A THOUSAND SHADES OF FEELING

CHAPTER 4

Disclaimer: We all know that Xena and Gabrielle belong to Renaissance
Pictures, Universal Studios, etc,etc. I've borrowed them only for
entertainment purposes and make no profit from this whatsoever; I promise to
return them whole and unscathed when their part is through.

Sexual Disclaimer: I'll warn you now, there is same sex goings-on in this
story. If the thought of two women making love makes you uncomfortable, drop
this story or hit the back button now. But if I may borrow a line from Lucy
Lawless herself..."This is a story of two people, two souls, in love..."
To me, the gender of our soul's shell is unimportant. What matters is the
search for our soul's other half.

I welcome constructive feedback at taleweavercan@netscape.net

Life has no meaning but that which
you give it
it is a book whose pages are
blank
waiting for the pen of experience
to leave it's mark
and yet, trembling on the edges
of vision
are the shadowy words which,
if read by the pure heart
lead the way to what might be.

Dragonlady

Chapter 4

With Merlin in a comfortable chair, Morrigan settled herself close by
and began to read from her first draft.
"In the age of ancient Kings, brigands and ruthless warlords, there lived a
warrior and a bard. They travelled the land together, fighting for justice
and understanding and shared many adventures. This is a tale of just one of
their adventures..."

..."They worked feverishly side by side but they were unable to staunch
the flow of blood. When the child gave his last shuddering breath, the bard
raised her eyes to the heavens and bellowed her rage to the Gods.
'Why!!!??? He didn't have to die!!'
The warrior gently closed the child's eyes and drew the bard close, allowing
her to mourn the loss of such a young life."

Morrigan looked up from her paper to see Merlin watching her with rapt
attention; waiting for the next word, the next sentence.
"That's it Merlin, that's all I have written so far. Just those few
chapters."
"Wow, that's captivating Morrigan. Will you read me the rest when you finish
it?"
Morrigan smiled, those were the words she'd been hoping to hear.
"Of course." She crossed the room to peer studiously into Merlin's eyes, and
not just because she liked looking into them. " Your eyes look better, you
can probably sleep now. How do you feel?"
"More solid, less rubbery." Merlin stood up and tested her legs, knowing
they would support her now. "Still tired though."
"Well come to bed then."
Merlin raised her left eyebrow as a teasing grin settled on her face.
"Was that an invitation?"
Morrigan smiled innocently. "Not how you hope I mean it until you're healed.
I want to be close to you with that head injury, and beside me in my bed is
as close as I can think of."
"Aw..."

Settled in the large bed beside Morrigan, Merlin had to admit that she
felt better. Despite her splitting headache.
"Merl?"
"Hmm?"
"About earlier...I wanted to..."
Merlin rolled over and put a silencing finger on Morrigan's lips.
"I know what you're about to say. Don't thank me Morr. It changes the
feeling, trust me."
When the finger had been removed Morrigan propped herself up on one elbow
and studied Merlin.
"I was about to say that I wanted to the same for you when you're feeling
better." Morrigan smiled as she brushed gentle knuckles along Merlin's
cheek. "The waiting will be hard, but hopefully I'll make it worth your
wait."
"Mmmn, I'm sure you will." Merlin leaned into Morrigan's touch enjoying the
sensation.
"Roll over Merl, I'll rub your back."
Merlin did as she'd been told.

For a woman who lived on a farm and made a living with her hands,
Morrigan's touch was feather-light and soft as down. Her fingertips skipped
over Merlin's skin tracing designs and names and just barely touching the
scars beneath her fingers. In no time at all she heard Merlin's breathing
change and deepen, and she knew that she'd put her friend to sleep. Morrigan
smiled and laid down, feeling very proud of herself. In her mind, she knew
everything she wanted to do to Merlin. She wanted it to be perfect for the
tall woman with so many scars inside and out, she wanted to show Merlin
they were destined to be together. But most of all, she wanted to ask Merlin
to stay with her. She knew now that, despite what she'd thought earlier, she
wasn't just a pleasant distraction for Merlin. But she couldn't help but
wonder if they had a future together. With these thoughts running rampant
through her mind, Morrigan closed her eyes and went to sleep. It was a
restless sleep filled with images not unlike those in her book. The bard and
the warrior lived not only in the pages of her pose, but also in her dreams.
This night with the power of mystical, ancient patterns, they battled an
evil sorceress. It was a hard battle, barely won. But it drew the warrior
and bard closer together than they already were. As they walked down a
non-descript road, the warrior spoke quietly.
"Who knows? Maybe we've walked down this road before huh?"
She smiled and Morrigan finally noticed that the warrior's eyes were the
same as Merlin's. With the image fresh in her mind, Morrigan was jolted from
sleep and sat bolt upright in bed.

The writer sat in the predawn light going over her dream so she
wouldn't forget anything about it. Not the deep, raspy sound of the
sorceress's voice, not the intense, sharp pain she'd made the friends feel
with her dark powers, not the gracefull, inscrutable designs that gave the
warrior and bard the power to dispel the darkness. She made sure she had
commited each detail to memory, kissed her own warrior lightly and left the
warm bed for her computer. It was there that Merlin found her an hour later,
typing furiously with an intense look of concentration. Merlin tiptoed out
of the living room and back into the kitchen to make a fresh pot of coffee.
Just as the dark, pungent liquid filled the carafe, Morrigan stepped behind
Merlin and wrapped her arms around the thin waist.
"How's the head?"
Merlin turned to face Morrigan and took the writer in her arms.
"Better. Thanks for keeping me awake. I enjoyed what you read to me. How
long have you been up?"
"An hour or so. I had a dream that practically cried out to be included in
the book. Let's go watch the sunrise out on the swing."
"Tell me about your dream?"
"Only if you pour the coffee."

They sat on the swing out on the large porch, cuddling under a blanket
while sun spread it's first rays over the farm. When the sphere's glorious
display was over, Merlin asked about the dream that had pulled Morrigan from
her bed. Morrigan told her everything she had seen, everything she had felt,
the sounds and smells that had made it so much more than just a dream.
"There was this feeling that I sometimes get with certain dreams...Like the
whole thing isn't a dream, but a memory. This one was different though. I
saw the whole thing through the bard's eyes, I felt everything she did. I
felt like she was...me."
"You say the warrior had my eyes?"
"And your smile, the eyebrow thing you do...There was so much of her in you,
or you in her...I don't know."
"Are you sure you aren't projecting me into your dreams?"
"My dreams, the special ones anyway, started before we met and she's been in
them from the beginning. There's something to these dreams, I just don't
know what..."
Silence settled over them as they listened to the sounds of the farm in the
early morning. Merlin got them both more coffee and snuggled in the blanket
again, surprised at how natural it felt.
"Do you ever get the feeling that we've done this before?" Morrigan rested
her head on Merlin's shoulder.
"I don't know...It feels right doesn't it?"
"Mmmm, sure does."
They finished their coffee in silence.

They were in the expansive garden weeding in the mid-morning sun when
Morrigan's mind drifted again. The weeding was automatic work and it was
difficult to keep her mind off the thought she'd had earlier. In her heart,
she was begining to believe that she and Merlin had known ech other's souls
when they'd met. It was an intriguing thought that would explain some of the
attraction they felt for one another. Kneeling between the onions and
garlic, Merlin glanced up at her companion and shook her head.
'Off in her head again...' She thought while a small smile slipped onto her
features.
"Penny for your thoughts Morr."
"Hmm?" Morrigan blinked at the carrot patch she'd intended to weed but
hadn't touched. "Oh...drifted off again didn't I?"
Merlin grinned at what she hoped was a blush and not sunburn. "Why don't you
take a break..." She straightened and stepped over the vegetables to
Morrigan."...and grab us something cold to drink while I dump these weeds in
the burning barrel. I'll meet you on the porch and we'll sit on the swing
for a bit. You look like you could be getting burned, maybe you should sit
in the shade, hmm?"
"Sure, it's getting warmer than I expected it would. A break sounds good."
Merlin watched her stroll toward the house and up the steps, then pushed the
wheelbarrow over to the burning barrel.

From the shadows of the furthest end of the driveway, he watched them.
When they sat on the swing holding hands, he lowered the binoculars with a
sneer on his wide face.
"The first step is to get rid of her...friend." He whispered to himself.
"Seperate them, deal with them one at a time. I can take my time with her
then..." He raised the glasses again and watched them talk, touching
tenderly every so often. It was obvious even to him that they cared for one
another. "Hmmm...maybe that's the ticket...Use the dark haired one against
her...Yeah..."
Merlin wove her fingers between Morrigan's and enjoyed the breeze that
ruffled her hair. With the trim form of the writer tucked close beside her,
the wind in her hair and the turquoise sky above, Merlin could almost forget
the reason she was there. She looked down at the blond head nestled in the
hollow of her shoulder and smiled softly. Laying her cheek against the
golden crown, Merlin breathed in the scent of Morrigan's shampoo and sighed
happily. But reality and logic crept in, and Merlin's smile faded as she
lifted her head and squared her shoulders.

"Hey..." Merlin nudged the silent body beside her. "...Why don't you
work inside where it's cooler? Maybe write some more."
Morrigan lifted her head and peered up at Merlin.
"You trying to get rid of me?"
"No, of course not." Merlin tried to sound reassuring. "But I have to paint
the chicken coop while the temperature is right, and you look like you've
gotten a bit too much sun. Those weeds won't go anywhere on their own..."
Merlin looked at her companion winningly, "Besides, I was looking forward to
hearing more of your story tonight after supper."
Morrigan smiled back lazily. "Okay. You want another glass of lemonade?"
"Nah...I'm just going to get right to it." Merlin stood and stretched,
feeling her bones pop back into place. Morrigan accepted the outstretched
hand and stood also, but was drawn into a kiss before she could stretch.
"Be careful on that ladder." She said softly before going indoors.
Trying to ignore the gnawing feeling of unease deep in her gut, Merlin threw
herself into her task and had the coop painted sooner than she expected.
With the paint and brushes put away, she wandered through the barn in search
of a jack. By the time Morrigan came out on the porch to call her in for
dinner, the old green truck had been stripped of two of it's slashed tires.

Even before she'd reached the foot of the stairs, Merlin could smell
the tomatoe sauce and garlic bread. Her mouth was watering by the time she
stepped into the kitchen and joined Morrigan at the stove.
"What can I do?"
"Um...set the table?"
As Merlin flipped her shower -damp hair over her shoulder, she took a deep
breath.
"Morrigan, do you think you could stay indoors as much as possible for the
next few days?"
"Why? What's up Merlin?"
The bodyguard set their plates out and leaned on the back of a chair.
"I've got a feeling...And there's a chicken missing. I think you'd be safer
indoors that's all."
Morrigan finished putting the pasta, sauce and garlic bread out on the table
and leaned on an opposite chair. Merlin could tell by the set of the blond's
jaw that she was in for an argument.
"I'm not afraid Merlin. I'd rather face this head on instead of hiding out
in here while you put yourself in danger." Morrigan's words were quiet but
her tone was firm.
"That's what I do Morr. I put myself in danger to keep people alive...To
keep you alive."
Morrigan looked down at the table for a long ,silent minute and then back
at her friend.
"Where you go, I go." Then she deliberately turned her back on Merlin and
busied herself retrieving a bottle of wine from the fridge.
Merlin blew out a frustrated breath and looked at the floor.
"Grab the wineglasses,would you please Merl?" Morrigan was cheerful and
bright as if their disagreement hadn't even happened.
When they'd eaten their fill, Merlin pushed away from the table and groaned.
"Man, am I full...Where did you learn how to make spagetti like that?"
Morrigan gathered up their dirty dishes before answering.
"Verne taught me. Still interested in that story?"
"As soon as I change into something more...stretchy."
"I'll meet you in the living room with the wine." Morrigan smiled brightly
and filled the sink with hot soapy water while Merlin groaned all the way
upstairs.

With a fire crackling in the hearth and the wine close by, the two
friends settled themselves comfortably at either end of the sofa. Morrigan
flipped through her papers, looking for the right paragraph, while Merlin
looked on expectantly.
"Oh...okay, I've found it. Ready?"
Merlin nodded and Morrigan cleared her throat.
"The bard was bitter and angry with the Gods for a long time and withdrew
into herself, deep in confusion and depression. The warrior came to miss her
friend's cheerful chatter and story telling around the fire at night..."
Merlin's eyes flicked to the fireplace and then back to Morrigan's face.
"...and so tried everything she could think of to bring her friend out of
the depths of her depression. Nothing worked. Not long swims in sun drenched
lakes, not stays in comfortable inns, not even shopping excursions in the
best markets. Finally one morning when the bard hadn't touched a bite of
food for the fourth day in a row, the warrior made a decision to head for
the mountains. After camp was broken and Argo saddled, the bard settled
herself behind the determined warrior without argument on the golden steed.
They rode all day with few breaks and by sunset were outside the cave that
Xena had been headed for."

"Not far off, there was a small lake surrounded by good grass and it
was here that Xena took off Argo's tack allowing the mare to roam free. As
melancholy as Gabrielle was, she still performed her share of camp duties.
Retrieving wood and fresh water offered a small sense of continuity and
solace, so it wasn't long before the expansive cave began to take on a
comfortable feeling. By the time Xena came back with two wild fowl for
dinner, their blankets had been laid out and tea was made. While Gabrielle
went to the lake to roll the cleaned birds in mud, Xena poured out the
bard's tea and made a new cup with herbs from a pouch. By the time the quiet
storyteller came back, Xena was innocently sharpening her sword. Gabrielle
silently watched the fowl bake in the coals while she drank her tea and by
the time her cup was empty, the warrior suspected her companion might be
ready to talk. When Xena asked Gabrielle for a story, the bard merely shook
her head and claimed her heart wasn't in it and rolled up in her blankets.
When Xena pointed out that she hadn't eaten anything yet, Gabrielle mumbled
that she wasn't hungry. Xena sighed and put her sword down, then went to sit
at her companion's back.
"Gabrielle, talk to me. Tell me what's going on, please. This isn't like
you." The bard answered so quietly that anyone else wouldn't have heard, but
Xena's keen hearing picked up every word.
"I don't know who I am anymore..." Came the whisper. Xena put a comforting
hand on Gabrielle's shoulder and waited. "Every time I think we're making a
difference, the Gods play a cruel trick on us. Sometimes I wonder if
maybe...I should stop trying so hard. Go home and admit I was wrong." Unseen
by the self-doubting bard, Xena lowered her head and allowed silent tears to
fall. She swallowed and prayed for the right words.

"Gabrielle, I won't tell you what to do; only you can decide that. Let
me tell you this though, you have grown so much from who you were when we
first met that sometimes you're like a completely different person. You're
more mature, wise and even more determined than you were then. If you really
want to...go back to Potedaia...I'll respect your decision but I will miss
you. I value our friendship more than you'll ever know. Your input means a
lot to me. Your sense of peace, of justice, your...light...guides me and
keeps me on my path."
"How can I be your light when I'm lost myself Xena?"
"Love Gabrielle, love. That's what keeps me fighting for the greater good,
my love for you. I love you Bri. Use that as a guide to get through this.
Don't question whether you make a difference, think about all the people
you've saved every time you've kept me from returning to my dark ways, think
about the war you stopped when we faced the Horde, the peace you created
when we took Vanessa back to her birth parents..."
"I didn't do that."
"Yes you did. You convinced me to take her back when I argued against it,
and because of your belief in the good of humanity and the Horde, a truce
was created and lives were saved."
"Wait...you said...you love me?"
Xena took a deep breath and exhaled slowly.

"Yes, I did. It's the truth Gabrielle. I do love you..." Xena's voice
failed her when the bard sat up and wrapped her arms around the leather-clad
body. They held one another in the firelight, Gabrielle shedding tears of
relief and Xena shedding tears of release over a secret kept too long. They
talked long into the night, each of them confessing their love for one
another and admitting why they'd been afraid to acknowledge it. The sun
poked it's rays into the mouth of the cave the next morning and woke a
warrior who'd wrapped herself around the sleeping bard. When she peered down
and witnessed the peacefull expression on Gabrielle's face, Xena knew that
everything would be alright and indulged in a couple more hours of sleep."

When Morrigan glanced at Merlin over the rim of the wineglass, she was
surprised to see tears in the pale blue eyes. With her dry throat parched,
Morrigan went to kneel beside her friend.
"Merl?"
"I could see them so clearly, almost feel their anguish...I've never been
so moved by simple words Morrigan..." Merlin rose quickly and went to poke
at the fire. Morrigan knew the dark woman was trying to deal with emotions
she wasn't used to feeling, so she refilled their glasses slowly to give her
companion some space. By the time she'd finished, Merlin's breathing had
evened out so she went to sit beside her on the hearth. After giving Merlin
her glass, Morrigan sat silently with her arm around Merlin's shoulders
pleased that she'd been able to move a bruised heart towards it's own
healing. At the end of a long silence, Merlin's put her arm around Morrigan.
"Ever since my mother died, I swore I would never love anyone that much
again. I was convinced that love led to loss Morrigan....I closed off my
heart so that I wouldn't be hurt again. And then Nikky came into my life..."
Merlin grew thoughtfull, and when she spoke again it was in an emotion
choked voice.

"I was very close to her, almost in love I guess...but when she was
killed I was heartbroken. The police never found the killer..." Morrigan
took her arm off the wide shoulders and intertwined her fingers with
Merlin's and then took a deep breath.
"Our justice system has a lot of loopholes and a lot of people feel there is
no justice...I think Xena would've understood."
Merlin looked out the corner of her eye and waited.
"When the dreams first started, it really bothered me that she killed so
many. But after awhile I began to see that she killed when there were no
other choices. Their system was much like ours, based on punishment and
reform. Overcrowded jails, false claims of reform, leniant sentances...there
are times that natural justice is the best kind. But you know, I've
learned that everything has a balance. For every act of evil, there is an
act of kindness; for every pain inflicted on a heart, love will soothe and
heal another..." Morrigan raised their clasped hands to her cheek and
lightly kissed Merlin's knuckles. "Think about that the next time your
nightmares haunt you Merlin, and remember I love you." she whispered. Then
she got up and went to bed, leaving Merlin with her thoughts.


CHAPTER 5

Warning!!!!!!
This is a violent chapter of a story that has so far
seen only a little blood and violence. While the violence thus far has been
impersonal and a little alarming, that is about to change. The expression,
'Here there be dragons' will be warped for my own purposes to read...'Here
there be violence, bloodshed, and one really sick individual.' If this sort
of thing bothers you, don't even bother reading the rest.
Consider this fair warning. If all this doesn't bother you, then by all
means, read on!

Note: Yes, Virginia, there really are two chickens named Xena and Gabrielle.
And I own them both.

Hope is the thing with feathers
that perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without words
and never stops at all.
Emily Dickinson

From his hiding place in the trees, he watched Merlin step out onto the
porch and grind the sleep from her eyes. Judging from the way she was
walking, he guessed that she hadn't been awake very long. As soon as she'd
closed the chicken coop door behind her, he ran for the kitchen door. He
peeked in the window to be sure Morrigan wasn't there and was relieved to
find the room empty. He eased the door open, stepped quietly inside and
grinned when he saw the half-full coffee pot. Knowing the machine had a
pause feature, he eased the carafe out after taking a vial of clear liquid
from his pocket. Mixing the coffee and the vial's contents thoroughly, he
replaced the carafe and went back to the door. Checking to be sure that the
way was clear, he left as quietly as he'd snuck in and was hidden by the
time Merlin emerged from the chicken coop.

Morrigan came downstairs just as the coffee pot filled and Merlin
washed the last egg. Morrigan inhaled the brew's scent appreciatively and
wrapped her arms around Merlin's trim waist.
"Morning sleepyhead. I fed the girls and collected the eggs...What?" Merlin
could feel the writer's body shaking as she laughed into her back.
"The...girls?"
"I'm bonding okay?" Merlin tried to sound hurt, but it was difficult to
feign insult when she was chuckling. Morrigan eventually regained control
and hugged Merlin gently before releasing her.
"Your bed doesn't look slept in, where'd you sleep last night?"
As the blond took her customary place at the table, Merlin poured while she
answered.
"I got to thinking after you went to bed, and eventually moved to the sofa
when the floor got too hard. I don't know what time I fell asleep, but the
sun woke me up. Which is why I was out with the GIRLS so early." Merlin let
a smile slide across her face as she handed Morrigan her mug. "I think
Gabrielle and I are really starting to bond..."
Morrigan lost it and spit coffee across the table.
"Who?"
"Gabrielle. She's the one with one brown wing and the attitude, Xena has a
dark pattern on her chest feathers..."
"Please don't tell me that you've named all the chickens from my dreams."
"Not yet." Merlin smiled sheepishly. "Although if you had a rooster, we
could call him Aries..."
"I am NOT getting a rooster Merlin. End of discussion. Geez, the coffee's
kind of strong there Merl...make it with your eyes closed?"
"Pretty much...Here have some honey."
"Why thank you sweetie." Morrigan grinned at the look on Merlin's face.
"What? Honey...sweetie...you don't like humour?"
"Not when it came off the ark, no. Hand me some of that please, this does
need sweetening. Ughh."

With the binoculars he could see them sitting at the table talking, but
he couldn't make out the words. He looked at his watch again and tried to be
patient. Soon they would both be his to do as he wished. An evil, malicious
grin oozed across his features as his twisted mind imagined the dark haired
one under him, in anticipation he licked his lips and raised the glasses
again.

"Oh by the way, I invited Verne out for dinner tonight. I thought we'd
have barbeque and beer..."
"Does that mean I have to be on my best behavior? No ravishing the cook? No
leacherous grins, no...Morr? You alright?"
"Um...I...yeah. I'm okay. Weak from no food and strong coffee I guess. I
don't know how we should handle...Verne and the change in our...I don't feel
very good Merlin..."
"When was the last time you saw a doctor? You're pale and sweaty." Merlin
reached over to feel the writer's forehead and ignored her own lurching
stomach. "Maybe you've got a touch of the flu or something. C'mon, I'll help
you back to bed."
With Merlin supporting her, Morrigan made it up three stairs before she
passed out. It was very gradual for her, but to Merlin it seemed as though
all of Morrigan's bones just turned to jelly. She caught her easily, but her
stomach lurched wildly. At the bottom of the stairs Merlin took a deep
breath and prayed her stomach would hold out until she got Morrigan to the
sofa. She no more had Morrigan laid out comfortably on the leather sofa,
than she felt her guts clench ominously. Merlin dashed for the stairs, one
hand clamped over her mouth, but at the top of the staircase her knees felt
like rubber and the hallway grew dark. Merlin's last concious thought was of
Morrigan alone and ill downstairs, even as her long arm reached for the
railing Merlin lost consciousness.

He looked at his watch again and nodded. He stood up and stretched out
cramped muscles rubbing his bristly chin in anticipation. He strolled into
the house content and safe in the knowledge that he'd drugged them pretty
thoroughly. He found Merlin at the top of the stairs, lifted her over a
shoulder and carefully maneuvered downstairs and out to the barn. Not long
after, he came bck for Morrigan.

Merlin could hear her mother calling to her gently but she shook her
head.
'Un nng Mom, not ready to wake up yet.'
'Merlin Alwyn, are you defying me?'
Merlin groaned as she listened to her mother's voice scold her. 'No Mother,
I'm just not ready to...'
'Your friend needs you Merlin, wake up now.' Her mother's voice was
persistant but gentle.
'My friend...Morrigan...' Merlin struggled to regain consciousness. She was
instantly sorry she did. The sight that awaited her made her guts churn
again and Merlin bit her tongue to keep control.
"Oh God...Morrigan..."
The toned blond had been suspended on a cross of wood, tied to the rough
lumber at her wrists and elbows. Her head was slumped forward on her chest
and her breathing was deep and even.
"Well at least you're still out." Merlin mumbled as she surveyed her own
position. She'd been trussed up much like Morrigan, tied at the elbows and
wrists, and was beginning to hope her arms would go numb soon. The more she
strained to reach the ropes at her wrists, the more the rope chafed and bit
at her skin. In frustration and pain, Merlin stopped struggling and started
thinking.

"What would Xena do if she were in this situation?" Merlin mumbled to
herself while looking around the barn. "She'd probably launch that breast
dagger that Morrigan told me about...'Course, I don't happen to have one
conveniently tucked away. I don't even have my gun..."
"Even if you did have it, you couldn't get to it trussed up like that."
Morrigan's voice was raspy and raw sounding, but she tried to smile bravely
at Merlin.
"Hey..." Merlin's voice was soft. "You okay?"
"My arms feel as though they're being pulled from their sockets, but other
than that just peachy...You?"
"My stomach seems to be doing the foxtrot. Some bodyguard...It must have
been the coffee...I guess we'll know soon enough who's after you."
Morrigan was quiet, but whether her silence was prompted by pain, fear or
discomfort Merlin couldn't tell. Someone had managed to drug them, most
likely in the coffee, Merlin mused. The only time they would have been able
to do that was when she'd been out collecting the eggs.
"Ahhhh damn, that's why it was so bitter...The knockout drug!"
"The question is, what do we do now?" Morrigan asked from her perch.
"I don't know yet. You pray?"
Morrigan raised one eyebrow in a jerky, shrugging movement. "Mostly to my
mother..."
"Now might be a good time to pray for help."
Merlin was interrupted by a shaft of light from the doorway and a male
voice.
"About time you woke up..."

Both women's heads whipped around to face their captor.
"Mark?!" Morrigan's gren eyes were wide with disbelief. "Why?"
"Why?" Morrigan's ex-husband laughed as he echoed her question. "Why?...Ask
yourself this. Why did our marriage die like a burnt out match? Why did we
drift apart?" Mark stood between the crosses, but facing Morrigan. "You
forget who stopped fufilling their end of the marriage, who changed
everything..."
Merlin watched Mark carefully, trying to see some weakness. He was short and
stocky, but muscular. He was moving jerkily and pacing like caged animal
between the crosses, and then seemed to remember Merlin. He stopped in front
of her, peering up at her with watery eyes and nodding slightly. Merlin
waited for him to make the first move.
"So you're her new...friend are you? I suppose she's told you all about my
failings as a husband, how I walked out on her, she's probably told you
everything..."
Merlin would have shrugged if she could have.
"No, not really."
He turned to face Morrigan again.
"They told me it wasn't my fault...They told me it was you...But I couldn't
stay..."A twitchy smile crossed his face. "But you know what? It's my turn
now. They said I would have vengance and here you are."
"Who Mark? Who told you it wasn't your fault?"
"You'll find out soon enough...soon enough." Nodding, Morrigan's ex-husband
walked away from them and out the door; slamming it closed behind him.

"I don't know what to say Merlin. He wasn't like that when we were
together. He was more...peacefull. When we were newlyweds we would sit in
front of the fire reading for hours, we'd talk about politics and art, our
memories of being childhood friends. The person he is now...he's not who I
married at all."
"People change Morr. Sometimes without notice and sometimes suddenly. Don't
take it personally, that's what he wants."
Morrigan looked down at her dangling feet and winced. "I wish he'd given us
something to stand on..."
"But that would defeat the purpose, wouldn't it?"Morrigan's attention
shifted from her feet to Merlin. "It seems to me that Mark feels the need
for revenge, or payback of some kind. Obviously he wants you to be
uncomfortable...Any idea why?"
Morrigan sighed deeply and let her eyes drift shut. She tried to recall the
last months she and Mark had been together, but the burn in her shoulders
made it difficult to concentrate. She remembered how it had felt when she
realized they had drifted in seperate directions. She'd been saddened by the
truth of it but at the time, Mark had seemed to understand. True, he had
decided to leave her, but she hadn't disputed his decision at the time.

Merlin felt badly for Morrigan. She could sense her friend's confusion,
she could see that being hung from her arms was hard on Morrigan but Merlin
could see no way out. She briefly wallowed in despair and felt a wave of
grief wash over her. How were they going to get out of this if she couldn't
move her hands? No sooner had she started to panic than the logical side of
her overrode her fear.
'Alright woman, get a grip! You aren't doing either of you any good by
letting your emotions get the better of you.' Merlin chastised herself until
the fear was under control. She opened her eyes to find Morrigan looking
desperately at her.
"You okay?"
"My stomach is still queasy." Merlin fibbed. She knew Morrigan was counting
on her to be strong, now was not the time to admit her fear. There would be
time for that later...if they got out of this.

"Morrigan, what's your favorite childhood memory?"
"What?"
"I mean it, what's the best childhood memory you have?"
"Uh...When I was twelve we lived on an island that was wild and overgrown.
We had two horses, five dogs and a weasel..."
"A weasel?"
"A baby weasel had been abandoned, and he was making these mewling sounds
like he was hungry...so my mother adopted him and fed him bits of bread
soaked in milk. She made a nest out of an old towel and that night put the
weasel back where she'd found him, the next morning the baby was gone. I
like to think that his mother came back to reclaim him..." Merlin smiled,
glad she was able to divert Morrigan's attention.
"How big was this island?"
"For a twelve year old tomboy, it was huge. When I grew up I learned that it
was only seventeen acres but then, that was pretty close to being almost my
whole world. I was able to go wading in the river, I adopted a turtle for
awhile, we had to share the island with a small pack of wolves...It was the
best time of my life." The faraway look in Morrigan's eyes faded and she
looked across at Merlin.
"What about you?"

"My uncle had to stay with us for awhile just after I went into high
school." Merlin smiled warmly at the floor as she pursued the memory. "He
was a biker with one of the bigger clubs in the city and on weekends, he and
a few of the others would work on their Harley's in our yard. Mom ran a
tight ship; they were welcome as long as they went by the rules. No getting
drunk, no drugs and no parties loud enough to disturb the neighbors. They
respected her and were mindfull of the rules; she only ever had to throw one
of them out on his ear." Merlin chuckled deep in her chest. "You should have
seen her...this little woman not even five feet tall pulling on a big,
burly biker's ear and kicking him in the seat of his pants as she shoved him
out the door...My uncle used to take me for rides out to the lake on his
Harley on the weekends...I lived for the weekend then."
"Do you still see him?"
"Not anymore. He got married and settled down. They moved to Florida just
after my Mother's funeral..."
"Get ready to join her bitch, 'cause that's where you're headed." Mark
growled as he came back into the barn. He stepped between their crosses and
turned to face Merlin with an ugly expression.

"Do you know what she wrote about you?" He jerked his thumb over his
shoulder at Morrigan. "She thinks you're special, did you know that? Her
soulmate..." Mark turned to face Morrigan with a jerk. "I heard you panting
like some kind of wild beast with her...is that why you changed? You just
woke up one day and decided you didn't love me anymore, was that it? Or did
you prefer women all along? Was our marriage a sham from the beginning? Did
you ever love me?"
Merlin tried to reach him with her legs, gritting her teeth against the pain
shooting from her arms and shoulders, but he was too far away. Mark felt the
air behind him move and he turned to face Merlin once more.
"Nice try but I purposely set the two of you that far apart." He walked
behind Merlin's cross and out of her sight. "I knew that this barn was big
enough...what?" He fell silent for a breath or two. "Oh...yes, I should..."
Merlin felt a tight band cross her shins and she looked down to see Mark
wiring her legs to the cross. Out of reflex, she tried kicking out but the
wire bit cruelly into her flesh and she was forced to be still. When her
captor came into her line of sight, she noticed he was holding something
behind his back.
Cocking his head as if listening to a radio, he nodded.
"Yeah...I'd like to see that too."
He stepped within arms reach of Merlin and leered up at her, taking a
hunting knife from his back pocket.
"Mark! No!" Morrigan burst out. "Why are you doing this? You killed them
didn't you? Oboe, the chicken and the kitten...Why? Mark leave her alone!"
Mark reached up and cut Merlin's t-shirt and boxers away.
"Those were my comfiest p.j's you bastard." Merlin growled at him.
"You really think you'll be needing them when I'm done with you? Think
again, slut." He sneered and walked behind her cross again.
Merlin shivered and tried not to wonder what he was going to do.

Morrigan gasped when she saw Mark pick up a long, coiled object.
"Mark, no...Why are you doing this? It's me you're upset with , not her. Let
her go..."
Still standing out of Merlin's sight, Mark looked Morrigan in the eye.
"Let her go? So she can come after me? I don't think so babe...Besides,
knowing how much she means to you makes her usefull to me. You really want
to know why I'm doing this?" He thought briefly as he strolled in front of
Merlin's cross. "Because it's time you felt the pain I felt when you turned
away from me. The further you drifted away, the more guilty I felt, the
more ashamed I was that I couldn't keep my wife. You took away someone I
cared about, you, until I had no choice other than to go insane staying or
keep my pride and leave." He let the whip unfurl behind him. "It's payback
time..." His ominous words were no sooner out than he flung his arm toward
Merlin.

She had no time to flinch or brace herself for the lash. Her body was
sudenly on fire and every muscle jumped with pain and shock, the wire bit
into her shins and added it's own burn and made Merlin gasp. Mark laughed
and lashed out again. This time Merlin tensed against the blow, and although
this one hurt just as much, she clenched her jaws together and robbed Mark
of the satisfaction of hearing her pain. He growled and put more force
behind the whip. Merlin's every sense was grimly sharp. She could hear
Morrigan tearfully begging for Mark to stop, she could hear the sharp
whistle of the leather as it cut through the air. She wished ferverently for
numbness but felt the wire bite deeper, the lash cut through sensitive
skin, the blood began to trickle... Even her sense of smell was keen and
sent her brain information in layers. She could smell the sweet hay, a foul
muskiness she assumed was Mark and the tangy, bitter scent of her own blood.

"Morr...igan...listen to me." Merlin's voice came out as little more
than a croak. "Listen ...he wants to hear you beg, so don't give him the
satisfaction, don't beg. Don't look at him, look at me. Look past the whip
into my eyes..."
Morrigan stopped pleading and did as Merlin told her. Green eyes bored into
blue, flinching when the whip sang out again but not wavering. By the tenth
lash it was becoming too much for Morrigan and she'd started to plead with
Mark for mercy again.
"Morr...concentrate...on me..." Merlin spoke through teeth clenched as
tightly as a wound spring. "Let me look..." The whip came down again and
flicked blood into the air. "...and see your strength..." Merlin couldn't
finish, but Morrigan understood. She held her head straighter and prouder,
and the emerald fire that had first attracted Merlin came to life again.
After the fifteenth lash, Mark cursed and threw the blood flecked leather to
the floor and stormed out the door. Merlin waited until the door had slammed
shut behind him, and only then succumed to the inviting nothingness and
surrendered consciousness.

Warning: The violence isn't quite over in this, the last, chapter. It's not
quite as bad as what we've seen so far, but it's still there. While I don't
think you'll lose your lunch over it, consider yourself warned.

Dedication: I would like to dedicate this chapter, the most powerfull so far
in my opinion, to the soul of my own Mark. While that was not his name, he
still taught me a lot about what body and soul can endure. He unknowingly
taught me where my limits are, he taught me in his own backwards way the
power of love,and although may never know it he also taught me how to
forgive. I give thanks for the lessons that I learned. Too bad some of us
don't learn the easy way.

CHAPTER 6

Merlin could have floated in the blackness for a lifetime or a minute.
Gradually a soft glow banished the darkness. She wasn't alarmed or
frightened, even when the glow found a voice.
"Merlin Alwyn..."
"Uh...yeah?" She heard herself say.
The glow slowly morphed into the luminescent form of a beautiful woman who
seemed to float effortlessly. She smiled warmly at Merlin.
"Morrigan is right, you are beautiful. I know how much you want to stay
here, but she needs you. She's frightened and feeling very alone right
now...She takes strength from being near you, did you know that? She also
cares very deeply for you. Help is on the way Merlin, until it comes try and
be strong. Try to withstand the pain...Tell her I hear her and I love her.."
The warmth and love faded and were replaced by cold and pain.

Merlin opened her eyes but didn't raise her head immeadiately. Instead,
she focused on the bloody patchwork of her skin. It hurt like hell but she
knew that she would heal. The dried rivulets of blood were caked and itchy,
and had started to take on an angry red halo.
"Merl?"
Merlin raised her head slowly and regarded her friend across the barn.
"You okay Morr? Did he touch you?"
"He knows that watching you suffer hurts worse than being beaten myself. You
scared me when you passed out..."
"Your mother was beautiful...She says that she hears you and she loves you."
"You saw my mother?"
Merlin wished she could shrug, but settled for a one word answer.
"Yeah."
Morrigan's eyes were bright with unshed tears, and Merlin wished she could
free herself so that she could comfort her greiving friend.
"She said help is coming Morr...you have to be strong until then okay?"
Hearing the door open, Morrigan only nodded.

Mark strolled casually into the barn and eyed his captives with a
triumphant sneer. Glancing first at his ex-wife and then at her lover, he
stood facing the wall of the barn mumbling. Suddenly he stalked back in
front of Merlin's cross.
"So, how're you feeling now? Those muscles of yours don't look so good
anymore, not as toned as they used to be..." He reached out and slapped her
abdomen and grinned when Merlin inhaled sharply. Mark turned to look back at
Morrigan and guage her reaction, but he saw only impassivity and
indifference. He went to where he'd thrown the whip down and bent to pick it
up; still watching Morrigan. She swallowed but remained stoic. An idea lit
Mark's features and he dropped the whip again. Reaching behind him for the
folding knife in his back pocket, a broad smile split his face. Slowly he
approached Merlin once more. With his free hand, he reached out and ran a
hand down one of her legs.
"Hmm...feels like you need a bit of a shave. Let me help..."
He ran the blade roughly down one leg until the knife was stopped by the
wire then he repeated the action. He did it again and again, ignoring
Merlin's gasps of pain.

Morrigan looked across at Merlin and could see that she was trying to
regain her composure, but under the onslaught of pain she was beginning to
crumble. The torture she'd already endured would have broken a lesser
person.
"Merlin...Merlin, listen to me okay?"
Merlin merely nodded.
"You know my dreams have taught me a lot, something I heard once has stayed
with me but I've never really understood until now."
Merlin's eyes were clouded over with shock and she was limp from the strain
of fighting the urge to scream. Morrigan's voice grew stronger to keep her
friend from surrendering.
"There are two kinds of families Merlin. The one you're born into and the
ones you make yourself. Our friendship binds us closer than blood ever
could...Merlin, do you hear me? I want you to stay when all this is over.
Stay with me Merlin, we'll start over without the pain and fear..."
Morrigan's gaze was inexplicably drawn to the barn door where she was
surprised to see Verne's head poking around the door's edge. She glanced at
Mark's back, he was still "shaving" Merlin's legs through the blood. Verne
started to ease into the barn, but Morrigan shook her head emphatically and
mouthed "get help" silently. Verne nodded understanding and disappeared
without Mark ever seeing him. Morrigan turned her attention to Mark then.

"It's too bad you don't understand Mark." Her calm, sympathetic tone
stopped the madman mid-stroke and he half turned toward her. She forced her
voice to be even, knowing she had his attention now. "I feel sad for you
actually, but I think I understand why you're doing this." Both Merlin and
Mark looked at her, waiting. "You're upset that you and I didn't have the
kind of relationship she and I do. But no matter what you do, I'll never
have the feelings for you that I have for Merlin."
Morrigan watched him step away from Merlin and she looked into blue eyes
filled with relief.
"We understand each other, she and I..." Sea green bored into aquamarine,
sending a message of love and strength and a dark head wearily nodded.
"...You see, you've taught me something Mark, without even meaning to. I've
learned that the spirit can endure, withstand and even thrive Mark. I look
at you and see a tortured soul, and I can't help but wonder if I contributed
to that."

"You wonder?!" Mark echoed Morrigan incredulously. "You only wonder?
You married me and then turned away and you have the nerve to only wonder?!
You created me baby, you put this anger here." He pounded his chest while
pacing. "You betrayed me by not telling me the truth! But I know the truth
now, they told me..."
"What truth Mark? Tell me what they told you." Morrigan tried to stay calm
as he walked toward her with the bloody knife.
"They told me that you didn't love me, that you never loved me, it was a
game to you. They told me you had to pay for what you did...I came back with
every intent of seeing you suffer as I have. You don't know how you made me
feel...I was alone in a marriage without love and only these voices for
company!" He was shouting and brandishing the knife but at least he was
still. Morrigan was just glad she'd been able to distract him from Merlin.
"They lied to you Mark, I did love you. We just drifted apart, that's all. I
didn't betray you. The voices lied to you Mark, not me."
"No!" He dropped the knife and clutched his fists to his temples. "You lie!
They've always been there...always! They were there when you weren't, do you
hear me?"
"Mark, you left me remember?" Morrigan reminded him gently, she really felt
sorry for him now.
"I had to...They told me to! they told me that you have to suffer, pay for
what you did, pay for abandoning me..." Mark picked up the knife again and
came toward Morrigan with a wicked gleam in his eye.

"NO!"
"Freeze, police!"
The voice from the door and Merlin's croak were simultaneous, but neither
swayed tortured Mark from his goal. He raised the knife and took yet another
step, ignoring the police entirely.
"You will...pay." Mark stepped forward quickly and jerked the blade to
shoulder height. As he took the final stride toward Morrigan, he brought the
knife down in an arc and a loud bang split the air.
To Morrigan, it seemed as though two things happened together and in slow
motion. Mark's legs crumpled beneath him and his left side exploded in a
spray of blood. Mark lay gasping and writhing in pain on the floor but found
the strength to raise the knife once more. Even as he threw it weakly, the
officers that were gathered at the door opened fire. The knife dropped
ineffectually and Mark jerked twice, then was still.

Everything happened in a blur of motion then. Officers cut the two
friends off the crosses and lowered them to the floor while another radioed
for an ambulance. The officer that had released Morrigan checked for a pulse
in Mark's neck and shook his head and, although it took strength she didn't
realize she had, Morrigan made her way as quickly as she could to Merlin's
side. Wincing at the pain, she reached for Merlin's hand. Verne came to them
full of questions but was silenced when Merlin took his hand.
"Thank you..."
Verne was too choked up to answer, but nodded and turned away.
An officer covered Merlin lightly with a sheet he'd found on the clothesline
and left them alone.
"You were pretty brave you know..." Merlin's voice was barely above a
whisper.
"That's what friends do, they stand by each other..."
"Don't you mean "hang" by each other?" Merlin tried to joke.
Morrigan started to cry softly.
"Shhh, it's over now, we're gonna be okay Morr..." Merlin tried to comfort
Morrigan, wishing she could hold her but settled for holding her hand
against her cheek instead.
Morrigan started to whisper through her tears as shock began to settle over
her. "We're gonna be okay, we're gonna be okay..."
Merlin held her arm out, inviting Morrigan to lay beside her. Morrigan
needed no further urging. When the paramedics got there they found them
laying side by side, succumed to exhaustion and shock and unconscious.

EPILOGUE

When Merlin regained consciousness, she felt a familiar weight sitting
beside her and she opened her eyes to see Morrigan looking back.
"Hey..." Merlin gave her a weak smile and reached for a slim hand.
"The doctor said I could stay awhile..."
"Are you okay? How long have I been out?"
"I'm okay...a little shell shocked, but physically okay. Verne is staying on
the couch until you're well enough...The doctor said you're going to be here
a few days. You're pretty infected. I can't believe you took fifteen
lashes..."
They were interrupted by a nurse who came to check on Merlin.
"I'm glad you're awake, that's a good sign."
"Can a cot be set up in here for her? I know I'd rest better having her
close by."
The nurse pursed her lips and thought for a moment. "I'll have to ask the
doctor, it's not standard procedure...But I'll see what I can do." She
smiled and left them alone.

"Morr, what made you say that stuff to Mark?"
"I don't know really...it just kind of came to me...At least it drew his
attention away from you though."
"You do realize that he tried to kill you?"
"Yeah, but only after he tried to break my spirit." Morrigan took Merlin's
other hand and swallowed. "I meant everything I said Merl. I meant what I
said about starting over...Stay with me, please?"
Merlin took a deep breath and winced as her skin pulled and stretched.
"Morrigan, are you sure? It's going to take awhile for me to heal..."
"Which will hopefully be speeded by the prescence of a healing room-mate." a
voice boomed from the door.
"Dad!"
Morrigan ran to her father and uncharacteristically threw her arms around
him. After hugging his daughter, he held her at arm's length and looked her
over to see if she was alright.
"I'm okay..." She answered his unasked question. "...But Merlin..."

Paul Conway put an arm around his daughter's shoulders and walked over
to the bedside.
"Miss Alwyn, how can I thank you for protecting my daughter?"
"Protecting?! We were hung from our arms on crosses after being drugged! I
would hardly call that being protected...wait a minute, what did you say
about a roomate?"
Paul smiled.
"I convinced the doctor that it would be in the hospital's best interests to
allow a slight change in the rules just this once..."
As if on cue, an orderly wheeled in a spare bed and left it a short distance
away from Merlin's bed.
"Miss Alwyn, I won't stay long, but I want you to know how much I appreciate
your keeping my daughter safe..." He raised a hand to silence her when she
opened her mouth to object. "I won't hear it...Morrigan is alive because of
you; that's all that matters. Thank you." Paul Conway put his hand out and
shook Merlin's gently. Then he turned to Morrigan. "Walk me to the elevator
would you?"
Morrigan nodded and went to Merlin's bedside. She stood there holding
Merlin's hand for a minute and smiling. Then finally she said,
"He's right you know. You saved my life, but you saved my soul too...I'll be
back in a minute, okay?"
Merlin nodded.
When they'd left the room she looked over at the other bed and smiled just
a little.
"Amazing what money will buy..." she whispered to herself.

When a nurse came in to make the bed, Merlin reached gingerly for the
tumbler of water on the tray at the side of her bed. Her hand brushed a
piece of paper she hadn't noticed before and curious, she picked it up. She
had to read it twice to believe it, and even then, she wasn't sure she did.
"I'll be damned..." she whispered.
"I'm sorry?" said the nurse.
"Oh...nothing. Just commenting on twenty five grand worth of gratitude..."
The nurse gave her an odd look but finished making the spare bed and left
without comment. No sooner had she left than Morrigan came back in. Merlin
patted the side of the bed, waited for Morrigan to sit down and took the
writer's hand. She took a deep breath and felt contentment settle over her
like a blanket as she made her decision.
"You realise of course that as soon as I'm healed we have to paint the barn,
I'll build some bird houses, the vegetables in the garden will need to be
put up..."
Morrigan was too overjoyed to speak, she simply sat and smiled and nodded;
her soul content at having found it's other half at long last.

THE END?

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