The truth has been requested, and the truth you shall receive!
Disclaimer: I wrote this story because I was bored, and someone asked
for the truth about whether Xena was pregnant. Sorry if you're offended.
This story is meant to be humorous. Sorry if it is isn't. This story is
meant to be about love. Sorry if I missed. This story hints that there
are different kinds of families. No apology for that.
Scene: Gabrielle and Xena are walking down a dusty trail leading Argo. No, wait, the trail is muddy. And Xena is riding while Gabrielle walks beside. In the mud. Or maybe they're on a path through the deep, dark woods. Both riding. Xena ducking low branches. Or they're on a beautiful beach, the Aegean Sea, which is the clear blue of Xena's eyes in the background. . . .Just picture it, okay? Do I have to do ALL the work? (Gee. Bored AND grumpy.)
Gabrielle (concerned): Xena, if you're feeling sick and need to stop, just say so.
Gabrielle: I mean, a lot of women during the first three months. . . .
Gabrielle: Well, you know, they get sick in the morning.
Gabrielle: Of course, this is your ninth month, and it's almost sunset, but. . . .
Xena (quietly): I'm not sick.
Gabrielle: That's a relief!
Xena: I'm in labor.
End of Scene 1. Cut to commercial and Xena opening scene.
Scene: Night. Beside the campfire. Joxer has materialized from somewhere.
Xena (to Joxer): Go away. You're not in this episode.
Gabrielle (reading from a scroll): Just breathe deeply. Focus on the flames of the campfire. Now, get ready to push.
Xena: I already had the baby.
Gabrielle (surprised): You did? When?
Xena: Remember when I said I was going for firewood?
(Gabrielle nods. Her hair gleams gold and red in the firelight. Or red and gold. Or just gold.)
Xena: Well, that's when I had it. (Holds out a small bundle to Gabrielle.) Here's your daughter.
Gabrielle (takes the bundle and opens it to reveal a tiny face framed by dark hair): Oh, Xena, a little woman warrior. She's beautiful. And she has your eyes.
(The baby cries loudly.)
Xena: And your mouth. But she isn't going to be a warrior, you know.
Those little hands will never hold a sword or throw a chakram.
Gabrielle: Then maybe she'll be a bard!
Gabrielle: What do you want her to be?
Xena (taking the baby and looking down into the tiny face): Whatever SHE wants as long as she's happy.
Gabrielle: Oh, Xenie. . . .
Scene: The hallway of Amphipolis Junior High School. A tall dark-haired girl and a slightly younger blonde girl are taking books from adjacent lockers.
M'lillette (in an adult tone): Meleaga, you need to ignore those kids. If they were your friends, they wouldn't tease you like that.
Meleaga (a little whiny): I know, Sis, but this is my first year in junior high, and I really want to be popular. Those kids keep picking on me because our family is, you know, different.
M'lillette (chuckles): Yeah, OUR family is happy.
Meleaga (trying not to smile): There's that, too, I guess. But that doesn't help me much with the kids.
M'lillette (placing a friendly hand on the smaller girl's shoulder): You know what Mom always says.
Meleaga (puzzled): Which one?
Meleaga: Which Mom?
M'lillette: The tall one.
Meleaga: Oh. Mom always says to act, not react.
M'lillette: And you remember what the short Mom says?
Meleaga: Yeah, she always says that the other Mom says to act, not react.
M'lillette: Well, then. There you have it.
Meleaga: I'm glad I have a big sister like you, M'lillette.
M'lillette (looking with pride on her little sister): Why? Because of these talks we have?
Meleaga: No. Because, if your advice doesn't work, I know you can kick every butt in this junior high.
M'lillette (nods and smiles): Yeah. There is always that.
Scene: Graduation ceremony at the Athens Academy of Performing Bards.
Meleaga (in cap and gown and speaking before the assemblage): . . . .and, most of all, I want to thank my wonderful parents, who always had faith in me, who raised my sister and me with love and good morals, who always encouraged us to take the paths we ourselves chose. My sister chose the path that will lead to her being a doctor. I, along with the rest of this graduating class, am just starting my journey to being a true bard. And in the years to come. . . .
Xena (dark hair streaked with gray, but as beautiful and erect as ever):
Gabrielle, that's our little girl up there, first in her class.
Gabrielle (a little plump, but still looking youthful): She's where I used to want to be.
Xena (looking at Gabby): Do you regret that you never followed your dream?
Gabrielle (smiling): I did follow my dream. Until I walked beside her. .
Fade to blue.