Xena’s Fears
By Marie E Costa
Xena sat with her back against a tree, watching Gabrielle. It gave theWarrior pleasure to see her apprentice practice. She smiled. "Gabrielle’s skill with the staff is constantly increasing. Soon she’ll surpass most everybody that uses a staff." Xena’s eyes hardened, "Butthat won’t be enough to keep her safe."
The fear was always there inside of Xena. At first, it was a fearthat the young woman would get herself killed... one more head on herplate. Later the fear intensified, until it consumed her every thought.
"I need to keep her safe. I can not loose another love." The fear of loosing someone so close again gripped Xena; she swore. "I’ll never let that happen." Slowly the young Bard had worn her way past every defense the Warrior Princess had. Just when it had happened, and how, she was unsure, but she was in as deep as any other love Xena had ever had. A lump formed in her throat. "As we traverse the road together, my past rears its ugly head again and again. How much trouble are you willing to put up with?" Xena watched as Gabrielle thrust and parried invisible foes. "How much hate and danger for my sake?"
Xena grinned as Gabrielle jumped and swirled, but still her thoughtsstayed grim. "What will be the final straw? What will make you turnaway from me? To leave me -again - a broken shell. How am I to piece
myself together, if you leave me all alone?" Her eyes brightened, partially from tears, as her thoughts got the better of her, and partially from joy, as Gabrielle flipped and thrust.
"How will I carry on?" Xena bit her lip. "Who will ease my pain?" It hurt to think that one day Gabrielle might leave her, but it would not surprise her. "Who will comfort me as I sit restless by a fire, see
another village destroyed, or hear of one more fatherless child? Fatherless because of me!" Gabrielle spun, dropped low and whipped the staff in a circle.
A surprised smile crossed Xena’s face. Just watching Gabrielle kept her mood from darkening, despite the bleakness of her thoughts. Xena stood to join her friend. Dark thoughts are best left for dark nights.
Gabrielle was here beside her, she wasn’t going anywhere.