Unconquered Part 2 of 4

--- V---

"What’s going on, Gab?" Ephiny asked, taking her shoulder and pulling her away from the rest of the Amazons.

Gabrielle shrugged, and Ephiny shook her head.

"I’m worried about you."

"Ephiny," the younger woman began, looking intently at the Amazon. "What if I told you that nothing is the same anymore."

"I’d say I need a better explanation."

"You were right, I can’t kill her, and the funny thing is I don’t want to anymore."

Ephiny’s curly head nodded solemnly. "It’s better that way. Let someone else do it."

Gabrielle gave her a wry smile. "Sure. Keep my hands clean, right? Well, what if they’re already bloody?"

"You’re upset," Ephiny said, taking her arm and leading her back toward the huts. "You need some rest ... and all this will look better tomorrow."

"I don’t think so," Gabrielle whispered, allowing herself to be lead like a child.

"You still want her to die, don’t you?" Ephiny asked, and Gabrielle felt her heart clench at the words.

"Yes," she replied, shaking her head. "I mean, no. I mean ... I don’t know. Something in me has changed, and I don’t know how to take that."

Ephiny stopped their progress, and turned to face Gabrielle, her face dancing in the shadows of a nearby torch. "What happened in there?"

"We just talked. I cried."

"Did she hurt you?" Ephiny looked up. "I mean, did she touch you?"

"Yes," Gabrielle replied. "But not in the way you think." She looked at her cabin. "It’s late, and ... I need to think about all of this." She started to walk off, but Ephiny fell quickly in step with her.

"Maybe you need to talk."

Gabrielle stopped, and pulled her friend into an embrace. "Thank you, but no. I need to be alone. But thanks."

Ephiny nodded as Gabrielle crossed the distance to her hut. Once inside she collapsed against the bed, listening to the Amazon guard Ephiny posted outside her door take up their positions. A wry chuckle escaped, and despite the impudence of the gesture, she knew her friend was only watching out for her. But it meant she had no chance of returning to Xena that night.

She shook her head for even considering it. Why was she being called by that woman? What power did she have over her? It wasn’t fair. It was so much easier to hate her ... but now ...

Gabrielle closed her eyes and fought to remember her husband’s face ... but she couldn’t. She tried to remember his touch upon her skin ... but she couldn’t. His smile, his eyes, the color of his hair in the sunlight ... it was all gone. Placing a hand over her heart she felt grieved because for the first time she realized he wasn’t with her anymore. It hurt. She’d carried him for so long, and she now felt so lost and alone.

She ran a hand down her cheek where Xena had touched her, and it tingled. A ripple of anger coursed through her, and she hated the fact that she would remember that touch with a feeling of pleasure, but be unable to remember the touch of a man to whom she’d pledged her life.

She sat up, embittered. "Killed them because I was a threat to her!?! That I knew her!?" she said out loud. "What crap! That she had to beat me!"

Collapsing back against the bed, she pulled a pillow over her head. Somehow she knew that no matter what, Xena did really think those things. She didn’t understand it, but ... Why did they ever have to meet? How differently her life would’ve been at that moment if Xena had never seen her ... and she realized if she’d never seen Xena.

She hugged the pillow against her chest, and let the images of Xena wash over her. They ran at her with increasing intensity until all she could see were her eyes. Over and over again the eyes assaulted her until she acknowledged that they were all she’d been able to see since that fateful day.

"That she wasn’t worthy," she whispered, staring at the dark ceiling. "That she wasn’t good enough for me," she repeated, closing her eyes and allowing the night to envelope her in its silent embrace.

--- VI ---

She lay there without moving as the gray dawn slowly lightened the room. Her sleep had been fitful, with her heart fighting to come to terms with feelings she wasn’t sure she wanted or needed. Her first thoughts were of Xena, and despite her inability to move, she felt restless and anxious to see her again. There was something she needed to know, and in her heart she knew only Xena could give her the answer.

Determined to face both her fears and her feelings, she dressed quickly, and took a deep breath before opening the door. Outside two sleepy Amazons stood wearily at her movement. Gabrielle assessed the situation, her eyes searching beyond them to the old jail she could see across the yard.

"Morning," she chirped, hoping to disarm them. "Beautiful day, isn’t it?" With a quick look at the dark, ominous sky, she bit her lip, and looked away. "I mean ..." She smiled, and shrugged.

"You’re to wait here for the princess to collect you," one of the Amazons said, stepping in front of her.

Gabrielle glanced at the jail, and then back at her blocker, and she smiled broadly, patting the woman’s shoulder. "C’mon. I’m sure she didn’t mean it like that. I was just going to get some breakfast. Wanna come?" She tried to push the woman aside. "We could get some tea."

"We were ordered to stay here until Princess Ephiny came back."

"To stay and watch me, right? We’ll I’m going to the mess hall, and Ephiny can find me there."

"Quit trying to talk your way out of this one, Gabrielle." Ephiny walked up and leaned against the porch railing. "They’re staying with you until we leave today. So, you can turn off the charm."

"You don’t have to go to all that trouble. Really. I’ll be good. Promise."

Ephiny smiled. "Sure you will. Now, did I hear you say you wanted breakfast?"

Gabrielle knew when she was beaten, so with a quick glance at the jail, she shrugged and fell into step with Ephiny.

"Did you sleep well?" Ephiny asked.

"I’ll be glad to get home and back to my bed," she replied, pulling her arms tight across her chest. "That room made me feel strange and restless."

Her friend stared at her, and Gabrielle could see that she’d said something wrong.

"So, we’re leaving today?" Gabrielle asked, trying to change the subject quickly. "With Xena?" Her voice dropped a notch when saying her name, and Gabrielle closed her eyes for a second.

"Hopefully in the next two hours, if she doesn’t give us trouble," Ephiny said, her eyes assessing the weather. "Looks like we’re in for rain, so it’ll be a cold, wet ride. Sorry," she added, and Gabrielle half hoped she was apologizing for Xena, and not the weather.

"I don’t think she’ll be a problem," she whispered.

Ephiny’s hand on her arm stopped their walk. "I’ve thought it over, Gab, and I’m bringing her back to the village to stand trial ... alive. Killing her now would be dishonorable to us both. I hope you understand."

Gabrielle looked at the ground. "It wouldn’t be right ... I know ... And I ... don’t want her killed, either." She looked up into the hazel eyes of her friend. "But what if she escaped ... for real? What then?"

"Then getting her back becomes our top priority," Ephiny said, climbing the steps to the mess hall.

"But ..." Her voice trailed off.

"But what?" Ephiny said, holding the door open.

Gabrielle stopped at the threshold. "Ephiny, she walked in her on her own. Couldn’t we just let her go, too?"

Ephiny moved past her into the room in a quick angry move. "Sweet Artemis, she’s gotten to you, hasn’t she? You let those emotions I was talking about get hold of you. You’re not sure if you love her or hate her, are you?"

"I’ve made my peace, Ephiny. I want to let her go. What she did to me ... I can’t keep hating and hurting forever."

Ephiny stood there and glared at her, and Gabrielle forced herself to turn away and pick up a wooden cereal bowl. She started to move down the line when she was pulled roughly back by her friend.

"Listen to me, Gabrielle! I always knew your heart would get in the way someday." She ran a hand through her hair. "Well, that day has come, and you’ve done a complete back flip on me. Yesterday you were going to slice her throat, and today you want to give her flowers and let her go. How unfriggin believable."

"I can’t hurt her," Gabrielle said, unable to meet her friends eyes.

"Wizen up, little girl! Xena hurt you on purpose. With her black heart that’s all she has done is hurt people. She’s almost wiped out the Amazons ... and I’ve lost good friends to fighting her." Ephiny released her arm. "So, you’re not alone in your loss. Get over it. Xena has carved her name into history with blood ... and on my oath, she’ll pay for that!"

"Don’t lecture me!" Gabrielle said, taking a much needed step back. "I know what she is, but I think she can change."

Ephiny raised a fist, but lowered it. "Change? Xena can change? Gods, Gabrielle, I’m this close to leaving you in this village until you can prove you’re on the same path as the rest of us." She pushed at a loose piece of her unruly blonde hair. "If you’ve quit hating her for killing your family ... Great. I’m truly glad for you, but don’t give her absolution for all her crimes." Ephiny grabbed her own bowl, and moved past Gabrielle. "Because you don’t have that power or privilege," she said over her shoulder.

"You’re not my friend," Gabrielle accused. "You don’t understand what I’m feeling ... and you don’t care."

Ephiny stopped her progress down the line, and turned back. "I am your friend," she said, holding her hand out for a second. "And I do understand what you’re going through. But, I’m sorry, Gabrielle ... This can’t be swept away because you’ve forgiven her."

"I haven’t forgiven her," Gabrielle said, staring at the ground. "It’s just that when I’m near her, I can’t remember why I hate her."

"Then stay away from her, and focus on remembering." Ephiny shook her head, and it took all of Gabrielle strength to stand there and wait for the next words. "Xena will be found guilty ... and she will die. It’s what we all want, and if you concentrate, you’ll know it’s what you want too."

Gabrielle stood there and watched as her friend moved off down the food line. She shot her a quick look before finding a table near the wall and sitting. Gabrielle was moving to put her bowl back when she saw Ephiny motion her over, pointing to the seat opposite her. Despite the fact that she no longer had an appetite, Gabrielle was forced to fill her own cereal bowl and join her friend in a tense and silent breakfast. On the surface Gabrielle knew that what Ephiny said was right, but it didn’t change the fact that for some reason she believed that Xena had changed.

--- VI ---

She’d already mounted her horse when Xena was led from the jail. Her heart cringed, and she clenched her jaw when she saw how the Amazons were treating their prisoner. Xena’s hands were bound by thick, rough rope, and even from her distance Gabrielle could see the ropes were very tight. Another rope had been tied around Xena’s waist, and then secured to both ankles to prevent running, and a third, slightly thinner rope was looped around the Conqueror’s neck, and held by a tall, muscular Amazon. Once outside the Amazon gave the rope a tug, snapping Xena’s head back sharply. Gabrielle could see the fire in Xena’s eyes, but the warlord did nothing, and Gabrielle had to force her eyes away before she went and did something stupid like defend the Conqueror to the Amazons.

Ephiny finished saying good-bye to the outpost’s leaders, and she mounted her own horse. Gabrielle looked at her, finding it difficult to give even a small smile to her friend when all she wanted to do was escape from this living torture. Nothing made sense, and she couldn’t figure out why she found herself caring what happened to that woman.

"You’re to stay up here with me," Ephiny said, moving her horse closer. "Don’t talk to her or do anything that will make me regret taking you. Promise me?"

Her green eyes flashed at the effrontery, but she forced herself to smile. "Sure, Eph. Let’s just get this thing over with."

Ephiny swung her horse around to face her prisoner. Gabrielle labored to keep herself from looking at Xena, yet she could feel her stomach twisting just being this close. She put a hand over her exposed midriff, and looked straight ahead as Ephiny addressed her charge.

"You’re not so bold today, are you Conqueror?" Ephiny quipped, obviously remembering her defense of Gabrielle the night before.

"Don’t call me that," Xena replied, her blue eyes drilling into Ephiny. "I’m only Xena now."

"You’re what I say you are ... so don’t forget that," Ephiny said, nodding at the Amazon holding Xena’s neck rope to give it a tug. "That’s to let you know I mean business. Give me any trouble, and it will be a very long, very uncomfortable trip to the main village. Got that?"

Xena leveled her gaze again, her eyes dark and unreadable.

"It’s no secret that I don’t like you, but I’m sworn to my duty and deliver you for trial," Ephiny said, moving her horse closer to Xena. "But disobey even my slightest command, and I have no problem delivering a beaten and bloody prisoner."

Gabrielle’s head snapped around at the words, and she opened her mouth to protest. Before she could speak she felt the pull of Xena’s eyes, and without her will she found herself lost in the Conqueror’s intense gaze. Xena shook her head slightly, and Gabrielle somehow understood that the warlord didn’t want her protection. She shut her mouth, her words of anger forgotten in the timelessness that touched her while visually joined with Xena. She only lost contact when Ephiny moved next to her, and slapped her horse into motion, beginning the journey home.

Ephiny set a fast pace, and shamefully Gabrielle realized that she did it only to make Xena suffer. It was a rough road, made worse by the constant rain, and Gabrielle cringed each time she saw Xena or one of the Amazons slip in the slick mud. Xena kept her eyes on her footing, and Gabrielle forced herself to keep her eyes off Xena, and instead she found herself glaring at her friend.

The Princess had adopted a proud pose on her horse, and tried to pretend that the freezing cold wind and rain didn’t bother her. Well, it mattered to Gabrielle, who with a shaking hand and chattering teeth pushed back her wet bangs for the fifth time in as many minutes. Her whole body shook with a deep chill, and each time the cold wind kissed her frozen skin she scowled harder at Ephiny. But it didn’t matter how hard she stared, the somber line of women moved on with a relentless drive, and Gabrielle knew that each step was forcing her closer to a choice she wasn’t sure she could make.

They were nearing the highest part of the mountains, and Ephiny quietly lead them to a small cave near the bottom of the pass. Trying to cross the mountain in the constant downpour wasn’t wise, and even Ephiny’s stubborn streak had to give into rationality occasionally.

The cave wasn’t much, and to her surprise she actually felt colder out of the rain. The ever competent leader, Ephiny quickly directed the other Amazons to break open their packs and use their wood rations to start a fire. Gabrielle was the first to huddle around the fledgling flames, her hands shaking as they thawed. She’d never felt so cold in her whole life, and she pointedly kept herself from looking across the fire at Ephiny, knowing it would only lead to an argument.

She heard a noise behind her, and turning her head she saw Xena sitting alone near the back of the cave. The warlord’s hands were trying to warm her upper arms, but the rope restraints were making it hard. Xena’s knees were tight against her chest, and large water droplets fell from her wet hair. She looked so cold and alone that without thinking Gabrielle found herself digging in her pack, and pulling out an old wool jacket.

She held the garment to her cheek for a brief second, trying to see her husband’s face when she’d given it to him on their first and last anniversary. It had been the first thing she’d ever knitted, and one arm was longer than the other, but he’d loved it anyway. She’d been carrying it to the river to wash that day that ... and after she’d been unable to part with it. The garment became her last physical connection with her husband.

But today, she couldn’t see her husband when she touched it, and in her heart she knew at that moment it needed to go to someone else. Standing, her knees shaking slightly, she moved towards Xena, aware that everyone’s eyes were on her. Standing over the warlord, and trying so hard to keep her voice level and her eyes averted, she held out the jacket.

"Here," she said. "This should fit, and it’s mostly dry."

Blue eyes looked up, and green eyes looked down, and slowly the jacket was taken from her hand. A small, sad smile touched the warlord’s face as her fingers caressed the rough wool. She looked up again and nodded, and Gabrielle realized that Xena knew the garment had been her husband’s. Swallowing hard, Gabrielle forced herself to walk away. As she crouched down by the fire she felt eyes watching her, and looking up she found Ephiny’s gaze jumping between her and Xena. Gabrielle forced her eyes onto the dancing fire, hoping to hide the guilt and excitement she felt creep across her face.

A tense silence descended on the cave, and Gabrielle sat lost in her thoughts, only slightly aware that the beat of the rain was growing louder. Looking up she saw Ephiny pacing angrily back and forth at the mouth of the cave.

"Great! Just great!" Ephiny yelled at the rain. "We can’t travel in this!" She turned around and stared hard at everyone. "Any suggestions?"

Most of the Amazons put their eyes in their laps, but Gabrielle met her friend’s demanding gaze. "It’s okay, Eph. Calm down." She raised an eyebrow when Ephiny crossed her arms over her chest and glared back. "Hey, we weren’t going to reach the village tonight anyhow, so let’s just count our blessings and stick it out here. It’s dry, and we’ve got a fire going."

Ephiny’s curly head dipped for a second, and then raised up. She nodded and shrugged. "It’s all we can do, cause I’m not traveling in that." She waved her hand towards the mouth of the cave, which from the intensity of the rain made it look like they were concealed behind a raging waterfall. "So, everyone find a comfortable spot, and dig in for the night."

"You’re gonna need more wood if you want to stay warm."

Ephiny spun around, and pointed at the warlord. "Who asked you?"

Xena shrugged. "Hey, not my problem if you all want to freeze, but you’ve only got enough wood for a couple of hours. That won’t get you through sunset, and then it gets real cold."

"And where are we supposed to find dry wood in the rain?"

Xena shrugged again, and looked at the ceiling. "It’s around, if you know where to look."

"Sure it is," Ephiny snipped.

Xena lifted her arms and dropped them. "Hey, I’m the one whose conquered half the known world. Think I might have picked up a few tricks doing that, huh?"

"Like where to find dry wood in a rain storm?"

"Like I said ... doesn’t matter to me if you freeze, but if you want the wood, give me a call. And remember to ask nicely."

"Why you ---"

"Hey!" Gabrielle cut Ephiny off, and climbed to her feet. "Let’s quit bickering, and work on the problem. Ephiny, Xena is right. We need more wood." She turned to the warlord. "Xena, do you really know where we can find dry, burnable wood?"

Xena nodded slowly, her blue eyes shining in the gloom of the cave.

Gabrielle nodded back, a strange understanding passing between them. "Okay, then will you tell us where to find it?" She looked pointedly at Ephiny. "We’ll share it with you, if you do."

"No," Xena replied curtly.

"You animal," Ephiny replied.

Xena’s eyes flashed to the Amazon and then back to Gabrielle. "It’s too hard to explain. I’ll have to show you."

"Out of the question! You’re staying where I can keep an eye on you."

"Afraid I’ll run away, Princess?" Xena asked, her eyes dancing.

The Amazon nodded warily.

"If I wanted to escape, you’d hardly be able to stop me."

"Don’t make me laugh, Conqueror. You’re mine now."

"That so?"

"That’s enough! Both of you. Stop!" Gabrielle stood between the two combatants, her arms outstretched, but her sympathies laying with the warlord.

"I won’t escape," Xena said quietly. "Let me show you where the wood is. It’s the only way. Trust me."

Even Gabrielle’s mouth dropped open at those last words, and she couldn’t blame Ephiny for laughing.

"Trust you? I should trust, Xena, the Conqueror? Xena, the Destroyer? Xena, the Scourge? Xena, who murdered my friends and sisters? Xena who butchered Gabrielle’s family? Xena, who knows nothing but blood and death? I should trust all that?"

"Fine! Freeze then! I don’t care." Xena pulled her arms tight over her chest and tucked her chin down low.

Both Gabrielle and Ephiny stared at her for a long second, and the slowly Xena raised her head. A different look had settled on the warlord’s face. A hardness etched was etched into the skin, and a coldness touched the eyes. It was a face of control and cruelty, and in that instant Gabrielle recognized the face of the woman who’d destroyed her life. This was Xena, the Conqueror.

"You really think you’re holding me, Amazon?" the Conqueror cried, climbing to her feet, the ropes around her ankles taught with tension. "You could no more hold me than you could capture a titan!" With one strong jerk of her legs she snapped the sturdy rope, and holding up her arms she strained only momentarily before snapping those restraints as well. With a quick jerk she removed the noose from around her neck, and dropped it to the ground. With a sick smile she reached under the sweater, pulling Gabrielle’s forgotten dagger from under her tunic, and she just held it tightly in her hand.

Gabrielle took a step forward and stopped. She could feel Ephiny’s eyes on her back, and she knew her friend believed she’d given Xena the knife. Around her the other Amazons were tensing up, and she knew it was only a second before Ephiny gave a command to attack. She slowly shook her head. "Xena, wait!"

The blue eyes softened as they looked at her, and Xena’s arm lowered the dagger. In what was almost a painstakingly long second, the knife fell from her hand, and hit the floor with a rattle.