Same disclaimers as before. An added acknowledgement: XFLS also helped with the beta reading for the first section of The Healing Fires. In this section my betas were P.D. Wonder and MWP. I am grateful for all of their help.

I look at post-chapter 39 as Book Two of The Healing Fires.

Chapter 40

"Gabrielle, we need to talk." Voula laid a warm hand on her apprentice's shoulder. "You’ve been so obsessed with your studies this past week. You have to get out there and relax a little. Antigone and Elefteria are going out with friends. Why don’t you join them."

Gabrielle sat hunched over some scrolls, studying her notes and checking their organization. Her fine hair draped around her neck swayed in a breeze. "That’s okay, Voula. I have to finish studying this week's lesson. Maybe tomorrow."

Voula turned to wave the other apprentices on then took a seat next to the bard. "Gabrielle, I understand that you need to throw yourself into something to help you get your mind off Xena. But it has been a week since you left this hut."

Gabrielle sat back on her stool and stretched her aching shoulders. Her eyes found the healer's. Voula peered back and told her friend that she was beginning to worry.

"There is nothing to worry about. I just need some time."

"You could just as easily spend that time with people who care about you." The older woman added with a smile, "People besides me, I mean."

"I'm not ready to face them yet." She looked away and her gaze fell on her bag. The one she had found waiting for her when she returned from the waterfall the day she told Xena to leave. "They must think I am such a fool."

"Nobody thinks you are a fool. Do you think you are the only one whose love affair ended badly?"

The bard shook her head. However, her eyes remained locked on her bag. It overflowed with scrolls, themselves overflowing with her life with Xena. Somewhere at the bottom lay two daggers. One with the warrior princess's initial on the handle, the other a small breast dagger Xena had carried with her since she had taken it from a much more naive Gabrielle. When the heartbroken bard fell into Voula's arms seven days earlier, she had seen the blades and her bag arranged on the healer's table.

"I know I'm not the first to go through this. But everyone knows how blind and stupid I've been. Not to mention self-absorbed. I still don’t know what to think, Voula. How can I explain to my friends here, what I don't understand myself?"

The healer moved to the bard, embraced her from behind, and leaned to kiss her on the top of her head. "You don’t have to explain yourself to anyone here. Not about this." Her lips touched her hairline again. "My young friend, you are so hard on yourself. So very very hard."

Once the healer left the room, the blonde bent to her work. The sounds of the village on the cool evening seemed far away but they teased the woman’s resolve. She worked to focus on the list of plants before her. This one was good for constipation, that one for fever.

Outside the window, Antigone laughed and ran into Lexia's arms. Gabrielle felt her heart swell and drop with the added weight. Did I make the right choice? Should I have gone with Xena? Should I run to find her now and make her forgive me?

She recalled the moments she and the warrior shared that made Antigone and Lexia's passion seem feeble. Their nights of frantic lovemaking after one or another brush with death and those few lazy days of luxurious pleasure between adventures when Xena's concentration on Gabrielle stunned and aroused her.

Gabrielle rubbed her brow and watched the new lovers kissing while her remembered lover vanished. "It was so brief but so strong." Her hand trembled. "Was it so intense because we were so in love? Was it because we were so desperate to be what the other needed?"

Sobs stopped her thoughts dead. She wanted to strike out. Her muscles tensed and yearned to flex their power and display their potential for destruction. She felt trapped in the quiet orderly room. A scream languished in her chest. It was all too much.

A groan parted her lips and broke the seal of her restraint. Gabrielle found herself headed towards the center of the village, searching for Voula. She saw her sitting on a bench with Queen Tasia. Gabrielle made her way to the pair and knelt at their feet. "Help me. Can you help me?"

"What is it you need help with?" Voula asked.

"I hate myself. I hate Xena." The bard said through sobs. Her hands were on the healers thighs and she looked from Voula to Tasia and back. "I hate what we have done to each other. I feel so alone. I feel so wrong. I left her alone because I failed. I’m angry and miserable and I miss her and I don’t know what to do about any of it."

She took a deep breath and hung her head. "Can you help me?" she whispered.

"Yes, I think I can." Voula helped the bard up and lowered her to the sturdy bench between herself and the queen. "How do you feel now?"

"Better," she answered, the surprise evident in her voice.

"Good," said Tasia who put an arm around the visiting queen’s shoulder. "May I ask you a question?" Gabrielle nodded.

"Do you like it here?"

"Yes, I do. That is why I am so glad that Voula agreed to let me become an official apprentice to her when Xena left."

"Then you have agreed to stay here for the next five months?" Both Voula and Gabrielle nodded in response. Voula, however, also smiled.

"Then I think it is time for you to go through our initiation."

Gabrielle turned to the healer who fought to hide her smile. "Is that a good idea? I mean, am I too busy with my studies?"

"I think it is a wonderful idea, my friend, and we can work it in around your studies."

Even in her fragile state, Gabrielle sensed that there was more going on than the two amazons were letting on. She hoped she was up for it.

Chapter 41

The moon competed with the evening sun for attention. The dark warrior ignored them both. She felt the muscles of her mare working beneath her and listened to the world go on around her. In the week since she left the amazon trading village, the warrior vomited nearly every day. After the fourth day, she came upon a group of four raiders. Thankfully, they were armed and stupid enough to attack her. She took out her anger with every blow that connected especially the ones that resulted in broken bones. The nausea remained but she sat straighter in the saddle the rest of the trip home.

Amphipolis would be before her soon. She reined Argo in and collected herself. The village and her family were not going to get a look at her without Gabrielle and devastated too. This warrior had too much pride for that. She began to turn herself to stone. The familiar process worked from the inside out slowly making its way to her roiling gut.

The thick voice coincided with a blast of heat at her side.

"Nice job, Xena. If I didn’t know better, I'd think you hadn't just gotten dumped like a sack of yesterday's falafel."

"Ares, I am in no mood for you."

"Yeah, well, I'm all you’ve got left. Since the do-gooder decided she could do gooder without you." The god of war broke out into raucous laughter. He made a show of placing his mirth under control. "She just wasn't in the mood for you anymore, was she." He fought back a grin.

Xena glared at him from atop the war-horse. "You came to gloat, then gloat. Let me know when you're done so I can get on my way."

"Gloat? Well, yes, I guess I did come here for a taste of humble pie. Yours, that is." He moved closer to the warrior and cocked his head. "And it is yummy. But I also wanted to congratulate you too."

The turmoil in Xena’s stomach increased with the god's proximity. "I'm out of here, Ares. I’ve got no time for this anymore."

"Oh really? What have you got better to do? You knew it would come to this and now you’ve got it, Xena. Glory in it! Rejoice!"

"What are you talking about?"

The brawny god stepped back and disappeared, only to reappear mounted on a white steed on her other side. "I'm talking about your victory, Xena. This is what you always wanted to happen. This is what you’ve been waiting for." The god steered his stallion to circle Argo until they were side by side facing Amphipolis.

"They all betray you, Xena. They all abandon you." He leaned over to mark her with his hot breath. "They always have, and they always will." He paused and savored the shudder that coursed through the warrior’s body. "All except me."

"Didn’t you get enough the last time, when your attempt to win me back back-fired and I realized I can resist my dark side on my own?"

"That was before you found out that Gabrielle, and others, can get along without you as well." The god’s eyes bore into her and he nodded his head toward Amphipolis. "C'mon, I’ll race you."

Ares thrust his heels into the horse’s ribs and leaned into the animal's resulting strides. Xena urged Argo to catch him and she obeyed. The warrior princess was two lengths behind the god when they came to the last curve in the road before Amphipolis. As Argo made the turn, Xena saw only the dust from Ares's mount and her village beyond. She slowed Argo, then sped up again when she spied a provisional gallows rising out of a crowd of villagers.

A hooded form with a noose around his neck dropped through the trap door in the scaffold as Xena did a flip off Argo. She landed on the steps to the platform. Her head whipped around noting the familiar faces in the crowd. The last face she found was that of the hangman. It was Draco.

"Draco, no!" she cried as she took the last three steps as one and raced to cut the thick rope around Giannis neck. "Not like this."

Giannis’s twitching form swung and jerked causing the fresh timber supporting his almost dead weight to creak. The villagers who turned out for the execution were mostly silent. The rest were at home, waiting until the unpleasantness was over and the village square was put back in order. None of them tried to interfere with Xena. Celeste watched the warrior struggle to hold up Giannis body with one arm and slice the noose from his neck with the other.

"His neck is already broken, Xena. Let him go."

Xena glanced at Draco. His eyes were glazed. She couldn’t tell if he was still going through withdrawal from the drugs or if he was coming out of the spell. "Not...like...this," she said with a grunt and cut through the rope. She used both hands to lay his body flat. When she removed the hood, she saw that Celeste was right. She had only prolonged the inevitable. The dying man gurgled out his last breath while staring blindly into Xena’s contorted face.

Draco tumbled to the same wooden scaffold, landing painfully on his palms and knees. "What is happening to me?"

Celeste looked from Xena to Draco. She went to the hangman who was shaking his head. She knelt beside Draco and held him by the back and shoulder. "What is happening to him, Xena?"

"He’s coming out from under a spell." The flat tone of her voice gave the healer a chill. "He'll be just fine. It'll just take a little longer because he's been under it for so long."

The warlord’s brown eyes squeezed shut and he dropped his forehead to the saw dust covered surface. An animal growl rumbled in his chest. The healer stroked his back. The man had made great strides in the past weeks. He had regained some of his former strength once the withdrawal induced nausea subsided. She hated to see a patient of hers in the grips of divine agony.

"Xena, you act like you wanted him to stay spellbound."

The turmoil on Xena’s features faded and she covered Giannis’s face and made her way to the healer and her former colleague. "No. I wanted to free him of the charm. I just didn’t want it to be like this." The warrior knelt at Draco’s side and helped him to sit up. He was on the edge of consciousness mumbling about golden showers. Xena raised an eyebrow then recalled watching Cupid release Gabrielle from the control of Bliss's arrow.

"There are other ways to release him besides taking a life. I wanted to give him the chance to start over and remain on the side of good if he wished. It will be harder now, if not impossible, since he has released himself by way of vengeance." Xena searched the crowd again for her family.

Celeste noticed and reassured her that they were fine. "They just didn't want to see this."

"I told my mother that nothing was to be done about Giannis until I returned." She turned to the town magistrate who was watching from the opposite side of the scaffold. "Why didn’t you wait?" she demanded to know.

"You were gone nearly three weeks, Xena. We grew tired of keeping him in food."

"But I warned you to keep Draco away from the prisoner." Her icy blue eyes flashed, causing the middle-aged man to step back two paces. "So you let him execute Giannis?"

"There were witnesses who spoke on Draco's behalf, Xena. Their testimony was compelling."

"Who? Who testified to allow Draco to kill this man?" She was on her feet now, her voice booming.

"Iolaus and Cyrene. They said they saw the convicted man abuse your friend without mercy. They said if anyone deserved to pull that lever, it would be him so long as he was willing. He was." Despite the trembling in his voice, the judge kept his eyes locked on the warrior's. "I agreed with them." He took a deep breath. "I stand by my decision."

Chapter 42

"But there are more than 100 amazons in this village."

"I believe the exact number is 137." Tasia smiled like she was offering the visiting queen a piece of fruit.

"And you expect me to offer my services to each and every one of them?" The young woman's voice rose with every word.

"Yes, of course. But don’t forget they must reciprocate."

The bard mulled this over for a moment, trying to grasp exactly what the queen was saying. The general and Voula sat watching Gabrielle pace before their queen. There was plenty of room to maneuver in the queen's quarters.

"Okay," started Gabrielle who finally stood still. "Just what exactly must I do for 137 different women?"

"That is up to you and them. You work it out among you. If you find a pair or a group who wants to bargain together, so be it. As long as every one agrees, it is binding."

"Could you give some examples here, please?" Gabrielle sounded more fearful than frustrated, so Tasia took her by the hand and led her to sit on large burgundy cushion.

"Usually it is something like cleaning or cooking. Maybe you will have to pull some guard duty. With your talents you might be called upon to write a love note or two." The queen caught her lover's expression and knew what Athanasia would be negotiating for. "Like I said, you will work that out with your sisters."

"All of them, huh. Even Kiriaki?"

"Oh yes. Even Kiriaki."

"All right. I’ll do it." The bard’s uncertain gaze fell on Voula. "Are you sure this will help me?"

"I am. If I am wrong will it be such a burden to you to have gone through with our initiation?"

Gabrielle thought about this. "No. I don’t mind helping people. It just seems so planned, though. Xena and I helped when we were asked. We didn’t go door to door and offer to sweep the floors."

"We don’t look at it as helping people, my friend," explained the healer. "Although people do often get the help they need." She smiled. "It’s getting late," Voula said while getting to her feet. "Let’s get you home. You will be busy for a long while to come."

Gabrielle felt safe with Voula's arm around her shoulder. For an instant, she wondered if the healer's taste for younger amazons extended to herself. She chuckled and chased the thought from her head as the pair crossed the compound.

"I'm glad you are feeling well enough to laugh."

"I know, so am I. It really helped just to talk about how I was feeling. That and you saying you could help me. But, I still don't see how boiling Stavroula's vegetables and cleaning Lexia's trout will help me get over this sadness."

Voula held back the curtain to her home for the troubled apprentice. "You will, Gabrielle. You will be amazed at what the initiation can do for someone like you." The two other apprentices were on their cots in the next room so Voula motioned Gabrielle to her bedroom.

"We were talking so long at Tasia's I forgot how late it was. Why don't you wash up here so as not to wake the others."

The bard undressed slowly and stretched her arms and her back once she was naked. The cool night air felt good on her skin. The heat wave had broken two days earlier, but the summer reached its zenith in a few weeks. A new round of sweltering days and stagnant nights promised an imminent visit.

The washcloth felt rough, but cool. Gabrielle's eyes were as scratchy as the material bringing goosebumps to her flesh. I thought I felt old during all of the heartache of the last year. She took a break to stretch her back again; her reward was a solid crackling of her spine. Now I feel ancient. She dropped the cloth in the basin and gripped the edge of the table with both hands. My gods, she thought. I'm even too tired to cry.

When Voula returned she found Gabrielle perched on the edge of her bed. The bard wore one of Voula's sleeping shifts. The faded blue green fabric gave the woman an air of lively energy she did not possess. She stared into space, the corners of her mouth dipped down.

"That looks lovely on you, Queen Gabrielle."

The comment had the desired effect and brought the bard out of her revelry. "Thanks. I hope you don't mind. I didn't want to wake the others up digging around for something." She paused. "Hey, I thought we were past that 'Queen Gabrielle' stuff."

Voula removed her midnight blue top, folded the sleeveless garment, and began to wash up. "We are. Sometimes it just seems too appropriate to ignore."

"Now? Now I seem ...queenly?"

"Gabrielle, you showed a lot of courage tonight. It isn't easy to admit you need help, and you haven't known us all that long. You bared your soul to us tonight. You took a big risk. I'm proud of you."

The bard pondered that. This gray-eyed healer with so much wisdom and compassion never failed to say things that turned everything Gabrielle had ever been taught upside down. "It didn't feel courageous, Voula. It felt like I didn't have a choice at all, like if I didn't run to you I would have died."

"What were you thinking before you came to Queen Tasia's hut?" Voula didn't look at Gabrielle. She finished squeezing the water from her washcloth and slipped a lightweight shift over her shoulders while the apprentice searched her memory.

"I was wondering why our love tangled and... and twisted so quickly. We were only lovers for a few weeks before things... before Xena changed. At first her passion seeped into me and took over all my senses. Her love was like the sweet scent of red and white peonies in spring. So strong and so powerful, the fragrance clings to your body, enters your skin, and fills your lungs. Then she changed. Just when I thought we were getting closer, she moved away." Gabrielle tilted her head and rubbed her hands together. After a moment, she focused on Voula and remembered the question she needed to finish answering.

"I was thinking that I should run to find Xena and make her take me back."

"That's what I thought." Voula sat beside her young friend. "It took a lot of courage to pull yourself out of self-pity to come and actively seek help. Your first instinct was to return to what you know: Life with Xena. Your second was to hide in a fantasy, a memory of a more pleasant past." They both smiled at that. "It certainly sounds pleasant, if overwhelming."

Gabrielle leaned into the healer and rested her tired head on the sturdy shoulder. "But I didn't do either of those. I came to you."

"Exactly. You came to me, knowing that I will help you and that it won't be easy. However, it will be worth it." Voula finished her speech with a firm hug. Gabrielle crawled into the healer's bed, grateful at her suggestion that the bard not sleep alone that night. She prayed to Artemis that Xena was at peace that night too.

Chapter 43

Xena entered the inn alone. Cyrene and Iolaus looked up from the pastry dough on the table before them. The pair smiled and Cyrene hurried to her daughter.

"Welcome home, Xena. We've been worried about you. From the looks of it, with good reason." The elder woman's eyes took in the haunted look and weary posture of the warrior. "I'm sorry you had to return to such a horrid spectacle. Is it over?"

"If you think it's such a horrible thing, why did you speak in favor of it?" Xena asked, holding her mother at bay with a look.

When Cyrene's confused expression didn't waver, Xena continued. "Don't play games with me, Mother. Did you or didn't you testify that Draco should be allowed to execute Giannis?"

"Xena, I did. And I know that you said not to. But Iolaus and I talked it over and since the only other way for the spell to be broken was to kill Gabrielle, we decided that justice would be served by allowing it."

The tall warrior's nostrils flared and her chest expanded with the sharp breath. "You know very well that I have ways of getting around the gods." She took a step back from the woman who was reaching out to touch her arm. "I specifically told you to wait for me and to keep Draco away from him. What's to become of Draco now?"

Cyrene fought the instinct to cower in the presence of the warrior princess. "I'm sorry, Xena. But you weren't here. It was pointless to keep that murderer alive any longer. And Draco pleaded to be the one to exact justice." She lowered her voice and tried again to lay her hand on her child. "Besides, if he is going to choose the path of redemption, this won't stop him. There was no guarantee that your solution would have ensured that."

Xena glanced around the room and took in the few people who wanted no part of the execution outside. While she wasn't looking at her mother, she could allow the physical affection the older woman bestowed. Cyrene's fingers left a trail of sticky dough along the warrior's arm on their way to grasping her hand. The dark warrior felt herself being led over to the table with the former slave.

"Iolaus, bring us some cider and ale will you?"

The boy hurried off and Xena took his seat. "I know you wanted to make it easier for Draco, Xena, but either way his path is his choice. Perhaps we made a mistake. Can you forgive me?"

The door opened and overheated villagers and travelers filed in to the shady tavern. Xena watched her mother get up to serve them without waiting for an answer. She heard Ares's words echo in her memory and she didn't know whether to laugh or cry.

She wondered if he knew how close he was to turning her. He always made the mistake, though, of going too far. She ran her hand through her sweaty bangs, leaving pieces of dough in the coarse tresses. "Sorry, Ares. But my memory is too good to believe that last one."

A rowdy group of three men took a table by the door and another group of four was impatiently grumbling at a table by the window. Cyrene placed mugs at a third table in the corner opposite Xena's and went over to greet the newcomers.

"Hey, you old hag, we were here first." The sound came from the smallest of the four. Iolaus had just brought Xena her ale and set it gingerly before her. The silence of the rest of the patrons was masked by the ribald hooting and whooping of the men by the window.

Cyrene looked to Xena then back at the threesome of townsfolk before her. "I'll be right back, Stellios."

Cyrene made her way quickly to the other table. "I'm sorry. Those are my friends and I didn't notice that you were waiting. What can I get for you."

"A younger and prettier serving wench for one thing," yelled the big mouth with the red beard. "Unless you fancy her, Alexandros. You're closer to her age and you like them older ones." He elbowed Alexandros in the ribs then leaned over the table and said in a stage whisper to another cohort, "He says they're so grateful they'll fuck you all night."

He turned his attention back to Cyrene who was fighting valiantly to keep the disgust off her face. "So what do you say there, Harpy? Did that hanging turn you on enough to fuck my friend Alexandros all night?"

"You aren't from around here are you?"

Alexandros was the only one at the table who turned to look over his shoulder at the owner of the confident voice behind him. He found himself staring into soulless eyes framed by a face that could have been chiseled in granite. He'd been around the warrior business long enough to know when he was outclassed. He wanted no part of this warrior woman with the resemblance to the barmaid.

"Christos," he said, slapping his friend on the arm. "Christos," he said louder.

"What do you want? I already tried to fix you up with her. She's probably all dried out anyway..."

By now the other two men at the table had noticed the menacing warrior standing behind Christos. Cyrene opened her mouth to tell Xena to let her handle it when Alexandros called to his redheaded friend one more time.

"Christos, will you shut up?"

"Why?"

"Because she wants to ask you something." Alexandros pointed his thumb up and back. Christos turned in his chair to find out who was interrupting his fun. He squinted at the warrior who was backlit by the now setting sun. He could tell from her clothing and her stance that she was a polished warrior. "What do you want?"

Xena pondered the question in the silence of the room. "What I want is to slam that pug nose of yours up into your questionable brain and watch the sickening bits slosh out. But what I'll settle for is to watch your sorry butts running out the door and away from my village."

"Xena..."

"Stay out of this, Mother."

"Xena? Mother?" Alexandros pushed his chair to the side away from the warrior woman. "Christos, you fucking moron. You started shit with the mother of fucking Xena of fucking Amphipolis."

The other two of the foursome pushed their chairs back and began to stand up.

"Hey, there's four of us. We can take her," Christos said with a practiced but wobbly sneer.

"Xena. Please let me handle this. These men didn't mean to insult me and I'm sure they will be happy to sit here and act like proper warriors for the rest of the night. Right men?"

Three of the four nodded vigorously and even Christos managed to spit out a "fine."

"I know you're in the mood to engage in some bloodletting, Daughter. And if they step out of line again, you have my permission to step in. So long as you don't break any of my furniture, that is." Cyrene smiled. "You boys'll be having my finest ale then, right?"

Xena slunk back to the doughy table and the tavern noises resumed, softly at first, then growing as more people arrived who were unaware of the previous conflict. She was glad in a way to have not unleashed her anger in her mother's home. But that also meant she was still carrying it with her.

Chapter 44

The hut was on the outskirts of the village. Dew had attached itself to Gabrielle's sandals on the way. She cocked her head to listen for sounds of life coming from inside. She heard water splashing and took a deep breath. She balled a fist and used it to gently knock.

"Who is it?" came a voice still coarse with sleep.

"It's Gabrielle."

"Gabrielle? Hold on." Lexia pulled back the curtain and the wispy morning light seeped into her hut. "Is everything all right?"

The blonde watched Lexia blink and rub the sleep out of her eyes before answering. "Yes, I just knew you were an early-riser. Can I come in?"

Lexia held the curtain back for her surprise guest and offered her a seat. The hut was much smaller than Voula's and more sparsely furnished than Kiriaki's. Through a door to the sleeping room, Gabrielle saw another figure sleeping on a cot. Lexia offered Gabrielle some tea.

"I didn't know you shared quarters."

"Yeah, that's my roommate. You've met her, Gabrielle. She's one of Stavroula's gang." Lexia measured out the herbs for the tea and glanced back at the bard. "Most of them are pretty nice when you get to know them separately."

The blonde decided to let that go. She was here for another reason. "Lexia, I need a favor." Lexia nodded and the bard continued.

"I'm going to be initiated into your tribe. I was wondering if I could start with you."

"Sure, but why me?"

"Because I know you but not really well. I don't know if that makes sense but I just feel safer starting with you." Lexia nodded. "So what can I do for you?"

Lexia got up to check on the water. "You really are in a hurry with this aren't you? I mean I hadn't even heard that you were joining us. Give me a minute to wake up here."

The young warrior in the other room grumbled and rearranged herself on the cot. In less than an hour most of the rest of the village would be up and organizing. The weather had cooled in the last few days and they were expecting a lot of traders. Lexia returned with two mugs in one hand and a kettle of hot water in the other. She motioned with her chin for Gabrielle to clear off a space among the weapons and paintbrushes on the table.

"Let me see. I know. I really wanted to see Antigone again tonight but she says she has to make rounds to the elder women of the village this evening. Why don't you take her shift for her?"

"It's a deal." Gabrielle grinned. This was pretty easy. She wondered why she had been so nervous.

"What do you want in return?"

Gabrielle fingered the handle of her mug. The pottery was fine and thin and nearly perfect in shape. Blue green swirls dotted with bright yellow accents swam around the outside and a very pale green lined the inside of the vessel. "Could you make me a mug like this?"

"Do you want the same colors?"

"Uh huh. They're lovely."

"I can have it for you in two days."

"No rush, Lexia." Gabrielle sipped her tea. She was aware that Lexia was studying her now that she was more fully awake. There was a cough from the other room. "Maybe I should go, I don't want to wake up your roommate."

""Don't worry about her. Finish your tea." Lexia said, a little too strongly. Gabrielle was sure she had something on her mind.

"Listen Gabrielle, I know this is none of my business, but why are you avoiding Cassa?"

"I'm not avoiding her. I've been avoiding everyone."

"Maybe so. But before when things were bothering you she was the one you did talk to."

Gabrielle realized how her behavior the last week must have seemed to Cassa. She vowed to talk to her the first chance she got. Her thoughts were obvious to Lexia.

"You know Cassa is my closest friend. She's been wanting to talk to you for a while now."

Gabrielle's expression changed again. "I know she has. I'm not sure I'll know what to say to her."

Lexia smiled. "Just tell her the truth. That's all she wants to share with you and all she expects in return."

**************

Gabrielle stood in the middle of the village compound. A few vendors were setting up their wares and the smells of breakfasts cooking all over the village added to Gabrielle's sense of optimism. The searing heat was a memory and life was returning to the village and to her soul. The bard was hungry. Still she took another minute to savor the feeling and the view of amazons preparing for a new day. She leaned on her staff and looked around at what was beginning to feel like home.

A commotion over at the stables caught her attention. A tall dark amazon struggled to hold the reins of a frisky mare and calm the horse at the same time. The woman's strength and compassion for the animal combined with her dark hair and imposing build brought images of Xena to mind. Gabrielle immediately felt self-conscious. Even the way she stood bracing her weight on her staff felt like a connection to the warrior princess.

The optimism dissolved away. She started walking back to Voula's with visions of a leather-clad warrior following her. She started to run. The ghosts pursued. She burst into the healers quarters and made for her room and her cot. She sat down and dropped her head onto her pillow trying to erase Xena from her thoughts. But her dark-haired lover was persistent. Xena was smiling, playful, angry, demanding, cold, withholding, smug, protective, proud, patient, loving, consuming, and frightened. Gabrielle couldn't make her go away and she wasn't sure she wanted to.

Chapter 45

"Did you see them help Draco into Celeste's house? You'd think killing that other bastard would've given him a real rush." The voice rose above the others in the tavern and accosted Xena like a bad smell. "I know I'd be feeling mighty proud if I'd been the one to yank that lever."

From where she sat, Xena couldn't see the face of the man speaking and she didn't care to figure out which he was. The entire room was abuzz with townsfolk and visitors arguing about which angle gave the better view of the dead man's final convulsive moment alive, and who was downwind of him as his bowels released. One townswoman swore she heard the crack of his neck amidst the cheers of the crowd.

Xena hung her head and tried to make sense of the day. A small flame of anger at her mother glowed within, but Cyrene's explanation also made sense. The warrior in her struggled to hang on to her convictions in the face of arguments and evidence to the contrary.

Celeste told her when this whole adventure began that she had to start letting go of what was out of her control. Part of Xena longed to abdicate her responsibility to be the one to fix everything for everyone. She even had to admit that people wouldn't always do what she wanted. But how would it feel to stop maneuvering to get them to? Maybe she had just been going about it wrong and had to try a different tack.

Some drunks staggered toward the door and Xena's attention returned to her surroundings. She watched Cyrene and Iolaus clearing two empty tables and wondered where her brother was. What the warrior really wanted was to clear everyone out and talk to Cyrene. The older woman looked tired, but better than she had when Xena left to retrieve Gabrielle. Xena also knew that Cyrene needed the dinars the morbid celebrations were bringing. With a sigh, she pushed herself to a standing position to help her mother.

*********************

Iolaus was napping on a bench in the corner and Cyrene was scraping the dried dough from the table by the bar. The room was finally peaceful after a long night of drinking and the mayhem it incited. Xena stood watching from the doorway, having returned from checking on Argo.

"Mother, let me get that. It's late and you need your rest."

"This is all I have left to do," she answered, brushing back a stray wisp of hair with the back of a sticky hand. "Then I'll just check on Toris and go to bed."

"How is he?" Xena crossed to her mother, stopping to straighten the tables and chairs in her path.

"He was doing wonderfully until he pushed himself too hard helping to build that monstrosity out there."

"The gallows?" Xena asked, already knowing the answer.

"Mmm hmm." Cyrene paused from cleaning the table to glance at the sleeping youth. "Xena, his family is gone," she whispered, motioning to Iolaus. "We sent word to his village since he was anxious to let his mother know that he was all right and would return to them soon. A message came back that they were killed last month."

Xena thought of asking how but realized she didn't really want to know. "What is he going to do?" She listened to her mother's answer while watching the boy dream.

"He's welcome to stay here until he decides. He's a good boy, Xena."

The dark warrior nodded. She turned her gaze to her mother. "What about you? Have you had any other spells?"

Cyrene leaned into the last glob of dough on the table and pried it loose. She used a wet rag to wipe any remnants of the mess. "Nope. Not a one."

She grinned at her daughter. "But the men of the house have been making sure I get my rest."

Xena managed a smile and sat down. Cyrene moved a chair next to her. "Now comes the 64,000 dinar question," the elder woman said as she reached for her daughter's hand. "Where's Gabrielle?"

***********************

Cyrene listened patiently to Xena's explanation, asking questions where she knew she had been given a bare bones version and easing up when her daughter's eyes threatened to tear. When Xena was finished, Cyrene pulled the hesitant warrior into an embrace.

"I'm sorry. I know how much you must be hurting."

Xena closed her eyes and let her mother's love begin to thaw her brittle exterior, until the warmth was deep enough to stir her to tears. Then she pulled back and looked away.

"So. What are you going to do about it?" Cyrene asked wiping her own eyes.

"I'm not sure there's anything I can do."

"There's always something," Cyrene offered with a mischievous glint in her eyes. "You can't just give up, Xena."

"But Gabrielle said she didn't think we could be together."

"Your father said that to me every six months. He always changed his mind. And the same with me. He always won me back. Did you even try to change her mind?"

"Not really."

Cyrene shook her head. Not only had Xena given up too quickly, she sat there looking confused at the suggestion she do otherwise.

"Look, Gabrielle doesn't know what she wants, right?"

"It seems that way, yes."

"Then you just have to convince her that what she wants is you."

"But..."

No buts. You listen to me. I've heard that some pirates are threatening to attack Pydna."

"So?"

"So, from what you've told me, the village where Gabrielle is staying is on the way to Pydna."

"Yeah..." Xena was beginning to get the drift of Cyrene's idea.

"So you stop there to see her on the way. Tell her you need her help. She'll eat that up like nutbread."

"Why would I be going to Pydna and why would I need her help?"

"Because your aunt lives in Pydna." Cyrene paused, deep in thought. "Can't you figure out why you would need Gabrielle's help?"

Xena remembered Cyrene's mention of her aunt a few weeks earlier. She had said she loved women. "Are there really pirates harassing Pydna?"

Chapter 46

"Voula, I think Gabrielle is upset about something."

The healer frowned at the interruption to her work. "Can't you see I'm busy, Elefteria?"

"I'm Antigone."

"Whatever." Voula sighed dramatically and dropped her quill on the table next to the parchment. She narrowed her eyes and aimed a fierce gaze at her apprentice. "What is so important that it couldn't wait?"

"Gabrielle is lying on her cot and she hasn't moved to get up. She was up and out early this morning but when she came back she was crying and awfully upset."

"So what else is new?" the slender woman mumbled to herself. "Did you ask her what's wrong?" she asked, glaring once more at the young amazon.

"No."

"I thought you wanted to be a healer? Heal."

"But you always talk to Gabrielle."

"She isn't crying in my room, she's crying in yours. If you're concerned, you talk to her."

"Is this some sort of test? Antigone asked, bewildered by Voula's attitude towards both herself and Gabrielle.

"Antigone..."

"All right. I'll go talk to her. But you haven't taught us much about healing the mind." Antigone sauntered back to the shared room, trying to appear in perfect control of the situation.

"Gabrielle, is something wrong?"

The blonde stirred but refused to look up at her fellow apprentice. Antigone was going under the assumption that it was a test, despite Voula's failure to answer that question. The apprentice sat on the edge of Gabrielle's cot and began to stroke her hair.

"That was a stupid question wasn't it? I know you're upset. What is it? What happened?"

The physical connection broke down Gabrielle's resistance and she found herself wanting to confide in Antigone. But how to explain what happened.

The bard turned on her side and the younger apprentice continued to soothe her with her tone and her touch.

"I'm sure it will help you to talk about it. Where did you go this morning?"

Gabrielle smiled when she remembered her conversation with Lexia. "I went to see Lexia."

Antigone's stroking froze, then continued a bit rougher. "Oh, really?"

The visiting queen's smile turned to a grin. "Yes, but don't worry. We were making plans for you to see her tonight."

Antigone's jealousy receded and Gabrielle explained the initiation agreement.

"That's great Gabrielle. Thank you. But is this going to be a problem for you?"

"Taking your rounds? No."

"No, I meant being queen of our village and also an initiate of this one."

"Oh. I don't know," answered the blonde, her brow furrowing in thought. "I suppose it could be."

"If that didn't upset you, then what did?"

The visiting queen raised up on her elbow and glanced down at the floor. "I was on my way home form talking to Lexia and I saw an amazon who reminded me of Xena. I felt..."

Antigone waited while the bard searched for the right words. Frustration caused the blonde to flop back down on the cot.

"I felt guilty."

The younger apprentice nodded although she really didn't understand. She figured it was what she ought to do. "Why did you feel guilty?"

Gabrielle chuckled. She finally looked Antigone in the eyes. "Because I'm so good at it."

The young apprentice was even more puzzled as her queen laughed. "Well, I told you that you would feel better if you talked about it. Although I really don't understand why you're laughing."

"I'm just beginning to understand it myself, Antigone." Gabrielle's hand rested gently on the apprentice's arm. "And yes, when I figure it out completely, I'll let you know all about it."

**********************

The three apprentices sat under a shade tree off to the side of the training field watching the warriors spar. Elefteria quietly chewed her grapes. The other pair discussed the treatment of various wounds the warrior's were almost inflicting on one another.

Antigone and Gabrielle were arguing about the proper procedure to follow for a headwound resulting in unconsciousness when Elefteria nearly choked on a seed. She coughed it out and struggled to catch her breath.

"Are you okay, Bedbug?"

"If you don't *cough* stop calling me that, *cough*, Antigone..."

"What are you gonna do about it?"

"I've a mind to not point out your girlfriend looking all buff and warrior-like."

"Where?" Antigone's eyes bugged and she searched the amazon warriors for Lexia. "Where?" she asked again, swatting her friend on the shoulder.

Elefteria shook her head, but pointed to another shady spot on the other side of the field. "She's over there with Cassa and Kiriaki."

"Cassa and Kiriaki?" Gabrielle dropped her sandwich and stood up to get a better look at the group. The recent break in the heat wave had been bringing merchants and craftswomen back to the field at midday to keep their fighting skills sharp.

Cassa and Lexia left Kiriaki and strode out to a hard patch of ground near the center of the field. They carried a couple of water skins each and a staff slung over the opposite shoulder. Cassa had an additional weapon; a sword slung low on her hip.

The pair of friends dropped their supplies and made brief small talk with the amazons who were limping on their way to rest in the shade. They seemed oblivious to the women watching intently from the end of the field.

Gabrielle sat back down and all three of the apprentices now watched in silence as the weaver and the potter warmed up.

As the crack of wood got louder a few warriors paused their sparring to watch Cassa and Lexia. At first, the two appeared to be evenly matched but the more Cassa sweat, the more involved she became with the match. Lexia was obviously outclassed and she happily blocked Cassa's blows without striking any of her own.

"Wow. She's good," Antigone said. "I'm glad she's going easy on my honey."

Gabrielle just watched as Cassa alternately wove a spell with her elegant moves and attacked with strength and speed, all the while making Lexia look good by remaining on her feet.

Cassa backed off and came to a stop. Lexia turned to see where her partner was looking and found herself nose to nose with a very determined looking Kiriaki.

"You warmed up now, Cassa?"

The weaver nodded. Lexia stepped away, panting and thirsty.

"You know Stavroula probably heard you're on the field. What do you say I help you get ready for her?" Kiriaki unsheathed her sword.

Chapter 47

Her pale eyes squinted against the onslaught of the midmorning sun. Having been up late working in the tavern and talking with her mother, the warrior slept the night through for the first time in weeks. The last week since she had left the amazon village without her companion had been the worst.

This morning she visited with Toris and teased him about being back in his sickbed. Afterward, she found Cyrene busy in the kitchen and decided to go find Draco.

The main road was busy. Amphipolis thrived under its reputation as the birthplace of the Destroyer of Nations. Not that the villagers would admit that during her years as a warlord. Even now that she was on her path of redemption, they still liked to give themselves credit for the town's peace and prosperity.

Xena wore her leathers but not her armor. She left her sword at her mother's but brought her chakram. Groups of children playing in the street slowed her progress. They kicked leather balls and chased each other waving disgusting creatures in their hands like weapons.

The warrior chuckled to herself even as a stiff squashed rodent bounced off her thigh. The young boy who had thrown it was paralyzed with fear when he saw who it had hit. Then he regained his senses and bolted for a nearby alley followed by most of the gang.

A young girl of about ten summers grabbed the rat by the tail and started after them.

"Where do you think you're going Missy?" The throaty voice crackled with menace. Its owner was propped against a hut with a clear view of the village square. Xena recognized him as one of the patrons who toasted loudest and longest the previous night.

"I was going to get rid of this rat, Papa."

"Don't you lie to me. You were playing. I told you to go milk the goats. now get your little butt over to the pen before I beat it with my belt." The leather-clad man ran a trembling hand through his sandy locks and belched.

The girl stood and stared at her father defiantly for a moment before dropping her smelly toy and walking toward her home.

Even in the cool morning air, the man was sweating. He was joined by a friend with a wineskin just as his daughter passed him, walking as far from his reach as she could manage and still get to the back of the hut where the goats and chickens were.

Xena thought of going over to teach the father something about discipline. The two men swallowed greedily from the skin then slapped each other on the back. The little girl was out of sight so Xena continued on to Celeste's instead of getting involved. She knew her desire to inflict some pain was about much more than this stranger's bad treatment of his child.

Celeste stood in her doorway, arms crossed and face shining in the sun. She noted the wistful expression on her warrior friend's face as well as the tense set of her broad shoulders.

As Xena approached, she raised a questioning eyebrow at the healer.

"What?"

"Nothing, Xena. How are you today?"

"Fine," Xena drawled. "How's Draco?"

"I'm not too bad. My elbow tells me rain is coming. Bad news for my elbow but good news for the crops."

The warrior frowned. "I...I didn't mean to..."

"I know you are revered as a warrior, Xena. You were a leader of armies for years. You take care of business first and foremost. But you are more than what you do. You might want to start developing those other areas."

"Despite the fact that you irritate me Celeste, why do I believe what you're saying is important but I never quite understand the meaning?"

Celeste chuckled. "I'm not sure, Xena. Sounds like something for me to work on." She led the way into the hut. "C'mon in. I'll take you to Draco."

The warlord sat on a stool at the foot of the cot. His blank eyes stared straight ahead at a spot on the wall. Celeste announced to him that he had a visitor and , after reaching up to squeeze Xena's shoulders, she retreated to the kitchen.

"Draco, we need to talk."

"What's there to say? I'm leaving as soon as I'm able. Or as soon as this medicine woman lets me go."

"That's not what I meant." The warrior's tone was gentle but traces of her own vulnerability were gone. "I want to apologize to you. It's because of me that you're in this mess."

Draco shook his head. His long mane of hair hung loose on one side of his head. "I've heard the story, Xena. That whole thing with Cupid must've seemed pretty ridiculous to you. I acted like a fool." He stopped and looked at her.

"Let's just call it even for all I've done to you over the years. You shouldn't have left me under that spell - that curse. But once Giannis got involved, your guilt paled."

Xena's face was relaxed and her expression open. She nodded and asked her former colleague what he planned on doing when he left Amphipolis.

"Why? Do you want to join up with me?" He snorted and continued. "I've got so much to offer," he announced, spreading his arms side. His muscles were so diminished; the warlord's gesture would have been pathetic were it serious.

"Where's your latest anyway, Xena? She afraid I'll still have some residual attraction? Ha. She's hardly my type." He stood.

"What are you really here for, Xena? Absolution? Fine. I forgive you. Verification that I'm not a threat to your precious village? That's obvious. So, what do you want? To gloat? Then get it over with. I'm due for my daily walk around the garden in a little while."

"I wanted to offer you my help if you wanted to do something besides leading mercenaries and thugs the rest of your life." Xena stood to leave. "You think about it and let me know."

"What thugs and mercenaries are going to be following me anytime soon, huh? I can barely swing my sword." He sat back down on his cot and Xena turned back to face him.

"Draco..."

"And not only that but all those men of Giannis' are still out there to spread stories of how I was kept drugged in a cage and fucked by my master every other night. That'll earn me a lot of respect."

"Respect? You call what we had as warlords respect? You have a chance now to learn what that word really means."

The blue fire shot from her eyes and forced down any retort the beaten man could think of. He lowered his head. Xena sighed in frustration and regret. How did Gabrielle get so good at these sensitive chats? And how did she put up with me?

Chapter 48

Cassa crouched to pick up her sword by the water skins where she'd deposited it. Lexia came around behind her and tickled her.

"Have you been practicing enough to go up against her?" she asked in a low voice.

"Are you asking if you should bet on me?"

From Cassa's position, she couldn't see the smile on Lexia's face.

"You got me. So?"

"Sure, just don't bet the hut."

Cassa stretched to her full height, unsheathed her simple sword and swung it in increasingly complex patterns. Lexia scampered to a couple of warriors to place bets on her friend.

Most of the amazons on the field had stopped practice and gathered to watch their second in command spar with one of their youngest heroes ever. Most of the seasoned warriors were not irked by Cassa's choice to be a weaver instead of serving full time as a warrior. It was only Stavroula and some of the other up-and-coming warriors who saw Cassa's decision as a weakness.

"Ready?" asked Kiriaki.

Cassa took a long swallow of water. One more swallow that she spit out and she stood in position, sword raised, and answered, "Ready."

Kiriaki, the taller by a few inches, swung lazily at the weaver. The clang of the blades was crisp, sounding almost musical against the relative quiet of the surroundings. Cassa countered with a double handed overhead swing. After a few repetitions of the same moves at increasing speeds, Cassa spun full around, dropping to one knee and aiming her blade for Kiriaki's left side.

An easy block from the warrior was followed by a kick at the weaver's head. She ducked and came up swinging and let loose a warcry much more common than Xena's but filled with a similar joy of battle. Gabrielle's jaw dropped momentarily as the two women lunged at each other. They landed blows almost at will with fists and sword hilts, but without causing injuries.

"It's like they know exactly where to hit each other," said Antigone. "Let's get closer." She dragged her fellow apprentices by the hands.

It looked to Gabrielle like Antigone was right. They were close enough now to see that the fighter's were not pulling punches so much as aiming where they would do the least damage.

Kiriaki and Cassa simultaneously back flipped away from each other and the crowd of onlookers scurried to make room. The pair suddenly lunged at each other again this time slicing and blocking with ferocious strength.

The taller amazon used her size advantage and rained down blow after blow. Cassa blocked each one but had little time to counter and her arms were feeling the strain. Kiriaki growled and her sapphire eyes gleamed with impending victory.

Cassa backed up under the pressure. Kiriaki cocked her arm for one final swing and the weaver took the split second reprieve to alter her grip and whip her blade around to swing it up from her right hip as Kiriaki's arced downward from over her right shoulder. The second in command realized her mistake before the blades collided.

Gabrielle thought she saw sparks shoot off the clashing swords, but told herself it was just the sun glinting off the polished bronze. Cassa's double handed grip combined with Kiriaki's overconfidence resulted in the taller amazon's weapon flipping through the air and landing where Lexia had just been standing.

The two competitors froze waiting for the other to either make a move or call the match over. Although the heatwave had abated, it was still summer and the midday sun enjoyed the effect it was having and smiled down more rays.

Kiriaki held out her arm to Cassa. The weaver took it and pulled Kiriaki in for an embrace. The nearby visiting queen caught her breath at the sight. She wasn't sure she would ever understand amazons, not to mention warriors.

Cassa caught sight of the bard and approached her. She opened her mouth to speak but was interrupted by the impact of a full-grown amazon potter on her back.

"Fifty dinars," Lexia hollered as she and her quarry tumbled to the ground. The happy amazon lay on her friend and shook the bag of gold in the victor's ear. "I figure you deserve 20% of the winnings."

"For beating Kiriaki I'll take 20%, sure," Cassa said, lying limp under Lexia. In the next instant she had flipped the potter, straddled her, and taken possession of the sack of coins.

"And for beating you, I'll take another 30%."

The apprentices laughed. Gabrielle continued to grin as Cassa counted out her share on Lexia's belly. When a stray hand attempted to steal away a shiny dinar sliding down a rib, Cassa clenched her knees and warned, "Ah ah ah."

The bard's gaze was drawn to Kiriaki who was walking toward the village. The warrior came upon Stavroula. The two were talking too low for the bard to hear but Stavroula pointed at them and looked angry. Kiriaki calmly shook her head.

Gabrielle heard her name mentioned and returned her attention to her friends. Lexia was on her feet again and had her arm across Antigone's shoulders.

"Yeah, Gabrielle, thanks again. We're going to have a great evening."

"You're welcome."

"It was kind of you to cover for Antigone tonight." Cassa stood next to Gabrielle, her voice sounding richer and lower than usual. The bard continued to lean on her staff and smile at Antigone and Lexia who were now placing tiny kisses on each other's lips.

"I guess. But I didn't do it out of kindness. I'm sure Lexia told you that I've decided to become an initiate of your tribe, Cassa."

The weaver answered in the affirmative. Gabrielle turned to her. "I'm sorry I haven't seen you for a week. Maybe we could meet this time tomorrow?"

Cassa smiled and nodded. "I'd like that."

"At the waterfall?"

"Sure. You aren't expecting any more visitors, are you?"

"No." The bard's answer was filled with more emotions than she could name.

"Better get back to work. It's been a busy week. I'll see you tomorrow," the weaver called back over her shoulder.

"Cassa?"

"What?"

The visiting queen motioned to the area where Cassa had sparred. "That was great."

Cassa grinned and turned toward the village.

Chapter 49

"Celeste, when do you think he'll be ready to leave?"

The healer offered her guest a seat and some tea. Xena accepted both.

"He could take care of himself now."

"Then why are you keeping him here?"

"Because it saves him the embarrassment of asking to stay." Celeste leaned back in her chair and stretched out her legs until her toes almost touched Xena's boots.

"He's afraid. He thinks all of his old comrades and enemies will take advantage of his weakened state. He's probably right too. He's strong enough to leave here, but too weak to defend himself against the likes of..."

Against the likes of me. Or those like me."

The elder woman shrugged. It wasn't exactly what she was going to say, but she couldn't really argue with the statement. "What are you going to do now?"

"About Draco?"

"No, he's a big boy. He'll figure something out, Xena." She took a sip of tea and watched her guest as she did the same. "I meant in general. You came here to save your family and you did. You wanted to see Giannis face justice and you did, even if it wasn't the way you wanted it. Your mother is doing well and Toris's setback is minor. I don't imagine you'll be hanging around Amphipolis much longer."

Xena raised an eyebrow at the healer, whose voice and slight frown betrayed her feelings. "Celeste, if I didn't know better, I'd think you were going to miss me."

"You do bring some excitement to town with you. And some more challenging work for me than the nails in the feet and hammered thumbs I usually get." Celeste smiled.

Xena smiled too. She'd never been in Celeste's home before and it was having a surprising effect on her. She felt relaxed. She felt safe. She wanted to leave but needed to stay.

"I'm sorry to disappoint you, but I'm leaving today."

"For where?"

"Pydna."

**********************

"Xena, You're leaving already? You just arrived yesterday. I was hoping you would show me how to use a sword."

Xena saw the disappointment on Iolaus's young face. She was packed and Argo was saddled. After a long talk with Celeste and another brief visit with her mother and brother, the warrior was ready to be on her way.

"I'm sorry, Iolaus. Maybe when I get back from Pydna."

"You're coming back here right away then?"

Xena hadn't realized it but that had been her intention. Without Gabrielle she felt the need for a home base of sorts and this was the only permanent home she'd ever known.

"That's the plan. I want to thank you again for staying and helping Mother. We both appreciate it."

A look of sadness crossed the youth's face. He no longer had anywhere else to go. "I owe you both more than a little work around a tavern can hope to repay."

At a loss for words, Xena tousled his short dark hair before mounting Argo. "I'll see you in a few weeks time," she said with a crooked grin. She mounted Argo and rode out past the stables, her mother's home, the small pond where she used to catch frogs with Lyceus, and before long she was far enough away from Amphipolis not to feel the eyes of the boy on her back.

It felt good to be away from that town and those people who knew her or thought they did. Away from feelings she didn't want to face. The memories of her childhood. The father she barely remembered and the mother who spent so much time trying to appease him that she was too exhausted to give her children the love and comfort they craved. Two brothers, who were beaten by their father when their mother wasn't around to absorb the blows.

Xena's mind flashed on the child from that morning. The girl's father taking out his rage on her and forgetting it all with his first taste of wine. She pushed down the vague images of her own father, smelling of wine and leather and something sweet, dancing with Cyrene in their large kitchen after a good night of drinking. The memories faded, only to be replaced by a fresh one of the dark young Iolaus facing the world on his own at such a tender age. He was now just a bit older than Solan was when he died.

As night began to overtake the day, Xena realized she hadn't stopped to give herself or Argo a break since they had left. She found a spot to camp and made sure to pay special attention to her war-horse before taking care of herself. After a good brushing and a treat of two apples, Xena left Argo to settle down on a blanket in front of a small fire.

There was nothing to do but try to sleep. But she had gotten too much sleep the night before to feel tired. She sharpened her sword for a few moments but the sound made her feel more lonely. And the action was too repetitive to keep her thoughts occupied. Her thoughts.

The warrior jumped up and paced. There was too much going on inside her. She needed a distraction. Anything. A fight. A drink. A lover. She forced herself to stop and concentrate. She looked around the camp and settled her gaze on her saddlebags draped over a rock near Argo. "There's no one here to fight, nothing to drink, and although I love you, Argo, you're not my type." Xena crossed the small camp in three long strides and rifled through the saddlebags.

"Ah. Here it is." The dark warrior smirked. "Gabrielle didn't have it in her bag after all." Xena held the heavy phallus in one hand and lightly stroked it with the other. "I deserve a break, today, don't I girl?"

Argo snorted and moved her rear end away from her mistress.

"I told you, you aren't my type," Xena quipped. After a few seconds, she walked back over to her blanket and sat back down. With her eyes and hands she studied the object she hoped would give her some release from the building pressure.

"Do you remember when we got this?"

The war-horse ignored her and nibbled on a bush.

"It was right before I died protecting that little girl from that rigged log." Xena lifted the smooth stone to smell it's shiny surface. "Who got to use it last? I forget." She let the sadness come up but held it back from coming out. "I miss you, Gabrielle," she whispered, sure that no one was there to hear her, but unwilling to speak the words too loud nonetheless.

Xena shook off her melancholy. "But I remember who used it first." The warrior placed the base of the phallus where it would lay on her abdomen if she were wearing the harness that came with it. She recalled Gabrielle beneath her, one leg hooked over a shoulder the other braced against a nearby boulder. The bard was begging her warrior to thrust faster and harder but Xena was afraid to hurt her. Eventually, the amazon queen's ardent requests had won out.

"And so did I," said the warrior princess, the corners of her mouth reaching up to meet the tears.

Chapter 50

Gabrielle was having a hard time waking up and the clouds didn't help matters any. But she managed to drag her body out of bed and stretch. A good breakfast might help, she thought as she shuffled to the kitchen. Voula and Elefteria were sitting at the table eating some fruit and broth.

"Where's Antigone?" she asked before yawning.

"Never made it home last night," answered the apprentice.

"You got in late yourself," said Voula.

Gabrielle thought she heard a tinge of an unfamiliar emotion in the healer's voice. "Yeah, I did. I was doing Antigone's rounds for her last night. I thought she'd told you."

"No, Gabrielle. She didn't tell me." It was obvious now that what Gabrielle heard was anger. Elefteria swallowed her last gulp of broth and stood to leave.

"And where do you think you're going?"

"Um. Out?"

Voula pointed a slim finger at the chair under the apprentice and ordered her to sit. "You should hear this too." Voula went to the windowsill to get herself a handful of ripe berries. She stood there and told Gabrielle to take the now empty seat.

"Gabrielle, there is a reason I assign you three the studies, activities, and field work that I do. Are you aware of that?"

As she sat down, the bard felt like she was a child of six again being chastised for talking the other children into serving her and dancing for her. Not to mention addressing her as the King of Greece.

"Yes, of course I am."

"That know-it-all attitude isn't going to win you any points. If you are aware of that then why would you do Antigone's work for her."

"Because I did it as my initiation agreement with Lexia. I thought I was supposed to do things for other amazons." She looked to Voula, no longer as sure of herself. "Aren't I?"

"You are supposed to form agreements with them that are to be beneficial, yes. But in this case Antigone should have been learning instead of whatever it is she wound up doing. You need to think about what is asked of you and remember that you have the right to negotiate." Voula's stern tone showed no sign of softening.

"Do you understand?"

"Yes. I was more concerned with pleasing Lexia and getting the whole thing over with. I'm sorry."

"It's all right. We all make mistakes. Elefteria? Do you understand what we're talking about?"

"I think so. You're saying our studies are more important than anything else right now and that Gabrielle's favor to Antigone was not in her best interest. Even though she and Lexia thought it was."

Voula nodded. "Gabrielle?"

"I think I need to sometimes step back and look at the whole picture."

"Good. Then we all learned something. Gabrielle, if Antigone isn't back by the time you finish eating, go get her." Voula patted the bard's head and went to her room in the back of the hut.

The bard rinsed out her bowl and went to get her boots and staff. "I better go get Antigone before Voula gets mad at her too."

"Too late for that, I bet," Elefteria said with a grin. "Looks like I'm gonna be teacher's pet for the day anyway."

**********************

Antigone protested loudly when Gabrielle came to take her back to Voula's. She refused to move quickly, wanting to stay with Lexia for breakfast.

The bard rolled her eyes and told her to hurry. Gabrielle remembered how impressed Antigone had been with her only a few short weeks earlier. Now that she had a lover and was accustomed to the new village, she was becoming a bit more rebellious.

"So what if Voula's gonna be mad? You said she's already mad, so what's the difference if I'm a little late?" Antigone reasoned, her pale blue eyes following her potter's shapely butt around the kitchen.

"Why tempt the fates, Antigone? Just put your boots and top on and let's go."

"Gods Gabrielle you sound like you're scared of her or something. What's she gonna do? Lecture me about the importance of doing rounds on cranky old amazon fruit peddlers? Warn me about frolicking with randy potters with big paintbrushes?"

Lexia blushed at the last remark and gave Antigone a warning look. "I'm sorry, Gabrielle. I asked you to do this. And now I'm wondering if it was even worth it."

Antigone tugged on a stubborn black leather boot. "Yeah right. Don't believe her, Gabrielle." The apprentice stopped struggling with the footwear to stick her tongue out at Lexia. She pulled it back in and said, "Now you remember why it was worth it?"

Another time the bard would have been embarrassed to be in the middle of such a discussion. Or amused. Possibly even aroused. But right now she was frustrated. "Look, Antigone. I'm telling you as your Queen to get your ass moving."

Antigone knew that the blonde was frustrated because of some fear of getting Voula angrier. But the amazon in her responded immediately to the command of her queen.

"Yes, Queen Gabrielle." Within seconds Antigone was dressed and out the door.

Gabrielle followed her across the compound. "You could have said good bye to Lexia."

"May I speak openly?"

"Yes, and you may also stop marching for a moment and look at me."

"You order me to move and I move."

"I know. But you didn't have to run out the door."

"Queen Gabrielle, I can see that you don't want to have Voula angry. But it is me she is going to be upset with now. Why is this your business?"

"I don't want you to get in trouble. Well more trouble."

"No offense, my Queen..."

"Can we go back to Gabrielle now?"

Antigone hesitated then continued. "No offense, Gabrielle, but are you aware that you didn't answer my question?"

The bard looked confused.

"Why do you care if Voula is mad at me? What does it have to do with you?"