I Found My Heart in
Osmosis
A gradual,
often unconscious process of absorption or learning
By SX Meagher
Part Six
On Wednesday
morning, Conor’s cell phone rang and he stepped outside the room his crew was
working on to answer it. “Hello?”
“Mr. O’Flaherty?
Catherine Smith.”
“Well, hello, Ms.
Smith. Nice to hear from you.”
“My, that sounded
odd to my ears,” she said. “I haven’t called myself Catherine Smith since I was
in college.”
“Still testing it
out?”
She considered
that. “Yes, in a way. But I’m going through with it. When my divorce is
finalized it’ll be official. Now I’m just slowly telling people.”
“I think it sounds
great. Catherine Smith,” he said, testing it out. “Yep. It’s great.”
“Thank you,” she
said, her voice tinkling with laugher. “Surprisingly, that’s not why I called.”
“That would’ve been
enough. I’m always glad to hear from you,” Conor said gallantly.
“You might not be
when I ask my question.”
“Oh, sure I will
be. Ask me anything.”
“Okay.” Catherine
took in an audible breath. “Are you busy on Saturday night?”
“This Saturday?”
“Yes. I know it’s
very short notice, but I wasn’t going to go to this benefit for the symphony
until a friend of mine called and practically begged me. I hate to let her
down, and I don’t want to go alone …”
Conor didn’t
hesitate. “I’ve got a tuxedo and I’m ready to use it. What time should I pick
you up?”
“Oh, Conor, you’re
a doll!”
“Nah. I just like
to party.”
“The symphony crowd
is about the same age as the crowd for the opera benefit, Conor. I’m fairly
sure your normal crowd is a few decades younger.”
“Maybe. But you’ll
be there and we’re practically the same age.”
“Ha! You must not
have your sister’s math abilities.”
“I can add pretty
darned well. And when you’re added to a party, everyone has a good time.”
***
After a trip to the
orthopedist to pick up her new splint, Jamie and Catherine headed over to the
Castro to meet with Ray to look at four properties.
They got into his
Mercedes and drove to a modest home in Noe, but the footprint of the house was
so small that they agreed it wouldn’t work. Back in the car, Jamie said, “Are
the other houses bigger than this one?”
“Not really. You
just can’t buy much in Noe or Castro for the kind of money you’re talking
about. I know you want to flip the building, and you’ll be able to, but …”
“But we won’t make
much money,” Jamie finished for him.
“Probably not,” he
agreed. “Houses are so overpriced that even the real dogs are selling quickly.”
Jamie stared out
the window, looking at the very modest homes. “What about small apartment
buildings or duplexes? Wouldn’t they be a better bet?”
“Well, yeah,” Ray
said, chuckling. “But you’re talking a lot more money.”
“What if money
wasn’t a big issue?”
He gave her a quick
look. “Money’s always a big issue.”
Sighing, she said,
“Okay. The idea is to take Niall’s money and use it for a down payment. That’s
$200,000. We figured we’d get a loan for the balance and to pay for materials.
I know the boys didn’t want to have to make a very large monthly payment on the
loan, but we could arrange for private financing. Why don’t you show us
something that wouldn’t take too many months to fix up, but that we could make
a good profit on?”
“Like a three
flat?”
“Yeah. Something
like that. No more than … what do you think, Mom? Five apartments?”
Catherine
considered, then nodded. “The bigger the
building, the bigger the profit if you’re going to be landlords, right, Ray?”
“Usually,” he said.
“But if you’re going to do all of the work yourselves, I’d limit it to five or
six units. Do you think your … partners will go for being landlords?”
“They might not
look it, but they’re pretty malleable,” Jamie said, sharing a smile with her
mother.
***
Ryan stepped out of
the shower that afternoon, having delayed her normal morning clean-up until her
mind was completely boggled by the myriad of ideas she was trying to get to
jell for her independent study. She’d been in her room, laboring over her
computer with every spare moment for weeks, not bothering to comb her hair or
put on decent clothes until she had to leave the house.
Maria Los had grown
used to seeing her in a T-shirt and boxer shorts or sweats, depending on the
weather, even though she privately wondered why such a lovely woman didn’t put
any care into her appearance. The cleaning woman was itching to give the room a
thorough cleaning, but Ryan was home every day she came to the house, and she’d
been told politely but firmly that the room was off limits.
Hearing the phone,
Ryan dried off hurriedly and sprinted for it, catching it just before it went
to the answering machine. “H’lo?”
“Hey,
good-lookin’,” the familiar tones of Ally’s voice said.
“Hey, yourself!
Give me a sec, will ya? I’m just getting out of the shower.”
“Sure. Want me to
call back?”
“Yeah. Give me five
minutes.”
“You got ’em.”
Ryan finished
drying off and put her towel back in the bathroom, then put on her usual
softball clothes—a long-sleeved shirt that wicked away sweat and a T-shirt over
that, plus some compression shorts covered by baggy athletic shorts. She jogged
down the stairs and grabbed a bottle of water, then went into the living room
to wait for Ally’s call.
Maria Los poked her
head out of the kitchen and gave Ryan an inquisitive look. “I clean room?” she
asked, pointing to the second floor.
“Si,” Ryan said, smiling at her persistence. “I’m leaving.”
“Good,” Maria Los
said, giving Ryan a big smile as she took her bucket of cleaning supplies and
headed upstairs.
I wonder if she knows that was an insult?
The phone rang and Ryan picked it up. “Talk to me,” she said.
“That’s why I
called. Sara said she read that Jamie’s out for the rest of the season. What
happened?”
“Ooo … Right. I
forgot that she reads the Bears newsletters. I should have called.”
“Right. You should
have,” Ally said, her tone light but her message clear.
“I’m just so busy
…” Ryan started to say, but she stopped herself. “Ahh … that’s bull. I need to
make time to keep up with our friends. I’m sorry.”
“It’s all right,
Rock, you’re not in the confessional. Just tell me what happened.”
Laughing, Ryan told
the story, leaving out the long-simmering animosity between Jamie and Juliet.
“So, she’s done for the season and walking around with a splint from her
shoulder to her wrist.”
“Hoo! I bet she’s madder ’n a hornet! To work for all those
months and get shut down at the end of the season really bites.”
“You know,” Ryan
said, giving the thought some consideration, “she’s not as mad as she should
be. I think she was kinda tired of the whole thing. She didn’t have any good friends
and … Huh.” She paused at the realization that struck her. “I bet she’s glad
that she’s not gonna have to be away from home and from me.”
“Well, who could
blame her?” Ally said, laughing. “As modest as ever.”
“No, no,” Ryan
said, laughing at the way her comment had been perceived. “She’s worried about
me. I’m still not really back at normal speed yet, and she feels like she has
to keep an eye on me. It’s been wearing on her.”
Ally was quiet for
a moment, then said with concern coloring her voice, “Are you that bad off,
sugar?”
“Nah,” Ryan said,
lying just a little. “I’ll be fine. It’s just taking me a while. Kinda like
after I was gay-bashed.”
“You were pretty
down then, buddy. I was afraid I was never gonna see those blue eyes sparkle
again.”
“Well, they did.
I’ve just had a run of back luck in the last couple of years. Thankfully,
there’ve been more great things than bad things, so I can’t complain.”
“You never do. You
might feel better if you did.”
“Ugh … right …
you’re another therapy shill.”
Ryan was clearly
teasing and Ally took it as such. “Not lately,” she admitted. “I think I might
have seen the man behind the curtain or something. It’s lost its magic.”
“What’s going on?”
“Ahh … just the
same things you and I talked about a few months ago. I’m trying to change some
pretty elemental stuff and neither my brain nor my …” she paused, not
comfortable enough to use her usual slang, “…private parts are cooperating.”
Ryan looked at her
watch and saw that she had nearly an hour before she had to leave for softball
practice. “Tell me about it. I’ve got time … and interest.”
“Sure? I don’t
wanna make you uncomfortable.”
“I wasn’t
uncomfortable having sex with you, why would I be uncomfortable just talking
about it?” Ryan chuckled.
Ally didn’t voice
the obvious reason, she just said, “If you’re sure.”
“I am. Hit me.”
“Well … it’s hard
to change my patterns,” Ally said. “My therapist says that some of the things
we do and the ways we react are kinda hard-wired and it’s really tough to
change them.”
“I’m sure that’s
true. But if you’re really motivated I’m sure you can make some headway.”
“Uhm … I am … or I
was … but Sara’s making things tough for me. This is the part that I thought
might make you uncomfortable.”
Ryan was
uncomfortable, very uncomfortable. It was one thing to think of Ally and her
sexual responses, but she didn’t like to think of Sara and Ally together. Stilll, she had no intention of letting her friend down.
She knew Ally wouldn’t ask to talk if she didn’t need to, so she swallowed her
discomfort and said, “I’m still here. Tell me whatever you want.”
“Okay.” Ryan could
hear her friend taking in a breath and letting it out. “You know how I am in
bed, right?”
“Uh, yeah, I have a
vague recollection.” She laughed. “Spit it out, Webster!”
“All right, all
right. When we got together, I told Sara I wanted to change how I responded and
how I related to her. I wanted to make things more equal … more give and take.
I didn’t want to start a serious relationship with someone and have those old
images creeping into my bed.”
“That makes sense,”
Ryan said soothingly. “Perfect sense.”
“But Sara doesn’t
really want me to change,” Ally said. “She likes how I am.”
Ryan silently
sucked in a breath, her brain assaulted by images of Ally dominating her
first love. But she fought through them enough to say, “I know I sure
did.”
“Uhm … thanks? Well
anyway … she likes it a lot, and it’s so easy to give in, ya know? To let
myself get carried away and not have to think; to just act on my instincts. But
that’s not what I want!”
“Because …?”
“Because I adopted
those ways of coping to protect myself. If I’m the top, I don’t have to be as
vulnerable. I don’t have to feel like I did when my brother—”
“Ally,” Ryan said
gently, “you were vulnerable with me a lot of the time. Give it some time …
it’ll happen.”
“Uhm … it’s
happening already. That’s part of the reason it’s hard for me to change. It’s
surprisingly easy to be vulnerable with her. But she’s such a natural sub,
Ryan. She says she’s always dreamed of someone dominating her. Honestly … she
seems so happy and satisfied, that now I’m afraid I’ll screw things up if I can change.”
Trying to get some
moisture into her mouth, Ryan smacked her lips together, then recalled that she
had a bottle of water. She took a long drink, then said, “But you don’t enjoy
it anymore, huh?”
“Oh, no! I love it!
We fit together like pieces of a puzzle. I can let myself go with her and go
places I’ve never been with a woman. But this isn’t what I want,” she said plaintively. “I want us to be equals … all of the
time. I don’t wanna play with power.”
“Because it reminds
you of your brother?” Ryan asked tentatively.
“No, not when it’s
going on. When we’re having sex, I feel great. It bothers me afterward, when I
beat myself up for letting go.”
“Ally,” Ryan
soothed, suddenly feeling more comfortable, “do you let her in? Do you let her
touch you…everywhere?”
“Uhm … yeah, pretty
much. There are still a couple of things I don’t like and I don’t think I’ll
ever like ’em, but they don’t interfere too much.”
“And you stop
thinking and let her make love to you?”
“Yeah. I do,” she
said without hesitation. “I trust her.”
“Then … why
change?”
“I want it to be
clean,” Ally said. “I don’t want the things from my past to have any influence
on us. I want to start fresh with her, Ryan, but our desires have me stuck!”
“Ally, Ally,” she
murmured, “you can’t stop being who you are, and neither can Sara. There has to
be some reason—no matter how benign—that she’s a natural bottom. It’d probably
be just as hard for her to stop that inclination as it is for you to try and
suppress yours. Why take away her pleasure?”
“I don’t want to do
that!”
“I’m sure you
don’t. But if she’s most turned on by being dominated … she’s gonna miss it if
you change. And, besides, for all you know, you’re a natural top. Maybe you
developed those instincts in reaction to things that happened to you, but it’s
possible they were always there. It could be a coincidence; maybe your brother
didn’t have anything to do with it.”
“But I feel like he did. I’ve convinced myself
it’s … dirty … tainted to touch Sara that way. I feel like I’m taking my
brother’s role and she’s the victim.”
“But Sara doesn’t
feel that way.”
“No, not at all …”
She hesitated. “I don’t think so. We haven’t really talked about it in much
detail. I’m pretty skittish about it.”
“How long have you
been working on this in therapy?”
“Months,” Ally
said. “Seems like years. And I don’t feel like I’ve changed much, if at all.”
“Mind a
suggestion?”
“Not from you.”
“Try to open up and
talk to Sara about this. She knows all about your brother, right?”
“Yeah. I told her
at the very beginning.”
“See what she
thinks,” Ryan suggested. “If she really wants you to dominate her, she’s
probably not helping you keep things equal all of the time.”
Ally laughed and
pulled out one of the expressions Ryan had always thought cute. “That’s for shit’n’sure! I don’t even think she knows she’s doing it,
but she puts herself in my hands. She gives herself to me, Ryan. Totally.”
“We all have
histories, buddy. All of us. And I think we do get hard-wired. So you can try
to change your electrical circuitry—as well as Sara’s—or you can work on
getting more comfortable with who you are and how you relate to each other. To
tell you the truth, I think that’d be an easier sell.”
“Hmm … my therapist
doesn’t say that directly, but she’s been nudging me in that direction.” She
chuckled. “I’ve just been trying to ignore her.”
“Heh. I know what that’s like. And I know what it’s like to
try to change something fundamental, Ally, and I’ve gotta tell ya, I think your
road is gonna be smoother if you and Sara let yourselves go and work on being
proud of who you are. No matter how you got there, you’re the best top in the
Bay Area, girl! And you know this city is filled with leather-clad butch
bottoms just dreaming about being topped!”
“Like you,” Ally
chuckled.
“Hey! Don’t go
spreading that around! I’ve got a rep to maintain!”
“Your secret’s safe
with me, sugar. And I’ll think about what you said, talk to Sara about it.” She
paused and added, “But I don’t think I’ll tell her we talked about this. I
don’t—”
“Don’t sweat it.
This is between us, just us.”
“Thanks, Rock. Once
again, I call to ask about you and wind up talking about me. How do you work
that?”
“I’m a natural,”
Ryan said, giggling girlishly.
***
Ryan walked into
the house that night, stopping short when she spied Jamie walking down the
stairs. “Wow,” she said, her eyes showing frank appreciation. “You look
fantastic.”
“Really?” Jamie
smiled and continued to descend. Standing on the bottom stair, she cocked her
head. “More fantastic than usual?”
Smiling, Ryan said,
“Good point. You always look fantastic.” She dropped her gym bag and put her
arms around Jamie’s waist. She stood perfectly still for a few moments, gazing
into her partner’s eyes. “You look particularly fantastic in that shirt. You’ve
been wearing a lot of Indian-style shirts. They look really nice on you. This
color is good, too,” she said, fingering the brick-colored linen.
“They fit a little
loose, so I can get away with not wearing a bra if I wear a snug camisole.” She
kissed Ryan, ignoring the tiny bit of grit from the softball field on her lips.
“You’re so involved with your work by the time I leave, I don’t want to break
your concentration enough to have you dress me.”
“Ooo … don’t feel
like that, hon. It’s fine to interrupt me.”
“You kissed my eye
this morning,” Jamie said, re-enacting the misplaced kiss. “And you didn’t even
realize it.”
“Uhm … I meant to
do that,” Ryan said, giving her a sparkling grin. “Your eye looked … very
kissable this morning.”
“Don’t bother
kissing the Blarney Stone when we go to
Ryan followed her,
nose twitching. “I smell … Mexican.”
“Yep. And I made
refrijoles the way you like ’em.”
“From scratch?”
“That’s how you
like ’em, isn’t it?” Jamie responded with a smile.
They passed into
the kitchen. “I didn’t know it until you made them for me, but now that’s the
only way I like them.” Ryan grasped Jamie’s left hand. “Hey, you got your new
splint.”
Jamie hiked up the
loose-fitting sleeve. “Yep. Cool, huh?”
Ryan inspected the
molded gray plastic and the black Velcro straps. “Totally. Can you put it on
yourself?”
“Yeah. I think I
might even be able to shower alone now.”
“Don’t rush; I like
helping,” Ryan said, grinning. She looked at the stove and calculated that
dinner was imminent. “Speaking of which, I’d better go shower and change.”
“Eh … don’t bother.
You can get clean enough to eat by washing your hands and face at the sink.”
Looking down on her
dusty, slightly damp clothes, Ryan said, “You sure?”
“Yeah. You can
shower before bed.” She went to the cabinet and took out plates and glasses.
Uncertainly, Ryan
took a peek at Jamie. “Why don’t you mind if I look like this?”
Jamie smiled at her
and gave her a quick tap on her butt. “Not much difference, honey. A T-shirt
and sweats is a T-shirt and sweats. A little added dust won’t hurt.”
Ryan reached out
and stopped Jamie’s progress. “Hey,” she said, making eye contact, “what did
that mean?”
Blinking, Jamie
said, “Nothing. It just seems like a senseless delay to go shower when I know
you’re hungry. You’re not gonna get the food dirty.” She laughed a little, but
trailed off when she saw the look on Ryan’s face.
“No. I meant what
you said about the T-shirt and sweats.”
“Nothing,” Jamie moved away and went into
the dining room to put the plates on the table. Ryan was right on her heels,
and Jamie said, “I didn’t mean anything, honey. It’s just that since you’ve
been playing sports, you don’t generally vary your wardrobe much. No big deal.”
“Really?” Ryan
grasped her arm and held her still. “You don’t mind?”
“No. It makes
sense. When we first met, you weren’t playing a sport. It’s understandable that
you spent more time on looking nice when you didn’t have to change three times
a day.”
Ryan let her go and
slowly followed her into the kitchen. She went to the sink and washed her face
and hands, then took the brush Jamie had bought for her and scrubbed under her
nails. She was still working diligently when Jamie scratched her back and said,
“Dinner’s on the table. Let’s go.”
Nodding, Ryan dried
her hands and followed her. Ungainly, she stood behind her chair and fussed
with her hair, smoothing it back into a neater-looking ponytail.
Seeing the look on
her face, Jamie stood by her and put an arm around her waist. “Before dinner
kiss?”
Ryan complied,
brushing her lips quickly. “Looks good,” she said, nodding at the dinner.
“Thanks. Now sit
down and tell me about your day.”
Ryan didn’t have
much to report, so she listened to Jamie talk about a few things that had
happened to her at school. “Oh, Anna said she could see me earlier in the day,
since I don’t have golf anymore.”
Lifting an eyebrow,
Ryan said, “I didn’t know that was something you wanted to do.”
“Yeah. I’d like to
be home earlier so I can take a little more time with dinner. I hate to rush.”
Spending a moment
looking at her, Ryan said, “You made this fantastic dinner from scratch, you
look like a million bucks, your hair’s perfect, you’ve got just the right
amount of perfume on and you brushed your teeth seconds before I got home. I
could taste the mint on your lips.”
Shrugging, Jamie
said, “So?”
“You’re always
trying,” Ryan said. “You go out of your way to look nice and smell nice and
make our home nice. And you do most of it for me.”
“Yeah …” Looking
puzzled, Jamie said, “Is that a surprise?”
“No, no, not a surprise,
but I’m not keeping up my end of the deal. I’m not making that extra effort …
making sure I look nice for you.”
“Oh, don’t be
silly. You always look good to me. You’re so beautiful you don’t need to make
an extra effort.”
“That’s not true,”
Ryan said earnestly. “I really noticed you today. And it made me feel good.
Made me feel like I was important.”
“Jeez, Ryan, of
course you’re important!”
She reached across
the table and took Jamie’s hand. “But you make the effort to show me that.
That’s important. I appreciate it.” She kissed Jamie’s hand tenderly. “I really
appreciate it.”
“You’re such a
sweet girl.” Jamie pushed aside her plate and got up, standing by Ryan’s chair
while she pushed away from the table. “Let me sit on your lap.”
Ryan smiled at her
as Jamie squirmed around, getting comfortable. They kissed, slowly, for a few
minutes, until Jamie put her forehead against Ryan’s and took in a few slow
breaths. “You take my breath away … every time,” Ryan murmured.
“I don’t wanna take
your dinner away. I know how hungry you are.” She started to get up, but Ryan
held onto her.
“I’m hungry for you
too,” she whispered and lavished several more heated kisses on her partner.
“Mmm,” Jamie said,
licking her lips. “You might not be dressed well, but you sure as heck can
kiss!”
***
Ryan was in her
room working at her computer, when Jamie came in to get ready for bed. Ryan
dutifully helped Jamie take off her blouse, since putting clothes on was easier
than taking them off. “Want a T-shirt?” Ryan asked.
“Yeah. I’ll go get
one.”
“I’ll give you one.
You like ’em big anyway.”
“It’s not that I
like them that big, I just like to wear your clothes.”
“Ally’s the only
woman I could do that with,” Ryan said wistfully. She opened a drawer of shirts
that Ally had given her over the years and chose a nice, bright yellow one.
Tugging it over Jamie’s head, she asked, “Mind if I take your splint off? I
wanna see how it works.”
“No. Go ahead.
Wanna try it on?”
“Nah. I’ve had
enough casts, not much allure there.” She gently undid the Velcro straps and
slipped off the plastic pieces. “Cute little sleeve.”
Jamie looked at the
snug knit piece of material that covered her arm from wrist to shoulder.
“That’s so the plastic doesn’t stick to me. Thoughtful, huh?”
“Yep.” Ryan drew it
off her arm, wincing and making a face at the Technicolor bruising. “How does
it feel?”
“Not too bad. It
aches a little, but not much.”
“This is some
bruise. I think I’ll take a picture so you remember the only significant injury
you’re ever going to have.” She leaned over and kissed several spots, touching
blue, purple, and maroon skin. “My poor little chipmunk.”
“Chipmunk?”
Sliding the sleeve
back on, Ryan started to reassemble the splint. “You seemed chipmunkish
just then. What did the doctor tell you about using your arm?”
“He said I should
keep it elevated when I can, and that it’s okay to use my hand. I haven’t felt
like it, though. It’s still too stiff and swollen.”
Ryan held her hand
and inspected it. “Can you flex it?”
Jamie did, lips
pursed as she slowly moved her hand. “It doesn’t look or feel like my own hand.
It’s weird.”
Ryan nodded her
understanding. “It is a weird feeling, isn’t it? A swollen hand always feels
like I’m wearing a tight rubber glove.”
“Hey, it does!”
Jamie said, her nose wrinkling when she smiled.
“You’re doing well,
babe. When we’re sitting around in the evening, you can still keep ice on it.
That’ll help the swelling.”
“I forget to do
that.”
Ryan kissed her
gently. “Then I’ll remember for you. Need help in the bathroom?”
“I can manage. It’s
much easier when I’m not wearing pants.”
“Most things are,”
Ryan said, giving her a wicked grin.
Jamie went into the
bathroom and started to brush her teeth. She emerged a few seconds later, her
mouth covered with white foam. “Nice shirt.” She glanced down at the slogan,
then back at her partner.
Grinning, Ryan
looked up. “A girl can hope.”
Jamie took the
brush from her mouth and leaned over, wiping her mouth on Ryan’s cheek. “Such a
bad girl.”
Ryan wiped the bubbles
from her face, saying, “I don’t think I’ve ever worn that one.”
“If I see you
walking around town with an ‘I’ve saved you a seat’ shirt on, you’re not gonna
be sitting anywhere for a while.”
“It’s not the
words,” Ryan decided, grinning, “it’s the arrow pointing at your face that
gives it meaning.”
“That’s the meaning
that’ll get your hide tanned, O’Flaherty. That seat is reserved for moi!”
***
After a relatively
somber lunch,
Giving her a quick
glance,
“Too risky,” Mia
said. She leaned over and kissed
Her smile was sad,
and
“I love you, too.
And I’m gonna be thinking about you every minute.” With great care she smoothed
The corner of
“Okay.” Mia looked
up, thinking. “You can think about me when you get into bed at night. You think
about how nice it feels to be loved for being exactly who you are. Think about
how we don’t have to be together to be connected. And that whenever you think
about me, I’m thinking about you.” She slipped her arms around
“I love you,”
“They love you too.
We’re family.”
“We are,”
“I will. But I’ll
be happier when we’re back together. Now kiss me and get going before that cop
over there has a stroke!”
***
Jamie was sitting
in the backyard, drinking a cup of coffee and reading a textbook when the back
door opened and Ryan started down the steps. Glancing up, Jamie’s eyes opened
wide and she gave Ryan a wolf whistle. “Whew! Did you have a date this
morning?”
Grinning, Ryan
stood on the grass and did a slow turn. “Just therapy. You like?”
Jamie let her eyes
roam over her lover’s body, her pulse quickening a little as she took in the
crisply ironed denim shirt that was only partially buttoned. A very snug tank
top was visible, but not visible enough for Jamie to see what were surely
braless breasts. The fact that she knew Ryan never wore a bra with the spandex
top piqued her interest, and made her strain to see if she could get a peek at
what she hoped were erect nipples.
The shirt was tucked
into wheat-colored jeans that Jamie’d recently had
custom tailored for her long-legged partner. They fit even better than Jamie
had hoped, and she was glad that she’d lowered the measurements an inch in the
waist and hips. Ryan still hadn’t gained back all of the weight she’d lost
after the carjacking, but she finally looked healthy and fit. And the fact
that she fills out that bra now, doesn’t hurt either.
The shiny, dark
brown, ankle-length boots and leather belt made Ryan look fully put together—for
the first time in quite a while. Her hair hung loose around her shoulders, a
plus, in Jamie’s opinion. It seemed like she’d had it in a ponytail or a braid
ever since softball had started, and Jamie smiled when she saw the sun glinting
off the raven strands, highlights leaping out at her.
“You look
ravishing,” she finally uttered, her voice husky. “And that’s just what I’d
like to do to you.”
Feigning insult,
Ryan put her hands on her hips. “I finally dressed up for you and now you want
to ruin it?”
Standing, Jamie
closed the small distance between her and her partner. “We can’t get in sync.
You’re dressed and I’m in my jammies.”
Ryan bent and
kissed her tenderly, moving her lips slowly and gently over Jamie’s. “Mmm … you
may be in your jammies, but you still took the time to brush your teeth. I can
taste … something clean through the coffee.”
“Baking soda. I use
the unflavored stuff when I’m gonna drink coffee. I can’t stand the taste of
mint competing with my java.”
“How did I not know
that? All these months and you’ve still got secrets.”
“Sure do.” Jamie
took her hand. “Let’s go upstairs and I’ll show you another couple.”
Regretfully, Ryan
stood her ground. “Can’t, baby; I wouldn’t be able to relax. I’ve got so much
to do. Besides,” she looked at her watch, “don’t you have class in an hour?”
“Yeah, but I’d skip
it to wrap my lips around you.” She sidled up to Ryan and started to nuzzle at
her neck, interspersing teasing licks with sharp little bites. Her uninjured
arm circled the jean clad waist, and she rubbed her face against Ryan’s
breasts, feeling them move and shift with the pressure. “I’m a needy girl,” she
murmured, grasping Ryan’s ass and sending a jolt of feeling through her
partner.
“How needy are
you?” Ryan purred. Her hands were roaming over Jamie’s back and sides, feeling
the swells and dips of her muscles, her ribs expanding and contracting more
quickly as her breathing sped up.
Sliding her foot
between Ryan’s to give her better access, she pressed her center against Ryan’s
leg, swirling her hips as she ground against her. “Very. It’s been forever,”
she pouted dramatically.
Ryan had a very
vivid memory of “congratulations on the Putnam/thank you for the game/let’s
make up from our fight” sex on Tuesday, but she didn’t think that was relevant.
If Jamie thought it had been too long, that was all that mattered. “Show me how
needy you are,” she said, hearing that her own voice was now as deep and rough
as Jamie’s.
Smoky green eyes
met hers and Jamie pulled her down for a dazzling, dizzying series of kisses.
By the time her lover paused, Ryan’s knees were weak, but she was supported by
Jamie’s body—still astride and pressing against her leg. “Let’s go.” She
quickly made for the stairs, a little shocked when Jamie impudently slid her
hand right between her legs as she took the first step. But she didn’t try to
dislodge it. It felt so good to have Jamie get bolder and more confident about
her sexuality that Ryan wouldn’t have considered putting a damper on any of her
playfulness.
As they reached the
kitchen, Ryan turned and wrapped Jamie in her arms, kissing her with a nearly
frantic passion. Jamie responded, holding on to Ryan as well as she could with
one arm. Their bodies were pressed feverishly together, Ryan’s hands running
through her hair, along her body, and back to her face, where they held her as
gently as a china doll.
Panting, Jamie
backed away. “Bed. Now.”
“Counter. Now.” In
a flash, Jamie’s panties were on the floor, and her long T-shirt joined them a
few seconds later—since Ryan was much more careful around her splint. She was
lifted and settled on the cold granite, letting out a gasp that was captured by
Ryan’s eager mouth. Again, Ryan was relentless in her assault upon Jamie’s
lips, the soft skin on her throat, her flushed ears. Slowly, she worked her way
down the willing body, finally gathering Jamie’s breasts in her hands and
pressing them together firmly, where she worked at the rigid nipples with
unflagging interest.
Jamie held on with
her right arm, wishing desperately that she could grasp and hold her lover with
her left as well. Ryan seemed to sense her need and she released her breasts
and held her tightly, not missing a beat with her warm, wet mouth.
“That’s it,” Jamie
urged. “Hold me tight. Hold me …”
Ryan followed her
command, holding her firmly while her mouth moved further down her body. She
grasped her hips in a nearly bruising grip and nuzzled between her legs,
filling her lungs with the musky aroma of desire. Jamie’s legs spread
immediately, welcoming Ryan with alacrity. Blindly reaching behind herself for
a chair, Ryan’s foot found one and dragged it across the floor. She knelt on
it, then sat back on her haunches to reach her prize.
As soon as Ryan’s
mouth covered her, Jamie slid closer to the edge of the counter and lifted her
legs until they rested on Ryan’s shoulders. She was braced on her good arm, her
body contorted in a pose that would have been unimaginable if she weren’t
shaking with desire. But the only sensation she felt was Ryan’s hot breath on her,
and when that delectable tongue swiped along her from bottom to top, she cried
out with need. She would have fallen if she’d moved her good arm, so she had to
lie there, passively letting Ryan work her magic. Though she couldn’t move her
arms, her hips were unrestrained, and Jamie swiveled and twitched them across
the counter—trying to position herself to force Ryan to hit the magic spot.
Ryan knew exactly
where Jamie’s hot spots were; she just wasn’t ready to probe them. Few things
gave her more pleasure than watching and feeling Jamie’s body writhe under her
touch, and she hated to bring the fun to a close any sooner than necessary. She
lingered around Jamie’s opening, delicately inserting the tip of her tongue
again and again, then swirling it around in a tiny circle.
Jamie thumped the
counter with her splint, her moans music to Ryan’s ears. “Please,” she begged. “Please make me come.”
Ryan growled like a
big cat protecting her kill.
“Please,” Jamie
said again. “Come on, baby, do it!”
Placing a wet kiss
on her lips, Ryan tilted her head, her mouth shining in the morning light.
“Tell me what you need. Exactly what
you need.” She loved to hear Jamie give voice to her desires; it always made
her pulse quicken.
“My clit,” she
begged. “Suck my clit. You know just how I like it.”
“Is that all?” Ryan
asked innocently, slowly lowering her head while keeping her eyes locked on
Jamie’s.
“No, no! Fingers!
Put your fingers inside me. I need you inside me, baby. Inside!”
Grinning lustily,
Ryan slid two fingers inside, pressing down, then spreading her fingers apart
to give Jamie the pressure and the fullness she needed. As she elicited the
deep, throaty moan that sent chills up her spine, she dipped her head and
covered her lover’s clit, sucking gently but firmly. As soon as her tongue
brushed across the tip, Jamie cried out and her body stiffened. She was
completely still, save for the first spasm that rolled through her vulva,
making Ryan smile. Another gentle swipe of the tongue sent Jamie over the edge,
and she thrust her hips hard, pushing against Ryan’s hand as if she was trying
to pull the talented fingers deep within herself.
Jamie’s body was
expressing itself clearly, but her mouth was unable to form a single syllable .
She slid down to let her upper body fully rest on the counter, her torso
winding up in a remarkably uncomfortable-looking position.
Ryan stayed where
she was, pressing tender kisses into the still-throbbing flesh, watching the
moisture trickle from her unabated. While Jamie recovered, Ryan pressed her
cheek against a thigh and took in a deep breath, feeling remarkably sated. She
knew she was dripping wet and could come in a matter of moments, but she was
satisfied—thoroughly satisfied. She got up and pushed the chair away, then
wrapped her arms around Jamie, pulling her partner’s limp body into a sitting
position.
Her head resting on
Ryan’s shoulder, Jamie murmured, “The things you do to me …”
“The things you do
to me,” Ryan said, laughing softly.
“Watching your body respond and hearing you beg for what you need makes me so
hot … it’s … unreal.”
“Take me upstairs.
I’ve got plans for you. Big, big plans.”
Ryan turned her
head and caught Jamie’s lips—licking, sucking, teasing them with her mouth and
tongue. Jamie was moaning again, rubbing her breasts against Ryan, who somehow
managed to stick to her agenda. “I have plans for you, sweetheart. You’re gonna get in the shower, get dressed, and
go to class. Then I’m gonna clean up a little, change my undies,
and get to work. I just have to.”
Jamie sat back and
stared at her, unblinking. “You’re not serious.”
“Yeah, I am. I told
you I had to get moving.”
“But … that was
before we started to make love! Aren’t you turned on?”
“Heck yeah,” Ryan
said, laughing. “But I’m happy. I had a lot of fun this morning, and I didn’t
even have to take off my new pants!”
She looked very
happy at her declaration, and Jamie, puzzled by her usually
hair-trigger-response lover, could see that she was serious. “Did I pressure
you, baby?”
“No, not a bit! If
I really wasn’t into it, I would have told you. But I thought this would be a
great way to start the day. I got to feel love and tenderness and passion—not a
bad way to get the juices flowing.”
Jamie put her good
arm around Ryan, and was helped off the counter. “Come on, hot stuff, let’s go
rinse off some of these juices. I don’t want my whole class to know how I spent
my morning.”
“They’d be
jealous,” Ryan smirked. “I bet every guy and half of the girls wish they were
in my shoes.”
“Yeah, that’s
probably true,” Jamie said, humoring her partner. “But you’re the only one I
want. Although, next time, I’d like your shoes and your pants and your shirt on
the floor, rather than on your body.”
“That can be
arranged. As a matter of fact,” she said, leading Jamie up the stairs, “I don’t
have a thing on my agenda at about ten o’clock tonight.”
“You’re on. Pencil me in, babe.”
***
After a somber
lunch,
A quick glance
showed
“Too risky,” Mia
said. She leaned over and kissed
Her smile sad,
“I love you, too,
and I’m gonna be thinking about you every minute.” With great care she smoothed
The corner of
“Okay.” Mia looked
up. “You can think about me when you get into bed at night. You think about how
nice it feels to be loved for being exactly who you are. Think about how we
don’t have to be together to be connected. And that whenever you think about
me, I’m thinking about you.” She slipped her arms around
“I love you,”
“They love you too.
We’re family.”
“We are,”
“I will. But I’ll
be happier when we’re back together. Now kiss me and get going, before that cop
over there has a stroke!”
***
When Mia had spoken
to Ryan the day before, Ryan said she wasn’t sure who’d be at the airport to
meet her—but someone would. Mia found the O’Flaherty rule about having someone pick you up a little odd—not
to mention inconvenient for them, but she had to admit it did make her feel
like someone was very glad she was home.
She was fairly sure
that she didn’t gasp aloud, but it was a near thing when she saw Conor standing
by the gate. “Hi,” she said, feeling uncharacteristically shy. She wasn’t sure
if she should hug him or not, but he resolved her dilemma by bending over and
giving her a friendly, almost brotherly, hug.
“You look great!”
he said, his big voice booming.
“Thanks. You look
good too. I like your hair that way.”
He reached up and
ran his hand through his unusually long hair. “Jamie’s got me going to the same
place she and Ryan get their hair cut. The guy charges so much, I decided to
wait as long as possible between haircuts. But I’m kinda getting used to it
being longer. I think I’m gonna see how I like it as it grows.”
Mia looked at him
quickly, not wanting to let him see her checking him out. He was, she had to
admit, even better looking with longer hair. It was so black and thick that she
was nearly drawn to running her hands through it—probably exactly what his
dates would do. “Might as well let it grow now. One day you’ll get married and
your wife will be in charge of it.”
“Right,” he said,
laughing easily. “Jamie’s in charge of Ryan’s, Maggie’s in charge of Brendan’s.
Heck, even Aunt Maeve changed the way Da cuts his.” He snapped off a quick look
at Mia. “Yours is getting long, too.”
“Yeah. I don’t have
a hairdresser in
“Have you had it
long before?”
They were walking
now, and Mia was feeling more comfortable with him by the minute. “Oh, yeah.
Until college. It straightens out a little bit when it’s longer. But I had to
braid it at night or it would have looked like a bird’s nest in the morning.”
“I think I’ll stop
before mine gets that long,” Conor said thoughtfully. Then he shot Mia and look
and grinned, and she gave him a playful slap.
“You’re in a good
mood. What’s going on with you?”
“Nothin’ much. Ryan
told me you were coming to town, and when she said your flight was after I
finished work, I asked if I could pick you up.”
Her stomach flipped
and Mia prayed he wouldn’t make a play for her. Deciding to get it over with if
he was going to try and rekindle old feelings, she asked, “Why?”
He shifted her big
bag from one shoulder to the other. “Two reasons. One—I like you; two—I wanted
to apologize.”
“You do?”
“Yep. The last
couple of times I saw you, I acted like a dick, and I wanted you to know I was
sorry. You were always up front with me, but I acted like we were engaged or
something. That was just … dickish,” he said,
chuckling at his newly coined word.
They were crossing
the street to the parking lot when she looked up at him. “What was up with
that? I thought you were good with how things were between us.”
“I was,” he said,
shrugging. “But that was when we both agreed we weren’t ready to settle down.
When you settled down about two minutes later …” He raised an eyebrow and
looked at her. “I don’t like to lose.”
“I don’t like to
feel like a game,” she said, scowling at him while he opened her door. She got
in and waited for him to join her.
He settled in and
buckled his seatbelt. “You’re not a game. I just felt a little … played. If you
had said you were ready to get serious, I would’ve been down for it. It pissed
me off when I realized you were ready
to get serious, you just didn’t want to get serious with me.”
She reached over
and grasped his forearm, blinking when she felt how large it was compared to
“Me too,” he said.
“But in a different way. It made me think I was ready to settle down; it made
you wanna run away from anything that produced sperm.”
He gave her a
half-smile, but she could see it was insincere. “No, it wasn’t sperm. The
timing was just right with
“And you and Jordan
click.”
“Totally,” she said
emphatically. “If I could, I’d marry her.” He turned to her and she could see
the muscles in his jaw loosen, then his mouth break into a smile.
“I’m happy for you
… both of you.”
Their eyes met and
she could see the sincerity in his blue eyes. “Thanks. It feels fantastic,
Conor. I’d always tried to avoid getting too involved. But with
He put the key in
the ignition and turned the engine over. “So, being a lesbian must be the right
fit for you.”
“Don’t go nuts on
me,” she said, laughing. “I love
His eyebrow rose
again, and Mia was struck by the remarkable resemblance between him and Ryan.
“I mean it. It’s not an issue—since I plan on being with
Conor gave her a
puzzled glance, then backed his truck out of the parking space. “Okay. I don’t
get it—but it’s your life. You should know.”
“I do,” she said.
“It’s just hard to explain to people who think there are just two ways to be:
gay and straight.”
“There are only two
in my book,” he said. “The first time I check out a guy’s ass—I’m gay.”
“Not even in the
locker room at the gym?” Mia taunted. “At the urinal?”
Conor shrugged.
“I’ve looked. But just for comparison. I’m always worried about a guy who won’t
look any lower than my head. It’s weird when a guy’s really careful not to look.
Always makes me think he wants to look, but knows he won’t be able to stop.
It’s funny,” he said, giving the matter some thought. “It’s having a guy look
at your ass that creeps you out. Every guy wants to know how big another guy’s
dick is. That’s normal. But if a guy’s looking at my ass—that’s gay.”
“Fascinating,” Mia
said. “Just fascinating. Do many guys look at your ass?”
“Yeeeeeeah,” he said, blushing a little bit. “More than I
like to admit. Ryan says I look just gay enough to make guys think I’m in the
club.”
“Huh.” Mia sat
sideways in her seat and looked him over. “You look straight to me. But you are
a little … clean for a straight guy.”
“Yeah.” He nodded.
“Ryan says I care too much about how I look to be straight.”
Mia giggled. “It
doesn’t bother you to talk about this?”
He gave her a
puzzled glance. “Why would it?”
“I don’t know. Most
guys wouldn’t like to admit that they look a little gay.”
“It’ll bother me
when more men than women check me out. Until then … the boys can look all they want.
Just don’t touch the merchandise.”
“Has anyone ever
tried?”
“To touch me?” he
asked, his voice rising.
“Yeah.”
“Hell no! I’d clock
a guy who tried it!”
Mia sat up
straighter in her seat. “Would you really? You’d bash a gay man?”
Looking to see if
she was kidding, he said, “Bash? It’s not bashing if he grabs you! What would
you do if a guy grabbed your ass?”
“Probably try to
knee him in the crotch,” she admitted.
“I rest my case.
Men are dogs. Doesn’t matter if they’re gay or straight. Give ’em an inch—”
“And they’ll grab
your ass,” Mia said, finishing his observation. “I guess I never thought of it
like that. But you have a point.”
“It doesn’t bother
me if a guy politely checks me out. I give him a ‘not interested’ look and
that’s the end of it. But if some jerk ever got aggressive with me—lights out!
You gotta draw the line somewhere.”
“What if a woman
tried to grab your ass?”
He smiled at her,
his sexy grin in place. “I have a double standard. I’d allow that. How about
you?”
“Mmm … I probably
would too. Or at least I would have before
His grin remained.
“Good thing you’re not gay.” He winced when she slapped his bare arm, and they
teased each other all the way to
***
Jamie and Catherine
sat in traffic on the 101 freeway, waiting to exit near The Mission. “Do you
think the cousins will consider a building outside their neighborhood?”
Catherine asked.
“I don’t think they
much care where it is, so long as they don’t have to drive too far to work on
it.”
“This one sounds
promising. Did you bring your little camera?”
“Yep.” Jamie nodded
to where it laid on the back seat. “You might have to take the pictures,
though. I don’t think I can do it with one hand.”
“How’s your arm
feeling, honey?”
“Not too bad I
elevate it and that helps. I don’t think about it much unless I try to use my
arm and find that it doesn’t bend.”
“I’m more than
happy to take pictures if the building merits it.” Catherine frowned.
“Are we close?”
“Yeah.” They’d
exited the freeway and were slowly cruising down Dolores, and Jamie said,
“There it is.
Catherine turned
left and slowed down, looking for a place to park. “I’d better find something
on Dolores; the smaller streets never have anything.”
Jamie agreed, and a
few minutes later they were blessed by the parking gods. Walking together down
the street, Jamie stopped at
Catherine smiled at
her daughter. “A year ago I wouldn’t have believed we’d be walking around this
neighborhood looking at apartment buildings.”
Grinning, Jamie
said, “It would have been a stretch, wouldn’t it? I remember the first time I
drove to Ryan’s. I was going through The Mission thinking, ‘How am I gonna be
polite if she lives over some little taco stand?’”
“Dear,” Catherine
said fondly, “you wouldn’t have noticed. Tacos would have become your favorite
food.”
Jamie nodded her
head, a little embarrassed. “I guess I was a little dreamy-eyed.”
Linking their arms
together, Catherine said, “I wish I had known what you were going through then.
It would have been nice to share that with you.”
“Mmm … I wasn’t
much for sharing then; wish I could have been. But I was as clueless as it’s
possible to be.”
“You’ve done well
for yourself in a year. I always knew you could master anything you put your
mind to.”
Jamie leaned over
and kissed her mother on the cheek. “You helped me a lot, Mom. Without your
support … I don’t even wanna think what I might have done if you’d let Daddy
speak for both of you.”
“You know,”
Catherine said thoughtfully, “even though it led to the breakup of my marriage,
I’m very glad I’m learning to stand up for myself.”
“And for me,” Jamie
said. “That’s what made me see how much you loved me.”
Her smile was so
wide her eyes nearly closed. “I do love you,” Catherine said. “I always have.
I’m so happy that I’m your mother.”
“We’re both coming
into our own, Mom. The Evans … uhm … we’re doing well.”
In a moment
Catherine’s smile was gone, replaced by a look of deep concern. “You don’t like
that I’m changing my name, do you?”
“No. But I’d
probably do the same thing if I were in your position. I understand why you
don’t want Daddy’s name any more.”
Catherine stopped,
grasping Jamie’s arm to slow her down. “That’s not why I’ve done this. Your
father and his name had almost nothing to do with this, dear.”
“Then what did?”
Jamie’s chin was sticking out, and that didn’t make her look very open-minded.
“I truly wanted to
honor my great-grandmother. I didn’t just want to return to my maiden name,
because I wasn’t much of a person when I was that young woman. I chose this
name to help me have a role model. I don’t want to be known as Senator Evans’
ex-wife, nut it’s his notoriety I don’t want to be associated with, not the
man.”
Jamie forced a
smile. “Okay. I’ll try to think about it from that perspective.”
Catherine nodded.
“Let’s go see this apartment building.”
Ray was waiting for
them. Jamie looked up and then said to the realtor, “Why would
anyone put those nasty shingles on a building?”
Smiling, Ray said,
“People didn’t want these old buildings to look old. This was the craze in the
40s and 50s.”
“Hmm … can they be
taken off?”
“Sure. Anything can
be taken off. But they’re probably asbestos. That’ll cost a bit.”
Jamie handed
Catherine her camera. “Take a picture of this lovely green building, will you?”
They spent about
half an hour looking at the interior, and even though it took a lot of
imagination, they all agreed that it belonged in the possible category.
Jamie took her
phone out and called Niall. “Hi,” she said, “Mom and I just looked at the three
flat on
“Now what?”
“Uhm … that’s why
I’m calling you. Would you like to take a look?”
“I could. But I’m
not in charge.”
Rolling her eyes,
Jamie said, “I took pictures. I’ll show them to all of you and see what you
think. How’s that?”
“Good. Good. See
ya.”
Jamie looked at her
mother. “Being the real estate agent for the O’Flaherty cousins is a little
tougher than I thought it would be.”
Back in the car,
Jamie said, “Do you have time to stop at Kinko’s?”
“Of course. For
what?”
“I’m gonna print
these pictures and drop them off at each house. Then I’m gonna tell them to go
look at the outside and let me know if they want to schedule a visit. I can’t
make the decision for them … at least not so they notice.”
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