The following is a bit of alternative fiction based on certain characters from the
Xenaverse. It is not meant to infringe on anyone else's rights. If you don't agree or
disapprove, please go read something else.
Xex Alert: Oh Boy Is There. .This is a Prurient Piece with a Bit of Kink
(If you hear the crack of the whip then you'll be in the neighborhood) Proceed at your own
risk. :)
Remember, this is all meant in fun!
The warlords
were well and truly soused by the time night had finished drawing its sparkling silks
across the sky. Dinner was pretty much decimated and they had moved onto the snacks and
the games. They were prying to trove they dren't werunk, by playing dangerous warlord
games like, "don't poke the hand with the bloody knife," (a game of skill that
has caused lost digits by persons who were sober) "toss the cookies," (Nisus
thought trying to lift an Amazon might be a good idea. Fortunately, for him she was sober
and not offended by posterior grabs. He, of course, ended up being the one tossed. . .much
to his delight) and "I can be drunker than you," (the ever popular, challenge
Xena to a drinking contest. Which *no* one ever won, but everyone, except Gabrielle,
thought they had to try) among others.
What this meant, was that Gabrielle, who'd grown accustomed to her place on Xena's side
had been displaced (with a kiss and promise that it wouldn't be long) so the feisty
warrior could whomp on some warlord butt. The concept of long, however, is totally a point
of view thing and the bard was a bit put out. The ire faded quickly, though, as she
watched in fascination and was pulled into the games despite herself.
The contests, of course, were how Xena won the whole of the army. It was pure artistry.
Somehow, using a verbal slight of hand as tight (perhaps even tighter than, okay really
much tighter than, because she wasn't really trying to hide it) the one the blue eyed
woman used to surreptitiously diddle, tease and seduce her lover, she managed to get Nisus
to wager fifty men on the first contest, then Colchak entered the wager and placed an
option and then next thing Gabrielle knew things were off and running.
The originating contest was the first knife game. The players? Xena and, Nisus'
lieutenant, Doba. Blue eyes met dark brown eyes in a battle of wills about who would
chicken out first. Palms lay flat on the table, fingers spread. Knives stabbed at
lightening speed and after a couple of rounds, Doba opted out before Xena. There went one
hundred men.
Then there was the knife toss. Colchak made the mistake of suggesting Xena's slave as
the target holder with the traditional fruit above the head scenario. The beautiful
warlord didn't even have to say a word. Nisus was barking up Colchak's chest faster than a
mutt treeing a cat and meaning every sloshed derogatory word. The only reason it didn't
end up in fisticuffs is that the lovely woman herself proposed a different option; one
less harmful to the skin, but quite deadly to the center pole, some red apples, a plum and
a couple of grapes, plus a few of her scrolls (so Xena could snap a knife onto smaller and
smaller dots, until the knife holes were bigger than the dots). Oh well, Gabrielle didn't
like those drafts anyway. They used some sewing needles and a couple of forks (apparently
a fork was as deadly in Xena's hand as a knife) to hold the fruit in place. There went
seventy five.
Xena won the cookie toss by picking up a stunned and totally unprepared Gabrielle in
one swift move, tossing the bard high into the air (yes, Gabrielle squealed) and catching
her bard without so much as a blink of an eye. She claimed, as her prize (besides the
wager), one phenomenally spicy kiss, that almost had her taking Gabrielle on the table.
And that was a near thing, for by the time the kiss was done, Gabrielle *was* on the
roughly cleared table and the warlord had hiked up the red head's Amazon skirt (but not so
anything showed except a bit of thigh) and was standing (well more like leaning
seductively over the bard) between her legs. Xena whispered a torrid promise that she
would have the red head there later, emphasizing it with meaningful swirl and buck of the
hips combined with a neck nuzzle of truly distracting proportions. The feel of Xena's
leather covered hips grinding against her sex caused the bard's eyes to roll back in her
head. Xena grinned wickedly at the woman, before helping her off of the table, smoothing
down the young Amazon's skirt and letting the "public" see her again. The front
of her leathers were a little wet, but either no one noticed or else everyone refused to
comment.
Colchak's lieutenant thought he might give a try at this "cookie" toss thing,
right until he saw Nisus sailing through the air and being caught by Esther. He decided
maybe he would wait on that one. Nisus tried to make a date, but Esther prevaricated
shyly. She wasn't entirely opposed, but she had a thing for Vivian.
Colchak never even entered the contest, since he was less interested in a cookie toss
than in tossing his cookies at that particular moment. Fortunately he was able to resist
the impulse, and Vivian started heavily watering the wine, except for the stuff used in
the "out drink Xena" contest which followed almost immediately after. There went
twenty five.
It was almost unfair since the warlords and their compatriots were already so
saturated. Because where Xena had sipped, they had gulped. But that was their own doing.
Everyone present, including their lieutenants decided it was fair anyway, though the bard
had tried to do the honorable thing and warn them (much to Xena's consternation. There was
a definite spanking for *that one* coming. The warlord was really looking forward to some
quality time *after* dinner). So, in the way things usually went in the contest, a
champion was chosen. Gabrielle's cousin, Aedal, swaggered up to the table and the cups
were filled with the Amazon Special, which Eponin had smuggled in with the intent of
saving for a rainy day. (So it was a rainy night, and she wasn't getting any. It was for a
good cause, or at least the Queen said it was. Who was she to argue?)
The Amazon Special was a concoction so potent that it felled a bull once. Someone,
Eponin refused to say who lest she incriminate herself, put a bit (really, it wasn't that
much, what's a wine skin to a full, okay partially full, trough?) in its water on one of
the more. . .festive. . .occasions. It was seen lying in the field, legs folded under,
bulky body taking up space as it blinked at its surroundings. (Ooh, the stable mistress
had been pissed.) Gabrielle offered to have the liquor watered and was practically shouted
down, well, almost shouted down. Xena glared meaningfully at the other protesters before
their voices rose too high, shutting them up. Then she'd quietly ordered the slave to fill
the cups to the brim and damn the water.
Gabrielle's response had been to pour the red liquid into the cups and whisper
warningly into Xena's ear, "If you wake up cranky, I'll be sleeping with the Amazons
tomorrow night." The warlord gave her a startled look and realized from the firm set
of the slave's jaw, that she meant it. Xena made a mental note not to get a hangover, then
she made another mental note not to let Gabrielle know she'd gotten a hangover (just in
case.)
The wager was ten men per cup. Aedal fell down at five, literally. Gabrielle and Esther
helped her cousin stand and make his way to a seat. He wobbled a bit, so they set the
chair real close to the table. He whispered, "You're the gest babrielle," and
his head thunked solidly to rest on the wooden surface. There went fifty more.
Xena, meanwhile, was still standing. Standing and smirking. She raised the sixth cup
and drained it. Set the cup solidly down on the table and walked smugly, casually to her
chair. Okay, so that was ten.
There was some talk about more weaponry demonstrations as the next competition, but
Gabrielle squashed that idea firmly. She wasn't worried about Xena, at least not the way
she was worried about the other two warlords who looked like they were doing good to be
standing. By now, Doba, who was probably the least drunk next to Gabrielle and the
Amazons, had decided that she needed a little air. She didn't come back inside the tent,
but lingered outside with a small blonde Amazon, who'd come to switch guard with Eponin,
for a good while and agreed to meet with Lia sometime in the near future, though they
didn't settle on a day. Doba figured she would be working for Xena in the morning and
didn't want to schedule too far ahead.
The bard decided everyone was juiced enough, that maybe a game of skill or chance that
allowed people to sit down and didn't involve sharp objects would be safer. She proposed a
card game and, being somewhat sober, had every intent to cheat. There was only one problem
with that. Gabrielle didn't get to play; not cards at least.
The warlords were all for it. Xena thought it was an especially good idea and took the
opportunity to drag the bard back into her arms and onto her other thigh, this time with
the bard's back facing towards her. She kissed Gabrielle's neck, sending shivers down a
bardly spine and said, "Wonderful!" Then the warlord summoned Esther and asked
her to retrieve a deck of cards. The lovely warrior figured Gabrielle had provided
everything else in the tent, so there had to be a set of cards somewhere.
Sure enough, and a lovely deck too.
The stakes, again, were the members of the warlord's army. Colchak was confident that
he could win back his losses. Nisus didn't care one way or another, at this point. Though
he had decided to give it an honest shot. A few minutes later, there were three warlords
staring intently at their cards. Nisus was plucking at his lower lip contemplatively.
Colchak's blonde eyebrows were knit together so tight Gabrielle thought bones of his head
would pop out in protest. Xena was as relaxed as ever, smirking slightly. She showed
Gabrielle the poorest hand of cards the bard had ever seen. The warlord's hand moved
softly, distractingly against the bard's abdomen, and she pushed the bard back, so she was
leaning against her shoulder and so the other two warlords could see what she was doing.
Xena lost the first hand, then the next, and the next and still she remained calm,
serene. Her hand moving slowly, delicately along the lines of Gabrielle's rib cage and up.
She used feather light touches that caused Gabrielle to close her eyes, until she was
tracing the outline of the Amazon Queen's chest piece. She lost again, and then one more
time. Colchak thought he was being so shrewd. Nisus thought he was being quite lucky.
Aedal moved his head to the side and began slobbering and snoring a little.
She poked a finger under the slave's leather garment and began moving it along the
edges, a gentle caress. Then she pulled the finger out and let it stroke just under the
edge of the piece, finally dragging up the middle a little, losing contact with
Gabrielle's skin, which caused the bard to mumble a sleepy protest. Xena smiled that
diabolical smile she sometimes gets when she has a truly good idea. She looped her finger
though one of the ties that bound the garment together, then her low velvet voice placed a
bet.
Gabrielle's eyelids flicked up, not sure if she'd heard correctly, but also quite sure
she had. Colchak stammered out the question that was screaming through the slave's brain.
"What?"
Xena repeated her wager, "I'll wager ten men. If I lose, you get ten men. You
wager ten men. If you lose, I get ten men, but, to make you feel better, I'll loosen
this." She tugged on the tie that held together the leather that covered the bard.
Nisus licked his lips, "How much?"
Xena gave a sultry laugh, "I thought I was quite clear."
Nisus shook his head, "How much will you loosen?"
"Oh," Now her laugh was truly wicked, "You want a sample?" Xena
pulled the strand until it was almost completely undone. She narrowed her gaze at Nisus,
"How does that suit you?"
Nisus cleared his throat and looked at his cards. He had a good hand. He tried to act
like he didn't care. "Uhm, ahem. That's fine. Just fine."
Gabrielle was now staring at Xena and trying to sit up. She was held down by a very
firm arm. She heard someone moving in her direction. Vivian. The Amazon looked very
concerned, like she was going to try and interfere. The Queen realized that if she didn't
do something, someone might get hurt and it wouldn't be Xena. She shook her head
warningly, reassuringly. Vivian settled back, but her eyes sent messages of, "If you
need me. . ." Gabrielle accepted silently. She leaned back and closed her eyes and
tried to remember that this was no different than what Xena had been doing during the
whole dinner. Well almost no difference. She felt a little shiver run through her. The red
head took a long, slow breath and tried to relax.
Xena kept in mind one thing. Gabrielle had promised. She was reassured when the small
woman relaxed against her.
Surprisingly, both Colchak and Nisus had to fold, losing their hand. Gabrielle felt a
tug at the other leather strap. She also felt a gentle circular motion of one athletic
thigh. Oh, Gods. The next set, Nisus triumphantly presented a hand that was worse than
Xena's beginning set. Colchak folded. More tugging. More thigh movements that started her
juices flowing again. She felt the leather part so that she was covered only loosely. The
next set Colchak swore and presented a winning hand. It was just too good, he had to show
it off. Nisus lost fair and square. Xena turned her body and lifted the bottom of the top
so only Nisus could see the gentle swell of Gabrielle's breasts. His nostrils flared and
he vowed to himself that he would lose again.
This time Nisus got an incredible hand, a once in a lifetime kind of hand. He folded.
So did the blonde warlord. The loosening of the strips caused the garment to almost fall
off. Xena placed one hand lazily underneath the cloth, covering Gabrielle's right breast
with her hand so that the nipple was covered. When she "won" the next round she
flipped the leather off with her left hand. When she won the round after that, she dragged
her hand down, until it just barely covered the nipple with her fingertips. When she won
the round after that, the warlords were rewarded with the lovely sight of a pink crinkled
aureole and a tight round bud of a nipple. Xena was rewarded with a genuine sultry eyed
moan of pleasure from her bard. The hormones that flowed in that room at that moment could
be felt for miles.
By the time Xena won back her army and then some, Gabrielle's bosom was fully revealed
and terribly achy, since, once they were revealed, the beautiful warlord insisted on
playing with the nipples by teasing them with her fingers. The other warlords were ready
to move on to other pastures, namely the outskirts of the camp. Xena made sure they were
escorted safely by the Amazons, with orders to the effect of making sure the women (or
whoever) got paid, but not from her pockets. The Amazons could handle that. Esther carried
Aedal home, over the shoulder, with the Queen's admonition of making sure that there was
some water and a bowl by the bed for when he woke up.
Colchak left like a bleary eyed lamb, who couldn't get his swords on right. Nisus
stopped just before he was gonna leave, turned and stared at Xena for a few heartbeats.
"I wanna be *YOU* when I grow up," he blurted. Then he staggered out under
Vivian's gentle guidance.
There was silence in the empty tent after that. The candle light flickered, the rain
had stopped and there was only the sound of their breath mingling in the air. Gabrielle
turned her body so she could look into warm blue eyes. Eyelids lowered and a glance was
made at two lovely mounds of flesh. Xena's gaze returned to Gabrielle's, "So, what's
for dessert?"
The red head smirked and shook her head in wonder, "Xena?"
"mmhmm." A fingertip began to trace the outline of the bard's nipple.
"You are incorrigible."
There was a heartbeat of silence, then the a stifled murfle of laughter. Then, in
moments, a large guffaw that threatened to shake the tent. Xena's voice cracked as she
tried to speak while chortling, "Yes, I am. Aren't I?" Her eyes teared, she was
laughing so hard. Gabrielle stared at her lover, then murfled, then chortled, then
guffawed and soon the whole tent was indeed shaking, as two souls joined in delirious
mirth.
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©September 1997