--- XI ---
A small but luxurious camp had been set up at the foot of the mountain, and the rich smell of roasting meat assaulted Gabrielle’s nose as they entered the perimeter. Everyone stopped to salute the Conqueror as she moved past them with detached eyes, but Gabrielle didn’t miss both the open respect and the hidden fear that illuminated their faces.
A massive tent dwarfed the center of the encampment, and she knew this was Xena’s tent. It reeked of power and position, and the woman who slowly lowered her to the ground held both in ways that Gabrielle couldn’t begin to understand. She stood for a second and let her eyes rove around the camp before settling on her captor.
Xena watched her impassively, her grip on Gabrielle’s wrist secure, and her face unreadable.
"Let me go!" she cried, wincing when Xena gave her wrist a sharp twist. Gabrielle pulled back, her body leaning as far away from the Conqueror as possible, and all her strength going into her escape.
"Majesty," a soldier interrupted, and with one strong tug Gabrielle was sent crashing up against Xena’s body, the warlord’s hand pressing tightly into the small of her back.
"Stop it, Gabrielle," she whispered in her ear. "Don’t make this any more difficult than it already is. Push me too far and I’ll have to act."
Before she could answer, she was swept aside, but still held tightly, and Xena was addressing the soldier who was holding out a stack of papers.
"What’s this?" she demanded, grabbing the papers from his hand.
"Dispatches from around the realm, my Queen."
The papers were thrust back into his hand. "I told you not to use that title with me. I’m not some soft monarch who lives off the sweat of her people. I am the Conqueror, and I bring prosperity and peace to those I crush."
"My pardons," he said with a bow. "But the dispatches?"
"Later!" Xena bellowed. "I’m busy planning an attack, if you don’t mind. Now leave," she ordered.
"There is one more thing," the man ventured, his eyes downcast. "The Amazons from the cave are awaiting your sentence. The block has been prepared and the headsman awaits your leave."
"No!" Gabrielle cried, pulling on her arm again. "Xena, don’t!"
"Quiet!" Xena bellowed at her before turning to the man. "Feed them, and treat them with respect," she ordered. "I will decide their fate tomorrow. Dismissed."
"As you wish, majesty. A bath has been prepared, and the kitchen is ready to serve you whenever."
"Go. Now," Xena said, her eyes closed, and her voice measured with strained control.
The soldier saluted and walked off. Gabrielle waited until he was far enough away before she twisted her arm again, trying for anyway to free herself, but Xena only pulled her closer again.
"Listen to me, Gabrielle."
Gabrielle refused to look up into the eyes that held only betrayal and pain.
"Gabrielle, please," Xena pleaded.
"I hate you," Gabrielle said with as much conviction as she could muster. "I hate you with my entire being." She looked away, just catching sight of Ephiny’s body being carried into a tent. "I want to go to Ephiny."
"No," Xena said simply. "You’ll come with me."
"Damn you!" Gabrielle cried. "I have to go to her. What if ..."
The warlord spun her around, and roughly grabbed her chin. "Listen closely," she said quietly. "There is no ‘what if.’ Ephiny will most likely die." She released her face and looked away. "There was black blood coming from her wound ... which means the arrow pierced her liver. There’s nothing we can do for her. I’m sorry."
"You’re sorry!" Gabrielle sank to her knees, the weight of the news crushing. "It’s my fault. I trusted you." She looked up. "You made me believe ..."
"This isn’t the place to discuss this," Xena said, giving her arm a tug. "Come with me to my tent."
"No! I don’t care what you do with me, but I have to be with Ephiny."
Xena blinked slowly, and the hold on her wrist loosened. Gabrielle snatched it away quickly, rubbing at the red marks left by the warlord’s fingers. Xena walked a short distance from her before turning back.
"Come," she said, but Gabrielle didn’t move. "Come, Gabrielle. If you want to see her, then come now."
She got to her feet and walked behind the warlord to the tent Ephiny had been carried into, and with every step she silently prayed for Ephiny, knowing somehow that Xena had told her the truth. However, thinking of Ephiny dead wasn’t something she could accept.
The tent was lit with several oil torches, and the brightness hurt her eyes. She could see Ephiny stretched out on a small cot, and a soldier held a large compress against her wound. He started to stand as Xena entered the tent, but the warlord waved him down.
"Keep up the pressure," she said, placing her hand on Gabrielle’s back and pushing her further into the tent.
Gabrielle fought the movement, and succeeded in getting Xena to stop. The feeling of death that hung in the room made it almost impossible for her to enter, and looking at her friend laying there was too much for her to bear. It hurt so much knowing that it was her own need to trust in the inner goodness of someone who truly had no soul had made her blind to her friend’s many warnings. Xena had lied and betrayed her, and Ephiny was paying the price for Gabrielle’s ignorance.
"It wasn’t your fault, Gabrielle," Xena whispered from behind her. "There was nothing either of us could have done to stop it."
"How can you say that? It was your man who ..."
A hand settled softly on her shoulder. "I did not order that. I ... things changed, and I had no way ... I didn’t want this. Believe me, please."
"I can’t this time, Xena. My trust got my friend shot."
"But what about all the things you feel? What about us knowing each other? I wasn’t making it up, Gabrielle."
"How can you ask me to believe that now? Believe in you when we are standing in a tent owned by Xena, the Conqueror ... and you’re about to destroy the Amazons ... my friends ... my family." She closed her eyes. "And you are ... the person I once hated. Ephiny is here because of you! And I can never forget that!"
"Fine," Xena hissed in her ear. "Then go be with her. You made your choice, and you’re also making mine." Gabrielle waited for more, not sure of the implications ... but instead she heard Xena turn and leave the tent.
"Oh please help me," she prayed, and with a trembling step she approached Ephiny.
There was no life in that face she’d come to count on so much. Her eyes fixed on the soldier who held the bandage against the Amazon’s wound.
"Here, let me," she said, kneeling down and pushing the man’s hands aside. "Is there anything else we can do for her?"
"Just keep the pressure up, but doubt it’ll do good. Seen many a strong man go down with a gut wound." The man shrugged. "But it can be quick ... which is good, I guess. But, don’t hope none. She’s a goner for sure."
"Don’t say that! You don’t know her!" Gabrielle cried more for her benefit than the soldier’s. "She’s one of the strongest women I know. She’s my friend," she said, feeling the tears rising in her throat. "Leave me alone with her," she asked the man. "Please."
He nodded, and handed her another clean bandage, briefly touching her hand. "It’ll be okay. Let her pass over."
"No! --- Wake her up. I have to talk with her."
The soldier took a deep breath, but he shook his head while reaching for a small clay jar on the medicine table. "Here," he said. "After I leave wave this under her nose. If she’s not already gone, then this should wake her."
Gabrielle took the small jar and removed the lid, bringing it to her own nose. She pushed it away the smell was so overwhelming, and when she looked up the man was gone. Picking up one of Ephiny’s hands she leaned over and passed the jar under her friend’s nose. Ephiny’s body jerked, and her eyes slowly opened. Gabrielle found herself smiling into those hazel eyes which always softened for her.
"Hi," she said, giving the Amazon’s hand a squeeze.
"I can’t feel anything, Gabrielle. Wh ..."
"Ssshhh. You were shot and ..." She felt a tear roll down her cheek.
"It’s not good, is it?" Ephiny asked. "I was shot in the stomach, right?"
Gabrielle nodded.
"I was shot by Xena’s guard, and we’re with her now."
"I’m so sorry, Eph. I should have listened to you. She never cared for me. It was all part of some plan, and now I’ve ... I’m so sorry, Ephiny. Forgive me."
Ephiny’s hand pounded the cot, and she shook her head violently. "I knew it! Damn, but I knew it."
"I’m ... it’s my fault."
"Partly," Ephiny said, her eyes closing and her face tightening in pain. "But mostly it’s mine." Her eyes opened, and Gabrielle could see the sparkle growing dimmer. "I should have let you kill her ... I should have helped you."
"I couldn’t have done it ... and you know that," Gabrielle whispered, wiping roughly at her tear filled eyes.
"Then I should have!" the Amazon cried with more strength than Gabrielle thought she had left. "I knew something wasn’t right the minute I heard she’d surrendered! It didn’t make sense ... but I allowed you and Terreis and everything to drag me along. And now ... now I’ve destroyed the Amazon nation." Her head turned away in disgust, and Gabrielle touched her friend’s hair. "I let everyone down, Gabrielle," she whispered.
"Stop thinking that!" Gabrielle cried. "Everything will be okay." For the life of her she knew it wasn’t true, but it sounded like the right thing to say.
"It hurts," the Amazon whispered, and looking down Gabrielle saw that the dark blood had already soaked through the fresh bandage. "And I’m cold."
"Ssshhh. It’ll be fine. Everything will be ... Ephiny, I’m so sorry. I should’ve listened to you. She never cared for me ... it was all a lie ... it’s all my fault. Everything."
Ephiny’s hazel eyes focused on her. "Don’t you blame yourself. Understand? You are the best person I know, Gabrielle, and if you blame yourself for what happened to me ... Just don’t. It was rotten luck, and my own stupidity." She drew in a labored breath, and her eyes fluttered slightly. "I don’t have much time, so I’d better say some stuff."
"You’ll get better," Gabrielle cried, knowing her friend was slipping away. "You have to. Please! Don’t let her win!"
"Which brings me to my first request. You have to choose, Gabrielle, and I have to know. Where does your loyalty lie ... with your people ... the Amazons, who took you in and gave you a life ... or with Xena, who ... well, I think you know how I feel about her. But I have to know now ... who do you believe in?"
Gabrielle buried her face in her hands, to torn and ashamed to even look at her friend.
"I understand," Ephiny whispered. "So, here is my request ... my dying request." Her head lifted, and she looked around. "I need a witness," she said, trying to pull herself up. "Get me a witness! An Amazon if possible."
"Will I do?" a voice said from the doorway, and Gabrielle turned to see Xena stride into the tent.
Gone was the dirty linen shift and dark boots. Entering the tent was Xena, the Conqueror in all her splendor. A knee length royal blue tunic shifted against her muscular thighs, and solid gold chain mail adorned her chest, the metal sparkling in the light, and outlining her powerful frame. Gold bracers accentuated her well toned forearms, and a gold tie held her still damp hair off her face. She walked with a confidence that trampled on Gabrielle’s heart with each step.
"Say what you need, Ephiny," Xena said, standing opposite Gabrielle by the cot. "I will sweat to it, if necessary."
"Sorry, Xena, but I don’t think you are worthy of my trust."
"Or mine," Gabrielle whispered, unable to look up. "You’re not worthy of anything."
"How proud you must be," Ephiny said, fighting to keep the pain from her face. "Are you going to slaughter us all or sell us into slavery?"
"I’m not proud," Xena whispered, and Gabrielle could feel the blue eyes on her. "I’m not proud of anything I’ve done," she repeated.
"If I had the strength I’d clap," Ephiny spit out. "Quite an act you play, and even now you don’t know when to quit." She looked at Gabrielle. "I need an Amazon ... quickly, please. I don’t have much ..."
"Xena ..." Gabrielle pleaded, looking up into her face for the first time, cringing when she felt the now familiar jolt seize her.
"Guard!" Xena yelled, and a soldier entered the tent. "Bring the tall Amazon to me," she looked down at Ephiny. "Do you need paper and a scribe?" she asked.
"I can write," Gabrielle announced, taking Ephiny’s hand and holding it tightly.
"Bring paper, and the Amazon ... immediately," she ordered, and the man disappeared.
An uneasy silence settled over the room, and the only sound the broke it was Ephiny’s rough breathing. Every few seconds the Amazon would moan in pain, and Gabrielle would squeeze her hand. Without her permission her eyes sought out Xena, and she found herself captured once again in the blue eyes that ate right through all her defenses. Ephiny squeezed her hand, and looking down she found the Amazon watching her with disappointment and pain.
"You will have to choose," she whispered, and Gabrielle barely heard the words.
"Princess ... Oh Artemis ... what have they done to you?" Telani said, falling next to Ephiny.
Ephiny looked at the Amazon, but Gabrielle could see that the fight had gone from her friend’s eye.
"Xena ... even though we are enemies, I ask you to grant my dying request. Will you?"
The Conqueror looked away for a second, and then nodded. "You have my word."
"Gabrielle, write down what I say. I need to sign it, and Telani needs to witness it. Then you both must take it to the village ... Xena, you will let them leave?"
"Your scroll and witness will have an escort ... of honor," she added.
"Telani, you are my witness ... swear you will tell truthfully all that you’ve heard here."
"Ephiny," Gabrielle interrupted. "I know what you are going to do. I don’t want it. I’m not right for it, and you’ll get ..."
"Don’t argue with me ... I’m too tired. You know I have to do this, and even under different circumstances I would still give it to you. You were my choice, and Terreis knows this. There will be no challenge."
"But I don’t know ..."
"Then you have to decide."
Gabrielle nodded slowly, and looking up she accepted a brand new scroll and ink pot from Xena. The warlord’s eyes were soft and sad when she looked at Gabrielle, but the younger woman quickly looked away.
"Go ahead," she said to Ephiny "I’m ready."
"Write this down. ‘I, Ephiny, heir to the throne of Terreis, do hereby invest upon the Amazon know as Gabrielle, the Royal Rite of Caste. From the moment of my death she will be heir to the throne, until such time as she willingly renounces her right, or is proven unworthy to hold it. None shall challenge my last wish as a princess of the Amazons.’" Ephiny closed her eyes. "There, now, let me sign it."
Gabrielle held the scroll up, and put the quill in her friend’s hand. Ephiny fought to focus on the paper as she scribbled her name across the bottom. She held the quill, and Telani took it. She signed her name directly under Ephiny’s. Xena nodded, and the guard grabbed Telani’s arm and escorted her from the tent.
"Told you to be careful or I’d give you the rite," Ephiny joked, her head lolling weakly, and Gabrielle smiled, unable to find her voice.
"I never meant for this to happen," Xena said, her eyes clear and focused on the dying Amazon.
"Whether like this or in battle ... you would have killed me, Conqueror," Ephiny rasped, her breath coming in short shallow draws. "She believed in you," she said, her eyes turning towards Gabrielle. "But guess that doesn’t mean anything to someone like you."
Gabrielle felt a lump rise in her throat as she watched the life ebb away from her friend. She held Ephiny’s hand, and smoothed her hair. "I love you, Ephiny," she whispered. "You’re my friend, and I’ll never forget ... never ..." Her voice trailed off as she felt her friend’s hand go slack.
"She’s gone." Xena’s came around beside her, and settled her hand on Gabrielle’s shoulder, but the younger woman shrugged it off.
"She is not!" She traced her palm down the Amazon’s face. "She can’t be!"
"Come," Xena said, trying to lift her. "Let her pass to the other side. She was a brave and proud woman. I admired her."
"You did not! Everything you say is a lie!" Gabrielle cried. "You were only using me ... Nothing you said was true. All you wanted was to hunt us ... hunt the Amazons!"
"Gabrielle ..."
"I hate you! You betrayed me. I believe in you, Xena." She stood up, her hand running down Ephiny’s hair one last time before she turned to face the Conqueror. "How you must be laughing at me. I guess I was part of your plan all along?"
"Listen to me." Xena’s hand touched her cheek.
"Don’t touch me," Gabrielle said, striking at the hand. "Don’t ever touch me again!" She pushed past Xena and sprinted out of the tent and into the damp night. She didn’t know where she was going, only that she needed to be away from Xena, and away from her friend’s lifeless body. Running was the only thing that seemed right, and the farther she got the less she’d have to think about everything.
As it turned out she didn’t get far, as a tall burly man grabbed her around the waist, lifting her effortlessly over his shoulder. Gabrielle slapped and slugged at the man, but his goliath size made her struggles useless, and her spirit was just too crippled to fight much anyway. He carried her back into the camp, and right into Xena’s tent.
--- XII ---
"Put her down," Xena ordered, and the man dumped her unceremoniously on a cushioned divan. "Go." Xena waved the man out.
Gabrielle pulled herself into a sitting position, but kept her eyes firmly rooted on the floor, refusing to acknowledge Xena’s presence. She heard Xena moving around the tent, and a gold cup was pushed under her nose.
"It’s wine. Drink."
She raised her hand and slapped the cup away, the wine spilling all over her as the cup flew from Xena’s hand. The sweet liquid dripped from her face, but Gabrielle didn’t allow herself to wipe at it. She wouldn’t give Xena the pleasure of seeing that.
"That went well," Xena commented, tossing a towel into her lap.
"Shut up!" Gabrielle said, lifting the towel to her face. "I don’t want to talk to you. I won’t."
"Okay, Princess," she said, and Gabrielle’s head shot up at being addressed with her new title, her eyes accusing Xena with every ounce of her strength. "Don’t give me that look, Gabrielle," Xena said, turning away. "If I could have saved her I would have."
"She’s dead because of you! My friend is dead because of you."
Xena knelt down in front of her, and covered Gabrielle’s hand with her own. The touch was so warm, but Gabrielle wasn’t going to fall for that again. She pulled her hand away. "I’m sorry," Xena said with a shake of her head. "It wasn’t supposed to be this way."
"What way was it supposed to be?" she sparred. "Would it have been any better if Ephiny was lying dead on some battle field? Would that have been okay? What if I was the one who’d been shot? Or maybe my death comes soon."
Xena fell back against her heels, and laid her hands on her thighs. Gabrielle stared at her, the look of guilt riding on the warlord’s face hitting her hard in the pit of the stomach, but she steeled herself to ignore it.
"Well, congratulations, Conqueror. Seems you really are going to rule the world."
"Did I know you were going to be there?" Xena cried. "Did I, Gabrielle?"
"With your spy network ... probably." She stood up. "But that was probably all a lie, too."
"Sit down!" she commanded. "You’re in my world now, Gabrielle ... and I won’t tolerate ..." Xena looked away. "Go," she said. "Just leave me. It’s what you want."
"Was it a lie?" Gabrielle asked quietly, barely stopping herself from touching Xena’s bent head.
"What part?" she asked, with a wry smile. "Yes, my surrender was part of a plan. I’ve tried for years to defeat the Amazons, but they disappear before I can attack. We stumbled across the outpost, and ... well, you know the rest." She held her hands up. "It was a good plan, and it gave me something to do."
"Then I should feel honored that I was a worthy distraction for the Conqueror. How else may I serve you, Majesty," Gabrielle said with a bow.
Xena’s eyes flashed quickly, but she lifted her hand in resignation. "It wasn’t like that. I was bored running everything, and ... And I never could shake you. I thought this would help."
"Then I fell so perfectly into your lap ... or your arms," Gabrielle said, bile rising in her throat. "If I’d known I would’ve dressed more seductively."
"Stop it! Don’t mock me!"
"Everything you’ve said mocks me!" she yelled. "I’ve known nothing but pain since meeting you!" Gabrielle walked over to a large table and hefted Xena’s massive sword. "Here’s your sword," she thrust the blade at the warlord. "Kill me! End it like you should’ve done a year ago."
Xena didn’t say anything, and they just stared at each other, Gabrielle’s chest rising and falling with growing anger. She spun around and dropped the sword onto the table, her head bent.
"Gabrielle ..." Xena said, her voice cracking slightly, but Gabrielle refused to hear it.
"And me ... what about me?" she asked, almost wanting to hear that she’d been a lie, too.
"I never stopped thinking about you." Xena began. "What I told you about that day was true, and seeing you in the Amazon village ... I never expected it. Why would I have? Last time I saw you, I left you broken and crying in that backwater village half a world away."
"People change, Conqueror."
"Please stop calling me that. I can barely stand hearing it from my men. I can’t stand it from you."
"It’s who you are. Xena, the Conqueror. Xena, the Destroyer. Xena, the Scourge. You make tragic diseases seem refreshing."
"It’s all true. I’m worse than that, and you know it," she said quietly. "At one point I was only defending my village. Trying to make it safe for everyone the only way I could."
"How charming," Gabrielle sniped. "Good girl gone bad. Isn’t that an overdone story?"
"It was almost your story, wasn’t it?"
Gabrielle slammed her fist against the table. "Don’t you ever compare me to you! I would never ... I could never do the things you do. You make people suffer because you enjoy it!"
Xena climbed to her feet, and Gabrielle spun around to keep her back to the warlord. "Is that what you think?" she demanded.
"Yes!" Gabrielle cried, her eyes locking on a small, but sharp knife near her right hand. "What else am I to think?" she said, pulling the knife to her.
"I’ve never enjoyed it, Gabrielle. Never. It just became something I do."
"Oh, shut up! You lie before the truth even hits your brain, don’t you?" She squeezed the knife into her palm. "I saw you, Xena ... I saw you behead that man. You enjoyed it. It was in your eyes."
"I did that for you," Xena said, stepping up behind her. "He almost killed you."
"You almost did, too," Gabrielle whispered, feeling the heat from the Conqueror’s body. "But you’re still alive."
"Only when I’m around you," Xena said, laying a hand on Gabrielle’s shoulder.
"No, you’re not," Gabrielle said, spinning around and driving the dagger into Xena’s stomach.
The Conqueror staggered back, her eyes wide in shock, and Gabrielle felt her breath catch in her throat. The knife was still clenched in her hand, and looking down she saw that the blade was still clean. Slowly her hand opened, and the knife fell to the floor with a clank. Fear spread rapidly, and her hand began shaking. Her head lifted slowly.
"You stabbed me!" Xena cried, anger and disbelief washing across the warlord’s face.
Gabrielle shifted her gaze, trying to find anywhere to look but at Xena. She could feel the tension increase in the room, and she expected the warlord to retaliate. Holding her breath she waited for the attack, only praying it would be quick and painless. Instead a garment was dropped at her feet, and Gabrielle looked down to see the chain mail.
"Xena ..."
"Next time you try and kill, do it right," Xena said simply. "Guards!" she yelled, and two cloaked men rushed into the tent. "Take her away," she announced, pointing at her. "And secure her with the horses. I think that’s fitting."
The men saluted, and their rough hands grabbed her. "C’mon," one ordered, pulling her out of the tent, and Gabrielle leaned her head back, her eyes connecting with Xena’s for what she knew would probably be the last time.
--- XIII ---
Gabrielle was chained in the makeshift stable, but unlike the cell given to the Conqueror, she had to put up with the acidic smell of horse urine that seemed to permeate from everywhere. Her wrist restraints weren’t long enough to cover her nose, and for the first thirty minutes she gagged with almost every breath. After that her tears and sobs helped mask the smell, or maybe it was that she no longer cared.
A small plate of fatty meat and crusty bread was brought to her, and the guard snickered as he put it near her feet. Gabrielle stared at him and he shrugged. "That’ll teach you to not put out for the Conqueror," he said, rubbing at his beard.
"It wasn’t like that," she replied, unable to meet his eyes.
"If it wasn’t, then likely she’ll kill you quickly. If not ..." He laughed and left her alone.
Gabrielle shook her head, suddenly aware that death was probably what Xena had planned for her now. Somehow she knew the Conqueror wouldn’t forgive her for trying to kill her. The Xena that she’d always known would make sure that she suffered. The Xena that she thought she knew ... the one who cared for her ... well, that Xena really didn’t exist.
The food was unappetizing, and she couldn’t bring herself to even look at it, let alone taste it. So she stared into the consuming darkness. She could hear her equine cell mates moving around her, and she welcomed their presence. As long as she could hear them she wasn’t really alone, or so she told herself.
At least the stable was quiet, and in a way she was glad that she wasn’t being held with the other Amazons. She knew it was Xena’s way of returning the compliment of her own confinement in the Amazon jail, and she somehow sensed that Xena now saw her as nothing but an Amazon.
The Amazons. The thought alone tore at her heart until she felt the tears rolling down her face again. Her sisters and friends were going to die ... All because Xena needed to win. That’s what it came down to, Xena’s unquenchable desire to own it all. Gabrielle saw that now, and whatever feelings she may have were now overshadowed by the persona that was the Conqueror.
"Well, I made my choice, Ephiny," she whispered, her fingers tearing at a stalk of hay. "Could it have been any different?"
The stable grew very cold, and Gabrielle resigned herself to covering her legs with the smelly hay. It was that or freeze. The darkness was no longer comforting, and she leaned her head back against the wall and closed her eyes. She tried to imagine what Xena was planning for her, and no matter what gruesome images of executions she could conjure up, she couldn’t give herself a will to live any longer. An exhaustion consumed her, and she gave into it, knowing it would probably be her last sleep.
Her dreams were chaotic, and over and over again she saw Ephiny fall from the arrow, but each time the crossbow changed hands until she was holding it, and instead of Ephiny, it was Xena who was shot and dying. Her heart began pounding, as she dropped the weapon, and she didn’t know whether to run towards the Amazons who were calling her, or to Xena who did nothing but beckon her with her eyes. She stood there frozen and confused. And finally Xena whispered something, and she awoke with a start.
Her rapid breathing broke the silence of the night. Feeling a surge of anger and resentment she pulled at her bonds, trying to force them from the wall. A tortured cry escaped her throat, and she collapsed back against the wall in exhaustion.
Silence settled over the stable again, and Gabrielle suddenly realized she wasn’t alone in the darkness. There was someone there, watching her ... she could feel it.
"If you’re there to hurt me, then go ahead," she said with resignation. "I don’t think I can feel any worse."
Only silence answered her.
"Fine, just sit there. I’ve only got a few hours to live anyway, so you can be my company."
Again there was only silence.
Gabrielle shrugged. "I’m good at talking, so I guess I’ll just do it," she said, rubbing her cold arms. "A week ago I had no idea know upside down my world would be tonight. My best friend is dead ... and I’m so confused I can’t see straight. I want to quit feeling things for her, but I’m not very good at that, it seems." She laughed ruefully. "I can’t believe I tried to stab her. Zeus, how stupid I am. --- But the funny thing is that I’m glad I didn’t hurt her. That’s weird, huh?" she asked the silent form that she was just able to pick out. There was something hauntingly familiar about it, and she swallowed hard before continuing.
"I don’t know why I did it," she said, somehow knowing it was Xena sitting there. "I wanted you to know how I felt, and I didn’t know how to say it. Not that it helps my situation, right?"
The dark form only tilted her head, and Gabrielle closed her eyes.
"Please talk to me, Xena," she begged.
"And what should I say?" Xena answered.
Gabrielle shook her head. "I have no idea."
She heard Xena stand, and in an instant a torch sprang to life near the door, and the stable was bathed in an eerie shadow. The warlord returned and leaned against the post casually. Her dark hair was a mess, and her face looked tired and strained in the dim light. Gabrielle raised her eyes for only a second, and then lowered them in shame.
"What are you going to do with me?" she whispered.
In her answer, a set of iron keys were tossed into Gabrielle’s lap. "For the shackles," the warlord said. "There is a horse outside, Princess. Go back to your precious Amazons." With that said, Xena turned to leave, her hand pressed firmly against the stall support.
"Why?" Gabrielle asked.
"That seems to be a very common question from you," Xena shot back, her head slumping. "No more questions, Gabrielle. Just leave before I change my mind."
Gabrielle opened her mouth to speak, but instead lifted the keys and undid her locks. The iron manacles fell to the floor, and Gabrielle climbed to her feet. The Conqueror still hadn’t moved, and the younger woman found herself lifting her hand to touch the strong back, but instead let it fall to her side, and she slowly walked past.
"I am sorry, Gabrielle," the warlord said as she passed. "For what it’s worth, I never meant to hurt you."
Gabrielle stopped, her back to Xena. "How can I believe you? Why would I want to?"
"More questions! Can’t you just feel for once in your life?"
"For once in my life? All I do is feel, and this time my feelings are beyond hurting just me. We’re not alone in this."
"Then how come the whole world feels like it’s just you and me?" Xena asked, and it took all of Gabrielle’s strength to not turn around.
She closed her eyes, and took a deep breath. "It feels that way, Xena, because you are the whole world, and I’m just something you’re interested in right now."
"That’s not true," Xena said, stepping closer, and Gabrielle’s body tingled.
"It does matter ... and right now you are Xena, the Conqueror, and I’m ..." she took a breath. "I’m nothing to you but a fear." She could feel the heat coming from the warlord’s body, and all it would take to negate her words would be to step back into her arms. But she couldn’t do that anymore. What she felt ... or wanted was no longer a consideration. "We can’t change who we are," she said turning around slowly.
Xena took a deep breath, the exhalation touching her skin. "You’re right," she whispered. "Which is why I want you to go."
The words hit her heart hard, and Gabrielle lifted her hand to cover the ache. Why was it alright for her to say them, but so hard to hear when they were said back? She didn’t know.
"It will be dawn soon," Xena said. "You have to go now. If you stay, then I will have to punish you for what you did."
"You already are," Gabrielle whispered over her shoulder. "You already have."
"Go, Gabrielle. Take the horse and ride away from me. I will have the other Amazons and Ephiny’s body sent back to the village with ..." she stopped speaking for a minute. "With my demands," she finished.
Gabrielle turned around. "You aren’t going ahead with the attack. Not now."
Xena didn’t answer, but instead just shrugged her shoulders in resignation. "I can’t let what happened between us stop what I’ve worked so hard to gain. But I will give the Amazons a chance to negotiate ... because of you."
"Damn you, Xena!" Gabrielle cried. "If that’s what you want, then I will make sure you don’t get any of your demands. I’d rather die than see you satisfied by what you’ve done."
Xena stepped close to her, and Gabrielle could see the anger wash across the warlord’s face. She opened her mouth to speak, but closed it in mute defiance. In the torch light they just stared at each other, each unsure if the pain they felt was love or hatred, but knowing that it was more than either of them had ever felt before. Without a word Gabrielle lowered her eyes, and turned away.
"Good-bye," she whispered, and walked out of the stable, feeling Xena’s eyes on her back. A tall roan horse stood patiently in the predawn light, it’s head hung in broken submission, and for a second Gabrielle knew exactly how it felt. Her eyes wandered to the tent where Ephiny lay, and she bit on her lip for control. Her life would never be the same once she climbed on the horse, and yet it hadn’t been her life since the day she’d met Xena. Her destiny had been altered, her future reshaped, and her heart stolen without her permission. But at that moment she knew that it was her fate to live with the knowledge that love and duty were world’s apart, and there was no way she could forsake herself and her tribe for her love.
She heard Xena exit the stable, but she refused to turn around, and compelled her body to mount the horse. Her hands tightened around the reins, and she nudged the beast forward, her eyes focused on the heavy fog that seemed to hang just at the edge of the forest. Each step the horse took made her feel like her body was being ripped in two, and as she reached the end of the encampment she turned in the saddle. Xena stood watching her, the morning mist obscuring her slightly and making her appear out of focus, but Gabrielle could see her eyes, and for one long second they just looked at each other before she turned away forever.
--- XIV ---
Xena watched her go, trying desperately to ignore the growing ache in her chest, and instead concentrate on the proud posture of the Amazon. Her world seemed to be falling apart around her, and her whole body was shaking with a fear that she’d never known before.
Even as the fog swallowed Gabrielle’s form, she continued to look at the last spot she’d been, afraid if she looked away all her memories and feelings would disappear. A boot crunched nearby, and Xena spun on the sound with a fury, her hand grasping the throat of a young soldier.
"You!" she ordered, pushing the boy to the ground. "Get my horse! Now!" she bellowed, the young soldier scrambling to his feet and running to do his leader’s bidding.
The Conqueror turned back around, her eyes tight on the forest, but only seeing Gabrielle’s face in the shifting fog. Closing her eyes, she took a deep breath and turned her back. Her footsteps were slow and heavy as she made her way to her tent, and as she lifted the flap she took one last look at the forest.
She could hear her horse being held outside, but the Conqueror just sat in her camp chair, her hands white knuckled, and her face resigned and impassive. Duty and honor kept her sitting, but love kept her alone.
---- The End ---
© March 1999, Pallas.