Production #V710 - Episode 10

WRITTEN BY
Missy Good

DIRECTED BY
Denise Byrd

PRODUCED BY
Carol Stephens

SCREENGRABS
Judi Mair

ARTWORK
Lucia

EPISODE TITLE GRAPHIC
MaryD

TEASER

FADE IN:

EXT. NARROW MOUNTAIN TRACK - MORNING

Xena and Gabrielle walk single file down a mountain track just wide enough to hold them. A rocky wall stretches up on one side, and a sheer drop is on the other. Gabrielle is walking in front. The path is obscured by rocks, as though a landslide had recently happened, and they have to climb over them.

GABRIELLE

Xena, are you sure about this shortcut?

XENA

Of course I am.
I led an army through here.

Gabrielle turns and looks at Xena. A huge rock blocks their path.

GABRIELLE

Thirty years ago?

Xena examines the boulder.

XENA

Glad I sent Argo around to meet us.
Let me get past you.

Gabrielle presses against the rock wall, but as Xena edges past her, she captures Xena with both hands and holds her snugly.

XENA

(Cont’d)

Gabrielle... We're on a ledge here.

GABRIELLE

Yes, we are. I feel much safer now.

XENA

Why? If I fall, you'll go with me.

Gabrielle grins.

GABRIELLE

You'll land first.

Xena allows herself to be distracted. She forgets the boulder and leans forward to kiss Gabrielle. The moment lengthens. Far above, a rock loosens and starts down the slope.

Xena and Gabrielle continue kissing, oblivious to the rumble of sound.

The rock picks up speed, rushing downwards towards Xena and Gabrielle.

The kiss continues.

The rock takes a slight bounce and hurtles downward straight at Gabrielle's head. At the very, very last possible second, Xena reaches up and bats the rock aside with a casual swipe of her fist.

The rock shoots to the left and smacks into the boulder, then bounces off and continues down the slope. After a moment the boulder creaks, crackles, and slowly detaches from the mountainside. The rock rolls off the ledge and falls with a thunderous roar.

Xena and Gabrielle finally come up for air, and look down the now cleared path.

GABRIELLE

(Cont’d)

Hmm. Brings new meaning to
the power of love, doesn't it?

XENA

Yeah.
I'd heard it can move mountains.
C'mon.

Xena and Gabrielle continue down the path, in a very cheerful mood.

CUT TO:

EXT. DRAB BACKWOODS DIRT ROAD - LATER THAT MORNING

Xena and Gabrielle climb down off the track to the road. Xena dusts her hands off in triumph, and indicates the track with a sweep of her hand.

GABRIELLE

Certainly was more scenic. Which way?

Xena stands in the middle of the dirt road with her hands on her hips. She looks up the road, then down the road. Decisively, she starts down the road. Gabrielle falls into step alongside her.

XENA

Quiet around... oof!

Gabrielle has clapped her hand over Xena's mouth.

GABRIELLE

Bad girl!

Xena removes Gabrielle's hand from her face, but keeps hold of it.

GABRIELLE

(Cont’d)

We're trying to take a week off from
trouble, remember? The minute you
say it's quiet, we'll be up to our....

Gabrielle checks her line of sight on Xena's body, then she looks up.

GABRIELLE

(Cont’d)

Necks... In problems.

XENA

Oh, c'mon Gabrielle. What could
happen out here? There's nothing
for leagues, and leagues....

A loud crack makes them both jump. They stop and look at each other.

VOICE
(Off Stage)

Help! Somebody help us!

Gabrielle gives Xena a very knowing look. Xena scowls.

Gabrielle grins, and gives Xena a light slap on the behind as they break into a run towards the sounds of trouble.

DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. DRAB BACKWOODS DIRT ROAD RIVER WASHOUT - MOMENTS LATER

Xena and Gabrielle run around a bend in the road, slowing down when they spot an overturned wagon ahead of them. It is a large wooden conveyance pulled by two horses. The road crosses a stream, and the bridge has washed out. The wagon is on its side in the water, and the horses are thrashing about.

A young, very pretty woman stands nearby, wringing her hands. An equally young, handsome man is trying to get to the horses without getting his feet wet.

YOUNG WOMAN

Oh! Oh! Pelenius be careful!!!

YOUNG MAN

Don't worry, darling! I'll have
us out of this in a moment!

Xena and Gabrielle stop behind them.

GABRIELLE

Think we can skip this one? We
helped those old women catch
those rabbits yesterday morning.

XENA

Yeah.

Pelenius stands on a rock. He starts to lean towards the nearest horse. He loses his balance and windmills his arms wildly.

PELENIUS

Oh! Oh!!! Help!!!

Pelenius falls in the water. He apparently cannot swim. He goes under. The young woman screams.

XENA

On second thought...
you want to save him?

GABRIELLE

Go on.

(beat - off Xena's outraged look)

Hey, you look better wet than I do.

Xena bolts for the water. She brushes past the screaming woman without a word and leaps off the bank, executing a perfect dive into the water. Gabrielle jogs over to the girl.

The woman looks at her and continues to scream.

YOUNG WOMAN

Aieee! Aieee! Aieee!!!

Gabrielle claps a hand over the woman's mouth. The sound abruptly cuts off.

CUT TO:

EXT. RIVER - DAY

Xena swims underwater, her hair floating around her like a dark net. She spots Pelenius on the bottom. Xena dives towards Pelenius and grabs him by the belt. She kicks off from the bottom and heads for the surface.

Pelenius has both arms and legs spread out. His mouth is open as though he is screaming under the water.

Xena erupts from the surface. She shakes her head, throwing the hair out of her eyes with a growl. Xena grabs Pelenius by the seat of his pants and pulls him out of the water, throwing him up on shore. As Pelenius' head comes out of the river, a gurgling scream comes out of his mouth.

PELENIUS

Oooohhhhh!!!!!!!Noooooo!!!!!!

CUT TO:

EXT. DRAB BACKWOODS DIRT ROAD RIVER WASHOUT - DAY

The young woman spots Pelenius and runs to him, squealing in delight. She jumps on him, hugging and kissing him with great enthusiasm. Xena sloshes out of the water and steps over them, shaking herself like an annoyed wolfhound.

YOUNG WOMAN

Oh! Oh! Sweetiebuns! Oh!!!
I thought I lost you!!! Um! Um!!!

Gabrielle joins Xena. They both put their hands on their hips in a similar pose as they watch the two lovebirds. Pelenius coughs up water. The young woman squeals and hugs him all the harder.

XENA

Hey! You two!!!!

The two lovebirds look up at her.

PELENIUS

(coughing)

Thank you! Thank you, oh great... Um....

Pelenius looks up at Xena's drenched, leather clad body.

XENA

Xena.

PELENIUS

Great Xena! Thank you.

Gabrielle snickers.

YOUNG WOMAN

Oh yes! Oh, thank you! Thank you!
We were on our way to town, and
the wagon rolled over - it was
horrible! And on today of all days!

GABRIELLE

What's today?

YOUNG WOMAN

Our wedding day! Pelenius, we
must have them at our wedding!
It's only right! They saved you!

PELENIUS

Yes! Please, won't you
join us? You must!

Xena and Gabrielle exchange looks.

XENA

We've got an appointment that way.

She points in other direction.

XENA

(Cont’d)

Sorry.

Pelenius and the young woman get up and walk over.

PELENIUS

But Thegos is the only town for leagues.
Come with us. Thegos is famous all around

here for their fine food, and wonderful
mead. We'd love for you to be our guests.

YOUNG WOMAN

We're going to have a fantastic
wedding party. Please, do join us!

Both lovebirds gaze at Xena and Gabrielle hopefully. Xena and Gabrielle exchange looks again.

GABRIELLE

Well, okay. I guess we could
stop by for a few minutes.

PELENIUS

Wonderful! Let's head off, shall we!

Pelenius turns and marches off down the road. He gets to the stream, and halts in bemusement. The horses have broken free, and run off, leaving the wagon overturned in the mud. He turns to beam at Xena.

PELENIUS

(Cont’d)

I say, Great Xena, you wouldn't know
anything about bridges, would you?

Xena sighs. Gabrielle grabs a piece of Xena's leather armor and starts to walk forward, tugging Xena after her.

GABRIELLE

(under her breath)

Shortcuts. They get us every time.

FADE OUT.

END OF TEASER

ACT ONE