I Found My Heart in
Osmosis
A gradual,
often unconscious process of absorption or learning
By SX Meagher
Part Eleven
Jamie opened her
eyes on Sunday morning, slowly smiling at her lover, who was sitting on the
window seat looking at a large photo album. “Is your cute little bare ass on my
mother’s imported silk fabric?”
“Morning,” Ryan
said, returning her smile. She stood up and flung the T-shirt she’d been
sitting on at Jamie. “I’m not a wild animal!” She jumped onto the bed, acting
exactly like the beast she claimed she was not.
“Stop it! My
mother’s gonna come in here and you’re gonna be embarrassed!” Jamie was
giggling so hard she could hardly form the words.
“She wouldn’t dare!
She knows I’m wild and untamed!” She attached herself to Jamie’s neck, sucking
and licking and nibbling in a frenzy.
Her flanks were
exposed, so Jamie gave her a wallop right on the butt.
“Yow!” Ryan yelped,
covering her ass with her hands. “You’re vicious!”
Batting her eyes,
Jamie said, “Was that too hard, honey?”
“Yeah. But I liked
it. You know I love stimulation of any kind.” She slid off the bed and did some
jumping jacks, making Jamie ogle her bouncing body parts. “Let’s do something!”
“I was dreaming
about going to
Ryan sat down on
the window seat, then jumped up, grabbed the T-shirt and placed it carefully on
the fabric before sitting again. “Damn, why do you have such great ideas when
we can’t act on ’em?”
“We can’t?”
“No,” Ryan
grumbled. “We’ve gotta go home. Mia’s leaving today and I wanna take her to the
airport.”
Jamie gritted her
teeth. “How could I forget that? My mind’s not working right.” She slid out of
bed and took Ryan’s hand. “Let’s have breakfast with Mom and then hit the road.
Maybe we can go to
“If not, we can go
in June. If you want to celebrate our anniversary there, that is. I sure do.”
“I do, too,” Jamie
said, taking Ryan’s hand and leading her into the shower.
***
Later that morning,
Jim Evans stood at the first tee of Olympic Country Club, feeling content and
at home. His old friends and golfing
partners, John Chase and Gary Swibel had been playing
with Adam Christopher and Jim for nearly ten years, and the men quickly fell
into their usual routine of teasing and taunting each other. Jim was pleased
and relieved that none of the men treated him any differently than they had
when they were all local lawyers.
After the round
they had lunch in the grill, and when
“Yes,” Jim answered
honestly. “I am seeing someone. I don’t think it will last, but it’s fun for
a while.”
“That’s great,”
John said. “It was nice to see Catherine
at the big fundraiser for the opera a couple of weeks ago. She looked great.”
“Ahh…that’s one of
her favorite events,” Jim mused fondly.
Then he made a face and said, “I hope she doesn’t find it too awkward to
go to things like that alone.”
His friend looked
at him with surprise, but immediately bit his tongue to avoid saying another
word.
“What?” Jim asked
immediately. “Did she take one of her
stunningly gay friends with her?” Jim
found it amusing that Catherine had always been such a magnet for gay men, and
he assumed she’d recruit some of them to escort her until she was ready to
start dating.
“I uhm … I suppose
the guy she was with might have been gay, but if he was, he sure wasn’t
obvious. He looked like he could have
been an actor or a model though,” he said thoughtfully. “He was in great shape, I’ll give him that.”
Jim’s gaze
sharpened and he demanded, “Describe him to me.”
“Uhm … I …” John
said, “I didn’t spend a lot of time looking at him, but Marcy kept staring at
him, wondering who he was.”
“Should I call
Marcy?” Jim asked, tired of waiting for his friend to get to the point.
“No, I think I
remember. He was big … very big … dark hair … very good looking … a real rugged
kinda guy … looked like he spends most of his day in the gym.”
“Black hair? Blue
eyes?”
“Yeah. As a matter
of fact, Marcy made a big deal about how beautiful his eyes were. Hey …” He
gave Jim a thoughtful look. “He looked like your daughter’s … uhm …”
“Partner,” Jim said
tersely. “He’s her brother. And he doesn’t look like it, but that guy is the
queerest of the queer. A real flamer.”
“Really? He seemed so macho.”
The senator gave
his friend an evil smile and assured him, “All an act. I had dinner with him just last night and he
had to leave to go to a gay dance club.” He smiled at his friend. “I think the
whole family’s gay. Must be genetics.”
***
Mia got up on
Sunday afternoon and wandered into the kitchen, finding Ryan making lunch for
Jamie. “Any coffee?” she asked, dropping into a chair. Her eyes were barely
open and her hair was going in every direction at once.
“Tough night?” Ryan
asked.
“A little. I was
over-served.”
“Where’d you go?”
Jamie asked.
“Everywhere.” Mia
laughed.
“Did the boys stay
with you?”
“They left about
1:00 I think. I’m not sure, but I think I saw a girl with them. I’m not sure
who she was with.”
“I’m glad at least
one of them went home happy,” Ryan said.
“They had fun. We
all did. After they left we went to some righteous drag bar full of
fantastic-looking black men … or women.” She waved her hand. “I assume they
were all men, but it was sure easy to be confused.”
Ryan had started
the coffee maker as soon as she heard Mia using the upstairs bathroom, and she
poured her a cup. “Hungry?”
“Not much. We went
out for a snack after the bar closed, then we found an after-hours club, then
we had another snack.” She made a face. “Biscuits and gravy at 5:00 a.m. Yum.”
“Someone must have
been smoking pot,” Jamie said. “Sounds like munchie
time to me.”
“Yeah, I had a
little.”
Ryan opened her
mouth and Mia held up a hand. “I can smoke once in a while. I just have to stay
away from Ecstasy and acid and things like that.”
“I was gonna ask if
you wanted some orange juice. I don’t care if you smoke a kilo of pot.” She
shook her head. “I do care, but I
certainly wouldn’t give you a hard time about it.”
“Sorry,” Mia said,
looking up contritely. “But I know you don’t like it and you don’t want Jamie
to do it.”
“Jamie can do it if
she wants to,” Ryan said. “But I don’t have to like it.”
“I’m the one who
decided I didn’t want to smoke pot anymore,” Jamie said. “It’s not fun unless
I’m doing it with other people, and Ryan’s never gonna do it.”
“Got that right,”
she said, smiling. “I have enough addictions.”
“You don’t have
addictions,” Mia said, puzzled.
Jamie looked at
her. “She does. Trust me. They’re just not the usual ones. She’s addicted to
thrills and risk and danger, and she’s obsessive about finishing something
she’s started and—”
“Mia’s heard
enough,” Ryan said, clamping a hand over Jamie’s mouth.
“I’ve got all day.”
She put her elbows on the table and rested her chin in her hands.
“No you don’t,”
Ryan said. “When’s your flight?”
“Oh, fuck!” She
dropped her head to the table. “I forgot!”
“Don’t you wanna
get home to
“No,” she pouted.
“I want
Ryan looked from
one woman to the other. “Huh?”
“Never mind,
honey,” Jamie said. “Mia had an idea that seemed logical from her slightly
unique perspective.”
“Well, if you’re
gonna build one, let me know. I’d try out for a dozen sports if I could train
near home.”
“Super,” Jamie
said, rolling her eyes.
***
Mia was just
finishing her oatmeal when someone knocked on the front door. “I’ll get it,”
Jamie said. “If it’s someone trying to convert us, Ryan always invites them in
and listens to their whole spiel.”
“I admire people
who spend their time trying to promote something that’s important to them,” Ryan
said. “Even though they’re never very good at answering my questions.” She
looked thoughtful. “Why would you believe in a faith that you hadn’t
investigated thoroughly?”
“You talking to
me?” Mia asked, blinking when she looked up.
Laughing, Ryan
said, “You’re the only one here.”
“Oh. Sometimes it
sounds like you’re talking to yourself, kinda like you’re wondering out loud.”
“No, no, I’m
talking to you.”
“Huh. Then why do
you talk about things I’m not interested in?”
Ryan bent over and
kissed her on the head. “There’s only so much to say about sex, hip hop, and
drinking.”
A voice from the
doorway said, “Who’s kissing my woman?”
“
Ryan was right
behind her, grabbing the small portion of
“Our coaches gave
us three days off. Three whole days! I could have gone home and slept, but I
miss you guys. I thought this would be an ideal time to visit.”
Mia was kissing
every bit of her face, but she let
***
It took quite a
while for Mia to finish welcoming
“Sit down,” Ryan
said, “unless Mia’s dragging you to bed.”
“We’re really happy
to see you,” Jamie said. “One of the best surprises we’ve had in ages.”
“What have you been
doing?”
“Nope. I’ve been
sucking up to all of the people who are taking notes for me. I took all of ’em
except Hannan out to lunch or dinner, and I made good copies of some of the
notes I couldn’t read very well.”
“Why didn’t Hannan
get a lunch?”
“’Cause she’s
getting a salary. Only the volunteers get benefits.”
“Tell us about
“Would it have been
better if I’d been there?” Mia placed a soft kiss on
Looking at her for
a minute,
“Did you hang out
with your teammates?”
“Yeah. We talked
volleyball every minute.” She gave Mia a robust hug. “I’d always rather be with
you, but you would have had an awful time. I was able to put all of my energies
into my game, and that’s the only smart thing for me to do.”
“I know,” Mia said.
She relaxed against
“She might not be
on another team,” Ryan said, “but she’ll always be competing.”
***
Mia and Jamie grew
tired of volleyball talk, so they went upstairs to cancel Mia’s flight. Ryan
assumed she wouldn’t get much alone time with her friend, so she stood up and
said, “Let’s sit in the backyard. It’s a nice day.”
“Okay.”
“Fine. Well, she
missed you, but she seemed like her old self.” Ryan gazed at her friend for a
minute, then said, “You don’t. Everything okay?”
“Not buyin’ it,” Ryan said, “but you don’t have to talk if you
don’t wanna.”
“I’m cool with
talking, I just don’t have much to say. I guess I could be kinda preoccupied
about the team … but that’s it.”
“It sucks when you
aren’t jelling, doesn’t it?”
“Yeah. Especially
when I know that we’d be doing better if we got rid of all of the extra
players.”
“’Cause … they take
up too much playing time?”
“Not really. It’s
more of a psychological thing. We all know there’s a team in the group, but
we’re not sure who’s on it. It makes us kinda tentative … know what I mean? A
lot of people are trying not to screw up, rather than trying to be as good as
they can be.”
“Mmm … yeah, that
makes sense.”
“I’d rather they
made the cuts now and got it over with, but they’re not gonna change the
schedule now.”
“I wish you could
get some peace of mind. Must really suck. Good thing you have Mia around to
talk things over with.”
Ryan bumped her
with her shoulder. “Hey. Don’t you like having Mia with you?”
Jerking in
surprise,
“But?” Ryan bumped
her again. “Something’s not right.”
Looking over her
shoulder,
“No. Not unless you
yell.”
Chuckling,
“But you are frustrated. I can see it on your
face.”
“Okay, okay. I am frustrated. And it pisses me off!”
“What pisses you
off? Mia?”
“No, Mia doesn’t
piss me off … most of the time. We’ve had a couple of tough days, but
circumstances are getting to us more than anything.”
“Like the team
roster?”
“No, that gets to
me, not Mia. She knows I’ll make it.” She grinned and added, “She thinks I’m
the best volleyball player in the world.”
“You are good,” Ryan said, smiling.
“And we both know
there are about thirty women playing right now who are much better, Boomer.”
“Thirty seems
high,” Ryan said, “but I know what you mean.”
“The things that
bother me the most are big things … like Mia not being happy with where we live
or with our roommates.”
“She didn’t mention
either item,” Ryan said. “Must not be on her mind.”
“She’s been a
trooper, Boom, really. Being in
“Wow.” Ryan didn’t
say anything for a few moments. “It’s that bad?”
Frustrated,
“I wouldn’t like
being around Jamie if she couldn’t go shopping,” Ryan said, lowering her voice
just in case Jamie’s hearing had grown substantially better in the last few
minutes.
“It’s little things
like that,”
“Of course you do.
Doesn’t Mia get that?”
“Yeah, she does.
But it’s one thing to understand and another thing to be the one who’s
self-involved. She’s not as me-involved as I am.” She smiled wryly.
“Can you tell her
that you’d rather she moved back?”
“I thought you
could be a little more subtle. I’m not sure how, but…”
“Right. There’s no
way. We spent days arguing about whether she was gonna go to
Ryan put her arm
around
“Yeah.”
“But you’re not.
You’re at a critical point in a quest you’ve had for fifteen years. You might
have to gut it up and tell her that you’d rather she leave.”
Thinking quietly
for a few minutes, Ryan nodded. “I don’t think Jamie would either, if we were in your position. Sucks.”
“Yep. Sure does.”
“Wanna go find
’em?”
“Yep. I miss her
already.”
***
They stayed up
late; talking and catching up on all of the small details of their lives. Mia
and Jordan got into bed at midnight, but
***
They went into
their room and closed the door. Even though Ryan had said she was tired, she
looked wide awake as she flopped onto the bed on her back. “Can we keep them? I
love having them here.”
Jamie lay down next
to her and started to play with her hair. Running her fingertips across Ryan’s
scalp made her partner’s eyes close. “I wish we could. I miss them so much. It
seems so … normal to have them sitting at the dinner table.”
“Yeah,” Ryan said,
her voice soft and low. “That’s when I miss them the most. Eating dinner
together was such a nice way to connect and keep up with everyone’s day.”
“Did you have a
nice time talking with
Ryan’s eyes blinked
open. “Did you really?”
“Yeah. I know you
both talk more when you’re alone.”
Grinning, Ryan
asked, “If we’re alone, how do you know we’re talking?”
“’Cause you often
have a new perspective or information after you spend time with
“Yeah. I guess
that’s true.”
“So …?”
Ryan turned and
smiled placidly. “So … what?”
“What did
“Not good,” Ryan
said. She shook her head. “The team isn’t playing well and she’s afraid she’s
not gonna get the chance to show her stuff if they don’t synch up soon.”
Jamie slapped at
her shoulder playfully. “I mean her real life. Not the team.”
Blinking
ingenuously, Ryan asked, “What’s a real life?”
“Fine. You don’t
have to tell me.” Jamie rolled onto her side and slid off the bed. “Mia and I
have secrets too.”
Ryan grasped her
arm and pulled her back onto the bed, sprawled across her body. “That’s good,
babe. Mia needs you to confide in. So knows she can tell you things that won’t
get back to
Biting Ryan’s
earlobe, Jamie said, “Don’t be so superior. I wouldn’t tell you anything Mia
said that she didn’t want me to talk about.”
“I know,” Ryan
said, grinning. “One more reason not to tell you anything juicy. I won’t get a
good return on my investment.”
“I’ll give you a
return …” Jamie bit a little harder, making Ryan squirm under her. She started
to daintily touch various parts of Ryan’s ear with the tip of her tongue, not
stopping until her lover was purring. “Are you too tired to make love?”
Ryan paused, then
smiled when she heard a squeal coming from Mia’s room. “I believe we’re gonna
be up anyway. Let’s turn on some music though. I don’t wanna have a four-some.”
“I love ’em,” Jamie
agreed. “But not like that!”
***
Mia woke from a
deep sleep to find her partner gazing at her.
Hugging herself and
grinning happily, Mia said, “Now this is how to wake up. In our bed, with the
sun shining and our buddies here or someplace close. It’s nice to be home,
isn’t it?”
Mia gave her a
beatific smile. “This is where we fell in love. What better home could we
have?”
“Do you think Jamie
would really like us to come back here when I … don’t have to be in
Threading her
fingers through
“You look happy.
Happier than you’ve been for the last couple of weeks.”
“I am.” Mia
tightened her grip on
“Is that true?”
“That I love you?”
“No, baby. I know
how much you love me.” A smile borne of certainty settled on
“Yeah, I am.”
“Then why do you
seem … energized in a way you haven’t been?”
“Well … it was good
to be with my peeps. I saw all of my friends and hung out with ’em. Now I’m
filled up again and I can go back to
“So … coming here
helped you … right?”
“Yeah. I guess I’d
have to say it did. It helped to see my parents, too. And my grandparents.”
“So … it looks to
me like being with me isn’t enough
for you. You need some time back here to make you truly happy.”
Mia sat up and gave
“No, no, nothing
like that. I just want to understand.”
“This is all there
is to understand,” Mia said, pushing
“I think it’s more
than that.”
Snuggling against
“Yep. I don’t wanna
drop this until we both understand each other. I think you need to be here once
in a while. Not just that it’s something to do when you can’t be with me. And I
think you should decide to come here whenever I’m on an extended trip. I think
it’s good for you and good for your family. And … it’s good for me because I
know you’re happy.”
Still stroking her
tummy, Mia moved her mouth just enough to be able to nibble and kiss around
“I was at first,”
“No, I guess it’s
not.”
“So, make plans now
to come back here during my next trip. It’ll be better for all of us.”
“Jamie said the
same thing,” Mia said, chuckling. “She wants me to make reservations so she
doesn’t have to send me a last-minute ticket.”
“Even Jamie hates
to throw money away.”
Mia responded
immediately, wrapping her arms around her lover and grinding against her. “I’ve
missed you,” she murmured. “I like you. A lot.” With a wicked grin, she crawled
down
“Yeah. I’ve gained
two pounds.”
Mia dipped her head
and focused on
Her eyes were
half-closed, and
“I didn’t go
without. I just thought about you and imagined your hand was touching me.” She
climbed back up and licked all around
“Sex didn’t enter
my mind,”
“That’s my girl.”
Mia returned her kisses, managing to take
“Me too.” They
kissed for another minute, their hearts starting to beat more rapidly. “Maybe
having little breaks is good for us. God knows I can hardly keep my hands off
you.”
“Who wants that?”
Mia giggled. “Your hands and every other part are supposed to be on me. Bring
it on, baby. I’m ready for you!”
***
When they finally
emerged from their room, Jamie and Ryan were long gone. “I want to go to the
volleyball offices and see if anyone’s around,”
“No thanks. After
she’s finished with class, Jamie and I are gonna go to a day spa.”
“Ooo … sounds like
fun.”
Mia’s smile
brightened. “Come with us!”
“No, I’d rather try
to find some of my old teammates. I know where they hang out on campus. Then I
wanna go to softball practice. Heather will be there and Ryan says Ashley’s
usually there too.”
“That’s cool. If
we’re finished we’ll go to practice too.”
“I’ll take off
then. Are you ready?”
“No way. I’ve gotta
have breakfast, then I’ll make some calls. I can’t be rushed in the morning.”
Ostentatiously
looking at the clock,
Mia grinned
happily. “It’s morning to me!”
***
Jamie and Mia lay
side-by-side on massage tables, both of them covered from head to toe in warm
towels. Their faces were partially exposed, with each wearing warm packs on their
eyes, adding to their relaxation.
“I love a clay body
wrap as much as a girl can love dirt,” Mia murmured.
“I like this pink
clay a lot,” Jamie said. “It doesn’t seem as dirty as regular clay.”
“Such a prude.”
“I’m not a prude.
I’m clean. There’s a big difference.”
“I guess so,” Mia
conceded. “Our hour isn’t up yet, is it?”
“We might be close.
But we’ve still got other things in store for us.”
“We do?” Mia’s
voice rose in pitch. “What?”
“We’re gonna have a
citrus body scrub after massages.”
“Ooo …” Mia sounded
like she was on the verge of orgasm, making Jamie giggle.
“You’re easy to
please, girlfriend. Just put you on a table and pamper you and you’re as happy
as can be.”
“That’s the key,
James. Pampering is highly underrated.”
“You didn’t even
seem to mind having your legs waxed.”
“I don’t mind it.
I’m not crazy about the bikini line, but I’d never subject Jordy to stubble.
That’s inhumane.”
“I believe stubble
is mentioned in the Geneva Convention,” Jamie joked.
“Think Ryan will
notice you’ve been plucked like a chicken?”
“I have no idea.
But if she doesn’t ask, I’m not gonna tell. She doesn’t have to know everything about me. A girl’s gotta have
some secrets.”
***
After softball,
Jamie and Mia stopped at the market and bought dinner. Jamie didn’t want to
spend their last night together cooking, so she bought cold cuts and various
kinds of cheese along with two kinds of bread. She and Mia had everything
arranged on platters by the time Ryan and Jordan got home. “What took you guys
so long?” Mia asked.
“Go wash your dirty
little mitts,” Jamie instructed her partner. “Dinner’s ready.”
Ryan had to
playfully dangled her filthy hands in front of Jamie’s nose.
“Eww! They smell like dirty leather.”
“There’s no clean
leather involved in softball,” Ryan pronounced. “Be right back.”
When she’d
returned, Ryan had not only washed her face and hands, she’d changed into a
golf shirt and jeans. Jamie didn’t comment, but she gave her a knowing glance
and a wink, silently thanking her for continuing to eschew sweats at the dinner
table.
Mia and Jordan each
took a platter to carry into the dining room. Jamie started to follow them, but
caught a quick look at her partner. There was something wrong, but she had no
idea what could have happened in the last few seconds to cause Ryan to look so
sad.
Ryan went into the
refrigerator to take a beer and when she drew near Jamie she felt her belt loop
snagged. “What’s wrong, Tiger?”
Replying with an
anemic smile, Ryan shook her head. “Nuthin’.”
Jamie took her
partner’s free hand and squeezed it. “You look sad.”
Shrugging, Ryan
looked away and said, “They’re leaving tomorrow.”
“Ooo.” Jamie
slipped her arm around Ryan and hugged her. “Makes you sad, huh?”
Another shrug. “A
little.”
“Hey.” Reaching up,
Jamie tugged on her chin, forcing eye contact. “A really smart woman once told
me that she tried to live her life in the moment. She said she tried to enjoy
each day because she knew the next day wasn’t guaranteed.”
A smirk slowly
formed on Ryan’s face. “Sounds like psychobabble.”
“No way!” Hugging
her even tighter, Jamie rocked her lover back and forth. “I believe everything
this wise woman told me. I think you should try it. Enjoy dinner, baby. Let’s
have fun with our friends. Don’t miss them before they leave.”
Bending, Ryan
placed a gentle kiss on Jamie’s lips. “Good advice. I’ll give it a try.” She
rubbed her nose against her partner’s. “Thanks.”
“Any time, slugger.
Any time at all.”
***
On Tuesday
afternoon, Ryan was in her room going over her French homework when she heard
the front door close quietly. “Jamie?”
“Guess again,”
“Cool! Come up here
and save me from going nuts.”
Long legs and a
quick stride had
Ryan turned in her
chair. “I don’t understand why I have to be able to read a foreign language to
be able to study math or science in grad school. Who’s the idiot who came up
with this stupid idea?”
“Shoulda taken a language when you were in high school,
Boom. That’s what the smart kids did.”
“Funny. You went to
a French school. You and Jodie Foster.”
“She was there waaaay before me,”
“No. I just have to
study. No shortcuts.”
“French didn’t seem
hard when I was 14. It just …” She waved her hand. “Came to me. I barely
noticed I was learning a language.”
Ryan took a large
rubber band from the desk and hit her friend squarely in the ass. “Good shot!”
“You’re quite a
smart-ass today. Feelin’ good?”
“Yep. But I’d like
to stay longer.”
“I’d like to hold
you both hostage. But somebody from the team would
probably track you down.”
“Wouldn’t be too
hard. I had to tell them where I was going, how long I was staying, what flight
I’d be on going back. Worse than parents.”
“But you don’t mind
going back, do you?”
“I’m ready to get
back to work. It doesn’t take long to get out of a groove.”
“Are you happy?”
Ryan asked, gazing at her intently.
“Yep.” Nodding
decisively,
“Both of you guys
are welcome here. Any time. You don’t even have to tell us you’re coming. Just
come in and make yourselves at home.”
Ryan rolled her
desk chair across the floor. When she reached the bed she patted
Nodding,
Ryan met her eyes,
but didn’t comment. She knew she didn’t have to with
“How’s your …
head?”
“Emotional
stability?” Ryan asked, crossing her eyes and sticking out her tongue.
“Yeah,”
“I guess I am most
of the time,” Ryan admitted. “Things are a lot better.”
“Everything okay
with you and Jamie?”
It sounded like a
tossed-off comment, but Ryan took it more seriously than that. Her tone turned
a little sharp. “Yeah. Why? Did Mia say something?”
“Yeah, yeah,” Ryan
muttered. “I just … we’ve just been having a little trouble. Nothing too big,
but I thought Jamie might have said something to Mia.”
“If she did, Mia
didn’t say anything to me. What’s going on?”
Ryan crossed her
arms over her chest, debating with herself about what to say. “Uhm … let me ask
you a question.”
“Oh-oh. I hate
these kinds of questions.”
Nudging her
not-so-gently with her foot, Ryan said, “You don’t know what I’m gonna ask.”
“No, but if I
answer one way I’m on your side and if I answer the other way I’m on Jamie’s
side.”
“No sides,” Ryan
said. “Honest. I just wanted to know if you and Mia ever talk about your
pasts.”
“Yeah. Things you
did before you got together.”
“Like sex?
Relationships?”
“Yeah.”
“No.”
“No? Just no?”
“Yep. Just no. I
don’t really have a past and if Mia wants to tell me something, she will. I
never ask. Never have. Never will.”
“’Cause you’re …
worried about what she might say?” Ryan asked tentatively.
“Not really. I
don’t much care about what Mia did before we were together. I mean, I’m
interested in anything she shares with me, but I don’t hunt for info. Not my
style.”
Ryan’s head dropped
back and she threaded her fingers through her hair, freeing it of tangles. “I
wish it wasn’t Jamie’s style.”
“Mmm … Jamie’s not
like me. She’s much more … what would you call it …?”
“Depends on the
day,” Ryan said, chuckling evilly. “Usually she just wants to understand me
better and she does that by trying to know about everything that shaped me. All
of the experiences that made me who I am.”
“You can’t know
people,”
“Exactly!” Ryan
said, slapping the bed with her open palm. “Jamie knows about some things I did
that she thinks are wrong. She claims she doesn’t judge me, but I know she
does! It’s in the back of her mind and she brings it up every time she gets a
little insecure.”
“You didn’t kill a
prior lover in her sleep, did ya?”
“No, nothing that
dramatic. But you heard I was a player before we’d ever met. Jamie knows too
much, and I’m pissed with myself for telling her a lot of things. I should have
just told her that her past was hers and mine was mine.”
“I don’t know how I
knew to keep my nose out of Mia’s past, but I knew,”
“Wish I would’ve
asked you for some advice before I started flapping my trap.”
***
Part Thirteen
That evening, Ryan
pulled the BMW into the driveway and cast an appraising glance at Jamie, who’d
barely spoken on the trip back from the airport. The silence unbroken, they
went into the house, where Ryan headed for the refrigerator, her stomach
rumbling.
She munched on a
piece of cold pizza as she walked into the living room. Jamie was going through
the mail, throwing items into the categories that she used to organize the
hefty volume. Ryan picked up a catalogue from a lingerie store. “Mmm … nice,”
she said. “What pile is this?”
“That’s the ‘things
Ryan might want to look at’ pile.”
“Really? You’re the
lingerie queen. Why isn’t it in your pile?”
“It doesn’t fit in
mine. There’s the bills to pay pile, the things one of us ordered or will
definitely want to see pile and the ‘perhaps’ pile for each of us. The things I
think you might want to see go into your perhaps pile.”
“Again,” Ryan said,
rolling up the catalogue and looking through it like a telescope, “why isn’t it
in your perhaps pile?”
Jamie gave her a
puzzled look. “That lingerie is trashy. I don’t wear things that make me look
cheap.”
With a half-grin,
Ryan said, “But you think I like to look at women in trashy lingerie?” Jamie
didn’t answer. She just raised an eyebrow and nodded when Ryan put the
catalogue in her own “definite” pile. “You don’t have to look so smug,” Ryan
said.
“I’m not being
smug. I just know you.”
“Wanna bite?” Ryan
asked, putting the pitifully small piece of pizza in front of her.
“No, thanks.” She
glanced at the assorted stacks of mail. “Okay, I’m done with this; I guess I’ll
go upstairs and read.”
Her voice held so
little enthusiasm that Ryan put her hand on her shoulder and turned her around.
“What’s wrong, sweetums?”
Laughing
soundlessly, Jamie said, “Sweetums is just a little
down. My team’s playing in the PAC-10 championships, and I really was looking
forward to that. I think we could have done pretty well.”
Ryan lifted Jamie’s
arm and kissed her hand, which had finally begun to look normal. “Of course you
could have. If you were playing, you probably would have won the whole thing.”
“I’m not saying
that, but I wanted to play.”
“Anything else?”
“Yeah. I miss Mia …
and Jordan.”
“Me too. But I
think Mia might be coming home more often.” When Jamie gave her a quizzical
look, she added, “
Jamie smiled up at
her. “That makes me feel a little better.”
“And even though
you want to play, you’d be all alone up in
“No. It’s not,” she
said wistfully.
“Isn’t it more fun
to be together?”
“Yes. You know it
is.” She rested her head on Ryan’s shoulder, feeling a little better. Patting
Ryan’s belly, she said, “Okay, you’ve cheered me up. I can get to work now.”
Ryan locked her
arms around Jamie’s waist. “Do you have to?”
“Uhm …” Tentatively
smiling, Jamie asked, “Why?”
“I was just
thinking of some things we could do, things we couldn’t do if you were in
“Ooo … were you
now?” Relaxing against her lover, Jamie asked, “What kinda things were you
thinking of?”
Ryan looked down,
letting her gaze run up and down Jamie’s body. “I don’t know.” She trailed her
hand over Jamie’s torso, letting it settle on her breast. “I like some of these
curvy parts.” Cupping Jamie’s flesh, she weighed it in her hand. “I’m sure I
could think of something fun to do with this.”
“You do have a good
track record.” Jamie looked down and saw Ryan’s hand encircling her breast. A
twitch in her vulva made her think that letting a little schoolwork slide
wasn’t a bad idea.
“If you really
wanted to,” Ryan murmured, “you could find some parts on me that you like to
play with. No obligation, of course.”
“Know what I’d
like?”
“No.” Ryan nuzzled
against Jamie’s neck until she could feel the goosebumps
start, then she pressed her lips against her ear and hummed, “Tell me.”
“I’ll do better
than that, I’ll show you.” Draping her good arm around Ryan’s neck, she pulled
her close and kissed her gently. Pulling away just an inch or two, she stared
at the full, pink lips and whispered, “I just want to kiss you. There’s nothing
better than kissing you.”
“Mmm … great idea.”
Ryan lifted her knees enough to cause Jamie to press against her more firmly,
then she kissed her back — slowly and gently and lovingly.
Minutes passed with
only the soft sounds of their breathing and the sweet press of lips merging and
separating breaking the silence of the house. “So nice,” Jamie breathed. “No
rush. No goals.”
“None,” Ryan said,
sighing. She dropped a gentle kiss on Jamie’s forehead and said, “One goal. To
show you how much I love you.”
“
Jamie pulled back
and smiled at her, and Ryan took her in, noting the gentle tilt of her head,
eyelids slightly closed, lips pink and moist. “You’re such a beautiful woman.”
She ran her hand over Jamie’s face, then traced her lips with her thumb. “Too
pretty for words.”
“I never feel
prettier than I do when you look at me just like you are now. It … makes my
heart race.”
Ryan’s hand moved
to her lover’s chest, covering her heart. “Mmm … it is a little fast. Let’s
slow it down.” She tightened her hold and snuggled Jamie into her body, rubbing
their faces together until Jamie began to giggle.
“Tickles.”
Purring almost
imperceptibly, Ryan shifted and started to kiss her again, keeping up a slow,
aimless exploration of her mouth. They traded back and forth and back and forth
… one leading, the other following … for a very long time.
Jamie was
astonished that Ryan didn’t try to press for more, but she was grateful to her
partner for having heard what she needed and backed off from what had clearly
begun as an invitation to have sex. She, however, had amended her wish list and
now wanted to move along. Knowing that a little signal went a long way, she
took Ryan’s hand and placed it on her breast, pressing the strong hand into her
flesh.
Amazingly, Ryan
didn’t take the bait. She kept kissing Jamie leisurely, seemingly perfectly
content to go no further.
Not to be
dissuaded, Jamie covered Ryan’s hand and firmly pressed it into her flesh,
urging her to take the hint. She could feel Ryan start to smile, and knew her
lover had been playing with her.
“Have an itch?”
Ryan asked.
“Yes,” she
whispered, keeping her lips so close to Ryan’s that she spoke into her mouth.
“Help me scratch it, will you?”
Ryan cupped her
breast and gave it a gentle squeeze, making Jamie press her thighs together in
response. She made a gurgling sound and pressed against Ryan’s hand, asking for
more.
Holding the breast
in her hand, Ryan moved it around in a circle, all the while probing Jamie’s
mouth with her tongue.
“Harder,” Jamie
murmured.
“Still itchy?”
Pale blue eyes
blinked slowly and Jamie wrapped an arm around her neck and said, “Don’t play
with me, O’Flaherty.”
“Play? I’m not
playing. You said you wanted to kiss. If you want something else …”
Tilting her head,
Jamie looked into her eyes. “You want specifics?”
“Yeah. I’m not
catching on.”
Ryan was the
picture of innocence, and Jamie imagined how remarkably easy it must have been
for her to get away with murder when she was young. “Okay. Here’s what I’d
like. I’d like for you to take off your shirt — that’s a nice one, by the way —
then your bra, then your shoes, then your socks, then your slacks. You look
good in these khakis, too.” She reached down and traced along Ryan’s thigh.
“And your underwear.”
“You want me to do
all that?” Ryan’s eyebrows lifted.
“Uh-huh. Then I
want you to take every stitch of clothing off me. Let me know when you’re
finished and I’ll give you the rest of your instructions.”
Grinning
lasciviously, Ryan followed her instructions to the letter. A few minutes
later, they were standing, facing each other, stark naked. Jamie took her hand
and led her into the library, then pushed her until Ryan sat on the leather
sofa. “Now I’m going to have you. Any complaints?”
“None.” Ryan smiled
up at her, and held out her arms. “Anything you want is exactly what I want.”
“This splint is a
little problem, so I might have to direct you a bit. Is that cool?”
“The coolest. Top
me.”
“I’d be happy to,
if you hadn’t engineered this entire evening,” Jamie said, tweaking Ryan’s
nose. “I thought the top was supposed to be in charge.”
“Nah. The bottom’s
always in charge; the top just thinks she is.”
After surveying her
very receptive lover and the sofa, Jamie sat down and said, “Will you lie on
top of me with those stupendous breasts very near my mouth?”
In a flash, Ryan
scooted down to the end of the sofa, giving Jamie plenty of room to lie down.
As soon as she was comfortable, Ryan rested her weight on her arms and offered
her breasts to Jamie, who immediately filled her mouth with the luxuriantly
soft skin. Her appetite for Ryan was voracious, and she suckled and nipped and
mouthed her breasts for so long that Ryan’s nipples were swollen and nearly
mauve when she paused for breath. “Good God,” Jamie breathed. “I can’t get
enough of you.”
Ryan’s face was
flushed, and her skin was dewy and pink. “Could you,” she panted, “please lift
your leg? I’ve gotta …” Her eyes closed when Jamie immediately responded, and
Ryan pressed hard against her thigh. With her tender breast being firmly
suckled, Ryan started to pump her hips, moving up and down Jamie’s thigh—her
moisture coating the skin lavishly. Her eyes were tightly closed, and Jamie
could see her lips moving—but not a sound came out.
The harder Jamie
sucked, the faster and harder Ryan pumped. Light-headed with lust, Jamie
grasped her ass with her hand and pulled Ryan’s entire breast into her mouth,
then started to close her teeth. With a whoosh of air, Ryan grabbed her lover’s
shoulders and thrust hard, moaning loudly until she eventually began to slow
her pace and her power until she was barely moving her hips, just a slight
tilting of her vulva pressing against Jamie’s; her body wet and hot and
slippery and very heavy.
Jamie ran her hand
through Ryan’s hair, whispering to her while she recovered. It took longer than
usual, but Ryan finally lifted her head. “You almost killed me,” she said, her
speech slightly slurred.
“If you weren’t so
heavy, I’d have my hand between my thighs right now,” Jamie purred. “I’ll come
if you so much as brush against me.”
Ryan pushed herself
up, then maneuvered so that she was sitting on the floor. Tugging at Jamie’s
legs, she slung them over her shoulders and opened her lover with her fingers.
Mesmerized by the glistening flesh, she delicately began to taste her, stunned
when Jamie grabbed the back of her head and panted out a quiet, quick orgasm.
Not moving her head, Ryan stroked her lover’s thighs, waiting until her flesh
stopped pulsing to tentatively start to nuzzle against her again.
“Wait,” Jamie
moaned. “Give me a minute …”
But Ryan didn’t
obey this time. She slipped her index fingers inside and played with her,
stretching and probing at her until Jamie’s body grew relaxed and limp. “Go
on,” she finally purred. “This is good.”
Ryan dipped her
head again and started to lap lazily, once again surprised when Jamie groaned,
“Oh! I’m coming … ahh … yeah … yeah,” while pushing
her vulva against Ryan’s mouth.
Waiting patiently,
Ryan finally looked up and said, “How about a little more?”
“Give me a few,”
Jamie said. “Come up here and hold me.” She scooted over onto her side, giving
Ryan room to cuddle.
“I meant me,” Ryan
said, grinning shyly.
Jamie’s eyes opened
wide. “Really? Think you can?”
Lips pursed, she
said, “I’m still really turned on. And I’ve been reading about orgasms. I
haven’t found any research that says there’s a physiological reason for my not
being able to have more than one orgasm in a day.”
“You’ve had two a
couple of times.”
“Yeah, but I hate
to miss an opportunity to be a glutton.” She chuckled. “And I am really turned on.”
Jamie turned and
kissed her. “Where do you want me?”
“Would you mind if
I kinda … got on top of you? I’m dying to feel your mouth on me.”
“Let’s go, Tiger.
I’d love to be able to play with you all night long.”
Ryan made a few
adjustments, getting Jamie at just the right angle. Then she slowly lowered
herself to her lover’s mouth, moaning in relief when the warm, wet tongue
touched her throbbing skin. “Oh, Jesus, that feels fantastic!”
Jamie looked up to
see her lover pinching and pulling on her own nipples, her eyes closed and her
mouth open just enough to show the tip of her tongue. Without thought, she
reached around Ryan and started to play with her own clit, gently touching
herself just enough to keep her high going.
Moving her hips in
a stunningly sexy fashion, Ryan sought more and more pressure from Jamie,
finally pressing so hard she whimpered in pain. “Fuck,” she growled, lifting
her hips and sliding off. Standing on rubbery legs she said, “This isn’t gonna
work. But I’m desperate to come.” Her look of frustration turned to delight
when she saw where Jamie’s hand was. “May I?”
Jamie pulled her
hand away. “No, not right now. I’m just keeping it warm. What can we do for
you?”
Ryan thought for a
moment, then said, “Do you mind a little help?”
“No. Not as long as
it’s not another woman.”
“Ha! Who’d want
that?” She started for the door. “Don’t go away.”
“Where would I go?”
Jamie asked, looking down at her wet, slippery body.
In a few minutes
Ryan was back, carrying the small bag of sex toys she’d brought from home. “I
was wondering if we’d ever use any of that stuff,” Jamie said, sitting up to
look over Ryan’s shoulder.
“Haven’t had the
need,” Ryan mumbled. “Ahh … this should work.” She pulled out a good-sized
vibrator and handed it to Jamie. “Do you wanna … or should I?”
“You do it,” Jamie
said, eyes sparkling. “I wanna watch you.”
Ryan’s eyebrows
waggled and she scampered to plug in the device. Sitting down, she said, “This
is a little … clinical. I mean, it doesn’t have the same feel that our
lovemaking—”
“I get it,” Jamie
said, smiling. “I just wanna watch you come again. No biggie. I don’t think the
things in your bag are a substitute for making love. They’re … like sprinkles
on a sundae.”
“Good one!” Ryan
put her arm around her partner and said, “My arousal has taken a nose-dive. Having to get up and rummage around in a closet
isn’t really erotic.”
“May I?”
“Please.”
Jamie put her arm
around Ryan and kissed her softly. Moving away, she stuck out her lower lip in
a slight pout. “Making love to you was so incredibly hot that I’m still
throbbing. Feel me,” she whispered, taking Ryan’s hand and pressing her fingers
between her lips. “You made me that wet.” She kissed Ryan hard, then pulled
back and licked all around her lips. “You made me shiver and shake when I
came.” She grasped the back of Ryan’s head and held her still while she kissed
her so thoroughly that she wound up with her knee between Ryan’s legs. When she
released her grip, Ryan’s head fell back onto the sofa.
Ryan picked her
head up and gave Jamie a totally blank look, then turned on the vibrator and
started running the blunt, bullet-like end of it against herself. Her eyes
closed and her head fell back again as she kept the device on the outside of
her vulva.
This surprised
Jamie, but the pleasured half-smile on Ryan’s face showed her that it was
working. Jamie leaned over and started to kiss her again, getting hotter as
their kisses got harder and needier. She moaned and Ryan opened her mouth and
sucked her tongue in, pulling on it hungrily. Jamie put her hand down to feel
the vibrations, amazed at how strong they were. She felt Ryan’s hand move and
shifted so she could watch her.
Ryan held the
vibrator in one hand and pressed it hard against herself, using the fingers of
her other hand to apply even more pressure. Jamie was amazed at how rough she
was with herself, given that Ryan still tended to beg for nothing but a gentle
touch when she was on the verge of orgasm. Even though she wasn’t touching her
clitoris, the vibrator was thrumming against her relentlessly, and Jamie
couldn’t imagine what her lover was feeling. Giving in to her curiosity, she
slipped her fingers into Ryan, watching as her eyes closed and she grimaced for
a few seconds before she grunted loudly and began to shake, her flesh gripping
and releasing around Jamie’s fingers. The orgasm went on longer than usual, and
when Ryan dropped the still humming vibrator to the floor, she looked
completely exhausted.
Jamie pulled the
vibrator up by its cord and turned it off, then slid her arm around Ryan and
cradled her to her body, peppering her face with kisses.
Ryan eventually
opened her eyes. “I’m gonna regret that tomorrow,” she said, grinning
crookedly.
“Really?” She
kissed her temple. “Why don’t you use it on me so I can empathize?”
Ryan’s eyes shifted
and she shook her head, chuckling. “Gotta see for yourself, huh?”
“Yeah.” Her eyes
were sparkling with interest. “You almost sprained my fingers when you came. I
want some of that!”
“Oh, all right,”
Ryan said, feigning irritation. “But I’m not gonna use the big gun on you. You
won’t need it.”
“Why?” Jamie hefted
it in her hand. “I want the big one.”
“Let’s start with
something more … delicate,” Ryan said. “Then we can move up if you want.”
Ryan took out a
small, lipstick sized blue vibrator and put a pair of watch batteries into it.
“I feel a little like a gynecologist,” she said, grinning. “This is even more
clinical.”
“Just do me,” Jamie growled, giving her a
scowl which turned into a giggle.
Ryan kissed her
quickly and knelt down. Jamie lay down and rested her head on Ryan’s arm.
“Ready?”
“No foreplay?”
Ryan’s voice
dropped. “You won’t need it. Trust me.”
She turned on the
vibrator and spread Jamie’s lips apart. Very delicately, she slid the little
blue toy along Jamie’s inner lips, smiling when her partner gasped, “Wow!”
“Uh-huh.” Ryan
lifted it then slid it around again, barely touching her skin.
Jamie purred with
delight, making the sexiest little moans Ryan had ever heard. Then she put her
hand on top of Ryan’s and pressed the vibrator against her clit, growling and
thrusting her hips as she came once again.
Ryan started to
pull it away, but Jamie opened her eyes and said, “One more.”
“Such a greedy
girl.” Ryan kissed her and started touching her again, letting the little toy
bring her partner to one orgasm after another. After six climaxes in just a few
minutes, Jamie pushed Ryan’s hand away and collapsed, hardly able to breathe.
Ryan held her and
pressed her ear to her heart, listening to it go from a galloping rhythm to a
much more normal beat.
“Throw those things
away,” Jamie weakly ordered.
“You don’t like my
toys? Those rapid-fire orgasms belie your protests.”
“You’re cute when
you talk like that. You sound like an 80-year-old English teacher.” She kissed
Ryan gently. “And yes, I like your toys. I like ’em too much. You don’t have to
throw ’em out, but don’t make ’em too available. They’re like crack cocaine.”
“Okay, baby. We’ll
stick to nature.”
Jamie opened
an eye. “Maybe once in a while …”
Ryan kissed her
gently. “Can I take you to bed?”
“I’m begging you,”
she said dramatically, “truly begging you to.”
***
Ryan got up the
next morning and got into the shower, waiting for Jamie to join her. She
grinned at her partner when she entered the steaming shower. “How do you feel?”
“Great! You?”
“Itchy. And not
good itchy.”
“Really?” Jamie
frowned and patted Ryan gently between her legs. “Here?”
“Yep. I’ll itch all
day.”
“Why? Do you know?”
“Not really. All I
know is that when I force myself to have a second orgasm I always feel kinda
swollen and irritated the next day.”
Jamie let the water
wash over her face, then sputtered some of it at Ryan. “Then why do it?”
Ryan kissed her. “’Cause
you make me hot, goofy. I get turned on and want more sex. But my body doesn’t
think it’s a good idea.”
“That’s a damned
shame. ’Cause I could get the vibrator out and peel off another dozen.” She
giggled, showing Ryan her teeth.
“Yes, I’m jealous,”
Ryan said. “You know, some of that research I did says that multiple orgasms
can give you a kind of high. Did you feel that?”
“Hmm … kinda. If
we’d kept going I could have gotten into a zone I think.”
Ryan started to
wash Jamie’s hair, since Jamie still couldn’t bend her left arm. “Every time
you come, you release endorphins. If you don’t rest between them, you just keep
releasing endorphins and they aren’t dissipated. So you can literally fuck
yourself into a stupor.” She laughed and blew a raspberry against Jamie’s bare
back. “Who’d’ve thought a stupor could sound good,
huh?”
“I’m trying to
think of what I’m not gonna get done today,” Jamie teased. “My stupor calls!”
***
Ryan sat in Ellen’s
office on Thursday morning, tapping her feet and moving her shoulders a little
to a beat only she could hear. “You know, Ryan,” Ellen said, “I would hardly
believe you were the same person who first showed up for group therapy. Are you
feeling as good as you look?”
For a few moments
Ryan was perfectly still, then she nodded slowly. “I … guess I am.” She smiled
and shifted her gaze from Barb to Ellen. “I’m not sure when I started feeling
better, but I really do feel good.”
“You seem much more
comfortable talking about the things that upset you,” Barb said. “You don’t
look like you’re being tortured any more.”
“It doesn’t feel
like torture. You know, the first few times, I felt like I had lead in my
pockets when I left here, but now I feel energized most days. Talking in here
lets me live my life without stuffing all of my fears down.” She met both of
their gazes. “Being here has really helped me, and having it be just the three
of us has made me feel safer.”
“That’s very good
to hear,” Ellen said. “How’s your travel schedule? I know you were having
trouble when you had to be away from home.”
“It was more when
Jamie had to leave, but I didn’t like to go, either. But I’ve got to go to
***
Jamie woke up on Friday
morning, reached out, and patted an empty space next to her on the bed.
“Where’s my teddy bear?”
Ryan got up from
the chair and walked over to the bed, sitting down and wrapping Jamie in a warm
hug. “Right here. I was going over some conjugations. Now that my project is
mostly finished, I’ve gotta start breathing French.”
“I’ll speak French
at home if that would help. Speaking of home, why aren’t we in our bed?”
“’Cause we’re in
“That’s how I think
of you.” Jamie smiled sweetly and winced when Ryan pinched her.
“I’ve got to go to
breakfast soon. Want me to bring you something?”
“Nah. I saw some
decent looking places when we came in last night. I’m gonna poke around
“Baby, you don’t
have to come. You’ve seen enough softball for three lifetimes. Why not go
shopping or do something fun?”
“Hmm … I’ve never
been to Pike’s Place. I’d like to see them throw fish.”
“Then do that. Go
there and hang out and check out
“I’ll see. If I
miss you, I’ll come to the game; If not, I’ll wander around.”
“Cool. Just be at
the softball field at the end of the game to catch the bus.”
“I think I’ll just
take a cab to the airport. I don’t wanna have to rush.”
“Okay. The flight’s
at 4:15.
“I won’t miss it.
And don’t worry about me, okay? I have years of experience in getting to
airports on time.”
Ryan kissed her,
lingering for a few moments. “Have fun. That’s your job today.”
“Yes, ma’am. And
your job is to have fun and play well.”
“If I play.”
“I always assume
your coach will figure out a way to use extra players. He’s smart.”
***
Fifteen minutes
before their flight was scheduled to depart, Ryan was standing at the gate,
scanning the crowd. She let out an audible sigh of relief when Jamie came
rounding a corner, her cheeks flushed and a charming grin on her face.
“Told ya I’d make
it,” she panted.
“Barely! What took
ya?”
“I’ve been
shopping. You know I lose track of time.” Jamie held up the shopping bags that
filled her hands. “I bought you stuff!”
“Oh, boy!” Ryan
said, her lack of enthusiasm apparent. “New clothes?”
“Yep. If you’re
dressing up to please me, I might as well choose your stuff.”
Ryan took her hand
to board the plane. “There’s a certain logic to your
actions. It eludes me, but I know it’s there.”
***
They arrived at
their hotel at 7:30 p.m. Jamie got their room key while the rest of the team
was standing in the lobby waiting for the student manager to get everything
sorted out. They slid away from the group and got on the elevator before anyone
saw them.
“I hate to admit
how nice it is to be able to just check in and get out of that crowd,” Ryan
said. “I don’t even mind having to pay for a separate room … which is
remarkable in itself!”
Jamie put an arm
around her and hugged her. “You’re so cute.”
Giving her the
hesitant smile she always showed when she wanted Jamie to elaborate on a
compliment, Ryan said, “Cute? Why?”
“I was just looking
at you downstairs. Everybody else had on warm-ups or sweats or jeans and
T-shirts. You, however,” she snuck her fingers into the placket of Ryan’s
neatly ironed pink and white checked shirt, “look like you thought about what
you put on today. You look put together.”
“I want to look
like I belong with you.” She auspiciously eyed her partner. “You look
fantastic. Heck, you’ve even managed to wear clothes that don’t show you’ve got
a broken arm! I don’t know how you do that.”
They reached their
floor and made the short walk to their room. “Ooo … right by the ice maker,”
Ryan said, chuckling. “They must have saved a special room just for us.”
“Wanna move? Just
say the word.”
“No. I don’t care
about that. I don’t hear anything when I sleep with you. It’s just when I’m
alone that I hear every cockroach.”
“Eww! Did you have to say that? Now I’m gonna be itching!”
Ryan dropped her
bag and wrapped Jamie in an enthusiastic, unexpected hug. “I’ll scratch you.
Anyplace you want.”
Jamie stood on her
tiptoes and kissed her. “I’ll consider your offer. Hungry?”
“Yep. And if we
hurry, we can make our reservations.”
Smiling with
delight, Jamie looked up at her. “Reservations? What kinda reservations?”
“Restaurant
reservations. What else?”
Jamie gaped at her
lover. “You know how to make restaurant reservations?”
“Ha. Ha. Wash your
hands, put on your lip gloss, and get your bag. We’re going out.”
“Is it my
birthday?” Jamie asked, tapping her chin with her finger.
“No, but it’s gonna
be the day we go to bed without dinner if you don’t shake a leg!”
***
Ryan knew the
absolute best way to make dinner reservations: she’d called Catherine and asked
her where Jamie might like to go. Always happy to lend a hand, Catherine had
called a friend in LA to ask what was new and notable. She’d made the
reservations, dropping her friend’s name to make sure a good table would await
the girls.
Jamie was amazed
when their cab dropped them in
With the nearly
regal bearing that Ryan could summon when she needed to, she led the way
through the crowd milling about on the sidewalk, smoking. Jamie smiled up at
her as Ryan confidently approached the host and said, “O’Flaherty. Party of
two. Eight o’clock.”
He gave her a quick
glance to see if she was anyone, then looked at his book. There were two red
stars by her name, indicating she should be seated quickly and well. He was a
bit surprised, because she didn’t dress like a well-connected Angelino, but the
reservations staff only gave a guest two stars if they
were very well-connected. “It may take a moment, but I’ll have your table ready
as soon as possible,” he said, giving her a generous smile. “May I get you a
drink while you wait?”
“Not for me.
Jamie?”
Stunned at the
treatment her lover was receiving, Jamie managed to shake her head. “I’ll wait
until we’re seated.”
“Very good,” the
man said, looking at her as if she’d made the perfect decision.
Their table was
ready in just a few minutes, and, rather than handing them off to one of the
lovely young women dressed in simple black dresses who were his assistants, the
host escorted them himself.
He held their
chairs out for each of them and said, “Your server will be with you in a
moment. Please enjoy yourselves, and let me know if there’s anything I can do
for you.”
“I will,” Ryan said,
acting like she was catered to at every meal she ate.
Before Jamie had
time to ask what magic she’d used to make the host grovel, a young woman
arrived, bearing two glasses of champagne on a tray. “Hi, I’m
“Yes,” Ryan said,
and Jamie nodded her assent.
“Great.” She set
down the glasses and handed them menus. “I’ll let you study the menu for a
minute, then I’ll come back and confuse you by describing all of the specials we
have.” She leaned over and said conspiratorially, “If you like beef, don’t
bother looking at the menu. I have a special you’ll kill for.”
Ryan closed the
menu and smiled up at the woman. “I trust you,” she said, showing her even
teeth.
“I’ll be back,”
Jamie picked up her
glass and held it aloft. Ryan mimicked her and touched the rim of her glass to
Jamie’s. “Here’s to you, Ms. O’Flaherty. I don’t know what you did to have
these people treat you like a super-model, but I’m lovin’
it!”
***
Sharing bites of
her peeky-toe crab appetizer with Ryan, Jamie said,
“Remember the last time we were in
“Wish I didn’t,
but, yes, I do. Why? Do you want another broken chair to add to your
collection?” Ryan smiled wryly, but Jamie could tell she didn’t mind talking
about it.
“No, I think one is
enough. But I was just thinking …” She put her fork to Ryan’s lips, watching
her pull the bite in with the tip of her tongue. “That’s only been about a
month, but you seem so much better. It amazes me.”
“Thanks,” Ryan
said, smiling confidently. “I feel better. I was just telling Ellen that
yesterday.”
Jamie sipped the
delicate white
“Sure.” Ryan let
Jamie lift the glass to her lips, managing to keep the wine on her tongue.
“That is good. Mine’s good too.”
“That’s a good
cabernet. I thought you’d like it.” She took another bite of her appetizer and
chewed thoughtfully. “Why do you think you’ve made so much progress so
quickly?”
“Quickly? It’s
almost May! You call this quick?”
“Yes I do, given
that just a month ago you were so down.”
Ryan sipped at her
wine, letting the warm, cherry-tinged liquid slide down her throat and warm her
from within. “I’m not sure why I feel better, but I sure do. It’s kinda like I
finally stopped fighting it and cut myself a break.” She looked at Jamie,
clearly puzzled. “I have no idea why that helped, but it did.”
“It’s hard to feel
better when you’re angry with yourself. If you’re not on your side, who is?”
“Yeah, I guess
that’s true. I feel like I just stopped being so harsh with myself. It was all
kinda unconscious, though. I didn’t do much work.” She held up her hands,
looking rather amazed.
“Sometimes that’s
the best thing to do,” Jamie said. “Stop trying so hard.”
“That makes no
sense,” Ryan said, smiling. “Hard work is always the answer.”
“That’s where
you’re wrong, sweet cheeks. Sometimes the best thing to do is slow down and let
yourself heal. Just stay out of the way.” She held up her arm. “I wouldn’t be
healing well if I took off my splint and made myself use my arm as usual.”
“No, I don’t think
that experiment would last very long. Maybe … two minutes.”
“Right. It’d never
work. I think some emotional wounds are like that. You can’t rush them. They
heal at their own pace, and being angry at yourself for not healing fast enough
doesn’t do a thing for you. It just makes you depressed.”
“Been there. Didn’t
like it.”
“I didn’t like it
either. But sometimes you have to go through those periods. There’s not a heck
of a lot you can do to get through them, either. You just have to ride them
out.”
Ryan made a face
that had Jamie laughing. “But I don’t like to wait,” she said, sounding like a
child. “I have no patience.”
“Yes, you do. And I
think it’s being patient that has helped you feel better.”
“Maybe,” Ryan said,
taking another sip of her wine. “Let’s make a deal that we don’t have any more
big traumatic events, then we won’t have to test your hypothesis.”
“It’s a deal,
buddy.” Jamie raised her glass and Ryan touched the rim with her own.
“To boring, routine
lives.”
“Life with you will
never be boring, Stretch. But no matter what happens to us, we can get through
it together. That’s the important part.”
“To togetherness,”
Ryan said, smiling broadly. “The important part.”
The End
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