Interlude: Last Light

She was dreaming.

Snow swirled around them, insulating them from the world. She and Xena faced each other, flakes floating between them, separating them.

I remember this.

She was standing with Xena, telling the warrior that she would not be traveling on. That she would join Eli instead, and learn his Way, for it more closely matched her own.

She had repeated the words that she had spoken on the cross, in dark forests, so many times during their travels. She had looked straight into those blue, blue eyes as she had spoken them. Willing her to understand. I love you, Xena.

The warrior had smiled, though her eyes had been sad. I know.

Gabrielle blinked. Now Harikuyo sat cross-legged before her, hands placed upon her knees, a vision of calm. A human mirror to the foreign sword she carried: long and slim and sheathed in unadorned black. Around them were cherry blossoms that loosed their petals to float upon the wind, enveloping them in a swirling cloud.

Without your commitment, love will change nothing.

What am I expected to change? she wailed silently. How will I know?

The Heart flickered in the darkness of the cave, dying. You and I both know that pain, whether physical or emotional, is a by-product of living. Sometimes pain is the only thing reminding us that we are still alive.

I trust you more than you are willing to accept, Gabrielle. Harikuyo looked at her, and suddenly, from her throat, a red light pulsed. The flesh there melted back to reveal the Heart. Harikuyo did not react. The Heart flickered faintly, then began turning pale, blending with the warrior's skin. And when the time comes, I trust you to do the right thing.

Gabrielle lunged for her. Harikuyo!

Now the warrior's skin was turning grey, an iridescent, incandescent smoky grey. As Gabrielle watched, patterns chased themselves over flesh, creating scales that swirled up like waves. Shibomuto suddenly appeared behind her, the Talonsword in his upraised hand. Gabrielle screamed, but no sound came out. Harikuyo looked at her and smiled, and the Talonsword swung in a fine, precise arc.

The Heart landed at Gabrielle's feet, a cold grey stone. She picked it up with shaking hands. It was like ice, dead to her touch. Why? She stared at the young student. Why did you do that?

Shibo pointed at the Heart with the bloody Talonsword, and red drops ran the distance and fell from the tip of the blade onto her hands, burning her. Because if you are merely told, and not learn yourself, then you do not understand.

A touch on her shoulder. She whirled around. Xena??

You have always been the brightest mirror of my soul, my heart. The warrior was clothed in her old armour, a too-familiar sword hilt rising above her shoulder. Xena smiled and reached out, touched the Heart. It suddenly flared into life, pulsing a deep blood red that reflected from the cave's walls. When you love me, when you shine so brightly with all that good, I can do no less than return to you as the light that shines in my darkness.

She began to fade. Gabrielle tried to drop the stone and reach for her, but the Heart stuck fast, almost uncomfortably warm on her skin. She could feel it pulsing, beating to the rhythm of her own heart. She tried to brush it off with her free hand, but that stuck too, and now the Heart bridged her palms, warm and bright.

Xena!

I love you, Gabrielle. The warrior's face was dissolving like smoke, but still the bard saw the tender smile. I give you my heart.

She came awake with a gasp.

The cave was dark; it was still night outside. Her eyes adjusted enough to see Shibo's form curled on his meager pallet, just a short distance away.

Shadows moved on the wall, and suddenly the cave was darker still. Gabrielle looked over to see a figure loom out of the darkness, and she gasped again.

The Dragon.

It merely looked at her from the opening, where its body blocked all light. The two stared at each other, neither saying a word.

Gabrielle could barely make out the Heart. It flickered only faintly, almost imperceptibly.

Shibo was suddenly beside her. "I heard you awaken. Are you all right?"

"Fine." Her pulse was still racing, her clothes stuck to her skin with a clammy dampness, but she was fine.

"Will you be able to return to sleep?"

"Yes." She looked over at the cave entrance and shivered.

The Dragon was gone.

Chapter 9: Heart of Darkness

"I do not think this is wise," Shibomuto said. For only the hundreth time, it seemed.

"You said that already."

"I believe that it bears repeating."

"I got your point the first time." Gabrielle wrapped up her bedroll. "But we're doing this now."

"You are not strong enough."

"We don't have time to wait for me."

He studied her, his bedroll already in a small neat bundle at his feet. "It is not a great need, Gabrielle."

She whirled on him as best she could, at least from her position sitting down. "Would you shut up and help me?"

He knelt immediately, wrapping up the rest of their meager things. "It would be better to wait here."

"Until the Heart dies?"

"I believe we cannot avert that fate, Gabrielle, for it fades as you watch. In three days it has lost nearly all colour, until now it nearly blends with the Dragon's skin. There is great danger to us, and we are foolish to remain close by."

She huffed as she got to her feet. Still weak. Oh, well. That wasn't the important part. "What makes you think she would let us go?" She caught the quick look he gave her. "You've noticed, right? The more the Heart fades, the more the Dragon hangs around us?"

"I had noticed," he said shortly, taking up their things.

And he hadn't said anything, bless his heart. Obviously thought that he was trying to protect her. Hah. More fool him, if he didn't realise that she'd been the victim of that tactic many a time, and from the best. Xena had snowed her too, and in doing so, taught Gabrielle to recognise anything less than a master.

He helped her out of the cave, the journey taking a little less effort than before. She was out of breath when they reached the flat open ground of the mouth, however, and had to bend over to breathe.

"The Dragon is not here," Shibomuto noted.

"Wait," Gabrielle panted.

A shadow suddenly passed over them, blocking the sun. They both looked up to see the Dragon circling, its head swiveling to track them.

"Uh-oh," Gabrielle murmured.

Wings suddenly folded against the body, and the Dragon dropped. Gabrielle couldn't resist the urge to flinch, and was gratified to feel that Shibomuto had done the same. As she watched the plunge, she knew that she would never be able to get away in time.

I know I'm right, she assured the part of her that blabbered in fear, that screamed to run. I know with all my heart.

She had to wait.

At the last moment, when it looked as though the Dragon would merely dive into the ground, the wings unfurled with a cracking thwak! that made both of them wince. The Dragon seemed to pounce on the ground, the limbs crouching down to relieve the shock of the awesome landing.

For a moment, it seemed as though the Dragon looked at her as something insignificant, something to be toyed with . . . and then it straightened. :I did not think it wise to kick up dust.:

"Thanks," Gabrielle managed to choke out. Shibo, who was pale, said nothing.

:You are not fit to travel, yet you are packed and mean to go.:

"It's time." She risked a quick look at the Heart. Grey, with only a few thin red veins remaining. Past time. "We've got to make sure Dimenor's army hasn't already started on alternatives to boredom."

:They are still massed beyond the mountains, in the great open.:

"Have you been there?"

The Dragon rippled into a shrug. :It is farther than I have needed to go.:

"So how do you know?"

For a moment she felt it hackle at the challenge—just a little mental disturbance—but then it merely looked at her. :I can see them, in the distance. And I am also told.:

Gabrielle didn't care to ask by whom. "We should go, before they do damage."

:Yes. There is still need, is there not?:

She knew a rhetorical question when she heard one. "Can you take us with you?"

:Are you so eager to see death and destruction, then?:

"Harikuyo gave up her life for that purpose," she replied. "I would want to see it done in her memory." Which meant she was condemning herself to watch. And do nothing.

Nothing much, anyway. Not until afterwards, when she was certain the world was safe from Dimenor.

The Dragon nodded. :Then you will come.: It dropped its shoulder and crooked its leg.

Shibo looked at the Dragon and then at her. "One touch nearly killed you, last time."

:It will not now.:

Gabrielle stumbled forward, trying to remember how to place her feet. She had to lean on the Dragon's knee, her hands sliding over the smooth, smooth scales. The Dragon was cool and slippery to the touch, and for a moment she wondered how she would hold on. Then Shibo was beside her, helping her up onto the Dragon.

The Dragon's back was far wider than a horse's, and though more comfortable, she did feel like her thighs wouldn't part much further. The stiff spines of the crest had become soft, she discovered, and two actually wrapped around her waist. She tried not to stiffen at the intimate touch, then shook herself. Remember who she really is, she chided herself, and then flushed at some of her memories, which rose unbidden. Xena had touched her far more intimately than this.

Shibo sprang up behind her, having fashioned their bundles into a pack that he wore on his shoulders. His bow was strapped to the back of that, and he held her about the waist, snaking his arms between the soft spines. She felt his hands stiffen, and turned back to look. "What is it?"

"The scales," he replied. "They are no longer smooth behind me, but upright."

"Are you bleeding?"

"No. I do not feel the sharp edges. It is as though they are holding me in place."

:They are.: The Dragon twisted its neck to look around at them. :I cannot warn you enough to hold on.:

Oh gods. Gabrielle closed her eyes and tried to ready herself for an experience she had barely a snowball's chance in Tartarus of living through.

The ground likely dropped away when her stomach did, she thought, and then she quit thinking, because feeling took up all her attention. It felt as though air pressed upon her skull, driving all thoughts through her body and down to her feet. She gasped as the breath left her lungs, and for one terrifying moment no air rushed in to replace it. Shibo's arms were tight around her waist, crushing her, but even that was nothing compared to the rest. Her ears popped, cold enveloped her, and she was glad that she hadn't eaten anything since last night's rabbit stew.

And then it stopped.

"You can let go of me now," she squeaked, and felt a rush of relief when Shibo loosened his grip.

She both felt and heard his exhalation. "We are still alive," he muttered, his breath coming rapidly. "I do not know if I should rejoice, or just fear the landing."

That probably wasn't the correct thing to say; Gabrielle was suddenly reminded of the explosive landing she'd witnessed not too long ago.

Oh gods.

:Enjoy it,: the Dragon's voice whispered into her mind, :while you can.:

She shivered. Had it been meant in such a sinister way? But she dared not ask, and instead opened her eyes.

And was forced to catch her breath again, thin though the air was. The land lay below her like a blue-green braid. There were sweeping expanses of forests, bright ribbons of rivers, and shining silver mirrors of lakes. The mountains dotted the undulating earth like towers, groups of towers, and she saw how the earth curved around the horizon. The clouds lay before them like sheep in a great blue field. "It's beautiful," she breathed. "Oh, it's so beautiful!" For a moment her mind marveled that she had traveled the earth that she now floated over. Had she really come all that way? From Greece to India to Chin and back, traveling some roads more than once?

:We are not yet to India.:

"You mean it's even further?"

:It lies over there.: Somehow Gabrielle knew the correct direction to turn, and she saw a cluster of high mountains, close as sisters. :Yes, near those mountains.:

"They are the tallest things around," Gabrielle said. Her breath came faster, though she couldn't tell if it was from excitement or weakness or the cold hard air. "And look, look at where the land changes! It's a different colour entirely!"

:What colour?:

"It changes from green to . . . a dark gold. Like wheat. Like sand, only with blue and brown shadows. Like a wool rug, just a bit shiny with age."

The Dragon did not respond.

Gabrielle continued to look around. If this would be her last memory of living, then what a memory it was. For a moment she could forget what she would soon witness. What she would do. Right now she was content to look around, and drink in the sights.

The Dragon soared on the currents, the wings angling and tilting to catch new winds. Gabrielle often felt as though she were slipping sideways through the air. It was an eerie, incredible sensation, and she was able to relax and appreciate it. The clouds lay in layers, and they wound around and through them, and Gabrielle spread her hands to catch the tufts only to feel a cold wave. They passed somewhat close to the tall mountains, Gabrielle leaning to one side to see if she could glimpse anything familiar in the contours of the land, but they were too high, and the perspective was too different. After they passed the mountains, the Dragon angled northward, muscles shifting under Gabrielle’s seat, and the mountains fell away into the long slopes of the steppes.

Gabrielle understood what the Dragon meant immediately she saw the army. It was rather difficult to miss.

"Oh my."

"Exactly," Shibo murmured into her ear. He had remained silent for most of the trip, and she had not pressed him. "Seen from this point of view," he continued, "I understand that I was foolish to expect that it could do little significant damage without the Dragon."

"Harikuyo knew."

"My teacher was wiser than even I understood, and it is only after she is gone that I realise how much she left for me to learn."

"That sounds familiar." Gabrielle felt the wings tilt in angle, and now they were gliding downward, the Dragon beginning to spiral in large, lazy circles. Her stomach clenched, despite her best efforts. "What's the plan for this part?"

:There is no need for a plan,: the Dragon answered her, :for I am here.:

"And you're going to do what? Wade in there and slaughter them?"

:Yes.:

Gabrielle clutched at the spines that held her about the waist. "All of them? There must be thousands of men and women in there!"

:Yes.:

"You can't!"

:Do not tell me what I can and cannot do,: the Dragon replied. :Do not dare.:

The bard said nothing. She could only wait. And hope, as Harikuyo had undoubtedly hoped.

She landed as lightly as she could, given the frailty of her passengers, but she still felt them tremble. Humans. So delicate.

She tipped them off, studying the bard a moment. Yes. The woman still gleamed with colour, sharp relief in a world of washed grey. She was treasure. She was the much-wanted thing, and the Dragon did not understand what humans would see in this one bard, though it did not matter to her. All that was important was the colour.

The Dragon raised her head and looked around at the assembled army, which lay just a short distance away. They had seen her, of course, and were even now yelling and running for their horses. Some would ride towards her. Some would ride away.

No matter.

As she swept her gaze about them, she saw a gleam of colour here, a bit of brightness there. She focussed. Some of it was gold that gleamed from throats and arms where it encircled flesh. There was a horse or two that bled with colour, and some of the weapons held a faint sheen. They were the treasures coveted by others, the things that people looked upon and desired. The Dragon saw what others wanted.

She looked back at the bard. There was no comparison. Gabrielle fairly gave off her own light, glowing as she moved through the world of grey.

The Dragon dismissed her; in this moment, Gabrielle mattered not, for she was already had.

The Dragon mantled her wings with a flick and tested the air. Fear. And hatred. Some lust mixed in, for spice. A tang of madness.

And hunger. A lot of hunger.

Good.

She heard the bard clear her throat. "Harikuyo only felt the need to stop the army," she said slowly. "Not destroy it."

:I know.:

"So that's what you'll do?"

The Dragon slowly turned her head to look at the young woman. :Your friend is gone.:

"You can't!" Gabrielle took a deep breath. "Please? Please . . . don't."

:Watch if you care to see it proved that I can.: The Dragon began to move. :Or look away, if you do not care to see what I do to those who hunger for what is mine.:

She flexed her talons once in the cool dark earth, and then began to fulfil the need inside her.

Gabrielle heard it all too clearly.

Shibo held her while she huddled on the ground, cupping her shoulders. "There is nothing we can do."

"I know that. I'm going to throw up anyway."

"Do not hold back, Gabrielle."

Useless advice, really, because she hadn’t tried. She dry-heaved now, having nothing left in her stomach. The sound of her own retching blocked the screams and the cries, if only for a few precious moments, but she was glad for even that brief respite.

"The Dragon is correct," Shibo said softly. He was watching the battle, if it could be called that. Slaughter, maybe. "Harikuyo-san is gone. There remains only the Dragon."

Gabrielle didn't bother to respond. She remembered her last look at the Heart, before the Dragon had turned away. It had been the colour of polished granite.

But there had been a faint, reddish flicker.

She'd had to wait, she told herself. She'd had to wait this long, so that the army would not succeed in hurting any of the innocents who were within striking distance. It had been a difficult choice, but one that Harikuyo had indicated was her own. And so Gabrielle had waited, even after understanding the truth of the warrior's words.

Harikuyo's voice echoed in her mind. When is it acceptable to hurt someone?

Help me, Xena, she whispered. Help me hurt you now.

She had not killed them all. Some remained, fleeing as fast as they could on limbs that tottered from their close brush with death.

She had breathed on them all, made them feel how close they had come. Shown them that it was she who chose whether they lived or died. They had no choice in the matter. She was everything to them now; they were nothing.

But she had not killed them all. There had been no need.

She surveyed what had been the battlefield, what was now the killing ground. She saw the faint glow of red over the field, felt the wet turf under her talons. She had spread colour from one side of the land to the other, painting it like the master she was.

But the colour faded as she watched.

She turned to look for Gabrielle. The bard was huddled on the ground, the young man beside her. She still glowed with colour, all the colours the Dragon remembered, though it was muted somewhat with the woman’s unhappiness.

The Dragon drew near them. :Dimenor is dead, as is his army.: She paused. :There was no need to kill them all.:

The bard looked up, and the Dragon saw that her face was tear-streaked. Light caught the drops, making them gleam silver in the grey-shadowed world. She felt the horror that struck the bard as she looked around at the remains, but the Dragon made no effort to understand.

Gabrielle shook at the carnage.

The Dragon felt something like amusement, something like relief. Would this prove the truth? Would the human accept now? :Do you hate me now, Gabrielle? Do you hate what has become of your friend's sacrifice?:

"No," Gabrielle murmured, and it was only the Dragon's keen senses that allowed her to hear the whisper. "She always had the darkness. I saw it in her. I loved her."

:You left her.:

"But not because of that."

:That is not what she believed.:

"She knew me better than that. She knew that I left because all I could see was my darkness. I thought I had lost the light."

:And you have yet to find it.:

"No," Gabrielle said, meeting the Dragon's eyes, "I found it."

:And so you will find it within yourself to forgive me.:

"There is no light without darkness, and no darkness without light." Gabrielle said it as though it were a mantra. She repeated it, her voice a little stronger, and now the Dragon could hear her clearly. "There is no light without darkness, and no darkness without light. Together they create a whole."

The Dragon was amused. :You love me, as you love all things.:

"I love you as I love all things," Gabrielle replied, "but I love Xena even more." She stood up on legs that trembled. "I love you, Xena."

The Dragon felt confusion. :Xena is dead. There is only the Dragon.:

Gabrielle took a small step forward. Stumbled, more like. The boy had remained where he was; the Dragon dismissed him to watch the bard, for she did not understand.

"I love you more than anything in this world, Xena, and I want you back."

Her scales rose, and her tail flicked in anger. Her wings half-mantled, the tips skimming the grass, the Dragon hissed. :There is no want, Gabrielle. There is only the Dragon.:

"There is no want, but there is need." Gabrielle smiled. "I need you, Xena."

Her talons scored the earth, making deep black furrows. :Do not dare, Gabrielle.:

"I love you, Xena."

The Dragon threw her head back and roared, and the ground beneath them trembled. :DO NOT DARE!: She pounced, but the bard, who fell to the ground when the earth moved, did not retreat, did not roll away. Gabrielle was now trapped, the Dragon’s bulk threatening just a few lengths above her. The Dragon cocked her head and slitted her eyes at the small form that crouched in the dirt at her feet. A bright speck of colour against the background of blood.

And what colour would this one’s blood be?

:You should have feared me,: she said, and reached out, her talons extended.

And stopped, for she could not go on.

Gabrielle remained there in the mud, her posture a parody of bowing before the Dragon. But she looked up, and the Dragon saw that she smiled. "There is still need," the bard said clearly, ignoring the deadly claw that hovered just a breath from her face. "There's still a promise left to fulfil."

Her muscles rippled with effort, and the Dragon fought for control, for mastery. :I will kill you, for you are nothing!:

She is nothing, and yet everything, the small voice whispered.

Gabrielle stretched out her hand. It shook in the air, it echoed the Dragon’s own frozen gesture, but her voice was clear and strong. "I love you," she said, "I need you. I need you."

Yes, the little whisper answered.

"Xena!" Gabrielle was smiling, though there were silver tears running down her face. Her hand still reached out, demanding. "You made me a promise. Remember?"

The Dragon screamed as her talons flexed in response to some unknown command. She was no longer in control of her body, but rather worked to some deep-seated need. Her tail cut through the air. She seized the earth beneath her in an attempt to remain . . . to stay . . ..

"You gave it to me," Gabrielle said, and each word fell like a hammer on the Dragon's mind, stabbing through to the very core of her thoughts. She wan-- She wan-- She had to kill the human, she had to destroy the treasure—

The little voice watched. Waited.

The Dragon fought at the promise. :She is NOTHING! I should kill her where she stands!:

But you cannot, for she is everything to me.

"And now I want it back."

The Dragon screamed and fell to the ground, her talons loosening. Turning. She thrashed, each scale, each spine, each pinion ripping at the bloodied earth. She fought, the center of a maelstrom of destruction.

And the talons took hold.

"You promised me your Heart," Gabrielle said, "and now I want it back."

Shibomuto stared at the scene before him, aware as he did so that he witnessed something more powerful than anything he would ever see again.

The Dragon turned its own talons and sunk them into the flesh surrounding the Heart. Its eyes on Gabrielle, it pulled, writhing all the while, fighting itself.

The Heart was torn from its chest with a crack that speared through the air. Blood poured from the cavity, thick red blood flecked with gore that mixed with the scored dirt. The Dragon ignored the mortal wound, and had indeed ceased to thrash; its eyes remained on the bard. Three legs buckled under the heavy weight of the body, the elegant neck sagged and was soiled, the wings crumpled, and the eyes glowed a dull dark blue that, even as he watched, faded.

Its fourth limb was outstretched, towards Gabrielle, who also knelt on the ground. She watched silently, and he could see the tears in her eyes as it proffered the Heart that it held cradled in its claws.

:I give you my Heart,: it said simply, and only after Gabrielle had taken the bloody stone did it collapse.

Chapter 10: The Bright Light of Love

Gabrielle watched as the creature seemed to deflate before her eyes. Its sides billowed inward, crumpling, fading . . .. As though the carcass had become a mere skin, and that collapsed with nothing to fill it out or hold it up.

All that remained was a slight figure on the ground. Gabrielle crawled towards it through the mire, dirt coating her up to her elbows. Her sari was heavy with the moist weight and dragged at her shoulders. She heard whimpers and it took her a moment before she realised she was the one making the noise. But not because she was in pain. No, something told her to hurry, told her what she would find.

She reached the still figure, which lay face-down in the dirt. Gabrielle grabbed the blood-smeared clothing—black silk—and turned the body over.

Muscles contracted, and the body arched with the strength of that first indrawn breath. Blue eyes fluttered open in a face coated with the bloody mud. The pupils were large and uneven, and it took a moment before they could track Gabrielle.

She coughed, the tremors wracking through her body so fiercely that even the bard could feel the strain. "Gab—Gabrielle?" The voice cracked so much that the word was barely recognisable.

But Gabrielle heard the word, and the voice behind it. "Xena?"

The woman smiled, lips cracking through the dirt mask. "Knew I could trust you," she said, and promptly fainted.

She was falling.

She uttered a low moan, limbs flailing, trying to catch at the winds which were too eager to let her go—

"Wake up, Xena." Cool hands on her forehead. "You're having a nightmare."

She fell into her body and the shock made her gasp, which was enough to fill her to the limits and remember that she was human again.

She opened her eyes. Colour.

At first she was dizzied by the sheer magnitude, and then, slowly, she was able to make out details. The gleam of gold where firelight caught blond hair—

She swallowed, hoping to moisten her dry throat. "Where are we?"

"In the cave again. Poor Shibo probably sprained something between dragging you and me back here. Thank heavens for the horses, or we would never have made it back. They're an expensive hobby, but I can see why you like them so much. Especially when they're well-trained." Gabrielle turned to her with a cup of water and a cool cloth, and smiled. "Listen to me babble on. Almost feels like old times, huh? Almost feels like . . . home."

"Home." The word grated in her throat, raw. The word hurt in other places, as well.

Well, she hurt almost everywhere, actually. She moved her arm experimentally, wiggled her fingers. Everything seemed to work; it just hurt to move.

It hurt to breathe. It even hurt to be.

Gabrielle came and sat beside her, and looked into her eyes. Her fingers curled under the furs to take the warrior's hand in her own, and the warmth was comforting. "It's you, isn't it?" she asked quietly. "It's Xena."

Xena tried to nod, but only managed a pained sigh. She felt as though she should be taller, bigger, her neck longer, sensations different. She felt as though she’d been asleep a long time, and could only see things from a distance, everything hazed over with grey. "Yeah," she said roughly, "it's me. How long have I been out?"

Gabrielle smiled. "That depends on whether or not you count Harikuyo."

"After." Xena closed her eyes, remembering the battle. Bile rose in her throat, and she turned painfully to one side, her body curling instinctively into a foetal position. She groaned with pain as the memories buffeted her, as sensation crawled along her body. She remembered how it felt to be the Dragon, how it had tasted to so efficiently slaughtered thousands . . .

"Xena?" Gabrielle's voice was worried, and the bard crouched low over her. "What's wrong?"

"The Dragon," Xena gritted out through aching teeth. "It killed them, Gabrielle, and I . . .." What could she say? That she, as the Dragon, had enjoyed it? That had she been herself, she would never have done it, but as she'd been the Dragon, it had been just an act to her? She wanted to vomit.

"It wasn't you, Xena."

"It was me, Gabrielle. It was enough of me."

Gabrielle turned her over again, and met her eyes. "I can't accept that."

"That's not enough."

"I know. You've always been harder on yourself than anyone else could ever be." She touched Xena's cheek, her eyes soft. "But I love you more than anyone else can."

Xena turned her mouth into that hand, kissed the soft palm. Felt that touch soothe the pain. Not all of it, but it was a beginning, a promise.

Gabrielle smiled. "Why Harikuyo?"

It was a simple question for a complicated issue. Xena sighed, wondering how to explain it, but glad for the distance it would give her. "I read the Dragonlore, back when I was first at the Temple, trying to learn the ways of bushido. Kohi and I discussed it for the first few months I was there. At first those pages were the core of my language lesson. Then, when I realised that whoever went up against the Dragon would die . . .."

"You chose to go instead."

"It would have been Shibomuto, instead." She took a deep, painful breath. "He was the other that they would have sent out, but he still had his life ahead of him."

"So did you."

"He was only a boy, Gabrielle. He still is, despite his talent." She paused. "When Kohito and I first talked about the Dragon, I asked him what would happen if it wasn't desire that sent the Call. No one knew, and we thought that might be the answer. We decided that it would take a particular kind of person who would not desire, not want, but only need. One who was made to die, as only a true bushido warrior could."

"Harikuyo."

"Yes." Her body was heavy, but the burden on her heart was more. "I was ready to do it, Gabrielle. I thought . . . why not? The hardest part was deciding to do it. After that, everything was easy. There was nothing around to stop me. Nothing could hold me back. Which made it easier still." She coughed. "When I saw you in Greece, I understood. I knew I could save myself and come back to you. I knew that if I could just find the way . . . but Harikuyo needed to remain whole. Unwanting. And so I hurt you. I hurt you with your own love so that you could use it as a weapon against the thing I became, and bring me back."

"And it worked. We won."

"I'm sorry I couldn't tell you." Her body spasmed with the pain of a cough, or perhaps it was her own words that choked her. "I'm so sorry."

"But I forgive you, Xena."

"How could you?" Ah, Xena thought, that was the heart of the matter. How could Gabrielle forgive her for everything she'd done, and more to the point, why should she? "I hurt you, I hurt Shibo . . . I hurt too many people, Gabrielle, and most of all, I hurt the ones I loved."

The bard's eyes were suspiciously moist. "Don't you remember what you said to me? 'No matter how much you try, you will unintentionally hurt the ones you love, sometimes just in the course of being true to yourself.'" She smiled, and it was a sad smile. "You did what you thought was best, Xena. You may have hurt us, but it was for the greater good. I understand that now. Which doesn't make it good, it just makes it right." She squeezed the warrior's hand. "And, as usual, you hurt yourself most of all."

"I love you, Gabrielle. You know I do." Xena sighed. "But it seems that who I am hurts you enough that you have to walk away sometimes. And I don't know if I can stand that again, because I want you with me."

"I’m so sorry, Xena."

She choked back ironic laughter. "You shouldn’t apologise."

"Yes, I should." There were definite tears in the bard's eyes. "I always knew I was meant to walk the path of love, Xena, and I thought I was. But how could I, when I had to take you with me? You taught me how. Do you remember what I told the Dragon? I had found my light. And it's you, Xena. It's always been you. You're the light in my darkness, and I am the light in yours. Together we make a perfect whole." She lay down next to the warrior, her body curling around Xena, to hold her tightly. "You see?" she whispered. "We fit perfectly."

Xena felt herself losing a battle she hadn't really wanted to fight. "We found each other again," she murmured, feeling exhaustion swamp her. "It took too long."

"We weren't looking in the right place."

"No," Xena agreed. "We went out to look, when all we needed to do was look into our own hearts." Her tongue was heavy, and the darkness beckoned. Shouldn't she have asked something? Shouldn't she have remembered to care about something? But it was far away from her now, beyond her, and though there was so much to do, all of that could wait. They were together again; the future would be faced together, and it would be waiting for her. There was so much to do, so much to say, to explain, to heal . . . but Gabrielle would wait for her.

She slipped into the darkness, and she went willingly, secure in the knowledge that she would always be drawn out again by the light.

Shibomuto adjusted the last strap on the girth and turned to look at the two of them. Gabrielle-san held his rations, Xena-san his bow.

His eyes lingered a moment on the picture that they made. Though they did not look at each other, he was aware of the bond between them. It was as real as laughter, he thought, or sadness. It was always there, just below the surface, and it humbled him to stand in its presence.

His gaze shifted to Xena-san. Harikuyo-san was well and truly dead, he thought, but he did not mourn his teacher any longer. Xena-san was all of her, and more. Now he could understand why Gabrielle-san had felt so much grief at the loss of her friend, and so much pain under the treatment of the Temple warrior. Where Harikuyo-san had been strong, Xena-san was a force to be reckoned with.

As was Gabrielle-san. She who carried no sword, no weapon save that of her own love, which was stronger than steel.

It was no wonder that the Dragon had little choice, he mused. When caught between the love of Gabrielle and the power of Xena, it had done the only intelligent thing possible.

Removed itself.

Xena-san was watching him. "You don't have to leave, you know."

Even her voice was different. There were shades of Harikuyo in there, but of course there would have to be, for one had birthed the other. "I must," he replied, "if only to return to my home, where I must learn to be a whole man."

"Home is where the heart is," Gabrielle-san said.

"I suspect that is where I left it." He hesitated, feeling the pull of her desire. She wanted him to come, and he feared what would happen if she pushed, for he was no match for her belief. He had learned that, and he could learn from that, but she did not push, and he could breathe easily. "I would like to come with you, but something draws me back to Edo. Perhaps it is the promise I made, that I would return to tell the tale, even if I could not be the hero." He smiled. "We have all here seen the power of promises, have we not?" He knew he would never forget the image of the Dragon tearing out its own Heart. No matter how long he lived.

Xena-san smiled. "Yes. And you should keep yours, Shibomuto." She glanced at Gabrielle. "Sometimes that is all you have left of yourself."

Gabrielle-san was looking at the Talonsword. "I wish you were taking that thing with you."

His gaze, too, traveled to the gleaming sword that lay upon a rock. He had not been surprised when he and Gabrielle had returned to the field to find the Heart, only to discover the Talonsword, whole, buried in the mire. The Heart had been crystal-clear once again. Gabrielle-san had refused to touch the thing, and he had taken it back to the cave, where Xena-san had looked at it and said nothing more that night.

"We spoke of this," he said, directing his comments to Xena-san. "It will be safer with you, for you know the secrets. And should there ever be need to Call the Dragon again—." He looked at Gabrielle-san, who made no attemp to hide her shudder at his words. "At least we know what will stop it. You told me yourself, as Harikuyo-san, that it would not be any safer in the Temple, and that no matter where we hid it, it would eventually be found. If it travels with you, there is no need to hide it, and we in the Temple need not fear its discovery."

"I know," she replied. "It doesn't mean I like it."

He smiled. "Which does not mean you will not do as I ask."

She quirked one eyebrow. "I cannot hold it forever, Shibomuto."

"When you feel the time is coming, send word to me, and I will come and get it then," he replied.

She bowed. Just ever so slightly.

Gabrielle-san stepped forward to hug him. "Don't be a stranger," she whispered in his ear. "If you ever get a chance, come back. You'll find us."

"More likely that you will find me."

"Yeah. It works out the same." She smiled, and then backed off, and he felt the loss of her warmth.

It was time. He faced the woman who had been his teacher, his mentor. She had also been the force he had feared most, the embodiment of power.

And she had not abused it.

"You will always be my teacher," he told her in their shared language. "Always and forevermore my Sensei." He paused. "And I shall be sure that you are beloved, and not merely revered."

"I could only help you onto the Path you chose," she replied. "I did nothing more."

"You were my light, then, to guide me from my darkness." He bowed to her, a low, sweeping movement that honoured her as best he could. There was no way he could feel comfortable touching her. She was beyond that. Gabrielle-san, who was Love embodied, could reach past that gulf. He, who still had so far to go, could not.

But he would begin walking that way, and so he smiled at Xena-san. "With your teachings in my heart, I will always know the way home."

"And if you know the way home," she replied, "then you are never lost."

He swung onto his horse then, and rode off, pausing only to wheel around and take one last look at the two of them from atop the hill.

They remained where he had left them. Gabrielle waved. Xena-san merely watched him.

He knew, even without seeing, that she smiled.

Epilogue

The master followed the winding paths back, past the ornamental gardens, past the koi ponds and the small altar-houses. He went further than the practice-yards and the stables, walking until the path had narrowed to a small track. As his feet stepped upon the path, he thought about the young student in the willow, and hoped she had listened to the answers he had given her, for they had been his questions, once, and he had been given solace then.

He smiled at that memory. No, he thought, you can never leave someone behind. Not if they are in your heart.

The trees grew close together, but still he did not falter. He knew the way well, for he had been here many times before. The last turn, and then the small white building was before him. He pressed open the plain wooden door and went in to the single room.

High windows let in the light, which reflected off the pure white marble that lined the walls. Inscriptions chased each other across the polished surfaces. He turned around slowly, reading some of the words, remembering the voices that had spoken them.

He focussed on one of his favourites, closing his eyes to better hear the never-forgotten voice. For a moment, the room seemed to echo with power. When you love me, when you shine so brightly with all that good, I can do no less than return to you as the light that shines in my darkness.

Another one, just as memorable to him. Sometimes a promise is all you have left of yourself.

He stepped forward and traced the one dearest to him. If you know the way home to your heart, you are never lost.

"Thank you, Sensei," he whispered.

When he finally turned around, the ambient light caught and exploded off the object set within the white marble altar. He blinked back the dazzling brightness—somehow he always forgot how very brightly it shone—and stepped forward to peer at the Heart glistening in the hilt of the Talonsword.

No. He had not been imagining, the last few times he had been here. There were a few dark threads in the clear stone of the Heart. The veins were not grey, not red, but black. That colour he would not worry about. The threading was a product of the light, he was sure, for light could not live without darkness, and the darkness would never survive without the light. The Heart, as always, would do what it must to remain whole.

He smiled as he shut the door behind him.

Author’s note on definitions, terms, and just a wee bit of rationalising:

I mangled much of history and Japanese culture, and for that, my sincere apologies. This is fiction, not a history lesson! I hope everyone enjoyed it, and overlooked the errors.

For those of you who understand or study Japanese, I used kikokushijo in its rather literal form, despite the familiar nuances in everday use. Classically (and legally, I believe), shijo defines ‘children’, not merely female children. Obviously, it works in this case. "Kikoku" means to come back to one’s home country. Most English speakers use kikokushijo to define someone returning to their home country. The inherent theme of ‘return’ is why I didn’t use kagaishijo, which means "expatriated children".

I also used gaijin instead of the more-thematically-correct hakujin, on the idea that most readers would understand the former, and not the latter.

Harikuyo (n) traditionally meant "the shrine of broken needles", though it’s used in a figurative sense. This is the place where you kept those things that once served you well. Keeping them was a sentimental gesture, meant to give honour for service.

Mu (n) is, by definition, undefinable. To be mu means to think without thinking. If this sounds strange, think about driving your car, or reading words. You were taught how to do these things, but when you do them, you’re not thinking about that. You’re just doing it. Let me borrow someone’s else’s definition: "If you insist that if it can't be said then it doesn't exist, or that everything you do is deliberately thought out, then you're a fish who doesn't believe in the existence of water."

Bushido didn’t begin teaching swordwork until much later (the 17^th century, to be precise); during this period, most warriors would have been outfitted with bows made of bamboo and strung with silk. Bamboo was used, and the swords were just over 2 metres in length. Nothing like the compound bows today, but very deadly. As Xena carried a sword, it only made sense that she would teach it to her students. Same goes for her clothing; I think she would have chosen simple black as opposed to the Japanese armour, which could get elaborate. The Temples are purely my bit of fiction, created around the legend of the Dragon. It makes sense to have such a dedicated place, because in Japanese culture, the dragon represents power.

Edo is the former name of Tokyo, and Japan was made up of a bunch of feudal states. I just referred to Edo for simplicity’s sake.

And if you’re still reading, thanks for sticking around this long! I hope you enjoyed the show.

Cheers, Kodiakke

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