Chapter 28

A faint breeze rustled some of the straw in the stables, bringing with it the tangy scent of a town caught in the midst of a heat wave. Xena tossed the saddle onto Argo’s back with a smile. She was finally going to get out of Amphipolis and back on the road. Granted, her first stop was Poteidaia followed by a return engagement back here, but it would be some time away from all of these memories and villagers.

In the four days since Cyrene’s episode there had been a steady improvement in her health if not her demeanor. The woman was as stubborn as Xena and took every opportunity to prove it. If Celeste or Xena turned away for a moment too long, they found the matriarch crawling out of bed and cleaning dust bunnies from under it, or refolding the clothes and sheets. It was a wonder she got better at all.

Toris could get out of bed on his own as well, but walking was pretty much all he could do with both forearms in splints. The first few times he tried to stand, he got dizzy. The healer and Xena were worried the head wound was the cause, but it became apparent that he was just weak from all of the bedrest and lack of solid foods. Those first few days he went without food followed by a period where he was very thirsty. Now he was starving all of the time but his lip made it hard for him to do a lot of chewing.

Celeste still spent a lot of time at the inn, but she and Xena decided it was time to let the pair start fending for themselves at night, until Xena got back and brought in some help. Her family was healing well enough for her to go and work things out with Gabrielle. Xena checked to make sure everything she needed was packed and on Argo and sighed. She had promised her mother she would stop by her room one more time before leaving.

Cyrene was sitting on a chair by the window. She was fully dressed and ready for the day.

"Mother, I’m ready to go."

The older woman turned to look at her tall strong daughter and all of the pride she felt spilled out of her blue eyes.

"Come and talk with me for a moment first."

Xena walked over to her mother and crouched on one leg before her.

"Daughter, I want to talk to you about Gabrielle."

Xena felt her heart quicken and an extra bit of sweat start at her palms. "What about her?" she asked, trying to maintain eye contact with her mother.

A big smile put the younger woman more at ease, as her mother continued.

"I wondered if the two of you were lovers the last time I saw you. She has changed you, Xena and I am glad for it. If you love her, and I think you do, it would do you good to stop trying to hide it."

"Mother, it isn’t that easy," Xena said as she looked out the window. "There are people, like Giannis, who would go after anyone I love. And announcing to the world that I love Gabrielle just gives them another target."

"Xena. Are you forgetting that he already knew that?"

"No. But he only knew it because he saw us together. I don’t want it spread around Greece like common knowledge."

"I think it’s too late for that. Your love is deep enough that whether Athenians or Spartans know that you are lovers or friends, they know that she is the way to get to you."

Xena stood up and leaned back against a table. "Sometimes I wonder if she and I wouldn’t be better off as friends."

"What have you done now?" Cyrene’s voice was teasing and her eyes playful.

The tall warrior shook her head, able to see her past foolishness for what is was. "I really screwed up." Her mother waited for an elaboration and Xena put on her warrior mask and voice to hide her shame as she spoke. "Once Gabrielle and I both realized our love went beyond friendship, I continued to occasionally, sometimes..." The warrior faded and the daughter returned. "I had flirtations with other people. And often right in front of Gabrielle."

Cyrene watched as her daughter’s dark hair covered her face as she looked down at her feet. "What did Gabrielle say about this?"

"She said nothing at first. I think she was afraid to. But the other day, before I heard of what happened to you and Toris, we had a fight about it."

"And you got defensive. Felt guilty but didn’t apologize. Tried to put the blame on her."

"Yes," said the warrior, with new layers of guilt added on.

"What started the argument?"

"I few days before I had a few too many in a tavern and started kissing some warrior who fought for me years ago."

"Just like your father."

"What?" Xena’s head shot up in shock and anger. "I am nothing like him."

"I’m sorry Xena but you are. He too would have a few and feel the need to prove something. He was angry and afraid of finding out he wasn’t good enough. Or of having the truth of it visible to others. He would get crazy and come home and try and push us away before we pushed him away."

Xena felt like she’d been shot with a crossbow straight through the heart. Unfortunately she still lived but the invisible arrow pinned her to the wall behind her.

Cyrene saw the stunned look of hurt and quickly moved to embrace the dark warrior that was her little girl.

"It’s all right Xena. He never had a chance to make up for his mistakes. You do." The older woman pulled back and forced her daughter to look into her eyes. "And despite it all, I loved him anyway. That may have been foolish, but it is true. But it doesn’t even compare to how much I love you."

Xena lifted her arms to pull her mother back into an embrace. She felt herself begin to tear up and there was an ache in her chest but she couldn’t understand the feelings overwhelming her. Her hands were shaking on Cyrene’s back as she pulled away. "I love you, too."

"Then go and meet Gabrielle and bring her back here. We can talk more then. You know, Xena, you have an aunt who also loves women."

"Wait. What?"

"On your father’s side." Cyrene answered while vigorously nodding her head.

"Where?" Xena wasn’t sure she could take any more surprise revelations.

"Pydna, a port town like our own."

"I know Pydna." Xena reached up a hand to run through her hair and found it stuck in her headband. "I..."

"Go on and get out of here. We can talk more when you get back." Cyrene pushed her warrior daughter out the door. "Tell her you are sorry," she called after her. "And say it like you mean it."

Chapter 29

Once the warrior left her mother, she ran into Iolaus in the common room. The family had decided to keep Draco there until he recovered his strength. Iolaus had volunteered to stay and look out for him and do a few chores around the inn as well. He was looking forward to trying to find his mother, but had told Cyrene and Xena that he wanted to repay her for helping him and treating him like a friend instead of a piece of property.

"Xena, I look forward to your return. I’ll do what I can around here while you are gone."

"Don’t do too much, Iolaus. Toris has put on some weight from laying in bed all that time."

The thin youth smiled at the warrior. He had heard so many stories of her exploits that he never expected her to be as kind as she had been to him. After their first meeting where she had nearly strangled him, that is. "What is to be done with Giannis?"

"He’ll remain in the shed until Draco regains his ... personality. I talked to the town council and we decided that Giannis should stand trial for the crimes he committed against Draco as well as my family and the entire village."

The warrior noticed the omission as she saw Iolaus’ eyes drop. "And of course you will be our star witness."

"Me?" His gaze swung back up and locked with his new hero’s.

"Sure you," she answered, reaching out to lay a warm hand on his shoulder. "You can testify about his treatment of you. Slavery isn’t allowed here in Amphipolis."

The lanky young man stood silent for a moment. "I’ll make sure your family is taken care of while you are away. You have my word, Xena." He said the last sentence with such overwrought conviction the warrior had to bite back a grin. She squeezed the shoulder still in her grasp and thanked her young friend.

"It is all right for me to call you Xena, isn’t it?"

"What else would you call me?"

Iolaus wanted to say ‘goddess’ but settled on "Warrior Princess."

Xena chuckled. "Either one is fine." She leaned in even closer and whispered conspiratorially, "Just don’t call me Stretch. It makes me real mad."

*********************

Argo nibbled on some grass nearby while the warrior sharpened her sword. The war-horse stamped her feet. Pale blue eyes glanced her way, then back to her sword. The fire wasn’t really giving off enough light to do the chore justice, but the repetitive motion calmed the woman. She was still a few days out of Poteidaia, but she was already rehearsing what she would say to her companion once she had her alone.

Each version involved an explanation of how the former warlord reached her conclusion, and how she planned on being able to honor the commitment she wanted to make to the bard. Xena finally had enough and put her sword and her speech away.

She concentrated instead on how well things had worked out. Here she was, safe and sound, and out in the wild where she felt the most at home. Despite being pushed to the brink of darkness, she had found the path that if not led to the light, at least skittered along the edge of gray. She could live with that.

Her mother and her brother were going to be fine and she had found the answer to her dilemma with Gabrielle. Giannis was in jail and Draco was improving. Now all she had to do was get a deity to release him from Bliss’s spell. But that would have to wait. First, she had a reunion to accomplish.

The still air felt a little cooler than it had in weeks. Riding Argo at full speed earlier had felt invigorating for them both. Xena couldn’t quite believe she was admitting it, but life was good.

The lone warrior smiled as she stretched out her long body and checked the position of her sword and chakram. Now if only there would be a real rainstorm to break the heat. She took a couple of long swallows from a waterskin and laced her fingers behind her head.

Her eyelids felt like they were holding up a horseshoe apiece. She realized that she never felt this comfortable when she was with other people. Whether it was her family or friends, at home or in a foreign land, she always felt the weight of expectation on her.

There was a time when that heaviness was missing when she was with Gabrielle. There still were brief moments of it, when the lightness of what they shared filled the warrior and lifted her up. But more often than not, there was still something, even coming from the bard, which rested firmly on her shoulders.

She gave her body permission to relax and tried to remember when the presence of Gabrielle became comfortable beyond what she had felt with anyone, and when it subtly shifted back to something more uneasy. The first was hard to pinpoint. The first moment the warrior set eyes on the youth from Poteidaia she knew there was something special about her. But a good part of the feeling was due simply to the courage Gabrielle had shown. It reminded Xena of herself.

Even then, there was the pressure the warrior felt to protect the bard. Not to mention the feelings of physical attraction the ex-warlord began to feel for the younger woman. Feelings that at the time were completely inappropriate. Eventually, Xena became aware that Gabrielle’s love for her had altered to encompass that of a sexual nature. It was sometime after the death of the bard’s husband that the two friends made love for the first time.

It was during that period, when their relationship was new, that Xena felt safe with Gabrielle. It began around the time the warrior pretended to be a contestant in the Miss Known World contest and continued up until Xena’s death and return to life.

Strange that it happened then, the warrior thought as she yawned. But once I returned to my bard, the heaviness and sense of expectation returned.

To anyone looking from the outside, the problems didn’t start until later, when Dahak entered their lives. But the sleepy warrior realized that the evil god was just an incendiary force. She knew the truth. I just have to figure it out.

Chapter 30

Voula wore a sheer blue sleeping shift. The sun was almost gone and she wondered if Gabrielle and Solari were in any trouble. If they weren’t in her doorway soon she would have to make a decision to go look for them or just go to bed and wait until morning to find out what kept the dependable bard and warrior.

Her apprentices were already asleep, having studied their notes together until the light was too dim. The healer looked down at her revealing outfit and wondered if it was too much. She had chosen the color because it gave her gray eyes a touch of blue. Since her body was incredibly fit and lithe for her age, Voula decided she might as well show it off.

A sigh left her throat, taking with it her hopes for the evening. Just as quickly the scraping of a staff outside her door brought them back. Gabrielle pulled back the curtain and allowed Solari to enter first.

"Voula. I’m sorry we’re late."

"No apology necessary, Gabrielle. I was just about to make myself some tea before going to bed. Would you two care for some?" Voula asked them both, but her gaze was riveted to the brunette.

Solari answered in the affirmative but her face showed no emotion. Gabrielle offered to help Voula prepare the tea and began heating water without waiting for an answer. "No, Solari," said the bard as she put down the pot and scrambled over to the warrior. "You sit here, that is Voula’s chair. And I always sit in this one."

The amazon sat where she was told, on a short chair with a soft cushion in a corner of the small room where she was practically trapped by the sturdy table. She had to crawl over Voula’s chair to get in or out of it.

The bard turned back to what she was doing and smiled broadly. If she didn’t have Xena there to fix herself up with, she might as well bring another couple together. Voula sat down, cornering her prey, and allowed the blonde to finish making the spicy sweet beverage, her own blend of course.

"I hear you are leaving tomorrow, Solari." The warrior nodded.

"That is a shame. It has been nice to see you around the village for longer than usual. I believe you let your guard down more than usual." Solari nodded again, then verbally agreed.

"Yes, I did."

"It even seems to have made you more talkative."

The dark woman stared at the healer and leaned back. As she crossed her arms across her leather clad chest; she turned her attention to Gabrielle, who was busy pouring water into mugs, and then back to Voula.

"Are you trying to provoke me, Voula?"

"What if I am?" Voula’s gray-blue eyes sparkled in the light of the candle she was lighting between them. She returned the other candle to its place on the windowsill.

Solari allowed a corner of her mouth to turn up. "I might have to call you on it. I don’t think you want that."

"Oh, my. You must have gotten the wrong impression. I would never want to get into a tussle with you. Why you are so strong and quick and fearsome. Why just look at those muscles?" The healer leaned over and wrapped a hand around the amazon warrior’s upper arm. "And feel them too. Oh my no. I don’t want any trouble from you."

The bard couldn’t believe how quickly things were escalating between her two friends. Into what she wasn’t sure. Once she had placed the two cups before the pair, she stood back and surveyed the scene.

"Gabrielle," the healer said, in a less sarcastic tone than she had been using on Solari. "Didn’t you tell me that you had something to pick up on your way home?"

"Oh no. I don’t believe this. You are right. I just remembered there is another errand I forgot to take care of tonight. Would you two excuse me for a while?"

Gabrielle stood in the warm night air. The rowdy sounds of the village had faded with the daylight and were now just a lingering echo above the empty village square. She thought of where she could go. There was a candle blazing in Cassa’s window and her decision was made.

On the way, the bard noticed Kiriaki entering the village grounds from the forest and crossing to her own hut. Although she was a good distance away, Gabrielle could tell the confident gait of the warrior. Every time the woman who had protected her from Stavroula’s final blow had seen the visiting queen since the fight, she had found a way to avoid speaking with her. And although gossip was the major past time of every amazon in the village, Gabrielle had heard no one speak of why Kiriaki had done what she did.

Not that anyone was surprised by her silence on the subject. Amazons had been glad to talk to the bard after her staff contest about Kiriaki and filled her in on the loner within their midst. They had done so once it was discovered that Gabrielle was at as much a loss as they were to the high ranking amazon’s stunning turnaround. It had been common knowledge before the fight, that Kiriaki was no rabid fan of the bard’s.

Without realizing it, the blonde found herself watching the woman until she entered her hut, and then continued to watch the still doorway. The only thing that broke the spell was the sudden flicker of light as a candle was lit within.

Gabrielle knew that Cassa would have a kind word for her and offer some easy companionship. On the other hand, Kiriaki had been ceaselessly brusque with her, thwarting any attempt the bard had made at being friendly.

A wolf howled behind the queen’s hut, startling the bard. She heard its mate returning the call from over the bridge. A few amazons sitting outside laughed at a joke. The light in Kiriaki’s quarters pulsed and Gabrielle moved toward it. As she promised herself she would stay only long enough to ask the amazon why she had blocked Stavroula’s staff, the blonde tapped her knuckles on the door frame.

"Come."

Gabrielle cleared her throat of an unexpected lump.

"I said, come in." The chestnut haired warrior pulled back the dark wool curtain and glowered at the interruption. When she saw Gabrielle’s face, she stepped back.

"What do you want?" she asked, water dripping from her skirt and halter.

"I want to talk to you. No, wait. I want some answers."

"You came to the wrong place."

"Look, you have been avoiding me for days now. But I have a right to know why you stopped the contest."

"First of all," came the answer from Kiriaki as she toweled off her legs with one hand. "I don’t owe you any explanations. If the queen or the general want to conduct an inquiry, fine. Other than that, my decisions are final."

She stopped drying herself to straighten up and look down into the green eyes. "And secondly, I wasn’t kidding about there being no answers here. I couldn’t tell you why I did it if I wanted to."

They looked at each other for a long moment, searching for signs of anger or hints of something that would make sense.

"Goodnight," said Kiriaki. The brown wool fell back into place.

Chapter 31

The tepid air from Poteidaia to Dherveni was littered with curses of all languages and sizes. The dark-haired warrior rode into the lazy town shimmering in sweat from her knees up and caked with mud from her knees down. Argo had been galloping too fast to avoid any puddles from the previous night’s rain, and the war-horse herself was a frightening sight of heaving flesh.

Xena had arrived in Poteidaia four days earlier. After traveling seven days before that to discover the bard had never arrived, the warrior princess was not in a regal mood. Gabrielle has been on her own for over three weeks, more than enough time for her to have gotten into trouble a dozen times over. She dismounted with a loud thud and stalked into Petros’ sparse hut. The blacksmith was not there.

The warrior crossed the village square on foot glaring at anyone foolish enough to have gotten up and left their home that early in the morning. Her look was enough to make them quake in their muck drenched boots.

"Petros," she called out. "Where is she?" The voice was as dark as her blackest strand of hair, and she burst into the blacksmith’s workshop like the door was made of eggshells.

Her friend looked up from the fire he was stoking and put up his hands before his chest, "Xena, let me explain."

"You gave me your word." She said the words slowly as if each one were a sacred oath.

"I know Xena, I did. She told me she wasn’t going to go home, just as you had said." He backed away when she started towards him.

"So I tied her up and got her on a wagon, made sure she was comfortable but couldn’t escape. I followed your orders, Xena. Exactly." This time it was Petros who inflected his words with a solemn weight. "Somehow she cut the ropes and got away."

The warrior pulsated with emotion, he saw it radiate from her body. She was cloaking it all in anger but it looked more like desperation in her eyes.

He thought it wise to add, "I think I know where she was headed."

In an instant, she was before him, her breath on his face. She stared him down, daring him to flinch, begging for an excuse to blame him with her fists. Inside, she hated herself. Her jaw burned. She had to get her answer and get out of there before she hurt him. "Where?"

"An amazon village..."

"I knew it. I should have just gone there." The warrior was running toward the door which now hung off one hinge, when Petros called after her, "Xena, you must wait."

He saw no hesitation, "Xena, please."

The warrior stopped. She knew he was trying to help her. She knew he was as close to a true friend as she had, not that that was saying much. "What is it, Petros?"

"She said she was going to the amazon village across the river."

Xena turned. The look on her face confused the blacksmith. It was almost fear, but a peculiar breed. "The trading village?" she asked.

"Yes." He knew more than to say any more than she had asked to know.

She wanted to ask him why the bard wanted to go there. Or a thousand other questions, just to keep her mind from thinking the theories of her imagination. But as much as she liked Petros, she knew he would be of little help in this. She had laid the foundation for what was happening long ago and nobody could change it now.

"I’m sorry, Petros." Her back was still to him and her feet were but a step from the door. "I didn’t mean to threaten you. I don’t think I would have hurt you."

"I know that, Xena. Just go." He wasn’t sure how he meant it, but he wanted her to leave.

*********************

Xena steered Argo out of town and took the fork in the road that would lead her to the amazons. She was no longer in the same hurry to get to Gabrielle. If the young woman had gone to the amazons, but not her own village, then she was going where Xena would not think to find her. Xena wondered if the bard had meant it when she had said that she wouldn’t be there when Xena returned.

She renewed her fight to keep the thoughts out, but they crashed back. Ares’ proclamation of the blonde’s popularity took on a whole new import. What if she is sleeping with another woman? What if she has found someone who deserves her and can make her happy?

After a while the warrior picked up the pace. The water from the previous night’s storm, the first in weeks, had nearly dried in the sun before having a chance to be absorbed by the thirsty ground. Argo was sluggish and the heat was increasing with the height of the brilliant sphere. Xena soon decided to take a break.

Under a shade tree, she brushed the mare and thought about what she could say to Gabrielle. A part of her wanted to just go in and drag her out. Another part felt like leaving her there.

When the horse went off to graze on a juicier patch of grass, Xena sat down and cradled the brush in her lap. She remembered the times she had felt the bard’s head rest there instead.

The warrior felt a semblance of control return to her. She felt the sleep deprivation of the last few days catch up with her. After leaving Poteidaia, and having to explain to Gabrielle’s family why she was there looking for the bard when they hadn’t seen nor heard from her, she had pushed herself to get back to Dherveni as quickly as possible. There was her mother and Toris to get back to and the matters of Draco and Giannis to settle. This detour couldn’t have come at a worse time.

The dark warrior settled her back against Argo’s saddle and tried to rest. As soon as she closed her eyes, she realized she would be asleep in minutes.

Xena whistled for the mare to return then hoisted the saddle back up onto her sturdy back. "I’m sorry, Argo, but it is just temporary," She led the horse through a thicket and followed a scent of a small cave a little further from the road. With a weary groan, the tall woman took back the saddle and lugged it into the dark interior. "I’m beat, Argo. I’ll need a little extra help on watch for a while. You let me know if anyone is coming, all right?"

She got her answer by way of a moist nuzzle and returned the affection by scratching her trustworthy ally between the eyes. She thought of her friend Petros and how she had treated him earlier and it left her feeling ill. She wondered if she would ever learn to restrain her temper completely.

But it wasn’t fair to be too hard on herself at the moment. She hadn’t hurt him. Besides, too much had happened in the last few weeks. That explained why she was so excitable. She had been through more than any mortal should have to. She would find Gabrielle and everything would be fine. After all, she had beaten Ares, found out why she had been hurting her companion, and fixed it. Surely, that would make her bard happy.

Chapter 32

The amazons had practically thrown a party in the middle of the night to welcome the rain. Trade had slowed to a trickle after weeks of oppressive weather. The candle makers couldn’t get the wax to harden. Vegetables were scarce. Fewer villages were sending out anything for the simple reason that it was just too hot to travel.

As a trading village, this amazon community had a higher percentage of older amazons since fighting was not a requirement for as many women. Unfortunately the older amazons faired poorly in the protracted heatwave and had called on Voula and her very raw apprentices to help deal with the effects. Gabrielle, Elefteria, and Antigone were now very adept at retrieving cool water from the long dark holes dug behind the healers hut. A good portion of the donated clothes had been ripped into rags for cooling off overheated bodies.

There were hopes that the recent storm signaled an end to all of that. Gabrielle started the morning without the cheer bubbling from those around her. She had expected that Solari would have gone past Amphipolis days ago. By now, either she or Xena should have been back here. She berated herself for not having gone with Solari. But the amazon would not here of it. She told Gabrielle that if something was so wrong that Xena couldn’t take care of it, then what could Gabrielle do? She promised that she would check everything out and if Xena was in trouble she would return immediately to the bard and they would figure out what to do from there.

Voula had given the visiting queen the morning off. The healer was worried about the bard. Not only had they all been working too hard on too little sleep, but the young woman was obviously troubled over her warrior companion. At first, the gray eyes of the older amazon looked with joy at the way the blonde fit in and seemed to blossom in their midst. Even then, she was sullen at times and prone to episodes of extreme self-doubt. But she had also seemed eager to learn and curious about how to change and grow.

The last few days the bard was consumed with worries about Xena. She spoke of them to the healer often. In a way, that was one reason she sent her new friend out for a while, she was tired of hearing about the warrior princess, even if she understood the bard’s fears.

Sunlight and shadows played on the smooth surface of the village grounds. Gabrielle almost felt dizzy from the motion, as slight as it was. Her chest felt heavy and her lungs worked for every breathe. She wondered where Xena was, imagined scores of possible answers and figured out a way to blame herself for each one.

Polixeni greeted the bard on her way toward Voula’s. Gabrielle responded in kind. Since Solari left, the trader had been spending more time with the healer, even helping with the cases of mild heat exhaustion. As far as Gabrielle knew, Polixeni didn’t know about the night Solari spent with Voula, but it would be a good bet that she had her suspicions.

The bard wandered over to Cassa’s, feeling the need for some company. Cassa was just leaving her quarters with her friend, Lexia. Cassa invited the bard to join them fishing.

It was tempting, but Gabrielle really wanted to talk to Cassa alone, so she said she might join up with them later. She strolled with them toward the path to the waterfall but parted when she got to the main entrance to the village. Cassa and Lexia waved to her and Gabrielle waved back, watching the tips of their fishing poles bounce about their heads. Once they were out of sight, she searched the road before her, waiting.

She heard a sound off to her right and her heart jumped, so focused as she was on Xena she thought that it might be her. Instead, she saw Kiriaki and a hunting party emerge from the woods wearing their brown and green hunting garb and carrying several rabbits each. The leader led the way, her blue eyes standing out from beneath the mud camouflaging her face. They made brief eye contact, then the hunters paced toward the warrior headquarters.

Gabrielle felt like something had been amputated from her without her knowing what. She felt pity for the rabbits. She felt pity for herself. Leaning her head against her staff, and looking down the undisturbed road, she heard the hunting party break out into a loud dialogue.

Again, the blonde turned to watch and saw Kiriaki leaving the group to return to her hut.

It’s about time I had it out with her, mused the bard. Everyone else here has accepted me, even Stavroula. There is no reason why Kiriaki can’t too.

When the bard reached the warrior’s door, she took a deep breath before knocking. If she could make this woman open up to her, it might lessen her loneliness and feeling of isolation. In some ways, the amazon reminded her of Xena. Another deep inhale and exhale. She rapped on the doorframe.

"Come." Aside from the single word command, the sound of wood scraping on hard ground could be heard from behind the dark brown curtain.

"It’s me."

There was a long pause.

"It’s Gabrielle." The bard thought she would try being more specific.

"Come." The same word, but spoken softer.

Gabrielle opened the curtain and stepped into the warrior’s hut. It was small and surprisingly lavish, for an amazon. There were luxurious blankets draped over all the furnishings and several sets of leather and suede outfits hanging from the walls. A dark wood chest shone in the corner, its finish polished to a high gloss.

Kiriaki sat on a low chair cushioned with an indigo quilt almost the color of her eyes. She was leaning over a bucket with a knife in one hand and the bloody carcass of a rabbit in the other. Her face was still hidden by dirt and her wavy hair was free of its usual leather constraint and fell forward. The rabbit’s pelt hung limply from where it remained attached to the body.

Without looking up, the hunter asked the blonde what she wanted. Gabrielle didn’t answer.

After the fur was freed from the corpse and hung on the bucket’s lip, Kiriaki raised her eyes to peruse her guest.

"Well?"

"I just thought that since I will probably be leaving here soon, I would try one more time to talk to you."

The warrior smirked. "That’s a lie."

"What do you mean, that’s a lie?" So much for trying to work something out with this arrogant, self centered.... "I have tried talking to you and I have tried giving you space. You are the one who protected me from Stavroula although I was doing what you wanted. I was fighting her as hard as I could."

The bard stopped to fume silently for a moment but her anger wouldn’t allow it to last past a mere heartbeat. "I didn’t ask you to do that. You stepped in and you won’t even tell me why."

"That isn’t what I was talking about."

Gabrielle’s mind froze. "What?"

"When I said you were lying, I didn’t mean about you wanting to talk to me and do whatever it is you are trying to do."

"Then what were you talking about?" The anger in the green eyes became suspicion.

"You said you were leaving here soon. That is a lie. You must have figured out by now that Xena isn’t coming for you."

Gabrielle didn’t know whether to smash the smirk off Kiriaki’s face or to fall sobbing at her feet. She felt like doing both.

"No, that’s a lie," she countered, but her words were choked and strained by the fear of what might be the real untruth.

"Maybe, but tell me that it isn’t what you’ve been thinking." The warrior saw the pain and self-doubt in the beautiful face before her. Kiriaki stood and moved toward the bard, to gaze down into the green eyes brimming with tears.

Gabrielle raised a trembling hand to her mouth and touched her own lips. She closed her eyes to try to sense if Xena was coming for her and felt instead the tears spill out and course down her cheeks. She used the back of her hand to try to wipe them away, but more were there to take their place.

"You obviously came here to be away from her and reminders of her. Or else you would have gone to your own village, where you belong. You had a fight. Now it is over. It happens."

Gabrielle’s palm struck the taller woman’s cheek. Had she not been quivering with emotion she might have knocked out a molar.

The warrior ignored the slap and grabbed the visiting queen’s arms with blood slicked hands. "I’m sorry Gabrielle, but the sooner you face it, the sooner you’ll get over it." She felt herself giving in to her desires and it frightened and excited her.

"Why are you doing this to me?" Gabrielle pleaded for an answer. "Why are you making me feel worse than I did before?"

"Isn’t that what you came here for?" Kiriaki pulled the bard into an embrace. Gabrielle smelled the blood. She saw the enigmatic blue seeing into her. "I won’t let anyone else hurt you, Gabrielle. Not Stavroula. Not Xena. Not anyone."

The bard felt her heart stop. Powerful arms held her close. Leather, sweat, and blood captured her nostrils. A deep and searing blue forced it’s way past her defenses.

"You are beautiful, Gabrielle. And I was wrong. You are an amazon Queen." Full lips pressed down onto tear stained ones. Gabrielle’s heart beat again and beat wildly. She felt desired again. It felt good and wild and primal. She could taste the passion of the warrior mixed with the earth she wore as a mask. Their breasts pressed together and sparked a longing in them both.

"I am going to take you now, my Queen," Kiriaki whispered as she broke the kiss. "You will be mine."

Chapter 33

Gabrielle’s eyes were closed. She could almost imagine it was Xena saying and doing everything Kiriaki did.

"No," she said weakly, after pulling back from the kiss. "I can’t do this."

"You want to. I know you do." Kiriaki held the woman tight.

Gabrielle opened her eyes and saw the intensity of the blue looking back.

"You remind me of Xena."

"That is why you want me. I don’t mind. You will know who I am soon enough."

Kiriaki held the bard around the waist with one hand and pulled at the brown skirt from the other. "Mine," she whispered into Gabrielle’s ear then sucked its lobe into her hot mouth.

Gabrielle groaned. It all felt so familiar, only more exciting than it had been with Xena in months. The ache in her heart for her warrior was still there, only it was another who was stoking and soothing it at the same time. Just like Xena did. The commanding presence, the promise to protect, the stark, honest, and often painful appraisal of Gabrielle’s faults and strengths. All of these things went through the blonde’s mind as Kiriaki’s hands poured over her body like a pounding rain.

The bard was pushed to the bed and realized she was half-naked. The hunter had tugged and pulled her garments until the desired flesh was exposed. In doing so, the blood from her hands had smeared on Gabrielle’s breasts and the young queen could feel it sticky on her ass. She throbbed for release, and cried fresh tears of despair.

Kiriaki stood above her taking in the mixture of emotions on the blonde’s face. She knew the woman was in pain. She recognized the self-doubt in her eyes. But the hard tips of her breasts spoke of her desire. She would be taking nothing the young beauty did not want to give.

The amazon warrior lowered herself to Gabrielle who arched up to meet her. The bard wanted to be taken in every way. Taken to new heights, taken out of herself, taken away from the torment in her mind.

Again, Kiriaki’s mouth was at the bard’s ear claiming her prize. "Mine."

Gabrielle went rigid. The familiarity too much to ignore.

"No. Stop, Kiriaki, please."

The warrior growled in frustration. "Now what?"

"I can’t do this. I won’t do it."

"If this is about Xena..."

"It isn’t. Not completely." The bard pushed the muscular shoulders pinning her and looked at the hunter. "I can’t tell you that I don’t want you. I do. Whether or not Xena is coming for me or not, I won’t do this with you."

The smaller woman sighed at the inadequacy of her explanation. "I... you do remind me of Xena. And that is a problem not because I feel guilty. To be honest, I just don’t think I want to feel like this anymore."

"Like what, excited? Desired? Sated?"

"No. Powerless."

"Hey, I wasn’t forcing you." Kiriaki leaned back.

Gabrielle sat up and fixed her garments. "No. Not anymore than I wanted you too. You did everything right, Kiriaki. I wanted it. I just don’t want to want it anymore."

**********************

Once out of Kiriaki’s quarters, Gabrielle felt sick to her stomach. She needed to sit down somewhere and rest. But first she wanted to get the rabbit blood off her skin and clothes. She walked to the waterfall and made her way down a path to water below. Cassa and Lexia waved from the other end of the shore. They were too far away to see the bloodshot eyes and stained clothes. Still, Cassa noticed the slumping shoulders and frequent cheek wiping of her friend.

"Something is wrong with her," she said to Lexia.

"Sure, she’s in love."

"With who?" Cassa’s voice rose more than she had intended.

"Xena, of course. She’s sick with worry. And I think she has the hots for Kiriaki, too."

Cassa pulled her line from the water and re-baited it with a wiggling bug. Lexia noticed her silence.

"I’m sorry Cassa. I just don’t think she returns your feelings."

"You can see that too?" Cassa peered across at the bard again. "I know she and Xena have something going, but I don’t think she is happy."

"I never said she was happy. I said she was in love."

"That is not the kind of love I want." The golden eyed weaver squinted at the rippling surface where her line had just plunked. "I don’t want to feel that kind of need."

"Some people do, Cassa. Some also eventually learn to find a love without desperation. Look at Voula. Look at Tasia and Athanasia. They all used to savor the dramatic pulse of love. Now they share their hearts and souls with grace."

Cassa watched Gabrielle duck under and re-emerge with her hair stuck to her face. She chuckled. "That’s true, Lexia. And Gabrielle may change too. You are also right that I should not wait. She has no interest in as calm a lover as I am."

Lexia shrugged and admired the visiting queen. "Maybe you should tell her how you feel anyway."

"Now you want me to pursue her?"

"No, just be honest with her. At least ask her if she is available. Maybe she has grown tired of waiting for her lover’s return. Something has made her cry."

Cassa thought about Lexia’s advice. It was to the point now where she felt like she had to tell Gabrielle something of her heart or avoid spending as much time with her. The time had come to know where she stood.

"I will ask her to eat with me tonight and talk to her then. Thank you Lexia. It will feel good to be honest with Gabrielle, no matter what her answer."

The shorter Lexia reached an arm up and around her friend’s shoulder. "My pleasure, Cassa. I owe you one for making me talk to Antigone. She and I have a date for tonight."

Gabrielle swam over to the two friends and raised an eyebrow. "Am I interrupting something? You two look a bit flushed."

The fisherwomen laughed. "No, we were talking about the most beautiful amazons we know. And that isn’t each other," Lexia answered.

"Okay. From your expressions I don’t think I want to know any more." She forced a smile. "Um.... Cassa?" The bard pulled her hair back and twisted it to drain the excess water. Her well-defined biceps and abdominals flexed during the pose. "Would you be free later?"

Chapter 34

Gabrielle dripped all the way back to Voula’s. The prickly pine needles stuck to her feet along with twigs and leaves and small pebbles. The swim helped clear her mind a bit, and getting the blood off of her skin and clothes was a start. But she still had all of the filth inside of herself to deal with.

She tried not to think about any of it until she found the healer. She would have talked to Cassa, but she was with Lexia. Gabrielle hoped that Polixeni was off planning with the other merchants some new trade idea to combat the problems brought about by the heat. The bard needed someone to talk to. Someone had to help her sort all of this out.

She walked as far away from Kiriaki’s hut as she could, lengthening the distance to Voula’s. Amazon’s were out in full force, still enjoying the relief brought by the previous night’s storm. Many greeted her warmly and Gabrielle wished she could mean the friendly responses she offered in return. She had too much on her mind to be social.

Tasia waved the visiting queen over and Gabrielle sighed. How could she avoid the queen and seem respectful? She made her way to the royal quarters carefully picking smooth spots on which to step.

"Gabrielle, it is such a pleasure to see you. I know you and Voula have been busy, but I missed you these last few days." The queen’s sharp brown eyes took in the wet bard before her. "I see you went for a swim. Next time ask me and I’ll join you. I’ll bring some extra sandals."

"That’s a good idea, Tasia." The blonde forced a smile and tried to make it appear genuine. But a flatness to her voice gave her away.

"Gabrielle, what’s the matter?"

Her lip quivered under the pressure of holding back everything she wanted to say. She shook her head and waved away, Tasia’s advance. The queen relented and waited for the visiting amazon royal to speak.

"I’ll be fine. I just need to talk to Voula," she managed to squeak out.

"Then let’s get you there. All right?" Tasia asked as she offered an arm to place around Gabrielle’s shoulder. The bard nodded and was immediately under the wing of the lavender scented queen. They headed to the healer’s hut as quickly as the bard’s bare feet allowed them to.

Gabrielle wrapped an arm around the stocky woman’s waist. Although she was a trained warrior who often sparred with her lover, the general, Tasia had a weakness for sweets. This inclination led to a layer of honey induced fat over her amazon muscles. The softness and the scent were a comfort to the confused and hurting bard.

"Voula? Come here, please," the queen called out, wishing to protect Gabrielle from the curiosity of the apprentices. When the healer strolled into the front room, her surprise at being visited by Queen Tasia doubled when she saw who was with the queen and the emotional distress Gabrielle was in.

"What is going on?"

"Gabrielle needs to talk to you. Is there enough privacy here?"

"Antigone is studying in her room," the healer said to Tasia. Turning to Gabrielle she asked, "Is that good enough, my friend?"

"Yes," she whispered.

"I’ll leave you then to talk." Tasia gently pressed Gabrielle’s shoulders until the young woman was seated in a chair. She added a firm squeeze then backed away with a concerned glance at Voula.

"Tasia, wait." Gabrielle sniffled, prompting a rag to emerge from Voula’s pocket. "I...I’ve decided I’d like you to stay, if you don’t mind."

"No, I’ll stay, if you think it will help."

The two amazons joined Gabrielle at the table and listened as the bard explained what had happened. When she got to the part where she told Kiriaki to stop, Tasia assumed the worst and interrupted.

"She forced you? That wretched..."

"No no no. She didn’t force me. I wanted her to...." The bard took a deep shuddering breath and let it out slowly. An amazon held each of her shaking hands. "I’m sorry, but this is hard for me to say. I feel so ashamed."

"Ashamed of what, Gabrielle? Did you have sex with Kiriaki and you feel guilty because of Xena?" Tasia tried to help the young woman put word to her shame.

"No. I’m ashamed that I wanted her. Partly because of Xena but partly because Kiriaki is so much like Xena."

"I don’t understand," said Tasia. Voula just watched and listened.

"I liked what Kiriaki was doing to me. I liked that she was cruel and harsh. I enjoyed trying to find a way to breach the distance that she jammed between us from the instant we met." Gabrielle’s voice vibrated and deepened.

"She challenged me to make her like me. I was drawn to her. I had to figure her out. Then she protected me from Stavroula in that fight." Gabrielle was reliving the experience. Her tone took on the wonder she had felt, the over riding curiosity. "That was the last thing I expected so I went to see her after she avoided me for days. I had to know why she did it."

Tasia nodded. Voula got up to get them mugs of water. Gabrielle took a moment to regroup her thoughts. Then she continued.

"She blew me off, again. So today when I saw her and I went to see her, I wanted to break through that unfeeling exterior. Just like I had done with Xena. Or thought I had." The last was said low and mournfully.

"Plus I was angry at Xena for not coming back to me." Gabrielle’s eyes flashed and her grip tightened on Tasia’s hand, which still held one of the bard’s. "For leaving me in the first place and sending me home like I was a child."

"Gabrielle, I had no idea you were going through all of this. My gods, your emotions are ll over the place. Why did you let it get to this point?"

The young woman had no answer. She rested her forehead in her free palm to think. Eventually she came up, looked at Tasia, and told her she didn’t know. Voula asked her to continue.

"I just felt so desperate. And when Kiriaki brought up Xena today it hurt and made me more determined, I guess. In the beginning, Xena wasn’t so nice to me. She was often cold and judgmental. But then when I least expected it..."

"Because she had taught you not to expect it" Voula interjected.

"Yes," agreed the bard. "Then she would do something or say something really sweet or complimentary...."

"And that made it seem so much more wonderful." The healer interrupted again. She paused then added, "You started to live for those moments and work to please her and..."

Gabrielle picked up where the healer left off. "That was all I lived for after a while. I craved that reward. Nothing else mattered."

Tasia just looked back and forth between the two. It was like hearing two poets reading taking turns reading stanzas of the same poem.

Gabrielle’s green eyes pleaded Voula’s gray for the answers. None came. She bowed her head and said, "She reminded me of Xena. I wanted her because of that. And it scared me."

Chapter 35

Gabrielle lay on her cot. She stared at the ceiling and listened to the quiet of the room. Voula had sent the two apprentices on an herb expedition. The bard knew that it was purely for her need for solitude, but a part of her didn’t want to miss out on any of the training, even when they were meant as a diversion. Gabrielle felt pride at having kept up with her studies despite having extra chores around the hut.

Her increase in self-respect was fleeting. A scent of lavender drifted through the window on the evening breeze and Gabrielle was reminded of her earlier conversation with Tasia and Voula. Even after her explanation of the encounter with Kiriaki, the bard had to convince the queen not to confront the blue-eyed warrior. Tasia found it hard to believe that Gabrielle was honest in her defense of the amazon’s actions.

The reclining blonde was pulled back to the present by a knock at the door of the quarters. The scuff of Voula’s leather sandals filtered into Gabrielle’s hearing, as did the sound of voice’s coming from the front room.

"Hello Cassa. Gabrielle is resting."

"She had asked to see me tonight. And I was looking forward to talking to her. Will you go and see if she wants to meet with me?"

Without seeing the weaver, Gabrielle could tell she was nervous by the tremors in her voice. The blonde furrowed her brow. She hated to think she was responsible for making another friend worry. Voula’s answer was murmured but followed by her steady gait approaching the bard’s room.

"Your other suitor is here," teased the healer, softly.

Gabrielle looked at her without lifting her head from the pillow. Voula looked somehow older upside down like that. "Cassa is not my suitor." She thought about the wavering voice wondered if it was something that had been there all along, with the sweet attentions and shared secrets. "Is she?"

"I do think she is. She has picked some lovely daisies for you. Maybe now is not the best time for you to speak with her."

"Ugh. Why me?" The bard put her hands to her face and rubbed its pliable flesh. There was only faint discomfort around her nose. When she was finished, she sat up and faced Voula. "What do you think I should do?"

"I think you have to talk to her, soon. But it could be tomorrow as easily as today."

"I’m not chickening out by not facing her now?"

"Gabrielle, where did you get these ideas? If you are not up to talking to her now, you don’t have to. You have an obligation to take care of yourself, first and foremost. Cassa can wait."

"Okay," the bard answered most of her strength drained by the long day.

Voula sent the discouraged weaver away, but brought into the bard’s room the flowers that had been left.

"Gabrielle, do you want to be alone?" she asked as she placed the vase on a bedside table.

"No. But I am not sure I have anything left to say." The blonde rearranged the pillow to be at her back and then leaned back into it and the sturdy wall behind it. Her bare legs dangled over the edge of teh cot. She looked at Voula with bloodshot eyes. "How did you know how I felt?"

"Remember the woman I told you about soon after you arrived."

"The one who left you because she loved you."

The healer nodded. "We did some of the same things to each other that you and your warrior do. I know what it is like to lose yourself in someone else. She encouraged it. Fed into it, by always keeping that tension there. She didn’t do it on purpose, really, but she knew it hurt me. I think Xena is probably the same."

"But you said that your lover never hurt you physically."

"Xena has?"

"She tried to kill me. And a long time ago she hit me, too. But that time it wasn’t her, not the real her. It was the influence of the god of war." Gabrielle closed her eyes and remembered the times her friend had attacked her. When she opened them, she looked haunted and looked away from Voula’s gray gaze.

"Gabrielle, why do you look so guilty? She is the one who hurt you."

There was no answer, so the healer tried a different approach. "I understand why you stayed with her, my friend. The physical is just another outlet for their anger. What I went through with Hectia was merely a different version."

"Part of it was my fault, Voula. My offspring killed her son. It happened because I wouldn’t listen to Xena."

"So she tried to kill you? And you felt you deserved it?"

"Actually she did kill me, but it wasn’t really me. And that was after she tried to kill me. I tried to kill her too."

Voula sat on Ellefteria’s empty cot, and pushed some study scrolls off to the side. "How long ago did this happen?"

"A few months."

Voula tried to remain calm, not wanting to further upset the bard. She found it difficult. "You two tried to kill each other because neither of you have a healthy outlet for your anger, you make up, and then you just go on like nothing happened? And you wonder why you had a fight and she hasn’t come back for you? Gabrielle, if things are to work out for you, and that is a big ‘if’ then you need time apart to work some things out." She searched Gabrielle’s face for signs of understanding. The healer wanted to give herself a chance to collect her own thoughts as well.

"I think I know what you are saying, Voula. I just don’t think Xena will agree. And I don’t think that is the reason she hasn’t come for me yet. Besides, the fight had nothing to do with all of this."

"You told me about the fight, Gabrielle. You think that Xena’s flirting with others has nothing to do with guilt and anger and insecurity?" Voula fought the urge to ask Gabrielle why she cared about what Xena’s opinion about everything was instead of making up her own mind. That could wait.

"Her thing with Ulysses happened before all of this other stuff did. But she has always felt guilty and angry," the bard thought aloud. "Maybe it is all connected, somehow."

"Why do you think she flirts with these men, Gabrielle? Down deep, why?"

"Because I am not a good enough lover," she answered.

Voula smiled. Gabrielle was finally being honest about that. "I have to tell you that I really doubt that is the case. But, what makes you say that?"

The bard smiled in return, even though the subject didn’t make her happy. Still, it felt good to finally just say it. Maybe Voula could help her to please Xena, if it wasn’t too late.

"Because... at first she was really attentive and interested in making love all of the time. But it wasn’t long before she started to seem distracted. We still..." the bard blushed, shocked to find herself admitting this to another person. "Did it, on a regular basis, but I found it harder and harder to relax with Xena. She was so much less inventive. It was like we followed the same recipe every time. I knew she was just going through the motions." The flushed face turned down again, ashamed that she lacked what it took to keep the warrior princess’s attention.

"So, to keep her interested I started faking it." The healer almost didn’t hear the bard’s little addition at the end.

"Wait a minute, here. Your lover stopped trying to make sure that you were pleased and didn’t even notice that you were pretending to have orgasms, and you think that makes you a bad lover?"

Gabrielle nodded shyly.

"Do you want to hear my opinion on all of this, Gabrielle?"

"Yes, I do."

"Then come and sleep in my room tonight. Those two will be back soon and we have a lot to discuss."

Chapter 36

Xena woke up sticky and thirsty. After a long drink of warm water from a skin, she got to her feet and stretched her tanned arms out and back, pinching her shoulder blades together. A moan accompanied the movement and woke up the napping horse. The warrior searched the sky for clouds and found none.

"We have some good traveling time left, Argo. I promise, once we find Gabrielle you can have a vacation." Xena hoped that she would be able to keep the vow.

The brief rest had helped the woman’s mood. It no longer seemed as likely that the bard was trying to avoid her or that Gabrielle would go looking to get revenge on Xena for their recent disagreement. Xena even felt a spark of renewed hope that her friend would be delighted with her recent breakthroughs.

It took little time to saddle the war-horse and get back on the road. Xena kept the waterskin around her neck despite how distracting it was when it bounced on her taut belly. She just knew she was incredibly thirsty even though it was the coolest day she’d seen in weeks. It made her think about all she had been going through lately and she concluded that it must have all been catching up to her.

The dark warrior rode until the light began to fade. She knew the way to this amazon village, but had not made the trip herself. According to her best guess, however, she would arrive sometime after midday tomorrow. A slight frown sprouted on her face as she set up another camp. She wanted to talk to Gabrielle and get it over with, not wait another day. And certainly she didn’t want to have to speak to her with a lot of strangers around.

She ate some dried meat and swallowed as much water as she could spare. There were no water sources nearby and Xena needed to be sure there was enough to get herself and Argo to the amazons. Before lying down to attempt sleep, she allowed her four-legged companion to drink from her palm. Then she ruffled her mane and bedded down for the night and this time she was able to do so without tormenting herself with visions of what the next day may hold.

**********************

Xena was up before the sun, sharpening her sword and cleaning every inch of leather she placed on her body. With no water to bathe in she found some sweet smelling flowers to rub on her skin, hoping it would help. She brushed her hair, then debated whether or not to tie on the bandanna she had made of her companion’s purloined underwear. It wasn’t hot enough to need it yet. Xena held the meager fabric for an instant before tying it around her forehead.

Satisfied that she was as presentable as possible, she swung herself up into the saddle as the sun was rising. The early morning rays only made her dark tresses seem blacker in comparison to their rosy glow.

A short way down the road, Xena came upon five grubby men sitting in the dirt. One of them saw her approaching.

"Hey, boys, look at that big amazon. What I wouldn’t give to have a woman like that. Just once."

"What are you talking about, Theofanis? A woman like that would break a guy your size in two."

Xena heard their shouted conversation over the hoof beats beneath her. They seemed harmless enough, and on a different day, she might have even laughed, at least to herself.

"Oh but it would be worth it. I just have a thing for tall stacked women. Oh, and look at that. She has blue eyes." Theofanis’s voice and eyes melted. His buddies merely laughed and threw rags and bottles and scraps of half eaten vegetables at him.

"You are greedy is what you are," said one while smoothing down his hair with spit. "Imagine, a little weakling like you and a big brawny babe like that? How would you know what to do with all of that?"

Xena slowed Argo and eased past the men, only one of whom, the big mouth who called her a babe had gotten to his feet. She had thought they were drunk but on closer inspection, they were just beggars, probably kicked out of a nearby village.

"Right, Doll? You want a real man, not some twerp like him." He continued to spit into his palms and slick back his greasy black hair.

Theofanis stood up just as Xena went by the group. He came just to the big mouth’s shoulder. "You have got no manners," he said, poking his finger into the bigger man’s chest with every syllable. "Maybe I ain’t as big a man as you, but I don’t call no women ‘Babe’ and ‘Doll.’"

"Hey, Theofanis."

The rich dark sound came floating down from above them. The five gazed up at the warrior woman.

"Yes?"

A lazy grin spread across the warrior’s face, dipping slightly on one side. "You are one handsome man."

Five jaws went lax before her. She reached up and blew him a kiss. Five sets of eyes bugged out of their sockets and one scruffy face lit up in a blinding smile. Xena winked at Theofanis and hurried Argo along.

The sun was not quite over head as Xena rounded a curve in the dusty road. A dark gray mountain rose up in the distance and the sound of rushing water teased her ears. The entrance to the village was close. Xena recalled stories of a secret entrance to the amazon trading village. It was located behind a waterfall. Coming from this direction, she knew that was the quickest way, but it did not accommodate a war-horse. Xena would have to take the long way around.

When she came to the place in the road where she could make out the very top waterfall through the trees, the warrior thought she smelled decaying flesh. She pulled Argo to a stop and got down to check. Through some dense brush, she saw fresh graves well camouflaged with vegetation. There was no reason to believe that one of those three new plots contained a beautiful young bard, so Xena got back upon the mare and continued on her way.

A little further on, she began to sense that she was being watched. She scanned the trees for amazons and then lowered her gaze to find a painted woman staring at her with dark blue eyes. The amazon held a crossbow aimed at Xena’s heart.

"I can catch those, you know."

"I know." The dusky blue latched on to the pale cerulean. "But I thought you would be disappointed with any other greeting."

Xena shifted in the saddle as Argo nervously pranced. "I’m here to see Gabrielle."

"I know that, too." The crossbow moved to follow the warrior.

"Is there a problem?" Xena asked, her impatience obvious.

Six more amazons appeared from the forest and looked at the warrior princess with as much impassivity as she viewed them with. Their weapons were not drawn.

"No. No problem, Xena. I just wanted to get a good look at you." Kiriaki lowered her crossbow.

Xena nodded. She saw something in the other woman’s eyes. Something sad and dark. Something the warrior understood and respected. She pulled away from their lure and focused on the path ahead. The one that lead to Gabrielle.

Chapter 37

Gabrielle awoke to a persistent grumbling in her stomach. Either she had slept much later than usual or the heat wave had tripled in strength. Voula was no longer at her side and there were no sounds in the hut. The blonde sat up and adjusted her top, retying the laces that had come undone during the night.

She ran her thick tongue along the inside of her mouth. The taste of rotting leaves swirled with it. "Yuck. I don’t remember eating anything that tasted like this."

The woman stood and got her bearings. A heaviness at the center of her forehead added to her discomfort. She scratched herself and yawned. "Voula?" she called out, hoping the healer was sitting quietly within the quarters.

There was no answer but the bard noticed a note scrawled in the older woman’s notoriously messy script. After squinting and turning the paper sideways and upside down didn’t help, Gabrielle made her way to a wash basin and rinsed the sleep from her eyes before trying again to decipher the scribble. This time she made out enough to know that Voula went to talk to Queen Tasia.

There was a knock at the door. Gabrielle shuffled through the cooking area and out to the front room. Cassa’s smiling face appeared when the bard’s hand pulled back the faded red curtain.

"Good morning, Gabrielle. Would you like to share a midday meal with me? That is if you are feeling better today."

"Midday?" the bard asked, squinting.

"Just about."

Green eyes looked past her friend and took in the village in full swing. Merchants off to the right were bickering about when the heat would break. Warriors to the left sauntered towards the practice field, threatening to land each other in the dirt.

"Yeah, sure. Give me a few to get cleaned up," Gabrielle told Cassa while motioning her inside to wait. "Help yourself to something to drink," she said as she turned the corner into Voula’s bedroom.

After a little primping and rinsing, she emerged looking awake, if not refreshed. For the first time, the blonde noticed that Cassa had brought a basket of food. "Let’s go."

Cassa led the way once the pair was on the path to the waterfall. From behind her, Gabrielle watched the weaver carefully searching the forest for danger. She had never noticed before that Cassa retained the warrior instinct. "What did you bring to eat?"

"The usual, mostly." The nervousness from last night remained, but it was a weakened version. There was also a teasing quality to the amazon’s answer.

Gabrielle took a deep breath. Voula was indeed right about Cassa. The bard began thinking of ways to let the kind woman down gently. Sweet, caring, supportive women like the amazon weaver deserved to get the love they offered. The bard made a silent wish that whoever Cassa ended up with appreciated her.

They climbed the rocky surface to their favorite spot on the ledge and settled in on the blanket Cassa spread out for them. The plump fabric was rich brown with flaxen highlights matching the young weaver’s burnished hair.

The pair leaned back with bellies full of salty olives and hearty bread that had been slathered with vegetable pate. "I brought some desert," Cassa said. "I hope you like it."

"Can it wait, Cassa. I need a rest."

"Sure. There is something I wanted to tell.... talk to you about."

The bard steeled herself for what she expected was coming. "What is it?" she asked. Gabrielle looked out over the edge and across the shimmering surface of the water below. Some movement caught her eye on the granite path beneath their perch. She gasped. Her green eyes grew wide. She was sure.

"Xena!"

The dark head twisted and the penetrating blue eyes of the warrior princess found their mark. "Gabrielle!" The smile the warrior gave to her bard elicited its match from the blonde. Tears threatened to overtake Gabrielle as she watched Xena scale the distance between them.

"Xena, hurry!"

The warrior ran the last few steps, straight into the outstretched arms of her friend. Tears claimed them both, but remained invisible to the eyes of the other for long moments of a fierce clinch as the lovers remembered the power of their mingled scents, the strength of each others arms and the agony of every second they’d spent apart.

"I should leave you two alone," said Cassa, not wanting to interrupt, but desiring even less to be a witness.

Gabrielle pulled away and turned to the weaver. She wiped her wet face with her hands and laughed with relief. "I’m sorry Cassa. Let me introduce you. This is Xena. Xena, this is my friend, Cassa."

The two sized each other up carefully. Xena reached out an arm first and Cassa immediately clasped it.

"I’ve been looking forward to meeting you, Xena."

"If you are the Cassa I’ve heard about, then I can say the same."

Gabrielle’s curiosity was peaked but she was certain that this was not the time to delve into the subject of Cassa’s reputation.

The weaver noticed the way the bard was staring at the warrior and decided to take her leave. "I’ll see you back in the village then," she said, gathering up the remains of their meal. "I’ll leave the blanket here for you, if you’ll just bring it back with you...." She glanced up at Gabrielle to find the visiting queen and the warrior locking eyes.

The weaver tramped down the stony path fighting the impulse to mentally kick herself for waiting until after they ate to tell the bard of her feelings.

Chapter 38

"Xena, I missed you. Is everything all right? What happened that took you so long to get her? How is Cyrene? What about Toris?"

Xena had to fight from grabbing her friend and squeezing her as tight as she could. The warrior tried to understand how this woman made her feel so solid in her body and soft in her heart. Her hand reached up to brush her lover’s cheek and wipe a few errant tears away.

"I missed you too."

"So what happened?"

"A lot. But mother is going to be fine. And Toris is much improved." The open and loving expression turned to strict authoritarian. "But I want to know what you think you are doing here. I told you to go to Poteidaia."

"Told me? You practically sold me into slavery to send me there."

"Slavery, huh?"

"Bondage, anyway." The younger woman smiled slyly.

At that, the dark warrior found herself grinning as well. Her countenance followed her thoughts becoming more serious and focused on the face before her. "Gabrielle, what happened to your nose?"

"How can you even see that? It is completely healed."

"Gabrielle..."

"It is a long story, and I asked you first about what happened in Amphipolis." The bard sat, pulling her companion down to join her on the blanket. "Is it going to make a good story for my scrolls?"

"Gabrielle...there is something I want to tell you first. It is about what happened, but it’s also about us."

The blonde gave Xena’s words her full attention. "Go on, Xena."

"I want to tell you how sorry I am about Linus and Rafe. All of them. Even the way I acted with you about Lao Ma. I knew I was hurting you, but I was too busy focusing on myself and what I was so afraid of."

"What was that, Xena?" Gabrielle tried to stay focused on what the warrior was telling her instead of on what her heart cried out to hear.

"I was afraid of needing you, Gabrielle. And I found out that I don’t. Now that I know it, I don’t have to prove it anymore."

"You don’t need me, Xena? And this is a good thing?" Gabrielle’s eyes were wide and she could hear her heart thrumming in her ears. "Well, you know what I found out, Warrior Princess? I don’t need you either."

Xena latched on to the fleeing bard and yanked her back to the blanket, spilling the young woman all over her lap. "Please, Gabrielle, let me finish explaining. Please?"

The blonde took a moment to sort her emotions out. Her own anger surprised her. After all, Voula had helped her see that wanting to feel needed by the warrior was getting in the way of seeing their relationship honestly. She spent so much time trying to prove to herself and her friend that Xena needed her. Often at the expense of seeing what they truly offered each other.

Gabrielle lifted herself off Xena but remained at her side. "I’m listening."

"Good. I have always fought to be independent. Long before Cortese entered my life, I felt it was a weakness to need anyone. When you came along it was at a time in my life that I felt weak. I started to love you. I felt like I needed you to keep me on the side of good. I began to want you." Xena realized that the speeches she had practiced were forgotten in the moment. She looked down and tried to remember. Her companion’s fingertips touched the warrior’s chin and lifted. Looking into the green eyes, she found inspiration to continue.

"I couldn’t need you for everything, Gabrielle. It was bad enough I needed you to stop me when I was heading toward the darkness. And I’ve lost track of how many times you have saved my life and my hope." Xena knew from countless reminders that her eyes could disarm any friend or foe. She tried to use them now to communicate to her lover how much she loved her and wanted her in her life. "When I realized I wanted your love too, it was too much. I flirted with those others to show myself that I didn’t need you. That I could have anyone I wanted. To show you, too, that you couldn’t control all of me."

"Oh, Xena."

"That is why I kept you in the dark about Lao Ma. Instead of just explaining the whole story to you, I wanted you to feel that there were parts of me that you didn’t touch. I know that you weren’t trying to control me, Gabrielle. And I see that you don’t want to have every bit of me for your own. But I thought you did, or could."

The bard threw herself at the warrior and kissed her neck and shoulder. "I understand, Xena. Now I understand," she said between each kiss. She savored the sensation of Xena’s hands running up and down her back. It felt good to know the truth, but now she had to tell some of her own.

"Xena, there is a reason you felt like that, though."

The pair pulled back from each other to look into concerned eyes.

"What do you mean?"

"I was trying to control you, Xena. I wanted so much for you to need me and I thought that if I could get you to do what I wanted then it meant that I was important to you."

"Gabrielle, you are important to me."

"I guess I know that Xena. But I sometimes feel like the only way I can be somebody is through you. I am a sidekick after all. And I put a lot of pressure on myself to do things through you, instead of figuring out what I can do through me. I need to feel like I don’t need you either."

They were both silent. The sound of the waterfall suddenly seemed twice as loud. Gabrielle was waiting for Xena’s reaction, and the warrior was trying to understand how she felt about Gabrielle not needing her. Even in her puzzlement, she saw the irony in it.

"When you say ‘need’, exactly what do you mean?" the warrior asked.

"I suppose it is a little different than what you meant, Xena." The bard chuckled. "I love you, too. And I want you." The slight sadness in her voice was not lost on the observant warrior. "But, I don’t want to feel like my identity is tied to yours." Gabrielle detected a narrowing of Xena’s eyes and added quickly, "It is my own fault that it is, Xena. I am not blaming you."

"What are you trying to tell me, Gabrielle. I know what you just said, so don’t repeat it. I want you to tell me what you are not saying."

"Xena, try not to get mad."

One very black eyebrow raised and the bard’s vision followed it.

"Hey, what is that you have around your head? Those are my underpants!"

The warrior stood. "It has been hot. Don’t try to change the subject."

Gabrielle wished Voula were there with her. When she was with the healer, she saw what must be done and had the courage to say it. But it was different with Xena. Especially with Xena, wrapped in dark leather, armed with blades, and towering over her.

"I want to stay here in the village, Xena. I am not sure how long."

Chapter 39

"You want to stay here. With or without me?" An underlying growl vibrated in Xena’s chest.

Gabrielle remained seated at her feet. She raised her head, but kept quiet.

"I see," said Xena, beginning to pace on the narrow ledge. "Does this have something to do with Cassa?"

"No, Xena."

"Then who? Who is keeping you here?"

Gabrielle answered and began to explain the apprenticeship she was involved in with Voula when Xena cut her off.

"I know who it is. It’s that amazon who wanted to shoot me with her crossbow at the border to the village. She is the one."

"Kiriaki tried to shoot at you?"

"So, the amazon has a name, does she?"

"Xena, it isn’t like that. Not really..."

Xena swung down and Gabrielle found herself being lifted to eye level with the ex-warlord. The bard swung her dangling feet. Her arms were pinned at her sides. She felt like a doll being squashed by a child. The blue-eyed woman cocked her head and peered into her captive’s eyes.

"Then what is it like, really."

"Xena please put me down. We are pretty high up here and if you drop me I could fall."

Xena threw the blonde’s body against the rock wall of the ledge. Gabrielle scrambled to the corner pressing herself hard into the rough surface.

"What’s the matter, Gabrielle? I didn’t hurt you. Or are you just afraid to answer my question?" The angry warrior smirked.

The blonde closed her eyes and covered her ears with her hands. Xena noticed the young woman’s chest rise and fall with short rapid motions. She looked around and realized the sight and sound of the waterfall coupled with Xena’s anger and outburst must have brought up memories of what led to their recent trip to Illusia when the couple had tried to kill each other to escape their pain.

On her knees before her friend, Xena swore that she was not going to hurt the bard. She suggested they go someplace else to talk more. Gabrielle could hear the concern in Xena’s voice mingled with her irritation.

"Xena, I am not sleeping with Cassa or Kiriaki or anyone here."

"I believe you, Gabrielle. C’mon, let’s get out of here."

The younger woman felt safer. This was a different Xena than the one she had been sent home by. This Xena expressed anger, not fury. Although subtle, Gabrielle noticed the change. The hands came down and the panting calmed. "No, I’m okay. I’d like to stay here."

Xena sat in the hard corner next to her companion. "I don’t want you to stay here. I want you to come with me. I want to make up to you all the pain I’ve caused you these last few months." She paused and added softly, "I’m sorry I scared you just now."

"I still love you Xena. I really want to go with you, too. It would be so much easier than staying here and being responsible for myself and learning about me. A lot of what I’ve been seeing about myself I don’t like. I have hurt you too. I don’t want either of us to hurt anymore. I think this is for the best."

She reached over to hold her friend’s hand before continuing. "There are so many things I haven’t told you because I was afraid of losing you. I don’t know where I learned to think the way I do but I know I didn’t get all of these ideas from you."

"Gabrielle," she faced the bard and pleaded. "Can’t you come with me and we can work on this together."

Gabrielle knew she was about to start crying. "I wish I could, but I don’t think it would work right now. Just the two of us together.... how long could we go before falling back into old patterns."

"But what was so awful about it? I wasn’t that bad, was I?"

"This isn’t about bad or good, right or wrong. You and I just can’t be together. Not now, and maybe not ever." Silent tears punctuated the bard’s sadness and earnestness. "We are hurting each other all of the time. You want to ignore everything in the past, and pretend that it doesn’t affect us. But it does, Xena. I need to deal with it, and I can’t be with someone who won’t talk about what happened."

"I can’t believe that you are leaving me, now. I came here excited about telling you that I want to be true to you and your love, and now you tell me to go away from you." The dark haired woman untied the knot at the back of her head, and removed the strip of fabric. "I don’t want to hear anymore. I’ll accept your decision. Maybe someday I’ll look back and thank you for this." The warrior struggled to her feet. She looked down at the woman she loved. "Goodbye Gabrielle."

She offered the soaked and torn scrap to its owner. It was rejected with a shake of a blonde head. Xena picked her way down the steep path, discarding the frayed memento on the fine mist.

to be continued......

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but I don’t think it would work right now. Just the two of us together.... how long could we go before falling back into old patterns."

"But what was so awful about it? I wasn’t that bad, was I?"

"This isn’t about bad or good, right or wrong. You and I just can’t be together. Not now, and maybe not ever." Silent tears punctuated the bard’s sadness and earnestness. "We are hurting each other all of the time. You want to ignore everything in the past, and pretend that it doesn’t affect us. But it does, Xena. I need to deal with it, and I can’t be with someone who won’t talk about what happened."

"I can’t believe that you are leaving me, now. I came here excited about telling you that I want to be true to you and your love, and now you tell me to go away from you." The dark haired woman untied the knot at the back of her head, and removed the strip of fabric. "I don’t want to hear anymore. I’ll accept your decision. Maybe someday I’ll look back and thank you for this." The warrior struggled to her feet. She looked down at the woman she loved. "Goodbye Gabrielle."

She offered the soaked and torn scrap to its owner. It was rejected with a shake of a blonde head. Xena picked her way down the steep path, discarding the frayed memento on the fine mist.

Continued Chapters 40-50

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