "She's always trying to get me to eat."
"Someone has to try, darlin," he said affectionately. "A good stiff wind would whip you right into the bay."
Da sat down in his favorite chair to read the paper and curse the poor light in the room, angling the paper until he could make out the small print. Jamie half heartedly watched a few game shows, shifting from channel to channel. After a while she broke the silence, "I owe her my life, you know," she said solemnly.
"You dont know that for sure, Jamie. Its best not to allow yourself to speculate on what could have happened. But I thank the good Lord that she was with you," he said sadly as he shook his head. "I've never been so happy that she decided to get involved in martial arts."
"Has she ever had to use it before?" she asked.
"Not that I know of, but she could be involved in a lot of things that I don't know about," he laughed wryly. "She's a tough one to keep out of trouble," he said proudly.
"You know how special she is, don't you?" she finally asked softly.
"Jamie, there is no man on earth who is more proud of his daughter than I am," he said sincerely. "She has been an extraordinary person since the day she was born."
"Was it hard for you when she told you she was gay?" she delicately asked.
"I can't say that it would have been my choice for her, but it certainly doesn't bother me," he said reflectively. "I do wish she would find a nice woman that she could really love, but that will come in time, I suppose."
"Maybe itll be Tracy," she commented.
"Perhaps," he said shortly and without elaboration.
"How would her mother feel about it?" she ventured to ask.
"You know, Fionnuala was a very insightful woman. When Maeve told her about Michael she claimed she had always known the lad was gay. She really made her sister see that it was the same Michael we had always known and loved. We didn't find out about his illness until my poor Fionnuala was just about gone, but she summoned every ounce of strength she had to stick up for that boy." He grew quiet for a while but finally continued. "She couldn't make a dent in old Charlie, though. His rejection of Michael weighed very heavily on her heart. About six months before she died we were just talking one night and she made me promise that if any of the kids turned out to be gay that I would love them just the same. I looked at her and made that promise without hesitation." His eyes filled with tears as he acknowledged, "I think she knew that Siobhan would be the one. There was something about her that was just different from the other little girls," he reflected. "And I dont mean her activity or her athleticism. Its hard to describe but there was something different about her spirit. And she has that same confident spirit today, Jamie." After a long pause he continued with a quavering voice, "When I think of making that promise to my Fionnuala I realize that I've never made a promise that was easier to keep," he said with a small smile.
"I think she is a very lucky woman to have a father like you," she said as she caught a tear escaping from her eye.
"Were the lucky ones, Jamie. I think it was our love for her that kept us all so close. She was such a small child when her mother died that we all had to join together to make sure we could do our best for her."
"Youve done a marvelous job, Martin. And I know your wife would be proud of you all."
* * * * * * * * * * * *
Ryan was home early, around 10 o'clock. She found them both in the bedroom, Da asleep in his chair, Jamie in the bed. She quietly went to the bed and slipped her arms under her friend and gingerly carried her down to her own room. I've never met an adult that conked out like this, she thought as she struggled down the stairs with her burden. After wrestling her limp body into the covers she went back upstairs to turn off the TV and wake Da. He gave her a smile when he saw her, pulling her down for a kiss to both cheeks. "I love you, baby," he said as he released her.
"I love you too, Da. Thanks for watching over Jamie for me tonight."
"Did you have a good time on your date?" he asked as he neatened up the newspaper.
"Yeah, I really did. I like Tracy a lot."
"Do you think shes the one, Darlin?"
"I dont know, Da," she said as she sank to the bed. "But Im doing my best to find out." She shot him a grin and he ruffled her hair in an affectionate gesture.
"Why dont you bring her around more often?"
"I think I will Da," she said happily as she got up to return to her room.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
Back in her room she changed out of her clothes and put on a thin pair of flannel pajama bottoms. Then she removed her bra and slipped on a long sleeved t-shirt. After she brushed her teeth she got on top of the covers, unfurling a blanket over herself. She spent a long time reviewing the day; shuddering each time she saw the terror in Jamie's eyes when those evil hands had grabbed her. Finally she offered up her prayers of thanksgiving finishing with an audible, "Thank you, Mama," as she closed her eyes and fell asleep.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
Jamie sat bolt upright as she felt the panic tighten in her chest. Ryan flew up a second later and wrapped her in her arms, holding on tight as Jamie struggled to breathe. "Calm down, it's all right. I've got you. You're all right. I'm here," she repeated in a soothing cadence as she rocked her gently. When she was able to breathe normally Jamie pulled back and asked, "How did you get here?" Looking around in confusion, she added, "How did I get here?"
"We're in my room," Ryan said soothingly. "I carried you down here about 4 hours ago," she said as she glanced at the bedside clock.
"You had to carry me again?" she said with a hint of embarrassment.
"Yep," she replied. "I think I'm gonna train you to sleep walk. It'll be easier on my back," she teased.
After a while Jamie said slowly, "I'm afraid to go to sleep again. That nightmare really scared me."
"C'mere," her friend replied as she lay down and opened her arm in invitation. Jamie accepted the offer and cuddled up next to her warm side. Ryan wrapped her arm around Jamie's back as she gently rubbed her side. She brought her other hand around to softly tousle her hair back and forth in a slow rhythm. Within a few minutes she could feel Jamie's breathing even out and felt her relax in sleep. She followed her moments later.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
Just as dawn broke Jamie woke, still nestled in Ryan's powerful embrace. I don't think there is anyplace safer, she thought happily, as she closed her eyes and let her friends steady heartbeat lull her back to sleep.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
Later that morning as they drove back to Berkeley in the Boxster. Ryan hesitantly suggested that Jamie visit the student health service for a few sessions with a counselor.
"I don't really want to talk about this to anyone, Ryan," she said defiantly. "The sooner I can put this out of my head, the better."
"I'm afraid that's not how the mind works, Jamie," she said after a moment. "If you don't process this fully it will just stay in the back of your mind. And the chances are that it will come up again and again."
"But it scares me to think about it," she finally admitted.
"Of course it does," she soothed. "But your mind will make you think about it either when youre awake or asleep. I'll make you a deal," she offered. "I'm really upset about the whole thing too. I'll go with you and maybe they'll let us talk about it together."
Jamie finally agreed, and promised to go over that afternoon.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
As promised, Ryan showed up on time for their joint session with the counselor. The young Ph.D. candidate was a bit uncomfortable seeing them together, but she agreed to one session before she made a decision on further treatment.
As usual, Ryan was right. Jamie felt significantly better after just 45 minutes of facing her fears. She was surprised by how much the incident had affected Ryan, however. Ryan admitted to having had nightmares the night before, and she stated that she felt panic overtake her once or twice during the day. They both agreed to see the counselor for another session or two alone.
As they walked along the tree lined path outside of the student health center, Jamie looked up at her friend pensively. "What bothers you most about the attack, Ryan?"
She thought about the question for a long time, "I go over it in my mind, again and again. What really bothers me is that I didn't have a plan for what to do if you had not passed out," she shook her head to clear the image from her brain. "I was holding the baby and he had a knife to your neck. If you had been able to walk I'm afraid you would have been gone by the time I could do anything." She looked at Jamie with the most pain filled eyes that Jamie had ever seen. "I don't think I could have saved you," she choked out as Jamie threw her arms around her and let her sob into her neck.
"But you did, Ryan, you did save me," she murmured. "You would have thought of something. I know you would have. You would not have let him have me," she whispered fiercely.
Ryan looked up with those beautiful blue eyes clouded by tears, "You really trust me, don't you?"
"With my life," Jamie uttered right into her ear as she once again held her close.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
Jamie considered her decision not to tell Jack about the attack. I can try to convince myself that I did it to protect him from worry. But there is a part of me that wanted to see if he noticed that anything was wrong. How could he not have noticed? But Jack had not noticed. The first weekend after the attack she had cried inconsolably when he approached her from behind and put his hands on her. He was clearly puzzled but he did not pursue the issue after she told him not to worry about it.
As she drove back down to Palo Alto on the first Friday in February Jamie mused about the upcoming week. She and Ryan were due to meet with an assistant district attorney to go over their testimony regarding her assault and she was quite worried about the meeting since she was afraid that the meeting would rekindle her nightmares. Ryan reassured her that the dreams might come back, but they would be less severe and stay with her for a shorter time period. She stressed that the best thing they could do was continue to talk about the attack and all of their fears and projections.
Friday night went pretty well for a change. They had a pleasant if not earth shattering sexual encounter and she was almost successful in convincing herself that it was not harmful to have to picture Ryan sweating in the gym in order to become aroused. Theyre fantasies because you dont act them out, she patiently explained to her conscience.
Saturday was moving along as usual. Jack went to school to work with his law review partner while Jamie went on a long ride. He returned in time for lunch and actually helped Jamie clean up the kitchen as part of his new campaign to be more connected.
After they cleaned up they went out for a walk to the bookstore so he could pick up some notebooks. The day was warm and clear as they walked along holding hands. They decided to stop at Palo Alto Coffee Co. for a latté and sat outside watching the constant traffic on University Av. for a few minutes.
"Youre not moving around as easily as usual, Honey," Jamie commented as she gently ran her fingers down his back. "Is your neck stiff?"
"Yeah, you know how it tightens up when Im concentrating for too long. I wish I could remind myself to get up and move every half hour or so, but I just get too absorbed."
She moved her chair over behind his and worked on his tense neck and shoulder muscles for a few minutes. His head was hanging loosely by the time she was finished and he let out a deep relaxed sigh as her fingers left his body. He turned his chair around to face her, moving as close as he could. Smiling gently he lifted his hand and tenderly traced the planes of her face. "It makes me feel so good to have you notice when a little something is wrong with me. It really shows me how much you love me," he said softly, gazing steadily into her eyes.
"I do love you, Jack," she whispered. Turning her head slightly she placed a kiss on his large warm palm. "Even when were fighting I still love you."
He leaned over even closer and placed a gentle kiss on her lips. He kept his head right where it was, staring into her eyes for a few moments. She slid her arms around his neck as she felt her desire for him begin to stir. As she lifted her head his dropped a bit until their mouths met for several slow kisses. "Make love to me," she asked softly as he began to pull away.
He didnt reply with words but he quickly stood up and took her hand again. As they walked home she mused that even though she did not like the way she had been reaching orgasm she had to admit that those few little seconds of pleasure cut the tension dramatically between them. He was more playful and lighthearted and his playfulness made her feel more relaxed. When she was relaxed she was able to be more physically affectionate which led to better sex. It was all terribly interconnected, but she was glad for the increase in affection.
As soon as they got into the apartment he began to strip her clothing off. She realized that she would not make it through their lovemaking without a quick trip to the bathroom, so she pulled herself away with the admonition, "Dont move a muscle. Ill be right back."
She thought she heard her cell phone ring but she assumed whoever it was would call back. But when she came back he was staring at her with an unreadable expression on his face. He held the phone out and said flatly, "Its Assistant District Attorney Mendez."
She felt all of the color drain from her face as she accepted the phone. It was obviously too late to try and hide the issue any longer, so she flopped down in the closest chair and dropped her head into her left hand as she answered the phone. "Hello," she said weakly.
"Ms. Evans? Sorry to call you on Saturday but Im just getting caught up on my paperwork. I need to reschedule our meeting for this week. Can you make it at 2 on Monday?"
"Yes, I can," she replied, feeling drained and slow.
"Good. I cant find the name of the other witness right now. What was it again?"
"OFlaherty," she said with resignation. "Ryan OFlaherty."
"Right here it is. Can you let Mr. OFlaherty know about the time change?"
"Ms. OFlaherty. Shes a woman," she corrected.
"Okay, sorry about that. See you on Monday."
She switched off the phone and gently placed it on the table. But the silence in the room made the soft tap sound like a gunshot. "Jack, something happened that I didnt tell you about. Please try not to get angry until I can explain," she begged.
He was sitting on the couch with his legs splayed out, looking like she had punched him in the stomach. "What?" he asked with a voice filled with fatigue. "What now?"
"Ryan and I were in the park with her little cousin just after Thanksgiving. A man tried to abduct me," she said as an involuntary shudder ran down her spine. "I assume he was going to rape me," she continued, "but I passed out before he could get me to go with him of my own volition. Ryan stopped him, and now we need to go to court to testify."
He blinked at her slowly, trying to take all of this information in. He said nothing, but his eyes relayed his fear.
"Nothing happened to either of us," she said quickly. "Ryan knocked him out before he could do anything. I just got a few bruises from when he dropped me. But I didnt tell you or anyone else because the whole thing just upset me too much. I saw a counselor at school and she helped me see that I did need to talk about it. I wanted to tell you but I knew youd be mad and hurt that I hadnt told you originally, so I just didnt," she admitted weakly.
He got up in total silence. He walked over to this books and calmly picked out two that he needed to study. Placing them in his book bag he slung it over his shoulder, letting out a tired sigh as the relatively light weight hit his strong back. Glancing around the room, he found his keys and his sunglasses and walked out of the room, closing the door behind him.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
She spent the rest of the day and all of the evening in a state of panic. A heavy weight had settled in her stomach as she came to grips with the knowledge that she had probably torn the foundation of their trust from its moorings. He didnt call and he did not wear a pager or a cell phone so she had no way to get in touch with him. At around 8 she got in her car and drove to the law library, but a thorough search of every cubicle failed to find him. The next hour was spent in a rather dazed inspection of every possible place that he could have hidden himself on the campus. Every library and every student lounge was thoroughly investigated. Next she got back in her car and parked on University, just outside the gates of the school. She walked from one end of the long street to the next, looking carefully in every restaurant and bookstore. But her hour long search proved fruitless. In fact, she preferred to walk around aimlessly to the terror she felt when she was alone in the apartment but after a while she had no more ideas so she returned to the apartment and flopped down on the couch. She fell asleep in the same position that she had collapsed in, exhausted and terribly depressed. Around midnight she woke with a start to the sound of his key in the lock. She dashed to the door before he was even in the room and tried to speak to him, but he brushed her aside as he placed his book bag on the floor and walked into the bathroom.
She was waiting right outside the door but again he walked past her like he didnt know she was in the room. He stripped down to his boxers and got in bed, turning his back to the door as he turned off the bedside light. "Arent you even going to speak to me?" she asked, slightly dumbfounded.
Silence was his only reply. She considered getting in her car and going home, but she didnt think it was wise to further escalate the issue. The sofa was big enough for her but she thought her physical closeness might thaw him out at some point. So she got ready for bed and slid in next to him, being careful not to touch him.
She lay awake for hours, going over the events that she had clearly set in motion. Im so angry with myself for not telling him! How would I feel if he withheld something so big? Id feel utterly betrayed. I just dont know how he will ever be able to forgive me for this.
Some time during the early morning hours she drifted off into a fitful sleep. But every half hour she woke with the fear of the incident burning in her chest. Around 4 she woke and let out a startled gasp as she turned to find Jacks intense gaze fixed upon her, the moonlight glinting off his steely blue eyes. "Did you ever love me?" he asked with a flat, emotionless voice.
"Of course I do," she said quickly as she turned fully to face him. She lifted her hand to stroke his face but he caught it and held it tightly, actually causing her a slight bit of pain. "Please, Jack, please let me touch you. Let me hold you," she begged.
He closed his eyes and let go of her hand. She took that as a sign of acceptance so she quickly moved closer and wrapped her arms around his body. She pulled him to her as tightly as she could and murmured into his ear, "Im so sorry. I know I hurt you, and its all my fault. Its all my fault, Jack. Please forgive me," she pleaded.
The tears were streaming down her face as she began to kiss his rigid body. She started at his neck and breathed in his musky scent as she worked her way down to his collarbones. His scent became a vital need as her lungs filled with the fragrance and she sought to increase their capacity just to satiate her need. Licking and kissing down his body more for sustenance than to arouse she continued on her slow, torturous path. When she finally began to nibble around the waistband of his shorts she grasped them by the legs and pulled them half way from his body, then lifted them to slide over his erection.
She kissed and sucked her way down his belly and found to her amazement that she had an overpowering need to take him into her mouth. She was an inch from her goal when he pushed her onto her back and quickly entered her, completely without warning. The combination of her need and the fear of losing him combined with his raw aggression to make her more aroused than she had ever been. She moved with him, urging him on more vocally than she had ever done. Feeling no control whatsoever her climax washed over her like a tidal wave, washing some of the pain and dread from her soul. Her release pushed him over and he finished quickly, panting and sweating until he collapsed on her body.
But he was not satisfied. He started the same intense examination of her body. He kissed and sucked and bit his way from her face to her toes, needing the constant stimulus of her flesh vibrating against his mouth. She was fully ready for him when he climbed on top for another connection. Every muscle ached for rest but she managed to merge with him for another debilitating climax. He could not be satisfied for a long while, but he finally groaned out his release. He moved down a few inches as he withdrew and collapsed with his head against her breast. His weight was mostly on the bed, but even the small portion that rested on her was terribly heavy. But she would not, could not bear to move him. They fell asleep in that same awkward position, and remained nearly motionless until morning.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
When they woke they struggled through an hour or so of embarrassed silence. But as the day went on things got more familiar and settled back into a relatively normal day. Before dinner he turned to her again, and while she knew the encounter would be painful she willingly gave herself to him, just trying to maintain their connection. She could not overcome the discomfort and she knew that he would not be satisfied unless she reached climax so for the first time in their relationship she successfully faked an orgasm. Her performance must have been Oscar caliber because it pushed him over immediately. He nuzzled against her breasts tenderly for a long while before he relaxed and fell asleep against her in much the same position as the night before.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
The rest of the weekend passed quickly. He was never more than a few inches from her, and by the time she got back into her car she felt like she was breathing her own air for the first time in 24 hours. Well, we settled absolutely nothing, she mused. We never did talk about what happened or how I felt about it. I have no idea how it affected him. What if I had been raped? Would he still refuse to talk about it then? Is this really the way it will be for our entire relationship? Fight, have sex, fight, have sex all the while ignoring the huge issues that are bearing down on us?
* * * * * * * * * * * *
"Jamie?" the deep voice reverberated through the phone on Sunday night, just minutes after she arrived home.
"Hi, Daddy," she said with a mental rolling of her eyes. She had conversed with her parents infrequently since their last argument and each of the conversations had been rather stilted, if not contentious. Her father had not again brought up his ridiculous idea about her moving back home, though, and for that she was grateful.
"Jamie," he began again, clearing his throat, "I dont like the distance that seems to have developed between us. What can I do to make things right?"
Wow! Someone noticed! "Well, um first of all, Im really glad that its important to you to stay close," she said fondly. "That means a lot to me, Daddy."
"Of course its important to me," he insisted. "My relationship with you is the most important one in my life, Jamie. You mean the world to me, and I want you to know that Ill do whatever I can to work on this. I mean I know weve each said things that we regret and I want you to know that Im sorry for upsetting you."
"Im sorry too, Daddy," she murmured as her voice caught. "I dont want you and mother to be angry with me, but I have to learn how to be my own person," she said with conviction.
"I know dear," he soothed. "Thats just part of growing up. Well try to be more supportive of your choices, honey. Its just well, I guess its just hard to have your baby become independent," he admitted.
"Thanks, Daddy," she said quietly. "Sometimes its hard for me too. But I guess growing up is never easy."
"Well, another reason for my call is to discuss your official growing up," he said with a small chuckle. "You know that youre entitled to your first major distribution from the Smith trusts on your birthday. Have you given much thought to that?"
"Um well, I knew it was happening, but I havent really spent much time thinking about it. What do I need to do?"
"There are hundreds of decisions to make, Jamie. Were talking about a massive amount of money here," he reminded her. "Do you want to keep the money managers Ive hired? Do you want to sell off the securities and take a cash distribution or in kind? Who do you want to represent you?"
"Wait wait," she begged. "I dont know what I want to do! Do I have to make all of these decisions immediately?"
"Well yes," he said slowly. "If you want the distribution, you need to be prepared to handle it, Dear."
"What do you mean, If I want it?," she asked slowly.
"The trust makes the first two distributions discretionary," he said easily. "I thought you knew that."
"Okay back up a bit, Daddy," she said in frustration. "Give me the whole story."
He took in a deep breath and slowly let it out. "All right, Dear," he soothed. "Heres the story. The bulk of your inheritance will come from the Dunlops, and other than the discretionary income that has been used on your behalf you get nothing from that trust until you are 30. But the Smith money can be distributed in several ways. Your mother and I are the trustees for your funds and we can make 3 distributions to you---25% at age 21, 25% at age 25 and the remainder at 30. But the first two distributions are entirely at our discretion. If you dont want the money or we dont think youre ready for it, we can wait. And as Im sure you remember, the entire trust is due to be distributed when you marry."
"Yeah, I do remember that," she mused. "I guess I thought I would just take it all at once and Jack could help me figure out what to do with it."
"Theres no reason we cant do it that way, Jamie," he assured her. "There are many, many decisions that you have to be prepared to make if you want the money now. If you dont feel up to it, theres no reason to force any more change upon yourself."
"Maybe that would be best," she mused.
"Are you happy with the way things are now?" he asked.
"Yeah I guess I am," she admitted.
"Then lets hold off," he suggested gently. "Or do you want to discuss this with Jack first?"
"No," she said firmly. "This isnt really Jacks concern."
"Well it will be, Honey," he reminded her. "Hes going to be a very, very wealthy man when you marry."
"No " she explained with more patience than she felt. "Hes going to be married to a very wealthy woman theres a difference, Daddy.
Her fathers wry chuckle surprised her a bit, but when he said, "Im well acquainted with the difference, Jamie," she blushed at her unintentional gaffe.
"Im Im sorry, Daddy, that came out all wrong."
"No offense taken, Jamie," he said easily. "Youre absolutely right, of course. And believe me when I tell you that its vital for you to work out an agreement about how you will handle your money before you marry. Otherwise it will be a constant source of contention."
Oh boy! Another constant source of contention! Just what we need!
* * * * * * * * * * * *
Chapter 13
Ryan had been pestering Jamie for a week trying to get her to decide what she wanted to do to celebrate her birthday. Since it fell on a Thursday she was not going to see Jack or her parents. Her parents had invited her down for a celebration on Saturday and Jack decided that they should celebrate both her birthday and Valentine's Day since it fell on the following Sunday. Ryan found this arrangement more than odd, but she kept her comments to herself. The jerk lives 25 minutes from here! He cant drag his ass up here for a couple of hours to celebrate her 21st birthday?! And who wants to lump their birthday in with Valentines Day? That is beyond cheap!!
On Wednesday Jamie finally decided that she wanted to go to a bar to have a legal drink. This was fine with Ryan but the next problem was finding an acceptable bar. "Where do you normally go?" Jamie inquired.
"I don't go to a lot of bars to be honest," Ryan said. "I don't drink much and I'm not crazy about crowded places. But when I do go to one in the East Bay I usually choose a lesbian bar right on Telegraph. I don't think that's what you had in mind though. Maybe we should ask Mia, Im sure she knows every hot spot in the Bay area."
"I don't really care about the atmosphere, Ryan. I just want to have a drink without fake I.D.'s"
" Would you be comfortable in a lesbian bar?"
"Yeah I would if I was with you. Besides, we would be bothered less at a gay place."
"Hey, speak for yourself," she said haughtily as she ineffectively hid a grin.
"You know what I mean, silly. The men there won't want us and you've said that women aren't very aggressive, so I thought we would be left alone."
"That's probably true" she replied. "It's fine with me if that's what you want to do. How about dinner first?"
"Sure. You pick where we go. Why don't you come over at 6 or so to pick me up?"
* * * * * * * * * * * *
As promised Ryan showed up slightly before 6 o'clock. She was dressed in her black silk t-shirt and a new pair of black lightweight wool slacks with deep pleats. The pants were held up by a thin black belt and they draped attractively over her long legs. Her black leather jacket was draped casually over her shoulder. "We need to get going, Jamie. I made reservations for dinner at 6 sharp."
"Reservations? We're going somewhere that you need reservations?" she asked in surprise.
"It's your birthday, knucklehead. I thought it would be nice to take you somewhere where the biggest question isn't You want fries with that? "
"You wait right here, I'm going to change," she said as she looked down at her jeans and golf shirt. "I need to keep up with my escort. You look so..so.."
"Evil?" Ryan supplied helpfully, her face breaking into a crooked grin.
"No, I'd say you look sleek," she decided.
"Sleek, I think I like that," she mused.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
5 minutes later Jamie came down the stairs in an outfit that clearly rivaled her escorts in terms of sleekness. She had changed into a little black crepe tube dress that followed every curve of her slim body. The little dress was covered by a supple black leather bolero jacket that gleamed dully in the light of the staircase. Small black flats finished the look. "I've decided that we should both be PIBS," Jamie announced.
"PIBS?" Ryan inquired as she slowly walked around her friend, looking at her outfit with open appreciation.
"People In Black," she replied. "It's very L.A."
"If this is how they look in L.A., I'm moving tomorrow," Ryan said decisively.
"You are such a tease Ms. O'Flaherty," she replied.
"Oh, Im not teasing," she said with mock sobriety. "You just look so...so....so " Ryan fumbled.
"Sleek?" Jamie inquired.
"Yes, but more than that," she pondered her image again. "Sophisticated, glamorous, sexy, somewhere in there," she finally decided as she waved her hands in the air.
"That's probably because my mother bought this for me. She forced me to attend an art exhibit down in SOMA and she insisted that all of my clothes were either too mainstream, or juvenile."
"Well," Ryan reflected, "I would agree that is one of the least juvenile outfits I have ever seen," she said appreciatively.
As they left the house Ryan dashed ahead and opened her car door, waiting until Jamie was settled before she gently shut it. Jack could learn some manners from her, she thought. Ryan drove, of course, and they pulled up to the valet at Chez Panisse at 6 sharp.
"Ryan, you are so sweet! I told you I liked this place months ago. It's adorable that you remembered," she enthused.
Ryan gave her a curious look as she replied, "If its important enough for you to tell me its important enough for me to remember." As she held the door for her she related, "I couldn't get reservations downstairs, but I thought we would be more comfortable upstairs anyway. It's a lot more casual," she said happily.
"I actually prefer the upstairs. It's not filled with stuffy businessmen trying to impress clients. Normal people from the neighborhood eat upstairs," she said knowledgeably.
Jamie ordered her favorite meal; a small steak with French fries. Ryan had rack of lamb with some delectable oil-roasted rosemary potatoes. She insisted on ordering a bottle of wine but made Jamie pick out the vintage since she was wholly ignorant on the subject. Jamie was just a bit disappointed that the server did not ask for her I.D., but she had to admit that she was glad that she looked over 21 tonight.
They had a thoroughly enjoyable dinner. Jamie was impressed that Ryan seemed very comfortable in this atmosphere even though she was certain that she did not dine out much. After they had savored cups of cappuccino and a delightful piece of chocolate silk cake they headed home. The bar was very close to her house so rather than trying to park they had planned on walking. After they had parked the car Ryan dashed out to her bike and removed something large that had been lashed to the seat. She carried the big box into the house with a wide grin on her face.
Jamie tried to wrestle the box from her hands but Ryan held it securely, finally holding it above the laughing womans head. "What makes you think this is for you anyway?" she teased.
"Because it's my birthday and you are too sweet not to give me a present, even though you don't need to," she replied logically.
"Well, you've got me there. This is for you," she said as she presented the box to Jamie with a flourish.
Jamie proceeded to rip off the wrapping paper and tear the heavy cardboard in a matter of seconds. She was delighted to pull out a brand new bright yellow motorcycle helmet. "Ryan this is so cool!" she said gleefully. "I absolutely love it!"
"I've been worried about you wearing my spare," Ryan admitted. "My spare is fairly large so that anyone can wear it. But I wanted to get you one that would fit properly. Your head is mighty important to me, you know," she said as she began to adjust the helmet properly. The fit was perfect and now Jamie wanted to take the bike to the bar. Ryan agreed conceptually, but she suggested that Jamie might want to change first. "Have you ever ridden a motorcycle in a short tight skirt?" she asked helpfully.
"Oh, good point," she said with a little blush. "Should I change or should we drive my car?"
"I'm very content to have you remain in that outfit," she said with an eyebrow waggle. "But you get to choose. It's your birthday."
"Can I drive?" she begged as her face scrunched into an adorable little pout.
Ryan pursed her lips as though deep in thought. But she quickly let her face slide into a grin as she admitted, "You know Im powerless against that puppy dog face. Of course you can."
"Be right back," she said as she ran up the stairs to change.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
In a surprisingly short time Jamie came trotting back downstairs, still looking lovely, but much more equipped to drive a motorcycle. The short black leather jacket remained but now it covered a white turtleneck. Neat black jeans topped shiny black boots, now firmly placing Jamie into the sleek category. "Do you often have to warn your dates not to wear skirts?" she teased as they made their way to the driveway.
"Well, no," Ryan admitted with a leer. "I encourage my dates to wear short skirts."
Jamie was concentrating on getting onto the bike and she hadnt noticed Ryans leering grin. "Why would you " she started to say but the obvious answer came to her quickly. "Ryan!" she cried as she slapped her friend in the stomach. "You are such a "
"Letch?" she once again helpfully supplied.
"At least!" her giggling companion agreed.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
Moments later they pulled up to a rare legal parking space near the bar. It was still early and there were not many people in the establishment. It was dark and smelled of smoke even with the ordinance that banned smoking in bars. Jamie figured that years of smoke smell had just permeated the walls.
"Well, well, well," smiled the bartender. "The class factor in here just went up 100%," she said as she shook Ryan's hand. "Haven't seen you for a while, Ryan. I would ask what you've been up to, but it's pretty obvious," she teased as she regarded Jamie with a long look.
"You are incorrigible, Sandy," she grinned as she shook her head. "This is Jamie. Tonight is her 21st birthday, so treat her right."
"You certainly look like you're used to being treated right, Jamie," she said as she leaned over the bar a bit and moved her head close. "I guarantee that I'll continue that tradition," she purred.
Jamie unconsciously moved closer to Ryan and meekly ordered a white wine spritzer. Ryan asked for the same, although without the wine. After Sandy had placed their drinks before them Jamie whispered with a laugh, "I thought you said women didn't come on so strong."
"Sandy would be the most surprised person in the world if anyone ever took her up on one of her propositions. She's been in a committed relationship for years but she loves to joke around," Ryan informed her.
They found two stools near the rear of the bar. The juke box was on and the volume was a little higher than Jamie would have preferred but they could hear each other if they leaned close. "So what do you think?" Ryan asked. "Is it what you expected?"
"Well," she said as she looked around, "I have not been to a lot of neighborhood bars but from the few Ive seen this one looks pretty typical. If you looked in quickly you wouldnt notice it was a gay place at all. Are most gay bars like this?"
"No, this is more like your typical middle class lesbian place. Some of the weekend clubs are very glitzy and appeal more to the lipstick lesbians. I dont know why, but I feel more comfortable here. There are tons of good looking women at the weekend places but theyre always really noisy. I think I just like the more laid back atmosphere of this place."
"Why do you call them weekend places?"
"Some promoters have a traveling club that is only open 1 night a month or 1 night a week. Youll see signs up advertising where the party will be. Its a lot cheaper to just rent a place for 1 night. Then they dont have the upkeep of keeping a place open on the slow nights."
"But you dont like them?"
"No, its not that. Sometimes theyre a lot of fun. But theyre real high energy and um well, lets just say that I wouldnt take a date to one."
"Why not?"
"Its hard to um..well, I tend to um "
"You get hit on a lot dont you?" she said with a big grin.
Ryans chagrined look was a clearly affirmative answer. "Theres usually a lot of people that I know that go to those and it gets kind of embarrassing," she admitted shyly.
"You cant help it that youre irresistible," she teased.
"Its hardly that, Jamie. Ive just dated so darn many women that it seems like half of the city knows me when I go to one of those big parties."
"Well, I think its because youre so darned cute," she said as she tweaked her nose. "Ive got to use the rest room. Is it right there?" she asked as she pointed.
"Yep. Its just behind that wall. Ill keep your seat warm."
There were about 5 women in line and she waited patiently while she watched a spirited game of pool. When she emerged from behind the partition she was surprised and a bit peeved to see someone on her stool. I dont get any respect in this community, she thought crossly. Hitting on her when I go to the bathroom! Unacceptable !
She marched right over and slid in between Ryan and the stranger. Ryans legs were splayed wide apart and she nestled herself right between them as she leaned back against her. When she received a rather wide eyed look from the woman she smiled sweetly and said, "Hi, Im Jamie, Ryans date. Who are you?"
"Just leaving," she said quickly as she did just that.
Ryans head moved forward just a bit to rest on Jamies shoulder. Her deep chuckle rumbled across Jamies back as she said, "I guess I could take you to one of those weekend clubs. Youd just open a can of whupass on anyone who got near me."
"Its all about respect," she said easily. "Youve got to let them know they cant mess with you."
* * * * * * * * * * * *
After Jamie had reclaimed her stool they sat and chatted amiably while they people watched. After a while Jamie ordered another drink which surprised Ryan a bit. "Are you sure you're up to another?" she gently inquired.
"Yes, Mom. I may have just turned 21, but I've been drinking for years. I've spent a lot of time in Europe and wine is part of every dinner there."
"I just want you to be careful. Alcohol will hit you harder because of your weight loss. You wont be insulted if I drive home, will you?"
"Nope. Im a big fan of the designated driver. But since youre driving it won't kill me to get buzzed on my birthday," she said firmly.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
Around 10 o'clock Jamie decided that she needed to dance. The small dance floor was nearly filled as she pulled Ryan to her feet and led her to a spot near the juke box. A current song that Jamie particularly liked was playing as they began to move to the beat. My God, I assumed that she could dance, but this is ridiculous! she thought as Ryan became one with the music. Every part of her body reflected the strong beat of the thrumming bass. She moved her hips and her shoulders in a teasingly seductive way that had every pair of eyes on her. I am sure she is not conscious of how sexy she is. Every woman in this bar wants her, she marveled. They continued to dance as 3 more good songs came on. Jamie was no slouch as a dancer herself and by the time they finished most of the women in the bar were deciding which one of them they would choose if given a chance.
The exertion of their dancing and the closeness of the room made Jamie feel a bit tipsier than she normally would after her two drinks. Ryan actually felt a little light headed herself, due to the lingering effects of the wine they had at dinner. They went back to the bar for a few minutes as Jamie signaled Sandy for another round. When her spritzer was delivered she drank it quickly, mostly to rehydrate. She knew she was getting buzzed but she was having such a good time that she just let herself go for a change. She ignored her inner voice that normally kept a tight watch on her actions and her emotions. She just let herself have fun.
It was too loud to talk so they just sat back on their stools and watched people dance for a few minutes. After a while Jamie felt cool again and as soon as another favorite came on she rose and took Ryan's hand. The song was very slow and sensual and Ryan cocked her head as she gazed down at her. She leaned over a little and asked, "Are you sure?" Jamies answer was to guide her to the dance floor without a word. As she slipped her arms around Ryan's waist she felt her partner's strong arms slide around behind her shoulders and drape loosely behind her neck.
As they moved to the slow, insistent beat of the music Jamie drew imperceptibly closer to her friend. There was still a respectable distance between them but she could occasionally feel Ryan's thigh brush against hers. A warm tingle passed down her body when Ryan's breasts touched hers slightly. They continued this soft and gentle connection when the song changed and another soft melody began.
There may have been other people on the dance floor, but only one person existed for Jamie at that moment. The connection between them was both soothing and electric. Each small touch, each warm breath that passed by her ear made her feel more and more deeply bonded. The next song was considerably faster but neither woman made a move to break the connection. They continued to hold one another as they moved at half time to the quick beat.
When the next song began Jamie found herself drawn inexorably closer to Ryans body. The slow love song thrummed in the background but Jamie felt so connected that she swore they were moving to the merged beat of their hearts. The song was over much too soon and as it wound down they stood back slightly with their arms still gently holding each other and silently regarded each other for a few long moments. Ryan leaned down just slightly to speak but Jamie misinterpreted her movement. She slowly closed her eyes as she slid her hands up the powerful back to rest behind her neck. She placed her lips softly on Ryan's and let the warmth just wash over her like a warm summer rain shower. The kiss was gentle and tender and relatively chaste. But it lasted considerably longer than she had intended. Ryan didnt make any move to separate so Jamie eventually pulled back. But Ryans crystal blue eyes locked onto hers, freezing her in place for a moment. There was a hint of a question in those deep blue eyes, but Jamie simply wrapped her arms around her neck and held her in a tender embrace for a few seconds. Ryan returned the affection and when they broke apart Jamie found that she held Ryan's hand in hers.
The clear blue eyes had gentled as Ryan looked down at her and asked, "Are you ready to leave? Its getting a little late." As her face broke into a sweet smile she added, "And I think we're both a little drunk."
Jamie returned the smile and acknowledged the truth of both statements. "Yes, we probably should go," she said as she leaned against her for another full body hug. "It's nearly midnight, so my special days almost over."
"Thats where youre wrong," Ryan said as she slid her arm around Jamies waist. "The day doesnt make you special. Its the other way around."
Jamie dropped her head against Ryans shoulder as she mused, How does she do that? She just makes me feel so precious.
When they emerged from the bar they followed their previous agreement to have Ryan drive. It was just a few short blocks to the house but as Jamie hopped off the skies opened up as a heavy rain began to pelt them. They both made a mad dash for the door, making the front porch relatively unscathed. Both Cassie and Mia were obviously at home, but the house was quiet. Jamie beckoned Ryan to follow her into the kitchen where they could speak normally without waking anyone.
"I don't want you to ride home in this weather, Ryan," she said.
"This is one of those nights I told you about," Ryan admitted. "You know, 50 degrees and raining like heck."
"Take my car home tonight. You can return it tomorrow," she offered.
"I don't really feel comfortable driving your car alone, especially in the rain," Ryan demurred. "Im not on the title or the registration, and my motorcycle insurance wouldnt cover me if I wrecked it. I'm a careful driver, but not everyone else is. I don't want you to have to explain an accident to your father," she stated firmly.
"Then call home and tell them you're staying here," she insisted. "I won't be able to sleep if you drive home in this."
"Okay, you win," Ryan finally agreed. "I can ride in the rain, but it isn't the safest thing to do." She looked a bit shy as she asked, "Where should I sleep?"
"It looks like everyone is home, so you're stuck with me," she said with a crooked grin. "Unless you want to sneak into Cassie's room and make a woman out of her," she teased.
"I think that is beyond even my many skills," she replied with a return grin.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
Jamie took her clothes into the bathroom to change as Ryan called home to tell her father she was taking refuge from the rain. A few minutes later Jamie emerged in glen plaid flannel pajamas, with her face scrubbed and her teeth brushed. She offered Ryan a new toothbrush and showed her where the clean towels were. Finally she asked, "What do you normally sleep in?"
"Um, my normal outfit is a little casual for a sleep over," she admitted shyly.
"It's okay if you like to sleep in your underwear," Jamie reassured her. "Your underwear covers a lot more than mine does."
"My normal attire is quite a bit more casual than that," she said with a blush.
"Ooooh," Jamie replied. "That would be a touch casual. I'll find something for you." Jamie rummaged through her dresser finally coming up with an old pair of sweats and a t-shirt that Jack had left with her during the summer. "He's a little taller than you are but these should fit," she said as she handed the bundle to her friend.
Ryan followed Jamie's lead and went into the bathroom to change. As she brushed her teeth she reflected on the events of the evening. God, I dont know what happened at the bar, but it felt all together too good. I know the alcohol got to her a little bit, but there was more to it than that. I know she feels close to me but I have to keep my head. The last thing she needs is to make her life more complicated right now. When she kissed me I didnt want to encourage her but I also didnt want to hurt her feelings by pulling away. Im not sure I did the right thing but honestly it just felt too good to stop it. Boy, this is one of those days that its a real bitch to have morals, she mused.
As she slipped into Jacks clothes she thought, I dont know if its a good idea to sleep in her bed tonight. I wish there was another place to crash but it would really be insulting to curl up on that little loveseat when she has a king sized bed. I just have to remind myself that shes a wonderful, attractive, sexy straight woman, whos engaged to be married.
After a few minutes she emerged with her hair in a simple braid and Jack's clothes covering her body. Jamie marveled at her appearance for a moment, "You and Jack could not look more different, but those are exactly your size," she said.
"Yeah, we just fill them out in different places," she grinned.
I'll say, thought Jamie silently. She climbed into bed and turned the covers down for both of them.
Ryan looked at the bed and hesitated. After Jamie was settled she attempted to pull the covers back up on her side and lie down on top of them. "What are you doing?" asked Jamie with a confused look on her face.
"I just thought I should sleep outside the covers," she said shyly.
"Afraid I'll bite?" Jamie replied a bit cross at the insinuation.
"No, not at all," she replied although that was exactly what she was afraid of. "I just don't want to put you in a bad position. I know Jack isn't wild about me, and I don't want you to have to explain anything that might make him mad."
"It'll make me mad if I'm trapped by these covers all night," she said. "Get in here," she ordered.
Ryan complied despite her reservations. "I do kind of hate to sleep on top," she admitted. "It's lots cozier inside."
They kept a respectful distance as they shifted and adjusted their positions for a few moments. As they both settled down Ryan quietly said, "Happy birthday, Jamie."
Jamie smiled at her friend in the dark and replied, "You made it happy, Ryan. Thank you."
* * * * * * * * * * * *
Several hours later a loud clap of thunder woke Jamie from a deep sleep. She had been having a vaguely arousing dream and as she struggled into consciousness she realized with alarm why the dream had seemed so real. She was plastered up next to Ryan, touching her with her body from her shoulders all the way down to her feet. Her right hand was slowly tracing gentle patterns on her friend, starting at her waist and traveling down her hip to the inside of her thigh. She nearly gasped in shock at what she had been doing, but when she pulled the offending appendage away she heard Ryan softly mumble, "Please please don't stop."
Jamie felt as though she was in a trance as she felt Ryan's strong hand grasp hers and place it on her breast. She felt those sensuous hips move against her as they began a slow, steady beat. She was not sure what propelled her to respond, but she did so enthusiastically. Her hand touched, and rubbed and teased both of those perfect breasts until Ryan's hips began to grind into her lap insistently.
Suddenly, she felt herself being rolled onto her back. Ryan appeared on top of her, bracing her body with her forearms, blue eyes dark with desire. She dipped her head and stared intently for a moment, gauging Jamies receptivity. The vivid green eyes that gazed up at her unblinkingly were a clear signal so she locked her warm mouth onto Jamie's waiting lips. The smaller woman felt her mouth open just a bit and seconds later that warm, wet tongue slid in.
Jamie felt her head begin to spin as the sensations became overpowering. Ryan's tongue moved slowly in her mouth as her own tongue joined in the sensual dance. Jamie felt her body respond in a way that she had never imagined possible. She felt a depth of connection with this woman that felt bone deep.
Ryan lowered her torso onto Jamie's and began to move slowly against her body. Every part of Jamie's body was rubbed softly by its counterpart. Breasts glided against breasts, firm bellies and strong thighs slid sensually against each other. Every nerve ending tingled in anticipation. As the touch became overwhelming Jamie growled as she wrapped Ryan in her arms and rolled her onto her back. She felt Ryan's legs open in invitation and she slid in between them, settling her hips in the warm furrow. Those long strong thighs wrapped around her hips as she pressed herself against the apex of Ryan's desire. The heat radiated from her as Jamie groaned into her mouth, claiming her with her lips again and again.
Ryan's hands slid under her top and moved slowly up her sides until they found their target. Soft, warm fingers teased the taut nipples as Jamie felt the contact deep in her groin. She moaned again and again as those fingers continued to torment her aching breasts. She reached down and grabbed the hem of her top, pulling it over her head in one swift move as she pulled herself up towards that inviting mouth. Ryan did not relinquish the firm hold that her thighs had claimed as she moved as one with her.
Jamie lowered herself over Ryan's mouth and let out a low growl as that warm mouth captured a throbbing breast. She raised and lowered herself repeatedly as each breast was loved in turn. Ryan's hips were nearly off the bed as she clung desperately to her.
Jamie felt herself nearing climax as Ryan bit down on a tender breast. She threw her head back and felt herself release as wave after wave of sensation coursed down her body. She was unable to support herself on her shaking arms and she felt herself collapse onto Ryan's powerful chest.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
A loud thunderclap rumbled through the house. Jamie sat bolt upright in bed and whipped her head around trying to make sense of where she was. She focused her senses and found that she was fully clothed. She looked to her left and found a peacefully sleeping Ryan. Oh my God, was that a dream?!
She lay back down and let the dream wash over her again. I have never felt anything so real! Touching her and being touched felt so completely erotic. I don't think I've ever been that aroused.
Thoughts and sensations fought for space in her overtaxed brain. Why did I dream about Ryan like that? Is it just because I'm a little high and she's lying so close to me? I mean every woman at that bar wanted her. If I'm going to fantasize about a woman why not choose Ryan?
I'd give anything to be able to respond to Jack like that. Why can't I just accept what he's able to give me and get on with my life? It's not like there's anything wrong with him. He's really a lovely man. I just wish he could excite me half as much as I was in that dream.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
The alarm sounded at 6:30 a.m. Jamie stuck an arm out of the covers and slapped it with her hand. She groaned as she opened her eyes and saw the time. She turned and saw Ryan gazing over at her with a big smile on her alert face. "You're not a morning person, are you?" she observed happily.
Jamie merely responded by covering her head with the pillow. She felt Ryan hop out of bed and found herself falling back to sleep when she heard the shower running. When Ryan was finished in the bathroom she came over and perched on the side of the bed. She was wrapped in a huge bath sheet and she debated whether to put her nice clothes back on or try to get away with wearing Jacks sweats. While she debated her wardrobe choices she decided to wake Jamie. She looked down at her friend, so peaceful and serene in sleep. She contemplated a gentle way to wake her; finally letting her evil side win. She threw the covers back as she climbed onto the bed and began to tickle her mercilessly. Jamie giggled and thrashed about on the bed as Ryan refused to let her go. There was a very brief knock on the door that occurred almost simultaneously to it being thrown open.
Cassie opened the door a bit and stuck her head in. Ryan was mostly covered by the bath sheet but she was straddling a wildly twitching Jamie. Their hands were locked together as they fought but the open door caused them both to freeze in place. Both women caught the expression on Cassies face that was a mixture of glee and revulsion. "Jack's on the phone," she said as she ignored Ryans presence and their very compromised position. "He said he called you yesterday to wish you a happy birthday, but you were obviously out. Do you want to speak to him or are you too busy?" she said innocently.
"Of course I'll speak to him. Just give me a second," she said as she hopped up and dashed to the bathroom.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
Cassie went back downstairs and was speaking with Jack when Jamie picked up the upstairs extension. "You can hang up now, Cassie. I've got it." Cassie signed off and Jamie greeted him. "Hi honey, thanks for calling. Sorry I missed you last night."
"Isn't it a little early to have visitors, Jamie?" he inquired softly.
She sighed deeply as her hopes were dashed that Cassie had been discrete. "Do you want me to answer that or was that a rhetorical question, Jack?"
"I suppose it might as well be rhetorical. I don't feel that I ever get the whole truth out of you anymore," he replied.
"If you want to know why Ryan is here you can ask me. I don't lie to you Jack, and if you don't know that we've really got problems."
"I'm not sure that I do know that, but I would agree that we most definitely do have problems. I hope you had a nice birthday, Jamie. I'll see you tonight if you're still planning on coming down." He hung up before she could form a reply.
* * * * * * * * * * * *