(December 31, 1998)

by Bongo Bear
(bongobear@hotmail.com)

"My gods!" she cried out as she made the final triumphant push. The exhausted bard dropped her head back onto a sweat-soaked pillow. She waited for the child's plaintive first cry, but heard none.

"Xena," she said, "is it all right? What is it?" A slow, buzzing whine answered her question.

Xena deftly cut the umbilical cord with her breast dagger. Then she pulled the newborn away from her mother. "Gabrielle, I don't know quite how to tell you this."

Alarmed, Gabrielle barked, "Let me see our child!"

"It's... it's pure, unadulterated evil. It's a Furby. I must kill it now."

"No!" The bard snatched the fluffy creature of her loins from the menacing warrior. "I won't let you harm her." She gathered up the child and slowly began backing away.

"You don't understand. It looks like a child's cute plaything. But I swear to you, it will bring about the destruction of the world as we know it," Xena explained. "Especially if we get it wet or feed it after midnight."

"Umm, don't you have this Furby confused with some other minion of Dahak?" Gabrielle asked as she protectively drew the creature to her breast. Its beak gently mouthed the top of her BGSB.

Xena stopped her advance and thought about it for a second. "I could be mistaken, but why take chances? Let me skin that Furby and send its pelt back to Chin."

"Stop!" The bard held out her hand defensively. "How can she be evil? She was just born for crying out loud."

"Gabby, honey, dearest, how do we even know it's a 'she'? Look at it. Turn it over. What do you see?"

The bard gently upturned the Furby. It fussed, then cooed at its upside down existence. Peering intently at the furry bottom, she could see no primary sexual differentiation whatsoever. "So, she's asexual. Is that sooo bad?" Shrugging, she said, "Besides, it has to be a 'she'. The doctor from the Science and Technology University Fertility Clinic told us that all children born of parthenogenetic means have to be female." Gabby had nowhere to go. Her back was against the wall. All she could do was keep talking until she could figure a way out of this mess.

Xena paused and said, "Obviously, the lab screwed up. There's no way, that... that thing is a product of our DNA. No furkin' way!"

Gabby gazed lovingly into the little Furby's eyes. "Oh, I don't know. She has your eyes."

"She does?"

The bard held the bundle of questionable joy up so Xena had a good view. It waved its arms happily at the warrior. "See?"

Xena could not help but smile. "She does look a little like me around the nose."

"I knew you'd come around eventually." Gabrielle grinned.

"Okay, I'll let you keep it. But at the first sign of evil --" She drew a thumb across her throat. "So what does she eat?"

"Duracell AA's. Five at a time, every three hours."

FINIS