THOUGHTS

by BLUE
Vryblueyz@aol.com

DISCLAIMER: The characters of Xena and Gabrielle are property of MCA /Universal. No copyright infringement was intended in writing this fiction. All other accounts are property of Blue. This fiction contains descriptions of a sexual nature between two consenting adult women. If you can’t hang with it, then move on.

Our life together has a rhythm. I find it changing all the time, but a rhythm none the less. It presents itself as two distinct entities, one when we are going about the daily task of living and one before we surrender to the night. She has been with me for nearly two years now. At first, she was a supreme source of irritation, always asking questions, to which I neither cared nor had answers. One thing I could say about the young girl from Potidaea, she was persistent. She accepted such emotional abuse from me, I wondered why she stayed. Great Zeus knows I tried to unfetter myself from her, but could not. Or perhaps, would not, I wasn’t sure. During the day, as we would travel, she put forth a barrage of inquiries, concerning every conceivable topic. My responses took four forms..."No, Gabrielle...Yes, Gabrielle...I don’t know, Gabrielle...Be quiet, Gabrielle.." She took them all in stride. Sometimes it seemed she reveled in just hearing my voice, the answer wasn’t important. There were times I simply relented and allowed her to recite a tale. She insinuated herself upon my life. Over time, I actually enjoyed the experience, anticipating the soothing lilt of her voice. My emotional shift was imperceptible, at first. She had become my friend and ally. There was also a change occurring within Gabrielle, but I didn’t see it. Recognizing emotions in others was almost as difficult as facing my own. Guess too many years of warlording had stripped my ability to exist beyond my own preservation. I thought that capability was forever lost. I was so wrong.

Two events marked the course of our destinies. It’s funny, but to truly understand how much her life meant to me, I would have to see it taken away from her. When Gabrielle died and I bargained with Hades for her return, my own life was forever changed. Silently, she had become the best part of me, yet I did not tell her. I wanted to, but the words wouldn’t form in my mouth. As a warlord, I could spew forth commands sending hundreds into battle, yet my feelings for this woman had rendered me mute. My pride and fear kept me silent, for certainly she couldn’t feel the same about me. Grateful, perhaps, but nothing more. I was wrong again. It was becoming an irritating habit. As I hung suspended in Tartarus, I heard her heart-broken plea, "Please...I need you." Without her love for me and my acceptance of that love, the quest would have surely failed. It was only on joining within her did I fully understand the depth of that love. And I could no longer hide my real feelings. I was naked before her as she was before me. She felt the passion that was within my heart. I wanted to speak it when I first opened my eyes. In a way, I did, but stopped short of completely giving myself to her. That evening, I sat, sharpening my sword, pondering the enigma that had become my life. I needed time to sort through this. She came to me side, wrapped her arm around me and placed her head on my shoulder. I don’t know why I’m concerned about crossing that physical line between us. The reality is that we have already crossed it and are waiting consummation. I know how she feels, yet I hesitate, not trusting the plain truth.

In the quietness of the evening I have seen and felt the love she has for me. It may be a look or the brush of her hand against my skin. My stubbornness holds me in check. The rhythm of our life takes her into a still place. She retreats to an inner world where even I dare not intrude. Sometimes, as I groom Argo, I peer at her writing in her journal. I watch her lips moving silently and her hand transcribing to the scroll. I am transfixed by her beauty and inner strength. Even the subtle movement of her wrist gives my heart pause. I cannot imagine my life without her. I am in love with Gabrielle, and must tell her how I feel.

Perhaps...tomorrow.

Sometimes I feel very out of sync with Xena. In the time I’ve been with her, the woman’s thought processes still amaze me. Just when I think I have an inkling into some part of her, she darts in a different direction, leaving me scrambling to catch up. I believe she does this on purpose, not that I would ever suggest that to her openly. It’s a silent game we play everyday..a contest running just beneath the surface of our daily tasks. Guess that’s why I ask so many questions. Ya’ know, if ya’ don’t ask, ya’ don’t get. But in Xena’s case, asking doesn’t mean I’ll get anything...except silence or a raised eyebrow. She can be so frustrating at times. And she uses my own impatience against me. I have a tremendous ‘need to know’ , right now, and she lives somewhere in the future. It’s always "Tomorrow, Gabrielle, not now." You see what I’m dealing with here ? Oh, there have been moments when I’ve pushed and she has relented, but they are as scarce as Blacktail eggs. You’d think after all we’ve been through, she’d trust me more. Not that I don’t feel she ‘mistrusts’ me or anything. Gods know I’m probably closer to her than most. In fact, I find myself very attached to her emotionally. And how could I not be ? I have watched her die, taking my own spirit with her. It was then I fully realized the depth of my love for her. It far surpassed my pain and guilt when Perdicus was killed. Guilt..you ask ? Yes, I felt I ‘should’ have had a deep life-altering grief at his passing, but did not. I was more guilt-ridden that, because of me and Callisto’s rage, he died. I never experienced the complete anguish that I felt when Xena died. The rend of my very soul was so that I would have gladly sacrificed myself instead. It was at the moment, as I lay across her, heart breaking, I knew I was in love with her. But it was too late, and I suffered so. I wanted to die just to be with her. I never knew how she felt about me.

I should have know a long time ago. She actually bargained with Hades for my life, you know. Now how many casual acquaintances do you know who would do that ? Right, exactly my point. But sometimes even I can miss the obvious. I mean she never gave me an indication otherwise, or so I thought. I knew for sure when she kissed me. So what if she was suspended between life and death..a kiss is a kiss. When she entered my body to fight Valsaqua, I felt more than her strength and determination, I felt an intimacy between us. For a few moments, we were connected on a cellular level, knowing each other so well. I know she felt my love for her as I felt hers. There would be no more secrets from one another. The most beautiful sight in all the would was seeing her open those eyes in the sarcophagus. When she said , "I know, Gabrielle.", my heart sang. That evening, as I sat next to her, I could sense trepidation. I wanted to press, but figured she needed time to sort it all out.

So, as the evening falls upon us, I sit quietly writing this. She grooms Argo and I can feel her eyes on me, caressing like a warm summer’s breeze. Another day has almost slipped without our feelings being verbalized. I have given this much thought. Xena can opt not to step across that physical line in our relationship, but I will no longer allow her to deny her feelings...our feelings. Tomorrow..yes, tomorrow.

"Xena ?"

"Yes, Gabrielle."

"Do we have anything pressing today. I mean something we absolutely have to do ?"

"No, Gabrielle."

"Do you think that glen we passed has a stream nearby ?"

"I don’t know, Gabrielle."

"Wanna take a look and see ?"

"Gabrielle, what’s your point ?"

"I just thought, we could take the day and , you know, just relax. Maybe take a swim, enjoy a picnic, just laze around. We haven’t done that in a while, and you said we didn’t have anything pressing. Could we...please ?"

Xena silently admitted that this might be a good opportunity to finally have that talk with the bard. She didn’t want to sound too enthusiastic. No sense in giving Gabrielle an opening, at least not yet. She agreed.

A huge smile spread across Gabrielle’s face. "Great ! This will be just great !" Her mind was already constructing scenarios.

"Yes, you already said that." Xena had her back to her preparing Argo. There was a smile on her lips.

Before leaving the village, they stopped by the food vendors for supplies. Xena knew better that to underfeed her young companion. Gabrielle could get quite testy when her appetite wasn’t sated. Adding a needless distraction to the impending activities would be counter-productive. She felt there would be plenty of ‘natural’ obstacles to overcome. And had no intention of competing with the bard’s stomach for attention. She threw the pouch containing ‘lunch’ across the saddlehorn and mounted Argo. Gabrielle took her place next to her warrior and they headed out.

The pace was slow as Gabrielle refused to ride Argo. The steed’s back was just too high off the ground to suit her. Xena was always needling her about it. Today was no exception.

"You know, we could make better time to your glen if you’d ride up here with me. Look at all the time you’re wasting by walking. " She was looking down at the top of Gabby’s head.

The bard threw her a side glance. "Well, at least this way I’ll still be in condition when I get there. Believe me, falling off Argo isn’t my idea of a good time."

"Hmmm...condition for what ? " Xena had zeroed in on the implied reference. "I thought we were just going to have a swim and a picnic. Did you have something else in mind ?" Although she couldn’t see Gabrielle’s face, even dinars said it was red.

Gabrielle tried to recover. " No, well, what I meant was..er..uh..if I were to take a fall then the day would be ruined. Yep, there’s nothing like taking a dive off a horses’ back to screw up your day. That’s what I meant, ya’ know ."

"Uh-huh..sure. Gods know I wouldn’t want to screw yo...uh..your day up. I honestly don’t know why you’re so concerned about riding up here anyway. It’s very safe. I’d hold on to you."

"Oh yeah, right. And what about the getting off part ?"

Xena raised a brow and grinned wickedly. "Gabrielle, it’s not..uh..getting off..that’s the problem. It’s everything that comes, so to speak, before it. Getting off usually takes care of itself."

"Of course you’d say that. Look where you are. I bet getting off is easy for you."

"Well, I’ve had more practice than you. I’d be more than happy to show you how. To..uh..give you a hand. "

"Thanks. Maybe later. " The air hung thickly around the bard. She was suddenly aware of the double nature of this conversation. Great Athena, she hated feeling like a child again. But it had laid the groundwork nicely for her. She just wished it had been her doing. This was a perfect example of Xena’s twists and turns. Gods, she was good.

The pair veered off the main road to a single footpath. It lead past a stand of conifers and finally opened into a small glen. There was a clear pool just off to the side. It was surrounded by vegetation. The heady smell of jasmine and honeysuckle filled the air.. Gabrielle took a deep breath, expanding her lungs and giving rise to her breasts. She folded her arms around herself, closed her eyes and slowly turned in a circle.

"Oh, Xena, just smell the air. It’s it wonderful ?"

The pirouette wasn’t lost on the warrior. She gazed at the form before her, eyes following the graceful turn. "Yes, Gabrielle, it is." She slid off Argo. There was a warm feeling beginning to form in her core. She led the war-horse to a shady spot beneath the trees and settled her. Gabrielle strolled to the edge of the pool, sat on the soft sand and took off her boots. Her toes were teasing the water’s lip. "C’mon, Xena, this feels wonderful. You’re missing it."

Xena was busy removing her battle accouterments and placing them safely near Argo. "Don’t worry, Gabrielle, I’m sure I can catch up. Start without me. You hungry ?" It was a silly question and as such, she brought the food sac with her.

The bard was leaning back, resting on her elbows. The sun sparkled across the water and danced in her eyes. The sight of her took the warrior’s breath. From her higher vantage point, Xena could see the swell of her breasts and outline of her nipples. Gods, how she wanted to touch her.

"It’s so peaceful here, don’t you think ?" Gabrielle turned her head to address the raven haired warrior. Xena sat next to her. "Yes, it is peaceful. I’m glad you suggested this. Grape ?" She popped one of the dark purple spheres into her mouth.

"You don’t have any cherries in there by any chance ? I love cherries !" The bard reached over to search the sac. Her attempt failed as Xena moved it out of her way.

"Just be patient, let me see what’s in here." She peered into the sac. "Hmmm..ooh..what’s this ? I believe it’s..yes..by Zeus..cherries !" She pulled a handful of the stemmed beauties and cradled them in her palm. Gabrielle put her hand over to snare one.

Lightly slapping her wrist, Xena put forth her demands. " I don’t think so. I bought them and I’m going to eat them. Now, I’ll be more than happy to share, but you can’t touch."

"Well, just how am I supposed to eat them ? I am not sticking my head in that bag. This is some silly game isn’t it ? You’re paying me back for that ‘golf’ incident."

"You know, I hadn’t thought about that, but now that you’ve brought it up." She was rubbing her chin with her empty hand. "Tell you what, I’ll feed them to you. Ok ?" Xena selected one of the orbs. Holding it by the stem, she lowered it to the bards lips. Gabrielle lips slightly parted in anticipation of the delicious fruit. Her tongue moistened the entrance. She accepted the cherry and severed it’s attachment to the stem with her teeth. Xena was left with a naked stem between her fingers. She put the stem in her own mouth.

Gabrielle separated the cherry’s flesh from the pit. The pulp went one way and the pit sailed from her lips into the water. She was looking at Xena with a puzzled expression. "Xena, what are you doing ? You can’t eat the stem. Well, I suppose you could, but I wouldn’t."

The end of the stem made an appearance between her lips. The warrior slowly removed the little beauty. The bards eyes widened. The stem had a perfect knot in the middle. Xena had a very satisfied look on her face. She held it aloft eyeing it like prize. "See, Gabrielle, anyone can eat a cherry, but how many can do this ?" She handed the gnarled stem to the bard.

"How did you do this ? It’s a trick, right ? No one can tie a knot in a cherry stem with just...uh..it’s not possible. C’mon , tell me how you did it . This is one of your ‘many skills’ isn’t it ?"

Xena leaned close to the bards ear and whispered, " It’s all in the tongue, my dear." She softly blew into the stunned woman’s ear. "And yes, it is one of my skills. You want to try one ?"

The bard sat up and took one of the cherries out of Xena’s palm. She ran the plump ball over Xena’s lips before allowing her to bite it free. The stem disappeared into Gabrielle’s mouth. She began to furiously manipulate the object. Her face was taking on all sorts of poses. Xena sat back and popped another in her mouth. With the pit safely gone, she took the stem and once again pulled a knotted sliver out. Gabrielle was still working on hers. By the time Gabrielle retrieved her badly chewed stem, Xena had finished the handful.. The knotted stems were lined up like soldiers on the sandy ground.

Gabrielle was looking at her poor substitute for a knot. "Guess, I need more practice, huh ?" She peered at Xena’s tightly knotted phalanx. " Seems like you’ve certainly had plenty of experience. "

"I’ve had some, yes. Life prepares us for lots of things."

"You mean like running into wayward cherry stems ?"

"Of a sort."

"Well, I’m curious, just where would you use this..ah..skill ?"

Xena was within inches of this beautiful woman. It was now or never. "I was hoping to share that particular secret with you, Gabrielle."

The bard was speechless, for once. " What ? Share what with me ?"

There was no stopping. "This Gabrielle." Xena leaned close and lightly touched her lips to the bard’s own. It was electric. Both women felt the barely restrained fire in their souls. Gabrielle started to speak, but her lips were silenced by Xena’s fingers.

"Shhh..don’t say anything. If I don’t get this out now, I never will. Just listen."

Gabrielle nodded and gave the palm of Xena’s hand a kiss, sending a shiver through the warrior.

"I’ve been giving this a lot of thought for a very long time. I’ve tried to not feel these things in my heart . I feared that you couldn’t possibly feel the same about me. I was pretty sure about my own feelings but not so sure of yours. When we joined in the cavern to fight Valesqua, there were no more questions. Why I kept a distance from you is beyond even me. I know it’s a risk to change the direction of our relationship. There will be no going back to the way it was. But in many ways, we have already changed. I need you, Gabrielle. I am in love with you. "

There was a mist forming in the bard’s eyes. She realized how hard it was for Xena to expose herself. She meant all that she said. Gabrielle reached over and ran her hand over the warrior’s face.

"Oh, Xena, you don’t know how long I’ve waited to hear that. I’ve loved you, my warrior, for such a long time. I cannot imagine my life without you. I am yours, Xena, now and always. "

The embrace was one of passion and urgency. Their bodies were about to catch up with their minds.

Xena was running kisses down Gabrielle’s neck, sending involuntary spasms jolting through her body. "Xena..." Her words were broken "..do you think you can show me...oh..gods...that..cherr...yesss...rie thing ?"

"Hm-hum...anything you want." She continued the assault on the bard’s neck, moving to her breasts. Xena slipped her fingers under the fabric of the top to tease her nipple.

"Oh..my.." Gabrielle pressed Xena’s hand tightly over her flesh. "...do you think we should go back to the...oh there...inn ?"

"No, Gabrielle." Her fingers unlaced the front of the bard’s top, freeing her firm mounds. The nipples were hard and erect.

The arch in her back announced a heightened level of excitement. "So, you have loved....yes..right...there...me for a long...oh, please...time ?"

"Yes, Gabrielle." Xena’s lips closed over her nipple and her hand played with the fine hairs on her abdomen.

A wave of gooseflesh ran over the bards skin. " Why didn’t you...please...tell me sooner..oh,gods..?"

"I don’t know, Gabrielle." The warrior’s tongue ran a torturous circle around the nipple, teeth nipping the tip.

Gabrielle pulled Xena into her, hips moving against the warriors bare thigh, her undergarments wet with desire. Xena slid her hand under the waistband of her skirt and loosened it. Her fingers found the damp soft curls and slickness below it. The bard took in a sharp intake of breath and held Xena tighter.

"You’re driving me crazy...please..."

"Please what, Gabrielle ?"

"Please show me the secret...yesss...of the cherries...please...."

Xena moved down the bard’s body with her tongue, Gabrielle completely surrendering. " You talk too much, Gabrielle." She buried her face in the bard’s wetness.

Gabrielle’s coherent speech was about to vanish. " And you...oh...gods..please now....think..too..muc....." The last was drowned by Gabrielle screaming Xena’s name along with an assortment of the gods.

Xena held her quietly until the aftershocks subsided. Yes, things were definitely going to be different. She posed a question to her lover. "I have to know one thing."

Gabrielle was limp as a tare in the wind. " Uh-huh..what ?"

"You always going to try and have the last word ?"

"Not always." She winked and pulled the warrior down on her.

THE END

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