ACT TWO

FADE IN:

INT. XENA AND GABRIELLE'S ROOM – ULYSSES’ CASTLE - AFTERNOON

Xena and Gabrielle are in the extravagant room Ulysses has brought them to in the castle. There is a large, four-poster bed in the center, and a lot of suspiciously poofy looking cushions around. The walls are covered in drapery, and there is a bowl of fresh flowers on the table.

XENA

Not bad. Once I convinced him we
didn't need separate rooms.

GABRIELLE

(chuckling)

Still clueless after all these years.

(beat)

Still grabbing at you after
all these years too, I see.

Xena sprawls on the bed on her side, propping her head on one hand. She smiles.

XENA

Still a little jealous after all these
years, Gabrielle? C'mon.
He could be my father now.

Gabrielle sits down on a ridiculously overstuffed chair. She has, again, a thoughtful look on her face. Her eyes take on a far off expression.

GABRIELLE

Yeah, well. Maybe that memory
still stings a little, even now. 

(pausing)

It sure did then.

Xena sits up. She looks at Gabrielle uncertainly, and then she gets up off the bed and walks to the window to look out.  They both start speaking at the same time.

XENA

I wasn't really....

GABRIELLE

You know I'd thought things were going
along pretty good between us then, and....

They both stop.

XENA

I was scared.

Gabrielle just looks at her in silence.

XENA

(Cont’d)

I knew my feelings about you were
changing, and I wanted to... I didn't
want it to be just some physical thing.

Gabrielle closes her eyes, a pained expression on her face.

XENA

(Cont’d)

So I thought if I... anyway, it was stupid.

They are both quiet for a few moments.

GABRIELLE

(quietly)

You almost broke my heart that night.

Xena slowly turns to face her. She walks over and kneels down by the chair, and they look into each other's eyes.

XENA

I'm sorry I did it.

Gabrielle reaches up and lays her hand on Xena's cheek.

GABRIELLE

So was I. But you know, when you started
talking to him about soulmates, something
inside me told me you weren't talking about
the two of you, so I just held on to that.

XENA

(wistfully)

I wasn't and when I said that, I knew.

GABRIELLE

About us?

Xena nods. Gabrielle leans forward and they kiss. When they part, they both smile at each other. 

XENA

Glad we got that out.

GABRIELLE

Me too.

(pausing)

But if he touches you again, I’m
going to shove a sai up his butt.

They both chuckle.

XENA

Let's go party.

Xena gets up and brushes herself off.

GABRIELLE

You're not going to wear that, are you?

Xena looks down at herself.

XENA

This or what I wear under it.
Not a lot of choice, since it's all I've got.

Gabrielle gets up and goes to her bag.

GABRIELLE

I’m sure I've got something else you
can wear in here, Xena... it's a party!

Xena rolls her eyes, and watches in amusement as Gabrielle starts to pull things out of the bag. There is a knock at the door, and she goes to answer it.

Xena opens the door to find a valet, holding two gowns.

VALET

My master sent these.  He thought
you might like to wear them.

Xena accepts the gowns.

XENA

Thanks. Nice timing.

Xena closes the door. Gabrielle pauses in her digging to look.

GABRIELLE

That was thoughtful.

Xena selects the longer of the two gowns and holds it up to her body. The neckline plunges approximately down to her belly button.

XENA

Very.

Gabrielle's eyes narrow.

GABRIELLE

He's toast.

CUT TO:

INT. ULYSSES’ BANQUET HALL - NIGHT

The banquet hall is a huge room. It has high ceilings, and many tables full of people. On one side of the room, a group of musicians are playing.

Xena and Gabrielle enter. They are dressed in their borrowed gowns. Ulysses spots them and hurries over.

ULYSSES

Xena! Great.
I saved a seat for you, right next to me.
C'mon.

Xena evades his outstretched hand.

XENA

Thanks, but no thanks. I've got a partner already.
We'll find a seat. G'wan back to your guests.

Confused, Ulysses looks at Xena, then looks around, obviously trying to figure out who she's talking about. Finally, his eyes fall on Gabrielle, who is giving him a look that would have easily curdled goat’s milk into cheese if he'd had a glass of it in his hand.

ULYSSES

Oh! Ah, I didn't mean....

Xena swats him on the back and points to the high table. Chastened, a little like a spanked puppy, Ulysses retreats.

GABRIELLE

Think he got the hint?

XENA

Probably not. C'mon.

Xena and Gabrielle stroll after Ulysses, and find themselves a seat next to the tall prince from Keffalonia, and a pretty, dark haired girl dressed in a modest, though pretty gown. 

GIRL

Hello. I'm Shana. You must be Xena.

XENA

How'd you guess?

The sarcasm goes over the girl's head.

SHANA

Oh, my father's spoken of you many times.
This is my betrothed, Prince Kelvin.

The prince is looking at them curiously.

KELVIN

Nice to meet you... Um... Xena, is it?

XENA

That's right. This is my partner, Gabrielle.

Both the prince and Shana look at Gabrielle.

GABRIELLE

Hi.

A server comes by and offers them a tray of tidbits. They all take some.

XENA

Thanks.

The prince turns to Xena.

KELVIN

So... what line of work are you two in?

Xena and Gabrielle, caught in mid bite, exchange looks. Gabrielle swallows hastily.

GABRIELLE

We do a lot of... ah... free-lance work.

KELVIN

Oh? Really? What kind?

XENA

I'd tell you, but then I'd have to kill you.

That shuts the prince up. There is an awkward silence.

GABRIELLE

(under her breath)

So. How about those Spartans?

CUT TO:

INT. ULYSSES’ BANQUET HALL - MUCH LATER THAT NIGHT

The musicians have gone from playing stately pavanes to bawdy drinking songs. In the corner, some of the guests are singing along.  Some of the guests have serving wenches in their laps. Some of the guests are in the laps of serving wenches.

At the high table, Ulysses and his friends are sitting around telling tall tales. The crowd listens and applauds. Kelvin and Shana have moved closer, wanting to hear the stories.

Xena and Gabrielle sit and listen.

GABRIELLE

I don't remember it happening
like that, do you?

XENA

No, but let him have his fun.

They watch as Kelvin and Shana hold hands.

GABRIELLE

I feel better about them now.
I think they really like each other.

Xena slaps Gabrielle's shoulder lightly.

XENA

Yeah, see? Everything turned
out fine for a change.

GABRIELLE

Nice, isn't it?

Ulysses stands up, very unsteadily. He starts to pantomime drawing a large bow.  One of the watching, very drunk men stands up.

DRUNK MAN

Betcha can't do that now, ya old goat!

Gabrielle leans over to Xena.

GABRIELLE

He couldn't do it then, either.

Xena smirks.

ULYSSES

To Hades with ya! I can! I'll prove it!
Baltaroth, bring me my bow!

GABRIELLE

What is it with guys and their weapons?

Xena starts chuckling.

GABRIELLE

(Cont’d)

I mean it. First thing they do to prove
a point is whip it out, and wave it around.

Xena laughs harder.

GABRIELLE

(Cont’d)

What?

BALTAROTH

But sir!

ULYSSES

Baltaroth! Do as yours told! Get me bow!
I'll pull it back, and let ‘er fly!

Xena continues to laugh.

GABRIELLE

I didn't think it was *that* funny.

CUT TO:

INT. ULYSSES’ BANQUET HALL - SHORT TIME LATER

Baltaroth enters, carrying the famous bow. He carries it over to Ulysses, holding it carefully in both hands.

BALTAROTH

Here, sir, but....

Ulysses takes the bow and strokes it lovingly. Then he sets about stringing it. But due to the wine, the time, and the fading of his youthful vigor, he can't quite do it.

XENA

Been here, done this.

Xena gets up and starts to cross over to him. Gabrielle, however, reaches after her and snags her by the back of the gown. Gabrielle holds on, only barely keeping her seat by grabbing the chair arm.  Xena turns and looks at her.

GABRIELLE

Ah ah ah. Get back here.

XENA

Gabrielle!

Gabrielle hauls her back. Xena humors her and returns to her seat. Gabrielle hops up and goes to Ulysses side. He is still struggling with the bow.

GABRIELLE

Hi.

Ulysses looks at her.

ULYSSES

Ah... Gabrielle.  Be just a minute, here.

Gabrielle reaches up and grasps the top of the bow, then neatly braces her foot against the bottom and draws the bow forward, slipping the string on for him.

GABRIELLE

There ya go.

Ulysses gapes at her, then recovers.

ULYSSES

Oh! Ah, thanks Gabrielle!
You're a real trooper!

Gabrielle smiles, and waggles her fingers at Ulysses, then she turns and waltzes back over to Xena and taking her seat again.  She lets out a little, contented sigh.

XENA

Happy?

GABRIELLE

Very.

Ulysses takes an arrow and nocks it, then he lifts the bow and with a mighty heave, pulls the string back. The effort unbalances him, however, and he stumbles, inadvertently releasing the arrow. The powerful bow lets loose, and the arrow speeds true through the air, ripping right through the newly mounted painting of Penelope in its place of pride above the mantel.

Everyone stares in shock. The arrow has pierced the painting right between Penelope's eyes.

ULYSSES

Ah....  Ah....  Ah....

Slowly, the painting comes away from the wall, and tumbles forward, landing with a crash as the fabric is pierced by the dozen fireplace tools it fell on.

There is absolute silence. Even Xena and Gabrielle are staring at the painting with their mouths open.

KELVIN

Uh....

Everyone looks at Kelvin.

KELVIN

(Cont’d)

You... uh...  don't have two of those, do you?

Ulysses falls back into his chair with a crash, and we....

FADE OUT.