(September 2, 1997)

by Bongo Bear
(bongobear@hotmail.com)
Lara
Joe Murphy
Snoop

1) X & G take lots of baths.

They must be the cleanest women in all of ancient Greece. How do they keep their delicate skins from wrinkling and drying out like prunes? For a change, how about a shower scene? Will someone please write a shower scene. Doesn't have to be a real shower. A waterfall, a heavy rain storm, anything that involves standing under falling water would do. Of course, waterfalls & rain are all cold... hmmm, a technical issue that requires some more thought.

2) G sleeps after sex.

Well, most people do. But G seems to get/need more rest than X.

3) G wakes up with the munchies.

4) X has more stamina. See #2.

5) X is more experienced.

6) X is more kinky and knows which end of the toys to use.

7) They almost always have good sex. Lara said change "good" to "incredible, spectacular, and earth shattering". Whatever you say, dear.

8) All "first time" alt. fic has X asking G "Are you sure?" (lara)

9) X almost always has been interested in G in "that way" for a long time, but G has usually just figured out her own feelings. (I guess that goes along with #5). (lara)

10) As soon as the first confession of love is made (verbal or otherwise), they waste no time before "hitting the bedrolls." (lara)

11) G gets to take off X's armor piece by piece. In detail. (lara)

12) X gets to take off G's BGSB. In detail. (lara)

13) G is a very quick study. <bg> (lara)

14) Gabrielle loses her virginity, again!

Most of us get only one crack at this. G is forever virginal, spiritually if not physically.

15) While G almost always makes the first "move", X quickly becomes the --ahem-- aggressor. (lara)

16) X delivers, all the time, every time. G is a very satisfied, happy customer.

I'm starting to appreciate why Alt. Fiction is so appealing. Xena is portrayed as the perfect lover. Gabrielle never goes wanting because Xena's always giving and rarely demands. She's always available. She never has a headache and never complains about not being in the mood. I've read stories where Xena has broken bones and can still perform better than most healthy lovers! Reality has nothing on people's imaginations.

17) X & G's "first time" is usually after some trauma. (snoop)

18) X & G always boink if they're in a cave. (snoop)

Snoop, you have such a way with words, "boink"? ;-)

It must be the thick cave walls. They have some privacy because passersby can't hear the moaning and groaning going on in there.

19) First Time stories usually happen at: (Joe Murphy)

20) Everybody around the two know that they are in love, except them. (Joe Murphy)

21) Xena is always afraid her past will somehow come back to hurt Gabby, as if it hasn't already. (Joe Murphy)

22) X & G always declare their love for each other prior to the act.

FINIS