Coming Home
Part 6
by Lois Cloarec Hart

Disclaimers - See Part 1 for disclaimers.

Chapter Twenty-Two

Deep in thought, Jan didn't hear her name called until Jordy had repeated himself three times. Startled, she glanced over to where the young man was being overrun by two giggling toddlers, intent on roughing up their favourite uncle.

"Sorry, Jordy. What were you saying?" Jan asked apologetically.

Jordy started to speak but one of the twins launched at him and tackled him around the neck while her sister tried to scramble up his body to get in on the fun. Laughing, he wrapped his arms around the two and dangled them over his shoulders. Amidst squeals of glee, he grinned at Jan and nodded his head at Rob.

"I think the big guy wants more coffee. I'd get it, but I'm a little tied up at the moment."

Embarrassed to be caught woolgathering, Jan turned to her husband to see him regarding her with mild reproach. "Did you want more coffee, Rob?"

"Yes, please."

She stood and picked up his cup from the coffee table. "Can I get anyone else some while I'm out there?" she asked, looking around the room. Most of the Sanderson clan was gathered around a large, brightly decorated Christmas tree. The opened boxes and scraps of wrapping paper littering the floor testified to the orgy of gift giving that had gone on earlier.

Sprawled in an easy chair flanking the tree, Matt held out his empty cup. "Yeah, if you wouldn't mind, I'll take another."

Crossing the room to retrieve the proffered cup, Jan picked her way gingerly between bodies and gifts, which seemed in equal abundance on the carpet.

Stepping over a highly excited toddler who was trying to scuttle around to launch a rear attack on Jordy, Jan couldn't help smiling at the scene. Despite her less than festive mood, this was her idea of Christmas, bubbling over with family, exuberance and lots of cheerful noise.

She'd been unsure about accepting Emily's invitation to dinner, uncertain of how she'd deal with seeing Terry. She knew she could plead Rob's recent sojourn in the hospital as a reasonable excuse to decline, but she found herself unwilling to deny him a chance at a boisterous family Christmas. Nor did she want to raise any questions over her own reluctance to attend.

Relieved that Terry wasn't already there when they'd arrived an hour ago, she nevertheless found herself subconsciously listening for the young woman's entrance.

"Hey, Jan, could you ask Em when she wants me to have the punch ready?" Gord asked.

Jan nodded and took the cups to the kitchen. She was halfway down the hall leading to the kitchen where she could hear Emily rattling things about, when she heard the rear door open noisily. Freezing, she tried to calm her suddenly racing heart as she heard Terry's voice.

"Hi, Mom! I hope you don't mind setting an extra place, but I brought a friend home for dinner."

Jan's heart sank, even as she chastised herself for being so foolish. Guess I'm going to meet the mysterious Jesse sooner rather than later. She was trying to convince her stubborn feet to move, when she heard Emily's unusually cool voice say, "Hello, Marika. Haven't seen you around in a while."

Startled, Jan blinked in puzzlement. Marika? What happened to Jesse?

"Thank you for letting me join you all, Mrs. Sanderson. I hope I'm not imposing." Jan heard uncertainty in the woman's voice as Terry quickly cut in.

"Of course you're not imposing, Marika. Mom always has room for one more at her table...don't you, Mom?" There was a hint of a challenge in the young woman's voice, and Jan waited curiously to see what Emily's response would be.

"Yes. There's always room for one more. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to bring some things up from the basement." Emily's firm voice made it clear that whatever her opinion on the unexpected guest, she was not about to violate her own standards of hospitality.

Jan heard Emily clatter down the stairs to the basement. Drawing a deep breath, she was about to make her presence known when she heard the stranger say dubiously, "Terry, I'm not so sure this is a good idea. Your Mom really doesn't like me. Maybe I should just go home."

"No! I told you, I like you and that's all that counts!"

"But I don't want to make everyone uncomfortable. I really don't mind. Spooky and I are used to dining together on Christmas."

"Nope, I'm not letting you out of here until you're stuffed with turkey and Christmas pudding." Terry's voice took on a teasing note. "Besides, after last night, I owe you one."

The soft, shared laughter cut through Jan like a blade. Gripping the coffee mugs tightly, she closed her eyes and fought the urge to run down the hall and out of the house. I can't face her! I can't!

She took an involuntary step backwards, but was halted by the sound of Jordy's voice hollering from the living room.

"Hey, Jan! Whatcha doing out there? Picking the coffee beans?"

The boy's cheerful hectoring left Jan little choice, so she forced herself to advance deliberately into the kitchen. Entering, she saw Terry lifting a fur coat off the shoulders of a tall, slender, beautiful woman who was smiling her appreciation.

Summoning every bit of her resolve, Jan nodded pleasantly and said, "Merry Christmas, Terry. It's nice to see you."

Terry stopped dead, the coat halfway down the blonde's arms. Jan was almost amused at the stunned look on her face. Ignoring her friend, she moved to the counter and picked up the ever-full pot, pouring coffee into the two cups.

She heard Terry clear her throat nervously before saying, "Umm, hi...I thought you were going to Kate's for Christmas."

Jan set the pot back and turned. "We were, but unfortunately Kevin and John came down with the flu, so your mother was kind enough to invite us here."

"Oh...uh, that's good. I mean not that they're sick or anything..."

Jan was sure she'd never seen her friend so at a loss. Terry still hadn't moved, and the blonde woman glanced at her curiously, before stepping forward so the coat finished sliding off her arms. The beautiful woman then walked over to offer her hand.

"Hi, I don't think we've met. My name is Marika Havers. I'm a friend of Terry's."

Jan shook her hand firmly and, having finally placed the woman, responded, "Hello, Marika. We actually did meet once months ago at Chapters." Marika looked puzzled, as Jan concluded, "Jan Spencer."

Jan wondered what caused the speculative surprise in the woman's gray eyes, but it passed as swiftly as it had appeared and Marika stepped back. Deciding it was best to ignore her best friend's imitation of a statue, Jan picked up the coffee from the counter and returned to the living room.

Setting one cup beside Rob, she carried the other over to Matt, who nodded his thanks and reached out to take it. Suddenly, he stopped, and Jan saw an odd look pass over his face. Seeing that he was looking beyond her, she glanced over her shoulder to see Terry leading Marika into the room by the hand. Looking back at Matt, she was surprised to see anger in his eyes, but it was quickly suppressed, and when Terry made introductions, he stood and extended his hand.

By the time Terry had worked her way around the room, Jan had resumed her seat beside Rob, holding the cup for him to sip from. Terry led the blonde over to them and said, "Marika, you've met Jan, and this is Jan's husband, Rob. Rob, this is a friend of mine, Marika Havers."

Marika automatically extended her hand and then flushed at her faux pas. Rob smiled winningly at her and the blonde relaxed. She returned his smile and lightly pressed his hand in greeting.

"Hi, Rob. It's nice to meet you."

"Nice to meet you too. I'm glad you're joining us for dinner," he said courteously.

"It was kind of spur of the moment, but Terry talked me into it." She leaned into the tall young woman, nudging her playfully.

Jan thought Terry looked momentarily uncomfortable but decided that was merely wishful thinking when Terry slid an arm around Marika's waist as they walked away. She noticed Jordy frowning at his sister and her companion, but the twins had launched a new campaign to topple him over and he was quickly distracted.

Jan kept her attention on holding Rob's cup, trying to ignore the sight of Terry and Marika sitting closely on the couch. When she heard a peal of laughter and glanced up to see Terry slipping an arm around Marika's shoulders as she grinned at the chuckling blonde, Jan stood abruptly and set the almost empty cup on the table.

With a quick, "I'm going to go give Emily a hand," she left the room and made her escape to the kitchen. Emily welcomed her and set her to work on last minute preparations.

When everyone was called to the table, Jan was dismayed to find that she and Rob were directly across from Terry and Marika. As much as she could, she kept her attention focused on feeding Rob to her right and talking to Alex on her left, until Gord asked, "So Jan, are you and Terry going to ski that cross-country route I was telling you about in K-country? It'd take you about four hours, but its well worth it for the view alone."

Jan glanced across the table to see Terry watching her intently, waiting for her answer. Turning to Gord, she forced a smile and said, "Actually, I think I'll be canceling my afternoons off for a few months. With Rob just out of the hospital, I think I'd rather not take a chance."

Even as Gord nodded his understanding, she could see the shocked look on Rob's face, but before he could protest, she pressed a forkful of turkey to his mouth. He glared at her, but accepted the offering without protest. She knew they'd be having words later about her decision, but although the words had been spontaneous, she had no intention of backing away from them.

"Well, you can always hike that trail in the summer and it's just as beautiful. Helluva lot warmer too!" Gord chuckled and resumed his attack on the piled plate in front of him. The buzz of conversation swept around Jan, but she ignored it and stoically fed Rob and herself. Emily's festive dinner was like dust in her mouth, but she ate enough to deter any attention before pushing her plate aside.

She was never sure later how she got through the meal but by the end of it, she'd memorized the designs on the china, the silverware and Rob's new Christmas sweater. She was even hypnotized by the way the wax dripped down the side of the red candle in front of her, but she adamantly refused to look beyond that candle, though she could feel Terry's eyes on her from across the table.

Jan thought she'd never heard a sweeter sound than Emily asking for volunteers to clear the table so she could bring out coffee and dessert. She instantly leaped to her feet and began gathering dishes to take to the kitchen. She was starting back for her second load before Emily entered the kitchen with her first. She helped her friend unburden herself and was about to go back to the dining room when a gentle hand on her arm halted her.

"Is everything alright, Jan? You were awfully quiet tonight," the older woman asked, concern in her kind eyes.

Seizing the opening, Jan shook her head. "Actually, Em, I have a killer headache. Would you mind very much if Rob and I passed on dessert this time?"

"Of course not, dear. How about I wrap some up for you to take home, and you can enjoy it later when you're feeling better. Can I get you some Tylenol or something?"

"No, that's alright. I think I'll just borrow your washroom and then we'll head out."

At that moment, Jordy and Terry entered with more dishes. Hearing Jan's words, Jordy piped up, "Diane's changing the twins so you'd better go downstairs."

Nodding her thanks, Jan headed for the basement stairs, still avoiding eye contact with Terry who was quietly stacking dishes on the counter. Once safely in the refuge of the basement washroom, she allowed her rigid self-control to slip. She clenched the sink with both hands, rocking slightly as she closed her eyes tightly.

What did you think was going to happen, you idiot! You're the one acting like a jerk. You have no claim on her! Even as she mentally castigated herself, Jan couldn't escape the image of Terry's arm around that beautiful woman as Marika had laughed up at her. She tormented herself with imagining them in a closer embrace until her eyes flew open and she found herself staring at the distraught reflection in the mirror.

"Get a grip!" she hissed at the mirror. "You're going to make a total ass of yourself if you don't get it together!"

Taking long, deep breaths, she turned on the cold water and splashed some over her face. Taking a few more minutes trying to find an elusive calm, she finally exited the room only to find Terry leaning against the wall, waiting.

She went to move by, only to be stopped as Terry stepped in front of her and took her arm. She stared at the floor, refusing to look up until she heard Terry ask quietly, "Jan?"

Jan heard the sadness in the young woman's voice, but an unexpected surge of anger rose within her. Her head snapped up and she sniped, "So what happened to Jesse? I thought she was supposed to be the new love of your life. I wouldn't think sleeping with Marika would make much of an impression on her."

Even as she spoke, she recoiled from her own bitter words. Terry blanched and dropped her hand from Jan's arm. Remorsefully, Jan reached for her, but Terry stepped back out of range.

"Yeah, well you know me. Why have one woman in my bed when I can have a dozen! After all, I've got a reputation to uphold, and everyone knows Terry Sanderson will sleep with anything in skirts."

Terry's caustic words caused Jan to flinch, but before she could respond and apologize, Terry stepped around her and entered the washroom, slamming the door shut.

Bile rose in Jan's throat and acid tears flooded her eyes. Stumbling back, she leaned against the wall. Frantically trying to bring herself under control, she pinched her forearm viciously, praying the physical pain would distract her. She stood for long moments in the silent hall, struggling to regain enough equilibrium to go upstairs, retrieve Rob and get out of this house.

Luckily, when she finally went upstairs, Emily had already gotten Rob ready to go. He had his long, winter cape wrapped around him and a woolen toque pulled over his ears. He was talking quietly with Emily in the hall by the door as they waited. Neither of them commented when Jan reached them and she hoped that the dim hallway lighting prevented them from seeing the ravages tears had wrought on her face.

She quickly put her coat and boots on and embraced Emily, thanking her warmly for her hospitality. Emily hugged her tightly and then pulled back and called, "Gord! Alex! Jordy! Rob needs a hand getting out here!"

Instantly the men clattered out to the hall and began their well-established routine for taking Rob down the stairs. Jordy and Alex each took a wheel, and Gord steadied the handles as they quickly took Rob out into the cold, down the steps and into the van. Jan was about to follow when Emily picked a foil-wrapped parcel off the side table and pressed it into her hands.

"Here, I wrapped up some dessert for you to take home. You go take care of yourself, you hear? And if you need us for anything at all, you just call. One of us can be up there within ten minutes."

Emily's consideration was enough to summon the banished tears back to Jan's eyes. She choked out her thanks and fled down the stairs, past the laughing men who called out good-byes before plunging back into the warmth of the house.

The ride home was quiet. Jan half-expected Rob to bring up the subject of her time off, but mercifully he only made a few comments about dinner and Christmas at the Sandersons.

It was only once they were home and she knelt at his feet to replace his shoes with slippers that he broached the subject.

"Jan, you know I'm fine now. I don't want you giving up your afternoons off."

Tersely, without looking at her husband, Jan stated, "I've already decided. I'll contact the agency next week."

"No, Jan, stop that! You know you need that time off. I'm not going to let you give it up." Rob's voice was weak but insistent.

The unfamiliar anger swept over Jan again and abruptly she stood up, one shoe in her hand. "You're not going to 'let' me?" she demanded, glowering at him.

"Aw, you know what I mean, Jan. I just don't want..."

She cut him off. "I don't give a damn what you want. It's my afternoon and if I say I'm not taking it, then I'm not taking it!"

Jan could tell by the look on Rob's face that he thought she was being irrational, and that only served to heighten her anger. When he started to argue again, she threw the shoe at the couch and stalked out of the room. She heard him call after her, but for the first time in her life, she ignored him.

Slamming the bedroom door, she threw herself down on the bed, ducking her head between crossed arms. Long minutes later, she shook her head at her behaviour, wondering where the uncharacteristic anger was coming from. She knew it wasn't gone. She could still feel it tickling at the edge of her mind, but now concern for the man abandoned in the living room took priority.

Reluctantly she pushed herself off the bed and returned to Rob. Without saying anything, she finished putting his slippers on, emptied his catheter and transferred him to his easy chair. He'd been equally quiet, but once he was settled in his chair, he said tentatively, "Jannie, I really like seeing Donny, you know? I'll miss him if you give up your afternoons."

Instantly, Jan was seized with guilt. She hadn't considered that aspect. Picking up Rob's shoe from the couch, she stared at it. Finally she turned to her husband and considered him. He was watching her with wary and worried eyes. She shook her head at him ruefully.

"Hard to have much of a fight when I can't even stomp out of the house and leave you to stew."

He chuckled, relaxing a little at her welcome attempt to lighten the mood. "Yeah, it's not like you can even kick me out of bed to sleep on the couch."

"Hey, don't tempt me!" The two smiled at each other. They rarely argued, but when they did, the disputes never lasted long. Jan walked over and knelt beside him. "What if I just change Donny back to Thursdays again?"

Rob's brow furrowed but when he began to protest, Jan laid her fingers over her mouth. Firmly she told him, "It's not negotiable."

She thought he was going to press the issue, but finally he gave a reluctant nod and acquiesced. Sighing in relief, she offered an olive branch. "How about some coffee and dessert? Think you have any room in there around all that turkey?"

He gave her a half-smile and bobbed his head. As she went to make coffee, she could feel his unhappy eyes tracking her.

*********

Marika started her car and let it idle, warming up the engine. Terry blindly stared out the window at the dark alley until she heard her companion say, "So that was Jan?"

Sharply, Terry swiveled her head to stare at the blonde. "How did..."

Marika gave a little snort and then said dryly, "Well, in between puking on my cat and passing out, all you talked about last night was Jan." She paused, and then said reflectively, "She wasn't at all what I thought she'd be."

Curiously Terry asked, "What did you think she'd be?"

Marika raised an eyebrow and pursed her lips before answering. "Aside from the fact she doesn't literally walk on water, she's not exactly your usual type, is she?" When Terry didn't answer, she went on, "But maybe that's the whole point, isn't it?" Casually, she continued. "It is deliciously ironic though. All the women that have tried to pin you down, and now that you've fallen head over heels, it's with someone untouchable."

Terry winced at the harsh assessment and turned away, only to feel a hand take hers.

"I'm sorry, Terry. That was uncalled for and I apologize."

They sat quietly, listening to the engine warm-up. Terry tried to focus on something...anything, but how this evening had strained her aching heart. From the moment Jan had first entered the kitchen, she'd wanted to run away. Only her promise to Marika and the awareness that she'd never be able to explain a retreat to her mother, kept her in the house.

Bitterly, she hoped that her performance had met Rob's requirements. She'd forced herself to be openly affectionate with Marika even as she stung from Jan's refusal to look at her. When Jan had left the room, she stared at Rob, half-expecting a look of triumph and startled to see that, instead, his melancholy eyes held a profound sadness.

Terry hadn't planned to confront Jan, but when the other woman had indicated her intention to give up their afternoons together, Terry had to talk to her.

Yeah, and a helluva lot of good that did! Unconsciously, Terry shuddered at the memory of Jan's sharp accusation. Suddenly, wanting to get out of there, she asked, "This warm enough to go yet?"

Marika replied by putting the car in gear and pulling away from the Sanderson yard. When they reached Terry's house, she pulled into the curb and shifted into neutral as she left the car running.

Terry undid her seat belt and glanced over at the woman who was staring out the front window. She bit her lip for a long moment and then asked awkwardly, "Would you like to come in for a bit?"

Unreadable gray eyes turned to meet hers, and for a moment Terry thought she would accept the invitation, but then Marika slowly shook her head.

"No, thank you, but I think I'll go home. May I have a rain check?"

Terry nodded, uncomfortably aware that she wasn't quite sure what she'd just issued the rain check for.

"I really appreciated tonight," Marika said, almost shyly. "I enjoyed myself."

Terry chuckled. "Even if I took you into the lion's den?"

Marika smiled warmly. "It wasn't that bad. I know your Mom and Jordy weren't too impressed with me, but everyone else was very nice." In an afterthought she added, "The twins certainly are adorable."

"Yeah, they're quite the little dynamos now," Terry agreed. "I'm glad you came too." She reached out a hand to lightly caress the woman's cheek and found herself leaning in to kiss her. Marika met her halfway and they lingered over a gentle kiss before pulling back to stare at each other.

Finally Marika broke the silence. "No fireworks anymore, eh?"

Terry shrugged lightly, a small rueful smile on her lips. Marika nodded and said, "Hmm, that's what I thought. Your mind's elsewhere."

Briskly, she sat up straight, put her foot on the clutch and shifted into gear. "This bus is leaving the station, Ter. You'd better hop out."

Terry opened the door and then turned back. "Can I give you a call sometime?"

"If you want to," Marika said tiredly. "Maybe we can grab some coffee or something."

"Yeah, I'd like that," Terry answered, then swung her legs out of the car and stood up. She'd barely made the sidewalk, when the car pulled smoothly away, and she stood watching it disappear down the street before turning and going up her walkway.

Chapter Twenty-Three

Watching the heavy snowflakes falling steadily from leaden skies, Rob longed for spring. Years ago he'd loved the long northern winters, but that was when he'd been able to participate in his beloved sports. He sighed, consoling himself that the opening of baseball spring training was only weeks away.

Hearing familiar theme music, he glanced back to the television to see that the fashion news had come on. He was about to call Jan to change to the other news channel when he saw Terry turn into their walkway and stopped himself.

He'd learned from experience that Jan refused to come out to the living room when Terry was delivering the mail. It had taken him a couple of weeks into the New Year before he'd noticed that she absented herself every morning around the same time.

Exasperated, he'd tried calling her for assistance as soon as he saw Terry coming to their door, but Jan consistently put him off until Terry moved on to the next house. Finally, when Jan had snapped at him one day and demanded to know if she was allowed any time at all for herself, he'd given up.

Shaking his head, Rob wondered why Jan even bothered hiding since Terry hadn't once looked up from her handful of mail to glance in their window or give the grin and wave that had once been a daily occurrence.

He leaned his head back wearily and sighed. How had it gone so wrong, so fast? Sure he'd won, Jan was safely at his side and Terry was no longer a threat to his security, but what a pyrrhic victory. His quiet amiable wife had been replace by a tense, unhappy woman who rarely smiled. In the long weeks since Christmas, he couldn't remember one time she'd laughed, and he desperately missed their easy banter.

Rob's gaze drifted over the laptop sitting on the footstool in front of Jan's rocking chair, and he frowned. Well, that at least had been a successful gift, but he'd come to hate the thing. Jan had taken to it like a duck to water, and she spent hours connected to the Internet. Even as she sat only a few feet away from him, he could tell she was miles away. Hardly chatty at the best of times, she'd become monosyllabic. She never neglected him, but even as she tended to his needs, he knew her mind was elsewhere. The worst of it was he couldn't bring himself to protest since losing herself on-line seemed to be the only thing that brought any kind of peace to her eyes these days.

Frustrated, Rob banged his head against his easy chair. He wanted to talk to Terry, but there had been no opportunity for that since Christmas dinner. She never came to the house anymore, nor did she call. Emily's repeated invitations to dinner had been politely declined by Jan without any consultation with him. When he'd finally had enough and called her on shutting out their friends, she'd fixed him with cool eyes and simply said that she didn't feel like going out. When he tried to discuss it further, she had left the room without another word.

Rob growled softly, agitated that she could so easily walk away from a confrontation. He glared down at the useless body that imprisoned him, aware of the irony of his situation. His helplessness ensured Jan's continued presence in his life, even as it rendered him impotent to take any independent measures to ease their current unhappy stasis. He couldn't even pick up a phone and order her flowers to lift her mood.

He couldn't broach the underlying cause of her misery, both because she'd just walk away and because she didn't know that he was aware of her feelings for Terry. Rob was afraid to acknowledge those feelings for fear it would force his wife to do something he might regret.

At least Jordy still dropped by on a weekly basis, usually Thursdays after school when Donny was there. Donny had served in the British Army before immigrating to Canada, and Jordy would sit spellbound while the two older men regaled him with war stories.

Rob had delicately questioned the boy about Terry's absence, but Jordy was genuinely puzzled and embarrassed by his sister's behaviour. He'd gotten so upset about it that Rob refrained from further inquiries, at a loss for what more he could do.

Sighing, he watched as Terry made her way down their sidewalk and up the street. Letting his eyes drift upwards to the sullen gray sky, he longed again for an end to this interminable winter.

In the master bedroom, a solitary figure pushed herself away from the corner that afforded her a view through snow-laden branches of a winter-bare tree to the walkway leading to their front door.

*********

Terry stamped her feet on the mat, knocking off the worst of the packed snow before pushing open her front door and stepping into the welcome warmth of the old house. Shrugging out of her heavy parka, she hung it up, kicked off her boots, tossed her gloves aside and headed back to the kitchen, intent on making some hot chocolate.

Filling the kettle, she set it on the stove to boil. Glancing up, she saw Michael's Pathfinder pulling into the alley and, with a slight smile, she took down a second mug. She watched her friend trudge through the new snow in the backyard as she mixed the chocolate powder with cream. Debating with herself momentarily, she opened the cupboard and pulled out a depleted bag of mini-marshmallows just as Michael clattered into the house.

"Hi, Michael," she called out as a tousled head poked around the corner.

"Hey, Ter," came the cheerful reply. "I see the snow did not stay you from your appointed rounds."

Terry grinned. "Of course not. Now are you going to stand there dripping or are you going to come share some hot chocolate with me?"

"Yum, hot chocolate! With marshmallows?" he asked hopefully, coming up behind her.

"Is there any other way?"

"Not if you're a connoisseur," Michael quipped, leaning back on the counter as he watched Terry's preparations. "Guess what, Ter."

The young woman looked over to see her friend beaming back at her. "Well, judging by that look, I'd guess that you heard from a certain oil-rigger."

"Yes!" Michael whooped exultantly. "He called this morning and some very important whatzit on the rig broke down and they've had to shut down operations for a week. He'll be here tomorrow!"

"That's great," Terry said. "It's been quite a while since you last saw him."

"Thirty-seven days, six hours and..." Michael glanced at his watch, "Nine minutes...but who's counting?" He grinned at Terry. "Oh yeah, don't come knockin' when the basement's rockin'!"

The slender man began to dance around the kitchen, warbling, "Gimme, gimme good lovin'," when he suddenly stopped dead and stared at his friend. Terry's eyes were fixed intently on the mugs as she stirred the hot chocolate mix.

"Oh shit, Terry, I'm sorry," Michael said, his exuberance tamed by the look on her face. "I'm such an idiot! I just didn't think."

He came up behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist, hugging her hard.

She patted his arms with one hand and wiped at her eyes with the other. Taking a deep breath she said, "It's all right, Michael. I'm happy for you, really. Randy is a terrific guy and you two deserve each other."

Michael released her only to take her hand and lead her over to the table. Pushing her gently into a chair, he retrieved the mugs and set one of them in front of her. Sliding into the chair opposite her, he deposited his mug on the table and took one of her hands. Serious now, he waited until she looked up at him, her eyes still bright with unshed tears.

"I need you to listen to me now, Terry. I'm worried about you. We're all worried about you! You cannot go on like this much longer. You're barely eating enough to keep a bird alive. I hear you up at all hours of the night, and I can't remember the last time you voluntarily left the house to come out with us."

Defensively, Terry shot back, "I went to Oly's with you guys just last week."

Michael sighed and shook his head. "Yeah, I practically had to use a cattle-prod to get you there, and then you had one drink with Lisa and Robyn and left." He gently cupped her hands in his for a few minutes before going on.

"I wish I'd been here for you at Christmas, Ter, but I wasn't..."

"Nothing you could've done anyways," the young woman mumbled.

"Maybe not, but I still wish I'd been here. I know how hard it was for you and what an impossible situation you've ended up in. Look, I know better than to expect you'll fall out of love with her just because you haven't seen her in over a month, but I think you need some distraction in your life. Rather than moping around here, why don't you use your ticket and take a holiday for a couple of weeks? Go somewhere that the sun is hot, the margaritas are cold, and the beaches are full of beautiful women."

He sat silently while Terry thought about his suggestion. Michael's Christmas present to his roommates had been open airline tickets to anywhere in North America. Claire had used hers to go home to Quebec for Christmas but Terry had been undecided about a destination. Right now, a Mexican beach was sounding very appealing.

She glanced up to see him watching her compassionately. Forcing a small grin, she teased weakly, "You just want to get rid of me so you can get rowdy with Randy."

He chuckled and his blue eyes brightened. "Well, there is that too. Really though, Ter, I think it would do you a world of good, and maybe you'd come back with some perspective on the whole mess."

Terry nodded thoughtfully. "Maybe. Let me think about it for a bit."

Michael squeezed her hands encouragingly, and picked up his mug, draining half of it in one swallow. Terry poked at the melting marshmallows bobbing at the top of the mug, then followed her friend's lead, swallowing the hot, sweet liquid and letting it warm her belly. She closed her eyes, enjoying the sensation. She had been cold for too long.

Half an hour later, Terry was lying on her bed, idly contemplating white sand and crystal blue waters when she heard the front doorbell ring. She ignored it, knowing Michael would answer the door, and returned to consideration of a tropical vacation.

She desperately wanted to be distracted from the constant ache of Jan's absence from her life. Michael was right. She had virtually gone into hibernation. She'd even stopped going to her parent's house for Sunday dinner, ducking her mother's phone calls and putting off Jordy when he dropped by the house.

Perpetually restless these days, she'd been unable to focus on anything. Her novel sat, unedited and untouched since before Christmas. Most nights found her wandering aimlessly around the house from the basement to the kitchen to the garret.

Oddly, the only solace she'd found was in Marika's company. She knew that her roommates and old friends were concerned about her, and because she saw no possible resolution to her dilemma, she felt uneasy in their presence. However, the blonde woman made no demands on her, never questioning Terry's unannounced appearances at her door and uncritical of the way the young woman was drifting through the days.

Marika never brought up Jan and never asked Terry for more than she was willing to give. Terry knew that Marika was open to resuming their sexual relationship, but for now, she was content with their routine of weekend movies, dinners, and quiet evenings at the apartment.

They'd achieved an amiable détente, which had ripened into a curiously comforting friendship. Terry was wondering if Marika might be interested in heading south with her for a holiday when her bedroom door was flung open. Startled, she looked over to see Matt standing there glaring at her. She gaped at him, stunned at his unprecedented appearance in her house, let alone her room.

"You are such a jerk!" he snarled at her.

"What!? What did I do?" Terry's protest was ignored as Matt stalked over to her bed.

"You are the most selfish, thoughtless, inconsiderate excuse for a daughter I've ever had the misfortune to meet!" Matt paused for a breath but before he could resume berating his sister, Terry broke in indignantly.

"What the hell are you talking about? What exactly do you think I've done?"

Matt was so flushed with fury that Terry worried momentarily that he'd have a stroke. His dark eyes snapped at her, and he bristled as he reached out a finger to poke her shoulder forcefully.

"I just dropped by home and Mom's eyes were all red. She wouldn't admit it, but I know she'd been crying!"

Terry batted his hand away, even as a feeling of panic filled her.

"Mom was crying? Why? What's wrong?"

Matt snorted derisively. "You're what's wrong!"

"Me? I didn't do anything!" Terry objected vociferously.

"That's right! You didn't do anything. You didn't come over. You didn't call. Mom hasn't heard from you since New Year's and she's frantic with worry, but do you care? You don't even have enough consideration to pick up the phone once in awhile!"

Terry dropped her eyes guiltily and mumbled, "Well, it's not like she doesn't know where I live."

"You're such an idiot." Matt's voice had moderated, though his tone was still angry. "Mom's doing what she's always done, given us our space to work things out. She knows you know you have a standing invitation to dinner. She's left messages for you to remind you of that. She won't intrude where she doesn't feel she's welcome and you've made damned sure she feels unwelcome in your life."

Terry squirmed, unable to answer her brother's accusations. Giving her no quarter, Matt went on. "You know, the first couple of weeks you didn't come for Sunday dinner, she made excuses for you. The last few weeks, she hasn't even tried, but I've seen her watching hopefully out the kitchen window, looking up expectantly every time a car drives down the alley. Every week she sets a place for you, and every week she clears it away unused."

The young woman was sure she'd never felt as ashamed as she did at that moment. Contritely, she glanced up at her brother and said softly, "I'm sorry."

"Don't tell me, tell Mom!" he growled, but the steam had gone out of his invective. He sank down in the chair beside the bed, stretched out one long leg and lightly kicked his sister's ankle. "Why'd ya do it, anyways?"

"Because I'm an inconsiderate jerk," she answered ruefully.

Matt snorted in agreement. "Yeah, well that's a given!" he jibed, but he no longer looked like he was considering sisterly evisceration as an option.

The siblings sat in silence for a long moment before Terry asked hesitantly, "Did Mom ever say why she was worried?"

Her brother shook his head. "No, but it doesn't take an Einstein to figure things out." Terry glanced at him sharply and he grimaced at her. "We were all at the wedding, Terry. We're not blind. Well, except maybe for Jordy, but that boy can't get past the foolish notion that you can do no wrong, though I gotta tell you, even he's more than a little pissed at you right now."

Terry winced as she recalled brushing her baby brother off several times in the last month. Knowing how he idolized Rob, she hadn't wanted any of this to touch him, but she realized she'd handled it badly. Yeah, what didn't I handle badly?

Matt leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. "You're in a pickle, Terry, but just because you've screwed things up doesn't mean you have the right to make Mom unhappy. She never told you to go and fall in love with a married woman. I dunno how you're going to work things out and I'm the last person in the world to offer advice on your love life, but I can tell you that shutting out your family is just plain stupid. Shit, you've been on a goddamned roller coaster ever since you met her, and if you don't shape up soon, the whole family is going to disown you!"

Terry was stunned. She'd been afraid of her mother's perceptiveness, which was why she'd been ducking her, but had no idea the rest of her family was aware of what was going on. She stared at Matt, who leaned back in his chair studying her in return.

As the two siblings sat in silence, Terry's mind reeled in confusion. She'd hated the estrangement from her family but had been afraid they'd see her distress and force her to confront it before she was ready. Now she could see that not only had she been completely transparent, she'd been upsetting everyone she loved. Damn! I'm such an idiot!

Troubled, Terry said, "I, uh, kinda blew it, didn't I?"

"Royally!" Matt answered harshly.

She shook her head. She'd been wallowing in her own sorrow long enough. She looked at Matt and said firmly, "I'll be at dinner this Sunday."

He grunted his approval. "And you'll call Mom to tell her?"

"Yeah, I'll give her a call right away."

Matt nodded and stood. He'd gone halfway to the door before he stopped and turned back to her. "I don't get it, you know."

She looked at him quizzically, and was surprised to see how intently he was staring at her. "What? You don't get what?"

"Christmas Day." He didn't need to expand on his question; Terry knew what he was asking.

"It wasn't like that. Marika's just a friend who didn't have any place to go for Christmas dinner so I brought her home with me."

"Huh," Matt said thoughtfully. "That wasn't how you behaved. You hurt Jan, you know."

Terry was startled at her brother's unexpected insight and, stung by the memory of that day, she fumbled for words. "I...she...we can't...Jesus, Matt, she's married!"

For a brief second, Terry thought she saw a flash of sympathy in her brother's eyes, but he said nothing, resuming his walk to the door. He'd reached the door before he turned one last time. With quiet intensity, he said softly, "Do you know what I'd give for one woman to look at me the way she looked at you that night at the wedding?"

Terry's jaw dropped as Matt left the room. She stared after him, shock rendering her speechless. She blinked as Michael passed Matt in the hall, glancing at the bigger man nervously before entering the room and walking quickly over to her.

"Are you okay?" he asked anxiously. "I heard all the shouting and wasn't sure whether I should grab the bat and come up here or not."

Terry absently patted the hand he'd placed on her shoulder. "No, no—everything's fine."

"Good," Michael said, his tone clearly conveying his disbelief. "Well, if he gives you any trouble, you just let me know."

Terry couldn't help grinning at that. "Michael, my love, he'd take you apart limb from limb if you tried anything."

"Tried anything?" Michael huffed, brushing an imaginary piece of lint from an impeccable sleeve. "Don't be silly! I'd just tell Randy on him."

Terry burst into laughter and tugged her friend down on the bed, hitting him over the head with a pillow. He pushed it away and gave her a silly grin. "God, it's good to hear that," he said. "Do you have any idea how long it's been since you laughed?"

Terry rolled on her back and sighed. "Too long?"

"Way too long!" he agreed emphatically.

Terry turned her head and smiled at her friend apologetically. "I'm sorry, Michael. I've been a pain in the ass to live with this last little while."

He sobered instantly and rolled on his side to face her. "You've been hurting, Terry. I know that. I just don't want to see you hurt anymore. I really think you should go away for a while."

Terry sat upright, determination on her face. "I've got a better idea." She glanced at her puzzled friend. "What's today, Michael?"

"Thursday, why?"

A slow smile began to light her face. "Because I'm going to do something I should have done weeks ago, that's why! This has gone on long enough. One way or another, it has to end."

She jumped to her feet and checked her watch. "Not much time," she muttered to herself.

Michael sat up and demanded curiously, "Not much time for what? What's going on, Ter?"

Terry grabbed her wallet off her desk, stuffed in her pocket and planted a quick kiss on her perplexed friend's forehead. "Gotta go! If Mom calls, tell her I'll call her back tonight. I promise! But first I have to find Jan and set things right if I can. You're the best, Michael!"

She ran out of the room and started down the stairs two at a time. Within moments she was in the Tin Can and pulling out into the alley. Reaching the street, she paused to consider her options.

Where would she go? Knowing her, somewhere with books, but where? Terry quickly ran through the possibilities, discarding the small independent bookstores they'd frequented downtown. Jan loved the quirky old purple house that was home to the Women's Bookstore, but given the day's bad weather she would probably have opted to stay closer to home this afternoon.

Uncomfortably aware that Jan's afternoon off was almost over, Terry drove as quickly as the roads and traffic permitted to the nearest Chapters where they'd gone for their first outing. Eagerly she scanned the parking lot, but didn't see the distinctive burgundy van. Damn! Wasting no time, Terry drove over to the library, but there was no sign of the van there either.

Biting her lip, she turned the small car north and headed for her last hope. With a huge sigh of relief, she immediately spotted the van, parked outside another Chapters. Quickly, she wheeled into a space and was out of her car before the engine had even shuddered to a stop.
Striding rapidly towards the entrance, she was suddenly seized by fear. What if she doesn't want to see me? What if she's still mad at me? What if she hates me? What if...

Her steps slowed and she stared apprehensively at an older woman exiting the store, her overactive imagination painting all sorts of dismal scenarios, all of which involved Jan rejecting her.

The diminutive, gray-haired matron brushed by her, glancing curiously at the frozen young woman. Terry shook her head. I have to know. One way or another, I have to know.

Resolutely, she pushed through the doors and began her search for her friend. Starting on one side of the large store, she methodically checked every aisle and corner. She'd gotten to the extensive shelves of computer literature when she finally saw her. She stopped, her eyes devouring the other woman who was sitting in an chair down by the mystery section.

Terry felt her heart pounding in her chest. Her hands shook and her breath came in short, rapid pulses. She moved closer, trying not to attract attention but sure that Jan would be able to hear her knees rattling together from two aisles away.

Close enough now to see the other woman clearly, she studied her friend's face and frowned. Jan's features were sharper and more drawn than the last time she'd seen her. Even through her reading glasses, Terry could see the shadows around her eyes.

As she watched, the older woman's gaze drifted off her book and into space. Slowly, as if feeling Terry's gaze, Jan turned her head in the young woman's direction. Terry tensed, but stayed still, waiting to be acknowledged or rejected.

Jan stared blankly at her for a moment, and then blinked as if unsure of the reality of what she was seeing. Terry held her breath, waiting for any clue, convinced as the seconds ticked by in an eternity that Jan would ignore her, already feeling her heart begin to fracture.

Then an irrepressible smile tugged at the older woman's lips, lighting green eyes and welcoming Terry back. Instantly, Terry crossed the distance between them and sank to one knee in front of her.

Wordlessly, Jan reached out a hand and caressed her cheek. Terry was overwhelmed with relief and joy. She turned her head slightly and laid a soft kiss on the palm cupping her face.

She saw Jan close her eyes tightly and a tear spill over, run under her glasses and down one pale cheek. With absolute tenderness, Terry lifted her hand and wiped the wetness away.

Glistening eyes opened and she found herself lost in their emerald depths, unconscious of anything but the rapture of once again touching the woman she loved, and seeing that love reflected back to her.

"I've missed my best friend." The older woman's soft words went directly to Terry's heart.

Taking Jan's hands in her own, she brought them to her lips for a gentle kiss. Looking up, she answered, "So have I."

Chapter Twenty-Four

Terry stood on shaky legs and smiled down at Jan. "Would you like to join me for coffee?"

"Yes!" Jan blurted, then glanced at her watch and sighed. "But I have to be home in half an hour."

"That's alright. We'll just grab a quick cup at Starbucks," Terry assured her. "It won't take long."

Jan stuffed her book and glasses into her purse and took the hand Terry had extended to her, rising to her feet. The two women stood, inches apart and eyes locked, until Terry reluctantly dropped her friend's hand, stepping back to a discreet distance. Without another word, they turned together and walked across the store to the coffee shop on the far side.

"Why don't you grab us a table and I'll get the coffee. Any special requests?" Terry asked as she pulled her wallet out of her pocket.

"Just plain coffee, thanks." Jan headed for a recently vacated table by the windows as Terry placed their order.

Accepting the full cups carefully, Terry turned to walk over to the table and stopped dead. Jan's gaze was fixed on her and, for the first time, Terry saw the look that Matt had envied her. Love and longing radiated from expressive eyes, a shy smile graced full lips, and her whole body unconsciously leaned towards the younger woman in a non-tactile caress.

How did I ever miss that! Terry blinked and remembered to move. Concentrating on stilling her shaking hands, she wended her way through the small tables until she could set one cup in front of Jan.

Taking off her jacket and sliding into the other chair, she stared momentarily at her coffee, trying to formulate her words. She didn't want to waste their limited time, but before she could say anything, a small hand covered hers and she looked up in surprise.

Earnest eyes looked at her intently. "Terry, I want to apologize..."

"No!" Terry shook her head vigorously. "I'm the one who has to apologize. I've been a total idiot."

Warm fingers curled around hers and Terry felt a tingling sensation skitter down her spine. She tried to focus on what she wanted to say, but a low chuckle distracted her.

"Why don't we agree that we've both been idiots, and move on from there?" Jan suggested with a smile before her face became more serious. She pulled her hand away and Terry instantly missed the contact. "Terry, I have to say some things and I need you to listen to me, okay?"

Terry nodded mutely, glad that Jan was taking the lead. The older woman drew in a deep breath and tucked her hands in her lap. Visibly steeling herself, she began.

"I had no right to get upset with you at Christmas. Who you see is your own business, not mine. I was stupid and it almost cost me something very precious. I hope you can forgive me. I...I was thrown by what happened at the wedding. I know it didn't mean anything to you..."

Terry broke in, unable to bear Jan's interpretation any longer. "You're wrong! It meant everything to me."

Jan's head jerked up and Terry heard her catch her breath. Hopeful eyes searched her face desperately, looking for the truth of her words.

Slowly, Terry reached her hand across the table and opened it, palm up. She could see Jan swallow convulsively, but then a small hand crept up and into her own. Terry closed her fingers, rejoicing in the contact as she repeated with quiet intensity. "It meant everything to me, and don't you ever doubt it."

Terry felt the hand nestled in hers shake, and she squeezed it reassuringly.

Jan looked at her uncertainly and then ducked her head as she said, "I don't know what to do."

Firmly, Terry said, "You don't have to do anything, just listen. I know this complicates things incredibly, but there's gotta be a way to work things out. I've been absolutely miserable without you this last month. I'm not asking you for anything you can't give me. I just want my friend back."

She heard a half-sob from across the table as Jan closed her eyes tightly. When she opened them again, Terry saw a new resolve there.

"I've been miserable without you too, Ter. I've also had a lot of time to think these last few weeks. I've never been one for self-examination but I'm just starting to figure some things out." A resolute look had settled over the woman's face. "I know it's a bungle, but I'm not willing to live without your friendship if I can still have it. It was like all the light and fun went out of my life, and the hardest thing I had to live with was that I did it to myself. Do you think we can get back to where we were?"

Terry started to answer, then stopped. Could they go back to where they were before that night? Did they even want to? Determined that there would be no more games and half-truths between them, she chose her words carefully.

"I'm not sure that we can pretend it never happened, Jan. I know I can't deny what I feel, but I can set it aside. I'm not going to make your life more difficult if I can help it."

Jan looked at her gratefully and said softly, "We've got a lot to talk about, don't we?"

The younger woman nodded but then looked around ruefully. "Not really the time or place, eh?"

Her friend chuckled as she glanced at the other patrons, none of whom appeared to be eavesdropping. Self-consciously, she gently withdrew her hand from Terry's and picked up her coffee. Taking a long sip, she checked the clock on the wall and grimaced.

"Darn, I'm going to have to get going in a few minutes." She looked hopefully at Terry and asked, "Do you think we could get together to do something in the near future?"

Terry grinned hugely at her. "Is tonight too soon?"

Jan broke out in a relieved laugh. "I think that might be pushing it just a little." Her face sobered as she added, "I've got some amends to make. I've been rotten to Rob and he hasn't deserved it."

Terry couldn't help an involuntary flinch as Jan spoke her husband's name. His omnipresence loomed between them even as she strove to ignore it. Shaking the distress off, she concentrated on her companion.

"Yeah, I know what you mean. I've got to swing by the house and see if Mom's disowned me yet."

Jan tilted her head quizzically. "Disowned you? Emily would never do that."

Terry snorted. "Well, she'd be more than justified if she did." She scrubbed her face with one hand, embarrassed to confess her juvenile behaviour. Looking up, she could see a small smile on her friend's face as affectionate eyes regarded her curiously.

"Terry, what did you do?"

"Aw, I've been ducking out of dinner and everything. Haven't seen the family in a while," the young woman mumbled.

"How long is a while?"

"Um, since New Year's?"

Terry cringed at Jan's gasp. "You haven't seen your family in six weeks?" Her incredulity was crystal clear. "Terry Sanderson! What in God's name got into you? I've never seen a family closer than yours! Your poor mother must be beside herself."

Terry traced her finger through some stray sugar granules on the table, refusing to meet indignant eyes. She heard Jan sigh deeply, before a gentle voice said, "Ter, it's okay. Heaven knows I haven't been fit company for man nor beast. I understand."

Remorsefully, Terry looked up. "I hope Mom does."

Jan smiled reassuringly. "She will. I don't think there's anything Emily couldn't forgive you for."

"Even us?" Terry asked before she could censor herself.

The sharp intake of breath let her know she'd hit a nerve. Seeing the anguish cross Jan's face, she hastily covered up.

"I'm sorry, Jan. I didn't mean it. I mean what's there to know, right? We're just friends. Mom can't have a problem with that."

Jan shook her head sadly. "Your mother is more perceptive than that, Terry. And no, I don't have an answer to your question."

The two women sat silently for a long moment before Jan went on. "It would hurt more than I can tell you if I were no longer welcome in your mother's house, but there's something that would hurt more, and that's denying what's going on between us. Or am I wrong about that, Ter?"

Quickly, Terry assured her, "No, you're not wrong." Squirming uncomfortably, she went on. "Jan, I have to tell you something. What I told you that night, about going out with Jesse...I lied. I've never gone out with her, and the woman I brought to Christmas dinner is only a friend."

She held her breath waiting for Jan's reaction. Her friend looked at her in confusion.

"Then why...?"

Unwilling to confess Rob's intervention, Terry only said, "I was thrown, Jan. I didn't know how to react, what to do, so I tried to put some distance between us in the only way I could think of."

Jan laughed ruefully. "Well, you succeeded at that."

"Yeah, I guess I did. I'm too damned efficient at times." Her feeble attempt at a joke wringing a small smile from her companion, Terry rushed on. "I didn't know you were going to be at Christmas dinner. I'm so sorry if I hurt you. I never wanted to do that."

Her fervent declaration drew a genuine smile and Jan reached across the table to lightly stroke her hand. "S'okay. It's not exactly like I handled things any better."

The two grinned at each other, the relief of getting matters aired and forgiven palpable between them.

With a quick glance at her watch, Jan looked up apologetically. "I have to go, Ter. Walk me to my van?"

"You bet," Terry said, as she stood and grabbed her jacket. After returning to the mystery section to retrieve Jan's coat, the two left the store and walked out into the softly falling snow.

As they headed for the van, Terry stuck out her tongue and tried to catch a snowflake. Jan giggled and bent to sweep up a handful of snow to toss at her friend. Terry glared at her in mock outrage before grabbing her own handful off a nearby car. Jan shrieked and ran but Terry's longer legs gave her the advantage and she caught the redhead by the van's fender. She grabbed the shorter woman and playfully washed her face, laughing as Jan twisted and squirmed in her arms.

Jan stuck out her tongue at Terry, but with snow plastered on her face, the effect was comical. The younger woman chuckled, then gently brushed the snow off dark eyelashes and rosy cheeks.

Her touch turned to a caress, and Terry felt Jan lean into it as the older woman closed her eyes. We are in so deep! Oddly, the thought didn't disturb her, and Terry realized that all she cared about right now was the woman in front of her. They'd deal with complications and consequences later, but for this moment, there was only the overwhelming joy of their renewed relationship.

Neither woman moved until finally Terry unwillingly dropped her hand. Dazed eyes fluttered open and Jan drew back slowly.

"Guess I'd better go," she murmured reluctantly.

"Uh huh. Guess you should." Terry stepped back and Jan moved past her, fumbling for her keys. Drawing them out of her purse, she paused and looked back at the young woman.

"Terry, I'm so very glad you found me today."

Responding to the utter sincerity in her friend's voice, Terry whispered hoarsely, "So am I." As Jan opened the van's door, Terry called after her, "I'll phone you tonight, okay?"

Jan smiled at her and nodded. "I'll count on it."

Terry watched her drive away, sure that the grin on her face was permanently etched there. With a light step and an even lighter heart, she headed back to her car. Now she just had to go see her mother.

*********

Pushing open the back door, Terry stepped into her parents' house, feeling very much like a naughty first-grader called to the principal's office. Pausing to deposit her jacket in the hall closet and kick off her boots, she listened for any sounds that would give away her mother's location. She couldn't hear anything but the kitchen radio softly playing in the background.

Moving further into the room, she hollered, "Mom!" When there was still no answer, she shrugged and went to the fridge. Opening it, she stood there examining the contents. Snagging a cold fried chicken leg, she was about to bite into it when a voice from behind her made her jump.

"The prodigal returns, does she?"

Terry spun around to see her mother standing at the head of the basement stairs with a stack of clean, folded towels in her arms. Guiltily, she thrust the chicken leg behind her back, but then sheepishly brought it out again when Emily raised an eyebrow at her.

"Um, I was hungry?"

Emily nodded thoughtfully. "First time you've been hungry in six weeks?"

Terry winced. "I deserved that. Mom, I'm really sorry. Can I talk to you for a few minutes?"

"Just let me put these away first. Why don't you put the kettle on for tea?"

Emily left the room with her armful of towels and with a small chuckle, Terry filled the kettle and put it on the burner. Her mother's standard answer to family problems was tea and talk at the kitchen table. It had been that way for as long as she could remember, and she was sure that Emily would be sitting her grandchildren down for tea and talks thirty years from now.

Terry didn't even particularly like tea but she wasn't about to interfere with her mother's healing ritual. She took down the cups and put tea bags into the pot. She was just pouring boiling water over the bags when her mother returned. Wordlessly she carried the pot and cups over to the table and the two women sat across from each other.

Emily watched her daughter quietly, and Terry knew it was up to her to initiate the conversation.

"Mom, Matt told me this afternoon what a jerk I've been and he was right."

Emily's eyebrows shot up. "Matt called you a jerk?"

"Among other things," Terry muttered, remembering all too clearly her brother's descriptive assessment of her behaviour these last few weeks. "He really tore a strip off me!"

"And you didn't hit him?" Emily asked incredulously.

Terry scowled. "No, Mom, I didn't hit him!" Sighing, she had to concede that her mother's surprise was justified. There was a time that Matt's tirade would have ended with the two of them rolling on the floor, exchanging punches.

"Hmm," Emily murmured skeptically as she poured tea for both of them. "Well, that's an improvement anyway."

The young woman accepted her cup and took a sip before continuing. "The thing of it was, Mom, I'm glad Matt yelled at me. I have been an ass..."

Emily looked at her sharply and Terry amended, "An idiot, and I'm really very sorry. I owe you and Dad an apology."

"You owe your brothers one too," Emily admonished.

"Yeah, I do. Where is the runt anyway?"

"It's Thursday. He's over at Rob's of course. And Terry, I meant all your brothers."

Terry nodded her understanding. "I know, and I'll take care of it. Anyway, I want to tell you how much I regret my behaviour since Christmas and promise that I won't do it again. If you don't mind, I'd like to come over for dinner this Sunday."

Emily solemnly regarded her daughter over the lip of her teacup and took a sip before asking, "So Matt brought you to your senses...all by himself?"

Squirming a little, but knowing it had to come out, Terry confessed, "Well yeah, that and I also spoke to Jan today."

The older woman nodded thoughtfully, pursing her lips a little. When she set her cup down, Terry knew she was about to get a piece of her mother's mind. She wasn't prepared for her mother's approach however.

"I didn't appreciate you bringing that woman to Christmas dinner."

Her daughter felt a flare of resentment at the unexpected reproach. "That woman is a friend of mine, mother. And since when were we forbidden to bring friends by for dinner? Duncan and Karen weren't there so I can't see that it was such a big problem to set out an extra plate."

"That's not what I mean, and you know it, Teresa," Emily said firmly. "I would never mind if you brought Michael or Claire or Lisa and Robyn over at anytime."

"Oh, so it's just Marika that you won't allow at your table," Terry snapped, irritated by the direction this was taking.

"Don't take that tone with me, young lady," Emily cautioned her sternly. "This is still my house. I don't like that woman and I can't understand what you're doing with her again after all the trouble she gave you last year."

Terry glared at her mother defiantly. "Let me tell you something about 'that' woman, Mom. I treated her like shit last summer, but when she saw me at the end of a two day drunk, still pissed out of my mind, she took me into her home, cleaned me up, fed me and gave me a refuge, all without asking one damned thing in return. She has no family but a dumb old cat. She was planning on having leftover spaghetti for Christmas dinner, so yeah, I asked her home for a real festive meal. And you know what, I'd do it all over again!"

Emily was clearly shocked at her daughter's diatribe. "What are you talking about, a two day drunk, Terry?"

The younger woman sighed, reluctant to disclose exactly how badly she'd behaved. "I started drinking the day before Christmas Eve and didn't stop until I was kicked out of Oly's on Christmas Eve and Marika took me home. I was so out of it I didn't even know what day it was. That's why I missed Christmas morning here. I was sleeping off a binge at Marika's place."

"Why, Terry?" Emily's tone was bewildered. "Why would you do that to yourself?"

Terry couldn't force herself to answer that and sat silently under her mother's intense scrutiny, staring at the table. Finally Emily sighed and reached across the table to pat her daughter's hand.

"It's Jan, isn't it?"

Terry nodded and looked up at her mother, half-expecting to see condemnation in those faded blue eyes. Instead, she saw sadness and sympathy.

"Oh, my daughter, what have you done? Why her, Terry? With all the women you've dated, why her? Rob..."

Emily's voice trailed off, but both women knew what she meant.

Dark eyes welled up with tears and Terry poured her heart to the first woman in her life. "Mom, I didn't mean to fall in love with her. I swear it. We were just friends, and I never would've pushed anything else. Rob's my friend too—I wouldn't hurt him. I didn't want to hurt either of them but I did. And now Jan..."

"Feels the same way about you," Emily filled in. "Yes, I'd thought as much. Oh dear, what a mess! Does Rob know?"

"Yeah, we talked about it the day after the wedding."

"And...?" Emily prompted. "What did he say?"

"Basically that he wasn't giving her up and I had to pull back. He wanted me to make it clear to her that I was romantically unavailable but still stay friends with her."

"Good Lord!" Emily exclaimed. "No wonder you've been crazy this last month."

She came around the table and wrapped her arms around her daughter. Terry leaned into the hug, squeezing her mother's waist in return. Emily rocked her gently for a few moments and then planted a kiss on dark hair before returning to her seat.

"Right, so what happens now?" Emily said briskly. "Where do you go from here?"

Dabbing at her eyes with a napkin, Terry answered, "I'm not exactly sure, Mom. I do know it was killing me to stay away from Jan, and she was just as miserable. We had coffee together today and we're going to try to get back our friendship. You know, go out and do things again like we did all fall."

Emily nodded sagely. "Is that going to be possible, Terry? Going back to the way things were?"

"It has to be, Mom," Terry said with grim determination. "I can live with us only being friends. Hell, I did it for months, but I can't not see her at all."

"You did it before you knew she felt the same way about you. What about Rob? You can't hurt that dear man, Terry."

Worry suffused Emily's voice and Terry could see the unease on her face.

"I have no intention of hurting him, Mom. After all, he's the one that wanted me to stay friends with her, so he should approve of our seeing each other again. We haven't talked it all out, but Jan and I both know we can't take this any further, no matter what we're feeling."

"Oh dear. Terry, it really sounds like you're playing with fire. I've seen how you two look at each other, and it most definitely isn't just as friends," Emily cautioned.

"I know, Mom. I'm not saying it'll be easy, but what the heck else are we supposed to do?"

Emily just shook her head and Terry knew that as wise and experienced as her mother was, she didn't have an answer for this dilemma. She wasn't surprised. She hadn't really expected one.

"Mom, are Jan and Rob welcome here for dinner?"

Emily glanced over in surprise. "Of course they are, dear. They're our friends too and I've missed seeing them."

"Good." Terry was about to ask if they could come over that Sunday when Jordy walked in through the back door. He stopped dead when he saw Terry, and the young woman could tell by his stiff posture that she had some bridges to mend with him.

"What're you doing here?" he demanded truculently.

"Apologizing for being an inconsiderate idiot," Terry answered, refusing to take offence at his tone.

Jordy's eyes widened and a cautious hope crossed his youthful features. "You are, huh? Been here a long time then?"

Terry couldn't help laughing at that. "Are you saying that I should have allotted a few hours for apologies?"

He snorted and hung up his coat. "I'm saying you should allot the next week!"

Jordy bent over to unlace his boots while Terry and Emily exchanged amused glances. Emily nodded her head at her youngest offspring and looked meaningfully at her daughter. Terry took the hint and rose to go over to her brother.

Reaching him, she put on her most contrite expression and said, "I'm very sorry, little brother. Will you forgive me?"

Jordy straightened up and frowned at her, but Terry could see his heart wasn't in it. She pouted a little and he rolled his eyes.

"Dunno. Don't think I should let you off the hook that easily," he said with asperity.

"I'll let you use the Tin Can over spring break," Terry coaxed with a tiny grin.

"All of spring break?"

She sighed and gave in. "Yeah, runt. All of spring break!"

A big smile broke over the boy's face. "Alright! Me and Gary can go skiing at Sunshine then!" Remembering he was supposed to be mad at his sister, he tried to glare at her. "Okay, you're forgiven this time...but don't do it again!"

Terry laughed and wrapped Jordy in a headlock. She knuckled his head as he squawked and protested, but hastily let go when he started tickling her ribs.

Emily rolled her eyes at her children and took the cups to the sink to rinse out.

Calling back over her shoulder she asked, "Will you be joining us for dinner tonight, Terry?"

Terry stopped roughhousing with her brother long enough to happily accept the invitation.

"Good, that'll give you a chance to apologize to your father too," Emily said firmly as she dried the cups.

Terry groaned softly and muttered, "I should just fill out apology forms in triplicate and hand them around."

"Yup," Jordy agreed cheerfully before tackling his sister into a pile of mittens, scarves and boots.

Emily shook her head and ignored the sounds of bodies hitting walls and anguished squawks echoing from the hall as she began preparations for a family dinner.

*********

Rob heard the back door open and glanced over to where his attendant was lolling on the couch.

"Guess your shift's over, Donny."

"Guess so, boss man," Donny agreed as he rose to his feet and stretched.

"Hi guys!" came a sunny greeting from the kitchen, and Rob's eyes widened as his beaming wife came around the corner.

"Hey love," Jan acknowledged him. "I saw Jordy driving away. Did you three have a good time this afternoon?"

Rob nodded numbly, staring at the woman in front of him.

Jan smiled at him and turned to the other man. "Donny, would you mind terribly if we switched back to Saturdays again, starting next week if possible?"

Rob's heart plummeted as his attendant nodded amiably.

"Sure, Jan. I don't mind that at all. Fact is, I'd prefer it that way," Donny chortled. "If I'm not there, my wife can't stick me with weekend chores. Last Saturday of all the dang-fool ideas she decided the attic needed to be cleaned out..."

As Donny rambled on about the insanity of cleaning out a space they never even used, Rob focused on his wife. Even without her request to change days off, he'd have known something happened this afternoon. In dramatic contrast to the sullen woman who had departed the house at noon, Jan's eyes were sparkling, a genuine smile graced her lips and her body language radiated buoyancy.

Donny finally made his exit and as Jan adjusted his feet, Rob asked casually, "So what did you do with yourself today?"

She glanced up from arranging the pillows under his feet and replied with equal offhandedness. "I went out for lunch, did a few errands and then went to Chapters for the rest of the day."

She finished her task and stood. "I'm going to get dinner on."

As she started to the kitchen, she said over her shoulder, "Oh, I saw Terry at Chapters too. We had coffee together and talked about maybe doing something next weekend."

She disappeared from view into the kitchen, and Rob stared after her, fear closing like a vice around his heart.

Chapter Twenty-Five

With deep satisfaction, Emily surveyed the long crowded tables extending through the dining room and well into the living room. So many people had joined them for Sunday dinner that she'd had to send Gord and Jordy to bring up an extra table from the basement.

All of her children were present for the first time this year and Emily enjoyed the sight of her noisy brood along with their families and friends. She smiled at the sight of Michael stealing something from Randy's plate. She liked the big, amiable man who seemed to have thoroughly captivated her daughter's effervescent roommate.

Looking across the table, she couldn't help a small smirk at how attentively Matt was listening to Claire's soft voice. Hmm, I wonder... She was very fond of Terry's quieter roommate and decided this situation warranted closer attention. She's not his usual type...thank heavens... but she might be just what he needs. Making a mental note to urge her daughter to invite Claire over more often, she turned her attention to the trio at the far end of the table.

A small unconscious sigh escaped her lips as she saw Terry and Jan laughing about something while Rob watched them soberly. Emily had been surreptitiously observing the three of them since their arrivals. To anyone unaware of the underlying currents, all would appear normal between them, but Emily's keen eye easily detected the latent tensions.

Even as Terry and Jan were trying to maintain a correct distance and demeanor, Emily could see the subliminal tug between them. Quick glances, involuntary smiles and 'accidental' touches hadn't escaped her attention. Worse, they hadn't escaped Rob's keen eyes either. Emily grimaced a little as she recalled the first awkward moments earlier that afternoon.

Emily shook her head at her antsy daughter. Terry was pacing the living room, glancing constantly out the window as she waited for the Spencers' arrival. When the large van pulled up in front of the house, she froze and Emily wasn't sure if she was going to bolt or throw open the front door.

Emily was suddenly grateful for the crowd she expected for dinner. Maybe being surrounded by noisy, laughing people would lighten the tensions and let the friends recover something of their former ease with each other. Ruefully, she realized she wouldn't lay odds on that happening however.

The older woman's delight in the gathering dimmed a little as she allowed herself to worry about her daughter and about the man whose bright, intelligent eyes belied his hunched, debilitated body. For a brief moment she felt an unreasoning anger at Jan for allowing this situation to get out of hand, but she was too fair to blame it all on the woman who was even now smiling affectionately at her husband as she held a cup to his lips.

It's no one person's fault, but it's such a damned mess! Emily had wracked her brains trying to come up with a solution that would leave all three of these cherished people intact, but hadn't been able to find one. She knew that Terry and Jan weren't about to run away together and abandon Rob, but she worried that the two women would be unable to contain the passion clearly growing between them.

A tiny hand tugging insistently on her left arm brought her mind back as Kelly demanded her attention. Emily smiled at her granddaughter and picking up the toddler's sipping cup, tucked it firmly into food-covered fingers.

Leaving the child sucking contentedly on her milk, Emily cast a glance over the tables, checking to ensure everyone had enough to eat and that serving dishes weren't running too low. Satisfied that no one was in imminent danger of starvation, she turned her attention back to her own plate.

"Hey, Jordy," Terry's voice rang out over the noise. "What size are your ski boots?"

Jordy looked up quizzically at his sister. "Eight, why?"

"Darn, too big." Terry shook her head in disappointment. "I was hoping your boots might fit Jan so she wouldn't have to rent some."

Emily's attention was instantly riveted on the far end of the table even as she made steady inroads on her dinner.

Jordy brightened as he asked, "When are you guys going and what hill are you heading for?"

"I thought we'd try Lake Louise next Saturday. I was listening to the ski report this morning and they've had 40 cm of fresh powder in the last week so conditions should be great." Terry grinned at her little brother as his face fell in disappointment.

"Aw, I have to work all day Saturday," he complained.

"Yeah well, it's not like you're not going to get in tons of skiing on spring break since you've got my car all week," Terry teased her ski crazy brother.

Karen spoke up. "Mine are a six, Ter. Maybe they'd fit." Turning to Jan, she smiled, "You're welcome to borrow my gear for the day if you'd like."

"That'd be great. I really appreciate that," Jan answered gratefully. Then with a rueful laugh she added, "And I promise to replace anything I break. It's been quite a while since I last hit the slopes."

Terry chuckled and leaned into her. "Yeah, and I'm sure you'll be 'hitting' the slopes more than once!"

Jan nudged her friend's shoulder in response and warned, "Just don't be taking me down any black diamond runs! I promised Rob I'd come back with all limbs intact."

"Aw, would I do that?" Terry bantered, smiling engagingly as a chorus of hoots exploded from her brothers.

Emily chuckled as she listened to her sons retell the story of one memorable day on the ski hill when a ten-year old Terry had led her three older brothers out of bounds and into deeply forested ravines where they'd gotten bogged down and had to spend the rest of the day hiking out in waist-deep snow.

Under the cover of raspberries, catcalls and laughter, Emily studied Rob's reaction to his wife's plans for the following weekend. As if feeling her gaze, Rob turned his eyes to meet hers, and the matriarch read pensive bemusement in his glance before he shifted his attention to Gord at the head of the table.

Troubled, Emily wished she could see what he was thinking. Outwardly the affectionate interaction between husband and wife hadn't changed, but Rob was too alert not to notice the byplay between Jan and Terry. It has to be worrying him.

Painfully aware there was nothing else she could do, Emily sent a quick prayer heavenward for the troubled trio and turned her attention to Kerry on her right who was banging her highchair with a plastic spoon to indicate her demand for 'more'.

As she tended to her insistent granddaughter, Emily listened with half an ear as Claire spoke up.

"Michael, I almost forgot. Lisa called earlier this afternoon and asked if she and Robyn could come over later tonight to talk to you."

"To me?" Michael asked in bewilderment. "Are you sure she meant me?"

Claire nodded. "That's what she said. I told her we were coming here for dinner and she said she'd call before they came to make sure you were home."

"Huh, okay." Turning to Randy, Michael asked, "We weren't going out anywhere later, were we?"

Randy laughed and patted his belly. "Not likely, Mikey. I don't think I'll be able to move after this meal."

Emily suppressed a snicker. Michael must really be in love to allow that nickname.

With a comical leer, Michael patted Randy's belly too. "No movement at all, huh?"

Smirks and guffaws greeted Michael's comment and Emily watched with amusement as the big oil rigger turned a bright red before leaning over and whispering something in his slender partner's ear.

Michael beamed and didn't even protest when Randy firmly moved the smaller man's hand away from his flannel-covered belly, setting it between their plates and holding it there.

*********

The foursome clattered noisily into the house, jockeying for space in the narrow hallway as coats and boots were tossed aside. Randy headed for the door to the basement and Michael trailed after him.

"Hey, don't you two be starting anything!" Terry called after them. "Remember Lisa and Robyn will be over soon."

"Aw," Michael pouted with a small grin. "Do we really have to behave?"

"Geez, Michael. It's not like I'm asking you to pledge lifetime celibacy here," Terry said with exasperation. "Just put a knot in it for an hour or so."

Randy smiled over the head of his smaller partner. "Don't worry, I'll make him behave."

She shook her head. "Good luck. Hey, try tying him up if he can't keep his hands off you."

"Ooooh, kinky! Does that mean we can borrow your cuffs?" Michael teased.

Randy clipped him over the head with one large hand and began to drag him down the stairs.

"What!? It's not like I asked to borrow her nipple clamps!"

The protesting voice vanished down the stairwell as Terry felt the heat rush up her neck to warm her face.

"Oh, that is so much more than I needed to know." Claire slipped by her with an amused chuckle.

Terry turned and leaned her head against the wall, thumping lightly as she wondered what she'd ever done to deserve Michael. Finally, with a rueful grin, she poked her head around the entrance to see what Claire was doing in the kitchen.

The other woman was making a pot of coffee and looked up when Terry's head came into view. "Want some?" she asked, raising the pot.

"Um, yeah sure," Terry agreed, then added sheepishly, "He was just kidding you know."

"Oui, of course he was," came the dry response. "Why don't you try and find some clean cups?"

Finally coming up with a chipped relic of bygone years and a tin camp cup, Terry set them on the table and retrieved the cream and sugar. When the phone rang, she grabbed it quickly, grateful for the diversion. By the time she'd chatted with Lisa and confirmed that Michael would be home, the coffee was ready.

The two women sat at the table and sipped their coffee in peace for long moments until Claire broke the silence.

"You're doing better now?" It was more a statement than a question, but Terry nodded her head.

"Yeah, I am. Look, I'm really sorry for being such a rotten roommate for the last few weeks. I know I wasn't very easy to live with."

She shifted uneasily, unsure of how much her quiet friend knew of what was going on. Claire tended to keep her own counsel, but Terry knew that she rarely missed much of what was happening around her.

Hazel eyes surveyed her calmly as the Quebecoise sipped her coffee and considered her words. Finally, with a little shrug, she set her mug down. "What's done is done," she said pragmatically, before adding with a little smile, "Still, it is nice to be able to talk to you again."

Terry grimaced at the mild rebuke. She'd been short to the point of rudeness to both her roommates since the New Year and by the third week of her self-imposed exile, Claire had ceased even trying to draw her into a conversation. Uncertain if she should even open the subject given Claire's conservative views, she rubbed her neck and eyed her companion. "Um, do you know..."

"What's been going on?" Claire filled in for her. "Oui, Michael and I spoke about it."

When she didn't say anything more, Terry squirmed but pushed herself to inquire. "And?"

Claire sighed and leaned back in her chair. "What exactly are you asking, Terry? Whether I know about you and Jan, or what my opinion on the matter is?"

"Both?" Terry had a hunch she wasn't going to like hearing the other woman's answer, but she respected Claire and valued her insight.

Fixing astute eyes on Terry, Claire spoke deliberately. "I didn't know that you two were anything more than friends until Michael told me. I won't deny I was surprised. You may have been...active since I've known you, but I've never known you to be unethical."

Terry flinched at Claire's blunt assessment and she mumbled, "We haven't done anything you know."

Claire shook her head. "You fell in love with a married woman, Terry. Worse, from what I understand, she fell in love with you too. She is not free to love you, and you should not be having those feelings for her. I thought Rob was your friend too. How can this possibly come to a good end, whether you've gone any further or not?"

Forlornly, Terry looked across the table and said, "We didn't plan this. It just happened."

Claire's stern features softened and she reached a hand across the table to pat Terry's arm. "Oui, je sais, Terry. Le couer n'est pas logique. I'm sorry, my friend. I know you didn't set out to hurt anybody, but the fact is people are being hurt, yourself included, and the bottom line is that you are contemplating adultery."

Her expressive eyes left no doubt in Terry's mind what her friend thought about that particular sin. She was tempted to defend herself with what Jan had told her about the physical aspects of their marriage, but didn't want to break a confidence. Nor did she think that would carry any weight with Claire anyway. She was pretty sure that the Quebecoise took 'till death do us part' and 'for better or for worse' very seriously.

Claire picked up her mug again. "Terry, it is not my place to tell you how to live your life, however you asked me and I'm not going to lie to you. I think you know that this is not right or you wouldn't have been so miserable."

Terry nodded her head slowly. She couldn't deny the validity of Claire's words, but she'd tried to do the right thing and it hadn't worked, for any of them. As much as she valued the other woman's opinion, the truth was she wasn't going to deny her love for Jan anymore. Twisting her cup in her hands, she mumbled, "Guess maybe you should light a candle for me, eh?"

Claire gave a noncommittal murmur. Deciding a change of topic was in order, Terry asked casually, "So did I see my brother chatting you up tonight?"

It was Claire's turn to drop her eyes, but Terry saw a tiny smile flicker across her lips. She grinned and leaned forward.

"C'mon, Claire. 'Fess up. Is something going on between you and Matt?"

With her characteristic shrug, Claire replied, "He talked to me. I talked back. What's to know?"

Terry snorted. "I've known my brother my entire life. I know when he's flirting, Mademoiselle, and he was flirting with you! The real question is whether you were flirting back."

With an inscrutable smile that piqued Terry's curiosity, Claire took a long, deliberate sip of her coffee. Finally, displaying some pity for the inquisitive woman, Claire gave a little nod. "I enjoyed talking to him. I've never really spoken to him at length before and he was quite different from what I'd pictured."

"How?" Terry asked curiously.

Claire considered her answer carefully. "He wasn't really flirting in the traditional sense. He actually seemed interested in the things we discussed and he had some unusual insights that I wouldn't have expected."

Matt? Insightful?? Huh! Surprise was clear on her face and Claire chuckled.

"I think perhaps you do not give your brother much credit, Terry."

Biting her tongue to cut off the acid answer that sprang to mind, Terry decided on a more tactful, "Uh, yeah, maybe you're right." Shaking her head a little, she asked what she really wanted to know.

"So, are you two going out or what?"

Claire was saved from answering when the front doorbell rang. As Terry rose to go answer it, she winked at her roommate and said, "I just need to know if your intentions are honourable. Wouldn't want you sullying my brother's reputation or anything."

The sounds of Claire's laughter followed Terry down the hall and she opened the door with a big smile on her face.

"Well, that's a definite improvement!" Lisa declared in approval. "I was beginning to think you'd forgotten how to do that."

Terry rolled her eyes and stepped aside to let her friends in. Robyn took Lisa's coat and hung it up before doing the same for her own.

The large woman looked very nervous to Terry's eyes, but Lisa radiated confidence. She motioned her friends to follow her and once they'd been directed into the living room, she went to the basement door and hollered down the stairs.

"Michael! Lisa and Robyn are here. Drop whatever you're doing and c'mon up!"

Returning to the living room she asked, "Do you guys want any coffee before I leave you alone?"

Robyn bolted upright on the couch. "No, no. You have to stay here!" Her voice was slightly panicky and Terry blinked in surprise.

"Are you sure? This is pretty personal after all."

Robyn nodded her head vigorously and Lisa added, "If you don't mind, Ter. We both thought it might go smoother if you're here too."

"Yeah, sure. If that's what you want, I don't mind. I'll just sit quietly over here for moral support." Terry walked over to the far easy chair and took her seat just as Michael sauntered into the room.

"Ah, such a bevy of lovely ladies!" he drawled with a big smile. "To what do I owe the pleasure of your company?"

Lisa and Robyn looked at each other and somewhat to Terry's surprise Robyn was the first to speak up.

"Michael, Lisa and I had something we wanted to talk to you about." The large woman gestured at the empty armchair between the couch where they sat and where Terry lounged, watching the proceedings with interest.

Michael raised one elegant eyebrow but obediently sat down and focused his attention on Robyn.

Before the gentle giant could launch into her spiel, which Terry was willing to bet was carefully rehearsed, Lisa cut in.

"Look, Michael. We don't want you to feel pressured or anything, and we're not going to be angry if you can't agree. Hell, we know we're not exactly your kind of people."

Robyn frowned in exasperation at her partner as Michael blinked in bewilderment. "Lisa, we agreed that I'd handle it, now shush!"

When Lisa opened her mouth to protest, Robyn laid one huge hand on her arm and squeezed lightly. Much to Terry's amazement, the fiery little woman subsided and allowed her partner the floor. Sighing, Robyn turned back to the puzzled man and began to lay out her case.

"As Lisa says, we have something to ask but we will understand if it's not something you can do. I don't know if Terry's mentioned it or not, but Lisa and I want to start a family. We've considered all our options and would really like to have a donor who we know and respect. We both think you're a terrific fellow. You're smart and funny and kind, and we were wondering if you would consider being the donor for our baby."

With fascination, Terry watched Michael turned progressively paler and paler as what the two women wanted from him became clear.

When it became obvious that the women were waiting for a response, Michael attempted to speak, but his voice came out in a squeak. Clearing his throat, he tried again.

"Uh, so what you're saying is that you want me to father a child with one of you...or did you mean both of you?"

Robyn shook her head. "Just Lisa. It would be too hard for me to keep slinging luggage if I was nine months pregnant, but Lisa can keep her office job right up until delivery." Glancing shyly at her partner, Robyn added, "Besides, I don't want to stick our child with my genes."

Lisa frowned at her partner's rampant insecurities. "Any child would be damned lucky to get your genes, sweetie!" she insisted.

Before that argument could take off, Michael interjected weakly. "Um, exactly how...I mean what do you..."

Terry saw the mischief in Lisa's eyes before she even opened her mouth and knew Michael was about to be tormented.

"Well, Michael, it's like this. Ya know we just bought our home last year and we're a little short on available funds, so we thought if it was okay, we'd just do it the old-fashioned way to save money."

"Turkey-baster?" Michael managed to croak hopefully.

"Nah, I mean, we did a lot of research into this and I gotta tell you, the odds of successful fertilization are way higher if we go with the original method of delivery, and after all, we don't want to have to impose on you too much. I figure you and me, a little candlelight and wine, and voila! The deed is done."

Terry was certain she'd never seen a healthy man look so sickly and she shook her head at the women on the couch. Robyn grimaced and elbowed her partner.

"Michael, she's pulling your leg. We've already contacted a clinic and made preliminary arrangements. Your only part would be showing up at an appointed time and um, well you know, in a cup and all." Robyn blushed as Lisa chuckled unrepentantly.

Standing abruptly, Michael announced, "I think we should have some tea." Wavering slightly, he blurted, "Or rye. Rye is good." His blue eyes widened as he remembered. Spinning, he waved his arms apologetically. "Oh! I'm so sorry. You can't have rye when you're pregnant. Tea it is."

Lisa and Robyn gaped at him as Terry fought mightily to control her laughter. She hadn't seen Michael this flustered since his parents' unexpected visit. He sat down heavily but bounced up again.

"But you're not pregnant yet. Right, that's my part. Okay tea and rye it is." Turning to march out of the room, he promptly tripped over his feet and fell face first at Terry's feet. All three women stared at him in shock, as he lay unmoving.

Tentatively, Terry reached out and poked his shoulder. "Michael, Michael? Hey buddy, are you okay?"

Without turning his head, the young man's muffled words could be barely heard. "Just fine, thank you. Would you mind terribly if I took some time to consider their request?"

Terry bit her lips and tried to smother the grin that threatened to erupt. Looking down at the supine man, she said, "I'm sure that Lisa and Robyn didn't expect an answer right away. You just take all the time you need."

Standing and stepping over the inert body, she gestured to her stunned friends to follow. Lisa and Robyn cast worried glances to where Michael still lay, and followed Terry out to the hall. By the time Terry opened the front door for them, she was rapidly losing her battle to control her mirth and little giggles kept slipping out.

She trailed her friends outside and finally gave up the attempt. Exploding in laughter, she asked, "Are you two sure you want that boy to father your child?"

The two women looked vaguely insulted but gradually a smile crept over Robyn's face and she began to chortle. Lisa soon joined in and within moments, the trio was united in raucous hilarity at Michael's expense.

Gradually subsiding, Robyn asked with some chagrin, "Do you think we maybe should have softened him up more first?"

Terry wiped the tears from her eyes and shook her head. "Robbie, I don't think anything could have prepared him for this." Sobering then, she added, "Let him think things over, guys. He just needs a little time, okay?"

Lisa nodded and slipped her arm through Robyn's. "Don't worry. We won't bug him about it. We'll just wait until he makes a decision."

Terry watched the two walk down the stairs, smiling at how carefully Robyn shepherded her smaller partner over the icy walk. Shaking her head as she turned back in the house, she pondered with a small grin how ultra-protective the big woman would undoubtedly become if Lisa did get pregnant.

Returning to the living room, she leaned against the doorframe as she examined her friend. Michael didn't appear to have moved an inch. Suppressing a small grin she walked over and sat down on the vacated couch.

Michael finally turned his head and glared at her. "You guys were laughing at me!" he accused.

Terry realized he couldn't help hearing them out on the porch from his position. "Aw, I'm sorry, buddy. But you have to admit, it was pretty funny."

Michael rolled to his back and folded his arms under his head, demanding, "Funny? I've just been asked to father a new generation and you think it's funny?"

Terry snorted. "For crying out loud, Michael. They aren't asking you to found a dynasty. Just contribute a few of your swimmers so they can have a baby."

The young man pulled himself up off the floor and came over to sit beside Terry. Leaning one arm along the top of the couch, he said seriously, "But that is it, don't you see?" Uncomfortably he shifted and Terry watched him curiously.

"God, this is going to sound so snobbish, but I don't know how else to explain it. I like Lisa and Robyn. I really do, and I think they'll make terrific parents, but..."

"But?" Terry asked, unsure where this was going.

He drew in a deep breath and continued. "But my parents have always had certain expectations of me, in a dynastic sense I mean, and I don't think this is exactly what they had in mind."

Terry frowned, not liking the implications. She challenged her friend, "So basically you're saying your genes are too good for Lisa and Robyn?"

"God, no! Not at all!" Michael looked at his friend with a hurt expression. "You know me better than that, Ter!"

Terry nodded in relief. Michael had never exhibited any superiority based on class, breeding or wealth. He did constantly emphasize his superior fashion sense, but she had to admit that was warranted. "Okay, so what exactly do you mean?"

Choosing his words carefully, he explained. "I'd like to help them, Terry. I kind of like the idea of helping to bring a child into the world, you know? After all, it isn't exactly like Randy and I are breeders."

The two friends grinned at each other before Michael continued. "My concern is what happens if the parental units ever find out. I don't think Mom would take kindly to being shut out of her grandchild's life and Dad would have a heart attack at the whole idea of me having children with a lesbian couple."

Terry considered his logic. "So basically, if it was just up to you, you'd say fine, but you figure if your folks find out they'll what...disinherit you?"

Little worry lines creased Michael's forehead. "I don't know what they'd do, Ter, but I do know it has the potential to become really unpleasant. What if they sued for some sort of rights in the baby's life or something? It's been known to happen and God knows they have the money to hire the best lawyers. What if they find out I'm gay and decide this is their only chance for a grandchild? Lisa and Robyn could end up cursing the day they ever asked me for help."

Terry shook her head in puzzlement. "Michael, I've met your parents. They're good people, especially your mother. There's no way they'd go all psycho and try to take control of Lisa and Robyn's child. Hell, the law wouldn't let them anyway. Not to mention that I can't see how they'd ever find out in the first place if you don't tell them. I'm sure if you're worried about it, Lisa and Robyn will sign any legal documents you want giving up any rights to support for the child. That's not what they care about. They just want a terrific guy for the father and they don't come much better than you."

Michael sighed. "I know that's not what they want, and for crying out loud, Terry, I would help support my child so that's not even a question. I just think if my parents ever find out I'm gay that the shock of it might cause them to do dumb things, and I know if they wanted to, they have the power to cause a lot of problems should the child's existence become known."

Terry scratched her jaw and wondered if a confession that Michael's mother already knew he was gay would alleviate or exacerbate her friend's concerns. Remembering her promise to Elizabeth, she gave her head a small shake.

"Michael, I think it boils down to what you want to do, irrespective of your parents. Are you going to live in fear of something that probably would never occur in a million years, or are you going to help out some friends and do what you'd really like to anyway? It's entirely your decision, and I suggest you take some time before you make it."

The two friends sat in a comfortable silence then, both deep in thought. Finally Michael reached out and took her hand.

"You know, if it were you asking me, I probably wouldn't have to think twice about it."

Terry grinned at him. "Hold that thought, buddy, I may be by to see you in a few years."

They chuckled together before Michael squeezed her hand and stood up to leave.

"I think I'll go talk to Randy about this."

"Great idea. He's got a good sound head on his shoulders. You should listen to him," Terry advised approvingly.

Michael walked across the room but stopped at the door. Glancing over his shoulder with a small, devilish grin he asked, "Do you think you can have deliveries catered?"

He ducked the pillow Terry threw at him. The young woman shook her head, relieved to hear his laughter echo down the hall.

Continued in Part 7