I Found My Heart in
Osmosis
A gradual,
often unconscious process of absorption or learning
By SX Meagher
Part Eight
Jamie’s team didn’t
improve their standing from the previous day, but her mood certainly wasn’t
affected by her team’s play. Mia and Catherine hadn’t seen her once during the
round, but when she spotted them she jogged over to Mia and gave her a very
robust, one-armed hug. “I’m so excited you came!” Jamie said, squeezing Mia
until she was breathless.
“Then don’t kill
me!”
Jamie released her
and gave Catherine a much more controlled hug. “Isn’t it great to have Mia
home, Mom?’
“I haven’t had a
better time at a tournament all year.” Catherine smiled and patted Mia’s shoulder.
“It was so nice to walk around together. My sides hurt from laughing.” She took
a quick look at her watch. “Can I interest you two in dinner?”
Jamie looked at
Mia, who shrugged her shoulders. “Well … I’d love to, but I need to call and
see what Ryan’s doing. Oh! I have to see if she won, too. They’ve lost the last
two days.”
“What are your
plans, Mia?” Catherine asked.
“I told some
friends I might go out with them later, but probably not ’til 10:00 or 11:00.
So I’m up for anything.”
With a glance at
Mia, Jamie asked, “How’d you get here?”
Smiling
cherubically, Mia said, “Your car. Ryan gave me permission.”
“You don’t need
permission. What’s mine is yours.”
Mia gave her a faux
scowl. “You mean that too literally sometimes.” She looked at Catherine. “She’s
always trying to give me money.”
“She should,”
Catherine said. “I don’t want to say anything negative about your parents, but
I don’t think it’s right to cut your child off financially just because you
don’t approve of her choices. If you need anything, Mia, absolutely anything, I
hope you’ll let Jamie or me help.”
Squirming visibly,
Mia said, “I have a hard time taking money. I know I shouldn’t be so weird
about it, but it makes me uncomfortable. Jamie sent me the ticket to come here
and I’m determined to pay her back.”
“Don’t even think
about it! If I could’ve traveled this month, I would’ve been to see you three
times already. You’re just saving me time.” She slung an arm around Mia’s
shoulders. “It’s fantastic to have you home for a few days. And every time
“We’ll see about
that. I might figure out a way to say ‘no.’ It’s not what I’m best at, but I’m
working on it.”
“Back to dinner,”
Jamie said. “I forgot we’ve got to go to the O’Flaherty’s
for dinner. Why don’t you both come?”
“I think I’d better
go back to
“You’re a good
daughter,” Catherine said, giving Mia another quick hug. “And Jamie, you’d
better call Martin and tell him you’re bringing a guest.”
“I will. Even
though he always makes too much, you never know when Ryan’s gonna be hungry
enough to eat for three.”
Frowning slightly, Catherine
assessed Mia’s thinness. “Maybe some of your mother’s cooking will put a few
pounds on you, Mia. You must be eating the same things
“Pretty much. I
don’t have the heart to eat normal food when she’s got to eat like a rabbit.”
Jamie kissed her
cheek. “We’d better get going. Call us if you’re not coming home.”
Mia blinked in
surprise. “Where would I go?”
“Oh!” Jamie
blushed. “I forgot you’re living a clean life now. Sorry, bud.”
“S’okay. It’s hard
to break old habits. You had three years of trying to keep track of me. Just
convince yourself I’m on parole; it’ll be easier.”
***
When they reached
the Mercedes, Catherine clicked a button on her key ring and the doors
unlocked. Jamie started to open the passenger door, but paused for a moment
before getting in. When they were both seated, she said, “When Ryan’s with us,
you always ask her if she wants to drive. You never do that with me.”
Catherine smiled at
her and turned the key. “Really? I wonder why?”
“You don’t know?”
“No. It hadn’t
occurred to me that I did that with Ryan. It must be because she loves to
drive.”
“I love to drive,
too,” Jamie said, staring at the side of her mother’s face.
“You do?” Catherine
spared a second to look at her. “Ryan always drives your car when you’re
together, doesn’t she?”
Irritated by her
logic, Jamie said, “Not always. We just got in the habit when she didn’t have a
car. I let her drive so she didn’t drool.”
Catherine turned
again, but didn’t see the expected smile on her daughter’s face. Assuming she
was out of sorts because of her injury, she let the subject drop.
Jamie fussed with
the radio for a few minutes, finally finding a station she liked. It was a
Spanish station, but Catherine didn’t mind, finding the music lighthearted and
rhythmic. “I think I hear an accordion,” she said.
“Yeah, that’s
common. This is a Norteña song.”
“Norteña?”
“Yeah. The people
who live along the northern border of
“Pardon?”
Jamie laughed a
little. “It’s kinda like gangsta rap, but only
because of the topics they cover. It is kinda weird, because it sounds like a
big German band—but this song is about a guy who gets busted bringing over
drugs and he has to go to prison in
“Do you listen to this
kind of music … often?”
“Only when I want
to listen to Spanish. Helps me stay sharp. This station plays mostly Norteña and Banda.”
“I’m not sure what
those are, but it’s always nice to learn a little something new about you. I
had no idea you listened to music to keep your Spanish in shape.”
Jamie was quiet for
a few moments, then she said, “It is
nice to learn things about each other, isn’t it? That’s one of the things I
missed during the time we weren’t very close. I never … felt that I really knew
you.”
Catherine nodded,
keeping her eyes on the road. “I hope that’s changed.”
“It has … mostly.”
“Mostly?” A blonde
eyebrow rose. “Only mostly?”
“You haven’t given
me the whole story on Giacomo.” Jamie let out a breath, relieved to finally
have the topic out in the open.
“Whole story?”
Catherine gave her a quick look. “What story is that?”
Irritated by her
mother’s feigned innocence, Jamie said, “You told me you were going to break up
with him. That was quite a while ago, Mother. And I’ve been trying to figure
out why he showed up at your house if he wasn’t welcome.”
The “mother”
reference caught Catherine by surprise. It had been almost a year since Jamie
had used it rather than the much warmer “mom.” She thought for a minute, trying
to decide what she was willing to share. “He surprised me that night, Jamie. I
thought I told you that. I never would have invited him to come to my house
while I was having a party. It’s … uncomfortable.”
“But you would …
you do … invite him when you’re not
having a party?”
“I don’t like your
tone,” Catherine said, surprising herself. “You sound as if I’m accountable to
you.”
Eyes wide, Jamie
blinked in shock. Her mother had never come close to chiding her for anything,
and she didn’t like the experience one bit. “You’re not accountable to me,” she said, stressing the word to make it sound
more offensive than it was. “But you told me you were going to break it
off—because you deserved to be treated better. I didn’t tell you I thought you
should break up with him … although I would have if you’d asked.”
Catherine’s voice
was soft, but her words were not. “I didn’t ask. And I don’t like feeling like
you’re scolding me. It’s quite disrespectful.”
“Damn it, Mother!”
Catherine almost swerved off the road at this outburst. “Did you break up with
him or not?”
For safety’s sake,
Catherine pulled off at the next exit. She drove into a gas station and found a
spot to park, out of the flow of customers. Turning off the engine, she shifted
in her seat to be able to face her daughter. Jamie’s face was bright pink and
she looked like she was going to throw a tantrum. “Why are you so upset?”
“I’m upset,” Jamie said, spitting out the
word, “because you told me you felt bad about yourself for dating a married
man. You said you deserved better. You said you knew what it was like to
have your husband cheat. I didn’t put those words into your mouth. And if you do feel that way, I’m angry at you for
compromising your morals just to have sex!”
The car was deathly
quiet for a few moments. Catherine’s expressions reflected the gamut of
emotions that pulsed through her. But her years of tamping down and ignoring
her feelings prepared her to respond calmly. “My sex life and my moral code are
no one’s business but mine, Jamie. I must have given you the impression that
we’re peers, but we’re not. I can’t demand that you respect me and my choices,
but I will not have you dictating to
me. If you don’t mind, I consider this subject closed.”
Without waiting for
an answer, she started the car and began to back out of the parking space. A
mumbled, “You’re the one who wanted to be friends,” caught her by surprise. She
kept going, easing the car back onto the on-ramp for the freeway. She thought
about Jamie’s comment for a second, recalling the conversation they’d had in
***
When they reached
the “children’s house,” as Martin called it, Jamie hopped out while Catherine
was putting the car into park. She marched ahead, her erect, rigid posture
showing her anger. Catherine took her time, freshening up her lipstick and
making sure her hair was perfect. Jamie was waiting for her at the foot of the
stairs, and she marched up without saying a word when Catherine arrived.
Surprisingly, once
they entered, Jamie reverted to her usual cheerful self. Catherine knew her
well enough to see that she was forcing it, but she was fairly sure that only
she and Ryan knew anything was wrong. It made her smile to see the concerned
look on Ryan’s face after they’d been in the house a matter of moments, and she
went into the kitchen to chat with Martin and Maeve as Ryan led Jamie
downstairs under the pretext of changing out of her golf clothes—which were as
pressed and fresh as they’d been that morning.
***
Before they’d
reached the room, Ryan asked, “What’s wrong?”
Jamie shook her
head, waiting until she closed the door to speak. She walked to the bed and
flung herself on it face-first. “My mother’s being a jerk.”
Stunned, Ryan stood
still. “She is?”
Jamie rolled over,
gazing at Ryan with slitted eyes. “Yeah, she is. I
asked her about Giacomo and she not only wouldn’t tell me one thing, she told
me it was none of my business and that she was the mother and I was the child.
Period.”
“Well … uhm …” Ryan
approached and sat on the foot of the bed. “You are. Did you flat-out ask her
what was going on, or were you more subtle?”
Blowing out a
breath through pursed lips, Jamie said, “I was pretty direct.” She caught
Ryan’s look. “I’m pissed! She’s doing the same thing that my father did! How
can she do that to another woman?”
“I … thought that
his wife didn’t mind …”
“Oh, please!” Jamie
sat up and looked at her partner like she was slow. “Every cheating man says
that. I’m sure my father told the women he was with that my mother didn’t mind.
And even if his wife doesn’t mind, it’s still wrong. There’s no excuse, none
whatsoever, for sleeping with a married man.”
Ryan was silent for
a few moments, then softly said, “I’ve slept with married women. Are you angry
with me?”
Jamie’s voice was
sharp and stinging. “I would be if you didn’t feel guilty!”
Scratching her
head, Ryan half-closed one eye and looked at Jamie quizzically. “I don’t feel
particularly guilty about it. And, if we weren’t together, I can’t say I’d
never do it again. It depends on the circumstances.”
Jamie jumped to her
feet. “Fine! So I’m the only one around here who values the vows … yes, the vows … of marriage!”
Ryan didn’t rise to
the bait. If anything, her tone was calmer and she spoke more slowly than she
had been. “That’s hardly fair. I never cheated on anyone. I just had sex with a
few women who chose not to honor their
vows.”
Hand on hip, Jamie
gave her a withering glare. “There’s no difference, and you know it. That’s
like driving the car while someone else robs a bank. Those women wouldn’t have
been cheating without you, Ryan.”
“So … you’ve been
holding in your contempt of me?” She was smiling, but it was sardonic.
“No, damn it, no! I
don’t feel contempt for you, but I hope you see that what you did was wrong!”
Ryan got up and
walked over to her, attempting to put her hands on Jamie’s shoulders before
they were shaken off. “Damn! What’s gotten into you? You act like your mother
killed someone and I helped bury the body!”
“Do you … or do you
not think that having sex with
married women is wrong?”
Knowing she was
making things worse by being honest, Ryan shrugged her shoulders. “It depends.
I won’t say that it’s always wrong and I won’t say I always felt guilty. I
didn’t.”
“How many times did
you do it?”
Jamie was yelling,
and Ryan hoped that there was enough noise upstairs for the others to not hear
her. “A few … several … hell, I don’t know! I didn’t have a lot of info on some
of the women I was with. Some of them coulda been
married.”
“How … many … do … you
… know … were … married?”
Ryan truly hated to
be spoken to like a child, but she tried to ignore it since she could see how
upset Jamie was. “Four … no, five.”
“Five? You fucked five married women? That’s disgusting!”
“Yeah, I did,” Ryan
said, her eyes narrowed and cold as steel. “And I’d do four of ’em again if I
were single.” She got closer and talked softly, but her words stung sharply. “I
don’t like having to justify my behavior to you or anyone else! I’m not gonna fuck …” She used the word with the same
level of venom Jamie had, “…anyone, married or single, because I’m committed to
you. That’s all that matters. My past is mine. And don’t go throwing that
saintly pose around too much, Jamie, because your past isn’t lily-white,
either.”
“What? I was with
one man, Ryan. One!”
“I know that. And
you tried to cheat on him … with me! You put me in a bad position on several
occasions—kissing me on your birthday, dancing with me like you wanted to eat
my clothes off, making me sleep under the covers with you when you were drunk.
Not to mention the time you outright asked if you could fuck me to see if you
liked lesbian sex. You might have only been with one man, but you put yourself
into the position of cheating on him. I just didn’t wanna play that game … even
though I’m obviously a common whore!” She kicked her desk chair on the way to
the stairs, leaving the object spinning slowly.
***
It took a long time
for Jamie to calm down enough to go upstairs, and when she entered the living
room, she realized she hadn’t changed her clothes—her ostensible reason for
going downstairs in the first place. The guarded looks on Maeve, Martin, Conor
and Kevin’s faces, and the chilly ones on Catherine and Ryan’s let her know
that the ruse hadn’t been necessary. “Sorry,” she said, grabbing a chair from
the dining room to sit on.
Ever gracious,
Maeve said, “Don’t be silly, Jamie. We didn’t mind waiting for you. Are you
ready to eat?”
“Yes,” she said,
not looking up.
“Come on then,”
Maeve said, giving her a hand up. “You must be hungry after chasing around on
the golf course all day.”
Putting on a faux
smile, Jamie said, “It’s a lot easier than playing, but I am hungry.”
Ryan stepped behind
her and put an arm around her waist. With a gentle kiss to her temple, she whispered,
“I’m sorry.” Jamie patted her hand and nodded, and they sat down to eat.
***
During dinner,
Catherine said, “I’ve been doing my homework about your commitment ceremony,
girls. Do you have time to go to the Ritz one day this week for tea?”
Ryan frowned. “Not
this week. But I could schedule something. Maybe two weeks from now?”
Jamie shook her
head. “I can’t either,” she said, not elaborating.
“Well, I suppose
we’ll just put it off.” There was a tense few moments of silence, then
Catherine looked at Maeve. “What about your schedule? Is it more flexible?”
Maeve smiled. “I
don’t have a thing stopping me from going to tea. I can go any day but
Wednesday.”
“Let’s go
tomorrow,” Catherine said. “Come to think of it, you and I should do all of the
preliminary scouting for locations. The girls are far too busy.”
“I trust Aunt Maeve
… I mean, Maeve to vote for me,” Ryan said, grinning at her aunt. “I can’t get
the hang of the first name thing.”
“Then drop it,”
Maeve said. “I only wanted to make you more comfortable, dear.”
“I’m more
comfortable with the old name,” Ryan said. “So if you don’t mind …”
“I don’t mind a
bit. I’m proud to be your aunt.”
“And I’m proud to
have you as a step-mother. There just isn’t a good name for that. And Maeve
just seems too informal.”
“Do I have to go
back to ‘Aunt Maeve’?” Conor asked. “I’ve only just gotten used to the new
way.”
“Of course not,”
Maeve said. “You can call me whatever you like, Conor.”
“Good. Then I’ll
call you a very good cook.” He got up and headed for the kitchen. “If anyone
wants seconds, you’d better ask now!”
***
When Conor said it
was time to walk over to Brendan’s for the meeting about the apartment
building, Catherine got ready to leave also. They all said their goodbyes to
the family, and Jamie and Ryan walked Catherine to her car. Ryan talked
non-stop, probably to avoid a long silence. When they got to the Mercedes, she
kissed Catherine and waited while Jamie did the same. Pleased that the
Smith-Evans women were being civil, Ryan led Jamie further up the street to the
car. “Still mad at me?” she asked.
“I wasn’t mad at
you. But you have every reason to be mad at me.”
“I’m not … now. You
didn’t seem like yourself so I thought I should cut you some slack.”
Jamie nodded. “I’m
sorry I was being such a jerk. This just has me confused. I thought my mother
and I had the kind of relationship where we shared important things. It hurts
to think she doesn’t feel that way.”
“Ahh, babe,” Ryan
put her arm around her, “don’t feel that way. I’m sure that isn’t it. She
probably doesn’t have this all worked out in her own head yet. Maybe she does
feel a little guilty. Having you call her on it can’t feel good.”
Dropping her head,
Jamie said, “Guess you’re right. I should be more supportive.”
“You don’t have to
give your approval, honey, especially if you believe she’s making a mistake.
But she’s her own woman and she’s entitled to make her own mistakes. You
wouldn’t like it if she called you out on the things you do.”
“Of course I
wouldn’t. But I’d hope I wouldn’t do something as …” She trailed off, deciding
she’d insulted her lover and her mother enough for one day. Ryan tacitly
accepted her retreat, and they walked for a while in silence. “I’m sorry,”
Jamie said quietly. “I don’t have any right to harass you about your life
before we met. I’ve told you that the past is past, and I’m not keeping my
word.”
“No, you’re not,”
Ryan said. “And it’s not gonna be very cool if I have to worry about you going
biblical on me every time someone else does something that I did before we met.
That sucks.”
“I know, I know.”
Jamie sighed. “It’s just a gut reaction, baby. Intellectually, I don’t think
about your past, and what you used to do doesn’t even show up on my radar. But
… when my parents get involved, I … lose it.”
“Your parents are
involved a lot, a whole lot. And I don’t wanna get blasted every time they
don’t meet your standards.”
Jamie looked at
Ryan, staring at the side of her face for a moment. “You think I’m being
moralistic, don’t you?”
“Yep.” Ryan didn’t
turn her head, she just tightened her lips. “You don’t have to approve of what
they do, but it’s not your place to lecture them. It’s disrespectful.”
Letting out a small
sound, Jamie said, “Have you been talking to my mother? She said the same
thing.”
“She’s right, in my
opinion. If Da did something I thought was wrong I’d probably tell him it
bothered me, but I wouldn’t bust his chops about it. He’s my father; we’re not
equals.”
“It hasn’t been
like that for me, Ryan. My mother was more of a … mentor for me.
Ryan’s head turned
slowly and she gazed at Jamie, clearly puzzled. “I don’t know what that even
means.
For a few minutes
Jamie thought about her response, but she couldn’t get over the look in Ryan’s
eyes. They were quiet until they were almost at Brendan’s. Jamie put her hand
around Ryan’s arm and squeezed it. “Can we talk about this again in a few days?
I think we’re both too worked up about this.”
A slow, reluctant
smile tugged at Ryan’s lips. “Sure. I hate to fight.”
“Me too. I know you
don’t understand the dynamic between my mother and me, but it’s different than
what you had with your mom, Ryan. You and I don’t do very well when we aren’t
viewing a situation from the same perspective.”
“True. But I don’t
think I can ever view it from your perspective. To me, you’re so lucky to have
a mother who loves and supports you that I think you’re nuts to complain about
anything.”
“Well, I’m sure
people without a left arm would think I was a big baby to complain about having
a broken elbow, too. They’d probably rather have every bone in the arm broken
than not have an arm at all.”
Now Ryan’s smile
was genuine. “Probably true. Losing something important makes you appreciate it
more.”
“I don’t know if
appreciation is the right word. Need might be more apt.”
“I’ll buy into
that,” Ryan said. “I need my mom. I haven’t stopped needing her since the day I
lost her.”
Her voice cracked
on the last word, and Jamie could see the glimmer of tears in her eyes. “I’m so
sorry your mom’s gone, honey; I really am.” Jamie put her arm around Ryan’s
waist and squeezed her tightly. “But it’s not fair to me to expect me to treat
my mom like you’d treat yours if she were here. It’s a different situation,
completely different.”
“I know that. But
it doesn’t seem different in my gut.”
“Let’s let this sit
for a while. I don’t think we’re gonna get anywhere with it tonight.”
“Probably a good
idea. But I’d really like it if you didn’t bring up my past. We had an agreement.”
“You’re right,”
Jamie said. “I’ll try harder.”
Ryan took and
kissed her hand. “That’s all I can ask.” She chuckled softly and added, “I can
ask for more, but I’m probably not gonna get it.”
***
When they reached
Brendan’s apartment, they walked in via the unlocked door. Brendan had the
foresight to buy beer and chips, and the gang spent a while chatting and
drinking. When they finally got down to business, Ryan was thankful that
Brendan acted like he’d called the meeting. He said all of the things he’d
mentioned to Ryan on the phone, and asked Jamie what had led her to look for an
apartment building rather than a house.
She mulled his
question over for a minute. “There isn’t a house for sale that would let us
turn it over quickly and make a good profit. Niall bought right before this
last big bubble, and houses like his … in bad shape … are selling for $700,000.
The three-flat is expensive, but it’s priced really well for the size. It needs
a lot of work, but it seems like the kind of place we could use to have an
income stream from the tenants.”
“Three tenants
isn’t many,” Ryan said.
“Well …” Jamie
smiled at her, “I thought two tenants and one cousin would be about right.”
“Which cousin?”
Ryan asked.
“The one who needs
to move. Tommy and Annie are gonna be booted out as soon as their landlord
finds someone dumb enough to pay $600,000 for that little shoebox. If they
moved into the bottom floor, they’d get a nice backyard for Caitlin and Tommy
could be the resident manager.”
“Did you talk to
Tommy about this?” Kevin asked. “He didn’t mention anything about it.”
Ryan answered for
her partner. “Jamie doesn’t like to tell the people involved what she’s doing
until she’s got it all sorted out. She loves to surprise people.”
“Tommy’ll be surprised,” Kevin said. “But I think he’d love
it, as long as he wasn’t getting a sweet deal.”
“Of course not,”
Jamie said, thinking this was the only family she’d ever met where they argued
about how not to come out ahead in
every situation.
***
The next day, Ryan
was lying on her back on the bed, staring at the ceiling when Jamie came home
from school. Jamie started to speak, but she could see that Ryan was
transfixed, so she went into the bathroom to brush her teeth, thinking that
Ryan would hear her. Several minutes later, she emerged to see that her lover
hadn’t moved. When she’s in one of these
fugues, a burglar could clean us out. I don’t think I’ll be able to leave her
alone with our kids!
She wanted to sit
at her desk and take some notes from her class, so she either had to break
Ryan’s trance or wait her out. Feeling anxious to get to work, she called out,
“Honey?” When there was no response, she said more loudly, “Ryan?” A quick
headshake and the eyes fixed on her like a pair of blue L.E.D.s.
“Hi. Didn’t hear
you come in. You’re a quiet little thing.”
Jamie sat on the
edge of the bed and fussed with her lover’s bangs while she looked into her
eyes. “No, I’m not. You were concentrating.”
“Oh. Yeah. I’m
trying to work something out. Not having much luck.”
“I need to use my
computer. Will I bother you?”
“Nope. Will I
bother you if I stay here?”
“Nope.” She bent
and kissed Ryan lips, then added another buss to her forehead. “Keep thinking,
Tiger.”
By the time Jamie
had her books and notes in place Ryan already had the distant look in her eyes
that overtook her when she was in a zone. She wasn’t all the way there yet, but
Jamie was always fascinated to watch her slip away from the conscious world.
She kept sneaking discreet glances at her while she powered up her computer.
Within a few minutes, Ryan was gone. Totally gone. For Jamie, it was almost
like being alone in the room and she didn’t really like the feeling. But this
was one more of her endlessly quirky lover’s quirks, and she knew it was one that
was there to stay.
***
Catherine and Maeve
sat in an elegant room at the Ritz, drinking tea and eating delicate finger
sandwiches. “This is an afternoon ritual I could repeat ad infinitum,” Maeve
said, smiling happily at her companion.
“I’m glad you’re
enjoying yourself. It is nice, isn’t it?”
“Very. But my
Siobhán would be as uncomfortable as a dog wearing a top hat in this place. She
can fit in anywhere and you’d never know she didn’t feel like she belonged, but
I know her. There’s far too much … formality here. I know she’d like to have
the party at your house. Or our house.” She laughed, just thinking about a
hundred people jammed into the small place.
“I think you’re
right. But Jamie wants something unique. I know Ryan will give in … she always
does. But I want her to be happy, too.”
“We’ll just keep
looking. If we can have a good cup of tea, I’d do this every day.”
“You’re so easy to
be with,” Catherine said. “I can’t express how nice it’s been getting to know
you this year.”
Maeve grasped her
arm, always ready to show her affection. “We’re the lucky ones. Ryan’s a
different person since she met Jamie. She’s so much happier, so grounded. I was
beginning to wonder if she’d ever settle down. I thought she might be like the
boys … dating one girl after another for years and years.” She blinked, then
said, “You knew she … dated a lot, didn’t you?”
“Yes, Maeve.”
Catherine laughed. “Jamie’s told me she was quite popular.”
“I don’t know a lot
about her adventures, just like I don’t know what the boys are up to. But
Jamie’s the first girl she ever brought home. I knew she was special even
before Jamie did.” She laughed softly. “The poor girl didn’t have a chance.”
Catherine joined in
her laughter. “That’s about how Jamie describes it. She makes it sound like she
was drawn into a force-field.”
“All of the O’Flahertys have charm to burn. Sometimes things come too
easily for them. I think Jamie keeps Ryan on her toes, and that’s good for
her.”
“Jamie keeps us all
on our toes. She’s a little angry with me right now.”
“She seemed … tense
on Sunday. Do you want to talk about it?”
“I don’t want to
spend our time talking about my troubles. That’ll put a damper on our
afternoon.”
“Rainy days as well
as sunny ones, Catherine. That’s when you need a friend.”
Catherine took a
sip of her tea, gazing at the leaves in the bottom of her cup for a moment.
“She’s angry because I won’t talk to her about the man I’m seeing.”
Maeve tilted her
head, saying nothing but giving a slight smile of encouragement.
“The man you met at
my house last month, Giacomo Fontini.” She didn’t feel the need to add that he
was the man Maeve saw carrying her upstairs for obvious purposes.
“Jamie objects?”
“She does. I told
her I was going to stop seeing him, but I changed my mind. She senses that,
probably because I won’t talk about him.”
“Oh. Why … does she
… how do you usually handle things like this? Do you usually tell her a lot
about your personal life?”
Catherine nodded,
her expression contemplative. “I’ve made the mistake of telling her too much.
We weren’t very close before she met Ryan. Part of that was my fault, but I
think part of it was also because Jamie was always hiding part of herself. I
don’t think I understand even a small part of what it’s like to hide something
like your sexuality, but it must be dreadful.”
“And you think that
to make up for the past, you started telling her too much?”
“Yes, I do. It felt
so nice to have her seem to enjoy being with me. It was like finding a very
good friend again after years of separation.”
“That doesn’t work,
does it?”
“No, it doesn’t.
She’s not my friend; she’s my child. Even though she’s an adult now, I still
need to treat her as a parent would.”
“It hasn’t been
that long. She’ll figure out that you’re changing the rules a little. I bet
she’ll appreciate it. I don’t think it’s comfortable for children to be too
intimately involved in their parents’ personal lives.”
“I’m not too
worried about Jamie. She gets angry and gets over it quickly. I suppose I’m
more concerned about continuing my relationship with Giacomo. I’m afraid that
will make Jamie lose respect for me. And that’s something I would regret.”
Giving her a
confused look, Maeve said, “Lose respect? Why would she lose respect for you?”
“You might lose
respect for me as well,” Catherine said, almost wincing as she added, “Giacomo’s married.”
“Oh.” Maeve didn’t
say another word, but her expression didn’t change one bit.
“That doesn’t
bother you?”
Maeve’s eyes shot open wide. “Me? Why would it
bother me?”
“I’m sure you’re
not the type of person who’d date a married man, Maeve.”
“Oh, Catherine,
what I’d do has nothing to do with it. I was married to a man I stopped loving
within five years of our marriage. He was an alcoholic and a very cruel man
when he drank. My beautiful young son contracted a terminal disease by having
unprotected sex with a large number of men when he was just a boy. I didn’t
judge either of them for their behavior—even though I went through more pain
than I thought possible with both Charlie and Michael. I don’t have the
slightest interest in forming an opinion about your choices … unless you’re
hurting yourself. Then I’d get involved and try to reason with you.”
“You’re a good,
good friend,” Catherine said. She fumbled through her purse, finding a
handkerchief and dabbing at her eyes. “Thank you for reassuring me.”
Maeve patted her
hand. “Now tell me about this man. He must be special.”
“He is. He’s the
man I should have married.” Her lips thinned as she grinned slyly. “But he was
still in grade school when I married Jim.”
“Oh!” Maeve
chuckled, shaking her head a little bit. “And what’s wrong with that? Men have
been dating girls since the beginning of time.”
“True. But he’s not
a boy, he’s definitely a man. He cares for me deeply, Maeve. But he’s committed
to his family, and I respect him for that.”
“What about his
wife?”
Catherine laughed
nervously. “They have a unique relationship. His wife has a long-term lover and
Giacomo has me. He and his wife are both aware of each other’s outside interests,
but they don’t talk about it specifically. It’s an open secret.”
“Are there
children?”
“Yes. They have
two. Giacomo has to travel for business, and he comes to the
“Does he love his
wife?”
Lifting her
shoulders, Catherine said, “He says he does. Very much. He claims they’re
happy, but that they’re not happy being monogamous.”
“Well,” Maeve said,
looking a little puzzled, “it’s not a relationship that would work for me, but
again, I’m not the one to judge what works for others. I’m concerned about you.
How do you feel about continuing to see him?”
“I don’t want to
let him go,” Catherine said, her voice soft but sure. “I don’t want to stop
something that works for me on the chance that something better will come
along.”
“Then that’s what
you should do. That’s all there is to it.”
“Oh, but Jamie will
not like that one bit, Maeve. Not one bit.”
“Jamie’s opinion
isn’t what’s important, yours is. Consider how you feel about this. If
you think you’re doing something wrong … I’d think twice. But if you feel right
about it … if your conscience is clear … that’s all that matters. All that matters.
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