Disclaimers: The characters of Xena, Gabrielle, Lao Ma, Alti, Borias, and everyone else who sounds familiar belong to Pac Ren and Universal Studios. I am not making money off of this story.

Genre Disclaimer: Ok. Bear with me, please, because this is kinda tough to explain. Sometime last year, I read a story on the internet that moved me so much, I was inspired to write a sort of companion piece to it. That story was "Lost Soul Walking" by DJWP. In her words, "This is NOT UberXena fiction. It just starts out like it is." The same can be said for this piece. While not directly related to "Lost Soul Walking", "Desert Storm" can be considered a sort of prequel to it. It is a story, if you will, about the lifetime before the one depicted in that fabulous, outstanding story. (Can you tell I loved it?) In addition, this is somewhat of an ambitious piece of fiction, in that I am attempting (don’t know if I’ve succeeded, but I’ve attempted) to take the entire X:WP universe and modernize it. We start, in updated terms, with my version of Xena’s betrayal by Caesar (seen in "Destiny"), and continue up through the X:WP episode known as "Remember Nothing". The plot will be very recognizable to you. It’s meant to be that way.

Special note: Because of this, Gabrielle does not appear, except in offhand mention, in a great deal of the first half of this story. Do not look for her, because you won’t find her. After all, she was not a part of ‘evil Xena’s’ life. If she were, things might have turned out differently, but because this is based on the premise of "Lost Soul Walking" it cannot happen differently. Gabrielle will, however, make her presence known, and that quite strongly, in the second half of the story. If you can hang on till then, I believe that you will not be disappointed.

Sexuality and Violence Disclaimers: We’re dealing with an updated dark Xena through much of the first half, and an updated redeemed Xena through the second. There’s gonna be violence. There are gonna be naughty words. There are also descriptions of sexual activity in this work. There are allusions to heterosexual sex, but nothing graphic. There are some graphic (though I hope tasteful) scenes of sexual expression between women as well. That is how I see the relationship between Xena and Gabrielle, and that is how I will continue to write it.

And, finally, thanks: To, as always, the incomparable Mike. A better beta and a better friend one could never hope for. Thank you also, as always, to Mary D, who rescued this story from the refuse heap and begged me to keep going on it. If you hate it, blame her. <w> Grateful and heartfelt appreciation goes out to DJWP, for continuing to write stories that grab me somewhere above the liver and giving her kind permission to mention her story in these disclaimers. If you haven’t read her stories, please, do yourself a favor and do so. Finally, this story is dedicated to a group of people without whom I would most probably be living on the streets. Elizabeth, Rachel, Sulli, and the rest of the "Get Sue to Atlanta" crew, this one’s for you!

DESERT STORM

Lao Ma led the taller woman over to one of the chairs and eased her down into it. She pulled a second chair up close, and sat so that their knees were just brushing against one another. She smiled at the somewhat dazed expression of her companion, waiting for the sharp intelligence, accompanied by wary reserve, to shadow those remarkable features once again.

She wasn’t disappointed.

When Kael’s eyes sharpened and lasered into hers, Lao Ma smiled.

"For the last three weeks, you have been very patient with me. You have listened as I have talked on and on about subjects which I am sure held very little interest to you. For that, I thank you." The small woman bowed her head briefly in appreciation, continuing to smile. "It occurs to me that you have not felt the need to ask very many questions of me. Do you have anything you would wish to ask?"

Kael was silent for several moments, pondering. She fingered her lower lip as she thought. Then she looked back up at Lao Ma, a slight, almost challenging, smile of her own on her face. "You seem to know, or presume you do, a good deal about me. Yet I find myself knowing very little about you."

"What is it that you would like to know?" the Asian asked, shifting slightly on her chair to make herself more comfortable.

Lifting one long arm, Kael swept it the length and breadth of the room, encompassing everything. "It seems to me that a woman of your . . .special . . .talents is somewhat out of place in this type of venue." Crossing her arms, she slouched back in her chair, eyeing Lao Ma with a look of cocky confidence. "So tell me, Lao Ma. What’s a woman like you doing in a place like this, hmmm?"

"That answer is a simple one. I belong to Ming Dao."

Kael was out of her chair before she realized her feet had hit the floor, her motion nearly toppling Lao Ma from her own chair. The smaller woman made no attempt to defend herself, even as Kael grabbed the front of her robes and pulled Lao Ma up until just a breath of air separated their faces. Kael’s eyes were wild with feral intensity. Anger radiated from her in waves of dark energy. Lao Ma remained calm and serene, showing no fear whatsoever. The contrast between the two woman was intense.

"Bitch!" Kael snarled, shaking the smaller woman. "You betrayed me! You set me up! Pulling me in here and teaching me all that garbage about peace and serenity and freeing yourself of desire. You wanted me weak! You wanted me helpless so that your Master could take me without a fight. Well, you failed."

Growling, the American pushed Lao Ma back into her chair. "You failed big time. If you think I’m gonna let myself get cornered like a rat in a maze, you and your Master have another thing coming."

Spinning quickly, Kael stalked to the long window, peering out onto the sun-dappled grounds, her hand shading her eyes. A spy hid in every shadowed nook. Every moving branch from the surrounding trees was the barrel of an assassin’s rifle.

Taking several deep breaths, she calmed herself. Trees and shadows became harmless once again. Whirling from the window, she paced the length of the room, shooting glares at Lao Ma as she passed.

The other woman remained as imperturbable as ever.

Kael’s thoughts were a jumble of violent emotions and she struggled to get a fix on them as she paced.

Her body was on such a hair-trigger that she nearly sent Lao Ma through the wall when the later laid a gentle hand on Kael’s shoulder. "Kael," Lao Ma said softly, "listen to me."

Flinging the hand from her shoulder, the American spun quickly, pinning Lao Ma’s arms to her sides. "I’ve listened quite enough, thank you. In fact, that’s all I’ve been doing for the past twenty one days. Listening. Going soft while my enemies sat right under my nose. Laughing!" Releasing the smaller woman, she again spun away. "There’s gonna be laughter alright. But you won’t be the ones laughing when I get through with you."

When the touch came again, it was anything but soft. Lao Ma used her implacable strength to grab Kael’s arm and hold on, not letting the struggling woman free. "If I wanted you dead," she began, in that same calm voice, "I would have let Ming Dao and his dogs finish the job they’d started. I would have let you die on the street. I would never have brought you into my home, endangering the lives of the women who share it with me. If you believe nothing else, I ask that you believe this. I do not want you dead nor in the hands of Ming Dao and his thugs. Just because he owns my body does not mean he owns my spirit. Please allow me to explain this to you so that you may understand."

Kael ceased her struggles, but her anger was still in high gear. "Start talkin’."

"My father was addicted to heroin. Every bit of money he ever had went to Ming Dao’s brown powder. Soon, he had amassed quite a debt to the man. When I was thirteen, I was sold into indentured servitude for thirty years as partial payment for that debt. I had no choice in the matter. It was just the way of things."

Kael said nothing, but Lao Ma could feel the American’s muscles begin to soften beneath her grip. She felt slightly encouraged, and so continued her tale, never loosening her grip.

"Six years ago, I became pregnant by Ming Dao. Nine months later, I gave birth to a son, who was named Ming Lao."

The American stiffened again. "Ming Lao is your son? They said his mother was killed."

"And, to all intents and purposes she was."

"So, someone is lying. Cause you’re not dead."

The other woman remained as imperturbable as ever.

Kael’s thoughts were a jumble of violent emotions and she struggled to get a fix on them as she paced.

Her body was on such a hair-trigger that she nearly sent Lao Ma through the wall when the later laid a gentle hand on Kael’s shoulder. "Kael," Lao Ma said softly, "listen to me."

Flinging the hand from her shoulder, the American spun quickly, pinning Lao Ma’s arms to her sides. "I’ve listened quite enough, thank you. In fact, that’s all I’ve been doing for the past twenty one days. Listening. Going soft while my enemies sat right under my nose. Laughing!" Releasing the smaller woman, she again spun away. "There’s gonna be laughter alright. But you won’t be the ones laughing when I get through with you."

When the touch came again, it was anything but soft. Lao Ma used her implacable strength to grab Kael’s arm and hold on, not letting the struggling woman free. "If I wanted you dead," she began, in that same calm voice, "I would have let Ming Dao and his dogs finish the job they’d started. I would have let you die on the street. I would never have brought you into my home, endangering the lives of the women who share it with me. If you believe nothing else, I ask that you believe this. I do not want you dead nor in the hands of Ming Dao and his thugs. Just because he owns my body does not mean he owns my spirit. Please allow me to explain this to you so that you may understand."

Kael ceased her struggles, but her anger was still in high gear. "Start talkin’."

"My father was addicted to heroin. Every bit of money he ever had went to Ming Dao’s brown powder. Soon, he had amassed quite a debt to the man. When I was thirteen, I was sold into indentured servitude for thirty years as partial payment for that debt. I had no choice in the matter. It was just the way of things."

Kael said nothing, but Lao Ma could feel the American’s muscles begin to soften beneath her hand. She felt slightly encouraged, and so continued her tale, never loosening her grip.

"Six years ago, I became pregnant by Ming Dao. Nine months later, I gave birth to a son, who was named Ming Lao."

The American stiffened again. "Ming Lao is your son? They said his mother was killed."

"And, to all intents and purposes she was."

"So, someone is lying. Cause you’re not dead."

"Indeed I am not. Another young girl named Ling Li was sold into servitude at the same time as I. We became friends. We also became pregnant within a month of one another, and gave birth within hours. I, to Ming Lao, and Ling Li to a daughter she never got to name."

"And why was that." Kael’s voice was flat, without inflection, yet Lao Ma knew she was keenly listening.

"Girl children are not seen as gifts by Ming Dao. The infant was murdered within seconds of her birth. Ling Li lost her life shortly after that."

"Why?"

"Female offspring hold no interest for Ming Dao. Every one of them has been killed after birth. I was the only one to produce a male heir. He dares not rid himself of me."

"I’m afraid I still don’t understand. From what I can remember of biology, it’s the man, and not the woman, who produces the chromosomes that determine the sex of the child."

"Ming Dao is a very superstitious man. He tried for many years to produce a son, but failed. Because of his success with me, he must keep me alive and healthy. If Ming Lao should die before he reaches maturity, Ming Dao will come back to me, demanding I produce another son for him."

Kael snorted. "Just like that, huh."

"Yes. Just like that."

"And why did your friend have to die? Does Ming Dao murder all concubines who displease him by giving birth to daughters?"

Lao Ma laughed lightly. "I don’t think there would be two women left standing in all of China if that were so. No, Ming Dao employed a skill with which he is quite accomplished: deception. He killed Ling Li, telling everyone it was she who had given birth to his son and had died in childbirth. Myself, he kept alive and sent away so I would not be a ‘softening’ influence on his son."

"’His son’?"

"Yes. I gave birth to the boy, and there will always be that bond, but he is being raised to be as monstrous as his father. Ming Lao is his father’s son."

"And so he sent you here?"

"Yes. The Mistress of this house died suddenly and he sent me in to fill her place. It is his way of keeping me in his service while removing my influence over Ming Lao. And here I shall stay."

"What happens if Ming Lao manages to live to take over his father’s position?"

"I will likely be executed."

"You don’t sound as if that frightens you in the least, having a death sentence over your head."

Lao Ma shrugged. "My life matters little in the Universe’s plan. After all, we all live beneath the sentence of death from the moment we draw our first breath."

Kael relaxed. "Yeah, I suppose we do."

The Asian woman released her grip on Kael’s arm. "So, as you can see, I have very little vested in the affairs of Ming Dao and his empire. I helped you escape from him and his men not to hand you back to him, but rather to free you from yourself. You are destined for greatness, Kael Androstos. You must simply find those seeds within yourself and allow them to blossom. I can only offer so much aid to you. It is something you must, ultimately, do for yourself."

Kael turned slowly, looking deeply into the eyes of the woman before her. "How do I know I can trust you?"

"You don’t. Not with one hundred percent certainty. You must listen to what your heart says."

The American laughed. "I don’t have a heart, Lao Ma."

Reaching up, Lao Ma laid a tender hand on Kael’s cheek. "Yes you do. And it is bigger by far than you can imagine."

Disbelieving, Kael shook her head.

"You have within you an immense capacity for hatred and anger. You are filled to the brim with it. Love and hate are two sides of the same coin. Where the capacity exists for one, the capacity exists for the other. Drain your hatred, subdue your will, and the understanding will come."

"And you really believe this."

"Yes."

Kael dropped her eyes, looking down at the ground as she swallowed hard. "I only wish I could," she said, a trace of hoarseness in her vibrant voice.

It was early morning when Lao Ma made her silent way to her sitting room to begin her daily meditations. She smiled as she crossed the threshold, seeing Kael sitting crosslegged on one of the mats, a copy of her ancestor’s Book of Wisdom laying open on her lap. Her mesmerizing blue eyes were closed and she appeared deep in meditation.

Those eyes opened as Lao Ma took a step back, intending to leave the other woman to her peace. Kael’s smile was open and beautiful, pulling Lao Ma back to the threshold. "Please," she said softly, responding to the smile with one of her own, "continue with your reading. I did not mean to intrude."

"You weren’t intruding at all. In fact, I’d welcome your presence. I have a few questions about what I’ve been reading."

Gracefully accepting the invitation, Lao Ma let her feet carry her into the room, where she joined Kael on the mat, sitting and crossing her own legs beneath the silken fabric of her gown. "How might I be of assistance to you?"

Kael looked back down at the Book, pointing out a passage with one long, tapered finger. "Your ancestor was indeed a wise woman. I just wish she wrote in a way that could be easily understood by mere mortals like myself." Her eyes twinkled.

"What about the passage troubles you?"

"It says here ‘To conquer others is to have power. To conquer yourself is to know the Way.’ What ‘Way’ is she talking about?"

"The Way of Serenity. Of Wisdom. Of being one with the Universe."

"And how does someone conquer themselves? I’m not sure what she’s getting at here."

"Humanity is driven by a will. To conquer yourself is to rise above that will. To let it no longer have an impact on your life." Lao Ma smiled at Kael’s still slightly confused look. "A will is like a bolder that is loosed from the top of a mountain. It rolls down the slope, destroying all in its path. It does not stop until it either runs into something that is stronger than itself, more often than not destroying itself in the process, or until it no longer has the energy to destroy. If the bolder is simply removed at its source, the mountain’s summit, it cannot destroy, and life beneath it continues as it was meant to be."

"So, it all goes back to getting rid of your will."

"Exactly."

"You make it sound so easy."

"The philosophy is easy. The practice is not."

"Not even for you?"

Lao Ma’s face shone with compassion. "Not even for me."

Kael sighed. "Well . . .I suppose it might be a little easier if I could see a practical application of this philosophy. You know, to make it more real to me."

The older woman’s dark, almond eyes narrowed. "It occurs to me that you are mainly interested in whatever powers may come with this philosophy."

The corner of Kael’s mouth curved upward. "I’d be lying if I said that your . . .special . . .powers don’t intrigue me. But, if what I’m hearing you say is true, I won’t be able to use them unless I follow your teachings. So, based on this, what harm can my knowledge cause?" Kael looked deceptively innocent, reminding Lao Ma again never to underestimate the powerful woman.

She thought quickly, carefully weighing the pros and cons, then sighed, coming to a decision. "Come with me."

She didn’t miss the triumphant spark that lit Kael’s pale eyes as she jumped to her feet, all to willing to follow her mentor into this new stage of learning.

Geraldo stood in the waiting room of Ming Dao’s mansion, nervously pacing before the antiques that garishly decorated the place. He had been waiting for two hours for an audience with the drug lord, his heart beating more quickly with each passing moment until he was sure it would explode from his chest.

Finally, the door opened and a large bodyguard gestured for the Colombian to enter Ming Dao’s office. Geraldo found himself before the older man’s desk in short order, wiping his sweaty palms on his perfectly pressed slacks.

After a long moment, Ming Dao looked up from his work on the desk, his eyes magnified behind the thick lenses of his glasses. "You asked for a month, Mr. Rodriguez. I have given you that, and more. And yet that worthless whore continues to elude you. That is not what you promised me, Mr. Rodriguez. Not what you promised me at all."

"She is here, Ming Dao," Geraldo countered. "And I’m quite sure I know where she is hiding."

The Asian’s eyebrows rose, giving him an almost comical appearance. "Then why is she not here, in this room? What games are you playing with me?"

"No games, Ming Dao," Geraldo hastened to explain. "I assure you. It’s just that . . .she’s in the one place you won’t allow me to look."

"And where might that be?"

"The whorehouse run by that woman you call Lao Ma. I don’t trust her. She’s hiding something, and I bet my empire that it’s Kael."

Ming Dao smiled. "You must be very sure of yourself to make a bet like that, Mr. Rodriguez."

"I am very sure."

"Very well. I will give you another week. You may search the pleasure house at your leisure. If you can find your whore among all the others, I will honor my arrangement with you and you may sell my product in your country. If not," Ming Dao’s smile became a shark’s leer, "your empire, and your life, become mine to do with as I wish. Do we have a deal, Mr. Rodriguez?"

"What will happen to Kael?"

"For kidnapping my son, her life is already forfeit. She belongs to me and is not part of the arrangement."

After a moment, Geraldo nodded. "Alright, you’ve got a deal."

"Very good. I will see you in exactly one week. Leave now."

Bowing his head respectfully, Geraldo turned from the desk and was escorted from the mansion. As he slipped into the car and keyed the engine, he thought briefly of just going over to the whorehouse and grabbing Kael. But then he hesitated. Ming Dao had given him a week. He would make the old man sweat it out. Then he would retrieve what was his. Ming Dao would never have Kael. But he would find that out the hard way. Later.

A dark smile bloomed on his face as he pulled away from the walled estate. "This is going to be fun."

Lao Ma led Kael to a large room that looked somewhat like a gymnasium. The walls and floors were padded, their coverings vivid with Chinese characters so that the entire room looked like one gigantic mural.

Off in one corner, a group of shelves stood, each bearing an assortment of clay pots, glass bottles, small carved figurines, rocks and other sundries. A small round table sat in front of a wide window which showed the vista of the sun-drenched city several stories below.

"Please choose an object from the shelves and place it on the table," Lao Ma requested, coming to stand, relaxed, before said piece of furniture.

Kael did as she was asked, selecting a blown glass green fish and setting it on the table, before backing off a few paces, watching the older woman avidly.

Standing relaxed, her hands loosely by her sides, Lao Ma took in a deep, cleansing breath, then let it out slowly. She allowed that core of serenity always within her, a gift from her ancestor, to break its bounds and flow through her, filling everything within her. She focussed her eyes on the glass figurine.

It shattered.

"Holy shit!" Kael shouted, a wide, disbelieving grin on her face. "That was fantastic! Show me how you did that!"

Lao Ma laughed, taking in Kael’s child-like excitement and glowing eyes. At that moment, she sensed no malicious intent in the woman before her, but that wasn’t to say those feelings wouldn’t change in a heartbeat’s time. Some of your wisdom would be appreciated right now, Honored Ancestor. I can only hope that I am doing the right thing, teaching her these powers. Did you feel this way when you gave them to your Warrior Princess?

Swallowing her misgivings, Lao Ma gestured to the shelf. "Choose another object, then."

Kael returned to the shelf and chose a delicate glass vase, flowers painstakingly painted around the barrel. She returned to the table, and after clearing the top of the glass fragments, set the vase carefully in the middle. "Ok. What’s next?"

Despite herself, the smaller woman couldn’t help smiling. "Next? Try to break it."

Kael scowled. Then she stepped away from the table and relaxed her body in conscious imitation of her mentor. She stared at the vase, concentrating her mental effort, willing the glass to shatter as it had for Lao Ma.

It sat there, staring impudently at her, refusing to so much as tremble.

If vases could laugh, this one would be doing so.

Lao Ma, under no such constraints, laughed lightly, the sound muffled by her hand over her mouth.

Kael scowled again, gritting her teeth and clenching her fists. "What’s so funny," she ground out.

"This exercise is about losing your will, Kael, not about using it as a battering ram."

"Well what in the hell else am I supposed to do? Try a sneak attack??"

"Exactly!" Lao Ma exclaimed.

"Huh?"

"Kael, breaking the vase is not the goal for you."

"It isn’t?"

"No. That is merely a side effect of sublimating your will and purifying your thoughts. It is the energy you need, not what it can destroy. The vase is just an object to let you know the energy is there."

Kael rubbed her forehead, trying to take it all in. "So, in other words, the end point is the reception of the energy, not the destruction of the vase."

The smaller woman’s smile broadened. "Perfectly stated."

"And how do I get this energy? If the world is driven by a will, how do I lose mine?"

Walking over to join the tall American, Lao Ma laid a gentle hand on her arm. "Don’t try so hard. Here. Close your eyes."

Kael closed her eyes, feeling the warm touch of Lao Ma’s small hand on her arm and smiling a bit. "What next?"

"Bring a vision into your mind, one, preferably non-violent, that makes you feel at peace with yourself. Do you have one of those?"

Kael frowned, but, surprisingly, the requested vision came easily. It was the beginning of her kiss with Lao Ma. At the moment when their lips touched and she felt energized . . .cleansed. It was, in her mind, the perfect moment. A slow smile spread her lips. "Yeah. I got one."

"Good. Now, let that vision, and the feelings it evokes within, fill you, pushing everything else away. Become its vessel. Feel as it starts from the tips of your toes and travels through your body, filling you with that sense of peace. Can you do this?"

Nodding slightly, Kael concentrated on doing as she was asked, allowing the memory of that perfect kiss filter throughout her body, soothing her hurts, blunting her dark desires, curbing her will. It felt, almost, like a cocaine high, but without the chemical hangover. The energy she felt filling her up was intense, yet utterly pure and peaceful. "Yes," she whispered, becoming a willing vessel to it.

"Open your eyes."

Arctic blue eyes opened, gaze pinned, unconsciously, to the table.

The glass didn’t just shatter.

It exploded.

Billions of tiny fragments, the majority too small to be seen with the naked eye, blew outward from their source, only by some miracle missing the two women who where standing, utterly shocked, not three feet from the table.

"Did I just do that?" Kael asked, her voice full of wonder.

"Indeed you did," Lao Ma returned, awed beyond belief. In all her years of studying and teaching, she had never seen a demonstration that even came close to the one she just witnessed. "What sort of vision would cause that much power?" she mused, hardly aware she was speaking aloud.

The American, however, with her highly sensitized hearing, caught every softly uttered word. "This," she said simply, turning and tilting Lao Ma’s chin up, then lowering her own dark head until their lips once again met and merged.

The energy each woman had summoned was still within them both. It joined together through the power of their kiss, arcing back and forth in a never-ending loop, feeding in upon itself and growing stronger until it was all that existed.

The kiss deepened, each woman drawing within themselves the power of the other until it seemed one perfect being stood where two had been before.

Kael’s legs, which had pained her from the day they were shot out from under her in Iraq, straightened and grew strong again. Old hurts, swollen like abscesses in her soul, seemed to shrink and shrivel away to nothing. Things she’d done wrong, people she’d failed, people who’d failed her. All lost their importance when compared to this vast well of utter purity which was consuming her, cleansing her, healing her.

She opened her eyes and looked down into the surreal glow that was the face of the woman she realized she loved. Reaching slowly down, she untied the belt of Lao Ma’s robes, slipping warm hands inside to touch the silk of her skin.

And was lost; taken up in rapture the likes of which she’d never known.