Coming Home Part 4

Disclaimers - See Part 1 for disclaimers.

Chapter Fourteen

Terry listened to the noises of the old house, the creak as Claire mounted the stairs to her second floor apartment, the ancient furnace kicking in to counter a cool fall night and the sound of water flowing through pipes. She thought about the hours she'd spent with Elizabeth Seaton and the promise the woman had extracted from her.

Please, Terry. Don't tell my son what we've spoken of tonight. I need him to tell me himself when he's ready.

She knew Michael would interrogate her on the conversation the two women had had, and she wasn't sure if it would be disloyal if she omitted telling him that his mother knew he was gay. She did understand Elizabeth's position however and she had promised to keep her trust. She just hoped Michael wouldn't find out that she was keeping such a secret from him.

Aggrieved at being unwittingly placed in the middle of this situation, Terry pulled a pillow over her face and groaned into it. Pushing it back, she stared again at the darkened ceiling of the garret, exasperated to have another complication in a life that had spawned too many complications lately.

She tossed about the bed, unable to get comfortable and aware that her body felt unusually achy. She wrote it off as a result of all the stress she'd been under recently. Finding a cool spot, she tried to settle down but then heard the stairs squeaking again as someone climbed past the second floor and came closer to her landing.

She smiled then, knowing it was Michael home from his family dinner and about to quiz her. Well, in the absence of truth, I can always yank his chain a little. He certainly deserves it for what he did to me!

A soft knock came at her door and, without waiting for an answer, Michael's head poked around the edge.

"Terry! Are you awake?" he whispered loudly.

Terry snorted. "Well if I wasn't before, I am now. C'mon in."

Michael bounced over the side of her bed and flopped down beside her. Terry rolled over so she was facing him, grinning, as she took in his now less than formal appearance in the dim light from the hallway. He'd discarded his blazer somewhere and his tie had been tugged loose around his neck with the top buttons of his shirt undone. With his wide happy smile and disheveled blonde hair, he looked like a little boy just out of school for the day.

"So," she drawled. "How did it go?"

"Actually, Ter, it didn't go too badly. We were all astonishingly civil to one another, and I even got Dad to admit that Calgary wasn't the armpit of civilization he'd assumed it to be."

"Uh huh. Any mention of marital prodding?" Terry couldn't help the little smirk on her lips, but she knew Michael probably wouldn't pick it up in the darkened room.

Michael sat up and edged backwards until he was leaning against the headboard. "Not a word!" he said, amazement in his voice. "Now what do you make of that?"

"Gee, Michael. You don't suppose they really only wanted to visit their son, do you?"

The sarcasm was wasted Terry knew, but at times like this, she wanted to hit her oblivious friend over the head. Michael appeared to be considering her words, but then he shook his head. "Nah, I'm sure there's something else going on. I just don't know what it is."

Terry had to bite her tongue to keep from blurting out Elizabeth's confidences. Instead, she picked up a pillow and belted Michael with it.

"Hey, what's that for? What did I do?" the young man protested as he teetered dangerously on the edge of the bed.

"Michael, you're an idiot but I love you." It wasn't an answer but it was all Terry was going to give him. Now however, she smiled evilly and sitting up herself, she leaned companionably against her friend. "Michael," she purred. "Do you remember that little incident with Randy's arrival at the house?"

"Well yeah!" Michael shook his head agitatedly. "You really saved my life there, Terry. I owe you a big one."

"Uh huh. Well, Michael, my dear dim-witted friend, do you also recall a conversation you had with your mother once telling her all about your roommates, and the fact that 'one' of them was gay?"

Michael stared at her blankly for a moment, then comprehension dawned and an expression of horror crossed his face. "Oh shit! I told her you were gay!"

"No fooling, Einstein!"

"Ohmigawd!" Panicked, Michael grabbed Terry's arm, and she winced at the intensity of his grip. "What did you tell her? Did she remember me telling her that? Of course she did. That damn elephant brain of hers never forgets anything!"

Michael was beginning to hyperventilate, so Terry cuffed him smartly on the back of the head.
"Ow! What did you do that for?" he complained, rubbing his head.

"Because I don't want a hysterical queen in my bed waking the neighbours," Terry retorted. "Besides, I handled everything so there's nothing to worry about." Okay, not quite the truth, but there really' isn't' anything to worry about. She justified her quasi-fib to herself.

"What did you say? What did she say?" he asked anxiously.

"Well no thanks to you for the advance warning," she chastised, glaring at him. "But I sorta, um, kind of...well I told her I was bi and that Randy was just too good to pass up."

Michael stared at her in shock and then he started to giggle. By the time he'd reached a full-fledged belly laugh, Terry was hammering at him with her pillow and he was rolling helplessly on the bed. Suddenly, he off-balanced trying to dodge her blows and toppled off the bed with an indignant squawk.

Laughing, Terry crawled to the edge, and peered down at the still chortling Michael laying flat on the floor. The light from the half-open door fell across his boyish face, and Terry was relieved to see that the worry lines had disappeared.

The two friends regarded each other with smiles and the occasional chuckle. Finally Terry extended her hand to him, and pulled him back up on the bed. Stretching out beside each other, they were quiet for a while, until Michael spoke up.

"Seriously, Terry. I really do appreciate what you did for me tonight. Anything I can do for you, just name it."

Terry nudged him lightly with her elbow. "Aw, you'd have done the same for me, but if you really want to pay me back... "

"I do. Just name it," Michael asserted firmly.

"You can take my laundry detail for the next couple of weeks!" Terry laughed triumphantly as her friend groaned.

"Alright," Michael grumbled good-naturedly. "I guess I owe you that much. Consider it taken."

"And no turning my underwear pink for revenge!" Terry turned on her side and poked a guilty looking Michael in the chest.

"Hey, that was an accident! I didn't notice Randy's red flannels had gotten in there by mistake, honest!"

"Sure, I believe you. Got a bridge you want to sell me too?"

Michael just laughed, and Terry resigned herself to getting back her underwear in flamboyant shades. Oh well, it was worth it to get out of her household chores for the next couple of weeks.

Michael was quiet so long that Terry wondered if he'd dropped off to sleep. It wouldn't be the first time that had happened. They'd often talked long into the night and been too tired to move when they were done. She was at that hazy state between wakefulness and slumber herself, when she heard Michael's voice beside her ear.

"Terry, you know I don't like to pry," he began slowly.

Terry yawned. "Yes, you do. It's one of your favourite hobbies."

"Okay, well yeah maybe, but I've been pretty good recently, haven't I?"

"I suppose." Terry propped her head on her hand and looked down at her friend. "What's on your mind, Michael?"

Michael hesitated, and Terry wondered if something else had happened with his parents. He looked unusually serious, and when he turned his dark blue eyes on her, she felt like he was looking right through her.

More bluntly than was his usual style, Michael said, "Terry, I'm worried about you."

"About me?" Terry's surprise could be heard in her voice. "Why me? I thought you were the one with the problem."

Michael pulled himself up, and then turned so he was facing her directly. "Something's wrong, Terry, and we all know it. The girls and I were talking about it the other day. You're not yourself right now. You're moody and unhappy, and none of us can figure out why. It's like you've done a complete about face. You'd been flying high up until a week or so ago, and now you're this sullen, miserable person that none of us have seen before. Even Jordy is pissed at you, and everyone knows he worships the ground you walk on. C'mon, Terry, talk to me. What's going on?"

Terry slowly sat up, until her knees were touching his. Her head was bent and she appeared to be studying her fingers intently. Michael reached out and touched her shoulder. "You'll feel better for getting it out. You know that, and maybe I can help somehow."

"No one can help," Terry muttered, wanting to shut down this turn of conversation, yet desperately needing to talk to someone about what she was feeling. She knew she'd been difficult to live with this last little while, and she wouldn't have blamed her friends for shunning her.

Looking up, she met Michael's warm eyes, filled with caring and concern for her. He waited, allowing her time to make up her mind. Then he squeezed her hand and said, "Please, let me help."

Those simple words broke the dam, and words began spilling out of her.

"I've gone and done something incredibly stupid, Michael. I can't believe it myself. I mean I never, ever thought it would happen to me in a million years."

Michael raised an eyebrow at her rambling, but said nothing.

Terry tried to just say it, to push the words past the lump in her throat, but they seemed to be stuck. Michael caressed her hand lightly waiting patiently for her to come to the point.

Staring at their joined hands, she finally mumbled, "I think, I mean I'm pretty sure... Hell, I've gone and fallen in love with Jan."

Michael's face remained neutral as he asked, "Are you sure, Ter? That it's love and not just a passing fancy?"

Tears began to fill Terry's eyes and slowly, haltingly, the whole story came out. "I'm sure, Michael. I didn't want this I swear I didn't. They're both friends of mine, ya know?"

Michael nodded his understanding at her declaration. Terry rocked wordlessly for a moment, seeking some comfort in the childlike movement. Then she looked intently at Michael.

"I feel more from her slightest touch than I have in a marathon of sex with any other women. She's in my mind constantly, waking and sleeping. I can't be in the same room with her without wanting to pull her into my arms. It's like I'm a magnet and she's true north. I have to literally fight with myself not to touch her."

She laughed mirthlessly. "You wanna know something really weird, Michael?" Without waiting for his response, she shook her head disbelievingly and said, "It's not even about sex. I mean, yeah, I dream about making love to her, but it's so much more than that too. Just to be in her presence, to listen to her voice and to make her laugh...God, Michael, I've got it so bad."

She pulled her hand out of his and dashed tears angrily from her eyes. They were falling faster now, obscuring her vision and dampening the sheets. Her voice low and agonized, she said to her attentive friend. "I'm so stupid. I finally find the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with, and not only is she straight, she's married to a terrific guy whom I happen to think the world of. Could I have made any bigger mess of things?"

Thoughtfully, Michael said, "Well, that explains why you've been over at their house every night."

Terry shook her head. "No, you don't understand. I, well, I've been trying to write a novel." She paused and grinned weakly at the surprised look on her friend's face. "Yeah, I know. I've been pretty closed-mouth about it. Didn't want to jinx it, I guess. Anyway, Jan and Rob found out, and they offered me the use of their basement suite as a writing retreat anytime I wanted it."

"That was nice of them," Michael murmured encouragingly.

"Don't I know it!" Terry exclaimed fervently. "Damn it, Michael. They've taken me in, both of them, and treated me as if I were a member of their family. They've been incredibly kind to me and how do I repay them? I go and fall in love with Jan. I'm such a rotten bitch!"

"Shhhh, Terry. You are no such thing," Michael soothed.

Swollen eyes peered up at her friend, searching his face for clues to his reaction. Michael looked at her soberly, and Terry could almost see the wheels turning in his mind. Finally, unable to stand the silence, she pleaded, "Talk to me."

Michael sighed softly and picked up her hand, cradling it in his. "First off, Ter, I'm not all that surprised. We've all picked up on the fact that Jan was something special to you. The way you talked about her all the time, the way you could hardly wait to head over to her place almost as soon as you're in the door from work, the way you look at her when she's around. Hell, Terry, you practically glow in her presence."

Startled, Terry stared at him. She'd been sure she'd concealed her feelings. Hadn't she hidden them so well that she hadn't even been aware of them herself until the fateful day of the leaf fight?

Michael smiled ruefully, reading her easily. "Don't worry. I'm sure neither Jan or Rob knows. It's just your old friends, who've never seen this in you, who got suspicious."

Terry hung her head again. "What am I gonna do, Michael? It's killing me to stay away from her but I can't let her know. It'd ruin our friendship and then I'd never get to see her. And Rob...oh God, Michael! How could I even think of hurting him by wanting his wife? I'm such an traitor!"

The words were sharp and self-castigating, hopelessness written in the slump of her shoulders and the tears that had again begun to drop on the sheets.

"No!" Michael said firmly. "You are not a traitor! You're simply a woman who's fallen in love. It's not like you planned this, and I know you'd never intentionally hurt anyone, especially a friend. Okay, let's think this out clearly."

"What's to think out?" Terry mumbled. "I love her. She's his, and she couldn't even love me if she was free. Jesus, how could I be so dumb?"

Exasperated, Michael shook Terry's shoulders and forced her to look at him. Jolted out of her funk by his unexpected assertiveness, she was struck by how he'd surprised her twice tonight with other sides to his normally playful personality. She listened as his voice took on shades of his father's commanding tones.

"I want you to listen to me, Terry. I'm not so sure you're right about the hopelessness of this situation."

Terry looked at him in puzzlement as he went on, laying out his points with precision. "It's clear to me that Jan's very fond of you too. Wait, I know what you're going to say, that it's just friendship on her part. Maybe that's true, but I've got a pretty good instinct in these matters, and I'm sensing something more there than meets the eye. Terry, I noticed something at the barbeque. Her eyes rarely left you. Even when Rob was telling his story about Paris, she was watching you react."

"Yeah, well, she's probably heard that story a dozen times before," Terry muttered, unwilling to believe in slim possibilities.

Michael sighed. "You are so mulish at times. Listen to me, she was looking at you, the way you were looking at her. I'm not imagining things here, Ter. I know what I saw. And when I mentioned it to Lisa later, she said she saw the same thing. Where do you think we all got the idea that something might be going on?"

He ignored his friend's muted protests and carried on. "If we proceed on the premise that there is a possibility she could feel the same for you that you feel for her, we then come to the overwhelming factor...Rob. I don't know Jan as well as you do, Terry, but my impression is that she'll stand by him for life."

Terry nodded her agreement at that, no longer wanting to interrupt Michael's analysis of the situation. "Okay, so we're agreed there, but Ter, without being harsh, Rob isn't exactly in great shape. I'd guess his life expectancy isn't that long."

"God, that's morbid, Michael!" Terry protested.

"Yes, it is, but it's also being realistic. And there's another matter to consider. There really isn't any way to be delicate about this..."

"Like you've been delicate up to now?" Terry snorted.

"No, but I think you need to hear these things, and I'm going to be the one to say them. Rob's classified as a quadriplegic, isn't he?" At Terry's nod, Michael picked up his line of thought. "So I'm assuming he isn't exactly 'fully functional', if you catch my meaning."

"I suppose not, but what's that got to do with anything?"

"Terry, it's a harsh situation you've found yourself in. There's no noble way out for anyone that I can see, but what if there is a way for at least two out of three of you to find some happiness without really hurting Rob?"

Terry shook her head in bewilderment. "What are you talking about?"

Michael sighed. He obviously thought she was being thick as a brick about this but Terry really didn't know what he was getting at. He tried again. "Have you ever talked to Jan about, well about how she handles things?"

"Things?"

"Jesus, Terry. What she does about sex!"

"Oh. Ohhh!" Terry felt herself blushing. "Um, no, the topic's never come up." She hesitated, then ventured, "But I suppose in that movie's immortal words, 'it is the age of electronics'."

Michael chuckled. "Well, you'd know about that. You've practically got your own toy store in the drawer of yours."

Terry grinned sheepishly, relieved that the tension had lightened a bit.

Michael returned to his subject. "What I'm getting at though is if Jan feels the same as you do, and even if she wouldn't leave Rob..."

"I would never ask her to!" Terry piped up indignantly.

"I know, but what I'm saying is that maybe you two could work out a quiet arrangement that allows you two to be together sometimes but doesn't take her away from him while he still needs her."

Terry gaped at him, and then protested, "You're talking about an affair with a married woman."

"Yes I am, and I wouldn't normally do that, but Terry, this situation is so complex that normal logic doesn't apply. If you found out that she wanted and needed you as much as you want and need her, is it fair to deny both of you a chance at happiness?"

He gave her time to absorb this for a moment, and smiled as she dissented again. "You're dreaming in Technicolor, Michael. She's straight. For God's sake, she adores Rob. Anyone can see that!"

"Uh huh," he said dryly. "And never in the history of the world have married, so-called 'straight' women switched sides in mid-stream."

"But even if you're right, and I still think you're out in left field here, we couldn't take our happiness at Rob's expense!" Terry insisted vehemently, uncomfortable with the direction of this conversation.

"It wouldn't be at his expense if he didn't know, and if nothing in his world changes because of it, where's the harm?" Michael wound up his argument forcefully.

"Damn it, Michael. You're playing devil's advocate here. You should have been a lawyer." Terry shook her head uneasily. She knew there had to be flaws in Michael's reasoning, but she couldn't pick them out right now.

She was rather astonished that he'd even taken that line as she'd fully expected him to counsel her on the futility of falling for straight, married women, and to tell her to stop being so stupid and go back to the legions of women she could have.

As Michael sat quietly while she absorbed his words, she began to wonder if he actually had a point. She couldn't shake the feeling that his proposal was dishonourable, but was he right about Jan? Terry had witnessed at first hand Jan's devotion to Rob, and she'd never pondered the nature of that devotion. Glancing up, she saw the young man studying her intently.

"I don't know, Michael. I don't know what to say or what to think."

He cocked his head sympathetically. "Then just relax, Ter. You're driving yourself crazy over this. At this rate, you'll end up with ulcers. Nobody's going anywhere and there's no time limit on your heart. Why not try to get things back to normal as much as possible and then let things fall where they may?"

Terry nodded silently, sinking back into her pillows. She felt Michael get off the bed and bend over to kiss her forehead only to pull back. "Hey, you're pretty warm. Are you feeling alright?"

"Hmm?" she murmured absently. "Yeah, I'm fine. Go to bed, Michael. It's late."

Accepting her dismissal, Michael padded out the door. Terry barely noticed his departure, as her mind turned over his words in an endless loop, trying to decide what she'd do next.

Chapter Fifteen

Jan sighed, realizing she'd been rereading the same paragraph for the last fifteen minutes and she hadn't absorbed a single syllable. Just as depressing, her coffee had gone ice cold before she'd even gotten halfway through it. Accepting that her mind simply wasn't on her book, she closed it and looked around.

She was spending her afternoon off in one of her favourite haunts, the bookstore she and Terry had come to on their first 'date' several months before. She thought about that night, when two near strangers had met for an author's reading. They'd gotten along so well right from the beginning, and as the weeks had passed Jan had thought they were forging a strong friendship.

The redhead shook her head, still unsure of what, or if anything, had gone wrong. After weeks of coming to their house virtually every night, Terry had abruptly stopped dropping by either to use her downstairs retreat, or simply to visit. She never rang the doorbell anymore just to say hi when she dropped their mail off, as had become her custom. Jan knew Rob was feeling the young woman's absence almost as keenly as she was herself. The worst part was that she didn't understand the reason for the sudden change.

She couldn't remember any falling out, though when they'd seen Terry at her parents place for Sunday dinner on the previous weekend, she'd acted very strangely. Jan recalled that evening, when even Emily had seemed puzzled at her daughter's behaviour.

Terry, Gord and Jordy met them at the bottom of the stairs as usual to carry Rob's wheelchair into the Sanderson house. Jordy, openly thrilled that his idol was coming for dinner, bounced alongside the older man, chattering to him a mile a minute. Gord, in his usual bluff, hearty manner, manhandled the wheelchair up the stairs almost single handedly. Jan smiled and greeted Terry warmly, only to be startled when the younger woman's eyes darted away from her without the usual affectionate response.

The evening went from bad to worse as Terry avoided sitting by Jan, found excuses to leave the room, and gave short unresponsive answers to any conversation directed her way. While Jan was helping Emily clear the table, she encountered Terry in the hallway leading to the kitchen, and the younger woman scuttled frantically backwards to get out of her way. When Jan reached out a hand to calm her friend and try to find out what was wrong, Terry flinched as if burnt.

Jordy had been following Jan, balancing a stack of dishes in his hands, and as Jan passed Terry, trying to give her as much space as possible in the narrow hallway, she heard Jordy erupt in angry words behind her.

"What the hell has gotten into you tonight, Terry? You're being a complete jerk! If you were going to be such a wet rag, you bloody well should have stayed home. Mom and Dad did not raise you to be such an ill-mannered bitch!"

Jan almost dropped her own dishes in shock, and had to stop her instinctive reaction to turn and defend her friend. She reminded herself that Jordy worshipped his sister, and if anyone had the right to chew her out for her unusual behaviour, he did. She heard Terry mumble some inanity, and rapidly make her escape.

Confused, Jan and Rob made an early exit. Emily, obviously trying to make up for her daughter's strange behaviour, wrapped Jan in a warm hug, assuring her that she and Rob were always welcome at their home.

Terry muttered good-byes before leaving quickly for her own car. Jan and Rob said little to each other on the way home, both lost in puzzled contemplation of the evening just past. When Jan called Terry later in the evening and the following day, she got the feeling her calls were being ducked. Finally, Jan quit trying, reasoning that whatever was bothering Terry would simply take time to work itself out.

Emily had called to invite the Spencers to Thanksgiving dinner for the following weekend and Jan had accepted the invitation. Now, however, she was beginning to wonder if it had been a mistake to do so. If Terry was retreating from their friendship, she didn't want to intrude on the younger woman's space.

Damn it! Jan's irritation was starting to rise. If she isn't interested in being friends the least she could do is say something so we knew that, rather than leaving us to wonder what the hell we did!

Jan glanced at her watch. She still had several hours left in her afternoon before she had to be back to Rob. She could either sit here and stew, or she could attempt to resolve the situation one way or another. It might be a little early for Terry to be off work yet, but she could go over to her house and wait for her. Then they'd have a little chat and she'd either find out what burr Terry had under her saddle and remove it, or resign herself to the loss of a friendship which had come to mean a great deal to her in a very short time. If worse came to worst, she'd call Emily tonight and make an excuse for Thanksgiving.

A course of action set, Jan stood up and headed out to her van. A short time later, she pulled up in front of the roommates' old house. Seeing some lights on, she decided at least one of them was home and would let her wait inside for her elusive young friend.

Walking up the path, Jan felt a weakening of her resolve. What if Terry said it had all been nice, but she wasn't interested in their company anymore? Jan knew the young woman wouldn't be mean. She didn't have a nasty bone in her body, but that wouldn't soften the blow much.

Jan genuinely enjoyed having Terry around, and both she and Rob had grown very fond of the writer. Morosely, Jan mused that she didn't have so many friends that she could afford to lose one, but then she braced her shoulders and decide that whatever the younger woman said, she'd accept with dignity and restraint. At the very least, she'd solve the mystery of what had been going on.

Ringing the bell, Jan drew her coat tighter around her, thrusting her hands deep in her pockets. When the door opened and Michael stood there, she smiled tightly at him. "Hi, Michael. I know it's early but I was wondering if Terry's home from work yet?"

Michael swung the door wide in an unspoken invitation for Jan to enter. As she stepped inside, he said, "Actually, Jan, she's been off work for most of the week. She's had a really bad case of the flu."

Instantly, Jan's aggravation with her friend vanished and concern took its place. "Is she alright?"

"She's a bit better today. I think it's pretty much run its course but she's as weak as a baby and I don't think she'll be up dancing for a week or so."

"May I see her?"

"Yeah, I'm sure she'd like that, though she may be a little dozy. Look, I was just making her some tea. Why don't you take it up to her? Make sure she drinks it all too because she hasn't kept anything down in days."

When Jan nodded her agreement, shrugging off her coat and tossing it over the hallway chair, he handed her a steaming cup he'd been carrying.

"Just holler if she needs anything, okay? I gotta get another load of laundry in."

With that the slender man started back down the hallway and Jan, carrying the cup carefully, made her way up the stairs. Reaching Terry's room, she quietly pushed the door open, not wanting to wake her if she was asleep.

She wrinkled her nose as she entered. The room has a musty, stale odour as if it had been closed off for months. Walking softly over to the bed, she smiled at the sight of her friend burrowing into a nest of wrinkled, disheveled bedding.

Setting the cup on the dresser, she settled on the bed and observed the young woman. Unquestionably, Terry did not look well. Her dark hair was matted and dirty, there were dark circles under her closed eyes, and her normally ruddy complexion was pale and splotchy. She moved restlessly as if unable to get comfortable.

Jan watched her for a few minutes, then reached out a hand and brushed the hair back off Terry's forehead, letting her hand trail a caress down the side of the young woman's face. Dark eyes blinked open dazedly, and then as Terry recognized Jan, a small smile curved her lips. Wiggling over, she curled her body around Jan's and rested her head against the older woman's thigh. Jan stroked the dark head quietly, waiting for Terry to wake up further.

Finally, a plaintive mumble could be heard. "I'm sick."

Jan smiled at the obvious statement. "I know, sweetie. I wish I'd known sooner."

"Wish you had too." Terry's eyes remained closed and she seemed content to stay where she was, absorbing the warmth of Jan's body. Watching her doze, Jan knew there was no way she could stay mad at the young woman. Instead, she felt a fierce protectiveness and deep affection rise within her. She'd have been happy to let the woman cuddle against her for as long as she liked until she remembered Michael's admonition and the forgotten cup of tea.

Shaking Terry's shoulder slightly, she said, "C'mon, sweetie. I need to get some tea into you."

At the muffled groan of protest, Jan firmly rolled Terry onto her back and propped several pillows under her head. Retrieving the still warm tea, she pressed it into Terry's hands. When those hands shook, she closed her own around them and guided the cup to pale lips.

Gently but firmly, she coaxed Terry into drinking the whole thing, then took the empty cup and set it aside. Terry's hand reached out for hers and Jan took it willingly, shaking her head slightly at how weak the woman's grasp was. Looking up to meet dark eyes focused on her face, she was heartened to see more alertness there.

"I've missed you." The surprising words in Terry's sleep-raspy voice warmed Jan's heart.

"I've missed you too, Ter," Jan said sincerely, rewarded with a sweet smile and a slight tightening of the slender fingers interlocked with her own.

Terry lay quietly for a moment, and then wrinkling her nose said, "I think I stink."

Jan laughed but couldn't disagree. "Yeah, well I imagine it's been a few days since you were able to shower."

Terry groaned a little. "I'd kill for a bath about now."

"Hmm, that could be arranged and you won't even have to commit homicide for it. Give me a couple minutes, will you?" Jan disentangled their hands and left the room. On her way to the next floor she met Michael on the stairs with an armload of folded laundry.

He looked over his stack of towels and asked, "How's she doing?"

"Better I think. She wants a bath so I'm going to run one for her. Will you give me a hand making sure she gets down the stairs safely?"

"No problem, just holler when you're ready."

Jan nodded and continued past him, only to turn back. "Michael, could you change the sheets and open the window to air out the room while she's in the bath?"

He chuckled. "Yeah, it is getting a little ripe in there, but I didn't want to disturb her before. I'll take care of it."

"Thanks, Michael," Jan said gratefully. "You're a good man."

Once the tub was filled and fresh towels set out, Jan called Michael and ran back up the stairs to find that Terry had drifted off to sleep again. For a moment Jan contemplated just letting her rest but, sniffing the air again, decided a bath was more of a priority and the girl would feel much better once she was cleaned up.

Leaning over, Jan gently roused Terry, pulling back the covers and coaxing the younger woman to sit up on the edge of the bed. As she swayed dangerously, Jan sat down beside her and wrapped a firm arm around her shoulders. Michael entered the room and, taking in the situation, immediately positioned himself at Terry's other side.

Together they pulled an unsteady Terry to her feet. Supporting her with their arms around her waist and her arms pulled over their shoulders, they began the trek down to the next floor.

Reaching the bathroom after a somewhat uncoordinated descent from the upper level, Jan and Michael deposited Terry on the edge of tub. Michael retreated, while Jan kept a steadying hand on Terry's shoulder. Once the door had closed behind him, Jan began to unbutton Terry's sleep shirt.

The younger woman looked up at her blearily. "Um, I have to use...you know."

Jan smiled. "Can you manage on your own?"

"Uh huh, but don't go too far."

"I'll just be outside the door." Jan stood in the hall with the door slightly ajar. Hearing the telltale flush, she pushed the door open again and caught a faltering Terry as she stood up. Guiding her back to the tub, she finished unbuttoning the long shirt and pushed it off her shoulders. Having discovered on the trip down, somewhat to Michael's embarrassment, that Terry didn't bother with underwear, Jan helped the now naked young woman into the warm water.

Terry slid into the water with an ecstatic sigh. Jan chuckled, sympathizing with how good it must feel after days in that sick bed.

"Why don't we get you washed up and then you can relax for awhile?" she suggested to the reclining woman.

"'Kay," Terry murmured, never opening her eyes and not moving an inch.

Jan waited for a moment, and then shaking her head, picked up a bar of soap. "C'mon, Terry. Sit up for me and I'll get your back."

Terry groaned a little, but pulled herself up and leaned forward on bent knees.

Jan grinned, then lathered up her hands and began to wash the long, lean back presented to her. She heard Terry sigh, but knew it wasn't one of protest this time. She suspected the young woman was enjoying being coddled which didn't bother Jan in the least. She didn't mind being the designated caregiver. It was a role that fit her as naturally as a second skin, and this young woman seemed to bring out all her protective instincts.

Scooping up handfuls of water, Jan sluiced off the soap, keenly aware of the silky skin under her hands. Tugging gently on Terry's shoulders, she eased the younger woman back into the water.

When Terry made no move to take the soap from her, Jan hesitated. She was accustomed to bathing Rob on a daily basis, but in spite of her caregiver instincts, she was uncomfortably aware that she most certainly did not regard Terry as a helpless charge.

She let her eyes drift for a moment over the long body with its small breasts and lean hips. She frowned as she saw too prominent ribs bracketing a concave belly. Terry could ill afford the weight she'd lost over the week, but Jan was sure Michael's cooking would soon build her friend up again.

Deciding she was going to have to prod Terry into further action, she pressed the soap into a limp hand and tucked long, slender fingers around it. "C'mon, sweetie. Time to get the rest of you clean, and then you can soak for a bit."

Jan couldn't help but smile at the pout and the bleary dark brown eyes that half-opened in protest. When Terry held the soap out to her in an unspoken request, Jan shook her head firmly. "Nope, that's up to you, my friend."

Muttering, Terry made a half-hearted effort to finish the bath, then sank back wearily as if it had used up all her reserves. Taking pity on the tired woman, Jan picked up the shampoo from the side of the tub, and supporting Terry's neck so her head was partly out of the water, she began to work the soap through the dark curls. Rubbing gently, she smiled as she heard a soft moan of delight.

"God, that feels good, Jan," Terry sighed blissfully.

"You're just a pleasure hound, lady," she replied with a grin as she tapped a soapy finger on Terry's nose.

"Mmm, you got that right. You have very talented hands."

Terry absently raised a hand to brush off her nose as Jan lowered her head back in the water to rinse out the shampoo. Long after all the soap had disappeared, Jan ran her fingers through dark strands, enjoying the sensuous feel of the clean hair.

Finally, reluctantly allowing that she couldn't get Terry's hair much cleaner, Jan sat back and leaned against the tub, watching her friend's serene face.

The warm, humid, scented air seemed to cradle the two in a world of their own, content in their companionable silence. Without asking, Jan understood that whatever had come between them in weeks past had vanished as surely as the soap bubbles now subsiding into the cooling water.

Some time later, Jan looked up from where her hand had been lazily drawing circles in the water, to meet the dark eyes focused on her. Jan said nothing, feeling but not understanding the unspoken intensity emanating from the younger woman. In the back of her mind, her internal time sense reminded her she'd soon have to return home, but she was reluctant to disturb the reestablished rapport between them.

Terry snagged the fingers dangling in the water and gave them a soft squeeze. Smiling gently she said, "I guess I should get out of here before I turn into a prune."

Jan chuckled, then turning Terry's hand over, pointed out, "I think you may be too late there. You're well on your way to raisin status."

Standing then, she grabbed one of the thick towels off the counter, and was just about to hold it out when a thought occurred to her. "You probably don't want to put that nightshirt back on, do you? Give me a minute and I'll grab you a fresh one."

"Thanks, Jan. There should be some clean t-shirts in the right side of the bureau."

Jan left the bathroom and returned to the garret where she was glad to see that Michael had been at work. The room, flooded with crisp, cool outside air, was now fresh. She lowered the wide-open window, then turned down the clean bedding and fluffed the pillows.

Walking over to the bureau, she tugged open the top right-hand drawer, only to close it immediately as she felt herself blush warmly.

"Okay, not that one," she muttered ruefully, and opened the next drawer down. Spotting an untidy pile of clean over-sized t-shirts, she pulled one out of the tangle and took it back to the bathroom.

Helping Terry carefully out of the tub, she wrapped one towel around her shoulders and rubbed the other briskly over wet hair. Once her friend was dry and dressed, Jan wrapped a supportive arm around her waist and helped the young woman back up to her bedroom.

Terry groaned with pleasure as she sank into the clean bed. Jan pulled the sheets and comforter up, tucking them close. Sitting down beside her, Jan brushed some damp curls back and said, "I'm going to have to get going, Terry. Donny's only there for another half hour."

Sighing, Terry nodded her reluctant acquiescence. "Thanks for coming over, Jan. I really do feel much better for having gotten cleaned up." She moved an arm from under the covers to take Jan's hand.

Jan squeezed the hand, then leaned over and lightly kissed the younger woman's forehead. Standing she said, "I'll give you a call tomorrow to see how you are, okay?"

Terry smiled wistfully. "Yeah, I'd like that." She hesitated, then asked, "Would it be alright if I drop around next weekend? I think I'd like to get back to work."

Jan felt a rush of delighted relief that things were returning to normal. "Of course, Terry. You know you don't have to ask. Rob will be thrilled to see you too. He's missed you." She could tell by the look in Terry's dark eyes that she hadn't covered her own feelings of neglect very well.

"I'm sorry, Jan. I've been a jerk these last couple of weeks," Terry said to her remorsefully. "Forgive me?"

Jan slowly sat back down. "Always. But Terry, what happened? Did I do something to upset you?"

Terry shook her head emphatically. "No! No, you didn't do a thing." The younger woman stopped, obviously unsure of what to say, then she went on carefully. "I had to work some things out, and I'm really sorry that you got caught in the fall-out. You guys have been nothing but kind to me and you didn't deserve that at all."

"So we're okay now?" Jan queried hopefully.

"Yeah, as long as you'll overlook my adolescent behavior."

"Done," said Jan cheerfully. "We'll just write it off to an extended case of PMS."

The two women chuckled together in sheer relief, then with a quick squeeze of Terry's hand, Jan left.

Back in her van, she sat quietly, thinking about the final words between them. Although still curious about what had been bothering Terry, she was content to leave it alone, hoping whatever it was had been permanently resolved.

Reflecting on her own behaviour this afternoon, Jan was slightly shocked at how naturally she'd fallen into caring for the young woman, and how right it felt to be there for her. She rationalized that she was only doing for Terry what she did for Rob every day, but her innate honesty refused to allow that facile reasoning. There had been more between them than the simple concern of one friend for another, and she knew that.

Leaning back in her seat, Jan closed her eyes, only to have them shoot open when she realized where her mind was drifting. Guiltily, she tried to shake the mental image of the young woman lounging half-submerged only inches away, her sleek nakedness a magnet for Jan's disobedient eyes.

What the hell is going on with me? Jan drew in a deep breath, trying to calm her racing heart. Having spent years in the military, she certainly wasn't unfamiliar with the concept of women being attracted to other women, but it had never happened to her before. Well, there was that once after we won the softball championship, but hell, the whole team was drunk and being very affectionate with each other, right?

Her fingers beating an unconscious rhythm on the steering wheel, Jan's thoughts whirled. You cannot possibly be reacting to Terry that way. You're imagining things!

Her erratic mental gymnastics didn't seem to be calming her rapid pulse, so Jan shook her head and started up the van. As she pulled away from the curb, a thought floated through her mind. It's just been too long, that's all.

Chapter Sixteen

Emily wiped her hands on her apron and surveyed her kitchen like a conquering general. Karen and Jan were busy peeling what Karen had teased her soon to be mother-in-law was enough potatoes to feed an army. In consideration of her convalescent status, Terry had been allowed to sit at the table, but had been put to work folding napkins and quartering tomatoes for the salad. Emily smiled to herself. Even her daughter couldn't ruin that.

Jordy, Diane and Michael had been assigned to set the two long tables that extended the length of the dining room and into the living room. Gord, Alex and Duncan were dragging up chairs from every corner of the house and garage. Matt, always the tardy child, hadn't made an appearance yet, while Rob and the twins sat amiably watching the organized chaos flowing around them.

Emily gave a small sigh of satisfaction. It was shaping up to be a wonderful Thanksgiving. She'd been up at five AM to get the huge bird into the oven for a noon meal and the aroma had been making her family drool for the last couple of hours.

Terry still looked a little wan, but whatever had been bothering her the last time she was over for dinner was obviously no longer a factor as the young woman chatted and laughed with everyone including Jan and Rob as if nothing had happened. Emily decided it must have been the early stages of the flu that had made her daughter act so strangely the previous weekend.

Spirits were high as everyone anticipated one of Emily's famous dinners. The men were already talking about carrying Rob down to the basement family room so he could join in the Sanderson male ritual of post-feasting football. Rob was thrilled to be included and turned big blue puppy dog eyes on Jan until she shook her head and laughingly told him to go ahead, but not to expect her to endure a minute by minute replay afterwards.

Emily turned to the counter to start the gravy base and glanced up to see Matt coming up the back walk. She studied his face, and was pleased to see that, for today at least, his usual look of perpetual discontent was absent.

He'd called earlier in the week and during the course of their conversation, casually inquired if Terry would be bringing a date for Thanksgiving. When she'd told him no, he seemed startled for a moment, but recovered to tell his mother that he'd be solo himself this year so not to set an extra plate.

Emily had said a small prayer that the destructive competition between her two middle children was perhaps finally coming to an end, and she added a silent thank-you to the Spencers. To Emily's discerning eye, under their influence Terry seemed to be happier and more settled than she'd ever been in her adult life.

Emily never commented on any of her children's affairs, but she'd been distressed at both Matt and Terry's wild social lives. She shook her head as she thought of some of the women her two boisterous offspring had gotten involved with. Despite her firm open-door policy to all her children's friends, there were many times she'd wished they'd adhered to the old adage about the type of women you shouldn't bring home to meet mother.

Matt entered through the back door and, after slinging his jacket into the hall closet, entered the kitchen, sniffing appreciatively. He hugged his mother then greeted the other workers. Nodding cordially at his sister, he said, "Heard you were pretty sick this week, Terry. Hope you're feeling better now."

Surprised, Terry answered, "Thanks, Matt. Yeah, I'm okay now. Just a little tired still."

Matt gave a slight smile. "That's good." He looked around the kitchen and down the hall to the living room. "Did Claire come over with you?"

"No, not this time. She's working with her church group today. They're putting together Thanksgiving dinner for street people. She said they figure they'll feed up to five hundred people before they're done."

"Oh." Matt sounded disappointed, but he nodded amiably at his sister before going in search of his brothers. Terry stared after him then turned to her grinning mother. "Okay, who was that man and what has he done with Matt?"

"What? Did you think you were the only one who could grow up around here?" Emily chided her daughter, delighted with the turn of events.

Jan leaned over Terry's shoulder while she was distracted by her brother's uncharacteristic sociability and snagged a quartered tomato.

"Hey lady, hands off!" Terry laughed, trying to slap the thief's hand.

Jan danced out of range, popping the ill-gotten fruit into her mouth, and laughing at her friend's mock outrage. Karen slipped in from the other side and stole another piece before ducking out of Terry's reach.

"Ack! Mom! They're stealing your salad!" Terry squawked, holding up her small knife in defence of the diminishing pile of ripe red wedges she'd so industriously sliced up.

Emily laughed and snapped a dishtowel at the two miscreants. "Are you troublemakers all finished with the spuds?"

"Yup, between the two of us, we have officially peeled PEI's entire yearly output," Karen teased.

"Oh hush, like you won't be coming back for seconds!" Emily shot back. "Okay, get them started and as soon as they're done, we're ready to eat."

Jan and Karen looked at the crowded stove stop, at each other and then at their general. Simultaneously, they said, "Where?"

"Oh for heaven's sake! You just have to shuffle things around a bit," Emily insisted as she rustled about, moving pots and sliding covered serving plates into the hot oven. Lifting the large roaster out, she carried it over to set it on the table.

"Karen, will you call Gord and tell him I'll need him to carve in about five minutes?"

Karen left the kitchen to carry out her orders, as Jan assisted Emily in removing the beautifully browned bird to the carving board. Terry's eyes widened as she saw the size of the turkey now sitting in front of her.

When Emily turned to get a bowl for the stuffing, long sneaky fingers reached out to pull a piece of crisp skin from the side of the bird. Just as she was about to pop it into her mouth, a small hand seized hers and even white teeth snatched the delicious morsel away.

Emily turned around to catch the last of the byplay and couldn't help chuckling at the outrage on her daughter's face as Jan munched contently. Clucking her tongue, she admonished the women to stay out of the turkey.

"But Mom..." Terry whined.

"No buts!"

"But she...I didn't...No fair!" she sputtered indignantly.

Both older women broke out laughing and Jan wrapped an arm around the younger woman's shoulders. "C'mon, let's get out of your Mom's hair for now and go see if the table's ready."

Emily returned the redhead's grin with a smile as the two stood to leave. Busying herself with extracting stuffing, she heard an aggrieved complaint float back to her.

"Look at all the trouble you're getting me in!"

She couldn't hear Jan's low-pitched response, but she heard her daughter laugh heartily as Gord entered the kitchen, his favourite carving knife in hand.

*********

Emily listened to the sounds of all the different conversations going on at once around the crowded table. Steady inroads had been made into the generously piled serving dishes and her family was starting to slow down a little.

Diane was already sitting back in her chair, groaning slightly at the amount she'd consumed. Terry, handicapped by a week that had shrunk her stomach, was also finished. The twins were having their own Thanksgiving feast with as much strained turkey and peas on their beaming faces as on the towels prudently placed under their high chairs. Jan was nimbly feeding Rob and herself, while carrying on a non-stop conversation with Terry and Jordy who sat beside them.

Gord and Matt were in serious debate about a problem at work and Alex, Duncan, Karen and Michael were in an animated argument, though about what, Emily couldn't determine. However, they seemed to be enjoying themselves so she wasn't concerned.

Emily presided over her small kingdom efficiently, ensuring no one went without and emptied bowls were swiftly replenished from the kitchen.

Soon only Jordy was still cleaning his plate while the others loosened belts and buttons, groaning about wearing sweat pants the next time. Even the once lively conversation had become desultory as post-turkey syndrome set in.

Letting her family relax for a few minutes, Emily went to make the coffee. As she filled the pot, she heard someone enter the kitchen behind her. Glancing over her shoulder, she saw Jan carrying dirty dishes in and stacking them on the table.

"Thanks, Jan."

"Not a problem. Do you want me to start loading the dishwasher?"

"Good idea, and if you want to get out the dessert plates, I'd appreciate it.

Familiar by this time with where everything was stored, Jan opened a cupboard and took down a stack of small plates. Then she opened the dishwasher door and started arranging the dirty dishes.

The two women worked in silence for a few moments, until Jan said softly, "I really appreciate you asking us over, Emily. I can't remember the last time I've enjoyed Thanksgiving so much."

Emily stopped measuring the coffee into the filter and, turning to her, said sincerely, "It was our pleasure to have you. You and Rob are always welcome, you know that." Emily contemplated the slightly worried look on the redhead's face and added, "Is something wrong?"

Jan bit her lip for a moment, and then looking intently at Emily, asked "You don't think Karen felt pressured to ask us, do you?"

Emily shook her head. During dinner, conversation had turned to Karen and Duncan's upcoming nuptials, and Karen had leaned across the table to casually invite Jan and Rob to come to the wedding. Emily had known from Jan's startled look that the invitation hadn't been expected.

"Trust me, Karen invited you two because she likes you and considers you part of the family, just as the rest of us do. Karen isn't one to let social niceties dictate her actions. If she asked you, she wants you there," Emily concluded firmly, glad to see a slow smile cross the redhead's face.

"I haven't been to a wedding in years," Jan said. "I don't think I even have anything suitable to wear."

"Suitable for what?" came the question behind her as Terry entered with a stack of dirty dishes, trailed by Jordy with his own load.

"Suitable to wear to the wedding," Jan answered.

"Guess you're gonna have to go shopping then," was Terry's sensible response.

"I haven't picked out my outfit yet either, Jan. Why don't we go shopping together next weekend? We can make a day of it and have lunch while we're out," Emily suggested.

"I'd like that but I'll have to make some arrangements for Rob. I know he won't be into shopping for a whole day. But yes, if I can set something up, I'd love to go with you."

Jordy, who'd been listening while he piled dishes on the counter, offered, "I could look after him if you like, Jan. I don't have any shifts at work until Sunday and I don't mind lending a hand."

"Are you sure, Jordy? You really wouldn't mind? I'd want to pay you the same as I pay Donny."

Terry snorted. "Are you kidding? A chance to spend a day with his idol? He'd probably pay you."

Jordy blushed a vivid red. "Terrrrrry!"

"Huh, you know its true, runt. You worship the ground he rolls on," Terry teased.

"Stop it, Terry. You're embarrassing your brother," Emily admonished her daughter. "Jordy, that's a lovely offer and I'm sure Rob will enjoy your company."

Vindicated, Jordy stuck his tongue out at Terry and scampered out of the kitchen as she tried to cuff him. Laughing, Terry turned to her mother and Jan. "Hey, can I come along too?"

Emily felt her jaw drop. "You want to go shopping with us? I haven't been able to get you shopping since the first grade!"

Now it was Terry's turn to be embarrassed. She scuffed at the floor tile and muttered, "Well Duncan won't let me wear a tux, so I need something for the wedding."

Jan cut in smoothly. "We'd love to have you come with us, wouldn't we?"

Still stunned, Emily managed to nod as Jan went on. "It's settled then. Next Saturday the three of us will go find the most beautiful dresses in town."

"Whoa!" Terry said in alarm. "Who said anything about a dress? I'm not wearing a dress!"

Soothingly Jan coaxed her. "Why don't you wait and see what we find? You never know. You might actually want to try it for a change."

"Nuh uh, no way are you getting me into a dress!" Terry insisted, glaring at her mother who was enjoying her daughter's predicament.

Emily saw Jan wink at her, and she chuckled as Jan dragged a still protesting Terry back to the dining room to retrieve another load. Shaking her head, she decided that if anyone could talk her stubborn daughter into a dress, it would be that redhead.

*********

"How come the guys always end up in front of the TV and we always end up in here?" Karen grumbled, her hands deep in suds.

"That's 'cause they're convinced they've done their part if they set up chairs and carve the turkey," Emily laughed as she tried to find room in her fridge for leftovers. "Besides, you know darned well that if we made them help with dishes, half my china would 'accidentally' break. I don't mind though. After all, how often do I get all of you to myself at the same time?"

"Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter..." Terry answered helpfully, reaching to put some dried dishes away.

Emily rolled her eyes and started a retort when she noticed her daughter sway a bit and clutch the edge of the counter. Quickly she crossed to Terry's side and taking her arm, firmly guided her to a chair. "You, young lady, are pushing yourself too much. You can't expect to be 100% after the week you had. Now you just sit there and rest. We're almost done here anyway."

One twin on her hip, Diane brought a glass of water to her sister-in-law and Terry drained it gratefully. Karen turned from the sink, and eying Terry closely said, "Maybe you should call it a day, Ter. You really do look a bit washed out."

Emily nodded. "Why don't you go lie down in your old room for awhile, Terry?"

Terry smiled slightly and said, "I think I'll just go home if you don't mind, Mom. It'll be a lot quieter there. Would you call Michael for me?"

Emily touched the back of her hand to her daughter's forehead and satisfied, offered, "I'll take you home, dear. We'll let Michael have some male-bonding time."

Terry glanced up at her wryly. "In case you hadn't noticed, Mom, Michael gets lots of 'male-bonding'."

Snorts of laughter met that comment and Emily shook her head. Before she could insist however, Jan quietly interjected, "But Rob doesn't. Why don't you let me take you home and we'll leave the guys to do their thing for the afternoon?"

Emily watched the smile light her daughter's face, as Terry looked up at Jan who had closed in behind her.

"Are you sure you wouldn't mind?" Terry asked her friend, who answered by laying her hands on the younger woman's shoulders and squeezing them gently.

"Not at all. Just give me a moment to let Rob know I'll be back later, okay?"

A few minutes later, Emily walked the two women to the front door and amidst farewells, plans were made for the following weekend's shopping trip. Turning to her mother, Terry hugged her tightly.

"Thanks, Mom. Dinner was great as always. I'll give you a call later on."

With that, Emily watched as they descended the stairs, Jan keeping a precautionary grip on Terry's arm. She smiled as she saw how solicitously the older woman steered Terry towards the large van and made sure she was safely settled before going around to her own door. As she waved and closed the door, she mused how wonderful it was that Terry had such a good friend in Jan.

*********

A hand shaking her arm lightly woke Terry from the doze she'd slipped peacefully into on the drive home. Blinking open her eyes, she saw Jan smiling at her.

"Hey sleepy-head, we're here."

Sitting up, Terry saw they'd stopped in front of her house. Yawning, she pushed open her door, not surprised when Jan met her and again took her arm. She was feeling much stronger now, but she wasn't about to shake Jan off as she enjoyed the warmth of the older woman's arm linked under her own.

Entering the house, they automatically started up the stairs. Reaching Terry's garret, Jan steered the younger woman to her bed where she slumped back into the pillows.

Jan stepped back and looked around awkwardly. "Well, I guess I should go and let you get some rest."

Terry sat up quickly. "No! No, don't go yet. I'm really feeling much better now. Why don't you stay and visit for a bit?"

Yeah, nothing like being subtle, you idiot! Terry mentally chastised herself for being over eager, but felt better when she saw a slow smile cross Jan's face. Her friend peeled off her coat, tossing it across a chair and kicking off her shoes at the same time. Terry did the same then watched approvingly as Jan dragged the old, easy chair close to the bed and settled into it.

Grinning, Jan propped her feet on the bed. "I'd ask if you mind, but having seen the state of your bedroom before, I don't think feet on your bed will faze you."

"Hey!" Terry protested. "Are you saying I'm a slob?"

"If the label fits, dear," Jan chuckled.

Terry glanced around her room and had to admit her friend had a point. "Yeah, well, I've got an excuse this week."

"Uh huh, and the reason for the other 51 weeks would be?"

Terry playfully tossed a pillow at the other woman, who took it with a smirk and tucked it comfortably behind her back.

Turning more serious, Terry said, "Speaking of this week, I really do appreciate you coming over on Thursday. If I forgot to say it then, thank you."

"You're very welcome. I was glad to help," Jan responded with equal gravity. The two women sat quietly regarding each other until Jan grinned and broke the mood. "Of course, if I'd known what I was going to find when I went hunting for a clean t-shirt..."

Terry groaned, and pulled a pillow over her face as Jan chuckled. Peeking one eye out, she muttered, "Um, well, I...I don't suppose you'd believe I was hiding them for Michael, would you?"

Jan laughed out loud. "Nope, not for a second. Pretty impressive collection you have there, lady, not that I stopped to inspect it or anything."

Terry couldn't help laughing as she pushed the pillow aside. "Yeah, Michael teases me I could start my own electronics store. He says he just doesn't get it, but I explained it to him."

Jan tilted her head curiously. "What did you tell him?"

Terry smirked. "I told him my toys don't get PMS, they're always ready when I am, they don't cause carpal tunnel syndrome, and they work...every single time."

The two women laughed together, then Jan said casually, "Well, I'll have to take your word for it."

One dark eyebrow shot up, as Terry looked at her friend closely. "Um, you don't like toys yourself?"

It was Jan's turn to blush. "Well, I really can't say. I've never tried them."

"Oh, so you prefer the hands on solution then?" Terry watched the delightful shade of pink in her friend's cheeks, knowing she should probably let the older woman off the hook, but recalling Michael's words she was curious to see what Jan would say.

When the silence had dragged on for long moments and the older woman refused to look up from her hands, Terry said softly, "I'm sorry, Jan. It's none of my business."

Jan glanced up quickly and shook her head. "No, it's just that I've never spoken to anyone about this, you know?"

"Not even Kate?" Terry asked gently, conscious that she seemed to be treading on a sensitive area.

Jan gave a small laugh. "No, I love my sister, but I think she'd have a heart attack if I ever brought up this subject."

"It's up to you, Jan. We can talk about it or not, whatever you prefer. I want you to know that as far as I'm concerned, you can talk to me about anything."

Jan smiled shyly at the younger woman. "I do know that and I appreciate it, Terry." She hesitated, and went on, "Actually, I think I would like to talk it out. I guess I just don't know where to start."

She fell silent then as Terry watched her closely, noting the small hands twisting unconsciously in her lap.

"Would it help if I started?" Terry asked. When Jan nodded, she considered her options. "Jan, is Rob able to...well, you know."

Jan looked up and said softly, "Not for quite a few years now. It was really hard for him and I know he misses it."

Terry rolled on her side so that her thighs were lightly pressed against Jan's feet, wanting the contact to reassure and ground her friend. "What about you, Jan? Don't you miss it too?"

Jan was quiet again for a long moment. Then looking directly at Terry with unreadable green eyes, she murmured, "You can't miss what you've never had."

Terry's brow wrinkled in puzzlement as she tried to understand the meaning behind Jan's words. "What you've never had? Jan, weren't you two lovers in the early years, before things got so bad for him physically?"

Jan nodded, then in a voice so low Terry had to strain to hear it, she said, "But it never worked for me, you know?" She looked at Terry pleadingly, as the younger woman reasoned it out.

Terry's face cleared then and she said, "Oh! Okay, I get it." She chewed her lip a moment, uncertain how to comfort her friend. "Well, maybe there's a medical reason why you can't..."

She was interrupted by a short burst of humourless laughter as Jan said with a touch of bitterness, "Oh, it's not that I can't. I've woken from dreams on the tail end of marvelous orgasms and hated the fact that the dream ended. I just can't in the waking world."

Tugging on one ear, Terry offered weakly, "Um, maybe Rob wasn't doing it right?"

At this, Jan had to smile. "No, Rob was a very considerate lover. I mean sure, we had to make allowances for his disability but he really tried to take care of me. I think it always bothered him more than me that I couldn't find satisfaction in our bed. He even encouraged me to try it on my own when we were making love."

"I take it that didn't work out well?"

"No. I think I was just too aware of disappointing him or too tense or something." Jan shook her head at old ghosts.

"What about when you weren't with him? Did you ever try it when you were by yourself?" Terry asked helpfully.

Jan snorted. "Do you have any idea how rarely I'm by myself at home? And if I am at home, it's a little hard to get comfortable when I know I might be summoned at any time."

"I don't suppose you could tell him that you were taking a half hour off and not to call you for the duration?"

Jan had to chuckle at Terry's suggestion as she looked fondly at her young friend. "Oh yeah, I can just see handing Rob my masturbation schedule for the week, and informing him he's not to have any problems during the designated periods."

Terry giggled at the thought and her mind strayed to posting her own events calendar on the outside of her door. Her attention was brought back as Jan's tone turned serious.

"In reality there are times I could have the privacy I need. It's more a case of feeling like I'm not being fair to Rob by indulging in something he enjoyed but can't have anymore, so I don't even try."

Terry sat upright on the bed, wrapping one hand around Jan's feet, still resting comfortably beside her. "Whoa, lady. That doesn't make any sense at all! You know damned well that Rob wouldn't begrudge you this. For crying out loud, I've heard his stories. That man had more than his fair share of conquests in his younger years. He loves you. He wouldn't want you to live like a nun on his account." She squeezed Jan's toes to make her point.

Jan squirmed uncomfortably as Terry watched her intently. "That's not all, is it, Jan?"

"Well, that's a big part of it, but..." Jan hesitated, and blurted out, "It just doesn't work when I try it for myself."

Terry noticed that the attractive pink blush had made its reappearance and she smiled at her embarrassed friend. Leaning forward, she took Jan's hand. Softly she said, "Hey, it's nothing to be ashamed about."

Terry was quiet as she contemplated Jan's surprising words. Growing up in her exuberant family, she'd never been the least bit shy about sex. Her parents had treated the subject matter-of-factly from the beginning, answering their brood's curious questions openly and candidly.

She hadn't even disconcerted her parents when she'd informed them in her teens that she preferred girls. Her father had sighed and her mother had half-smiled, as if hearing the confirmation of what she'd long suspected.

Now, knowing the pleasure that her body gave her, she was saddened that her friend had somehow missed that in her life. She was hesitant to intrude on such personal matters, but an aggrieved sense that Jan was being deprived, for whatever reason, of something wonderful, overrode her caution.

Biting her lip slightly, Terry said slowly, "Can I ask you something?" She waited for Jan's nod, and continued. "Do you want to do this? Because there are ways and means that are almost 100% guaranteed."

Jan peeked up shyly through auburn strands that had fallen forward. "Well, I hear it's a great stress relief...and I did enjoy those dreams. Besides, sometimes I feel like the only one on the outside of the window watching the rest of the world party!"

"There you go!" Terry grinned. "And I can definitely vouch for the stress relief part."

"But Ter, I could never bring myself to go into one of those stores," Jan protested.

"Ah, but that's the glory of the Internet age, my friend!" Terry said triumphantly, as she stood up pulling the older woman with her. Tugging her over to the desk, she hit the power button on her laptop and waited for it to boot up. She offered her usual chair to Jan and after brushing off a stack of clothes, pulled up a straight-backed chair beside her.

Jan looked at her uncertainly. "Um, Terry? I don't even have my credit card with me."

Terry brushed off her objections. "Not a problem. We'll use mine and you can pay me back later. I know you're good for it."

Jan laughed wryly. "I dunno, Terry. If this works out, you may never see me out of the house again. I've got 37 years to make up for you know."

Chuckling, Terry entered a few commands then clicked on a bookmark taking them to her favourite on-line sex shop. When the somewhat lurid website came up, Jan covered her eyes before peeking through her fingers at her cheerful friend.

"You're just having way too much fun with this!" the redhead accused.

"Oh yeah!" Terry chortled evilly. "Hey, it's not everyday I get to introduce an older woman to the joys of 'mastering her domain'. Okay, I think we'll start with the basics. You're probably not ready for the more exotic stuff."

Jan stared at the page Terry had called up in disbelief. "These are the basics? Terry, I'm not even sure what all these are for!"

"Fear not, I do, and I'm willing to share the fruits of my in-depth studies and hard-earned knowledge with you."

The two women spent the next half hour scrolling through the selections while Jan listened to Terry merrily extol the virtues and drawbacks of various items. Occasionally she'd burrow a very red face in her hands, but Terry noted that overall, her audience was very attentive. Finally, Jan followed Terry's suggestions and they sent her choices to checkout.

Jan dropped her forehead on Terry's shoulder and groaned, "I cannot believe you're talking me into this!" Slowly she thumped her head against the younger woman as Terry laughed but kept on typing. Looking up, Jan watched as her friend filled in details.

"Do you want this to go to your house or mine?" Terry asked, poised to change the address.

"Your address is already entered?" Jan said with some puzzlement, then as understanding dawned. "You've got an account here?" She started to laugh. "Tell me you don't get a commission for new customers!"

Terry looked at her indignantly. "I most certainly do not! Hey lady, you've seen my drawer. I'm a repeat customer and it's just more convenient if my information's kept on file. Now, where would you like your toys to go?"

"Might as well send 'em here since they know the route so well," Jan grinned. "Besides, it'll save explanations at home."

Terry entered the final details and her finger poised above 'enter'. "Are you sure, Jan?"

Now it was Jan's turn to raise an eyebrow. "Now you ask me?"

"It's not too late to back out," Terry said, hopeful that Jan wouldn't.

In answer, Jan reached over and used her finger to push Terry's down. A window popped up thanking them for their business and assuring them of the company's prompt service.

The two women looked at the window, then at each other, and simultaneous grins spread over their faces. Jan only had time to choke out, "You are such a bad influence!" before the two of them collapsed in helpless laughter.

Chapter Seventeen

Terry surreptitiously dug her toe into the plush carpet, groaning inwardly as her mother and Jan waxed ecstatic over yet another dress. Five stores! They've hit five stores and still haven't found the perfect dress!

She'd been so optimistic when her Mom had found an outfit in the first store they'd gone into. She'd even had to admit that her mother looked very smart in the tailored coral suit with the cream silk blouse. She'd understood when they immediately had to go to a shoe store to find cream coloured pumps to complement the outfit, and darned if she hadn't chipped in with a suggestion that Grandma's pearls would match the pearl suit buttons perfectly.

Despite the fact that her mother was still recovering from the shock of having her tomboy daughter offer a fashion suggestion, Terry was proud of being a good sport and contributing to their girls' afternoon out. But that was four stores and three hours ago, and Terry's tolerance was wearing very thin. She couldn't even make a gracious exit since her mother had refused to ride in the Tin Can and insisted that they all ride together in her car instead.

Sighing heavily, Terry studied the weave of the carpet. Not only had she condemned herself to this hell, she hadn't even found something to wear yet, not that she'd looked very hard. By the third store, she'd decided to send her personal fashion consultant out with her credit card and orders to bring back something decent for the wedding.

She trusted Michael to dress her. Even from the depths of her 'shopping-trip-from-hell' gloom she had to smile to herself as she remembered that morning.

Terry hung up the phone, and then glanced down at her well-worn jeans and indigo shirt. Biting her lip lightly, she decided that she was somewhat underdressed for what her mother was planning for their afternoon out. Blowing out an exasperated breath, she wondered if it was worth all this trouble to do something she hated in the first place. Still, she did need something for the wedding and spending time with Jan more than balanced the aggravations of shopping.

Opening her closet doors, she stood surveying the jumble of clothes, then spun on her heel and stomped over to her bedroom door. Flinging it wide, she hollered, "Michael! Help!!"

By the time her friend dashed into the room, panting from his headlong run up two flights of stairs, she was throwing discards over her shoulder in a growing pile of clothes.

"What!? What's the emergency?" Michael managed to gasp out, looking intently about the room as he wielded a large spoon in his hand.

Turning, Terry burst out laughing. "Put that down before you hurt yourself," she managed to get out. "I just needed help on what to wear today."

Michael straightened, still sucking in deep lungfuls of air. "You made me run up all those stairs for fashion advice? Do you realize I could have expired on the second landing from the stress?"

"Sorry, Michael," Terry said cheerfully, trying to soothe her frazzled friend. "But I really do need your help here. We're going to Cilantro's and then shopping for wedding clothes. Somehow I don't think what I've got on is going to cut it."

Michael's jaw dropped. "You're going shopping?"

Rallying from her shocking words, Michael went into action. Almost before Terry could turn around, she was clothed in freshly pressed charcoal gray wool pants and a peach coloured blouse Claire allowed them to liberate from her closet. She'd even contributed a matching pair of earrings.

Michael had expressed his opinion on her dismal selection of footwear, finally conceding that a comfortable old pair of black loafers was marginally acceptable, though Terry noticed he gave a dramatic shudder and averted his eyes when she dusted them off and slipped them on.

As Michael surveyed the final results, tapping one finger critically on pursed lips, the doorbell sounded from below. Terry grabbed her leather jacket and, stopping for a second to kiss her advisor lightly, headed downstairs to join her mother.

Terry was glad now that her friends had made her change as she contemplated the swanky interior of Giorgio's. She already felt like a duck out of water, convinced that the snooty well-dressed clerks were looking down their noses at her, and it would have been far worse if she'd come in her jeans and boots.

"She's pouting." Jan's amused voice came from the direction of the changing rooms.

"That she is. You wouldn't happen to have a sucker in your purse, would you? That always worked to cheer her up when I had to take her shopping when she was little," Emily responded, as Terry looked up to see the two older women watching her with big smiles on their faces.

"I was not pouting!" Terry insisted.

"You were pouting," Jan asserted calmly as Emily nodded her agreement. Relenting, Jan came over and knelt beside her, laying one hand on her knee. "I'm sorry, Ter. Is this really driving you crazy?"

Terry would have endured a week of shopping just for the warmth of that hand on her leg and the bright, laughing eyes regarding her affectionately. What was the question? Her brain couldn't focus on anything but the light scent of the redhead's perfume.

"Uh, no, I'm fine. You guys go ahead. I'll just wait here," Terry stuttered, wondered if she sounded as idiotic as she felt. She was rewarded with an understanding smile and a gentle squeeze from a small hand.

"Tell you what. The clerk has one more outfit she wants me to try on and then we'll go for a coffee break, all right? There's a wonderful caf� that makes the best chocolate pastries right around the corner."

"Chocolate?" Terry immediately perked up.

Jan laughed and pushed herself to her feet. "Uh huh, chocolate. Give me five more minutes and we'll go."

The clerk had returned with something green draped over her arm. Terry watched as Jan took it from the woman, and then whispered something to her, glancing back in Terry's direction. Puzzled, she wondered what that was all about as the clerk disappeared to the back of the store.

Emily drifted over to her daughter's side and took the seat beside her. Patting Terry's hand, she said, "I've really enjoyed having you along today, Ter. It was quite the rare treat."

Terry answered her ruefully. "Don't get used to it, Mom. This is really not my thing." Emily laughed in acknowledgement as Terry went on, "But I did enjoy lunch with you guys and if you ever want to do that again, I'd love to come along. Just leave me out of the shopping part."

The two women were quiet for a moment, and then Emily casually commented, "She's a very nice person, isn't she?"

Terry glanced over to meet her mother's penetrating gaze. She shifted uncomfortably. Her mother couldn't possibly know, could she? She quickly reviewed her behaviour this afternoon and was sure she'd been restrained. She hadn't allowed herself to stare at Jan over lunch and she'd tried to pay equal attention to both her companions.

"Yeah, she's great. Both she and Rob are terrific people." Wanting desperately to change the subject, Terry blurted, "Are you sure we should be here though? I mean I'm not sure she can afford Giorgio's. They're on a fixed income, you know."

For a moment Terry didn't think her mother would let her get away with the abrupt detour, but Emily chuckled as she answered her daughter. "Have you ever listened to Rob discussing investment strategies with your father? Trust me, she can afford to shop here or any other place in town she takes a fancy to."

"Oh." Terry had never really thought about her friends' economic state. She knew they owned their house outright, but it was just a modest bungalow and they'd never been ostentatious about possessions. She was sure their biggest expense was Jan's obsession with buying books.

Covering her momentary confusion, she said, "Well, that's good I guess. I'm not sure if I could afford to buy in here. It'd blow my yearly clothing budget in one shot."

"What clothing budget?" her mother asked dryly. "Your biggest expenditure is a new pair of runners once a year."

"Hey!" Terry was about to launch a defence of her wardrobe when Jan stepped out of the change room and she completely lost her train of thought.

The redhead twirled in front of her seated companions and asked shyly, "Well, what do you think?"

Terry was speechless, gaping at the vision in front of her. Jan had donned a hunter green silk dress that clung in all the right places, but floated down to a mid-calf length giving an impression of ethereal delicacy. Dark green silk wrapped around the woman's waist, crossing in the front and forming a low v-neck that highlighted the curves of lush pale breasts.

"Jan, that's beautiful!" Emily exclaimed in admiration. "Terry, don't you think it's perfect?"

When no sound came from her daughter, Emily looked at her curiously. "Terry?"

"Perfect! Uh, yeah, it's perfect," Terry managed to expel the words from a very dry mouth.

Jan looked at her exposed cleavage doubtfully. "Are you sure it's not too revealing?"

"No! No, it's perfect, really. You look great. I definitely think you should get that dress." Terry felt like she was babbling, and she was chagrined to find her mother staring at her like she'd grown another head.

Oblivious to the byplay, Jan nodded thoughtfully. "I think I will take it. I even have a pair of platinum ballet flats that would go perfectly with it."

The clerk had returned, another dress over her arm and was murmuring compliments to Jan, who looked at the garment she'd brought back and grinned mischievously at Terry. Taking it from the clerk, she walked over to where her friend sat and tugged her to a standing position.

Puzzled and still dazed, Terry allowed herself to be led to a changing room. Jan firmly pushed her into a cubicle, hanging the dress she was carrying on a convenient hook before sternly addressing her friend.

"Now, your mother and I have both found outfits for the wedding and you've barely looked at anything. I want you to try this on, and I'm not taking no for an answer!" With that, Jan closed the door, leaving a stunned Terry looking at the short black dress hanging beside her.

"But, but..."

"Not a word! Just put it on and come out so we can see it!" Jan's words floated over the divider, but there was no mistaking her tone.

Terry knew she wasn't getting out of this place until she at least tried it on. Muttering her hatred of dresses, she reluctantly stripped off her clothes and grabbed the offending garment. Sliding it over her head, she smoothed the form-fitting sheath over her long body, wondering briefly how Jan had known what size to request from the clerk.

Straightening the spaghetti straps, she paused to consider the woman in the mirror. Cut straight across, the dress had a less revealing bodice than Jan's, but it still clung sexily to her curves. She tugged at it nervously, but it remained stubbornly inches above her knees. Drawing a deep breath, she cautiously opened the door and poked her head out.

Her mother and Jan were chatting as they waited for her, and her Mom saw her first as she reluctantly exited the change room.

"Oh Terry! You look wonderful!" Emily's eyes shone as her daughter approached, still tugging uncomfortably at the short hem.

Jan turned, and caught her breath. "My God, Terry. You look incredible!"

Both women circled her, touching the fabric and commenting on the fit as the young woman stood still for their inspection. Terry guiltily enjoyed the appreciation in her friend's eyes, and was almost swayed into buying the dress for that reason alone until the two started in on accessories.

"She'll need a good pair of black heels to go with this," Jan stated.

"And black hose of course," Emily chipped in. "I know. There's a shoe store one street over we can check out. I'm sure she's not going to have anything suitable in her closet."

"Whoa, slow down," Terry complained. "I haven't even decided if I'm going to get it yet. Besides, isn't black inappropriate for a wedding?"

"Don't be silly, dear," Emily said absently, still mesmerized by the sight of her daughter wearing a dress. "Their whole theme is black and white so you'll fit in perfectly."

Terry looked pleadingly at Jan, who'd stopped in front of her. "Heels?" she asked plaintively.

"Heels," Jan nodded decisively. Then her friend looked more closely at Terry's apprehensive face. Tilting her head, she asked, "Does that really bother you, Ter? Even if it's only for one night?"

Terry nodded mutely, already feeling the pain of the unaccustomed footwear.

Taking pity on her, Jan soothed, "Okay, maybe this isn't for you after all. You don't have to make a decision right now anyway. Why don't you take a few days and think about it?"

Terry heaved a big sigh of relief, ignoring the disappointed clucks from her mother, and made her escape back to the change rooms where she quickly shucked the dress and gratefully got back into her clothes and flat, comfortable loafers.

By the time she came out and gave the rejected garment to the hovering clerk, Jan had paid for her dress and was gathering up the carefully wrapped garment.

"Let me drop this in the car and we can go get some coffee," Jan suggested as the other two nodded their agreement. Once the new dress was safely stashed, the three women headed for the small caf� Jan had told them about.

Just as she'd promised, the pastries were heavenly and they quickly settled at a small table by the window where they could watch the world go by.

Terry bit into her almond chocolate croissant and moaned with delight. Seeing her companions grinning at her, she hastily wiped away some errant flakes and protested, "What?"

Jan reached across the table and brushed off more crumbs from Terry's chin. "Can't dress you up and take you out anywhere, can we?" she teased affectionately.

Terry's skin tingled from Jan's touch and she fleetingly wondered if it would be too obvious if most of the rest of her pastry ended up outside of her mouth rather than in.

Stop it! She took herself to task mentally, aware that her resolve to be good was weakening the longer she was in Jan's presence.

Looking over at her mother, she saw that the older woman was observing them quietly while she sipped her coffee. Hastily, Terry finished her croissant in three more bites and scrubbed vigorously at her face with her napkin, removing any temptation to indulge in her friend's touch.

Jan dug her cell phone out of her purse and looked apologetically at her companions. "I just want to check in with Jordy and make sure everything's okay. It'll only take a minute."

"Oh good, could I talk to him for a moment when you're done?" Emily asked. "I forgot to give him a message from his Dad this morning."

"Sure, no problem," Jan responded as she activated the speed dial. After a short conversation with the youngest Sanderson that confirmed he and Rob were fine, she passed the phone to Emily.

"Hi, son. I forgot to tell you that your Dad wants to know if you want to pick up some work hours on the Krieger project. He said it's up to you, but he has to know right away because if you don't want it, he's going to have to hire some part-time help."

Emily listened intently to her son's answer, and then said, "No, he just thought you might want to make some extra Christmas spending money. You don't have to if you don't want to."

After a few more minutes of conversation, she bid Jordy good-bye and handed the phone back to Jan. Emily sighed softly and Terry asked, "Everything okay, Mom?"

"Oh yes. It's just that Jordy's convinced that every time your Dad offers him some part time work, he's trying to 'trap' him into the family business. Gord thought he was doing Jordy a favour and Jordy's being paranoid about it."

Jan looked quizzically at the Sanderson women, obviously not understanding the nuances of what had just happened. Noticing her puzzlement, Terry reminded her of the quandary over Jordy's future.

"So Dad is sure that Jordy is going to join the company just like Alex, Duncan and Matt did, and Jordy is hell-bent that he's not going to end up in construction just because it's the family trade."

Jan nodded slowly. "Jordy's still set on being a doctor?"

Emily spoke up proudly. "Jordy's going to be a terrific doctor. He's had his mind made up since he was a little boy."

"But that's such a wonderful ambition," Jan stated. "Won't his father be proud of him for that?"

"Dad's pretty set on Sanderson and Sons including all four of his sons. The trouble is, the older guys were fine about joining him, so he's got tunnel vision about Jordy. Mom and l have tried to talk to him about it, but it's like he listens and doesn't hear. I think it goes in one ear and out the other." Terry shook her head in exasperation. She loved her father, but he had such a blind spot about this.

"Jordy is going to medical school," Emily declared firmly. "But it would make it a lot easier if Gord were onside with this."

Hesitantly, Jan made a suggestion. "I don't want to step in where I shouldn't, but I know Rob and Gord get along very well. Would it help to have an outsider try to present Jordy's case? I'm sure Rob wouldn't mind. He thinks the world of that boy, you know."

Emily considered that option, and then nodded slowly. "It might help. Let me think about it for a bit, will you?"

"Of course. I'll talk to Rob in the meantime and see what he thinks. I know he'd do it though." Jan gave a small laugh and added, "Jordy is practically the son he never had."

Terry watched a brief look of sadness pass over her friend's face and blurted out, "You two couldn't have kids?"

"Terry!" her mother admonished her as Terry blushed at her own presumption.

"Sorry, Jan. None of my business," Terry mumbled, staring at the table in embarrassment. Suddenly she felt a warm hand cover hers, and she looked up to see Jan smile easily at her.

"It's okay, Ter. You can ask me anything. Actually, knowing what Rob's prognosis was, we chose not to have children. He was afraid he wouldn't be able to be a real father to them, and he thought it would be too much for me to handle, caring for him and raising children at the same time."

With sudden insight, Terry said in certainty, "You didn't agree."

Jan shook her head. "No, I didn't. But if he didn't want children, I didn't feel it was right to pressure him into it or get pregnant by 'accident'. He had enough to deal with as it was." A wistful look came over her face then as she added, "Still, I think he'd have found our children would have added much more to our life in the balance than any trouble they might have been."

Giving her head a small shake, Jan forced a smile. "Anyway, that's long behind us, and there's no point rehashing old decisions." Looking warmly at Emily and Terry, she said, "Your Jordy sure has been a bright spot in his life though."

Terry snorted. "Yeah, well, it's not exactly a hardship for Jordy to hang around so much. Sometimes I think he's over there almost as much as I am."

"And I worry about both of you taking advantage of their generous hospitality," Emily said firmly, shaking a finger at her daughter.

"No, your kids are great, Emily," Jan demurred. "Honestly, Rob and I both look forward to their visits. Besides, we're over at your place for Sunday dinner so often that it's only fair that we return the favour now and then." She smiled warmly and added, "It's hard to remember a time before we knew you all because it feels like we've known you forever."

Terry smirked at her mother, vindicated for the moment but sure she hadn't heard the last of it. She was glad her mother didn't know exactly how much she did go over to the Spencer home.

She'd caught the speculative glances her mother had aimed her way several times, and didn't want to give rise to unfounded suspicions. All right, so they weren't entirely unfounded, but they were one-sided, and Terry didn't want to be scolded for something that was never going to happen anyway.

Continued in Part 5

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