This service on the last weekend of May was notable for two reasons. It was not only the first time Ryan would meet Rev. Evans, it was also the beginning of the priest's summer vacation.

Charles Evans spent every summer on some type of sabbatical, and this year was no exception. Instead of journeying to another country this year, he was taking an intensive course in Spanish at Cal. He was looking forward to the time away from tending to the needs of his congregation and equally happy to be able to sleep in his own bed while expanding his mind.

When the young women arrived at the small, but lavishly decorated church, they sat close to the aisle, but positioned themselves further back than the bulk of the other congregants. Jamie wanted to be able to offer commentary to her partner, and she wanted to be careful not to annoy any of the others.

When the service began, Ryan was able to pick out Rev. Evans immediately. It helped that he was the only man among the three priests, and his position at the rear of the procession certainly didn't hurt, but even in a crowd of similarly attired men she thought she would have been able to spot him. There was just something so 'Jamie-ish' about the man, even though Ryan couldn't quite put her finger on the resemblance as the procession moved down the center aisle. When the minister reached their pew he broke ranks and threw an arm around his only granddaughter and gave her a kiss on the cheek as well as a generous hug. Looking up at Ryan, he smiled and added a wink for her benefit as he released Jamie and scurried to catch up with the rest of his staff. "The apple doesn't fall far from the tree," Ryan whispered as she leaned over her partner. "He's as cute as you are!"

"I wish I was half as cute as he is," Jamie smiled, enormously pleased by the comparison.

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

Forty-five minutes later they were walking down a stone path to the small house on the property that his position afforded him. "So, Ryan, what did you think?" he asked with a twinkle in his dancing green eyes.

"It was very nice, Rev. Evans," she said honestly. "Very much like what I'm used to, but a little more formal in some areas like the music. Parts of the service were much more progressive than my church."

"Like what?" Jamie asked.

"Oh, like women priests, for one tiny thing," Ryan said with a smirk. "More subtle things too, like the entire congregation being welcomed to receive the Eucharist. That was really nice."

"They don't do that at Catholic church?" she asked, shocked by the news.

"Nope. Catholics only. It seems that Jesus was very specific in his instructions," she said with her tongue in cheek. "He said 'Do this in remembrance of me if you're a Catholic. If not, convert before you're damned to hell.' Not many people know the whole story," she added with a wink.

Rev. Evans tossed his head back and laughed at that comment, causing Jamie to join him. "Isn't she cute?" Jamie asked as she grasped Ryan's arm and pulled her close for a hug.

"You both are," he replied with a fond smile at both young women.

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

Over a simple but delicious lunch served by his housekeeper, Rev. Evans turned to Ryan and asked with mock seriousness, "So, Ryan, what are your intentions toward my granddaughter?"

"Poppa!" Jamie cried, amazed that he would even tease Ryan that way.

"It's okay, Jamie," Ryan said easily. "I know exactly what my intentions are, and I think your grandfather should know too." Jamie gave her a wide-eyed stare as she thought about Ryan's often felt, but not yet expressed intentions. Her partner merely reached across the table and lightly grasped her hand, gazing into her eyes with a somber look.

"My intention is to love, honor and cherish her for the rest of my life," Ryan said slowly, smiling at Jamie as she spoke. "I want to build a life with her, and have children with her, and grow old with her. I'll consider my life well lived if I can die in her arms," she concluded, her smile dimming as she let the words sink in.

"You are so incredibly sweet," Jamie murmured, her attention fully engaged.

Rev. Evans gazed at the two young lovers and thought to himself, There's the spark that was always missing with Jack! This is exactly how a young couple should behave. As the intense gaze continued, he added with an internal chuckle, But that's also why I feel like excess baggage at the moment!

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

The babysitting worked out so well that they offered to watch Taylor for the entire next week. Michelle set about interviewing every domestic agency in the city, but Annie stepped in and found an ideal situation for the baby. A lesbian couple at work had a baby just a little older than Taylor; the moms were both nurses, and they worked split shifts so that one was always at home. They were trying to move to a bigger apartment and some extra cash was badly needed. Annie vouched for both of them and assured Michelle that she couldn't do much better than to have a pediatric nurse and an emergency room specialist caring for her child.

Michelle and Robert were very excited about having Taylor spend the day with a slightly older child, and they quickly agreed to the arrangement.

The Friday before the ride was spent with two babies who seemed to enjoy each other's company quite a bit. They paid attention to each other in spurts, but their temperaments were similar and they seemed to like to sleep at the same time. In a way it was easier to watch two of them, since they did entertain each other a little bit.

Tommy was at home and, even though he loved his child deeply, he was always happy to have someone take her for a day. Since they had Taylor's jogger stroller, they each put a baby in a stroller and took off for a long run/walk. Helping Annie and Tommy with the kids had actually proved fortuitous for Ryan and Jamie. They didn't want to ride their bikes this week, but running up and down the hills with their young charges gave them a cardiovascular workout that easily topped a long bike ride. They both felt like they had not only kept up their fitness level, but they had actually increased it a bit while saving their butts completely.

After almost two hours playing at the playground in the Castro, both babies were ready for their naps. Rather than take them home, though, they settled them into the joggers and rocked them a little while they rested against a big tree. Once the babies were quiet, Ryan ran over to Hot 'n Hunky for some nice sloppy cheeseburgers and malts. They decided to splurge on calories since they would expend so many in the next week, but Jamie had to laugh when she saw her lover carrying two huge bags of food with her. "What did you buy?" she gasped as Ryan started to pull the food from the bags.

"A single for you, a double for me, chili fries, and malts," she said in a matter-of-fact tone.

"How many malts are in that bag?" Jamie asked pointedly.

"Um…three?"

"You're gonna eat two malts?" she gasped.

"Well…I kinda thought I'd get two and a half," she admitted with a grin. "You never finish yours."

"You have the metabolism of a hummingbird!" Jamie laughed as her lover sat down to demolish the meal.

"Yep and in ten days I'm gonna have my beak in your nectar for hours at a time!" she leered with one wildly wiggling eyebrow.

"Gulp!" the smaller woman said as she audibly mimicked the word.

Seven a.m. Saturday found Jamie and Ryan packing up their bikes in Conor's truck for the trip to Fort Mason. They had checked and double-checked that they had all of the necessary papers and forms, and when they were confident that all was in order, they took off.

Jamie was once again thankful that Ryan had done the ride so many times. She knew all of the shortcuts and all of the little tricks that would make the experience more enjoyable. Today, for instance, she parked a good half-mile away from the Pavilion at Fort Mason. Since they had their bikes, it was just a five-minute ride to their destination, with none of the attendant traffic.

The Pavilion was fully staffed with volunteers, but the riders were just starting to trickle in. Day Zero was the last day to complete all the required paperwork, attend a safety class, and drop off bikes. Ryan was pleased to learn that the first safety meeting would be held at eight a.m. They walked their bikes to the designated area and waited for the class to begin.

This experience was pro forma for Ryan, who had attended five of them, but Jamie paid such rapt attention that Ryan actually had to laugh at her. The main theme of the meeting was the inherent danger of the ride. They would be using heavily traveled highways and roads that would remain open to vehicular traffic. The riders received tips on how to safely cross the narrow bridges—some barely wide enough to accommodate two trucks—that were on their route.

After the meeting, they zoomed back to the Pavilion to pick up their packets, and found the hall pass that enabled them to go directly to registration. Once there, they picked up their registration materials and went directly to the tent assignment station. The line was still quite short, and they were processed in just a few minutes. Next they took their bikes over to the parking area. They affixed their numbers to the frames and handed them over to the very friendly volunteers.

Next stop was the merchandise area. Jamie bought a long sleeved t-shirt in each of the colors available. "I want to sleep in these all year to remind me of how we got to know each other," she said sweetly when Ryan expressed surprise at her purchases. Ryan had to buy a tiny little t-shirt in bright yellow for Caitlin, but that was her only purchase.

As they started to walk away from the merchandise area, Ryan spotted her partner trying to stuff another couple of items in her backpack. "What'cha got there?" she asked, knowing Jamie's tendencies all too well.

"Never you mind, Sweet Cheeks," she replied airily.

It was now only ten a.m., and they were finished. They walked around for a while just checking out all the people, but after a bit Ryan casually remarked, "Do you know what I would really love to do today?"

Jamie pursed her lips in thought. She looked up at the sky as if seeking the answer and finally replied, "Whatever it is, I bet it involves another blonde."

"You already know me too well," Ryan replied. "You're my favorite blonde, but Caitlin is a close second," she teased.

"Here's my phone, call and see if her busy schedule will permit a visit."

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

Their young playmate was indeed available. Tommy was at home alone with her, and he willingly relinquished possession of his daughter. They arrived at around eleven and whisked the giggling baby away moments later.

When they returned to the house, they decided to just stay close to home. They needed to pack and take care of any last-minute details and, even though Caitlin couldn't help, she was certainly entertaining. When they got into the house, Conor immediately snatched the baby away, tossing her in the air and carrying her all over the house as he sang one of her favorite songs. The girls took the opportunity to head downstairs and start to get organized.

Ryan had stressed the importance of taking as little as possible with them. Although their belongings would be carried for them, they still had to fetch them from the trucks each night and return them in the morning. Ryan warned that sometimes the truck was a very long ways away. They decided to take four day's worth of biking gear. They each brought one pair of padded ankle length pants. Jamie brought three pairs of knee-length padded shorts and four quick-drying jerseys, one long-sleeved and three short. Ryan wore padded cotton under shorts, so she brought three pairs of those and just two pairs of unlined bike shorts. She also carried four jerseys, one long-sleeved, two short and her new sleeveless jersey. Next came their thin sleeveless gore-tex vests and lightweight nylon shells. They each added a few pairs of underwear and four sports bras. They had purchased some new quick-drying thin socks, and these were added to the pile. Ryan had suggested that Jamie bring a swimsuit for the beach in Los Angeles, which she dutifully did.

They also needed some regular clothes for the time spent hanging around off the bikes. The weather was very unpredictable, so they each brought their fleece jacket and a pair of heavy sweats. Ryan packed two pairs of her baggy nylon shorts and a couple of tank tops. She added two t-shirts and a pair of Teva sandals, and she was set. Jamie had a harder time deciding, but she finally settled on a couple of pairs of shorts and four t-shirts. She agreed that the Teva sandals were a good choice, so she added hers to the pile. She packed an additional extra-large t-shirt to sleep in. She asked Ryan suspiciously, "What do you have to sleep in?"

"This is my last week wearing my underwear to bed," she intoned solemnly. "After this week, it's all nude all the time," she teased as she grabbed Jamie for a vigorous bout of tickling.

They decided to pack most things in heavy-duty trash bags first to insure that they wouldn't get wet. "I don't know how it happens, but the first two years, half of my clothes were wet when I put them on," Ryan said. "Nothing feels worse than clammy nylon on a cold morning."

Ryan had a checklist from previous years that she amended as needed. They carefully ticked off additional items one by one until she was satisfied that they would have everything they required. Finally they got out their gear bags and began to load them up. Jamie had a ton of experience in packing for long trips, and she even gave Ryan a few pointers. They were finished packing by the time Conor brought the sleeping baby downstairs. "Do you guys want some lunch? I was going to go down to the Italian deli to get a combo; how about you?"

"I'm in!" Ryan replied immediately.

"What's a combo?" Jamie asked.

Ryan slid her arms around her friend as she said to Conor, "She's been all around the world, but the poor little thing has never had a combo." They both shook their heads sadly.

"We'll remedy that oversight right now," Conor said as he handed her the baby. "I'll be back in half an hour."

With Ryan's help, Jamie sat back against the headboard with Caitlin nestled into her chest. Ryan lay down on her side, facing Jamie. She patted the soft little terry cloth covered back as she slowly said, "Lucky, lucky baby," while casting a sly smile up at Jamie.

"You're not treated so badly either, Ryan," she chided as she pushed her dark head down onto her lap. She stroked the raven locks as Ryan closed her eyes and let the contentment just seep into her. Seconds later Ryan joined her cousin in sleep.

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

Conor stopped abruptly in the doorway as he caught sight of the happy little group. "Should I come back later?" he asked in a whisper. Jamie just smiled and shook her head. "The big one will be up in a second, and the little one won't hear a thing," she said knowledgeably. As predicted, Ryan stirred as soon as she heard voices. She gazed up at Jamie with a look of pure love on her face, sat up and gave her a very tender, heart-felt kiss. Jamie looked a little surprised as she said quietly, "Conor's here."

Ryan turned around and caught sight of her somewhat embarrassed brother. "Get used to it, Conor, you're gonna see a lot of smooching around here from now on," she predicted.

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

Conor had brought plates, knives, napkins and sodas as well as the promised sandwiches. Ryan removed the wrappings from both of their combos as Jamie supervised. "You're dripping on your desk," she observed.

"It's worth it," Ryan replied. As she brought the huge tomato sauce-covered sandwich up to Jamie's mouth, she instructed, "Bite." Jamie did so and seconds later a pleasure-suffused smile covered her face. "Meatball and sausage together?" she asked with her mouth still half full.

"Don't forget the mozzarella," Ryan chided her as she took a big bite herself. They alternated bites of the same sandwich until Ryan popped the last bite into her partner's mouth. She then started on the second sandwich, very pleased when Jamie declined any more.

"I finally figured it out," Conor said with satisfaction as he watched Ryan eat.

"What's that?" Jamie asked.

"I figured out why Ryan's a lesbian," he said proudly.

"This I gotta hear," Ryan laughed.

"It's a clever ploy to get more than half of any meal. If you were with a guy, he'd want some of your food, just like you do with Jamie," he replied with a big smile.

"Okay, wise guy. That explains me, but why is Jamie gay?"

He looked perplexed, as he answered. "That one I'll never figure out," he said sadly. "But she clearly is, because if she was straight she could have had me!" he laughed as he successfully ducked a quick backhand from his sister.

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

Caitlin woke up shortly after lunch was finished. She was all hot and sweaty from her nap, and she cried and fussed as they quickly changed her diaper. Conor got up to fetch a bottle and warm it, as Jamie tried to calm her down. She stood up and bounced her on her hip, talking soothingly into her little pink ear. Ryan just watched with pleasure as she slowly quieted and began to play with Jamie's face with her tiny little hands. She was trying to insert her fist into Jamie's mouth when Conor returned. He gently removed her from Jamie's grasp and lay her back in his strong arm as he fed her the bottle. Caitlin crossed her little feet as she rested her head against Conor's chest and sucked lustily.

"You do have a way with women," Jamie observed as Caitlin gazed up at him adoringly.

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

Around five o'clock Ryan called Tommy to see when he wanted the baby back. "Oh, don't bother, Ryan. Annie can stop by on her way home from work. She can be there by 6. Is that okay?"

Ryan agreed, and she and Jamie took her out for a little walk. Rather, Jamie had a little walk. Ryan strapped Caitlin into her three-wheeled jogger stroller and ran up and down the hills of the Noe Valley with maniacal glee. As they passed her again and again, Jamie heard the wild giggles of the baby and the equally wild laughter of her partner. After a half-hour, Ryan was more winded than Jamie had ever seen her. She was forced to bend over at the waist for a long while, trying to suck air into her lungs. Jamie put a hand on her back and grasped the stroller with her other hand. Ryan was covered in sweat, and the heat radiated off her in waves. Caitlin was ready for more as she bounced in her seat trying to scoot the stroller forward.

Ryan finally stood up and raised her hands in surrender. "That's it, Caitlin. The express train is through for the day. We're taking the local from now on." She took the stroller handle from Jamie and started to walk down the hill in a more sedate fashion. Caitlin would have none of it. She continued to thrust herself forward, craving speed. Her little grunts turned to whines as she demanded that her needs be recognized. Ryan finally rolled her eyes and took off again. "You're turning her into a thrill seeker, just like you!" Jamie warned as they flew by once again.

After another fifteen minutes of frantic activity, they arrived back at the house. Ryan was surprised to see her Aunt Maeve's car as well as Tommy's. Jamie carried the baby as they entered the house, where they were all surprised to see Maeve, Tommy, Annie and Kevin. "Surprise!" they all yelled. Conor, Brendan and Martin all came out of the kitchen to join in the greeting.

Jamie looked at Ryan in puzzlement. Martin finally spoke up, "It's a send-off party for you two. We wanted to make sure you had a good meal before you start." After he got a better look at Ryan he asked in alarm, "What have you been doing, Siobhán?"

She did look a sight. Her face was a deep pink, her bangs were plastered against her forehead and her marine blue t-shirt was drenched with sweat. All eyes turned to Jamie, who looked like she had just been sitting in a chair. Ryan finally piped up, "Caitlin and I were doing wind sprints on the hills. She's obviously in better shape than I am, because she's as cool as a cucumber," she teased as she pinched her little pink cheek.

"You go take a shower, young lady, or you'll catch your death," he ordered.

Ryan happily nodded and went downstairs. Jamie entertained questions about their training and her nerves until Ryan returned, looking much refreshed. She wore a navy blue polo and a pair of khakis along with a well-worn pair of penny loafers. As soon as she entered the room she snatched the baby from Jamie and put her on her shoulders for a quick little horsy ride.

"You know, Ryan, you get her used to a level of activity that none of the rest of us can duplicate," Annie chided her.

"That's all part of my evil plan," she agreed. "She needs to come to me for her adrenaline rush," she said as she took off even faster around the house spurred on by Caitlin's giggles.

"Has she always been like that?" Jamie asked Martin incredulously.

"From the day of her birth," he admitted. "We were lulled into complacency by Brendan here. He was a perfectly lovely little baby, content to be cuddled and carried and cooed to. Then Conor came along and we thought we would lose our minds," he said as he shook his head. "He was in constant motion, every minute. Rory made us think that Conor was just a fluke. He was so much like Brendan, so calm and peaceful." He smiled at the memory. "Then we finally got our little girl. I assumed she would sit on the front porch in a little white dress playing with her dolls," he sighed heavily. "But I swear she was twice as bad as Conor ever was. She never showed fear of anything in her life, Jamie. I used to take her to the station when she was just Caitlin's age. All the guys would take turns sliding down the pole with her just laughing her head off. They'd all be tired, and she'd be begging for more."

They all shared a few more memories of the young Ryan, causing Jamie to smile broadly at her from across the room. Ryan came and stood next to her, putting an arm around her shoulders. Jamie leaned over and quietly whispered, "We're going to adopt. I can't take the risk that your energy level could be genetic."

Ryan just laughed as she gave her a little squeeze.

Conor had picked up some delicious homemade pasta sauce at the deli that afternoon as well as some fabulous crusty Italian bread. Dinner was pasta with meat sauce, a big green salad and the bread. As usual, Ryan cleaned Jamie's plate after she was finished with her own. "Do you do that in restaurants?" Conor asked out of curiosity.

"Yep," Ryan replied happily.

"Not always," Jamie corrected. "When we had lunch with my grandfather not only did she not eat off of my plate, she also carried on a lucid conversation. And she didn't once close her eyes and moan like she usually does when she eats something really tasty."

That brought a laugh from everyone, as Martin said, "I'm glad you can put on manners when you're out in public, Darlin'."

"Thanks, I think," she replied slowly.

Before all of the guests left, Jamie saw Ryan huddled in the corner with her aunt. She had a serious expression on her face, and she was nodding intently. After a minute, Maeve patted her on the cheek and leaned up to kiss her. Ryan reminded them all of the spot where they would meet, and everyone promised to be at The Fort the next day to see them off.

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

It was almost nine by the time everyone was gone and the kitchen was properly cleaned. Jamie had taken on Rory's tasks in his absence, and she found that within a day or two her little jobs seemed like they had been hers for years. As they made their way downstairs, Jamie heard her cell phone ringing from its resting place in her purse. She extracted it and hit the talk button on the fourth ring. "Hello," she said a little breathlessly.

"Hi, Jamie," responded the deep voice on the other end.

"Jack!" she said with surprise. "How are you?"

"I'm fine. Is this a good time to talk?"

"Um…sure, Jack. What do you want to talk about?" She made eye contact with Ryan, who went back upstairs to give her some privacy.

"Are you at home? I could call you on that line if you'd rather."

"No, I'm not at home. Let me call you right back," she said. He quickly agreed.

She took several deep breaths as she sat down on the bed and dialed the still-memorized number. He picked up on the first ring. "Are you at Ryan's?" he asked tentatively.

"Yes, I am," she replied, no longer concerned with his reaction.

"Are you living with her?" he asked quietly.

"Just this week, to get ready for the ride. I couldn't stand to be around Cassie another minute, so I came over here," she replied, knowing that wasn't his real question.

"Yeah, Cassie called me a few weeks ago," he admitted. "Ever since then I've been wanting to call you, but I've been kind of afraid to."

"What did she say?" Jamie asked, knowing the answer.

"The details aren't important," he said graciously. "But the bottom line was that you were with Ryan now." After a quiet pause he asked, "Is that true?"

"Jack, I'm happy to talk about my life with you, but I hope that you'll keep anything I tell you in confidence," she said after a moment's hesitation.

There was total silence for a long minute, then he said sadly, "I'm sorry you think you have to ask that, Jamie."

She sighed heavily as she acknowledged her paranoia. "I'm sorry, Jack. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings. It's just that I'm going through kind of a difficult time, and people who I thought were friends have betrayed me. But you're right, I never should have assumed that you would hurt me."

"I never would, Jamie," he said quietly.

"I'm sorry, Jack. I would give anything to have avoided hurting you. I swear that as soon as I started to get a handle on my feelings, I was honest with you." She paused to gather her courage. "The answer to your question is that I am with Ryan now. And I hope I always will be," she said firmly.

"Are you happy with your choice?" he asked after a short, uncomfortable silence.

"You know…I feel like I'm beginning to be completely comfortable with myself for the first time in my life, Jack," she replied. "I'm just so sorry that I didn't know myself better before I met you. It would have saved us both a lot of pain."

"Did you know when we were together?" he asked a bit hesitantly.

"I didn't have a clue in my conscious mind, Jack. I must have had some pretty big subconscious clues. I mean, I was drawn to take that class, even though I told myself it was because of the time it was offered." After a beat she added, "That's another thing I'm sorry about. You knew something was going on, but I refused to acknowledge it. If I had, I think it would have saved both of us a lot of pain."

"I just had a cold terror in my gut the night Cassie told me about that class. I think I had some suspicions even before that happened, but I was afraid to admit them to myself."

"Why do you think you were suspicious?" Jamie asked, amazed that he was admitting his own doubts.

"Well, I'm certainly not the world's greatest lover," he said with a self-effacing laugh, "but you just didn't respond to me in the way that I was used to. I kept telling myself that you were just inexperienced, but you were just not passionate for me. That never made sense to me, because you were so passionate in everything else that you did." There was another silence as he added, "I hope you find your passion with Ryan, Jamie. I really do."

She fought back the tears as she replied, "I think that's the nicest, most generous thing anyone has ever said to me. Thank you for that, Jack. You don't know how much that means to me."

"I wish it could have been me, Jamie. No matter who you're with, I want you to be happy. I truly mean that," he said sincerely.

"If I was going to be with a man, it would still be you, Jack. I hope you know how much I did love you. But I couldn't commit my life to you and not feel that physical connection that people in love need to have."

"Do you have that with Ryan?" he asked tentatively, needing to know the answer even though he feared it.

She considered telling him that the question was too personal, but she felt that he deserved the truth. "I do, Jack. I really do."

"It's funny, Jamie," he said reflectively. "After I talked to Cassie, I spent a couple of days letting her get to me. I don't want to repeat what she said, but she's under the impression that Ryan has some kind of unnatural hold over you." As Jamie tried to interrupt, he continued, "But after a few days, I let reality in and really thought about who you were. Jamie, you couldn't be talked into ordering a dinner that you didn't want. You're nobody's fool, and I don't believe that even someone as appealing as Ryan could get you to do one thing that you didn't want to do."

"Thanks for acknowledging who I really am, Jack. Not only didn't Ryan push me, I really had to convince her that this was right for me. We're both really happy now, Jack. I just hope you find someone who loves you as much as she loves me."

"I do too, Jamie. And I hope I can find someone that I love as much as I did you."

"I hope so too, Jack. More than anything," she said fervently.

"I'll let you go, Jamie. The reason I called tonight was to wish you the best of luck on your ride. I just want you to know that I'll be thinking of you every day and sending you good thoughts."

Jamie lost her battle with her emotions this time. "Thank you, Jack. That means a lot to me," she said through her tears. "Thanks so much for calling."

"Anytime, Jamie. You tell Ryan to take good care of you next week."

"I will, Jack. Bye," she said as she hung up.

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

At 9:30 Ryan poked her head into her room and saw Jamie lying on the bed on her back, staring up at the ceiling. She approached her gently and sat on the edge of the bed. "Are you okay?" she asked as she lightly grasped her hand.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I'll tell you about it tomorrow. Now I just want to go to sleep," she said with a tired little sigh.

"Do you want me to go upstairs, and you can just stay here?"

"Okay, if you really don't mind," she replied sleepily. "I want to smell you on the sheets all night long," she said as she squeezed a pillow and was rewarded with the familiar scent.

"Sleep tight," Ryan said as she kissed her tenderly and rubbed her back. "I'll wake you up at 4:30, okay?"

"Is it just me, or does that seem a little early?" she asked as she sat up and started to strip out of her clothes.

"It is a little early, so you go to sleep quickly," Ryan ordered as she turned her head while Jamie slipped into a t-shirt.

"Would you lie down with me and hold me for a few minutes?" Jamie asked hopefully. "You always calm me down so fast."

"Of course I will," Ryan said as she climbed into bed and wrapped her in her arms. In less than five minutes, Jamie was limp and breathing rhythmically. She carefully extracted herself from the dangerously tempting spot and climbed the stairs to Rory's room.

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

At 4:35 a.m. Jamie felt a warm body slide into bed next to her. She scooted backwards until she was plastered up against the comforting form. "That was your last night of sleeping alone," Ryan said softly, "did you enjoy it?"

"No. I missed you all night," Jamie muttered. "I want you next to me for the rest of my life."

"That's a request that I'm only too happy to fulfill," Ryan said as she rolled her friend over and started to give her a brisk rub to get her blood moving. After a minute or so Jamie reluctantly struggled to her feet. She got into the shower while Ryan carried their bags upstairs. Fifteen minutes later, they were ready to go. They both wore the California AIDS Ride 6 official jerseys with the sponsor's logo brandished across their chests. Ryan was both pleased and slightly disapproving as Jamie handed her the jersey while they were getting dressed, but she swallowed her reticence about accepting the near-constant presents and thanked her sincerely. Martin and Conor were just finishing up their coffee as Brendan came in the front door. He gave Ryan a hug as he sleepily asked, "Could you guys take off at around nine, just once?"

Ryan laughed and hugged him back. "I know it's early, but it really means a lot to me that you come to see us off."

"You have to drag that bike 560 miles; getting up early isn't really much of a sacrifice," Brendan said, as he gave her another little squeeze.

Ryan got down on the floor to give Duffy a firm hug, "You take care of Da and Conor while I'm gone, Duff. It's gonna be just you boys all week, so try to stay out of trouble." Duffy looked up at her sadly, recognizing the signs of her departure. Jamie joined her, getting a lick on the face in the bargain.

They tossed their gear into the bed of the truck, and they all climbed in. "I'm glad I bought the crew cab," Conor said as Brendan climbed into the back with the girls.

"You know, I don't remember ever having a normal car. Did we Da?" Ryan asked.

"No, not during your lifetime," Martin said. "Your mother and I had a nice little normal Ford when we were married, but by the time you arrived, it was clear we had to switch to a bigger vehicle. We've had either a van or a truck ever since."

"Have you ever owned a car, Ryan?" Jamie inquired.

"Nope. All I've ever had were bikes. I got my first one when I was sixteen, and Da almost had a fit!"

"Yes, and I still blame you for that," Martin said as he poked Conor in the arm. "You're the one who had to start with the blasted things."

"It's not my fault that Ryan had to imitate everything that I did," Conor replied defensively. "Besides, she should thank me. I think she gets half her dates because of that bike."

"Then maybe we had better get rid of it," Jamie laughed, "because your dating days are over," she added as she squeezed a firm thigh.

"I've never given up anything so willingly," Ryan replied as she gazed down at her partner with a sweet look on her face.

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

They arrived at Fort Mason at around 5:15. Even though Jamie usually got up early, and considered morning her favorite time of day, she had never claimed to be a morning person. Today was a perfect example of that dichotomy. What she loved about mornings were periods of quiet contemplation while watching the sunrise or writing in her journal, but the scene that greeted them when they disembarked from the truck did not in any way remind her of the thing she most liked in the morning—stillness. She was completely unprepared for the overwhelming number of riders, bikes, families, volunteers, news trucks, police officers, and spectators that greeted them. The noise level and general anxiety that flowed from the crowd was actually a little overpowering for the inexperienced woman, and she found herself gripping Ryan's hand much harder than normal.

"Nervous?" a calm voice whispered in her ear.

She managed a quick nod, a little embarrassed that such was the case.

"It is a big deal, Jamie," she assured her. "We've worked really hard to be able to do this and it's only natural that you have butterflies in your tummy." Looking around she added, "It is pretty overpowering, isn't it?"

"I was in St. Peter's Square in Rome on Easter morning once," she replied thoughtfully, feeling a little better since Ryan agreed that her anxiety was expected, "but this is a close second."

They finally found the gear drop off point. After they checked that the bags were properly tagged, they went to their designated meeting place to say hello to the rest of the family. Maeve and Kevin were already there, but Tommy had yet to arrive. "Do you think you can eat yet?" Ryan asked Jamie solicitously. "I know you don't like to eat very early, but you have to today."

"Yeah, I could get some cereal down," she agreed. "Let's go get some now, so we can watch the opening ceremonies with everyone." They found the breakfast line and settled on oatmeal, bananas and raisins. Jamie agreed to forego coffee and settled for apple juice. Ryan added two bagels and some cream cheese to her selections. They sat at a long table, chatting with the other riders. Ryan knew a lot of the participants, and her meal was continually interrupted by people stopping by to greet her.

"Do you know most of these people from before the ride?" Jamie asked when they had a minute alone.

"No. I met them all on one of the previous rides," she replied.

"I can't believe how you can remember all of their names," Jamie marveled. "How do you do that?"

Ryan looked thoughtful for a few minutes. While she thought, Jamie mused about how she loved the fact that her partner took even a simple question so seriously. "I only know the names of people that I bonded with for some reason. I've had five different tent mates, and I've ridden with different teams through the years. This is actually the first time that I'm not with a team."

"How does that work?" Jamie asked.

"There are a lot of different groups that train together, and are sometimes sponsored together. Bike shops, hospitals, small businesses and even schools sponsor teams. I don't like to stick with a team for more than one year though," she admitted. "I like to get to know a lot of people, and that's harder to do if you're with the same group all of the time."

Just then a very attractive woman, who looked like she knew Ryan rather well, approached and straddled the bench, facing her. "Hi, Ryan," she said in a very friendly tone. "Long time, no see."

Ryan smiled easily and greeted the woman. "Hi, Carly" she said. "It has been a long time. How did your training go this year?"

"Not nearly as well as last year. You brought out the best in me on those training rides," she said with a suggestive smile. "So what have you been up to?"

Ryan gave her a brilliant smile and put her arm around Jamie's shoulders. "I've been busy falling in love," she said proudly. "Carly, this is Jamie."

Carly looked a bit taken aback, but she rallied and extended her hand to Jamie. "I've got to admit, I'm a little surprised to meet the woman who actually tamed this little cat," she said as she patted Ryan's leg.

"Oh, she isn't that wild," Jamie said with a forced smile.

"That's what you think," Carly purred as she got up, pausing just a second to pat Ryan's cheek in a familiar fashion. "Take care, girls," she said airily as she walked away.

"You don't know everyone you've introduced me to as well as you know Carly, do you?" Jamie asked suspiciously, as they both watched the attractive woman saunter away.

Ryan blushed deeply as she replied, "Um, not all of them."

Jamie just laughed as she shook her head, "I don't know how I'm going to keep you interested in me after all of the other women you've known."

Ryan slipped her arms around her waist and kissed her deeply for several minutes. "I don't even notice other women any more," she said sincerely. "You're more than enough woman to satisfy me for the rest of my life," she added emphatically.

Jamie's blush rivaled Ryan's as she whispered, "We're in a pretty public place, you know."

"I know. I'm just trying to stop any more old flames from disturbing us," she grinned as Jamie pinched her hard on the side.

"So you just kiss me to keep people away?" she asked with a mock glower.

"No, I kiss you to make my knees weak," she replied as she gave her another series of knee-weakening kisses. "What people do with this informative display is their choice," she said with a satisfied smile.

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

When they returned to the meeting spot, everyone was there. Caitlin immediately reached for Ryan, who gladly accepted her. The baby was wearing her new t-shirt, and she looked positively adorable. She had on a little baseball cap that Ryan had bought her not long ago, and after she gave Jamie a sloppy kiss, she happily sat on Ryan's shoulders to watch the parade of people.

Another ex-lover happened by, this one much more polite. Ryan introduced Jamie and, as the woman looked from Caitlin to Jamie, she finally asked in surprise, "Is this your baby?"

Ryan laughed as she introduced the rest of her family and indicated Caitlin's parents. The woman finally wished them well and went to find her riding partners. "Well, that went better than the last one," Jamie decided.

"I really tried to date nice women, but once in a while I didn't screen them properly," she admitted sheepishly.

"I've seen you in action, Ryan. I think your screening process was a little lax," she said as she playfully jabbed her riding partner in the stomach. "Unless you think an eyebrow wiggle really is a sufficient screening tool."

"Ohhh, you really do have my number, don't you?'

"I most certainly do. So don't try any funny business," she said, poking Ryan in the chest for good measure.

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

At 6:30 the Opening Ceremonies got underway. Willie Brown, the Mayor of San Francisco, and a large number of the Board of Supervisors were in attendance. The gay and lesbian community was a big supporter of the mayor, and the elegant, handsome African-American man genuinely returned the affection. He spoke extemporaneously for a few minutes, then various members of the ride team and the San Francisco AIDS Foundation said a few words. After the speeches were finished, a hush settled over the crowd as the directors of both the San Francisco AIDS Foundation and the Gay and Lesbian Center of Los Angeles came onto the stage. Six volunteers somberly guided a riderless bike up the center aisle through the throng. The quiet grew heavier as the assembled crowd paused to remember exactly why they had dedicated themselves to participate in the ride.

The speaker began, "This morning we begin a magical journey. A journey of exploration, a journey of wonder, a journey of commitment. A journey we make together. To see what exists beyond what we thought we could accomplish as individuals. To see what exists beyond the limits commonly ascribed to humankind.

"To open the treasure chest that is ours when we meet on common ground.

To find a new horizon that will give the world a glimpse of a different, kinder, magical way to live.

"Please turn your eyes to the center lane, and witness the bicycle being led down the path. This bicycle has no rider. See the empty space above the seat and the pedals. See the empty space behind the handlebars.

"The empty space inside the helmet that hangs at the side. See that empty space, and remember.

"Let us together remember the friends, and the loved ones, that we have lost to AIDS. This year, last year. Years ago. All of them, still in our hearts and our minds. Remember their faces. Remember their laughter. Remember their lives, their hopes, and their dreams."

Jamie looked up sharply when she heard a small quiet cry, almost like a wounded animal. Turning quickly she saw her partner bent over, obviously trying to compose herself, but having absolutely no success. Before she could move toward her, Maeve put both of her arms around the crumpling body and pulled Ryan's head up to her shoulder. Her body shook with deep, wracking sobs as she allowed herself to be comforted like a small child.

As much as she wanted to reach out to Ryan at that moment, something stopped her. She took a few deep breaths feeling Annie's arm drape around her waist, and in that moment, she knew what it was. She hadn't known Michael and neither had Annie. As much as the two women might empathize with the pain of losing a beloved young man, neither of them could know how that loss had felt to their loved ones. This was a pain that could only truly be shared by those who had experienced it.

The speaker continued; "Remember their love. Let us feel all of them with us right now. Among us. Looking over us. Their hearts overflowing with joy this morning, and proud that we were their friends; as we embark on this courageous endeavor, let us use this moment to invite them to come with us, to keep us safe, to carry us up the difficult hills. Through the rain. And against the wind. To be there with us when the road is difficult.

"To be there with us, when we feel like giving up. Let them give us strength, let them give us joy, and let them give us the courage to continue. Their spirit is here to ride with us. Let us carry it, keep it, and let it fill up the empty space, until there is no empty space.

"It's time, everyone; the moment is here. Make this everything you have ever hoped it could be. With our brothers and sisters who have been lost to AIDS, together, we begin California AIDS Ride 6."

As Jamie stood in the throng, she felt a swelling of emotion in her chest that became almost painful as these last words were uttered. In that moment, she felt prouder of herself than she ever had in her life. Not just because she had worked so hard, although that was part of it. Rather, she was proud that, for once in her family's history, someone had tried to make a difference in someone else's life. Not with money, since that was no sacrifice at all for a family such as hers; this was a sacrifice of her time and her effort and her safety and her will. She was about to challenge herself to do something that was going to be terribly difficult, and she was doing it out of love for people that she did not, and probably never would, know. She was doing it for the tens of thousands of people in California who were affected by this deadly disease. Yes, she was doing it for Ryan and the rest of the O'Flahertys, to show her support for their loss, but she was primarily doing it to show that people with AIDS mattered, and would continue to matter, until the scourge was completely and irrevocably destroyed.

There was not a dry eye amongst the O'Flahertys, as each of them focused their thoughts on their beloved Michael. Ryan lifted her head as Maeve fished out tissues from her purse, and they all spent a few moments composing themselves. Ryan leaned in close to her aunt and whispered something that was greeted by a smile and a kiss on her cheek as the smaller woman reached up and captured the last few tears with her fingertips.

Ryan indicated with a nod of her head that it was time to get in line to retrieve their bikes. Another round of tears accompanied their departure, and this time Jamie was a full participant. When Martin hugged Jamie, he leaned over and whispered, "Take care of my little one, Jamie. This is very hard on her."

"I will, Martin," she promised fervently.

They were just about to sneak away to join their assigned group when they heard a pathetic "Nooooooo," come from Caitlin's little mouth. Ryan dashed back to kiss her soundly and give her a firm squeeze, and then she jogged back to Jamie's side. "God, that's hard to do," she muttered as she looked back to see a screaming Caitlin frantically trying to extricate herself from Tommy's grip. Jamie was still too choked up to reply, so she merely gripped Ryan's hand more firmly.

After they retrieved their bikes, they checked their tires, made sure all of their tools and supplies were in their packs, and put on their helmets. Ryan actually did most of the work since Jamie's hands were shaking too badly to be of much use. Ryan made her stand still as she applied another layer of sunblock to her face and neck, Jamie felt a little like she was receiving final inspection from her commanding officer before the big battle began.

At 7:15 the first riders pulled out to the strains of blaring, inspirational music and the cheers of the assembled throng. Because of the huge number of riders, it took quite a while before they could move. Ryan kept giving her encouraging glances, but she knew her body would not calm down until they were underway. Jamie's heart was nearly beating out of her chest by the time they started, but once they started riding, she began to feel better when her rubbery legs could actually propel the bike. Hundreds and hundreds of people lined the street leading out of Fort Mason, all of them waving and cheering the riders on. The thought crossed Jamie's mind that riding a bike in a huge crowd was not really easy to do in the best of circumstances, but with her eyes continually filled with tears in an outpouring of emotion, it was nearly impossible. Luckily, they were going quite slowly and no decisions had to be made. They just moved with the crowd and let the energy and the positive vibrations carry them along.

After a few minutes, the riders started to separate, and it became easier to concentrate on maintaining proper position and pedal cadence. Jamie lost herself in the process of riding, letting her mind go blank except for the sensation of pedaling. She kept a low level of awareness for the condition of the street and the distance she was from other riders, but for the first time that she could recall she was in a deep level of concentration, where everything just flowed. Every fifteen minutes her watch alarm buzzed, and she grabbed a water bottle and guzzled as much as she could get down; even this interruption didn't disturb her focus. As they left the city, her concentration started to flag, and she spent some time just looking around.

Ryan was just ahead of her, and she focused on her for a few long minutes. She quickly learned that watching Ryan from this vantage point was not a good idea. She found herself being nearly hypnotized by the twitching of Ryan's butt when she stood on her pedals, and she was forced to jerk her attention away. Are you suicidal? she chided herself, as she focused on the other riders and passing scenery.

They stopped at the first pit stop about thirteen miles out. It was terribly crowded, but Ryan assured her that this was an anomaly, and that subsequent stops would be less hectic. The crowds didn't dampen the cheerfulness of the volunteers who handed out snacks and water. They greeted each rider with a smile and offered encouraging words. Ryan methodically took the water bottles and added powdered drink mix from her pack. After she was satisfied with the mix, she poured them into the three bottles that each of them carried on their bikes. "You're going to be a fanatic about that stuff, aren't you," Jamie smirked as she watched her little scientist work away.

"You betcha," Ryan agreed, her mouth curling into a tiny smile as she concentrated on pouring. "And as proof, we're not leaving until you drink every little drop of this down." She handed her partner the bottle and supervised her consumption with a smile at her compliance. The day was still very cool, but Ryan knew that dehydration could occur during the coolest weather, and she was not going to let that happen to her partner on her watch.

Jamie started to get onto her bike, but Ryan insisted that they move away from the crowd and take a few minutes to rest. "But it's only thirteen miles," Jamie complained. "We've done lots more than that without a break."

"I know. But this is different. Now sit down here and let me massage your thighs for a minute."

The little orange bike was dropped like a hot rock. "Why didn't you say so in the first place?" she laughingly asked, as she dropped to the ground.

Ryan started to work on her thighs, smiling to herself when Jamie's lids started to droop almost immediately. "Boy, you're easy," she grinned as she picked up the pace, trying to invigorate her.

"I know," she moaned. "You start rubbing me, and I'm powerless to stay awake. It's just so calming."

"It's good to be calm when you're riding in a huge pack like this," Ryan observed. "How are you doing with the traffic?"

"Umm, pretty good," she decided. "It was a little dicey coming out of the city, but once the road started to open up a little I kinda got into it. It just makes you feel like you're part of something, you know?"

"I do indeed," Ryan agreed as she gave her a little slap on each leg. "Let's rock!"

They took off again, riding in a fairly large group until they reached the second pit stop. The first thirty miles of the ride was through dense urban clutter, but as they arrived at Stop Two they could see more rolling, open scenery before them. Jamie knew that one of the worst hills of the ride was coming up, and she wanted to ask for a little reassurance, but she would feel childish doing so. Ryan went to wait in the long line for the Porta-Potty, giving Jamie a stern glance when she said she did not need to join her. When she returned, Jamie was working on her second bottle of her drink mix. Ryan began her lecture, but Jamie held up her hand to stop her, "If you don't have to go to the bathroom at every pit stop, you're not drinking enough!" she said sternly. They both laughed as she forced herself to drink three bottles of her drink mix and eat a banana and some trail mix. When she had finished, she trotted over to get in line for the Porta-Potty.

When Jamie returned, she gave Ryan a kiss and said, "Thanks for taking care of me."

"I've never had a more pleasurable job," Ryan assured her as she began to rub the tension from her shoulders. "Big hill coming up, huh?" Ryan asked softly as she continued to rub.

"Yeah," Jamie replied noncommittally.

"Nervous?"

"Umm…a little."

"No need to be," Ryan said firmly as she leaned over and kissed her cheek. "It's strenuous, but not nearly as bad as some of our training up in the hills. Guaranteed," she assured her.

"Thanks," Jamie murmured as she turned and wrapped her arms around Ryan's damp waist. "You can always tell when I'm nervous, can't you?"

"Ohh, I don't know if 'always' is the right word. You give off some physical cues that are pretty telling?"

"Really?" she asked in surprise. "Like what?"

"One big one," Ryan said as she hopped back on her bike, "you stop talking!" Her laughter flowed back over her shoulder as she stomped on her pedals trying to avoid the dreaded pinch.

The four-mile climb up Highway 92 was tough going for almost everyone. The day was beginning to heat up, and the highway was quite narrow. As they labored up the hill, Ryan dropped back to ask if Jamie minded if she let out a little speed on the way down. "You go right ahead, Speedy," she panted. "I'll catch you later." As she gave her a smile she added, "I want you to have fun today, Ryan. So you do what you need to do to get your juices flowing."

"Well then I'd better hold back, because the quickest way to get my juices flowing is to stay very close to you." The flashing white smile that accompanied this sentiment made Jamie wish they could stop for a moment and share a kiss, but she didn't want to interrupt her momentum, so she satisfied herself with blowing a kiss to her grinning partner.

Following Ryan up the long, steep grade, she gave silent thanks for all of the hours of hard training that they had put in. She was actually quite proud of herself and spent a few minutes just feeling the power of her legs as they propelled her continually uphill.

They reached the crest after what seemed like an hour. Jamie heard her partner let out a whoop of pure excitement as she stomped on her pedals, hurling herself down the steep hill. She followed at a much saner rate of speed; nonetheless, she was flying down the hill at 38 m.p.h.

After they had leveled out a bit, they turned onto Highway 1. Ryan pulled over and stood just off the wide bike lane, waiting for Jamie with a huge grin on her face. Jamie pulled up next to her and watched her grin turn to a smug little smile as she wiggled one eyebrow at her. "You're the fastest, you're the coolest," Jamie opined in a sing-song fashion.

"I'm glad you think so," Ryan said smugly as she gave her a hug.

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

After the successful scaling of the big hill, Jamie was more than ready for the next twelve miles before lunch. As she quickly found out, the seemingly flat terrain was deceptively hilly. She began to dread every dip since she knew that a hill would quickly follow, but she concentrated on her cadence and let herself enjoy the lovely scenery, trying to take her mind off the effort she was expending. They arrived at the lunch stop and practically wrestled to be first in line. For the very first time in their relationship, Jamie ate everything on her plate and was actually looking around for more. Ryan stared at her as she finished off her second apple with a flourish. "I've created a monster," she said sadly.

There were still plenty of snacks available, and Ryan grabbed a couple of energy bars to tide her over. After three more bottles of water, a short thigh massage, and a few kisses, they were ready to go again.

The ride down the homestretch was aided by a nice tailwind the entire way; even though they had to cover 50 miles, the distance seemed much shorter. Nonetheless, it was 3:30 by the time they rode into the large city park in Santa Cruz, their home for the night. The volunteers had prepared the area beautifully, clearly marking every area.

Their first task was to find the security area for the bikes. Jamie was impressed by the system they had installed to keep track of all 3,000 bikes, obviously not an easy task. The area was segmented into large sections, with each one named after an international city. They picked Madrid, one of Jamie's favorite spots, and quickly hung their bikes from the tall saw horses placed there for that purpose. Actually, Ryan hung both bikes, as the sawhorses were really quite tall.

Jamie was ready for a long nap, a hot Jacuzzi and an hour-long massage; however, before she could partake in two out of three, they had to find their assigned camping spot. They were given #J-22, and Ryan showed Jamie how to find the spot by using the small markers placed near the ground. After locating their spot, Ryan generously offered to go wait in line and get a tent and all of their gear. Jamie considered the offer for less than a second before she gratefully accepted. She wandered off to look for the shower trucks as Ryan gamely stood in line for a tent.

She finally found the shower truck after spotting a number of people with wet hair and scrubbed skin coming from one direction. Regrettably, the line was long, but she knew that she would feel better once she got the road grime off so she stayed in line. It moved rather slowly, and there were still five people in front of her when Ryan jogged up carrying her toiletries, a swimmer's towel and a change of clothes. Jamie smiled brightly at her thoughtfulness. "I was just standing here knowing I should leave to get my stuff, but I was too tired to move," she admitted.

Ryan helped her pull off her bike shoes and socks, when it became obvious that Jamie's legs were too weak to support her in an off-balance position. With a kiss, Ryan went to the rear of the now very long line and waited patiently while Jamie neared the front. Luckily, moments after she gained her spot, a buddy from the first ride got in line behind her.

"Pretty early to already be waiting on your tent mate hand and foot, isn't it?"

Ryan turned and barked out a laugh, hugging the grinning woman who stood behind her. "Melinda!" she cried. "I haven't seen you since the last ride! How have you been?"

"Good, very good in fact," she admitted. "Jared started school this year, so Stacy and I have been able to start working the same shift."

"Wow, I can't believe that," Ryan mused. "I still remember how anxious you were on the first ride. I've never seen someone search out public phones like you did."

"Well, waiting for your lover to have your first child was a pretty big deal," she reminded her with a grin.

"Is Stacy here?" Ryan asked.

"Oh yeah, she's around here somewhere. Jared is with my mom for the week, back home in San Jose. I'm sure he'll come back thoroughly spoiled, as usual," she conceded good-naturedly. "So, who's the cutie you were waiting on?" she asked.

"I can't disagree with the description, but she's a lot more than my tent mate," Ryan said rather proudly. "She's my," Ryan paused for a moment, trying to decide on the proper term, "partner," she decided. "Jamie is my life partner."

"YOU! You're in a relationship?!"

"Hey," Ryan objected, a little hurt by the amazement in her voice, "I need love too, you know."

"Umm hmm," she said suspiciously. "You've never seemed to be lacking in that department, Ryan."

"Oh yes, I have," Ryan assured her seriously. "I've been starved for love, Melinda, but I tried to satisfy that need by having sex. There's no comparison," she stated firmly.

"You really are in love," she said slowly, still slightly amazed.

As she was considering this unexpected development, Jamie came back and gave Ryan a tiny kiss. "I feel so much better," she said wanly.

"Hon, this is an old friend," Ryan said as she indicated Melinda. "Melinda, this is Jamie Evans. Jamie, Melinda Stone."

"Good to meet you," Jamie said as she extended her clean hand.

"Amazed to meet you," Melinda murmured, still astonished that Ryan had entered into a committed relationship.

Ryan shot Jamie a glance and said, "Melinda has known me for six years. She's seen the annual changing of the guard."

"I see," Jamie drawled good naturedly. "Did she ever introduce any of them as her lover?" she asked Melinda.

"Nope," she replied immediately. "It was always more like, 'This is…what was your name again, Honey?'"

Ryan gave her a playful cuff for that comment. "I have never, in my entire life, referred to a woman like that," she insisted.

"Just kidding, Sport," Melinda agreed. "But it was always obvious that they were just passing through. I get a completely different feeling from this one, though," she conceded as she smiled at Jamie's proprietary hold on Ryan's dirty, sweaty body. "If she can hug you when you're that grimy, she must be in for the long haul."

"The longest," Jamie heartily agreed as she kissed the dirt-flecked lips smiling down at her.

After a brief chat Ryan asked Jamie for her dirty clothes, which she dutifully handed over. "I'm going to do laundry when I'm finished," she said with a smile. "Do you remember where our tent is?"

"J-22," she replied decisively.

"Very good," Ryan said as she patted her on the head. "Go take a nap after you drink another bottle of water," she ordered.

After her showering and laundry duties were done, Ryan headed back to the tent. She found Jamie sprawled across both sleeping bags right in the middle of the floor. She didn't have the heart to wake her, so she went in search of something to do, or, even better, something to eat. An hour later she opened the tent flap and crawled in next to her sleeping partner, cradling her close. After a few moments Jamie started to awaken. She sniffed a few times, then she rolled over and sniffed again. "I smell..." she licked around Ryan's mouth for a moment as she pronounced, "Mexican food," she said proudly. After a moment she sat up in surprise, "Hey! Did you eat dinner without me?"

"Only my first course," Ryan replied happily. "I've got plenty of room for seconds," she said as she patted her flat tummy.

"C'mon," Jamie said as she crawled out of the tent. "I'm starved!"

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

The long dinner line snaked along all too slowly for Ryan's unsated stomach. Jamie smoothly diverted her attention when she asked, "How do you think today went, Babe?"

As was her fashion, Ryan paused and considered the question, and her answer, thoroughly before she replied. "I was very, very pleased with how today went," she pronounced. "The day just flew by, mostly because I was so focused on you. I've had a lot of friends and a few bedmates that I cared about on the ride, you know. But none of them captured my attention like you did today. It was a very, very pleasant diversion," she decided with a big grin.

"You're too sweet," Jamie beamed as she stood on her tip toes for a kiss. "But I don't like the inequity of attention you've been lavishing on me. I want to make you feel better, too."

"But I feel fine," Ryan assured her. "I'm used to this kind of pace, so it's really not that big of a deal for me."

"Nonetheless," Jamie insisted, "tomorrow we share shoulder rubs and leg rubs. You're not getting out of here without some pampering."

"Oh, all right," Ryan muttered in mock disgust. "You are so hard to live with!"

"I know," Jamie soothed. "And you're such a saint to put up with me."

"It's just an act of mercy," she innocently replied. "You're like the little dog who followed me home. If I don't take you in, no one will."

"Ggrrrrr," the feisty little stray replied.

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

"Was today like you expected?" Ryan asked, as they worked on their desserts.

"Yeah, I'd have to say that you prepared me beautifully for the physical aspects," Jamie replied, after taking a minute to consider her answer. "But you didn't give me any idea of how...well...gay it was," she said with a chuckle.

"You didn't know most of the people would be gay?" Ryan asked, having assumed that Jamie would guess the event would be largely gay.

"No, no," the smaller woman laughed. "I mean gay! Like festive!"

"Ohhh," Ryan laughed. "Well, it is pretty darned festive."

"Yeah," Jamie agreed. "I didn't realize that so many people would decorate their helmets, and wear costumes. I swear I saw a bunch of guys dressed like flamingos!"

"Yeah, that's pretty common on the ride. That's one of the nicest things for me. People can really be creative. A lot of guys even dress in drag."

"I can't imagine doing this in full make-up," Jamie laughed. "But whatever floats your boat!"

* * * * * * * * * * * *

They finished dinner by seven o'clock and spent a little time wandering around the tent city, Jamie marveling at all of the amenities. People were diligently working on ailing bikes in the repair area, every available masseuse was hard at work, and the medical trailers had a long line of people seeking relief from various minor injuries. There was even a small general store selling necessities. The entertainment started just as it was getting dark. Jamie was interested, but also very willing to go to bed right then. So they compromised by deciding to watch for half an hour, and then go to sleep.

After only a few minutes, Ryan excused herself. "I've got to go do something. Can you find the tent?"

Jamie nodded her assent as Ryan took off. After twenty minutes she made her way back to their temporary home. It was just 8:30 when she crawled in to find Ryan lying on her side in a fetal position. "Ryan, what's wrong?" she asked in alarm as she crawled up right next to her.

"Cramps," was her monosyllabic reply.

"Oh, you poor baby," she replied solicitously. "Did you take anything?"

"Yeah, I just took some ibuprofen. I'll be okay in a while."

"Do you usually hurt like this?" she inquired.

"No, not very often. I felt a little twitchy earlier, and I should have paid attention and taken some pills then. If I knock them out right away, I don't have any trouble. When I let them really get to me, it's much harder to get rid of them."

"Isn't there anything I can do?" she inquired, feeling helpless. "How about a massage?"

Ryan rolled over onto her back as she smiled up at her partner. "You'd really like to help, wouldn't you?"

"Yeah, it's hard to see you in pain and not be able to do anything," she admitted.

"Well, sometimes it helps if you can just put your hand here," she said as she placed Jamie's hand right above her pubic bone. "And then kind of rock me."

Jamie did as instructed, rocking her very gently as she put firm pressure over her uterus. Ryan let out a deep sigh as the pressure began to relieve her cramping. After a long while Jamie asked, "Does one of your ovaries hurt more than the other?"

Ryan nodded, "Yeah, the right one." Jamie moved her hand over to the right side of her abdomen. She probed with her fingers for a moment until Ryan let out a little gasp. She then applied pressure to this area and kneaded until Ryan's face relaxed and she looked much more peaceful. "Boy, you have a great pair of hands there," Ryan said gratefully as Jamie climbed into her outstretched arms.

"Do you feel better?" Jamie inquired.

"Much," Ryan said as she kissed her tenderly. Jamie responded to the kiss, and slowly the intensity began to escalate.

"I thought about sleeping with you all day," Jamie murmured into her ear as they took a break.

"I thought about you too, but sleeping wasn't involved," Ryan replied with a leer as she placed more searing kisses on Jamie's smooth lips.

"For a sick girl, you sure do kiss good," she observed with admiration. After the passion between them rose another notch, Jamie began to notice that Ryan's body was relaxing in direct proportion to the increased beating of her heart.

Jamie wrestled the sleeping bags from under her now limp body and tossed the joined bags over the two of them. Placing one last tender kiss on her moist lips, she wrapped her arms around her. "Good night, Ryan," she whispered into her ear.

Ryan forced one eye open and looked at Jamie with a questioning glance and a little tilt of her head. "That's enough playtime, Sweetie. We both need to get to sleep. We've got a long day tomorrow."

"Okay," Ryan sleepily agreed, "But I don't think I can sleep before it's even fully dark out."

"Okay," Jamie soothed, whispering into her clean pink ear. "Just relax for a little while." Moments later she felt Ryan fall into a deep sleep in her arms.

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

Just after two a.m. Ryan woke from an insistent pressure in her bladder. She struggled out of Jamie's embrace, as well as the sleeping bag, and searched for her sweats with her hands. When she found them, she slid out the tent opening and fumbled her way into her clothes. She had left her sandals outside the tent, and she stepped into them on the way to the bathroom. It was quiet at the campsite, but the ever-present security personnel were on duty. She made it a point to walk by each person she saw to say hello and thank them for their vigilance.

As she approached the medical trailer, she realized that more than her bladder was causing her pain, so she stopped in to request some more ibuprofen. The woman on duty gladly fulfilled her request, also giving her a tampon. When she was finished she made her way back to the tent, realizing that she had not put her normal beacon on the top. She had learned through experience that finding your tent out of 1,500 identical ones on a dark night was no picnic. She usually put a light stick on the top of the tent when she left, but she'd been so groggy this morning that she had forgotten. She used her innate sense of direction and eventually found the 'J' section. To her relief, finding #22 was not too hard. She undressed outside and kicked her shoes off before climbing back in and settling down next to her lover.

She was moments from sleep when she heard a soft voice grumble, "I have to pee."

Using every bit of her self-control, she took a deep, even breath and asked, "Do you want me to go with you?"

"Do you have to go, too?" Jamie asked hopefully.

"Yeah, I have to go too," she replied, out of nothing but love.

After they completed their pit stop, Ryan stopped at the medical trailer again to snag an energy bar. The ibuprofen wasn't sitting well on her empty stomach, so she munched on the bar on the way back. This time the light stick was clearly in place, signaling them home.

As they climbed back into their little nest, Jamie automatically put her hand over Ryan's uterus and began to rock her gently. Ryan gazed at her sleepy green eyes in appreciation as Jamie mumbled, "You don't look like you feel so good." Ryan just nodded and closed her eyes, willing herself to focus only on her partner's healing touch. Within minutes she was sound asleep.

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

The muted but insistent stirrings of the huge camp woke Ryan just before dawn. She felt surprisingly good considering that she had cramps, had slept on the ground, and had ridden 90 miles the day before. She had an insistent need to go to the bathroom again, but before she did so, she gently woke Jamie by lightly rubbing her all over her body. Jamie nestled up against her, muttering a small protest. "Come on, Jamie. You've gotta get up. There's a cute little orange bike that wants you to take it to King City."

Jamie pried her eyes open and yawned. She stretched every muscle and joint before she sat up, blinking her eyes groggily. She turned to Ryan as she ran a hand through her wild hair and asked solicitously, "How are you feeling?"

"Pretty good, all things considered," she replied. "I can't believe how much better I feel just sleeping next to you."

Jamie gave her a big smile and leaned over to offer a hug. Ryan gladly accepted, and they held each other lovingly for a few moments, allowing themselves to wake up fully. Ryan let go reluctantly as she slid out of the tent. She pulled on her sweats and dragged her gear bag out with her. After rummaging through the bag for a few minutes, she found the outfit that she wanted to wear and then got ready to head to the shower. "Are you going to take a shower in the morning, too?" Jamie inquired.

"I normally don't," Ryan replied. "But it's probably good for my cramps."

Jamie kissed her goodbye and gently patted her seat. "I'll take the tent down and get us packed, then we can go eat breakfast and get you some more pills."

"I'm going to try to do without any more pills," Ryan said. "I'll bring some along in case I really need them, but they make me feel a little lightheaded and I don't want to lose my concentration."

"Can I give you a little tummy rub during our pit stops?"

"I can't think of anything I'd like better," Ryan replied with a big grin. "Oops, one thing I forgot," she said, digging into her bag again. "Bring your swimsuit!"

After they pulled their bikes out of Madrid, Ryan worked on their water bottle mix. They were all loaded up by just before seven, but right before they left Ryan had to make another pit stop. Jamie patiently waited for her, getting a sheepish little grin when she returned. "I have to go constantly when I get my period," Ryan admitted.

"Speaking of periods," Jamie said as they left the campground, "After I get mine this month, I'm going to stop taking the pill."

Ryan looked at her quizzically, "I didn't know you were still taking them. I guess I assumed you would stop after you broke up with Jack." Ryan felt her stomach do a little flip as she considered the only obvious reason Jamie would continue to take the pill.

"Yeah, I stayed on them because I wanted to regulate my period so I would be sure not to get it during the ride. I thought ahead for a change," she said proudly, causing Ryan to let out a sigh of relief.

"That's pretty darn smart, Jamie. I wish I had done that." Jamie didn't understand why this little discussion had caused Ryan's face to light up with delight. As the grinning woman surged ahead of her, singing a happy tune, she forgot the question entirely and just took in the view.

The first 15 miles of the day were problem free. The road was well paved, and they were both able to make good time. The first pit stop was at the Monterey Bay Academy, overlooking Sunset Beach and the stunningly beautiful Pacific Ocean. It was a memorable setting and caused Jamie to pull her tiny camera from her seat pack to take a few pictures.

"I've got to get a shot of this gorgeous vista," she said as she focused on her partner.

"Uh…Jamie, the ocean is that way," Ryan jerked her head in the correct direction.

"Ocean? What ocean? You're the only scenery I'm interested in," she said sincerely.

After the photo session, they enjoyed the view longer than they normally would have at the first stop of the day. Ryan even agreed to lie down and let Jamie work on her abdomen for a while, and she had to admit that she felt better. After forcing down two bottles of water, they took off again.

Pit stop two was also along the ocean, and they removed their helmets and let the breeze dry their hair as they rested on the ground. Ryan lay with her head on Jamie's lap while she worked her magic on her still tender tummy. After the stop they continued on Highway 1 for quite a while, and then cut inland through fields of flowers and artichokes. They were no more than a few miles from the ocean when it became obvious that early June in California farm country was pretty darn hot. They followed some little-used agricultural roads, riding smoothly until they reached their lunch stop.

They pulled into a very shady state park and got in line to pick up lunch. Ryan looked at Jamie and asked with a twinkle in her eye, "Are you really hungry?"

"Yes, I'm starved, Ryan. Go ask them for another lunch. I plan on eating all of mine," she said as she narrowed her eyes and placed her hands around her bag protectively.

"That's not why I asked, Jamie. There's a neat spot not too far from here where we could have a more private picnic, so I thought we could eat a little now and a little later."

"Don't you mean a lot now and a lot later in your case?" she teased.

They ate half of their lunch, but stayed until they could force enough fluids down before continuing. They had to manage a long, rather steep slope to climb into the Salinas Valley. It was slow going, but they both managed it well. When they reached the crest of the hill, they sped down it until they crossed a one-lane bridge. Ryan was in the lead, and she motioned for Jamie to pull over. They peeked over the edge to see about a dozen people in the Salinas River, skinny dipping.

"Uhh, Ryan?" she asked slowly.

"Hmm?"

"Is that where we're going?"

"Yep."

"It looks awfully cold," Jamie worried.

"How can you tell that from here?"

The smirk that greeted that question soon turned into a full out smile as Jamie teased, "You really don't know much about men, do you."

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

They walked their bikes down to join the other riders, then continued on foot for about forty yards until they came to a more protected little spot. Ryan yanked off her jersey and shorts, revealing a totally hot suit that made Jamie's mouth water. Her top was a Lycra sports bra in a brilliant white. The bottom, of navy blue Lycra, began just under her navel. From the front it had the appearance of a thong, as it was cut up very high on her legs. As Jamie slowly walked around to the back she saw with some regret that both cheeks were covered by the fabric. Only about an inch of material held the front and the back panels together at her waist, and Jamie spent a moment wondering how long it would take to chew through the barrier. "I take it you like my suit," Ryan said teasingly as she regarded Jamie's open-mouthed stare.

"I'd like it better if I could take it off you," came the sultry reply as she ran her hands over the firm abdomen.

"You are the randy little one, aren't you?" Ryan asked fondly.

"I...I guess I am," Jamie said, as her hands stilled immediately. "I never thought of myself that way, but it's practically all I think about when I'm with you," she admitted with a good bit of embarrassment.

"I think it's adorable," Ryan said soothingly as she wrapped her arms around her and gave her a firm squeeze. "Hey, I showed you mine, now show me yours," she taunted as she tried to remove Jamie's jersey.

"I don't have mine on yet. Give me a minute," she insisted as she pushed the darting hands away. "Turn around," she chided as Ryan tried to peek. When she had finished she declared, "All ready," and Ryan turned around to perform her own little staring ritual.

"Wow," was all that Ryan could get out, and even that one word was a little strangled. The suit was absolutely perfect for Jamie's body. It was made of a shimmery deep blue and emerald green material that almost looked metallic. The top was a skintight tank top with tiny little spaghetti straps, and it stopped just above her navel. The bottom, in the same fabric, covered her rather modestly except on the sides, where two tiny little ties were all that held the suit on her body.

"I have never," Ryan said in a whisper, "ever, wanted to pull a string as much as I do right now." Her hands roamed over the slick material, and her fingers paused on the little ties. Jamie removed the tempted digits and placed them firmly on her waist. Ryan gave her a brilliant smile as she said, "I had no idea I would benefit so personally when I offered to train you. I really should give you back every dime I took from you." She ran her hands up the tautly muscled abdomen, feeling each dip and curve with her thumbs. "I just can't believe how hot your body is," she said with admiration. "I knew you had the potential to look really good, but I didn't foresee this," she said as she continued to run her hands lightly all over the firm body.

Jamie wrapped her arms around Ryan's neck as they kissed tenderly for many long minutes. She finally pulled back as she asked, "Are we gonna swim or make out?"

"I guess we're gonna swim," Ryan replied glumly as she dropped her head to her chest. Jamie lifted her chin with two fingers to see the twinkling eyes as Ryan yelled, "Let's get wet!" and, throwing Jamie over her shoulder, jumped into the ice-cold river.

They both screamed in shock from the cold as they tried to catch their breath. When Jamie recovered she jumped onto Ryan's back, dragging her under the water. When she shot back up a second later, she sputtered and dove for her friend. The next few minutes were spent dunking each other and playing wildly in the cold water.

After they had burned off their excess energy, they took turns floating on their backs. Jamie had to support Ryan's effort since her body was too dense to float on its own. They lazed about in the water for a good half-hour before they regretfully decided they needed to get back on the road.

Ryan had brought her swimmer's towel and a set of underwear. She got dried off quickly and dressed, then she gave Jamie the towel as she went to collect the rest of their lunch. Jamie dressed in private, and when she emerged from the trees she saw Ryan sitting on the ground with a happy little smile on her face. "I'm gonna think about you in that suit all day long," she said slowly. "It's gonna be a long forty miles," she added as she shook her head.

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

As predicted, the last forty miles were very hard. They fought a headwind most of the way, and by the time they arrived at camp they were both totally exhausted. They were too tired to even think of a shower, so they set up camp together and stripped to their underwear for a nap. Mere seconds passed before they were both soundly asleep.

After waking, they were relieved to find that the shower line was quite short since most people were at dinner already. They were clean and refreshed when they joined the crowd just before six p.m. Ryan went through the line first, and when Jamie finished she looked around to find her standing by a table full of people. "Hey, Honey," Ryan called out, waving to her to join her.

Balancing her heavy plate, she walked over to the group and stood patiently while Ryan made the introductions. There were twelve people at the table, an even mix of men and women. Jamie tried to catch all of the names, but her hunger was winning out over her politeness. "Can we join you?" she asked, sitting down before anyone had the chance to say no.

"Of course," a pleasant looking woman named Naomi said. "We were just telling Ryan how much we miss her at the "Y,"" she said.

"Y?" Jamie replied through a mouth full of food.

"I worked at the YMCA for a few years while I was in high school," Ryan said as she shoveled her own dinner into her mouth.

"Ryan got us all involved during the second ride," Naomi informed Jamie. "She dragged us all over the hills of the city. The ride was nothing compared to her training!"

"Don't I know it!" Jamie agreed wholeheartedly.

They spent the meal chatting about friends they had in common and the ride in general. Jamie was charmed to watch her partner in this setting, and she realized that she had never seen her around a group of people that she wasn't related to.

When Ryan was in public, or with people she didn't know well, she maintained a rather dignified air. She wasn't stuffy or remote; even with strangers, she invariably exhibited a polite interest. There was a definite distance that she obviously felt more comfortable with. With this group of former coworkers and training partners, she was just like she was at home-- funny, relaxed, outgoing and constantly teasing everyone at the table.

After they finished their spaghetti dinner, they took their leave to walk around the perimeter of the camp. They found a picnic table far away from the other campers, and they sat on the bench to chat. After a few minutes Jamie began to get cold, so Ryan sat on the table, scooting back as far as she could while Jamie snuggled between her legs.

She rested her head back against Ryan's shoulder and let out a heavy sigh. "This is bliss," she mumbled. "You know, I had no idea how it would feel to be with you 24 hours a day."

"And?" the deep voice rumbled behind her. "What's your verdict?"

"Twenty-four hours a day isn't nearly enough," she said decisively.

"Is that right?" Ryan drawled as she quickly leaned forward and kissed her partner on every inch of exposed skin she could get her lips on. Jamie giggled and squealed wildly, but stayed right where she was, determined to weather the pleasurable assault.

"YES!" she yelled as she jerked away from the ticklish torture. "I need more! Much, much more!"

"I do too," Ryan's now soft voice floated by her ear as she wrapped both of her strong arms around Jamie's waist and squeezed her tightly. "A lifetime with you isn't going to be nearly enough."

Jamie rested her head against Ryan's shoulder and languidly stretched for a moment. "I feel so good," she murmured.

"You're not stiff?" Ryan asked.

"Oh yeah! I'm stiff and my butt feels like it's pounded veal, but I'm so happy to be out here with you that none of that matters at all." Ryan's arms were still holding her firmly, and she spent a moment gazing at the muscular appendages. Tilting her head slightly to nestle more closely, she began to trace the protuberant muscles and tendons with the tip of her finger. A surreptitious grin crossed her lips as she felt her buff partner unconsciously tense the already firm muscles. Showoff, she laughed to herself. She secretly loved the fact that Ryan was proud of her hard earned muscles and liked to display them.

"Ryan?" she finally asked, breaking the peaceful silence.

"Hmm?"

"Do you mind if I want to talk about Jack's phone call?"

"Of course not, Honey," she said, even though she could have very happily lived the rest of her life without ever hearing that particular name again.

In fits and starts Jamie finally related the story of her former fiancé's call. It was hard for her to organize her thoughts, but she got it all out eventually. "Boy, that was a generous thing to do," Ryan said with genuine admiration. "I can see why you picked him, Jamie. He sounds like a really decent guy in many ways." She privately thought there were ways in which he was also a total jackass, but she didn't think this was the proper time to bring that up.

"He is, Ryan, and that's why I felt so guilty about how I treated him. He deserves someone who can really love him fully."

"Everyone deserves that, but not many get it," Ryan said sagely. "We're both very lucky in that way," she added with a winning grin that Jamie could just see a corner of.

"Would it bother you if I went to his graduation next Saturday?" Jamie asked with a note of hesitation in her voice.

"Bother me? Why would that bother me?" Ryan asked, truly perplexed.

'Well, it's our last day in Pebble Beach, and I hate to take time away from us," she admitted. "But I was with him all through law school, and I just feel it would help me get some closure on the relationship."

"I don't mind a bit, Jamie. I respect you for wanting to make a gesture like that. Losing one day is not that big a deal," she said as she gave her a gentle squeeze. "We do have the rest of our lives to spend together." I sure didn't do the math on that one, she grumbled to herself. I didn't realize she wanted to knock a day off our honeymoon! But now that she was committed she could hardly turn back.

Turning around more completely, Jamie pulled back just a few inches and stared directly into Ryan's eyes for several minutes. Ryan didn't say a word, although she felt like an impressionist painting as the perusal continued. "Sometimes I can't believe how generous you are," the smaller woman finally murmured. "You honestly amaze me."

As she leaned forward to offer a heartfelt kiss, Ryan thanked her mouth for having stayed shut at just the right time.

"You know," Jamie said reflectively, after they separated, "I wanted to ask you about your cousin and why the opening ceremonies affected you so strongly. Do you mind talking about it?"

"No, I don't mind," Ryan said softly. She was quiet for a long time, obviously gathering her thoughts. As her face clouded with long held pain, Jamie deeply regretted bringing up the topic, but it was too late to pull back now so she snuggled closer, trying to offer solace with her body. Ryan finally began, "As you know, my mother died when I was seven. The family found out about Michael's illness just a few months before her death, although we found out later that Michael had known for several months before he told anyone."

"He was afraid, huh?" Jamie asked solicitously.

"No, he wasn't. That's not how he was at all, Jamie. He was the most self-confident guy you'd ever want to meet. He knew his mother would be supportive and that his father would go ballistic, but he held off because my mother was so sick. He didn't want to add to the burden." A few tears rolled down Jamie's cheek and Ryan sniffed a few times. She kept her head so close to Jamie's that she could feel her words coming through her body.

"He finally had to tell because he had to be hospitalized. The adults didn't tell us at the time. They said he was going on vacation." She laughed bitterly at her own words. "I freaked out just because he was gone for a couple of weeks. When my mother was in her last months, either Aunt Maeve or Michael was at the house around the clock. He was twenty-one at the time, just starting his senior year at USF, and we all idolized him. He did whatever Da asked of him—babysitting for me and Rory, helping us with our homework, making a meal for us, anything," she said.

"Even though the adults knew, my brothers and I were clueless that he was ill. He had Kaposi's Sarcoma, and even though he had lesions, they were hidden under his clothes. As the year went on, it became clear that something was wrong—especially to me. Even though I was young, I had become hypersensitive to everyone's physical health. I watched over every person in the family, looking for signs that there was something wrong with them. A few months after my mother died, they told us he was going on vacation again, but I knew they were lying. I totally freaked! I can remember screaming at Da and Aunt Maeve, begging them to tell me the truth." She took in a few deep breaths, trying hard to maintain her composure. Jamie stayed as still as she could, knowing that revealing this pain was a very difficult thing for Ryan to do, and not wanting to break the moment.

"After a few minutes they looked at each other. I can still remember the look on Da's face when he told me that Michael was going into the hospital. I immediately jumped to the conclusion that he was dying, and I was inconsolable." She closed her eyes and took a deep breath before she could continue.

"They kept telling me that he would come home and be all right, but I could tell from their eyes that they were lying." She paused for several lingering minutes, and Jamie thought she might stop talking, but she finally shuddered slightly and continued. "I think the hardest thing was that I stopped trusting the adults to tell me the truth. They hadn't told me he was ill, and I didn't trust them when they said he would get better." She gave a sad little smile as she added, "I guess I was right on that one."

Now Jamie couldn't help herself. She pulled away from Ryan's embrace and climbed onto the table, taking the position that her partner had just held. She sat up as tall as she could and clutched Ryan's head to her breast, gently kissing the top of her dark head. Ryan sucked up the affection like a sponge, and it seemed to help as she got her second wind and continued. "Anyway, he did recover from that bout of K.S., and he had a good year or so. He just began to fall apart, one piece at a time. Even after all this time, it still boggles my mind," she whispered. "It was like his body was decaying while he was still walking around. Like his brain was alive, but his body was already dead." She shook her head slowly as she tried to erase the images from her mind but, as usual, she was unsuccessful. "He lived for five years after his diagnosis, which was remarkable for that time; but he was truly unrecognizable for the last year. During his last months, he didn't even know any of us," she choked out as she began to cry. "It was so horrible, Jamie!" she cried in pain. "So horrible."

Jamie held on as tightly as she could, but Ryan was nearly limp with her grief. She ended up collapsed against her small partner's chest, great heaving sobs wracking her body. Jamie was gently rubbing her legs, giving her silent support.

To her surprise, when Ryan calmed a bit she continued with her tale. "Hearing those words when they brought in the riderless bike just took me back to that time," she whispered. She hugged Jamie's arms tighter around her body as she added, "I know that Da and Aunt Maeve thought they could spare us the pain of knowing about Michael, at least for a little while. I learned something very valuable through that experience. Kids know. They are very intuitive little beings, and hiding things from them just backfires. I hope I have the guts to be honest with my children even when difficult issues come up."

"Our children," Jamie gently reminded her as she kissed her tear-stained cheek. "Our children," she added for emphasis. "I feel the same way, Ryan," she vowed. "I would try my best to be honest with our children, even with painful issues."

"I'm not angry with Da for what he did," Ryan said. "I was only seven, and I had just lost my mother. He was having a heck of a time with me, anyway."

She sighed deeply, and Jamie couldn't resist the urge. "Why was he having trouble with you, Honey?"

"Jesus, Jamie," she muttered, blowing out a frustrated breath. "I was a little girl, and my mother had been desperately ill almost my whole life. Losing her and having Michael get sick sent me into a tailspin. I had to be attached to someone around the clock! Aunt Maeve had a dying son at home, but she nearly lived at our house. Aunt Moira came for almost a month, and it was another blow when she left. My other aunts helped out a lot, but they all had kids around our age so it was really hard for them, too. I just attached myself to Aunt Maeve. I couldn't sleep unless she sat on the edge of my bed and rubbed my head to comfort me. I know that it was hard for Da, but I just couldn't trust him to be there every night! It must have been so hard for him to know what to do with us. And he loved my mother so much, it had to be devastating for him to go on without her. I just can't imagine," she said softly as she started to cry against Jamie's shoulder.

After a while Ryan lifted her tear-streaked face and looked at Jamie with a forlorn expression, "It makes me think of losing you," she choked out as she began another round of sobs.

Jamie just patted her and spoke soothingly into her ear. She knew there were no words to assuage Ryan's sorrow, so she tried to comfort her with her mere presence. Ryan quieted down after a long while and sat up slowly to get the kinks out of her back. Turning to her partner, she delicately captured the tears on her face as she gazed up at Jamie with a look of pure love on her face. "Thanks for just letting me get that out. You're the only person outside of my family that I've ever let see that side of me." She dropped her head to Jamie's chest again as she added, "You just make me feel so safe." After a minute she picked her head up and stared at Jamie in wonder, "You made me feel like I felt when my mother held me!"

"Pardon?" she asked confusedly.

Ryan sat up abruptly, then got to her feet and started pacing. "That's it!" she said excitedly. "I get it! I really get it!"

"Get what?" Jamie asked, thoroughly confused. "What do you get?"

"The reason that I never let anyone get close enough to really love me!" she said excitedly. "I was afraid to let another woman make me feel that way!" she nearly shouted. "But I trusted you; I really trusted you! I knew you wouldn't hurt me, and I let myself feel that deep connection again with you. Thank you, Jamie. Thank you!" she said with an overwhelming sense of relief as she grasped her by the shoulders.

Jamie was dumbfounded. She knew how Ryan felt about her, but she had no idea what an important role her love for Ryan was serving. As she thought about it, she realized that it made perfect sense. Ryan could only love someone who she trusted to reach her in that dark, broken space. She wouldn't let most people try, because she was so afraid of being hurt by another loss. Only because she trusted Jamie implicitly, was she willing to risk being this vulnerable, and it was only through sharing her pain that she was able to let in the comfort that she so desperately needed.

Jamie felt so honored to be trusted so thoroughly that she was at a complete loss for words. Ryan had obviously used up all of her cogent thoughts also, because she just wrapped her arms around her and held on tight. They sat on the table top in a solid embrace for a very long while. It was fully dark when Ryan pulled back and gave her several small kisses, finally taking her hand and guiding her back to the tent where they snuggled tightly until morning.

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

Just like clockwork, Ryan's demanding bladder woke her up at two a.m. She lay there for a moment trying to get her bearings and to remember to put the light stick out. She searched around for a tampon and was just starting to crawl out of the tent when she stopped to look at her lover. Jamie was sound asleep with a look of quiet contentment on her face. Ryan thought of how much she loved the gentle, caring woman, and how she would do nearly anything for her. She smiled sweetly as she thought of how freeing it had been to talk about Michael so openly. I love you more than I can say, she thought with another fond gaze. But I'm not going to let you wake me up two minutes after I get back to sleep! Love has its limits! She gently woke her partner and said, "I'm going to the bathroom. Why don't you go with me?"

Jamie just nodded mutely and crawled out of the tent compliantly. Not bad, Ryan thought with satisfaction. Not bad at all.

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

Jamie felt Ryan begin to stir as soon as their neighbors made a sound. Soft hands soothingly patted her back until she turned and grasped her partner tightly. "You have the sweetest ways of waking me up," she murmured into Ryan's ear as she snuggled up close.

"And you cuddle up to me so nicely," Ryan said as she rubbed her body all over, "that it makes me want to stay in bed all day."

"Have you always liked to cuddle?" Jamie asked softly, as she turned to gaze into Ryan's bright eyes.

"Yeah, I've been addicted to touch my whole life," she admitted. "How about you?"

"Well, I wasn't cuddled much as a child, and I had to be careful with Jack, so I suppose I'm just now developing my cuddling abilities."

"What do you mean when you say you had to be careful with Jack?" Ryan asked, unfamiliar with the rudiments of loving a man.

"Um…sure you want to talk about this?" Jamie asked, assuming that hearing about intimate matters with Jack might be hard for her partner.

"That depends," Ryan said, sitting up a little and bracing her head on her hand.

"On what?" Jamie asked, as she turned onto her side to mirror her lover's posture.

"On whether it bothers you to talk about it, of course," she replied with a sweet smile, as she trailed her fingers down Jamie's cheek.

"Oh…so only my opinion matters, huh? I don't think so, Sweet Cheeks," she insisted as she pinched one of the sweet pink cheeks at her disposal.

"Okay…" Ryan said as she flopped onto her back. "Here's the deal. I want to know everything about you. I want to know about every factor that has influenced, molded, pleased, dismayed, saddened or impressed you since the moment you slid from your mother's womb. Whether the topic is painful, or funny, it's important to me to know you intimately."

Jamie had moved over and was now leaning over Ryan's face. Placing a whisper soft kiss on her forehead, she said, "I feel the same way. If it happened to you—I'm fascinated."

Ryan sat up and gave her a kiss as they both assumed their earlier positions. Propping her head up again Ryan asked, "So…you were saying?"

"Right…well…okay, I remember where we were," Jamie recalled. "It's like this. If I rubbed up against Jack very much in the morning, he'd want to have sex. Well, actually," she blushed, "he wanted to have sex even if I didn't rub up against him much, so I learned to get out of bed quickly if I wasn't in the mood. Not like it is with you," Jamie whispered as she leaned in close. "Now I want to stay in bed all day, and this is probably the most uncomfortable bed we'll ever share!"

"Far be it from me to turn down sex in the morning, but it's not my peak time," Ryan informed her thoughtfully. "And even if it was my favorite time, I wouldn't want you to have sex just to please me. So you can rub up against me all you want."

"I don't think I'd mind having sex with you in the morning," Jamie whispered seductively into her ear as her hand began to stroke Ryan's back.

"Mmm," she sighed in response. "Maybe I am a morning person." She slid her hand under Jamie's t-shirt and began to rub her back in slow, delicate circles.

Jamie sat up abruptly, her eyes wide with alarm. "You'd better stop that right now, Ryan," she warned. "My back is a total erogenous zone."

Ryan gave her a delicate little kiss as she withdrew her hand. "That's good to know, but don't tell me any more of your erogenous zones. I want to find them all by myself…manually," she said with an evil grin. "So, what is your favorite time to get busy?" she asked, grabbing her gear.

"I'm not sure what my preference is," Jamie replied. "I've never really been the one controlling sex; I was usually the one responding. " She looked at Ryan quizzically, "What is your favorite time?"

"Every day at three o'clock in the afternoon, I'm ready to rock," she said decisively. "But I'm totally flexible. I'm sure I wouldn't have any trouble accommodating you at any time of the day or night," she added, as she kissed Jamie again and began to slide out of the tent. She indicated her shower supplies and asked, "Same deal as yesterday?" Jamie nodded her assent and began to organize their supplies while Ryan made for the showers.

The day was starting out cool, but they expected very warm weather later in the morning. After their usual breakfast, they headed out. They passed through King City, a neatly manicured little town in the middle of lush farmland. As they pedaled along, Ryan told Jamie about her third ride when the temperature had reached 117 going through this valley. "It was really brutal. A lot of people had to get picked up by a support vehicle and taken to the next campground. It was a very tough day for everyone. I don't think I've ever consumed so much fluid--I was drinking 20 ounces every fifteen minutes--and even with that, I passed two pit stops without having to pee."

"What are they predicting for temperatures today?"

"It'll still be hot, but it's not supposed to be much over 90," she replied with an encouraging smile.

"Goody," Jamie replied facetiously.

Ryan had warned her that they would face a major hill early in the day, and after about fifteen miles they encountered the beginning of the upward slope. They slowly began to climb a five-mile grade of between two and four per cent. They pumped along steadily, making good progress, but then the real hill began. It was two miles long and ranged from a six to an eight percent grade--a real thigh buster. Ryan stayed really close and encouraged Jamie all the way up. "You're doing good; not much farther; keep pumping; pull on your upstroke, that's it; you can do this, Jamie, come on!" she exhorted.

They made it to the top together, where the cheering crew greeted them. Music played loudly on boom boxes, and they noticed that a number of riders had joined the crew to encourage other riders up the hill. After the girls got their breath, they stayed for a while to cheer on those behind them. Jamie got her camera out and took a few pictures of the triumphant riders cresting the hill. When they got ready to leave, Ryan just wiggled one eyebrow as Jamie laughed and patted her on the back. "Go on, Speed Racer. I'll see you at the second pit stop."

Ryan took off, pedaling furiously, and was a blur in seconds. Jamie just shook her head as she watched her fly, and then prudently began her own descent, finding herself cruising down the five-mile drop at a fast 30 miles-per-hour.

The next pit stop was at an Army base, and the crew was dressed for the occasion in fatigues and other military paraphernalia. Jamie found Ryan lounging on the ground, eating a banana and drinking a large bottle of Gatorade. She was chatting with a woman who looked to be around thirty, a little stocky, but obviously very full of life. Ryan greeted her partner with a big smile as she patted the ground next to her. "Jamie, I'd like you to meet an old friend of mine. This is Karen Joncas." She draped her arm around Jamie as she said, "I did pretty well for myself, wouldn't you say?" She smiled smugly at her friend.

Karen regarded Jamie with a long look as she pointed at Ryan and said, "I never thought I'd meet the woman who could snag this one." She smiled broadly as she continued, "I'd say you both did pretty well for yourselves."

They chatted for a few minutes until Karen was ready to leave. "You two take care, now. You'd better double up on your vitamins, Jamie," she said with a laugh as she pedaled away.

Jamie raised one eyebrow and threw Ryan a mock glare. "And that was?"

"Um...my tentmate from the first ride?" Ryan replied sheepishly.

"Ryan, did you sleep with every person you shared a tent with?" she asked incredulously.

"Gee, Jamie, it gets cold out at night. You wouldn't want me to freeze would you?" she asked as she batted her blue eyes ingenuously.

"So does Karen think I'm just the girlfriend du AIDS Ride 6?" she asked with a sharper tone than she intended.

"No. She thinks you're the woman I love," Ryan replied, sliding closer. "She thinks you're the woman I'm going to be with for the rest of my life." Her arms wrapped around Jamie's torso as she nibbled on her neck. "She thinks you're the last woman I'll ever do this with," she said reverently, kissing her deeply.

"Oh...well...that's better," Jamie murmured, now completely placated.

Ryan nuzzled her ear for a few seconds as she whispered, "Did you see me fly down that hill?" Jamie's response was limited to a nod as Ryan took her breath away with a dizzying series of kisses. "I was going 42 miles an hour," she breathed right into her ear. "Doesn't speed make you hot?"

Jamie pulled back a bit as she tried to focus her blurred vision. "You make me hot at any speed," she replied with a sultry little grin. "But unless you want to give these guys a real show, you'd better calm down, Tiger."

Ryan agreed to cool off as they sat back to watch the crew do a competent rendition of "In the Army," a takeoff on The Village People. As they prepared to leave, Jamie indicated that she was feeling a little tender on the insides of her thighs and Ryan generously offered to get some butt balm for her from the medical trailer. She accepted the offer and waited in line for an available privacy tent to apply the ointment. Ryan gallantly offered to help with the application, but Jamie just laughed at her and gave her a little kiss.

When they were back on the relatively flat road, they had the opportunity to ride side by side for a while. "Karen didn't look like your usual type, Ryan," Jamie said reflectively.

"Oh? And what, may I ask, is my usual type?" Ryan asked with a chuckle.

"Well, most of the women I've seen you with are young, and hot, and really cute," she said thoughtfully.

Ryan gave her a beaming smile. "My, aren't we stuck on ourselves?" she laughed.

"I don't mean me, I mean the other women I've seen you with," she protested defensively, a bit embarrassed.

"In your case, I'd say young, hot and gorgeous is more apt," Ryan said with a twinkle in her eye. "But I honestly don't really have a preference for a particular physical type. I'm much more attracted to energy than looks. And Karen has great energy. She and I actually became pretty good friends, but she moved to Sacramento, so I don't get to see her often."

"But why is every woman I've seen you with young, hot and cute?" Jamie persisted.

"Well, given my dating history, first impressions were fairly important," Ryan admitted. "I'm a sucker for a pretty face, too, but I've been with many women who would not be called attractive in the traditional sense. The best-looking woman in the world wouldn't attract me if she was listless or lethargic."

"So, do you like me because I'm peppy?" Jamie inquired.

"You are the total package, Jamie. Brains, energy, looks, sense of humor, and most of all," she said over her shoulder as she picked up speed, "lots of dough!"

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

Continued

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