Disclaimers: The characters of Xena: Warrior Princess and all other associated with the television series of the same name are owned by MCA/ Universal Pictures. This is a work of fan fiction and no copyright infringement is intended.

Subtext: I guess with my writing so far we'll just quit calling it subtext and call it maintext. Yes they are in love with each other.

Sex: Lots and lots of talk about it.

Violence: Nah.

Language: Mild


Other: Part Eighty-four in the series "Raising Melosa". Takes place about a month after "The Rules of Engagement". Also, I MUST give credit to my partner in crime, Chris for giving me a hand with the conversation between Mel and Xena in this one.



A Nice Cold Shower

By T.Novan


I look down at my mud-covered boots as I walk back to the tent. The mud wouldn’t be so bad if the rain would just stop. It’s been raining for three days and our trip to the western tribes has been delayed because of it. I won’t risk anyone to make this trip.

I pull back the flap of the tent and peek in. Ri is still in bed. It’s wet and cold outside and there is no reason for her to be up so I decide to let her sleep in. The rain drips off the hood of my cloak as I step back and allow the flap to fall back into place keeping the wind and the rain out.

Turning to survey our camp, I have to admit I have never in my life seen a more miserable bunch of Amazons. Three straight days of this rain mixed with the cold weather certainly hasn’t done anything to lift their spirits. I finally decided to let them have my tent to gather in as a group. This seemed to help a bit. Even if it did kick me down to sharing a tent with Mel. My eldest daughter just groaned when that announcement was made. She’s been spending a lot of time in the healer’s tent with Celia as a result.

Celia has more or less become Ri’s personal healer. She travels with us now and does a damn fine job of looking after Ri. She makes sure she rests and eats enough through our travels. She takes her responsibility to the Queen very seriously and has even taken to challenging me with a raised brow from time to time. Always silently, never aloud to undermine me. I laugh softly as I make my way to the food tent for some hot tea. Mel is certainly going to have her hands full with that young woman.

I get a hot mug of tea and head back outside again to continue walking the perimeter. The rain doesn’t really bother me and I need to keep busy to keep my mind off the fact that I should be back in the royal tent curled up around my wife. I know the council is just doing this to be a little funny and a little difficult. I don’t mind really, but not being able to be close to her is going to drive me insane.

Not to mention the way she has taken to teasing me when we are together. This really is some sort of evil game we’re playing with each other. First I torture her and then she tortures me. She’s gotten really good at it too.

"Your Highness?"

I turn to find a member of the Royal Guard. She isn’t wearing her cloak and she looks like a drowned rat. I can’t help but chuckle a little. "Yes?" I reach up and unfasten my own cloak, which is still fairly dry inside.

"The Queen is awake and has requested you come to her tent."

I nod as I take my cloak off and put it over her shoulders. "Keep this on or you’ll catch cold."

She smiles as I hand her my tea then head for the royal tent. As I step inside I’m regretting it already. "Umm Ri before I come in any further put some clothes on."

"Aww what’s the matter Xe?" She grins as she wraps the sheet around her.

"Do it or I’m leaving."

"I don’t bite Warrior."

"Hard. Un-huh tell me another one. Now come on Ri be good. I’m freezing to death here. I could stand to get a little closer to that stove."

"You come in here and I’ll warm you up."

"If I come in there, we’ll both be in big trouble."

"I can’t believe you haven’t cracked yet." She laughs at me as she gets up and veerryyy slowly allows the sheet to drop to the floor. Making sure to do a full turn for me before she reaches over and picks up her robe. Then she very slowly puts it on and ties it off. "Better?"

"Umm not much, but it’ll do." I smile as I step in allowing the flap to fall back. I am chilled right to the bone now and move toward the small stove that keeps her tent warm. She moves to me, laying her hand on my back.

"Gods Xe you are soaked! Come on let’s get you out of those wet clothes."

"Oh no! No way! I’ll be fine. Just let me get warm." I rub my hands together as I turn them toward the fire.

"Don’t be ridiculous. You’ll catch your death!"

I turn to her and quirk my brow. "Don’t think so." I grin. "I’m fine Ri I really am. Just need to get warm."

She moves to the flap and pulls it back calling for a guard.

"Yes Your Majesty."

"Go to Xena’s tent and fetch her a dry set of clothes and boots and bring them back here."

"Yes Your Majesty."

She drops the flap and turns to me. Before I can say a word she lifts her hand. I know that signal. Oh boy the Queen is in full ‘Don’t argue with me Warrior’ mode. I just nod as I move closer to the stove.

"In the mean time," She says as she crosses the room and pulls a spare blanket out of the chest. "Take off your clothes."


"Take them off willingly or I’ll do it for you."

Something tells me she’s not even close to joking. I take off my smaller cloak and let it fall to the floor. I can’t believe I’m standing here in front of a woman that I have spent more than twenty seasons of my life with and am actually feeling a little shy about taking my clothes off. Guess it’s because I know I’m not supposed to and could be in really big trouble if I do.

"Would it help if I turn my back?" She chuckles as she tosses me the blanket.

"Yeah." I watch as she turns around I can tell she’s laughing at me. "It’s not funny." I tell her as I remove my clothes and wrap myself in the blanket.

"Yes it is." She chuckles as she pours two mugs of tea. "Can I turn around now?"


She turns and crosses holding out a hot mug for me. " Now just relax until your clothes get here."

"You know if the council finds out that I’m in your tent in a blanket…."

"They’ll all be impressed we waited this long." She laughs as she sips her tea.

"Ri this is not funny."

"You keep saying that, but to be honest I’m having a great time."

I just drop my head and give it a soft shake. There is a light rapping sound at the flap of the tent. Ri moves and retrieves my clothes from the guard with a polite nod and a quiet word.

She brings them to me and lays them in my lap. "There you go Warrior. Nice warm, dry clothes."

"Yeah, but now I gotta take off the blanket to get back into them." I motion for her to turn around, which she does with a little grumble. I have never gotten dressed so fast in my entire life.

Well, there was that one time when we went to visit Ri parents, before we were married, but that doesn’t really count because the Gods know I was getting dressed for an entirely different reason. Ri’s father was pretty quick with a pitchfork, for an old man.


"Yeah I’m as done as I need to be." I offer as I wiggle my toes at the stove. I decided to leave my boots off for the time being.

She joins me on the floor curling up next to me. "This is good."

"Very nice." I kiss the top of her head as I continue to warm my feet.

"You have very sexy toes."

"Damn it Ri behave!"

"I am behaving. If I weren’t I’d do something like this." She takes my hand and slides it under her robe.

Oh Gods! I can feel the crack starting as I feel the warmth of her body under my hand. "No!" I pull back and get to my feet. "Behave!"

She is laughing at me now. I mean really laughing at me. Oh part of me wants to take her over to the bed and, well never mind. I grab my boots and pull them on.

"When you can behave send someone for me." I grumble as I leave the tent again. It’s still raining and cold. Thank the Gods for a cold rain. I need it. "She’s gonna kill me."


I’m resting in my shared quarters when Mel comes in. She shakes out her cloak and hangs it by the stove. "Hear you bolted out of the Queen’s tent like your trousers were on fire."

"You have no idea how right you are." I growl as I roll over to face her. "This is going to make me insane."

"Yeah I can understand that."

"Feeling a little anxiety yourself runt?"

She proceeds to take a seat on the cot next to mine and remove her boots. "Umm I think so."

"You think so? You mean you’re not sure?"

"No, I’m really not. I mean I’m actually afraid I might be getting sick."

Well now she has my attention and I’m on my feet checking for a fever. "What’s wrong? You don’t feel warm."

"I dunno." She squirms away from me and moves to the stove to put on a pot of water. "Want some tea?"

"Sure. Mel come on talk to me. We’ve never had trouble talking before."

"Okay but I swear if you laugh at me…."

"I won’t laugh. Why do you think you’re getting sick?"

"Well every time were together lately I get this sick feeling in the pit of my stomach…."

"Umm-hmm. Does your skin tingle?"

She just nods.

"Then you start sweating?"


"Head starts pounding?"

"That’s it exactly. What’s wrong with me?"

"Oh runt I’m not sure you want to know. You know," I lower my voice a bit, taking on as serious a tone as I can muster. "You know your Mom and I prayed this day would never come…."

She looks totally panicked as she turns to me. "Why?"

"Because there is no cure."

Now she’s really panicking, grabbing my tunic as she gives me a little shake. "What!? What do I have? It’s not gonna make Celia sick is it?"

"Umm not unless you’ve been oh say kissing her when you have these feelings." I grab the arms of her tunic and give her my best ‘serious’ look I’m not sure how much longer I can keep this up. "You haven’t had these feelings then have you?"

"Yes. That’s when they start! Oh what am I gonna do?"

Okay that’s it I can’t stand it anymore. I burst out laughing as I step back. "Mel your horny!"

"What? I am not!" It’s the most indignant ‘I am not’ I’ve ever heard.

I just continue to laugh as I nod my head. "Oh yea you are!"

"You know you promised not to laugh at me."

"That’s when I thought you were sick. Now that I know you’re just horny I can laugh all I want."

"This is so unfair!"


"Why can’t I have a sympathetic parent here?"

"Because your parents aren’t getting any either and misery loves company."

"Okay now what?"

"Well you have two ways of dealing with it."

"Yeah I’m listening."

"You can ignore it…." That garners me a low groan. "Yeah I know, that’s the ship I’m on. Or you can do something about it."

"Great, two choice that don’t thrill me."

This sends me into another fit of laughter as I lay back down.


"Well I know one thing for sure."


"You haven’t yet."

"Well I told you I haven’t, but how did you know?"

"Because it’s addictive and once you get started…."

"Oh ha ha." She brings me a mug of tea.

"You just wait. After the first time it’ll take us a week to find you. Just don’t let your Aunt Eph catch you in the stables. She thinks this family is out to shock her horse to death." I reach up and take the mug. I can tell by the look on her face that she really torn up over this. "Mel honey it’s perfectly natural and you do get it honestly, from me I’m afraid."

Now she laughs at me. "This from the woman who practically ran from the Queen’s tent this morning."

"Watch it." I warn with a low growl.

"Eh I don’t know. Maybe all these rumors I hear about your umm ‘many skills’ are over exaggerated."

"Hey no demeaning my many skills."

"Okay so I get it honestly." She grumbles as she sits down across from me. "But that doesn’t tell me what to do about it. It’s driving me crazy. Almost to the point where it hurts to be near her."

"Hmm you got it bad."

"No kidding."

"So why are you holding back? Isn’t Celia ‘interested’?"

"She seems to be. I mean she always hates it when I stop."

"Then why stop?"

"Because I get the feeling that throwing up on her boots would be a bad thing."

I laugh again. "Could ruin the mood."

"Yeah in a great big old way. So now what?"

"Take some mint leaves first."


"They’ll settle your stomach and they’re good for your breath too." I snicker as I sip my tea.

As she settles back on her cot, the flap of our tent opens just a bit. "Excuse the intrusion Your Highnesses," She looks to me. "But the Queen requests you come to her tent."

I nod and pull myself up, wondering if she’s ready to behave.

As I toss on another cloak, Mel snickers behind me. I turn to see her grinning out from behind her mug. "What?"

"Good luck pal."

"Thanks pal. I’m gonna need it."




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