I Found My Heart in
Osmosis
A gradual,
often unconscious process of absorption or learning
By SX Meagher
Part Nine
At 3:30 Jamie stole
another glance and saw that Ryan was still zoned out. She got up and went over
to her, calling her name. As before, Ryan snapped out of it and looked at her.
“Huh?”
“You’d better get
ready for practice. It’s 3:30.”
“Damn.” Ryan rolled
off the bed and grumbled to herself while going to her room to get her clothes
ready. She came back a few minutes later, dressed and ready to go. “Sorry I’m
grouchy. Vijay’s coming over tonight and I really wanted to have this idea
worked out in my head so he could help me with the programming.”
Jamie smiled up at
her. “Anything I can do to help?”
Ryan bent over and
put her mouth on the top of her head, then made a loud sucking sound. “I could
use another brain. My processor’s working at full capacity.”
“You’d better save
that trick for Vijay. Mine wouldn’t help a bit.”
“You’re a whiz,
baby,” Ryan said, grinned at her. “Your brain’s just
not fixated on the same things mine is.”
Jamie ran a hand up
Ryan’s thigh. “Sometimes it is,” she purred, giving her a sultry look.
“Thank God for
that!” Ryan kissed her soundly and turned for the door. “Don’t lose that
thought!”
***
Jamie didn’t lose
the thought. In fact, she simmered with it all afternoon. Their sex life had
been on the fritz ever since the carjacking, but things were starting to click
again and she found Ryan so spectacularly appealing now that her confidence was
coming back that she could barely focus on her work. But Ryan was made of
tougher stuff and she seemed perfectly able to balance her fixation on her
project and a reawakening sex drive. Which irritated Jamie
just the tiniest bit.
Ryan got home a
little after six o’clock, dropped her gym bag by the door, and strolled into
the kitchen. “Hi,” she said, giving Jamie a quick kiss and grabbing the first
edible thing she could get her hands on.
Jamie smiled at
her, watching her demolish a carrot in moments. “Salad okay?”
“Sure. I’ve gotta
rush. Vijay’s gonna be here in half an hour. Mind if I go take a shower before
we eat?”
“No, go ahead. I’m
still working on the veggies.”
Ryan kissed her
again, grabbed a big wedge of jicama and took off, leaving Jamie smiling at her
partner’s insatiable appetite.
***
Around ten o’clock,
Jamie went to the study and found Ryan and Vijay hard at work. They had three
laptops going, which seemed a little excessive to Jamie, but she didn’t
comment. “Are you two anywhere near finished?”
Ryan glanced up and
frowned. “Ooo … uhm … no, we’re not. Should we … stop?”
“No, no, just take
a little break and walk me upstairs, okay?”
Ryan looked more
torn than Jamie was happy with, but she got up and said to Vijay, “Back in a
sec.”
“Goodnight, Jamie,”
he said. “Thanks for the snack.”
“You’re welcome.
And don’t feel like you have to stop just because of me. I know how Ryan is
when she gets involved, and if you’re anything like her …”
“I’m worse,” he
said, laughing.
“God help us!” She
took Ryan’s hand and they walked upstairs.
Ryan put her hand
on Jamie’s neck and gave it a scratch. “Wanna be tucked in, little girl?”
“Not really.” Jamie
smiled at her. “I wanted some kisses. If you won’t go to bed with me, the least
you can do is warm up my lips.”
“Always happy to.”
They reached the
bedroom and Jamie dropped her sweats and slid between the sheets. “Begin,” she
said, puckering up.
Sitting on the side
of the bed, Ryan leaned over, placing her hand next to Jamie’s pillow to
support herself. She drew close and paused, gazing into Jamie’s eyes. “I wish I
could go to bed with you.”
Jamie started to
lift her left hand, then chuckled when she realized she’d hit Ryan on the head
if she lifted it. Switching to her right, she brought it to Ryan’s cheek and
stroked it tenderly. “Me too. I always miss you when you don’t.”
“I’ll be up as soon
as we finish. Can’t guarantee when that’ll be, though.”
“It’s all right,
really. I know how important this is to you, baby. You’ve been working on this
for two semesters. I don’t want you to drop the ball now.”
“Thanks for
understanding.” Ryan dipped her head and placed a delicate, slow kiss on
Jamie’s lips. “Thanks for loving me.”
Jamie threaded her
fingers through Ryan’s hair and held her still. “I do love you. I always will.”
They kissed, slowly and gently, for a few moments, then Jamie pressed Ryan a
little more firmly against her mouth. “I always want you when I can’t have
you,” she whispered. “I could eat you alive right now.”
Ryan chuckled, then
playfully nipped at her lover’s nose. “You’re getting as bad as me— forbidden
fruit and all that.”
“You’re a good bad
influence.” Jamie kissed her again, harder this time, intentionally trying to
make Ryan hot. She knew it was a little cruel, but she wanted to be missed. Her
arm slipped down and she held on to Ryan’s shoulder, holding her still. Then
her tongue darted all around Ryan’s lips, teasing her with a feather-light
touch.
“No fair,” Ryan
growled. “You’re taunting the wildlife.”
Impish green eyes
looked up at her. “Mmm … I know you love math. I just want you to realize what
you’re giving up.”
“I realize exactly
what I’m giving up,” Ryan murmured. “And I’m doubting my sanity. I’m just too
polite to kick Vijay out right in the middle of draining his brain.”
“Go,” Jamie said,
kissing her one last time. “I’ll be here when you’re finished.”
Ryan smiled. “If I
weren’t sure of that, politeness would lose out.”
***
It was after 2:00
when Ryan locked the door after seeing Vijay out. She was jazzed, higher than
she’d been in months. If the bars had been open, she would have offered to take
Vijay out for a celebratory drink for coming to what she was almost certain was
the final solution to her project. But they weren’t open and Vijay didn’t
drink, so she was left to celebrate on her own.
Nervous energy
flowed from her body, and she had to do something to release it. She was
seriously thinking of going for a run when she remembered that she could play
the drums in her room and not disturb Jamie. So she grabbed a beer and headed
upstairs, nearly skipping with happiness.
Carefully closing
both bathroom doors, she turned on her kit and put her headphones on. Picking
up her sticks, she spent a moment twirling and tossing them, just to show off,
then she started to play, venting her energy and her glee on the poor rubber
pads that adequately substituted for skins.
***
After forty-five
minutes, Ryan’s tank top was soaked through. She let out a breath and wiped the
perspiration from her forehead with the back of her arm, then gasped when she
saw Mia lying on the bed on her belly, smiling at her. Ryan took off her headphones.
“When did you get here?”
“A while ago.
You’re fun to watch.”
“Gee, thanks.” Ryan
stood and stretched. “Good workout.”
“It’s a good thing
we’re both monogamous, ’cause I’d jump you right about now.” Mia gave Ryan a
cherubic smile. “You are sizzling hot, O’Flaherty.”
“Uhm … thanks,”
Ryan said, ducking her head in embarrassment.
“Hey, that didn’t
upset you, did it?”
“Well, no, it
didn’t upset me … but it’s kinda weird.”
“Why? It’s just a
fact. There are thousands of hot women, but I wouldn’t trade Jordy for any of
’em. I’m sure you feel the same about Jamie.”
“I do.”
“So? I think you’re
smart and funny and nice and red hot. It’s just a part of who you are. Doesn’t
make me like you better. I’d love you if you looked like a dog’s butt.”
Ryan grinned. “Glad
to know I’m not on that end of your scale. Hey, if you’re gonna be up for a
few, can I use your shower? I don’t wanna wake Jamie.”
“Wake Jamie? You
could jump on the bed and not wake her. But you’re welcome to use mine if you
want it.”
“Eh … you’re right.
Jamie’s impervious to noise.”
“Use mine.” She
batted her eyes seductively and lowered her voice. “I’ll wash your back.”
Squealing, Ryan
jumped up and ran for her own bathroom, locking the door while she giggled.
***
When she was clean,
she thought of the things she could do, but none of them appealed to her. She
knew she wouldn’t be able to concentrate enough to read, there was no
television in any room but her and Jamie’s, and the last thing she wanted was
to answer e-mail or surf the Web. So she decided to just lie in bed and feel
good about what she’d accomplished. It wasn’t often that she took the time to
review something she was very proud of, but tonight seemed like the perfect
time. It was a remarkably warm night, and she looked forward to lying in bed
and letting the soft sounds of the evening eventually lull her to sleep.
She opened the door
to their room and was surprised to find Jamie sleeping on her right side, both
of Ryan’s pillows serving as props for her injured arm. Her mouth curled into a
grin when the wan moonlight showed that her partner was completely naked,
something of a rarity for her. The sheet was pushed down to her thighs,
exposing a lovely expanse of skin for Ryan to admire
Deciding she’d like
a better look, Ryan walked around the bed and perched on the window sill,
taking in her partner’s bewitching body. There were few things Ryan liked
better than the gentle curve of a woman’s hips, and Jamie’s curve was as
perfect as Ryan had ever seen. Full and womanly, it never failed to capture her
attention and she sat peacefully, gazing at the curve and the small movement of
Jamie’s back each time she took in a breath.
Her eyes
automatically slid lower and fixed themselves on the twin globes of her
ass—also world-class in Ryan’s learned opinion. A hint of moonlight provided
just enough illumination to let Ryan feast on her lover’s beauty, which she was
content to do for long minutes. But she began to feel an urge to touch the
loveliness she regarded and, since Jamie was such a sound sleeper, she knew she
could engage in a little tactile appreciation with impunity.
There was barely
enough room for her to sit just below Jamie’s ass, and when she did, her lover
didn’t move a muscle. Ryan positioned herself so she could use both hands, and
she started with her left—gently running it along Jamie’s flank from her ribs
to her thigh. A zing of excitement hit Ryan in a very nice place—the thrill of
touching such a lovely body enough to generate the feeling. But Ryan loved to
be doing something just a little bit wrong. Even if she had to trick herself
into believing it was wrong.
In fact, Jamie had
given her explicit permission to touch her in her sleep, but Ryan had never
done it. Given how magnetic the attraction she felt tonight was, she was glad
she’d saved the experience for a special occasion.
Taking her time,
Ryan played with the supple skin, tracing patterns and following the subtle
indentations of vertebrae. Moving down, she obviously hit a sensitive spot,
because Jamie shivered and straightened out her bottom leg. That made things a
little more interesting, and Ryan took advantage of the new position. Scooting
back, she rested her face on the warm, soft skin that had just been revealed.
Her mouth began to water as she breathed in Jamie’s welcoming, distinctive
scent, and she inched forward to tickle her just a tiny bit with her nose. The
curly, sandy blonde hairs nearly made her sneeze, but Ryan furiously rubbed her
nose, managing to stop the reflex.
Her hand was more
tempted than her nose had been, and she reached between Jamie’s legs and
delicately caressed the skin. Only a few inches of the very desirable space was
available to her, but she managed to build quite a buzz from stroking and
probing those few inches. A shudder went through her and she shook her head,
grinning from ear to ear. She felt like a child who’d snuck out of bed to wait
for Santa Claus, but her clit had never throbbed like it was for Santa. Only
Jamie had that effect.
Suddenly overcome
with emotion, Ryan leaned over and gently embraced her partner, kissing her
pale skin again and again as she thanked whatever power had brought them
together. She never would have believed that a woman could entrance her like
this—while asleep—but she was overwhelmingly grateful that together they would
stay.
She wasn’t sure if
it was the hug or the surfeit of kisses, but Jamie stirred again, this time
straightening both legs and stretching while a gentle sigh left her lips. Just
the sigh set Ryan’s heart beating, and she smirked at herself for falling so
helplessly in love. She bent over again and placed one last kiss on Jamie’s
hip, then started to get up. But as she did, Jamie rolled over a little, almost
lying flat on her back. Ryan managed to get out of her way and she went back to
her side of the bed and got in. Leaning down to pull the sheet up, she stopped
cold when Jamie slid her hand down her own belly and rested it between her
slightly spread legs.
Sitting up like a
dog who has heard a distant whistle, Ryan watched, transfixed, waiting to see
what her partner would do. Nearly a minute passed, and Ryan decided that
nothing would happen. But when she reached for the sheet again she saw that
Jamie was slowly pressing her thighs together. A dangerous-looking grin split
Ryan’s face and she rested her head on her braced hand to see what would happen
next.
As she’d hoped, the
pressing continued—not in a rhythmic way—but in the foggy, haphazard way that a
sleeping woman moves. Ryan watched her like a vulture watches a wounded animal.
Every twitching muscle was noted, every sigh, every gentle purr that left
Jamie’s lips. After a long while, Jamie moved her hand and Ryan’s momentary
disappointment was replaced by a bigger grin when Jamie grasped and squeezed
her own breast.
Ryan nearly leapt
for her, but the dazzling sensation of watching her become aroused was too
fascinating to halt prematurely. Blue eyes grew wide when Jamie began to press
her ass into the mattress and gently thrust against the air. This was too much
for Ryan to take. She popped a finger into her mouth and thoroughly wet it,
then toyed with the crinkly hairs that guarded Jamie’s most private spot.
On cue, Jamie’s
body reacted, her legs spreading apart just enough for Ryan to touch her lips.
At first contact, a low, mumbled groan left her and Ryan’s clit twitched like a
live wire had been applied to it. Shivering, she kept probing, smiling when she
realized that the last thing Jamie needed was extra lubrication. Her fingers
were immediately generously coated with the obvious expression of Jamie’s
somnolent desire, and Ryan continued to explore. Intently watching Jamie’s
face, her fingers slid forward, making progress in their journey until they
were poised at her opening.
Spending just a
moment debating, Ryan’s fingers slid in, and she ground her teeth together when
Jamie’s hips thrust forward to meet her. Her own desire was reaching the
boiling point, but she didn’t have any idea how to touch herself while keeping
her fingers inside her partner. And since being enveloped by Jamie’s wet warmth
was the engine driving her desire, she had no interest in withdrawing.
She scooted closer
and started to kiss any part she could reach, while slowly and deliberately
slipping her fingers in and out and in and out … just a few inches … just the
way Jamie liked it.
Jamie’s breathing
became more rapid and her nipples grew taut and firm. Ryan swirled her fingers
around her opening, then turned her hand and massaged the roof of her vagina,
tenderly but firmly pressing against the spongy tissue.
Without warning,
Jamie’s head turned and she slowly blinked her eyes open. Reaching between her
legs she found Ryan’s hand, then jerked and sought her lover out in the dark.
“Good God,” she said, then began to laugh. “I was dreaming about being in the
hospital after I fell, and the doctor started fucking me! I was so confused
because I loved the way it felt, but I knew it was wrong to let him do it.”
Ryan wrinkled her
nose and grinned sheepishly. “Just me, baby. Do you like it?”
“Come here, you
nut. Of course I like it. Now kiss me and keep doing what you’re doing!”
Ryan moved up and
wrapped an arm around Jamie’s shoulders, pulling her close to kiss her. As soon
as her tongue entered her mouth she resumed the slow pistoning
of her fingers and Jamie stayed right with her, picking up the rhythm
immediately. “Ooo … this is good,” she moaned. “So, so good.”
Ryan kissed her
again, probing her mouth while her fingers probed her slick channel. “You’re so
fantastically hot,” she murmured.
“I’ve been hot for
you all day long. All … day.” She raised her knees and started to thrust,
meeting Ryan’s hand hard enough to make a soft slapping sound. “Touch my clit,
baby. Softly … softly.”
Ryan rushed to meet
her need, grazing over the engorged flesh with her thumb. Once … twice … and
Jamie’s flesh started to contract, squeezing Ryan’s fingers in waves while her
head roughly shook back and forth, not a sound coming from her parted lips.
Finally, she sighed
heavily and her body began to relax. Seeking Ryan’s lips she kissed her again
and again, while holding her hand in place. As soon as she could catch her
breath she sucked Ryan’s bottom lip between her teeth and gave it a gentle
bite. “Again,” she said, eyes gleaming in the moonlight. “Do it all again.”
***
Jamie opened her
eyes when the first light of dawn hit the bed. She reached out and found Ryan’s
warm body, then grasped her alarm clock and shut it off. Scooting across the
bed, she cuddled up behind Ryan, kissed between her shoulder blades and fell
back to sleep.
At around 8:30
Jamie opened one eye and looked at her clock. “Shit! Baby, you’ve gotta get
up!”
Ryan sat up like
she’d been pulled by the nose. “What? What?”
“It’s 8:30! You’ve
gotta be at therapy in a half hour.”
“What happened?”
She jumped out of bed, dashed into the bathroom, and started running the water.
Jamie walked into
the room and gave her a sheepish smile. “I was so tired when I woke up, that I
turned off the alarm. I thought I’d just sleep for a little while.”
“That’ll teach me
to sneak up on you in the middle of the night,” Ryan said, frowning slightly
while she started to brush her teeth.
Jamie approached
her from the back and hugged her tightly. “Don’t be grouchy. I’m very happy you
snuck up on me. And you seemed pretty happy about it a couple of hours ago.”
“I was.” Ryan
raised an eyebrow and asked drolly, “Didn’t you hear me squealing with
delight?”
“It’s my fault
you’re late, so I’ll drive you to therapy.”
Whining slightly,
Ryan said, “Then I’ve gotta take the bus back. I hate that.”
“I’ll go get coffee
and then come back and pick you up. It’s the least I can do.” She kissed all
across Ryan’s bare shoulders. “I owe you for giving me such a nice, nice
evening.”
“It was really
morning,” Ryan said, finally smiling. “About three o’clock.”
“Any time … any
where—I’m your girl.”
Ryan finished
brushing and turned, holding Jamie in her arms. “I can drive myself. I’ll park
in one of the garages by the office. I know you don’t like to drive my car.”
“Don’t be silly. I
can drive it, I just prefer my own.” Jamie went into their room and put the
previous day’s clothing back on. “Now don’t argue with me. Paying for parking
is pure punishment for you. I’ll play chauffer.”
“Deal. And if you
shake a leg, we might be able to get me a cup of coffee before my session.
That’d be sweet.”
“Anything for you.”
Jamie dashed across the room and hugged her again. “I loved the way you woke me up. Really loved it.”
“I did too. Very
much. And seeing the look on your face when you woke up and felt me inside you,
nearly made me swoon.” She tapped the tip of Jamie’s nose. “I think we’ll be
doing that again.”
“Don’t promise if
you don’t mean it,” Jamie said, patting Ryan’s bare butt. “Now get dressed!”
***
When they got home,
Ryan went to her room to start working. She had an appointment to talk to
Professor Berkowitz about her project, and she wanted to make sure she had
everything in order. Jamie had class in an hour, and she spent her available
time working up the nerve to call her mother. Finally it was time to call or
put it off, so she steeled her resolve and dialed the number. To her dismay,
Catherine answered on the second ring.
“Hi, Mom.”
“Hello, dear.”
Jamie couldn’t read
anything from the brief greeting, so she dove right in. “I’m calling to
apologize for the way I behaved on Sunday. I don’t know what got into me, but I
was out of line.”
“I assumed you
weren’t feeling up to par, honey. Don’t give it another thought.”
“I’m fine, Mom. I
have no excuse. Your life is yours to live as you choose. I shouldn’t have
tried to pry.”
“Really, dear, it’s
fine. I’d forgotten about it.”
Jamie was quite
sure that wasn’t true, but she forced herself to accept the statement at face
value. “Okay. We’ll just move on.”
“Oh, honey, don’t
sound so dramatic. It was a minor tiff, and I told you how I felt at the time.
Let’s drop it.”
“Okay. If you’re
sure you’re not upset.”
“Honey, believe me.
I wasn’t upset at the time. I think it’s good for you and for us for you to
express your feelings.”
Jamie raked her
lower lip against her teeth. She desperately wanted to say what she was
thinking—that she wished her mother had
been angry. That might have allowed them to have a real argument. And a real
argument might have compelled her mother to tell her the truth about Giacomo.
But it was clear that wasn’t going to happen. Just to make conversation she
asked, “Uhm … did you have fun with Maeve yesterday?”
“Of course. I
always enjoy being with Maeve. But we have our doubts about The Ritz for your
reception.”
Jamie didn’t
mention that Maeve had called Ryan as soon as she’d gotten home the previous
day, and that the fact that Catherine hadn’t done the same had been a good
indication that she had not forgotten their fight. “What was the problem?”
“Oh, no problem.
But it felt too, “too,” if you know what I mean. I can’t imagine you two
wanting a very formal reception, and
the space doesn’t lend itself to anything less.”
“We don’t … or at
least I don’t want it too casual, either. I mean, I want it to be a special
place. This is a once-in-a-lifetime thing for me,
Mom.”
“I know it is,
Jamie. I don’t think there’s a woman in the world who doesn’t want a special
way to commemorate the day she pledges to love someone for the rest of her
life.” Seemingly without thinking, she added, “Even though forever doesn’t last
nearly that long for many of us.”
“Wow.” Jamie was at
a loss for more than that.
“Oh, honey, I’m so
sorry! That was so insensitive of me! I’m just … I’m a little jaded about
marriage right now. But I should never let my feelings about my own failure
carry over to you.”
“Uhm … are you sure
you want to help with this, Mom? I don’t want you to feel obligated.”
Catherine sounded
like she was on the verge of crying. “Yes, I definitely want to help. I’m not
jaded about your and Ryan’s commitment. I truly believe you two are ready to
take these vows.”
“I’ve never heard
you say anything so … negative about marriage. Are you feeling that down?”
“No, I’m fine.
Really. I started talking, and thought about my own wedding, and my mouth
starting moving before my brain caught up.”
“You’re sure?”
“Positive. I’ve
forgotten about our little spat, and I hope you can forget about my faux pas.”
“I’m good at
denial,” Jamie said. “That’s why this is the second wedding I’m planning, and
I’m only twenty-two.”
***
That afternoon,
Ryan sat on a chair in Professor Berkowitz’ office, with Vijay sitting on the
windowsill in the small room. The professor had been going over Ryan’s notes,
graphs, and spreadsheets for over an hour. She asked the occasional question,
but mostly she concentrated, her dark eyes roaming from one stack of papers to
another to check a number or a footnote. Ryan, full of nervous energy, was
itching to move, but she didn’t want to disturb her instructor. It was clear
that Professor Berkowitz was devoting her full attention to thinking the theory
through, and Ryan didn’t want to take more of her time than she had already.
She silently tapped her feet in sets of ten while watching the professor’s face
for the smallest sign of a question.
After another
thirty minutes, Ryan was chewing on the inside of her cheek. She jumped when
Professor Berkowitz said, “This looks perfect. I can’t find a flaw in your
methods or your application. The theory should work.” She looked at Ryan with
narrowed eyes. “Why doesn’t it?”
“Damned if I know.”
Ryan stood and started pacing. “If the theory’s right, the stock market should
have peaked over two months ago. My partner and I played a game where we had
imaginary portfolios. I decided to sell our tech stocks weeks ago. And I missed
another two percent increase in the portfolio.” She stopped and frowned. “I’m
stumped.”
“If I had money in
the stock market, I’d sell based on this paper. But there must be some factors
you can’t account for using math alone. That will probably keep this from being
published.” She looked at Ryan and shook her head. “I guess every market
analyst would be a billionaire if numbers alone could predict the market.”
“I guess.” Ryan
looked down and said, “My father agrees with my theory and he didn’t look at
any numbers.”
The professor
looked at her, head cocked, so Ryan continued. “He said no one’s making
anything or building anything. The market’s going crazy based on the belief
that technology will revolutionize everything. But no Internet company has
turned a profit. Not one!”
“I know. But the
market doesn’t behave rationally. If it did, a bunch of twenty-year-olds
wouldn’t be riding around in limos drinking champagne.”
“And buying houses
in my family’s neighborhood, pricing normal people out,” Ryan grumbled.
“Let me spend some
more time looking at this, Ryan. I don’t imagine I’ll find anything wrong,
given how much time you and Vijay have spent, but I’ll give it a try. Do you
mind if I have a couple more grad students look at it?”
“Only if there’s
not a mistake,” Vijay said, smiling despite his disappointment.
***
Later that day,
Ryan spied her rooting section moments after she emerged from the locker room
at the softball field. “Hey, Heather,” she called to her teammate, “we’ve got
extra groupies today.”
Heather took a look
and waved at Jamie, Mia, Jennie, and Ashley. “Not bad for a practice,” Heather
said.
“Let’s go say hi.”
The two women jogged across the field, reaching their fans in a few of their
long strides. “Here to get dates, girls?”
“No thanks,” Ashley
said, wrinkling her nose. “Your coach isn’t my type.”
“I’ll take one,”
Jamie said. “Give me a kiss so I can see if you’re worth hanging out for.”
Ryan climbed the
bleachers and kissed her rather chastely. “Not my best effort,” Ryan whispered.
“Don’t wanna scare the children.”
“How did your
meeting go?”
“Eh.” Ryan
shrugged. “Okay, I guess. My professor thinks the paper’s solid, but it hasn’t
proven accurate. I guess I wasted my time.”
“You’ll get credit,
won’t you?” Jamie’s eyes were comically wide.
“Sure. It’s a
theory. They don’t have to work; you just have to show that you did the work
properly. It wasn’t my theory, anyway. I was just trying to apply it to this
situation. I’d like to publish it just to stop other people from working as
hard as I did to prove it.”
“But you can’t?”
“Nah. No one will
publish a failed theory by an undergrad. When I get time, I’ll post my work to
all of the newsgroups I know of. Word might travel that way.”
“Well, I’m proud of
you. And I know you’ll get an ‘A.’”
Ryan chuckled. “I
think that’s a safe bet. I could have taken six classes in the time I spent on
this project. Professor Berkowitz was impressed. She said she’d sell her stock
if she had any.”
“I’m gonna make
some changes in my portfolio. I think we should talk to Mom about hers, too.”
“Ryan!” Heather
called. “Coach is making fun of you.”
Ryan turned around
and saw that Coach Roberts had turned his back to her and had wrapped his arms
around himself—acting like he was being hugged passionately. “Gotta go,” she
said, kissing Jamie quickly.
“That guy’s funny,”
Mia said, watching Ryan and Heather run away.
“Yeah. He’s a good
guy. Just the kind of guy Ryan likes. No nonsense, but he has a sense of
humor.”
“Sounds like her,”
Mia said.
“Hey, Jamie?”
Jennie said.
“Yeah?”
“Are you gonna stay
for a while? Ashley was gonna help drill me for a math test, but I don’t wanna
leave if you’re not gonna be here long.”
“We’re staying. Go
sit someplace quiet and get your work done. Then it won’t be on your mind.”
“It’s not on my
mind,” she said, grinning. “Honest!”
“Let’s go,” Ashley
said, tugging on her shirt. “The sooner we start, the sooner we finish.”
Mia watched them
move over and down a few rows. “She acts like she’s your kid.”
“She kinda is.
We’re the only family she has that really cares about her. Ryan and I and my
mom are in charge of her education. Although Ashley and Heather have been doing
most of the grunt work. They’re both tutoring her—a lot.”
“Does she really
need it?”
“Yeah. She made it
through eighth grade, but she didn’t learn a heck of a lot. Her mom didn’t
supervise her and she skipped a lot of classes, but she’s doing well now. She’s
really a bright kid.”
“She’s sweet, too,”
Mia said, looking over at Jennie. “Reminds me of myself at her age.”
“Yours isn’t the
first name that comes to mind when I think of Jennie,” Jamie teased. “She’s had
a tough life so far, but she’s still remarkably innocent.”
Mia sniffed. “Oh. Well,
then I change my mind.”
“You seemed so
worldly when I first met you. We were just a year younger than Jen, you know.”
“Hard to believe.”
She shook her head. “It feels like it was three lifetimes ago.”
Bumping her with
her shoulder, Jamie said, “Are you down today?”
“Nah. Just thinking
about my Jordy. I hope she’s taking care of herself.”
“I think she can do
it. She’s been on her own a lot longer than she’s been with you. I’m sure she’s
out of practice, but it’ll come back to her.”
Mia smiled. “I
guess you’re right. I worry about her too much.”
“It’s … different
when you’re really in love, isn’t it?”
Dropping her head
into her hands, Mia groaned. “I had no idea! Now I know why my mother just
smiled at me when I said I was desperately in love with one guy or another. I
was way too selfish to love anyone when I was in high school. I didn’t realize
that love was more about giving than getting.”
“Yeah, I know what
you mean. I’m still amazed that my mom didn’t try to talk me out of getting
engaged to Jack. She had to see that it was a mistake. I gave him nothing.
Nothing!”
Putting her arm
around Jamie, Mia hugged her. “Did you ask her opinion at the time?”
Laughing, Jamie
said, “Good point. I’m sure she had the correct impression that I didn’t want advice.
That’s one thing about my mom—she’s always treated me like an adult … even when
I wasn’t one.”
“Hey, do you think
we could merge your mom and mine? We could get a relatively involved mother who
only gave advice when it was really needed!”
“That would be
kinda cool. But I want the new creature to get your mom’s cooking skills.”
Mia extended her
hand and Jamie shook it. “Deal. But she gets your mom’s money.”
“Deal,” Jamie
agreed, laughing.
They were idly
watching the players go through their usual practice routine and Mia said,
“What’s up with Ryan not playing? I don’t know much about softball, but she
looks awfully good.”
Jamie smiled and
watched her lover fielding sharply-hit ground balls at first base. “She is. But
her coach is a very loyal guy. Her friend Jackie plays first and has been a
starter since she was a freshman. She hits as well as Ryan does, but Ryan’s a
better fielder. And Ryan’s arm is better, too. But I think the coach feels a
real sense of loyalty to Jackie, and doesn’t want to bench her for a newcomer.”
She shrugged. “I’m very proud of Ryan for not making an issue of it. She’d be
much better in left field than the girl who’s out there now, but I think Coach
Roberts wants to give the girl some confidence. Half of the team is graduating,
and he’s gotta get the freshmen some playing time.”
“I guess it’s not
easy to make everybody happy, but I’d put Ryan in just because of how cute she
looks when she bats.”
Jamie giggled and
slapped Mia playfully on the leg. “She does have a cute ass, doesn’t she?”
“Sure does. And the
little wiggle she gives is sweet. The coach obviously doesn’t let his
testosterone influence his judgment—’cause Ryan’s the best looking one on the
team.”
“I sure think so.
But I’d think that at the Miss World competition.”
Mia looked at Jamie
for a second and asked a question that had been on her mind. “Hey, do you think
it bothers Ryan when I tell her she looks good?”
“Huh?” Turning,
Jamie just looked at Mia like she was speaking gibberish.
“It kinda threw me
the other night. I got home late and Ryan was in her room beating the hell out
of her drums.”
“She was? When was
this?”
“Uhm … I forget.
Maybe Monday or Tuesday.”
“What time was it?”
“Late. After the
bars closed.”
“Huh.” Jamie smiled
devilishly. “The drums must have flipped her switch. I woke up with her fingers
inside me.”
“Ooo!” Mia’s mouth
formed a perfect circle and her eyes nearly did the same. “The little devil!
Jordy’s never done that to me. But it seems like every guy I’ve seriously dated
has tried to slip it in first thing in the morning.” She rolled her eyes in
distaste. “Do they think I’m gonna like that?” She laughed, shaking her head.
“Guys are sooooo clueless.”
“I would have hit
Jack with whatever I could’ve gotten my hands on, but it was a very, very, very
welcome visit from Ms. O’Flaherty.”
“Have her tell
Jordy to do it!” Mia said excitedly. “It’d ruin it if I had to ask for it.”
Jamie looked at
her, puzzled. “Why don’t you do it to
“Damn!” Mia slapped
herself on the forehead. “My brain’s not working. So … how’d she do it?”
Coloring slightly,
Jamie said, “She started touching me in my sleep. Apparently, I was responsive
enough to give her confidence. I kinda wish we had a videotape, to be honest.
I’m not at all sure what she did—but I was ready!”
“That’s the problem
with guys. It’s so hard to convince them to pre-heat the oven. They wanna throw
the door open and stick it in. But every woman knows you’ve gotta be hot to
cook.”
“I was hot,” Jamie said. “And you can’t imagine
how good it felt to wake up from a sexy dream and have your partner watching
your face while she touches you.” She shivered roughly. “Makes me wanna take
her home right now!”
“You hit the
jackpot, girlfriend—a woman who looks like Ryan and is into you, not just
herself. Most chicks who look like her are so full of themselves.”
“So what’s the deal
about the other night? What did you say to her?”
Mia frowned for a
second, thinking. “I went into her room and she was wearing this little tank
top. Like I said, she was banging the hell out of her drums, and she didn’t see
me. I didn’t wanna startle her, so I sat on the bed until she stopped—just so I
could say goodnight.”
“Sounds harmless
enough. But there’s always more with you,” Jamie teased.
“Not much! Really!”
“Spill it,” Jamie
said, her voice dangerously low.
“Well, she didn’t
stop for the longest time. I finally lay down on my stomach and watched her.
You can’t … you absolutely can’t fault me for that. It’s not possible to turn
away when she’s playing the drums in a wet tank top. I mean, really!”
Jamie laughed and
hugged her friend. “I’ll give you that. You’re only human.”
“Thank you! So …
when she stopped, she looked up and saw me. I told her that she was hot … super
hot … and she looked embarrassed.”
“Ryan? Looked
embarrassed?”
“Yeah. I asked her
if it bothered her when I said things like that and she said it felt weird.”
“Huh. She didn’t
mention anything to me.”
“I assumed she knew
I was just teasing, like I always am about stuff like that. I mean, I wouldn’t
hit on Ryan if she was in my bed playing with herself!”
Patting Mia on the
arm, Jamie said, “If that ever happens, I’ll give you a free pass.”
Mia bumped her with
her shoulder. “Thanks. But even if you didn’t mind, I’d never cheat on
“I don’t know why
she would’ve minded your saying something to her,” Jamie said, thoughtfully
watching her partner who was now standing in right field, chasing down fly
balls. “Maybe she felt too exposed.”
“Well, she was!
Those cute little nipples were popping out of that tank top like a pair of
erasers!”
Jamie laughed,
amused by her friend’s comfort in talking about Ryan’s body. “They do look like
erasers, don’t they? Perfect little pencil erasers.”
“Yep. But I don’t
wanna touch ’em! I just hope Ryan knows that.”
“Maybe it’s because
you’ve been gone for a while. She might be out of practice.”
“Well, if it comes
up, make sure she knows I don’t wanna sample the goods. I couldn’t be happier
with Jordy, and I’m never gonna do anything to screw that up.”
“Not to mention
that I’d cut you up with a chain saw if you tried.”
“Huh. I picture you
as the type to hire someone to kill me.”
“Nope. If Ryan’s
involved, it’s personal.” She narrowed her eyes and moved to rest her forehead
against Mia’s, trying to look menacing, until Mia burst out laughing at her
attempt.
***
A few minutes
later, Mia asked, “What’s Ryan doing?”
“Licking her
fingers,” Jamie said with distaste.
Mia’s nose wrinkled
up. “Why? They have to be filthy!”
“Oh, they are. She
says it gives her better control on her throws. I think it’s disgusting—but
that’s my girl. She’s so … earthy.”
“Jordy’s not like
that. She’s very particular about cleanliness. She won’t eat a thing before she
washes her hands.”
“Ryan would eat
soup with her hands after playing in the mud if I’d let her! Almost nothing
grosses her out.” Jamie lowered her voice to make sure Jennie couldn’t hear
her. “She doesn’t know I know it, but she pees in the shower.”
Mia looked at her,
then blinked. “You don’t?”
“God, no!” Her
voice was so loud Ryan looked up quizzically, and she was twenty-five yards away.
“No!” she said again, quieter this time. “I’m not a dog!”
“Dogs don’t take
showers,” Mia scoffed. “So … you get out of the shower if you have to go?”
“No! I hold it.
Like I said, I don’t have to give in to every impulse. That’s what separates
humans from other mammals.”
“Any other mammal
would tell you that’s dumb,” Mia said. “You’re in the shower; everything’s
going down the drain anyway. Then you get nice and clean after you finish.”
“And the tub’s full
of urine!”
“No, it’s not!”
Jennie and Ashley
were either finished, or interested in the loudly whispered conversation going
on behind them. Jennie sat next to Mia and asked, “What are you guys arguing
about?”
Before Jamie could
tell her to keep quiet, Mia said, “Peeing in the shower. Jamie thinks it’s
gross. How about you guys?”
Jennie looked a
little nervous. “Uhm … is it bad to do it?”
“No,” Mia said. “I
think it’s efficient and perfectly normal.”
Jennie nodded her
head. “I do it.”
Ashley made a face.
“Don’t sit so close to me! That’s beyond gross!”
“You can come sit
by me, Ashley,” Jamie said. “I’d rather explode.”
“Just because you
two are prudes is no reason to label us,” Mia said, putting her arm around
Jennie, who giggled, still looking at Jamie for approval.
“It’s not gross if
you don’t think it is,” Jamie said, only to assure the girl. “I just think it
is.”
“I know it is,” Ashley said. “If somebody
did that in the locker room showers, I’d never go in there again.”
Jamie silently
prayed her lover kept her habit to her home base.
“So how do you know
Ryan does it, if she doesn’t know you know?” Mia asked.
Internally shooting
daggers at her indiscreet friend, Jamie said, “If we get up at the same time, I
use the toilet while she gets into the shower. There’s no way she could hold it
that long.”
“I knew Ryan would
do it,” Jennie said, smiling.
“Ryan isn’t the
best role model for some personal habits,” Jamie said, unable to keep a
straight face. “I think you should model yourself after Ashley, who was
obviously properly raised.”
“You get into the
shower after she does that, Jamie?” Ashley asked. “I’d make her clean it with
bleach first.”
“But then she’d
know I know she does it. And I hate to take away all of her guilty pleasures.”
“You’re a better
girlfriend than I’d be,” Ashley said. “If a guy did that at my apartment, he’d
never get in my shower again.”
“Then you’d better
not look,” Mia giggled, “’Cause they all do it!”
***
Jennie had to be
home for dinner at 6:00, so she took off a few minutes before practice was
over. “Say bye to Ryan and Heather,” she said before hopping on her bike.
As soon as she was
gone, Jamie thunked Mia on the head with her fingers.
“You shouldn’t talk about stuff like that with Jennie. If you told her Ryan ate
with her feet, she’d try it!”
“Oh, she said she
already does it. Besides, what’s the problem? Everybody pees.”
“But everybody
doesn’t talk about it,” Jamie said, lifting her chin in a dignified manner.
“Thank God.”
“I bet you do
things that you don’t want Ryan to know about,” Mia said, narrowing her eyes.
“You probably pick you nose or something every time you think she’s not
looking.”
Ashley giggled at
Jamie’s outraged look. “I do not pick
my nose!”
“Come on, you
perfect little Hillsborough debutante, you must do something bad.”
Thinking for a
minute, Jamie said, “It’s not bad, but I do something Ryan doesn’t know about.”
“What?” Mia asked
drolly, “Volunteer to help lepers?”
“No.” Jamie ignored
her jibe. “I have my legs waxed.”
“That’s not very
bad,” Ashley said. “Is Ryan opposed to wax or something?”
“No, but she
doesn’t know, and now I’m afraid to tell her.”
“You’ve been
together since June,” Mia said. “How doesn’t she notice that you’re stubbly one
day and smooth the next?”
“Her schedule has
worked in my favor. My legs aren’t very stubbly, ’cause the hair is fine, and I
always seem to need to go in when she’s away.”
“But why does it
matter?” Ashley asked. “Just tell her the next time you go.”
“Uhm … she thinks
…” Jamie wrinkled her nose. “She thinks I’m perfectly groomed … naturally.”
Ashley cocked her
head, then the light went on. “
“Ahh … yeah. She
marveled about how perfect … that area was when we were first together. I
should have told her that I had some help, but I didn’t. Now I feel stupid
telling her that I kinda …”
“Lied to her,” Mia
supplied helpfully.
Slapping her leg,
Jamie said, “It wasn’t a lie. I just didn’t correct her.”
“That’s a lie,
that’s a lie, that’s a lie,” Mia said, giggling.
“It’s kind of a
lie,” Ashley agreed.
Jamie stuck out her
lower lip. “It’s not a lie. But … Ryan might think it is.”
“It’s no big deal,”
Mia said. “You’ll tell lots bigger lies as time goes on.”
“Gee, thanks!”
Ashley said, “It’s
not a bad thing to lie about something to avoid hurting someone. I used to tell
my high school boyfriend he was the best kisser in the world, and he wasn’t
even the best kisser on his street!”
“But this isn’t to
avoid hurting Ryan. It’s just to keep her thinking I’m perfect in a follicular
way,” Jamie reminded her.
“True. But Mia’s
right. You don’t have to tell everything just because you’re in a relationship.
Just like she doesn’t want you to know she has the vile, disgusting,
stomach-turning habit of peeing in the shower.”
“Don’t you dare
tell Heather!” Jamie said.
“I won’t. Besides,
if Heather doesn’t think it’s disgusting, that might mean she does it. Then I’d
have to find a new roommate.”
“You’re my kinda
girl, Ash,” Jamie said, patting her back.
“Looks like the
jocks are about done.” Ashley stood up. “It’s Heather’s turn to buy snacks for
the room. I’m gonna go remind her.” She waved. “See you guys, and have a nice
time in
“I will. See ya.”
Mia looked at
Jamie. “How’d Ryan get here?”
“Motorcycle, I
think. She parks it illegally on the grass.” She scanned the area. “Yep, there
it is.”
“Do I have to walk
home alone?”
“No, silly. We’ll
send Ryan to pick up dinner. We’ll walk.”
“Cool. I want
something spicy and exotic. And full of fat, if possible!”
***
They decided on
fairly tame Chinese food, but Mia ordered the deep-fried chicken with
honey-walnuts and mayonnaise sauce—pandering to her desire for fat.
Jamie assured her
that Ryan always got something spicy and that they’d all share.
On the walk home,
Mia wrapped her hand around Jamie’s good arm and hugged it to herself. “I love
being home with you guys. This has been so good for me.”
“I love it, too. I
just wish you didn’t have to go back. But … I want
“Why don’t you
start an Olympic Training Center here? The climate’s better.”
Jamie laughed. “My
mom probably has the money for that, but I think I’d be a little short.
Besides, by the time it was ready, the Olympics would be over.”
“I guess. I’ll just
have to hang in there and try to do something to keep myself from going mad.”
“Have you thought
of getting a job?”
“Yeah, but I wanted
to be available to travel with Jordy, especially in the
“Not a good option.
You need to come here when you don’t travel with her.”
“Jamie, I can’t
keep taking money from you!”
Stopping, Jamie
faced her. “Why?”
“Because it’s not
right. I don’t wanna be one of those people who sponges off her friends!”
“Honey, we’ve been
friends for eight years. If you were after my money, don’t you think I’d know
that by now?”
“Maybe I’m
patient,” Mia said, making a face.
Resuming their
walk, Jamie said, “Not one of your characteristics, I’m afraid. I’m really
being serious when I tell you I want you to let me pay your airfare to come
home. I love you and Jordan, and so does Ryan. We both want you to let us
help—just a little bit—when you need something.”
“It’s hard for me,
James. It really is.”
“I know. But when I
have to buy you a ticket and send it to you, it costs more than it would if
you’d buy it in advance.”
Mia gave her a
puzzled look.
“I’m not gonna
stop. If you don’t travel with
Mia stopped and put
her arms around Jamie’s waist. “I love you,” she whispered. “I’m so glad I
don’t have a sister, ’cause she’d be jealous that I loved you more.”
“Aww … you’re gonna make me cry.”
“If you can’t cry
with your best friend, you’re doing something wrong,” Mia said, wiping at her
own eyes.
***
Ryan wasn’t home by
the time Jamie and Mia arrived. “What’s taking her so long?” Mia asked.
“Mmm … she hates to
have her food sit, so she won’t order until she gets there. One of her many
little quirks,” she said, smiling. “She might have wanted some beer, too, so
she’d have to go get that first. It’s best not to be too hungry when you send
Ryan out.”
“Well, I’d love a
beer, so I won’t complain.”
“I think we have a
couple left. I’ll check.” Mia plopped down on the sofa, and when Jamie returned
with one beer, her shoes were off and her feet were resting on the coffee
table.
“You don’t want
one?”
“We only have one.
We’re sharing.” Jamie sat next to Mia and gave her the first sip.
“Ahh … that’s good.
Hey, what do you have planned for your anniversary? And which anniversary will
you celebrate?”
“Uhm … what are my
choices?”
“First kiss … first
time you said you loved her … first time you got naked. You know, the usual.”
Jamie’s chin lifted
and she gazed into space for a moment. “I think we should celebrate both our
first kiss and the first time we made love. I’d better tell Ryan that, or she’ll
be upset if she’s not prepared.”
“You two are still
on your honeymoon,” Mia said, laughing. “You don’t need a reason to celebrate.”
A pair of green
eyes shifted and lit on Mia, lingering for a few moments. “I don’t think that’s
true.”
“What? That you
need a reason to celebrate?”
“No. The honeymoon
thing. I think our honeymoon is over, and has been for a while.”
“What?”
“I mean it. But I
don’t think it’s a bad thing.”
“Then why do they
say ‘The honeymoon’s over’ when they mean something’s toast?”
“I guess it depends
on your view. We learned something in our lesbian psychology class that’s stuck
with me. Falling in love is fun, no doubt about it, but it’s what happens after
that magic period is over that makes a relationship.”
“Damn, James, I’ve
always heard that you should be in that honeymoon thing for at least a year,
maybe longer!”
“That’s probably
true for most couples. But we’ve had so much junk go down this year that
everything has sped up. We couldn’t keep up that ‘Gee, you’re perfect’ thing
after seeing each other in the kinds of situations we’ve been in.”
“I guess things
have been a little … intense for you two.”
“That’s a
remarkable understatement.” Jamie took a long pull from their beer. “We’ve had
a lifetime of stress this year. I’ve seen Ryan at what I hope is the lowest
she’ll ever be. It’s just not possible to look at her and see her like I did
when we were falling in love.”
“But isn’t that
kinda … disappointing?” Mia asked. “I look at Jordy, and I’m still amazed that
someone as wonderful as her is lying in bed with me. She gives me chills.”
Quirking a grin,
Jamie said, “I get my fair share of chills. But the woman I fell in love with
was … this is hard to put into words … but I think that woman was more of an
image than a real person.”
“But it was a good
image, wasn’t it? Tall, dark, and gorgeous?”
“Yep. But she’s a
lot more than that. And I’ve started to learn how complex and simple, and
fragile and strong, and bright and dumb she really is.”
“Ryan? Dumb?”
Jamie laughed. “She
can be as dumb—as she says—as a sack of potatoes. Mostly about herself.”
“Point taken. She
does do some pretty dumb things. But she’s so smart that you try to convince
yourself that what she did wasn’t as dumb as it really was!”
“Boy, I’ve been
there! But we all do dumb things. She’s not the rock I thought I could always
rely on to do everything right. She doesn’t always know the right answer. She’s
done some things that have really disappointed me. She’s even done things that
I think are morally wrong. But God, she tries hard. I admire her more now that
I know how hard she works. Things aren’t as easy for her as they appear.”
“Hey, she’s not my
girlfriend; she’s my fantasy! Don’t destroy it!”
Jamie put her arm
around Mia’s shoulders and hugged her hard. “She’s close enough to perfect,
buddy.”
“The breasts are
real, aren’t they?” Mia asked, a hopeful look in her eyes.
“Definitely. And
they feel better than they look.”
“The fantasy
lives!”
***
After dinner, Ryan
went upstairs to study French, but Jamie couldn’t make herself focus on school
when Mia was home. They sat in the living room, making so much noise that Ryan
finally came to the top stair and said, “Will you two go into the library? I’m
trying to memorize these ridiculous verbs and it’s hard enough without hearing
you guys having fun.”
Jamie gave Mia an “oo-oh, we’re in trouble” look and said, “We’ll behave.”
“No
we won’t,” Mia chimed
in. “Do you mind if I drag James down to the bar on Telegraph? I wanna have an appletini.”
“Appletini,” Ryan scoffed. “Why does everything have to be a
“tini? Gin or vodka and vermouth is a martini.
Everything else is … something else.”
“Somebody’s
grouchy,” Mia said.
“Go,” Ryan
declared. “Both of you. Get out while the getting’s good. If I don’t memorize some
of these verbs it’s not gonna be pretty.”
Jamie got up and
went to the bottom stair. “Are you sure, baby? I’ll help you study. We both
could. Mia took 4 years of French in high school.”
“I remember
nothing,” Mia yelled.
Jamie chided, “Shh! Be supportive.”
Ryan smiled down at
her. “Nah. You guys go have fun. I’ll stay here and pout.”
“Works for me.” Mia
got up and grasped Jamie’s hand. “See ya later, grumpy.”
“I won’t be out
late,” Jamie said.
“Whatever. I know
you lose track of time … and your name and address when you two go out, but
that’s cool.”
Jamie dashed up the
stairs and kissed her partner. “I always remember your name, and exactly where
you are. And don’t pout.” She kissed her again, right on the downturned corner of her lips. “We won’t be out late.”
“I’ll expect you at
2:15, since the bar closes at 2:00.”
“I’ll bring her
home in one piece, Ryan,” Mia said.
“Whew.” Ryan wiped
her brow dramatically. “Now I can rest easy.”
***
“I don’t think Ryan considers me a good
influence.” Mia laughed demonically while jumping down the stone steps of the
house.
“She can tease you
all she wants, but it’s the pot calling the kettle black. She was every bit as
wild as you were. Just in different ways.”
“How was she wild?
She seems so … sedate in everything except sports. And sex … but that’s just
your opinion. I don’t have any independent verification.”
Jamie patted her
friend’s arm. “Thanks for the reassurance.”
Mia turned and
walked backwards to face Jamie. “Come on … what’ve you got on her?”
“I don’t have anything on her.” Jamie scowled
briefly but couldn’t maintain it.
“You can’t be in a
long-term relationship unless you have things to use against each other, James.
You’ve gotta have something to pull out and hit ’em with when they get something
on you.”
Smirking, Jamie
said, “So that’s how it goes? I didn’t realize that was the key to happiness.”
“Yeah, yeah. If she
says you shouldn’t drink too much you hit her with “well, I’m not the one who
had to spend the night at the Hillsborough … or wherever … police station.”
“Sounds like the
voice of personal experience. I remember when you got locked up. I bet your mom
had to handcuff your dad to stop him from bailing you out.”
“They don’t have
handcuffs,” Mia tossed off. “I’ve searched every inch of that house. My mom has
a vibrator, though!”
Jamie stuck her
fingers in her ears. “Nah, nah, nah, I can’t hear you!”
“You’ve never poked
around your parents’ house?”
“No! I don’t wanna
know what goes on there. Actually, I don’t think much was going on in the
bedroom. My dad was too busy poking young associates.”
Mia moved to walk
beside her friend. She was quiet for a moment, then asked, “Does it bother you
to talk about that?”
A light went on and
Jamie stared at her. “Did you know? Before I did?”
“Uhm … kinda.”
Pushing her
shoulder roughly, Jamie demanded, “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“No way! I heard my
parents arguing a couple of times and my mom said she’d be damned if my dad was
gonna uhm … be like Jim Evans. But knowing my mom she could’ve been talking out
her ass.”
Jamie slapped her
forehead and let her fingers slowly trail down her face. “The whole friggin’ town must have known. My mom must have been a
laughingstock.”
“Nah. All the men
cheated. Everybody had a mistress. Your dad was just … a little more obvious
than most of the guys. He didn’t try very hard to hide it. At least that’s what
my mom said.”
“Great. Just
great.”
“He had a powerful
job and a lot of young women working for him. Not many men resist when you
dangle toys right in front of ’em.”
“But you think your
dad did.”
“I’m not sure he
was faithful. But if he wasn’t … he was damned careful about it. My mom would
have neutered him. No doubt in my mind. And she wouldn’t have let ’em reattach
it either. She would have put it down the garbage disposal. She’s vicious!”
“My mom should have
threatened my dad early on. She might have had a fighting chance.”
Slipping an arm
around Jamie’s waist, Mia hugged her and kissed her cheek. “You look sad.
What’s going on?”
“Eh … just some stuff
with my mom … and Ryan.” She looked at Mia and said, “Does Jordan ever give you
a hard time about stuff you did before you met?”
“No! Hell, no! She
acts like I was born the day before we met. No way I’d put up with that!”
“Really? You seem
so … pliant around her. I’d think you’d let her do whatever she wanted.”
“Nope. She must
just have a sixth sense, ’cause she’s never asked many questions about my past.
When I talk about things I did she just smiles at me. No questions … no
comments.”
“Huh. I wish I
could keep my mouth closed some times.”
“You’re not like
Jordy. She keeps her thoughts to herself most of the time.”
“No, I’m not like
that, but sometimes it’d be better for us if I did.”
“You said something
about Ryan doing things you thought were morally wrong. Is that what you’re
talking about?”
Nodding, Jamie
pursed her lips. Then she turned and said, “She’s done some things that I think
are wrong. Wrong in any situation. And I thought she agreed with me. But now …
now she’s kinda backpedaling and it worries me.”
Half-closing one
eye, Mia twitched her head towards the bar. “Let me get a drink. Then I can try
to figure out what in the hell you’re talking about.”
They entered the
nearly-empty bar and flinched a little from the overly loud music. The
bartender than Ryan always flirted with was there and she gave both women a
long, appreciative look. Jamie led the way and they sat at the bar. “Hi,” she
said. “Can you make a good appletini?”
“I can make
anything you want, honey,” the bartender said, grinning wolfishly.
“Two appletinis then.”
“You girls old
enough to drink?”
“Sure are,” Jamie
said. “I was here on my 21st birthday with my partner. You know her.
Ryan O’Flaherty.”
“Shit! You’re
Ryan’s girl? Still?”
Smiling was
difficult, but Jamie managed. “Yes. Still.”
“Oh, shit, I didn’t
mean that like it sounded!”
“Yes you did,”
Jamie said wearily. “I know her history.”
“Guess I’d better
keep my mouth shut and start making some drinks, huh?”
“It’s fine. No
problem. I knew what I was getting when I signed on.”
The bartender
started to turn when Jamie said, “Can you lower the volume until it gets more
crowded?”
“Sure. I just keep
it loud so it doesn’t seem so lonely in here.”
She walked over and
turned down the volume, then started to make their drinks.
“Ooo … is that what
you were talking about?” Mia asked. “About Ryan having a lot of … partners?”
“Ryan didn’t have
partners,” Jamie said flatly. “She had sex.”
“But is that what
bothers you?”
“No. Not really.
Not usually.” Jamie put her good arm on the bar and lay her head on it. “None
of this usually bothers me. But when my parents do things that bother me I tend
to start spouting off about their behavior and it always bleeds over into
Ryan’s.”
Their drinks were
delivered and Jamie put a $20 down on the bar. “I’ll buy the first round.”
Mia touched the rim
of her glass with Jamie’s. “To good friends.”
Smiling, Jamie
leaned over and kissed her friend, briefly brushing her lips across Mia’s. “To
best friends.”
“Even better.” Mia
took a sip. “Not bad.”
Jamie drank a bit
and said, “It’s a mix. I had one not long ago that was made with apple schnapps
and fresh lime juice. It wasn’t this weird green color and it wasn’t as sweet.”
“I like ’em to
taste like candy,” Mia said, grinning. “Now tell me more about things bleeding
onto Ryan.”
Contemplatively
taking another drink, Jamie said, “I promised her that I’d ignore her past. But
I’m not doing a good job of it. Every time I do it I wish I could bite my
tongue. But … you know how I get.”
“You get pissed and
you spout off.” Mia pinched Jamie’s cheek playfully.
“Wish I could
argue, but that’s about it. I did it the other night and I know I really hurt
her.”
“Does she hold a
grudge?”
“Mmm … not one that
I can see. But I think she stores her hurt feelings up. She rarely blows up and
gets things off her chest. She really hates to fight.”
“So what’s your
question? How to forget about her past or how to keep your mouth shut?”
“I guess it’s gonna
have to be the mouth shut option. ’Cause I don’t think I can forget her past.”
“Damn, did she kill
someone? What’s so bad that you can’t let go of?”
Jamie shook her
head. “No, nothing like that. She just … had sex with people she shouldn’t
have.”
“Kids?” Mia’s
eyebrows were raised to their full height.
“No! Damn it, I
shouldn’t have started this whole conversation. Now you think she’s a
pedophile!”
“What could be so
bad?” Mia persisted. “Did she share needles?”
Frustrated, Jamie
said, “She had sex with people who were in committed relationships with other people.”
Grunting, Mia said,
“No she didn’t.”
“Yes she did! She
told me so!”
“I mean that the
people weren’t committed. If they were they wouldn’t have had sex with Ryan.”
Jamie gulped her
drink and signaled for another round. “Now you sound like her.”
“That’s ’cause
she’s right. I wouldn’t go after a guy … or a girl who I knew was hooked up.
But if he … or she came after me.” She shrugged. “It’s not my job to protect
that relationship. It must suck or the person wouldn’t be cheating.”
“That’s what she
said the other night. But a few months ago she said she thought it was wrong
and she wished she’d never done it.”
Mia waved her off.
“She was on good behavior. You’d only been together a short time, right?”
“Yeah, I guess so.”
“You regret
everything when you’re first in love. You wish you were a virgin … you wish
you’d never had a venereal disease … all that stuff.”
“You’ve had V.D?”
“I didn’t say
that,” Mia sniffed. “But I’ve had sex with a guy who had herpes. He really
regretted that. I’d barely let him do anything to me. And I’d only give him a
hand job when he was wearing a condom.”
“Charming,” Jamie
said, wrinkling her nose. “So am I supposed to assume everything Ryan told me
when we were first together was a lie?”
“No, of course not.
Only the “I wish I’d never known I had a clitoris until I looked in your eyes”
stuff. That’s all a lie. You don’t know it’s a lie when you say it, but you
come to your senses over time.”
“I haven’t,” Jamie
grumbled. “I wish I’d never met Jack. I wish Ryan was the first person I’d ever
kissed.”
“That’s ’cause you
had a shitty sex life before you met her. Ryan didn’t.”
“Don’t remind me.
I’m sure other women rocked her world in ways I never will.”
“Did she wanna
marry them?” Mia asked dryly. She whipped out $10 and handed it to the
bartender when their second round was delivered.
“It’s $14,” the
woman said.
Jamie took her
change and handed it to the bartender. “Thanks,” she added.
“I’ve got more
money,” Mia said.
“I know. But mine
was out. And no, Ryan didn’t want to marry anyone before me. Besides Sara of
course. I think she’d grab her in a minute if I wasn’t around.”
“She is cute. And she looks kinda slyly sexy.
She’s tasty looking.”
“Thanks. You’re
building up my self-esteem every second.”
“James! Will you knock
it off! If Ryan wanted Sara she could have had her. Yes, she would have broken
your heart—but if she really felt she loved her more I believe she would have
done it. I don’t think she’s the kinda girl to settle for second best.”
“No, she’s not. And
she swears she has no desire to be with Sara. I just know that she would have
tried to make it work if we hadn’t been involved.”
“So what? I’d try
to make it work with Ryan Phillippe or Ashton Kutcher if I could. But I’m not gonna.”
Jamie blinked,
staring at her friend.
“What? Ryan Phillippe was really hot in “I Know What You Did Last
Summer.””
“Aren’t there any
women on your “to do” list?”
“Sure. I could go
on all day. But I’m with a girl now, so if I was gonna branch out I’d go with a
guy. Mix it up. You know.”
“No, I don’t know.
Believe me. I don’t know.”
“Don’t be such a
tight-ass, James. Ryan loves you. It doesn’t matter if she was a virgin or a
prostitute. What matters is how she treats you now. What don’t you get about
that? Jesus, it’s hard enough to find someone you love. You wanna find someone
who treats you like a princess and was kept in a locked room until you met
her.”
“I’m not that bad,”
Jamie said irritably.
“I think you are. I
really do. And if you keep hurting Ryan’s feelings she might start wishing
she’d picked someone a little less …” She shut her mouth, her eyes shifting
around the bar.
“What? Someone less
what?”
Rolling her eyes,
Mia said the word she knew would upset her friend. “Judgmental. You can really
get on your high horse about things. It’s not good to feel like you’re with
someone who thinks she’s morally superior.”
Jamie’s voice rose
dramatically. “I don’t think that!”
“What’s it called
when you think your partner’s done morally wrong things that you’d never do?
Easy-going? Open-minded? Don’t think so, babe. All I’m saying is that you’d
better chill.”
Staring at the
mirror behind the bar, Jamie took a drink. She stuck her tongue out at herself
and finished her drink, signaling the bartender for another.
***
Ryan’s prediction
did not come true. Jamie and Mia stumbled into the house just after 1:00,
missing her guess by over an hour. Ryan had been sound asleep, but she woke as
soon as Jamie’s key missed the lock several times. Reminding herself not to
lecture her partner, she turned on the bedside lamp and smiled when the door
opened. “Missed you,” she said.
“I stayed out too
late,” Jamie said, slurring her words just a touch. “Drank too much too.”
Ryan got up and
helped her lover undress. “Did you have fun?” she asked, kissing her neck.
“Yeah. Drank too
much though.”
Patting her butt,
Ryan sent her to the bath. “Brush your teeth and come cuddle.”
“Okay,” Jamie said,
yawning. “I shouldn’t have drunk so much.”
“I’ll be waiting
for you. Hurry up.” Jamie went into the bathroom and closed the door. Getting
back into bed, Ryan mused, I miss Mia,
but if she were back Jamie might be in detox by now.
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