The Journey Home
by Tonya Muir
(See part one for pertinent disclaimers)
Part 4
In the middle of the night, two sets of pale eyes studied the stars above, making up stories and pictures to go with the points of light. The rest of the camp slept, Xena could hear the evidence of this through the deep breathing and soft snores but she concentrated on the voice beside her.
"Do you think that one looks like a fish? Do you see it, there, the fins and the tail?" Gabrielle raised a hand to point and Xena slid over to tilt her head closer to the bard's and see exactly where her finger was pointing.
"Mmm, I don't know, Gabrielle. I don't see fins or a tail. Horns maybe."
"Horns?" the younger woman laughed, then winced at the pain it caused her. "Please. Right there," pointing again. "It's mouth is open, like it's going for bait ..." her voice trailed off as Xena continued to shake her head. "Hmph," the bard said softly.
They were quiet for awhile, studying the moon with some interest, heads tilted together, shoulders and arms touching.
"Are you ever afraid ... because of my past ... that I may hurt you?"
The question surprised the bard but she tried not to show it. "No," she said without hesitation. "I know you would never hurt me on purpose. I trust you."
Xena remained quiet for a minute. "If I thought I'd still be with you today, I would change my past ... if I could. I have a lot of regrets."
"We all do, Xena."
"What regrets do you have?" the warrior's tone of voice rubbed the other woman the wrong way, as if Gabrielle's life was too perfect to have concerns. As if it had been easy.
"Perdicus. Hope. Solan. My grandfather's death ... I could have prevented it. Not leaving home sooner. Not going to formal school."
"What happened to your grandfather?"
Gabrielle took a breath, rolled her head slightly to see Xena now resting on one arm and watching her with those chips of ice that sometimes seemed to replace her eyes. "I was ten, I think. Yeah ... ten. We were in the horse yard, there was a sale and he wanted a new plow horse. So he was looking at the horses and I was looking at the ponies and the foals ... then I went to catch up with him. And as I came around into the aisle he was in, I saw him standing between two horses, talking to an owner. And I saw the horse he was next to, a big draft gelding, tilt his head and pin his ears.
"I just watched for a second, stood where I was, and then the horse reared up, broke his tether rope, and swung around to the horse on the other side of my grandfather. The owner ducked away but my grandfather didn't. The horses fought, my grandfather fell beneath them. He was ... trampled."
Big blue eyes widened in surprise. "You saw your grandfather die?"
"He died later that night," Gabrielle's voice was soft and sad, but her eyes remained dry. It was a long time ago.
"Gabrielle ... why do you think you could have prevented it?"
"I saw the horse turn ... and there was something about the ears and the way his body was. I should have yelled ... or ran at them ... or ... something." Anything.
"That's just silly, love. You couldn't have done anything. What's the story on the horse?" Xena asked, knowing there had to be one.
"Apparently he'd only been gelded a few days before and the owner'd had him drugged up for the sales ... knew he was a fighter and was trying to sell him off."
"Great."
"Yeah."
"Is that why you're afraid of horses?"
"Probably has a lot to do with it," Gabrielle admitted after a moment of thought.
"I'm sorry I made you ride Traveler today. I saw how frightened you were but I thought it would help build your confidence to be on a horse like him."
"Not your fault. That stupid bird scared him. We were doing all right. He's a nice guy. I hope I didn't ruin him."
"It was a bird?" Xena asked, realizing she'd not questioned the bard yet on what had happened.
"Yeah, flew up right in front of him."
"He's not ruined ... and you didn't do anything. I'll work with him some tomorrow and see how he's doing. He may have lost some confidence."
"Yeah," Gabrielle snorted. "Him and me both."
Xena smiled, enjoying the young woman's profile highlighted by the flames of the fire. "We'll work on that, too. When you're ready."
Xena laid back down to watch the stars again. "How's your back?"
"The extra fur padding helps. Thank you."
"Mmhmm."
Silence.
Then, "It wasn't your fault. None of it was, Gabrielle. Not Perdicus, Hope, Solan, your grandfather. None of it."
"We all play a hand, don't you think?" Now it was Gabrielle's turn to raise herself up on one elbow. She'd put a lot of thought into this very subject. "I mean ... we each have a small role in a big play and if we play that role a specific way, a specific thing happens. And if we play that role a different way ... then maybe the ending's different. Like ... like one thing happens because of another and if we'd only done one little thing differently, everything would have changed?"
The warrior stayed on her back while she considered these thoughts from her friend. "Hmm," she crinkled her forehead in concentration. "That's pretty deep. I think ... I think that sometimes when things get started, it takes a new force or something very strong to alter it. And I think that we all have a ... a threshold, a boundary, that we're willing to work within. And that because of that ... sometimes things can't be different or altered because it would be out of our ability to do otherwise.
"Like Hope?" Gabrielle asked softly, laying back down on her back with great care.
"Yeah," Xena agreed. "Like Hope. You weren't capable of killing her. She had to live. Maybe Dahak knew that about you and that's why you were chosen."
"But I'd already killed."
Xena shook her head, reached over to place a hand on her young companion's arm. "You were manipulated into that. Don't you see? Protecting Krafstar was within your boundaries. You didn't mean to kill Meridian, you were protecting Krafstar. I wish I had been there. I would have killed her instead."
Gabrielle settled back down and was quiet for several long seconds before voicing the uneasiness Xena's casual words had placed in her. "Sometimes your past does scare me."
Xena swallowed, squeezed the arm still under her hand, grateful for the honesty but pained by the admission. "Me too."
"But I don't think you'll hurt me. I'm ... I'm not sure I would have liked the person you were."
"You wouldn't have," the warrior assured her. "I'm so glad you came to me when you did. When I was ready to change."
"You came to me," Gabrielle teased, rolling her head slightly from the stars to her companion's profile.
"But you followed me."
"Mmmm," the bard agreed quietly.
"What was it like at first ... for you? Were you frightened?"
"Every night. I was afraid that you'd get tired of me and ditch me or hurt me because I was so annoying ... or kill me," the young blonde grinned at that, knowing she never believed she'd die at the other woman's hand even in the beginning. "And I was afraid of waking up and you being gone because I couldn't have survived without you."
"You were afraid to go home, though."
Slight shoulders shrugged, causing the blonde to wince at the movement. "Not afraid ... well, maybe a little. I just didn't want to be there. It was so important to me not to be at home that I would rather have accepted any facet of you. I would rather have died than go back to Poteideia."
Xena pondered that for a minute, that opened a whole new subject. "Then why Perdicus?"
"I thought it was the right thing to do. I thought that you needed to be without me and that I was destined to be a village girl and I should just accept that and meet it head on. And let you do what you needed to do."
"You would have been miserable," Xena said softly. "I would have been ... I was."
The younger woman nodded. "Yeah."
"Did you love him?" It was such a soft voice drifting through the night air and Gabrielle wondered briefly why the warrior should be afraid of this answer.
"You've loved others. It doesn't make your love for me any less special."
"Yeah, I know. I shouldn't have asked ..." the warrior trailed off, starting to stroke the other woman's arm with a hand that had been very still for a long time.
"I'm not sure," she answered anyway. "He loved me. I thought that might have been enough. I thought maybe I did love him but I'm not so sure I knew what love was. And he was so sweet and loving ... and giving. I was comfortable with him."
Xena was quiet for a very long time, so long that the bard figured they were done speaking. Until, in a very sure voice, "I commit myself to you, love. For the rest of my life. Everything that I am and own is yours. I will always take care of you, Gabrielle."
Gabrielle raised herself up again and leaned over to meet those somber blue eyes. She grinned very slightly in the darkness, overwhelmed with the warrior's words. "Does that mean I'm married twice now?"
Xena grinned also. "Two way thing, my bard. You have to want it."
"Oh, I do. No question of that. I love you, Xena. You just make sure I'm not a widow again."
"I'll make sure of it, Gabrielle." She raised herself slightly to place her lips on those of her lover, giving her a gentle kiss.
Then she laid back down and tugged the bard down with her, curling her solidly against her side and paying very close attention to the wounds on her companion's back. "Go to sleep, love. Morning will be here soon."
"I'm afraid to close my eyes ... maybe it's all a dream. Because I think you've spoken more words tonight than in the entire time I've known you."
Xena laughed, bouncing the other woman slightly as she rested on the warrior's chest. "Not a dream. Are you complaining?"
"No ... no complaints. Not from me. I like your voice."
"You do, do you," Xena growled into Gabrielle's ear.
"Mmmm," Gabrielle smiled into the warrior's neck, placing a kiss there. "It's all dark and smoky."
"Hmmm," Xena smiled as well. "Go to sleep," she whispered, turning to kiss the forehead that was pressed against her cheek.
"'Night."
XXXXX
Yet again, when Gabrielle blinked her eyes open into the morning sun, she was alone. The woman she'd used as a bed warmer the night before had long since left their bed rolls. The bard rolled gently from her side to her back, wincing slightly at the pressure on those cuts but pleased to find the pain wasn't, by any means, excruciating.
Then she reached a hand down to feel her wrapped ribs, finding them tender as well but not unbearable. She lay there for several minutes, feeling the warmth of the sunlight as it dappled through the leaves around the clearing. She studied the white fluffy clouds as they traveled across the bright blue sky. So intent on this study of her surroundings that she didn't hear her partner approach until the warrior's shadow fell across her.
"'Morning," Gabrielle offered, squinting up into the sunlight, not being able to see her companion's face, just the outline of her head as the sun backlit her.
"You, too. How do you feel?"
"Sore. But okay."
"Good. Do you feel like walking? A little visit to the creek?"
"Sounds good," the bard held up an arm for her partner to take which she did willingly. And then Xena helped her to her feet, steadying her while the younger woman found her balance.
"Okay?"
"Yeah. Ooof," Gabrielle shook her head ruefully. "My whole body aches."
"I could find some places that don't, I bet," the warrior teased as she took Gabrielle's elbow and guided her from the clearing.
The young bard's blush was fierce and immediate. She was grateful the other inhabitants of the small camp were all busy with their own things as she and the warrior left towards the creek.
Xena helped her young friend undress, nothing sexual about her efficient fingers and hands, then gave the bard her privacy when she ducked into a nearby grove of trees.
"What about the stitches?" Gabrielle asked as she stepped gingerly into the cool water of the creek with her partner, equally nude, at her left side.
"I'll take care of them. They'll need to be cleaned when you're done," the warrior led Gabrielle to a slightly deeper spot in the creek where the smaller woman was in water up to the middle of her waist. "Sit down, there's a rock ... right ...yeah," she guided her friend to the slippery seat, steadying her and then handing her a bar of soap, keeping one for herself.
The entire bathing process was pretty slow, the bard taking her time due to her injuries, readily accepting help from her partner when it came to washing her long red blonde hair. Then she stayed seated while Xena washed out her own hair and finished scrubbing her well tanned body.
"C'mon, let's dress those wounds, bard," and Gabrielle took her friend's hand and made her way back out of the small creek to the bank where they dried off and dressed again.
XXXXX
The warrior tended to the wounds diligently while Gabrielle lay on her stomach, chin propped on folded hands. She tried hard not to wince, not wanting to show the warrior the pain her ministrations caused her. But Xena could tell by the tense muscles on the back before her, so she reached a hand down to smooth the other woman's lower back.
"Almost done, love," she whispered. "They look pretty good. How are the ribs?"
"Sore, but not debilitating."
Xena smoothed her wandering hand along the bard's sides, probing her fingers through the wraps there. "I think they were cracked, not broken. Should heal pretty quickly."
"And the internal bleeding thing?"
"Nah," Xena shook her head, still tending to the last of the back wounds. "We would have known last night, you would have taken a turn for the worse."
"So I'm gonna live?"
The warrior laughed. "Yes."
The younger woman twisted awkwardly, feeling the shooting pain through her side at this action. "You coulda told me last night. I was a little worried."
"Sorry," Xena pushed the bard's shoulders back down so that she would stop straining her ribs. "I guess I stopped being worried and didn't think you were worried to start with."
"Hmph."
The warrior chuckled softly. "Don't you hmph me, bard. I promise I'll pay more attention next time."
Gabrielle nodded.
"Are you going to eat something this morning?"
"Yeah, I think I can. Something light."
"Good," Xena approved quietly, finishing applying the salve to the last of the wounds. "You're done."
The young blonde turned over and sat up with a great amount of effort. "Thanks."
Xena nodded. "I'm going to go chat with the guys and get us some food. Come or stay?"
"Stay," Gabrielle said with very little thought, already tiring from the brief activity she'd experienced this morning.
"Be back," Xena patted the other woman's knee gently before rising to her feet and walking across the sun dappled clearing to where the men were gathered near the fire.
XXXXX
The day was spent relaxing and healing. Xena worked a little with Traveler in the later morning, finding the gelding very sore and frightened. So she gave him a massage and led him to the creek where she coaxed him in and spoke softly to him while running cool water over tired muscles with cupped hands.
"Not your fault, is it big guy? No one blames you. Though I'd love to get my hands around that bird's neck."
The bard snickered from her seat on a rock at the bank, Xena cast her eyes that direction in a look that clearly told her to be quiet. Gabrielle made a big show of acting scared and then complied and kept her mouth shut as the warrior droned on to the frightened animal.
Until his neck relaxed to be parallel with the slowly running water and those big ears seemed to soften with his contentment. "That's a good boy," Xena whispered. "What a good boy." Then she led him out onto level ground, Gabrielle's eyes always watching her partner and the large animal.
"C'mere, Gabrielle," Xena called softly, not changing her tone of voice or the direction she aimed it, keeping her fingers light and calming on the horse's body.
"Me?" Gabrielle asked, surprised. She'd not intended to be part of this training session. In fact, she'd be content never to touch another horse in her life after the disaster of yesterday.
"Yeah. C'mon," the warrior dropped a hand from the horse to hold it out to her companion who stood meekly and made her way very slowly towards them. When the bard gripped her friend's hand, Xena found it damp with sweat and trembling. "S'okay," to both horse and person. "See, nothing to be afraid of."
Gabrielle trembled more.
"Gabrielle, try to calm down, love. He'll know you're afraid. I'm here. He won't hurt you or I'll throw him bodily into that creek," she motioned beside them with her chin. "That's it, come stand with me."
The bard moved cautiously to stand slightly in front of her companion. Then Xena took the hand still holding the young woman's, and stroked the gelding's shoulder with the bard's fingertips. "Say something to him."
"Hey, Traveler," Gabrielle stammered and the bay raised his head from its relaxed position to snort loudly, his eyes becoming wide and frantic, he turned his haunches away, his head being secured by the warrior's other hand on his lead line. Gabrielle, in response, stepped back into her companion, drawing her own deep breath and trembling.
"Easy, everyone relax," Xena felt the shaking of the young woman where their bodies touched: her chest to the bard's back and the hand she still held. She continued to stroke the gelding with Gabrielle's hand. And the horse began to dance on feet suddenly too light to stay planted on the ground.
"He's gonna rear," Gabrielle voice wavered as she pressed even harder into the body behind her, not caring about the pain of pressure on the wounds at her back.
"No he won't, love. I've got you," that voice continued to be soft and soothing, her posture relaxed as if to send waves of confidence all around her. "Traveler, fella, you need to put those feet back on the ground. Gabrielle, curve your fingers a little, yeah, that's it. Massage his neck and shoulder with your fingertips ... there you go. Talk to him."
"Does he think I hurt him?" she whispered, even as she followed the warrior's instructions, murmuring words of comfort after asking her question.
"He doesn't know. He was as scared as you were, more maybe. Because he can't understand like you can. All he knows is that you were on his back when it happened."
"Easy, big guy. You sure are handsome, hmm?" Gabrielle soothed, relaxing herself with the constant motion of her hand and the gentle sound of her continuous voice. Having the warrior at her back, still fully touching against her, certainly didn't hurt. "That stupid bird scared you, didn't he? He scared me too. And those rocks ... they sure hurt, didn't they? Did you think you were going to die? Because I did at one point ..." the soft voice continued on and Xena leaned forward to gently kiss her companion on the cheek.
Slowly, so slowly, the horse's feet stopped moving. Then he began to drop his head again, sucking in the attention of the bard's fingers and, finally, his neck was parallel to the ground again and his ears relaxed their rigid position of attention.
"Okay, good enough for today," Xena moved her hand to Gabrielle's shoulder and gave her a gentle squeeze. "Go sit down again while I take him to the other horses. I'll come back for you."
The younger woman nodded her agreement and made her way gradually and stiffly back to where she'd been sitting previously.
XXXXX
The plan was formed later in the day but still would not be applicable until the following evening. Gregor met with Jykar again at dusk to confirm this, then they all settled in for the evening and another day's worth of waiting.
Xena was glad to see Gabrielle ate an almost average portion at dinner and was moving around on her own much more comfortably. This did not go unnoticed by Gregor who smiled and nodded in Xena's direction, meeting those ice blue with a gentle brown that was incredibly understanding. She was slightly embarrassed that her feelings for the bard should be so obvious but, in the end, she decided not to care.
No star gazing that night, just warm bedrolls and a warm embrace that sent both women into a sound sleep.
XXXXX
The next afternoon found both women and the ill fated horse back at the creek. This time, Gabrielle stood in the water as well, petting the horse and using a soothing voice to calm both of their fears. As the day before, however, the young woman still pressed her back to Xena for comfort and support.
"He feels better today," Xena commented softly, snaking an arm around Gabrielle's waist to hold her steady in the gentle current of the water.
"He told you that?"
"No, look at him," Xena chuckled dryly. "Look at his eyes and his ears. See how he licks his lip occasionally and the lower one sags a little?" The bard nodded. "All signs that he's accepting and relaxing."
"If you say so," Gabrielle agreed, not disbelieving but not having the knowledge to support these claims. She continued to smooth the large bay's shoulder.
"I want you to get on him today," Xena said suddenly, having thought about the statement before they'd even started their slow journey to the creek but hadn't come up with a better way to word the request. Blunt was good ... had served her well many times before.
But when Gabrielle pulled away from her one armed embrace to turn around and Xena met those pale green eyes, she though maybe direct wasn't the best plan she'd ever had. She saw fear and apprehension, sadness. "You said when I was ready. I'm not ready."
The warrior was quiet for a long moment, then turned Gabrielle all the way around and tugged her into an embrace. "I don't think you'll ever be ready if I don't push."
"I don't want to be pushed," she whispered, tears in her voice, her stomach already flipping over with fear.
"You know the old rule, love. Fall off, get right back on," the warrior whispered, rubbing the younger woman's back with warm, sure strokes, knowing where to avoid still healing injuries. "Here, in the water, nothing can happen. I won't let him get scared so he won't dump you and even if you do fall off into the water, it won't hurt."
She could hear the bard's ragged breaths as the small woman's hands clenched and unclenched into her companion's tunic. "C'mon," she disentangled herself, trying to ignore the silent tears on her friend's face, reasoning with herself that this was a good thing for Gabrielle's confidence and perfectly safe.
Knowing she'd been beaten and that continued arguing would just prolong the inevitable, Gabrielle permitted herself to be steered to the horse's side. Xena accomplished some amazing trick that must have required four hands while she only had two: she calmed the horse, held him steady, and lifted the bard up with gentle strong arms on her waist.
And for a moment, everything was absolutely still, birds even became quiet as they watched this silent show before them. Xena had one hand on her lover's leg, the other on Traveler's shoulder, appearing relaxed but ready for action at any moment.
Traveler picked his head up and snorted softly, muscles trembling, but not remembering why. This was different ... no saddle, no bit. Standing in water and not on a rocky trail. Same rider. Additional woman who gave him courage.
Gabrielle, for her part, tangled trembling fingers into wiry mane. She felt the muscles slide beneath her, a feeling sadly absent when riding a tacked horse, and through those muscles she felt his fear as well. Fear of her, which was incredibly ironic to the young woman on his back. Her breathing was still ragged, tears still streamed quietly down her face, but she took comfort in the large warm hand on her leg.
"See," Xena said softly. "Everyone's all right. Traveler, relax. Love, calm down. I've got you. I promise you won't be hurt. I promise you that." Trust me, my friend. I would slay this gentle beast one handed before I'd let harm come to you with me here to prevent it. She knew the bard wouldn't want to hear these words of brutality and butchery, but she felt them all the same.
Gabrielle shifted her eyes from the black tipped ears in front of her to the ice blue eyes that were level with her hip. And she saw there a devotion and honesty that gave her strength. She wondered briefly when those eyes had started telling her so much, remembering a time when she couldn't read them at all and thought them to be closed walls. The bard forced a small grin on her face which was immediately answered.
"Good," Xena whispered. She continued to rub the gelding's neck with sure, strong strokes, flashing her eyes from Traveler's head to her companion until she was confident both were much more relaxed. "That's enough, c'mere," she reached hands up to Gabrielle who leaned down and braced herself on Xena's shoulders while the warrior held the smaller woman's waist and lifted her down. Then she pulled her into a warm embrace and Traveler reached over to the two of them to whuffle at Gabrielle's hair.
"I wish I had just a fraction of your courage, my bard," Xena whispered and Gabrielle snorted, pushing the warrior away gently and standing on her own.
"Please, you have more courage in your big toe than in my entire body. I'm just a naive waif," though the words were self deprecating, the accompanying smile told Xena that, on some level, her friend was teasing. Which relaxed her, she didn't want to think the bard couldn't see the strengths in herself.
"You have heart, Gabrielle," she reached up to cup the pale cheeks before her. "And compassion and common sense. All of these things far outweigh my false bravado and experience."
Gabrielle grinned, poked her friend in the stomach. "False bravado. Hah!"
And this caused the warrior to grin as well, and shrug one shoulder. She wasn't one to vocalize her own strengths but she knew what they were and that they were there to call upon when needed. "Let's get back and tend to your wounds. Then we need to get ready for tonight."
XXXXX
After lengthy arguing and a fairly weak display of fitness, Gabrielle finally convinced her companion that she was able to come along on that evening's expedition.
Xena had agreed with great reluctance, finding herself somewhat angry at the young bard for putting her in this position. She couldn't be at full force while keeping an eye on her injured partner. This put her, the bard, and their entire party at risk. She'd let it go, in the end, because she realized that with Gabrielle's persistence, she'd follow the small party anyway and Xena would much rather have her in plain sight for protecting than slinking around behind them. But she resented the passive manipulation.
And that resentment showed in her movements and short words as they prepared themselves for the walk to the temple.
"Xena, don't be angry," the bard said softly after bearing the cold shoulder as long as she could. She pulled a heavy woolen cloak over her head and put on leggings as she spoke. "I love you."
"Gabrielle," the warrior sighed. "I love you, too. I can be angry without losing those feelings for you. I just ... I don't want to see you hurt. And when I'm busy watching you, I can't concentrate on what I need to do."
The bard considered this for a moment as she tied her long pale hair back into a leather thong. Xena had said that to her once before, when they were battling the Horde. Why did it mean so much more now? "You wouldn't let me go into a dangerous situation without you behind me."
"It's different, love," her companion replied gently. "You know it is. I'm different."
She nodded, that wasn't really a fair comparison because having a warrior like Xena at your back meant a lot more than having a bard with a stick. A big stick ... but still a stick. "I can't not be with you ..." well, that didn't sound right. So she tried again, fiddling with the pony tail she'd made. "I know it's risky and that I'm not the best back up even when I'm not injured. But I can't stay here and wait for you to come back ... or not. Especially now." She met her friend's sparkling sapphire eyes and begged her to read them correctly. Now that we've discovered what we are to each other, I'm not ready to say good bye. But I won't be tomorrow ... or next month ... or ten years from now. She sighed. This wasn't going well.
Finally, Xena finished preparing her armor and slid her sword and scabbard into place behind her back. Then she checked her various dagger hiding places under the bard's amused gaze before she looked back up. "You're right ... just," a big sigh. "Gods, Gabrielle, please be careful. Stay with the men or stay with me. No heroics. Please?"
She nodded, reaching out tentative fingers to fuss with the other woman's chest and shoulder armor. "Maybe by tomorrow it'll all be over." She let her hand trail up to Xena's exposed collarbone and traced her fingers gently along the skin there.
"Maybe," the warrior said huskily, the light touch arousing her slightly. Then her eyes turned smoky and her grin a little feral. "Watch what you start, bard, if you're not prepared to finish it."
Gabrielle raised her eyebrows in amusement, trying to mock Xena's much used look. "Oh, I can finish it. Don't you worry about that." And she turned and left, joining the others.
Xena shook her head. I used to have an innocent little bard at my side ... what in Hades happened? She mused lightly.
XXXXX
There were eight in the party: five soldiers, Gregor, Xena, and Gabrielle. They made their way down the steep path they'd used many days before, coming out just behind the temple.
But unlike last time, there were people and voices everywhere as men lined up outside the temple doors awaiting the initiation of new recruits and the ensuing sacrifices. There was an eager buzz to the crowd which simply sickened Gabrielle and her partner must have felt it as well because the bard saw ice blue eyes glance back at her through the torchlit darkness.
They made their way to the side of the building and milled around together, each covered in warm cloaks with hoods up, much like the rest of the crowd which helped them blend in but also prevented them from keeping solid track of each other. Xena quickly felt herself losing control of the situation.
She kept glancing to the bard, who fit in poorly with her smaller size and less bulky stature. And on one of those glances, their eyes met and Gabrielle must have read her trepidation because she pushed through the crowd to stand next to the warrior, brushing arms. Xena sighed with relief. This whole plan could go to Hades in a handbasket for all she cared as long as Gabrielle emerged safely.
The group crowded into the small front room of the temple, people were smashed tightly against each other as everyone wanted to be a part of it and to see what was happening. The air smelled heavily of smoke and incense, disguising only slightly the smell of sweaty unkempt men.
As far as plans go, it was a simple one. Wait for the sacrifices, wait for the festivities to end, then snag Antius and leave. Easy enough. Only the sacrifice wasn't what they'd expected. They'd thought they'd see chickens or livestock on that alter.
But when the dark robed priest emerged with his two helpers, the thing squawking in his arm was not a rooster but a child. She had sandy blonde hair and dark eyes and was no more than three summers old. She wore a white linen dress that fell to her ankles, her slim feet were bare and pale.
Xena felt more than heard her partner gasp at the sight and she realized their plan was shot even as the young girl's screams started to escalate as her panic grew.
The red robed assistants took the young girl and placed her on the blood stained altar. But just as Xena was forming a strategy which involved waiting for the assistants to turn their backs and return to Antius, Gabrielle leapt from her side, grabbing a free standing torch on the way. She hurtled her body through the crowd to stand in front of the altar where she took a defensive stance with her makeshift staff.
Aw, Hades, Gabrielle, Xena thought to herself even as she flipped lazily above the heads around her to land next to her feisty companion, drawing her sword in midair. Why couldn't you trust me to save this child? I was working on a new plan. This could have gone better.
And everything after that moment of thought was absolute chaos as men drew swords throughout the cramped room and close quarters combat ensued.
It didn't take Xena, or the others, long to realize that they were in a no win situation. They were outnumbered in a small space and the only exits were the door they'd come in and the high windows on the West wall of the temple.
Xena's sword slid through the group of men around her and Gabrielle. She kept an eye on the bard but her smaller companion seemed to be holding her own very well. The sounds were overwhelming: clanging metal, yelling men. Blood was flying. And each moment that passed made Xena more and more wary of their ability to escape.
She finished off another man in front of her, expertly carving through the man's chest and watching him fall to the ground, adding to the pile of men on the floor around her. Then, deciding enough was enough even as she felt the taste of battle surge through her body, she kicked back her next attacker and reached behind her to grab Gabrielle, pulling her close to yell above the din into her ear.
"Grab the child, go to the window," and she provided back up as the young blonde did just that. She followed her friend, fighting the oncoming men and dispatching them easily while whistling and shouting for their companions.
By the time they'd reached the window, Gregor and his men were surrounding them as well. Gregor held the dark robed priest tightly with one arm, fighting with the other, while Xena boosted Gabrielle and the child through the window, hearing her land on the other side.
Xena?" the soft voice called back.
"Go," Xena yelled. "Get out of here." Gabrielle, please listen to me this time. I'm coming but I need you to be safe. She heard the gentle footfalls of her partner and the occasional thud of the torch she still held as the younger woman fought off some men.
One by one the soldiers followed through the window, then scrambled up the slope behind the temple, easily fighting off the few men who came around the building, losing the others that dared to follow. Until they wound their way back up into the small camp and started throwing things into bags.
And then they waited for Gregor and Xena. Gabrielle sat with legs crossed and her back against a tree, holding the sniffling child in her lap.
"Shhh," she soothed softly. "It's going to be okay." The girl latched to her pitifully, arms wrapped around neck, legs clenched around waist. "What's your name?" the bard asked after the girl had quieted somewhat, trying to ignore the pain the toddler's squeezing caused.
"Mara," the child whispered. "Want mama!"
"I know, Mara. I know," Gabrielle hugged the girl to her, rocking the small body against her own. "We'll do everything we can." She only hoped she could keep that promise.
They waited until the moon was high in the sky and their muscles were all cramped from their stillness. Gabrielle tried to ignore the pain from the wounds and bruises throughout her body. Her ribs ached with the pressure the small girl was exerting and she was nauseous with pain and worry for her partner.
Finally, when they were almost ready to either give up or go looking, Three dark figures emerged into the camp. Risto swung his sword in reaction and it clanged heavily into the leader's own weapon.
"It's me, Risto," that dark husky voice, though barely audible, seemed to echo through the clearing. And everyone heaved a sigh of relief. "Where's Gabrielle?"
"I'm here," the bard called to her companion and the warrior was beside her in seconds, immediately noticing the pale skin and labored breathing. The child she held was asleep.
"Ribs?" Xena asked as she pulled the bard slightly forward to check the wounds on her back. Some of them had reopened.
"Bad."
"You sound bad," a hand on a clammy forehead and Gabrielle leaned into the pressure, rattling out a breath in the process. Xena reached between the girl and woman to feel the ribs and groaned with the bard when she felt them scrape against each other under thin skin. "They're broken now, love. You're not going anywhere."
The warrior rose to her feet as Gregor, still hauling around Antius, came up to them.
"You into women and children these days, Xena," Antius spat out, struggling against his captor. It was then that Gabrielle really looked at him for the first time. He had blond hair and blue eyes, his face was weather-beaten but not unpleasant to look at and his eyes were positively haunted. Gabrielle unconsciously pulled the small girl closer.
"Shut up, Antius. You were the one who had her on the sacrificial altar." Xena growled, finding it hard to control her temper. The trip up the mountain had been absolutely dreadful. It hadn't taken Antius more than a few moments in the temple to discover who his adversary was and once they'd captured him, he hadn't stopped with the snide comments and hateful threats.
"Afraid I'll let out your secrets? Afraid your little friend will know the whore you are?"
If Xena'd thought about them too much, the words would have stung. They landed in all the right places and hit all the right fears. But she was tired, sore, worried about her companion, and just plain furious. So, instead, without turning around she said, "I have no secrets from Gabrielle," and rotated her shoulder to raise her hand and hit him squarely in the face with the back of her fist. He started howling with the pain of a broken nose and split lip.
"Taunting the warrior princess ... not good," Gregor clucked, shaking his head.
"Gabrielle can't travel. You take this idiot and your guys and go back. We'll follow in a couple of days."
"Do you think his army will attack?" Gregor asked, shifting his hold on the idiot in question.
"No. Not yet anyway. We did quite a bit of damage to them and without Antius leading them, they may reevaluate and get out of here." She paused, looked around the camp, thinking. "'Course, if they get stupid, we'll be there soon. They're not a talented bunch so we shouldn't have any trouble handling them."
Gregor nodded. "What about the girl?" he motioned with his chin to the child still clinging to Gabrielle.
"Yeah, take her too. Risto?" Xena called.
The compact man trotted over immediately as Xena reached to take the girl from Gabrielle's arms. Only those dark brown eyes blinked open and she started screaming again, clutching to the bard with arms and legs wrapped securely around neck and ribs, causing her friend excruciating pain.
"Xena ..." Gabrielle gasped, feeling her ribs scrape against each other under the onslaught of pressure.
The warrior released the girl and knelt down, cupping the back of her small blonde head. "Okay, okay. You can stay with us."
"Gabra," the girl choked out between sobs.
"Yes, stay with Gabrielle, that's right. Shhh," apparently the gentle hand and voice eventually worked and the small legs and arms relaxed. By the gods, home for wayward blondes or what, Xena mused and somehow her partner read that thought because she flashed the warrior a mock glare which changed into a slight grin. Xena smiled, yeah, yeah. Time to put back on that dour expression that works so well.
"Go ahead," she directed towards Gregor and Risto as she stood. "We'll find somewhere around here to hole up."
"You won't be safe," growled Antius. "My men will find you."
"Whatever," Xena responded in a tired voice, knowing his men didn't have the skill to find her if she didn't want to be found. And she waved them off. "Be well, Gregor."
"And you, Xena. We'll leave Traveler with you. I don't think we could get him down the mountain anyway."
Xena agreed, at least not down that trail in the dark.
It was only moments before they were alone: two women, two horses, and a very frightened little girl. Now what?
Xena sighed and knelt back down beside her partner, noticing she was turning an interesting shade of green. She pointed to the girl in her arms, then to herself, and the bard caught on.
"Mara, honey," Gabrielle said softly, the words labored and lacking air. "I want you to meet my best friend, Xena. Can you say hello?"
The girl turned her head slightly, peering at Xena from the safety of Gabrielle's shoulder. "'Lo."
Xena rewarded her with a full fledged smile and sparkling blue eyes. "Want to go for a ride, Mara?" she held out her hands and the girl very slowly left Gabrielle and leaned into the waiting arms which scooped her up and held her closely. "I want you to meet my horse." She whistled sharply and Argo trotted immediately across the clearing to stand at her side. Gregor's men must have saddled her because she stood fully tacked before them.
"This is Argo. Do you like horses?"
The girl nodded eagerly. Thank goodness, Xena sighed. Mara reached out a tentative hand to touch the velvety nose as Xena shifted the slight weight to one arm so she could check her mare's girth and bridle. Satisfied, she lifted the girl, "Up you go," settling her into the saddle. "Hold onto the horn. Just like that. Good girl," then she turned her attention to the horse. "Stand still. You move a muscle, mare, and you're finished," said under her breath to golden ears.
"Empty threat," came a faint voice from the ground and Xena smiled tightly when she knelt and focused her attention on the bard.
"Yeah, but she doesn't know that." Then she set to work checking out her friend. "Rough night, huh?"
"Had better," Gabrielle offered Xena a ghost of a smile.
"I'm going to put you up on Argo with Mara. You can't walk and we need to find a more secure place."
Gabrielle didn't have it in her to argue. She could barely sit upright at this point so she wasn't going to pretend any differently. She muffled a cry of pain into Xena's shoulder as the warrior lifted her to her feet and then pushed her up into the saddle behind Mara. Then she led the mare over to Traveler and untied him, vaulting onto the large bay's back after checking girth and bridle on him as well.
The gelding seemed to think for a split second about whether or not to accept this weight on his back but relented when gentle hands and knees urged him forward. He liked this woman and responded immediately.
The ride was slow and painful as they made their way deeper into the evergreens that blanketed the foothills. Finally, nearly at dawn, they arrived at an outcropping that led into a small network of caves. Xena left her charges for a few minutes to duck into the cave and determine it safe.
By the time full dawn was on them, they were unpacked and settled into an inner cave, a spoke off of a larger underground chamber which led through a small path to the outcropping. The outer chamber was large enough to hold the horses and Xena spent some time settling them comfortably once she'd seen to it that the bard and girl were sleeping on bedrolls. Then she did her best to conceal the opening and found her way back to the small cavern where she knelt down next to her friend and began checking her wounds.
Green eyes fluttered open.
"I need to restitch some of these," the warrior whispered and Gabrielle nodded, rolling to lay more fully on her stomach, exposing her back to the light of the fire. "How do you feel?"
The only response was a quick shake of the head. Not good enough to speak, apparently.
"I'll do these and then wrap your ribs again." The dark haired woman ran compassionate hands along her friend, pushing up the familiar green halter top to reveal all of the wounds.
Another nod from her companion then Xena saw the eyes flash around before resting on Mara, just an arm's length away.
"She's sleeping. She drank a little broth and had some fruit before laying down," the warrior explained gently, reading her companion's relief in the relaxing of her jaw.
Gabrielle closed her eyes in acknowledgment then gritted her teeth in anticipation of the pain. She wasn't disappointed.
By the time everything was done, the young bard lay on her stomach finding the bruises there more healed than the wounds at her back. And Xena had wrapped her torso with strips of cloth dipped in some mixture which made them harden to Gabrielle's skin. Her face was still wet with tears.
"Here," Xena pushed a broth soaked piece of bread between her companion's lips which she sucked lightly before swallowing. A few more followed until Gabrielle met the warrior's eyes and refused to open her mouth. "Okay," Xena nodded. "let's get some herbs in you, then you should be out for awhile."
She rolled Gabrielle very slightly to the side, tilting the young woman's head up, then pouring a honey-sweetened liquid down her friend's throat.
Afterwards, Xena settled beside Gabrielle, arranging the smaller woman to half sprawl across the warrior's body, head on shoulder, arm across abdomen. And here, between woman and child, she listened to the deepening breaths of her lover and the shallower breaths of the small girl. It wasn't until mid morning that she allowed herself to follow them to sleep.
XXXXX
Xena woke to hearing Mara move on her right side. The girl sat up and blinked into the dimness of the cave, turning to look at the warrior and bard. Blinked again.
"Gabra?" the young voice whispered.
"Sleeping," Xena whispered back.
"'Na?"
"Is that me?"
A nod.
Xena smiled. "I'm okay. How are you?"
"Bafroom?" was the shy response. So Xena scooted out from underneath Gabrielle's still form and rose to her feet, extending a hand to the small girl who also stood and took it willingly.
When Gabrielle blinked her eyes open, her blurry vision showed the silhouette of the two leaving the smaller cavern, backlit from the light of the larger cave. A tall dark warrior clad in leather and armor, sword and scabbard reaffixed, long black hair falling halfway down her back, holding the hand of a small child dressed in all white and padding on bare feet, blonde hair shining as she tilted a young face up to her companion.
She blinked again and they were gone. What was in that stuff anyway, she wondered, as she fell back to sleep, not sure she'd actually been awake anyway.
XXXXX
The next time Gabrielle awoke, she struggled to a sitting position and was dismayed to find herself alone. The cave was lit only by the opening and the fire, so she had no idea what time of day it was.
After a lot of struggling and pressing a hand to sore ribs, she managed to stand and walk across into the larger cavern where the two horses stood, eating piles of dried grass presumably collected by Xena. They munched quietly, turning to blink big round eyes in her direction. Argo sneezed, shook her head, then ambled over to push lightly at the bard's stomach.
"Ugh, hi to you, too, beautiful," Gabrielle steadied herself by clutching the mare's pale mane then reached a hand up to scratch along the neck. "How are ya?"
Argo dipped her head and began to rub her forehead on Gabrielle's shoulder and nearly knocked the bard over with her enthusiasm. "Stop, stop," the young woman gritted between teeth, the pain at staying upright against the horse's rubbing almost too great. She swatted at Argo's nose but the horse ducked it expertly and then just shook her head up and down as if laughing at some joke.
"Yeah, yeah, mare," Gabrielle said softly, resuming her scratching. "You're so funny. Help me outta here." She tugged at the cream colored mane and headed towards the cavern opening leading to the outside world. Argo obliged readily, keeping her neck low so the bard could throw an arm over it and lean on the war horse.
She could tell now from the light seeping into the entrance that it was just before dusk. And when they got to the tunnel leading out into the open world she let go of Argo, giving her a pat on the chest as she'd seen Xena use a thousand times: stay here.
The palomino snorted and stomped a foot, clearly not wanting to stay there, but Gabrielle went ahead without her.
When she came out of the caves she found herself in an alcove, the height of which was about twice Xena's size and the outcropping above her head provided for decent shelter from the elements. She stood here a moment, listening carefully, when she heard voices from not too far away, recognizing one as the husky undertones of her closest friend. The bard made her way across the alcove floor, around a barrier of evergreen branches, and into the nearby woods where she ran into the warrior herself.
"Hey," the voice turned from the small child who played amongst pine needles and became even more gentle with that change of focus. The dark haired woman rose from her crouching position to go to the bard's side and offer herself as a leaning post. Which Gabrielle gratefully accepted. "What are you doing up and about?"
"I woke up," she shrugged, regretting the movement.
"You should still be resting. You weren't healed enough to take that kind of activity last night."
"Hmmm," the bard mused, lifting an eyebrow at her companion. "So I noticed."
"Come sit down," the warrior grinned, effectively ignoring her friend's sarcasm. She led Gabrielle over to a log and helped her to sit and turned back around just in time to swoop Mara into the air as the small girl ran full tilt to throw a hug around Gabrielle.
"Easy there, little one. Gabra needs you to be careful. She has owies."
Owies? Gabra? She looked up to her partner with an amused glance and was answered with a matching look of humor.
Then Xena took the seat next to her partner, resituating the young girl to sit on her lap and face the bard. "We learned a lot today, didn't we Mara?"
The girl nodded enthusiastically.
"Yeah? Like what?"
"Like ... how old are you Mara?"
"Free."
"And where do you live?"
"Inna house."
"Oh, that's helpful," the bard muttered under her breath and Xena reached over to poke her in the stomach, tenderly.
"Enough outta you, bard."
"Nuff outta! Gabra!" Mara agreed with childish glee.
"Oh gods," Gabrielle moaned, covering her face with both hands but smiling nonetheless. "Like I need two of you!" Then she looked up and met those soft blue eyes and her smile grew. "Okay. I give, what else did you learn?"
"That Mara has a best friend named ..."
"Wuffa!"
"And Wuffa, if that is indeed a real name," whispered discreetly to the bard, "is a ..."
"Fuffy!"
"I see," Gabrielle lifted her eyebrow even further. "And a Fuffy is a ...?"
Loving this game entirely too much, Mara redirected her attention to Gabrielle and stuck her tongue out and began panting. "Wuff, wuff," she said and then leaned over and licked Xena's cheek from chin to temple.
Thud! The bard hit ground. Gabrielle was laughing so hard she fell off the log and groaned as she held her aching sides. "Oh Zeus," she strangled in a mixture of laughter and pain.
"That's it ... laugh it up, bard!" Xena growled as she dangled the still panting child over Gabrielle's face and Mara kept darting her tongue out at the elusive cheek.
"No, no ... Ahhh," Gabrielle fended off the tongue weakly, finally framing the small face in both hands. "Okay," she took a deep breath which also hurt. "Okay. One kiss. Right here," she removed a hand to point to a spot on her own cheek. Mara leaned forward and licked her there, content at the victory.
Xena placed the child on the ground and then helped her friend back to the log she'd so recently vacated.
"Ohhh," she moaned, still chuckling. "Those were useful things you learned, warrior. I can see your interrogation skills were put to good use."
Xena considered some kind of come back but realized she was in too good of a humor to put the effort into it. So she smiled instead, putting an arm around the bard's shoulders.
They sat for awhile as the sunlight faded, watching Mara pretend pine cones were people and a slightly hollowed tree their home. It wasn't until darkness was almost upon them that Xena stood, helping the bard up and holding a hand out to the girl.
"C'mon, Mara," the warrior said gently. "It's time to go inside."
She looked up, pale face and dark brown eyes framed by short curly blonde hair. "Kay, 'Na." And she stood up and brushed off her white dress with clumsy young hands, smacking those hands together a couple of times before taking the warrior's finger and clutching it tightly.
And the sight of it sent a pang through Gabrielle's abdomen. How absolutely surreal as the two women walked with arms around each other's waist and the small girl danced along with them. For the first time in her years with Xena, the urge to have a family was staggering and she smiled to herself at how unconventional any family she and Xena had would be.