Warlord Daze

by Katrina


The following is a bit of alternative fiction based on certain characters from the Xenaverse. It is not meant to infringe on anyone else's rights. If you don't agree or disapprove, please go read something else.

Gender Alert: There's no sex in this chapter, but there is use of the word, "manhood." I know. I know. But I was trying to be delicate and remain sensitive to the spirit of the chapter.

Remember, this is all meant in fun!


The strawberry blonde walked in as if she owned the place, and technically speaking, she did. Well, actually Xena did, but that was close enough. Gabrielle sniffed in disapproval. This would not do. Not at all. It was dark. It was fusty. It reeked of alcohol. It had been days since the flap had been opened. Nope. Wouldn't do.

"Eponin!" The Amazon stepped in through the entry. Her strong body holding the flap so there was actual light in the tent. A groan could be heard. Gabrielle ignored it.

"Open this place up would you. It stinks. There is no way they are coming in here with the way it smells. After you're done, see if you can't rustle up Esther and Vivian, would you?"

"Yes your majesty," was the very respectful reply. Gabrielle turned away from watching Eponin's efforts, in a manner that would have looked like she was rolling up her sleeves. That is, if she'd had any sleeves to roll up. Things were about to get cleaned up.

She found him huddled painfully on his bed, glaring balefully She smiled pleasantly, "Hello Colchak." He looked horrible, scraggly, unfed. She knew that Aedal had been by, but that Colchak had been hateful and had rejected any help. Though he'd received it anyway; at least as much as Aedal could manhandle him into. They hadn't been able to get the warlord to eat.

The curly blonde man struggled painfully up on his pallet, wincing and groaning noisily. He growled threateningly, but only managed to look pitiful. "Get OUT!!!" He slurred at her. He kicked at her calf and missed; his body made ungainly by they way his arms were wrapped. All he managed to do was hurt himself. They should have kept him longer in the infirmary, but she could see why they'd let him go. He was in a nasty temper.

Gabrielle arched an eyebrow meaningfully, shook her head and bustled about the partition, opening the curtain, ignoring the flinches. "Friend, you have been out of the sunshine too long. You've started to wilt."

"You are *not* my friend." His voice was bitter, his chin fleck with the froth of an angry man. He was almost, not quite, naked to the world.

Gabrielle felt bad for him. Not in the sense that she felt bad about her actions, but in the sense that her heart reached out and ached on his behalf. Her voice was calm, "If not me, who is?" She turned to look at him. "Who *are* your friends Colchak? I can list them out on my hand can't I." Her hazel eyes flickered with something he didn't recognize. Compassion. She ticked two fingers off, "Aedal," index, "Me," ring. He snorted and sat back hard and winced again. She shook her head and picked up a dirty shirt, "Now you're stuck with Me, because Xena has Aedal and is on her way to deal with Philomon."

"That bastard." Colchak's eyes were narrowed in a kind of hate. He felt abandoned. All of his lieutenants were gone to Xena's fold. All of them, even his most trusted.

Gabrielle knew who he was talking about, but chose to address it differently, "Philomon? I wouldn't know." Gabrielle decided to be brutal. She chucked out all the wine bottles vehemently. "He is a threat though. Xena's trying to consolidate power so Hercules can be dealt with on some even footing. Doesn't help when warlords forget who their allies really are."

Colchak winced from a pain of a different sort. Gabrielle continued, "As soon as we get you cleaned up, friend." There was that word again. Friend. He gulped against the tug he was feeling. "I have someone I want you to meet. Actually a couple of someones." She smiled at him as she scooted a bench to the left with her knee. Her smile was the sunshine.

She meant it when she said, "cleaned up." By the time they were finished, his tent was as fresh as Xena's, maybe not quite as ornate, but fresh. So was he. They'd bathed him thoroughly, all three of them. He struggled at first, then settled down. Gabrielle talked to him during the whole time, catching him up to the details he'd missed, informing him about the move that was ahead, ignoring his kicks and spins. They ignored the part where his manhood lifted, not unkindly, simply not seeing it. Eventually it went down again. He was too tired to be aroused.

Esther and Vivian made the choice, following Gabrielle's lead, to not embarrass the man any further than he'd been. They'd shaved him carefully, sensitive to his bruises. His jaw wasn't broken, but that was only through sheer luck. He had lost teeth. That was healing. They cut his hair, gave him a clean crisp blue shirt and trousers, fresh wrappings for his arms and shoulders, herbs to ease the pain (along with a gentle lecture about taking care of one's self) and a boost to a self esteem that had never really been there to begin with. They settled him onto a pallet that was much softer and bigger than he remembered or maybe the aches in his body weren't as intense. He closed his eyes, intending only to rest them, listening to Gabrielle's soft spoken words and slept.

Time later, he couldn't have said how much, he woke slowly to smells that caused his mouth to water and his belly to rumble with hunger. That was a sensation he hadn't felt in a long time. He felt pressure besides his body, a warm hand on his own. He opened his eyes and was greeted by a warm hazel gaze. She sat by him, he knew, while he was sleeping. The tightness that he'd been feeling in his chest was a faded memory. His breathing was easy. "Colchak."

For once in his life his name did not sound like a cuss word in someone else's mouth.

She smiled softly, nonthreateningly, "Colchak, there are people here to see you." She waved her Amazons over and stood up. Esther leaned down and gently scooped him up and onto his feet. Now there was a woman he wouldn't want to tangle with in battle. He grimaced to himself. Actually, he wouldn't want to tangle with any of them. He'd tried and look where that got him. He was like a bird with broken wings, being taken into warm hands. He looked at Gabrielle. This friend thing was definitely much better for him. He stood up as straight as he could, considering.

Colchak glanced around the tent and saw belongings that he knew were not his. There were items that had been carefully packed stacked against each other. Someone was moving in? Where? Here? Then he saw them.

The woman was tall, stocky, not really bulky, definitely buxom (in the sense that her mammaries were very sizable, though they looked like they'd been plunked onto her chest by a lazy artisan. It didn't matter, it matched her whole body). Her smile was dazzling and wide. "Ahh, there he is children, set you at the table now." Her voice was like a berry, sharp, but sweet, a little nasal. Colchak watched in amazement as Evania scrambled happily into a chair that was stacked with something to make it her height. His son didn't even look at him, but helped the child up. "I'll take over for ya, missy." Esther let go of Colchak's waist and he found himself being gathered into the crook of the woman's powerful arm.

"I'm Jalani. These are my children, Evania, Darvin." A strong almost square hand waved in their direction. *Her* children. He blinked, trying to assimilate what was being said. "Come, let us sit you down and get you fed. I've a soup I want to try on you. Plus some fresh bread, nice and soft. I think you'll like it." She guided him to the head of the table and sat him down. He blinked. She talked as she covered his chest with a napkin. "Be awhile afore you'll be usin' those arms or so Gabrielle has said. But I told her we'd be working on gettin' you in shape. The Princess has need of a smart planner like you." She sat down close to him, close enough that she could feel the heat of her body. It was. . .comforting, more . . .appealing than he expected. She wasn't his type at all.

"He's a good'un, Darvin is. Strong, brave, honest." She gave him a meaningful glance and Colchak felt a lump of tears crawl up his throat. She knew it then. She knew who he was. "And Evania, she's a wonderful child, a perfect daughter," He felt a twinge of guilt. She dipped a bit of bread in the soup and held it to his lips while looking at the girl and smiling brightly. "My family's a good one." The scent was rich, meaty. He took his first bite in days. He felt a tingle, a comfortable shock, as her fingers brushed against his lips. "When moving time comes, you'll see." She looked back at him with gentle hazel eyes. He blinked. Were all hazel eyes warm?

Gabrielle watched as Jalani took over and heaved a sigh of relief. The bard would come and visit him often, especially now that Jalani and her family were there. Gabrielle had to smile at the fortunes of that. Maybe, just maybe, if she worked it right, Colchak would live through his time In Xena's camp. The Queen and her Amazons slipped silently away.


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©September1997