Disclaimer: The characters of Xena and Gabrielle and others mentioned, belong to
MCA/Universal and Renaissance Pictures. No infringement on their rights are intended.
Subtext Disclaimer: No sex, but as usual there is an implied loving relationship between
two consenting adult females. If this bothers you, or youre under age, or you live
somewhere where this type of material is illegal, go away.
Timeline: Plan D #15.
Shock Factor: 0. Just enjoy.
Note: This story is a PWP story and for those who dont know what that means. PWP
stands for Plot? What plot? And so, this story has absolutely no plot and its sole
purpose is to brighten your day and give you a good laugh.
Technical note: Half ton, immortal tigers can jump approximately 20 feet straight up, when
given the proper motivation.
Dont drink and drive. Always wear your seat belt, or helmet.
Send comments to asdease1@gte.net
Enjoy.
Monday Night Free-For-All
"Xena, smarts is not spelled with a z, so just pick up that
tile." Pointing at the board, Gabrielle shook her head. "And no triple word
points for you."
Growling, the warrior picked up her z. "Its not my fault I
cant spell."
Raising her eyebrows, T cocked her head to stare at the misspelled warrior. "And
whos fault would it be?"
"Yours!" Pointing an accusatory finger, Xena waved it. "Why couldnt
you just add that when you were giving me all my memories?"
"Is there any way I can convince you guys to play in Greek?" Ares asked, as he
studied his tiles closely. "English is just too bizarre a language." Shaking his
head.
Three intrigued female faces turned to look at him, simultaneously.
Glancing up, he saw the looks he was getting. "Well it is." Picking up his tray
of letters, he turned it for them to see what he had. "Who can work with this?"
Chuckling, Xena covered her eyes.
Gabrielle did the same, but hung her head.
T smiled at the row of consonants. "Honey, youre not supposed to show us your
letters."
"I dont care." Moving the tray further out for inspection, he frowned.
"Just look at this. How am I supposed to get any points when all I collect are
consonants?" Bringing the tray back, he put it down hard, making his useless tiles
jump. "I hate this game. Cant we play cards, or something?"
"Yea." Perking up, Xena nodded. "Cards is a good idea."
"No, no, no." Shaking her head, Gabrielle leaned toward the warrior.
"Youre a cheater and I refuse to play cards with you."
"I dont cheat." Feigning being offended, the warrior put her hands on her
hips. "Youre just unlucky." Smiling smugly.
"Xena." T sighed. "The last time we played cards, you got Gin with a King
of Spades and two King of Hearts."
Suddenly seeing something very interesting out of he corner of her eye, Xena turned her
head to investigate it.
"How about Monopoly?" Ares suggested. "Or Risk, I love Risk." Nodding
heartily.
Shaking her head, T sighed again. "Were not playing anything that remotely
resembles world domination."
"Well, what do you want to play?" He shot back with an attitude.
"I thought Scrabble was a good idea." Gabrielle mumbled and began collecting the
tiles off the table, placing them in the box.
"Thats because you can spell." Having investigated the anomaly, the
warrior turned back and began helping put the game away with much fervor. "How about
Twister?" She said as she smiled sultrily at the bard.
Rolling her eyes, the bard ignored the pass being made at her, since her game was being
packed up and she felt like pouting.
"Xena." Pretty much tired of sighing, T did it again. "How do you expect to
get me and Ares and you, who are three people of above average size, on that tiny piece of
plastic? Gabrielle would have to be the spinner, or risk being crushed."
"Aggravation?" Ares suggested and got three moans. "No, I guess we live
that one." Nodding in self agreement.
Still pissed, Gabrielle motioned for Ares to push his stuff her way. "I could break
out Candyland." She said with a sneer.
Lowering her head, T covered her eyes. "Every Monday night, the same thing."
Taking a few moments to listen to the banter going around the table, which soon turned
into a little wooden tile throwing match, she shook her head. "Okay, okay,
okay." Lifting her head, she looked at the three faces staring at her. "Board
games and cards are out, right?"
The three faces nodded silently and Xena picked a tile out of her hair.
"So is anything that requires putting oversized bodies in close proximity,
right?" Moving her head, she glanced at the curious eyes that moved with the nod.
"Okay, you three get this mess cleaned up and when youre done, meet me out
back."
"Out back?" Gabrielle asked. "Whats out back?"
"Youll find out." Standing, T smiled and twirled her finger in the
direction of the scattered tiles. "Just get this cleaned up, before Bud swallows
one."
The three faces exchanged perplexed looks and watched T go out through the French doors,
onto the deck.
"Wadda ya think shes got planned?" Xena asked Ares.
Ares shrugged. "Dont know. Shes been kinda edgy lately. Maybe shes
just gonna turn the hose on us."
Sighing, Gabrielle shook her head. "Everybodys allowed to be testy, okay. Now
lets get this put away, so we can stop guessing and find out."
"Okay." Shrugging, the warrior continued with her personal grooming and picked
several more tiles out of her hair.
Outside, T took a deep breath, letting the fresh air fill her lungs. "Okay, smarty.
Now what are you going to do?" She asked herself. Walking off the deck, so she
couldnt be spied on, the god put her hands on her hips and looked up at the sky.
"Well, there are at least four hours before dark." Making the mental note, she
also noted air temperature, humidity and several other things in an effort to quickly come
up with a game. "Charades is out." Lamenting her sudden lack of imagination.
"Okay, were here." Xena said, as she stepped out onto the deck.
Putting her hands on her hips, Gabrielle moved to stand beside the warrior.
"Whats the scoop, Ace."
"When does football season start?" Ares asked.
Looking upward, T suddenly felt a whim of evil pass through her brain and she tried to put
it aside, but under the current pressurized situation, she decided to just go with it.
"Were playing Hide and Seek."
"What?" Sighing, the warrior rolled her eyes and began to protest the idea, when
T jumped up to shove her shoulder.
"Youre it." Chuckling, T jumped over the railing and took off at a run.
"The deck is home base."
Eyes wide, Gabrielle smiled and quickly followed suit, before Xena could come to her
senses. "Inside the houses, the garage and the stables are off limits." She
shouted, just before she disappeared around the corner of the house.
Ares found two intense blue eyes turning toward him and smiled. "Catch me if you
can." He chuckled as he quickly back pedaled toward the railing and managed to
escape, just as the warrior was reaching for his foot.
"Gods are not allowed to pop around and cannot use their powers." Xena shouted
at the top of her lungs, then she hopped over the railing and began the search,
intentionally heading in the direction T had gone. "Here kitty, kitty, kitty."
She whispered, then felt something against her foot. Looking down and sighed. "Bud, I
wasnt calling you." Shaking her head, she took a step forward then stopped to
turn and smile wickedly at the tiger. "Bud, how would you like to be my
partner?"
Bud sat quietly, staring up at her, then sneezed.
"Ill take that as a yes." Chuckling evilly, she bent down to whisper in
his hear. "Did you know that Ts shoes are untied?"
Perking up, Bud stood and ran off in the same direction the warrior was headed.
Nodding, Xena put her hands on her hips. "Teach you to tag me." Leaving the
tiger to exact her revenge, she switched directions and took up the hunt for a certain God
of War. "Catch me if I can, huh?"
"Go find your own place to hide." Gabrielle whispered harshly to Ares, who was
crowding her.
"I want this spot." He whispered back and gave her a nudge.
"I was here first." She shoved back. "Get out." Using her feet, the
bard shoved for all she was worth.
"Okay, okay." He said with a hint of a irritation in his tone. Standing, he
looked around and saw the warrior coming his way. "Damn." Turning he ran off.
Her quarry spotted, Xena took off at a full run. "Im gonna get you, you little
weasel." Running past the bards hiding spot, she continued to keep her eyes
solidly on the God of War. "Ares!"
"Whew. " That was a close one." Snickering, Gabrielle stuck her head out
and felt something touch it. Putting her hand behind her head, she felt the item and
groaned, when her senses immediately recognized the warm soft skin of one warrior
princess.
"Gotcha." Xena said with a smile. "Gabrielles it!" Shouting
again, the warrior immediately took off. "Gabrielles it!"
Crawling out of her hiding place, the bard slapped at the dirt on her knees.
"Someday, Ill learn to keep my big mouth shut." Knowing her comment got
her caught, she stood and put her hands on her hips. "Okay, lets do this
logically." Glancing around, she brought one finger up to tap her chin. "If I
were a God of War, where would I want to hide?" Taking her time, Gabrielle strolled
around as her mind did the hard work.
"Bud, get off me." T growled. "Im not even wearing shoes, you
idiot." Giving the tiger a huge shove, she managed to get enough leverage to stand.
Glaring down at him, she put her hands on her hips. "Xena sent you, didnt
she?"
Bud studied the ground and cocked his head to peek one eye up at her.
"Hmmmm. I thought so." Arching a disgusted eyebrow, she began tapping her bare
foot. "Okay, two can play at that game." Smiling, she bent over to whisper in
his ear. "You know Bud, I think I saw some little pieces of wood stuck in Xenas
hair. Maybe you should help her get them out. Id hate for her to get a splinter in
her head."
Bud sneezed, then stood and took off.
"Send my own ensign after me, will ya." Chuckling, T jogged off to find a hiding
place.
"If anybody asks, I will say that I distinctly remember saying the inside of the
houses were off limits." Climbing up a trellis, Gabrielle smiled as she talked to
herself. "I never said anything about the outside. Sooooo." Reaching the roof of
her house, she crawled onto it and stood. "Ill just use that to my
advantage." Putting her feet on either side of the crest, the bard scanned the area
beneath her. "Hmmm." Traversing the steep pitch, she made her way around the
roof, searching for anything that didnt fit into the pattern of trees. "There
you are, Ares. Oooo. Smart choice of hiding places." Smiling, she ducked down to lay
flat and watched him glance around. "Now, how do I get to him without being
seen?" Propping on one elbow, she stared at the area around him and rested her chin
in her palm, drumming her fingers against her cheek. "Oh, wait. I am not seeing what
I think Im seeing." Laughing, she watched the warrior move through the trees.
"I guess T was right. Nobody ever looks up."
Chuckling at her own ingenuity, Xena tried to crawl into the bards previous hiding
spot and found Ares. "What are you doing here?" She growled.
"Apparently, the same thing you are." He said harshly. "Now get out."
Giving her a shove.
"I want this spot." Shoving back, she tried to get him to move.
"I was here first." Slapping her hands, Ares pushed her. "Go away."
"Make me." Grabbing his arm, Xena tried to pull him out.
"My pleasure." Wrapping his arm around her head, he began to pummel it lightly.
Growling, the warrior tried to extricate her head from his arm pit, then gave up on that
and grabbed his leg, to torque it into an unnatural position. "Ha!"
"Ow, ow, ow." Snarling, Ares pummeled harder.
Gabrielle wiped the tears from her eyes as she laughed. "Oh, no. Not that."
Spotting Bud enter stage right, she put her hand over her eyes, then spread two fingers
when she heard loud shouts from below. "Oh my god!" Laughing harder, she had to
grab the edge of the roof to keep from falling off.
"Who turned out the lights?" Ares asked, as he tried to maintain his head lock
and was covered with striped fur.
"Get off me!" Xena shouted, as she was sandwiched between the two. Kicking her
feet, she grabbed the first piece of flesh she could get her hands on and heard a high
pitched squeal from Ares. "Sorry." Chuckling, she felt the head lock ease up and
squirted out, to fend off Bud. "I thought you were my partner, you brat."
Punching his shoulder, she found herself in another head lock. "What are you doing? I
dont have lice."
T sat quietly in her hiding spot, until she felt strange sensations coming from her
friends. Hanging her head, she realized what was happening and got up to go sort things
out. "Its hide and seek for Zeus sake. Why do they always have to turn
everything into all out war?" Snapping her fingers, she popped in next to the bard.
"What is going on?"
Unable to speak, due to uncontrolled laughter, Gabrielle pointed instead.
Following the bards direction, T shook her head and smiled. "Which one is
which?" Sitting down, she cocked her head and tried to determine male from female and
tiger from human and all of the above from the large bush they were under.
Shrugging, the bard managed to sit up and leaned against T, as tears rolled down her face.
"This is better than the Muppet Show."
Chuckling, the god nodded.
"Ares!" Xena shouted, which came out as a mumble growl, since Buds huge
paw was covering her face. "Get this fur ball off me!"
With one hand on his crotch, the God of War grabbed Buds hind leg, wrapping his arm
around it. "Get your foot out of my face." He instructed, as a large dirty foot
began pushing against the side of his head. Letting go of her personal items, he grabbed
the annoyance and bit a filthy big toe.
"OOOWWW!" Kicking madly, the warriors toe was quickly released and she
went back to trying to dislodge the half ton tiger from her head. "Get off me, you
heathen!"
Crawling onto all fours, Ares lunged forward onto Buds back and wrapped his arms
around the tigers shoulders. Pulling hard, he was thrown to the ground when Bud
rolled over and the God became pinned. "I cant breathe!" Pounding
Buds shoulder.
"Oh, shut up. You dont breathe anyway." Xena growled, as she attacked
Buds underside.
Bud, who was having the time of his life, wrapped his huge paws around the warriors
head and pulled it to his awaiting maw. Opening his mouth wide, he managed to get half of
Xenas head in and began to gnaw gently.
"You eat me and Ill kill you!" Wailing on his tummy, she was pulled off
balance, when Bud rolled again. "Aaaaaaaaaa. Oof." Losing all the air in her
body, she felt her lungs start to burn and again grabbed the first thing she could get her
hands on.
"OOOWWW! Thats me, you stupid ninny!." Slapping at the hand that had
its fingers dug into his calf, Ares jerked his leg from her grasp. Snarling, he put
his shoulder against Buds and shoved.
"You know, Gabrielle." Smiling, T turned to look at the bard. "Despite all
the possible ramifications from this event, it is nice to see them working together."
Nodding, the bard smiled back. "I think theyre bonding"
Hanging her legs over the edge of the roof, T smiled and went back to watching the fun.
"Go, Bud. Go!"
Her eyes bulging out of their sockets, Xena was relieved when her attempt to breathe
succeeded and she took in a lung full of air. Then she took several more, before she sat
up and was immediately pounced on. "Oh, for criminys sake. Get off me!"
Now pinned on her side, she wiggled up to wrap her arm around Buds huge neck.
"Ill show you how to pounce, you ingrate. Get him Ares!"
"Get him Ares?! I just got him off you." Gasping, Ares stared at her like she
was insane. "Oh, what the hell. What could be the worst thing that could
happen?" Jumping up, he landed on Buds back and again, wrapped his arms around
the tigerss shoulders. "Yeeee Haaaaa."
Feeling the weight on his back, Bud did the obvious thing, which was to spring high into
the air.
"Oops." Ares whispered as he went airborne, clinging to the flying tiger.
"Ares, Im gonna kill you." Growling, Xena watched the ground go away, then
come back very quickly. "Ohhhhhh, shit." Wrapping both arms around Buds
neck, she braced for impact.
"Ride em, cowboy!" T shouted, whipping her arm around in the air.
Shaking her head, Gabrielle chuckled. "Youre fixing anything that gets
broken, because Im not going to try and explain to the EMTs how Xena broke her
legs while fighting a tiger."
"Deal." Patting the bards back, she watched the landing. "Ooo. That
hurt."
"Oof." Slamming into Buds back, Ares hung on.
Xena somehow managed to avoid any broken bones and immediately hopped up to jump on
Ares back. "You idiot." As she began to pound on him, she was surprised to
discover that Bud was again unhappy and wrapped her arm around the gods neck as they
lifted off. "Bud. Stop doing that!"
Ignoring the command, Bud changed from ravaging tiger to bucking bronco. Well, springing
tiger, anyway. Which he found was almost as much fun as being a ravaging tiger and worked
at jumping as high as he could.
"Bud! Stop!" Wincing every time her body was slammed into Ares, the
warrior held on for dear life, which constituted keeping her arm wrapped around his throat
in a death lock.
"Ack! Whoa! Ack! Whoa!" Ares shouted in between being choked.
"T!" Gabrielle shouted, as she felt herself slipping off the roof.
Laughing, the god grabbed the bards arm and effortlessly pulled her back up. Wiping
her eyes, she snapped her fingers, to make a level surface and put them in those short
lawn chairs. "This is priceless."
Now safe to let her body double over with laughter, the bard did just that. "I wish I
had a movie camera."
"Dont worry, Ill put it all on tape for you." Patting the arm of her
friend, T sat forward when Bud jumped closer to the house. "Stay out of the
hedges!" She told him and was pleased when he headed for open space again. "Good
boy."
"Do something!" Xena shouted right in Ares ear.
Wincing, the God of War rolled his eyes as his body was bounced around. "Ack. Like
what?"
"Send him to Siberia or something." Sliding sideways, while they were in the
air, the warrior dangled and took a tighter hold on Ares neck. "Aaaaaaaa."
"Aaaaaaccccccckkkkkkkk." Sticking his tongue out of his mouth, Ares tightened
his hold on Bud, who in turn jumped higher the next time. "How bout I send you to
Siberia? Aaaaaaccccccckkkkk. OW!"
Using her free arm, Xena punched Ares in the head. "How bout I send you to the
moon?"
"Ow. Aaaaacccccckkkkk. Ow. Aaaaaacccccckkkkk." Moving his head from side to
side, the God of War tried to evade the punches and felt his ire going north. Frustrated,
he finally gave in and let go of one hand, to grab the warriors wrist and pull her
forward in an attempted karate flip. Unfortunately, it was at this moment, that Bud
decided that simple straight jumping was getting boring and on the next leap, threw his
hind legs out to one side, twisting his body in mid air, like the flexible, versatile and
quite feline that he was. "Aaaaaaaaaaaaa." Was Ares response to this
maneuver, as he tried to return his hand to tighten his grip and was half pulled off the
tiger by a dislodged and dangling warrior princess.
"Arrrreeeesssss!" Hanging onto his leg, Xena quickly scrambled up his body,
before the ground caught up with her and she got a firm grip on his waist as Bud went air
born again.
"Chubby Checker?" Gabrielle inquired, pointing at Buds new twist.
"Sam Cooke." T corrected and offered the bard some popcorn from a bowl that
appeared in her lap.
"Thanks." Smiling, she took a handful to shove in her mouth.
"Lemonade?"
"Sure." Shoving her mouth full of popcorn, T snapped her fingers and handed the
bard a large glass of chilled lemonade.
"Thanks." Taking the beverage, Gabrielle washed down the popcorn.
"Youre welcome." Smiling, T popped one in for herself and went back to the
action.
"Get off me!" Ares shouted, now that he wasnt being choked and shook his
legs. "Get . . . off . . . me!"
"Stop kicking me!" Xena shouted back and took her anger out on his broad back.
Punching his side, she made the mistake of taking hold of one of his belt loops for
security and proceeded to ignore the fact that silk boxers were quickly making an
appearance.
Eyes wide, T shot her hand to the right, to cover Gabrielles eyes. "Ares, put
your pants back on this instant!"
"What am I missing?" Trying to pull Ts hand off her face. "Lemme see!
Lemme see!" Kicking her feet in frustration.
Finding the little Marvin the Martians quite interesting, Xena took the opportunity
shed waited over two thousand years for and sank her pearly whites into his silk
covered butt.
"Yeeeeeeooooooowwwwww!" Letting go of the tiger on the upswing and thankfully
very close to the ground, Ares and the warrior princess were released from their feline
pogo stick and hit solid soil with a thud. As this happened, the God of War immediately
rolled out of Xenas somewhat toothy grasp and managed to get his pants back in place
before he rolled onto to his back to see one thousand pounds of striped flesh coming
straight down at him. "Aaaaaaaaaa." Eyes wide, he rolled quickly out of the way.
Jumping to her feet, Xena put her hands on her hips. "You moron, this is all your
fault!"
"My fault?!" Buttoning up his jeans, he glared at her. "You told me to get
him, you twit."
"I said get him, not give him ideas." Throwing her hands in the air, she spun
around and turned back to give him a shove. "Yeee haaa! Whos bright idea was
that?"
"Well, who told you to jump on me?" Shoving back. "All you had to do was
find your own hiding place and none of this wouldve happened."
"Its my yard!" Shoving him back. "Why didnt you hide in your
yard?"
T sighed and turned slowly to the side to give Gabrielle a sad look. "Shows
over, I guess."
"And I missed the grand finale." Nodding in a depressed way, the bard sighed.
"Typical."
Bud, whod been having too much fun, was somewhat disappointed that his weekly play
time was over early and remedied the matter by tackling Ares.
"Oh, wait." Perking up, T grabbed Gabrielles arm. "Look. Round
two."
"Oh. Goody, goody." Chuckling, the bard settled down in her short lawn chair.
Laughing, Xena put her hands on her hips and smirked downward, as Ares began to wrestle
Bud. However, her jovial mood was short lived, when the pair rolled into her legs,
knocking her down and pinning her under too much weight. "Aaaaaa. I cant
breathe."
"Suffer." Ares told her, as he tried to get Bud in a head lock, intentionally
avoiding the tigers back and doing his best imitation of a steer wrestler.
Swinging his head from side to side, Bud reared up on his hind legs and slung the God of
War around.
"Whoooooaaaaaaa." Holding on, Ares was suddenly wrapped up in strong paws.
"Lemme go." Kicking his dangling feet, he attempted to rip Buds head from
his shoulders. "Xeennnaaa!"
"Thank you." Xena gasped, holding her chest, to check for broken bones.
Satisfied she was still in one piece, the warrior looked up to see Ares feet coming at
her. "Shit." Rolling to the side, she avoided being stepped on and made her
getaway by crawling out from under Buds tummy.
Seeing an escapee, Bud chomped harmlessly down on Xenas ankle and held it firm,
while he reared back up. Satisfied, he began swinging his head again.
"Buuuuud! Ow!" Bumping into Ares legs, as she was swung back and forth, Xena
tried to grab hold for stability as she dangled upside down. "Stop kicking me!"
Switching to another tactic, she punched the feet that were slapping her face.
"Dont you ever wash these?"
"Leave my feet alone, you hussy!" Ares growled and tried to kick harder.
"Hello!" Eyes wide, Gabrielles arm shot out to the left to cover Ts
eyes, as the warriors shirt responded to gravity.
Rolling her eyes, T sighed. "Gabrielle. What are you doing? We used to bathe together
all the time, so unless Xena has grown some strange appendage, youre not protecting
me from seeing anything I havent seen before."
"Sorry." Lowering her hand. "Reflex." Smiling apologetically, she went
back to watching.
Shaking her head, T glanced back down and slapped her forehead. "Ares! You keep your
eyes straight ahead, mister! You hear me!" She shouted, realizing that her
significant other had a perfect view of the warriors exposed parts.
Gabrielle chuckled. "I guess Im not the only one with green eyes."
"Dont make me have to come down there!" Seeing him close his eyes, she
stood up and put her hands on her hips. "Xena! This is supposed to be a family
oriented activity! Where is your bra and for goodness sake, tuck in your shirt!"
Waving a warning finger at the princess. "Xena!"
"Screw you, miss high and mighty!" The warrior shouted back. "You want my
shirt tucked in. Why dont you come down here and do it yourself! Ive got other
problems right now and Ares, get your nasty toes out of my eyes." Slapping at the
items in question.
Fuming, T hopped off the roof and landed next to where the trio were in the middle of
their weekly fray. Hands on hips she arched an eyebrow, looking for a good place to
attack. While she waited, she pulled off her t-shirt and tossed it on the hedge, exposing
her muscular form, sport bra included.
Gabrielle sat forward and grabbed the bowl of popcorn. "Oh, this is gonna be
good." Chuckling, she shoved a handful into her mouth and chewed happily.
Lifting his feet, the God of War rubbed them together and sent a shower of dirt downward,
while he chuckled.
"Ares!" Spitting, the warrior wiped her face and reached upward, trying to get
her hands on his feet. "Come here, you little brats." Having several near
misses, she finally got one and pulled down, just as T found the spot she was looking for.
Spitting in both hands, T rubbed them together as she cracked her neck. "Okay,
thats it. Its my turn." She said loudly and charged the trio.
"Whoooaaaa." Grabbing Ares leg, Xena held on as they were all shoved
sideways by the force of the impact. "T!"
"Sweetheart! This may not be such a good idea." Tightening his hold on
Buds neck, he was thankful that the tiger had managed to stay upright.
Shoving with her considerable strength, she wrapped her arms around Buds tummy and
braced her legs for one good shove. "Youre coming down, old man!"
"Nooooooooo." Ares and Xena shouted together as the ground came at them.
Xena hit first and was released, to roll out of the way, although she did bump her head.
Ares hit next, landing on his feet and was taken down as well, because Bud failed to let
go of his legs. "Aaaaaaaaaa." Thud. Then he rolled to safety.
Bud hit last, landing on his side and immediately tried to get up, but was pinned by T.
Growling, curled up and tried to bite her head.
"Would somebody please count ten, so I can let go!" She shouted into his fuzzy
white belly.
"Oh." Perking up, Xena lunged toward them and fell to her knees, slapping the
grass. "One. Two. Three. Four. Damn." Jumping back, as Bud jumped up, she stayed
close, in case her services were needed.
Still attached to her quarry, T hung on and dug her heels into the grass, as he tried to
get away. "Oh, no you dont." Gritting her teeth, she pulled back, picking
Buds front end up off the ground. "Youre not going anywhere,
mister."
Twisting, he pawed the air madly as he tried to get back down on all fours.
"Ooooo. Shes gonna bust something." Gabrielle whispered and put some more
popcorn in her mouth.
"Look out." Ares said softly, as he watched Buds tail start to twitch.
"T, hes up to something!"
On the verge of acknowledging the fact that she already knew that, T didnt have a
chance to get the words out before Bud switched directions and tried to rear up.
"Wrong again, Buddy boy." T growled out, as she shifted her weight to pull him
sideways and off balance. "Whoa, whoa, whoa." This little verbal ditty was a
response to the fact that Bud made an attempt to jump sideways, when he failed to rear up
and, for some unknown reason, ended up being suspended off the ground. This, in turn, was
making Ts life rather unpleasant and she stumbled around, holding Bud in the air.
"Holy skimolies!" Xena shouted. "She picked him up!"
"Technically, I think she caught him." Ares amended, but was still awe struck.
"Way to go, honey!" Thrusting a fist in the air.
Bud, who was probably the most surprised, wasnt helping matters, because despite the
fact that he could no longer run, his legs were acting like they were.
"T, put him down before you strain something!" Gabrielle shouted as she stood.
"Put him down! Put him down!"
"Xena!" T shouted. "Why arent you counting!" Feeling as if her
eyes were going to pop out of her head, she tried to stumble in the warriors
direction.
"Oh, shit!" Hitting the ground, Xena began slapping out a ten count. "One.
Two. Three. Four. Five, yes. Six, come on. Seven, you can do it. Eight, almost there.
Nine, one more to go. Ten! Waaaaahhhhhooooooo! Bud bites the dust!" Jumping up, she
held her arms in the air and bounced around. "Weve got a new champ!"
Letting her arms go limp, the god released Bud and did her version of the Nestea plunge by
landing spread eagle on the grass. "Medic." She said softly as her chest heaved.
Ares ran over and knelt down. "You okay?" Smiling down at her, he saw the glazed
expression on her face and began waving his hand in front of it. "T? Honey? Baby?
Sweetheart? Hello?" Finally getting a response, which was a small shake of the head
and a blink, he sighed. "You okay?" Smiling again.
"Next week, were sticking to Scrabble." Whispering, she took a deep
breath, then puffed out her cheeks to let it out slowly.
"Okay." Nodding, he leaned down and gave her a kiss.
Smiling, T lifted her head, when she felt something fuzzy against her abs and looked up to
see Bud lay his head on her tummy.
Laying down, he purred and pawed lightly at her shoulder, then rolled onto his back.
Chuckling, the god shook her head and smiled. "I still love you too, Bud."
Reaching out, she scratched under his chin and laid her head back down.
Coming over, Xena squatted down beside Bud. "That was worth every pair of boots
thats ever been chewed." Chuckling, she patted Ts shoulder. "I am
very impressed."
"And youre underdressed." T chuckled back, then tugged on the
warriors shirt. "You think you could come with the bare essentials next time?
And the next time Im holding up a thousand pounds, do you think you could possibly
leave out the narrative when youre counting?"
"Mmmmmmaybe." Flicking her eyebrows, she stood when the bard jogged over.
"Hey, how about we hit the pool next?"
"Cool your jets, Space Ace." Gabrielle said and waved her away, so she could
take the warriors place and check on Ts condition. Kneeling down, she gave her
friend a shake of the head. "You okay?"
"Yea." Nodding, she patted the bards leg. "I guess I got carried
away."
"Bud got carried away." Sighing, the bard gave her a smile.
"Literally." Turning, she patted his tummy. "And dont you do that
anymore."
Rolling toward her, Bud put his huge paw in her lap.
Giving him a wink, Gabrielle turned back to T. "Well, you up for a swim?"
"You may have to carry me, but yea." Smiling, she started to sit up and was
grabbed by helpful hands. "Oh, come on. I was only kidding about you carrying
me." Slapping at them, she eventually gave in and was carried, very ceremoniously to
the pool, on the shoulders of one God of War and Warrior Princess. "I shouldve
stayed on the roof." She lamented at the pompousness of the event, but was fortunate
to have her spirits lifted, when she was dumped, unceremoniously into the pool. Breaking
the surface, she smiled. "Thanks. I needed that." Then she snapped her fingers,
with a small splash, changing out of her jeans and sport bra into a bathing suit.
Doing the same, Ares dove in and left the mortals to fend for themselves.
"Hey!" Holding her arms out, Xena objected. "What about us?"
Rolling her eyes, T snapped her fingers and put the warrior princess in a yellow polka
dotted bikini. Well, the yellow polka dots were actually little Tweedy birds, so she
ducked under the water to hide.
Ares just swam to the other side of the pool and chuckled.
Glancing down, the warrior heard snickering beside her and turned to glare at her wife.
"You think this is funny, Gabrielle?" She asked unamused.
Covering her mouth with her hand, the bard shook her head. "No." Squeaking a
tad, she saw that look start sparkling in blue eyes and turned to run back toward her
house, before she could get caught laughing her ass off.
Bud thought the outfit was very attractive and even tried to lick one of the birds, but
stopped when he was growled at. So, he jumped in the pool instead, to paddle over to Ares.
"T!" Shouting, Xena put her hands on her hips, which didnt take away from
the cuteness of the bikini. "T, change this to my green bikini right now."
Moving to the edge of the pool, the warrior searched the water for the bane of her
existence. "T!"
Sneaking up the side of the pool, T reached up, to grab Xenas ankle, pulling the
sputtering princess in.
"Waaaaa." Splash. Spitting out a mouthful of water, Xena growled and searched
for T. "Im gonna get you for this." Slapping her hands on the surface, she
swam to the edge, only to be pulled back under. "Whoa. blub, blub, blub."
When she got the warrior to the bottom of the deep end, T let her go and shot upward.
Breaking the surface, she jumped out and ran to the diving board, where she poised herself
for an ambush.
Sitting on the bottom, Xena sent up tiny bubbles as she fumed and looked up to see the
blurred image of her best friend ready to strike. Thinking, she knew she was running out
of air and finally decided to give the god as good as she got. Crouching on the bottom,
she pushed off with all her might and popped out of the water. Using her warrior skills,
she barely managed to hang onto the diving board with one arm, while trying to pull T off,
by the ankle with the other, and as the fates decreed, this was when she spotted a certain
blonde bard charging them both. Sending her eyes into baseball mode, she gasped as
Gabrielle ran into the back of T.
Looking around, T held out her hand, as if checking for rain.
"Ow." Rubbing her shoulder, Gabrielle frowned, then got that pesky determined
look and wrapped her arms around Ts waist. Flexing her powerful thighs, she shoved
forward, squeezing her eyes shut with the effort she was expelling.
"Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr."
Ares chuckled and hopped up on the edge of the pool, letting his legs dangle in the water.
"Wadda ya think, Bud. Do they have a chance?"
Crawling out of the pool, Bud shook his coat and sat down to stare at the antics going on
and then laid down.
"Me neither." Ares agreed and shook his head.
Xena, having resumed her effort to send T into the water, continued to tug heartily on the
ankle and was becoming quite irritated with the lack of results. "Oh just fall, will
ya. My armpit is getting chafed."
"Oh, well." Sounding mildly annoyed. "If you insist." Sighing, T
shrugged, then twisted her torso around and grabbed Gabrielles, to lift her off the
ground. Prying the bards arms off, she rotated the blonde and tossed her over her
shoulder, then hopped one-footed to the end of the diving board.
"Hey, hey, hey! Put me down!" Wailing on Ts back, she kicked her feet to
no avail and was sure she saw an amused smirk on Xenas face, just before hers
was covered with water, as she and T went under.
"Cannonball!" Climbing up on the diving board, the warrior got a good running
start then bounced high into the air. Tucking her knees to her chest, she rotated several
times before coming down a mere two feet from where Gabrielle finally surfaced.
"Xena!" Closing her eyes, Gabrielles yell got her a mouthful of water,
which she held in her mouth and eventually spat it at the warrior when she popped up.
"Eeeeewwwww." Cupping her hand, Xena fought back, by sending a gush of water the
bards way. "Take that!"
"Oh, no you dont." Sending one back, the bard was hit in the face again
and the battle began.
Chuckling, T swam over to where Ares was now back in the water, but sticking to the side
of the pool and safety. Stretching her arms out, she hung off the edge by them and shook
her head at her friends. "Come on, Gabrielle. You can take her!" Giving the bard
some encouragement, just as she was dunked. "Or, not."
"Nice dive, by the way." He said appreciatively.
"It wasnt my best, but Im working on it." Chuckling, she pushed Xena
away with her feet, when the water fight got close.
"You sure youre okay?" Smiling, his voice betrayed his concern. "You
have been tired lately."
"Im fine." Sighing she rolled her eyes. "I dont have anything
that a good Monday night free-for-all wont cure." Giving him a wink, she took
his hand, pulling him out into the water. "Now, you ready for a knock down drag out
chicken fight?" Flicking her eyebrows, she tread water.
"Honey, you need somebody to stick their head between your legs, Im your
god." Flicking his eyebrows back at her, Ares ducked under the water and swam to take
his place, then glubbed glubbed his way to shallower water, where he kept going until the
water was chest deep. Smiling, he adjusted T on his shoulders then nodded up at her.
"Ready when you are, oh clawed one."
"Lets get ready to rrrrrruuuuummbblllllllllee!" T growled out and beat her
chest like a gorilla.
Turning their heads simultaneously, Xena and Gabrielle got face fulls of water and
blinked, then smiled. Exchanging a quick glance, the warrior grabbed the bards hand.
"Time to knock those two down a couple of notches."
"Oh, sure." Swimming along, Gabrielle rolled her eyes. "Youre not the
one who has to actually try and do the knocking."
"Whiner." Laughing, the warrior felt her feet hit bottom and reached out to pull
the subsequent knocker to her. "Up ya go." Bending down under the water, she
held her breath, while the bard climbed on her shoulders, then she popped up with a grin.
"Youre goin dooooowwwwwwnnnn, T. Youre goin dooowwwnnn!"
Growling, she walked slowly toward the godly couple, balancing Gabrielle on her shoulders
and pointed an intimidating finger.
"Our Father, who art in heaven." Gabrielle whispered. "Help me to survive
till Tuesday."
**********
The End.
Epilogue: Dont you just wish all your Mondays could end like that?
Thanks for reading.
FlyBigD