Disclaimers: The characters Xena and Gabrielle are owned by MCA/Universal, and are used here without permission. This is a work of Sapphic fiction. If you are under 18 years of age, you may read this only if a parent is reading it with you.
Special thanks to: Cleanthes, Mardi, Michelle, and Roxann.
Subtext: Also known as lesbian innuendo, subtext can be a scene, an action, a word, a line, a touch, a look, a tone of voice, or an entire episode that implies or shows that Xena and Gabrielle are lovers.
Setting: This story is set in the second season. This story is also set in the second season.
"Yahhh!!" a leather-clad soldier bellows as he charges Gabrielle.
She swings her staff at his face, missing him by a clear meter. The man adopts a pained expression and flips over backwards, hitting the ground hard. Another Dodonian runs forward to take his place, waving his spiked mace in a menacing manner. Gabrielle holds her staff before her in a defensive posture as he swings his weapon. Hooking her staff with his mace, he easily flings it out of her grip. Half of the mace's spikes fall off in the process. Gabrielle collapses to the ground, defeated and helpless before her enemy.
"Cut!" the director calls into his megaphone, swearing under his breath. He rubs the sweat off his forehead. Damned New Zealand humidity. "-Sigh- Everyone take five while the propmaster fixes the spikes on the mace for the third time."
Reneé O'Connor swings her legs over her and athletically flips herself up. She motions for her water bottle as the make-up artist begins inspecting her.
"Excuse me, TJ?" she calls out to the director, waving him over as she takes a sip from her bottle. "I need to talk to you."
Here we go, T.J. Scott thinks, tucking his clipboard under his arm as he walks up to the distractingly sweaty actress. "Yes, Reneé?"
"Can we go over this?" the actress asks, waving her hands as she speaks. "Gabrielle is disarmed, and knocked down on her butt."
"So?"
"So, that's what I did the last season, too!" she steams, as the make-up artist swabs moisture from her belly. "Maybe we could... change it a little?"
"How little?" the director asks warily.
"Well," Reneé explains, "have her get knocked down on her butt, yet able to squirm out of the way of the falling mace at the last instant. How's that?"
"That's fine..." the director trails off, "for Xena. Her sidekick though, is another matter. You can't look better than the star."
"When am I going to be able to help Xena during the fights?"
"Not this episode, I can tell you that." the director disinterestedly notes, taking his copy out to glance at the current scene. "Why don't we stick with this for now, and you can take it up with the writers later, okay?"
"Fine." Reneé sighs, knowing full well such a major rewrite was almost impossible to get this late in the shooting.
"Why the glum face?" Lucy Lawless crisply asks as she walks over, lightly brushing an itch on her chest. Scratching leaves blemishes, she could recall Donny Duncan lecturing her, so she stops.
"It's another Gab-falls-over-and-gets-a-knife-held-to-her-throat scene. I'm sick of them."
Well at least you get to miss now and again." Lucy responds. "I have to look oh-so-perfect every fight scene, or I look stupid."
"Alright everyone. Get into position." the director calls into his megaphone.
"Are you saying I look stupid?" Reneé playfully asks.
"No, just dopey." Lucy smiles at her, straightening up her ornate chestplate for emphasis.
"Thanks." Reneé smiles in defeat, as the extras begin moving in around them. She accepts her staff from the propmaster and gives it a half-hearted spin.
"And... Action!"
"Gabrielle!" Xena yells just as she meets a blow with her sword. Sparks sting her cheek as she watches the bard turn and meet an attack with her staff upraised. Xena turns her focus back on her closest opponent.
"Aaaaaa!" the onrushing soldier yells as he charges Gabrielle, hoping to kill her with one blow. She blocks his attack and spins, sweeping his legs out from under him. "Whoulp!" he bellows.
-Crack!-
Gabrielle's staff-end impacts his jaw, knocking him out. She could see Xena circling, trying to lure the men over to her instead, but two more come her way.
Teeth fly as she swings her staff into one man's face, tumbling him away as his associate takes his place.
No, Gabrielle thinks as her staff is knocked out of her grasp, sending her to the ground. Not again! I hate this! She lifts her head up to look at the soldier before her. One glance at his expression was all that she needed. I wish I wasn't here!
The soldier catches his breath as he watches the girl struggle to get up. Balancing his spiked mace over his shoulder, he grins as he steps towards her.
"Cut!" the director calls again over the megaphone, blinking his eyes. He knew what he had just seen, he just couldn't believe it. Reneé had been lying there on the ground. Then she just faded away, like one of those Flat Earth post-production effects. And then she reappeared again!
"What the-?" he asks himself, pausing to wipe his face. "Uh, it's been a long day, folks. We'll have the second unit finish up, okay Donny? Let's call it a wrap!"
Certain these moments were going to be her last, Gabrielle slowly opens her eyes to look up at the soldier over her. There he stands with his mace held ready. She winces in anticipation of the final blow, but instead-
"Help you up, Miss?" the man says, lowering his mace and offering his other hand.
She looks up at him in surprise. He is smiling pleasantly at her. Maybe it's a trick, she thinks. His accent sounded very unusual, his words had an almost song-like quality to them. Maybe I can play along and free myself when I get the chance, Gabrielle thinks to herself. She smiles back at him as sweetly as she can manage, and takes his hand. He helps her up to her feet.
The man lets go, and starts walking away. The bard looks around in confusion as his fellow soldiers start doffing their helmets and dispersing. Even weirder, men with black boxes over their shoulders begin walking by, trailing black ropes behind them. Strange men and women start milling in around her, wearing equally strange clothes. The area darkens suddenly, and she turns to see rows of glass balls that are set in wide panels. The bulbs had been glowing, she realizes, and were now fading to a dull red.
And strangest of all, a soldier was descending from the air as light as a feather. Then her eyes pick out gossamer threads leading from him to a lever, high in the air. Like one of those Deux Ex Machina the Greek playwrights would use to lift an actor out of the story. I'm... in a play? she thinks confusedly. Then her eyes find the Warrior Princess, who was talking to one of the soldiers.
"So then if you follow through with a wide punch-" Lucy demonstrates, "It looks better for me when I beat ya. Got it?"
"Thanks, Ms. Lawless. I'll remember that." the extra nods and grins at the famous actress. He waves at her foolishly and then turns to walk away.
"Xena, what are you doing?" the confused bard asks, walking up.
"Doing what I do best, Ren." Lucy smiles, handing her sword to the propmaster.
"What did you call me?" Gabrielle asks, her mouth hanging open as she watches the strangely-attired man walk away with Xena's sword.
"Ren. Reneé." Lucy emphasizes, her eyes smiling at her. Then her expression changes. "I must be goin' loopy. I thought I saw you disappear during the last scene."
"I disappeared?"
"A-hum." Lucy laughs. "And then you popped back. Maybe I've got a touch o' the sun."
"I think I'm the one who needs to get out of the sun." Gabrielle admits, putting her hand to her forehead.
"You don't look so good." Lucy notes, her expression changing to concern. "Why don't you come back to my trailer, and I'll fix us some tea, hmmm?"
"What? Oh yes..." Gabrielle says distractedly, looking around as the crew begins cleaning up the set. "Tea sounds good..."
A dazed bard follows the leather-clad woman past a variety of strange people and objects. She watches as two men climb into a metal carriage, and then they close the doors. About to remark that they didn't hitch their wagon up to anything, Gabrielle jumps as it rumbles like a geyser. Then even more surprisingly, the wheels begin spinning on their own, and rip up huge chunks of grass. Then it begins rolling off at a brisk pace.
"Did you see that?" the bard asks, her eyes wide.
"Yeah." Lucy waves as she walks. "I hate it when the crew from the States tears up the turf like that. They don't have to live here, do they? C'mon."
Lucy looks to her partner for the inevitable retort, and is surprised when Reneé doesn't give her one. Well, I can't complain. I've been feeling a bit buggered myself, lately.
Walking around several stacks of crates, Lucy and Gabrielle reach the trailer. Suddenly the door opens up, and a young girl peeks out.
"Hi Mum! Hi Gabby!"
"Luv, you know she doesn't like being called that off the set."
"But we are on the set." Daisy smiles devilishly.
"Don't get cheeky with me, young miss." Lucy chides, looking over to Reneé, only to see puzzlement on her face.
"Who's that?" Gabrielle asks.
"That is my daughter." Lucy says very seriously, turning to grin at her girl. Whatever game Reneé was trying to play, she was up for it.
"Your... daughter?" Gabrielle repeats in shock, staring at the girl. She looks into her eyes, very familiar eyes. The thought no sooner flashes across her mind when the world spins away from her, and she crumples to the ground.
"Gabrielle, look out!!"
Xena's cry distracts the soldier just enough as he swings his mace down, splintering bits of rock into the air.
"Ahh!!" Reneé cries out, as two of the mace's spikes cut deep into her arm.
Reacting purely on instinct, the actress plants her hands firmly on the ground and swings her leg up, delivering a sharp kick to his temple. He falls over in a heap.
Xena watches the strawberry-blonde land a lucky kick on her opponent, disabling him. Knowing the bard is safe for a few moments, she turns her attention back to the dead men advancing on her.
"Son of a bitch!" Reneé swears, rolling over. Getting to her feet, she cradles her injured arm, and looks down at the man on the ground as swordblows clang behind her. "Oh Jesus..."
The man was twitching, and Reneé could see his eyes were open, but looking in different directions. "Oh gosh! I'm so sorry! That was reflex, really!"
A scream sounds off to the side, and Reneé turns to see one of the men go flying from a punch by Lucy, although his 'falling' technique was a bit overdone. "Uh... Cut! Cut here. We need the nurse over here. Nurse! Hello?"
Reneé looks about her in confusion. The set was gone. The cameramen, crew, and director were nowhere to be seen. It was just them and the stuntmen. "Where did everybody go?" she asks quietly.
"Nnnnngh!" the man beneath her bellows, lurching to his feet. Reneé steps back to give him breathing room. Oh geez, I hope he doesn't file a grievance against me.
His eyes wild with terror, the man cradles his head in his hands and scrambles away from her, running into the woods.
"Run away! Run away!" another man yells, and Reneé turns to see the raven-haired woman getting up from the ground, a stuntman laying "dead" beside her.
"Hey Stimpy, what's goin' on?" Reneé asks as she walks over to her.
Xena looks around them, getting her bearings. The Dodonian soldiers had run off. They were safe, for now. Then her eyes fix on her companion.
"Gabrielle, your arm! How could you be so clumsy?" Xena admonishes as she walks over, her concerned expression belying her terse words.
"Sorry Honey, I forgot to duck." Reneé jokes in her best President Reagan impression.
"I don't want excuses." Xena lectures, lifting up her bloody arm. "I want you to do better. But it's my fault I didn't get to you in time."
"No sweat." Reneé shrugs, wondering why the stuntman was still laying on the ground. "Do you know where the set nurse... went..." she trails off, but the other woman wasn't listening.
Still holding her lover's arm, Xena lifts it up to her mouth. Reneé watches in astonishment as she gently licks the blood off of her arm.
"If you promise... never to let this... happen again... I will... make it... up to you... later." Xena says between gentle kisses around her wound. "Is that better?"
Reneé looks at her with wide eyes. She is so stunned at Lucy's intimate gesture that she can only manage a nod. She watches in astonishment as her co-star whips out a scrap of cloth and ties it around her wound.
"That will have to do for now." Xena says in her warrior tone as she turns away. "Right now, we have to get some distance between us and those Dodonians."
Xena starts to walk away, but pauses, and turns back to Reneé. She sniffs in her direction. "What is that? Is that perfume?"
"It's my CK One."
"What?" Xena asks again.
"You know, Calvin Klein."
"Uh, okay. It smells nice, whatever it is." the warrior notes, turning away with a lingering look.
Cradling her now-wet arm, Reneé watches Lucy lean over the fallen stuntman. Her sword was sticking straight out of his neck. It was a real piece of makeup too, she notes, with all the reddened gore carefully applied around the entry point. There was something not right about it, however. She steps forward to get a closer look.
Placing her foot on the corpse's chest, Xena grasps the hilt and gives her sword a hard yank. The sword comes free, trailing gore as it is freed. Curving, foot-long streams of blood pulse out from the man's neck.
A sharp scent fills Reneé's nostrils, and she realizes that it isn't the usual smell of prop paint. It doesn't seem to bother the woman before her, though. Wearing a bored expression, Xena begins wiping her blade off on the man's clothes.
Reneé weighs the scent she is smelling. It was blood. Real blood. The blood covering and pouring out of the man was real. Putting her hand to her mouth in horror, Reneé's knees tremble as she kneels down before him.
"He-He's dead!" the strawberry-blonde stammers.
"Sure looks that way." Xena indifferently responds, inspecting her now-clean blade. She begins whistling an unfamiliar tune.
Reneé looks at her, and then at the corpse again. This cannot be real, she thinks to herself. Suddenly, the corpse unexpectedly breaks wind. A foul scent fills the air, and Reneé realizes that his bowels have just released.
Her cry curdles in her throat.
Xena looks up at her companion to ask her what's wrong, just in time to see her faint dead away.
A horrible scent seems to penetrate right into Gabrielle's brain, and she struggles against herself to wake up to get away from it. Blinking her eyes, she looks up to behold a man holding a small vial under her nose. Above him glares a bright skylight, but there was something... strange about it.
"How do you feel?" he asks, taking the foul vial away. Gabrielle could see he was wearing immaculate white clothes, and a strange metal necklace.
"Alright, I guess." Gabrielle answers, looking over to see Xena and... her daughter? They were standing at the bed beside her.
"Ack!" the bard cries in surprise at the cold amulet the man places on her left breast. She looks over fearfully at Xena, who for some reason is wearing one of her enigmatic smiles. Gabrielle looks back with wide eyes at the man, who moves the metal disc and asks her to breathe.
Lucy watches the nurse check her over. He clicks on a pocket light, making his patient flinch.
"Easy now. Keep your eyes open." he calmly intones as he holds the light up to her eyes. "Wider. Good." Satisfied, he clicks it off and puts it away.
"Is she gonna make it?" Lucy asks.
"I think so." the nurse nods, then turns back to his patient. "It's probably from exhaustion. I'm going to prescribe some electrolytes for you, just to be safe, and recommend that you have your scenes reduced next week."
"Okay."
Lucy blinks at her co-star's response. She expected her to put up an ornery Texas fuss, and say anything to avoid having her scenes cut. Instead, the strawberry-blonde intently watches the nurse walk away and leave, closing the door behind him.
"Where am I?"
"You are in the star's trailer, lounging around in her bed. You fainted."
Gabrielle sat up a little. She considers her words before speaking. "And where is that?"
"One mile west of Hell Town, as you so colourfully describe it, in the beautiful countryside of New Zealand."
"And who are you?" the bard asks, just realizing that Xena's accent was very peculiar. Kind of like Meg's, but more like the mace-wielding soldier's, who wasn't a soldier.
"I'm Lucy. Lucy Lawless?" she adds after taking in the blank look on her friend's face. This was very weird. "And who are you?"
"I'm... Gabrielle."
Lucy pats her daughter on the head. "Why don't you go wait outside for a bit, hmmm lovey?"
Gabrielle watches in astonishment as the girl departs. "She has your eyes."
"That she does." Lucy smiles, then her expression turns serious again. "What did you say just now?"
Gabrielle spun herself upright, setting her feet on the floor. "You said I disappeared. Disappeared and came back."
"And?" Lucy asks.
"Who am I supposed to be?"
"Reneé O'Connor." Lucy answers flat out, her annoyance fading into concern.
"I'm not Reneé O'Connor. I'm Gabrielle."
"This isn't funny, Ren!"
"I am not this Reneé! I am Gabrielle, B-Bard of Poteidaia!" the strawberry blonde insists.
"Just because my vision is blinked, and you disappear, does not make you into your character!"
"Character..." the bard softly repeats. "I'm playing Gabrielle."
"That's right."
"And you play Xena?"
"Of course..." Lucy trails off, then adds, "Well, I am Xena and she is me, too. Without me, Xena'd be Weird Science!" she grins, then loses it at the blank look on Gabrielle's face. "Never you mind. So, assuming we both haven't been downing a couple o' Steinlagers recently, why should I possibly believe that you are Gabrielle?"
"Um, I could tell you about our adventures together."
"I already know that. We met when I picked you, that is, you picked me up in Poteidaia." Lucy prompts, then her expression narrows. "Cor blimey. This is ridiculous!"
"I'm not saying it makes sense!" the bard retorts in an equal tone. "I'm just saying it's the truth."
"B-But that's fantasy!" Lucy stammers, feeling quite incredulous. "This is reality, Reneé!"
"Well then, does Reneé have this?" the bard asks, pulling her top down.
Lucy gasps at the blotched scarring. "When did you get that?"
"Last month." Gabrielle says matter-of-factly. "When we were trying to heal all those soldiers, remember?"
"I remember, sort of." Lucy nods, thinking. They had wrapped filming on Is There a Doctor in the House a few episodes ago. She steps closer and touches the other woman's scar. It was real.
She searches the bard's eyes. "You're really not Reneé... Are you?"
The bard shakes her head, certain she wasn't, and uncertain of everything else.
Lucy was silent for several moments. This was absolutely ludicrous. They had both gone crackers! There was no way this could possibly be true. Yet she had seen it with her own eyes. She had seen Reneé disappear, and reappear. Reappear, into this person. It was like something out of Maori folklore. And that scar... She shook her head.
"Well, I'm not sure who you are. But you look as disheveled as Hades. You wanta come home with me for now?"
Lucy sees the woman before her nod uncertainly, so she breaks out the 1000-candlepower smile at her. Gabrielle's expression brightens considerably at that, and she gets up from the bed to join her.
Reneé awakes to a kiss. A good kiss. The kiss continues. So she returns it.
The person kissing her moans softly at the contact, and moves downward, kissing her chin, and popping kisses down her throat.
Despite herself, Reneé gasps at the contact. Her lover knew just how to stimulate her, knew just the right things to do. How to really make her feel like a woman. "Oh, Steve..."
"Steve?!" Xena repeats, halting her wet conquest of her companion's neck. "You never told me about a Steve."
"Luce?" Reneé says in confusion at the familiar face looking down on her. The face was familiar, but the kisses were not. "Xena?"
"Are you alright?" Xena asks, sitting back on her haunches. "You took quite a tumble there."
"Yeah." Reneé nods, rubbing her neck distractedly. "I'm uh, fine. I'm just not used to being woken up like that."
"I thought you were tired of being woken up the other way."
"Huh? Oh yeah, right." the actress replies, not understanding. She lifts her knees up and wraps her hands around them, staring at the dark woman before her. "You're Xena... aren't you?"
"One of my names but the one I prefer." Xena recounts easily. "I don't see any marks on your head. Do you know who you are?"
"Yes."
"Well then." Xena notes in her warlord tone, getting up. "We'd better get going before those soldiers return with reinforcements. Would you like to ride on Argo?"
"Uh, no. No, thank you." Reneé responds, taking the hand offered to her to get up. "Where are we... uh, again?"
"We are on the border of Epirus, about ten leagues from their inhospitable capital." Xena explains, walking away. "And I intend to take us closer, if it's all the same to you."
I'm in ancient Greece, Reneé thinks. With Xena. She turns to look at her companion.
"Don't forget your staff!" Xena calls out as she mounts Argo. She wheels her steed around to wait for her bard. Gabrielle seemed okay, if a trifle dazed.
I'm in Xena's world. I'm really here, Reneé thinks to herself, walking over to where Gabrielle's staff lay. Either that, or Unco's just pulled the worst practical joke ever.
"Got it!" Reneé responds, taking her staff and giving it a twirl. It was lighter than her rubber practice staff. Guess I'd better go with the flow, and try to figure this out later.
As Reneé rejoins her companion, she finally notices the body that had been lying there the whole time. It's the soldier that Xena killed, she realizes as she hurries past. She looks up into the ice-blue eyes of the warrior on the horse, and then averts her gaze. Guess I'd better stay on her good side.
"So you're really Gabrielle?" Daisy asks, as the woman in question sits down on her Mum's couch.
"That's me." the bard responds brightly, looking around the dwelling in wonder.
Lucy slams the door shut with her foot, balancing three bags of groceries in the process. "Show her your pet, lovey."
"Pet?" Gabrielle asks. Daisy reaches into her pocket and fishes out a plastic egg.
"It's my Tamagachi." Daisy seriously explains, handing it importantly to the bard. "You push the buttons to play with it, and make it grow."
"Really?" Gabrielle asks, taking the box. It had a square piece of glass set in the center, and remarkably, little black bits moved underneath it, forming a picture.
"Push the buttons." the girl insists.
Gabrielle begins pushing the little protrusions on the egg. After a short period of time, this elicits a pitiful mewling sound from the device. The bard smiles in triumph at the little girl.
"You're killing it!" Daisy cries with the over-eagerness of youth. "Let me have it."
Gabrielle hands the odd talisman back to the child. She watches in fascination as the girl intently pushes the buttons on it, eventually making it begin chirping.
"Lucy," she calls over to the woman working busily in the adjoining room, "that super-market was amazing. I imagine no one ever knows hunger or famine in your world."
"You'd be surprised." Lucy responds, putting some cans in the cupboard. "I imagine this is going to be quite a culture shock for you, regardless."
"If there are hungry people out there, then I don't suppose things have changed all that much."
Lucy rejoins them in the living room. "I don't know what Michael J. Fox would do, but I'm going to give you a crash course on the 20th century."
"Crash?"
"That's lingo, Gabrielle." Lucy chuckles, glancing over at her daughter. "That's one of the things you'll have to pick up on."
"And what else?"
"Well, I think I'll let Daisy handle that. Myself, I'm going to go lie down." Lucy concludes, rubbing her eyes. "Daisy, show Gabrielle what the telly does."
Gabrielle watches her only connection to real life walk up a lavish set of steps, up to another floor. Daisy, in the meantime, takes the opportunity to hand her a small black tablet.
"This is a remote control." the girl carefully instructs, in as best a teaching manner as she can manage.
Reneé slows a bit in her stride, allowing Argo to trot ahead of her. Xena looks back at
her, and Reneé smiles in return, more out of nervousness than anything else. Xena returns
her smile, but Reneé is taken aback by the look in her eyes. Xena was conveying much more
than friendship in that expression.
Reneé nods to herself, looking down the endless trail before them. Great, just great! I'm stuck in the ancient past, going God knows where, traveling alongside a warlord who's just a shade away from reverting to type.
She kicks a pebble loose, and begins tapping it ahead of her as she walks. This woman is Gabrielle's lover, wherever she is now. They have sex together. She does it with her. She swallows nervously at the thought. And I miss my boyfriend. What am I going to do? How can I tell Xena? I wish Lucy was here. She, I could talk to. But this... warlord. I don't know her. She frightens me. She'd kill me in a heartbeat if she thought it'd bring Gabrielle back. Reneé shivers at the unseemly thought, and puts it out of her mind. Something tells me she's not going to be too pleased to find out I'm not her little bard.
"C'mon, my little bard." Lucy yells through the door. "We can't paint the town red if you're stuck in the bathroom all night!"
"Just a moment Xe- uh, Lucy." Gabrielle calls back through the door. Lucy had shown her an enormous array of things she had to do, just to prepare herself for going out. She goes over her mental checklist again. Let's see... deodorant, teeth brushed, hair shampooed and conditioned, perfume. How do these people keep track of all this junk?
She picks up a bottle of not-glass, filled with some green liquid. "Mouthwash..." she says to herself, reading the label. "Okay."
The bard unscrews the cap and takes a swig. Swishing the foul liquid around in her mouth, she steels herself and swallows it. "Uggh... Remind me not to try that again."
She inspects her outfit in the exquisite mirror. Not too bad... The slinky dress was Lucy's, but it fit her well enough. Adjusting the thin shoulder straps, the bard exhales expectantly, and turns to join her new friend for a night on the town.
"Gabrielle, these branches are all damp!" Xena chides, inspecting the wood she had brought her. "I can't start the fire with these."
"I'm sorry."
"Uh, look. Why don't you go ahead and take a swim, and I'll finish setting up camp."
"Thanks, Xena. Is there a towel or something?..." Reneé trails off.
"Yeah, let me find it." Xena responds, tossing the branches aside. She goes over to Argo and unties a bundle of cloth. "Here's a nice one." she brings it over to Reneé.
Reneé takes the towel, and looks at Xena expectantly.
"Yes?" Xena asks richly.
Reneé blinks at her, and then shakes her head. "N-Nothing. Thanks." She turns to leave.
Xena watches her bard go. Something was up with her, but exactly what wasn't clear. Shrugging to herself, Xena sets off to find some dry wood.
Gabrielle sat down at the table opposite from Lucy. The pulsing noise seemed to come from everywhere around her, pounding in her chest, like being near some drummers.
"Lucy, what did you call this again?" the bard asks, waving her hand at the air.
"Techno music." the raven-haired woman explains. "It's supposed to make your heart pound."
"It's making my head pound."
"It has to grow on you. You have to stay hip." Lucy mocks, going into a "cabbage patch" dance while sitting. She stops at the bard's blank stare. "Forget it. We'll try dancing later. Right now, let's eat!"
Lucy hands her a menu, and opens her own.
"What is a chicken quesadilla?" the strawberry-blonde asks.
"It's made out of a soft tortilla, with cheese and peppers gumming up the chicken." Lucy explains without looking up from her menu. Then she looks up in surprise at the bard.
"You-You read that!" Lucy exclaims. "You read the menu! How is that possible? I thought you were Greek."
"I am Greek."
"Then how can you read English?!" Lucy asks in astonishment. "It wasn't even a language back then!"
"I don't know. The words look normal to me." Gabrielle insists, looking at the menu again. "Maybe I'm supposed to be able to read it. "
"That's not an answer."
"As if I have one?" Gabrielle responds helplessly, as the waitress walks over.
"What can I get you girls, hmmm?"
"We'll start with the quesadillas as an appetizer, and we'll each have a Margarit- uh Gabrielle, do you drink anything, you know, fermented?"
Gabrielle shakes her head.
"She'll have a spring water, and I'll have a Margarita." Lucy concludes, and the waitress nods and takes their menus.
The pulsing beat fades, as another song starts up.
"Would you like to dance?" Lucy asks.
"Uh, I'd love to!" Gabrielle gushes, then recovers. Xena had always refused to dance in public with her. She had said her that it "wasn't her thing". But this person wasn't Xena, and yet was. Smiling at the beautiful woman before her, the bard scoots her chair back and gets up.
Dusting her hands off, Xena walks through the bushes to join her bard for a swim. She stops at the break in the trees to see her companion kneeling by the lakeside. She hadn't even gone in yet, and was staring at her own reflection. Xena decides to watch her for the moment.
"It's my face, my body. But I'm Gabrielle now." Reneé says out loud to herself, staring at her own face. "It's still the same me. But I'm here, and Gabrielle is... where? Back in Auckland? What am I doing here?"
Reneé stands up suddenly, and does a pirouette. "Ha! I'm Gabrielle. I thought being you for 14 hours a day was hard enough!"
Reneé clears her throat, and gestures out dramatically over the lake.
Xena's jaw drops as she takes in her singing. It was just as off-key as usual, but what she said was even more disturbing. "Oh my sweet bard." Xena says under her breath. "You've finally snapped. All the pressure, all the strain. I should have been prepared for this, you've been through so much. First Perdicus died, and then..." she trails off. Her eyes catch where the strawberry-blonde piled her clothes.
"You don't deserve this. I've got to make it up to you. Tonight." Xena decides, soundlessly sneaking closer to gather up her clothes. Leaving her the towel, she soundlessly returns to their camp.
"It certainly is colorful." Gabrielle observes as they step out on the dance floor. Spinning lights were flashing all around them, and the floor itself seemed to shimmer. "What is this song?"
"That is Right Said Fred's I'm Too Sexy." Lucy explains, moving to the beat as she walks.
"What's it about?" the bard asks, trying to find "her dance". She looks past Lucy to the other people dancing, but their moves were everywhere and anywhere. She couldn't follow it.
"It's about fashion models. Their vanity."
"Oh." Gabrielle nods her head, as cool fog seems to issue forth from several places. "Kind of like Miss Amphipolis!"
"Actually, the lads in Right Said Fred remind me of Miss Artiphys."
"How did you know-?" Gabrielle asks, surprised.
"I was there, remember?" Lucy prods, trying to strike up a beat. Gabrielle wasn't following her movements at all. "How could I forget, it was too much like the Mrs. New Zealand contest I was in."
"You were in a contest?" the bard asks, trying to mimic the dance patterns of a girl to their left. "How was it?"
"I'll tell you later." Lucy insists distractedly, hearing a new song starting. "Here, this is Bedtime Story by Madonna."
"If you say so." Gabrielle shrugs, not having a clue who the pop star was. She dances listlessly, and then stops in surprise as the song produces an unexpected noise.
"Try to feel the beat." Lucy instructs, swaying to the music. "Feel where it's going, and anticipate it. C'mon, you can dance to this."
"Only Bacchae could dance to this!" Gabrielle counters, but feels herself warming to the strange tones.
Lucy watches her for a few moments, then smiles at her when she catches her eye. "See, just let it come naturally. Go with what you feel."
The bard was indeed enjoying herself. But she felt herself concentrating more on her dance partner's moves than her own. Lucy's movements enthralled her. This wasn't just some woman portraying Xena. This was Xena, or what would pass for her in this world. Lucy reminded her of all the things she had always wanted Xena to be. Look at her, she's having fun. Xena could never unwind like this.
Gabrielle closes the distance between them.
"Can we dance like that?" she asks, inclining her head over to some other dancers.
Lucy looks over to the couple she is referring to. A man was dancing behind his partner, holding her waist, and they were swaying in their movements together.
"Actually Gabby, that's not quite what I..." Lucy trails off as the bard moves behind her, and places her hands on the actress' waist. Lucy stiffens at her unexpected touch.
"Indulge me." Gabrielle whispers to her as she places her chin on her shoulder. Lucy begins to move to the beat again, as her partner follows and matches her movements.
Lucy danced with the strange woman behind her. She looked like Reneé, but she most definitely wasn't her. She felt Gabrielle close the distance between them, and then they moved as one. Lucy became very aware of just how warm her dance partner was against her. This woman was not Xena's friend. She was her lover. Is her lover...
Gabrielle's breath touched her neck.
"Gabrielle." Lucy whispers to her, in an almost questioning tone.
"Shhh..." Gabrielle shushes in her ear. "I was just thinking about Xena. Gods, I wish you were her."
"So do I, for what it's worth."
Gabrielle's heart surges at the words. She gently lets her partner loose and turns her around.
Lucy shakes her head, not understanding.
Gabrielle impulsively moves up very close to her, and gives her a kiss.
Lucy shakes off the urge to dodge, and just closes her eyes instead. She lets the bard kiss her for a moment, and then breaks contact as the song draws to a close.
"Lucy?" Gabrielle whispers heatedly, searching her eyes.
"I'm sorry." Lucy says slowly, uncertain of how to proceed. "I didn't mean it quite that way. I meant that I'm sorry you're separated from Xena."
"What?" Gabrielle softly asks, fear filling her. She looks into the blue eyes of the woman before her. Her eyes. The woman she loves. But she doesn't love her back.
"That's... All I am to you, isn't it?" Gabrielle realizes, her face flushing. "I'm just your friend. Your co-worker."
"I'm afraid so." Lucy nods, looking away in embarrassment as a new song began pounding discordantly. She didn't know what else to say, but she also didn't want to hurt Gabrielle's feelings.
"Hiya, sexy." a male voice says from behind Gabrielle, as she feels his hands slide intimately up her ribcage. She instinctively jabs her heel down hard onto his toes.
"Ahh!!!" Steve cries out in pain, almost falling over.
Lucy watches in horror as Gabrielle wheels towards him, as he hops back a bit on one foot. The bard purposefully gathers her stance, and Lucy realizes with a start what she is about to do.
"Gabrielle, stop! Don't hurt him!" Lucy yells, reaching for the bard.
Whether it was the sound of her voice, or just the situation, Gabrielle lets the actress restrain her as she watches the man wince in pain.
"Lucy, he touched me!!"
"He's supposed to touch you, like that!" Lucy nearly yells, then remembers herself. "He's your boyfriend."
"Boyfriend?"
"Geez, Reneé! That hurt!" Steve grits through his teeth. Then his expression softens. "Are you mad at me?"
Lucy quickly pulls the bard beside her. "Gee, I'm really sorry, Steve. Ren's had a bad day at the set today, and she just needs some space right now, right Reneé?"
Steve looks to his girlfriend.
"Uh yeah, right." Gabrielle nods as apologetically as possible. "I'm really sorry I stomped your foot. I just got a little carried away."
"Okay." Steve nods, smiling in relief.
"Well, we've got to be going now." Lucy insists, starting to lead Gabrielle away by the shoulders. "Say goodbye, Ren."
"Goodbye!" Gabrielle says cheerfully, as Lucy pulls her away.
"I'll give you a call, alright?" Steve calls after them, and then scratches his head. Women.
..............................
Lucy waits until they are a good distance out in the carpark before speaking. "Trust you to act like a hoon. I thought you were going to kill him!"
"Oh, I was not!" Gabrielle retorts, inspecting her fingernails.
"Weren't you?" Lucy insists. "I thought you were going to kick him in the..."
"Abdomen." Gabrielle finishes, feigning a look of innocence. "He just surprised me, that's all."
"Uh huh." Lucy nods skeptically.
"So uh, how long has Reneé been seeing this... Steve?"
"Oh, about two weeks." Lucy recalls, looking up at the sky. "I think they hit it off real well."
"So have they..." Gabrielle trails off, waving her hand out.
"How should I know?" Lucy retorts. "I don't hang out with Reneé, Gabrielle! We have our own lives. We don't do anything together outside of the show."
"I can see that, now." the bard notes, letting her hurt expression linger on the actress for a moment too long.
"Look, I'm sorry about what happened back there. Before."
"No, it was my fault." Gabrielle apologizes in return. "I just miss her so much. I guess I... just let my loneliness overwhelm my better judgment, that's all."
"Do you always talk like that?"
"Like what?" Gabrielle responds.
"Like you're narrating your life as you go along."
"That's what it's like traveling with Xena." Gabrielle retorts with amusement. "It's what I do."
Lucy meets her steady gaze for a moment.
"You love her, don't you?"
"With all my heart." the bard readily answers.
"It shows."
"Yeah. Can't help it." Gabrielle shrugs.
"I suppose I shouldn't ask what she's doing with Reneé right now." Lucy says under her breath, then catches Gabrielle's change in expression. "Oh Gab, I'm sorry. I didn't think."
"It's alright." Gabrielle says after a few moments. "From what you've told me about her, she's probably trying to fend Xena off with her staff right now."
Lucy returns her devilish smile. "Ha! What a sight that would be! Yes, I'm sure they would make quite the pair."
"Did you enjoy your swim?" Xena asks disinterestedly as her companion approaches. Stoking the campfire, she glances up furtively at the beautiful woman before her, who's only wearing a towel.
Reneé approaches delicately, wincing as her bare feet cross mats of pine needles. "Ouch! Yes. Well I did, until I discovered that some mischievous uh, person had made off with my clothes."
"It was me." the warrior wryly admits. "I just like seeing you in a towel, is all."
Uh oh, Reneé thinks to herself. She stops several feet from the fire.
"Come here." Xena says liltingly.
"What?"
"Come sit with me." Xena says softly, patting the ground beside her.
"Uh..." Reneé manages, flushing in embarrassment. Jesus, she makes me so nervous!
"What is with you today?" Xena asks in exasperation, rolling her eyes. "I'm going to rub salt on your feet."
"Oh." Reneé responds quietly, giving a contrite smile. She steps forward and delicately sits down next to the warrior. The flaps of her towel fall apart as she sits, and Reneé quickly flips the cloth back over her thighs. Smoothing the fabric out, she watches with interest as Xena pulls a bowl of water over, and produces a small sack.
Xena takes Reneé's foot and folds her leg out. She dips a rag in the water and begins wiping the grass and dirt off her foot. When she is done, she sticks her wet hand into the sack, and produces a fistful of salt. She then begins rubbing the salt along her sole.
Reneé sits quietly for a few moments as Xena continues her ministrations. "That feels nice."
"It feels nice from here, too." Xena agrees, glancing up to smile at her for a moment. "You know, back when I had my army, I would have my men fight each other for the privilege of rubbing salt on my feet. It amused me, at the time."
"And now, you rub my feet."
"Yes." Xena notes, switching to the other foot. "I'm glad to see the meaning is not lost on you."
"Xena..." Reneé trails off, looking away to the fire. "Just because I'm your sidekick doesn't mean I'm dense!"
"Dense?" Xena looks up confusedly at her. "What?"
"Stupid, you know..." Reneé trails off, searching for a word Xena would know. "Unaware."
"I would never call you that." Xena chides, cleaning the pine needles from Reneé's other foot. "I know you've had a rough time today, and I want to make it up to you."
Xena's eyes meet hers, and the actress gulps audibly. "Y-You do?"
The warrior simply smiles and looks down to her sack, from which she produces another handful of salt. She didn't know what strange mood Gabrielle was in, but she was relishing the hunt.
Reneé watches the woman who looks just like her best friend rub salt on her other foot. Somehow, the fact that Xena was good at foot massages never came up during script discussions.
Xena pulls Reneé's foot over her lap, and then holds her finger out in front of her.
"Do you know what the problem is with getting salt on your fingers?" Xena suggestively asks.
Reneé shakes her head.
Xena puts her fingertip in her mouth, and sucks it clean. "Once you taste that saltiness, it only makes you want more."
Reneé watches in fascination as Xena leans over and plants a soft kiss on her calf. Keeping her mouth on Reneé's leg, Xena's brilliant blue eyes flash up at her, flickering in the firelight.
Oh boy. This is it. Reneé thinks frantically to herself. I'm really between a rock and a hard... What do I do? Do I just lay back, and let her eat me?
"Xena." Reneé says evenly. "That's higher than my foot."
"Yes." Xena agrees, planting a wet kiss on the other woman's knee. "And so is this... and this..."
Reneé's nerves tingle warningly as Xena's hands slide up her inner thighs, reaching for the folds of her towel.
"Xena..." Reneé repeats, her voice rising as Xena moves upwards. "There's something you should know."
"And what's that, my little bard?" Xena pauses, her hands resting warmly just beneath the edge of the strawberry-blonde's towel.
"I'm not Gabrielle."
Xena awoke with a start a few minutes before dawn, as usual. Years ago, she had learned how to set her body's rhythm like a natural water clock. Before going to sleep, she simply decided what time she wanted to wake up, and that was that. She didn't have to really think about it, it just happened.
She sits up, and looks over at her sleeping companion in the gray light. The beautiful woman who called herself Reneé jerked lightly, indicating she was deep in dreaming. After promising she wouldn't bite her, Reneé went to sleep next to her, with her own sleeping blanket, of course. She seemed so nice, so like Gabrielle, yet she was very nervous to be near her. Understandable, Xena thinks to herself. She knows what I am. As Gabrielle did.
It must have taken half the night, but Reneé eventually convinced her that what she was saying was true. She was from some far-distant future, the future where Gabrielle was now. For good?
Xena got up carefully so as to avoid waking her. As she got up, she heard her whispering in her sleep. Xena leaned over to listen:
"I'm sorry... Mister Dusty. Didn't mean to put you on tumble dry..."
Xena rolls her eyes to herself, and makes her way down to the lake to watch the sunrise. For long moments she stands in the gray light, listening to the morning birds.
Oh Gabrielle... Where are you? I'm dead to you, aren't I? I'm as old as the pyramids to you, as old as dust. Do you miss me? I know I miss you. Where is the woman who helped me through the dark times, who was there when I needed advice, or a kick in the backside?
A cracked sob escapes Xena's outward reserve. There's no way of getting you back. You're dead to me, and I... I am dead without you...
She averts her gaze when the sun peeks up from above the hills, and cups her chin with her hand. Wallowing in her soliloquy, she can feel the tears welling up inside of her, as they had not done in years. Then a twig snaps behind her, causing her to jump.
"Xena?" Reneé asks.
The warrior turns, and forces down the outpouring of grief she was preparing to let loose. She wills her face to become a mask again, and wipes a single welling eye.
"Well, you are an early riser."
"Well, this isn't that early." Reneé forces a morning smile, yawning. She didn't need to tell her that this was nothing compared to how early she had to get up for the first season. But even through her half-grogginess, she could tell something was wrong with the Warrior Princess.
"You... miss her, don't you?" Reneé asks sincerely.
"That's... Not a factor... Right now." Xena intones in that low voice of hers. She shakes her head. "It's not important. I should concentrate on my mission, and not bawl my eyes out like some lovesick girl."
The sky brightens, and Reneé can see the reddening eyes on the face of the warrior. She was trying to hide it, but she looked like she was filled with despair. As if a loved one had died.
"Hey... It's okay." Reneé comforts, reaching her hand out to the warrior's shoulder.
Xena retreats a step. Reneé let's her arm linger in the air for a moment, and then withdraws it, swallowing to herself.
"So... What's the mission?" the strawberry-blonde asks.
Xena goes into the battle briefing without missing a beat. "A fortnight ago I received a tip that the King of Epirus had obtained a new secret weapon, and was having it shipped through Thessalia. You... Gabrielle and I had arranged to meet with our informant near the border, but he was nowhere to be found. Instead, we had a "welcoming party" of some Dodonian regulars, as you of course know."
"Epirus..." Reneé trails off, thinking. "A northern kingdom of Greece, and... its capital is Dodonia, right?"
"That's right." Xena confirms, surprised. The rising sun was bringing out the highlights in Reneé's hair. Very familiar highlights, she thinks to herself.
Figures! Reneé thinks inwardly. I don't remember anything like this from the upcoming scripts. It must be between the episodes. So much for impressing her for figuring out the plot!
"How do you know that?" Xena asks.
"Excuse me?" Reneé asks, wondering if Xena was somehow reading her mind.
"Your knowledge of our kingdoms."
"Oh. I like to study ancient history." Reneé proudly responds.
"Thanks a lot!"
"You know I didn't mean it that way." Reneé chides, smiling at her.
"Did you?" Xena sternly asks. She feigns offense for a few moments more, and then relaxes her features.
"You know, you're more like Lucy than I thought you'd be."
"And how is that?" Xena asks in her authoritative tone.
"You're both too cheeky for your own good!"
"Thanks! I think..." Xena says. "Anyway, I know where the weapon has been buried, so that's where we're off to now."
"Any idea of what it is?"
"Only that it's something that the king wants to make many more of, once he gets it." Xena informs her. "So, how do you like to start your mornings?"
"Well, I put in a half hour of aerobic exercises, and then I eat a light breakfast." Reneé brightly says, clapping her hands together.
"Aerobics, eh?" Xena shakes her head. "Well, if you say so. It sounds interesting."
"Shall we get started?" the actress asks, nodding her head back to the camp.
"Alright." Xena replies.
As they make they way back, she asks, "Would you like to know how Gabrielle starts her morning?"
Reneé gave a half-chuckle at that, turning to face her. "I'm almost afraid to ask."
Xena was staring suspiciously at her, and her eyes were narrowing. "Gabrielle?" she asks softly.
Reneé shakes her head.
"That laugh. That was Gabrielle's laugh!" Xena repeats, shocked.
"Well it's my laugh, too." Reneé explains, not knowing what else to say. "Maybe that's why she has it."
"That doesn't make any sense."
"Like it does to me?" Reneé asks, putting her hands on her hips. Then her mood softens. "Look, I have a saying, just for this occasion."
"And that is?"
"Don't sweat the details, just sweat." Reneé solemnly intones. "C'mon, let's do some aerobics."
"Kia Ora! Kia Ora!" Lucy calls out as they enter Reneé's apartment. Gabrielle looks around the dwelling, wondering if it was going to become her home, now.
"What's that?" she asks the older woman.
"It's Maori." Lucy explains. "It means 'Good health'. It's also the name of your... cat!" she finishes as she picks the cat up.
Gabrielle gingerly takes the cat from her, and it begins purring.
"Well, he seems to like you well enough." Lucy observes, sitting down on the couch.
"It must think I'm Reneé, too." Gabrielle replies, petting the cat she's holding. "The Egyptians believe cats bring good luck. And they're also good at catching rats."
"I don't think Reneé has any rats here." Lucy chuckles. "Besides, she has once-a-month pest control."
"Oh." Gabrielle replies, not understanding. She found so many things beyond her understanding in the past two days, that it was easier just to pretend she knew what was going on.
"Well, here's your scripts..." Lucy mentions, picking up some stapled stacks of paper. "Why don't you sit down, cause we need to talk."
Gabrielle sits down in the chair opposite from her, still stroking the strange cat. She's never seen a pattern like this before, but then, a lot of breeds can come along in two thousand years or so.
"Here's the situation." Lucy begins. "We are resuming shooting after the weekend of Xena, the television series. We are missing a co-star. You. This sounds crazy, but bear with me, as I can scarcely believe all this myself. To be blunt, we will either need you to start playing her part, or cast a new girl as Gabrielle."
"Let me get this straight:" Gabrielle begins, "You want me to play me?"
"In a nutshell." Lucy shrugs helplessly. "You are a storyteller, are you not? Well here's your story." she hands her a script.
Gabrielle takes it, and scans the lines before her. She realizes that it isn't Greek writing, as Lucy had pointed out, but she didn't want to think about it.
"Can you read it?"
"I can read it." Gabrielle answers. "I can read your... 'English'."
"So read me a line." Lucy prompts, watching her expectantly. If this doesn't work, they'll have our guts for garters. The show would be ruined. Who could replace her? They didn't even have a second choice when they hired her!
Gabrielle studies the page. She looks down through some gibberish until she finds some dialogue.
"Ah! -Ahem!-" she begins, looking to Lucy. 'Xena: Well, you've got to be flexible, it comes with the job.'
'Xena looks around, then says: Are you sitting on the...' she trails off.
Catching her frown, Lucy decides to ask, "Is something wrong?"
"Sitting on the soap?!" Gabrielle angrily exclaims, looking up at her, then back down at the paper. 'Gabrielle: I was wondering what that was...'
"What is this?!" the bard protests, shaking the script at Lucy.
"Is there a problem?"
"We did this! We said this!" Gabrielle cries out in exasperation. "How? How is this possible? I would never have written this down in a scroll! Never!"
"Uh, that's what I've been afraid to tell you." Lucy nervously explains, licking her lips. "You see, we write your life as it goes. There are no scrolls. I'm no expert on these matters, but well, your world is not our past."
"What?"
"I wish I could explain it better." Lucy fumes, cursing herself. "If only we could get one of those bloody Trekkers in here!"
"-Whew- Well, I really am a long way from home, aren't I?" Gabrielle asks. She looks at the script again. "And just how many people will be seeing me and Xena play 'hide the soap'?"
"Oh, about five point nought." Lucy replies.
"Oh, that doesn't sound so bad. Five?"
"Five Nielson rating points." Lucy explains. "Which translates to about 12 million viewers."
"Million? What's a million?" Gabrielle shakes her head.
"Oh, I guess you didn't have numbers that large then, let's see..." Lucy strokes her chin. "Do you know what a thousand is?"
"Yes."
"Well, a million is a thousand times one thousand." Lucy explains, going back on her college math.
"And you said twelve of those."
"Right." Lucy nods happily. "We're now the number one syndicated show!"
"Oh Gods!" Gabrielle exhales, collapsing in exaggeration against her chair. "I need a drink."
"I'll see what's in the cooler."
................................................
"Hold me, Xena!" Gabrielle croons desperately, waving her script melodramatically.
"We'll make it, Gabrielle!" Lucy insists, seizing the bard in fierce, protective hug.
"Closer! Closer!!"
"If I get any closer, I'll be in back of you." Lucy says smartly.
"What?" Gabrielle says, leaning back. "That's not in the script."
"Ha! Sorry. That's my Groucho Marx impression." Lucy smiles, releasing her from her grip. "I think it's going to work. Of course, you won't know anybody on the set, but we can just claim a rubber boulder fell on you, or something. It's this script that bothers me. I'm supposed to be hot spit, but it makes me sound silly. Warriors aren't supposed to whinge. -Sigh- We'll have to go and ask for a re-write. We are the stars, after all."
"We are indeed." Gabrielle agrees.
"What is it?" Lucy asks, finally noticing that Gabrielle was staring at her with dreamy eyes.
"I just realized something." Gabrielle smiles at her. "You're a storyteller, too. Just like me."
Lucy lowers her script, considering it for a moment. "Yes, I guess you could say that. So?"
Gabrielle beams at her. "The Xena I know... Oh, I love her so, but half of the time when I picture her, it's her covered in someone else's blood, or spilling someone's bowels out onto the dirt."
"-Umph!- Gabrielle, please!" Lucy warns, putting her hand to her mouth. "I just ate."
"Sorry." the bard apologizes. Then she locks eyes with her again. "It's just... To find her doing what I do, here in the future... I-It's just overwhelming, is all. In my world, she is a killer. A warrior. To her enemies, she is death. Here, you're life."
Lucy returns her intent gaze for a moment. Gabrielle seemed to just drink in the sight of her, almost beseeching her in a way. "There's such... devotion in your eyes. I can feel it. I didn't know anyone could be in love like that."
"It comes naturally, with you." Gabrielle says, and then steps closer. "Lucy... Are you... seeing anyone right now?"
Lucy is silent for several moments, considering what to say. Then she looks down at her with an amused expression. "If I answer no, are you going to throw me on the couch and have your way with me?"
Gabrielle blinks several times. "No..." Then her expression changes. "You're... making fun of me!"
"No, no luv, I'm not!" Lucy laughs, walking around her. "I'm laughing at me, really." She faces the bard again.
"For what?"
"Gabrielle, I'm a Mum! A-A housewife!" Lucy exclaims, waving her arms up in the air. "How could you be attracted to me? We work together, but we don't do anything outside of work. We have different lives. I-I don't even know if I can just dive into another relationship right now. I'm still recovering from my last one. Besides, I don't know if I could -" she stops herself.
"Could what?" Gabrielle asks, raising an eyebrow. "Be with another woman? What should that matter?"
"It doesn't. It shouldn't." Lucy hastily amends. She sighs, and places her hand on the shorter woman's shoulder. "Gabrielle, when I look at you, I see my mate, my best friend."
"When I look at you, I see my mate, too."
"I know." Lucy says sympathetically. She looks down in the hopeful eyes of the young woman before her.
"So you're saying that it could never be." Gabrielle softly says, averting her gaze.
"I'm not saying that." Lucy insists just as softly, serious now. "I'm just saying that I'm-"
The telephone rings.
"I'll get it!" Lucy says brightly, wheeling past the startled bard. Saved by the bell, heh heh.
"Yes?" Lucy richly asks.
"Lucy?" Steve asks on the other end, confused.
"Oh, hi Steve." Lucy says brightly, glancing at her companion. "Yes, Yes. No, we're just rehearsing the next week's scripts." she rolls her eyes at Gabrielle ."They're lousy! Yes, Oh, I'm sure she'd love to. Yes, please come by tonight."
Gabrielle watches the woman talk to herself, and is quite puzzled. Then it occurs to her that the thing she is using is like one of those blowhorns that mariners use to communicate with the men below decks. Her eyes grow wide as she realizes what Lucy is saying to him.
"Let me talk to him!" Gabrielle exclaims, walking over.
"Yeah. See ya. Okay Steve, here she is." Lucy finishes, giving the handset to the bard.
After a very brief lesson on which end is held where, Gabrielle speaks into the device.
"Hello? Hello? Yes, Steve. This is amazing." Gabrielle begins. Seeing Lucy's expression, she decides to cut to the point. "Yes. No, I'm not mad at you. In fact, I'd like you to stop by tonight." she listens to the receiver. "6:30 tonight?" She looks at Lucy.
Lucy nods yes, smiling.
"Okay. I'll see you then. Yes, goodbye." she finishes, setting the handset down on the table.
Lucy reseats the phone for her. "I'm surprised, Gabrielle. You're inviting him over for a date? Any ship is welcome during a storm, I suppose."
"What?!" Gabrielle exclaims sharply, but then catches Lucy's mischievous expression. "Oh, you are so bad! No, I'm going to have to explain to him that things are over. I'm breaking up with him."
"Are you sure about this?" Lucy asks. "He is kind of cute."
"Well, he is..." Gabrielle admits. "But he'll probably be kind of dead if I don't break up with him soon. I have a... curse with men."
"Well Reneé doesn't." Lucy implies. "And she seemed quite taken with him, as far as I knew."
"Are you telling me to be with him?" Gabrielle asks sharply, her tone hinting more than she intended.
"I'm saying to keep your options open." Lucy corrects. "It's just one date. How bad could it be?"
"Xena, I have a stupid question."
"Well, that hasn't stopped you so far." Xena responds.
"Ha Ha." Reneé retorts, whacking her staff against the ground as they travel. "I was wondering, do you get paid for your missions?"
"Paid?"
"Yes, you know, money. Gold, silver, coinage?" the actress continues. "Geese? Anything?"
"Why do you ask?"
"Because it seems to me that you and Gabrielle do an awful lot of work without being paid for it."
Xena sighs, slowing Argo's trot. "That's not the point. We help the poor, the defenseless. The people who stand in the way of some conqueror's schemes. It's all the same, wherever you go."
"And the pay?"
"Sometimes we're paid with a meal, other times with a handshake." Xena explains. "You take what you can get."
"Now I know how Gabrielle stays thin." Reneé remarks. Then she catches Xena's hurt expression. "I'm sorry. I guess it's not the life you really want for her, is it?"
"No." Xena darkly answers. "I want her to be on a farm, reading her scrolls, and living a quiet life with a husband. Not following me around the ends of the world."
"Do you know why she travels with you?" Reneé enticingly asks, hoping to turn around Xena's gloomy mood. Xena looks at her.
"To help people." Xena finally answers.
"Nope, although she does get a kick out of that." Reneé prompts. "Try again."
"Well, Gabrielle's more of a speech-maker than I am." Xena demurs. "I suppose she would give you a long rambling speech about my place in the world, and the struggle for the Greater Good, and such."
"Ha!" Reneé chuckles, enjoying the look on the face of the warrior. "Nothing so complex, Xena. No, she does travel with you for a very good reason, but that's not it. As far as I know, Gabrielle up and decided back in Poteidaia that you needed a friend. It's that simple."
Xena smiles at her for a moment, and then turns to look down the road ahead of them.
"I hope that we can be-" Reneé starts, but Xena cuts her off.
"Hold it." Xena warns with an outstretched hand, halting Argo as well. All the bird calls had stopped. Then she cocks her head. "Run!!"
Reneé looks up just in time to see Xena swing her Chakram in an arc, flipping two halves of an arrow down at her feet. It was all so sudden, she didn't have time to speak. Instead, she just looks up at Xena again, who yells, "This way!"
Xena spurs Argo into the trees, and Reneé follows as fast as she can behind her. She wouldn't leave me behind! she thinks to herself as nettles tear at her as she passes.
Xena yells a short cry, hurling her Chakram away, and checking to see that her companion was keeping up with her.
The Chakram returns to Xena's outstretched hand, and a muffled thump sounds off to their left. Reneé turns just long enough to see a man holding a bow laying on the ground, and then notices she is falling behind the mounted warrior. Must move faster!
They break through the trees to emerge onto the mudflats of a riverbank. Xena wheels Argo in a circle, but finds no way out.
"Flames of Tartarus!" Xena swears. "The water's too deep for Argo to ford. We'll have to make our stand here."
"Xena!" Reneé exclaims, pointing north. "It looks shallower there. Can we make it?"
"I don't think so. But get on Argo, and we'll make a break for it!"
Reneé reaches up to take Xena's proffered hand, but the warrior abruptly withdraws it. "We're too late." Xena whispers, drawing her sword. "Be ready."
At this time, Reneé sees an even dozen men step out of the forest canopy. Some of them are laughing, and others just have cold expressions on their faces. And ugly too, the actress notes to herself, circling around Argo. Don't they have any handsome soldiers in this land?
"Well well..." a thuggish type steps forward, doffing his officer's helmet. "If it isn't Xena. Looking for this?"
He holds aloft a burlap sack, which seems to have something heavy sagging deeply within it. "That Mycenean dog took a long time dying, but not before he told us where the weapon was buried."
His men chuckle at that. They seemed pretty confident to Reneé. Several of them were eyeing her appreciatively, and she didn't like that either. Now more than any other time, she regretted Gabrielle's choice of attire. What sane woman would go around in the ancient world half naked? she thinks to herself. Then she looks up at the horserider for the answer. A woman traveling with Xena.
"I wouldn't be happy about it if I were you." Xena coldly states to the officer, giving him her best glare.
"Such bravado!" the man laughs, looking to his men for approval. "I figure since we've got this, we could bring you back to the king too, as an extra bonus."
"You'd be making a mistake that other men have made, too."
"Oh? And what's that?" he chuckles.
"Breathing. Hi-Yaaa!!!!!!" Xena cries as she spurs Argo forward, straight at him.
"Get her!" the officer yells, nearly dropping the bag as he gestures at the men on both sides of him to charge the warrior woman.
Reneé watches Xena cut one man down, carving a bloody swath across his chest. He falls away, screaming, as Xena rears Argo back as his fellows converge.
Argo falls forward, slamming two hooves right on the chest of one soldier, killing him instantly. The force of the strike knocks down three of his co-horts behind him.
Two soldiers make their way around Xena, and converge on the pretty girl behind her.
"Stay back! I'm warning you..." Reneé says as sternly as possible, twirling her staff before her. The soldier before her makes a feint with his sword, causing her to counter. Anticipating this, his associate comes from her blindside and knocks the staff out of her hands. Reneé backs away from both of them.
"Give it up, missy!" one of the soldiers grins, holding his sword before him as he advances.
The world seems to shrink to Reneé, to consist of only her two opponents. She chooses her stance just as he comes in range.
"Ahhhh!!!" the soldier yells as he swings his sword, intending to hit her with the flat of his blade.
Instead, the girl spins away from him, and in less than a heartbeat, she is facing him again. Reneé kicks the sword out of his grasp, numbing his hand from the blow. Anticipating his partner coming in from the side, she goes into a Mad Dragon Tumble, sliding lengthwise into the mud, and delivers a vicious kick to his groin.
She rolls off to the side, as his partner runs over to check on him.
"I heard that." Reneé says after flipping herself up. "You boys wear jock cups. But they won't save you from a direct strike." she retrieves her staff. "Wanta throw in the towel?"
His uninjured companion turns in her direction, giving a practice sweep with his morningstar. "I'm gonna bash your head in for that."
Reneé blanches. He means it.
Xena hurls her Chakram away as she wheels Argo around. She hears the weapon embed itself in a tree, after having passed cleanly through the neck of, hopefully, their last archer. Cross my fingers...
"Get her, you idiots!" the officer yells from a safe distance. "She's only one woman!"
"Ayyiyiyiyiyiyiyi!!" Xena keens, deflecting two swordblows. She lifts a foot out of a stirrup and kicks one mace-wielding soldier in the face, sending him down for the count.
Argo notices one soldier coming up behind them. She didn't care who this human was, all that mattered was that he was a threat to them. A hoof lashes out with lightning speed, plunging deeply into the belly of the advancing soldier.
"Equestra!" the soldier manages with his final conscious breath, collapsing into the mud.
Sending her assailants tumbling for the moment, Xena diverts her attention to the actress, fearing the worst.
Xena watches Reneé twirl her staff in a confusing movement, finally entangling the man's weapon arm with it and disarming him. She shoves the man bodily away, and he halts himself, infuriated at being defeated so easily. Bellowing his fury, he charges the girl, his face clearly showing he intends to crush her with his bare hands, if necessary.
Xena gasps as she watches the actress deliver a perfect high kick to the man's throat, crushing it. He tumbles to the water's edge, grasping his throat and kicking hysterically.
A soldier that Xena had knocked down was now dragging himself up her saddle, determined to kill her through any means possible. Xena twirls her sword up in her grip, and delivers a ringing blow to his helmet with the pommel. His eyes roll obediently upwards, and he crumples to the ground where he belongs.
Manaeus, the officer in command of this ill-planned contingent, realizes that he is down to two soldiers and himself against the berserker sword-woman. This called for drastic measures. He grabs the remaining men by the scruff of their collars. "You go around and take the girl hostage, while I distract Xena. Go!"
Drawing his own broadsword, Manaeus drops his sack and strides up to Xena, as his men appear to scatter and run away.
"Give it up, Xena." he boastfully swaggers. "You're tired, beaten down. Give up, and I promise I'll be gentle with you before you are given over to our king. What do you think of that?"
Xena wheels Argo to face him broadside. "I tell you what I think." Xena snarls, menace in her eyes. "I think you've caught a chariot speeding straight for Tartarus!"
"Come on, then." he insists, sweating beneath his helmet. His remaining men had better hurry, or he would be very dead, very quick. It was the same fate awaiting him in any event, should he return to Dodonia without the weapon.
Manaeus locks eyes with Xena, and for a moment, feels his destiny caught up with hers. Then he grins.
"What's so funny?' Xena asks, then frowns as he indicates off to her left. She looks.
Reneé was standing there holding her staff, surrounded by his two remaining men. They hadn't tried to grab her yet, but their proximity made it clear that should she defeat one of them, the other would still be able to get her.
"Well, Xena?" Manaeus asks. "Surrender, or we'll turn your friend to shish-kabob!"
Shish-kabob? Reneé distractedly thinks. They had shish-kabob back then, uh now?
"Reneé, put your staff down." Xena softly commands, panting from her exertions.
"Xena, don't!" Reneé calls over to her, daring not to move. "We wouldn't stand a chance."
"That's why I'm surrendering."
"Very well." Reneé calls over to her. "I'm dropping my staff."
All eyes are locked on the strawberry-blonde, as she bends down and releases the staff. Gravity does the rest.
One of the men just has time to think of bending forward to retrieve the girl's staff, just before she flips down into what appears to be a handstand.
"Oww Oww Oww!" Reneé cries out to herself, wincing as she stands aright again. She reaches down to hold her aching hamstrings, as two bodies fall unconscious to the ground. Remind me not to do that again.
Seeing his opportunity slip away, Manaeus charges forward to hamstring Xena's leg right where it hangs, only to find to his surprise that her fist was now pressed against his neck. How strange, he thinks, as his vision blurs and fades to black. He dies never knowing that her hand was against his neck because she had just rammed the length of her sword through it.
Still holding her sword in his neck, Xena lifts her leg up and stomps him in the chest, kicking him off its length. As his body slumps into the mud, she wheels herself off of Argo and rushes over to Reneé.
"Are you alright?" Xena asks with concern, reaching up to check a small cut on her head.
"I'm fine, sort of." Reneé responds, wincing.
"What kind of kick was that?" Xena asks, astonished. She looks down at the men laying insensate on the ground. "You kicked them both at once. I never knew you could do something like that."
"I didn't know I could do it, either." Reneé laughs, more in astonishment than anything else. "It's called Comet Chasing Moon, one of the Northern School's seven invisible kicks."
"Seven?" Xena asks, leading the actress back to Argo. "And how many have you learned?"
"Two." Reneé admits. "I don't know if I'll be able to walk again for awhile. Only master kickers are supposed to be able to do that kick. Now I think I know why..." she trails off, wincing at every step.
"Well, you proved yourself with me, today. Master kicker." Xena commends. "Let me help you up on Argo, and I'll grab whatever this fancy weapon of theirs is."
Through both of their efforts, Reneé manages to get up on Argo. As Xena walks over to pick up the sack, Reneé can't help but look around at the damage around them. Five...no six dead bodies from Xena, the three men that she herself had knocked out were lying around, the leader that Xena killed, and... The man I kicked in the throat, Reneé thinks heavily to herself, her eyes falling on his body. He wouldn't move anymore. He was dead. She killed him. She killed someone.
"Xena..." Reneé asks, striving to keep her balance on Argo. "Has Gabrielle ever killed anyone before?"
"No." the warrior replies, bringing the large sack over and tying it up to a saddlebag.
"I just did." Reneé softly says. When Xena finally meets her wounded expression, Reneé indicates which body she is referring to.
"We'll talk about it later." Xena says curtly, as Reneé helps boost her up in front of her. "Gods, I always dreaded giving Gabrielle this speech. Right now, the important thing to remember is that we survived, and they didn't. Okay?"
"Yeah. Okay." Reneé concedes, shock starting to set in on the enormity of what she had done.
"Good. Hold on, we've got a bumpy ride ahead of us!"
Reneé hugs herself against Xena's hot and damp armor, and nuzzles her face into her hair. This is a lot harder than I thought it would be. A lot harder....
"Xena, that was so... so senseless!" Reneé fumes as the warrior begins unpacking their things. "They had this stupid weapon in their hands, and could have just hot-footed it back to their king!"
"Right." Xena agrees, rummaging through Argo's packs.
"Don't you get it? They would have gotten a hero's welcome. They would probably be getting laid right now! But instead, they had to have you too, didn't they? What a bunch of idiots!"
"Some men always want what they can't have." Xena lectures. All the lectures she had given Gabrielle would have to be given over again to Reneé. Gods, not again. "What happened was their own fault."
"Yeah, I guess so." Reneé agrees dejectedly.
A hand lands on her shoulder. "Do you want to tell me about it?" Xena calmly asks.
"Xena, will you quit fussing over me?" Reneé waves her hands in indignation. "I told you I'm fine."
"Are you sure?" the warrior asks again, concern showing in her eyes. "Everyone handles their first kill differently. Some just go into denial."
"Alright, I'm not fine." Reneé admits, raising her eyebrows. "I feel like I'm gonna toss my cookies. You want to know what I think? I'll tell you. That man was trying to kill me. I'd already given him a chance to surrender. Or just walk away. But no, he was hell-bent on trying to kill me."
Reneé sits down next to the weapon sack, continuing in a softer voice. "I've only used that kick on punching bags before. Never for real."
"Go on." Xena prompts. Getting her to talk it out was the first step.
"Xena, I felt his throat give way when I kicked him." Reneé continues, her sinuses filling with tears. "For a moment I saw his expression. Like he knew that this was it. He was going to die. I guess really, uh, I'm just sorry it came down to that, is all. Him or me."
"Good." Xena commends, reaching down to brush her hair. "You just wanted to live, Reneé. That doesn't make you a bad person. You keep on remembering that. The day you forget that, when you no longer feel anything after killing someone, that is when you truly become... evil."
Reneé thought about her words. She knew Xena was talking about herself, although she hoped she was referring to her life before she met Gabrielle. "How do you feel now when you kill someone?" she asks.
"I used to have these nightmares. Every night." Xena recounts, shuddering to herself for a moment. "After Callisto managed to switch bodies with me, the nightmares stopped."
"What made them go away?" Reneé asks, enjoying having her hair stroked.
"You." Xena explains, looking down at her wistfully. "Your love. I mean Gabrielle's."
Xena stops brushing the other woman's hair, as if realizing that it wasn't her bard before her. "I'll uh, go fill up our waterskins."
Reneé watches the warrior walk around her to retrieve their skins. She waits until Xena is just about to leave before speaking.
"Xena?"
"Huh." the warrior grunts.
"Thanks." Reneé says, giving her a pensive smile.
Xena looks up in surprise at her, returning her smile. "I'll be right back."
Reneé watches her go, and then brushes the purloined sack with her foot. Her curiosity aroused, she turns the bag over and searches for the flap. "I wonder what kind of weapon this is?"
She finds the flap, or so she thought. Pulling hard at a corner, it yields only reluctantly. When she manages to pull it up enough to get a handle, she realizes that the entire flap has been sealed with pitch. She starts working on the middle of the flap. "Not exactly Tupperware, but its ancient equivalent!"
Reneé grabs the final end to the flap and pulls it free of its gooey binding. Then she lifts the flap up. No sooner has she done this than a cool, multi-colored mist begins seeping out of the sack, and all around her.
"Yikes!" the actress yelps, falling backwards to get away from whatever it was. The mist seems to swirl and twist in the air, and then rises very quickly, up through the forest canopy. In a moment, it was gone.
"Xena!!" she yells, hoping nothing else will slither out of the bag before she returns.
....................................................
Xena is in the process of filling their first skin when she hears her cry. Dropping it without hesitation, she breaks into a run, hefting her Chakram up in her hand for good measure.
Several moments later, Reneé is relieved to see Xena burst into the clearing with her weapon ready.
"Oh Xena, I'm sorry!" Reneé apologizes, walking over to her. "I didn't mean to alarm you."
"Well, you did." Xena says gruffly, resetting her Chakram on its clip. She wanted very much to hide the fact that her heart was pounding out of fear for her. Quiet down! she mentally berates her heart, slowing it subconsciously.
"It was the sack." Reneé nervously explains. "I was curious about what was in it, and uh..."
"How can you be so careless?" Xena chides, walking over to it. "We had no idea what they had in this thing. Don't you remember Gabrielle's adventure with Pandora, for Zeus' sake?"
"I said I'm sorry." Reneé emphasizes a little too hotly.
"Well keep saying it," Xena asks, inspecting the bag, "I like it. What happened?"
"As soon as I opened it, some kind of fog came out of the bag. Scared me silly."
"Fog?" Xena asks with a rising voice. "What did it look like? Like a rainbow?"
"Well yes, but how did you--"
"Hera's teats!" Xena swears, tearing open the tarry flap again. Getting it open, she pulls the sack down to expose its contents. "I was afraid of this."
"What is that?" Reneé asks, leaning over to look at the thing. "It looks like a leather watermelon."
"It's magical." Xena says with disgust, touching its slimy surface. "It must have some kind of monster inside. That's why the Dodonians wanted it. They were probably planning to breed more of... whatever this is."
"And the mist?" Reneé asks, but Xena doesn't answer. Instead, the warrior wipes her hands off onto her leather and stands up.
"We have to get out of here. Now." Xena commands, tension rising in her voice. "Quick! Go gather your things. I'll get Argo."
Reneé is just about to form a response, when suddenly Xena hits her with a shoulder tackle, sending them both flying. It knocks the wind out of her, but that is forgotten as a blast of heat hits her right after, followed by a deafening thud that shakes the ground. Something very heavy has just landed.
Xena is already getting to her feet again, and Reneé rolls herself over to see what's going on.
Standing next to the egg is an enormous, honest-to-God monster. Folding its bat-like wings, the creature shakes its maned head, a lion's head. Next to it, Reneé could also see a goat's head, and a long sinewy neck that ends in what could only be described as a dragon's head.
The heads turn as one to look at her, and then they roar.
Reneé's stomach knots at the horrifying noise. If a sound can be described as that of a lion and a dragon singing in harmony, this is it. The dragon head looks over to its left.
"Reneé, run!" Xena yells as she dances over to the side, waving at the monster. "Come here, ya big ugly!"
The creature flaps its wings once, and then the dragon head breathes a wide column of fire at Xena, scorching Reneé's skin with the heat.
"Xena!" Reneé yells as the flames die down, leaving smoldering bushes and two trees afire where the warrior had stood. "Xena?"
"Ayyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyi!" Xena ululates as she spins through the air. She seems to come out of nowhere, and lands on the creature's back. She drives her sword straight through the dragon head's neck, causing the other heads to roar in pain. (Or in the case of the goat head, to bleat in pain.)
Reneé gets up as the creature spins around her way, flapping its wings in an attempt to dislodge the woman atop it.
Xena tries to stab the lion's neck next, but her sword glances off its corded neck muscles, only giving it a light gash. Before she can try again, it vaults up on its hindquarters and falls over, attempting to roll over on her. Xena pulls herself over just in time, landing beside its forepaws as it heavily falls over. Her eyes widen in alarm as she sees that its forepaws are those of a lion, and its remaining heads were now looking her way. She knows what it will do next. It will pin her with its powerful claws, and then bite through her throat, killing her instantly. She had to get away, but there was no time. Then the paws come for her, just like a cat grabbing a mouse. Steeling herself to her fate, Xena prepares for the inevitable.
"Ahhhh!!" Reneé yells, giving herself courage while charging something the size of a Volkswagen. She jabs her staff out like a lance, right into the eye of the lion head.
The claws dig convulsively into Xena, but she ignores the pain and pulls herself closer to the creature. Then she reaches into her breastplate.
Reneé jumps back as the goat head tries to gore her with its horns. She sees a flash of steel beneath the lion head's neck, and then the entire creature collapses onto the woman beneath.
"Xena! Xena!" Reneé calls out, running around the dying creature. She lifts up the lion head to see how her friend is, as the goat head bleats at her.
She gasps in shock. Xena was laying there with her eyes closed, her face in a grimace.
"Xena?" the actress softly asks, afraid she would not get an answer. The lion head she was holding up spattered more blood onto the dirt beside her.
Xena's eyes flash open. "Gabrielle?" she asks weakly.
"Reneé. It's Reneé, Xena."
"Reneé." Xena says flatly. "Reneé?"
"Yes Xena?"
"Help me get this throw rug off of me."
"Yes Xena."
A few minutes later...
"Let me help with that." Reneé offers, reaching for Xena's slashes with a moistened towel.
"That's alright." Xena snaps, and then smiles at the concerned actress. "I can handle it. They're just scratches."
"But they tore the belly out of your armor." Reneé observes, looking over the damaged piece she was holding for Xena. "You'll need a new outfit."
"I suppose." Xena indifferently responds.
"Why don't we go shopping somewhere?" the strawberry-blonde suggests. "We could get you something light, maybe with a bare midriff. I was thinking of something in green."
"I was thinking that you could go-" Xena begins.
"Ah ah ah..." Reneé waggles a finger in front of her. "Watch the sailor talk. It was just a suggestion. I can't help being partial to green. It goes so nicely with my hair."
"Yes. Yes, it does." Xena agrees, giving the actress an appraising glance. Then she looks away. "And your eyes, too."
"Thank you." Reneé graciously accepts, feeling very pretty at the moment. Then she slaps her hand to her mouth. "Oh my God!"
"What?!" Xena says in annoyance, dabbing some ointment a little too roughly into a wound.
"What? Look what we're sitting on!" Reneé exclaims, getting up off the dead beast. "Xena, this thing isn't natural. It can't be real."
"Well, it isn't natural. But it is real." Xena corrects, reapplying her ointment. "It's a Chimera."
"A Chimera?" Reneé repeats. Then realization dawns over her. "Oh yeah. I remember them from ancient mythology."
The actress walks around the creature. "This... never existed in my world, not even in my past. I'm not-" She draws both of her hands to her face, the truth finally hitting her. "I'm not on my world. I'm not even in my world's past! This is... somewhere else. Oh God..."
"Hey." Xena interjects, getting up. She embraces her by the shoulders. "It'll be alright. I'm here, remember?"
"Yes, you are..." Reneé trails off, returning the embrace. Xena's the one who's injured, and here she is offering me comfort. "You risked your life, didn't you? To distract that creature away from me."
"Of course I did." Xena responds soothingly. "I would give my life to protect you."
Reneé turns to face her. "You really would, wouldn't you?" she asks, knowing the answer. "You love Gabrielle that much."
"Uh huh." Xena nods, smiling enigmatically at her. She decides not to pursue the matter though, and lets go of the actress to go back to tending her scratches.
"I can't imagine what it's like to love someone like that." Reneé softly remarks to herself.
"I can." Xena responds, sitting down on the beast again.
Reneé looks up sharply at her, and receives another of Xena's enigmatic smiles. "You have ears too sharp for your own good." When she catches Xena's expression, she blurts out, "No, don't say-"
"I have many skills." Xena purrs, going back to her mending.
"-it." Reneé finishes, nodding to herself. "-Sigh-"
"So, did you ever fight anything like that in your... show?" Xena asks.
"Are you kidding?" Reneé says in disbelief. "It would have busted a show's budget for that. Besides, cheesy monsters are only supposed to be over on Hercules."
"Hercules?" Xena says sharply.
Uh oh, Reneé thinks. I shouldn't have said that.
"Hercules has his own show?" Xena quietly asks.
-Snrrkkk!-
Steve looks over at his date, who is noisily sucking the last of her drink through her straw. If she was trying to gross him out, it wasn't going to work. (Although her attempt to eat macaroni and cheese with her bare hands almost did the trick.)
A strange trichord melody is playing from the television, and he looks up to see the closing credits for the show they had been watching all evening.
"Well, I uh, had a good time." he offers.
"Oh, me too!" Gabrielle agrees, her eyes fixed on the television. "This was a wonderful program, what do you call it?"
"The Home Shopping Zone." Steve tells hers, rolling his eyes. "I still don't get why you paid so much for that Chakram."
"It was Xena's, I couldn't just let it be sold off to some stranger." Gabrielle explains, setting her glass down. "Besides, I got to finally try out this wondrous device of Reneé's called a credit card. I'm sure she won't mind."
"Uh huh." Steve nods. Now she was referring to herself in the 3rd person again. Maybe it's some kind of actor's thing? "That was amazing how you haggled the price down to $5,000."
"It's a gift." Gabrielle shrugs, smiling at him. He really is a fun person to talk to, the bard thinks to herself, forcing herself to look back at the television. Now I know what Reneé sees in him. And now I have to break his heart.
"Reneé." Steve asks, putting his arm around his girlfriend. "I know things have been a little hectic for you recently, but I want you to know that I'm here for you. If you need me."
Steve watches her carefully for a reaction, but she just looks straight ahead, as beautiful as always. Too beautiful, he thinks, deciding to move in.
"Steve, I..." Gabrielle begins, turning to speak to him. But his face was already there, and they hit noses.
"Oops!" Gabrielle apologizes, tilting her head away.
"Sorry, it's my fault." Steve explains. "I guess I shoulda warned you that I was moving in."
"That's alright." Gabrielle accepts, deciding to get up. She spun around once, trying to remember her rehearsed lines.
"Steve, you're a very sweet man." she begins, emphasizing her words with her hands. "It's just that well, my heart belongs to another."
Steve was silent for a moment. This was the speech every guy dreaded to hear, and it was happening to him. "Is it... Someone I know?"
"Well, in a way." Reneé explains, looking away. "She's-"
"She?" he exclaims, disbelief crossing his face. Blinking quickly, he wipes his face with his hand. "Huh, that is a surprise."
"It's not only that," Gabrielle continues, certain she was digging herself deeper, "it's just that I have... certain concerns with men now, especially after the way my husband died..."
"What? You were married, too?" Steve asks, stunned. "Look, I think one of us hasn't been quite honest about herself."
"I'm sorry." Gabrielle says pathetically, not liking herself very much at the moment.
"Well, I guess, uh..." he says slowly, getting up. "I guess I'll call uh, I'll uh, see you, okay?"
"Okay." Gabrielle smiles at him, but he wouldn't meet her gaze. She had hurt him terribly, and she knew it.
She sees him to the door, and then closes it quietly behind her.
"Rowr." her cat purrs at her questioningly.
"Yeah, hi there." the bard says to her new pet. "I'm a real piece of work, aren't I, Kia Ora? Lost on a far away world, cut off completely from my love. And here I am with a guy who wants me and a woman who doesn't. She practically blew me off, and I just did the same to him, now. What a mess..."
The cat didn't understand her words, but could tell her mood just the same. He drapes his tail across her leg as he walks past, and it gets the desired response. She picks him up, and begins to give him a good petting.
"Reneé," Xena begins, "I've heard you swear with a name I've never heard before, Jesus. Is he your god?"
"Actually, you're not supposed to swear with his name." Reneé sheepishly explains. "It's blasphemy."
"When you call out one of our god's names, they can hear you."
"I wonder if he can hear my thoughts here. I'm so far from home." Reneé muses aloud. Then she looks at Xena. "I guess you don't like your gods much, do you?"
"About as much as a bad headache." Xena replies, giving her a sidelong smile. "So tell me about your god."
Let's see... How should I explain this to her? Reneé considers.
"He was an Israelite who went around the countryside telling people to be nice to each other, to forgive slights, and to treat their enemies as neighbors."
"Then what happened?" Xena asks.
"Well, the authorities said he was a bad influence, and so they nailed him to a cross. They crucified him." Reneé explains. She notices Xena's expression darken considerably. "Is something wrong?"
When Xena only looks at her in response, Reneé smacks her head. "I'm sorry! I'm being a dunce. I forgot that you were crucified, too."
"It's alright." Xena demurs, looking to the sky. "That's a terrible thing for anyone to go through. But to nail him to the cross, too? For street preaching? I thought the world was pretty bad now. It seems the more the world changes, the more things stay the same."
"I thought Gabrielle was supposed to be the philosopher." Reneé grins at her.
"Who do you think is her inspiration?" Xena retorts with a smile, realizing that she was flirting dangerously with this woman. And so what if I am?
"Go on." Xena prompts.
"Go on what?"
"This Jesus." Xena prompts. "How did he become a god?"
"The God, actually." Reneé corrects, thinking. "It turned out that he was always a god, and that he had only assumed mortal form, what you would call an avatar, to test our faith."
"And what is that faith?"
"To spread compassion and love. And tolerance of others." Reneé proudly responds.
"-Huhn-" Xena snorts, looking down at the dirt.
"What?" the actress prompts. "Is there something wrong with that?"
"No. No, it's a lovely sentiment." Xena admits, waving at her. "I just have a little trouble with the tolerance part."
Seeing Reneé's blank expression, Xena decides to continue.
"You said he was an Israelite. Back when Gabrielle and I had saved them from Goliath, there was a big celebration, and we were accorded the honors befitting such heroes of the day."
Then she gets a small curling smile. "That is, until one of the priests spotted Gabrielle and I holding hands that evening. He went back and told the others. Things went... downhill from there."
"Really?" Reneé asks, concerned. "How?"
Xena smiles at her. "Let's just say that we were hastily invited to leave the kingdom as soon as was convenient, and never to return, or we would be run through with spears for our abomination."
"Oh." Reneé remarks, taking it in. "I don't suppose there'd be many places in your world that would like such... women."
"You'd be surprised..." Xena trails off, raising her eyebrows. "Life is so short here. You're alive for only a little while, and dead a long time after. Nobody really cares who you're sleeping with. They know that finding someone who cares for you is more important than... anything else."
Xena looks away when she finds Reneé meeting her wistful gaze. She knew this wasn't the woman she fell in love with, but she also couldn't deny that she was very much like her. Was it fair to Gabrielle? I'd better change the subject.
"So, you're a storyteller, too." Xena notes, nodding.
"Yes." Reneé admits. "I guess we share the same line of work."
"Did you ever want to do anything else? Or were you always a bard?"
"I wanted to be a Marine Biologist." the actress admits, laughing ruefully.
"That sounds dreadful." Xena remarks, making a face. "What do they do?"
"Study fish, and invertebrates like crabs or lobster." Reneé seriously explains.
"Sounds fascinating."
"Do I detect a hint of sarcasm there?" Reneé suggestively asks, giving a mock punch to Xena's shoulder. "It's better than beating up baddies who haven't bathed in a week!"
"Baddies?"
"Sorry." Reneé apologizes. "Kiwi term for the warlords you fight. I'm going to have to get used to everyone going around Greece using classic Midwest American English. This place is so weird."
"Oh, you haven't seen the weirdest stuff yet." Xena cautions. She watches the actress nod and walk away. Yes, it's definite. I'm definitely falling for you. What am I going to do?
Suddenly, Reneé stops and turns back to her. Something was hovering behind her eyes, but Xena couldn't tell what.
"Xena?" she asks. "How did your relationship with Gabrielle change?"
Xena was silent for a moment. "That is quite a tale. I had died, and through the help of an old friend, had managed to possess another friend's body, to communicate with Gabrielle."
"That would have been Malayla, and the King of Thieves. Go on."
Xena stares at her for a moment, before realizing that Reneé would have to know all of this. "Anyway, I managed to make contact with her. And then, I kissed her. Not a kiss of friendship or passion, as the living would think of it. But of one soul to another. A soulkiss. Even so, I could tell that it shocked the Hades out of her."
"I remember." Reneé nods, smiling. It was the artful editing between Xena and Autolycus that allowed that scene to even make it onto television.
"After I... was restored to life," Xena continues, "we talked about what happened. About what the kiss meant. It was Gabrielle who made the choice."
"Which was?"
"That it could mean something more, if we wanted it to." Xena sighs, thinking back. "I... had no problems with it, and she obviously didn't. So that's how we started."
"You... miss her, don't you?"
Xena's face becomes a mask of stoicism. Her reserve seems to crack for a moment, and then shatters completely. "If she only knew... Gods..."
Reneé steps forward as the warrior just seems to shrink in front of her.
"I think about her every day!" Xena nearly cries out, frustrated beyond her limits. "It's as if she's dead! She died, and I'm never going to see her again. What am I doing here? What am I doing? I'm just... lost without her."
Reneé reaches out to comfort her, but the warrior issues a dark curse, and purposefully steps back.
"I never thought I'd let myself love someone again." Xena says angrily through burning tears. "And here I went and did it! Never wanted to feel this way again! I hate this! I hate not being in control. I hate needing someone. Do you understand?"
"Yes." Reneé answers closely, tipping the warrior's chin up. "Yes, I do."
Xena returns her close look, her eyes uncharacteristically tearing. The warrior didn't know what she'd find in those eyes, but she didn't feel like turning away, either.
"Come here." Reneé breathes. Steeling her courage, she moves in and closes her eyes.
Xena returns her kiss.
Reneé lingers for a moment, and then parts and takes in a breath. "That was... not bad." she notes.
"Would you like another?" Xena asks expectantly.
"Yes."
They kiss again, slowly this time. Xena halts for a moment, she can tell the other woman is breathing quite heavily now, and she is starting to feel a bit flushed, too.
"Are you sure about this?" Xena asks quietly, expressing her own doubts.
Reneé gives her a quick kiss. "Don't talk to me. Kiss me." she commands.
Whatever button the actress needed to push, that was it. Something within her swelled at Reneé's forceful tone, and Xena gave in to what she hoped they both wanted.
They resume their kissing, but this time in earnest. Xena's kisses roam down the other woman's neck, and Reneé murmurs something to her. Xena acquiesces. They both descend to the soft grass at their feet.
Gabrielle pushes the button on the console that Lucy had showed her how to operate. Within moments, strange melodies and a singing voice comes from the little boxes on the side of the stereo, as she calls it.
"Lucy, tell me about this part that says 'Fight scene'." she asks, folding her script over.
"You're going to have a bloody good time with the stuntees." Lucy observes, shaking her head. "You'll need remedial staff training just not to break their heads."
"So what would you recommend?"
"Well first, you'll have to discuss with the stuntman every battle scene you're going to do together." the actress explains. "That way you can know how to proceed. But you have to know their peculiar dialect, for instance:"
Lucy gets a mischievous smile. "When you plan to hit the stuntman in the next scene, tell him that you're going to bonk him."
"Bonk him?" the bard asks, fully intending to soak up every bead of wisdom from the actress.
"Yes." Lucy says decidedly. "I'm sure it will get your desire across to him quite well."
"You're the best, Lucy." the bard beams at her. "Everyone should have a friend like you!"
"I know." she replies, poking her tongue around in her cheek for a few seconds as the music reaches a crescendo:
"Lucy, this music is beautiful. What is it?" the bard asks, walking back to the stereo.
"That's Elton John." the actress answers with a wave of her script. "It's one of Reneé's CDs."
"He has a stunning voice." the bard notes, drinking it in. "What is the song about?"
"It's about a little lion cub who gets lost, and then grows up to return to his rightful kingdom."
"Oh, a parable." Gabrielle decides, picking up the liner notes.
"No, it's Disney." Lucy chuckles. "I'll have Daisy show you the movie sometime."
Ring ring ring!
"Hold on a minute, Gab." Lucy interrupts. "I've got to get the phone."
Do these people always let a box interrupt a conversation? How weird, Gabrielle ruminates, putting the CD sleeve down. She notices a pile of other scripts next to the stereo, and decides to rifle through them.
"Let's see... Giant Killer, Girls Just Wanna Have Fun, Return of..." she stops reading aloud as she sees the most hateful name in existence. She picks up the script, and begins to read it.
"Hello?" Lucy answers the phone. "Hi, Lovey. What's up? Uh huh. Oh. Alright. So tell me. What did the other children say about Xena?"
Lucy blanches at what her daughter tells her. "No, I won't tell you what that means. They're used to hold up water in Holland, as far as I know. Tell you what... Here's what you say to them when you see them next. You tell them that Xena says thanks for the compliment, but nobody knows what she does between episodes, and besides, it's bloody well nobody's business. But leave out the bloody part, okay? Look, I've got to finish up some scripts with Gabrielle here, and I'll be home shortly, alright? Bye bye, luv."
The mother-actress hangs up the phone, and sighs. "I'll bet this never happens to Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman."
"Lucy!" a voice calls from the other room.
The actress walks back to the living room to find the bard standing there with tears running down her reddened cheeks. She waves a script in the air.
"They killed him!" the bard nearly sobs, the script trembling in her hand. "Like it was some big joke! It's all here. Stupid Perdicus shows up just in time to be murdered by Callisto, and that's that!"
"Now Gabrielle, take it easy..." Lucy attempts to comfort, but she can see the volcano building.
Gabrielle looks around the room in desperation. "I guess it really didn't sink in until now. This isn't a reflection of my life! This is my life! My marriage, his death, all of it. It was just some stupid trick to give me a dramatic scene, wasn't it?"
"Yes." Lucy admits, deciding honesty was the only way to handle this. "It's a rule of television. Love interests of the stars must either leave the show or... die somehow."
Gabrielle meets her look, and Lucy tries to meet the pain in her face with sympathy.
"Why didn't you tell me?"
"It's only been a short time since we shot Return of Callisto." Lucy explains. "I didn't think it would be good to bring it up just yet. I'm sorry."
"He loved me, Lucy." Gabrielle says softly, sniffling a bit. "He loved me with all of his heart. And he was just there to be used and thrown away, like trash."
"Now that's not true." Lucy attempts to console, stepping closer. "That's not all that happened there. You showed the depth of your love, and your courage. You showed that you had the strength not to murder Callisto the same as she did your husband. That took courage."
The bard sniffles again, and looks up into her eyes. "You're just saying that."
"No, I'm not." Lucy smiles at her. "Reneé just said the words. You lived them. This is who you are."
"Small comfort to Perdicus..." the strawberry-blonde trails off, tossing the script down on the table.
"And Marcus. And Hercules' wives, both of them. And Ulysses." Lucy notes, then tilts her head.
"You met Ulysses? I mean, Xena?" the bard asks, her curiosity momentarily pulling her out of her blues.
"Well, in an upcoming episode we do." Lucy corrects herself. "And he doesn't die a horrible death. We just send him back to his wife which, when you think about it, is pretty much the same."
Gabrielle manages to giggle, in spite of herself. "Thanks. Really."
"You're welcome." Lucy smiles back. "Well uh, I'd better get going. Daisy is waiting for dinner."
Lucy turns to leave, and Gabrielle watches her with mixed feelings.
"Please don't go." the bard asks.
"Gabrielle," Lucy begins, "I can't stay here. I told you, I'm a housewife. A Mum. I have to go home. And this is your home."
"Can I stay with you, then?"
"Gabrielle..."
"Just for now." Gabrielle pleads. "I just feel so weird in this place, this apartment. I don't want to be alone."
"-Sigh- Alright." Lucy relents. "You can stay. Do you want to stay in my bedroom, too?"
Gabrielle just looks at her.
"Sorry, I guess I shouldn't snap at you." Lucy smiles at her. "You can stay in the guest room."
"Great!" Gabrielle says with relief. As Lucy opens the door to leave, Kia Ora meows at them.
"Oh, wait." Gabrielle says, picking the cat up. "I'd better feed my cat before we go. Yes, you're a pretty girl, aren't you?"
"Boy." Lucy corrects.
"Oh."
"Don't worry, we had the same problem with our Argos last season." Lucy notes, as the bard takes the cat back to the kitchen. She's really acting like it's her pet. It's funny, I wonder what Reneé herself is doing right now. Oh well. I'm sure if she gets into a sticky situation, Xena can get her out.
Xena awakes in a nude embrace with Reneé. The very warm actress had her elbow wedged painfully against Xena's ribs, and it had probably been there for some time. Xena carefully eases herself away from the offending limb, and rests her head on the strawberry-blonde's chest.
You look like Gabrielle. You even smell like Gabrielle. Gods, I love that scent. I guess I don't have to ask if you are her or not. You are like a Gabrielle that I would know in maybe five, ten years. Not quite her, yet as familiar to me as my own face. I remember when I first made love to Gabrielle. Or rather, she made love to me. I've never known anyone who had such a need, without really knowing what they were doing. She smiles at the thought. And now, your double, this Reneé. Gods, she's sweet. This time she sensed my need, and gave it to us both. That's another thing she shares with you, my love, wherever you are. I hope you forgive me this.
Reneé awakens slowly. She was very comfortable, and before she was even fully awake, she knew that the person next to her was Xena. A very warm Xena.
"Mmm Hmm." Reneé murmurs. "I had a nice dream."
"Want to fill me in?" Xena asks, lifting her head up. She slides herself up face to face with the actress, enjoying the change in contact with her skin.
"I was walking along Bethel's Beach." Reneé describes, her voice taking on a wistful tone. "It's a beautiful black sand beach in New Zealand. There was no one else there but me. There was no sound, not even from me, except the endlessly splashing surf. It was so peaceful."
"They say dreams mean things." Xena observes, giving the actress a kiss just beneath her ear. "I hope this doesn't mean you want to be alone."
"I don't think so..." Reneé trails off, as Xena kisses her earlobe. Her breath catches as she feels the warrior take the entire lobe into her mouth and lightly suck on it. "Ack- Hey! I'm liking that way too much. You don't want to get me started again, do you?"
"I like doing it... again." Xena whispers to her, her meaning unmistakable. She let her mouth roam along Reneé's cheek.
"Of that, I've no doubt." Reneé asserts in a high voice, as the Warrior Princess' breath splashes coolly across her chin. "Xena!"
"What?"
"I don't know how to put this delicately, but uh, there are parts of me that are a little sensitive right now..."
"I know," the warrior replies with a mischievous flash of her eyes, "it was quite a treat to find them."
Xena lets the moment hang between them, enjoying the look of contentment on the other woman's face. Then she leans back, and props herself up on her shoulder.
"How do you feel?" the raven-haired woman asks.
"Okay, I guess." Reneé awkwardly answers. She nervously looks away from Xena's nude body, which is just splayed out in front of her. Then realizing that it was silly to be shy at this stage, she looks back at her.
"Just okay?" Xena coyly asks.
"Alright, very okay." Reneé corrects with a chuckle. "It's just that I feel a little guilty."
"How is that?"
"I feel like I'm cheating on my boyfriend." Reneé answers, thinking back to her life. Her past life.
"He's very far away," Xena sternly intones, "and I'm much closer." She reaches out to one of Reneé's breasts for emphasis.
"Yes, very close." Reneé relents, closing her eyes. Xena's hand felt very warm on her. "It's so weird."
"Making love to another woman?" Xena asks, raising an eyebrow, but keeping her hand on its comfortable perch.
"No, that the woman looks just like my best friend." Reneé adds with a smile, placing her hand on top of Xena's outstretched hand.
"So you two never..." Xena trails off significantly, impishly squeezing her soft breast twice for emphasis.
"No," Reneé scolds, lightly smacking the other woman's arm, "Xena, we work together 12 hours a day, 5 days a week. There wasn't even the slightest chance of something happening between us. We had to spend time apart after the show, or we'd be at each others throats. Figuratively." she adds.
"Funny," Xena observes, letting go of the other woman's chest, "our being together all the time is what brought us together."
The moment is pregnant with emotion, and both women simply gaze at each other, taking in the reality of being together.
"I... guess I should tell you," Reneé begins, somewhat ruefully, "you're the first woman I've uh, been with."
"Yes." Xena dryly observes, nodding her head. "I know."
"Was I that bad?" Reneé asks with exaggeration.
"No... It's just that I was Gabrielle's first, and you really are like her. In all places. It's uncanny."
Reneé reaches out to Xena's hip. "Do you regret this?"
"No." Xena shakes her head, her eyes misting over. "No, I consider myself very lucky. I never thought I'd be able to make love to you for the first time, twice."
Reneé smiles at her, and lets her hand fall past Xena's upper leg, to nestle it firmly between the warrior's thighs. Then she slowly slides her hand upward.
Xena looks to see the other woman's expression, but there is no mistaking the intent on her face.
"I thought you said you were too sensitive for anything now." Xena skeptically suggests.
"I am." Reneé nods, raising her eyebrows. "I didn't say anything about your sensitivity, though."
Xena feels her lover's hand reach its destination ever so gently, and she closes her eyes to capture the ensuing sensation.
"Yeah Liz," Lucy says into the phone, "I think Reneé was just buggered out after this week's shooting. Maybe you could ask for her to take it easy next week, okay? Good. Mmm hmm. Yes, well, I don't know. Uh huh. Why don't you bring 'em by next morning, and we can go over them then. I think this next one we're workin' on'll be a real corker! Ha! Alright. Okay, cheerio."
Thunder crashes outside, and Lucy glances up at nature's flashing display as she puts the receiver down.
I never thought Daisy would go to sleep. I'd better go check on our "guest" before turning in. I just hope the sight of me in knickers doesn't make her swoon. Lucy chuckles at her own wit, as she softly pads her bare feet out into the hallway.
Lucy slowly cracks the door open on Gabrielle's room and peeks in, but is surprised to see that the bed is empty. Suddenly the lightning flashes again, and she sees her curled up in a ball on the floor.
"Who's there?" the figure on the floor calls out.
"It's me, Lucy." the actress says, flicking the bedroom's light on. "Why on God's Green Earth are you sleeping on the floor?"
"Oh." the bard smiles sheepishly, rubbing her eyes. "The bed was too soft. It didn't feel natural."
"I suppose sleeping on rocks is natural." Lucy says with amusement.
"That's not what I meant." Gabrielle replies, getting unsteadily to her feet. "I thought only Pharaohs slept on beds like this."
"Well, you'll get used to it." Lucy says, folding her arms.
Gabrielle faces her, holding her hands together. "Oh gosh, this is going to sound weird, so I'll go on and say it: Can I sleep with you tonight?"
"This is starting to sound like one of those preposterous Internet stories." Lucy says under her breath. Then she looks at the expectant woman before her. "If I do, will you promise to ring me the next day?"
"What?"
"Nothing. Just a joke." Lucy says, biting down a goofy grin. "I'm such a nutball, I never had to worry about Ren being attracted to me, that's for certain. So, it'll be just you and me, right? Right."
"Is something wrong?"
"Well no, yes." Lucy shrugs, searching for some delicate phrasing. "It's just that I look just like your lover, your Xena. Sometimes I wonder if you're picturing me without my clothes, is all."
"I'm doing that right now."
Lucy gawks at her.
"I'm kidding!" Gabrielle chides, laughing. "I know what you're saying. You know, I can control myself. I can be a proper lady when I want to be."
"Glad to hear it." Lucy yawns at her, ushering her out of the room. "Let's hit the sack."
A few minutes later, in Lucy's bed...
"Gabrielle?"
"Yes."
"You're a real nutball, you know that?" Lucy chuckles.
"What?"
"I'm sorry. That isn't what I meant to say." Lucy apologizes, shifting around. "I guess I'm just real nervous right now."
"What for?" the bard asks, pretty sure why.
"This is going to sound real goofy, but are you attracted to me?" Lucy asks.
"I think you know the answer to that." Gabrielle whispers cautiously.
"Is it because I just look like Xena? You know I'm not her. We are very different."
"Yes, you are." Gabrielle decides. "But yet, in some ways, on some level, you are the same. I can't explain it. Maybe that's what attracts me to you."
Lucy felt Gabrielle's hand search out and find hers in the darkness. It's funny, if I was this close to Reneé right now, I'd probably have the collywobbles if she were doing this. But this is different. This woman wants me. Needs me. Here in my bed. So what if we did? So what?
"Lucy?" the bard asks, breathing the word.
"Mmm Hmm." the actress nervously responds, wondering if her bedmate was eavesdropping on her thoughts.
"Have you ever been with a woman before?"
"Yes." Lucy admits very quietly. "It was a long time ago, though."
The room was heavy with silence.
"Can I kiss you?" the bard asks.
Lucy does not answer, doesn't dare answer, but squeezes her hand back in response.
The weight on the bed shifts, and Gabrielle snuggles over to give this woman a much-deserved kiss.
Knock knock knock!
Lucy feels jets of ice shoot down her veins, and Gabrielle quickly rolls back over. "Yes?" she calls out.
The door creaks open, and in walks her daughter.
"Stan and I got scared." the girl says, holding her bear to her. The thunder rolls through the frame of the house, causing her to shiver. Then she cocks her head. "Is Gabrielle there, too?"
"Yes, I'm here." a small voice answers from across the room.
"C'mon up, luv." Lucy calls over to her, patting the bed audibly beside her. "You can sleep with us."
"You're having a slumber party?" Daisy exults as she runs at them and bounds up on the bed. "And you didn't invite me?"
"-Ooof!-" Lucy exhales as her daughter lands on her. She picks her up and lifts her over beside her. "Why don't you sleep over here!"
Lucy basically dumps Daisy onto Gabrielle, making the bard move obligingly over.
"Were you scared of the lightning too, Gabrielle?"
"Oh no." the bard seriously intones, reaching over to tickle the girl. "Because we've got Xena to watch over us, right Mummy?"
"-Giggle- Stop it!" Daisy fidgets, pushing Gabrielle's hand away.
"Right." Lucy sullenly responds. "If you little girls are about through now, I'd like to get some sleep if it's all the same to you."
"Alright. I'll settle down." Daisy solemnly swears, exhaling exhaustively. "Goodnight, Aunt Gabby."
"Goodnight, Daisy."
"Goodnight, Mummy."
"Goodnight, you little scamp. I love you."
"I love you, too." Daisy responds sleepily, embracing her bear as the thunder rumbles outside.
Gabrielle allows Daisy to snuggle against her, and relaxes considerably. She felt very much at home here. Like part of the family, she muses to herself, smiling. I could get used to this.
"So, what do we do with this?" Reneé asks, turning the Chimera pod over. "Ewww, yuck!" she revulses as she takes her hands away. "I've been slimed!"
"I'd better kill it." Xena decides. She walks over to one of Argo's packs. Fishing around in it, she produces a particularly wicked-looking dagger. "This'll do. It's junk, and its previous owner won't be needing it."
"Xena, do we have to kill it?" Reneé says doubtfully. "Maybe you could take it or something."
"And do what?" the warrior asks incredulously. "Raise a Chimera? Don't be ridiculous! It's a magical creature. Trust me on this."
"Where did they come from?"
"How they were created is a dark mystery best left unexplored." Xena intones mysteriously. "And that's enough. Why? Don't tell me that they're planning on adding this thing as some sort of mascot on my show!"
"No, not that I know of..." Reneé trails off, thinking that she pretty much covered that area. Then she gets an idea. "We are planning a torrid three-part romance between you and Salmoneus."
"What?" Xena looks up sharply, falling right into her trap.
"Oh yes." Reneé continues, calling on her significant acting abilities. "Endless scenes of baths together, oil rubbings, massages, and toe suckings."
"Toe sucking?" Xena cringes, sticking out her tongue. "You mean I have to let him suck my toes?"
"No."
"Well that's good." Xena nods.
"You do the sucking." Reneé seriously informs her.
"I what?!"
"Yep." Reneé innocently explains. She made sure her expression was perfect. "It's something you can't get enough of. In fact, one entire episode is named Sal's Toes of Honey."
"You're making this up." Xena slowly says, looking at her with veiled eyelids.
"I am not." the actress seriously says. "It's mostly true."
"Mostly true?" Xena exclaims, finally catching on. "I think I'm the one who's being suckered. And I don't like being suckered."
"Oh?" Reneé impudently responds. "What are you going to do about it?"
"I'm going to tickle you till you beg me to stop." Xena promises with a glint in her eye, deliberately walking over. "And then I'll get nasty."
"Wait a minute, what about the egg?" Reneé hastily asks, preparing to make a dash for the lake.
Xena flips the dagger up on its point, and then her forearm becomes a blur.
Reneé nearly jumps as the Chimera egg erupts two holes at once, each on opposite sides. There is a hard crack on wood, and she follows the sound to see that the dagger is now embedded in a nearby tree. She looks at Xena.
"Its troubles are over. Yours are just beginning." Xena promises with menace, sending a whooping Texas Amazon Princess running for safety.
It's Saturday morning, and the stairs are thudding with the reverberations of a child's feet. Daisy runs down the staircase at 7 a.m., and races into the living room. Plopping herself onto the couch, she reaches for the remote control and turns on the TV. As it comes on, a familiar theme starts blaring from it. Daisy carefully looks over to her left, and then to her right. No one else in the house was awake yet. Then she looks back to the TV, where a handsome face appears.
"Go Sinbad!" she cries, pumping her fist in an exaggerated fashion.
Several commercial breaks later...
"Drat!" the girl curses, getting up to answer the doorbell.
"Who is it?" she yells through the door, careful not to open it to strangers.
"It's me, Liz Friedman, Daisy." a voice calls back. Daisy props herself up to the peephole to confirm this, and lets her in.
"Hello."
"Why hello, dear." Liz says, entering. "Is your Mummy up yet?"
"No, she's still asleep."
"Ha!" Liz observes, looking up at the ceiling. "Well, I wanted to sleep through this early-morning script discussion too, but I dragged myself out of bed. Is Reneé here yet?"
"Uh..." Daisy trails off, wondering if she should tell her that it's really Gabrielle.
"What?"
"She still sleeping with Mummy."
"Oh. Oh?" Liz says to herself, wrinkling her features. She looks up at the staircase, and then shrugs. "Well, news to me. Uh, tell you what, Daisy. Why don't we go watch TV until they get up, hmmm?"
"Okay." the girl agrees, leading her to their living room. "Why don't you sit down." she says, adopting the tone of a proper hostess. "Would you like me to make us some white coffee or some tea?"
"Oh uh, I'll have tea dear, thank you." Liz smiles at her. What a well-mannered young girl, she thinks. Great Caesar's Ghost! So they're sleeping together now. Well, well...
Her attention strays to the TV in front of her. "Oh no." she shudders as a heroically shirtless warrior appears. "I hope they wake up soon."
Lucy is half-awake when she feels the weight on the bed shift next to her. She turns over, and sees that the strawberry-blonde beside her is also awake.
"Lucy?" the other woman says, looking at her with intense eyes.
She's so beautiful, Lucy thinks to herself, looking at her. I can't believe I really want to kiss her. But I do. What will she think of me? What will she think of this...
"I'm here." Lucy says with a sleepy smile, as she leans over to kiss her.
The other woman's eyes bug out as she leans over her, delivering a wet kiss.
"-Mmphf!-" Reneé muffles against the mouth pressing against hers.
Lucy is so surprised that she breaks contact. "W-What?"
"Lucy, what are you doing?" Reneé exclaims, sitting up. Good grief, not here too!
The actress in question props herself up on her elbow to stare at the woman next to her. She was still dressed in the nightgown she had given her, but- A creeping feeling tingles through Lucy's mind.
"Who are you?" Lucy asks.
"Reneé. I'm Reneé." the actress responds to her, blinking and looking around her. I'm home. In a real bed. I'm back home.
"If you're really Reneé," Lucy says suspiciously, "then what was my college nickname?"
"Unco." the actress replies without hesitation.
"And why was that?"
"Because you were so uncoordinated!" she beams at her.
"Reneé? Reneé!" Lucy gushes, sweeping the actress up in a hug. "You're back! Oh, I'm so glad you made it back. I missed you so much!"
"Did you now?" Reneé says curiously, and Lucy releases her from her grip. "Lucy, I am glad to be back, so don't take this the wrong way, but... What am I doing in your bed?"
Lucy nods her head, preparing her explanation. "Gabrielle slept with me."
"Oh. I see." Reneé says, her eyes diverting to the bedsheets.
"Not like that!" Lucy exclaims. "I mean, nothing happened. Thank God Daisy was here, or-" she stops herself.
"Daisy?" Reneé asks, studying her features. "Are you saying that something might have happened without her there?"
"No! Yes... I don't know." Lucy finishes softly, slowly bringing guilty eyes up to the other woman. "Gabrielle was very lonely without Xena, and it was so weird, her looking like my mate. You."
"So you haven't..." Reneé trails off, shaking her head questioningly.
"Of course not!" Lucy adds quickly. "And certainly not right after the first date. What do you take me for?"
"You had a date?!"
"Well, it was more of a girls' night out." Lucy explains, shifting her position slightly. "As I spent more time with her, it become obvious that she considered it a date."
"Oh."
Lucy sits for a moment and considers it all. So much had happened in the past few days, she could hardly believe it all. It all seemed so real. It was real. Then a thought occurs to her.
"You. Why did you assume that we were doing something?" Lucy asks with narrowing eyes.
"Oh, just a-" Reneé cuts herself off, feeling a strong blush coming on. Suddenly, she felt like she had been caught playing doctor or something.
"What about you?" Lucy asks suspiciously.
"What about me?"
"You were with Xena." Lucy says dangerously, shifting herself over to Reneé. "Weren't you?"
"Uh huh." Reneé timidly answers, suddenly finding a wall painting very fascinating.
"Well?"
"Well what?"
"Did you... do anything... with her?" Lucy asks in a high tone, suddenly enjoying this line of discussion very much.
"Yes."
"Like what?" Lucy suggestively asks.
"Everything." Reneé relents in a whisper, thinking of it. "We um, did it all."
Lucy draws her face close to her co-star's, her eyes wide. "Get off the grass! You bonked me?!"
Reneé is blushing very furiously right now, and finds that she cannot speak, but can only look back desperately into the blue eyes of the woman before her. Looking into each other's eyes, both women simultaneously realize just how close they are to one another. Scrambling out on opposite sides of the bed, they begin smoothing out their nightgowns, careful to look at anything but each other.
"Woo..." Lucy whistles low under her breath.
"Oh God..." Reneé swears, giving the ceiling a thorough inspection.
"Hey, how 'bout them Detroit Red Wings, eh?" Lucy brightly asks, rubbing her hands together.
"Oh, they are a shoo-in for the playoffs!" Reneé jumps in enthusiastically.
"They're doin' bloody great, that's them alright." Lucy agrees just as earnestly, turning a deep pink.
"You're blushing."
"Am not." Lucy responds.
"Am too."
"Alright, I'm getting the collywobbles right now." Lucy nervously dodges, putting her hand up as a sign of truce. "We can talk about all this later. I'm hungry. Are you up for some breakfast?"
"Yes! Breakfast sounds great!" Reneé agrees a little too eagerly, walking around the bed to her co-star.
"Well then, what would you like?" the raven-haired woman asks, opening the door for them.
"Some blueberry pancakes?" Reneé suggests as she follows her out into the hallway.
"Does me up a treat." Lucy replies. "I know you like how I make them."
"Oh yes!" Reneé gushes as they walk out into the living room. "I love it when you put whipped cream on them!"
"-Pfphooo!!!-" Liz gags, almost choking on the tea that Daisy had brought her.
"Oh Liz, I'm sorry." Lucy apologizes, finally noticing her guest. "I forgot that you were going to stop by this morning. We've had quite an experience recently, let me tell you!"
"-Ahem!- That's quite alright." Liz declines with an upraised hand. "You can uh, fill me in on all the gruesome details later. Daisy, would you wash this up in the kitchen for me?"
Daisy takes the proffered cup and saucer from her and goes into the kitchen.
"Actually, I wanted to discuss the direction of the show with you." Liz continues.
Lucy and Reneé exchange glances, and smile at each other.
"I wanted to talk to you about something too." Lucy interjects, sitting down across from her. "The subtext content on the show, actually."
"Really?" Liz nods importantly, as Reneé sits down beside her.
"Me too." Reneé offers, glancing back over at Lucy. "I think we need more subtext on the show."
"You don't say." Liz remarks with a twinkle in her eye. "Well, that's precisely what I wished to discuss as well."
Deep in the trackless forests that blanket a northern province of Greece, far from the prying eyes of a cold and uncaring world, two soulmates kiss.
The Official Guide to the Xenaverse by Robert Weisbrot.
Warrior Stars of Xena by Nikki Stafford.
Whoosh! Magazine, Kym Masera Taborn, Editor.
Xena X-Posed by Nadine Crenshaw.
Reneé O'Connor International Fan Club newsletters through March 1998.
Radio, newspaper, and television interviews with Lucy Lawless and Reneé
O'Connor.
Bedtime Story by Hooper, Bjork, and DeVries.
Chimera courtesy of TSR's AD&D Monstrous Compendium.
Definition of Subtext by DSWriter, courtesy of Silver's Subtext FAQ.
Picture Link courtesy of MaryD's
Subtext Zone.
Anything in this story that is not from these sources is pure fiction. All family and friends in this story were taken strictly from interviews given by the stars themselves. No offense is intended or implied to the real people depicted herein. Shade and Sweet Water!