Disclaimer: This bit of fiction is based on characters belonging to Renaissance Pictures, MCA and Universal. The author intends no infringement.

Sexuality: This is an Alt piece of fiction, and is rated R for sexual content and subject matter. There are scenes of bondage and consensual sex between two women who happen to be madly in love with each other. If you find this offensive, please read no further.

Thanks: To Subee who put up with dialpad hell to hear my musings, I thank you darling mine. To my betas, Betty, Karen and Sue, thanks again, sweeties. I owe ya.

All offerings, burnt or otherwise, can be directed to me at ArdentTly@yahoo.com

Passion Tense

By ArdentTly

Janice Covington pushed her shoulders back with a groan and then stuck a cheroot between her teeth. She eyed the box of matches on the desk she sat at and rolled the thin cigar back and forth between her teeth.

Memories of the bitter sweet taste of tobacco wafting up from a handmade Cuban cigar filled her mind. Oh, to have those scented tendrils slipping between her lips as she exhaled a few well-formed smoke rings.

It had been a damned long time since she’d enjoyed such things, having acquiesced to Melinda’s constant badgering regarding her ‘foul habit’. Jan smiled a secret smile as she briefly entertained the thought of taking up chewing tobacco instead. However, the results would certainly be akin to cutting her nose off to spite her face. ‘No’, she thought, sneaking a glance over her shoulder at the lovely, if somewhat rumpled Melinda Pappas, love of her life and wife of nearly ten years. ‘That would never do.’ She sighed and swallowed back a yawn. ‘Oh, the things we do for love.’

Rubbing a weary hand over her equally weary eyes, Mel sighed dramatically. The idea of just curling up on the sofa was becoming very attractive, regardless of her lover’s insistence they go through her papers once more. She wondered just where her wife got all that boundless energy. It was all well and good for Janice to be up for days on end but she was beginning to feel frayed at the ends.

Taking the cigar into her back teeth, Jan spread the pages out before her as she skimmed through another hot section. She chortled with glee and then cleared her throat.

"Oooh, and listen to this part…"

The southerner uttered another deep sigh. Why Jan felt the need to go over this again and again was just beyond her. Heavens, hadn’t she spent the last six months deciphering the newest find already, going over the damned thing with a fine tooth comb, endlessly checking, rechecking and then cross-referencing those findings without hearing it again? Gods, what she wouldn’t give for a decent night’s sleep.

The scroll parchment had been in very poor condition in the first place, what with insect infestation, let alone the parts lost to what looked to be fire damage. Just small details to Melinda Pappas. While she’d been on numerous digs and had a degrees in Paleontology and ancient linguistics, it was her intense imagination that had her head and shoulders above her contemporaries in the field.

She’d done the initial translation with what she had, fudging here and there, but well within acceptable boundaries, and then had gone on to draw up a paper with her own conclusions as to what was said and more importantly, what she felt was missing.

Melinda thought about all the late nights she’d been spending away from her lover. Jan was the type that needed constant care…of a physical nature. The events of the last few days cluttered her mind with images of their glistening bodies tangled in the bed sheets. It was a wonder either of them could even walk let alone keep an eye open and yet here they were, still going on about a Xena scroll. While Mel did indeed love her work, she was getting too old for this. Surely sleep topped that on the list of better things to do?

"Well, whaddaya know about that? Seems our Warrior Princess liked to come home from a hard day’s work on the battlefield and ravage a certain bard. Mind you, I’m betting the bard in question had her own agenda, too. Oh, man…here’s a good part."

Melinda eased her head back on the couch and settled her hands loosely in her lap. ‘Guess sleep will have to wait a while.’ As she heard her lover’s voice drone on and on, the southerner could pretty well gauge where Jan was in the document.

"Wow, that Warrior Princess…she was some hot in bed. You did a real good job telling this part of the story, babe. I can almost see her there, standing in the firelight, totally naked. Yeah, that would be something to see, all right." She chortled a bit and stroked her chin. Mel pursed her lips, watching as her lover’s eyes glazed over. Yes, Xena was certainly a thing to behold. Mel wasn’t too sure where Jan’s flights of fancy led her with regards to the Warrior Princess, but she doubted the woman knew certain things about the woman. While there had been few surprises regarding the life and times of Xena and Gabrielle none of it had really been beyond what they had initially expected. It was only upon extensive research that Melinda had discovered that there were some areas...

"Holy shit! You gotta be kidding me, Mel! No way!"

A small smile played at the corners of Melinda’s mouth. She must have been wool gathering, or Jan had just jumped a couple of pages. Judging by her response, the blonde had indeed gotten to the ‘really good part’.

"Let me get this straight. First off, we have a coupla women who started out being reluctant friends, traveled over half of Greece doing good deeds, end up falling in love with each other, discover they are soulmates and as time passed, got into whips and chains? Come on! I just don’t buy it. Big old nasty Xena, by all accounts, was mellowing in her old age."

Melinda sat up, both eyebrows high up on her forehead. "’Mellowing in her old age’? Did I hear you rightly, Jan Covington? Xena mellowing? Somehow, I just don’t think that was one of her many skills. And I’d hardly say they were into whips and chains. A little bondage would be my guess." Melinda slowly pushed herself up off the couch and went to stand behind Jan at the roll top desk.

"Well yeah, mellowing. Just a sec. Lessee, where did I read that romantic stuff." Jan fumbled with the loose pages, her glasses slipping down to perch precariously at the end of her nose. "Where the hell was that?"

Mel arched an eyebrow. "That’ll be five cents, Miss Guttermouth."

The blonde briefly rummaged inside her pants pocket and deposited a nickel on the desktop.

"Gotta be in here somewhere…half a mo…yeah! Here it is." She smiled triumphantly.

"Listen ta this, baby, and then tell me someone hasn’t been fooling around with that scroll. Say, might even be a forgery."

Melinda sighed and then waited while Jan read the passage. The woman could be so obstinate when she got a bone between her teeth.

"…The Warrior Princess gazed upon her desire and seeing that she had brought a tear to the woman’s eyes, knelt down to take the offering upon her tongue." She snapped the page with the back of her hand. "There! See? Sounds pretty romantic to me."

Melinda smiled, trying to keep the smug look off her face. "Yes, my darlin woman. That’s true and I never said Xena wadn’t romantic. I don’t think an emotionally defenseless woman would have just given her heart up to someone who wasn't in touch with her softer side, do you? No, that was never in doubt, at least not as far as I was concerned."

"Well, okay Miss Smarty Pants. Then how do we go from kneeling down and kissing away a tear to…just a sec…I’ll find it." Jan set her jaw, the bard’s description hitting her like an open slap across the face. She stubbed out the soggy remains of her cigar and began going through the papers again.

Mel knew exactly the part Jan was referring to, having that small snippet memorized almost verbatim, but it was the overall feeling of the piece, and what was hinted at, that Jan needed to hear. She smiled as another piece of her manuscript came to mind.

Her research was certainly open to conjecture in many areas but after reading over quite a few complete stories by the bard from Poteidaia, Mel felt she had a handle on the petite woman’s style.

Jan’s head came up as Mel’s clear southern accent filled the air.

"…Like the ties that bind her to me. The light plays across her glistenin flesh, accentuating each muscle as it strains against the leathah. As she surrenders her very soul to my dark need, her heart sings to me with every cry, every whispered desire…"

Jan felt the breath whoosh out of her lungs. "Wow. Well, then." She cleared her throat as disturbing images of a petite blonde being tied down against her will filled her mind.

"Jeez, I…ah…don’t remember that part."

Melinda began fiddling with Jan’s ear while forcing back a yawn. "Hmmm. I think it’s a couple of pages past where you are. And I must say, I did stretch the story a little. After all, it’s what is written ‘between’ the lines that tells the real story."

A shiver went up Covington’s spine as a wet digit was inserted into her ear. "Ahh…"

"A good translatah must be able to discern every nuance, every modicum of emotion hinted at from a piece of antiquity. She has to lay bayah the author’s deepest thoughts and most private yearnins as the artifact is gone over painstakingly with a fan tooth comb."

"And you made this quantum leap from a dominant yet tender warrior to someone who feels the need to tie up her lover and inflict pain upon her…how?"

Melinda yawned again and tapped Jan on the shoulder. "You know yourself just how deceptive looks can be. Heavens, how many of our colleagues still expect me to act like the Warrior Princess because I slightly resemble her?"

Jan arched an eyebrow. "Slightly? Oh yeah, baby, that’s like saying you’re slightly stacked, or slightly good looking, or slightly good in bed…"

Melinda slapped her lover playfully on the shoulder. "Oh you! You know exactly what I mean."

"Yeah, I know what you mean but I still say you and old Iron Sides have a lot in common." Jan held her hand up, fingers extended. "First off, you both really like sex, you can both be counted on when push comes to shove, both of you are good at strategy, yours being more focused on fund raisers and such…and oh, and did I mention you both really like sex?"

Melinda leaned over and took her lover’s earlobe between her teeth, nipping the woman without breaking the skin.

"Ouch! See, baby…you know it’s true. But I do think you have more of a personality than Xena did. After all, she was pretty uptight and cold, right? Other than with the bard, I mean. She had this stoic warrior thing going so she probably didn’t have many friends. You, on the other hand, are a social butterfly."

The southerner eased back against the chair’s cushion and sighed deeply. "You know, I don’t think you much like Xena. You and I have quite differing notions on just who and what the Warrior Princess was, darlin." She eased her long legs out before her, crossing them at the ankles, and then settled her hands in her lap once more.

"You see the cold, calculating ex-warlord who almost single handedly brought Greece to her knees. You know the warrior’s capable of love because Gabrielle writes about Xena’s emotional upheaval and her deep abidin love for what some would deem an unimportant sad kick."

She looked sideways at her friend. "We know from the few scrolls we’ve been able to find and deciphah that Xena was a very capable and honorable warrior. She led hundreds of armed soldiers into battle, winning campaign after campaign, and amassing a great fortune along the way, which she undoubtedly shayahed with all she came in contact with. She wadn’t always a bloodthirsty warlord, Jan. She made very powerful friends…"

Jan held up a hand. "Wait. Now, first off, I agree we can’t know everything about the woman from the little amount of information we have. But what we do know is that she was the scourge of Greece. Hell, she raped and pillaged that land for ten fucking years, leaving death and destruction in her wake. I’d say that was pretty cold blooded and merciless." Mel tapped the desktop and looked pointedly at her lover who proceeded to ante up another coin. This time it was a dime.

"Just in case." Jan smirked.

"Second off, the wealth she amassed was ripped out of the dead cold fingers of any and all that opposed her. She didn’t use it for the betterment or beautification of her neighborhood, babe. I don’t even think she gave Amphipolis another thought once she became Lord Xena. And lastly, her friends were other warlords cut from the same cloth, and from what I’ve read, she did her damnedest to kill em off as soon as she came in contact with them. There is no honour amongst thieves, babe, and Xena sure wasn’t a loyal friend during this time, despite this romantic notion you have of her."

Melinda rubbed her eyes wearily, blowing a long dark strand of hair out of her eyes and then kicked herself mentally for getting into such a deep subject when all she really wanted to do was climb into bed and sleep.

"Jan, I nevah knew you hated Xena."

Jan snorted. "Oh, I don’t hate her, I just have a realistic picture of just exactly who and what she was. I do admire her and that’s a fact. I think she was a military force to be reckoned with and yeah, she had sexual passion…animal magnetism, charisma, whatever you wanna call it, to burn, but I’m not gonna fool myself into thinking she was the great white hope for her generation."

"So, you don’t think such a cold hearted woman like you describe is capable of tyin up her lover and beating the living daylights out of the woman?"

Jan stroked her chin thoughtfully. "Well, Xena might have been many things, not all of which I’d consider hero material, but no, I can’t see her doing that to someone she loves. She was a cold-hearted killer but I don’t think there was any doubt that she loved Gabrielle in whatever way she was capable."

Silence filled the air and finally Jan looked over at her lover. The woman’s chin rested softly just above the swell of her bosom and Covington found her breath caught in her throat. It was a constant amazement to her that this gentle and decent Southern Baptist could look beyond the evidence of someone’s dark history and see not just one but many redeeming qualities. That, she thought seriously, was the difference between the woman before her and the legend of Xena: Warrior Princess. Melinda Pappas had a heart the size of the world, giving it freely to all she came into contact with. Mel was no more capable of tying someone down and using them sexually than she herself was.

Stifling a yawn and carefully placing her glasses on the desk, Jan stretched her back and then made motions of getting to her feet. She stopped suddenly as a soft hand was placed on her arm, and settled back down into the chair.

"Honey, I’m really sorry you don’t see the vibrant, carin individual I do when I think about Xena. I can’t believe that an innocent and lovin young woman would fall hopelessly in love with the person you describe. Even if she was hoodwinked in the beginnin, there’s no way she’d a stayed with the woman year after year if she were bein abused. No, I think Gabrielle had found her destiny in the arms of a woman who had had to be cold and heartless at some point in her past but had been redeem through love. I don’t think you can do that if there isn’t a solid foundation of a good heart there to begin with. I really don’t. I think Xena had changed a great deal, but mellow? I don’t think so." Mel gave her friend a small smile and then went on. "And besides, I don’t think she would ever intentionally hurt Gabrielle. I think it would be more of a consensual thang."

Jan grabbed her glasses and swiveled her head back again, shuffling through the loose sheets.

"Uh huh. Well, I’m not too sure about the part where you say someone wouldn’t stay in a relationship if they were being abused. I’ll bet they do, but for the sake of argument, we’ll say that Xena wasn’t an abuser. I’m still left with this image of a small little blonde woman being tied down and whipped."

"Who said anything about whipping? All I see reference to is a few leathah restraints heyah and thayah. And what makes you think it would be Xena doing the restrainin anyway?"

Jan put the papers down carefully.

"Now, just one cotton picking second there. Whatcha mean, Xena not in charge? The big old brash warlord and cold-blooded killer was really just a little old pussycat? Like she’d just let someone tie her down and…well, she just wouldn’t." Jan finished with a snort.

The silence grew and then Melinda dragged a hand through her hair, loosening the bun and letting the dark tresses tumble down her back.

"Hon, what makes you think that givin up that kind of control to someone makes you weak?"

Jan’s mouth hung open as she tried to wrap her head around what was being said. It was one thing to imagine little Gabrielle in the fierce hands of an ex warlord but…

Melinda took her lover’s hand in her own.

"C’mon, darlin. It’s way past bedtime and ah think we could both use a nice long sleep. In fact, I think we should both just spend the whole day in bed tomorrah."

Jan sighed wearily and allowed herself to be dragged to her feet. "You go on to bed, darling. You’ve given me a lot to think about and well, maybe if I read your notes again, I’ll get a better handle on things. I really do want to understand the woman I’m obsessed with." She smiled crookedly at her lover.

"Obsessed, huh? Well, hon, I think it’s awfully late and we’ve both been rather busy the last 36 hours. I don’t know about you, but I’m looking forward to snuggling down into the covers and using that big ole bed for something other than sex. I do need mah beauty sleep, after all." She leaned down and gave the blonde a quick peck on the forehead.

"Now, now…is that anyway to kiss your wife goodnight, you beautiful hunk of woman, you? C’mere." Melinda found herself pulled down into a very deep and passionate kiss which almost, not quite, but almost rekindled the burning embers of her ardor. As she turned to walk away, she felt a hand on her behind and another snaking around to cup one breast.

"I won’t be long, sweetheart, so you’d better get whatever sleep you think you need fast."

Melinda smirked, knowing full well that Jan would be out like a light as soon as her head hit the pillow. If there were three things she could count on, they were that her lover enjoyed food and sleep almost as much as sex. It was just a matter of time before her weakened state overpowered the others. She waggled her fingers sassily over one shoulder and then disappeared into their bedroom.

Jan stretched her arms again and then went to make herself a pot of coffee. She gazed out of their living room window at the stars that filled the nighttime sky and wondered exactly what kind of relationship Xena and Gabrielle had really enjoyed. Maybe Xena wasn’t the cold-hearted bitch she thought of when going over the scrolls they’d found. What if she was more like the woman in the other room?

She shook the cobwebs from her mind as the kettle whistled. Pouring herself half a cup, Jan went over to the desk, grabbed her glasses, and settled herself back into the chair.

"Well, sleep be damned. I guess if Mel figures there’s more to the woman than I do, I should at least give it the old college try and see things from her point of view. Gods, look at the paperwork. Melinda Pappas, no wonder if took you half a year to get through this scroll."

She began pushing things around on the desktop, separating the papers she had already looked at from the vast pile of those she hadn’t, and was soon caught up in tales of ancient Greece.

The cup of coffee sat cold and untouched as Jan finally pushed the sheaf of papers away and lumbered to her feet. She removed her reading glasses and rubbed the red marks on either side of her nose. Images of a tall, heartless and dangerous ex warlord battled with those created by her lover. How could someone who was so strong and single-minded, so cold and calculating, have a more loving and compassionate side? Could someone like that continue being the hated warmonger she was and still sleep at night? How could she be so successful at what she was if she was constantly at odds with the terrible deeds she found herself doing?

"Boy, if Mel’s right, Xena was a sure candidate for either sainthood or the local loony bin. Ha. A warrior forced to be a cold ruthless killer constantly at odds with the caring and decent person she was inside. Well, that sure makes for a wonderful story, but how true is it?"

She lifted her cup and grimaced as her tongue came into contact with the java she’d forgotten about. "Bleck." She briefly thought about starting the kettle again when her eyes settled on the first fingers of the rising dawn.

"Oh shit. Well, there go any thoughts of ravishing a certain raven haired beauty." She yawned deeply, wincing as the joints in her shoulder popped and creaked.

"Ohhh, that one hurt." The long days spent on a dig were beginning to exact a toll, though Jan was loathe to admit it.

"A few hours of sleep and I’ll be right as rain. Hell, we only have another…what, thirty hours before hitting the lecture circuit again? Gotta make every waking moment count, Covington. Get ye to bed, woman."

Melinda stirred slightly as Jan lifted the covers and eased into bed. A slight smile played on her lips as the first sounds of Jan’s light snoring filtered through her sleep-deprived brain.

"Night, darlin."

Jan didn’t know it was truly a dream until she looked down and saw the passionate look of her naked lover as Melinda was being tied down to a wooden frame. What tipped her off wasn’t that they were both naked and that there was no way in hell she’d be holding a whip with every intention of using it on the pliant flesh before her, but that the woman was ever so willing. She supposed it might have been the pierced nipples that caught her eye as she looked down upon her wife that queered the reality aspect of things. But in truth, the moment Melinda opened her mouth and Xena’s voice came out was the deciding factor that cinched the whole dream scenario. And for this, she was glad. Very, very glad. Or was she? On the one hand, having this woman spread eagle before her and looking very fetching did have its merit, but the very idea that someone like Xena…

There was a part of Janice Covington that idolized the Warrior Princess. The legend that was Xena was very appealing to her, regardless of the many ways she tried to refute it. As cold and heartless as she thought the warrior was, Xena was everything she wanted to be.

Xena twisted slightly as her wrists were manacled, the torchlight dancing across her oiled flesh and highlighting the small gold loops dangling from intimate parts of her flesh.

Covington watched herself trail the tip of one finger up and down the taut muscles of the warrior’s torso and felt herself responding. Why hadn’t it ever entered her mind that Xena would have parts of her body pierced? Jan didn’t know but, as she finding out, the woman was full of many such surprises.

Jan felt her lower abdomen clench as Xena’s legs were pulled apart and ankle restraints were applied. She tried very hard not to look, not to stare, but it was of no use. Xena’s gaze easily penetrated any resistance she might have, even if it were only a dream.

Xena’s muscles bunched and strained as she leaned forward, watching as Jan moved to the foot of the rack. Jan swallowed deeply as the woman arched her back, lifting her ass off the wooden frame and gyrated her hips.

She felt a burning all consuming need to possess this woman, this force of nature. She longed to taste the passion she was sure exuded from every pore, her senses intensifying as the warrior responded to her.

Jan could see recognition in Xena’s eyes as they darkened in colour. The warrior knew exactly how Jan’s blood was frothing and boiling with every move she made. A low rumble began in the back of Xena’s throat, and Covington was immediately reminded of some wild panther, caught in a trap and needing to be tamed.

Her mouth was dry as she found herself climbing onto the rack. Jan could feel the oiled surface of Xena’s muscles against her breasts as she slowly made her way up to gaze into the impossibly indigo eyes of the restrained warrior. She gasped as Xena’s face darted forward and white even teeth captured her lower lip. As a coppery taste filled her mouth, she moaned aloud, and found her fingertips tangled in the woman’s dark hair.

Part of Jan was dismayed at how turned on she was getting. She felt out of control, the situation taking her places she didn’t want to be. Every fibre of her being was shouting ‘no!’ while she found herself inexorably drawn forward, unable to stop herself from feeling ‘yes’.

As she looked down into the smiling mouth of the warrior whose teeth were now painted a light pink, small round circles of red began to appear on Xena’s breasts. She watched, mesmerized, as her hand sank deeply into the dark tresses of the woman and pulled back, exposing Xena’s neck. A deep chuckle rose from the warrior’s throat as her muscles strained beneath her bonds.

The smell of blood filled her senses as the woman’s breasts were presented to her and she bent down to lick at the droplets of blood that continued to drip from the torn flesh of her lower lip.

The constant level of sexual teasing was heightening Jan’s lust to an impossible level, and she felt the need to wipe the smug look off her lover’s face. Her vision blurred with vertigo as Mel’s loving face swam before her…the two images morphing back and forth until only Xena’s sneering countenance was left…and Jan’s mind was filled with a deafening roar as the blood lust consumed her.

Whereas before she’d been merely a witness, now Jan Covington was a full-fledged participant. She wanted to feel the tremor of fear run through the warrior’s body as she was taken by force. She needed to show Xena that if this was what she wanted, she was only too eager to oblige.

Taking one ring in between her teeth, Jan began pulling gently, but with ever increasing force. Xena gasped beneath the onslaught and arched her back even more in an effort to offer her lover more flesh.

"Harder."

Just as Jan was about to employ her sharp teeth to better advantage, Xena’s voice crooned into her ear.

"Do you like the way I make you feel? Does your responsive flesh surprise you? Go on…reach down to your wet, dripping center and deny that you want me so badly that you’d do anything for it."

Jan recoiled and looked down at hands no longer her own. They gripped the firm breasts of the warrior, and she could see red marks there, areas where the skin was broken, and bruises…some old and others quite new…and Jan felt lost, drowning in her own dark passions.

"It’s alright, baby. You know you want to just let go. I’m here and I won’t let you fall." A tear dripped slowly down Jan’s cheek as Xena’s soft voice continued soothingly. "You won’t hurt me, Jan. The reason I give myself willingly to you is because I can trust you. You think I give up control but ask yourself this, just who has the control right now? I make you act against your will, I control your passion, and it makes you feel wonderful."

Jan’s forehead scrunched as the words ran through her head. It was true. She felt she was in control when Xena was tied and helpless but in reality, it was Xena who was orchestrating the scene, and she who was at her mercy.

"I know what you want, baby. You do too, you just haven’t admitted it. This is the gift I give to you. See me bound and helpless but know I’m here voluntarily because I have more power tied up than you’d ever have free and armed to the teeth."

"But why…" Jan’s inner voice reasoned, "…how could you enjoy being my sex slave, my…" She stopped mid sentence, wondering just when it had become so easy to refer to this vibrant woman as not only a slave but as her lover.

"I know what you need and I offer it willingly. Would you not do the same? If I asked you to give me everything, your fear, your passion, your darkest desire…would you give it to me?"

Jan’s chin trembled and it was Mel’s face that she saw. She’d do anything for her wife. Everything she ever asked would be granted, without question, without hesitation. If Mel asked it of her, would she not fulfill every wish, no matter how dark?

"Yes."

Melinda rolled over as the elbow hit her squarely in the back.

"What the Sam Hill?" She watched as Jan’s legs moved spasmodically and then grinned as the woman’s hips began to rock. ‘Insatiable, Janice Covington…you are totally insatiable.’

Mel wondered what the dream was about this time. Most times, Jan couldn’t really remember what the dreams centered on. Other times she’d regale Mel with intense images of things they’d done together or places they’d been. Every now and again, stark images of the war had the blonde up in the middle of the night with the sweats, and the two of them would sit until dawn, talking things out and taking comfort in the solace of each other’s arms.

She peered closer, placing a hand on her lover’s shoulder. "Jan?"

The blonde moaned throatily and the hip rocking increased. ‘No. I don’t think this one’s a nightmare.’

She was just about to plant a very nice kiss on her lover’s bare shoulder when Jan’s moans became deeper and her speech more discernible.

"Oh gods, Xena…so fucking wet. Harder? Oh, baby…"

Mel’s eyes took on a cobalt hue as Jan’s face twitched in slumber, and then she tapped her lower teeth with one finely manicured index finger.

In the dream Xena smiled and as Jan felt her mouth covered, her breath taken, her will destroyed, she woke up.

Covington pried her tongue off the roof of her mouth and made a face. The god-awful taste that threatened to gag her was proof that some sort of small rodent had crept into her mouth and died.

She groaned and reluctantly forced her tongue back into its lair. "Musta been all that coffee." Jan said in a furry voice. She cleared her throat and opened one eye for a quick peek.

Although still quite dark, Jan could see daylight outlining the shuttered windows.

"Much too bright outside. Just a little more shut eye outta…"

All thoughts of rolling over and going back to sleep ceased to exist as Jan found she couldn’t move her arms. It ‘had’ been coffee she’d been drinking, hadn’t it?

Her eyes flew open as she attempted to move her legs. "What the…"

Lifting her head slightly, Jan could see that not only did cloth wraps securely fasten her ankles but her wrists were similarly restrained, too. And she was naked.

Bits and pieces of her dream came slamming into her head, and Jan wondered if this, too, was part of it. She closed her eyes as that strange feeling of vertigo hit her again, and the flame of desire began to burn in her lower belly.

Jan could almost feel Xena’s hot sweet mouth on her neck as she strained at the bonds. As frighteningly enjoyable as the dream had been, it was time to end it. She didn’t want to dwell on the fact that she and Xena…several times…and had done other things…’Gods.’

‘Gotta wake up…gotta…’

"Wake up, Jan."

Her eyes flew open and for one moment, she thought her dream had become reality. Standing over her was Xena, her black mane framing a decidedly stern look. Jan’s eyes moved slowly up from the woman’s hips, past the amply filled leather bustier and into the blue-black eyes of…

"You were dreaming, Jan. Tell me about it?"

"Mel?" Covington blinked a few times feeling very disoriented. If this was Mel…why was she dressed like Xena? And why was she tied down?

"Well?"

It was then that Janice noticed the riding crop in Melinda’s hand.

Melinda settled her glasses back on her nose and watched as Jan’s eyes got round. She denied herself the pleasure of a smirk and began playing with the riding crop. Melinda suppressed a giggle as her lover swallowed deeply and then cleared her throat instead.

"I asked a question, Jan." Covington jumped as the end of the riding crop hit Mel’s open hand.

"Ah, Mel? This is getting kinda weird, ya know?" She pulled on her wrists again and felt the cloth tighten a little.

"Why have you got me tied down?"

Melinda tapped her chin with the crop and then walked to the end of the bed. She peered very closely at Jan’s face, and then took her time as she let her eyes wander down from the pert nipples, slightly rounded belly, strong thighs and the slight wetness between them.

‘Yes, Jan is definitely getting turned on, all right.’ She wasn’t too sure how she felt about that. When her lover, her wife, had been dreaming, Melinda took satisfaction from the knowledge that even in slumber Jan was making love to her. Their sex life was good, very good, and they had only grown closer together over the years. There hadn’t been one area of their relationship that didn’t pulse with vitality, even their fantasy life. Or so Mel thought. Now, now she wasn’t too sure anymore. Hearing Xena’s name on Jan’s lips…in the throws of passion…

"You spoke Xena’s name, Jan. I wanna know why. And don’t bother saying you can’t remember, I could hear it in your voice and I can see it in your eyes."

Jan’s chest squeezed as she saw the hurt on Melinda’s face. "It was only a dream. It doesn’t mean anything, Mel."

Melinda let the breath she’d been holding ease out between her teeth. She was relieved that Jan hadn’t tried to deny the truth. They’d never lied to each other. A bit of the tension she was feeling began to abate as she pondered her next move.

Covington bit the inside of her lower lip as the riding crop began slowly inching up the inside of her left leg.

"Let me up, Mel."

"Why?"

"Because…I don’t like being tied down. Look, this is silly…just let me up now, okay?"

"No."

Jan’s mouth gaped open. "Whatcha mean, ‘no’? I said…"

"Yes, I heard you. No, it’s not silly and no, I won’t let you up. You say you don’t like it, baby, but…"

Jan gasped as the flat part of the riding crop was dragged across the damp flesh of her mound.

"…Ah think you DO like it. Very much."

Jan swallowed and then licked her lips. "No, no I don’t."

Melinda adjusted her glasses, smiled seductively and then leaned down, giving her lover a very deep and searing kiss. Jan squirmed a bit as she felt the crop slide up and across her breasts. She groaned involuntarily as sharp teeth captured her earlobe and it was all she could do not to beg for it right then and there.

"Mel, honey? Let me up and we’ll…"

"Tell me about Xena, Jan."

Janice arched her back as Melinda took one nipple into her mouth, the heat spreading across the surface of her skin like wildfire. She gasped as Mel’s teeth closed over her swelling flesh.

Melinda felt trapped in her own web as she teased her lover. She had no intention of hurting Jan, regardless of how things looked. She wondered just how far this scenario would go.

A sliver of doubt began to gnaw at her. Perhaps she wasn’t handling things the right way. She wanted Jan to talk to her, tell her what her dream was about, and share that part of her she kept hidden. If Jan was avoiding the question, there really was something she was hiding and Mel was determined to find out what it was.

‘Well, if she wants Xena in her dreams then I guess I’ll have to show her Xena right here in the flesh.’ Mel wondered how the warrior would act with a willing subject tied to a rack. A wicked smile came to her face as she decided that in order to be something she wasn’t, she’d have to just suspend that part of herself that was a genteel southern belle and just be a seductress. Could she pull it off?

"Tell me, baby." She leaned in and took Jan’s lower lip in between her teeth.

A shock of déjà vu hit Jan hard as images of Xena, the real Xena, came to the fore, and she groaned as her vaginal muscles clenched in response. She closed her eyes tightly trying to rid herself of those memories, those feelings…

Melinda pulled back, a coppery taste spreading from teeth to tongue.

"Open your eyes. Now." She said, taking her wife’s face in her hands.

Jan squirmed, avoiding her lover’s intent gaze, and tried to break her confines.

"I don’t like being tied down and I want you to let me up now. Look, honey, I’m not sure what’s going on but it’s over now."

Melinda shook her head slowly. "No, ah don’t think so. Ah think it’s just started, Jan."

Covington gritted her teeth and then leaned as far forward as she could, causing the cords in her neck to stand out in stark relief. A small line of perspiration began to seep from her forehead, and Jan felt the first cold fingers of fear. She hated being tied down, being vulnerable and at the mercy of someone else. Even if that someone was Melinda.

"Why are you doing this? Let me up, goddamnit to hell, Melinda!"

Mel’s eyes widened as she watched her lover thrash back and forth. Whatever plan she’d had to entice and tease her lover into sharing things went straight out the window. What had she done!? How stupid could she be, scaring her wife like this? ‘Oh, gods.’ She thought piteously and then leaned forward to stroke her lover’s face.

Jan struggled as she felt the soft cool hand on her cheek.

"Janice. Honey? Open your eyes and look at me. Please?"

Mel’s sweet southern voice seemed to gentle Covington a bit, but it was only when she felt her wife’s lips on her forehead that she began to feel her ordeal might soon be over.

"Mel…you gotta….let me up, honey." Jan could feel her pulse throbbing just behind her eyes. She was very close to just losing it and that in itself was scarier than the actual confinement she was enduring.

"Oh, Janice…I’m sorry, honey. Look, can you just listen? Just for a minute or two?"

Jan’s wrists felt on fire, the skin there abraded raw in her attempts to escape. This wasn’t working, nor was talking or pleading. What did Mel want?

"Okay...all right. I’m…listening."

Mel dropped the riding crop on the side of the bed and eased herself next to her lover.

"Honey, why can’t you tell me about Xena and your dream? Are ya afraid I might be…repulsed, or jealous, or…I don’t know. I’m confused, Jan. We never keep secrets from each other, why now?"

Jan pushed her head back into the pillows and stared up at the ceiling.

"I didn’t wanna…hurt you. I was kinda embarrassed about what I’d been dreaming, too. Hell, Melinda…it was…wild…even by my standards."

Mel’s eyebrows furrowed in response.

"What kind of dream was it? No, never mind. By the flush rising up from your chest, I’m surmising it was of a sexual nature." She sighed and settled her hands in her lap as she took in Jan’s silence.

"I supposed it was. I watched you for a bit before you actually woke up, Jan. You looked to be enjoying it very much." Mel paused and then took a breath.

"So, do you think you could tell me about it?"

Jan swallowed and then raised her eyes to meet Mel’s. "Well, yeah it was sexual. Remember what we were talkin about before? Last night we talked about how some folks like to be tied down and others really don’t. I thought maybe Xena was taking advantage of Gabrielle…and you asked what if it was Xena being tied down?"

Mel nodded and then waited for the woman to go on. Jan often rambled when something was bothering her and she had learned to just let her beat around the bush before coming to the point.

"I don’t know why I was having this dream, Mel. It wasn’t that sado-masso whatever stuff, really. Bondage…It made me feel…uncomfortable…" Jan swallowed with a click.

" …I, ah, had a dream that it was Xena tied down." She mumbled.

"Oh, so you were dreamin about Gabrielle tyin down Xena and got sexually excited? Well, that idn’t too bad, darlin…"

Jan grimaced. Sometimes Mel just had to have things spelled out for her. Sheesh.

"No, honey. I was…I was the one…aw, shit. I had Xena tied up and was…we were…" Janice felt her face flush and pulled on the restraints once more.

"Are you embarrassed because you had someone at your mercy and liked it?" Mel’s eyebrows all but hit the ceiling. She found her own face beginning the flush, but was it embarrassment?

"That feeling of power in your hands, it must be like a drug." She muttered under her breath.

"Did you…take Xena by force, Jan? Was it that kind of a…"

Covington lifted her head and stared at the woman. "No! I did not take Xena by force. Shit, what kinda person you think I am anyway? Jesus, no. She wanted it…I just woke up and there I was, standing beside her on this rack with a whip in my hand…"

"You had a whip in your hand? Did you employ it, Jan?"

Jan was getting more exasperated by the moment. What was this, twenty questions?

"No, I did not use it. Well, yes, I did use it but not the way you think. I…well, I…Well, like you used that riding crop thingy on me. Were you gonna use it to hurt me?"

Mel blinked. ‘My, Janice is gettin so overwrought and defensive. But why?’

"Do ya mean when ah did this?"

She trailed the tips of her fingers across Jan’s belly and watched as the muscles tensed and quivered beneath her enslaught.

Jan groaned and squeezed her eyes tightly shut. "Yes."

"And how did you do it in your dream, Jan?"

Melinda watched the muscles twitch at her lover’s jaw. She felt her pulse quicken as she realized exactly what Jan was trying to say. She had enjoyed being in total control, taking someone she admired and felt a kinship to. If Jan could have her way with someone she considered strong and invulnerable, perhaps the dream was her way of addressing some of those same issues herself?

Jan felt the dark smothering feeling coming over her again and willed her breathing to slow, at least to the acceptable level of a full out race horse. This was not good, not good at all. She needed to get up, get away, run hard…

"Please let me up, Mel. Please."

It broke Mel’s heart to see her lover like this. Gritting her teeth, the southerner climbed further onto the bed and just curled herself around her lover’s body.

Things had progressed too far for Mel to stop now as she glanced at the reddened flesh of Jan’s wrists. And to be truthful, a large part of her didn’t want to. She had to admit to herself that seeing the person she loved more than anything in a position of total submission was exciting her beyond belief. When had that happened? When had that craving for control been sparked? And what’s more, when had the realization that Jan needed to lose that control come to her?

How many times over the years had Mel wanted to just pick the woman up and shake some sense into her? Jan was just this force of nature that ran on impulse, impulse that led her from one disaster to another. It made Mel feel frustrated and out of control and she didn’t like that. No, she had to admit it, she wanted to take the driver’s seat every once in awhile.

But how to go about it? It was clear that Jan was enamoured with Xena, despite her protestations to the contrary. Xena’s past sexual exploits had been well document, according to the bard’s writings, at least from what scrolls they’d found.

Mel remembered bits and pieces of the dreams she’d also had over the years. Hers centered around the magnificence of the woman. She was so proud, so forceful and so physically aware of her own prowess, on the field and in the bedroom. Melinda admired that greatly. And yes, she was well aware of the natural sexual magnetism the woman had. As was Janice, so it seemed.

But that was past. Xena was past. She was now. Perhaps Jan could let go…with Xena. Did her dominance of the warrior make them somehow on equal ground?

Nothing was said as she hugged Jan’s tense and quivering frame. Realizing that Mel wasn’t going to let her up, Jan blinked back a few small angry tears that had been threatening to fall and just held her breath. Perhaps the lack of oxygen would cause her to pass out. Maybe when she came to, she’d see it was just a dream…a misunderstanding…a nightmare brought on by a lack of sleep.

A tiny twinge of hope flickered and then went out as she felt soft yet firm hands moving over her body.

Mel ran her fingers over each scar, each imperfection collected throughout her lover’s life as a risk taker. Jan had always put herself in the line of fire. She’d not only pandered to the wild side of life but also seemed to relish the harsh consequences meted out to her. Almost as if she deserved them or…couldn’t survive without them.

Melinda Pappas knew about challenges. Although she had never confronted them head on, she did handle them when they came along. Her easy demeanor had many people fooled into believing this genteel southern lady was nothing more than just a helpless woman. Her appearance, on the other hand, threw people and they didn’t know exactly how to take her. A natural athlete, Mel had kept up with her love of horses long after her father had passed on. She had natural animal agility and grace hidden behind the typical demure demeanor of a passive female. This combination of soft yet hard, demure yet strong, threw people, and left them feeling quite uneasy.

Oh, how that strong forceful part of her longed to be free.

Jan’s breathing began to quicken as she felt her lover’s mouth encircle one nipple. Two large hands began massaging her breasts, pressing them together, and then she felt the sharp pain of Mel’s teeth.

Her head whipped back and forth as she fought the groan that sat just behind her teeth. She wouldn’t give in…hated the loss of control…couldn’t let go…

"I love you, Janice."

The tears began to fall then, and Mel placed a sweet kiss on her lover’s mouth before snuggling her head under Jan’s chin.

"It’s all right, Jan. I’m here. Just let go and give it to me."

Jan’s stifled cries began in earnest as the emotions rushed through her. ‘Let go? Let go? How could she ask that! How could Mel ask that when she knew…everything?’

Melinda got up and stood beside the bed once more.

"You have to."

Mel moved to the chair and sat down, giving Jan a better view of her long well muscled legs. Fire began to replace the tears as Melinda began removing her stockings. She could catch a glimpse, every now and again, of the dark patch between her lover’s legs. Despite her current predicament, Jan could feel herself becoming aroused. She strained forward as Melinda stood and began disrobing.

"Let me up, Mel. I need you…I want you so much."

Melinda smiled endearingly, knowing that she’d always been able to stir her lover’s loins. And although she knew they both needed nothing more that to just hold each other right at that moment, Mel had set her course and was determined to see it through.

A gasp of air was expelled from Jan’s tight chest as Melinda’s breasts sprang free from their confines.

"You want Xena and I’m going to help you have her, Jan." She stepped out of her leather bodice, placed her glasses on the bureau and then walked bare foot over to the bed, uncertain of just how to proceed. Jan didn’t need to be taken by force, she didn’t need to be brutally dominated. That’s not what either of them wanted. Never that.

"I don’t want…" Jan’s mouth was taken in a searing kiss, and then filled with a strong questing tongue. She felt sparkles blossoming behind her eyes as Mel eased between her legs.

"I want you to give me control, Janice. I want you to just let go and let me love you, all of you. I need you to let that part you keep so tightly under wraps free. Let it go."

"I…I can’t…I won’t…I don’t know how…" she sobbed between clenched teeth.

Memories of what Xena had said in the dream pricked at her subconscious. "I know what you need and I offer it willingly. Would you not do the same? If I asked you to give me everything, would you give it to me?"

"Yes you can, and I’ll help you."

While her wife’s confidence in the area of sexuality had grown over the years, the woman had always been sensitive and gentle in her lovemaking. Jan had usually been the aggressor and had been content to be in charge of the tall, strong and strikingly beautiful Melinda Pappas.

‘Why were things changing now?’ She thought angrily.

Mel’s clear blue eyes looked deeply into her own and Jan could see the truth. There was love there and total acceptance. She wasn’t doing this to cause her pain.

‘But why was she doing it!’ Janice fought a war within herself. On the one hand, she was confused and angry that Mel was doing this and on the other was this niggling voice shouting how terribly selfish she was. Perhaps she’d been totally unfair all these years, not letting Mel take charge more often.

"I don’t know how to let go, Mel. I really don’t. I’ve held onto that part of me for so long…"

"I know you have issues, Jan. That rape you endured, your failed relationships…trust is a big factor with you. I’ve always known that. Can you give me it all, everythang? Your fear, you passion, your…"

"Darkest desire."

Jan was silent, the familiar words playing on her tongue.

The brunette sat on the bed, wondering just how far Jan would let her go. She wondered how to truly impress upon her lover the power it takes to just let go and give up control to someone else, knowing they would never hurt or humiliate you because they love you with all their heart and soul. She knew this instinctively because she gave it willingly to Jan every time they made love.

Sexual tension lay heavily in the hair and Covington could see the passion grow in her wife’s eyes as their gaze locked.

"I love you so much, Melinda. You’ll never know just how much. I try to show you, to tell you but…maybe I’ve been so selfish in my need to express things that you’ve been swamped by it all. Maybe we can help each other." And with that, she lay her head back down in the pillows and blinked her eyes clear.

"Help each other?"

Jan sighed deeply. "Yeah. I guess I really do want to give it up to you, Mel. I…it’s just so hard for me. You know I trust you but…letting go and just…what if you don’t like that part of me?"

"Oh, darling! That could never happen. I love you completely, don’t you know that by now?"

"But what about you? Your skin is a nice rosy colour, Melinda, and your body is reacting to this whole scene. As much as I need to give it up, you need to take it."

Mel could have wept with relief. Oh, how she loved this woman!

"I’ve been content to be your wife and your partner, Janice, in all things. But your need for control…stifles me sometimes. When we make love, it’s almost as if I’m just along for the ride. I don’t feel as if we’re on equal footing, Jan. It’s like you hold all the cards, knowing exactly how the game will end, even what the game is, and I have very little say in the matter."

She traced her fingernail up from the base of Jan’s curls to the valley between her breasts, leaving a thin reddening line.

"That has to change."

"Why didn’t you ever tell me, Mel? I thought…I thought you liked how I made love to you."

Mel inched her fingers towards Jan’s left nipple. "Oh, I do like the way you make love to me, Janice. That isn’t the issue. What is is how I wanna make love to you."

Jan gasped as her nipple was pinched between her lover’s strong fingers.

"You’ve always put yourself in danger, Jan Covington, and I could never understand that. Whether it was as a resistance fighter during the war or as a devil-may-care archaeologist, you’ve always amassed a rather extensive collection of scars."

Without releasing the tender flesh between thumb and forefinger, Melinda brought her other hand up to caress and finger each dimpled bit of scar tissue that dotted her lover’s torso.

"I know you like danger, Jan, but I think you like the pain that it brings, too."

Jan’s head came up and she opened her mouth to protest but dropped back onto the pillow as another wave of pain shot through her.

"Shall I stop? You only have to ask, Janice. I’m not here to torment you, but to love you. You have to understand that. I think I know what you need and I’m gonna give it to ya, but you have to trust me. Completely and without reservation."

"No." she gasped between her teeth, the muscles in her jaw unclenching little by little as the pressure on her swelling flesh was released.

A small hurt look appeared in Mel’s eyes as she completely misunderstood her lover’s answer. She quickly brought her hands away from Jan’s body and closed her eyes tightly, hating herself for taking what wasn’t freely given.

And then a soft voice that was gaining in strength reached her ears. "Don’t stop."

Strong even teeth began their trek over Jan’s willing yet tremulous flesh. There was still a goodly amount of fear there and yet, was she to be honest with herself, a bit of anticipation, too.

She loved Mel with tenacity, spending long hours just lavishing attention of one part of her body before moving onto the next. To Jan, her lover’s body was a smorgasbord of delight, one never consumed at one sitting, but spaced out for hours, sometimes days. She’d always thought Mel had been so willing, so compliant because she wanted to be. But now, as she watched the dark head dipping down past her hips while two strong hands pulled her legs apart, she wondered just how hard it must have been for Mel to give up that want, that need to dominate, and just let her lover have free rein.

Jan pulled at the cloth binds as she felt teeth grazing her nub. She held her breath as Mel went to work on it, bringing her closer and closer to orgasm.

Then suddenly, it was over and she was left panting, wondering just why her lover had stopped.

"Mel?"

The brunette never even acknowledged a word but set about lavishing her full attention on Jan’s labia and very moist folds. She sighed in contentment as her lips were parted and one finger slid easily in to the third knuckle.

Her hips began rocking back and forth against her lover’s mouth and her breasts tingled as she felt herself climbing to yet another level of pre-orgasm. The intensity was incredible, and Jan longed for release.

"Yeah, baby…just like that." She almost shouted with frustration as Melinda stood up and moved away from the bed.

"What…what’s wrong? C’mon, baby…you can’t leave me like this. I’m so close, honey. Just a little more, okay?"

Melinda wiped her chin with the back of her hand and then stood there and sucked a long tapered index finger slowly into her mouth.

Jan half expected her to say something, anything, but the brunette was silent. Blue almost translucent eyes gazed over at her form and she felt herself blush.

Her clitoris throbbed painfully and Jan tried to draw her legs together in an effort to find some relief.

Jan’s eyes flew open as she heard a chair being dragged closer to the bed. A deep groan rumbled through her dry throat as she watched Melinda take a seat and get comfortable.

Melinda sat watching her lover, knowing of her growing torment, and smiled seductively. She licked two fingers of each hand and then began pulling and pinching at her own rose coloured nipples.

Jan groaned and then gritted her teeth as her lover pulled one tit up into her mouth.

"Oh gods, baby…let me do that."

Melinda smiled sweetly but continued sucking the pert flesh into her mouth.

‘Breathe, Covington, breathe.’ The muscles in her neck bulged as she lifted her head once more to watch the show in progress. She was already so totally turned on that the image of her wife pleasuring herself was making her feel light-headed.

Her vision swam as her breathing slowed and then stopped altogether at the sight before her. Mel’s right hand was slowly making its way down to the dark thatch of curls at the juncture of her thighs.

"Oh, fuck." A small whine started sneaking up her throat and was out of her mouth before she could stop it. Although determined to hold some measure of control to the end, Jan was beginning to lose her confidence on just how she was going to fair through it all. Mel had always been able to make her wobbly in the knees but this new seductress that stood before her…well, this was a side to the demure southerner that she could get used to seeing. If only every once in a while.

It surprised the blonde how quickly and intensely her body was responding to the visual and tactile stimulus her lover was meting out to her. She never knew the woman who had shown up at a dig so many years ago wearing a prim hat, straight laced suit, black sensible horn-rimmed glasses and footwear could be transformed into…

She thought for a minute and then the realization hit her. Mel truly was acting like Xena. Or at least how they both figured Xena would act. Jan thought back to the previous night and knew that what she’d been reading must have been one of Melinda’s sexual fantasies. The story was far too detailed to have been resurrected from the parchment fragments.

Part of Jan was hurt and confused that her lover, her mate for so many years, had kept this dark desire hidden.

And then Jan thought about just how uncomfortable she was about letting Mel know she wanted to let go of some of the control. She’d worn it as a sort of armour for so long…It was a hard thing to admit and yet she had to, because she knew that no matter what, Mel loved her, bunions, warts and all.

Mel eased two fingers inside herself, stretching long legs out wide before her and then tilted her head back, closing her eyes.

In her mind’s eye, it was Jan’s hand, Jan’s fingers that were working their usual magic. That helped as she fought with her Southern Baptist upbringing. Her current behavior was so very against anything she’d ever known and she wondered just where it had come from.

An image of the dark warrior entered her mind and bits of the scroll came back to her. As much as she tried to deny it, Mel had to face the fact that she had more in common with the Warrior Princess than she would care to admit.

To Melinda, Xena was this fierce, larger than life individual who performed feats of amazing strength and agility, someone who was very courageous but also terribly brutal, wanton and cruel. Was what she was doing to Jan brutal?

She snapped out of her reverie as Jan’s moans seeped into her consciousness. Jan lay in the bed, arms and legs straining with effort, and Mel recognized the total look of passion in her hooded gaze.

"Don’t stop, Mel…oh gods, don’t stop."

Her hand had been frozen with fingers half way in as thoughts of ending it all entered her mind. Mel blinked a few times. Seeing Jan so aroused had her breath caught somewhere between throat and teeth.

Somewhat self consciously, Melinda brought her hand away and then got to her feet. Her senses reeled from the scent of Jan’s arousal as she climbed back onto the bed. A fine sheen of perspiration covered the woman’s lithe form, and Mel tested the salty tang on the tip of her tongue. She began to dart her tongue, here and there, over the flushed skin of her lover as she worked her way up Jan’s torso. She skirted the woman’s lower abdomen, dipping into the creases at the top of the thigh instead, despite entreaties to the contrary.

‘My gods, but she’s beautiful like this.’ Thought Melinda as she began to lower herself onto the restrained body of her lover.

Jan watched, transfixed, as the woman’s breasts swayed beautifully before touching down upon her own. The skin to skin contact ratcheted her passion again, and soon the blonde was shaking as if in the throws of a fever.

Melinda sighed as their bodies touched and she began rocking against the moist flesh that seemed to radiate heat almost too intense to touch.

She loved it when Janice would do this, pushing her legs up high so that she could nestle perfectly between. She closed her eyes and could almost feel her wife’s hands as they gripped her hips and thrust a muscular thigh against her swollen clitoris. Oh, the many times she’d dreamt of sharing that with her lover but although Jan was as much into giving as receiving sexual gratification, she had resisted all attempts to be in any position which she considered to be submissive.

Jan liked to be on top, no question, but so did she. And up until this very moment Melinda hadn’t realized exactly how much.

She felt as if molten ore were passing through her veins as she mimicked Jan’s technique but stopped when the ankle restraints got in the way. Without even a second thought, Mel leaned back and down, grabbing one cloth binding at a time, and just pulled them effortlessly from the bedposts.

Janice watched as her wife’s arms and shoulders rippled with the strain and then felt a momentary relief as the burn in her leg muscles eased. Mel’s hair was wild, almost as wild as the look in her eyes, and there was no doubt whatsoever that she was not only in control but reveling in it.

She felt her breath catch as she gazed up into the electric blue eyes of her lover. The strong line of Mel’s jaw, the sweep of her high cheekbones, and the purse of her lips had the blonde mesmerized and falling in love with the woman all over again.

Jan felt the dual discomfort of finding herself terribly turned on by it all and yet trying to deny that very feeling. She had never enjoyed having someone looming over her, pressing his flesh down heavily on top of her, his hands pulling at her hips in an effort to move in closer…

She gasped as Mel’s hot body slammed into her own and her legs were pushed up against her breasts. Fighting her body’s response, Jan clenched her teeth and then growled.

"No! Don’t take me like this…stop….I won’t let you…goddamnit to hell, get the fuck off me!"

Mel pushed her face down close to her lover.

"Do you trust me?"

Jan wiped her head back and forth, arching her back and shoulders in an effort to push Melinda off and away from her, but she was no match for the brunette who ceased all motion and just gazed down calmly into her eyes.

"Do ya trust me, Janice?"

Memories of every man who had fucked her, taken advantage of her, raped her, all flooded back into her head and it was all Jan could do not to scream to the heavens with rage! Her dealings with men had always been painful, she realized, and so the seeds of mistrust had been sown and nurtured until the mere thought of being had in this position made her feel as if she were spinning out of control.

Melinda repeated her question and felt her heart tear as she saw the frantic look come into her lover’s eyes. She knew quite a bit of Jan’s past relationships. While it had been akin to pulling teeth, her gentle efforts had wheedled enough information to know she had some serious issues dealing with not only control but trust as well. She meant to change that.

"Janice. Look at me." She held the woman’s face gently in her large hands and smiled.

"Do you trust me?" Mel enunciated each word clearly and slowly.

Jan’s rigid body felt almost made of stone. Mel brushed the sweaty tendrils of red and gold off her lover’s forehead and then leaned in to place a sweet kiss upon it.

"Do ya?"

Hot tears began to seep down the sides of Jan’s face and then finally a sob burst forth. Mel carefully lay her head upon the woman’s shoulder and just held her tightly.

Every half way decent relationship Janice had ever experienced saw her as the dominant one, totally in control of the situation and herself. How many had failed because of that iron-unyielding grip? The more she thought about it the clearer things became. All the time she and Mel had been together, living and loving, she’d only let the woman in so far, never completely trusting her and committing to their relationship.

The truth struck her with force and she began crying all the harder. All the times she’d put her life on the line, all the close encounters she’d had with death, all of them came rushing back and she realized just how down right stupid she’d been to risk this…her lover’s total and unconditional love and trust…for what? Just the mere thought of going through her life without Melinda by her side was like a physical blow.

It was as if a million stars imploded within Jan’s optic nerve. Her breath was coming in rapid waves, each building and encompassing the next until all she could feel was the tight band she had never known was around her heart expand, turn brittle, and then splinter into a million pieces.

With an anguished cry and trembling lips, she offered up her reply.

"Yes."

Melinda pushed her face against the soft flesh of her lover’s shoulder, anointing it with sweet tears of relief.

"Gods, Jan, I love you so much, darlin." She began kissing the woman, frantically trying to ease the pain she had inflicted. Jan flinched as the ties on her wrists began to lessen.

"No. Stop."

Melinda’s brow creased and her fingers stilled.

"But Jan, I wanna let you up…I don’t want to cause you any more pain. I’m…I’m so sorry I did this…I’ve been so selfish, darling and …I’m so sorry. Can you…would you ever forgive me?"

Jan sniffled and then barked a short laugh.

"Selfish? Gods, woman…you’ve been selfless for so many years. It’s me who’s sorry. Forgive you? Yeah, that’s a given, baby, if you’ll forgive me. Honey? Look at me?" She said wearily.

Melinda wiped her nose with she bed sheet and then used the corner of the pillow case to wipe Jan’s tears away.

"Uh huh?"

"I love you, Melinda Pappas, and I’ll always thank you for this." She took a deep shuddering breath as her wife looked at her with total incredulity.

"Now, now…hear me out. You’ve shown me I don’t need to always be the boss, always be in control, but that I can actually let go. I’ve never…enjoyed…losing that control, ya know? I’ve always hated being made love to like this…with someone crouching over me, looking down on me, like I was just something to be fucked and discarded…"

"Oh my gods! Jan, I’m so sorry…Ah never meant it that way…oh, dear God…" Mel began pushing herself away, her face clouded with total shame and self-loathing.

Jan wrapped her legs around the woman’s torso and just squeezed as tightly as she could.

Mel gasped and then eased back down on top of her lover.

"I never thought…you must think I’m some sorta monster, tying you up like an animal and just takin what I wanted." Mel’s lower lip trembled and another hot bitter tear coursed down her cheek.

"No…no…don’t you see? As much as I wanted to get up, I needed to be held down. As much as I resisted your need for control, I was thriving under it. It’s like an epiphany, sweetheart. So don’t stop…please. I…"

Jan looked away, a flush reddening her face, neck and chest.

"What is it, Jan?"

Covington coughed, clearing her throat, and then took a breath, held it, and then eased it out between tight lips.

"Would you…ahem…I mean…"

Mel frowned, trying to figure out exactly what was troubling her wife. It couldn’t be the discomfort from the ties because she’d offered to…

Her eyes widened as the truth hit her.

"You…you want to keep those ties on, Jan?"

Jan swallowed and smiled weakly. "Yeah."

"You like it?" Mel’s throat became suddenly parched and she felt her nipples harden.

"Heh." Jan suddenly reminded her of a deer caught in the headlights of some oncoming truck. Would she ask?

"Don’t you know, you can ask me anything, baby." Mel looked pointedly at her lover, waiting to hear the worlds she so desperately needed but never thought she’d hear.

"I want you to make love to me like this." Mel interlaced the fingers of her left hand with Jan’s right and leaned forward so that their foreheads touched.

"I can love ya like this without bein tied up, darlin. But if you want me to, we’ll keep on the ties that bind ya."

Jan smiled crookedly.

"The ties that bind me to you are invisible, Mel, but they’re there just the same."

Mel leaned down and kissed the woman deeply as her right hand cupped her own full breast, rubbing her nipple against Jan’s.

Covington groaned and then watched with lust-filled eyes as Mel brought her own nipple to her mouth and sucked deeply.

"You like it when I do that, doncha?"

Jan nodded eagerly.

"And when I do this, too." She caught her own pert flesh between white teeth and then let the nipple pop slowly out of her mouth.

"Oh, god yes…"

Pressing her full breasts together, Mel straddled her lover’s torso and began to tease her with visions of self-pleasure. Jan watched as her lover’s eyes closed, a look of ecstasy on her face, and arched her pelvis up. Both gasped as the contact was made.

"No, no, no. That’ll never do, Janice. I want you all but screaming for me, darlin. Do I have to tie you back down?"

Jan ground her teeth and settled her legs back down on the bed.

"Good."

"You are trying to kill me, right?" The blonde moaned as she felt slickened flesh smear against her lower belly. She knew without a doubt that she’d be taking Melinda very fast and hard right now…if she were able. Jan cursed her short-sightedness as she strained on the restrains again and then smiled wryly as a knowing and somewhat smug look came to her lover’s eye.

"Oh, I know what you wanna do, Jan. Yes indeedy. But it dodn’t matter, not one little bit, right now. Right now, I have you just where I wantcha. I caughtcha, now I’m gonna eatcha."

Faster than either believed was possible, Mel flipped around and then went to work on teasing and nipping at the flesh between Jan’s legs. Jan squeezed her eyes tightly closed as her lover worked closer to her clitoris which was so distended at this point, so very sensitive, that it was almost too intense to bear. Grinding her teeth some more, Jan wondered if she’d have any molars left before they were done. Not that she cared at that very point in time.

A scent filled her nostrils and Covington knew without opening her eyes that her lover’s vagina was just inches above her face. Darting the tip of her tongue out, she got in one swipe before the offering was moved farther away. Try as she might, Jan just could not strain far enough to reach the tantalizing flesh before her.

Mel wiggled her buttocks knowingly as she buried her face between Jan’s legs. She knew just how close her wife was getting but was unwilling to let her orgasm. She wanted that to build some more until her lover was way past frantic passion and into uncontrollable lust. Jan didn’t let the tiger out very often which made it all the more sweet when she did.

Covington watched the play of flesh above her, taking in every inch, every fold of the woman she loved. Mel’s labia glistened with need and Jan could almost see the woman’s clit throbbing. It made her feel wonderful knowing how much it was all turning Mel on. Oh, how she longed to bestow that most intimate of kisses!

"Oh Jan, you taste so sweet to me right now, I could do that for hours." She watched the most agreeable look appear on her lover’s face and smirked. "However, I think I’ll save some of that for later. Right now, why I do believe there was something you wanted."

Jan’s nostrils flared as Mel pushed her knees up against her chest once more.

"Now, what was it you wanted?" she teased, slowing her southern drawl to a purr.

Mel watched a defiant look come into her lover’s eyes and then grinned largely. Oh, this was going to be fun!

"You have to ask me, Jan, and maybe…just maybe…I’ll entertain the notion of filling that request."

Janice bit the inside of her cheek hard enough to draw blood and as the familiar coppery taste spread across her tongue, she remembered just how much control Xena had even when tied down, and smiled.

"Maybe I do and maybe I don’t. I think I might have changed my mind, Mel. Maybe I wantcha to let me up now. Maybe I want you so bad I can taste it and maybe, just maybe, I know how much you want it, too."

Jan smirked as Mel cocked a dark eyebrow her way.

"Well, darlin. That’s a whole lotta maybes there. Maybe…" She drawled, "we’ll entertain some of those later, but right now I’ve decided to take what I want."

At that very moment, with Melinda’s dark ebony hair falling over her face and her deep olive skin glistening in the morning light, Jan wondered what the hell she'd been doing dreaming about a woman whose time was past. Xena’s passion and allure was past tense. This wonderful, vibrant woman who was her soulmate was all she’d ever need.

It was then that she realized that if Xena and Gabrielle felt even half of the love she and Mel shared then she could fully accept any scene of bondage they might have entertained. She smiled thinking of the feisty little bard teasing the big old warrior into giving up total control to her. Probably didn’t happen too often, and was more the other way around, but Jan could truly understand how they would each feel free enough to give their partner everything…heart, body and soul.

She felt teeth biting down on her shoulder as Mel began rocking back and forth against her center. Strong hands gripped her buttocks firmly as each thrust seemed to get deeper and faster.

Lying there tied up, Jan forced herself to watch, trying very hard to imprint this image indelibly into her mind. When she closed her eyes in slumber, this…this is what she wanted to see. No more male body hanging over her. Nothing but her lover’s sweet breasts swaying inches away from her face as she arched back in ecstasy. Only the images of sweet Melinda taking her like this would erase all the scenes that pervaded her dreams every now and again. Mel thought they were of the war, and some of them were, but Jan know only too well how often these other scenes would corrupt her dream world, throwing her into stark wakefulness.

This was what she needed, what she’d craved without ever knowing it.

As she climbed higher on the ladder towards release, Jan felt her heart expanding. There was no love greater than theirs was…

Melinda began slowing down, unwilling to give Jan that final release quite yet, but then looked carefully into her lover’s face. There, unspoken, was the need to be taken completely…right then and there…no teasing, no promise unfulfilled…just total belief that she knew what Janice needed and would give it willingly.

"Yessss." Jan sighed before her mouth was taken in a deep and tender kiss. Then she gasped as her lower lip was sucked into Mel’s hot and greedy mouth and it was all she could do to hold on as their bodies thrust hard against each other.

She was so close…so very close. Jan cried with frustration as the orgasm stayed just out of reach, leaving her on the pinnacle but granting nothing more. She needed it oh, so very badly! To give it to Mel…no more being selfish…facing her past head on…why couldn’t she come!

Jan’s eyes popped open as her face was gripped between Mel’s large hands.

"You can come now, baby."

After what seemed hours of torture, days of torment, Jan’s body responded to that calmly spoken edict immediately and felt herself pressed rigidly against the body of her lover. Her head was thrown back, every muscle in her body tensed, and her mouth round with a silent scream as she shuddered her release.

Melinda continued to thrust against the squirming flesh, seeking her own orgasm, and groaned aloud as another wave hit her lover. Jan bucked and panted and then finally lay still as Mel continued to work over her vanquished body.

The brunette wiped the hair from out of her eyes and moved back down to settle between Jan’s legs once more.

"No….oh gods, Mel…I can’t…"

"You didn’t scream for me, Jan…you have to…I need to hear it…give it all to me…every bit, Jan…"

The blonde felt herself entered and spread her legs wide as her distended flesh began to respond.

Mel could see how red and swollen her lover was getting and reached across for the jar of Vaseline.

"No…don’t need it…gods…."

Melinda shook her head as she applied a generous amount of the goop to her fingers.

"Darlin, you must be in pain by now…yer flesh is so raw and open…so red…"

"But it feels so good, Mel….so…."

Another finger was added and Jan lifted her buttocks right off the bed.

"Ga…ga…ga…."

Mel gently lapped at her lover’s clitoris, almost wincing herself with every flinch it caused Jan to experience. They were almost there…almost…

"Mo…mo…more…gods…."

Melinda already had four fingers inside Janice at that point and was momentarily at a loss as to what to do next.

"Do you really trust me, Janice?"

"Ye…ye…..yessss! Oh, gods…I need…oh, fuck…I need…more!"

There was a sudden intense burning as her tissues were stretched, leaving her gasping in bewilderment.

"Let me do this for you, Jan."

Long tapered fingers flexed and moved against her inner walls, which caused Janice to all but lost it right then and there. Every fibre in her body felt on fire as a total feeling of fullness gripped her.

"Just relax, sweetheart."

There was a look of total wonderment on Mel’s face as she watched her whole hand begin to disappear inside her lover. The woman was so totally open and her hand so lacquered with natural and man made lubricant that there had been little or no resistance when Mel had begun to push past the third knuckle.

For one moment there was a searing intense pain that left Jan sucking in a large gasp of air, but then as quickly as it had started, it was over and she groaned it out between clenched teeth.

"Oh my." Said Mel, totally in awe of what she’d just done.

"Wha…?" Finally catching her breath, Jan lifted her head with some difficulty and stared mouth agape at the lower part of Mel’s arm. What was she doing? Where was…

Melinda caught the look of puzzlement on her lover’s face and then inwardly cringed as it turned to shock and fear.

"Oh my god…what the fuck did you do?"

"Well, it seemed like a good idea at the time. It went in easily so maybe it’ll come out the same way?"

Covington began to pant as the realization of what Mel had done sank in. ‘Her whole hand? All of it? Inside me? Hands don’t go in there, fingers do. It’ll get stuck in there. Oh my gods!’

Jan winced as fingers wiggled and then expelled a gasp of air as Mel rotated her wrist. "Oh shit…", she groaned as an orgasm hit her unexpectedly.

"Oh damnit, I’m sorry, honey…I’m tryin not to hurt ya any more than I have to. What the Sam Hill was I thinkin, putting it in there in the first place? Oh…just a second, darlin…I think…"

She stretched her fingers out and then brought them back, almost making a fist, and then moved her thumb to the side.

Jan shuddered violently as another wave swept through her. Mel was oblivious to this, however, as she was focused on finding a way to ease her hand out without causing her lover any more suffering. Judging by how Jan was clenching her teeth and shaking, it was considerable.

As focused as she was, Melinda couldn’t help but notice how very soft and silky it was inside. The tissues were so smooth and velvety, and it was so warm and embracing. The tips of her fingers began to sense things, delicate smooth nodes, little creases that seemed molten to the touch as they were explored, and the brunette felt almost spellbound with it all.

Everything seemed to slow down for Jan, become more pronounced and certainly more intense as she felt each part of her inner tissues stroked and investigated. There was a full feeling, yes, but it felt so right to her. A sudden burning intensified that sensation and then there was a small popping noise as the broad part of Mel’s hand eased back out of its slick confines.

"Omigod! Oh mah god, Jan! That was…an incredible feelin. I’ve never…Jan?"

She watched with uncertainty as her lover writhed and moaned.

"Jan?" She asked again in confusion.

"Inside…back inside…oh fuck…."

Not knowing exactly what was going on but thinking she was causing Jan some sort of pain, Melinda pushed her now completely lubed hand back inside.

She sighed and bit her lower lip. Just how the hell were they gonna get out of this? I mean, it wasn’t as if they could just pick up the phone…providing of course, that she could drag the bed over far enough to get to the phone…and call someone about this.

Images of the kind of phone call this would entail jumped into her head, and she immediately slammed the door shut on them. How ever would you explain being up to your wrist in someone? No no no no no.

"Honey, in order for me to stop hurtin ya, yer gonna have to let me get my hand out. Now, I know yer in pain…" Melinda lay her head down on the blonde’s belly and tried to think of some way to get out of their current predicament. ‘I’m such a…’

"Pain? Gods, that was the second orgasm I’ve had since you put your hand inside!"

Mel’s head popped up and she looked at the woman in awe.

"You mean it doesn’t hurt? How can that be, honey? You aren’t just being brave, are ya? Or tryin to spare my feelins? I’ve been so terribly selfish, Jan…"

A shudder ran through Jan’s aroused body. "No, no and no again. Look honey, do me a favour and dab some more of that Vaseline stuff on me, will ya?"

Mel sniffed as she thought of how brave Jan was being. Why, the woman’s voice didn’t even quaver.

‘Just in case of snake bite’, mused the brunette as she lathered the contents of the jar on her wrist and Jan’s nether extremities. If she played her cards right, Mel thought she might even get the bulk of the stuff inside where it could do the most good. It just couldn’t be good for those vaginal muscles to be stretched like that! She shuddered again and her own inner muscles twitched in sympathy.

"Now Mel? I want ya to ease it back out a little…yeah, right there…now…back… inside…oh…yeah…."

The total look of euphoria on Jan’s face finally registered and seeing that her lover wasn’t in pain, Mel began to get into the spirit of things.

"Like this? You like it faster or slower, Jan? And how about when I do this?" Mel began to flick her tongue gently over her lover’s clitoris as well as rotated her fist.

A few manipulations later and Jan was almost bug-eyed with need.

Covington had never experienced anything so intense in her life. Every movement, every kiss, every gentle breath from Mel’s mouth, was…indescribable. Her brain was jam-packed with wondrous images of exactly how it did feel but it was the overwhelming truth of this intensity that kept her from voicing any of it. All she knew was this one moment where everything she was got broken down to one truth…her total love and trust for Melinda Pappas.

Jan could feel each part of her soul being caressed and loved, succored and redeemed. Images of their first meeting, their first kiss, all of their life together, fell into place and Jan just knew, without hesitation, that what they had was meant to be. Their bond was not the result of happenstance or a whimsical chance meeting that might have changed their lives. It all made sense.

Melinda felt the smaller spasms begin to roll into bigger ones and then jolted with alarm as her hand was caught in a vice-like grip, causing her eyes to flutter closed with pleasure. The southerner felt a sense of guilt momentarily reared its ugly head as an intoxicating feeling of control washed through her as Jan’s muscles clamped down hard again, clenching rhythmically until finally ceasing all together. Mel held on tightly to her lover, tears on her cheeks, as she realized how intense her pleasure was just to hear Jan lose control and scream her release.

Her ears rang loudly with the reverberation, contrasting with the empty silence of the room and she moved up carefully to see how Jan was fairing. Melinda smiled gently as she realized her wife had passed out.

‘No wonder’, she thought, carefully ease her hand back out. ‘I don’t think I’ve ever heard Jan bellow like that before.’ Marveling at the sensations she was still experiencing as a few after shocks could be felt, Mel wondered exactly how it must have felt. Having no form of reference, she put the thought away for another time.

She felt a secret thrill in knowing it had been her name and not Xena’s that Jan had yelled out. She hadn’t really expected anything else but…there was a small niggling fear that perhaps this hadn’t been the first wet dream of the impossibly alluring Warrior Princess. How could she compete with that? Although Xena was past tense, her passion was very real and very alive.

Easing her shoulders a little, she staggered to her feet. It had been a long night. Mel caught sight of the clock on her way back from the bathroom and adjusted the time in her head.

"Certainly not nighttime. In fact, it’s almost time for lunch. How did that happen?"

Images of their wild love making curled around Mel as she climbed back into bed. After carefully untying the bonds, she embraced her lover sweetly and then draped the woman over her body. As Jan snuggled her head down just below her chin, Mel thought about the past twelve hours. It was amazing, really. They’d been together the better part of a decade and were still learning things about each other.

A smile played on her lips as she thought, ‘This is a good thing, a very good thing indeed.’ No sooner had she pulled the sheet up over the two of them that they were both fast asleep.

Jan sat in the tub, fedora perched precariously on the back of her head and her hair falling in tangles down her back. She sighed around the stogie clenched between her teeth and wondered just how the dynamics of their relationship were changing.

She fingered her breasts gently and then let her hand sink beneath the frothy bubbles to stroke the tender and somewhat brutalized flesh there. Gods, who’da thought a hand as big as Mel’s could fit inside there? She eased over onto one buttock and winced as she found yet another bruise. Easing lower into the water, Jan moaned somewhat contentedly, feeling she’d never been this sated, and pondered her current predicament.

Although the sex had been intense in the extreme and she was pretty sure she’d visited the angels a few times, the whole idea of asking Mel to take her…that way…in that position, was beginning to make her feel very unsettled. What had Mel said about making her feel liberated? Well, right now, all she was feeling was confused.

Jan closed her eyes and the pristine image of Mel slowly rocking against her rose up and she could see the love written on her wife’s face. There wasn’t one second of their lovemaking that made Jan question that. Not in the past and certainly not now.

She thought about that floating feeling she’d experienced when what was thrumming through her body wasn’t pain, per se, but a…a hum…a hissing sound of exhalation. Yes, she had enjoyed some of it, maybe more than she cared to admit but after their wild night of total abandon, was everything going to change?

Covington didn’t like change. In fact, regardless of her impetuous nature, Jan absolutely loathed change. She’d been perfectly happy with the life she and Mel had made for themselves. Their relationship was rich with love and respect for each other. Yes, there were times when the lecture circuit got to both of them and they’d begin to have short little spats here and there, but harsh words were seldom. Disagreements were mostly due to the sleeping arrangements…or lack thereof. Mel loved to read for hours, long into the night. In fact, she did most of her papers that way, with the blonde curled up next to her like some sated pussycat. Jan, however, had a passionate nature, and while sleep was way up there on the things she relished doing, sex won out easily. This made for a rather agreeable blonde but a tired and disgruntled brunette. Mel could, after all, only do without sleep for so long.

Was that all going to change? Would Jan have to just give up control in the bedroom now and let Melinda take over?

She jammed her hat farther down on her head and reached for another match.

Melinda watched Jan curse as she fumbling with the matchbox. Pulling the tie of her robe into place, she entered the bathroom and then proceeded to pin her hair up. While her motions were steady and calm, the brunette was feeling anything but. She could see the worry lines on Jan’s forehead and mentally kicked herself again for even writing about her fantasies let alone ever acting them out. There were just some things that should remain in the dark.

"We need more goddamned matches. And yes, I’m gonna smoke in the house." She said, flipping the box away from her.

Mel turned and walked over to the chair in the corner and then brought out the Zippo lighter from Jan’s leather jacket. Covington grunted as Mel eased down to sit against the wall beside the tub.

Jan rolled the stogie from one corner of her mouth to the other, taking her time before looking down as Mel placed the matchbox into the garbage.

"Light me, will ya?"

Jan closed her eyes in pleasure as she puffed contentedly on the stogie. Mel’s nose twitched as the acrid smoke rose from her lover’s lips. She had never liked the fact that Janice smoked a cigar. They were vulgar, horrible smelling things that belonged out of doors. Jan knew exactly how she felt on this issue, but judging by the look on her face, an exception to the rule was in order.

Jan smiled and removed her cigar. "Now that’s a cigar. Nice of Tom to get me these Havana’s. Damned nice." She puffed on it a few times and then grabbed the wash cloth.

Melinda flinched as she caught sight of the woman’s bruised wrists. Biting her lower lip, she blinked back the tears and shame and just sat quietly.

The silence grew between them and each tick of the clock seemed loud and pointed. Finally, Jan dipped the stub of her cigar in the bath water and tossed it into the trashcan. She looked over at her wife.

"What the fuck happened last night, Mel?"

Mel sighed and raised her chin.

"Everything."

As Jan pondered the significance of that one word, Melinda moved to the bathtub and took her wife’s hands in her own.

"I know you aren’t happy with me right now, Jan. And I understand that, ah do. I…I can’t tell you how sorry ah am for this whole mess. I wish ah’d never started decipherin that scroll, maybe then I’d never have felt embolden to…"

Her words petered away to nothingness and Jan leaned forward and clutched the woman to her. Mel’s body was wracked with sobs as Jan patted her back. She felt totally ineffectual. What could she say? In the end, she just decided to go with instincts and pulled the larger woman into the tub with her.

Melinda yelped as her robe became a soggy mess and then cried harder.

"I’m a mess, I’ve hurt you, I’ve been a jealous harridan, the floor is a swamp and I hate myself right now!" She bawled, hiding her face in Jan’s shoulder.

Covington flipped her hat across the room where it hit the peg and stayed, then dunked her head beneath the surface, pulling Mel in along with her.

"Oh gods…", she sputtered. "Jan…why’dja do that?"

"Well, now we’re both a mess." She untangled the mess of hair hanging in Mel’s face and undid the last few bobby pins. Sweeping her own blonde tangles out of her eyes, she tried a brave smile, but the stricken look on her wife’s face made the attempt futile.

"Aw, honey." Jan blew a few drips off her nose and then sighed. Things had gotten awfully complicated in the last twenty-four hours and she wasn’t too sure how to handle things. What if Mel wanted her to be more submissive? What if she wanted to act more like Xena? ‘Yikes!’ But if that’s what she wanted…needed…

"I’m…I’m sorry, too, baby. I guess I’ve been real selfish. I didn’t realize, I mean…well, I thought you liked me being kinda bold in bed…and well, I…I can understand if you want to be in control now. I’ve…well, I guess it’s your turn." She said in a rush, her eyes downcast.

Mel felt her chest constrict. Her worst fears were coming true! For one stupid moment, she’d let her libido take over and look where it got her! She cried harder.

Jan ran her tongue along the inside of her cheek and tried to take a deep cleansing breath. It didn’t work. It felt as if a one ton weight were sitting on her chest. Hmmm…maybe it was worse than she thought. Maybe letting her barriers down had allowed Mel see how vulnerable she really was. What if she didn’t want to stick around now. ‘Oh gods.’

Melinda felt her lover’s chest hitch a couple of times and then realized the woman was trying not to cry. She could see it was going to be a losing battle and the southerner held her closer.

Jan’s way of crying had always fascinated her. There was no wailing, no gnashing of teeth and pulling of hair. There was no blubbering, no snotty nose to contend with. No, just fat tears that fell from pale green eyes that had seen far too much sorrow. Mel felt her heart break as Jan fought to keep herself under control.

‘That damned control thing!’ Everything was a matter of control to Janice Covington. Mel could have pulled her own hair out as she thought of how stupid she’d been. Oh, she knew on many levels just how important control was but it was more the lack of control that ruled Jan.

"Oh Jan…" She sniffed. "I don’t wanna change! I don’t want ya to stop being you either!"

Her worst fear was that Jan would doubt herself. The whole idea of giving up control was to show she could have confidence not only in herself but Mel, too. Then Jan could let her barriers down and just trust, pure and simple. If she had feelings of self-doubt, Mel might as well have stabbed her through the heart.

"You…You don’t?"

It was as if a tight band had been released around Jan’s chest and she expelled a shuddering breath.

"Gods, I’m so glad. Man, there is just no way I can…I can’t be…I…"

Mel kissed the woman’s neck and hugged her harder.

"I’m such a…a…"

Jan blinked back the mist in her eyes and stared at the ceiling.

"No ya ain’t. And I’ve been thinking. I guess I can see why you wanted to be in control. I pretty much run the bedroom roost, huh? Well, we can change that, if ya want…I mean, we are equal partners, ‘in all things’, I think you said."

"But I don’t want ya to change…not one iota, Jan. Don’t ya see? I just wanted you to understand that it was okay to let go, that you were safe in mah arms and I…"

"…wouldn’t let me fall. Yeah, funny. Xena said pretty much the same thing in that dream. She made a lot of sense for someone who’s been dead for a couple of millennia."

"I was so petty, Jan, I see that now. When I saw…when you were asleep and dreaming of Xena…you were very aroused and I…I thought you were dreamin of me, of us. And then…you spoke her name, and when ya wouldn’t tell me…"

Jan mentally kicked herself. All she had wanted to do was spare her wife’s feelings by not talking about the dream and here she’d done just the opposite. Mel felt her lover stiffen and shifted to the side, cradling Jan’s back against her.

"It wasn’t just jealousy, darlin. I did have some pure intentions, too. I thought…" She sighed and then tried again. "I thought that if I could get you to understand just how strong a person has ta be to give someone else complete control, to just give everything they were, well, there’d be a sense of liberation, you see?"

Jan stretched her foot out and snagged the hot water tap with her toe. Mel held her breath waiting for a response. When none was forthcoming, she was convinced her lover was going to ignore her remark when the water was shut off and Jan turned to face her.

"Honey, I have no doubts your intentions were good. I didn’t want you to be upset…you don’t need to be jealous." Jan wiped the cloth across her face and snuggled Mel’s hand under her chin.

"Seeing that look on your face when I woke up…man, I thought you were Xena, you looked that cold and dispassionate, Mel. But I also know you wouldn’t ever hurt me, baby, I know that. You were tryin to get me to loosen up."

Her jaw went askew thinking of just how tightly wound she’d been getting the past little while.

"I guess my nightmares have been getting a bit much lately, huh?"

Mel nodded and kissed her lover’s ear, thinking of the terrible one Jan had experienced just two days before. It had been a bad one, and that was no lie. Jan had been silent about it, refusing to get into details, and nothing Mel had tried would get her to discuss it.

Taking a deep breath, Jan eased them up to lie against the back of the tub. It was almost time to either add more hot water or get the hell out of the tub. While she’d only had about four hours sleep, it was dreamless deep sleep, uncluttered with hurtful images or painful emotions. It was short but oh so sweet.

"I’ve been having those dreams again, Mel, and I…well, I guess I needed a new image to help with that. I wanna thank you for that. Now when I close my eyes it’s you I see over me, your sweet face looking…"

Mel nodded as Jan’s voice droned on, and she thought about the many nights that she’d held her lover as the woman had wept bitter and angry tears. Janice never woke up during these sessions and Mel had mixed feelings about that. If she woke her up, there would be denial, perhaps harsh words and then…the painful silence she knew would come. It had taken Janice the better part of a year to finally come to grips and share what had happened in Europe and it was clear from the dreams that there were many things still unresolved.

‘Huh?’

Mel leaned her head against her lover’s and tried to still her wildly beating heart. What had Jan said? Melinda shook her head to clear it. ‘As for the rest…well, as much as I’d like to deny it, it was pretty hot.’ Is that what she’d said? She brought her head up suddenly.

"Hot? Really?"

Jan sucked a tooth.

"Well, yeah. Some of it."

Melinda blushed, thinking of the many things they’d done, and wondered just which ones had turned her lover on. She glanced down at the marks on Jan’s wrists and decided that she was just never going there again.

"Which…’some of it’, Jan?"

Covington watched as a few floating cigar ashes swirled around her exposed knee. She hadn’t really thought about it. Oh, there’d been a few things happen in the past twenty-four hours that had certainly got her attention, to be sure, and all of it had made some sort of an impression…

"Hey, sweetie. Let’s get outta this water before we become two prunes, huh? Besides, getting kinda cold now."

Mel sighed and then disengaged herself from Jan, helping the woman to get up and out first. Jan tried to hide a wince as she stepped over the lip of the tub but Melinda saw it and let out a short gasp.

"Does it…hurt very much, Jan? I…don’t know what I was thinkin…but at the time…"

Covington walked gingerly over to the towel rack and then turned after wrapping a towel securely about her hips. She patted her groin dry and then smiled gently at her lover.

"Well…yeah, it is kinda tender, I’ll admit. But…it’s kinda a nice feeling too, you know?"

Jan grabbed another towel and began rubbing her hair vigorously as Mel sat in the bath watching her. Melinda felt her breath hitch as each red mark, each bruise, was revealed while Jan dried herself.

‘Gods, what ever made me think Jan would be even remotely interested in my twisted sexual fantasies? I’ll never do this again, I’ll never…’, she intoned and began pulling off her sodden bathrobe.

Jan dropped the wet towel over her shoulders as Melinda got out of the tub. She never tired of watching the fluid grace her wife possessed. There was just something very bewitching about Mel anyway but when she was anywhere near water, oh baby. She felt her throat constrict as her eyes followed the path of the water as it dribbled down between her lover’s breasts, belly and thighs.

‘She’s a goddess, that’s all there is to it…a fucking goddess.’

Dropping her soaked clothing into the sink, Mel bent to let the water drain. She felt such shame thinking of all the marks she’d made on her lover’s sweet body. Even though the woman was just outside of being forty, there wasn’t an ounce of fat on Janice anywhere to be found. Oh, how she longed to kiss each and every blemish…

Covington watched the hurt expression standing in her wife’s eyes and then dropped both towels.

Her hands came up to cup her own breasts as she moved back against the wall. The tips of her fingers caressed the tender area of her nipples and she felt the familiar twinge between her legs.

Mel swallowed deeply as she watched her lover move against the wall. There was a dry click in the back of her throat as Jan squeezed each nipple gently.

"You didn’t hurt me…" she said as Mel approached her.

"These marks…from your mouth, your teeth…are gifts."

Melinda placed her hands on the wall at either side of Jan’s head and then looked down into a sea of calm green waters. She searched the blonde’s eyes for some regret, a hint of pain, but found nothing but passion and need.

"You asked what I liked…I like this…" Jan pointed to the marks around her breasts. "And this", she purred as her fingers moved up to the bruises at her neck.

Melinda’s nostrils flared as she brushed the top of Jan’s head with her nose.

"And what else did you like?"

The air inside the bathroom seemed to grow thick and heavy as Jan’s fingers played up and down Mel’s sides. The taller woman closed her eyes and sighed deeply as two small hands wove a delicate pattern over her hips and lower back.

"Oh, gods!" She squeaked as both cheeks were grabbed and Jan pulled their bodies together.

"I like this…I like it when you…" She said urgently between kisses. "…When you show me how much you want me…when you…"

Jan groaned aloud as she was lifted easily and her lips were crushed against those of her lover’s.

"Oh, yes….yes." Jan closed her eyes tightly as she felt Mel’s teeth on her neck once more.

Melinda turned and padded carefully around the heaps of towels and large puddles that dotted the floor and then slowly lowered the two of them back into bed.

"I think I know how I can ease that pain of yours, Jan. I think I can soothe each and every inch of your body, if you’ll let me."

Jan smiled wickedly up at her lover, enjoying the aggressive new side to the woman.

"Let you? Oh, I’d insist, baby." She smirked.

Melinda brought each of Jan’s wrists up to her mouth. "But we aren’t ever going to do this again. I don’t think I could bear seein those red marks, Jan…not ever."

Jan pulled the brunette hard against her and nipped one of Mel’s ears.

"Never?"

Mel gasped and then held Jan’s arms against the bed. It was strange. Instead of feeling disgusted about hurting her lover, Mel began to feel a confidence. This time, Jan was urging her on, not trying to escape. ‘So she had enjoyed it!’

"What part didn’t you like, Jan?" she asked, slowly dragging her tongue up the side of her lover’s face. "Tell me."

Jan’s biceps bunched as she tried to pull her arms away but to no avail. Mel leaned back a little and smiled.

"Tell me, Jan." Melinda eased her hips between Jan’s legs and then groaned as the smaller woman moved to accommodate her.

Jan’s breath began coming in short gasps as she felt Mel begin to rock against the gathering moisture between her legs.

"I…I loved all of it, Melinda…all of it!"

Melinda could almost hear a dark chuckle somewhere in the back of her mind. Arching her eyebrow, she smiled down at her lover.

"Xena knew that, didn’t she? And so did you."

Jan arched her back as all of Mel’s attention was zeroed in on the hardening swollen flesh of her nipples.

"Fuck, yes!"

Jan had a fleeting moment of déjà vu as Melinda’s eyes turned a smoky blue and then surrendered herself up to her wife’s growing passion.

Because she could. Because she wanted it just as much if not even more than Mel did.

Janice stood by the door and watched as Mel poured them both a cup of coffee. She sighed contentedly and then slipped her flats on.

"Say, you look nice, Mel. There’s something different in the way you’re dressed. What’s different?" She gazed down at the black two-inch heels, up the sleek nylon clad gams, the nicely pressed skirt and blouse and then stopped as she hit the neckline.

Usually, Melinda preferred to dress rather business-like when dealing with the public. To be honest, the woman usually dressed rather primly at home, too. This look was different. Softer, somehow. The top two buttons were left open and Jan could see just the top part of Mel’s cleavage.

"Oh, I don’t know, Jan. I guess I’m feelin rather plucky today."

Jan smirked as her mind played over the scenes from the last thirty hours.

Melinda arched an eyebrow at her lover and smiled crookedly. "My, don’t you look…winsome yerself? Er…Jan? While I’m rather fond of the marks I placed on yer body, I’m not so sure others will." Jan scrunched her eyebrows together.

"Huh?"

"Well, you are sporting a nice hickey there, on yer neck. Doncha think…"

Jan picked her Saint Christopher medal up and placed the gold medallion between her teeth. Mel gulped as the soft lips closed around the well-formed fingertips.

"No, I think I want folks to see that. Kinda show em I’m yours, you know? Besides, I think everyone knows just what we mean to each other, Mel. After all, we’ve been doing this lecture circuit for two years now."

Mel cleared her throat.

"Well…heh…I guess they should know by now, but…well, it might be a little unsettlin for some of em, ya know? Maybe just…" She reached over and did one of Jan’s buttons up.

Jan smirked and looked at her watch.

"Well, fuck a duck! Time’s a wastin, babycakes. Let’s get this show on the road."

Melinda walked over to the sideboard and brought down the piggy bank, giving it a jingle.

"You and your gutter mouth, Jan. After last night and this morning, I think you’d best put some folding money in it this time, lover."

Sighing, Janice reached in and grabbed her billfold. Counting off ten dollars, she pushed her lips out and then added another ten.

"Just in case. There’s always tonight."

The End

Begun January 28, concluded February 29, 2000.

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